Would you like to share your diagnosis story too? I'm compiling stories for a special project at the end of the month. To be involved simply message me or reply to this comment and I'll give you more info! :)
Awesome. Can you email me at aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com? You can write however you like, but can also give you more guidance and structure if that would help :)
Aspergers from the Inside Thank you for sharing. I learned that i am autistic at 32. After a nervous breakdown in 2016. It is not easy to get a proper diagnosis as an adult in the U.S. there is no question about it for me but I am on a waiting list for adult autism assessment hopefully later this summer. Learning I was autistic was shocking to me because I worked with children on the spectrum during my 20's. No one had ever explained to me the individual aspects of autism, it was all based on behavior modification. ABA has its good and bad. Amathyst from ask an autistic is who educated me for the first time. My doctor agreed with me immediately. I'm so happy I know now, but I have exhausted myself trying to get a proper diagnosis. I have been treated for severe OCD but that is really only meds instead of problem solving skills. My life is on hold right now and I'm just trying to recover my mental and physical health. If only proper diagnostics and support were readily available for adults as it is for children. I gave the peak years of my life to supporting kids and teens on the spectrum and now that I'm in my 30s and can no longer keep up, I feel not only like a failure but that I am also being failed by lack of understanding and services geared towards adults.
To be totally honest, you seem like a very nice guy who's very articulate, direct and sometimes very funny. I guess I'd have to meet you in some setting like a diner or a pub or a coffee shop and have conversations over a period of time. I don't like judging people, even though we do it all the time and often unconsciously. I've been institutionalized on a number of occasions in my life, and this was due to a variety of afflictions. It's been a long time since my last incarceration in a mental health facility, so I feel fortunate. I always felt like an alien when I was a kid and that didn't really go away once I became an adult. There was always a sense of severe separateness that I've never been able to explain. I live with that feeling better now, but it took a long time. I truly appreciate in a very big way people like yourself speaking out. That affirms you, being here. I'm listening to you. I'm seeing you speak. You are real to me, and in listening, I become real to myself, if that makes any sense to you. I applaud you. Thankyou!
Yesss same here!! People like this make such a humongous difference to others on the spectrum, I hope he knows how much his work is helping people (including myself) :)
Yes that makes sense to me. I am replying as if you may see this, but you wrote these things 4 years ago…I’m trying to get a diagnosis so I’m hoping watching this will help in some way.
I have just been given a provisional diagnosis of autism. I am 59, and female. I have been taken to doctors since age 4, to find out what was “wrong” with me. I have no clue what I was diagnosed with as a child. Even as a child, I never felt like I belonged anywhere, not even in my own family. In my 30s, I was diagnosed with no less than 10 different psychiatric disorders ranging from dysthymia to schizophrenia (and everything in between). I was tried on 23 different meds, hospitalized numerous times, given loads of different types of therapy, finally given ECT. Guess what? Nothing worked! Doctors gave up and said they really didn’t know what else to do.... big surprise!. My adult daughter told me one day last year that she thought I probably had Aspergers, as I was very similar to people she knew on the spectrum. I was stunned! I am embarrassed to admit how ignorant I was about autism. Surely she was joking! For one, I am female, middle aged, above average intelligence, very articulate, and have worked since I was 15, including being a surgical technician in the Army. I was absolutely shocked when I began researching ASD, to find that I had problems in every area described in the DSM5. These were traits I had had since I could remember, that I never understood, but caused me to be tormented all through school. The psychologist I saw specialized in neuro psychology. At the end of my first meeting, she told me that in her opinion, I was Obviously on the spectrum, and had been misdiagnosed my whole life. I must say that I felt very relieved that all my quirks and difficulties had a reason. At the same time, I was incredibly sad when I thought about how much different my life could have been, even if I had been properly diagnosed even in my 30s. I really hope that others are properly diagnosed much earlier than I was, and don’t have to think of the majority of their life having been wasted.
same here, in general I have always been the observer , while the others have been the participants in life. I have observed the others finding work, family, married, established friendships, while I have been watching tried to find the "code" or trying have a sense meaning behind it all, not just theoretical understanding. I got diagnosed AS a few years ago and surprisingly I also got an Engineering exam, social life is "taxing" for me, and being alone is building me up.
i relate to the latter part of your writing, especially how much different maybe better life could have been,if only i didnt mask so well. What a caring and brave daughter you have to hold your hand and help you understand and be there for you
I was diagnosed in my mid-thirties. My psychiatrist, who I was seeing for depression, didn’t take long to figure it out, to his credit. 75% of people on the spectrum have depression, as I have read since. Finally I had an answer because I always knew something was off. Yet, I still can’t be myself around other people. I try to fit in and learned the strategies to do that from childhood. I “mask” around everyone but my girlfriend. If we’re out at a restaurant, she sees me acting all normal when the waiter comes over and then I go back to being me when he goes away. I start stimming but in subtle ways that I have learned over the years to be socially acceptable. She thinks I should just be myself, but after a lifetime of hiding it, I can’t. It seems dangerous to me.
I wasn't struggling like you in elementary, but your middle school stuff, can't make friends...and the dreadlocks...it's all me. I'm 33, attending cbt for depression, but I keep telling my therapist that I felt like this all my life, I'm just very tired now of keeping the smile on...
I went to get a diagnosis after being laid off from a job. My mother said out of the blue, about 10 years ago, doctors said "you might be autistic". Apparently, after getting my official diagnosis, my mother said they wanted to institutionalize me and she said "he doesn't need round the clock care". This was in the 70s when Asperger's Syndrome was not recognized. I went to a local government job center, told the woman at the counter that I was laid off and said I might have a difficult time getting a job. I told her I might be Autistic. She gave me a number of a higher up in her line of work, and within a week I was sent to see another government person. Less than a week, I met with this person who sent me for testing at their expense. Met with the psychologist and talked about my life and telling her my mother said about 10 years ago I might be autistic. My testing was arranged for the following week. Did the tests and in 3 weeks I was called back to get the results. The psychologist went over her results which was a 9 page document Being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, made me concentrate on things I can do and not things I can't control.
You are very lucky someone helped you like that, I wish someone will help me. I had to beg my gp for a referral and even then I'm being refereed for depression again, when I eventually have my appointment (3 months) no doubt I'll have to fight and argue to see a specialist and god knows how long that will take. I think as a woman no one takes your seriously. I am terrified to tell people, as I told one and they said oh no you don't, your just this or that, you need to do this or that. And I get so angry when people don't believe what I'm saying coz in my mind I wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't true!
The last sentence is very important, even for the neurotypicals. "God ,give me strength to change what I can change, to accept what I can not change and the wisdom to discern between the two."
It's been hard, it could be the difficulty of the labor market. Turned 18 just as Affirmative Action hit, well one year after. The boomer generation had already saturated that market. Wages were low. Then women entered that same market. Now just finding a low paying job became next to impossible. It's been a lifelong struggle, but then it could just be me. Started fixing houses and renting them, for some reason they need to be very very nice. One took two years of everyday labor, it came out nice. My wife went off with a better, she took my life's work. This was 8 yrs ago. I amount to just a dad now, he lives here but is 20. Him & his girl will go on their own soon. This big historic house will have just me as it's caretaker. I've found a new wife very hard to even know how to look for. Dreads, maybe could have them wanting me. I'm like you except no beard & blonde. I also love heating with wood. People think it's wierd, they just don't know. It's not bad with an EPA approved woodstove. I think I'm more severe than you, maybe.
Thank you, Paul! I'm 59 yo now and don't have a diagnosis yet, but since a 5-6 years it's grown more and more that I'm on the asperger spectrum. You know the intro for Mr Bean; the light, and then he falls down from nowhere, gets up and stumbles away seemingly not aware where he is or what's going on? That's very much how I've been feeling for the biggest part of my life.
Me: "He (my nephew) can't be autistic. Sure I did that as a kid. And that too... And that... Yes, and that too. No he's definitely not autistic. If I'm not he's not."
Paul you have inspired me so much. I am an Aspie and I felt so alone and experienced everything you did. I am learning, getting counseling, going to groups and watching your videos. I play 8 instruments at an advanced level. I am obsessed with words and I read the entire dictionary at 13yo. I also endured brutal beatings at school and as an adult have been hurt so much. Is there a way to correspond privately via RUclips? I adore you and you inspire me.
When I was in school I knew I thought differently to everyone else. I left believing I was eccentric, but I struggled to keep friends, didn't understand relationships and didn't seem to have the know how that others took for granted. Autism runs in my family, but before I discovered it I thought we were cursed. I thought I was being punished for something I had done in a previous life. My memory for facts and figures is normal for me, but astounding to others. I can't stand small talk, and it doesn't occur to me to start a conversation with others, but I am polite whenever others speak to me.
I think you are my Australian doppelgänger. These videos are giving me so much insight into myself. Thank you so much for being vulnerable. You are making a huge positive difference in my journey in understanding myself.
I find this extremely interesting. I came on here to learn more about what Aspergers is, not for myself but for someone else. After hearing you it really hit home and seems to be the “key” to the mystery I wondered about myself all my life!
this is actually crazy because I relate to almost everything you’ve talked about in this video AND I’m 17 about to get dreadlocks in a couple months😂thank you for sharing!
You are a very articulate person, obviously intelligent and compassionate. I hope you continue to keep speaking and teaching people about autism. Keep up the good work.
I'm really glad that I found your channel, Paul. I've watched many of your videos and your way of describing and explaining your experiences is very helpful and interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Paul!! Good to meet you via You Tube. I totally relate with your situation. There was no word for this”thing” that I had an a kid. Both me and my late older brother had to deal with Asperger’s with no name for it, my mother was a saint trying to explain how to interact with other children and me, at the time I just didn’t “get it”. Had a tough time interacting with other kids frowning up and had always problems interacting with others an Work. I’m 60 and don’t work now. I have referred my sister-and-law and nephew to your site, hopefully, they will benefit from your site as well. I will watch many more of your videos.
I had to pause just to say thank you for being vulnerable. It was one of your videos that initially cracked my built-up defense against facing things... I'm finally pursuing a diagnosis and it may not have happened if I hadn't googled Asperger's and Emotional Intelligence. On with the show...
Follow-up... Dx'ed yesterday. Actually, she said I don't need to go for the full diagnostic procedure if I can't afford it because "nope, this is all you need." I still feel like a phony though. That piece of paper is sooo expensive though :(
Thank you so very much for your videos. My boyfriend is 44, and I, also a special education teacher, have long suspected ASD. At some point, when he’s ready, I will show him your videos.
@@marysueper140 My original message was a year ago… so by now I have told him outright. Honestly, I came from a position of complete empathy. There were a few of Paul’s videos about communication, rejection and masking that I showed my bf. “This guy sounds like he understands you…” and that was a good opening.
Your story resonates with me so well it's eerie. I've always felt like I was different, but I just didn't know how to express it verbally. I've known what ASD is since I was a teen, but I never thought I had it because I don't have a lot of the stereotypical traits associated with it, but after hearing your story I'm really starting to re-evaluate whether or not I might be on the spectrum.
After being diagnosed with ADHD, my teenaged son was required to do testing for Tourette's Syndrome by a neurologist who was going to be prescribing medication, and who was SURE my son had Tourette's. Everything I knew about Tourette's (mostly from reading Oliver Sacks books) made me think this was ridiculous. But we did it. At the testing I asked the clinicians doing it what the criteria were for Tourette's and was astounded by how very "basic" the threshold was. Not only was my son diagnosed with Tourette's, but it became clear as day to me that my dad had ALWAYS had it in a much more obvious way. Not as obvious as the people Oliver Sacks described, but enough for it to be crystal clear in hindsight. Tourette's was not something very known and certainly rarely diagnosed when my dad was young. This gave me a lot of clarity in understanding my family's history.
I've known since I was 15ish, but thought noone else could understand. Ive spent the next 30 years masking and trying to be normal, and this resulted in denying all emotions. Recent events have rocked my world and I've been forced to look inside for peace. I felt there was no way out... but thanks to your vids (and others), I've got a better understanding of myself and a path forward. I haven't cried so much ever... but it feels good. Thank you very much.
I've come across aspergers on multiple occasions. First time considering myself being affected, as a teenager. I saw a person with difficult aspergers on TV. He was struggling but had a sort of assisted job. I witnessed with literal horror some of the minor - yet very accurate similarities of his and my behavior. I always thought however, that aspergers was quite unspecific. I've kept with me these extremely powerful tendencies way up to my adulthood. Your videos resonate with me a lot. The reloading and unloading phases of energy have come all too familiar to me. Although there are many differences between each aspie. Thank you, I hope you don't shine away from the subject.
I liked your honesty (an Aspie's basic); all those troubles we deal with. Friends are a weak point with me, and maybe offensive to some, but I do not care about others at all. I did the university thing too, but when I hit the real world, I fell apart. University is great for Aspies, it's all so organised, then real life is another trip.
My son just got diagnosed with autism. I still dont know what to feel, but seeing how you talk and express gives me hope of what his future might be. Keep on going with your videos. I lear a lot from them.
Being diagnosed at 37 was exactly that, an huge relief and liberation. I had carried the weight of feeling alien and always a bit 'wrong', which often would turn into guilt and depression since I could never get why I kept failing at fitting in. I often thought I must have been stupid, lazy or bad, even though I was always trying so hard because the absence of logical explanation was hard to live with. Also there is a common message that 'abnormal' or 'weird' means 'bad' so it's easy to reach that conclusion about your own self. The diagnosis explained my entire life and was like a proof that I wasn't defective, just different. The joy also comes with some grief since I feel I lost many years- and most of my youth- struggling without any clue. It would have saved so much useless loss of energy and mistakes if I'd known earlier. BTW, I just have to say your profile pic is awesome! :D
..my hubby used to tell me all the time "You are Weird."..then the very next thing he would say is "Weird is Good"...he was not an aspie but he was a Brilliant Engineer...& pretty anti social..only liking 'weird' people. Even though he seemed pretty normal himself, he avoided other Norms like the plague. Maybe..he was a Master at the Mask? idk. He didn't talk much about his own inner feelings...but could discuss to great lengths on Any other subject. He was pretty busted up by the time i met him the second time, first met very briefly in high school, but, i was "not his type" then..lol..That changed when we met again, him being all busted up now from a bad hit & run car crash...so...his severe physical limitations didn't help with social interaction..only people like me bothered to take the time necessary to talk to him...i come from the Misfit category, those who Never Wanted to 'fit in'....Normies made it all about "us & them" & that was Fine with me.
I just recently discovered your videos. I was also diagnosed in my 30’s. Once I found it out it was like an ah ha moment. All of the reasons I felt so different made since. In some since it made things harder though because I am actively aware of my aspergers behavior and try to mask them and it’s exhausting. Btw, in this video the thing you said about flipping over toy cars and playing with the wheel.. I totally did that as a kid.
Your example at 4:30 is worryingly familiar to me 😂, oh boy do I remember crashing cars together, into walls and such. I've been binge watching your videos and they're amazing. I'm going through a bit at the moment, and trying to learn more about myself, trying to work out if I have more than social anxiety. I'm going to be in the process of official diagnoses towards the end of the year and I'm at the point of "I don't care what I have, I just want to learn how to cope with being me and what I can do to improve myself and my life". Thank you for your hard work 💙
I am just coming to realization that I am on the spectrum and it came from a tik tok talking about how if you have been masking your whole life and have bpd that bpd might actually be autism and just the way she explained it was like hearing a pin drop and then i took a 3 self tests which i have never even thought of doing in my life before and score extremely high on all which then led me to your videos and I am watching this for the first time right now so filled with all these crazy emotions about how i am relating so deep with your experiences like for example the stuff with the matchbox cars? it was hot wheels for me but i did the EXACT same thing you did because i was interested in the way the physics worked and I had a truck carrier that could carry like 6 csrs at a a time and i had a bin full of other normal cars and would create this giant intersection traffic accident and my jaw literally dropped when you said holding down the spoiler on it to make get the right angle, i literally did that ALL the time
4:20 I played lots with them either and had them mostly lined up in particular order (from new to old, recalling when and how they'd entered the fleet ,or even sub-categorised further). and things was always, that I handled them with care, as replacement had not been available in case of loss or destruction.
Hi, I have just secured funding from the NHS for a private ASD assessment. I’m 52yrs old and have burnside butler syndrome (chromosome deletion). This condition yields a 23% probability of ASD. My daughter has the same condition (inherited), as well as ASD and other conditions. The fact she has ASD apparently increases the probability within myself. I like numbers (maths teacher), and can become obsessed with some facets of life or hobbies. I am definitely an over sharer, can not handle stressful situations, don’t crave or really value friendships, have multiple failed relationships, struggle to stay in the same job for any period of time, crave clarity/clear precise instruction and can not cope with ambiguity.
I’ve been working my way gradually through your videos chronologically over the past few months after stumbling across your channel I discovered about 6 months ago (age 29) that I’m autistic, and so far you’re the only youtuber I have really related to....RIGHT DOWN TO THE MATCHBOX CARS! Except I’m female, so no one cared how I played with cars anyway...and actually my favorite was a sparkly pink car that was much too precious to participate in my head on collision tournaments 😂 But mostly I relate to that experience of hearing autistic traits from other people and going “nope, that’s not me” until after hearing from other autistic people and understanding what is behind those traits I realised that I tick so many boxes. Thanks so much for articulating all this stuff so well :)
I had to pause at the matchbox car part because that is exactly how I played with my matchbox cars and I assumed that was what everyone does. I have my appointment for August to get evaluated for ASD at age 35. Highly confident I am gonna ace that one but watching videos like these now and holy crap I don't feel "not normal".
I used to play with Hot Wheels cars that way too. The most important cars in the Hot Wheels universe were the ones that never got flipped over. I had (and still have) zero interest in real cars but I love Hot Wheels.
Wow nice video, Paul! I can relate to this really well. So I'm a teenager and I think I am an Aspie. I have not gotten an official diagnosis yet but I really want to get it. I have trouble with non verbal gestures and I have some good friends, but most of them are acquaintances. So I'm also socially awkward and I'm also more of an introvert. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, but it's not official yet. Thanks for understanding us Aspies and nice story. Can't wait for part two! PS I'm gonna start reading your blog; it looks interesting:) ~A.Kinz
You were such a great boy :) I like when you created all the paper sizes . I am a woman with structural engineering degree and I am sure I am on the spectrum. My 2,5 year twin boys are probably aspies too. Spinning everything and themselves very often...
You are absolutely amazing . Thank you so much for all your help to understanding Asperger ‘s .. which is I needed right now .. I keep watching all your videos best I can and I’m sure it will make life and my relationship easier now to understanding the person (Aspies bf) better now .
I cannot believe the story you told about what you did with the Matchbox cars. I did the SAME EXACT THING. I grouped them up by color and had a big demolition derby. Each color had a turn in order trying to flip the other cars. The survivors were the winners. Wow.
I really want to thangk you for doing what you doing because my grandson has autism an by you doing thiis you helping me alot to understand him more and more thankyou.god luck God be with you!!!
I really like your channel and your personality. Very happy RUclips recommended your videos. My son might be autistic, he's quite an enigma to me. I try to learn as much as possible.
Thankyou for sharing your story,its very helpful. We are all unique and this can make diagnosis so difficult but it's also what makes life so diverse and fascinating. I'm pleased uve eventually got answers and this will be helpful to so many.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 69, that's just over three years ago. I always knew I was different but never knew why until I read an article in a magazine in my doctor's office describting a couple who both had Aspergers but didn't know it until they had a child who was also diagnosed with Aspergers. I read the article because I couldn't believe they couldn't know. But reading the article and discovering the symptoms of Aspergers, I suddenly realized the article was also describing me. Then I knew. I later got a referal to a therapist and had it confirmed. That alone was a big life changer. Now I know why I am the way I am and can deal with it now. I'm not crazy, I'm just different and that's OK.
It was interesting to hear someone else's story regarding diagnosis - I was recently diagnosed at the age of 56 although my wife first suspected that I was on the spectrum over ten years ago. Looking back at my life it now seems obvious that I was different from the peple around me, my narrow interests, my intense focus on both people and things, my inability to get on in social situations, etc. but higher functioning autism wasn't something that was recognised 30+ years ago, so I just had to get with life as best I could. It's only recently that I've become tired of acting as though I was just like everyone else and having to hide my anxieties and tone down my reactions to change, that's why I decided to get a diagnosis and 'come out' as having autism. It's been a liberating experience because now my colleagues, relatives and friends understand why I am sometimes stressed or anxious and will support me rather than thinking that maybe I am overreacting.
Just listening to the bit about the dreadlocks :) For me it was a mohawk and the punk scene. Relating to that. Everything changed over night. From no friends to zillions.... bizarre... Got my Aspbergers diagnosis at age 50 ... The ADHD one came earlier at age 45
You were probably born with both.. like me.. most diagnosed with one or the other generally was the other or both. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8.. and didn't realize I was Autistic until last month! I am now 46 years old. I just always thought I was a bit smarter than the average chap (IQ 135) and my ADHD masked my Autism very well.. most people who don't realize they're Autistic.. probably had ADHD which overlaps and masks it so well.
My son would rotate everything and crash things. They were always in the air. Battles. Then little rituals, routines etc. Perfectionistic, repetitive tasks.
I think I'm just a burn out who finds your life experience delightful and informative...❤ from a former homeless guy ... update report ...things are good and I am safe @Esteban B
I think I'm in a similar, but more "female" position- I thought for the longest time that autism would fit me, only I had too much empathy and I could be charismatic in the kinda-short term. Turns out, the "autistics don't feel empathy" thing is BS, and girls are typically good at coming across as charismatic or at least "normal" due to our masking and mirroring skills.
Yes! Girls are a bit different. I have 2 brothers diagnosed with it, and 2 daughters diagnosed as well. The girls have a hard time making friends but they desire friends to an extent and are super caring. (One overly so)
It varies from person-to-person. But, Autistic people generally find it more difficult on average to empathise than "neurotypicals". They are also generally not so good with abstract thought, but it isn't black and white, every autistic individual is different. They don't necessarily exhibit or possess all autistic traits. I think it's stronger in men but I'm not sure.
I don't think it's any particular 'skillset' that women have that allows them to appear normal - I think that it's the extra leeway society gives them. Men are expected to be put together and orderly - women are allowed to be 'manic pixie dreamgirls' and not only be seen as normal, but extra appealing.
Wow, this was EYE-OPENING!! I have a 32 year old nephew with undiagnosed Aspergers. Although two Therapists recommended he get tested for it, he will not, because he feels that there is no way he has it, which we have discovered is not unusual with Aspie's. Anyway, a couple of years ago, he started dressing in odd ways(it would take me too long to describe how odd, lol) but your description of how your dreadlocks opened up a world of social interactions that you had not experienced before, MADE PERFECT SENSE!! Once my nephew started his strange way of dressing, he started hanging put with all kinds of friends!!!! It truly makes us understand why he does this, now that you have explained it this way!!!! THANK YOU!!! I just subscribed to your channel, and I look forward to binge watching all of your videos!! We are pretty sure his Dad is an Aspie as well, so all the info we can gather, the better!!! Not using any of this to say that they absolutely have Aspergers(they do,lol) but trying to gather info on how to deal with it. The 4 videos I have watched of yours thusfar have been INCREDIBLY informative, and I want to say again, THANK YOU!!!
Interesting that a hairstyle made a radical difference for you too. When i started growing my hair out (when first getting in to metal music) i also seemed to gain a strange new charismatic quality, as if the hair firmly grounded me in a subculture and i thus had a "personality". I still wear my hair long by the way, but i'm thinking about donating it
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I'm new here and decided to do some research because I have a love interest who has Aspergers. I want to be able to understand what it is and how I can effectively give them what they need in a relationship setting.
I'm 38. I'm a successful engineer and project manager. I'm just now learning that I'm on the spectrum. I'm fascinated in trends, numbers, analyzing details, finding errors, etc.. and I also assumed that was just because all of us engineers are. I've become very good at certain aspects of this work, however there have been some recent issues with flipping out when things don't go as planned, my schedule gets turned on its head, etc. Noises bother me which is strange because I've been playing guitar in bands for years. My wife told me years ago that I had Aspergers; she is an occupational therapist and works with kids. I laughed it off and said "What is Asperger's?! An item on the Hooters menu?!" When I am done with my work day my family suffers because I just want to go somewhere quiet and build something or find something neat and old to restore. My special interests are designing and building things, troubleshooting things that are not working, writing and playing music. This is me, I guess I'm an Aspie. This is extremely liberating as everything that I'm learning is exactly what I have been dealing with for the last for years. Great videos, I'll keep watching is I'm just now starting my own journey.
I couldn’t believe it! I thought I was just a musician and artist who could spend all day doing one kind of task but couldn’t listen to music while doing any kind of work that took concentration.
I was a weird kid and labeled highly strung and clumsy child syndrome, it was the 60s and 70s, I was in and out of the mental health system, I was ok in primary school as i had a couple of good mates and we played games like acting out kids stories. I played with dolls in a mini town and other kids had no idea that these dolls were real people and had to go by a real time system and everything. I hated being a teenager as i was into history, cats and old things and didnt like fashion and pop, when i went Goth in my early 20s it was because i still had no boy friend and thought if I do not get cool i will never have one, going Goth for few years meant I experienced so called normal young people stuff and i was working, got married and really wanted kids but i was also infertile, when treatment failed so did the marriage and i had a total breakdown I discovered i was dyspraxic, dyslexic , and had Asperger sysndrome and i was 36 at diagnosis. I have very bad mental health stuff going on and sadly no longer can work and am a bit of a hermit by choice with my cats and just fellow spectrumite soul mate. I never was into technology, engineering or maths being more a history and philosophy nerd and cat obsessive, in fact I am innumerate and people always think if you on the spectrum you are good at maths. Anyway it runs in my family but in the past we just thought we were a bunch of eccentrics and bat shit crazy, and thats ok.
I posted on your other video telling you I have only ever been diagnosed with ADD, as well as my husband and son, and my sister thinks I might have aspergers and or Sensory Processing disorder. My family is full of engineers, including my brother, my dad, my great uncle, and my papa (who builds funny car engines, and I've been told he is famous), and a cousin. I've been pushing my son into engineering because that is what our family seems to be good at. We are ALL awkward, quiet, and clever (some of us at jokes and insults), and can be offensive, and some of us funny, and all of us very artistic (in one or more of: music, arts, and dance, and sports).
Omg I played with cars like that too. I called it criss-cross-crash. The more I watch your videos the more certain I am that I am on the spectrum. Thank you
Thank you so much. I actually used to do the exact same things with my small cars.. I would flip them upside down and be interesting in the mechanics of how it works. That all of these cars operated the same mechanically, I saw no difference between any of the vehicles, they were all equal a car. When you accept what is presented, you are accepting equality. I smashed my cars together too. To see the physics, introduce chaos. See how things compare to each other in a way that others are not willing to think of as they are too willing to accept what is given.
I believe so much of what makes us different - is an asset I believe that relying on clinics to inform us we are defective by comparison - to neurotypicsls is perhaps the worst kind of racism . I feel the physical things we suffer is correlated to the abuse we endure from the social environment . 🙋🏻♀️🍥
Hi Paul, your description of your Aspie in law later in this video exactly fits my best friends husband except swap Academic for highly technical, My best friend and her husband who is a dry alcoholic have many relationship issues and they don't hold them in when we socialize.I have always just accepted he has a different way but find his anger hard to be around. After being accused of excluding her husband from the evenings conversation and highly offending him (because I turned the loud Rock music he had put on down a bit at our house), at an evening he didn't want to attend , and one they obviously had been falling out before coming to, I finally said you know I find it difficult to have a conversation with you because you have a tendency to keep talking without being aware if anyone is interested , and only talk about your own interests and don't seem to listen. Boy do I regret that! I tried to help my best friend by sending some information re Aspergers to her and just said she might find it interesting or possibly helpful as she tells me all about her marriage difficulties. I thought if maybe she could understand him better it would help them or at least her. Now they both are really pissed at me and sending me nasty e-mails saying I am causing a rift in their marriage which is really upsetting, when I was truly trying to help, and the rift has been there since I have known them both as a couple.
I’ve suspected I have aspergers for the past 1 1/2 years now and I’m just now in a position to receive a diagnosis. As a kid I was always introverted and didn’t have too many friends. To give you a sense of young me, I was friends with this one girl and we’d both collect acorns and organize them by color during recess which resulted in hundreds and hundreds of acorns in their own separate piles organized from lightest to darkest. We made a currency out of the acorns based on size and color (the largest and darkest being most valuable) and would trade with each other. Anyways I digress. As I got older I realized that making friends was becoming harder and harder for me as I didn’t enjoy talking to anyone. They’d all talk about gossip and sports and I wasn’t interested in those. I had 3 friends in middle school and I began to feel ostracized from the rest of my peers. I started googling how to make friends and talk to people, so wikihow taught me about mirroring and the 4:1 rule with eye contact (4 second eye contact, 1 second look away). It didn’t help very much as I never was interested in conversation with others and I became heavily depressed. I somehow managed to get my parents to switch schools (I went to a private school and wanted to go to a public school which my parents were vehemently against at first, but after 6 months of bringing it up daily I broke them I guess), and I started high school with a fresh slate. I nearly passed out in the halls for the first week and would escape to the bathrooms since all of the people overwhelmed me a lot (I went from a school of 200 to a school of 1400) and I slowly made friends with kids in the math and music department. Cut to my sophomore year when I realized that the friends who I had I wasn’t really friends with, if that makes sense. I didn’t have any deep connections with anyone and when I was younger I thought that was fine but as I got older I started wanting deeper connections with people but didn’t know how to do it. I would ask people about their lives, but I wouldn’t really care for what they were saying and I told my mom about it in a passing conversation (I tend to ramble about my school day) and she stopped me and say that that wasn’t normal. I started googling why I was unable to form deep relationships and I came across an article about the difficulties of living with aspergers. I’d never heard about aspergers up until this point so I started researching it. Just about every symptom clicked with me and I took the Ritvo autism test and scored well in the range of ‘likely autistic’. I told my mom about it and she didn’t seem to care much but I still was struggling to form deep connections with people. During the summer between my sophomore and junior year, I didn’t text anyone from my school because I didn’t see the point and when the school year started up, I treated everyone the same as I had 3 months earlier. All of my friends were offended that I hadn’t tried to talk to them and if they’d texted me, I didn’t reply with much. I was completely blindsided by this because I didn’t see why it was an issue at first, and I started falling into a depression. I started noticing that people called my way of talking blunt and abrasive and it just made matters worse since I never thought of myself as that. For instance, I was offered a pen to take notes with and I said “no, I hate pens” and continued writing and everyone at my table made a a comment about how passive aggressive that was even though I thought it was a normal response. This just made my depression worse and since my parents didn’t help me the first time, I figured they wouldn’t now so I internalized it. I began self harming and I lost the motivation to do some of my school work and after 2 months of that, I began looking for a way to get to therapy. I knew I couldn’t live like this and that a therapist would do me good and just about everything online told me to go through my school. I opened up to my favorite teacher about what I’ve been feeling and doing and I’m going to see a therapist next Tuesday.
Thank you for sharing your story. Reading other people’s experiences helps me better understand my brother’s experience of life. He’s undiagnosed, and over 60.
O dear, it's so hard to read about those kind of difficult experiences. I think things will seem better after school, it's a tough crowd, after that things will seem easier, or at least it was that way for me. I still haven't caught on too much about making friends but I have people that I'm close with and I am quite busy with a family now. You sound like a very interesting person. There are better people who will appreciate u. I think u should try to give people a chance to see something they like in you. I was trying so hard to seem normal that I was covering up the real me and it wasn't doing me any favours. I really hope things are going better for you. If you're wanting to hurt yourself, I know it's hard, but try to remember that things will get better even if it doesn't seem like it right then.
I can so much relate to this! Also got my diagnosis at 31 yo. At age 16 I too went for a different approach concerning my hair (mohawk) and experienced the same in the way of making contact and friends!
@JessikaEmerald 3-4 real friends that will actually help you is alot, average person won't have time for more friends anyways. Nowadays some call "friends" only acquaintainces and that is not fair assesment. Well why you don't have any friends?
Yup. Or if you don’t have a job and can play all the time. These are child minds in adult bodies. They idealize life and it’s totally off base. But hey, if we got some mental Illinois, then it’s not our fault. But then it’s also a way to give up trying and this is as good as it gets. Screw that. ‘I fed it in a book’. Check for low intelligence too. This guy never says directly he was diagnosed by a specialist. He ‘found out’. That means he self diagnosed and is a liar.
Hi Paul, thanks for the video. The correlation between the shared traits of a typical 'engineer' and signs of autism is very interesting. I come from a line of engineer's on my fathers side. I never knew my grandfather who was the dean of engineering at a local Uni; my understanding is that he was a brilliant man, but incredibly difficult to get along with, putting his family last.. My father is also a brilliant engineer; unfortunately, he also has trouble empathising and socialising in large groups. So much so, I believe that it led him to start his own company and go it alone, rather than work, or depend on others when the old organisation he worked got gobbled up. I know he didn't speak until he was four or five (another classic sign of ASD), with the doctor at the time explaining that his mind was working too fast for his body / mouth. When I was a child I had special 1-1 support for a brief period in the earlier years, alot of things just didn't make sense to me, and I was lagging behind the rest of the class. I don't know what happened, but at one point everything just seemed to click into place like a switch had been thrown. I have also become an engineer and have a four year old son who is absolutely amazing. Unfortunately, since he has started pre-school his teachers have raised a number of concerns regarding his development, and social behaviour - only interested in trains (he'll happily stay at Spencer St station all day identifying different trains & destinations), won't look people in the eyes (actively avoids this), has a tendency to ignore others / simple instructions, limited diet, repetative behaviors etc. After applying for help through NDIS late 2018 we finally got confirmation this week that we will get some assistance through the Early Childhood Early Intervention (ECEI) program on the basis that he has a learning delay. We are still to meet with his ECEI coordinator and work out what kind of supports we can get. We have already taken him to see a paed who has suggested he could be on the spectrum, but would likely be on the 'higher end' given he can speak in complex sentances and is really bright when it comes to his interests. I've been looking into getting an assessment done, but have found it a bit of a nightmare of a process. Depending on the testing methodology (CARS, ADOS, wisclear 7??), psychologist / clinical service etc. the fee can range from $500 to $3,000+ with a high care specialist autism clinic. Thanks again for your insights - it really makes me wonder, how many other's are out there undiagnosed...
>> I've been looking into getting an assessment done, but have found it a bit of a nightmare of a process. Just download and use the same diagnostic questionnaire which clinical psychologists use (produced by Simon Sacha-Cohen, from Cambridge).
@@DinarAndFriends Hi Dinar & Friends, thanks for the advice. We got a copy of the CARS questionnaire for parents which seemed tailor made for him (right down to the trains, and obsession with number plates - he hates 'em they never make it on any of his lego cars). I think I found an online version of the Simon Baron-Cohen Cambridge one you were referring to online www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/ . For us, we need the results of the assessment to gain access to tailored support from the NDIS (currently they have accepted that he has a developmental delay under the ECEI program). So we'll have to bite the bullet and pick a psych.. Thanks again =D
I suspect many late-diagnosed Aspies go through a chicken-and-egg conundrum, wondering which came first: Undersocialization or isolation? Each can lead to the other, and over the long term both tend to mimic many other aspects of the Asperger spectrum.
I can relate to the hair thing. I changed my hair in high school to look emo because that was a fad at the time, and I even started listening to heavy metal and started smoking, and eventually I became kinda popular, but deep down I knew that the person I presented myself as was just a character, and there's a huge difference between liking an actor and liking a movie character, so it made me feel existential and I decided to drop the act and be myself once again, and most of my friends left, only 3 of them stuck with me, and it's been 6 years now since I finished high school, and til this day, those 3 friends are still by my side
Very similar experience here. I didn't know what autism was until I was about 17, and the way I had it described to me was how VERY autistic people are, which didn't fit me whatsoever, so I thought nothing of it. Then I had a girlfriend at age 25 tell me she thought I was autistic, which again didn't make sense to me because the descriptions online didn't really fit. I always understood non-verbal communication pretty well, and I didn't have obvious stimming behaviors like hand flapping, nor was eye contact really that big of a deal for me. I kept having problems in my life though, and then when I dug a bit deeper around age 27, things started clicking a bit, and I bought The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood. Reading that book was like reading a book written specifically about me. It was eerie! But SO relieving also. FINALLY I understood why I had felt like an alien my entire life. For a long time I thought I was just intellectually gifted and weird, but that book answered pretty much all my questions and helped me understand why I had had different problems in my life. It's a bit odd because I am definitely on the spectrum, but I've become so good at hiding it that nobody really suspects a thing unless they get really close to me. I have spent a TON of time learning the social and emotional intelligence, getting better at communication, learning not to offend people, understanding how NTs think, etc. I am still an aspie though. When I take the Autism Quotient test, I score between 36 and 40 depending on how I answer the questions, and 32 is high enough to suggest the person is probably on the spectrum. I think it's really great you're making these videos. Super helpful for those who are on the spectrum but don't know it or who are just starting their journey into understanding this whole thing.
I did the same thing with cars my car's to be precise and my other toys instead of just playing with toys that fight each other I would think of how would strategically these toys the good toys would fight the bad toys and how strategically the good guys would win. And even my mother and father's friends would say when they talk to me it was like talking to an adult because I would talk about the news and I would usually talk about subjects that were very specific and about plants insects and plants with pinpoint accuracy on information most people would not know unless they're a ravenous Gardner. I feel like I am understanding my self more by watching you videos
Asperger people tend to have eccentric tastes, no? So I want to tell you my tastes, specifically about the music: Neurotypical people used to listen to musical genres, such us: Pop, Rock, New Age, Reggaeton (in my country), Rap, Trap, Electronic music, and so on. But some years ago, I used to listen to a genre that is kind of "different", its name is "Epic Music", and most of the times it is music for movies, TV shows, videogames; in other words: "SOUNDTRACKS". And my friends say I am crazy, and my genre it's a completely trash to listen to and that hirts me a lot. And my telephone I have playlist carefully selected, their names are: -Short Scores (Epic Music). -Piano Songs (Modern Piano). -English Songs (Because I'm learning English, and I am a native Spanish speaker). And those playlists in my telephone exist with the same songs that I have in my playlists of my RUclips account.
10-05-2021 | Time: 10:28 PM Hey Yo, here I am after 1 year. Things are getting interesting, I'm learning Japanese and I'm going very far away; I hope I can make it to the top.
4:19 this. I used to play with thomas the tank engine tracks and stuff and i remember always being more interested with the elevated tracks and how the train would go faster if they were at the top of them, and i also remember being interested with how the switching between tracks worked. Only recently found out that i'm most likely autistic.
6:23 I have the exact same experience. "The idea of what autism was didn't seem to got me" that's one of the reasons why sharing our stories are important: awareness
8:16 man I wish you would dive deeper on the topic of compensating your weaknesses like that in the future by masking your character. That's something that I found highly interesting about you when I first got to know about your channel and I sometimes think of that concept and give you the credit for my results.
Aerosexual? "Boeoeoeoeoeing" It was your videos that finally made it all click, specifically the autism vs ADHD video. I started binging Austism and Aspergers videos, and thought back at my life in a way I'd never done before, and so much just made sense all of a sudden.
The thing is, there are people who have the characteristics of an autistic person. a "real" autist, or let's say, a full autistic, is still something completely different. my niece also has autistic features, you do not notice it. she is beautiful, everyone wants to be friends with her, she is very intelligent and can communicate very well. however, she describes much exactly as you do. it takes a lot of energy to do something with friends and to have conversations. there are days, it is not so bad and days when it is very bad. On the whole, however, she often has to retire and be on her own, to recharge herself. I have the same problem, but I did not get tested or something. It also costs me a lot of strength to talk to people and often prefer to go out of the way of people. I need a lot of rest to recharge myself, to have the strength to go out. When I'm interested in something, it's often like an obsession. I sometimes deal with a topic or my interests for days. I make music and often I work two days without sleeping on a piece of music. What I mean by that, I think there are certainly many more people with autistic features without them knowing it.
I WISH I knew earlier, I definitely would've went to engineering. Currently in a PhD and had a "research identity crisis" shifting from biology to biochemistry with hints of engineering.
I only really enjoyed playing with toy cars on those little town play mats (in the 80's the town was more flat and much bigger lol). But I used to imagine I was in the car, and I had to follow all of the rules of the road (but I still drove like the Dukes of Hazzard, drifting everywhere). I didn't much enjoy it when other kids tried to join me because they could never follow my rules.
Would you like to share your diagnosis story too?
I'm compiling stories for a special project at the end of the month.
To be involved simply message me or reply to this comment and I'll give you more info! :)
Hello, I would be interested to help with this. I am 37 and was diagnosed only in March 2017.
Awesome. Can you email me at aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com?
You can write however you like, but can also give you more guidance and structure if that would help :)
Aspergers from the Inside Thank you for sharing. I learned that i am autistic at 32. After a nervous breakdown in 2016. It is not easy to get a proper diagnosis as an adult in the U.S. there is no question about it for me but I am on a waiting list for adult autism assessment hopefully later this summer. Learning I was autistic was shocking to me because I worked with children on the spectrum during my 20's. No one had ever explained to me the individual aspects of autism, it was all based on behavior modification. ABA has its good and bad. Amathyst from ask an autistic is who educated me for the first time. My doctor agreed with me immediately. I'm so happy I know now, but I have exhausted myself trying to get a proper diagnosis. I have been treated for severe OCD but that is really only meds instead of problem solving skills. My life is on hold right now and I'm just trying to recover my mental and physical health. If only proper diagnostics and support were readily available for adults as it is for children. I gave the peak years of my life to supporting kids and teens on the spectrum and now that I'm in my 30s and can no longer keep up, I feel not only like a failure but that I am also being failed by lack of understanding and services geared towards adults.
Wow do I get your pathway to discovery friend.
+RedRock Asrama - I'd love to include your story - please email me at aspergersfromtheinside@gmail.com
To be totally honest, you seem like a very nice guy who's very articulate, direct and sometimes very funny. I guess I'd have to meet you in some setting like a diner or a pub or a coffee shop and have conversations over a period of time. I don't like judging people, even though we do it all the time and often unconsciously. I've been institutionalized on a number of occasions in my life, and this was due to a variety of afflictions. It's been a long time since my last incarceration in a mental health facility, so I feel fortunate. I always felt like an alien when I was a kid and that didn't really go away once I became an adult. There was always a sense of severe separateness that I've never been able to explain. I live with that feeling better now, but it took a long time. I truly appreciate in a very big way people like yourself speaking out. That affirms you, being here. I'm listening to you. I'm seeing you speak. You are real to me, and in listening, I become real to myself, if that makes any sense to you. I applaud you. Thankyou!
Yesss same here!! People like this make such a humongous difference to others on the spectrum, I hope he knows how much his work is helping people (including myself) :)
Yes that makes sense to me. I am replying as if you may see this, but you wrote these things 4 years ago…I’m trying to get a diagnosis so I’m hoping watching this will help in some way.
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I have just been given a provisional diagnosis of autism. I am 59, and female. I have been taken to doctors since age 4, to find out what was “wrong” with me. I have no clue what I was diagnosed with as a child. Even as a child, I never felt like I belonged anywhere, not even in my own family. In my 30s, I was diagnosed with no less than 10 different psychiatric disorders ranging from dysthymia to schizophrenia (and everything in between). I was tried on 23 different meds, hospitalized numerous times, given loads of different types of therapy, finally given ECT. Guess what? Nothing worked! Doctors gave up and said they really didn’t know what else to do.... big surprise!. My adult daughter told me one day last year that she thought I probably had Aspergers, as I was very similar to people she knew on the spectrum. I was stunned! I am embarrassed to admit how ignorant I was about autism. Surely she was joking! For one, I am female, middle aged, above average intelligence, very articulate, and have worked since I was 15, including being a surgical technician in the Army. I was absolutely shocked when I began researching ASD, to find that I had problems in every area described in the DSM5. These were traits I had had since I could remember, that I never understood, but caused me to be tormented all through school. The psychologist I saw specialized in neuro psychology. At the end of my first meeting, she told me that in her opinion, I was Obviously on the spectrum, and had been misdiagnosed my whole life. I must say that I felt very relieved that all my quirks and difficulties had a reason. At the same time, I was incredibly sad when I thought about how much different my life could have been, even if I had been properly diagnosed even in my 30s. I really hope that others are properly diagnosed much earlier than I was, and don’t have to think of the majority of their life having been wasted.
same here, in general I have always been the observer , while the others have been the participants in life. I have observed the others finding work, family, married, established friendships, while I have been watching tried to find the "code" or trying have a sense meaning behind it all, not just theoretical understanding. I got diagnosed AS a few years ago and surprisingly I also got an Engineering exam, social life is "taxing" for me, and being alone is building me up.
i relate to the latter part of your writing, especially how much different maybe better life could have been,if only i didnt mask so well.
What a caring and brave daughter you have to hold your hand and help you understand and be there for you
I was diagnosed in my mid-thirties. My psychiatrist, who I was seeing for depression, didn’t take long to figure it out, to his credit. 75% of people on the spectrum have depression, as I have read since. Finally I had an answer because I always knew something was off. Yet, I still can’t be myself around other people. I try to fit in and learned the strategies to do that from childhood. I “mask” around everyone but my girlfriend. If we’re out at a restaurant, she sees me acting all normal when the waiter comes over and then I go back to being me when he goes away. I start stimming but in subtle ways that I have learned over the years to be socially acceptable. She thinks I should just be myself, but after a lifetime of hiding it, I can’t. It seems dangerous to me.
I wasn't struggling like you in elementary, but your middle school stuff, can't make friends...and the dreadlocks...it's all me. I'm 33, attending cbt for depression, but I keep telling my therapist that I felt like this all my life, I'm just very tired now of keeping the smile on...
I went to get a diagnosis after being laid off from a job. My mother said out of the blue, about 10 years ago, doctors said "you might be autistic". Apparently, after getting my official diagnosis, my mother said they wanted to institutionalize me and she said "he doesn't need round the clock care". This was in the 70s when Asperger's Syndrome was not recognized.
I went to a local government job center, told the woman at the counter that I was laid off and said I might have a difficult time getting a job. I told her I might be Autistic. She gave me a number of a higher up in her line of work, and within a week I was sent to see another government person. Less than a week, I met with this person who sent me for testing at their expense. Met with the psychologist and talked about my life and telling her my mother said about 10 years ago I might be autistic. My testing was arranged for the following week. Did the tests and in 3 weeks I was called back to get the results. The psychologist went over her results which was a 9 page document
Being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, made me concentrate on things I can do and not things I can't control.
You are very lucky someone helped you like that, I wish someone will help me. I had to beg my gp for a referral and even then I'm being refereed for depression again, when I eventually have my appointment (3 months) no doubt I'll have to fight and argue to see a specialist and god knows how long that will take. I think as a woman no one takes your seriously. I am terrified to tell people, as I told one and they said oh no you don't, your just this or that, you need to do this or that. And I get so angry when people don't believe what I'm saying coz in my mind I wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't true!
@@juliemccann1549 hope it went ok for you Julie (and hope you're ok now)
@@heathwilder Thanks Heath so nice of you
The last sentence is very important, even for the neurotypicals.
"God ,give me strength to change what I can change, to accept what I can not change and the wisdom to discern between the two."
It's been hard, it could be the difficulty of the labor market. Turned 18 just as Affirmative Action hit, well one year after. The boomer generation had already saturated that market. Wages were low. Then women entered that same market. Now just finding a low paying job became next to impossible. It's been a lifelong struggle, but then it could just be me. Started fixing houses and renting them, for some reason they need to be very very nice. One took two years of everyday labor, it came out nice. My wife went off with a better, she took my life's work. This was 8 yrs ago. I amount to just a dad now, he lives here but is 20. Him & his girl will go on their own soon. This big historic house will have just me as it's caretaker. I've found a new wife very hard to even know how to look for. Dreads, maybe could have them wanting me. I'm like you except no beard & blonde. I also love heating with wood. People think it's wierd, they just don't know. It's not bad with an EPA approved woodstove. I think I'm more severe than you, maybe.
Thank you, Paul! I'm 59 yo now and don't have a diagnosis yet, but since a 5-6 years it's grown more and more that I'm on the asperger spectrum. You know the intro for Mr Bean; the light, and then he falls down from nowhere, gets up and stumbles away seemingly not aware where he is or what's going on? That's very much how I've been feeling for the biggest part of my life.
"I'm not Autistic I'm just an Engineer" - Me before watching this video ;_;
Nothing wrong with that. Good for you, bud.
This I find funny lol
Me: "He (my nephew) can't be autistic. Sure I did that as a kid. And that too... And that... Yes, and that too. No he's definitely not autistic. If I'm not he's not."
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Paul you have inspired me so much. I am an Aspie and I felt so alone and experienced everything you did. I am learning, getting counseling, going to groups and watching your videos. I play 8 instruments at an advanced level. I am obsessed with words and I read the entire dictionary at 13yo. I also endured brutal beatings at school and as an adult have been hurt so much. Is there a way to correspond privately via RUclips? I adore you and you inspire me.
When I was in school I knew I thought differently to everyone else.
I left believing I was eccentric, but I struggled to keep friends, didn't understand relationships and didn't seem to have the know how that others took for granted.
Autism runs in my family, but before I discovered it I thought we were cursed.
I thought I was being punished for something I had done in a previous life.
My memory for facts and figures is normal for me, but astounding to others.
I can't stand small talk, and it doesn't occur to me to start a conversation with others, but I am polite whenever others speak to me.
There was a time I'd often have thoughts a la: "Maybe I was Hitler in my previous Life...?"
I think you are my Australian doppelgänger. These videos are giving me so much insight into myself. Thank you so much for being vulnerable. You are making a huge positive difference in my journey in understanding myself.
I find this extremely interesting. I came on here to learn more about what Aspergers is, not for myself but for someone else. After hearing you it really hit home and seems to be the “key” to the mystery I wondered about myself all my life!
this is actually crazy because I relate to almost everything you’ve talked about in this video AND I’m 17 about to get dreadlocks in a couple months😂thank you for sharing!
You are a very articulate person, obviously intelligent and compassionate. I hope you continue to keep speaking and teaching people about autism. Keep up the good work.
I'm really glad that I found your channel, Paul. I've watched many of your videos and your way of describing and explaining your experiences is very helpful and interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Paul!! Good to meet you via You Tube. I totally relate with your situation. There was no word for this”thing” that I had an a kid. Both me and my late older brother had to deal with Asperger’s with no name for it, my mother was a saint trying to explain how to interact with other children and me, at the time I just didn’t “get it”. Had a tough time interacting with other kids frowning up and had always problems interacting with others an Work. I’m 60 and don’t work now. I have referred my sister-and-law and nephew to your site, hopefully, they will benefit from your site as well. I will watch many more of your videos.
The dreadlocks story is interesting. You never know what's behind a choice in appearance
I had to pause just to say thank you for being vulnerable. It was one of your videos that initially cracked my built-up defense against facing things... I'm finally pursuing a diagnosis and it may not have happened if I hadn't googled Asperger's and Emotional Intelligence.
On with the show...
Follow-up... Dx'ed yesterday. Actually, she said I don't need to go for the full diagnostic procedure if I can't afford it because "nope, this is all you need." I still feel like a phony though. That piece of paper is sooo expensive though :(
Thank you so very much for your videos. My boyfriend is 44, and I, also a special education teacher, have long suspected ASD. At some point, when he’s ready, I will show him your videos.
I’m curious how you will consider him ready. I have a family member who is the last in the family to suspect he’s on the spectrum.
@@marysueper140 My original message was a year ago… so by now I have told him outright. Honestly, I came from a position of complete empathy. There were a few of Paul’s videos about communication, rejection and masking that I showed my bf. “This guy sounds like he understands you…” and that was a good opening.
Your story resonates with me so well it's eerie. I've always felt like I was different, but I just didn't know how to express it verbally. I've known what ASD is since I was a teen, but I never thought I had it because I don't have a lot of the stereotypical traits associated with it, but after hearing your story I'm really starting to re-evaluate whether or not I might be on the spectrum.
After being diagnosed with ADHD, my teenaged son was required to do testing for Tourette's Syndrome by a neurologist who was going to be prescribing medication, and who was SURE my son had Tourette's. Everything I knew about Tourette's (mostly from reading Oliver Sacks books) made me think this was ridiculous. But we did it. At the testing I asked the clinicians doing it what the criteria were for Tourette's and was astounded by how very "basic" the threshold was. Not only was my son diagnosed with Tourette's, but it became clear as day to me that my dad had ALWAYS had it in a much more obvious way. Not as obvious as the people Oliver Sacks described, but enough for it to be crystal clear in hindsight. Tourette's was not something very known and certainly rarely diagnosed when my dad was young. This gave me a lot of clarity in understanding my family's history.
I've known since I was 15ish, but thought noone else could understand. Ive spent the next 30 years masking and trying to be normal, and this resulted in denying all emotions.
Recent events have rocked my world and I've been forced to look inside for peace.
I felt there was no way out... but thanks to your vids (and others), I've got a better understanding of myself and a path forward. I haven't cried so much ever... but it feels good.
Thank you very much.
I've come across aspergers on multiple occasions. First time considering myself being affected, as a teenager. I saw a person with difficult aspergers on TV. He was struggling but had a sort of assisted job. I witnessed with literal horror some of the minor - yet very accurate similarities of his and my behavior.
I always thought however, that aspergers was quite unspecific. I've kept with me these extremely powerful tendencies way up to my adulthood. Your videos resonate with me a lot. The reloading and unloading phases of energy have come all too familiar to me. Although there are many differences between each aspie. Thank you, I hope you don't shine away from the subject.
I liked your honesty (an Aspie's basic); all those troubles we deal with. Friends are a weak point with me, and maybe offensive to some, but I do not care about others at all. I did the university thing too, but when I hit the real world, I fell apart. University is great for Aspies, it's all so organised, then real life is another trip.
My son just got diagnosed with autism. I still dont know what to feel, but seeing how you talk and express gives me hope of what his future might be. Keep on going with your videos. I lear a lot from them.
Being diagnosed at 37 was exactly that, an huge relief and liberation. I had carried the weight of feeling alien and always a bit 'wrong', which often would turn into guilt and depression since I could never get why I kept failing at fitting in. I often thought I must have been stupid, lazy or bad, even though I was always trying so hard because the absence of logical explanation was hard to live with. Also there is a common message that 'abnormal' or 'weird' means 'bad' so it's easy to reach that conclusion about your own self. The diagnosis explained my entire life and was like a proof that I wasn't defective, just different. The joy also comes with some grief since I feel I lost many years- and most of my youth- struggling without any clue. It would have saved so much useless loss of energy and mistakes if I'd known earlier. BTW, I just have to say your profile pic is awesome! :D
..my hubby used to tell me all the time "You are Weird."..then the very next thing he would say is "Weird is Good"...he was not an aspie but he was a Brilliant Engineer...& pretty anti social..only liking 'weird' people. Even though he seemed pretty normal himself, he avoided other Norms like the plague. Maybe..he was a Master at the Mask? idk. He didn't talk much about his own inner feelings...but could discuss to great lengths on Any other subject.
He was pretty busted up by the time i met him the second time, first met very briefly in high school, but, i was "not his type" then..lol..That changed when we met again, him being all busted up now from a bad hit & run car crash...so...his severe physical limitations didn't help with social interaction..only people like me bothered to take the time necessary to talk to him...i come from the Misfit category, those who Never Wanted to 'fit in'....Normies made it all about "us & them" & that was Fine with me.
Very eye opening videos! I’ve only watched a couple so far and I’m getting so much out of them. I revere your honesty and courage ♥️✨
You are really a very nice person.
I very much like the way of how natural and authentic you are.
Many thx for all the greate content!
I just recently discovered your videos. I was also diagnosed in my 30’s. Once I found it out it was like an ah ha moment. All of the reasons I felt so different made since. In some since it made things harder though because I am actively aware of my aspergers behavior and try to mask them and it’s exhausting. Btw, in this video the thing you said about flipping over toy cars and playing with the wheel.. I totally did that as a kid.
Thank you so much. Your insights have lent me much wisdom over the past few months.
Your example at 4:30 is worryingly familiar to me 😂, oh boy do I remember crashing cars together, into walls and such. I've been binge watching your videos and they're amazing. I'm going through a bit at the moment, and trying to learn more about myself, trying to work out if I have more than social anxiety. I'm going to be in the process of official diagnoses towards the end of the year and I'm at the point of "I don't care what I have, I just want to learn how to cope with being me and what I can do to improve myself and my life".
Thank you for your hard work 💙
This had been SO helpful for me finding similarities of Loved ones undiagnosed on the spectrum. Thank you!
I spent 40 years without knowing !!! And it was very liberating to put a name in an entire existence feeling different!
I am just coming to realization that I am on the spectrum and it came from a tik tok talking about how if you have been masking your whole life and have bpd that bpd might actually be autism and just the way she explained it was like hearing a pin drop and then i took a 3 self tests which i have never even thought of doing in my life before and score extremely high on all which then led me to your videos and I am watching this for the first time right now so filled with all these crazy emotions about how i am relating so deep with your experiences like for example the stuff with the matchbox cars? it was hot wheels for me but i did the EXACT same thing you did because i was interested in the way the physics worked and I had a truck carrier that could carry like 6 csrs at a a time and i had a bin full of other normal cars and would create this giant intersection traffic accident and my jaw literally dropped when you said holding down the spoiler on it to make get the right angle, i literally did that ALL the time
4:20 I played lots with them either and had them mostly lined up in particular order (from new to old, recalling when and how they'd entered the fleet ,or even sub-categorised further). and things was always, that I handled them with care, as replacement had not been available in case of loss or destruction.
glad this came up on my feed.wondering about myself...ADD for sure. like your direct,clear manor. your toy car play sounds fun. yeah!
Hi, I have just secured funding from the NHS for a private ASD assessment. I’m 52yrs old and have burnside butler syndrome (chromosome deletion). This condition yields a 23% probability of ASD. My daughter has the same condition (inherited), as well as ASD and other conditions. The fact she has ASD apparently increases the probability within myself. I like numbers (maths teacher), and can become obsessed with some facets of life or hobbies.
I am definitely an over sharer, can not handle stressful situations, don’t crave or really value friendships, have multiple failed relationships, struggle to stay in the same job for any period of time, crave clarity/clear precise instruction and can not cope with ambiguity.
I’ve been working my way gradually through your videos chronologically over the past few months after stumbling across your channel
I discovered about 6 months ago (age 29) that I’m autistic, and so far you’re the only youtuber I have really related to....RIGHT DOWN TO THE MATCHBOX CARS! Except I’m female, so no one cared how I played with cars anyway...and actually my favorite was a sparkly pink car that was much too precious to participate in my head on collision tournaments 😂
But mostly I relate to that experience of hearing autistic traits from other people and going “nope, that’s not me” until after hearing from other autistic people and understanding what is behind those traits I realised that I tick so many boxes.
Thanks so much for articulating all this stuff so well :)
I had to pause at the matchbox car part because that is exactly how I played with my matchbox cars and I assumed that was what everyone does. I have my appointment for August to get evaluated for ASD at age 35. Highly confident I am gonna ace that one but watching videos like these now and holy crap I don't feel "not normal".
I used to play with Hot Wheels cars that way too. The most important cars in the Hot Wheels universe were the ones that never got flipped over. I had (and still have) zero interest in real cars but I love Hot Wheels.
Wow nice video, Paul! I can relate to this really well. So I'm a teenager and I think I am an Aspie. I have not gotten an official diagnosis yet but I really want to get it. I have trouble with non verbal gestures and I have some good friends, but most of them are acquaintances. So I'm also socially awkward and I'm also more of an introvert. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum, but it's not official yet. Thanks for understanding us Aspies and nice story. Can't wait for part two! PS I'm gonna start reading your blog; it looks interesting:) ~A.Kinz
Thanks! Good luck with the diagnosis process wherever it leads :)
You were such a great boy :) I like when you created all the paper sizes . I am a woman with structural engineering degree and I am sure I am on the spectrum. My 2,5 year twin boys are probably aspies too. Spinning everything and themselves very often...
Thanks paul for your sharing ya story can’t wait for part two and the acknowledgement of your diagnosis 👍👍👍
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent
This was great Paul, as usual. Eagerly awaiting part 2.
Honesty is the way of truth to the soul
You are absolutely amazing . Thank you so much for all your help to understanding Asperger ‘s .. which is I needed right now .. I keep watching all your videos best I can and I’m sure it will make life and my relationship easier now to understanding the person (Aspies bf) better now .
I cannot believe the story you told about what you did with the Matchbox cars. I did the SAME EXACT THING. I grouped them up by color and had a big demolition derby. Each color had a turn in order trying to flip the other cars. The survivors were the winners. Wow.
I really want to thangk you for doing what you doing because my grandson has autism an by you doing thiis you helping me alot to understand him more and more thankyou.god luck God be with you!!!
Paul: dreadlocks=friends
*[Ghost of Bob Marley liked that]*
🤣
Maybe that’s why my mom dressed and acted so...differently. Mind blown!
I really like your channel and your personality. Very happy RUclips recommended your videos.
My son might be autistic, he's quite an enigma to me. I try to learn as much as possible.
This whole video resonated with me very strongly
I greatly appreciate your content!
Can't help but laugh out loud, being an engineer trapped in psychologist body :D
Very interesting to hear your voice, binge watching now.
Thankyou for sharing your story,its very helpful. We are all unique and this can make diagnosis so difficult but it's also what makes life so diverse and fascinating. I'm pleased uve eventually got answers and this will be helpful to so many.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 69, that's just over three years ago. I always knew I was different but never knew why until I read an article in a magazine in my doctor's office describting a couple who both had Aspergers but didn't know it until they had a child who was also diagnosed with Aspergers. I read the article because I couldn't believe they couldn't know. But reading the article and discovering the symptoms of Aspergers, I suddenly realized the article was also describing me. Then I knew. I later got a referal to a therapist and had it confirmed. That alone was a big life changer. Now I know why I am the way I am and can deal with it now. I'm not crazy, I'm just different and that's OK.
It's comforting to know aspergers isn't "new" and people have found great success without a diagnosis for hundred and probably thousands of years.
It was interesting to hear someone else's story regarding diagnosis - I was recently diagnosed at the age of 56 although my wife first suspected that I was on the spectrum over ten years ago. Looking back at my life it now seems obvious that I was different from the peple around me, my narrow interests, my intense focus on both people and things, my inability to get on in social situations, etc. but higher functioning autism wasn't something that was recognised 30+ years ago, so I just had to get with life as best I could. It's only recently that I've become tired of acting as though I was just like everyone else and having to hide my anxieties and tone down my reactions to change, that's why I decided to get a diagnosis and 'come out' as having autism. It's been a liberating experience because now my colleagues, relatives and friends understand why I am sometimes stressed or anxious and will support me rather than thinking that maybe I am overreacting.
Thanks for sharing! Looking forward to part 2 :)
You're welcome. It's coming this weekend!
Just listening to the bit about the dreadlocks :) For me it was a mohawk and the punk scene. Relating to that. Everything changed over night. From no friends to zillions.... bizarre... Got my Aspbergers diagnosis at age 50 ... The ADHD one came earlier at age 45
You were probably born with both.. like me.. most diagnosed with one or the other generally was the other or both.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 8.. and didn't realize I was Autistic until last month! I am now 46 years old. I just always thought I was a bit smarter than the average chap (IQ 135) and my ADHD masked my Autism very well.. most people who don't realize they're Autistic.. probably had ADHD which overlaps and masks it so well.
Thank you for your courage and honesty. So informative.
My son would rotate everything and crash things. They were always in the air. Battles. Then little rituals, routines etc. Perfectionistic, repetitive tasks.
I think I'm just a burn out who finds your life experience delightful and informative...❤ from a former homeless guy ... update report ...things are good and I am safe @Esteban B
I think I'm in a similar, but more "female" position- I thought for the longest time that autism would fit me, only I had too much empathy and I could be charismatic in the kinda-short term.
Turns out, the "autistics don't feel empathy" thing is BS, and girls are typically good at coming across as charismatic or at least "normal" due to our masking and mirroring skills.
Yes! Girls are a bit different. I have 2 brothers diagnosed with it, and 2 daughters diagnosed as well. The girls have a hard time making friends but they desire friends to an extent and are super caring. (One overly so)
People with autism can be incredibly empathic, in my experience.
It varies from person-to-person. But, Autistic people generally find it more difficult on average to empathise than "neurotypicals". They are also generally not so good with abstract thought, but it isn't black and white, every autistic individual is different. They don't necessarily exhibit or possess all autistic traits. I think it's stronger in men but I'm not sure.
I don't think it's any particular 'skillset' that women have that allows them to appear normal - I think that it's the extra leeway society gives them. Men are expected to be put together and orderly - women are allowed to be 'manic pixie dreamgirls' and not only be seen as normal, but extra appealing.
Yep I’m a guy who falls more into the female traits particularly when younger- just diagnosed at 51
Wow, this was EYE-OPENING!! I have a 32 year old nephew with undiagnosed Aspergers. Although two Therapists recommended he get tested for it, he will not, because he feels that there is no way he has it, which we have discovered is not unusual with Aspie's.
Anyway, a couple of years ago, he started dressing in odd ways(it would take me too long to describe how odd, lol) but your description of how your dreadlocks opened up a world of social interactions that you had not experienced before, MADE PERFECT SENSE!!
Once my nephew started his strange way of dressing, he started hanging put with all kinds of friends!!!! It truly makes us understand why he does this, now that you have explained it this way!!!! THANK YOU!!!
I just subscribed to your channel, and I look forward to binge watching all of your videos!!
We are pretty sure his Dad is an Aspie as well, so all the info we can gather, the better!!! Not using any of this to say that they absolutely have Aspergers(they do,lol) but trying to gather info on how to deal with it.
The 4 videos I have watched of yours thusfar have been INCREDIBLY informative, and I want to say again, THANK YOU!!!
Interesting that a hairstyle made a radical difference for you too. When i started growing my hair out (when first getting in to metal music) i also seemed to gain a strange new charismatic quality, as if the hair firmly grounded me in a subculture and i thus had a "personality". I still wear my hair long by the way, but i'm thinking about donating it
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I'm new here and decided to do some research because I have a love interest who has Aspergers. I want to be able to understand what it is and how I can effectively give them what they need in a relationship setting.
Thanks for sharing to help others going through similar things.
Really good. Thank you.
I'm 38. I'm a successful engineer and project manager. I'm just now learning that I'm on the spectrum. I'm fascinated in trends, numbers, analyzing details, finding errors, etc.. and I also assumed that was just because all of us engineers are. I've become very good at certain aspects of this work, however there have been some recent issues with flipping out when things don't go as planned, my schedule gets turned on its head, etc. Noises bother me which is strange because I've been playing guitar in bands for years. My wife told me years ago that I had Aspergers; she is an occupational therapist and works with kids. I laughed it off and said "What is Asperger's?! An item on the Hooters menu?!" When I am done with my work day my family suffers because I just want to go somewhere quiet and build something or find something neat and old to restore. My special interests are designing and building things, troubleshooting things that are not working, writing and playing music. This is me, I guess I'm an Aspie. This is extremely liberating as everything that I'm learning is exactly what I have been dealing with for the last for years. Great videos, I'll keep watching is I'm just now starting my own journey.
I couldn’t believe it! I thought I was just a musician and artist who could spend all day doing one kind of task but couldn’t listen to music while doing any kind of work that took concentration.
Really good video can't wait to see part 2 thank you for sharing your story.
very helpful. I am learning to better understand my grandson. thank you
Different is good. Use it for the better of your better self.
I was a weird kid and labeled highly strung and clumsy child syndrome, it was the 60s and 70s, I was in and out of the mental health system, I was ok in primary school as i had a couple of good mates and we played games like acting out kids stories. I played with dolls in a mini town and other kids had no idea that these dolls were real people and had to go by a real time system and everything. I hated being a teenager as i was into history, cats and old things and didnt like fashion and pop, when i went Goth in my early 20s it was because i still had no boy friend and thought if I do not get cool i will never have one, going Goth for few years meant I experienced so called normal young people stuff and i was working, got married and really wanted kids but i was also infertile, when treatment failed so did the marriage and i had a total breakdown I discovered i was dyspraxic, dyslexic , and had Asperger sysndrome and i was 36 at diagnosis. I have very bad mental health stuff going on and sadly no longer can work and am a bit of a hermit by choice with my cats and just fellow spectrumite soul mate. I never was into technology, engineering or maths being more a history and philosophy nerd and cat obsessive, in fact I am innumerate and people always think if you on the spectrum you are good at maths. Anyway it runs in my family but in the past we just thought we were a bunch of eccentrics and bat shit crazy, and thats ok.
Hey, batshit crazy is Good...being Norm is Not so good. imho.
I posted on your other video telling you I have only ever been diagnosed with ADD, as well as my husband and son, and my sister thinks I might have aspergers and or Sensory Processing disorder.
My family is full of engineers, including my brother, my dad, my great uncle, and my papa (who builds funny car engines, and I've been told he is famous), and a cousin. I've been pushing my son into engineering because that is what our family seems to be good at. We are ALL awkward, quiet, and clever (some of us at jokes and insults), and can be offensive, and some of us funny, and all of us very artistic (in one or more of: music, arts, and dance, and sports).
Omg I played with cars like that too. I called it criss-cross-crash. The more I watch your videos the more certain I am that I am on the spectrum. Thank you
Thank you so much.
I actually used to do the exact same things with my small cars..
I would flip them upside down and be interesting in the mechanics of how it works.
That all of these cars operated the same mechanically, I saw no difference between any of the vehicles, they were all equal a car. When you accept what is presented, you are accepting equality.
I smashed my cars together too. To see the physics, introduce chaos. See how things compare to each other in a way that others are not willing to think of as they are too willing to accept what is given.
I believe so much of what makes us different - is an asset
I believe that relying on clinics to inform us we are defective by comparison - to neurotypicsls is perhaps the worst kind of racism . I feel the physical things we suffer is correlated to the abuse we endure from the social environment . 🙋🏻♀️🍥
Correct.
Thank you so much, you are really helping me
Hi Paul, your description of your Aspie in law later in this video exactly fits my best friends husband except swap Academic for highly technical, My best friend and her husband who is a dry alcoholic have many relationship issues and they don't hold them in when we socialize.I have always just accepted he has a different way but find his anger hard to be around. After being accused of excluding her husband from the evenings conversation and highly offending him (because I turned the loud Rock music he had put on down a bit at our house), at an evening he didn't want to attend , and one they obviously had been falling out before coming to, I finally said you know I find it difficult to have a conversation with you because you have a tendency to keep talking without being aware if anyone is interested , and only talk about your own interests and don't seem to listen. Boy do I regret that!
I tried to help my best friend by sending some information re Aspergers to her and just said she might find it interesting or possibly helpful as she tells me all about her marriage difficulties. I thought if maybe she could understand him better it would help them or at least her. Now they both are really pissed at me and sending me nasty e-mails saying I am causing a rift in their marriage which is really upsetting, when I was truly trying to help, and the rift has been there since I have known them both as a couple.
I’ve suspected I have aspergers for the past 1 1/2 years now and I’m just now in a position to receive a diagnosis. As a kid I was always introverted and didn’t have too many friends. To give you a sense of young me, I was friends with this one girl and we’d both collect acorns and organize them by color during recess which resulted in hundreds and hundreds of acorns in their own separate piles organized from lightest to darkest. We made a currency out of the acorns based on size and color (the largest and darkest being most valuable) and would trade with each other. Anyways I digress. As I got older I realized that making friends was becoming harder and harder for me as I didn’t enjoy talking to anyone. They’d all talk about gossip and sports and I wasn’t interested in those. I had 3 friends in middle school and I began to feel ostracized from the rest of my peers. I started googling how to make friends and talk to people, so wikihow taught me about mirroring and the 4:1 rule with eye contact (4 second eye contact, 1 second look away). It didn’t help very much as I never was interested in conversation with others and I became heavily depressed. I somehow managed to get my parents to switch schools (I went to a private school and wanted to go to a public school which my parents were vehemently against at first, but after 6 months of bringing it up daily I broke them I guess), and I started high school with a fresh slate. I nearly passed out in the halls for the first week and would escape to the bathrooms since all of the people overwhelmed me a lot (I went from a school of 200 to a school of 1400) and I slowly made friends with kids in the math and music department. Cut to my sophomore year when I realized that the friends who I had I wasn’t really friends with, if that makes sense. I didn’t have any deep connections with anyone and when I was younger I thought that was fine but as I got older I started wanting deeper connections with people but didn’t know how to do it. I would ask people about their lives, but I wouldn’t really care for what they were saying and I told my mom about it in a passing conversation (I tend to ramble about my school day) and she stopped me and say that that wasn’t normal.
I started googling why I was unable to form deep relationships and I came across an article about the difficulties of living with aspergers. I’d never heard about aspergers up until this point so I started researching it. Just about every symptom clicked with me and I took the Ritvo autism test and scored well in the range of ‘likely autistic’. I told my mom about it and she didn’t seem to care much but I still was struggling to form deep connections with people. During the summer between my sophomore and junior year, I didn’t text anyone from my school because I didn’t see the point and when the school year started up, I treated everyone the same as I had 3 months earlier. All of my friends were offended that I hadn’t tried to talk to them and if they’d texted me, I didn’t reply with much. I was completely blindsided by this because I didn’t see why it was an issue at first, and I started falling into a depression.
I started noticing that people called my way of talking blunt and abrasive and it just made matters worse since I never thought of myself as that. For instance, I was offered a pen to take notes with and I said “no, I hate pens” and continued writing and everyone at my table made a a comment about how passive aggressive that was even though I thought it was a normal response. This just made my depression worse and since my parents didn’t help me the first time, I figured they wouldn’t now so I internalized it.
I began self harming and I lost the motivation to do some of my school work and after 2 months of that, I began looking for a way to get to therapy. I knew I couldn’t live like this and that a therapist would do me good and just about everything online told me to go through my school. I opened up to my favorite teacher about what I’ve been feeling and doing and I’m going to see a therapist next Tuesday.
Thank you for sharing your story. Reading other people’s experiences helps me better understand my brother’s experience of life. He’s undiagnosed, and over 60.
O dear, it's so hard to read about those kind of difficult experiences. I think things will seem better after school, it's a tough crowd, after that things will seem easier, or at least it was that way for me. I still haven't caught on too much about making friends but I have people that I'm close with and I am quite busy with a family now.
You sound like a very interesting person. There are better people who will appreciate u. I think u should try to give people a chance to see something they like in you. I was trying so hard to seem normal that I was covering up the real me and it wasn't doing me any favours.
I really hope things are going better for you. If you're wanting to hurt yourself, I know it's hard, but try to remember that things will get better even if it doesn't seem like it right then.
There's so much wonderful beauty out there, it'd be a shame to miss out on it
I can so much relate to this! Also got my diagnosis at 31 yo. At age 16 I too went for a different approach concerning my hair (mohawk) and experienced the same in the way of making contact and friends!
With all honesty, you don't need more then 3 or 4 friends. Just my opinion though :p
That many friends sounds exhausting!
@@jameslove-vani797 It deffinitly can be!
@JessikaEmerald 3-4 real friends that will actually help you is alot, average person won't have time for more friends anyways. Nowadays some call "friends" only acquaintainces and that is not fair assesment. Well why you don't have any friends?
Yup. Or if you don’t have a job and can play all the time. These are child minds in adult bodies. They idealize life and it’s totally off base. But hey, if we got some mental Illinois, then it’s not our fault. But then it’s also a way to give up trying and this is as good as it gets. Screw that. ‘I fed it in a book’. Check for low intelligence too. This guy never says directly he was diagnosed by a specialist. He ‘found out’. That means he self diagnosed and is a liar.
Damn right!
Hi Paul, thanks for the video. The correlation between the shared traits of a typical 'engineer' and signs of autism is very interesting. I come from a line of engineer's on my fathers side. I never knew my grandfather who was the dean of engineering at a local Uni; my understanding is that he was a brilliant man, but incredibly difficult to get along with, putting his family last.. My father is also a brilliant engineer; unfortunately, he also has trouble empathising and socialising in large groups. So much so, I believe that it led him to start his own company and go it alone, rather than work, or depend on others when the old organisation he worked got gobbled up. I know he didn't speak until he was four or five (another classic sign of ASD), with the doctor at the time explaining that his mind was working too fast for his body / mouth. When I was a child I had special 1-1 support for a brief period in the earlier years, alot of things just didn't make sense to me, and I was lagging behind the rest of the class. I don't know what happened, but at one point everything just seemed to click into place like a switch had been thrown. I have also become an engineer and have a four year old son who is absolutely amazing. Unfortunately, since he has started pre-school his teachers have raised a number of concerns regarding his development, and social behaviour - only interested in trains (he'll happily stay at Spencer St station all day identifying different trains & destinations), won't look people in the eyes (actively avoids this), has a tendency to ignore others / simple instructions, limited diet, repetative behaviors etc. After applying for help through NDIS late 2018 we finally got confirmation this week that we will get some assistance through the Early Childhood Early Intervention (ECEI) program on the basis that he has a learning delay. We are still to meet with his ECEI coordinator and work out what kind of supports we can get. We have already taken him to see a paed who has suggested he could be on the spectrum, but would likely be on the 'higher end' given he can speak in complex sentances and is really bright when it comes to his interests. I've been looking into getting an assessment done, but have found it a bit of a nightmare of a process. Depending on the testing methodology (CARS, ADOS, wisclear 7??), psychologist / clinical service etc. the fee can range from $500 to $3,000+ with a high care specialist autism clinic. Thanks again for your insights - it really makes me wonder, how many other's are out there undiagnosed...
>> I've been looking into getting an assessment done, but have found it a bit of a nightmare of a process.
Just download and use the same diagnostic questionnaire which clinical psychologists use (produced by Simon Sacha-Cohen, from Cambridge).
@@DinarAndFriends Hi Dinar & Friends, thanks for the advice. We got a copy of the CARS questionnaire for parents which seemed tailor made for him (right down to the trains, and obsession with number plates - he hates 'em they never make it on any of his lego cars). I think I found an online version of the Simon Baron-Cohen Cambridge one you were referring to online www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/
. For us, we need the results of the assessment to gain access to tailored support from the NDIS (currently they have accepted that he has a developmental delay under the ECEI program). So we'll have to bite the bullet and pick a psych.. Thanks again =D
@@eimz1982 You're welcome.
I suspect many late-diagnosed Aspies go through a chicken-and-egg conundrum, wondering which came first: Undersocialization or isolation? Each can lead to the other, and over the long term both tend to mimic many other aspects of the Asperger spectrum.
The founder of Redken, a famous Hair company has a great speech about how hairstyles can change someones personality- TRUTH!
What if a person is bald?
@@abyssmanur3965 Superpowers
I can relate to the hair thing. I changed my hair in high school to look emo because that was a fad at the time, and I even started listening to heavy metal and started smoking, and eventually I became kinda popular, but deep down I knew that the person I presented myself as was just a character, and there's a huge difference between liking an actor and liking a movie character, so it made me feel existential and I decided to drop the act and be myself once again, and most of my friends left, only 3 of them stuck with me, and it's been 6 years now since I finished high school, and til this day, those 3 friends are still by my side
Very similar experience here. I didn't know what autism was until I was about 17, and the way I had it described to me was how VERY autistic people are, which didn't fit me whatsoever, so I thought nothing of it. Then I had a girlfriend at age 25 tell me she thought I was autistic, which again didn't make sense to me because the descriptions online didn't really fit. I always understood non-verbal communication pretty well, and I didn't have obvious stimming behaviors like hand flapping, nor was eye contact really that big of a deal for me. I kept having problems in my life though, and then when I dug a bit deeper around age 27, things started clicking a bit, and I bought The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood. Reading that book was like reading a book written specifically about me. It was eerie! But SO relieving also. FINALLY I understood why I had felt like an alien my entire life. For a long time I thought I was just intellectually gifted and weird, but that book answered pretty much all my questions and helped me understand why I had had different problems in my life.
It's a bit odd because I am definitely on the spectrum, but I've become so good at hiding it that nobody really suspects a thing unless they get really close to me. I have spent a TON of time learning the social and emotional intelligence, getting better at communication, learning not to offend people, understanding how NTs think, etc. I am still an aspie though. When I take the Autism Quotient test, I score between 36 and 40 depending on how I answer the questions, and 32 is high enough to suggest the person is probably on the spectrum.
I think it's really great you're making these videos. Super helpful for those who are on the spectrum but don't know it or who are just starting their journey into understanding this whole thing.
I can relate to your story, thanks for telling it.
I did the same thing with cars my car's to be precise and my other toys instead of just playing with toys that fight each other I would think of how would strategically these toys the good toys would fight the bad toys and how strategically the good guys would win. And even my mother and father's friends would say when they talk to me it was like talking to an adult because I would talk about the news and I would usually talk about subjects that were very specific and about plants insects and plants with pinpoint accuracy on information most people would not know unless they're a ravenous Gardner.
I feel like I am understanding my self more by watching you videos
Asperger people tend to have eccentric tastes, no? So I want to tell you my tastes, specifically about the music:
Neurotypical people used to listen to musical genres, such us: Pop, Rock, New Age, Reggaeton (in my country), Rap, Trap, Electronic music, and so on. But some years ago, I used to listen to a genre that is kind of "different", its name is "Epic Music", and most of the times it is music for movies, TV shows, videogames; in other words: "SOUNDTRACKS". And my friends say I am crazy, and my genre it's a completely trash to listen to and that hirts me a lot.
And my telephone I have playlist carefully selected, their names are:
-Short Scores (Epic Music).
-Piano Songs (Modern Piano).
-English Songs (Because I'm learning English, and I am a native Spanish speaker).
And those playlists in my telephone exist with the same songs that I have in my playlists of my RUclips account.
10-05-2021 | Time: 10:28 PM
Hey Yo, here I am after 1 year. Things are getting interesting, I'm learning Japanese and I'm going very far away; I hope I can make it to the top.
4:19 this. I used to play with thomas the tank engine tracks and stuff and i remember always being more interested with the elevated tracks and how the train would go faster if they were at the top of them, and i also remember being interested with how the switching between tracks worked. Only recently found out that i'm most likely autistic.
That isn't unusual
Thank you so much.
0:30 Man I'm impressed by the lighting!!
3:00 yes that's why I decided I wanted to share my story too
6:23 I have the exact same experience. "The idea of what autism was didn't seem to got me" that's one of the reasons why sharing our stories are important: awareness
6:28 been there. "Nah you're just gifted"
8:16 man I wish you would dive deeper on the topic of compensating your weaknesses like that in the future by masking your character. That's something that I found highly interesting about you when I first got to know about your channel and I sometimes think of that concept and give you the credit for my results.
12:40 man that point I'm putting on my bucket list. I want to help change the perception of "what an autistic person is like"
I'm 42 and I just told my sister that I thought I had this problem. She told me to stop that I was going to make myself crazy
It’s not a problem
Aerosexual? "Boeoeoeoeoeing"
It was your videos that finally made it all click, specifically the autism vs ADHD video. I started binging Austism and Aspergers videos, and thought back at my life in a way I'd never done before, and so much just made sense all of a sudden.
The thing is, there are people who have the characteristics of an autistic person. a "real" autist, or let's say, a full autistic, is still something completely different. my niece also has autistic features, you do not notice it. she is beautiful, everyone wants to be friends with her, she is very intelligent and can communicate very well. however, she describes much exactly as you do. it takes a lot of energy to do something with friends and to have conversations. there are days, it is not so bad and days when it is very bad. On the whole, however, she often has to retire and be on her own, to recharge herself. I have the same problem, but I did not get tested or something. It also costs me a lot of strength to talk to people and often prefer to go out of the way of people. I need a lot of rest to recharge myself, to have the strength to go out. When I'm interested in something, it's often like an obsession. I sometimes deal with a topic or my interests for days. I make music and often I work two days without sleeping on a piece of music. What I mean by that, I think there are certainly many more people with autistic features without them knowing it.
I WISH I knew earlier, I definitely would've went to engineering. Currently in a PhD and had a "research identity crisis" shifting from biology to biochemistry with hints of engineering.
I knew exactly why that little car always won, because I used to do the same thing! LOL
I only really enjoyed playing with toy cars on those little town play mats (in the 80's the town was more flat and much bigger lol). But I used to imagine I was in the car, and I had to follow all of the rules of the road (but I still drove like the Dukes of Hazzard, drifting everywhere). I didn't much enjoy it when other kids tried to join me because they could never follow my rules.