Oh dear, this is me. I am 72 and wondered why happiness is out of reach. waiting for someone to define me. and I keep checking the boxes for each point you make, Anna. Thank you for giving me a handle to lift myself up with.
....I'm sorry, but wouldn't that cancel out a lot of helpful services and care? Like if we didn't care a bit more at all...where would the encouragement, concern, etc. Be when it comes to family, friend, etc. Doing destructive things to themselves/also affecting others. Someone would techically end up caring more sometimes to end up saying something that maybe help that non-caring person in that crappy situation. Guess it's "all about balance." Honestly, I'm Autistic and wondering if that's why this premise gets to me a bit. XD lol Over-thinking: *ACTIVATE*
Thank you, well said 💕 I need to apply this way of thinking in my life when dealing with friends and family. Some tend to not take their "problems" seriously, but I do and it drives me crazy 😅
This cannot always be applicable. I am presently helping 3 people---my parents (father 98 and mother who has recently developed dementia) and a lady down the street who is cognitively impaired. Ideally I would not have these responsibilities but at the moment I cannot leave these people in the lurch....
My mouth fell open when you described what my life looks like as a result of spending ten years taking care of my mom and neglecting my whole life. Broke, lonely, sad, second guessing etc.
Omg exactly my lifeI took care of my mom! I discovered this channel a light bulb goes OFF… Every exact thing is validated now I have a name for it CPTSD & I decide I want healing & want to change my life & just as I start to feel hope …. my position at work gets eliminated instantly on a 1on1 zoom call:😢 I suspect it’s because I stumbled on a co-workers energy w our boss. Wrong place at the wrong time! Not gonna lie I am some what relieved because they were very clicky & very mean spirited! Your channel is pulling me thru SO THANK YOU ANA. As soon as I can afford it I’m signing up!
My parents were chronically unhappy alcoholics. My mother stayed in her bedroom for a year when I was a teenager. I am sensitive and empathetic and loved them and wanted them to be happy. Their unhappiness and problems became much more important than me and my (to them) unimportant life. I'm 68 now and it's taken most of my life to feel OK about focusing on myself and developing my interests, my spiritual growth, my career, and this lifetime on this planet. But I do now and it's such a good feeling. I'm not all the way there but much better now. I encourage everyone to keep redirecting your attention and concern back to you and your life purpose. Your life and developing your life is very important and should be your focus. This has nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with regaining sovereignty over your sacred and unique self and life.
I'm happy for you. I'm 41 yrs old, single, and i'm otw to take back control of my life and to focus on my life. What resulted was having emotional outbursts from my narc single parent who has depended on me to get a life (ever since i can remember) and guilt tripping me that i'm abandoning her. (I'm in an asian environment so it's ok for children to cont'd to stay with their parents even when they are in their forties😢) She will do that whenever my focus is on myself and not on her. And it could go down to little things like spending a long day with friends and not with her 😢. She needs therapy but she refused and finds that there's nothing wrong with her.😢
Your story resonate deeply with me. You have to focus on yourself, your mother won't probably go to therapy cause it's not her idea but yours, you have the power to change your situation. Let me share with you my story. Im from an african background, parents are everything in my communauty too. My mother is immature and narcissist, i had to take care of her and her kids when my father left us when i was 8yrs old. I did everything, cleaned, cooked, grocery shopped, i raised my baby sister of 2yrs, i had to feed her, changed her, bath her, took her to/brung her from kindergarten/school and it was never enough. My mother used to work from 6am to 9pm. She was never home, only sundays. I didn't live my childhood, she stole it from me. She was terrible, always attacking me, blaming me, humiliating me. She didn't let me have friends, she viciously enjoyed preventing me having fun with others kids. so i was always alone. i couldn't go outside to play, only for chores. School wasn't her priority at all, I failed my exams to go to university cause i couldn't do my homework, to busy being a mom. She never wanted me to succeed, I had to sacrifice myself for her, Always complaning about her life, her problems, her needs. i had to be her therapist, her mother, her saver. . It was all about her. So I spent my life living hers. I didn't know who I was, she hadn't given me the chance to find out, she wasn't interested, she couldn't get anything out of it so why bother... It was an excruciating life, I had eating disorders (still struggling with it), dysmorphia, depression, i was an addict, I tried to kill myself myltiple times. I was a zombie walking on earth. And At 33 years old, everything changed, thank God, i had an epiphany. that day I've finally understood, she will never love me, she will never validate me, she will never be interested by who I'am. I cried, i thought i would die, i remember screaming in my floor's kitchen like a crazy person. For weeks i couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I was overwhelmed by the truth, my truth " i wasted 30 years of my life trying to save her, I wasted 30 yrs of my life trying to make her see/love/validate me, i wasted 30 years of my life destroying my health, my life for someone who has never gave a d...n about me" Today after 6 years of healing, she still tries to guiltrip me but she knows it won't ever work again. she blames me, she talk bad about me to my family but you know what, i m the one who doesn't give a d...n about it now. I'm living my life, still struggling with health problems but today i can say, i finally know who I'am. I'm travelling by myself whenever i can( still struggling with money) I'm free, free from her, free from my past, free from all the toxic person i attracted for 30 yrs (all my one-sided toxic relationships included my ex husband). It's never too late to change your life, never too late to start prioritizing your needs, your life. Never too late to love yourself for the first time ever ❤️
@@personne3837 thank you for sharing your story😊. It's inspiring. I'm working hard to focus on myself too at the moment. Wish all of us the best in our future years! We deserve to be happy in our own ways! ❤️
@@personne3837your story brought me to tears. I can resonate so much with it. I'm so happy you were able to find the truth, no matter difficult it was. I type this as my own mother lays a meter away from me. Only a few more months until im free, if that. Stay strong.
I went no contact with an ex and he told me that I was childish and immature because I refused to be friends. Now I know that's what manipulative dangerous people say when you leave them. GLAD I LEFT HIM ANYWAY🎉🎉🎉
Anna-I learned that we can’t wait for parents validation because it may not come or they are gone already. I feel blessed and humble that when I learned of your channel you validated me. But what I need to get MUCH better at is putting up boundaries and doing so respectfully. I want to be happy and I finally realized that it’s MY responsibility to make me happy. I’m working on that too-so much to learn! Lol
I'm an Only child with a single parent, no other family, completely sucks. Holidays are triggering of the solitude without any real authentic connection.
Same but yes - I definately feel sad at my own behavior and even embarrassed bc it is so self-defeating and exhausting at the same time. Thankful for this video and able to see that I am in these patterns.
Just be grateful that you're starting to see it. We're all on our own soul journey. You're becoming more self aware, you're growing, and learning. At least you can see your own flaws. We're ALL the problem at some point in our lives. And just because you've been part of the problem, doesn't grant immunity to anyone in the past who abused or mistreated you. Don't beat yourself up ❤
A year ago I lost a friend and started going to codependent anonymous or CODA. This will be saved to keep reminding me what I want and what I do not want. Thank you for setting this out there for people like me. One day at a time I am working on me.
Amazing, I spent time going to a psychologist & psychiatrist and I ended defending myself with them Now, this lady in just one video I found out so clear my main problem God really put people in our way to guide us in other ways Thank you for this service
Thank you so much, Anna. You see so much. It’s incredible how much peace you are giving us codependents. And telling it straight. Even when I had 6 years of coda under my belt, I had to pace myself with your videos bc they are “emotional surgery.” Now I listen to you daily and I have never been stronger. I stopped pining for men, I love my freedom, I realize my mom will never validate me. I never would have healed this loneliness so quickly without your videos. And I am abuse free too ❤
When I felt that impulse to help someone with something that was none of my business Id ask myself the question, should I be applying this solution/effort to my own problems?
When I left it felt like they had died and I set my mind to grieve all the things that would remain unresolved. It lasted for 3-4 months then one day I noticed the peacefulness, that I could hear myself, that I was drawing closer to those people in my life that didn’t need to hurt others. I’ll never not see red flags again, I hope:) Good luck and stay strong in you decision to choose health! ❤ Thanks Anna for being you!
My husband of 18 years cannot read nor write ( and now can barely hear) yes yes yes!! I'm teacher, mother, pastor, repeater, raised his daughter . I'm exhausted and I'd be way way gone, but love & guilt. He's 78 and it's wrong at this point, I should have years ago. It's just too much and too little in return.
You are the most beautiful lady for standing strong It's never to late Ur Honor Accountability Integrity Loyalty to ur chosen one to share ur life with.....love and boundaries are ur best friend at this point Ask for help And do not be afraid of being vulnerable The greatest thing is to take care of urself ❤ I adore u and ur loved 🤗❤From my heart to urs❤ Innerstanding
@@robinkirk4020 I used to believe in " chosen" one , a soul mate. One person picked out for me. Yet part of me felt like , why? I do not believe in any special someone for me, now seeing that I do not even know who ME really is! I do stay out of responsibility, my oath and I do love him, but no longer in love with him.
@@Maddie-5 you are beautiful my friend never forget that as a Sister truly i innerstand plz never surrender Ur love is ur power use it towards urself u deserve it to urself I think ur Brave and worthy of what u are awakening too Sending u the biggest hug i know u can feel it🤗💖
Too true! If only RUclips had been there 30 years ago, when I was in therapy during stressful law school. My perfectly good shrink (bearded, tweed jacket with elbow patches, cigar) was thrilled after reading my copy of Melanie Beatty's Codependent No More. It rang true, like you, and gave us something real to work on. Young folks - listen to this good fairy and heal! Thanks again, Anna🙏🌷
This is beautifully honest & informative. I wish there was more focus on vulnerability & authenticity not as something youre givimg to someone but as giving that growth to yourself
All you said made so much sense in my own healing journey after being diagnosed with Cptsd. But arriving to this diagnosis took many months including diagnosis of Adhd, severe depression, energy healing sessions, and maybe the hardest was to seeing my fault in my always a failure relationships. Turning my back to situations that won’t make me happy, saying no, creating boundaries while there are people who would like go out, have fun.. And they say “oh c’mon u don’t have any problems, you are a beautiful woman just go on with your life😢” Now the real healing journey started but there are so many areas to fix and look at. Where to start? Don’t know… Thank you so much for your assistance🌷✨
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
@crappychildhoodfairy Thank you very much for your kind reply. I'll definitely check out the free courses as well as the other ones... I'm glad that we have professionals like you around us💝💜💟
Wow, the two stories are so sad😢 Made me mad and wanted to step in for them and open my crazy mouth. Yuck yuck, Im so sorry for her ( Casey?) . Run run girl as far as away you can and DO NOT look back! He is a vacuum😢 and this will only end when he cannot use you anymore, however that comes about . Big hug to you❤
I used to attend coda groups back in the day they definitely helped me to leave a bad relationship and I understood things but not enough now I'm 58 years old and I can see where its led me ..thank you thank you for the brutal honesty you share here it's actually a breath of fresh air because I understand I needed this so so much
This is extremely helpful and comforting. I feel so much unbearable emotional pain, but somewhat empowered that I might be able to have some happiness in my life. I didn't realize how codependent I was and sabatoging healthy relationships ❤
I’m starting to date again and I find myself trying to crap fit into anybody that kinda likes me. Today I walked away from a connection that didn’t seem healthy. I felt so light and clear headed but, just a few hours later, I can’t stop thinking about going back and I am terrified of my normal life without someone that’s into me 😅 I can’t wait to hear this whole video to feel more grounded!!
For how long you've been single ? I m exactly in the same situation. I m working on myself but any time a man gives me some attention, im ready to forget all the red flags and go back to the old me. I know i'm healing cause i don't stay in those relations like i used to but it's still a waste of my precious time to not be able to leave from the beginning after seeing all the red flags waving at me. It's still a struggle to not be able to dodge those kind of toxic men (they all have additions with alcohol)
@@personne3837 you don’t even know how much I understand!! It feels excruciating! I try to remember something I heard on this channel about how so many people have happy normal relationships. It’s not rare or weird so it must be achievable 🤷♀️ Im 29 and I have been single for 5 years. I feel like not dating at all is avoidance but I get desregulated the second I actually like somebody… I’ll completely abandon myself. It’s been a few days since my first post; I took the time to be apart and see the connection for what it was and now it doesn’t hurt as much! We need time in between dates to re-regulate and if things seem so fast that you can’t take your time, that’s a (very difficult) no-no 😭 I just blast these videos and clean around the house until I feel better hah
Excellent insights. I can look back and see this pattern in my own past. I feel I have largely moved beyond it for myself but now see it on the flip side in present struggles with a relative. I have felt very manipulated and subtly criticized and only recently did I honestly acknowledge it to her. Since speaking my piece, I have kept a wide berth, interacting being kept to a polite minimum. I have seen all the stops being pulled out on her end as she tries to ingratiate herself to me. Numerous unrequested gifts, overtures, and random messages without ever acknowledging the issues that brought about the break in the first place. It's a painful thing to witness and makes me realize how I likely came off to others in previous relationships. Never again.
A person can be self determined but I feel we all need love from someone. As humans we are social. It's not ok to impose your will on others but it's ok ( I think) to want to be loved by someone. Thanks for all you do Anna❤
Maddie, I feel your pain and despair in what you are saying. I could take care of other people much easier than having the roll of "Caregiver" for my husband, but with his handicapps, I am his caregiver more than a wife. It gets so heavy sometimes.
Oh the letter from Alma (Ulma?) who moved over seas sounds exactly like the romantic scam that a person I know went through in Egypt and the ones I’ve heard about through several documentaries/TV reports. There is certainly a play book that these men use on older women. I’m so sorry she was in that situation and am glad she is headed home.
Anna, you are so articulate about these subjects! I venture to say you weren't always so articulate about it tho, before you healed yourself? I want to be like that. I've always had a goal or dream in life to be a published writer and speaker about self-development and how to help others obtain their goals too, but my life has been one codependent distraction after another! Is it possible I can heal and focus on my own self-development? I admire you for what you've accomplished after having experienced so many similar things I have. You're a fine example to all of us who are still floundering!
You absolutely can heal! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
One of my favorite definitions of codependence is…first of all, “co-“ refers to BOTH people in the partnership. I don’t believe it’s EVER just one person being codependent. It wouldn’t “work” if BOTH are NOT codependent. Definition: “one person” NEEDS TO BE NEEDED… by their partner“; “the other person NEEDS TO NEED…their partner.”
I watched this yesterday. I thought I was fine. I did the Daily Practice this morning. I'm now triggered, angry, and want to avoid people more. I guess I need serious help. I just want to go far far away from here! I don't know what else to do.
I can relate. I cared for my mom too. And I remember getting up in the morning having to urinate so bad, but I always attended to my mother first, which was quite normal for me simce childhood as her needs ALWAYS came first. I mentioned this to my therapist and I was shocked at what she told me. She said “Whatever your mother needs, you do too” And told me that I had a right to urinate first and take care of my own needs first. It’s like on an air plane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. That blew my mind. But I took her advice and it really did help me. Best wishes.
@sueg2658 Im looking into counseling because i am resentful. I love my mom. I just feel so overworked and rarely have a decent break. My aunt has been so helpful, i just need more time for me. I also care for my son that lives an hour 1/2 away. I live 2 blocks from him but im rarely home unless he has appointments. Absolutely a people pleaser. I see my faults but my role in my family is "the care-giver"
I find it hard to admit my strengths and focus on the problems I have had and dohave. I am working on removing myself from a codependent relationship to solve my own problems. 😢
Have you written a book about all of this I would love to read this information. It is so helpful in helping me understand more about myself and having healthy relationships.
Anna is writing a book now! It won't be out for a little while, but you can always check out Anna's courses if you're interested in her work. Here's a link: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Calista@TeamFairy
I’ve been watching these videos trying to find healing for myself for years! The one thing that keeps popping up that is really bothering me is the fact that I am told I’m sabotaging myself, I’m doing this all to myself. It’s me me me I’m doing it to me. Everything that’s happened to me. has been my fault.that’s not true. I didn’t ask for the crappy parents that I got or the life that I got I’ve been doing the best that I can with what I have for 72 years. Will somebody please stop telling me that I am sabotaging myself. I’ve been trying to heal myself. When can I say I am healed and I’m not sabotaging myself anymore?!?
'Look in your underwear drawer.' I don't even have a drawer. But................................ I recently tries to 'save' my mother. I spent thousands on her. 14 hour round trip just to wave at her through the window when she had Covid. Endless hours in meetings with her care team. Shopping trips, hair dresser, nails, skin, every type of care. While I walked around dressed like a tramp. She didn't ask for any of it. Often asked me, why are you here? Why do you keep coming and coming? My relationships with men? Only dangerous, cruel and addicted individuals. I got pregnant rather than leave them even though I didn't even like them. Can't seem to let go. I am extremely codependent, extremely dysfunctional in my relationship with myself.
I am there too but without the getting pregnant part. My current partner definately had his issues most of which is related to his co-dependent father - however he is not active in addiction any longer. Why did I even think he would not use if we were together? So that has been a struggle. I thank God that he has overcome and still overcoming that with his own focus. Yet, for me I did not have a father figure until I was 5 yrs old and that impacted my view of lots of things and about myself of course and only having bad relationships or none at all for years. I am going to start a CR group at our church. I have been sooooo isolated that it is scary. I love people but I need to be on a path of self care and self discovery. I see now I am this HARDER and more concrete than I ever saw before, but I am in a relationship that I want to work and I am committed to my own healing. "let the chips fall where they may" is huge "not controlling others behaviors" is huge and I am quite embarrassed of the fact that I have done that and I am committed to not being this any longer. No one is coming to give me a path... or save me. ❤❤🩷 We can heal starting now!
1:24:57 I think the elephant in the room, is that prolonged alcohol abuse rots your brain. Destroys impulse control. This sound similar to what my friend went through. It was a cycle of getting back together with someone who had alcoholism. Who was institutionalized for it... it's better to leave the person. She was with him until the end, and I can't image how she dealt with the ensuing trauma.
Anna, I would love to take in some of this information - the titles seem to speak directly to MY situation. B U T...... I look at the length of the videos (1:47:03!!!); I can't sit for an hour and a half and try to absorb this kind of input! It is disappointing because I'm sure there is great and useful information that would be helpful, but I can't absorb what the seat of the pants can't endure!
Every week, we post a lengthy compilation of older videos on a theme, it's one way we can help new subscribers find some of the gem's in Anna's RUclips archives. Compilations are identified as such in the description section. If you’re looking for our shorter videos of 30 minutes or less, you can find them by browsing our channel’s homepage: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy -Calista@TeamFairy
1.17.43 This woman is asking> How can i support him. After all he did. I have a question Anna> Isnt this loyalty ? She actually sound like loveable woman who is very loyal, or is it an issue?
23:00-hahaha,that's what my priest friend says about the Sacrament of Confession. Often before some one makes their confession *(humility), they talk a lot about "what others made them do to cause them to sin"...reminds me of that. Same thing:)
It is possible to be happy whether other people change or not. Stop thinking someone can save you... A good life with or without the,, you can learn them from 12 steps recovery program... Note to self
Thank you for watching! Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
Oh dear, this is me. I am 72 and wondered why happiness is out of reach. waiting for someone to define me. and I keep checking the boxes for each point you make, Anna. Thank you for giving me a handle to lift myself up with.
I’m 72 too. I hear you and can relate. Best wishes.
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I hear you I'm 58 same for me I did attend coda groups back in the day but not long enough and maybe just wasn't open enough but I sure am now 👍
It’s me too. 😮
Don't care about someone else's problems more than they care about their own problems.
....I'm sorry, but wouldn't that cancel out a lot of helpful services and care? Like if we didn't care a bit more at all...where would the encouragement, concern, etc. Be when it comes to family, friend, etc. Doing destructive things to themselves/also affecting others. Someone would techically end up caring more sometimes to end up saying something that maybe help that non-caring person in that crappy situation. Guess it's "all about balance." Honestly, I'm Autistic and wondering if that's why this premise gets to me a bit. XD lol Over-thinking: *ACTIVATE*
Thank you, well said 💕 I need to apply this way of thinking in my life when dealing with friends and family. Some tend to not take their "problems" seriously, but I do and it drives me crazy 😅
And don’t do more for someone than they would do for themselves ❤
This cannot always be applicable. I am presently helping 3 people---my parents (father 98 and mother who has recently developed dementia) and a lady down the street who is cognitively impaired. Ideally I would not have these responsibilities but at the moment I cannot leave these people in the lurch....
Ahhhh makes huge sense .I always listened and care my mon”s problems but she wants those problems
My mouth fell open when you described what my life looks like as a result of spending ten years taking care of my mom and neglecting my whole life. Broke, lonely, sad, second guessing etc.
It sounds like you're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes this me too
Same 😞
Omg exactly my lifeI took care of my mom! I discovered this channel a light bulb goes OFF… Every exact thing is validated now I have a name for it CPTSD & I decide I want healing & want to change my life & just as I start to feel hope …. my position at work gets eliminated instantly on a 1on1 zoom call:😢 I suspect it’s because I stumbled on a co-workers energy w our boss. Wrong place at the wrong time! Not gonna lie I am some what relieved because they were very clicky & very mean spirited! Your channel is pulling me thru SO THANK YOU ANA. As soon as I can afford it I’m signing up!
Slowly you’re helping me learn that people pleasing isn’t actually honest and healthy!!! This compilation is gonna be great to reference
I'm so glad you found the video! -Calista@TeamFairy
My parents were chronically unhappy alcoholics. My mother stayed in her bedroom for a year when I was a teenager. I am sensitive and empathetic and loved them and wanted them to be happy. Their unhappiness and problems became much more important than me and my (to them) unimportant life. I'm 68 now and it's taken most of my life to feel OK about focusing on myself and developing my interests, my spiritual growth, my career, and this lifetime on this planet. But I do now and it's such a good feeling. I'm not all the way there but much better now. I encourage everyone to keep redirecting your attention and concern back to you and your life purpose. Your life and developing your life is very important and should be your focus. This has nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with regaining sovereignty over your sacred and unique self and life.
Thank you so much for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm happy for you. I'm 41 yrs old, single, and i'm otw to take back control of my life and to focus on my life.
What resulted was having emotional outbursts from my narc single parent who has depended on me to get a life (ever since i can remember) and guilt tripping me that i'm abandoning her.
(I'm in an asian environment so it's ok for children to cont'd to stay with their parents even when they are in their forties😢)
She will do that whenever my focus is on myself and not on her. And it could go down to little things like spending a long day with friends and not with her 😢.
She needs therapy but she refused and finds that there's nothing wrong with her.😢
Your story resonate deeply with me. You have to focus on yourself, your mother won't probably go to therapy cause it's not her idea but yours, you have the power to change your situation.
Let me share with you my story.
Im from an african background, parents are everything in my communauty too. My mother is immature and narcissist, i had to take care of her and her kids when my father left us when i was 8yrs old.
I did everything, cleaned, cooked, grocery shopped, i raised my baby sister of 2yrs, i had to feed her, changed her, bath her, took her to/brung her from kindergarten/school and it was never enough.
My mother used to work from 6am to 9pm. She was never home, only sundays.
I didn't live my childhood, she stole it from me. She was terrible, always attacking me, blaming me, humiliating me.
She didn't let me have friends, she viciously enjoyed preventing me having fun with others kids. so i was always alone. i couldn't go outside to play, only for chores.
School wasn't her priority at all, I failed my exams to go to university cause i couldn't do my homework, to busy being a mom.
She never wanted me to succeed, I had to sacrifice myself for her, Always complaning about her life, her problems, her needs. i had to be her therapist, her mother, her saver. . It was all about her. So I spent my life living hers. I didn't know who I was, she hadn't given me the chance to find out, she wasn't interested, she couldn't get anything out of it so why bother...
It was an excruciating life, I had eating disorders (still struggling with it), dysmorphia, depression, i was an addict, I tried to kill myself myltiple times. I was a zombie walking on earth.
And At 33 years old, everything changed, thank God, i had an epiphany. that day I've finally understood, she will never love me, she will never validate me, she will never be interested by who I'am.
I cried, i thought i would die, i remember screaming in my floor's kitchen like a crazy person.
For weeks i couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I was overwhelmed by the truth, my truth " i wasted 30 years of my life trying to save her, I wasted 30 yrs of my life trying to make her see/love/validate me, i wasted 30 years of my life destroying my health, my life for someone who has never gave a d...n about me"
Today after 6 years of healing, she still tries to guiltrip me but she knows it won't ever work again. she blames me, she talk bad about me to my family but you know what, i m the one who doesn't give a d...n about it now.
I'm living my life, still struggling with health problems but today i can say, i finally know who I'am.
I'm travelling by myself whenever i can( still struggling with money)
I'm free, free from her, free from my past, free from all the toxic person i attracted for 30 yrs (all my one-sided toxic relationships included my ex husband).
It's never too late to change your life, never too late to start prioritizing your needs, your life. Never too late to love yourself for the first time ever ❤️
@@personne3837 thank you for sharing your story😊.
It's inspiring. I'm working hard to focus on myself too at the moment.
Wish all of us the best in our future years! We deserve to be happy in our own ways! ❤️
@@personne3837your story brought me to tears. I can resonate so much with it. I'm so happy you were able to find the truth, no matter difficult it was. I type this as my own mother lays a meter away from me. Only a few more months until im free, if that. Stay strong.
Never get involved with a project. Love yourself first 💗
I went no contact with an ex and he told me that I was childish and immature because I refused to be friends. Now I know that's what manipulative dangerous people say when you leave them. GLAD I LEFT HIM ANYWAY🎉🎉🎉
You’re helping make a huge difference in the world. I know I am changing for the better. Thank you ma’am
Wow, that's amazing! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
Anna-I learned that we can’t wait for parents validation because it may not come or they are gone already. I feel blessed and humble that when I learned of your channel you validated me. But what I need to get MUCH better at is putting up boundaries and doing so respectfully. I want to be happy and I finally realized that it’s MY responsibility to make me happy. I’m working on that too-so much to learn! Lol
Great insight, thank you for sharing. We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm an Only child with a single parent, no other family, completely sucks. Holidays are triggering of the solitude without any real authentic connection.
Our whole community is here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Sovereignty is a great word for 2024 ❤
Me within the first 10 minutes, "No. No. NO! It's always been me! I'M the problem!" 😭 This was very enlightening, but also quite sad for me
Same but yes - I definately feel sad at my own behavior and even embarrassed bc it is so self-defeating and exhausting at the same time. Thankful for this video and able to see that I am in these patterns.
It is so defeating and DRAINING! I agree! Anna has given me so much clarity! I'm happy to be a part of this healing community thanks to her videos!
100% I love people but my codependency keeps me in a shell. So much to give but def need my own love first. 🐚 🐢🥚🩷@@hurricaneMecalah
Just be grateful that you're starting to see it. We're all on our own soul journey. You're becoming more self aware, you're growing, and learning. At least you can see your own flaws. We're ALL the problem at some point in our lives. And just because you've been part of the problem, doesn't grant immunity to anyone in the past who abused or mistreated you. Don't beat yourself up ❤
Kasey’s letter hits home, my mom, dad and me are in similar situation.
A year ago I lost a friend and started going to codependent anonymous or CODA. This will be saved to keep reminding me what I want and what I do not want. Thank you for setting this out there for people like me. One day at a time I am working on me.
Amazing,
I spent time going to a psychologist & psychiatrist and I ended defending myself with them
Now, this lady in just one video I found out so clear my main problem
God really put people in our way to guide us in other ways
Thank you for this service
I'm glad you're here!
Thank you so much, Anna. You see so much. It’s incredible how much peace you are giving us codependents. And telling it straight. Even when I had 6 years of coda under my belt, I had to pace myself with your videos bc they are “emotional surgery.” Now I listen to you daily and I have never been stronger. I stopped pining for men, I love my freedom, I realize my mom will never validate me. I never would have healed this loneliness so quickly without your videos. And I am abuse free too ❤
This just makes my day. Thanks for sharing this progress report here, where you can give so much inspiration to others!
When I felt that impulse to help someone with something that was none of my business Id ask myself the question, should I be applying this solution/effort to my own problems?
Best 1hour & 45 minutes I've spent in weeks! Thank you😊❤
I'm so happy to hear that :) -Calista@TeamFairy
When I left it felt like they had died and I set my mind to grieve all the things that would remain unresolved. It lasted for 3-4 months then one day I noticed the peacefulness, that I could hear myself, that I was drawing closer to those people in my life that didn’t need to hurt others. I’ll never not see red flags again, I hope:)
Good luck and stay strong in you decision to choose health! ❤
Thanks Anna for being you!
Thanks for sharing this, we're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
My husband of 18 years cannot read nor write ( and now can barely hear) yes yes yes!! I'm teacher, mother, pastor, repeater, raised his daughter . I'm exhausted and I'd be way way gone, but love & guilt. He's 78 and it's wrong at this point, I should have years ago. It's just too much and too little in return.
You are the most beautiful lady for standing strong
It's never to late
Ur Honor Accountability Integrity Loyalty to ur chosen one to share ur life with.....love and boundaries are ur best friend at this point
Ask for help
And do not be afraid of being vulnerable
The greatest thing is to take care of urself ❤ I adore u and ur loved 🤗❤From my heart to urs❤
Innerstanding
Thank you❤
It’s not too late to choose yourself.
@@robinkirk4020 I used to believe in " chosen" one , a soul mate. One person picked out for me. Yet part of me felt like , why? I do not believe in any special someone for me, now seeing that I do not even know who ME really is! I do stay out of responsibility, my oath and I do love him, but no longer in love with him.
@@Maddie-5 you are beautiful my friend never forget that as a Sister truly i innerstand plz never surrender Ur love is ur power use it towards urself u deserve it to urself
I think ur Brave and worthy of what u are awakening too
Sending u the biggest hug i know u can feel it🤗💖
Yes. Narcissists DO intentionally trigger their partners to get their partners to act all dramatic… So they can then say, “SEE! SHE’S the crazy one!!”
Too true! If only RUclips had been there 30 years ago, when I was in therapy during stressful law school. My perfectly good shrink (bearded, tweed jacket with elbow patches, cigar) was thrilled after reading my copy of Melanie Beatty's Codependent No More. It rang true, like you, and gave us something real to work on. Young folks - listen to this good fairy and heal! Thanks again, Anna🙏🌷
This is beautifully honest & informative.
I wish there was more focus on vulnerability & authenticity not as something youre givimg to someone but as giving that growth to yourself
FocusingResources RUclips channel by Ann Weiser has helped me with that tremendously.
All you said made so much sense in my own healing journey after being diagnosed with Cptsd. But arriving to this diagnosis took many months including diagnosis of Adhd, severe depression, energy healing sessions, and maybe the hardest was to seeing my fault in my always a failure relationships. Turning my back to situations that won’t make me happy, saying no, creating boundaries while there are people who would like go out, have fun.. And they say “oh c’mon u don’t have any problems, you are a beautiful woman just go on with your life😢” Now the real healing journey started but there are so many areas to fix and look at. Where to start? Don’t know… Thank you so much for your assistance🌷✨
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
@crappychildhoodfairy Thank you very much for your kind reply. I'll definitely check out the free courses as well as the other ones... I'm glad that we have professionals like you around us💝💜💟
I appreciate you so much !!
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Wow, the two stories are so sad😢
Made me mad and wanted to step in for them and open my crazy mouth. Yuck yuck, Im so sorry for her ( Casey?) . Run run girl as far as away you can and DO NOT look back! He is a vacuum😢 and this will only end when he cannot use you anymore, however that comes about . Big hug to you❤
Anna never disappoints! ❤❤ the message is on point huni!! Love the content!
This is best explanation of codependency EVER 👍
I used to attend coda groups back in the day they definitely helped me to leave a bad relationship and I understood things but not enough now I'm 58 years old and I can see where its led me ..thank you thank you for the brutal honesty you share here it's actually a breath of fresh air because I understand I needed this so so much
This is extremely helpful and comforting. I feel so much unbearable emotional pain, but somewhat empowered that I might be able to have some happiness in my life. I didn't realize how codependent I was and sabatoging healthy relationships ❤
I’m starting to date again and I find myself trying to crap fit into anybody that kinda likes me. Today I walked away from a connection that didn’t seem healthy. I felt so light and clear headed but, just a few hours later, I can’t stop thinking about going back and I am terrified of my normal life without someone that’s into me 😅 I can’t wait to hear this whole video to feel more grounded!!
We completely understand, you're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
For how long you've been single ?
I m exactly in the same situation. I m working on myself but any time a man gives me some attention, im ready to forget all the red flags and go back to the old me. I know i'm healing cause i don't stay in those relations like i used to but it's still a waste of my precious time to not be able to leave from the beginning after seeing all the red flags waving at me. It's still a struggle to not be able to dodge those kind of toxic men (they all have additions with alcohol)
@@personne3837 you don’t even know how much I understand!! It feels excruciating! I try to remember something I heard on this channel about how so many people have happy normal relationships. It’s not rare or weird so it must be achievable 🤷♀️ Im 29 and I have been single for 5 years. I feel like not dating at all is avoidance but I get desregulated the second I actually like somebody… I’ll completely abandon myself. It’s been a few days since my first post; I took the time to be apart and see the connection for what it was and now it doesn’t hurt as much! We need time in between dates to re-regulate and if things seem so fast that you can’t take your time, that’s a (very difficult) no-no 😭 I just blast these videos and clean around the house until I feel better hah
Oh my, so well put. You say this in a way I can SEE MYSELF (and a few others). Wow, thank you so much. Love your videos.
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This was A great one! I love your sarcasm 🙃
Excellent insights. I can look back and see this pattern in my own past. I feel I have largely moved beyond it for myself but now see it on the flip side in present struggles with a relative. I have felt very manipulated and subtly criticized and only recently did I honestly acknowledge it to her. Since speaking my piece, I have kept a wide berth, interacting being kept to a polite minimum. I have seen all the stops being pulled out on her end as she tries to ingratiate herself to me. Numerous unrequested gifts, overtures, and random messages without ever acknowledging the issues that brought about the break in the first place. It's a painful thing to witness and makes me realize how I likely came off to others in previous relationships. Never again.
Thanks for sharing this. -Calista@TeamFairy
A person can be self determined but I feel we all need love from someone. As humans we are social. It's not ok to impose your will on others but it's ok ( I think) to want to be loved by someone.
Thanks for all you do Anna❤
Maddie, I feel your pain and despair in what you are saying. I could take care of other people much easier than having the roll of "Caregiver" for my husband, but with his handicapps, I am his caregiver more than a wife. It gets so heavy sometimes.
We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh the letter from Alma (Ulma?) who moved over seas sounds exactly like the romantic scam that a person I know went through in Egypt and the ones I’ve heard about through several documentaries/TV reports. There is certainly a play book that these men use on older women. I’m so sorry she was in that situation and am glad she is headed home.
Anna, you are so articulate about these subjects! I venture to say you weren't always so articulate about it tho, before you healed yourself? I want to be like that. I've always had a goal or dream in life to be a published writer and speaker about self-development and how to help others obtain their goals too, but my life has been one codependent distraction after another! Is it possible I can heal and focus on my own self-development? I admire you for what you've accomplished after having experienced so many similar things I have. You're a fine example to all of us who are still floundering!
You absolutely can heal! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
How helpful.lookat the log...not splitter in other's eyes
One of my favorite definitions of codependence is…first of all, “co-“ refers to BOTH people in the partnership. I don’t believe it’s EVER just one person being codependent. It wouldn’t “work” if BOTH are NOT codependent.
Definition: “one person” NEEDS TO BE NEEDED… by their partner“; “the other person NEEDS TO NEED…their partner.”
This video is golden 🙏
My God the underwear drawer test hit me like a ton of bricks!
This video helped me tremendously. Thank you.
I'm so glad! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I watched this yesterday. I thought I was fine. I did the Daily Practice this morning. I'm now triggered, angry, and want to avoid people more. I guess I need serious help. I just want to go far far away from here! I don't know what else to do.
How eye opening.
Self care is a struggle. My mom has been on hospice for a year now and I put my own needs last
That sounds very difficult. We're all sending you support :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I can relate. I cared for my mom too. And I remember getting up in the morning having to urinate so bad, but I always attended to my mother first, which was quite normal for me simce childhood as her needs ALWAYS came first.
I mentioned this to my therapist and I was shocked at what she told me. She said “Whatever your mother needs, you do too” And told me that I had a right to urinate first and take care of my own needs first. It’s like on an air plane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. That blew my mind. But I took her advice and it really did help me.
Best wishes.
@sueg2658 Im looking into counseling because i am resentful. I love my mom. I just feel so overworked and rarely have a decent break. My aunt has been so helpful, i just need more time for me. I also care for my son that lives an hour 1/2 away. I live 2 blocks from him but im rarely home unless he has appointments. Absolutely a people pleaser. I see my faults but my role in my family is "the care-giver"
I find it hard to admit my strengths and focus on the problems I have had and dohave. I am working on removing myself from a codependent relationship to solve my own problems.
😢
Have you written a book about all of this I would love to read this information. It is so helpful in helping me understand more about myself and having healthy relationships.
Anna is writing a book now! It won't be out for a little while, but you can always check out Anna's courses if you're interested in her work. Here's a link: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/
-Calista@TeamFairy
I’ve been watching these videos trying to find healing for myself for years! The one thing that keeps popping up that is really bothering me is the fact that I am told I’m sabotaging myself, I’m doing this all to myself. It’s me me me I’m doing it to me. Everything that’s happened to me. has been my fault.that’s not true. I didn’t ask for the crappy parents that I got or the life that I got I’ve been doing the best that I can with what I have for 72 years. Will somebody please stop telling me that I am sabotaging myself. I’ve been trying to heal myself. When can I say I am healed and I’m not sabotaging myself anymore?!?
Video 1: 00:00
Video 2: 18:01
Video 3: 45:00
Video 4: 1:08:40
I hate how this is hitting me 😢
Hang in there! You can heal.
Nika@TeamFairy
Also, in codependency, one person is the “savior”; and the other is the “save-ee “.
🤲🏻 Thanks 🪄
I can relate to a lot of this...
'Look in your underwear drawer.' I don't even have a drawer. But................................
I recently tries to 'save' my mother. I spent thousands on her. 14 hour round trip just to wave at her through the window when she had Covid. Endless hours in meetings with her care team. Shopping trips, hair dresser, nails, skin, every type of care. While I walked around dressed like a tramp.
She didn't ask for any of it. Often asked me, why are you here? Why do you keep coming and coming?
My relationships with men? Only dangerous, cruel and addicted individuals. I got pregnant rather than leave them even though I didn't even like them. Can't seem to let go.
I am extremely codependent, extremely dysfunctional in my relationship with myself.
I am there too but without the getting pregnant part. My current partner definately had his issues most of which is related to his co-dependent father - however he is not active in addiction any longer. Why did I even think he would not use if we were together? So that has been a struggle.
I thank God that he has overcome and still overcoming that with his own focus. Yet, for me I did not have a father figure until I was 5 yrs old and that impacted my view of lots of things and about myself of course and only having bad relationships or none at all for years.
I am going to start a CR group at our church. I have been sooooo isolated that it is scary. I love people but I need to be on a path of self care and self discovery. I see now I am this HARDER and more concrete than I ever saw before, but I am in a relationship that I want to work and I am committed to my own healing.
"let the chips fall where they may" is huge "not controlling others behaviors" is huge and I am quite embarrassed of the fact that I have done that and I am committed to not being this any longer.
No one is coming to give me a path... or save me. ❤❤🩷
We can heal starting now!
1:24:57 I think the elephant in the room, is that prolonged alcohol abuse rots your brain. Destroys impulse control. This sound similar to what my friend went through. It was a cycle of getting back together with someone who had alcoholism. Who was institutionalized for it... it's better to leave the person. She was with him until the end, and I can't image how she dealt with the ensuing trauma.
I dont hate myself. But I can't get my focus off other people's words, actions. What's the best treatment?
Oh boy, now my life has more sense i have been codependant all my life(( May i write you a private message Anna?
Recognise a lot of my and
One my friend who caught by con artist.
Ana, why don't you become a therapist. You are better than most!
Not me being co-dependent!! 😮😅
can twpo people becomes co-dependent with each other.. so both go into a blackhole together?
Anna, I would love to take in some of this information - the titles seem to speak directly to MY situation. B U T...... I look at the length of the videos (1:47:03!!!); I can't sit for an hour and a half and try to absorb this kind of input! It is disappointing because I'm sure there is great and useful information that would be helpful, but I can't absorb what the seat of the pants can't endure!
Every week, we post a lengthy compilation of older videos on a theme, it's one way we can help new subscribers find some of the gem's in Anna's RUclips archives. Compilations are identified as such in the description section. If you’re looking for our shorter videos of 30 minutes or less, you can find them by browsing our channel’s homepage: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy
-Calista@TeamFairy
1.17.43 This woman is asking> How can i support him. After all he did. I have a question Anna> Isnt this loyalty ? She actually sound like loveable woman who is very loyal, or is it an issue?
23:00-hahaha,that's what my priest friend says about the Sacrament of Confession. Often before some one makes their confession *(humility), they talk a lot about "what others made them do to cause them to sin"...reminds me of that. Same thing:)
22:22 👌🏻
Wow.. this is me. Codependent😢
It is possible to be happy whether other people change or not. Stop thinking someone can save you... A good life with or without the,, you can learn them from 12 steps recovery program... Note to self
😢 this is Me,who was I? I want to heal too
Thank you for watching! Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
“just as wack” 😂
Me right now.
Me too
You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
WHY MUST YOU KNOW THE CONTENT OF MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER! NAMASTE 🙏
I'm just trying to get my adult daughter not to treat me like trash. that's it.
Didn't I paint your house?
You are so wonderful, thank you
I definitely have theses traits as does my partner but I have had no idea where to begin in healing. I have started the daily practice. ❤️🩹
Healing started the moment you decided to seek out questions and answers about what's going on inside! ❤ You got this!
The practice is a great place to start! -Calista@TeamFairy