He Who - I think I have some of that in me too. So I can relate to that. Unfortunately, I fear my motives tend to be a bit more selfish. Thanks for watching and commenting. I appreciate your input. Please consider subscribing if you have not already.
I agree, being considerate to others also includes not wanting to add my problems to there's sometimes as well as the much preferring to be offered help
Same, but I also want them to do things without telling me because I will say no if they asked me if I need help, like sometimes I have to do the dishes but I'm tired and when they ask I just say "no", but I wish they just washed them without asking me.
INTP here. At times, this kind of explanation/encouragement feels as if I am placed in an unfair situation, carrying an unfair burden. My ISFP son sent me this video, and we WILL discuss this, but I wanted to comment here to (hopefully) help others. I want to be attentive and helpful, especially when it comes to my son. However, when I’m not aware of much of anything going on around me, the expectation of being aware enough to reach out to offer assistance to someone who won’t ask is difficult, to say the least. I understand that personality types reveal dominant preferences, but to put theory into practice, it will be helpful to those of us who lack situational awareness for others to understand that we’re not lacking in compassion. Oftentimes, I find I’m lacking a clue. I’m lost in my own thoughts, so trying to read another’s thoughts is a tall order. For the sake of my loved ones, I’m willing to try, but compassion and grace needs to be extended both ways.
Agreed- 100%!!!! I have an INFP wife, INFP son, and INTP daughter. I can see exact what you mean. I do believe maturity demands that we, as ISFPs, must not expect out of others what they are not likely able to give…or perhaps what they don’t realize they might give. Also, I feel that, as a parent, especially when my kids are young, it is more incumbent upon me to learn my child, than for him/her to learn me. But when those relationships transition into two adults, both should be willing to learn and bend.
I'm an INTP with an ISFP partner, and I constantly struggle understanding how her perception of the world works, and what that means for her perception of my intentions, since she will not share her thoughts with me when I ask. She also doesn't believe that I lack her strengths. Therefore, at any moment, I'm left to try to discover on my own, why she's angry and intentionally trying to hurt or sabotage me, and feeling justified in doing so
I do have a hard time asking for help, yet I also feel like they should just see it. Sometimes I’m just stubborn and want to do it myself to prove to myself I can do it, but when I want help I notice myself thinking ugh they should just come and help and I shouldn’t have to say a word...... When I’ve taken the love language test, acts of service is my highest ranking thing I value. When my hubby does something that is usually my job and he does without asking I’m like ohhhhh that just makes my heart swoon!!! I value nice, considerate people and I do run the other way when someone isn’t
Sheila w - YES! I am an acts of service junkie. You can do all of the other things, and I will appreciate them and thank you. But do an act of service and BAM, I’ll love you forvever!
As an INTJ i rarely need help or asking for help, and when i need help i just ask for it, so i assume other people also don't need help if they don't ask. thank you for giving this ISFP point of view. i wil try to be more considerate.
This is so accurate. I want to cry because I didn't know how to put it in words. Sometimes i refuse to believe that some people could be so obliviously inconsiderate. Like I would give hints but not tell them directly that whatever they are doing is hurting me, or bothering me. and if those hints just don't go through, I would give bigger ones, if they get it and ignore it I would most probably shut them out of my life forever.. I once told someone that i would only settle down with someone if they know what i need without me having to tell them, they thought it was absurd.
Im a ENFJ-T. I love ISFPs. I just realized a guy i like is possibly one. He wont take the test, but he fit every good and negative quality perfectly. His mysterious aura and surprises keep me intrigued. Not to mention despite his being quiet and shy in social settings usually, i can tell he is kind and attentive to ppl. I always check in on him, leave him notes, and whatnot. He is gone for long periods, but whenever i see him online, he always spends time to talk with me. Even though he isn't to deep in talking. And i can tell its shyness. But he is very forward in flirty display. He even admitted he likes his actions to speak, and he aint very great with words. Yea...I'm smitten. He also said I can always speak to him about whatever i want and he will be there to lend a ear. Which I appreciate. Course I want him to do the same.
Yes! I love considerate people and, like you, if someone chooses to continually be inconsiderate, I will no longer want to know them. I’ve always seen myself as a considerate person in the ways that you mentioned. However, I think the tribe might see me as inconsiderate in a different way. I lack consideration bc I’m terrible at planning and being consistent with all the Te others “expect” from me outside my own 4 walls. Don’t get me wrong, I suck at te within my four walls too, but that is where I choose to put my precious energy (a very limited commodity). I fail the tribe when it comes to planning lunch dates, replying to people’s texts in a timely fashion, remembering bdays, visiting grandparents regularly etc.. Some might think my lack of communication and volunteer work at school and church is inconsiderate, however, I think it’s inconsiderate of them to think that I’m being inconsiderate bc Im not behaving like an ESFJ. I no longer worry about trying to please all the fussy EJs (I love EJs..just not the fussy ones). Yes, I feel a little embarrassed showing up to my daughter’s musical without baked goods for the concessions table-but then I remind myself that if other women are going to be bitter toward me because I choose to maintain my sanity, they are probably not a good friendship match. Also, there are plenty of EJs out there who are actually energized by that sort of thing. Back to your original point-when people choose to be overtly ignorant, showing no care or concern for others who are within their sight..it feels like a violation. It can be hard for me to forgive. Here’s a light-hearted silly example (that still makes me kind of mad). When I was a kid, a school friend invited me to summer camp for a week...or maybe I invited her. We were not close friends but had decided to go together, probably bc we couldn’t find anyone else. The last day of camp, I was completely out of clean shorts and was ashamed to leave the cabin in such a disorderly state. Like most ISFPs, I like to look nice (actually i NEED to look nice, which is shallow but true-almost 40, perhaps I’ll grow out of it😂). My friend had a suitcase full of clean clothes. I asked her if I could borrow a pair of shorts bc obviously I wasn’t fit to be seen. She refused. I played it off like it was totally fine but I was so hurt. I felt like she hated me. Didn’t she know that by not helping me she was committing social homicide?? Bc, I was going to die from humiliation of which she could have prevented. I simply could not relate. If she, or anyone for that matter, needed a pair of shorts, I would have seen it as my God given mission to clothe them and to do it well. Great video!
Gina Spangler - I love everything you say in this comment. I mean, I love it all so much. I mean, I don’t love that your friend didn’t help you. But I am sure you get what I mean. Amazing thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing. So encouraging.
Thank you for that. I really appreciate the feedback. And thank you for watching. Please consider subscribing if you have not already. Be awesome. The world needs ISFP influences.
Dude that’s like so accurate, as an ISFP I just can’t bring myself to say “I need help” and it’s not because of my pride it’s literally just as you said. Yk since I am attentive to other peoples needs and since that’s like somewhat my way of showing affection I expect my friends to do the same. I kinda get pissed if they don’t help me even tho I’m clearly showing that I do need it. I love ur video :) keep it up!
Thanks for this video. As an isfp, I very much relate. I had some major light bulb moments. You explained succinctly what has happened in my life situations. I give people several chances, but once I decide that someone is chronically inconsiderate, I have a very strong aversion to being in their presence. This also explains why I felt such a strong pull to get to know someone and opened up so quickly without reservations. Very out of character for me. When I look back, the first thing he did when we met was recognize an opportunity to help and then take action with an act of service. You nailed it with this video. Thanks again! Subscribed :)
This is interesting because as an INTJ it comes off like the ISFP *expects* people to monitor the ISFP at all times to appease them and their needs. Helping is one thing but being a lap dog for someone all day isn’t really something I as an NT would do...ever. Of course if you need help with your bags that’s just common decency but spending all day looking for imperceptible cues that a person needs help and to think/feel I’m obligated to help or I’m not a ‘considerate person’ is for me as an NT weaponizing the word considerate. For me, as an NT *considerate* is when someone uses their words and explains what it is they need or want and then allows me to communicate back what I can give. INTJs have Fi 3rd slot so I understand it to a degree but I don’t expect others to constantly monitor my emotions and how I feel about them based off what they ‘pick up on’ from a deeply personal level within me. It’s such a personal thing so it’s interesting that a lead Fi would expect others to be able to read them in that way without communication to help guide that process. It’s almost like a self fulfilling prophecy that you’ll be upset because you didn’t communicate and thus don’t get what you want and thus think the other person is ‘inconsiderate’ but it stemmed from the other person not really knowing what it is you needed because you expected them to know without saying anything.
BlairWaldorf2013 - I think that is actually a very fair take on it. I don’t know if I mentioned it in the video, but this is an area of struggle for me. I think that, having realistic expectations of others, has always been a bit of a problem for me. However, keep in mind that, to a large degree, I am talking about things that, to me, seem super obvious: like helping carry in groceries. Seeing that I am trying to get to the microwave and a person is standing in front of it. Etc. I don’t think I get upset about things that are so remote that I know there is no way the other person could be aware of them. Nevertheless, I will admit this has caused friction between me and others at times. So I appreciate hearing your perspective on it. It will help me to be a better person. Thanks for watching. Thanks for commenting.
For me it's not that I want people to notice everything it's just that I (feel like) I notice so much: when someones stressed with work, when someone needs a hand to do something practical, when someone is looking left out of a group, when a group is arguing other something trivial and need some guidance, etc etc and even do nice things without any obvious reason such as making someone coffee in bed it just feels disappointing when I'm obviously down or struggling with something and people carry on as if there's no problem
I recently did a journal challenge with one of the topics being: Five ways to win my heart. 3 out of the 5 pretty much relates to this! 1)Being kind to strangers 2)Helping others 3)When there is a group setting and someone tries to engage the quiet person: Makes them feel more comfortable, making sure they have a good time too. (Cuz that's me, the quiet one) Well, it all comes down to being considerate. I find it amazing that these were related to this ISFP video. I guess I am a true ISFP haha. I loved this video and I'm looking forward to many more! If anyone else was curious, what the other 2 of the 5 were: 4) Having fun with me, the real me (which is rare) 5) Allowing yourself to be vulnerable; showing emotions. (I didn't have the intent to have my 5 ways to be so ISFP focus, I thought long and hard about these, and they just so ended up to be ISFP focus lol) DOES ANY OTHER ISFP FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT MY FIVE?
Yup, I agree with all 5 points :) The 5th point feels more like a bonus, though. Not everyone is willing to be vulnerable, so when someone opens up, that makes me feel extra special. So yes, agreed. ^^
Casually I did that 5 things in front of my ISFP coworker by accident 😅 but the point 3 was me going to speak to him because he was the most quiet of 30 workers and the most handsome, and I went to seduce him 😅 I'm ENTP and I like introverts. Now we are dating and he is very very in love with me, now I understand why, as he sees me working attending and helping strangers in the airport, being always kind with strangers 🤣
Oh I am so glad I was recommended this video. It explains a lot in the dynamic of my marriage. I'm an intj my husband an esfp (I know, not the same as an isfp, but the video still resonated). I am pretty self sufficient and so is my husband. If he offers to help me, its usually right when I'm enjoying completing a difficult task! He looks so offended when I say, "I got this." But do I ask for help when I need it? No, not always. He also doesn't ask for help, so I assume he can handle his stuff. Sometimes he and I are alike in ways that don't serve us. Being too self sufficient and independent just keeps us apart. It's a good skill to learn to ask for and accept help!
Gonna try to recognize when my boss needs help and take the initiative and just do it... Also, I as an ENFP have been pretty obvious lately showing my interest with her, which can be a bit overwhelming and "inconsiderate" to her as an ISFP. Your videos have been so helpful. Thank you so much.
This is accurate for me. The only thing I’d say is different for me is that I’d rather not be helped. I’m independent to a fault. But let me tell ya- RIGHT THERE WITH YOU when it comes to irritation of people being inconsiderate. I don’t want to be that!
I HAVE LITERALLY HAD THAT CONVERSATION ABOUT CONSIDERATION!! This is exactly my position, if i am not a consideration in someone's life, they do not count me as a priority and not consider my position. I 100% understand and agree 😅 I'm personally trying to be more cognizant of the difference of someone not noticing and someone not caring But i will keep mental tallys of how and when they’ll offer me their consideration
ISFJ_a, (4w5). I hope I can meet a self-aware isfp who'll be a person in my life. :) it seems like id enjoy and love them and they would appreciate and enjoy being loved by me and together we could go on little adventures! :D
Do you think ISTPs have a chance to be the person in your life? We're non judgemental and mostly chill, though I have emotional moments as well (kinda hoping you'd say yes, I'm about to marry an ISFP)
yeah +1 isfp vote. it goes far deeper than that to be truthful, but you did an excellent job at simplifying it for anyone to grasp. well done. this extends to way more things than "help" in its standard meaning. i need this the most in emotional validation. i need thank yous, i miss yous, i love yous.. those "help"me feel loved and i cant go without it
I have an isfp friend... im an infp... I always says, i miss you, i love you no matter what, I got your back etc... And when i didn't get the replay then i had thoughts "ok seems i should stop to says that",🤣 i feels I'm so noisy and annoying sometimes. I'm very expressive type person maybe isfp not so. But i felt it's one sided love if i didn't get the replay even it's just emotes 🤣 but yeah so i just learn not to expecting the return, my focus just expressing what inside my head. To have relationship with SFP type is like i must learn supranatural ability to read their head 😂
Oh god, the thing about not asking for help because you expect people to help you, is the BIGGEST problem I have *ever* had with my mother. The problem is that I am an ENTP (with ADHD), who is currently dating and ISFP, and this just made me a bit nervous. Even though I am always quick to help anyone who asks, and I do try to ask if someone needs help when I am available, but I can often struggle to notice small signals and I am deeply afraid of being met with a negative response because of it. *I really like this person!* They're so mysterious and fascinating to me that we talk for hours, but if being passive-aggressive and unable to directly ask me for anything is a core part of who they are, it would be very hard for both of us... I know that their love language is acts of service (mine is words of affirmation), so it makes sense, but I don't know to what extent their "unwillingness" to ask could affect our relationship, nor how willing they are to compromise. How would you want another person to tell you that they *_want_* to help you, but it is hard for them when you can't/won't verbalise your needs?
There is a lot to my thoughts on this. First, be honest about all of this. Play the video for the other person and ask him/her if it resonates. Then discuss that openly. When you notice the other person is working or trying to get things accomplished, simply say, “is there anything I can do to help you?” Make sure the person knows now that you struggle to help when not directly asked and let the person know that you are comfortable being asked for help. When the person does ask for help, don’t give the person the impression that it is an inconvenience, or you’ll go right back to square one.
Holy shit! I think I have been unknowingly unlocking my Se function. This is my 8th function because I identify as an ENFP now as an adult. As a child, I was more of an INFJ, and when I'm alone for long enough, I start to process information as an INFJ. But recently, after being single for a year after a 16-year relationship with an INTJ ended. I notice myself showing love by seeing how I can help others in real time and immediately in my environment. I washed my cousins trash can, changed a light bulb, washed others' dishes, threw out trash, and always picked up after myself before I left a room. Is that Se?
As an ISFP this being considerate can be kind of scary to the point where I have felt really bad when I've developed feelings for someone and expressed them to them because I feel like that's put them or might have put them in a difficult position which I was really uncomfortable doing
I relate to this entirely and feel sooo understood. Because I am naturally so aware of others needs (of course I have my weaknesses but I just think this is one of my strengths), I find it very hard to understand or tolerate someone who isn’t considerate with their words and actions. I also 100% agree with what you said about how you tend to give people multiple chances to prove that they aren’t chronically inconsiderate humans 😂, so I will patient but once I have been disappointed over and over again, I’ve never been afraid to cut them out completely. I’m sure many isfp may relate to this but the small things actually matter to me. For example, I had a friend who I was constantly driving around since she didn’t have a car, offering emotional support whenever she needed (which was often), pretty much saying yes to whatever she asked from me. And the thing is I didn’t do any of these things because I wanted something in return. It is just what feels right to me and and I genuinely love being a caring, helpful friend. But there were little things over time that started to bother me - for example, after a while I could tell she was starting to take it all for granted and she wouldn’t thank me when I did anything for her. It may seem like a simple thank you, but those things count to me. She also NEVER offered to help me in any way, which I couldn’t understand as an isfp. It really hurt!! I cannot stand entitled people! With all that said, someone who knows how to read a room, who is attentive to others needs, and who shows consistency in their kind words and actions - that will win an isfp’s heart. Although I also need to learn to communicate my needs more, it means the world when someone knows before I explain and can show that in tangible ways.
Wow, wow, wow! Only difference for me is I kind of feel like I should not burden others by asking for help and I value being independent soooo much. But I do think people should help without me having to ask them, and I love it so much when someone does! I mean when they just come in and help without even asking if I need help, because I would say no even if I want help! Thank you for this video, that was amazing! It was almost like hearing my brain talk to me 😂!
Wow!! I can soooo relate!! Especially on asking for help, and the concept of considerate/not considerate!! Looking forward to watching more of you vids!!
Random stream of IFSP consciousness here. I completely agree with the helping others as much as possible bit. I work so hard to make sure everyone around me is better off, be it practically like making them a meal when they're busy or emotionally and for me it all works as long as there is some recognition be it verbally or in some form of reciprocation which is definitely preferred. This does mean though that I am pretty aweful at receiving criticism because I'm always trying hard to do the right thing its hard to deal with the idea that someone thinks I'm getting it wrong still. This even goes as far as predicting someone might be upset at me and it being unfeasible to change that but still feeling bad.
There is no love without consideration; consideration is love. Those who love you will take the time to get to know you, and be thoughtful of you, and should have functional knowledge of your ways, being to anticipate your needs at some level and help your partner. A relationship is not a one-sided thing, but a mutual thing, if it's one-sided, it's not a relationship. This is not just relevant to specific personaities, but is something which is true across the board. Gift -giving can be an opportunity for people to demonstrate their knowledge and thoughtfulness of others.
I can appreciate your perspective and insight. But I did want to bring this to your attention: not everyone sees needs like this. It's not that we don't care. It's that we don't think that way. I'm an ENTJ. I will march through hell for a person in need as long as they are wanting to be helped and actively trying to help themselves. However, I'm also so very goal and efficiency oriented that I simply don't see these type of needs and have actively asked those around me to plainly tell me when they need help. I've even created lists of things to check to see if help is needed because I just don't see them naturally. You expecting other people to read your mind and branding me as not caring is equal to me looking down on you for not being ambitious in life to my ENTJ standard, which by the way I understand is larger than life. I have had to learn that others don't think like me and I cannot reasonably hold them to my standard. I had to learn to synthesize the perspective of others so that I could orient myself best to work along side them. I say ask this to encourage you to see this from the perspective of others who are not like you. You make up less than 10% of the population. That means 9 out of 10 people don't think like you. Please try not to hold others to your own standard of what you feel it should be.
Agree with you totally. That is why I care so much about personality type. I am completely aware of everything you said. My video is meant to share my natural perspective on life. But that does not mean that I believe my brain wiring to be the best. I love trying to understand how other people see the world. I do not agree that we can deduce percentages of the population; but beyond that, you and I are on the same page .
@@myisfpjourney7813 the 10% is a number I've heard floating around when studying your type. I'm sure there is a margin of error to be accounted for. My daughter has your personality type and it has been quite the learning curve for me to relate to her in a way that is healthy for her mentally. And quite the unlearning endeavor for me to approach her and others differently to meet them halfway.
@@kazgaming5088 - I am familiar with the percentages, I just don’t agree. I think it is silly for anyone to make those types of claims. I have seen those percentages many times. I just don’t believe they hold water. I wasn’t attacking you by saying that.
@@myisfpjourney7813 I don't feel attacked. Open discourse is never a bad thing. How else can a person grow if their beliefs aren't challenged from time to time? :)
Thanks for this video. This helps me understand my ISFP wife. I'm an INFJ and my Se is my weak area so I don't see what you guys do but I do see how a person is feeling using my much stronger Fe which can often be too late. I have been trying to strengthen my Se in order to see when my wife needs help and she has actually learned to ask for help when she needs it too. So we kind of met in the middle.
I love ISFPs and love to help people, but I can be very oblivious to my surroundings and these practical details. That's why the golden pair for ISFPs are ESFJs, the Fe-Si combo is basically what you talked about.
I am an isfp woman and feel very validated - i am so naturally observant of what is around me (aesthically as well) & can't help but notice what another may need. I sometimes felt foolish since those around me just didn't see these things.
I don't ever need help. I help others. Also, I'm exactly like you!! I scan my environment constantly for ppl that need help and I'm always the first to notice! I thought everyone wld be this way, then I realised that others aren't like me
I do have a hard time asking for help for the reasons you mentioned. I also worry that I'll be a burden/annoyance if I myself have to ask for help as opposed to them noticing and be willing to help. However, I rarely feel frustrated by people who don't notice I need help. I think that it is up to them and I'm also aware at how good I am at hiding the fact that I need help. They may be having a harder time than me for all I know so I don't want to judge them without outright asking them first. I will feel mad if I'm desperate, though. That being said, if someone is very considerate of me, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE them a lot! You will hold a super special place in my heart.
I'm the same, being considerate is a big plus for me. I like to help people if it looks like they need it. I was on a similar situation I helped someone across the road with their shopping, they had a lot, fortunately on another occasion I noticed that they were deaf so I had to make eye contact and spoke clearly so they could read my lips, afterwards they signed something not knowing what they were saying I just smiled and nodded. I am aware that some people are not so good on picking up body language cues. I don't particularly like asking for help, but I'm getting better at it. I want to help my son when he's struggling, but most of the time he doesn't want and gets annoyed at me for trying. I know when not to push it, lol. I give people far too many chances. Once I'm done with them, that's it, adios!
First off, I want to thank you for sharing your journey with this crazy media space. You tone is not pushy as I have found most RUclipsrs to be (which is why i'm now a subscriber 😉). I stumbled across your channel after meeting an ISFP on a dating site during the quarentene. Which once he explaiined his personaliy type and therefore I was hell bent on learning my own. That said the Myers Briggs said I was an INFP and 16 personalites said I was a ENFP. While I understood the how I miight have tested that way, still for the past few weeks somethnig has not felt correct aboout that personality label. Today I started exploring other labels to see if one fits how I am showing up in this "new relationship" and how he is showing up towards me. The one I identify the most with is ISFJ. It described to a tee what my intuitive spidey senses have picked up with how he prefers to be communicated with and to learn I how can match his personalities communication style. Which brought me strait back to your channel and to hear an ISFP male perspective on how to feel seen and appreciated. In terms of being considerate....our 1st date, but we played tennis for 2 hours...lost complete track of time. He kept sayin' gosh, im so sweaty I don't know why. So I handed him my towel because he had forgotten his. His response was "Im gross" I said, yeah and....so now by using this you'll be a little less gross. Boy is your thought process spot on and now I can worry less because I have a tendency to over analyze my behavior. So thank you again for sharing your thought process and heart with these here interweb
Marcia Gilmore - Thank you for your kind and insightful comments. It is always so encouraging to hear that these videos are helpful to people. I just did a video on the ISFJ. I have a lot of videos on INFP. They may be of some help to you trying to narrow down your own type. It’s such a fun and extraordinary process to learn about ourselves and others. I appreciate your support, and hope your relationship is a great one. ❤️
Yes noted! Enfp here and I overanalyze. I'm here because I'm terrified I pushed my isfp away because I'm too energetic and overwhelming. I'm wondering if I should pump the brakes and let him text me first?
I do like to see thoughtfulness in others and appreciate it when they offer but I am not offended if they do not want to help. I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt that they may have something else going on in their life (whether physical or emotional) and may not be in a space to help out!
Great insight. I have never put that together. I also notice immediate needs of other and usually quickly run to help. I don’t always though. I think this may arise from the combination of Fi and Se - seeing it as a moral and good thing to help when I see someone needs help.
I think thats a good example of a pitfall in relationships when you are dating someone who isn't the same personality type as you are. The isfp love language is little acts of service cause thats how your brain works...you see what others need and you give it to them. So when you need help you want them to do the same for you. Assuming their brains work the same way. It will be a disappointment when they don't... like they don't love you or anything. I am an INFJ. I help everyone and feel their feelings as if they are my own. I help everyone but I don't get help thinking they don't love me enough to help me...its always 1 sided. I only recently realised, as an INFJ I am the ice queen....on the outside I look chill...internally I am freakin the h€ll out and in need of help but trying to control my feelings. As an INFJ I can see past peoples masks to how they really feel. So I always assumed others can sense I need help as well and choose to not care enough to help me. Now I know...they aren't INFJ!!!!..my loved ones aren't mindreaders...if I look chill, don't ask for help I come across as "I got this sh!t covered no biggy". So no I don't get help when it seems I don't need it. But if I learn to express my feelings and remember people don't think like me....they actually help me when I ask for it. Who knew? 🤦♀️Ok it would still be nice if people would know when to offer help on their own but yeah...the chill ice queen thing I guess. I just come across as in control and competent when some times I am really not. 🤷♀️😂🤣😂🤣 But I have to be chill cause I feel my feelings and the feelings of everyone around me...if I don't control that I would go completely mental. Same thing for the INFJ's tendency to disappear when they are out of balance (too much feelings...need inner peace and to shut out others and listen to myself). I live with ESTJ's....yeah they don't understand that at all and think I am anti social or a hermit. 😟😂🤣 What they don't know is..."I go into hermit-mode because of you people and your pinned up frustration and stress you are radiating all blo*dy day...you are stressing me out man". Its either me going into hermit-mode or me reaching my limit and snapping at them for causing the stress (which they aren't aware of so I can't blame them)....I think hermit-mode is the better option. So I get made fun of for doing something thats actually protecting them and their feelings. 🤫 don't tell them. 😏
This is so true for me as an ISFP. I always notice that people need help and if someone is emotionally down, i would notice it right away and because i am like this i kind of default always except people to help me too but after all these years of my life i realized that there are people who don't have high SE in their main stack😅😅and i should ask for HELP but it's very hard for me to ask for help. And yeah it's very true TO BE CONSIDERATE to me and to other people to win my heart. I approve it as an ISFP.😅🤟🤟
I feel this way when I'm feeling sad or angry or lonely. I want people to *want* to be around me or to see that I'm upset, so when someone doesn't talk to me in a while, it upsets me, but I can't bring myself to come to that person and ask if I did something wrong. I can never tell if people are ignoring me because they don't like me, or if they're legitimately busy. Be it logical or not, I have trouble coming to others about my problems, which only makes them worse and makes them fester until I eventually snap (Seemingly out of nowhere for the person, but to me it's been sitting in my stomach for a while)
True to the Core. I don't want to be around anyone inconsiderate. It's like if you only cared enough you would have helped without me asking, you would have observed that I need help. oh but when such doesn't happen and as ISFP i have to constantly ask, I feel tired and feel like you don't care and that's it.
Also side note, Here's a different perspective: Sometimes people don't help because they are afraid or worried how the person that needs the help might respond. Some people think you are insulting their ability when you rush in to help. Some people don't want help and feel very weird about accepting it, because they feel it comes with a "price tag". There are negative many ways someone might feel about accepting help (especially help from a stranger). Now if we flip that around, consider how those people look at helping others. If their bias is more fear based and they have had bad experiences getting help or helping others in the past, will they run up to help someone else? Maybe...but maybe not. It may not be obliviousness, or rudeness. People may not help others for lots of reasons...most of which aren't even about the person who needs help in that moment. It's not necessarily something to take personally. Just offering another viewpoint.
The idea of consideration is interpreted differently by each person. A person who resents “ help” might think he’s being considerate by not jumping to help another person. But as an IFSP I find that to be a poor excuse. Having known several people who I found to be inconsiderate, I believe that their resistance came from a rebellion against feeling controlled by another’s needs. Then there are “ helpers” who smother …..
INTJ here. Idk if it’s an INTJ thing, or a female having to work surrounded by males thing, but I value when people mind their own business. I hate feeling watched and constantly observed, so I do not pay a lot of attention to others. I can and have gone through extreme discomfort and hardship in order to help others once I knew they needed and would accept my help. I am a very giving and loyal person. I can also be very oblivious to hints and cues. Thing is though, the people I’ve gone the most out of my way to help have ended up being the least considerate and biggest takers. Although I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a friend to others, but they are not my friend, it still makes me distrust people and their intentions. I will help, but I no longer invest any feelings in people.
Interesting. I'm an infp, and I might fail to see that someone needs help in an acts of service type of way, but I always see it when someone feels or might be feeling horrible and I provide emotional help and encourage them. And I kinda also want ppl to be like that towards me as well, that they'd tell me "it's ok" and encourage me when I share my insecurities and worries. When I hear someone only come with conclusions on how to better myself or my actions in that situation, I kinda feel that the person thinks that my insecurities are true, and that is discouraging.
Thinkers will tend to want to find and provide concrete plans of action to deal with problems, rather than emotional support. So in those cases, it may just be that the person trying to give you advice is a thinker.
Thank you for your insight. As an INFJ, I'm trying to understand the heart of my ISFP... For me, be considerate or inconsiderate is a nice thing to do but I am confused as to how this really pertains the ISFP as a being on a deeper level. This makes sense why I am scratching my head about my ISFP wondering if I am ever going to see what's under neath the hood when he's actually has been showing me this whole time.
I am more inclined to be offended if someone invades my bubble to try to help me. If I need help you will know because I will ask. I like figuring things out for myself and prize my independence and my self-actualized competency as my #1 personal treasure in life. It's very different from the ISFP who isn't as possessive of these things.
Yeah as an ISFP I can definitely relate to this. I feel like me asking for help is kinda bothering others...(like, not being considerate) cuz people have stuff to do and it’s causing them extra trouble (especially to those who're not really good at rejecting). BUT if others noticed me and came to help the situation is different cuz then I'll think that "they want to do that" and I won’t have to feel so bad about it. I won’t really feel that bad when people don’t notice that i need help ( I feel like for me personally I hope people to notice me but I don’t expect them). Plus I got a tip for ISFPs who wants your friend or people you’re close to to notice that you need help without actually saying it ( I think it works especially well with the thinking types). I have a ISTP friend and it’s highly unlikely for him to notice that I need help so when I need help I just go complain to him about the issue. And then normally he’ll think that I need help (idk if that works for others tho, plus complaining too much isn’t really good so :/)
I have made it a major part of my life to be an excellent communicator. I find problems with other people are reduced greatly when we communicate well with each other.
Couldn't agree more 😂🤦♀️ the same problem happens with me at my class. I wish my professor comes to me and says: I know that you have a question here so, let me explain this part again for you.
I've never actually thought about it so much but now whenn I do, I relize how I also have no problem at all answering a question such as "do you need help". But I have a really hard time just asking for it without the question. very interesting to think about
I totally agreed that I want others to come help me automatically and I do give 3 chances and then I will write the person off if I cannot write them off I will be very angry with them.
Same. May not be the best way to be, honestly. I think there is value in trying to work through situations. But I always see the other person as unmovable, making it pointless. That’s probably not accurate though.
I once had this art teacher who i hated.. because things didnt work out for me. and he just didnt want to help me.. he saw me struggle. and i was so scared to ask help. And after a week when the class was done.. He was like.. You just had to ask me to help you. Now your project is the worst. Come on just ask me. And i just couldnt do it.. And then he was like okay.. so now you have this ugly project.. I almost cried
Eva - Wow! What a gem of a person. That’s an excellent example of the stuff that would make me be done with a person. Ridiculous. Thanks for watching and commenting. Please consider subscribing if you have not already.
Yeeees. That’s part of why I struggled in school so much. And I was a pretty average student except in the subjects I enjoyed. Being stuck in a classroom with other students clamoring for attention and getting lost in the shuffle but too nervous to ask for help cause you don’t wanna be a burden.
Your entire video was you explaining you Fi value concerning help. Adorable. I would say, go ask others how often you say, "I'm sorry." Then you'll have a better picture.
I don't know. I went to help my ISFP out because he said his health was declining. When I got there, yes he was so happy and excited, but then at night he said "who asked you" and months later told me like three nice reasons why he didn't want me to travel to his place. How can I learn to understand him? It's hurt so much. 😢 He even kisses a girl in front of me and showed me a ring some other girl gave him. I don't understand how he claims to love me, but I have no choice. It's either be friendly with him or die trying.
He has neuropathy. I noticed he needed a foot massage, but when I asked him if he wanted one, he said NOT FROM YOU. He says he loves me, so that was confusing.
I'm sure you mean well, but that is not my ISFP experience... It sounds like you're describing a kind of mixture that doesn't exist- between extraverted sensing and extroverted feeling. If anything, the ISFP is in a constant dilemma because they like helping people who won't expect them to be the same tomorrow, and understand that they are different every day. I personally let my body decide if I'm available to support someone in the moment. Giving me freedom to "do me" is the way to my heart...
I just don’t like to be a burden on anyone” that’s why I don’t ask for help :)
He Who - I think I have some of that in me too. So I can relate to that. Unfortunately, I fear my motives tend to be a bit more selfish. Thanks for watching and commenting. I appreciate your input. Please consider subscribing if you have not already.
I agree, being considerate to others also includes not wanting to add my problems to there's sometimes as well as the much preferring to be offered help
I always help my ISFP boyfriend and he helps me. I love him so much!!!
Same, but I also want them to do things without telling me because I will say no if they asked me if I need help, like sometimes I have to do the dishes but I'm tired and when they ask I just say "no", but I wish they just washed them without asking me.
I agree with this.
INTP here. At times, this kind of explanation/encouragement feels as if I am placed in an unfair situation, carrying an unfair burden. My ISFP son sent me this video, and we WILL discuss this, but I wanted to comment here to (hopefully) help others. I want to be attentive and helpful, especially when it comes to my son. However, when I’m not aware of much of anything going on around me, the expectation of being aware enough to reach out to offer assistance to someone who won’t ask is difficult, to say the least. I understand that personality types reveal dominant preferences, but to put theory into practice, it will be helpful to those of us who lack situational awareness for others to understand that we’re not lacking in compassion. Oftentimes, I find I’m lacking a clue. I’m lost in my own thoughts, so trying to read another’s thoughts is a tall order. For the sake of my loved ones, I’m willing to try, but compassion and grace needs to be extended both ways.
Agreed- 100%!!!! I have an INFP wife, INFP son, and INTP daughter. I can see exact what you mean. I do believe maturity demands that we, as ISFPs, must not expect out of others what they are not likely able to give…or perhaps what they don’t realize they might give. Also, I feel that, as a parent, especially when my kids are young, it is more incumbent upon me to learn my child, than for him/her to learn me. But when those relationships transition into two adults, both should be willing to learn and bend.
I'm an INTP with an ISFP partner, and I constantly struggle understanding how her perception of the world works, and what that means for her perception of my intentions, since she will not share her thoughts with me when I ask. She also doesn't believe that I lack her strengths. Therefore, at any moment, I'm left to try to discover on my own, why she's angry and intentionally trying to hurt or sabotage me, and feeling justified in doing so
Agree. You can melt my heart with a simple selfless act.
Captain-K'nuckles - Thank you for watching and commenting. I like knowing if these things are common amongst ISFPs or just me. I appreciate you.
I do have a hard time asking for help, yet I also feel like they should just see it. Sometimes I’m just stubborn and want to do it myself to prove to myself I can do it, but when I want help I notice myself thinking ugh they should just come and help and I shouldn’t have to say a word...... When I’ve taken the love language test, acts of service is my highest ranking thing I value. When my hubby does something that is usually my job and he does without asking I’m like ohhhhh that just makes my heart swoon!!! I value nice, considerate people and I do run the other way when someone isn’t
Sheila w - YES! I am an acts of service junkie. You can do all of the other things, and I will appreciate them and thank you. But do an act of service and BAM, I’ll love you forvever!
As an INTJ i rarely need help or asking for help, and when i need help i just ask for it, so i assume other people also don't need help if they don't ask. thank you for giving this ISFP point of view. i wil try to be more considerate.
This is so accurate. I want to cry because I didn't know how to put it in words.
Sometimes i refuse to believe that some people could be so obliviously inconsiderate. Like I would give hints but not tell them directly that whatever they are doing is hurting me, or bothering me. and if those hints just don't go through, I would give bigger ones, if they get it and ignore it I would most probably shut them out of my life forever.. I once told someone that i would only settle down with someone if they know what i need without me having to tell them, they thought it was absurd.
Im a ENFJ-T. I love ISFPs. I just realized a guy i like is possibly one. He wont take the test, but he fit every good and negative quality perfectly. His mysterious aura and surprises keep me intrigued. Not to mention despite his being quiet and shy in social settings usually, i can tell he is kind and attentive to ppl. I always check in on him, leave him notes, and whatnot. He is gone for long periods, but whenever i see him online, he always spends time to talk with me. Even though he isn't to deep in talking. And i can tell its shyness. But he is very forward in flirty display. He even admitted he likes his actions to speak, and he aint very great with words. Yea...I'm smitten. He also said I can always speak to him about whatever i want and he will be there to lend a ear. Which I appreciate. Course I want him to do the same.
Yes! I love considerate people and, like you, if someone chooses to continually be inconsiderate, I will no longer want to know them. I’ve always seen myself as a considerate person in the ways that you mentioned. However, I think the tribe might see me as inconsiderate in a different way. I lack consideration bc I’m terrible at planning and being consistent with all the Te others “expect” from me outside my own 4 walls. Don’t get me wrong, I suck at te within my four walls too, but that is where I choose to put my precious energy (a very limited commodity). I fail the tribe when it comes to planning lunch dates, replying to people’s texts in a timely fashion, remembering bdays, visiting grandparents regularly etc.. Some might think my lack of communication and volunteer work at school and church is inconsiderate, however, I think it’s inconsiderate of them to think that I’m being inconsiderate bc Im not behaving like an ESFJ. I no longer worry about trying to please all the fussy EJs (I love EJs..just not the fussy ones). Yes, I feel a little embarrassed showing up to my daughter’s musical without baked goods for the concessions table-but then I remind myself that if other women are going to be bitter toward me because I choose to maintain my sanity, they are probably not a good friendship match. Also, there are plenty of EJs out there who are actually energized by that sort of thing.
Back to your original point-when people choose to be overtly ignorant, showing no care or concern for others who are within their sight..it feels like a violation. It can be hard for me to forgive. Here’s a light-hearted silly example (that still makes me kind of mad). When I was a kid, a school friend invited me to summer camp for a week...or maybe I invited her. We were not close friends but had decided to go together, probably bc we couldn’t find anyone else. The last day of camp, I was completely out of clean shorts and was ashamed to leave the cabin in such a disorderly state. Like most ISFPs, I like to look nice (actually i NEED to look nice, which is shallow but true-almost 40, perhaps I’ll grow out of it😂). My friend had a suitcase full of clean clothes. I asked her if I could borrow a pair of shorts bc obviously I wasn’t fit to be seen. She refused. I played it off like it was totally fine but I was so hurt. I felt like she hated me. Didn’t she know that by not helping me she was committing social homicide?? Bc, I was going to die from humiliation of which she could have prevented. I simply could not relate. If she, or anyone for that matter, needed a pair of shorts, I would have seen it as my God given mission to clothe them and to do it well. Great video!
Gina Spangler - I love everything you say in this comment. I mean, I love it all so much. I mean, I don’t love that your friend didn’t help you. But I am sure you get what I mean. Amazing thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing. So encouraging.
This ISFP says you nailed it.
Thank you for that. I really appreciate the feedback. And thank you for watching. Please consider subscribing if you have not already. Be awesome. The world needs ISFP influences.
Dude that’s like so accurate, as an ISFP I just can’t bring myself to say “I need help” and it’s not because of my pride it’s literally just as you said. Yk since I am attentive to other peoples needs and since that’s like somewhat my way of showing affection I expect my friends to do the same. I kinda get pissed if they don’t help me even tho I’m clearly showing that I do need it. I love ur video :) keep it up!
Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.
same here..
This is so accurate and finally I can ‘tell’ the people around me how my mind works! Hard to put into words and you just did. Thank you!
That is very encouraging. Thank you for saying so.
Thanks for this video. As an isfp, I very much relate. I had some major light bulb moments. You explained succinctly what has happened in my life situations. I give people several chances, but once I decide that someone is chronically inconsiderate, I have a very strong aversion to being in their presence.
This also explains why I felt such a strong pull to get to know someone and opened up so quickly without reservations. Very out of character for me. When I look back, the first thing he did when we met was recognize an opportunity to help and then take action with an act of service. You nailed it with this video. Thanks again! Subscribed :)
This is interesting because as an INTJ it comes off like the ISFP *expects* people to monitor the ISFP at all times to appease them and their needs.
Helping is one thing but being a lap dog for someone all day isn’t really something I as an NT would do...ever.
Of course if you need help with your bags that’s just common decency but spending all day looking for imperceptible cues that a person needs help and to think/feel I’m obligated to help or I’m not a ‘considerate person’ is for me as an NT weaponizing the word considerate.
For me, as an NT *considerate* is when someone uses their words and explains what it is they need or want and then allows me to communicate back what I can give.
INTJs have Fi 3rd slot so I understand it to a degree but I don’t expect others to constantly monitor my emotions and how I feel about them based off what they ‘pick up on’ from a deeply personal level within me.
It’s such a personal thing so it’s interesting that a lead Fi would expect others to be able to read them in that way without communication to help guide that process.
It’s almost like a self fulfilling prophecy that you’ll be upset because you didn’t communicate and thus don’t get what you want and thus think the other person is ‘inconsiderate’ but it stemmed from the other person not really knowing what it is you needed because you expected them to know without saying anything.
BlairWaldorf2013 - I think that is actually a very fair take on it. I don’t know if I mentioned it in the video, but this is an area of struggle for me. I think that, having realistic expectations of others, has always been a bit of a problem for me. However, keep in mind that, to a large degree, I am talking about things that, to me, seem super obvious: like helping carry in groceries. Seeing that I am trying to get to the microwave and a person is standing in front of it. Etc. I don’t think I get upset about things that are so remote that I know there is no way the other person could be aware of them. Nevertheless, I will admit this has caused friction between me and others at times. So I appreciate hearing your perspective on it. It will help me to be a better person. Thanks for watching. Thanks for commenting.
For me it's not that I want people to notice everything it's just that I (feel like) I notice so much: when someones stressed with work, when someone needs a hand to do something practical, when someone is looking left out of a group, when a group is arguing other something trivial and need some guidance, etc etc and even do nice things without any obvious reason such as making someone coffee in bed it just feels disappointing when I'm obviously down or struggling with something and people carry on as if there's no problem
I'm an INFP, and even i can relate to this.
I recently did a journal challenge with one of the topics being: Five ways to win my heart. 3 out of the 5 pretty much relates to this! 1)Being kind to strangers 2)Helping others 3)When there is a group setting and someone tries to engage the quiet person: Makes them feel more comfortable, making sure they have a good time too. (Cuz that's me, the quiet one) Well, it all comes down to being considerate. I find it amazing that these were related to this ISFP video. I guess I am a true ISFP haha. I loved this video and I'm looking forward to many more! If anyone else was curious, what the other 2 of the 5 were: 4) Having fun with me, the real me (which is rare) 5) Allowing yourself to be vulnerable; showing emotions. (I didn't have the intent to have my 5 ways to be so ISFP focus, I thought long and hard about these, and they just so ended up to be ISFP focus lol) DOES ANY OTHER ISFP FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT MY FIVE?
I agree with your other two, as well. That is really interesting. I am glad you left this comment. Thank you!
Yup, I agree with all 5 points :)
The 5th point feels more like a bonus, though. Not everyone is willing to be vulnerable, so when someone opens up, that makes me feel extra special. So yes, agreed. ^^
Good list, definitely top qualities, particularly can't stand when people make no effort to include people in a group
Casually I did that 5 things in front of my ISFP coworker by accident 😅 but the point 3 was me going to speak to him because he was the most quiet of 30 workers and the most handsome, and I went to seduce him 😅 I'm ENTP and I like introverts.
Now we are dating and he is very very in love with me, now I understand why, as he sees me working attending and helping strangers in the airport, being always kind with strangers 🤣
Oh I am so glad I was recommended this video. It explains a lot in the dynamic of my marriage. I'm an intj my husband an esfp (I know, not the same as an isfp, but the video still resonated). I am pretty self sufficient and so is my husband. If he offers to help me, its usually right when I'm enjoying completing a difficult task! He looks so offended when I say, "I got this."
But do I ask for help when I need it? No, not always.
He also doesn't ask for help, so I assume he can handle his stuff.
Sometimes he and I are alike in ways that don't serve us. Being too self sufficient and independent just keeps us apart.
It's a good skill to learn to ask for and accept help!
Gonna try to recognize when my boss needs help and take the initiative and just do it... Also, I as an ENFP have been pretty obvious lately showing my interest with her, which can be a bit overwhelming and "inconsiderate" to her as an ISFP. Your videos have been so helpful. Thank you so much.
Thank you for watching. Glad I can be of some help.
Watching this to win my own heart
This is accurate for me. The only thing I’d say is different for me is that I’d rather not be helped. I’m independent to a fault. But let me tell ya- RIGHT THERE WITH YOU when it comes to irritation of people being inconsiderate. I don’t want to be that!
Very accurate! I am an isfp and relate completely to this.
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I HAVE LITERALLY HAD THAT CONVERSATION ABOUT CONSIDERATION!!
This is exactly my position, if i am not a consideration in someone's life, they do not count me as a priority and not consider my position. I 100% understand and agree 😅
I'm personally trying to be more cognizant of the difference of someone not noticing and someone not caring
But i will keep mental tallys of how and when they’ll offer me their consideration
ISFJ_a, (4w5). I hope I can meet a self-aware isfp who'll be a person in my life. :) it seems like id enjoy and love them and they would appreciate and enjoy being loved by me and together we could go on little adventures! :D
Do you think ISTPs have a chance to be the person in your life? We're non judgemental and mostly chill, though I have emotional moments as well (kinda hoping you'd say yes, I'm about to marry an ISFP)
yeah +1 isfp vote. it goes far deeper than that to be truthful, but you did an excellent job at simplifying it for anyone to grasp. well done. this extends to way more things than "help" in its standard meaning. i need this the most in emotional validation. i need thank yous, i miss yous, i love yous.. those "help"me feel loved and i cant go without it
Thanks for watching and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it.
I have an isfp friend... im an infp... I always says, i miss you, i love you no matter what, I got your back etc... And when i didn't get the replay then i had thoughts "ok seems i should stop to says that",🤣 i feels I'm so noisy and annoying sometimes.
I'm very expressive type person maybe isfp not so. But i felt it's one sided love if i didn't get the replay even it's just emotes 🤣 but yeah so i just learn not to expecting the return, my focus just expressing what inside my head. To have relationship with SFP type is like i must learn supranatural ability to read their head 😂
As an ISFP, this just describes me, and how I act and what I expect from others perfectly!
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Oh god, the thing about not asking for help because you expect people to help you, is the BIGGEST problem I have *ever* had with my mother.
The problem is that I am an ENTP (with ADHD), who is currently dating and ISFP, and this just made me a bit nervous.
Even though I am always quick to help anyone who asks, and I do try to ask if someone needs help when I am available, but I can often struggle to notice small signals and I am deeply afraid of being met with a negative response because of it.
*I really like this person!* They're so mysterious and fascinating to me that we talk for hours, but if being passive-aggressive and unable to directly ask me for anything is a core part of who they are, it would be very hard for both of us...
I know that their love language is acts of service (mine is words of affirmation), so it makes sense, but I don't know to what extent their "unwillingness" to ask could affect our relationship, nor how willing they are to compromise.
How would you want another person to tell you that they *_want_* to help you, but it is hard for them when you can't/won't verbalise your needs?
There is a lot to my thoughts on this. First, be honest about all of this. Play the video for the other person and ask him/her if it resonates. Then discuss that openly. When you notice the other person is working or trying to get things accomplished, simply say, “is there anything I can do to help you?” Make sure the person knows now that you struggle to help when not directly asked and let the person know that you are comfortable being asked for help. When the person does ask for help, don’t give the person the impression that it is an inconvenience, or you’ll go right back to square one.
Thank you am an intj and i want to be closer to my isfp friend so it was useful to know 🙏❤
Holy shit! I think I have been unknowingly unlocking my Se function. This is my 8th function because I identify as an ENFP now as an adult. As a child, I was more of an INFJ, and when I'm alone for long enough, I start to process information as an INFJ. But recently, after being single for a year after a 16-year relationship with an INTJ ended. I notice myself showing love by seeing how I can help others in real time and immediately in my environment. I washed my cousins trash can, changed a light bulb, washed others' dishes, threw out trash, and always picked up after myself before I left a room. Is that Se?
As an ISFP this being considerate can be kind of scary to the point where I have felt really bad when I've developed feelings for someone and expressed them to them because I feel like that's put them or might have put them in a difficult position which I was really uncomfortable doing
That's so kind. That awareness would make me feel better if someone developed feelings for me.
Finally! Someone who understands.. everything you said is correct..
I relate to this entirely and feel sooo understood. Because I am naturally so aware of others needs (of course I have my weaknesses but I just think this is one of my strengths), I find it very hard to understand or tolerate someone who isn’t considerate with their words and actions. I also 100% agree with what you said about how you tend to give people multiple chances to prove that they aren’t chronically inconsiderate humans 😂, so I will patient but once I have been disappointed over and over again, I’ve never been afraid to cut them out completely. I’m sure many isfp may relate to this but the small things actually matter to me. For example, I had a friend who I was constantly driving around since she didn’t have a car, offering emotional support whenever she needed (which was often), pretty much saying yes to whatever she asked from me. And the thing is I didn’t do any of these things because I wanted something in return. It is just what feels right to me and and I genuinely love being a caring, helpful friend. But there were little things over time that started to bother me - for example, after a while I could tell she was starting to take it all for granted and she wouldn’t thank me when I did anything for her. It may seem like a simple thank you, but those things count to me. She also NEVER offered to help me in any way, which I couldn’t understand as an isfp. It really hurt!! I cannot stand entitled people!
With all that said, someone who knows how to read a room, who is attentive to others needs, and who shows consistency in their kind words and actions - that will win an isfp’s heart. Although I also need to learn to communicate my needs more, it means the world when someone knows before I explain and can show that in tangible ways.
Agreed. And thank you for watching and commenting.
Wow, wow, wow! Only difference for me is I kind of feel like I should not burden others by asking for help and I value being independent soooo much. But I do think people should help without me having to ask them, and I love it so much when someone does! I mean when they just come in and help without even asking if I need help, because I would say no even if I want help! Thank you for this video, that
was amazing! It was almost like hearing my brain talk to me 😂!
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@@myisfpjourney7813 I already have!
Completely agree, too considerate for our own good ahahah
Wow!! I can soooo relate!! Especially on asking for help, and the concept of considerate/not considerate!! Looking forward to watching more of you vids!!
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Typed as an enfp and this resonates with me especially with common curiosity
You speak from my heart, this is SO me. Thank you so much for sharing, it was a pleasure listening to you 😊
subbed, greetings from germany ♥️
That you. I truly appreciate your feedback, kind words, and the fact that you subscribed.
Random stream of IFSP consciousness here. I completely agree with the helping others as much as possible bit. I work so hard to make sure everyone around me is better off, be it practically like making them a meal when they're busy or emotionally and for me it all works as long as there is some recognition be it verbally or in some form of reciprocation which is definitely preferred. This does mean though that I am pretty aweful at receiving criticism because I'm always trying hard to do the right thing its hard to deal with the idea that someone thinks I'm getting it wrong still. This even goes as far as predicting someone might be upset at me and it being unfeasible to change that but still feeling bad.
Yes, I completely agree.
There is no love without consideration; consideration is love. Those who love you will take the time to get to know you, and be thoughtful of you, and should have functional knowledge of your ways, being to anticipate your needs at some level and help your partner. A relationship is not a one-sided thing, but a mutual thing, if it's one-sided, it's not a relationship. This is not just relevant to specific personaities, but is something which is true across the board. Gift -giving can be an opportunity for people to demonstrate their knowledge and thoughtfulness of others.
I’m an ISFP and I 100% agree!
I can appreciate your perspective and insight. But I did want to bring this to your attention: not everyone sees needs like this. It's not that we don't care. It's that we don't think that way. I'm an ENTJ. I will march through hell for a person in need as long as they are wanting to be helped and actively trying to help themselves. However, I'm also so very goal and efficiency oriented that I simply don't see these type of needs and have actively asked those around me to plainly tell me when they need help. I've even created lists of things to check to see if help is needed because I just don't see them naturally. You expecting other people to read your mind and branding me as not caring is equal to me looking down on you for not being ambitious in life to my ENTJ standard, which by the way I understand is larger than life. I have had to learn that others don't think like me and I cannot reasonably hold them to my standard. I had to learn to synthesize the perspective of others so that I could orient myself best to work along side them. I say ask this to encourage you to see this from the perspective of others who are not like you. You make up less than 10% of the population. That means 9 out of 10 people don't think like you. Please try not to hold others to your own standard of what you feel it should be.
Agree with you totally. That is why I care so much about personality type. I am completely aware of everything you said. My video is meant to share my natural perspective on life. But that does not mean that I believe my brain wiring to be the best. I love trying to understand how other people see the world. I do not agree that we can deduce percentages of the population; but beyond that, you and I are on the same page .
@@myisfpjourney7813 the 10% is a number I've heard floating around when studying your type. I'm sure there is a margin of error to be accounted for. My daughter has your personality type and it has been quite the learning curve for me to relate to her in a way that is healthy for her mentally. And quite the unlearning endeavor for me to approach her and others differently to meet them halfway.
@@kazgaming5088 - I am familiar with the percentages, I just don’t agree. I think it is silly for anyone to make those types of claims. I have seen those percentages many times. I just don’t believe they hold water. I wasn’t attacking you by saying that.
@@myisfpjourney7813 I don't feel attacked. Open discourse is never a bad thing. How else can a person grow if their beliefs aren't challenged from time to time? :)
Thanks for this video. This helps me understand my ISFP wife. I'm an INFJ and my Se is my weak area so I don't see what you guys do but I do see how a person is feeling using my much stronger Fe which can often be too late. I have been trying to strengthen my Se in order to see when my wife needs help and she has actually learned to ask for help when she needs it too. So we kind of met in the middle.
I love ISFPs and love to help people, but I can be very oblivious to my surroundings and these practical details. That's why the golden pair for ISFPs are ESFJs, the Fe-Si combo is basically what you talked about.
Yeah? 🤔
Yeah
As a fellow ISFP, I concur!
I am an isfp woman and feel very validated - i am so naturally observant of what is around me (aesthically as well) & can't help but notice what another may need. I sometimes felt foolish since those around me just didn't see these things.
I don't ever need help. I help others. Also, I'm exactly like you!! I scan my environment constantly for ppl that need help and I'm always the first to notice! I thought everyone wld be this way, then I realised that others aren't like me
This is so true for me and I also see when people are helpful only when they want something from someone.
Yes, I’m an ISFP too, and I totally agree❤
I do have a hard time asking for help for the reasons you mentioned. I also worry that I'll be a burden/annoyance if I myself have to ask for help as opposed to them noticing and be willing to help. However, I rarely feel frustrated by people who don't notice I need help. I think that it is up to them and I'm also aware at how good I am at hiding the fact that I need help. They may be having a harder time than me for all I know so I don't want to judge them without outright asking them first. I will feel mad if I'm desperate, though. That being said, if someone is very considerate of me, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE them a lot! You will hold a super special place in my heart.
Yup-well said! “If you wanted to HELP me, you would.”
Right or wrong-that’s how I feel, shouldn’t have to ask.
I'm the same, being considerate is a big plus for me. I like to help people if it looks like they need it. I was on a similar situation I helped someone across the road with their shopping, they had a lot, fortunately on another occasion I noticed that they were deaf so I had to make eye contact and spoke clearly so they could read my lips, afterwards they signed something not knowing what they were saying I just smiled and nodded.
I am aware that some people are not so good on picking up body language cues. I don't particularly like asking for help, but I'm getting better at it. I want to help my son when he's struggling, but most of the time he doesn't want and gets annoyed at me for trying. I know when not to push it, lol.
I give people far too many chances. Once I'm done with them, that's it, adios!
First off, I want to thank you for sharing your journey with this crazy media space. You tone is not pushy as I have found most RUclipsrs to be (which is why i'm now a subscriber 😉). I stumbled across your channel after meeting an ISFP on a dating site during the quarentene. Which once he explaiined his personaliy type and therefore I was hell bent on learning my own. That said the Myers Briggs said I was an INFP and 16 personalites said I was a ENFP. While I understood the how I miight have tested that way, still for the past few weeks somethnig has not felt correct aboout that personality label.
Today I started exploring other labels to see if one fits how I am showing up in this "new relationship" and how he is showing up towards me. The one I identify the most with is ISFJ. It described to a tee what my intuitive spidey senses have picked up with how he prefers to be communicated with and to learn I how can match his personalities communication style.
Which brought me strait back to your channel and to hear an ISFP male perspective on how to feel seen and appreciated. In terms of being considerate....our 1st date, but we played tennis for 2 hours...lost complete track of time. He kept sayin' gosh, im so sweaty I don't know why. So I handed him my towel because he had forgotten his. His response was "Im gross" I said, yeah and....so now by using this you'll be a little less gross.
Boy is your thought process spot on and now I can worry less because I have a tendency to over analyze my behavior.
So thank you again for sharing your thought process and heart with these here interweb
Marcia Gilmore - Thank you for your kind and insightful comments. It is always so encouraging to hear that these videos are helpful to people. I just did a video on the ISFJ. I have a lot of videos on INFP. They may be of some help to you trying to narrow down your own type. It’s such a fun and extraordinary process to learn about ourselves and others. I appreciate your support, and hope your relationship is a great one. ❤️
@@myisfpjourney7813 can't wait to watch both.
Yes noted! Enfp here and I overanalyze. I'm here because I'm terrified I pushed my isfp away because I'm too energetic and overwhelming. I'm wondering if I should pump the brakes and let him text me first?
You can win my heart with authenticity and purity of intention
I do like to see thoughtfulness in others and appreciate it when they offer but I am not offended if they do not want to help. I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt that they may have something else going on in their life (whether physical or emotional) and may not be in a space to help out!
Sounds like a good way to look at things.
Great insight. I have never put that together. I also notice immediate needs of other and usually quickly run to help. I don’t always though. I think this may arise from the combination of Fi and Se - seeing it as a moral and good thing to help when I see someone needs help.
I think thats a good example of a pitfall in relationships when you are dating someone who isn't the same personality type as you are. The isfp love language is little acts of service cause thats how your brain works...you see what others need and you give it to them. So when you need help you want them to do the same for you. Assuming their brains work the same way. It will be a disappointment when they don't... like they don't love you or anything.
I am an INFJ. I help everyone and feel their feelings as if they are my own. I help everyone but I don't get help thinking they don't love me enough to help me...its always 1 sided. I only recently realised, as an INFJ I am the ice queen....on the outside I look chill...internally I am freakin the h€ll out and in need of help but trying to control my feelings. As an INFJ I can see past peoples masks to how they really feel. So I always assumed others can sense I need help as well and choose to not care enough to help me. Now I know...they aren't INFJ!!!!..my loved ones aren't mindreaders...if I look chill, don't ask for help I come across as "I got this sh!t covered no biggy". So no I don't get help when it seems I don't need it. But if I learn to express my feelings and remember people don't think like me....they actually help me when I ask for it. Who knew? 🤦♀️Ok it would still be nice if people would know when to offer help on their own but yeah...the chill ice queen thing I guess. I just come across as in control and competent when some times I am really not. 🤷♀️😂🤣😂🤣 But I have to be chill cause I feel my feelings and the feelings of everyone around me...if I don't control that I would go completely mental.
Same thing for the INFJ's tendency to disappear when they are out of balance (too much feelings...need inner peace and to shut out others and listen to myself). I live with ESTJ's....yeah they don't understand that at all and think I am anti social or a hermit. 😟😂🤣 What they don't know is..."I go into hermit-mode because of you people and your pinned up frustration and stress you are radiating all blo*dy day...you are stressing me out man". Its either me going into hermit-mode or me reaching my limit and snapping at them for causing the stress (which they aren't aware of so I can't blame them)....I think hermit-mode is the better option. So I get made fun of for doing something thats actually protecting them and their feelings. 🤫 don't tell them. 😏
102% right
Exact up to the extent I was completing your sentences
This is so true for me as an ISFP. I always notice that people need help and if someone is emotionally down, i would notice it right away and because i am like this i kind of default always except people to help me too but after all these years of my life i realized that there are people who don't have high SE in their main stack😅😅and i should ask for HELP but it's very hard for me to ask for help.
And yeah it's very true TO BE CONSIDERATE to me and to other people to win my heart. I approve it as an ISFP.😅🤟🤟
I feel this way when I'm feeling sad or angry or lonely. I want people to *want* to be around me or to see that I'm upset, so when someone doesn't talk to me in a while, it upsets me, but I can't bring myself to come to that person and ask if I did something wrong. I can never tell if people are ignoring me because they don't like me, or if they're legitimately busy. Be it logical or not, I have trouble coming to others about my problems, which only makes them worse and makes them fester until I eventually snap (Seemingly out of nowhere for the person, but to me it's been sitting in my stomach for a while)
This has been me my whole life. But recognizing this behavior goes a long way to toning it down and getting past it.
True to the Core. I don't want to be around anyone inconsiderate. It's like if you only cared enough you would have helped without me asking, you would have observed that I need help. oh but when such doesn't happen and as ISFP i have to constantly ask, I feel tired and feel like you don't care and that's it.
Very much agree on this one. I think this also might explain why my love language is acts of service.
Mine too!
I also love a person who appreciates me for who i am because I can’t be myself if they try to change me or try to change me
Also side note, Here's a different perspective:
Sometimes people don't help because they are afraid or worried how the person that needs the help might respond.
Some people think you are insulting their ability when you rush in to help. Some people don't want help and feel very weird about accepting it, because they feel it comes with a "price tag".
There are negative many ways someone might feel about accepting help (especially help from a stranger).
Now if we flip that around, consider how those people look at helping others. If their bias is more fear based and they have had bad experiences getting help or helping others in the past, will they run up to help someone else? Maybe...but maybe not.
It may not be obliviousness, or rudeness. People may not help others for lots of reasons...most of which aren't even about the person who needs help in that moment.
It's not necessarily something to take personally.
Just offering another viewpoint.
Good thoughts
ISFPs, please dont be mad if I ignore your silent call for help, I just don't think I can help you - a very non confident ENTP
Trying is better than nothing most of the time
Spot on Isfpt here
The idea of consideration is interpreted differently by each person. A person who resents “ help” might think he’s being considerate by not jumping to help another person. But as an IFSP I find that to be a poor excuse. Having known several people who I found to be inconsiderate, I believe that their resistance came from a rebellion against feeling controlled by another’s needs.
Then there are “ helpers” who smother …..
woow i'm loving your videos!good job!
Thank you
INTJ here. Idk if it’s an INTJ thing, or a female having to work surrounded by males thing, but I value when people mind their own business. I hate feeling watched and constantly observed, so I do not pay a lot of attention to others.
I can and have gone through extreme discomfort and hardship in order to help others once I knew they needed and would accept my help. I am a very giving and loyal person. I can also be very oblivious to hints and cues. Thing is though, the people I’ve gone the most out of my way to help have ended up being the least considerate and biggest takers. Although I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a friend to others, but they are not my friend, it still makes me distrust people and their intentions. I will help, but I no longer invest any feelings in people.
Interesting. I'm an infp, and I might fail to see that someone needs help in an acts of service type of way, but I always see it when someone feels or might be feeling horrible and I provide emotional help and encourage them. And I kinda also want ppl to be like that towards me as well, that they'd tell me "it's ok" and encourage me when I share my insecurities and worries. When I hear someone only come with conclusions on how to better myself or my actions in that situation, I kinda feel that the person thinks that my insecurities are true, and that is discouraging.
Thinkers will tend to want to find and provide concrete plans of action to deal with problems, rather than emotional support. So in those cases, it may just be that the person trying to give you advice is a thinker.
Thank you for your insight. As an INFJ, I'm trying to understand the heart of my ISFP... For me, be considerate or inconsiderate is a nice thing to do but I am confused as to how this really pertains the ISFP as a being on a deeper level. This makes sense why I am scratching my head about my ISFP wondering if I am ever going to see what's under neath the hood when he's actually has been showing me this whole time.
I am more inclined to be offended if someone invades my bubble to try to help me. If I need help you will know because I will ask. I like figuring things out for myself and prize my independence and my self-actualized competency as my #1 personal treasure in life.
It's very different from the ISFP who isn't as possessive of these things.
Yeah as an ISFP I can definitely relate to this. I feel like me asking for help is kinda bothering others...(like, not being considerate) cuz people have stuff to do and it’s causing them extra trouble (especially to those who're not really good at rejecting). BUT if others noticed me and came to help the situation is different cuz then I'll think that "they want to do that" and I won’t have to feel so bad about it. I won’t really feel that bad when people don’t notice that i need help ( I feel like for me personally I hope people to notice me but I don’t expect them).
Plus I got a tip for ISFPs who wants your friend or people you’re close to to notice that you need help without actually saying it ( I think it works especially well with the thinking types). I have a ISTP friend and it’s highly unlikely for him to notice that I need help so when I need help I just go complain to him about the issue. And then normally he’ll think that I need help (idk if that works for others tho, plus complaining too much isn’t really good so :/)
I'm #ENTP, this is because of my pride. I imagene that I'm independent😅
ISFPs help me before I realize that I need help
I love ISFP’s!!! They are great listeners and helpful… when they’re not lazy lol
-ISFJ
here to learn how to win my own heart bc i can't imagining anyone surviving that lol
Same here! We basically have the same reasons, it's funny!
you are too good at saying what you mean!
I have made it a major part of my life to be an excellent communicator. I find problems with other people are reduced greatly when we communicate well with each other.
@@myisfpjourney7813 exactly! that is so true! god bless you!
Isfp here and I agree 100%
Couldn't agree more 😂🤦♀️ the same problem happens with me at my class.
I wish my professor comes to me and says: I know that you have a question here so, let me explain this part again for you.
Thanks for watching and commenting
I've never actually thought about it so much but now whenn I do, I relize how I also have no problem at all answering a question such as "do you need help". But I have a really hard time just asking for it without the question. very interesting to think about
Damn 100% I identify with this
I totally agreed that I want others to come help me automatically and I do give 3 chances and then I will write the person off
if I cannot write them off I will be very angry with them.
Same. May not be the best way to be, honestly. I think there is value in trying to work through situations. But I always see the other person as unmovable, making it pointless. That’s probably not accurate though.
They realise there's just nothing in it for them to help. Most people think this way. If there's an audience around they might just to look good
wow!!! This is one of my areas that trouble me.
nice video
Thank you. And thanks for watching.
My ISFP Journey Yess ^^
As an INFJ who dates an ISFP, i can confirm this is all just fact.
Thank you for watching and commenting
perfectly accurate my dude
I totally agree with you
I felt this so hard - enfp
Thanks for watching.
100% spot on
I once had this art teacher who i hated.. because things didnt work out for me. and he just didnt want to help me.. he saw me struggle. and i was so scared to ask help. And after a week when the class was done.. He was like.. You just had to ask me to help you. Now your project is the worst. Come on just ask me. And i just couldnt do it.. And then he was like okay.. so now you have this ugly project.. I almost cried
Eva - Wow! What a gem of a person. That’s an excellent example of the stuff that would make me be done with a person. Ridiculous. Thanks for watching and commenting. Please consider subscribing if you have not already.
Yeeees. That’s part of why I struggled in school so much. And I was a pretty average student except in the subjects I enjoyed. Being stuck in a classroom with other students clamoring for attention and getting lost in the shuffle but too nervous to ask for help cause you don’t wanna be a burden.
Your entire video was you explaining you Fi value concerning help. Adorable. I would say, go ask others how often you say, "I'm sorry." Then you'll have a better picture.
I apologize; but I don’t understand what you are trying to say after the first sentence.
@@myisfpjourney7813 me too, doesn't understand it.
I don't know. I went to help my ISFP out because he said his health was declining. When I got there, yes he was so happy and excited, but then at night he said "who asked you" and months later told me like three nice reasons why he didn't want me to travel to his place. How can I learn to understand him? It's hurt so much. 😢 He even kisses a girl in front of me and showed me a ring some other girl gave him. I don't understand how he claims to love me, but I have no choice. It's either be friendly with him or die trying.
Agreed, this is me 100%
from an isfp
I agree with you bcoz I'm an ISFP
Yes. As an ISFP my 1# love language is definitely ACTS OF SERVICE.
Oh I read "whining" instead of "winning" :X
Nailed it bud👍
Thank you
He has neuropathy. I noticed he needed a foot massage, but when I asked him if he wanted one, he said NOT FROM YOU. He says he loves me, so that was confusing.
I'm sure you mean well, but that is not my ISFP experience...
It sounds like you're describing a kind of mixture that doesn't exist- between extraverted sensing and extroverted feeling.
If anything, the ISFP is in a constant dilemma because they like helping people who won't expect them to be the same tomorrow, and understand that they are different every day. I personally let my body decide if I'm available to support someone in the moment.
Giving me freedom to "do me" is the way to my heart...
Very accurate!
I hate admitting I need help I should be able to do it all, I live with an istp and he said there is no win at all
as an ifsp, can confirm
OMG!! I totally agree.