There are days when it's hard to get out of bed. When you said "autopilot is broken", a light bulb lit up in my head. Something as complex as depression has never before been simplified this beautifully. Thank you for this talk. Really, really needed it.
Mistakes Were NOT Made: An Anthem for Justice by Margaret Anna Alice The Armenian Genocide was not a mistake. Holodomor was not a mistake. The Final Solution was not a mistake. The Great Leap Forward was not a mistake. The Killing Fields were not a mistake. Name your genocide-it was not a mistake. That includes the Great Democide of the 2020s. To imply otherwise is to give Them the out they are seeking. It was not botched. It was not bungled. It was not a blunder. It was not incompetence. It was not lack of knowledge. It was not spontaneous mass hysteria. The planning occurred in plain sight. The planning is still occurring in plain sight. The philanthropaths bought The $cience™. The modelers projected the lies. The testers concocted the crisis. The NGOs leased the academics. The $cientists fabricated the findings. The mouthpieces spewed the talking points. The organizations declared the emergency. The governments erected the walls. The departments rewrote the rules. The governors quashed the rights. The politicians passed the laws. The bankers installed the control grid. The stooges laundered the money. The DoD placed the orders. The corporations fulfilled the contracts. The regulators approved the solution. The laws shielded the contractors. The agencies ignored the signals. The behemoths consolidated the media. The psychologists crafted the messaging. The propagandists chanted the slogans. The fact-chokers smeared the dissidents. The censors silenced the questioners. The jackboots stomped the dissenters. The tyrants summoned. The puppeteers jerked. The puppets danced. The colluders implemented. The doctors ordered. The hospitals administered. The menticiders scripted. The bamboozled bleated. The totalitarianized bullied. The Covidians tattled. The parents surrendered. The good citizens believed … and forgot. This was calculated. This was formulated. This was focus-grouped. This was articulated. This was manufactured. This was falsified. This was coerced. This was inflicted. This was denied. We were terrorized. We were isolated. We were gaslit. We were dehumanized. We were wounded. We were killed. Don’t let them get away with it. Don’t let them get away with it. Don’t let them get away with it.
I stumbled across this video and I've learnt to practice some of this since a while back. The "Good enough is perfect! and anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed." is very well put, as well as take as many shortcuts as possible. "Cheat" to make things work, for you. Do the bare minimum. The coffee cup anecdote was great in that regard. And remember, you are not weak when you struggle. Struggle means that you are fighting back. You are not giving up. Because you are still here, and you're hanging in there. This is strength, not weakness. Keep struggling, in the least resistant way possible.
I'm so glad that I watched this talk. Had me in tears. I do not suffer from depression at this time, but I do live in a near constant state of disappointment with my shortcomings as a wife/mother/housekeeper because of my chronic health problems. I hope I can internalize some of these thoughts.
Me too. These could be my words. I’m incapacitated today having a chemo like drug in my system. I’m so hard on myself. How do I let go of the self loathing for the messy house?
The two mottos killed me... I'm totally adopting those. (Good enough is perfect! and anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed.) Phenomenal speech... thanks!
You spoke right into my heart. After a traumatic experience, i even forgot how to sit on a floor. I felt embarassed. I don't mind bathing daily. All my routine disrupted, somedays i couldn't get out of my bed. I always felt lacking. It takes a lot to move little by little. To keep a daily journal that I used to do for more than a decade. Cuz sometimes I felt that my life wasn't exciting enough. The moment you said to take a baby wipe if you're not ready to get under a shower, that was so deep. I kept on seeing me as a failure. It can be ok, right? It's okay to be not okay. But even then, i deserve to be clean, i deserve to be safe, i deserve to be loved. If any of you are going through the same, try pick a little more strength. You deserve all the love and care❤❤
I absolutely despise folding my laundry, it is one of the house keeping jobs that I always postpone and when I have to do I absolutely have to push myself into doing it. I just realised, after she said it's completely unnecessary to fold the onesie, that I don't even have to fold about 90% of my laundry because it's completely useless. I have just been raised in a household where every piece of laundry is folded and I always thought if I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't have things under control and was being lazy. This is going to save so much time and it gives me a damn good feeling too. Thanks!
We have laundry baskets for dirty clothes and laundry baskets for clean clothes in each of the bedrooms in our house. I don't have the energy to fold my own clothes, never mind get after my teenage kids to do the same. This simplifies it and saves me energy. Everybody wins!
How are you going with it? After watching this video a couple of years ago, I started hanging my washing on hangers to dry. Now I do all that when I wash, I can bring it all in and hang most of it straight up. THe rest can just go in the drawer as is. :) Changed my life.
When I first watched this about a month and a half ago, I thought there was no way it could help me. I was in the deepest depression I'd ever been in. About a week later, I got up and brushed my teeth. That's it, I did nothing else. I continued to brush my teeth daily. It was about at the two week mark that I thought to myself, "Is this simple, yet extremely difficult at the time, task really bringing me out of this depression?". "How can doing one simple care task daily really have such a profound effect?". Now it's been about two weeks since that realization, and I can truly feel the cloud lifting from over my head. I still struggle, and I still have to be careful not to go backward, but I feel hope for the first time in several months! I honestly can't thank you enough for this TED TALK!
Wow, I immediately shared this with everyone I know. As a newly-divorced mom of 2 young kids, with a full time career, plus Anxiety, Depression, and CPTSD - life can be.... a lot.... So thank you for this perspective.
The part "it's even worse if your mom died" hits. It happened to me last year. When that happened, the laundry in our house pilled up and it was my responsibility as the older child while take care of my sick father (who also died 2 months after my mom) and my younger sister who is still an elementary student. It was a mess. I am a mess. My relatives have been telling me "do these" and "do it like these" and it has given me anxiety and even lose trust in myself. It's hard when you lose a mother but it will more hard when you lose both. I pity myself so much cause I am still a teenager and I experienced all of these things. All I want is to go to therapy to heal and help myself and my younger sister while living alone but I still can't. Today, I successfully finished half of the load of 2 baskets of laundry. I am so proud of myself. I am supposed to scroll through TED videos for inspiration to do my speech for a school task but I get so emotional about this problem. I've been stuck at it but I will not lose myself in the negativity and I want to enjoy life to show my two loving parents in heaven that I didn't regret taking care of them and make them proud of me, every day. Thank you so much for this wonderful speech, Ma'am KC Davis.
I really needed this. I am so burnt out right now, stuck in my first ever culinary job where I work for 12 hours everyday and I am so exhausted by the end of it that I just eat and sleep. I haven’t done laundry in 15 days, and I haven’t taken a shower/bath for 3 days. I am just tired and I am pressuring myself so much to catch up to daily tasks while I learn to adjust to a high stress culinary job. Thanks for the video and making me be a little easy on myself. I feel relieved after crying a little.
Have a nice long soak in the tub & just relax. Add epsom or bath salts to help relax your muscles. Take care of yourself like you would someone you love ❤️ Talk to your boss about cutting back your hours & hiring someone part-time to assist you or pick up the last 4 hours. There's a solution, you're working too long of hours in the day for too many days. Maybe work 12 hrs but only 2 or 3 days a week? Alternatively, look for another place to work with more humane hours. Wishing you all the best!
I can't tell you KC how amazing your ideas are and what a profound difference they've made in my life❤❤❤❤, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. When I went through cancer ,treatment, stage 4, I was unable to get to anything. My home got really bad, however, I am now cured, as of July 2021, and now strong enough to truly clean up. Keep speaking these truths, I wish I heard them while in it, but they still resonate profoundly. I simply say to anyone, who seems judge mental, where were you, God gave me a job and I rocked it, but u never stepped up. Shuts em down
Thanks for sharing this story. Mental health worker with ADHD here. Care and selfcare tasks being morally neutral indeed is key. The inner critic wrecks havoc when it does impose morality on our functioning. Very solid insights!
Alot of mental healthcare workers have psychiatric problems. If they didn't have a problem they can develop after years. They also have a higher suicide rate than the general population.
This video kept me going. I was giving up... on everything in my life. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this video. Forever grateful! 💜💜
Liebe KC, eben als ich dieses Video entdeckt habe, ist mir aufgefallen, dass ich aus der schwierigen Zeit heraus gekommen bin, und auch dein Buch dazu beigetragen hat. Ich möchte einfach Mal Danke sagen. Ich möchte auch gerne anderen Mut machen: Es klingt vielleicht erst Mal befremdlich, aber es funktioniert! Neulich hatte ich sogar eine kleine Party in meiner Wohnung und ich habe mich für einen Online-Kochkurs per Zoom angemeldet, wo man dann auch meine hoffentlich saubere Küche sehen können wird. Meine Lieblingstipps sind: 1. Die Spüle immer leer halten, damit man jederzeit abspülen kann, was man gerade braucht. 2. Einfach etwas dehnen und strecken, wenn es für Sport nicht reicht. 3.Immer etwas Speisestärke dahaben, um sie als Trockenshampoo-Alternative nutzen zu können. Also Danke dir von Herzen!
Repetitive tasks can be the hardest because they're so on-going and never-ending and generally done alone. I remember, as a depressed teenager living on my own and crying because doing the dishes made me so sad. I think it brought home the reality that I was really alone in my mess. What I wanted and needed more than anything was someone to be there and help me to get through it all.
Do you know there's something called 'body doubling'? If someone is with us, we can get it done. And if they give us a treat when it's done (we can provide that to them to give us) then even better for our dopamine! We just need that support, we just need that body.
We watched this in our mental health group today and it was so relatable it made me cry, especially the part about being a failure because you can’t get things done. Thank you for sharing!
I’m the same, its more like how people see me, I think people see me as lazy, not in pain, and struggling to keep on top of things. I loved this talk, thanks to this very brave passionate young lady. 🙏
I so hear you. Each task reminds you of your nearly unbearable loneliness, endless toil, pointlessness and inevitable demise, possibly with a few years of a horrible disease in the runup. Having a friend to sit with you would be great, but what if you don't? I related to the statement about having no energy b/c you're trying so hard not to want to die. Depression, anxiety, grief, cptsd, self-hatred. I've barely been out of bed for almost 2 years after caring for my mom (dementia) alone until her death. Despite therapy and medication. My house and yard have reached a state i never thought possible. But today i watched your vid and tried a couple of the five things. And ... i stood up for myself with a relative and apparently satisfied us both. So yay. Thank you for your work in this world.
11:07 Honestly showering was (and still is) always the hardest for me. I also had problems with brushing teeth, cleaning up, getting out of bed etc. But I kind of found a routine that's working for me now. The day I get up and will just shower (and then not stay 2h in) I know I'm completely fine. If anyone has tipps please I could use them. I also had days where I would just lie in bed and do nothing except drinking not much water and going on the toilet but that's it. Just sleeping because hey you don't want to die because it's scary but you also don't want to live... Sleeping was the in between. Not living not dying. It got to a point where I haven't seen the sun in 4 months. I'm better now but... I still need to see a doctor about my health; I still have trouble combing through my hair; I still wonder if... when people notice; I still wear the same clothes that hide my body... The worst thing is that you can't talk to anyone. If they don't have been through similar they will judge you and break you down. If you are one of those people please just scroll on. No need to comment. If you are like me: it will get better. You just have to keep yourself busy.
I had some problem with brushing the space between my teeth with that small gummy spear like tool. I have somewhat sensitive dental crown and because of that I had anxiety mostly because sometimes my crown start to bleed and hurt. Because of that inner self sabotaging imagination I was avoiding to brush this spaces for months and even years. But lately I told to myself one very simple thing: Ok man, you can just brush only 1 tooth. That's all. Just 1 tooth. And most of the time my inner voice tell me: Just one tooth? That's so funny and pity, let's try at least 2 or 3 dents. If I imagine all of the teeth it sounds too overwhelming but if you tell to yourself to brush just 1 tooth than in most of the time I brush all of the rest of the teeth. Even the most hurtful of them, or where the risk of bleeding is highest. And I am applying this strategy to most of the things in my life. If I am doing a workout and I feel lazy I tell to myself Ok man just do 1 pushup. I am making 1 and after that if I feel good enough I am asking myself: Can I do another one? If I can I do it. And like that I am building confidence that I can do more than 1. But the same process goes on and on. Maybe in this time of the year we need strategies like this. So we will see for how long that strategy is going to work, at least for me.
I hope you are able to get help with your health soon. So sorry to hear how hard its been. I think many of us can relate to having some days like this. For me, it's probably easiest for me to neglect my cleaning and care routines because these things matter the least to me. For a long time, even though I knew I loved myself, I became aware that I had learned from other people to stop physically caring for myself and through that I came to realize I care about myself less than I care about others. I learned to not show up for myself in the same way others weren't showing up, except when it came to ignoring my care and not keeping my environment clean and peaceful. I can now see that being clean and taking care of myself is self love. It's a form of stress reduction. It helps to lower depression. Being clean is a spiritual practice and even invites good into our lives. The biggest game changers have been in pairing down (simplifying my tasks - instead of tellling myself to clean my room, I now say "tidy your bed.") and learning the importance discipline. I was never taught discipline and thought being motivated, being active, organized and productive was all I needed. I was so productive and organized at work but my home was slowly becoming a disaster each week. I recently found a few videos on "how to be disciplined" "how to put yourself first" on youtube and am going from there. The biggest thing I learned from the discipline videos that I had never learned anywhere else was that we have to practice being uncomfortable. So I have started to listen to my thoughts when I catch myself thinking "I need the light, but I don't feel like getting up to turn it on." I instantly know that I should start to do it because I don't feel like it. On days I don't feel like brushing my teeth or I feel like laying in bed all day, I should still get up to rinse my mouth, look in the mirror, so I can get in the habit of getting up and seeing my reflection so I can be motivated to fix my appearance. And while I'm in the bathroom rinsing my mouth, I see a mess that I know will take 5 mins to clean up, but I don't feel like tidying. So that is motivating me to do it now because I want to be uncomfortable at least 2x a day to practice my discipline. And show up 2x a day in the most basic way possible (baby steps), even if it's just turning on the shower so I can get my body in the habit of prepping to shower. Even if it's just putting on my workout videos so I can be enticed to do them. I hope some of this helped. Being honest and kind to yourself, and sticking to one simple habit for just a month will have a huge impact on your life. So if you can find an app that tracks one task I'd say to use it so you can have a way of physically seeing how much progress you have made. And that will push you to go farther over time because you have disciplined and taught your body to keep the one habit, you can begin to add more each month.
@@sundrive2575 Yeah, that's exactly what I am doing! Great advice for anyone in my opinion. I get 80% done because of that. But like that 20% I don't know how to get there. Like I use that "only 5 Minutes" technique for almost everything and mostly it works but it doesn't get me up to 100%. I as well as others appreciate that advice for sure tho!
@@nonalolagirl Hey, thank you for taking the time to write. It's really helpful. I came to this conclusion some time ago myself. This is challenging to say the very least. I know I have to work through this. I wish it was a bit easier tho. Just a bit easier. Those things are the kind of things you know but don't want to admit. _The truth is rarely pure and never simple._
What if the medication your on is making you feel numb stops you from doing things but at the same time you desperately need them to sleep so you are stuck with this no win suitiation. So you can never move ahead with all the things you need to So.
Thank you so much for this video. Im suffering with a MDO, and it's hard to live in a country where everyone and everything prioritises functionality and I feel like not being able to fit into these ideas were painful for me. I feel like I have to show others that I'm functional, I am worthy of being hired but at the same time I am having such a great struggle to leave my bed. Watching this video resonates with me strongly. Thank you so much. I hope I am able to create an environment where I am able to grow well. Therapy here is expensive.
Thank you, it's incredibly healing to find people that go through the same things as you. Specially when I have considered myself crazy for not being able to do really "small" tasks at home like my laundry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
There absolutely a therapy that supports with this - Occupational Therapy! We focus on function, what is meaningful and purposeful to the person, no judgement. We support you with problem solving each task, in a graded and / or adapted way.
I follow you on TikTok my girl and I bought your book. Thank you for showing us how to give ourselves grace when we are struggling. So happy to see you here.
I was recommended a section of this on tiktok în the morning and made today the best Day in my life in a while. Thank you for existing. You probably changed my whole life starting today with only 12 minutes.
KC, thank you for this story. I have 4 loads of laundry sitting in baskets that need to be put away (headed upstairs soon). And, I bought pre-pasted toothbrushes as I listened. Can't wait until they arrive on Saturday.
Truly an incredible discussion.! Very honest & liberating lve been in constant pain for 4 years lve spent most days sitting in my kitchen amongst the squalor of my household chores. Thank God l am now, healing and lm able to do more things around home .. but still, not everything. This refreshingly honest discussion is very necessary to accept that we can only do what we can .. under the circumstances and to truly accept that and forgive ourselves. l have a plastic container full of dirty dishes covered in soapy bleach water because l am just not ready mentally to physically do them. Now l Am realizing .. l can Do more chores.. so l do.. what l want and what l can manage. l would love to see the original website of your coping strategies.
The realization that she gave me, that everything worth doing is worth doing half assed, has had profound positive changes to the way I approach life in so many aspects.
Oh my gosh, these are amazing ideas to simplify necessary tasks! I may organize some of them around my bed for the next hard time! Also the idea of not moralizing them is a very important sentence!
We talk so much about SELF CARE but so much of this is OTHER CARE - when we are depressed and struggling we need others to support us much like if we had a visible injury or illness. We get meals brought over and our sheets cleaned and lawns mown if have a broken arm of leg but when its invisble and internal we are on our own so yes to the paper plates and the hacks for teeth brushing and the ziplocs etc but also yes to the need for someone else realising we need other care and stepping in and care wrapping around us and making the meals and washing the dishes and so on
We've been operating from a 2 pile laundry system on and off for 13 years, after my partner's ptsd made living... different. Clean pile on the couch, dirty pile on the floor. Occasionally it gets to a draw. Good enough is perfect 👌 Love this. Sharing it for others to see ❤️
I loved the statement "the autopilot is broken". We all put to many rules in our life. I like having permission to break my own rules and that "care tasks are morally neutral". Then find a different way. Wonderful TED Talk. Thank you so much.
After watching this video for a few minutes I realized it was your tiktok I saw last year that made me change my closet into a no fold system that works for my ADHD. It changed my world until we switched to winter and I've felt like a failure because my winter clothes are too heavy to hangover my baskets. This TED talk really refreshed the original idea for me, it's not working for me anymore and that's okay I just rework it to fit what I need! Thank you!
I'm holding back tears. WTF. I thought I'd handled this for myself and the shame of when I couldn't do these things due to my autoimmune disease and bouts with depression.
I don’t iron. I wash dry and then I fold it and put it away. When something absolutely need ironing I iron it when it needs wearing. People recoil when I tell them this, but I recoil thinking about how many hours they waste making sure everything is flat. To be honest most people I know who are ultra neat and have immaculate houses have been really unhappy deep down. Some people react to depression by being ocd about the housework but I’m not one of them.
She's really pretty in like a old school cartoon way, like betty boop or snow white, she's also such an immediately likable person. She has a lot of good traits. I like her.
I find it is easier to stay on top of chores by having a regular time set for them. For example, make a habit of washing all your dishes and/or loading the dishwasher after dinner every night. Listen to music you like or a podcast while you wash to make it more enjoyable. Pick a day or two each week for laundry day, whenever that fits best into your work/life schedule. Set a timer (like on your phone that you keep with you) after you put your laundry in the washing machine so you will know when it is done and don’t forget it it and can put it in the dryer or hang it up without leaving it in there. If there is anyway you can afford a cleaner to come every couple weeks, do it. It is so worth the money, especially if you have small children who require a lot of your attention.
Thank you so much for this video, I loved watching it. Fortunately I've recently realized that I (and like me a lot of women) spend a too big part of my life cleaning. It took me to get 63 before reaching that awareness...but better late than never. Thinking that housework is morally neutral helps too. Many thanks 🙏
I urgently need the Instagram of the lady! I have zero energy for doing household chores, I've never been so close to depression as now. Thanks for inspiration and compassion
Sooooo relatable Also, a tip for my ironing haters: I just unwrinkle my clothes before drying them on a rack. It's good enough, believe me. Ironing is so freaking extra, nobody cares, and I would rather spend my energy on taking out the garbage while I walk the dog.
And don’t buy things that have to be ironed.I’ve not ironed clothes in literal decades ..just pull out the creases when wet then hang with plenty of stretch and room
Ditto on that Alexandra! At 72 I wash my clothes by hand in a bucket ! Ironing? Seriously?! Let it air dry long enough in a little breeze and listo...like you said... nobody cares!!!!
I always tell myself "nobody likes doing this either, this isn't an enjoyable or fun task so just get it over with like everyone else does" It makes it a lot easier for me having this conversation in my head. Same goes for the gym.
Anything worth doing is worth doing half assed. My house stays clean now. Deep cleaning happens if I get a day off. Is it perfect? No. But it's never more than 4 hrs from immaculate either. It started fights with my roommates because it wasn't being done 'right', but it's done, it's sanitized even! And since they weren't doing it, it gets to be done my way. This woman literally changed the way I live for the better!
I use trolleys so I can quickly shuffle around things that I need to the position that is most accessible for me at that moment. Or place them around my bed or chair to be at an arm's reach.
I didn't mean to be here but I'm glad I did... It provided me a trigger to realize myself that it's ok to have bad days... To really understand that it's ok that it won't last.. and allowed me to become more self aware and self loving...
@@ttarantulas4u258 that's the point though, you are 'in the club' so you may as well accept it and make the best of it, by starting to release the self condemnation, to feel happier.
I think you’re totally missed the point here, it’s to do with mental health issues like depression and people with ADHD, people who get stuck and find these tasks over whelming and difficult to do. I think this was a marvellous talk,and the audience was right behind her, they really appreciated this young lady, talking about her life and experiences.
I have learned to set boundaries with myself. When the tasks are done for the day, and I feel that anxiety coming on, the day is done and it's time to rest. Dishes can wait until tomorrow. Pushing myself beyond my limit to do dishes I will make mistakes and make things worse.
@@Marina-vd How to keep house while drowning - it's short but so good. The focus is less on 'here is how to organise your wardobe' and more on 'okay, you're not a bad person, how can you make your space function for you instead of spending your life in service of your space'
I've had to adapt due to chronic pain and fatigue. I got a second, flat-style laundry basket that hides behind my bedroom door so I can throw the actual dirty clothes into it instead of the floor since the clean clothes barely ever make it out of the actual basket. I bought an apartment-sized dishwasher that hold 5 gallons of water and doesn't have to be hooked up to my sink, and that's enough for me to get what I use clean. These are just the corners I cut while being off of work this past year given my health issues, and I still find it frustrating what I can't get done while being home all damn day.
Well, this made me *cry*, so. Maybe I'll see if I can ask my dentist about those pre pasted toothbrushes & such. I fell out of the habit during a bad depressive episode when I was younger & I can't seem to build the habit up again & that's such an embarrassing thing to admit because dental hygiene is important & necessary & expected & apparently so fucking simple. But it's not. Time to think of it as morally neutral I suppose?
So much self-judgement could be squashed by thinking of "easy" care tasks as morally neutral. That phrase has changed how I think about a lot of things! Her podcast and book are really great too!
So glad to see this posted on the main TED channel! That phrase "morally neutral" has changed how I view my daily life and how I might view others, as well.
This was really interesting. As a health care professional I'd love to explore this further with weight loss and self care for chronic illness like diabetes.
This is so good. I wasnt diagnosed with ADHD until I was about 36 (Im lucky the diagnoses came at all- women are so often misdiagnosed or go their lives without any diagnoses at all). We already eliminated the silverware organizer tray in our house of 6 (we save 15 minutes a day not putting spoons with other spoons- what a waste of time! I try to let everyone know that they can just toss all their silverware in one place, and the only change in their life will be having more time). Ive also considered having one big box for clothes. Like a chest. I dont mind folding, but the time and energy spent smashing individual items into 7 tiny drawers is pointless. Why not just open one big box?! Honestly, who made these rules? And these inventions (dressers/silverware trays) that require tedious separation of things that will be used and dirtied in a few days time?
I have been struggling with showing so much, i usually go weeks without showering, but then i take a long shower a really hard shower. right now i don't know what is causing this behavior, but i definitely i have disorders and anxieties such as SAD, might ASD too, and ADHD along with OCD, nobody was able to understand me as well, nor my parents thought of taking me to a doctor or a therapist, i self diagnosed myself and trying to understand my current situation that has been going on since i knew myself.
OMG... Same.... Showering. I do it A) 2 hours and longer Or B) Go without showering for days... I have a day in the week where I have to shower. It helps me. I looked at my routine and made space. And no matter what I will get in that shower. Even if I have to force myself. But still I wish I could do it like ever second day. That would be my dream to be honest. I completely understand. Please be compassionate to yourself. Try going in for 5 minutes first. I know it's weird because you won't feel clean if you are used to 2 hours but you won't be able to shower for 30 Minutes if you can't do it for 5. Start small. Keep it small and then stay in for longer. Repeat. Till you reach your goal. You are not alone! ✨
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There are days when it's hard to get out of bed. When you said "autopilot is broken", a light bulb lit up in my head. Something as complex as depression has never before been simplified this beautifully. Thank you for this talk. Really, really needed it.
"Good enough is perfect" is such a phrase loaded with compassion !
Thank you!😢
“People going through a hard time deserve compassion “
I literally started crying 2 minutes into the speech and couldn't stop. Thank you so much for sharing this!
Me too!!
Mistakes Were NOT Made:
An Anthem for Justice
by Margaret Anna Alice
The Armenian Genocide was not a mistake.
Holodomor was not a mistake.
The Final Solution was not a mistake.
The Great Leap Forward was not a mistake.
The Killing Fields were not a mistake.
Name your genocide-it was not a mistake.
That includes the Great Democide of the 2020s.
To imply otherwise is to give Them the out they are seeking.
It was not botched.
It was not bungled.
It was not a blunder.
It was not incompetence.
It was not lack of knowledge.
It was not spontaneous mass hysteria.
The planning occurred in plain sight.
The planning is still occurring in plain sight.
The philanthropaths bought The $cience™.
The modelers projected the lies.
The testers concocted the crisis.
The NGOs leased the academics.
The $cientists fabricated the findings.
The mouthpieces spewed the talking points.
The organizations declared the emergency.
The governments erected the walls.
The departments rewrote the rules.
The governors quashed the rights.
The politicians passed the laws.
The bankers installed the control grid.
The stooges laundered the money.
The DoD placed the orders.
The corporations fulfilled the contracts.
The regulators approved the solution.
The laws shielded the contractors.
The agencies ignored the signals.
The behemoths consolidated the media.
The psychologists crafted the messaging.
The propagandists chanted the slogans.
The fact-chokers smeared the dissidents.
The censors silenced the questioners.
The jackboots stomped the dissenters.
The tyrants summoned.
The puppeteers jerked.
The puppets danced.
The colluders implemented.
The doctors ordered.
The hospitals administered.
The menticiders scripted.
The bamboozled bleated.
The totalitarianized bullied.
The Covidians tattled.
The parents surrendered.
The good citizens believed … and forgot.
This was calculated.
This was formulated.
This was focus-grouped.
This was articulated.
This was manufactured.
This was falsified.
This was coerced.
This was inflicted.
This was denied.
We were terrorized.
We were isolated.
We were gaslit.
We were dehumanized.
We were wounded.
We were killed.
Don’t let them get away with it.
Don’t let them get away with it.
Don’t let them get away with it.
Me too!!
Me as well. To hear that I'm not a bad person because I'm in too much pain to wash the floor. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Oh my goodness! Me too! I had to pause this and pull myself together to continue!
I stumbled across this video and I've learnt to practice some of this since a while back. The "Good enough is perfect! and anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed." is very well put, as well as take as many shortcuts as possible. "Cheat" to make things work, for you. Do the bare minimum. The coffee cup anecdote was great in that regard. And remember, you are not weak when you struggle. Struggle means that you are fighting back. You are not giving up. Because you are still here, and you're hanging in there. This is strength, not weakness. Keep struggling, in the least resistant way possible.
I'm so glad that I watched this talk. Had me in tears. I do not suffer from depression at this time, but I do live in a near constant state of disappointment with my shortcomings as a wife/mother/housekeeper because of my chronic health problems. I hope I can internalize some of these thoughts.
Me too. These could be my words. I’m incapacitated today having a chemo like drug in my system. I’m so hard on myself. How do I let go of the self loathing for the messy house?
The two mottos killed me... I'm totally adopting those. (Good enough is perfect! and anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed.)
Phenomenal speech... thanks!
You spoke right into my heart. After a traumatic experience, i even forgot how to sit on a floor. I felt embarassed. I don't mind bathing daily. All my routine disrupted, somedays i couldn't get out of my bed. I always felt lacking. It takes a lot to move little by little. To keep a daily journal that I used to do for more than a decade. Cuz sometimes I felt that my life wasn't exciting enough. The moment you said to take a baby wipe if you're not ready to get under a shower, that was so deep. I kept on seeing me as a failure. It can be ok, right? It's okay to be not okay. But even then, i deserve to be clean, i deserve to be safe, i deserve to be loved.
If any of you are going through the same, try pick a little more strength. You deserve all the love and care❤❤
I absolutely despise folding my laundry, it is one of the house keeping jobs that I always postpone and when I have to do I absolutely have to push myself into doing it. I just realised, after she said it's completely unnecessary to fold the onesie, that I don't even have to fold about 90% of my laundry because it's completely useless. I have just been raised in a household where every piece of laundry is folded and I always thought if I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't have things under control and was being lazy. This is going to save so much time and it gives me a damn good feeling too. Thanks!
We have laundry baskets for dirty clothes and laundry baskets for clean clothes in each of the bedrooms in our house. I don't have the energy to fold my own clothes, never mind get after my teenage kids to do the same. This simplifies it and saves me energy. Everybody wins!
How are you going with it? After watching this video a couple of years ago, I started hanging my washing on hangers to dry. Now I do all that when I wash, I can bring it all in and hang most of it straight up. THe rest can just go in the drawer as is. :) Changed my life.
When I first watched this about a month and a half ago, I thought there was no way it could help me. I was in the deepest depression I'd ever been in.
About a week later, I got up and brushed my teeth. That's it, I did nothing else. I continued to brush my teeth daily. It was about at the two week mark that I thought to myself, "Is this simple, yet extremely difficult at the time, task really bringing me out of this depression?". "How can doing one simple care task daily really have such a profound effect?". Now it's been about two weeks since that realization, and I can truly feel the cloud lifting from over my head. I still struggle, and I still have to be careful not to go backward, but I feel hope for the first time in several months!
I honestly can't thank you enough for this TED TALK!
How are you going with things now? Do you still have a focus on one task at times?
Wow, I immediately shared this with everyone I know. As a newly-divorced mom of 2 young kids, with a full time career, plus Anxiety, Depression, and CPTSD - life can be.... a lot.... So thank you for this perspective.
The part "it's even worse if your mom died" hits. It happened to me last year. When that happened, the laundry in our house pilled up and it was my responsibility as the older child while take care of my sick father (who also died 2 months after my mom) and my younger sister who is still an elementary student. It was a mess. I am a mess. My relatives have been telling me "do these" and "do it like these" and it has given me anxiety and even lose trust in myself. It's hard when you lose a mother but it will more hard when you lose both. I pity myself so much cause I am still a teenager and I experienced all of these things. All I want is to go to therapy to heal and help myself and my younger sister while living alone but I still can't. Today, I successfully finished half of the load of 2 baskets of laundry. I am so proud of myself.
I am supposed to scroll through TED videos for inspiration to do my speech for a school task but I get so emotional about this problem. I've been stuck at it but I will not lose myself in the negativity and I want to enjoy life to show my two loving parents in heaven that I didn't regret taking care of them and make them proud of me, every day. Thank you so much for this wonderful speech, Ma'am KC Davis.
I really needed this.
I am so burnt out right now, stuck in my first ever culinary job where I work for 12 hours everyday and I am so exhausted by the end of it that I just eat and sleep. I haven’t done laundry in 15 days, and I haven’t taken a shower/bath for 3 days. I am just tired and I am pressuring myself so much to catch up to daily tasks while I learn to adjust to a high stress culinary job.
Thanks for the video and making me be a little easy on myself. I feel relieved after crying a little.
Have a nice long soak in the tub & just relax. Add epsom or bath salts to help relax your muscles. Take care of yourself like you would someone you love ❤️
Talk to your boss about cutting back your hours & hiring someone part-time to assist you or pick up the last 4 hours.
There's a solution, you're working too long of hours in the day for too many days. Maybe work 12 hrs but only 2 or 3 days a week?
Alternatively, look for another place to work with more humane hours. Wishing you all the best!
I can't tell you KC how amazing your ideas are and what a profound difference they've made in my life❤❤❤❤, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. When I went through cancer ,treatment, stage 4, I was unable to get to anything. My home got really bad, however, I am now cured, as of July 2021, and now strong enough to truly clean up. Keep speaking these truths, I wish I heard them while in it, but they still resonate profoundly. I simply say to anyone, who seems judge mental, where were you, God gave me a job and I rocked it, but u never stepped up. Shuts em down
Thanks for sharing this story. Mental health worker with ADHD here. Care and selfcare tasks being morally neutral indeed is key. The inner critic wrecks havoc when it does impose morality on our functioning. Very solid insights!
Alot of mental healthcare workers have psychiatric problems. If they didn't have a problem they can develop after years. They also have a higher suicide rate than the general population.
a person with mental illness works as a mental health worker? Whats next? Obese people telling us how to lose weight? 🤦🏻♂️
This video kept me going. I was giving up... on everything in my life. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this video. Forever grateful! 💜💜
Liebe KC,
eben als ich dieses Video entdeckt habe, ist mir aufgefallen, dass ich aus der schwierigen Zeit heraus gekommen bin, und auch dein Buch dazu beigetragen hat. Ich möchte einfach Mal Danke sagen.
Ich möchte auch gerne anderen Mut machen:
Es klingt vielleicht erst Mal befremdlich, aber es funktioniert!
Neulich hatte ich sogar eine kleine Party in meiner Wohnung und ich habe mich für einen Online-Kochkurs per Zoom angemeldet, wo man dann auch meine hoffentlich saubere Küche sehen können wird.
Meine Lieblingstipps sind: 1. Die Spüle immer leer halten, damit man jederzeit abspülen kann, was man gerade braucht.
2. Einfach etwas dehnen und strecken, wenn es für Sport nicht reicht. 3.Immer etwas Speisestärke dahaben, um sie als Trockenshampoo-Alternative nutzen zu können.
Also Danke dir von Herzen!
Repetitive tasks can be the hardest because they're so on-going and never-ending and generally done alone. I remember, as a depressed teenager living on my own and crying because doing the dishes made me so sad. I think it brought home the reality that I was really alone in my mess. What I wanted and needed more than anything was someone to be there and help me to get through it all.
Do you know there's something called 'body doubling'? If someone is with us, we can get it done. And if they give us a treat when it's done (we can provide that to them to give us) then even better for our dopamine! We just need that support, we just need that body.
Thank you for this. This is the closest I've heard to real problems and solutions that I face. I'm crying right now.
Nice this TED was posted again! More people need to be reached by her words!
Weak low quality women. 🤮
We watched this in our mental health group today and it was so relatable it made me cry, especially the part about being a failure because you can’t get things done. Thank you for sharing!
Having struggled with chronic pain and subsequent depression for years my house is in shambles. This talk hit home!
I’m the same, its more like how people see me, I think people see me as lazy, not in pain, and struggling to keep on top of things. I loved this talk, thanks to this very brave passionate young lady. 🙏
"How people see me as lazy, not in pain"😢 😭💔 How much I resonate with this.
I so hear you. Each task reminds you of your nearly unbearable loneliness, endless toil, pointlessness and inevitable demise, possibly with a few years of a horrible disease in the runup. Having a friend to sit with you would be great, but what if you don't? I related to the statement about having no energy b/c you're trying so hard not to want to die. Depression, anxiety, grief, cptsd, self-hatred. I've barely been out of bed for almost 2 years after caring for my mom (dementia) alone until her death. Despite therapy and medication. My house and yard have reached a state i never thought possible. But today i watched your vid and tried a couple of the five things. And ... i stood up for myself with a relative and apparently satisfied us both. So yay. Thank you for your work in this world.
Best TED Talk I've seen. SOOO many people should thank her. Her book is probably awesome.
I swear I'm not sponsored, but her book really is awesome - it helped me so much and I was so excited to see her give this talk
11:07 Honestly showering was (and still is) always the hardest for me. I also had problems with brushing teeth, cleaning up, getting out of bed etc. But I kind of found a routine that's working for me now. The day I get up and will just shower (and then not stay 2h in) I know I'm completely fine. If anyone has tipps please I could use them. I also had days where I would just lie in bed and do nothing except drinking not much water and going on the toilet but that's it. Just sleeping because hey you don't want to die because it's scary but you also don't want to live... Sleeping was the in between. Not living not dying. It got to a point where I haven't seen the sun in 4 months. I'm better now but... I still need to see a doctor about my health; I still have trouble combing through my hair; I still wonder if... when people notice; I still wear the same clothes that hide my body... The worst thing is that you can't talk to anyone. If they don't have been through similar they will judge you and break you down. If you are one of those people please just scroll on. No need to comment. If you are like me: it will get better. You just have to keep yourself busy.
I had some problem with brushing the space between my teeth with that small gummy spear like tool. I have somewhat sensitive dental crown and because of that I had anxiety mostly because sometimes my crown start to bleed and hurt. Because of that inner self sabotaging imagination I was avoiding to brush this spaces for months and even years. But lately I told to myself one very simple thing: Ok man, you can just brush only 1 tooth. That's all. Just 1 tooth. And most of the time my inner voice tell me: Just one tooth? That's so funny and pity, let's try at least 2 or 3 dents. If I imagine all of the teeth it sounds too overwhelming but if you tell to yourself to brush just 1 tooth than in most of the time I brush all of the rest of the teeth. Even the most hurtful of them, or where the risk of bleeding is highest.
And I am applying this strategy to most of the things in my life. If I am doing a workout and I feel lazy I tell to myself Ok man just do 1 pushup. I am making 1 and after that if I feel good enough I am asking myself: Can I do another one? If I can I do it. And like that I am building confidence that I can do more than 1. But the same process goes on and on. Maybe in this time of the year we need strategies like this. So we will see for how long that strategy is going to work, at least for me.
I hope you are able to get help with your health soon. So sorry to hear how hard its been.
I think many of us can relate to having some days like this. For me, it's probably easiest for me to neglect my cleaning and care routines because these things matter the least to me. For a long time, even though I knew I loved myself, I became aware that I had learned from other people to stop physically caring for myself and through that I came to realize I care about myself less than I care about others. I learned to not show up for myself in the same way others weren't showing up, except when it came to ignoring my care and not keeping my environment clean and peaceful. I can now see that being clean and taking care of myself is self love. It's a form of stress reduction. It helps to lower depression. Being clean is a spiritual practice and even invites good into our lives.
The biggest game changers have been in pairing down (simplifying my tasks - instead of tellling myself to clean my room, I now say "tidy your bed.") and learning the importance discipline. I was never taught discipline and thought being motivated, being active, organized and productive was all I needed. I was so productive and organized at work but my home was slowly becoming a disaster each week. I recently found a few videos on "how to be disciplined" "how to put yourself first" on youtube and am going from there. The biggest thing I learned from the discipline videos that I had never learned anywhere else was that we have to practice being uncomfortable. So I have started to listen to my thoughts when I catch myself thinking "I need the light, but I don't feel like getting up to turn it on." I instantly know that I should start to do it because I don't feel like it. On days I don't feel like brushing my teeth or I feel like laying in bed all day, I should still get up to rinse my mouth, look in the mirror, so I can get in the habit of getting up and seeing my reflection so I can be motivated to fix my appearance. And while I'm in the bathroom rinsing my mouth, I see a mess that I know will take 5 mins to clean up, but I don't feel like tidying. So that is motivating me to do it now because I want to be uncomfortable at least 2x a day to practice my discipline. And show up 2x a day in the most basic way possible (baby steps), even if it's just turning on the shower so I can get my body in the habit of prepping to shower. Even if it's just putting on my workout videos so I can be enticed to do them. I hope some of this helped. Being honest and kind to yourself, and sticking to one simple habit for just a month will have a huge impact on your life. So if you can find an app that tracks one task I'd say to use it so you can have a way of physically seeing how much progress you have made. And that will push you to go farther over time because you have disciplined and taught your body to keep the one habit, you can begin to add more each month.
@@sundrive2575 Yeah, that's exactly what I am doing! Great advice for anyone in my opinion. I get 80% done because of that. But like that 20% I don't know how to get there. Like I use that "only 5 Minutes" technique for almost everything and mostly it works but it doesn't get me up to 100%. I as well as others appreciate that advice for sure tho!
@@nonalolagirl Hey, thank you for taking the time to write. It's really helpful. I came to this conclusion some time ago myself. This is challenging to say the very least. I know I have to work through this. I wish it was a bit easier tho. Just a bit easier. Those things are the kind of things you know but don't want to admit. _The truth is rarely pure and never simple._
What if the medication your on is making you feel numb stops you from doing things but at the same time you desperately need them to sleep so you are stuck with this no win suitiation.
So you can never move ahead with all the things you need to So.
Thank you so much for this video. Im suffering with a MDO, and it's hard to live in a country where everyone and everything prioritises functionality and I feel like not being able to fit into these ideas were painful for me. I feel like I have to show others that I'm functional, I am worthy of being hired but at the same time I am having such a great struggle to leave my bed. Watching this video resonates with me strongly. Thank you so much. I hope I am able to create an environment where I am able to grow well. Therapy here is expensive.
Thank you, it's incredibly healing to find people that go through the same things as you. Specially when I have considered myself crazy for not being able to do really "small" tasks at home like my laundry. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
There absolutely a therapy that supports with this - Occupational Therapy! We focus on function, what is meaningful and purposeful to the person, no judgement. We support you with problem solving each task, in a graded and / or adapted way.
I follow you on TikTok my girl and I bought your book. Thank you for showing us how to give ourselves grace when we are struggling. So happy to see you here.
Your talk is so powerful. The hidden truth behind struggle. You inspire people. You're AWESOME! Thank you!
I was recommended a section of this on tiktok în the morning and made today the best Day in my life in a while. Thank you for existing. You probably changed my whole life starting today with only 12 minutes.
KC, thank you for this story. I have 4 loads of laundry sitting in baskets that need to be put away (headed upstairs soon). And, I bought pre-pasted toothbrushes as I listened. Can't wait until they arrive on Saturday.
Truly an incredible discussion.!
Very honest & liberating
lve been in constant pain for 4 years lve spent most days sitting in my kitchen amongst the squalor of my household chores. Thank God l am now, healing and lm able to do more things around home .. but still, not everything. This refreshingly honest discussion is very necessary to accept that we can only do what we can .. under the circumstances and to truly accept that and forgive ourselves.
l have a plastic container full of dirty dishes covered in soapy bleach water because l am just not ready mentally to physically do them.
Now l Am realizing .. l can Do more chores.. so l do.. what l want and what l can manage.
l would love to see the original website of your coping strategies.
The realization that she gave me, that everything worth doing is worth doing half assed, has had profound positive changes to the way I approach life in so many aspects.
I’m crying you brought tears to my eyes thank you for your contribution to this planet
Your a beautiful person ❤
Oh my gosh, these are amazing ideas to simplify necessary tasks! I may organize some of them around my bed for the next hard time! Also the idea of not moralizing them is a very important sentence!
Thank you so much, you've completely changed my outlook and made me realise that I'm not a bad person for not being able to do everyday tasks xx
We talk so much about SELF CARE but so much of this is OTHER CARE - when we are depressed and struggling we need others to support us much like if we had a visible injury or illness. We get meals brought over and our sheets cleaned and lawns mown if have a broken arm of leg but when its invisble and internal we are on our own so yes to the paper plates and the hacks for teeth brushing and the ziplocs etc but also yes to the need for someone else realising we need other care and stepping in and care wrapping around us and making the meals and washing the dishes and so on
We've been operating from a 2 pile laundry system on and off for 13 years, after my partner's ptsd made living... different. Clean pile on the couch, dirty pile on the floor. Occasionally it gets to a draw.
Good enough is perfect 👌
Love this. Sharing it for others to see ❤️
I really liked the story and speech KC Davis said. I really think we need more speeches like this.
I loved the statement "the autopilot is broken". We all put to many rules in our life. I like having permission to break my own rules and that "care tasks are morally neutral". Then find a different way. Wonderful TED Talk. Thank you so much.
After watching this video for a few minutes I realized it was your tiktok I saw last year that made me change my closet into a no fold system that works for my ADHD. It changed my world until we switched to winter and I've felt like a failure because my winter clothes are too heavy to hangover my baskets. This TED talk really refreshed the original idea for me, it's not working for me anymore and that's okay I just rework it to fit what I need! Thank you!
I'm holding back tears. WTF. I thought I'd handled this for myself and the shame of when I couldn't do these things due to my autoimmune disease and bouts with depression.
The effectiveness of this was super scary but I needed to hear this …. Sharing forrrrr sure as this is daily conversation in my circle
I don’t iron. I wash dry and then I fold it and put it away. When something absolutely need ironing I iron it when it needs wearing. People recoil when I tell them this, but I recoil thinking about how many hours they waste making sure everything is flat.
To be honest most people I know who are ultra neat and have immaculate houses have been really unhappy deep down. Some people react to depression by being ocd about the housework but I’m not one of them.
That's exactly what I do, I do my laundry, then dry it and then fold it and put it all away until I need them
That makes sense to me. I also don’t know why someone would bother ironing something if they’re not wearing it because it will inevitably wrinkle.
She's really pretty in like a old school cartoon way, like betty boop or snow white, she's also such an immediately likable person. She has a lot of good traits. I like her.
I find it is easier to stay on top of chores by having a regular time set for them. For example, make a habit of washing all your dishes and/or loading the dishwasher after dinner every night. Listen to music you like or a podcast while you wash to make it more enjoyable. Pick a day or two each week for laundry day, whenever that fits best into your work/life schedule. Set a timer (like on your phone that you keep with you) after you put your laundry in the washing machine so you will know when it is done and don’t forget it it and can put it in the dryer or hang it up without leaving it in there.
If there is anyway you can afford a cleaner to come every couple weeks, do it. It is so worth the money, especially if you have small children who require a lot of your attention.
Thank you so much for this video, I loved watching it. Fortunately I've recently realized that I (and like me a lot of women) spend a too big part of my life cleaning. It took me to get 63 before reaching that awareness...but better late than never. Thinking that housework is morally neutral helps too. Many thanks 🙏
I urgently need the Instagram of the lady! I have zero energy for doing household chores, I've never been so close to depression as now. Thanks for inspiration and compassion
Sooooo relatable
Also, a tip for my ironing haters: I just unwrinkle my clothes before drying them on a rack. It's good enough, believe me. Ironing is so freaking extra, nobody cares, and I would rather spend my energy on taking out the garbage while I walk the dog.
Also, there's wrinkle release spray. I'm using this on my son's clean clothes sitting in the dryer that I've been pulling from all week.
And don’t buy things that have to be ironed.I’ve not ironed clothes in literal decades ..just pull out the creases when wet then hang with plenty of stretch and room
Ditto on that Alexandra! At 72 I wash my clothes by hand in a bucket ! Ironing? Seriously?! Let it air dry long enough in a little breeze and listo...like you said... nobody cares!!!!
I throw a wet rag in the dryer with the items and that seems to help. Also spraying with water and smoothing with your hand.
Great idea! I make it a point to buy quick-dry and/or no-iron type clothes too.
"Good enough is perfect" ! My God, what a splendid motto !
I always tell myself "nobody likes doing this either, this isn't an enjoyable or fun task so just get it over with like everyone else does"
It makes it a lot easier for me having this conversation in my head. Same goes for the gym.
Thank you for yor talk. Im a single grandma with ADD and I just put in a load of laundry. Im out of clean clothes. Thanks again.
Thank you so much for this. It’s life-changing.
This is fantastic. And applicable to way more than laundry and care tasks.
Anything worth doing is worth doing half assed. My house stays clean now. Deep cleaning happens if I get a day off. Is it perfect? No. But it's never more than 4 hrs from immaculate either. It started fights with my roommates because it wasn't being done 'right', but it's done, it's sanitized even! And since they weren't doing it, it gets to be done my way. This woman literally changed the way I live for the better!
I use trolleys so I can quickly shuffle around things that I need to the position that is most accessible for me at that moment. Or place them around my bed or chair to be at an arm's reach.
I didn't mean to be here but I'm glad I did... It provided me a trigger to realize myself that it's ok to have bad days... To really understand that it's ok that it won't last.. and allowed me to become more self aware and self loving...
Omg your making me feel like I'm Not ALONE!
There are more of you.... 🤮
You are not! Her podcast and book are really good, too.
not a club to be proud to be in.
@@ttarantulas4u258 Proud to be "morally neutral" and in good company. You can go somewhere else. You don't need to be here.
@@ttarantulas4u258 that's the point though, you are 'in the club' so you may as well accept it and make the best of it, by starting to release the self condemnation, to feel happier.
Thank you for the part about brushing teeth…dreading my dental hygienist appt in two days because of her “shaming” - now I can come equipped…
I had to listen to this twice.
I relate so much!!!!
Okay, this is way too specific of a recommendation 😂
Ikr 😆 i was like "why is Ted recommending cleaning and depression in the same title"
It's a very enlightening presentation. I've watched it s couple of times and have read her very useful book.
All hail the algorithm!
I mean, it's a universal experience
I think you’re totally missed the point here, it’s to do with mental health issues like depression and people with ADHD, people who get stuck and find these tasks over whelming and difficult to do. I think this was a marvellous talk,and the audience was right behind her, they really appreciated this young lady, talking about her life and experiences.
I have learned to set boundaries with myself. When the tasks are done for the day, and I feel that anxiety coming on, the day is done and it's time to rest. Dishes can wait until tomorrow. Pushing myself beyond my limit to do dishes I will make mistakes and make things worse.
I have watched this so many times. It always helps me so much. ❤
I needed to hear this today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I didn't realize how much I needed this today. Thank you
“Good enough is perfect.” ❤
Give yourself permission and accept that we do deserve all these things...compassion, cleanliness, food...all of it.
Feeling motivated from this!
🤮
“Good enough is perfect “
Yeah man!
❤
I have never connected so much to a TED talk.
wow. All those whuppins' over a messy room then and now just made sense. Hat-tip to you from ''The Pile" hugz
I so needed this today. Thank you 🙋♀️
Been living this way for over a decade.
Good enough 🤷🏻♀️ if it works it works
Good enough is perfect. :) I love your Ted Talk. It is so beautiful and useful for our daily lives.
4:48 Or when u are facing mysterious debilitating chronic fatigue that your doctor couldn't quite put his finger on yet... or ever...
Her book is just fantastic! So glad to see this video
Can you please share the name of the book?
@@Marina-vd How to keep house while drowning - it's short but so good. The focus is less on 'here is how to organise your wardobe' and more on 'okay, you're not a bad person, how can you make your space function for you instead of spending your life in service of your space'
I cried, thank you
Beautiful. Such an important presentation.
Hello from Uzbekistan 🇺🇿
Greetings from Manchester England
Hi there, from Australia 🇦🇺
I really enjoyed this Ted talk. Very powerful and inspiring message
ur literally my life saver.
I've had to adapt due to chronic pain and fatigue. I got a second, flat-style laundry basket that hides behind my bedroom door so I can throw the actual dirty clothes into it instead of the floor since the clean clothes barely ever make it out of the actual basket. I bought an apartment-sized dishwasher that hold 5 gallons of water and doesn't have to be hooked up to my sink, and that's enough for me to get what I use clean. These are just the corners I cut while being off of work this past year given my health issues, and I still find it frustrating what I can't get done while being home all damn day.
so glad to have found this one
THANK YOU
Amazing talk, thank you so much for this.
Well, this made me *cry*, so.
Maybe I'll see if I can ask my dentist about those pre pasted toothbrushes & such. I fell out of the habit during a bad depressive episode when I was younger & I can't seem to build the habit up again & that's such an embarrassing thing to admit because dental hygiene is important & necessary & expected & apparently so fucking simple. But it's not. Time to think of it as morally neutral I suppose?
I struggle with brushing my teeth as well. I didn't even know those pre pasted toothbrushes existed. You're not alone.
So much self-judgement could be squashed by thinking of "easy" care tasks as morally neutral. That phrase has changed how I think about a lot of things! Her podcast and book are really great too!
Thanks. I really needed this.
Thank you❤
So glad to see this posted on the main TED channel! That phrase "morally neutral" has changed how I view my daily life and how I might view others, as well.
Thank YOU!
This was really interesting. As a health care professional I'd love to explore this further with weight loss and self care for chronic illness like diabetes.
This is so good. I wasnt diagnosed with ADHD until I was about 36 (Im lucky the diagnoses came at all- women are so often misdiagnosed or go their lives without any diagnoses at all).
We already eliminated the silverware organizer tray in our house of 6 (we save 15 minutes a day not putting spoons with other spoons- what a waste of time! I try to let everyone know that they can just toss all their silverware in one place, and the only change in their life will be having more time).
Ive also considered having one big box for clothes. Like a chest. I dont mind folding, but the time and energy spent smashing individual items into 7 tiny drawers is pointless. Why not just open one big box?!
Honestly, who made these rules? And these inventions (dressers/silverware trays) that require tedious separation of things that will be used and dirtied in a few days time?
SO TRUE AND IMPORTANT
I have been struggling with showing so much, i usually go weeks without showering, but then i take a long shower a really hard shower. right now i don't know what is causing this behavior, but i definitely i have disorders and anxieties such as SAD, might ASD too, and ADHD along with OCD, nobody was able to understand me as well, nor my parents thought of taking me to a doctor or a therapist, i self diagnosed myself and trying to understand my current situation that has been going on since i knew myself.
OMG... Same.... Showering. I do it
A) 2 hours and longer
Or
B) Go without showering for days...
I have a day in the week where I have to shower. It helps me. I looked at my routine and made space. And no matter what I will get in that shower. Even if I have to force myself. But still I wish I could do it like ever second day. That would be my dream to be honest.
I completely understand. Please be compassionate to yourself. Try going in for 5 minutes first. I know it's weird because you won't feel clean if you are used to 2 hours but you won't be able to shower for 30 Minutes if you can't do it for 5. Start small. Keep it small and then stay in for longer. Repeat. Till you reach your goal.
You are not alone! ✨
I really appreciate your advice, and will definitely try to do the five-minute rule.
Thank you very much ❤️
@@towatch No problem! And always remember you are not alone!
I needed to hear that. I'm glad I clicke on this.
Thank you
🥺😭 This was beautiful 🥰 Nice job!!
I related to this.. this was really informative