My mother used the silent treatment on my brother and I thru our childhood. Our father was no help, and either quietly backed her - by not speaking up for us - or ordered us to submit to her. We were taught to sense her moods. To walk on eggshells, as the saying goes. I broke the cycle when I was around 40 years old. I allowed her silent treatment to go on and on. After over a month, she had my father ask me what was wrong. I told him I didn’t do the silent treatment thing anymore. He said “Bite the bullet and call your mother”. I refused, which angered him. I happily went on with my life. Seeing this, My mother feared she was losing me and dropped the silent treatment - and never did it again.
Thank you HG ❤ The explanations you give about the behaviours of narcissists are extremely helpful for a great number of people who are entangled with your kind, it feels like the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle actually begin to fall into place and the picture becomes crystal clear.
Thanks for the reminder. I can't bow my head. I cannot remain silent when there is injustice or someone imposes a lying ideology. I can't stop loud comments, when someone behaves unworthily. This place is like... as if I'm left alone in an invisible purgatory, as if I'm being watched through glass walls, as if my fate hangs in the balance, although you know what the outcome will be. He has crossed the line, that I am able to accept. I can't pretend... I can't stop it... I can't hide my hostility... I can't work for someone I despise :(
The video that let me know that I was dealing with a narcissist and let me decide to left him... Thank you so much HG ... I won't be able to achieve my freedom without your priceless knowledge and precious platform ✨️ 🔥♥️
Wow. Experienced precisely what you described and found it baffling. Thought I was better at reading people. Thank you HG for strengthening my resolve to stay out and sparing me from having to live through even more damaging devaluation. For a psychopathic narcissist, you're a good egg.
I went from the Stepford devaluation, to the stranger zone, to the dark devaluation. I could never understand what happened, or what I'd done wrong, until these videos. They've restored my trust in myself - because of course according to him it was always my fault... And I see now that very little was really my doing. I just got caught up in a maelstrom, a typhoon, as my therapist called him once. And you're right, the stranger zone is extremely unsettling. He was mentally gone, but always assured me he was still there - so confusing. And then, worse definitely came. Don't wait around to see if, if you can help it!
This was the worst stage! It’s like you’re in limbo. I felt like we were strangers, but I knew I was on the road to devaluation as there were little glimpses of the mask slipping. The most heartbreaking thing is I could tell he was starting to devalue our daughter 😞. This was because he was grooming his new supply
With the knowledge about narcissism from HG, I understand the different stages of my 13 year long marriage, to an upper lesser type A: - bronze period, for a few months. - sustained devaluation, for 11 years (Stranger zone mixed with short periods of dark devaluation and respite periods on Saturdays). - dark devaluation for 1,5 years, until I escaped.
Thank you very much for this video HG MY Middle Mid Range Narcissist Ex Wife Used This A lot. I would come home from work and she would seem uninterested in me. Because I’m a people pleaser my anxiety levels would increase a lot. Then as soon as she was around the kids a complete change would happen and she was all happy and engaging. This has answered some questions
I could die tomorrow, and if my ex found out it would not affect him. At all. He's not a psychopath, not violent and never insulted me. But once I was discarded, it was like I had never, ever existed. Honestly, so painful but ultimately so strange. Thank goodness for HG Tudor because my head turned everything in my head over and over again. But, there wasn't a reason.
You described it very accurately. Thank you for these words. I felt the same way years ago, as if me and my child never existed. And as if he never existed. He disappeared like a ghost. As if I had invented him. If it wasn't for our real child, if it weren't for the photos, perhaps I would have thought that he was in my dreams, imaginary... Like someone from beyond the worlds, dust that has dispersed. For many, many years, this thought, this clash - between illusion and reality - gave me a huge shock... and again a shock... and again... and another... I couldn't accept, that he was thoroughly evil, though I was told so directly. I couldn't admit, that I didn't exist to him and that our baby was NOTHING to him - then, at that point in my life, it would have killed me. I wouldn't lift it. I had to protect this idealization with all my might, even though I knew it was a collection of lies. Until he reappeared years later and the idealization had a chance to fall slowly and delicately as a mist, step by step. At the end of this road, I saw a clumsy, funny man, who jumps up in anger - although no one listens to him. I truly feel sorry for him. Even though I know I shouldn't feel sorry for him.
@Joa@5588 I try not to feel sorry for my ex, an evil narcissist who made my life and our 2 sons lives miserable, for years (maybe even now through past traumas). I know from the past that when he senses lowering of defense, he tries to manipulate yet once again. Don't feel sorry for the narcissist. They cannot love back truly I suspect. Their instinct is to use us for residual benefits. Don't fool yourself.
@@stephanietino10 Relax. I don't have to deceive myself anymore. It doesn't hurt me anymore (only shadows of memory). The love was overwhelming, but it faded away. I only have electronic contact with him, a few written sentences, once a month for child payments. I don't show him sympathy, unless he needs it in small things - recently he complained about pain at the dentist :) I answer automatically, as to any ordinary person. Basically the same thing over and over again. He won't come up with anything new. Hes irrelevant for me. But... I know that he is "waiting" for the moment - when the veil of idealization will be needed me again (some life misfortune). He launches tiny probes, as if he doesn't want to miss this moment...
I have needed to hear this because the midrange was not horrible to me, never didn’t answer my calls or texts but was def not him. He would always tell me nothing is wrong, but I could tell something was wrong. I couldn’t do it anymore and I got out before it apparently turned really bad…
Fascinating, I particularly enjoyed the last 3 minutes. I was thinking if the victim does get out before the real dark devaluing starts, how does the narcissist complete the devaluing process. Does the narcissist begin the hovering, depending on what range of narcissist a person is dealing with, all sorts of outcomes could be unveiled. Bottom line, the victim is to some degree traumatized by the engagement with the narcissist. Fascinating.
We were both most of the time like strangers. I mirrored him constantly bc I was pretty early sure he was a narc. Finally the dark devaluation Phase started with nastiness. And off I went ... 😂 But I admit, the golden period was worth it all😊.
This episode was an eye-opener when I listened to it some months ago. It was the first description which helped me understand what I had experienced. Excellent content.
The narcissist's worst nighmare must be to be a castaway all alone on a deserted island completely cut off from human contact with only his or her self for company.
Yes, you are correct. I would feel very sorry for narcissist, but they wont listen to reason and want to learn anything new, because they think they know everything already. I truly pity them.
I excused devaluation as a known symptom of my partners disorder and leveraged it to distill a list of improvement outcomes. Hello, welcome to stranger zone support line, my name is Sharon, how can I help you today?
My mother used the silent treatment on my brother and I thru our childhood. Our father was no help, and either quietly backed her - by not speaking up for us - or ordered us to submit to her. We were taught to sense her moods. To walk on eggshells, as the saying goes.
I broke the cycle when I was around 40 years old. I allowed her silent treatment to go on and on. After over a month, she had my father ask me what was wrong. I told him I didn’t do the silent treatment thing anymore. He said “Bite the bullet and call your mother”. I refused, which angered him. I happily went on with my life. Seeing this, My mother feared she was losing me and dropped the silent treatment - and never did it again.
Thank you HG ❤
The explanations you give about the behaviours of narcissists are extremely helpful for a great number of people who are entangled with your kind, it feels like the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle actually begin to fall into place and the picture becomes crystal clear.
If his bodylanguage/tone contradicts the words that come out of his mouth,
Run for the hills.
Fantastic video, thank you.
You just described one of my mother's classic behaviors, and how it felt while growing up.
This was my relationship with my father. I’m sorry for what you went through.
@@triplejmom7826 Im sorry you did too
Thanks for the reminder.
I can't bow my head. I cannot remain silent when there is injustice or someone imposes a lying ideology. I can't stop loud comments, when someone behaves unworthily.
This place is like... as if I'm left alone in an invisible purgatory, as if I'm being watched through glass walls, as if my fate hangs in the balance, although you know what the outcome will be.
He has crossed the line, that I am able to accept. I can't pretend... I can't stop it... I can't hide my hostility...
I can't work for someone I despise :(
The video that let me know that I was dealing with a narcissist and let me decide to left him... Thank you so much HG ... I won't be able to achieve my freedom without your priceless knowledge and precious platform ✨️ 🔥♥️
so you give power over to a stranger??
Wow. Experienced precisely what you described and found it baffling. Thought I was better at reading people. Thank you HG for strengthening my resolve to stay out and sparing me from having to live through even more damaging devaluation. For a psychopathic narcissist, you're a good egg.
I went from the Stepford devaluation, to the stranger zone, to the dark devaluation. I could never understand what happened, or what I'd done wrong, until these videos. They've restored my trust in myself - because of course according to him it was always my fault... And I see now that very little was really my doing. I just got caught up in a maelstrom, a typhoon, as my therapist called him once. And you're right, the stranger zone is extremely unsettling. He was mentally gone, but always assured me he was still there - so confusing. And then, worse definitely came. Don't wait around to see if, if you can help it!
I lived in the stranger zone for most of my marriage. We were always polite. I never got to the nasty side of devaluation.
This was the worst stage! It’s like you’re in limbo. I felt like we were strangers, but I knew I was on the road to devaluation as there were little glimpses of the mask slipping. The most heartbreaking thing is I could tell he was starting to devalue our daughter 😞. This was because he was grooming his new supply
With the knowledge about narcissism from HG, I understand the different stages of my 13 year long marriage, to an upper lesser type A:
- bronze period, for a few months.
- sustained devaluation, for 11 years
(Stranger zone mixed with short periods of dark devaluation and respite periods on Saturdays).
- dark devaluation for 1,5 years, until I escaped.
Thank you very much for this video HG MY Middle Mid Range Narcissist Ex Wife Used This A lot. I would come home from work and she would seem uninterested in me. Because I’m a people pleaser my anxiety levels would increase a lot. Then as soon as she was around the kids a complete change would happen and she was all happy and engaging. This has answered some questions
Advice to be appreciative of there no longer being an excuse of not being warned. Thanks.
I could die tomorrow, and if my ex found out it would not affect him. At all. He's not a psychopath, not violent and never insulted me. But once I was discarded, it was like I had never, ever existed. Honestly, so painful but ultimately so strange. Thank goodness for HG Tudor because my head turned everything in my head over and over again. But, there wasn't a reason.
You described it very accurately. Thank you for these words.
I felt the same way years ago, as if me and my child never existed. And as if he never existed. He disappeared like a ghost. As if I had invented him.
If it wasn't for our real child, if it weren't for the photos, perhaps I would have thought that he was in my dreams, imaginary... Like someone from beyond the worlds, dust that has dispersed.
For many, many years, this thought, this clash - between illusion and reality - gave me a huge shock... and again a shock... and again... and another... I couldn't accept, that he was thoroughly evil, though I was told so directly. I couldn't admit, that I didn't exist to him and that our baby was NOTHING to him - then, at that point in my life, it would have killed me. I wouldn't lift it. I had to protect this idealization with all my might, even though I knew it was a collection of lies.
Until he reappeared years later and the idealization had a chance to fall slowly and delicately as a mist, step by step. At the end of this road, I saw a clumsy, funny man, who jumps up in anger - although no one listens to him. I truly feel sorry for him. Even though I know I shouldn't feel sorry for him.
@Joa@5588 I try not to feel sorry for my ex, an evil narcissist who made my life and our 2 sons lives miserable, for years (maybe even now through past traumas). I know from the past that when he senses lowering of defense, he tries to manipulate yet once again. Don't feel sorry for the narcissist. They cannot love back truly I suspect. Their instinct is to use us for residual benefits. Don't fool yourself.
@@stephanietino10 Relax. I don't have to deceive myself anymore. It doesn't hurt me anymore (only shadows of memory). The love was overwhelming, but it faded away.
I only have electronic contact with him, a few written sentences, once a month for child payments. I don't show him sympathy, unless he needs it in small things - recently he complained about pain at the dentist :) I answer automatically, as to any ordinary person.
Basically the same thing over and over again. He won't come up with anything new. Hes irrelevant for me.
But... I know that he is "waiting" for the moment - when the veil of idealization will be needed me again (some life misfortune). He launches tiny probes, as if he doesn't want to miss this moment...
Thank you very much.
Love and blessings.
I have needed to hear this because the midrange was not horrible to me, never didn’t answer my calls or texts but was def not him. He would always tell me nothing is wrong, but I could tell something was wrong. I couldn’t do it anymore and I got out before it apparently turned really bad…
I‘m experiencing this right now. It’s heartbreaking 💔
This rings so familiar it’s scary! Glad I got out !
The best description of something I could never figure out.
Chillingly true....
Welcome to the Stranger Zone 😅
..stranger and stranger..
I'm on the highway
oh, thank you.....🤣
It's more like the danger zone and it's time to run, which the Ultra wisely advised! 😱
The stranger zone…ignored
Fascinating, I particularly enjoyed the last 3 minutes. I was thinking if the victim does get out before the real dark devaluing starts, how does the narcissist complete the devaluing process. Does the narcissist begin the hovering, depending on what range of narcissist a person is dealing with, all sorts of outcomes could be unveiled. Bottom line, the victim is to some degree traumatized by the engagement with the narcissist. Fascinating.
We were both most of the time like strangers. I mirrored him constantly bc I was pretty early sure he was a narc. Finally the dark devaluation Phase started with nastiness. And off I went ... 😂 But I admit, the golden period was worth it all😊.
This episode was an eye-opener when I listened to it some months ago. It was the first description which helped me understand what I had experienced. Excellent content.
I got stranger zone and then discarded via ghosting 🙁
Wish I had seen this about 2 years ago 😮 .
The narcissist's worst nighmare must be to be a castaway all alone on a deserted island completely cut off from human contact with only his or her self for company.
Yes, you are correct. I would feel very sorry for narcissist, but they wont listen to reason and want to learn anything new, because they think they know everything already. I truly pity them.
It's very unknown this zone
I excused devaluation as a known symptom of my partners disorder and leveraged it to distill a list of improvement outcomes.
Hello, welcome to stranger zone support line, my name is Sharon, how can I help you today?
From the beginning of the stranger zone to the beginning of the full dark devaluation, how long do we have, roughly?
could a narcissist be stuck in this because he/she is unable to find new sources? What if the only source don´t play any games anymore?
Sounds like a bastardized type of reverse yellow rock.