Ending an Affair: Letting Go and Moving On

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When an unfaithful spouse is attempting to move on and let go of their affair partner, there are a few non-negotiable stages they must pass through. Utilizing half measures and mere will power to white knuckle your way through almost never works and only prolongs the pain for all parties. Today I’ll be sharing the pivotal stages needed to find new vision for your spouse and for your potential future together.
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- What kind of affair was it?
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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida
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Rick Reynolds, LCSW and Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com
-Rick has over 30 years of experience in treating couples and guiding them to healing after infidelity. AffairRecovery.com is the first company to offer anonymous online group support worldwide for those impacted by infidelity.
-Reynolds, a LCSW, holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice.
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[@AJ-ls7tn]

Hi. I am an unfaithful and this gave me so much hope. I am greatful for another chance from my husband. I too don't feel like i am a bad person, I just made a bad choice. I feel like i will never forgive myself for hurting my husband soooooo bad. Even though he has been unfaithful numerous times, i still don't feel justified. It feels horrible and gut wrenching. It was selfish of me. One thing I know, I will NEVER do this again. I am working on myself, to find out why I did it. Even if I end up alone, I must NEVER repeat this, ever in life again.

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

Thanks for watching AJ. Thankful to know it gave you hope. That's why we do what we do. I encourage you to read the article I've linked below, in it I quote "If you've already committed to be faithful and then wound up being unfaithful, then the simple (and typical I might add) commitment not to do it again will never be sufficient and is quite frankly, naïve at best." Acceptance of the capability is the pathway to being safe. Glad you're here and you're not a bad person. Just a person who made a bad choice. www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/healing-after-affair-relapse-prevention. The Hope for Healing course will provide you with a plan for relapse prevention and safety moving forward. www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing

[@kaleighnelson7063]

I am too

[@EadsB7002]

So with you on this. i am not 100% sure i want to remain in the marriage, but the thought of hurting my spouse is truly terrifying.
After two years, i feel like my "other relationship" is possibly taking a transition into the "deterioration stage" for me and i know it's almost surely best for me to get out. I know that if i can accomplish that, i never, ever want to put myself in this type of position ever again...no matter my circumstances.

[@kathyroe40]

I think affairs hurt all involved especially the other woman that everyone seems to forget about.

[@sashagonzalez6997]

@@kathyroe40 The otter women is a person who made a bad decision and there are consequences. Unless she truly didn’t know the person was married.

[@vjs0902]

great video. She is right how can you trust someone who you cheated with. You can't!! You know what they are capable of doing. They can't have a mask on with you. It doesn't work. Move on and either work on your marriage or leave. You have to heal and make sure you don't do this. Move on

[@henniestander7542]

This is true. I could never trust someone who I've been untrustworthy with, and when I know what that person is capable of.

[@mikeschmautz]

You are so right, I never really thought of this perspective before!
Thank you

[@nancyp631]

POWERFUL LETTER!!!!!!!!!

[@pw4259]

10 years I had affair for I did and still love her but I ended it lot off stress I do miss her and think about her a lot but I have a family but the pain ever day is hurting

[@everready2903]

10yrs wow! Did she accept it easily?

[@RB-bb2tw]

You did it to yourself

[@lochan8180]

FOR MARRIED PEOPLE: The feeling that you get in an affair can NEVER be love. Love comes from God, the same God who designed marriage and commanded us to honor it. I truly believe that God will not contradict Himself and put love in your heart for someone else other than your spouse. The feeling you have for the other person can be LUST, INFATUATION, ADMIRATION, OBSESSION, A SOURCE OF VALIDATION, A FORM OF ESCAPE or any other feeling that satan will USE to destroy your marriage (and push you to commit a SIN by breaking the VOW that you made before God). The devil will make you believe that what you feel for this other person is love when in fact it really ISN'T. That's what satan does. That's the reason he's called a LIAR and a DESTROYER.
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." (1 Corinthians 13:6)

[@rajis9103]

Pls pray for me to come out from satan i am fully stuked

[@arikakad2015]

@@rajis9103 me too. I need prayer.

[@oambitiousone7100]

What is the marriage I’m in originated as an affair? Is the marriage invalid then?

[@deenabellin448]

@@oambitiousone7100if he does it with you he’ll do it to you. Good luck.

[@littlemissy8356]

That letter was really good.

[@jill5215]

Thanks for this vid, it helps on mydecision

[@letstalksuccess580]

Best video, thank you very much

[@paytonduddynorrisnutsbigge9056]

I'm going through a marriage breakup its 9mths in now after the first 4 my wife finally came clean she had been seeing someone past 8mths torr my life apart we have 3 kids 2 youngest still dont know reason why Dad had to leave..so wrong we were together 21yrs,and I still can't come to terms..he was married to.

[@Nobody-ew3po]

I feel you same happen to me 3 kids and been with her for 9yrs only difference is my youngest is disabled. It shredded me apart and it's only been 3 weeks since I found out.

[@ofs3216]

What a great video. I only wish all unfaithful spouses listen to this.

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

Thank you Elena. I hope they will. We've heard from many unfaithful spouses who have found this 6 part series and it is helping them break free. Hope it continues to help. Thanks for watching.

[@ofs3216]

Affair Recovery I would be interested in watching the other parts to this series. How are they listed as I'm having a hard time finding them.

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

Here's a link to part 1 on our site. The first few parts don't have videos so they aren't listed on youtube. www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/ending-an-affair-step-one-make-the-decision

[@ofs3216]

Affair Recovery thank you, much appreciated. I do plan on reading and viewing the other parts. As the betrayed I found this quite helpful to gain more perspective into the unfaithful. It's very helpful.

[@RaneetaFailua15]

I agreed with Elena. As a BS I will still watched it for my own healing and dealing with US still in contact with the AP. Thank you for the video.

[@shaunabee]

Great perspective...

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

Thanks for watching.

[@payat4417]

So hard because am having a relationship with a married man please I really want to end it, it’s make crazy 😢and depressed and I think this guy is really a cheater he love to sending msgs to random women 😔

[@rencevillanueva8131]

I feel you!

[@thewhiterabbit3221]

I was in the same boat up
until tonight!! (That’s how I got to this video)
end it asap because the longer wait the more it hurts..😭

[@EButta71]

@@thewhiterabbit3221 Same here. I've let him go. 4 weeks no contact and it's better this way. It has been HARD pulling away. Hope you're doing well on your journey.

[@rajis9103]

i am cheted by some one he married another living happly i am always facing pain that he is avoiding me what i have to do pls help me

[@utakwaistvibanez6655]

i had experience of being cheating on, i need to work abroad for my family back to the philippines then my wife had a affair with my friend almost 7months she was cheating on me..now my wife and i working for our relation its hard to trust again especially for me.. i hope you can help me i need some advice

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

Hi arnel. So sorry to hear of what you're facing and sorry you qualify to be here. There is hope and there are many free resources on our site affairrecovery.com to help you get started. I suggest starting with the affair analyzer and then the bootcamp. The links are below. To healing...
www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp
www.affairrecovery.com/affair-analyzer-0

[@alluring._9049]

Can I talk to someone about this?

[@AffairrecoveryLLC]

You can reach us by phone: [phone]
or by email: [e-mail]

[@nikkiallen1500]

@lochan8180, Well said & right on! Thank you