*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice *Join my Membership and access my private online community: bit.ly/CCF-Membership *Visit my website at crappychildhoodfairy.com *Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 *Have a question for me to answer on RUclips? Write me here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
This is me. I don’t like crowds, get claustrophobic if I’m around too many people, but have a deep longing for physical contact and affection. (I’m 54, and have never had a girlfriend. My adversity to how uncomfortable physical contact makes me feel is so depressing sometimes.)
Loneliness shortens your life dramatically and isolation even more so. It is a very serious medical issue, and cannot be fixed by being stronger: “Those who were more lonely were about 40 percent more likely to die over the next four years, while those who were socially isolated were about 75 percent more likely to die. It's important to understand the context.” (Harvard Gazette)
Connection is such a challenge for me. I made an effort to grow past self-isolating, but that desire to run when I think rejection is going to happen is still strong--especially when conversations and kindness never seem to turn into friendships. Forget the off-work outings. If I don't occasionally invite myself, even casual walks over for coffee don't happen. People will tell me deeply personal things, knowing they can trust me. Yet they rarely want to just hang out.
Hello, I’m a psychiatry registrar from Australia. I absolutely love how beautifully and accessibly you describe what are actually very complex issues. Your channel is so fantastic: so compassionate and so genuinely helpful. Thank you so much for your contribution to this very complex world!
I loved the lockdown finally an excuse to just stay in my house and watch RUclips no social pressure to be around people or keep appointments no reason to wear anything other than pj,s I actually miss it😢Anna why did you find it hard and others too 😮
For the longest time, I had a broken GREEN flag detector. I was so used to being defensive that it was hard for me to believe anyone had good intentions. I also felt so bad about myself that I thought if people ever got close and saw the “real” me, they would be repulsed. I instead either kept them preemptively at arm’s length or was so superficially interactive they never tried to go beneath the surface. What a lonely existence. And you’re right about isolation and getting rusty. You can only rebreathe your own air for so long before it becomes toxic. A healthy life needs ventilation.
I think if I were lonely, I would join a gym and get a personal trainer or become part of a club or volunteer. Giving makes you feel so good, and it takes the focus off of yourself. I also like to go on a walk, rain or shine. When someone even smiles and just says hi. It makes me feel better. Or even goimg through a drivethrew for coffee. It somehow makes me feel important. Another huge thing that makes me feel better is getting a pedicure. Usually, the person is so friendly and talks a lot and makes me feel special.
@@stonermom707 hi. I totally understand having too much social anxiety. It's probably because growing up, you had no safe humans around you to interact with. Or were probably not allowed to. You would have learnt to stay away and be self sufficient to be safe. But the protective skills you learnt back then are keeping your life small and limited. Learning new things is usually not easy. But unlearning lifelong habits is very difficult. It would take absurd amounts of planning and mental energy to start. But it gets easier. I hope you never give up trying ❤
Oh honey, Im so sorry about those bad neighbors. I can relate very much. You are a blessing to us about what you are trying to do to reach us about thiese issues we can experience. God bless you
I love spending time on my own from staying at home or travel. I get overwhelmed sometimes when I am surrounded by people. I may be in a room full of people and yet, I feel lonelily. But I rare feel that way when I am on my own world
I feel this way at work. There is a cabal run by a narcissist that gathers attention and isolates the rest of us. I might as well be working by myself.
Amazing episode. Its almost as if supressing feelings and expression is a trauma response protecting our safety, so connecting internally is the first key step.
I don't want to spend time with male friends anymore because it's my comfort zone, and I don't truly build meaningful connections with friends. I avoid men who show any romantic interest in me. Emotional connections trigger me. Growing up, the adults around me often felt like a threat when they expressed emotions. Their emotions were uncontrollable and unpredictable. I learned that emotions weren't trustworthy, could be dangerous, and that emotion was not something stable. For me, any man who shows affection or emotion feels like a threat, even if the emotion is positive, because I don't trust that it will last. I choose friends who are less emotional and more 'rational' because being surrounded by logical people makes me feel safe. They're predictable and don't have mood swings. But emotionally, I feel empty.
Good luck. Find an older man who doesn't need to get in your pants. Go on a date and have fun. Ask a guy out, many of us like you but won't ask you out.
You have made a MASSIVE shift in my life for the better right now Anna, when I sooooo neeed it when nothing else has been helping as much thus far. I know I need to write to you but it takes time and intensity to do that including having to use my hands, which quite honestly need a break due to what I do for a living. Literally, my wrist and fingers need a break as they are on the computer keypad or using a mouse all day designing lol at any rate thank you thank you thank you. I only discovered you about a week ago and I cannot tell you how much it is making a difference and just about a weeks time only from watching your videos. I now know I am not crazy that everything you have spoken of is literally what I have been experiencing for years if not decadesof post trauma from my childhood, specifically involving relationships and sometimes and how I react to people at work or friends or acquaintances. Thank you God bless you always, and one day I will write it down!
Thank you for all you do. So lonely after the silliness of the last 4 years. As soon as I have caught up after recovering from a tornado, I am prioritizing human relationships. Already taking steps but cleaning up after Mother Nature has sapped my strength.
I have learned not to be so triggered and I’m noticing my attachment style is turning from anxious to secure attachment in our marriage sooo good. But in social situations I’m still triggers and working on that and leaning into prayer 🙏🏻 daily ❤
The letter you read while you were wearing the green shirt ambushed me. I was listening to it, and then as you started to talk about it, my chest started getting tight. It's tight now, and even writing this comment is making me feel like I'm at risk of breaking apart. I need to take a break for a sec, but I want to get back to this video. You may end up with a letter from me in a bit about growing up as not the daughter your mom desperately needed you to be, and what it feels like to have people say "I love you" when it just seems to mean "can't you just be someone else for my sake?"
I am very lonely but I realize I am desperately relating with people and connections don't fulfill me. Is the people I have un my life but they are from the past and no longer fill right for me. I need to create new connections but my anxiety and cptsd make it all difficult. Painful times.
A great way to get clarity about relationships is through the Daily Practice. You can try out the free course here if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Frida@TeamFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Ana, I did part of it, I am having a hard time being consistent with it. I recently realized that I am going through some kind of depression, I feel a boid in my chest and a lot of sadness, specially on weekends when I am alone and not working, I am tired most of the time. I am working on it. Thank you for your recommendation. I appreciate it.
Early in my recovery I found a friend with parents like mine who, according to a standard set before women had any real rights much less children, did their duty, and didn’t beat us excessively, provided for us, took us on vacations, and all that stuff. Gosh, if only the abuse was more brutal then at least we’d be sure! I finally fully understood that they did the best they could but it wasn’t enough. And at the same time I am trying to heal myself they continue to play out their dysfunction together, seemingly getting sicker every day. It’s so hard to make a firm decision to set and keep self-protective boundaries. But each time I hear stories that are colored by a hint of my own experience, I become more committed to my decision to stop the cycle. ❤
So, so much information in a short period of time. I get overloaded in what you are presenting. I need less to be able to really grasp what you are saying, process it and come out better for listening. I think I need to listen yo less than 1/4 of the video at a time. All be back!
the books arrived and I'll also be traveling with it! So whatever happens- even more of a fair chance to grow understanding and becoming better- step by step, by step!
Instead of using dating apps and relying on chance meetings, I would think that pursuing interests and passions would be a more fruitful way of meeting like-minded friends and potential mates! If we have a definite spiritual view, go to a church that supports what we believe, same with political leanings, a love for dogs, a passion to help the needy! Instead of constantly looking at ourselves, it can be freeing to look at a greater cause, and then....look to the left or the right as you're immersed in a project, and (Whoa!) " There's someone who is really into the same thing I am! We should hang out!!".
I resisted cynicism but I came to realize that it's a dangerously arrogant statement to declare everyone as bad. It will push us and others away. I'm a good man so others must exist as well
I can absolutely agee with all the advice to "Avery", in fact am living in this way. I've had a rich fullflling life, now serving in ministry in the Middle East, been celibate 25+ years after my divorce, obviously very selective, would only date totally like -minded men. I have dated /had relationships over the years. Available men like this seem non-existent. I am content, growing spiritually/ emotionally, but I do feel a very deep loss and lonely often, having not found a mate. Yes i have friends, work, art, music, travel. I'm sitting here on a Friday nite alone watching. I've prayed and wondered: is there a practical way to rid myself of this desire not to be single. At 65, i should be over it.
I too have been co-dependant my whole life. I participated in a lot of 12 step stuff as a teen and a young adult, but also tried a lot of other stuff. I have a lot of tools, and still I wasn't able to make much real progress until I began doing the daily practice. I have a lot of the books, and have trouble reading them nowadays due to my shortened attention span! 😅
You can put the term you're interested in in the channel search bar to find literally dozens of videos on the subject. You can try tips Anna teaches in videos, and if you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people called ‘Connection Bootcamp’. Here’s a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
Hello Anna 🧚♀️ Congratulations for your BOOK 🧚♀️🎉 Couldn't wait too hear you and Rachel talk , liked when she said that she begins the writing with the resentments because there are fears connected any way. Since i begin with resentments or a resentment and like it. From my experience, untreated cptsd get worst, avoidence becomes phobias and i froze more and more 🥶. Living in my head made me become weird and my survive style hold me back to invite decent people to my place, i share with my ex boyfriend (luckily he can live down stairs and i remain up stairs 🎉 + he's a bully, the DP 🧚♀️ is my super power ✍️🧘♀️) living with an active cptsd i ended sleeping 12-16 hours a day, felt weaker and weaker, lost my appetite and weight and the worst i lost hope and honestly without the DP 🧚♀️ i had enough good reasons too feel hopeless. Don't remember how i found Crappy Childhood Fairy 🧚♀️, it was around April and i began to practice the DP 🧚♀️, at first ones a day and 10min meditation for some weeks and raised to 20min regularly ( almost every day) and struggled too practice more. But i felt the healing, less numb, foggy, could keep my boundaries with a bully and after three big tantrums, some weeks between, where i could grey rock him and since he stopped the tantrums, more than six months ago 🎉. Needing help too practice twice a day i succeeded to join a peer led DP 🧚♀️ Zoom call and got a very good advice from a peer, he uses the DP 🧚♀️ peer led calls for the second practice and so i did ❤❤❤ It's around two weeks ago and after that time of practice twice a day, thanks to my peers 🧚♀️✍️🧘♀️🙏🥰, i feel that i defrost 😲 and that i can follow the DP calls ✍️🧘♀️🧚♀️ without feeling more tired, the ruminations ends on paper 📜 and the release is true 🎉❤❤❤ i feel i come back to life and i have trust because i get education i needed so much and i love being educated by Anna 🧚♀️, i need the though love, those are the informations i couldn't find, its not easy and many don't like it, i do, i like to tell what's important to me, didn't realize that being that honest could be too much 😲. The 15 of October i'll be 54 years young and after a few time practicing like prescribed i feel that i defrost 😲, less tired, feel good and not alone at all having you and the community of peers 🧚♀️ i see on zoom every day and feel affectedly nourished 😲🧚♀️💞. Wow my biggest dream became true 🎉❤❤😊 i never felt that close from the light at the end of the tunnel ❤🎉🎉🎉 Don't have words strong enough too express my gratitude for the DP 🧚♀️ and CCF🧚♀️💞 and i get help even too learn how to eat and i love BLE, sugar+flour=me crazy And i have books too read and share about and doing that is exercising my left brain and gives me new words, new questions, an other point of view ❤❤❤ I have help and support for all areas of my life and that is very relaxing 😎
Being ostracized only based on rumors from other people is something that I have personal experience with. I remember my mum getting the same treatment as Anna Runkle and it wasn't fun because I lost dear childhood friends over it. Then being evicted over and over by a meddling grandmother who hated me and her daughter for being a single parent household. It was a chronic mess of a childhood. I spent years in therapy and when my life was stable, the same meddling grandmother pulled the same stunt on my last house. Got evicted again and she is viewed as the innocent one by her support team. I'll be glad when she is deceased. Of course, she has other people willing to do these little crappy things for the grandmother's friendship and or memory in exchange for part of the inheritance. I need friends and companionship, not rumor and speculation by nosy people.
I went no contact with my whole family and move out. In this city I started to set boundaries with people but it's hard to know people when you are a woman over 60. Most people about my age who approaches me are dirty old men (at least two asked me to get closer to their faces because they couldn't see my face...yuk) and women in my neighborhood with a taste for gossiping. I adopted a dog to find out she had ADHD due to being traumatized and my anxiety was sky rocketing. I was able to find help and it's know in Iceland with a young couple doing around 10 kms a day, something it was impossible for me to do but I was accused of killing her. I had to show videos of her running with other dogs while she was waiting for adoption. She came out better than I but I'm suffering of isolation not only because I feel safer by my own but because I'm being ostracized.
So sorry that happened to you. People can be so judgmental and it's about them not you. I hope you can find some like minds. I go to a depression support group and have met wonderful people there.
To the individual who is the only child. Your dad is a dry alcoholic and a narcissist. Your mum is codependent. It’s healthy that you don’t feel completely ok around them, it means that you know that something was and is wrong. You can set boundaries so that you can feel free to live your own values and vision for your life.
WOW! The lady with the co-dependent mother in the third video- that's literally EXACTLY like my biological mother. She never respected my boundaries, called cops on me and said I was missing. AFTER she dropped me off at my best friend's house. If I didn't call her back within 5 or so minutes (regardless of what I'm doing) she will continue to call me over and over...she would even go so far to call my places of work and asked my bosses to make me call her ASAP. It was rough. Luckily, I was only with bio parents until I was 6.
Anna will this help me ? The daily practice?? I procrastinate and cant move forward even the daily practice. i have fallowed you for years now and i feel like i cant or i dont do it ..but if i could find a way to push myself to do it could it help ? ,I'm not sure if im disregulated but I'm stuck.. all of the things procrastination not taking care of myself or barely doing regular things that people need to do just to live ,isolation.(at least i am brushing my teeth but barely) and not working .I need a job.. I just can't move or make myself do anything. So much in my head can't figure out where to start. Spinning in circles but stuck in the mud😢 completely alone and have to do it myself but I am not doing it. And can't figure out how . Do you think the daily practice could help me ?
One thing you could try, is just sign up for the course. Do it if you can, but even if you can't yet, come to one of our free weekly calls where everyone writes and meditates together, and the coaches and I take questions. You can just listen. Just come sit in the Zoom room with us and soak it in -- if you can. Sometimes just one little action activates the lovely energy to do a second action. When you sign up for the course (or for anything where you give your e-mail) we'll send invitations to the free Daily Practice calls to you.
I find my lexicon has shrunk. Because of a lack of deep conversation, my interaction skills have lessened, and I won't even approach women. I feel like an old person being housed in a retirement home.
I’ve had a lot of trauma and ongoing trauma in my life, starting from the time I was born till I moved out (meaning we were homeless again and I was done) at 17! I’ve done as well as I can as an adult, but I’m getting taking advantage of! I try to help people, but I don’t realize I’ve been being taken advantage of until I am already agoraphobic! My mind realizes before I do and tries to protect me. How do I stop this pattern?? Do you already have a video on this?
You may want to try Anna's free course ‘The Daily Practice’. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
@ crappychildhoodFairy It happend to me so many times, sometimes when i m talking with someones i feel like i m not present ,i m here yes but i can t understand what they say despite i am with them physically but mentally i m not there , sometimes when i want to say something but i just can't figure out what i really want to say .
yes 13:20 ...it was part of the plademic. I worked through the plandemic as a nurse and I became a patient ....the isolation of the HEALTHY was SCARY and they went insane, and affected people who really needed help but were really alone.
I apologize for disagreeing with your statement that parents, if alive, are not able to change. Basically, your statement if taken as true is somewhat demoralizing and empty of faith that parents are stuck in their flaws, unable to awaken and improve from their genetic or environmental imprints. That is hopeless talk!! I have been proactive in self-help studies, therapies, spiritual and Christian counseling with great improvements (their statements not mine). There are many parents today who are aware and proactive not to pass on their traumas to their children, or work with them to develop healthy relationships. So, making a generalized statements that parents are doomed to remain in their patterns does not help build healthy understanding and healthy parent-child relationships. Many of my early childhood dysfunctions have been talked out and worked out through prayers, breathwork, and counseling, and being in my 70's I helped my family see and overcome the fears of the 2020 craziness and beyond.
@ceciliao3158 Having watched almost all of Anna’s many videos, my understanding of her word ”can’t” in this context has more to do with a lack of awareness or willingness to change, rather than an outright incapacity to change. In fact, the overriding, and encouraging message of Crappy Childhood Fairy is that no one, despite even horrific trauma, has to remain stuck in destructive patterns. There is always help. There is always hope and there is always the possibility of healing. Whether or not someone chooses to do the work is entirely up to them. 💗
Why didn’t you say this stuff 2 years ago? The pandemic wasn’t just in 2020. It dragged on and it would’ve been nice if somebody would’ve come on and told the truth about isolation and bullying, media doom etc. I feel like the tides have turned and everybody is suddenly speaking out but where was everybody in the middle of it when people were really going through it? If you were afraid of having your channel blocked or censorship that’s one thing. There’s just this timing now where all of a sudden everyone is being more public. What is that about?
All your gurus were going through the same trauma during that time. Have some empathy. They are humans who need time to process their experiences, same as you. Why weren't YOU speaking out about it two years ago?
@@jumbolumps666 I did stand up at risk to my job. I’m just wondering why people aren’t afraid anymore to speak out? If people are saying things now they were thinking it before. Our rights were trampled and everyone’s trying to act like it didn’t happen. Except now people are coming out online and saying some things about it. I’m just wondering why now? You’re saying because it took time to process? The things we went through cause PTSD. there are some people online who did speak out the whole time. Many of them were highly censored. I can understand if that was the reason. I’m just wondering if anybody knows why now why is it OK now?
![Coheed and Cambria - Searching for Tomorrow [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hDsYGLbmadg/mqdefault.jpg)
*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
*Join my Membership and access my private online community: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
*Visit my website at crappychildhoodfairy.com
*Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
*Have a question for me to answer on RUclips? Write me here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Hi Anna@CrappChildhoodFairy can you share a video how to self re regulate in emergency situation.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hate mean people. I wish I could be your neighbor and friend.
You feel like "everyone else belongs, but never me." Yep.
Same here...
I don't know anything about Courtney, but I know men, probably women, too, who prey on people who are isolated.
Solitude is fine for some reasons but not having anyone to share life experiences with is truly isolating & feeds depression exponentially
This is me. I don’t like crowds, get claustrophobic if I’m around too many people, but have a deep longing for physical contact and affection. (I’m 54, and have never had a girlfriend. My adversity to how uncomfortable physical contact makes me feel is so depressing sometimes.)
@@JohnM...it’s never too late ❤❤❤John 🎉
I agree….just someone to have dinner with once a week….hang out, enjoy the beauty of life
Loneliness shortens your life dramatically and isolation even more so. It is a very serious medical issue, and cannot be fixed by being stronger:
“Those who were more lonely were about 40 percent more likely to die over the next four years, while those who were socially isolated were about 75 percent more likely to die. It's important to understand the context.” (Harvard Gazette)
@lightitup33333 well that helped us who are depressed and alone not close physically to people. Gee tks
Connection is such a challenge for me. I made an effort to grow past self-isolating, but that desire to run when I think rejection is going to happen is still strong--especially when conversations and kindness never seem to turn into friendships. Forget the off-work outings. If I don't occasionally invite myself, even casual walks over for coffee don't happen. People will tell me deeply personal things, knowing they can trust me. Yet they rarely want to just hang out.
Hello, I’m a psychiatry registrar from Australia. I absolutely love how beautifully and accessibly you describe what are actually very complex issues. Your channel is so fantastic: so compassionate and so genuinely helpful. Thank you so much for your contribution to this very complex world!
I’m sure Anna will want to read this. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
-Frida@TeamFairy
I loved the lockdown finally an excuse to just stay in my house and watch RUclips no social pressure to be around people or keep appointments no reason to wear anything other than pj,s I actually miss it😢Anna why did you find it hard and others too 😮
I felt the same, it was totally fine for me, I felt like finally the world was slowing down to my pace
I think it also helped us avoid any triggers. Staying at home allowed us to feel safe and avoid being in survival or freeze mode.
loneliness has gotten me into so many fucked up situations thank you for putting your trauma out there so that others can heal♡
For the longest time, I had a broken GREEN flag detector. I was so used to being defensive that it was hard for me to believe anyone had good intentions. I also felt so bad about myself that I thought if people ever got close and saw the “real” me, they would be repulsed. I instead either kept them preemptively at arm’s length or was so superficially interactive they never tried to go beneath the surface. What a lonely existence. And you’re right about isolation and getting rusty. You can only rebreathe your own air for so long before it becomes toxic. A healthy life needs ventilation.
We understand as few others can! I’m glad you’re here. -Frida@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I know you do! The videos have helped me tremendously. And Anna’s book just arrived in the mail. 😊
I think if I were lonely, I would join a gym and get a personal trainer or become part of a club or volunteer. Giving makes you feel so good, and it takes the focus off of yourself. I also like to go on a walk, rain or shine. When someone even smiles and just says hi. It makes me feel better. Or even goimg through a drivethrew for coffee. It somehow makes me feel important.
Another huge thing that makes me feel better is getting a pedicure. Usually, the person is so friendly and talks a lot and makes me feel special.
Great ideas. ❤
some of us have too much social anxiety to do things like this♡
@@stonermom707 hi.
I totally understand having too much social anxiety.
It's probably because growing up, you had no safe humans around you to interact with. Or were probably not allowed to.
You would have learnt to stay away and be self sufficient to be safe. But the protective skills you learnt back then are keeping your life small and limited.
Learning new things is usually not easy. But unlearning lifelong habits is very difficult.
It would take absurd amounts of planning and mental energy to start. But it gets easier.
I hope you never give up trying ❤
Yep I choose people who treat me badly..which is why I isolate myself
Me too
I have the so called social ability, but I feel so much shame, to be not " beautiful" enough
I totally know what you mean when you said you felt "rusty." I feel the same.❤
Glad you’re here now! -Frida@TeamFairy
Bless you for your honesty
I can relate to people who had chosen people who treated them badly 😢.
Oh honey, Im so sorry about those bad neighbors. I can relate very much. You are a blessing to us about what you are trying to do to reach us about thiese issues we can experience. God bless you
I love spending time on my own from staying at home or travel. I get overwhelmed sometimes when I am surrounded by people. I may be in a room full of people and yet, I feel lonelily. But I rare feel that way when I am on my own world
@AbiBrown-q9k same here.
I feel this way at work. There is a cabal run by a narcissist that gathers attention and isolates the rest of us. I might as well be working by myself.
Ana, you're an amazing woman so honest and open. Your knowledge and guidance is priceless. ThankYou
I feel like ALL of the above! Anna is such a wise person.
Amazing episode. Its almost as if supressing feelings and expression is a trauma response protecting our safety, so connecting internally is the first key step.
I don't want to spend time with male friends anymore because it's my comfort zone, and I don't truly build meaningful connections with friends. I avoid men who show any romantic interest in me. Emotional connections trigger me. Growing up, the adults around me often felt like a threat when they expressed emotions. Their emotions were uncontrollable and unpredictable. I learned that emotions weren't trustworthy, could be dangerous, and that emotion was not something stable.
For me, any man who shows affection or emotion feels like a threat, even if the emotion is positive, because I don't trust that it will last. I choose friends who are less emotional and more 'rational' because being surrounded by logical people makes me feel safe. They're predictable and don't have mood swings. But emotionally, I feel empty.
Good luck. Find an older man who doesn't need to get in your pants. Go on a date and have fun. Ask a guy out, many of us like you but won't ask you out.
You have made a MASSIVE shift in my life for the better right now Anna, when I sooooo neeed it when nothing else has been helping as much thus far. I know I need to write to you but it takes time and intensity to do that including having to use my hands, which quite honestly need a break due to what I do for a living. Literally, my wrist and fingers need a break as they are on the computer keypad or using a mouse all day designing lol at any rate thank you thank you thank you. I only discovered you about a week ago and I cannot tell you how much it is making a difference and just about a weeks time only from watching your videos. I now know I am not crazy that everything you have spoken of is literally what I have been experiencing for years if not decadesof post trauma from my childhood, specifically involving relationships and sometimes and how I react to people at work or friends or acquaintances. Thank you God bless you always, and one day I will write it down!
Thank you for taking the time to comment. So glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you for all you do. So lonely after the silliness of the last 4 years. As soon as I have caught up after recovering from a tornado, I am prioritizing human relationships. Already taking steps but cleaning up after Mother Nature has sapped my strength.
This video has changed my view on isolation
I can relate to dealing with not so great neighbors too...
I have learned not to be so triggered and I’m noticing my attachment style is turning from anxious to secure attachment in our marriage sooo good. But in social situations I’m still triggers and working on that and leaning into prayer 🙏🏻 daily ❤
The letter you read while you were wearing the green shirt ambushed me. I was listening to it, and then as you started to talk about it, my chest started getting tight. It's tight now, and even writing this comment is making me feel like I'm at risk of breaking apart. I need to take a break for a sec, but I want to get back to this video. You may end up with a letter from me in a bit about growing up as not the daughter your mom desperately needed you to be, and what it feels like to have people say "I love you" when it just seems to mean "can't you just be someone else for my sake?"
I am very lonely but I realize I am desperately relating with people and connections don't fulfill me. Is the people I have un my life but they are from the past and no longer fill right for me. I need to create new connections but my anxiety and cptsd make it all difficult. Painful times.
A great way to get clarity about relationships is through the Daily Practice. You can try out the free course here if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Frida@TeamFairy
@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Ana, I did part of it, I am having a hard time being consistent with it. I recently realized that I am going through some kind of depression, I feel a boid in my chest and a lot of sadness, specially on weekends when I am alone and not working, I am tired most of the time. I am working on it. Thank you for your recommendation. I appreciate it.
Early in my recovery I found a friend with parents like mine who, according to a standard set before women had any real rights much less children, did their duty, and didn’t beat us excessively, provided for us, took us on vacations, and all that stuff. Gosh, if only the abuse was more brutal then at least we’d be sure! I finally fully understood that they did the best they could but it wasn’t enough. And at the same time I am trying to heal myself they continue to play out their dysfunction together, seemingly getting sicker every day. It’s so hard to make a firm decision to set and keep self-protective boundaries. But each time I hear stories that are colored by a hint of my own experience, I become more committed to my decision to stop the cycle. ❤
So, so much information in a short period of time. I get overloaded in what you are presenting. I need less to be able to really grasp what you are saying, process it and come out better for listening. I think I need to listen yo less than 1/4 of the video at a time. All be back!
the books arrived and I'll also be traveling with it! So whatever happens- even more of a fair chance to grow understanding and becoming better- step by step, by step!
Instead of using dating apps and relying on chance meetings, I would think that pursuing interests and passions would be a more fruitful way of meeting like-minded friends and potential mates! If we have a definite spiritual view, go to a church that supports what we believe, same with political leanings, a love for dogs, a passion to help the needy! Instead of constantly looking at ourselves, it can be freeing to look at a greater cause, and then....look to the left or the right as you're immersed in a project, and (Whoa!) " There's someone who is really into the same thing I am! We should hang out!!".
Has that worked for you?
It has. I was mainly thinking of my son who has a passion for music, and has many musician friends, and a rich, full life.
I resisted cynicism but I came to realize that it's a dangerously arrogant statement to declare everyone as bad. It will push us and others away. I'm a good man so others must exist as well
❤yes, I refuse to say everyone is bad. It's just not true.
I can absolutely agee with all the advice to "Avery", in fact am living in this way. I've had a rich fullflling life, now serving in ministry in the Middle East, been celibate 25+ years after my divorce, obviously very selective, would only date totally like -minded men. I have dated /had relationships over the years. Available men like this seem non-existent. I am content, growing spiritually/ emotionally, but I do feel a very deep loss and lonely often, having not found a mate. Yes i have friends, work, art, music, travel. I'm sitting here on a Friday nite alone watching. I've prayed and wondered: is there a practical way to rid myself of this desire not to be single. At 65, i should be over it.
I can relate to a lot of this..
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks for sharing
I felt like my feelings were always invalidated. I felt unworthy of love from people in general. Especially from people who I have been close to.
I too have been co-dependant my whole life. I participated in a lot of 12 step stuff as a teen and a young adult, but also tried a lot of other stuff. I have a lot of tools, and still I wasn't able to make much real progress until I began doing the daily practice. I have a lot of the books, and have trouble reading them nowadays due to my shortened attention span! 😅
I'm so glad the practice has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Could you please make a video on how to build Social skills for someone who grew up with this Trauma
You can put the term you're interested in in the channel search bar to find literally dozens of videos on the subject. You can try tips Anna teaches in videos, and if you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people called ‘Connection Bootcamp’. Here’s a link if you want to check it out: bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Men also watch u🎉
Thank you for your videos 😮
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for sharing ❤🎉
Hello Anna 🧚♀️
Congratulations for your BOOK 🧚♀️🎉
Couldn't wait too hear you and Rachel talk , liked when she said that she begins the writing with the resentments because there are fears connected any way. Since i begin with resentments or a resentment and like it.
From my experience, untreated cptsd get worst, avoidence becomes phobias and i froze more and more 🥶.
Living in my head made me become weird and my survive style hold me back to invite decent people to my place, i share with my ex boyfriend (luckily he can live down stairs and i remain up stairs 🎉 + he's a bully, the DP 🧚♀️ is my super power ✍️🧘♀️) living with an active cptsd i ended sleeping 12-16 hours a day, felt weaker and weaker, lost my appetite and weight and the worst i lost hope and honestly without the DP 🧚♀️ i had enough good reasons too feel hopeless.
Don't remember how i found Crappy Childhood Fairy 🧚♀️, it was around April and i began to practice the DP 🧚♀️, at first ones a day and 10min meditation for some weeks and raised to 20min regularly ( almost every day) and struggled too practice more.
But i felt the healing, less numb, foggy, could keep my boundaries with a bully and after three big tantrums, some weeks between, where i could grey rock him and since he stopped the tantrums, more than six months ago 🎉.
Needing help too practice twice a day i succeeded to join a peer led DP 🧚♀️ Zoom call and got a very good advice from a peer, he uses the DP 🧚♀️ peer led calls for the second practice and so i did ❤❤❤
It's around two weeks ago and after that time of practice twice a day, thanks to my peers 🧚♀️✍️🧘♀️🙏🥰, i feel that i defrost 😲 and that i can follow the DP calls ✍️🧘♀️🧚♀️ without feeling more tired, the ruminations ends on paper 📜 and the release is true 🎉❤❤❤ i feel i come back to life and i have trust because i get education i needed so much and i love being educated by Anna 🧚♀️, i need the though love, those are the informations i couldn't find, its not easy and many don't like it, i do, i like to tell what's important to me, didn't realize that being that honest could be too much 😲.
The 15 of October i'll be 54 years young and after a few time practicing like prescribed i feel that i defrost 😲, less tired, feel good and not alone at all having you and the community of peers 🧚♀️ i see on zoom every day and feel affectedly nourished 😲🧚♀️💞.
Wow my biggest dream became true 🎉❤❤😊 i never felt that close from the light at the end of the tunnel ❤🎉🎉🎉
Don't have words strong enough too express my gratitude for the DP 🧚♀️ and CCF🧚♀️💞 and i get help even too learn how to eat and i love BLE, sugar+flour=me crazy
And i have books too read and share about and doing that is exercising my left brain and gives me new words, new questions, an other point of view ❤❤❤
I have help and support for all areas of my life and that is very relaxing 😎
This is absolutely all all true.
Being ostracized only based on rumors from other people is something that I have personal experience with. I remember my mum getting the same treatment as Anna Runkle and it wasn't fun because I lost dear childhood friends over it. Then being evicted over and over by a meddling grandmother who hated me and her daughter for being a single parent household. It was a chronic mess of a childhood. I spent years in therapy and when my life was stable, the same meddling grandmother pulled the same stunt on my last house. Got evicted again and she is viewed as the innocent one by her support team. I'll be glad when she is deceased. Of course, she has other people willing to do these little crappy things for the grandmother's friendship and or memory in exchange for part of the inheritance. I need friends and companionship, not rumor and speculation by nosy people.
I went no contact with my whole family and move out. In this city I started to set boundaries with people but it's hard to know people when you are a woman over 60. Most people about my age who approaches me are dirty old men (at least two asked me to get closer to their faces because they couldn't see my face...yuk) and women in my neighborhood with a taste for gossiping. I adopted a dog to find out she had ADHD due to being traumatized and my anxiety was sky rocketing. I was able to find help and it's know in Iceland with a young couple doing around 10 kms a day, something it was impossible for me to do but I was accused of killing her. I had to show videos of her running with other dogs while she was waiting for adoption. She came out better than I but I'm suffering of isolation not only because I feel safer by my own but because I'm being ostracized.
So sorry that happened to you. People can be so judgmental and it's about them not you. I hope you can find some like minds. I go to a depression support group and have met wonderful people there.
We can only change ourselves.
Yes connection is important but i learning that finding real genuine people who are conscious is like finding a gold needle in a hay stack these days
6:12 Yeeees 😂😂 I can sound like Bobby from King of the Hill, “ That’s my purse!” 😭. I’m working on it 😂
To the individual who is the only child. Your dad is a dry alcoholic and a narcissist. Your mum is codependent. It’s healthy that you don’t feel completely ok around them, it means that you know that something was and is wrong. You can set boundaries so that you can feel free to live your own values and vision for your life.
Hallo . Could l please ask how you did your background? Looks really good
My teacher your video is so helpful
WOW! The lady with the co-dependent mother in the third video- that's literally EXACTLY like my biological mother. She never respected my boundaries, called cops on me and said I was missing. AFTER she dropped me off at my best friend's house. If I didn't call her back within 5 or so minutes (regardless of what I'm doing) she will continue to call me over and over...she would even go so far to call my places of work and asked my bosses to make me call her ASAP. It was rough. Luckily, I was only with bio parents until I was 6.
Damn. Your words could make an excellent lyrics for 90's nu-metal band like Linkin Park
❤❤😂🎉
Anna will this help me ? The daily practice??
I procrastinate and cant move forward even the daily practice. i have fallowed you for years now and i feel like i cant or i dont do it ..but if i could find a way to push myself to do it could it help ?
,I'm not sure if im disregulated but I'm stuck.. all of the things procrastination not taking care of myself or barely doing regular things that people need to do just to live ,isolation.(at least i am brushing my teeth but barely) and not working .I need a job.. I just can't move or make myself do anything. So much in my head can't figure out where to start. Spinning in circles but stuck in the mud😢 completely alone and have to do it myself but I am not doing it. And can't figure out how . Do you think the daily practice could help me ?
One thing you could try, is just sign up for the course. Do it if you can, but even if you can't yet, come to one of our free weekly calls where everyone writes and meditates together, and the coaches and I take questions. You can just listen. Just come sit in the Zoom room with us and soak it in -- if you can. Sometimes just one little action activates the lovely energy to do a second action. When you sign up for the course (or for anything where you give your e-mail) we'll send invitations to the free Daily Practice calls to you.
This mix of people aren’t in my vicinity Anna. Just because things are good for you …
I find my lexicon has shrunk. Because of a lack of deep conversation, my interaction skills have lessened, and I won't even approach women. I feel like an old person being housed in a retirement home.
I’ve had a lot of trauma and ongoing trauma in my life, starting from the time I was born till I moved out (meaning we were homeless again and I was done) at 17! I’ve done as well as I can as an adult, but I’m getting taking advantage of! I try to help people, but I don’t realize I’ve been being taken advantage of until I am already agoraphobic! My mind realizes before I do and tries to protect me. How do I stop this pattern?? Do you already have a video on this?
You may want to try Anna's free course ‘The Daily Practice’. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Here’s a link if you’re interested: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@ crappychildhoodFairy It happend to me so many times, sometimes when i m talking with someones i feel like i m not present ,i m here yes but i can t understand what they say despite i am with them physically but mentally i m not there , sometimes when i want to say something but i just can't figure out what i really want to say .
Invest in schools I'd think. School is golden time.
54 and have had only one girlfriend for about 2 months...
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This was too much too fast . I got nothing from it, except anxiety. Also some of us dont have people we can reach out too, esp the kind that care .
yes 13:20 ...it was part of the plademic. I worked through the plandemic as a nurse and I became a patient ....the isolation of the HEALTHY was SCARY and they went insane, and affected people who really needed help but were really alone.
Could someone summarize for me ??? I don't have an hour to watch.
Not to isolate yourself but connect with others. Solitude is good so you can regulate but not for too long.
I apologize for disagreeing with your statement that parents, if alive, are not able to change. Basically, your statement if taken as true is somewhat demoralizing and empty of faith that parents are stuck in their flaws, unable to awaken and improve from their genetic or environmental imprints. That is hopeless talk!! I have been proactive in self-help studies, therapies, spiritual and Christian counseling with great improvements (their statements not mine). There are many parents today who are aware and proactive not to pass on their traumas to their children, or work with them to develop healthy relationships. So, making a generalized statements that parents are doomed to remain in their patterns does not help build healthy understanding and healthy parent-child relationships. Many of my early childhood dysfunctions have been talked out and worked out through prayers, breathwork, and counseling, and being in my 70's I helped my family see and overcome the fears of the 2020 craziness and beyond.
you're very fortunate
@ceciliao3158
Having watched almost all of Anna’s many videos, my understanding of her word ”can’t” in this context has more to do with a lack of awareness or willingness to change, rather than an outright incapacity to change. In fact, the overriding, and encouraging message of Crappy Childhood Fairy is that no one, despite even horrific trauma, has to remain stuck in destructive patterns. There is always help. There is always hope and there is always the possibility of healing. Whether or not someone chooses to do the work is entirely up to them. 💗
Why didn’t you say this stuff 2 years ago? The pandemic wasn’t just in 2020. It dragged on and it would’ve been nice if somebody would’ve come on and told the truth about isolation and bullying, media doom etc. I feel like the tides have turned and everybody is suddenly speaking out but where was everybody in the middle of it when people were really going through it? If you were afraid of having your channel blocked or censorship that’s one thing. There’s just this timing now where all of a sudden everyone is being more public. What is that about?
All your gurus were going through the same trauma during that time. Have some empathy. They are humans who need time to process their experiences, same as you. Why weren't YOU speaking out about it two years ago?
@@jumbolumps666 I did stand up at risk to my job. I’m just wondering why people aren’t afraid anymore to speak out? If people are saying things now they were thinking it before. Our rights were trampled and everyone’s trying to act like it didn’t happen. Except now people are coming out online and saying some things about it. I’m just wondering why now? You’re saying because it took time to process? The things we went through cause PTSD. there are some people online who did speak out the whole time. Many of them were highly censored. I can understand if that was the reason. I’m just wondering if anybody knows why now why is it OK now?
censored for what exactly? what a weird paranoid fckin take