Great Video ❤I work in the mental health field and What’s important to know, girlies, is the difference between Guilt and Shame. Guilt is ‘I did something bad’ and Shame is ‘I am a bad person’. Guilt is when you’ve done something that goes against your moral code. Shame is when we attach certain actions or facts about ourself with our self worth and value negatively. I love that you mentioned that others CAN try to give you guilt by (trying to 🙄) manipulate what you think your moral code should be. People can give you shame too- like a parent saying ‘you’re bad’ vs. ‘You’re making bad choices, I love you, but we can’t keep doing this’. I just think it’s good food for thought whenever discussing guilt so we can better understand what it is and digest all the goodies Shallon dropped in the video! ❤️
Pinned this! It's so wise and true thank you for this! Its like the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the thing--the loss, the death, the failure. Suffering is the STORY you apply about why you deserved it or what it means. Pain isn't in your control, suffering is.
glad you explained the difference between guilt and shame because people place shame on us but sometimes we feel guilt because we did something wrong intentionally. we still have to be accountable when we do wrong and vice versa if someone treats us bad and regrets it later
@@shallonlesterPlease cover the Blake Lively/Ryan Reynolds controversy. While I see some points, I think people are taking it too far due to toxic cancel culture. I think a lot of wannabe TikTok influencers are coming after them for views
Shallon please do a video on how to be less of a doormat.. i was shouted at by a housemate today and didn't know how to respond and spent the whole day beating myself up for it.. however, i don't have the tools and shortcuts to handle other people's aggression.. you were the first person to come to my mind after the incident.. I felt like, "Shallon would've known how to handle this" 😢
Do NOT beat yourself up. Conflict is hellish no matter who you are, I despise it. I only like it when I'm controlling the timing 😂 When in doubt say nothing. Be Chuck Bass--cool, removed, snakelike but amused. Sniff and smirk and walk away--then cry in the bathroom. It's totally ok. Gather your wits and form a plan. If someone sends you an unhinged text or email, wait 24 hours. THEY are emotional, prey on that. Imagine losing your mind in a text and...crickets. No reply from the person. You'd feel like such a loser. Good, make them feel that. YOU control the timing, you control the reactions. I'll do a video on this for sure.
I would love a video on this too! I know that’s been a reason why my friendships have chronically failed because as soon as they see I’m a doormat that opens the door for them to walk all over me!! And boy do they WALK! I never stand up for myself or respond in a way that would set a boundary and let them know their behavior is not okay. I’m horrified to do that! Maybe that has something to do with guilt though… I hope you figure something out about or with your housemate!❤
I am 52 years old and have learnt this technique and it works everytime......if someone shouts at you just go completely calm.....completely......look at them with your eyes lifted .....not condescending.....and say ok .....we can discuss this later........they will crumble onside and apolofise later
Shallon is one of the few youtubers that actually understands how the world works. So many advice from others I just discard immediately because it is so out of touch. But Shallon has actual life experience in actual jobs and spaces and not just in the influencer world. Amazing video as always xx
In 2 hours I am going to tell my incompetent therapist that this is our last session. I wanted to do it for months but felt guilty and ashamed and insecure but she is of no help but always gives me the feeling as if I am a 'defect'. I no longer want to feel like this.
Oddly enough I felt this way. I had a therapist who I really loved. She really knew her stuff but I would walk away feeling so bad about myself that I had to stop seeing her. I cried on our last call but overall I feel so much better. She did help me through a painful time but I outgrew her. I think that’s normal and probably even healthy. I will say that me being in a good place is highly attributed to the group of people I hang with now. Mostly my family and a few close friends. No drama, no toxic relationships, no one who does drugs.
Thank you so much, Shallon. I've been dealing with a similar problem. A friend I thought was my best friend guilt-tripped me when I said I wanted to go to another country to get my PhD. Then, the realization dawned on me that she was actually using me to feed her ego whenever she wanted to feel better, especially when my situation was worse than hers. It hurts, but I must do what I have to do.
I have inherited my guilt from my mother. My guilt is almost pre-emptive. I feel guilty before anyone can tell me to feel guilty so people know I care, before I "get caught".
I just love you, Shallon. Thanks for being in my life in a weird "I only watch you on video and you help me grow but don't know I'm alive" way. 🤣But really, you make a difference, girl. Never stop doing this. You're so good at it. 💙💙💙
Shallon, your Mom friend who is taking control of her life is amazing. So many weak people would rather be miserable & look like they have it together. She is going to have a great life because of what she is doing now. Role model material ❤️❤️❤️❤️
please do a video about shame ! i don’t take guilt from people but when i think about regrets i have or bad decisions i’ve made or people i’ve hurt… i feel such shame and cannot forgive myself or let go of that loud noise of shame and anger about things i wish i didn’t do
There were so many situations I needed saving, that people barely remember. Something I can absolutely relate to. Then I dove into the psychology of why I "wanted to be saved" or "felt I needed to be saved" in the first place. That has been a rabbit hole where ultimately I was taught that it's not normal to grieve not being saved, and that I should feel bad about it. Thank you for another truly helpful video, Shallon!
We become who we needed to save us. I think HAD people saved me, I wouldn't do this job. I wouldn't be a sword and a shield. So, I let go of the bitterness and focus on what it gave me, what I turned that pain into. Grieve what you didn't get but then have the guts to ask yourself, ok what DID I get? What DID I avoid? What AM I smarter about? It's not easy work but it really is the path forward ❤️
Hey Shallon! You know so much about celebrities. How about a series all about being a celebrity? How to act when you're famous, how to deal woth fame, Having celebrity aura, what sets them apart, how to tap into it and maybe some fun facts about celebrities you've met!
Shallon, I empathize with you when you say you have a Villain story. I went through it at my "New" job, I was highly judge on how I dressed. I work in Hawaii and everyone dresses relaxed. I dressed like a professional. Dress pants, silk blouses, silk dresses, makeup and heels. "Well put together". I didn't know that the women in my office decided that I was not in the click or in the group. They exiled me, I had to learn my job almost on my own. And at meetings, if I have any concern about anything, their pet will jump in and say things to make a mockery. I had to learn how to manage them and put them in their place professionally. I have become guarded and at this point I have spent my time analyzing them, studying them. And I only speak in meetings if absolutely necessary and I am ready to destroy them with my comebacks. Because no one in the meetings stood up for me, they better not stand up for each other, because I'm going for the neck. I have also picked up a new hobby, due to these Misérables group of haters! lol I am finalizing a bachelors in psychology. This experience made me the Villain. I learned that we become the Villain in a narcs story and their flying Monkeys, when you stand up for yourself. I have learn that being hated because you stood up for yourself feels "great" because I gave them a reason to hate me, they still hated me. BUT NOW I GAVE THEM A REASON! And it feels marvelous ;)
Shallon! This video could not come at a better time. I am getting bullied by my boss via email and your video confirmed that I should totally tattle. Thank you always ❤
I was wondering if you could do a video on Blake Lively? Something is off about how she is coming across and it is actually making her press tour a disadvantage to female empowerment…
Amen, Shallon!!!! F*ck what ppl think, we gotta make sure we keep our own cups filled & in alignment with our true selves. I love these deep videos! One love from Tampa, FL! 💕
Can you do more videos on dealing with coworkers/bosses who are bullies or want to control you? Like how to deal with them or stand firm in your independence and demand respect but in a way that can’t get you in trouble with HR…. Or how you exactly do your initial assessment or temperature check when you meet people? How long does it take of “shoving” a bully back before they get a new target? How do you initially posture yourself in a first impression situation to not attract these people to try and negatively engage?
Can you do a video on how to overcome cultural pressures, And do what is authentic to you? I was raised in a very Mormon household and it has been hard to tell my parents that I don’t agree with some of the teachings. I feel like they see me differently.
Honestly I feel like the least qualified person to speak on this--my main indoctrination was to be ultra liberal and that republicans were unquestionably EVIL. I'm still struggling to unravel that. I can't imagine religion or how it relates to everything from sex to...i mean god EVERYTHING. There are special counselors just for this type of stuff maybe look into them, you don't have to do this alone!
Me too! If I’m remembering correctly I think she already has videos about how to be authentic to yourself. But in the context of the religion and leaving and dealing with family members still in the church. Ex Mormon RUclipsrs like Zelf on the Shelf and Nuance Hoe (are the only ones I can think of right now lol) have lots of videos about how to handle family and “coming out” as exmo to your family and how to switch your mindset to be more authentic to yourself. Good luck on your journey!! ✨
Sadly i was raised to be a doormat.. but I dont want to give more to people and not have boundaries. 😮💨 I dont feel guilty but life is more lonely. A 'friend' had a sport taking ugly pics behind my back and guilt me to put her interest first. Feelt so icky. We need to raise our value and not accept shit.
Just an hour ago I blocked and unfollowed one of my best friends because of her repeated betrayals, I get it. But reframe "lonely" as "peaceful." As an only child I've learned to constantly beautify my own emotional real estate so that my solo time is a paradise. I give MYSELF the love I'm seeking and ironically, that will magnetize the right people to me. And seriously, consider the Shallontourage, SO many girls go through what you deal with, thats why I created it!
Can you do a video on Ryan Reynolds being too involved in Blake Livelys new film how he is rewriting scenes. There has been a lot coming out with the new movie drama and I'd love your take.
Catholic Guilt. Nothing like it in the world. Guilt sucks and changes your course in life. And it comes from within, most of the time. My conscience is a pain in the ass. Thanks for bringing up the difference between guilt and regret - that really hit the mark. You need a friend group for older women because not everyone learned these lessons earlier. But they wish they had.
I recently ended a short relationship with a man who used heavy blame instead of proper communication, and I am thinking it was to try to guilt me and then control me. He said some really nasty things, then when I stood up for myself he said "why are you so defensive? you can't take any criticism". Then he would cry and self-deprecate when I said hey this isn't working for me. No guilt here, sorry dude.
Can you please do a video on how to be better at arguments, especially with your boyfriend? I find it hard sometimes to not get emotional, to not lose the thread of the underlying theme and being able to express myself properly and instantly. Love your videos, they changed my life
Thank you!! Needed this topic so much lately. I feel like I’ve let go of a lot of guilt over the past several months/years, but my bf says I am still overly guilty.
Oh Shallon… even just the title. Thank you. I think I just needed the reminder. I’m dealing with family not understanding how comfortable I can be with boundaries. Who else would rather be in their own authentic energy than be fake at a Christmas? I SWEAR, it’s a super power to become mental stable and have a party in your head! ❤🎉
its not that they don't understand it, its that they WAY understand it and the contrast you're creating is intolerable to them. They need to think that theres only ONE way of doing things and you showing them no, not true...it puts that burden of action on them. You keep on keeping on!! We're proud of you!
@@shallonlesterthank you for taking the time to respond. You really have created such a great environment here. You’ve helped me grow so much in the past three years.
Girl, I love you so much literally. You inspired me to start my own RUclips channel and you know what the echoey sound just made me feel so much better about my own struggles with the sound plus you addressed it so well, short but acknowledging but it didn't stop you from uploading it and we still loved to hear what you have to say. You know how you said once that you look up to Kim k in regards to how she handles public affairs? I look up to you in the same way. Just noted what you did there and how you handled it✍️
Literally just told my sister this Friday: went thru the worst time of my life and no one was there. Picked myself back up and suddenly everyone is around again. I couldn't give one fig about their opinions anymore.
There is a piece of “Mom guilt” that some people don’t mention. Parents of today take their kids feelings and opinions into consideration much more than previous generations. There’s a variety of reasons for this.. From the kids point of view, if our parents always want to get away from us, it says “I’m not lovable.” And of course a mom will feel bad about that. When our kids hurt, we are hurt. Whereas when we were growing up, Our feelings about our parents being gone were not considered at all. In fact, why bother having feelings about it at all?! We just cope with the fact that the parents are going to do their own thing. Generally speaking, Things are different now. There’s less community help so parents and kids spend a lot of time with just each other, so a stronger bond is developed.
Excellent talk! Thank you Shallon! We have to let go of things that are no longer serving us, even if other are telling us not to. Religion I'm looking at you! Can I get an Amen?! 💜
To be honest all I’ve felt my entire life is guilt I wish I was a sociopath like my sister but then again I don’t because all she seeks in life is self pitty perpetual victim mindset when she’s the one brutalizing the ones closest to her and trying to flip the script with her gaslighting and brainwashing manipulative games
Hello, are you me?! lol I feel exactly the same. It’s like I got ALL the guilt allowance allocated to me - and she got none. But you’re right, they aren’t happy, always playing the victim and just can’t even connect to people.
@@samco63 she’s mad I was ever born and became the youngest instead of her and we’re all grown up now and same hateful resentful envious personality ignore the haters
@@dite6s9mora73 yes treats the one closest to them like shit and takes them for granted and then treats friend level people like gold until the mask falls off there too when they get too close your person is just a hater for the same reason of all haters they’re jjs I call them jjs judgey or jealous stay strong and balanced
Any topics on 'It Ends with Us' cast supposed feud? Maybe something on working with difficult co-workers. Just what I'm going through. I wish we could be in two completely different places 🙄, or sides of the world it seems. Where in the world is Justin Baldoni?!
Please make a video about the Blake Lively drama. I don't understand what happened and I'm too lazy to check all these videos that are bombarding my youtube 😉
I need a video on this It Ends With Us drama. I know we've discussed Taylor being a mean girl but her and Blake Lively are so close and now it seems that Blake Lively is a mean girl too. Plus that friend group includes Selena. I would love an analysis on that whole friend group being a beehive.
there's a book called Magnetic Aura on borlest , and it talks about how using some secret tehniques you can attract anyone with charisma, it's not some bullshit law of attraction, it's the real deal
Confession: I was bitten and attacked by a dog I was taking care of. I had to get a tetanus shot, stitches and antibiotics and had arms covered in bruises for weeks. It was the owners fault for not training their dog properly. He blamed it on me for not "properly managing the dog's excitement' and that his excitement was 'normal for his age' which is obviously madness. YOUR DOG SHOULD NOT BITE WHEN EXCITED. I asked for compensation but he wouldn't cough up a penny. I argued and argued but he kept insisting it was my fault. I eventually gave up but I'm still furious about it.
You have a great law suit on your hands. He’s at fault and you have proof! No wonder he’s bullying you to make you feel like it’s your fault. He knows he’s in deep shit!
@shallonlester omg I didn't think you will see my comment but yeah I just found out today and I went to your channel to see if you got the tea because I been watching you for years now and I know you know most stuff exactly about jb and hb but anyways it could be Rumors but The allegations would make sense because justin have been looking a little bit more bad than usual and said that he sold his music rights to his old songs for 2mil
There is nothing worse than Catholic Guilt. Oh my god, after 52 years I still cannot shake it. Had my MOTHER and my BROTHER run an intervention to try to get me to stay in a marriage they saw I was absolutely miserable living in. I always have to put how my actions affect others. I left my marriage 7 years ago - STILL feel guilty for what it did to my kids.
As always a very insightful and eloquent video, please do a It End With Us cast fall out video. How to deal with being ostracised from a group of people (Blake Lively, Lily, Ryle, Ryan Reynolds) and the one getting ostracised and ignored (Justin Baldoni).
"fault" implies that this is a bad outcome. It's a PAINFUL one but that doesn't always mean a path is wrong. Try to shift into the trust that your path IS perfect and the timing IS right, even if you dont see it now. Believe me this is my pain point also--letting go of the why why why did this happen and just choosing to trust that ok, it did, and there IS a higher plan for me. Because there is. All you have to do is DECIDE there is and boom, thats the win. You make it so by believing it. ❤️
Any Jews here stuck with that Jewish guilt? lol. Shallon I implemented your advice from evil week years ago about not being the nice guy and since then I readily snatch up easy work to secure my bag without letting my colleagues take it when they move much more slowly than me. Thanks girl! I recommend Moroccan oil light tone in lieu of bumble
I watched your old videos about kylie and her "friends" and I had a friend just like kylie, a leo and very selfish she always had minions and never any real friends and she could NEVER be alone, she always needed a "best friend" by her side who wasn't as pretty or as stylish as her and I really want to know why, I was wondering if you had any understanding of why this is
I think you just put a little too much of that oil. I use it too and I just do one pump on the very ends of my hair and it just makes it shiny and protects against split ends
![Lil Uzi Vert - We Good [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/DrSfBULAsek/mqdefault.jpg)
Great Video ❤I work in the mental health field and What’s important to know, girlies, is the difference between Guilt and Shame. Guilt is ‘I did something bad’ and Shame is ‘I am a bad person’. Guilt is when you’ve done something that goes against your moral code. Shame is when we attach certain actions or facts about ourself with our self worth and value negatively. I love that you mentioned that others CAN try to give you guilt by (trying to 🙄) manipulate what you think your moral code should be. People can give you shame too- like a parent saying ‘you’re bad’ vs. ‘You’re making bad choices, I love you, but we can’t keep doing this’.
I just think it’s good food for thought whenever discussing guilt so we can better understand what it is and digest all the goodies Shallon dropped in the video! ❤️
Pinned this! It's so wise and true thank you for this! Its like the difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the thing--the loss, the death, the failure. Suffering is the STORY you apply about why you deserved it or what it means. Pain isn't in your control, suffering is.
glad you explained the difference between guilt and shame because people place shame on us but sometimes we feel guilt because we did something wrong intentionally. we still have to be accountable when we do wrong and vice versa if someone treats us bad and regrets it later
@@shallonlesterPlease cover the Blake Lively/Ryan Reynolds controversy. While I see some points, I think people are taking it too far due to toxic cancel culture. I think a lot of wannabe TikTok influencers are coming after them for views
Shallon please do a video on how to be less of a doormat.. i was shouted at by a housemate today and didn't know how to respond and spent the whole day beating myself up for it.. however, i don't have the tools and shortcuts to handle other people's aggression.. you were the first person to come to my mind after the incident.. I felt like, "Shallon would've known how to handle this" 😢
Do NOT beat yourself up. Conflict is hellish no matter who you are, I despise it. I only like it when I'm controlling the timing 😂 When in doubt say nothing. Be Chuck Bass--cool, removed, snakelike but amused. Sniff and smirk and walk away--then cry in the bathroom. It's totally ok. Gather your wits and form a plan. If someone sends you an unhinged text or email, wait 24 hours. THEY are emotional, prey on that. Imagine losing your mind in a text and...crickets. No reply from the person. You'd feel like such a loser. Good, make them feel that. YOU control the timing, you control the reactions. I'll do a video on this for sure.
I would love a video on this too! I know that’s been a reason why my friendships have chronically failed because as soon as they see I’m a doormat that opens the door for them to walk all over me!! And boy do they WALK! I never stand up for myself or respond in a way that would set a boundary and let them know their behavior is not okay. I’m horrified to do that! Maybe that has something to do with guilt though…
I hope you figure something out about or with your housemate!❤
I am 52 years old and have learnt this technique and it works everytime......if someone shouts at you just go completely calm.....completely......look at them with your eyes lifted .....not condescending.....and say ok .....we can discuss this later........they will crumble onside and apolofise later
@shallonlester I just went through this with my boss!! He literally insulted me and name called me! And he's a millionaire! I was bewildered 😮
@@SmartSassmen on a power trip are the source of so much of our dystopian reality 😭
Shallon is one of the few youtubers that actually understands how the world works. So many advice from others I just discard immediately because it is so out of touch. But Shallon has actual life experience in actual jobs and spaces and not just in the influencer world. Amazing video as always xx
"Either they'll get over it, or they won't." Words to live by, absolutely!!
Something I’ve learned is that guilt is a self inflicted wound
As someone who was raised Catholic and now has anxiety and high blood pressure, this video SPEAKS to me.
Omg saaaammmeee
That’s so sad bc I was raised non denominational and I rarely have guilt bc of the forgiveness Christ gives us
@@yurmomsfattoe134not religious but I agree, as an agnostic I still feel Christ’s unconditional love!
In 2 hours I am going to tell my incompetent therapist that this is our last session. I wanted to do it for months but felt guilty and ashamed and insecure but she is of no help but always gives me the feeling as if I am a 'defect'. I no longer want to feel like this.
@@theessentialforager6658 b**** wasn't even there!! Now, it is really over. If she calls tomorrow or so, I will tell her "bye".
Oddly enough I felt this way. I had a therapist who I really loved. She really knew her stuff but I would walk away feeling so bad about myself that I had to stop seeing her. I cried on our last call but overall I feel so much better. She did help me through a painful time but I outgrew her. I think that’s normal and probably even healthy.
I will say that me being in a good place is highly attributed to the group of people I hang with now. Mostly my family and a few close friends. No drama, no toxic relationships, no one who does drugs.
YES! So proud of you ❤ in the words of shallon, it’s this or better
Thank you so much, Shallon. I've been dealing with a similar problem. A friend I thought was my best friend guilt-tripped me when I said I wanted to go to another country to get my PhD. Then, the realization dawned on me that she was actually using me to feed her ego whenever she wanted to feel better, especially when my situation was worse than hers. It hurts, but I must do what I have to do.
Shallon the greatest philosopher of our time 🙌
Shallon, this type of content is SO much better than the celebrity stuff! More of this please! 😊
I have inherited my guilt from my mother. My guilt is almost pre-emptive. I feel guilty before anyone can tell me to feel guilty so people know I care, before I "get caught".
I just love you, Shallon. Thanks for being in my life in a weird "I only watch you on video and you help me grow but don't know I'm alive" way. 🤣But really, you make a difference, girl. Never stop doing this. You're so good at it. 💙💙💙
😂 so true, that’s how I feel too, Shallon is awesome 😊
Shallon, your Mom friend who is taking control of her life is amazing. So many weak people would rather be miserable & look like they have it together. She is going to have a great life because of what she is doing now. Role model material ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Literally the best timing. Currently going through a financial situation, im battling with the guilt of borrowing from my best friend
please do a video about shame ! i don’t take guilt from people but when i think about regrets i have or bad decisions i’ve made or people i’ve hurt… i feel such shame and cannot forgive myself or let go of that loud noise of shame and anger about things i wish i didn’t do
There were so many situations I needed saving, that people barely remember. Something I can absolutely relate to. Then I dove into the psychology of why I "wanted to be saved" or "felt I needed to be saved" in the first place. That has been a rabbit hole where ultimately I was taught that it's not normal to grieve not being saved, and that I should feel bad about it.
Thank you for another truly helpful video, Shallon!
We become who we needed to save us. I think HAD people saved me, I wouldn't do this job. I wouldn't be a sword and a shield. So, I let go of the bitterness and focus on what it gave me, what I turned that pain into. Grieve what you didn't get but then have the guts to ask yourself, ok what DID I get? What DID I avoid? What AM I smarter about? It's not easy work but it really is the path forward ❤️
Hey Shallon! You know so much about celebrities. How about a series all about being a celebrity?
How to act when you're famous, how to deal woth fame, Having celebrity aura, what sets them apart, how to tap into it and maybe some fun facts about celebrities you've met!
Shallon, I empathize with you when you say you have a Villain story. I went through it at my "New" job, I was highly judge on how I dressed. I work in Hawaii and everyone dresses relaxed. I dressed like a professional. Dress pants, silk blouses, silk dresses, makeup and heels. "Well put together". I didn't know that the women in my office decided that I was not in the click or in the group. They exiled me, I had to learn my job almost on my own. And at meetings, if I have any concern about anything, their pet will jump in and say things to make a mockery. I had to learn how to manage them and put them in their place professionally. I have become guarded and at this point I have spent my time analyzing them, studying them. And I only speak in meetings if absolutely necessary and I am ready to destroy them with my comebacks. Because no one in the meetings stood up for me, they better not stand up for each other, because I'm going for the neck. I have also picked up a new hobby, due to these Misérables group of haters! lol I am finalizing a bachelors in psychology. This experience made me the Villain. I learned that we become the Villain in a narcs story and their flying Monkeys, when you stand up for yourself. I have learn that being hated because you stood up for yourself feels "great" because I gave them a reason to hate me, they still hated me. BUT NOW I GAVE THEM A REASON! And it feels marvelous ;)
Shallon! This video could not come at a better time. I am getting bullied by my boss via email and your video confirmed that I should totally tattle.
Thank you always ❤
I was wondering if you could do a video on Blake Lively? Something is off about how she is coming across and it is actually making her press tour a disadvantage to female empowerment…
So true and she was also a problem on the GG set
I dont understand how you dont have 1M subscribers by now
Amen, Shallon!!!! F*ck what ppl think, we gotta make sure we keep our own cups filled & in alignment with our true selves. I love these deep videos! One love from Tampa, FL! 💕
You’re GLOWING Shallon, you look amazing 🩷
Thank you!!
Can you do more videos on dealing with coworkers/bosses who are bullies or want to control you? Like how to deal with them or stand firm in your independence and demand respect but in a way that can’t get you in trouble with HR…. Or how you exactly do your initial assessment or temperature check when you meet people? How long does it take of “shoving” a bully back before they get a new target? How do you initially posture yourself in a first impression situation to not attract these people to try and negatively engage?
Glad to have you back!
This was so timely, you have no idea how much I needed this talk! Thanks for being fearless and sharing your wisdom as always, Shallon! 💚✨
Yes, for Shallontourage I like this format better👍🏻
Thank you!
Omg is this the universe sending me this video? Was literally feeling guilty cause I can’t take on shifts next week at work
You are so underrated, Shallon. This video is a masterpiece
Shallon is my angel, i needed this video TODAY, and God it did help me out understand a few things.
Yes! Please let’s get a boundaries video.
And how to handle when they paint you to be the bad guy for enforcing said boundaries.
She already did.
Can you do a video on how to overcome cultural pressures, And do what is authentic to you? I was raised in a very Mormon household and it has been hard to tell my parents that I don’t agree with some of the teachings. I feel like they see me differently.
Honestly I feel like the least qualified person to speak on this--my main indoctrination was to be ultra liberal and that republicans were unquestionably EVIL. I'm still struggling to unravel that. I can't imagine religion or how it relates to everything from sex to...i mean god EVERYTHING. There are special counselors just for this type of stuff maybe look into them, you don't have to do this alone!
Me too! If I’m remembering correctly I think she already has videos about how to be authentic to yourself. But in the context of the religion and leaving and dealing with family members still in the church.
Ex Mormon RUclipsrs like Zelf on the Shelf and Nuance Hoe (are the only ones I can think of right now lol) have lots of videos about how to handle family and “coming out” as exmo to your family and how to switch your mindset to be more authentic to yourself.
Good luck on your journey!! ✨
Rewatching this forever. It makes so much sense. Thank you!❤
Sadly i was raised to be a doormat.. but I dont want to give more to people and not have boundaries. 😮💨 I dont feel guilty but life is more lonely. A 'friend' had a sport taking ugly pics behind my back and guilt me to put her interest first. Feelt so icky. We need to raise our value and not accept shit.
Just an hour ago I blocked and unfollowed one of my best friends because of her repeated betrayals, I get it. But reframe "lonely" as "peaceful." As an only child I've learned to constantly beautify my own emotional real estate so that my solo time is a paradise. I give MYSELF the love I'm seeking and ironically, that will magnetize the right people to me. And seriously, consider the Shallontourage, SO many girls go through what you deal with, thats why I created it!
@@shallonlester Does the Shallontourage frequently address questions and topics like this?
Oh my gosh, you crack me up. You are literally the best. I just cannot get enough. I love your humor.
I love this type of content
Can you do a video on Ryan Reynolds being too involved in Blake Livelys new film how he is rewriting scenes. There has been a lot coming out with the new movie drama and I'd love your take.
Catholic Guilt. Nothing like it in the world. Guilt sucks and changes your course in life. And it comes from within, most of the time. My conscience is a pain in the ass. Thanks for bringing up the difference between guilt and regret - that really hit the mark. You need a friend group for older women because not everyone learned these lessons earlier. But they wish they had.
I recently ended a short relationship with a man who used heavy blame instead of proper communication, and I am thinking it was to try to guilt me and then control me. He said some really nasty things, then when I stood up for myself he said "why are you so defensive? you can't take any criticism". Then he would cry and self-deprecate when I said hey this isn't working for me. No guilt here, sorry dude.
I know exactly how you feel, people like that are emotionally manipulative, I’m glad you got out of that toxic dynamic
Shallon, you should make a video on how you became an It Girl in NYC
Can you please do a video on how to be better at arguments, especially with your boyfriend?
I find it hard sometimes to not get emotional, to not lose the thread of the underlying theme and being able to express myself properly and instantly.
Love your videos, they changed my life
If you are on this level of stress about a boyfriend, leave him..he should be making your life easier, not harder.
Can you imagine your boyfriend asking people help to communicate better with you? Do you think he makes the effort you are making ?
I had a business lead I had to follow up with in person for a huge account and was feeling nervous so I listened to Shallon for courage lol
Pleaseee do a DC meetup Ive been watching you since 2014 and would love to meet you!!!!
Thank you!! Needed this topic so much lately. I feel like I’ve let go of a lot of guilt over the past several months/years, but my bf says I am still overly guilty.
Oh Shallon… even just the title. Thank you. I think I just needed the reminder. I’m dealing with family not understanding how comfortable I can be with boundaries. Who else would rather be in their own authentic energy than be fake at a Christmas? I SWEAR, it’s a super power to become mental stable and have a party in your head! ❤🎉
its not that they don't understand it, its that they WAY understand it and the contrast you're creating is intolerable to them. They need to think that theres only ONE way of doing things and you showing them no, not true...it puts that burden of action on them. You keep on keeping on!! We're proud of you!
@@shallonlesterthank you for taking the time to respond. You really have created such a great environment here. You’ve helped me grow so much in the past three years.
See ya in New York! Can’t wait 🎉
Girl, I love you so much literally. You inspired me to start my own RUclips channel and you know what the echoey sound just made me feel so much better about my own struggles with the sound plus you addressed it so well, short but acknowledging but it didn't stop you from uploading it and we still loved to hear what you have to say. You know how you said once that you look up to Kim k in regards to how she handles public affairs? I look up to you in the same way. Just noted what you did there and how you handled it✍️
One of your best videos Shallon! XOXO from Ottawa, Canada
I wonder if her friends watch her videos…! Anyways love you Shallon!! Soo much wisdom in such a real entertaining way!
Literally just told my sister this Friday: went thru the worst time of my life and no one was there. Picked myself back up and suddenly everyone is around again. I couldn't give one fig about their opinions anymore.
You nailed it with this title, this is exactly how I’ve been feeling. Thank you!
Trust me her parents are thrilled to help her
I don't dare ask my brain what the worst case scenario could be as it usually ends in catastrophe!
There is a piece of “Mom guilt” that some people don’t mention. Parents of today take their kids feelings and opinions into consideration much more than previous generations. There’s a variety of reasons for this.. From the kids point of view, if our parents always want to get away from us, it says “I’m not lovable.” And of course a mom will feel bad about that. When our kids hurt, we are hurt. Whereas when we were growing up, Our feelings about our parents being gone were not considered at all. In fact, why bother having feelings about it at all?! We just cope with the fact that the parents are going to do their own thing. Generally speaking, Things are different now. There’s less community help so parents and kids spend a lot of time with just each other, so a stronger bond is developed.
Yes I love these kinds of advice videos! Your life advice is always bang on!
Needed this. Going to watch this video everyday.
Shallon thank you so much for this. We need more videos like this one.
Excellent talk! Thank you Shallon! We have to let go of things that are no longer serving us, even if other are telling us not to. Religion I'm looking at you! Can I get an Amen?! 💜
Amen. Religion never did me any good.
could not have come at a better time!!!
Ty for this🌼
Can you please make a video on blake lively? It’s an interesting time for her career
Thanks a lot Shallon.❤
Wow,this one was a good one.
To be honest all I’ve felt my entire life is guilt I wish I was a sociopath like my sister but then again I don’t because all she seeks in life is self pitty perpetual victim mindset when she’s the one brutalizing the ones closest to her and trying to flip the script with her gaslighting and brainwashing manipulative games
Hello, are you me?!
lol I feel exactly the same. It’s like I got ALL the guilt allowance allocated to me - and she got none. But you’re right, they aren’t happy, always playing the victim and just can’t even connect to people.
My life story too. We are in no contact atm but she still makes pitty moves. I feel ashamed my sister is so bad to me but very nice to her friends.
@@samco63 she’s mad I was ever born and became the youngest instead of her and we’re all grown up now and same hateful resentful envious personality ignore the haters
@@dite6s9mora73 yes treats the one closest to them like shit and takes them for granted and then treats friend level people like gold until the mask falls off there too when they get too close your person is just a hater for the same reason of all haters they’re jjs I call them jjs judgey or jealous stay strong and balanced
As a long time subscriber and listener, Shallon I need to know what Jeff, Crystal, and maybe also Cinnabon has ever done to you 😂
Any topics on 'It Ends with Us' cast supposed feud? Maybe something on working with difficult co-workers. Just what I'm going through. I wish we could be in two completely different places 🙄, or sides of the world it seems. Where in the world is Justin Baldoni?!
Please make a video about the Blake Lively drama. I don't understand what happened and I'm too lazy to check all these videos that are bombarding my youtube 😉
I need a video on this It Ends With Us drama. I know we've discussed Taylor being a mean girl but her and Blake Lively are so close and now it seems that Blake Lively is a mean girl too. Plus that friend group includes Selena. I would love an analysis on that whole friend group being a beehive.
Shallon is my therapist ☺️
Maybe I'm sociopathic but I've just never felt the emotion of 'guilt' for some reason lol... Amazing video though I get so much from these.
Shallow! Dying to have ur opinion on the blake lively it ends with us drama and allegations against justin baldoni
Shallon can you do a video on the Justin and Blake Lively drama around It Ends With Us? I would love your perspective on this!
Could you do a video on Blake lively and the drama surrounding her new movie and how she downplays DV.
Shaaallon, you need to make a video on all the craziness going on with It ends with us and Blake Lively hahaha there's so much we can learn I think
I feel chronic shame so thank you for this lol
Hey Shallon, how about a podcast about the recent Blake Lively scandal? I would love to hear your take on it.
there's a book called Magnetic Aura on borlest , and it talks about how using some secret tehniques you can attract anyone with charisma, it's not some bullshit law of attraction, it's the real deal
Confession: I was bitten and attacked by a dog I was taking care of. I had to get a tetanus shot, stitches and antibiotics and had arms covered in bruises for weeks. It was the owners fault for not training their dog properly. He blamed it on me for not "properly managing the dog's excitement' and that his excitement was 'normal for his age' which is obviously madness. YOUR DOG SHOULD NOT BITE WHEN EXCITED. I asked for compensation but he wouldn't cough up a penny. I argued and argued but he kept insisting it was my fault. I eventually gave up but I'm still furious about it.
Girl, you need to sue!
Don't give up and seek legal consultation!
You have a great law suit on your hands. He’s at fault and you have proof! No wonder he’s bullying you to make you feel like it’s your fault. He knows he’s in deep shit!
Girl please take legal action, get that bag and keep us updated
SUE THEM!
Another awesome video!
Shallon we need you to talk about the new BLAKE LIVELY SCANDAL!!!
Hey girl did you hear about Justin bieber and Hailey bieber and how he could be broke I was shocked
WHAT NO I DID NOT I--
@shallonlester omg I didn't think you will see my comment but yeah I just found out today and I went to your channel to see if you got the tea because I been watching you for years now and I know you know most stuff exactly about jb and hb but anyways it could be Rumors but The allegations would make sense because justin have been looking a little bit more bad than usual and said that he sold his music rights to his old songs for 2mil
There is nothing worse than Catholic Guilt. Oh my god, after 52 years I still cannot shake it. Had my MOTHER and my BROTHER run an intervention to try to get me to stay in a marriage they saw I was absolutely miserable living in. I always have to put how my actions affect others. I left my marriage 7 years ago - STILL feel guilty for what it did to my kids.
Always on time
As always a very insightful and eloquent video, please do a It End With Us cast fall out video. How to deal with being ostracised from a group of people (Blake Lively, Lily, Ryle, Ryan Reynolds) and the one getting ostracised and ignored (Justin Baldoni).
Your skin looks great.
you're a hottie with flawless skin so this is HIGH praise
Thanks for posting this. I got dumped before my birthday and on the day of my white coat ceremony via phone. I just feel like this is my fault
"fault" implies that this is a bad outcome. It's a PAINFUL one but that doesn't always mean a path is wrong. Try to shift into the trust that your path IS perfect and the timing IS right, even if you dont see it now. Believe me this is my pain point also--letting go of the why why why did this happen and just choosing to trust that ok, it did, and there IS a higher plan for me. Because there is. All you have to do is DECIDE there is and boom, thats the win. You make it so by believing it. ❤️
Could you do a piece about Blake lively and Justin baldoni this ends with us feud??
Any Jews here stuck with that Jewish guilt? lol. Shallon I implemented your advice from evil week years ago about not being the nice guy and since then I readily snatch up easy work to secure my bag without letting my colleagues take it when they move much more slowly than me. Thanks girl! I recommend Moroccan oil light tone in lieu of bumble
I watched your old videos about kylie and her "friends" and I had a friend just like kylie, a leo and very selfish she always had minions and never any real friends and she could NEVER be alone, she always needed a "best friend" by her side who wasn't as pretty or as stylish as her and I really want to know why, I was wondering if you had any understanding of why this is
Narcissism. I knew a few like that, men and women.
@@lalywindland5764 i thought it was extreme low self esteem
I signed up for the Shallontourage again and can’t get the videos for some reason. Help!
Atlanta meetup soon, pls🫶🏻 Any weekend except Oct 18th weekend bc we will be in Miami for the eras tour!💖
Do the Blake Lively interview video
Can you come to toronto plssss ❤❤❤❤
Shallon please please make a video on Blake Lively
I think you just put a little too much of that oil. I use it too and I just do one pump on the very ends of my hair and it just makes it shiny and protects against split ends
Loved this❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!
Shallon I think you look beautiful. Straight out of Mamma Mia!
Yay shallon!!!!
if there is an option to pay for a single month (without having to cancel) i will come to try it out
You shouldve titled this video “someone roasted me twice and got 6 million views. How to avoid accountability”