Breaking the Cycle: Jasmine Harman's Emotional Hoarding Journey
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- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
- In this touching documentary, TV presenter Jasmine Harman tries to understand the inner workings of her mother's compulsive hoarding, which has reached a point where the childhood home has become unlivable for her younger brother. Trying to keep the family together and help her mother at the same time, Jasmine talks to experts and researchers about hoarding and possible treatments for this compulsive behaviour.
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Obsessive Compulsive: My Mum Is A Hoarder (Mental Health Documentary) - Real Stories
My mother was hoarder, and people will sometimes never know what the kids are deprived of. Growing up, i couldn't have sleepovers, never was able to walk around the house barefoot, and could never find anything to wear for school. It was also embarrassing when people showed up unannounced. I remember going through winters and summers without heat or ac because our house wasn't clean enough to allow the landlord in. When the landlord finally sent someone, they complained about the conditions that my mother denied.
I can see the effects in adulthood. If i leave the house with cleaning i literally think about it all day to the point where i rush home to clean. If one thing is out of place, i feel uncomfortable with company. If i see clutter, i just go through mental flashblacks.
My childhood was the same. It effected me as an adult.
I'm so sorry. It is my story too. It does make me fearful of repeating the pattern.
Same way with me. It was horrible.
@Dina G I'm sorry. That must be so difficult.
@Dina G absolutely.
My mother is a hoarder. If I even throw away things like old underwear or broken electronics she will take it back from the bin and stash it somewhere. If I have to throw things away I have to find a bin in a park or something. Hardest thing in my life is growing up with her. She won't even throw away rotten food, won't even compost it- she just cooks it again and eats it. I don't know how she's still alive.
Same thing with my mother...horrible
Same
That's terrible, if you are under aged you should definitely try to get help❤
That's disgusting 🤮 I would call elder services on her
That's a whole different level to eat rotten food 🤮
So sweet of Jasmine patiently trying to help her mother. Jasmine is such a beautiful woman inside and out...wow!
yes she is -- I was just thinking the same thing!
Me too
Whoaaa, what have you been doing inside of her to know that much
She is the most perfect woman I have ever seen 🙂
Disagree! They do not deliberately manipulate, they just can’t help themselves bcs they react this way to their trauma whereas we don’t. I see it as an illness & thankfully have never met one. Empathy, my friend, is in short supply these days.
My mom is a hoarder, every time I go to her house never feels like home , it’s so depressing , I envy normal families on holidays.
"She's my mum and I'll never give up on her" Words of love at the end of this story.
The problem with hoarders is that they themselves are not the ones suffering, are the people who live with them, without options who truly suffer.
This was my mother's affliction as well. We ended up cleaning it all out after she passed away. Best wishes to the family. I hope you are still making progress.
I'm nearly at this same point. She's 80 and in a nursing home. I'm scrambling to find important documents
My family is full of hoarders. I grew up with them. They've gotten worse since I moved out. I tried cleaning things out and it reappeared within days. It's so frustrating.
They say that there's what, like 3 million hoarders? I don't even know how they know that since most hoarders don't even tell their own family. My guess is that there has to be so many more hoarders then they say.
And yes, its frustrating, if not infuriating to spend a weekend cleaning up someone else's filth, just to make room for more junk.
My ex-father in law was a hoarder, and once a year the family would show up and empty, clean, and paint the walls of every room( that part would take an entire week). Sure enough my father in law would hoard his beautiful house the very moment that the paint dried. Frustrating indeed!
Same. I'm only a few minutes into this episode and am cringing at the daughter's well-intentioned act of getting a storage unit. My parents' hoard now fills THREE rented storage units. Hoarders see a storage unit as a lottery and license to get loads more crap.
She has the most loving children..
Her daughter is beautiful, inside and out
Yep. You're right. They're adorable.
Jasmine has her home looking lovely with no clutter at all, and who can blame her.
A courageous family to allow us into their lives. I wish them well.....
Shows the strength of trying to understand your illness and make changes. Many are not brave enough and some may but it's all a facade. This is not, they are not. 👏👏 To you for acknowledging and being positive, sensitive with your statement
Yes. I want the best for them. We all have our struggles.
Yes good on her brave & insightful daughter who is s presenter, a great idea for a story
Yes
My mom is like this. Her house is disgusting. Problem is, Noone can talk about it or refer to it then she goes into a rage( BP disorder) so I have to let her deal with it. There is truly nothing to be done and it's so sad.
Same, I get emotional blackmail for suggestions
Same!
And what’s hard is that other adults who find out will cast judgement on us. “Lazy children, if my mom’s house was like this I’d help her clean it out in a jiffy!” If only it were that simple. As if we haven’t tried a million times. But as you’ve said, and as most of us have experienced, the mere mention of possibly getting rid of some things sends them into a rage. I’ve stopped talking to my parents altogether about it because to be honest I can’t even handle their freak outs, it just triggers me back into childhood.
BP disorder really broke me up because of how hard dealing with hoarder with it. constant argument, screaming, and crying, and mood changes
@@morganofsharick2415❤❤❤
I am a hoarder. It is extremely hard to change (as I feel comforted by my stuff and every item is strongly connected with memories and emotions). At the same time I feel ashamed of my house as I know damn well this is beyond what is considered normal. I live alone, don't know how I could live with my (tidy) partner under one roof. Do I value stuff over people? I don't know, stuff feels safer that is true. I recently lost several close family members and it definitely made things worse. Its touching to see Jasmine help her mom. I also once sold stuff at a car boot - that is I planned to - in the end I ended up buying stuff beforehand to sell on as I could not find enough of my own things I was prepared to sell. I did sell my typewriter, and still regret it. Before I throw broken things out I will make pictures, that way it is easier.
My dear, not only do you value stuff over people- you value stuff over yourself.
Connect with yourself. Get into your body. Give yourself the love you’re looking for through the stuff.
I can relate. Hugs
I'm the same ... We have such strange brains.
Nothing gets me doing my housework like this show!
That is some proper resource utilization right there.
Makes me want a shower and clean house
I wish I could say the same but my mums a hoarder 😭😭😭
Same!!
I can't tell u how much this show stressed me out
Lilly Brown I couldnt finish watching it.
I completely broke off my relationship with my hoarding parent. They decided that their belongings are more important to them than I am. I feel so much happier now. Don’t help these people, you’re abusing yourself.
Don't give up
I'd be the same i could not stand it I'd get soo angry
I just dont understand, how come a children broke off relationship with their "sick" parent? If their own children gave up, whos then will help them?
@@TasyaCraft yes they might be sick but you have to think how unwell that is making the child, mentally. It’s not fair either way. But sometimes you have to look after yourself as those people will prob not get better.
@@Itsthatchaar ah i see. It is different culture anyway. I respect her choice, mental health is not a joke. May God help these people.
The things we own end up owning us.
Best coment ever 🤔 Greetings from faraway Norway 🤗♥💜💙💚💛
That ’s what I say😀
POV NW I have had to clean out five friends and relatives places. My sister was a hoarder and it was a nightmare cleaning it out when she died. What I have realised is when you die it is all (mostly) just stuff that no one wants.
As the adult child of two hoarders who perpetually blame each other, I honestly can't even imagine being able to get to the point where we are able to acknowledge and discuss that there is a big problem, let along set about seeking help or trying to increase recognition of hoarding being a disorder. I suspect that the recovery rate is abysmally low.
As a hoarder of many many years… I just cried the entire video… 😫… what a beautiful supportive family. Jasmine is an angel
The mother and daughter were on ‘This Morning’ recently. The daughter is still emotional over her mother’s condition. Very sad situation.
My mom was/is a hoarder. When we were taken from her and put into foster care the entire house was a foot deep in stuff. My oldest brother lived with her for many years and she moved a couple times. She had a storage unit and she had health issues but she seemed to keep on top of things with him around. I thought she had overcome and improved. When my brother left I came into town for his funeral and spent my entire trip helping her sort through the storage unit. She had made decisions to get rid of half the items in the unit. I tried to encourage her to have a garage sale and thought she had set things up to get one going. I was so proud. She moved again recently to a one bedroom apartment. I was videocalling her and she told me she was sleeping on the couch. I asked her if she had no bedroom? She shamefacedly told me all the items from the unit that we spent hours making decisions on not to keep was hoarded in that room. I am devastated. I think if she wasn't limited by her health and finances it would be much worse. 😢
These people have been traumatized in some way, perhaps experiencing repeated rejection from the important people in their lives. And, so, they form an emotional attachment to their 'things'. They don't need judgment, they need healing from abuse.
Yeah. Was curious where the father is. Dead, divorced or abandoned the family. It's like she said she can't trust people (also her upbringing of moving a lot) so, she wants to hang onto things and an object won't leave you, talk back or argue. Plus shopping and finding "treasures" gives a rush of dopamine, makes you feel competant and happy and forget for a moment the mental distress and horror show at home. It's def multi faceted and hard to deal with.
@@user-hd8fi9et1r "...And an object won't leave you, talk back or argue." Precisely, well said. I think it's also a way to feel protected from the outside world, to be surrounded by the 'things' that don't purposely or deliberately hurt her or say mean things.
Edit: Yes, you're right, WHERE is the dad or husband?
Woooooooow, u just have me insight into my husband who is more of a functional hoarder. He hoards useful things if he can aquire them free or for little cost. It's like he's practical until it's out of control...
YourAverageGoyl way to stereotype and give a psychoanalysis on people you've never met. Thats just what mental health sufferers need, a self-righteous imbecile pigeon-holing them as emotionally frail and needing assistance.
@@kait2972 "Stereotype"? How did I stereotype her? All I'm saying is she didn't become a 'hoarder' just because she likes 'things'. Something happened to her, most likely from her parents... Some kind of repeated emotional trauma or abuse. I suppose you think there is a pill that can fix this? Fix her "mental health" (your words, not mine).
This woman is actually SICK, and it's terrifying, she should go to therapy, this addiction is awful.
Clutter is a physical manifestation of chaos in the mind.
Just about the only sensible comment on this page!
Jasmine is incredible! Can't stop watching
David Velez lol
Thanks son
Jasmine is a hero in my eyes!💕
I was like “her daughter Jasmine looks soo familiar” then I remembered I use to watch her on the tele. It’s very brave of them, let’s hope she gets the help she needs. She definitely has family support. Bit hard to see Jasmine pouring her heart out. But sometimes tears are the only words the soul can speak
I still watch her presenting 'A, Place in the Sun'. She comes across as a genuine, lovely person.
Not fair on the kids to deal with their mother's mess.
probably she allows that and agree with filming..
This makes me very anxious. I can't stand clutter that never moves.
Wow.. this explains so much. I had a an old lady living next to me, she felt like my granny always inviting me over for tea and her place looked exactly like this and I couldn't understand why as a kid
I find hoarders, even the nice ones, use extreme emotional manipulation to get their way.
Hoarders saying "I'm ready to change" is another way of saying "I'm stalling".
rigel abanes or I’m not ready to change is another way of stalling😹
I had no idea that hoarding was actually a mental illness!
They absolutely will use guilt and manipulation in order to keep their possessions!
I'm a hoarder, everytime something gets binned I start rlly panicking, I hate that feeling so much, I'd say anything to avoid stuff getting binned. I still get upset and panicky over stuff that was binned years ago.
The part at 15:17 was so relatable to me. It was like I was standing in the cluttered back room of my house all over again, watching my mum try to help my dad sort through all his paper stuff - old bills, rennovation contracts from 30 years ago, papers and papers of household bills and letters and promotional brochures collected by my grandfather and passed onto him. Even when you take all the stuff out and lay it in front of them, they'll still want to keep about 80-90% of the things. You really don't throw away much. And it's so tiring because you have to use up your own time to sit with them and go through each individual object, and it in the end the mess doesn't really reduce by much. And you have to go through another round again once the cupboards become full with new paper and letters and bills. God, it's so tiring even just thinking about it.
So the context is that we were renovating and repainting the family home recently and we've had a ton of junk to clear out. Old power tools that will never be used, hacksaws, piles and piles of paper, filing cabinets that are stuffed to the brim and exploding with folders. So much of that hasn't been touched at all and it's all just caked with dust and dirt and mould. There's some relatively cleaner stuff that's just all the packaging from electronic devices he's bought over the years (laptops, phones, radios, ipads), so many cables and screws and laptop bag freebies, broken mobile phones, the list goes on.
Most of it is concealed, so you open the drawers and cupboards and they're just packed with stuff to the brim. So tight you have push things in. Things in boxes, wrapped in clingwrap and plastic on top of the cupboards. I knew it was bad but yesterday's sorting sesison, when we took everything out and laid it all on the floor, was like a big slap in my face. I wanted to cry from how the amount of stuff to sort through seemed to be never-ending.
There's just too much stuff for him to look at them all individually, he doesn't have the energy to look through them and he's not very keen on sorting through them either, and hence we ended up keeping most of them in multiple cardboard carton boxes from other stuff that we've bought.
And then there's the heavy, rusty and dusty cabinets filled with all my dad's old hobbies - almost a hundred different camera lenses, cameras, VCR tapes (we don't even have a VCR player in the house), spoiled CD players and record players that he's keeping because he believes he'll be able to fix them in future, pictures books from when he was a kid, broken E-readers that he wants to keep as memorabilia. Like, i understand wanting to keep stuff for sentimental reasons but if you wanna keep everything for sentimental reasons, that's not being sentimental, that's living in the past.
I actually got a migraine headache from sorting through and carrying all that stuff around the house, helping to move them so they could access the walls to paint them. The number of carton boxes we've filled up with stuff is unbelievable. And it's still not enough. I took less than five minutes to organise my things to prepare for the room painting and we took two days to sort through like half of his stuff. Yesterday's sorting session didn't really feel productive - we only threw away or recycled like 3 trash bags' worth of stuff from the six or so cupboards and chest of drawers of stuff in that back room.
I don't hate my father - he's provided for us materially and he lost his father in his twenties so i can kind of understand where this desire to hoard all this stuff is coming from - it's just that visually, the clutter makes me feel so trapped and suffocated and the sight of all these dusty, rusty things just makes me want to throw everything away. i can't stand the dust getting onto everything in that backroom because it's where my desk is. like, everything is just so old and dusty and yellow.
my brother and mother feel the same way too, and i've lost count of the number of times my mother has shouted at him regarding this hoarding issue.
Watching documentaries like this is helping me to cope with my feelings. i don't think we'll get any closer to decluttering the things, but at least i can accept what i can't control.
someone once told me this is supposedly a form of OCD. sounds like depression plays a role in it
And lack of prioritization and organization..... It's a tough battle.
It is
It differs depending on what country you're in. In US before 2013 it was classified as a sub-type of OCD. In 2013 with the release of the DSM-V it is now it's own diagnosis listed in a section titled obsessive-compulsive and related disorders.
I personally had extremely severe ocd and went to a top residential treatment center in the US (McLean Hospital). They also treat hoarding in the same unit and the treatment is the same using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and ERP (Exposure & Response Prevention). Unfortunately the treatment is very expensive as most specialist don't accept insurance.
Treatment really helped me turn my life around and my ocd is now pretty mild.
Ok
From my understanding, its a subsect of OCD. They have a compulsion to keep things, or buy things. Eventually, it gets to be too much.
They aren't mean or mad at her, she has wonderful children.
My mom’s a hoarder. It got so bad that no one wants to visit her. I told her multiple times she lives in a dump. It’s sickening. We have no choice as her daughters but to rent a huge garbage bin to dump her stuffs when she goes away for a trip. Even if she hates us after, it’s horrible to see her live in garbage. Telling her to cooperate is basically telling her to stall us.
It’s so bad no one will step into her house.
Be careful if you do. I know someone that committed suicide after someone did that they were so sad and lost. Not blaming that on anyone. Just get her therapy. It works against itself because the more she feels alone the more she will hoard. Best of luck
Fascinating documentary! What a wonderful daughter Jasmine is and it was lovely to see such a caring family. Clutter is so strange - other people's always looks SIMPLE to clear but your own is difficult!
Well said, about the clutter.
So true 💕
ADVICE : what works for me : having a room in my house dedicated to boxes. In those boxes, stuff I need to sort out : I keep, I throw away, I sell, I give. Then, not doing it with other people, because it prevents me from being able to think calmly. What I do is I take a box, I set the timer on 5 minutes, and then I know I can do it. I do it on my own, at the moment I chose, maybe in front of the tv, or listening to the radio, anything that makes it a nice moment. And then, I do it because 5 minutes is feasible. And I will do it again because it didn’t feel like a horrible moment that I never want to go through again. Oh and, about the boxes, I have big ones, and smaller ones. So I put stuff from the big boxes into smaller ones, and it’s the smaller ones that I work on. When I finished sorting out one small box, I prepare the next one. And then, when a big box is emptied, I fold it and store it; it’s very motivating. And the role the family can play, maybe, is just that, when several big boxes have been emptied, to congratulate and encourage.
So great to know you are helping yourself. I get this so much. When people try to help me it just stresses me out. I regret giving things away when I felt pressured. I too put things in boxes but I'm afraid I'm not as diligent as you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Such a beautiful and supportive family.
I work for a moving company. I've seen this plenty of times.
Her daughter has so much patience. Why is it hoarders stuff is rubbish really, and everything is so dirty too.
She the daughter is beautiful inside out. I felt sympathy toward her only.
One mans trash is another mans treasure.
@Justin Voluck my mum was like this lady . She grew up during the great depression.
claire99ism A hoarder does not see 'dirty' 'useless' . Their brains are such that that distinction is not available to them. In fact, this woman's home is much less unsanitary than some I have seen. Some have feces and urine stored in bottles and bags, food that is 10-15-20 years out of date. It is part of the disorder of hoarding to NOT see what others see. And it is the part that makes the disorder so difficult to treat.
Its called ENABLING
Even that is denial, saying "shes a fantastic mum, just rubbish at housework" No....
Her kids are so patient. I would have been so frustrated.
Got that right 😎
This woman Versula would drive me insane.
@@gillianbrookwell1678 Visula. But yeah, beats me how her daughter can claim she's such a wonderful mother when all I can see is selfishness.
@@charliethecockatoo2159 Hoarders are very self absorbed.
@@gillianbrookwell1678 That much is unfortunately rather painfully apparent.
What an amazing loving family! Jasmine is such a beautiful person
Inside & out. I think a hobby would help mum it'd keep her out of the charity shops! Aw hope the house stays clear once it's done, I think the mum is lonely.
Or perhaps an unpaid volunteer's job to replace 'browsing' time would help refocus her attention.
Bless Jasmine's heart. What a good daughter she is.
This video hurts my heart so much, because it is a disease that is impossible to explain and it affects so many peaple, but it still remains especially heartwrenching for the hoarder. Especially knowing you are embarrassing to others and not just yourself. It can get too overwhelming. It just cannot be explained.
The ten or fifteen seconds or so starting at about 8:52 is very touching. Her daughter is clearly empathetic, understanding and concerned. I hope they can find a solution for her.
When I was like 12, my family cleaned out my grandmother’s house. I think she started hoarding after my grandpa died (I didn’t remember ever seeing clutter before then, but I was five when he died). I still feel pretty guilty about it, because no one really gave her a chance to choose what she wanted to keep. She was already traumatized by my grandpa’s death, and then we traumatized her all over again by just throwing everything away.
😢
So kind of you to notice that. You were only 12. Please forgive that child - you simply couldn’t have known. 🧡
Yes that is the worst thing you can do to a hoarder. But in all fairness it's not anything most people realize unless they research and try to understand it. You have great insight into what your grandmother must've been going through. ❤ You were just a child.
Her daughter is beautiful what a nice lady
What a supportive daughter she is wonderful. 💕
It's awful that people have to live in that kind of situation. It's sad that people can let things take over their lives. My maternal uncle and my sister are floor to ceiling hoarders. My sister is a junk hoarder, an animal hoarder, and a trash hoarder. I have tried everything I can think of to help but nothing is working. They don't see anything wrong with it, but I can smell it all the way from the road.
Try mindfulness meditations, guided meditations and breath focused meditation. They would start to feel lightness and focus and calm and emotional strength. There are clearly deep rooted insecure attachment issues and nothing like meditation and pranayams (breathing exercises) to take a person out of their mental blocks and make them think afresh. Else there's also electric shock therapy which helps a person come out of a set pattern of thinking.
with the animal hoarding can you anonymously report to the rspca. ? No sentient living creature should ever live in squalor and hoarding.
God awful for the poor neighbour's. I'd complain about the mess and stink
@amandawitherspoon Hoarding disorder is a result of trauma and/or loss. Having worked in the mental health field with a number of individuals who hoard, it is important for them to be able to identify when the behaviours began and what the trigger was. Unless and until the individual is able to identify WHY they hoard, and then obtain treatment relevant to that trauma, they will be stuck in a pattern of hoarding behaviour. Hoarding is an extremely difficult disorder to treat as it is a compulsion not unlike an addiction, however it is not impossible. Children of hoarders need to try to understand that it’s not their fault their loved one hoards, and that they didn’t fail or do something wrong if their loved one continues to hoard after their home has been cleaned out. Individuals who hoard animals need to be checked on on a much more regular basis, and should not be allowed to live alone. Hoarding living beings is not the same as hoarding garbage or junk, obviously, and the neglect that these creatures experience is usually extreme. It’s not to say that an animal hoarder does not love their creatures the same way any order loves their possessions, I’ve just never heard of a case of animal hoarding where the animals were all up to date on their vaccinations and in good health, let alone had the proper living conditions and a clean environment in which to live. I rescued a husky who was one of 83 dogs being hoarded by a woman in my province in 2010. The woman had been arrested for animal hoarding two times prior, and each time she would just be given a fine and told not to do it again. The last time she was arrested, she had over 200 dogs, and this was two years AFTER Animal Control had seized the 83 dogs I adopted my husky from. She is always unable to provide clean, safe accommodation for the animals, she’s unable to properly feed them all, and they are not giving any vet care. The woman was keeping them all tied up two pieces of garbage and scrap metal on her property, the dogs were encrusted in mud, faeces and urine, and they were all starved. My husky was so emaciated that all of her ribs were exposed and her hip bones jutted out on her back. Someone like this needs to live in an assisted living facility, or with responsible family members who will keep her accountable, and they need intensive treatment/therapy for the duration of their life.
After dealing with hoarders for 30+ years i can be sure of, 1. They are Living in anxiety & stress all through the day, 2. this anxiety paralyze their decision making process 3. Something traumatic happened in the past eg. Assault or leaving a cozy home or beloved family which make them empty emotionally from inside except for fear, 4. This fear is of the unknown
She needs mindfulness meditation and therapy
I'm a hoarder, I don't know why... Nothing has happened in the past, I'm not depressed, nobody had died when I began hoarding.. I just think of stuff as people for some reason
I hate feeling dirty. I couldn't even enter the property, I marvel that Jasmine does this in nice clothes. I'm OCD cleaner, no way I'd touch anything here
My mum was a hoarder. Had roots in her childhood too. Got very defensive and uncharacteristically nasty when you tried to tidy up. It had an effect on me and my Dad.
I always joked why couldn't she hoard gold bars 😂😂😂😂
It seems Hoarders have a tendency to attach emotional ties to inanimate objects...like that toy Eiffel Tower, it reminded her of a person, thus she could never let it go but in reality- it was a little toy!
@Claudia V No, she doesn't. I promise you she loves them fiercely. It's also difficult when those she loves are hyper-critical of HER, as a person, because she has an attachment disorder. She needs healing from past abuse, not constant prodding and people calling her "crazy" (which is just MORE dismissal or rejection and NOT helpful).
YourAverageGoyl I suppose you are referring to her children. You haven’t lived in this environment or had your entire life affected by it. You are also just seeing just one perspective. Yes, this is clearly a mental illness. But just like drug abuse or alcoholism, it’s the parents responsibility to do whatever it takes to ensure their children are raised in a healthy stable environment. To understand the reasons for the behavior is not to excuse and co-sign it. Her family has every right to set boundaries and expectations for change. Its up to the parent to do the work, whatever that may be.
@@zingyflaps7757 You don't start someone like her on a "behavior modification" plan. You help her HEAL from her childhood trauma, abuse and/or neglect.
@@zingyflaps7757 "Drug abuse or alcoholism"? She didn't stick a needle in her own arm. This was done to her, too.
Just kick the old tart down the stairs and have a yard sale 💷💷💷
I used to keep a lot of old items that brought me good memories from the past because I was very miserable in abusive marriage at that time. So my apartment bedroom and closet were full and stashed up with old cloths and items that I didn’t need but they were sentimental to me. One day I said that enough is enough and just left my abusive husband with one small bag living everything behind. I started my life over. My ex ended up donating all my stuff. I’ve been divorced for 5 years now and I haven’t hoarded anything since. In fact my house is very minimalistic and clean. I don’t have any extra items. Pretty much if I don’t use something I donate it. I feel free and happy. I’m always busy with new hobbies and interesting people.
I noticed that most people that have hoarding problems are lonely and have nothing going on in their lives. When person is happy, busy and content they don’t have time for hoarding and overthinking. So I believe it helps to be busy with hobbies and connecting with people, being passionate about something..For example: playing sports, dancing, playing instruments, biking, skating, gardening, having podcast, writing, working out, creating art, hiking, photography, going on fishing/hunting/boating/road trips/traveling. Pretty much doing some kind of activities or taking some kind of classes that keep you busy and give a chance to interact and bond with other like minded humans helps to first distract from hoarding until realizing that life is beautiful and there’s so many amazing things that could be done instead of sitting in a pile of trash doing nothing while overthinking or being delusional about the situation. But some people are too far gone and need a lot of therapy, love and care.
It’s horrifyingly sad
What about taking photos of useless items that have an emotional value to the person and making photo albums. I think this could work for certain people, especially this woman who is very aware of her problem and wants to change.
Karen Lamb that's a really good idea.im attached to certain things but just seeing photos of them would still feel comfort. are you a doctor?
That’s a smart idea.
I was thinking the same thing... It would help her and keep things in order. But she's also of that old mindset where you feel lack and want to keep things which are "still useful", except you never do use them.
OMGGGGoodness....What A GREAT IDEA!!!!! Really!!!
That is a really good idea but I think it has to do more with actually having that item in their possession. If they look at a photo of an item they love then it's possible that they would go into a panic because they don't physically have it and they would obsess about where that item could be.
you can tell that Jasmine had to grow up fast, I hope she begins to heal.
Jasmine is so kind. I can't do it. My mom is a hoarder and she also is bipolar with extreme anger issues while my dad was unemployed. Once I moved out and became an adult, I felt I was liberated and got to finally live a normal life. I always tell my parents I rather jump off a building than moving back with them. After some years of independence, I start to not be able to stand their presence. My whole body and mind are rejecting them and we simplly cannot coexist. I realized I had to choose between my happiness or a relationship with them; I finally decided to give up on them and all I want to is move on with my life and leave all their BS behind.
This is exactly what I have gone through recently
her kids are angels! Breaks my heart!
So her mom's hoarding made the daughter extra clean. Interesting.
TheMadHatter _19 😹😹😹
That is always the case. My mum was a hoarder. Now as an adult I dread of accumulating unnecessary things because of the difficulty of keeping a neat home full of rubbish. Now I feel joy, I feel victorious whenever I dispose of unnecessary things.
Jasmin is her mother’s carer. The daughter has been doing the hard lifting, parenting, codependent caring instead of living her young life. Jasmin and siblings have had a really difficult young lives living in that utter chaos. Not being able to having anyone over. No devoted parental nurturing. The youngest sibling had to be removed from the home as it was/is so unsafe with hoarding and squalor. The mother is however doing a good thing showing the reality of her hoarding secret. Vesula looking at herself is potential insight building. 60% of hoarders are lacking in insight, in denial, engage in avoidance. Not enough, very little is shown of adult children of hoarders , the profound effects on the children. I want to see more of them talking.
My mom is the same. Thank you so much. It's not just about the child. Hoarding hurts the psyche of the family. Who wants to live a life worried about someone they love? This hurts everyone plus brings negative energy.
She is definitely I'll. You can look in her eyes. She is so stressed. Out of site, out of mind! She won't even miss it
I'd really like to see an update on this story in a year.... to see if Mum kept clearing and kept already cleared rooms tidy would be interesting for sure.
The answer is almost certainly no. The hoarding is a symptom, and the cause has not been dealt with. The cause is apparently very difficult to address. If any hoarder has ever been cured, I'd love to hear about them, because they may hold a precious key to a miserable condition.
I would love to see the mother be taught mindfulness meditation and be given resources of guided meditations and then she may be able to overcome her traumas and the mental chaos and confusion. Else there's also electric shock therapy which helps a person come out of a set pattern of thinking.
@@JagoffCitizen Your right, but from my personal experience, this might sound unconventional but a LSD trip cured my hoarding full stop. It lets you step out of the normal thinking pattern to see clearly what you're doing. it reset my anxiety and attachment to things. Yes its trauma based and the anxiety leads to the compulsive not letting go of things not always physical things. I Know this too well as i lived through seeing my dad hoard his whole life too. Treat the Trauma and Anxiety first, yoga, meditation, diet, CBT, counselling Psychadelics.
“Useful thing that have no use” well then the word looses its meaning
This actually just made me cry so much poor Jasmine :(
This happens because she lost her father and she moved alit as a child so she tried to hold onto everything because it's her way of controlling her environment.
Nice response Gloria, i was watching several hoarding videos and didn´t find a clear explaination of what causes this condition until read your comment.
yes
She needs to be taught the joys associated with donating stuff you no longer use so that others can put it to good use.
In her mind she's not done "using" any of it though. You are trying to rationalize for a person that can't think rationally about their possessions.
@@JeffWatchesRUclips So true, I wonder if marijuana could help with the poor thinking. If a non seasonal item has not been seen or used in a year, it needs to go to someone else
@@JeffWatchesRUclips it's a behavioral condition, much like OCD. Such people have to be taught new hobbies and means of fulfillment.
@@luvyatubers Anything is possible, but I don't believe that would be the answer. There is likely not a singular answer. Her behavior is incredibly deep-rooted and would likely need to be addressed from many angles. Marijuana could be one of them, but just as it can be a great benefit those with a mental illness, it could just as strongly be of great detriment depending on that individual person's needs. That is something that doctors would need to determine because of how drastic of a case she is.
Watch at 8:19 how she describes the Eiffel Tower figurine. She is not so much convincing the other person as much as she is convincing herself. Watch how she builds the justification to herself.
"I have been to the Eiffel Tower, but I didn't get this there." [Not sold on it.]
"I got this in a shop for next to nothing because you can't afford to buy this in France, in Paris" [Saying something like I got an incredible deal on it versus somewhere else. A sense of winning.]
"I've got several french friends it kind of reminds me of." [As if though doing it a favor for them, not herself. Justification through selflessness]
"One of them passed away last year and it kind of reminds me of him as well" [Stretching to tie this unrelated figurine into a memory of someone unattached to it]
"My friend has been cremated so there is no burial places you can imagine you could talk to them" [We've now gone from buying it because it was cheap in a thrift shop all the way to it being a memorial piece honoring a dear dead friend, and how can you throw that away?]
I believe this is an excellent example of the process her mind takes with all of the possessions she struggles with letting go of. This is exactly how she gets from 'a random object of no meaning' to 'this is something that I cannot let out of my possession or it will be taking something deep away from myself and possibly even disrespecting others'.
Another great example of her explaining how she arrives at her deluded thinking is at 4:55
"I don't like other people touching my things because I feel that..." [Doesn't like other people touching her things that she has inflated false value on, then searches to justify.]
"Especially some things are quite fragile and I feel, are they going to be careful or are they going to break it and say 'oh it was already broken'" [She then says some things are "quite fragile" believing she is the only one fit to handle these things she believes to be very valuable yet the very next scene is her handling her own things by cramming a bag full of stuff on top of other things, risking breaking everything but believing she is caring for her things appropriately.]
"...or are they going to take it?" [Convinced that all of these 'valuables' she has accumulated are so sought after by others that they would actually steal them from her.]
@@progressivelibertarianview8832 OCD may play a part of it but this seems like more than just that. New hobbies can certainly help inspire her other parts of her life but they can also be a distraction to stop her from dealing with the deeper issues that lead to this. Childhood trauma, depression, chemical imbalance and countless other things, or any combination of, can bring a person to this state of living. You can see how she convinces herself that she is thinking rationally at various points throughout this documentary. I outlines some of them in my comment to loveyatubers above.
I'm not disagreeing about the OCD, which definitely may play a role here, but her behavior shows more than that to me.
In your original comment
"She needs to be taught the joys associated with donating stuff you no longer use so that others can put it to good use."
I responded
"You are trying to rationalize for a person that can't think rationally about their possessions."
One of the reasons I feel that way is because it was talked about in this documentary. Her family member stated at 16:30 that she has donated to The Salvation Army in the past then would go days later in a panic and pay to get her own stuff back. Right after that you can see her taking things off the table that are about to be purchased because she didn't want to sell them even when the buyer, who would find joy in her items, is standing right in front of her.
I hope Jasmine and her brothers heal from their chaotic upbringing, and find peace and acceptance
My MIL is a hoarder but she isn’t messy. She finds places, puts up shelves, rents storage units etc. it’s maddening and my husband is the exact opposite because of it. We don’t own frivolous things just to have them around. It was hard at first but now I quite like it. It means we have much more money too.
I think it will be easier if there's number to stick with, say she only gets to keep a number of things. Instead of letting her choose what she wants for keep.
yes, the things that will fit into a particular cupboard or on a particular shelf etc.. - if it's too abstract, you don't get anywhere.
Many hoarding situations begin as a result of trauma. For example, the ones who have a wall of items blocking entrances and windows likely went through some kind of physical abuse. Creative people see value in everything, especially if they're crafters. They think it's better to find a use for it rather than letting things end up in the landfills. There's an environmentalist mindframe with that. In my case, when I was like 12, the "stepdad" deemed me too old to play with toys, so he threw them all away when I was at my grandma's house. Now, I spend my money collecting my childhood toys so I have them again.
I saw one where after cleaning out, they put in chests of drawers and told her she could stuff those drawers, but when she added something, she had to get rid of something.
No ones trauma justifies the pain they put others through. I was deeply traumatized by a hoarding parent and I don’t get to act like a monster towards others for it. These people are emotionally manipulative and cruel to the people around them. Leave them to their belongings, they value it more than human connection.
@@emilyann4549 I won’t disagree with this my mother is a hoarder and she destroyed me I developed BPD bc of it and I’m still trying to change her and she only gets worse with age it’s heartbreaking for all involved
@@emilyann4549 i mean, that's certainly how one feels, as an adult children of abuse myself through having my mom aflicted by this adiction, i call it that because it is always trying to escape the pain and soothe. Obviously it can cause some serious issues for example i feel like garbage all the time, ive tries and tried and tried to solve and kinda save this house and My family because it is salvageble, i mean i do feel this kinda grudge because i had an abusive father growing up and of course My mom was trying to cope through hoarding, so she was gone and now i'm 30 years old with little tonno money but i'm picking myself up slowly
A fantastic Mum must absolutely make a clean environment for the children.
Terrible affliction, lovely lady, fantastic children, especially jasmine for confronting this. Hope they have found peace with this. ❤️❤️❤️
Why did jasmine come back and apologise!? she should have stood her ground she’s too weak around her mum
My question is, who pays for the storage unit? Because if she does not pay for that, she will never find it painful to have all that and they are just enablers without even knowing.
My mother hoards. She had abuse in her childhood, then lost her son at age 2 to cancer, then her house burned down just before I was born. She’s 88 and I’m 44 with 5 siblings. My parents have been married 65 years. Dad just avoids her and keeps quiet as to not rattle the cage. She feels ignored by him and resents him but it’s his only way to cope. We’ve all tried to empty the house all our life and she just fills it back up. She’s worse then ever in her old age. You can’t say one word to her or she has an emotional breakdown. I developed BPD bc of it. BPD is like you never develop emotionally beyond your childhood. I can see why I never did. Depression runs deep in my life. It’s heartbreaking that I can’t help her but I need to care for me now bc it ruined my life I was never able to have relationships until now.
My mom is like that. We live close to each other, she's litteraly my neighbor from next door. It's been 15 years since she started to change our appartments into a giant trashcan. I tried many times to help, she's seeing someone for that but refuses each therapy bc she works. She won't allow me to throw some things even if it's garbage. I'm scared about her getting older. If she had a heart attack in there, the paramedics couldn't come in. I don't know what to do.
How are things?
My wife is a hoarder who I can no longer live with. My kids had the same problem of not being able to have friends over for all their growing years. It’s left me feeling so sorry for them for keeping them in that environment, but at least now they all have the “ don’t use it, throw it “ temperament.
ray sullivan
Exactly!!! There hoarding and things will always come before there husband and family.
Get out why you can.
My mom was a minor hoarder.. A basement or room full of stuff she couldn't throw out not technically garbage lol garbage to me but because of that I don't think twice about throwing stuff out I cannot stand clutter.
When I was growing up, once a year my mother would have us go through all of our things and toss stuff that was worn out, filthy, or we'd outgrown - this included clothing, toys, books, etc. A lot of things were donated like decent clothing, books and toys. This usually happened in October and if we didn't have it completed by the end of October, we wouldn't get Christmas presents that year. One year, I had cleared out everything except a few boxes of books that my mother decided I didn't need (they were mostly gothic novels that I'd read and re-read) so while I was in school, she hauled them all off to various places - the Salvation Army, Goodwill and the public library. I was devastated. Later, in my mid-30s, I would spend hours on eBay buying gothic novels. It really became an obsession and I finally had to force myself to stop. Now, I live with a creative husband who thinks everything has a second and third use or that he can make something creative out of things and his hoarding of these things has taken over the guest room, the living room, the basement, a good sized storage unit and encroaching upon our own bedroom. I think it is time to lay down the law on him, but I fear it will be a huge issue and could even ruin our marriage. I am in therapy because of how stressful his hoarding has made me, but he refuses help because he says there is nothing wrong with him.
My mother is a hoarder. My dad soon picked up that habit. Now they're both hoarding, and they keep on accumulating.
Did she raise her children as a single parent? If she did, every toy she bought them meant a tremendous sacrifice, it is clear she spent all her money, love and energy on her children and did not give herself what she needed and thus she hoards now to give herself what she thinks she needs and a sense of security. Heartbreaking.
Your comment broke my heart. This is exactly what happened to my mom, and she always tells me stories of how her older siblings take away all her toys and burns the little pocket books she writes herself. Every time I ask her why she doesn’t want to throw away my toys, she says that this type of quality toys can not be bought in the future.
...And yeah the toys these days suck, but I’m still doing research on how I can help relieve the stress she’s been through that caused her to be like this. :(
@@smileyartz I hope your research into help for your mom is going well. If you haven’t already learned about the work that trauma therapists do (somatic treatment methods , rapid eye movement therapy, etc, among other things), I would highly recommend she look into it. Once she addresses the trauma from which the hoarding grew, she will be able to recognize what triggers her. If she puts the work into the therapy-and you should also try to do some family sessions-real change is possible.
Sounds like my mom, she grew up poor and hardly bought things, now she hoards all the stuff she can buy cause its means the struggle she's been through
Her father died when she was 3... she clearly was traumatized by it...
_"clearly"_
LMAO
I’d just leave and say have fun. I have my own life and kids to take care of.
As much as I hate this behavior I totally understand. It's not like theyare evil. They just need the right ''nudge''. It's the same for every addiction. Be it drugs, alcohol and so on. We need people like this. Who rally cares. Biggest kiss to you all.
I feel the same.
I honestly think no children should ever grow up in such conditions... Where were the social services?!?!?
I've been listening to her speech and language and I think she speaks a lot about how she feels about her things very introspectively. I'd like to know what she feels about her family and where she is in her life journey.
My mother died recently, she was a hoarder , she never accepted any help to help her , I am going tomorrow to clean her house .
As child I never understood , why she would be so attached to her stuff that much , while neglecting us as children , but I knew , after collecting some informations from my uncles and aunts , that they lived so poor , and they were bullied by rich relatives .
I think they (hoarders)trust their belongings , and have no trust in people , not even their children ,
My mother was dying , and she kept her feelings shut and hidden , to the last minute in front of us her children , we (me and my sister ) started to cry realizing she is dying , she shouted at us
Saying why you're crying , I am good , I am getting up now .
I only understood her , after that day , how much she resisted all her life , to show her weakness in front of anybody , I think she was only weak in front of her belongings and stuff , people hurt her that much that she pushed them away including us her children .
God help us to be wise , when we are vulnerable and weak , so as not hurt people around us who loves us so much.
Jasmine, Your so inspiring to watch & listen.
All your channels have helped me understand my hoarding & enabled me to clear & tidy my house over time.
Thank you 👍🏻. Your mum is amazing x
What a loving family.
I sometimes I watch these documentaries on hoarding so I can get myself to throw stuff out, I just like buying stuff in bulk, collecting, and making things but I know it’s extremely unhealthy. Sometimes I fear it’s hereditary trauma, and hoarding because my grandma is one.
Good for you to try to make small steps to improve things. What really helps is not to go shopping, because there is always something to buy. Taking walks in nature is better and cheap also!
i loved watchin' the transition of LOVE from her things to her love for her children... it had to have been a tough lesson to learn bc in the beginning; it was the love for the person, who left by death that cause her to want to posses those thing that reminded her of them... to witness her embrace the love for those who are still with her & put value in them, for a change... this was delightful, to witness...
Patience of an angel! That's all I have to say about the daughter. The son's tougher but still extremely patient treatment of his mother is what actually got the job done in the end.
✨🕊PeaceLoveHarmony82 yup👍🏾🕊✨
I know a man that caught the house on fire because of this same thing and now he is heading off to the nursing home because he is unable to care for him self I feel that a life time of collecting junk has lead to his current state
Her children speak volumes of her character and her job well done as a mum, keep going, life is not things ❤
That yard sale…same way my mom acted…taking stuff back and even buying my brothers stuff he wanted to get rid of..ooof
What a frustrating illness, her kids are wonderful to her.
I don't think these people who hoard stuff are really interested in the material objects themselves, I think it's more to do with how they attach their emotions and their memories to those things. The idea of parting with them makes them feel like they're discarding the significance of the emotional meaning they've attached to them. What causes it? I think unresolved trauma of some kind.
✨🕊X Gen yes🕊✨
I think this disorder or mental health problem should also be addressed within thhe african community, as many of us are suffering from this without realising it, I have shoes and shirts that no longet fits me but i dont want to throw them away, its clearly a lil drop in the ocean, saying that she has an amazing family, jasmine is a wonderful human being. so are the boys, Cameron will soon wants to move out once his girl friend pays him a visit.
I lived with a hoarder for many years and now I'm by myself; like Jasmine, I have ended up wanted to keep my home clutter free and in an immaculate condition; maybe being a bit extreme in cleanliness, having nothing out of place.
Jasmin should listen to Jessie and help do what's best for her brother instead of worrying so much about her mother's feelings. The mom puts everyone down and acts like a victim and doesn't want to be helped. Hoarders are like far-gone alcoholics or drug addicts and they can suck the energy and emotions out of everyone around them; the only thing one can do is focus on oneself and innocent victims of the hoarders, like children. Instead Jasmine lets her whole life revolve around her mother instead of herself, and lets her relationship with her mother revolve around her mother's hoarding. Sad.
Oh gosh, how frustrating - i see so many similarities with other mental health disorders - there is the denial, the excuses, the justifications the secrecy all very common. I also see the enabling of the family that are forced into the situation - because it's so hard to do anything else. The American lady was spot on where she says she had to make a decision in terms of her own life and leave and not return to her mums house. Im a mental health support worker, i'm not a clinician but I can see the similarities with pretty much all anxiety disorders, OCD as well as alcohol and substance dependance disorders. The 'hoarding' is the external behaviour that the person uses to deal with their internal experiences and discomfort. So many alcoholics drink to deal with their distressing thoughts and emotions and see alcohol as the only way to deal with them, same with drug dependence and also the avoidance that characterises anxiety disorders. With all these the 'compulsion' of the external 'fix' does provide temporary relief, but its very short term and then those distressing feelings return but are more distressing and the cycle continues until crises point. The hoarding never ends and gets worse, the drinking never ends, the avoidance never ends. The person has to really understand this in themselves and see that this is what they are doing and understand that there internal distress is actually normal and does not require a external 'fix' because uncomfortable and distressing feelings come and go they do not need an urgent fix - its the need to fix them, the response to ones internal distress that is the problem, not the distress itself but the persons reaction or response to it. This is why most people do not become hoarders, alcoholics etc because they now how they feel inside is transient. There is something in the minds of people like this that gets stuck and they fixate that certain thoughts and feelings must not be allowed so have to be pushed away with a behaviour - but our minds work in opposites - the more you push a thought or feeling away the more it stays and the more frequent it returns. Because the pushing away is still giving it attention, your brain responds to that attention and serves up more of the same. Trying 'not' to think about something is still thinking about something in fact its thinking about it even more.