How I Live With Extreme OCD | Full Documentary | OMG Stories
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- Опубликовано: 22 фев 2024
- Following the lives of young people learning to live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
We meet Nikita, a 23 year old who spends hours each day tapping items in her home convinced by her OCD that these rituals will protect her loved ones from harm.
Charlie is about to move house with his wife, this stressful event is causing his routines to become more and more severe.
Will is just 18 and he is so fearful of bacteria a simple haircut is a source of great distress.
Vickie obsesses over death - writing lists of what may happen should a family member or friend die.
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Развлечения
And people think ocd is just not liking things to be unorganized
It really is. These people do this for attention
That is so mean
@@jamedlock83yeah. they ruin their lives because they crave attention! give me a BREAK. this is a psychological condition, recognized by the medical community.
@@porcelainpixie9897mean AND completely wrong and uneducated. It’s people like this commentor that create stigma and shame, and prevent people from receiving support and help for fear of judgment and mockery
@@jamedlock83As someone with professionally diagnosed OCD, what you said was absolute nonsensical garbage.
My boyfriend suffers from OCD and its a terrible condition it hurts me to see him go thru that everyday it's like mental torture for him I just feel broken for him but I love him to death wouldn't want to be with anybody else 7yrs together.❤
Sorry if it is a simple or random question, but did he go to therapy?
It’s hard watching things like this because OCD just mostly goes unnoticed in my life and just becomes a stressful, thoughtless routine. Watching these makes me emotional as I realize the severity of the situation 😢
I had OCD (a bit) but did not realise it. As a kid, when my mom had cancer, I thought as long as I drew a heart on my hand, she'd be alright.
And then I had to bite (lightly) into my hand, to form a shape around the heart. Then it was two bites, and then 3, so there were 3 marks.
Then I had to say something as I did it. Then I had to (etc.)
They kept extending, but as soon as my therapist mentioned it, I stopped about half of them, coldturkey. I've done about 5-6 accidentally, once, but that is different, that was an accident. I've kept about 3 or 4 small ones and I try to notice any new habits and stop them immediately (or trade another in.)
How mentally draining this must be for them!!
OCD isn’t extreme cleanliness. It’s extreme compulsions and delusions that cannot be erased.
I'm 60 now, but in my 20's and 30's I was crippled by OCD. Couldn't leave the house without checking the stove hundreds of times. Checking the faucets. Then when one set of compulsions went away, another took its place - excessive hand washing, etc. The only thing that helped me was Prozac and then Wellbutrin.. I've been on it for all these years. Never stopped taking it. OCD is all consuming. I still get it from time to time - needing to say certain goodbyes a certain way, or lock door a certain way, but I'm so much better.
❤😮
hahahahahahah checking the faucets - in case some eldritch monster seeps through them, huh? roflmao😆
But why so many?? If you know it's off why do a bunch more times??
That first girls mom was an absolute delight. I wish I could have grown up with a mother like her. I don’t have OCD she’s just sweet.
I can’t imagine dealing with OCD and the normal day to day thoughts we all have.
Just the other day someone told me they don’t have any inner thoughts, inner voice or monologue in their head… I thought that must be absolutely amazing. Even now as I’m typing this, I’m hearing myself in my head “say” the words as I type them.
Yea so, that just seems to be so mentally exhausting and my heart goes out to anyone suffering from OCD.
This is such an accurate representation of OCD, it can be debilitating and all consuming, not the ridiculous attention seeking nonsense you see alot on social media.
I’m getting OCD from watching this
I struggle with OCD daily. Extreme hand washing, constant checking to make sure my doors locked when I leave and so much more. It’s been like this since I was in high school, and am currently getting help. It’s so tiring, and I feel for those folks
I used to have OCD- counting, positive numbers, negative numbers, can’t step on lines on the pavement, etc If I didn’t follow the rules and rituals, something bad was going to happen. It was especially bad for my relationships. I kept thinking my ex was going to cheat on me, or that he was cheating. I kept questioning him about his whereabouts. After years of all of this, I challenged my OCD (because I was so tired) and got angry at it. I stopped the rituals, got lazy, would go to sleep, would basically do anything but the rituals. Eventually it lost its grip on me. The brain is a powerful thing and will reset, at least it did for me. Sometimes I still think certain numbers are bad and something bad will happen but I ignore it and it goes away. Right now I am battling something new and trying my best to defeat the new anxiety of feeling like I will fall or pass out. It’s a tough beast!
Wow I never knew there was other ppl who do this, thank you for validation 😂😢😅😮
I'll be honest, this sounds more like deep seated insecurities. I'm no Dr, but my Dr has told me that ocd is not something you just get over, or decide to stop, otherwise so many people would just get tired of it and stop.
@@nickyshaw7677Without getting into too much details, I was diagnosed with anxiety at a young age, locked in a hospital ward for a bit in my teens, and developed various eating disorders on and off for 16-17 years? Most of my life was filled with rituals in “controlled” chaos. It was very all or nothing. Would that be some level of OCD?
I can say I’m free from my eating disorder now but insecurities was much tougher to beat, and anxiety pretty much will stay with me forever. Insecurities, rituals, and fear still creep up but they just don’t have the same debilitating grip (except the new fear of falling plus dying). I still believe time/age (I am old as hell) does help with healing and sometimes even a reset of the brain if work is put in.
@nickyshaw7677 it is possible to "get over it" in fact, you do it by fighting it. Idk what dr told you that but they should go back to school.
@m.ccheddarbox874 don't be stupid. You can't just get over it. Do your research. You can work on it and decrease some things, but there is no cure as such.
I use to regret getting help for my ocd because it changed me. But now I'm grateful i did before it spiraled out of control. People don't understand but it starts tiny and just slowly snowballs over the years. I truly hope everyone gets the help they deserve.
How would you say it changed you ? Wishing you freedom and peace
I lived with one guy who had ocd. His room was full to the top with stuff, he had a weird "no adhesives" rule so he washed his hands a million times if he saw tape anywhere. He washed his hands so much his wrists were cracked and bleeding
Living with nothing but water and trees and open space with no people is my dream. I don’t like crowds either! You guys are all great!
I can't imagine having cameras follow them around is a lot of fun for their anxiety. I truly appreciate them dealing with that so people can better understand OCD. ❤
I have checking and intrusive thoughts OCD & its truly draining and can feel unrelenting. It's like being caught in an endless loop that's tough to escape, profoundly affecting my life.
Getting onto medication helped me so much with my OCD. I once drove all the way home from work during my lunch break because I couldn’t stop thinking if I left the stove on. The constant worrying is so exhausting. I hope these people all find peace and get well ❤
But if you KNOW it's off why do the rituals??
It warmed my heart to see these beautiful people figuring out how to adapt in the ways they can to have a successful life on their own terms.
What all these people have in common is fear...the underlying problem is fear :(
One situation at a time. Take care
Thank you
I compulsively check whether a door is locked or a socket unplugged. I can't really carry my phone keys or wallet anywhere that isn't within an arm's reach so I can check it often. It's something I don't consider OCD and I can always definitively push myself away from the compulsive throught but I just don't. I fear I might develop the proper illness in the future.
Praying for you guys 😢
Prayers sent
THIS is OCD! I wish people would stop acting like it's a quirky little thing to say. "Those pans out of place is messing with my ocd" "that one dropped piece of cheese left on the counter has my ocd screaming!" Like, no tf it doesn't becky, shut upppppp!
How sad ....with whats gone on in the world the last 2 1/2 years!? Its probably just confirmed their thoughts are true. What torment it has to be. Bless your hearts. Hugs
I just recently found out there's tons of different types of OCD. I had no idea.
So, you can come over OCD just by yourself, or ease it up a bit. I am suffering rn with OCD, but nowadays it is so easy to get along, say no to doing OCD, my mental energy is not drained like before. I have now so little influence of OCD on a daily basis, its almost gone. Btw, I suffer from depression (like many others) since 2005, anxiety and panic disorder since 2014. I got some medical treatment but actually it was just some sleeping pill, ssris, so nothing special. What I realised, I had extreme OCD attacks with anxiety and panic attack together, but I learned to change my mind and just not "not think about the pink elephant". By me going out of my comfort zone worked (no skydiving or such thing just basicall) like washing your teeth with your other hand, writing with other hand, when the OCD wanted to come, just not focusing on it but on important task I had or movie I watched, when it was harder to finish I just counted 3, 2, 1 and immediatelly started doing something else (like I was making sure x times the cap of a bottle was right on, the OCD got on my nerves, started counting in myself like 3, 2, 1 and in the next second I opened the fridge or talked to my partner, basically forced my mind to priorities something else). So people just heads up, you can overcome it, maybe not entirelly but in some degree. And seek help, it would had made by me much much easier from the beginning, nothing to be ashamed for.
That's the opposite of what you should do. You didn't mention ERP, but people with OCD need to accept the uncomfortable feeling not ignore it.
@@AZ-tq7ok I have tried it but it got worse and worse. I lived like 7 years of hard OCDs throu the day, was mentally so exhausted, could barely drive a car or focus on something. Nowadays I live my days almost free of OCD, its almost unnoticable. Probably it works to others what you suggest, but from my experience I would not recommend.
An hour hair cut? Lord. Seriously I suffer from so many things it's not possible to live normally and i liked how she described this as being invasive into your life... and those around you who love you.
I deal with OCD but not to this extreme. I cant imagine how exhausting this is for her, I am exhausted myself and again I don't have the severity she has. I have checking behaviors, picking behaviors. I obsess over the cleanliness of some peoples hands. I have a routine that I can not stray from or I get very stressed. It is so tiring!! I also have ADHD and anxiety and all of those things make the OCD worse or vice versa.
I suffered horribly with OCD for 20 years. Seroquel ended up helping me immediately when i was put on it. As long as they stay on it I’m completely good if I come off of it it comes right back.
I have a bit of this. In 1980 I used to literally hammer the taps because I used to make sure the taps was closed properly. I still to this day at times still do it
It must be draining living in your head 24/7 😮
the watching the tap-thing at 12:10 , I do the EXACT same thing! I have to stare at it until it feel alright and I definitely know its not dripping and i put my hand under it aswell several times !
I've had this as a kid , it lasted a year and gradually went away without any help .But 30 years later, I smoked weed one single time, to calm down my anxiety and it kicked back , in full force.
Some years later I still have to deal with it, but it's mild .People should be aware that drugs can trigger some of these pre-existing conditions , even if they are dormant and never manifested before.Some psychedelics can trigger psychosis that quickly degenerates into paranoid schizophrenia.
I have bad anxiety and others always said weed would help. It surely didn't the few times I tried it. It caused full blown panic attacks.
@@amandahankins2731I feel you
How is this an English documentary but you haven't made it available for people in England to watch? Please make it make sense.
I can’t leave the house unless I check the stove or heater at least three times and even take photos
I have OCD according to my psychiatrist but it's more mild cause it happens in just a few scenarios. I have to open and lock my door and gate several times and pull the door to make sure it's really closed. When my sister and her bf travel and I take care of their house and cats, when I close the door I have to record with my phone it's really closed. When I get out of my house, I make sure all but the fridge is disconnected.
Also just general intrusive thoughts, catastrophizing things and other stuff she's seen in me. Also I can't stand people having something on their face, like a lash or eyebrow or dirt. It makes me want to remove it. And I have trichotillomania. + I am having a hard time getting rid/letting go of stuff.
That adds up to a list of conditions: GAD, persistent depressive disorder, paroxysmal anxiety episode (a.k.a panic attack disorder) and now OCD.
Luckily the medication amd therapy are helping me.
for me OCD was, for the MOST part, pure O
for me it manifests as skin picking/hair plucking (not off my head but body)
I've gotten WAY better but for me doing things like picking/scratching have always been and may forever be a habit- I was diagnosed at 9, and a few years of SSRIs after somewhere in middle school my OCD is far more under control even now I've been off them, and as a long time sufferer of severe OCD all of this is just.... very accurate
This is so me and it’s exhausting I wanna unalive in my sleep 😢
Omg i be doing that the refrigerator door i opened like 6 times the bathroom door i opened and closed it like 5 times the clining have to be perfect i mop the floor all day if not i get a headache my friend was at my house she saw what i was doing specially moping she was wow you be moping all day i told her i need to do this every day my toilet super clean she was telling me that's not normal i told her i tried to stop i can't ,my clothes needs to be organized perfect i do see i Psychiatrist and i do take medication for my condition and i still keep doing my stuff like always i have 3 kids one have my condition he got ocd ,he's ocd its worth ,, if he gets a stain in he's clothes he won't used no more even if he's shirts cost $80 anything he's furniture every two months if he see a scratch he will give it to someone else, he's floor needs to be supper clean ,when i brunch my hair i be counting i do need to stop 🛑
Spend more time in nature and do yoga everyday. Try and volunteer at a Care home (home for the elderly)
"it doesn't matter how many times, as long as I say a number"
The number can change, even if you think you have settled on a number that works, your brain likes to throw a spanner in the works and mess things up. Sometimes I look like I'm just staring when I'm actually obsessively counting in my head and getting frustrated.
Some numbers I don't like but that complicates things
I wish I had the obsessive cleaning ocd. At least it's functional - if you ignore all of the bad things.
11:10 omg I feel that 😅 from 2-5 I was convinced I had a tapeworm. The fear is real, and doctors visits and logic don't work at all to help it
My heart breaks for people with OCD disorders. As someone who doesn't have OCD, it almost seems as if it like being superstitious. As a Christian I go by Matthew 6:25-34, Do not worry about your life” (v. 25). “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
My ocd involves odd numbers, specifically 3. If someone gives me one candy i'll be ok since its an odd number. But if somebody gives me 2 candies I would feel so uncomfortable because its 2 and an even number, so I would ask for another candy to make it 3. And I would feel better.
Normally I stop at 3. But if somebody gives me 4 candies I have to make it 5. And son on and so forth. That applies to drinks, counting food, counting pasta noodles and even cigarette sticks when I was still smoking.😬
My other ocd is making the sign of the cross on my forehead before I drive because it makes me feel I will be protected and be safe when I go out. I also make the sign of the cross before I go to parties or go out on crowded areas because I hate crowds too and my anxiety sets it. Somehow doing this makes me feel better everytime I do it.
I'm just quite happy that my ocd is not as bad as the ones featured here. But I can certainly empathize with them. There is always that voice and that feeling urging us even if its against our will.
I have the same issue but I’m an even number girl .. since I was young till now if I’m gonna eat cookies I have to count it can’t be one has to be two not three but four and so on .. not only with cookies
@@23Us3rnAmeOMG i'm sooo amazed that there's someone with an "even number" version of my "odd number" OCD in this world!🤩😱😄 Its fascinating that you could relate with this kind of thinking.
Ive had this since I was 2.Im still a prisoner in my mind to some rituals still but NOTHING like I was.We have the key to free ourselves❤Life is so much more!Just stop..its that simple.Its our minds playing tricks on us.Mind over matter. I do have several rituals..but over the years Ive simplified them & forced myself to stop some cold turkey..it was hard but with time gets easier. Retrain your brain/ thinking. I too fear bad luck & have to do things a certain way or bad luck will come. And I have to have things symmetrical & even numbers. My mom was very superstitious & that made my OCD and intrusive thoughts worse. Ive come a long way. And dont let it control my life anymore. But Im still alot like Nakita. I too have rituals before bed,when I walk into my living room,set multiple alarms even #'s apart,& flip lights in 2 or 4 times. I still have it..but nothing like I use to
Play the music louder 😞
Why dies this young woman with OCD have an hour long train commute to her job?
It's wonderful that she is working independently but couldn't she find a job closer to her home that wouldn't be quite so stressful for her????
For Nikita🧸🍵.
It is a pain in the bum
Here I thought everything I do is just because of superstitions…. Maybe it is OCD
I've read n heard that this disorder can be controlled, I disagree. We don't think it over, we don't notice our behavior, friends and family do. To me it's anxiety of needing to control my enviroment, it's a 24/7 mind torture
Very confusing. The young man wearing glove to pump gas had no problem touching the hair salon door going in snd coming out.
So i grew up and didn't know what it was. Intrusive thoughts come with certainty that unless you do some stupid thing, something bad is absolutely going to happen. think of the worst thing that you fear? death of your loved one, perhaps? and then imagine that in your mind there is no doubt that is exactly what is going to happen unless you jump over that crack in the pavement. It is almost impossible to just ignore and power through even knowing as clear as day that these thoughts have no real power. because i didn't know what it was i came up with 2 techniques that let me live relatively comfortably. first is to imagine that you are looking at yourself from above, then zoom out, more and more until you can see the whole planet, solar system the galaxy. fill your mind with understanding that this is the reality, right now things are happening on other planets and this is not a fantasy unlike intrusive thoughts. juxtaposing vastness of reality with what my intrusive thoughts tell me make them look made up (which is what they are of course). this is a high effort technique. not very practical. takes minutes. the other technique is to imagine that you already performed the ritual and make yourself 'believe' it. in the made up world of OCD sufferers this does make sense.
There are rx's that help take the bad thoughts away at least.
19:19 *Does he really have an irraitonal fear when people are so insane?!?*
I would pay double for someone with OCD to do remodeling for me.
what?
My ocd includes watching popcorn.
When i realized I'm going to effected by ODC i was started reverse everything against ODC. Now i feel comfort😊
My sure husband Ter has OCD but not as high up on the scale as these people used to illustrate OCD. I'm sure the pattern on the counter top will disappear soon before I step in. The dishes are washed and rinsed beyond need. I don't know no how he has managed to have skin on his bum from scrubbing his bum. LOL
ikaw Nikita, panglimpyo nala sa inyong balay panilhig or panglaba kaysa sege kag worry diha og ritual2 diha
I have had OCD like Nikita. But to a lesser percentage, however it’s incredibly bothersome and I have been tempted to hurt myself. This video has revealed to me what my OCD truly is. Don’t you see, The enemy knows you are God’s chosen warrior, a gem, and that you have power to defeat him, he will do anything to keep you distracted so you would not serve God and become great and a threat to the enemy. He would bully you with thoughts that someone or yourself would get hurt or it wouldn’t be safe if you didn’t do this or that, he’s taking up your precious mind and time by playing with your heart. My fellow OCD folks, I pray you recognize this evil for what it is, and I pray that you be delivered and start controlling that enemy by disobeying him and start trusting Christ for your and your loved ones safety.
Oh shit - keep religion out of this
Is it insensitive to wonder how they all react to the toilet water splashing up on your bum hole when you have one of your poops hit the water just right?
I am a firm believer in being able to laugh at yourself. It does not mean you aren't struggling or in pain etc...
Personally, I find that question to be funny. Others may disagree. In my specific case, it just means I'll have to wipe more until I don't feel dirty anymore, and the toilet paper's perfectly clean after wiping.
My criteria for that varies, depending on how tired I am and my mood.
I hope this is a half-decent answer. Mileage may vary, depending on the person. :)
I have OCD…I always count.. what are some of your favorite OCD patterns?
I have to drink 10 seconds worth of water every night before I go to bed… and have to count to 15 before I cash any check.
Favorite? What? I wish I didn't have this disorder at all
@@Chiller-pc1dv don’t be so soft.. if you accept it and have some fun with it… it can be kinda cool… how old are you? The age will explain a lot.
@@jimmyYa0I can make jokes about it, but no there is nothing fun about it, don't tell me how to deal with my own disorder. I've lived with it for over 20 years. It made me want to end myself, it almost drove me to a mental hospital. Living with this has been nothing but hell.
I'm not being soft.
American here, I can't understand a word William is saying, except hairdresser.
Actually I can understand him. Turning on captioning will help.
So it looks like the first woman has schizophrenia
23:50 uhh glass. There’s glass there near those “locks.” Just saying. Somebody bent on getting in could easily do so anyway lol. Check it 100 times. It won’t make a difference. 😅😂
This must be a different form of OCD, because I almost (I say this sarcastically) line up my house with a ruler and compass. I WILL notice a cup coaster, or a book moved, lol! I'd say this video is more ADHD, but I can't say for sure. BTW, I don't see rich people in this video (maybe 1). I thought medical information without bias was a necessary attribute of the medical society. If so, then what is this information? Just asking.
Rituals won't keep stuff from happening. Nothing will. If it's meant to happen it's going to happen.
We know, but our brains fight against that.
I have tourette's and OCD. Not very fun lol
this was really awful to hear. and im mainly talking about their accents.
It almost seems like autistic stemming ?
Easy fix …🥰 date a minimalist…🛍️
And very often British!
glitch in the brain
Egg?
Sad. I feel like it would be really annoying being with these people though. I hope they get fixed
Wow...thanks so much, we really love hearing how annoying we are :/
My god! She should just stop it all permanently thats just ridiculous, thats not living just existing
That's true, but the voice in your head is just too strong. It's like a fight with your own head every day. That's why it is so draining and a mental illness
@greenfox9530 wow that's git be horrible no wonder ppl like her fimd a permanent way out. No one wants to.exost like that
So your advice is....just stop? Man, if only that was possible.
@@Chiller-pc1dv ppl.do ridiculous things, more will power is needed
92
The fact that all these people have jobs tells me either the government doesn't buy any of this or they spent all of the benefit money on foreigners
The fact that they all have jobs tells me they are capable of working and don't need "benefit money"
Most mentally disabled people want to live just like everyone else, that is being productive members of our society among other things. One of the people in this documentary even says that he doesn’t want his condition to dictate his life, and it’s an integral part of therapy to learn to support oneself and hold down a job. For people with mental disorders, accomplishing socioeconomic independence and living like a normal adult is a huge deal.
Or we don't have much of a choice, and disability is insanely hard to get onto, and even when on it, it doesn't pay a living wage so you have to work anyways.
And hoarding 😕 torturous
I'm the opposite, a minimalist. I've thrown out things that meant a lot to me.
Women Never Check Their Cars🫨
They don't mind pain...most of them are covered in tattoos!!!
your so dumb 😂
If only she could try channeling her OCD somewhere else .. Like maybe, if I don’t clean or everything’s a mess, something bad will happen 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
If only it was a choice! 🙄 This is some ignorant crap
we don't control what our OCD focuses on. we have zero control over it. stop making uneducated comments 😂 y'all are such idiots
OCD persons should try: Spend more time in nature and do yoga everyday. Try and volunteer at a Care home (home for the elderly)
Many of us do and have tried this.....
Wtf😂 if they know it is wrong why do they do it?
I can't believe this is real problem💡
Think of it like superstitions, or habits. Sure, you know they're dumb, but sometimes coincidences happen and real life matches said superstition.
cuz our brains don't work the same as neurotypicals. it sucks but its not our fault. our brains literally change logic, doesn't communicate properly. I've got OCD btw. maybe do some more research before you make uneducated comments and make yourself look like a fool? but you do you I guess
ocd is real but many people do it to be cool or to have attention.. even at home they will act out much worse when others are home.. dont believe me then test it.. put up some hidden cameras and see how they act when no one is around vs when everyone is there
W T F.
I really don't know if ocd is the one illness to make you look cool, but Ok...
@@cassandraknight8804 you prolly really cool
Cool? Oh yeah, I look real cool when I publically make weird faces, and zip and unzip my backpack over and over again. And am up at 4 am by myself obsessively tapping till I'm in pain. 🤡
Frankly we try incredibly hard to hide our symptoms, because most of us find it embarrassing.
@@Chiller-pc1dv did you miss the part where i said ocd is real.. it was right at the beginning .. you may or may not know that it can be triggered by anxiety which would be worsened when people are around.. also some people just want attention just like all of the people that are faking tics and acting like they have tourettes which is also real
So OCD is like a form of nuts then ?
They are literally time wasters!
It's not our fault. I have OCD, I'm medically diagnosed with it. Imagine living with the urge to always think what if, or to do something a number of times, or just to be extra safe. Stuff like that keeps our minds at ease. I constantly have to check if I brought stuff, make sure my house is locked up at least 4 times. I constantly check my purse to make sure I bring everything. I literally have to leave by a certain time every morning, if I don't I feel overwhelmed. Sorry, that you think it's time wasting. Please educate yourself more.
Dude just eat a tide pod
Trolls are worse 😂
Uh huhhhh…yeah it would suck to live that way wouldn’t it? But they have little control over
she should be OCD about her diet instead
like your mom
@@TabithaSummer16 triggered
@@JoseHernandez-ql8vw I mean if you count not wanting people to be body shamed or brought down by bitches like you. then yes. I'm triggered.
Oh she needs Jesus.. this is nothing for the Lord! I pray she calls on him for healing
I was diagnosed with OCD too as a teenager
This isn't ocd. This is a girl liking things her way.
I really like seeing documentaries like this because it makes you realize that there are other people around you that might look absolutely normal and calm but they're overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts and bound by countless rituals.
I don't have OCD but I have generalized anxiety disorder and some symptoms are similar, though not to this extent. But what I struggle most with is how calm I look when I'm panicking inside, because on one hand that's exactly how I want to look so others don't see me shaking but then when I do tell someone about my problems, they don't believe me and say "but you always look so calm" 🥲