I wish to know why but got ghosted after almost 4 years. No contact? Got ignored. Many men neverer think that it's better to end things properly than let woman analyzing than focus on moving on.
@paolar.6408 my ex of nearly 12 years moved out in the night while I was sleeping without a word, text, or note. I loved him wholeheartedly and was 100% in our relationship. We had a family, a home, and a life together. And he just walked away like I was nothing to him. I was happy and thought everything was good between us.
@@paolar.6408and that’s why it ended. Because this person didn’t respect you enough to give you the time of day to explain themselves to you. It ended because this person did not respect you on the most basic level.
My husband of 22 years left me after our 7 year old passed away. He said he wants me to find a better man for me because he's not ok anymore. Losing our son destroyed us both. Reading your comment just now made me think I MUST learn how to move on. Although I likely will stay single for a very long time, if not forever.
@steph6337 Unfortunately, in cases of death some people react in a selfish way, not taking into consideration that the other person is also devastated. I witnessed a similar situation, too, where a family member cut relations with us after the death of a family member. It happens with a lot of people it seems but you can never forget whom wasn't there in a moment of need.
My new square in my matrix: riding a bike. Finally I've learnt 2 months ago. I'm 50. I feel soo good. Now I'm riding 20 km at least one time per week. I also have a black kitten I've always. wanted. My cat Bandit is lovely and brings me so much happiness. I have a great new job, well paid. I moved from London to my home country in my own house. I started the renovation and it's great. I have new friends, I'm listening again rock like in highschool.
Saw him in a whole new light after reconnecting 9 months after he ended it with me. Not the person I thought he was when I fell in love in love with him in the first place. Sad for how things ended but proud of myself for the work I've done and for seeing things as they really are.
Matthew, I want to thank you for changing my life 4 years ago when I randomly found one of your videos called "He left?". I was in the middle of extreme break-up pain and couldn't hardly breathe. This was how I found your channel. Since then I've changed so much and become the woman I like. The woman I've always wanted to be. Feeling so happy. My ex came back but it know that I would be doing well regardless. Now it is natural for me to keep my standard and never betray myself. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Keep doing what you do.
I’ve been single 3 years, & have gone no contact with someone I was with for 7. I have had & occasionally have conflict over that. But sometimes letting someone go is the most loving choice. For them & for yourself. Don’t want to be with him, keep tabs, or be friends. So what’s left? Beautiful memories. Gratitude that I experienced it.
hey man, just suffered a break up, her reasons for why are the same ones you said on the video. I now realise how important it is for me to create a new life, one where i can feel good about myself, and only to myself. I'm still in pain, but thanks to you i feel better. I searched a bunch of videos about break ups, all of them were tragic to hear, this one made me feel good and at peace, thank you so much. In 9 months i'll update this comment with a story hopefully
Your advice has helped me over the past 3 years. You tell absolutely no lies and you give so much power back to the individual to LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE with or without being partnered up.
This was a very timely video. I dated a man that I felt I wanted to be with forever....I started to realize it wasn't going to happen the way I wanted and went in to marry someone else who turned out to be a horrible narcissist...after divorcing that person, I moved back to the area I was from and this person I had dated came back into my life....I started getting the feelings back that I had for him before but have recently realized that I had no sense of self and wanted to start doing the things I did before I met either of these men... After watching the video I realized how important rediscovering myself was and got to the point where I no longer care to have this man in my life and I want to become a whole person again instead of just waiting around for him to call
This has been helping me right now … Distance is my new answer to disrespect. I no longer react, I no longer argue, I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.
Better to remove THEM, not yourself, or you'll find yourself a refugee contunually roaming around, searching for a place where you'll find peace. Stop *avoiding* and push back - teach people how to treat you right!
I'm not even half way through watching this video and I already recognise that the things you're saying, and the WAY you're saying them, are bloody genuis. Thank you so much for your wisdom about all this, and for slamming it home with such clarity. The repetition is fantastic, roo, and the passion you put into it helps SO much.
10:43 😂❤❤❤ Omgsh I was just thinking, 'Yeah but I don't know if I have a big life...' (I'm not traveling much lately, I'm not a speaker, my art isn't out there, I've barely published anything) and then Matthew looked at us and said 'if you're a nurse who works with dementia patients and loves your friends and has some hobbies on the side'--and that's exactly what I am/do 👩🏼⚕️--'don't EVER lose sight of the richness of your life.' Thank you, Matthew. Message received 😂 and mission accepted ❤❤❤❤
I broke up with someone 2.5 years ago and haven’t been able to move on because of hope that he would grow and we would work out. Maybe I would have moved on by now if I were had done strict no contact. I know now that there is no hope and I want to move on now. My new square: making healthy food choices, exercising often, and losing weight. I’ve always wanted to be a fit person but I’ve never had the discipline or time. I want to make that time, I know this would help me notice my inherent value better.
A couple new squares in my matrix are that I’ve been pouring all the energy and love that I gave to my ex I’ve now been giving to myself. I’ve started back to the gym which I gave up while dating, I’m going back to college to finish my degree in the Fall and I’ve found some new friends by venturing to new places like breweries/restaurants that have been doing live music and trivia nights which I didn’t feel comfortable going alone to before but I’ve made a goal for myself that yes I lost this person in my life but I won’t be able to meet a new person if I don’t put myself out there around new people.
The best part of being a self aware human being is how we navigate through different kind of emotions. Sometimes it can surely feel we'd never heal from something but magically we do it and god how strong we become after such experiences, shapes the real us ❤❤
My small box to expand is my education which I left after my relationship..and still ignored after breakup..i need to expand it now !! My new box is to start socialising and contributing to society by volenteering!!
Thank you Matthew, this helped me so much with where I'm at, I needed to see this today. I'm coming out of a marriage of over 20 years, going through a divorce and I e been doing allot of work on myself through the help of my therapist, watching content like yours and reading self development books. I am so grateful for the way you explained the Matrix and I have more clarity now on how and what areas I need to shine my spotlight Thank you❤❤
I no longer want him back. He was my first love but he left me and tried to keep in touch with me for months after that, until I said not to contact me anymore. I don’t want the people that don’t even want to be in my life back no matter how painful it is. I have been disrespected so much from people that it will never be the same having them back in my life. I change and become stronger every time someone disrespects me and hurts me.
That is exactly what I want for me! He broke our 4 year relationship and I was balling my eyes out on the last phone call. He kept on insisting to remain in touch and be "friends" but I am glad I took a stand for myself and denied. It's been almost 4 months and my journey has been full of highs and lows. I hope I can look back someday and not feel so damn miserable!
I relate to you guys in a big way. Before anything else, *no* judgement against folks who accepted those who dropped them back into their lives. Sometimes, the decent ones make honest mistakes, and take the wrong people for granted. However, these are exceptions. And in my case, things don’t even have to be romantic. I discovered when certain relatives and “buddies” abandoned me, and returned, then I took them back, I was ALWAYS SORRY I did. It’s beautiful when people who stay in your life are those who neither disrespected nor judged you when you made them your everything, then rejoiced with you when you finally learnt to stand on your own legs.
I did this after my divorce. She wanted me back...big time. This ex wife that i suffered so much over became "i am not interested. After 17 years" . I start dating, and everyone i connected with ,fell for me. Doctors, career women. I had to be honest and saynim just not there. Im 3 yrs divorced . Later many of these women found men who lied, said i love u and just used them for money or selfishness. And these women have recently contacted me because of the impact i mad3 rt after this break up . Because i was honest ...left relationship i wasnt ready for. And they all care for the person i am. Talk about moving the spot light. Im just a bitmbroken hearted and broken. My break up ended me up broken in an abulance. 47, look 30...everyone always doesn't believe i was married, i was cheated on, or that my ex isnt gonna beg me back.,sigh. Bragging im not. I do not see my self as more. Itsmthe opposite.
It's been 9 months and I still compare every other woman to her (my ex). I feel like I will never love someone as deeply as her, and I am lost because of it. But I'm trying to use what Matthew shared with us in this video
Matthew, you have been such a great source of comfort during these toughest times. This is the first time I really wanted to approach a breakup differently than in the past and to truly grow myself and become a better me. Handling this with as much grace and respect has been one of the hardest things ever, but I'm glad I chose this path instead of a destructive one. Everyday is such a challenge, but whatever may come I think the most important thing to take is to be obsessed with self improvement and to open your heart. Your material has changed my life Matthew, thank you.
This is such healthy advice. I love that it's actually something you can action. Something that's positive all around. It gives me hope that my future is not over, it's just back in my hands. Thanks, Matthew. If there's a God, may he/she bless you. ❤
We broke up about a month ago, remained in contact and even met up a few times. It was a very toxic relationship and I know the break up is for the best but I just can't let him go. It sucks
Rejection is protection. Breaking the cycle is what counts! What you do is important.♥️ Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record Karma always has an address. Victor consciousness 🌞 Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman - healing The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer - healing The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren The Myth Of Normal by Gabor Mate Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-IMAGO Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
If only I knew what brings me happiness! I’ve always been so focused on family, I’ve been told from the very young age that family is the most important thing in the world! I wanna be a mom and I don’t know how not to think about it. Right now I only see myself as a lonely girl with no perspective to achieve happiness :/
I have to admit that I just ended a relationship, knowing that it was the thing to do. It was an unhappy relationship. It was unhealthy. Despite me choosing to end things, I feel that we could have salvaged the relationship, but there were quite a number of things that contributed to the disillusionment of the Union. You’re correct. That obsessive rumination is horrible. It’s as if you are stuck in a loop, a vicious cycle. The thing is, the more we focus on the loss, the hurt, the grief, etc, the more we’ll be stuck in that zone. I know that our relationship was a trauma bonded one but I still wish it hadn’t ended. I’m just so tired of the repetitiveness of the destructive relationships that I attract.
I had to make a pause at the 8th minute...i then burst into tears-as you were describing EXACTLY what I'm experiencing for the past 6 months. I'm 45 years old,I've lived my life to the fullest & 2.5 years ago I thought I found my soulmate.My other half,my twin flame...In the end,she proved to be a female covert narcissist-who dumped me through an sms!
I really love the part around 11 minute, where you talk about how important our life is, and to not compare it to others, or even feel we are any less. very important message! thank you for your videos and content!! love it
I think that community service will help anyone forget about a past loved one. You just have to serve people who are in need. Doing volunteer work such as working at a soup kitchen, mowing lawns for a funeral home, or working at Goodwill will help you see another picture. Help those in need and forget about the past love that did not take you into account. Don't get down but move forward in doing work that can make you feel good. Yes, serve society. July 2024, USA
I needed this video because my whole life did fall apart including the breakup. Rebuilding everything in my life and this made me rethink a lot. Thank you got this.
Met a girl 3 months ago. We were calling each other babe, hubby and wifey, then randomly she became distant, phone calls stopped, month later we chatting again. Feel like I’m backtracking and restarting but I really like this girl, thanks for your advice. Been using your tips and I’ve been feeling more comfortable.
This is by far the best and most valuable advice I have listened to.💖 It is not only wonderful advice to get over a painful break-up but also a great summary of principles on how to build up your identity and live a fulfilled balanced life. It applies to many situations and aspects of life, and having applied some of these principles myself, I cannot stress how effective they are in leading a more balanced emotional state and thus life. I will save this video and watch it every time I need to refresh my memory. Thank you so much, Matthew🙏🏻✨
I've seen him before but didn't listen because I was toxic. Now I'm more together with myself I can see my ex of 4 years can't do a relationship rn. I know if he gets a new gf she would end up feeling bad because he isn't as healthy as he likes to think he is. I have fostered a child so she has a safe place and my focus is on her emotional wellbeing now, not my ex's. I'm listening to MH and it's helping my brain form new pathways. The road is long.
This video is the biggest eye opener for me, I thank you so very much for sharing it with the world, u are an amazing man, Mr. Hussey, it makes soooo much sense to me now, I have been trapped in this matrix of the relationship is supposed to be everything, when it doesn't happen what to do I was lost for so long until I found the answer, thank you
Clever clever Matthew! Makes absolute sense. You have to reach a point though where you want to do this - it takes time to get back up and pull ourselves together. But once you can then this I believe is the absolute BEST advice to move forward with . It’s a win win! X
Also, this video empowers me. A great reminder on how not to lose one's self in any relationship. To stand tall, confident and always be aware of your own needs , wants , and worth. Thank you again!!
Thank you for the amazing advice, as always. My “break up” was after a short period of time together but I had had feelings for him since I was 14 (I’m now 30). Hearing him confess to me earlier this year felt like a dream come true. I definitely made him and a potential future together my focus. I’ve been struggling to value much of my life since he decided he didn’t want to pursue it anymore. I know that more tough days are ahead, but having tools to get through those times has always really helped me. To answer your question, I think some of my shrunken old boxes are writing and reading, and for my new box, I’d like to learn bass guitar. 📦 🎸🔥🖤 I look forward to the future version of myself now instead of a future with him. Thanks again, Matthew!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Thank you so much, Matthew!! This is exactly the kind of advice that I need right now to start healing. I made a mistake in made her the number one priorite in my life and because of that I felt that my entire world was falling apart. But now I am going to really start investing in other areas of my life.
You save my life Mathew lost Someone to addiction he is in rehab and I have not heard from him now I found that box getting huge for him now this helps my brain visually understand what needs to change to not feel stuck
I let my ex leave rehab and move in with me after 3 months there. I had saviour complex when he was saying that he wasn't getting medical attention while they isolated him in a run-down section of the house (covid). He used the communication phone to text me and play on my kindness, saying they didn't give him a health check, doctor or proper food and he is ready to leave. It would have been much better for him to do much longer and be discharged to his own property but we live and learn.
After my spouse of five years departed, I was left in despair. Despite attempting multiple forms of therapy, none offered solace. Thankfully, Aurelia Maisie Goelet, a spiritual guide, intervened and facilitated our reconciliation. Seek her out online for guidance. You should really look her up, especially for that addiction problem you mentioned. Best of luck
Thank you so much for this amazing video. I ended the relationship because we didn't have anything in common and he didn't have anything to talk about or make me laugh. Never helped me with anything and felt like I was staying because I didn't want to be on my own and I liked the social side with his friends partners. I felt bad because he is not a bad person but felt constantly drained. My new square now at 58 is going to start lifting weights to get toned because I let myself go in the relationship 31:08 we split up before and was apart for 9 months and got back together but nothing had changed and I started feeling flat and depressed again
I’m 6 months in a heartbreak and still feel the pain everyday, i miss that person alot and have no confidence, i felt like she was the absolute love of my life, we were so happy untill 5 weeks before the end she was unhappy and i was trying to understand if it was me and she said it wasn’t it was her and how she felt, the hardest thing is she was my bestfriend the one i went to for everything and loved with my whole heart, i wish her all the best and i hope she is happy and i can get to the point of happiness soon
Thank you so much for making this video 🙏🙏🙏 I really needed this, don't want anybody back from my past but I was struggling with things to move on with my life and you gave us this new Matrix challenge is so powerful... I've read the book already but this video made me so happy, I've been working on my Matrix but now I know how to enrich it more... Thanks again... ❤❤❤ Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🤞🥰 Stay blessed 🙌
Im working with the person i just cutt off. I am deeply ashamed to admit that my lack of self care has ruined what wouldve been a beautiful friendship, just because i wanted more from her when i wanted more from myself. I never share on here but i just wanted to say thank you beautiful people.
This is sooooo true and wise words of wisdom!🙌 If we put more legs under our table and have other interests and things we are passionate about. We won’t be holding onto a relationship because it’s our whole identity!❤❤👏This spoke to me, I needed to hear this. It’s so very true. Thank you for pointing this out to me!😊
For me the thing I let shrivel was the gym. Now that my realtionship is over, I'm taking that back up. It's the only thing that really makes me tired enough, so that I don't think of her.
Matthew, everything you put out is the gold standard in content. I’m happily married, and I still love watching all your videos. There’s so much depth and nurture, and wisdom there. Thanks for all you do.😊 Ps Even though I’m partnered, I bought the book, honestly, just to “give back” for all the wonderful material I’ve enjoyed from you and your crew over the years.❤
I really enjoyed watching this video, it really helped me shift my focus from the love relationship alone to other things that really matters in my life, thank u Matthew Hussey.
Matthew, you have explained the situation and emotions on the basis of reality. And the feelings and emotions which you have mentioned, those are the real feelings if anyone is going through this phase. Thank you very very very much! for this life lession
MH has been helping me drag myself out of the myself out for years. It hasn’t been easy and (ashamed to say) still in my 4th year of closing a heartbreak. But, I know that that this healing has indeed made me stronger and given me peace, instead of just trying to force ‘moving on’. Though I know there’s still some patching to do I had never loved my life and myself more and the outlook is bright Who would have imagined that? 🥰🌟 For everyone struggling right now, IT GETS BETTER, I promise.
thanks Matt for the video. currently undergoing a breakup. i drew up my matrix. but yet to figure out what to fill up in the biggest box. in the old matrix, it was her with the rest being my hobbies, friends etc. i didnt neglect the rest of the other boxes. Hope I can try out the other activities and get myself out of this phase.
What if my life wasn't rich before them and when they left it became even emptier? How to fill that void? It is so hard to reconnect even with tiny things in your life, cause it feels like when the person left, he took everything with him. How to establish THE CORE so no one can take it from me knowing that I have that unshakeable support even when someone leaves me?
I've always wanted to learn a martial art and just keep waiting to do it. I am going to finally do this which will give me more confidence I would think as well as a new skill and area in my life.
It's been 10 years for me and I still think about her way more than I should. The thing is I know deep down it would never work again, even if she was single. Just thinking of her being with another guy since we were together would do my head in, as irrational as that might sound. I somehow still feel torn between trying to let go and wanting her back, with neither feeling outweighing the other. It almost feels like I've been cursed.
I feel very bad now. I meet a guy who was so amazing for three weeks, He said he wanted a girlfriend. I know I have anxiety attached and I tried to controlled and recognized it. I am not sure if I did very well now. He suddenly changed and he didn't communicate with me. That made hart to controlled by myself. He just said he started some project and didn't have time. He said things like "we are going to find the way to spend together" But never did. And i became more anxious because I wanted more interest, more attention, the things that we had initially. After two weeks, where I did not control my anxiety I said him what I wanted. And he broke up with me 😢
Rejection is protection. What matters is what you do! ♥️ You are important. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. Karma always has an address. Victor consciousness 🌞 Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. He could be an avoidant attachment. Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter ( avoidant attachment ) Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren Boundaries by Henry Cloud
I'm reading your book. I was reading it in the doctor's office. I was like, yeah, I need to end this narcissistic relationship then the doctor says that everyone is gay or bad. He hears it from. ALL of his women patients my age. I said it only takes one, but the conversation left me second guessing staying in an unfulfilling and slightly abusive relationship . I bent over backwards for this person and he never considers me. I realized I do have a scarcity mindset, but also there's a real scarcity where I live. I feel super discouraged
Your doctor is completely inappropriate, please switch doctors. Also, being alone the rest of your life is better than being with someone toxic. You’ve got this.
I have plenty of confidence, I just don't have a relationship - and that's the No1 thing I want. But I can't find the right person, and I meet dozens of people every week, mainly through work. It's just so frustrating.
My boyfriend broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me specific reasons. I was devastated. Then I had to go into the hospital for five days for tests. He appeared today, and we realized that it’s his problem with letting himself feel anything that was making him feel our relationship wouldn’t last. I’m glad I watched this because it gives me strength and I hope it will help him understand that, if we work on ourselves, we might get a brand new relationship with each other, but even if not, I will be okay. He will not keep me stuck. Should I share this video with him? Thank you for making this! 🙏🏻
- Go strict no-contact
- Don't pedestalize the person
- Remember why it ended
- Find happiness within
- Self-improvement on all fronts
I wish to know why but got ghosted after almost 4 years. No contact? Got ignored. Many men neverer think that it's better to end things properly than let woman analyzing than focus on moving on.
@paolar.6408 my ex of nearly 12 years moved out in the night while I was sleeping without a word, text, or note. I loved him wholeheartedly and was 100% in our relationship. We had a family, a home, and a life together. And he just walked away like I was nothing to him. I was happy and thought everything was good between us.
Very important "remember why it ended".
@@paolar.6408and that’s why it ended. Because this person didn’t respect you enough to give you the time of day to explain themselves to you. It ended because this person did not respect you on the most basic level.
I wasn't given a reason, so how can I "remember" why it ended
Not all storms come to destroy your life...some come to clear the path. Remember that!
I love this answer. Never thought of it that way. I just followed the phoenix.
Aww 😢❤
Amen.
thank you for this...
Damn I needed to hear that analogy wtf thanks
Who left you at your worst doesn't deserve you at your best.
Sounds like your ego talking.
Thank you
👍👍🎯🎯
My husband of 22 years left me after our 7 year old passed away. He said he wants me to find a better man for me because he's not ok anymore. Losing our son destroyed us both. Reading your comment just now made me think I MUST learn how to move on. Although I likely will stay single for a very long time, if not forever.
@steph6337 Unfortunately, in cases of death some people react in a selfish way, not taking into consideration that the other person is also devastated. I witnessed a similar situation, too, where a family member cut relations with us after the death of a family member. It happens with a lot of people it seems but you can never forget whom wasn't there in a moment of need.
My new square in my matrix: riding a bike. Finally I've learnt 2 months ago. I'm 50.
I feel soo good. Now I'm riding 20 km at least one time per week.
I also have a black kitten I've always. wanted. My cat Bandit is lovely and brings me so much happiness.
I have a great new job, well paid.
I moved from London to my home country in my own house. I started the renovation and it's great.
I have new friends, I'm listening again rock like in highschool.
Awesome!!…. I’m happy for you!!
It sounds great and is an inspiration for me😊 Thank you and wish you all good ❤
You are THE example. ❤
hey I'm so proud of you!
❤❤❤
Saw him in a whole new light after reconnecting 9 months after he ended it with me. Not the person I thought he was when I fell in love in love with him in the first place. Sad for how things ended but proud of myself for the work I've done and for seeing things as they really are.
@@alwaysroomtolearn how u mean after reconnecting
I want to play this video on repeat every single day ... until every word sinks in deeply
Do it!
Matthew, I want to thank you for changing my life 4 years ago when I randomly found one of your videos called "He left?". I was in the middle of extreme break-up pain and couldn't hardly breathe. This was how I found your channel. Since then I've changed so much and become the woman I like. The woman I've always wanted to be. Feeling so happy. My ex came back but it know that I would be doing well regardless. Now it is natural for me to keep my standard and never betray myself. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Keep doing what you do.
You took him back?
@aamnagotrizz , I did and this is a new relationship as Matthew describes in this video.
@@bistravoda3687 has he also grown since ur breakup
I’ve been single 3 years, & have gone no contact with someone I was with for 7. I have had & occasionally have conflict over that. But sometimes letting someone go is the most loving choice. For them & for yourself. Don’t want to be with him, keep tabs, or be friends. So what’s left? Beautiful memories. Gratitude that I experienced it.
Ive landed in the similar space..except im male lol she was not . Lol. 1year single. Know her 7 years. Hard rt?
hey man, just suffered a break up, her reasons for why are the same ones you said on the video. I now realise how important it is for me to create a new life, one where i can feel good about myself, and only to myself. I'm still in pain, but thanks to you i feel better. I searched a bunch of videos about break ups, all of them were tragic to hear, this one made me feel good and at peace, thank you so much. In 9 months i'll update this comment with a story hopefully
You got this. Here for you!
Your advice has helped me over the past 3 years. You tell absolutely no lies and you give so much power back to the individual to LIVE THEIR BEST LIFE with or without being partnered up.
It's been 3 months now and Matthew is right, I didn't have the language to explain that it has made my life feel so small.
ohhh
sorry lady sarah
hope you get back up soon😍
This was a very timely video. I dated a man that I felt I wanted to be with forever....I started to realize it wasn't going to happen the way I wanted and went in to marry someone else who turned out to be a horrible narcissist...after divorcing that person, I moved back to the area I was from and this person I had dated came back into my life....I started getting the feelings back that I had for him before but have recently realized that I had no sense of self and wanted to start doing the things I did before I met either of these men... After watching the video I realized how important rediscovering myself was and got to the point where I no longer care to have this man in my life and I want to become a whole person again instead of just waiting around for him to call
This has been helping me right now …
Distance is my new answer to disrespect.
I no longer react, I no longer argue, I no longer dive into drama. I simply remove my presence.
Better to remove THEM, not yourself, or you'll find yourself a refugee contunually roaming around, searching for a place where you'll find peace.
Stop *avoiding* and push back - teach people how to treat you right!
It’s better to start with someone new than take someone back who doesn’t want to keep you. Show some self respect.
I needed to hear this right now thank you
If you think it's worth it, go ahead. Don't have any regret in the future for not trying. Hope it works
thisss
Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
I'm not even half way through watching this video and I already recognise that the things you're saying, and the WAY you're saying them, are bloody genuis. Thank you so much for your wisdom about all this, and for slamming it home with such clarity. The repetition is fantastic, roo, and the passion you put into it helps SO much.
10:43 😂❤❤❤ Omgsh I was just thinking, 'Yeah but I don't know if I have a big life...' (I'm not traveling much lately, I'm not a speaker, my art isn't out there, I've barely published anything) and then Matthew looked at us and said 'if you're a nurse who works with dementia patients and loves your friends and has some hobbies on the side'--and that's exactly what I am/do 👩🏼⚕️--'don't EVER lose sight of the richness of your life.' Thank you, Matthew. Message received 😂 and mission accepted ❤❤❤❤
You released your first book when I was 15, I BEGGED my dad to get me Get The Guy for my 16th birthday. Still have it! 🥰🤩 thank you for your service 😁
She shouldn’t settle with him, if he left her at her worst he doesn’t deserve her at her best….
I broke up with someone 2.5 years ago and haven’t been able to move on because of hope that he would grow and we would work out. Maybe I would have moved on by now if I were had done strict no contact. I know now that there is no hope and I want to move on now.
My new square: making healthy food choices, exercising often, and losing weight. I’ve always wanted to be a fit person but I’ve never had the discipline or time. I want to make that time, I know this would help me notice my inherent value better.
A couple new squares in my matrix are that I’ve been pouring all the energy and love that I gave to my ex I’ve now been giving to myself. I’ve started back to the gym which I gave up while dating, I’m going back to college to finish my degree in the Fall and I’ve found some new friends by venturing to new places like breweries/restaurants that have been doing live music and trivia nights which I didn’t feel comfortable going alone to before but I’ve made a goal for myself that yes I lost this person in my life but I won’t be able to meet a new person if I don’t put myself out there around new people.
The best part of being a self aware human being is how we navigate through different kind of emotions. Sometimes it can surely feel we'd never heal from something but magically we do it and god how strong we become after such experiences, shapes the real us ❤❤
My small box to expand is my education which I left after my relationship..and still ignored after breakup..i need to expand it now !!
My new box is to start socialising and contributing to society by volenteering!!
Thank you Matthew, this helped me so much with where I'm at, I needed to see this today. I'm coming out of a marriage of over 20 years, going through a divorce and I e been doing allot of work on myself through the help of my therapist, watching content like yours and reading self development books. I am so grateful for the way you explained the Matrix and I have more clarity now on how and what areas I need to shine my spotlight Thank you❤❤
I no longer want him back. He was my first love but he left me and tried to keep in touch with me for months after that, until I said not to contact me anymore. I don’t want the people that don’t even want to be in my life back no matter how painful it is. I have been disrespected so much from people that it will never be the same having them back in my life. I change and become stronger every time someone disrespects me and hurts me.
That is exactly what I want for me! He broke our 4 year relationship and I was balling my eyes out on the last phone call. He kept on insisting to remain in touch and be "friends" but I am glad I took a stand for myself and denied. It's been almost 4 months and my journey has been full of highs and lows. I hope I can look back someday and not feel so damn miserable!
Same!
I relate to you guys in a big way. Before anything else, *no* judgement against folks who accepted those who dropped them back into their lives. Sometimes, the decent ones make honest mistakes, and take the wrong people for granted.
However, these are exceptions. And in my case, things don’t even have to be romantic. I discovered when certain relatives and “buddies” abandoned me, and returned, then I took them back, I was ALWAYS SORRY I did.
It’s beautiful when people who stay in your life are those who neither disrespected nor judged you when you made them your everything, then rejoiced with you when you finally learnt to stand on your own legs.
@@JohnnyBGoode-jm4qpi have a person like this. I am a person like this. Ima take this person out for a good meal. Simple. Just a good meal
I did this after my divorce. She wanted me back...big time. This ex wife that i suffered so much over became "i am not interested. After 17 years" . I start dating, and everyone i connected with ,fell for me. Doctors, career women. I had to be honest and saynim just not there. Im 3 yrs divorced . Later many of these women found men who lied, said i love u and just used them for money or selfishness. And these women have recently contacted me because of the impact i mad3 rt after this break up . Because i was honest ...left relationship i wasnt ready for. And they all care for the person i am. Talk about moving the spot light. Im just a bitmbroken hearted and broken. My break up ended me up broken in an abulance. 47, look 30...everyone always doesn't believe i was married, i was cheated on, or that my ex isnt gonna beg me back.,sigh. Bragging im not. I do not see my self as more. Itsmthe opposite.
It's been 9 months and I still compare every other woman to her (my ex). I feel like I will never love someone as deeply as her, and I am lost because of it. But I'm trying to use what Matthew shared with us in this video
Matthew, you have been such a great source of comfort during these toughest times. This is the first time I really wanted to approach a breakup differently than in the past and to truly grow myself and become a better me. Handling this with as much grace and respect has been one of the hardest things ever, but I'm glad I chose this path instead of a destructive one. Everyday is such a challenge, but whatever may come I think the most important thing to take is to be obsessed with self improvement and to open your heart. Your material has changed my life Matthew, thank you.
This is such healthy advice. I love that it's actually something you can action. Something that's positive all around. It gives me hope that my future is not over, it's just back in my hands. Thanks, Matthew. If there's a God, may he/she bless you. ❤
We broke up about a month ago, remained in contact and even met up a few times. It was a very toxic relationship and I know the break up is for the best but I just can't let him go. It sucks
Give it time. Time helps to heal. Keep busy. Be with friends. Start new hobbies. Stay strong. You WILL feel better soon.
I am going through the same loved her like everything thing despite almost zero efforts from her now trying no contact but its killing me every second
😊@@katd137
Rejection is protection. Breaking the cycle is what counts! What you do is important.♥️
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Karma always has an address. Victor consciousness 🌞
Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman - healing
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer - healing
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
The Myth Of Normal by Gabor Mate
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
My advice is :
When something in your life does not work the way should then leave it and move forward .
Wise indeed
If only I knew what brings me happiness! I’ve always been so focused on family, I’ve been told from the very young age that family is the most important thing in the world! I wanna be a mom and I don’t know how not to think about it. Right now I only see myself as a lonely girl with no perspective to achieve happiness :/
it's hard when we were so compatible and could really merge all parts of our inner and outer worlds
I have to admit that I just ended a relationship, knowing that it was the thing to do. It was an unhappy relationship. It was unhealthy. Despite me choosing to end things, I feel that we could have salvaged the relationship, but there were quite a number of things that contributed to the disillusionment of the Union. You’re correct. That obsessive rumination is horrible. It’s as if you are stuck in a loop, a vicious cycle. The thing is, the more we focus on the loss, the hurt, the grief, etc, the more we’ll be stuck in that zone. I know that our relationship was a trauma bonded one but I still wish it hadn’t ended. I’m just so tired of the repetitiveness of the destructive relationships that I attract.
For breakup boyz:
Mon: push up 25×1
crunch 10×3
reverse crunch 10×3
Hangings knee raise 10×3
Tue: push up 25×1
dumbell curl 10×3
drag curl 10×3
chin ups 5×3
Wed: REST
Thu: push up 25×1
diamond push up 10×3
Dips 20×3
Fri: push up 25×1
twisting push up 20×1
dumbell chest press 10×3
Sat: push up 25×1
dumbell lateral raise 10×3
front raise10×3
scoop press 10×3
Sun: REST
I had to make a pause at the 8th minute...i then burst into tears-as you were describing EXACTLY what I'm experiencing for the past 6 months.
I'm 45 years old,I've lived my life to the fullest & 2.5 years ago I thought I found my soulmate.My other half,my twin flame...In the end,she proved to be a female covert narcissist-who dumped me through an sms!
I really love the part around 11 minute, where you talk about how important our life is, and to not compare it to others, or even feel we are any less. very important message! thank you for your videos and content!! love it
I think that community service will help anyone forget about a past loved one. You just have to serve people who are in need. Doing volunteer work such as working at a soup kitchen, mowing lawns for a funeral home, or working at Goodwill will help you see another picture. Help those in need and forget about the past love that did not take you into account. Don't get down but move forward in doing work that can make you feel good. Yes, serve society. July 2024, USA
One of best advices ever
I needed this video because my whole life did fall apart including the breakup. Rebuilding everything in my life and this made me rethink a lot. Thank you got this.
Met a girl 3 months ago. We were calling each other babe, hubby and wifey, then randomly she became distant, phone calls stopped, month later we chatting again. Feel like I’m backtracking and restarting but I really like this girl, thanks for your advice. Been using your tips and I’ve been feeling more comfortable.
Why dont u ask her whatever us bothering you?
This is by far the best and most valuable advice I have listened to.💖 It is not only wonderful advice to get over a painful break-up but also a great summary of principles on how to build up your identity and live a fulfilled balanced life. It applies to many situations and aspects of life, and having applied some of these principles myself, I cannot stress how effective they are in leading a more balanced emotional state and thus life. I will save this video and watch it every time I need to refresh my memory. Thank you so much, Matthew🙏🏻✨
This hit the nail on the head, I’m mean everything you said is exactly how I feel. Wow man, I’m working on building up myself. Thank you
The quality of Matt’s content has increased so much, from my pov.
And I’ve been listening to him since 2014. ❤
I've seen him before but didn't listen because I was toxic. Now I'm more together with myself I can see my ex of 4 years can't do a relationship rn. I know if he gets a new gf she would end up feeling bad because he isn't as healthy as he likes to think he is. I have fostered a child so she has a safe place and my focus is on her emotional wellbeing now, not my ex's. I'm listening to MH and it's helping my brain form new pathways. The road is long.
This video is the biggest eye opener for me, I thank you so very much for sharing it with the world, u are an amazing man, Mr. Hussey, it makes soooo much sense to me now, I have been trapped in this matrix of the relationship is supposed to be everything, when it doesn't happen what to do I was lost for so long until I found the answer, thank you
I actually need this now, perfect timing. Thank you for such a valuable advice.
Stay single period , so then you have no worries.
Single is peace and freedom.
Clever clever Matthew! Makes absolute sense. You have to reach a point though where you want to do this - it takes time to get back up and pull ourselves together. But once you can then this I believe is the absolute BEST advice to move forward with . It’s a win win! X
Also, this video empowers me. A great reminder on how not to lose one's self in any relationship. To stand tall, confident and always be aware of your own needs , wants , and worth. Thank you again!!
Thank you for the amazing advice, as always. My “break up” was after a short period of time together but I had had feelings for him since I was 14 (I’m now 30). Hearing him confess to me earlier this year felt like a dream come true. I definitely made him and a potential future together my focus. I’ve been struggling to value much of my life since he decided he didn’t want to pursue it anymore. I know that more tough days are ahead, but having tools to get through those times has always really helped me. To answer your question, I think some of my shrunken old boxes are writing and reading, and for my new box, I’d like to learn bass guitar. 📦 🎸🔥🖤 I look forward to the future version of myself now instead of a future with him. Thanks again, Matthew!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Thank you so much, Matthew!! This is exactly the kind of advice that I need right now to start healing. I made a mistake in made her the number one priorite in my life and because of that I felt that my entire world was falling apart. But now I am going to really start investing in other areas of my life.
I think this has been one of the most valuable videos you’ve done Matthew! Thank you for your words that hit so hard but hopefully will help me heal!
Great advice based on the assumption that everyone has friends or a support system.
Most of us don't have any of that.
You save my life Mathew lost Someone to addiction he is in rehab and I have not heard from him now I found that box getting huge for him now this helps my brain visually understand what needs to change to not feel stuck
I let my ex leave rehab and move in with me after 3 months there. I had saviour complex when he was saying that he wasn't getting medical attention while they isolated him in a run-down section of the house (covid). He used the communication phone to text me and play on my kindness, saying they didn't give him a health check, doctor or proper food and he is ready to leave. It would have been much better for him to do much longer and be discharged to his own property but we live and learn.
After my spouse of five years departed, I was left in despair. Despite attempting multiple forms of therapy, none offered solace. Thankfully, Aurelia Maisie Goelet, a spiritual guide, intervened and facilitated our reconciliation. Seek her out online for guidance. You should really look her up, especially for that addiction problem you mentioned. Best of luck
My new square is idea to buy a flat. Makes me feel stronger.
Thank you Matthew, I saw this video with tears in my eyes, I needed to hear everything what you said.
Thank you so much for this amazing video. I ended the relationship because we didn't have anything in common and he didn't have anything to talk about or make me laugh. Never helped me with anything and felt like I was staying because I didn't want to be on my own and I liked the social side with his friends partners. I felt bad because he is not a bad person but felt constantly drained. My new square now at 58 is going to start lifting weights to get toned because I let myself go in the relationship 31:08 we split up before and was apart for 9 months and got back together but nothing had changed and I started feeling flat and depressed again
Wow this video is gold!
Matthew is hundred percent right, have other areas in your life that you focus and invest in ❤
I’m 6 months in a heartbreak and still feel the pain everyday, i miss that person alot and have no confidence, i felt like she was the absolute love of my life, we were so happy untill 5 weeks before the end she was unhappy and i was trying to understand if it was me and she said it wasn’t it was her and how she felt, the hardest thing is she was my bestfriend the one i went to for everything and loved with my whole heart, i wish her all the best and i hope she is happy and i can get to the point of happiness soon
Thank you so much for making this video 🙏🙏🙏
I really needed this, don't want anybody back from my past but I was struggling with things to move on with my life and you gave us this new Matrix challenge is so powerful... I've read the book already but this video made me so happy, I've been working on my Matrix but now I know how to enrich it more... Thanks again... ❤❤❤
Sending you lots of love and positive vibes 🤞🥰
Stay blessed 🙌
I’ve become a big fan of your channel these past couple weeks. You’re helping a lot of women.
The most important video I have ever seen, cannot thank you enough
I needed this to!
Grateful for support my father gave us!
Im working with the person i just cutt off. I am deeply ashamed to admit that my lack of self care has ruined what wouldve been a beautiful friendship, just because i wanted more from her when i wanted more from myself. I never share on here but i just wanted to say thank you beautiful people.
Brilliant. Thanks for sharing your wisdom... Clearly, succinctly, relatable, and with conviction.
This is sooooo true and wise words of wisdom!🙌 If we put more legs under our table and have other interests and things we are passionate about. We won’t be holding onto a relationship because it’s our whole identity!❤❤👏This spoke to me, I needed to hear this. It’s so very true. Thank you for pointing this out to me!😊
For me the thing I let shrivel was the gym. Now that my realtionship is over, I'm taking that back up. It's the only thing that really makes me tired enough, so that I don't think of her.
Matthew, everything you put out is the gold standard in content. I’m happily married, and I still love watching all your videos. There’s so much depth and nurture, and wisdom there. Thanks for all you do.😊
Ps Even though I’m partnered, I bought the book, honestly, just to “give back” for all the wonderful material I’ve enjoyed from you and your crew over the years.❤
I really enjoyed watching this video, it really helped me shift my focus from the love relationship alone to other things that really matters in my life, thank u Matthew Hussey.
well said, the feeling of losing the one important thing can be massive
Matthew, you have explained the situation and emotions on the basis of reality. And the feelings and emotions which you have mentioned, those are the real feelings if anyone is going through this phase.
Thank you very very very much! for this life lession
Love your videos! You help so many and that’s beautiful.
MH has been helping me drag myself out of the myself out for years. It hasn’t been easy and (ashamed to say) still in my 4th year of closing a heartbreak. But, I know that that this healing has indeed made me stronger and given me peace, instead of just trying to force ‘moving on’. Though I know there’s still some patching to do I had never loved my life and myself more and the outlook is bright Who would have imagined that? 🥰🌟 For everyone struggling right now, IT GETS BETTER, I promise.
Thank you much for your encouragement!
Hihi, It is very true. Im at 4.5 years. It really only gets better..
Thank you so much for making me feel like there is a hope …..❤
I'm sorry for your loss ❤
Love is hard to find this days😢
You are incredibly right!! Thanks for all your precious advices
thanks Matt for the video. currently undergoing a breakup. i drew up my matrix. but yet to figure out what to fill up in the biggest box. in the old matrix, it was her with the rest being my hobbies, friends etc. i didnt neglect the rest of the other boxes. Hope I can try out the other activities and get myself out of this phase.
What if my life wasn't rich before them and when they left it became even emptier? How to fill that void? It is so hard to reconnect even with tiny things in your life, cause it feels like when the person left, he took everything with him. How to establish THE CORE so no one can take it from me knowing that I have that unshakeable support even when someone leaves me?
I've always wanted to learn a martial art and just keep waiting to do it. I am going to finally do this which will give me more confidence I would think as well as a new skill and area in my life.
It's been 10 years for me and I still think about her way more than I should. The thing is I know deep down it would never work again, even if she was single. Just thinking of her being with another guy since we were together would do my head in, as irrational as that might sound. I somehow still feel torn between trying to let go and wanting her back, with neither feeling outweighing the other. It almost feels like I've been cursed.
Can’t wait for 6 months to come around. And see the changes and improvements
Going to the gym and starting my strength training program.
I feel very bad now. I meet a guy who was so amazing for three weeks, He said he wanted a girlfriend. I know I have anxiety attached and I tried to controlled and recognized it. I am not sure if I did very well now. He suddenly changed and he didn't communicate with me. That made hart to controlled by myself. He just said he started some project and didn't have time. He said things like "we are going to find the way to spend together" But never did. And i became more anxious because I wanted more interest, more attention, the things that we had initially. After two weeks, where I did not control my anxiety I said him what I wanted. And he broke up with me 😢
Rejection is protection. What matters is what you do! ♥️ You are important.
Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
Karma always has an address. Victor consciousness 🌞
Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. He could be an avoidant attachment.
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter ( avoidant attachment )
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Wow! This is amazing and a must watch‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
Now one of my favorite videos of yours! 🎉 Excellent 👏 Thank you 💖
This is absolutely the best video of yours ive seen yet,mathew!! Thank you ❤
oh man, what you discussed in this video is so much true. Thank you for educating us
This is amazing advise Mat.. love this..and honestly I need to hear this now. can't wait for my "love life" book to arrive.
I'm reading your book. I was reading it in the doctor's office. I was like, yeah, I need to end this narcissistic relationship then the doctor says that everyone is gay or bad. He hears it from. ALL of his women patients my age. I said it only takes one, but the conversation left me second guessing staying in an unfulfilling and slightly abusive relationship . I bent over backwards for this person and he never considers me. I realized I do have a scarcity mindset, but also there's a real scarcity where I live. I feel super discouraged
Your doctor is completely inappropriate, please switch doctors.
Also, being alone the rest of your life is better than being with someone toxic.
You’ve got this.
A freind once told me if something isnt good for . .. dont stay
Well, actually your video is sooooo good that I must watch it several times to make the most of it, thank you so much Matthew Hussey, you're awesome!!
I really needed to hear this today ❤
The theme of your videos you post always resonates with my current emotional state. Thank you!
Love the example that You used about yourself Matt. Thank you. I appreciate you.
This is so good, I only hope I can apply it to my life!
What if you don’t have family or friends
I have plenty of confidence, I just don't have a relationship - and that's the No1 thing I want. But I can't find the right person, and I meet dozens of people every week, mainly through work. It's just so frustrating.
If you can move on so quickly & if it didnt hurt that means u never really loved
My boyfriend broke up with me and wouldn’t tell me specific reasons. I was devastated. Then I had to go into the hospital for five days for tests. He appeared today, and we realized that it’s his problem with letting himself feel anything that was making him feel our relationship wouldn’t last. I’m glad I watched this because it gives me strength and I hope it will help him understand that, if we work on ourselves, we might get a brand new relationship with each other, but even if not, I will be okay. He will not keep me stuck.
Should I share this video with him?
Thank you for making this! 🙏🏻
Let him go ! People don't change overnight. If you were happy with him, you can try but if it's only hope that keeps you alive, then move
This almost sounds like you are advocating for living separate lives than your partner. Which is what kills a relationship to begin with.
That's how i also kind of understand it which sounds not the right way imho
Love you Matthew! 👏🏼 all your late videos are just brilliant