0:00 Dealing With Emotional Dysregulation First 1:41 Where Does CPTSD Come From? 3:55 What Is Super-ego And How Does It Become Hijacked? 7:05 Super-ego, If It's Not Being Dealt With, Will Keep Inducing Emotional Flashbacks 12:26 What You Need To Do If You Want To Be In A Healthy Relationship 16:33 "If The Rule By Which You Lived Has Led You To This Point In Your Life, Of What Use Was The Rule?" 20:12 Wrapping Up
I am clinging to these videos right now to keep true North somewhat oriented. If I don't figure myself out real fast my son is fucked. Will NOT let that happen.
All of this is true. After spending 15 years with an abuser, it took 5 years to get things calmed down. During that time, I became good friends with a man that is now my partner. I did not fall in love with him, like I had in my previous relationship, I chose to love him. At the time I found it strange to consciously choose to become his partner instead of just allowing myself to fall in love with whatever basket case I could find. Five years later, I can say I have never been happier with my life. You do good work Richard, you’ve never met me but you have helped me immensely. Thank you.
I used to think "this is all I can get, this is the best I can... So I have to take what I can get" Which I realize now is completely while wrong. You deserve love, not crumbs.
James F I thought the same bro.. didn’t know my value. She was probably afraid that if you did know your value you would discard her. Was she by chance a single mother “victim.”
Sometimes "we" as in women forget men can be emotionally abused as well. Sorry you had to go through that but I am glad to see men be verbal about the abuse and recovery. You are awesome and deserve no less.
Jean Lomasto I have had the same experience. I listened to Why Does Your Family Hate You, and the clouds opened. I've never looked back. Richard if you read this, I think you're brilliant. Xxx
Agnostic Realist I'm really sorry you're still suffering. The reason that video helped so. much was because I was convinced that I caused ALL the problems within the family. It gave me some peace and room to think about their failure to look at themselves. I still suffered heartbreak and I continued to feel lonely but I knew I had been unlucky to be born to such a toxic environment. I am still sad but I feel much better than I did. My family had and continue to have no loyalty. They have been savage to me. Meditation is my medicine xxx
I did five years of couples therapy with my recently ex wife. She played every therapist. She’d lie and manipulate and as this says, she wasn’t even aware she was doing it. God. 15 years of being gaslit and twisted round. And it was worse and worse right to the end. And she has everyone (including her many therapists) convinced she was the victim. Maddening.
@@zenbear4149 Dude, my ex did the same gaslighting to two marriage counselors. The 3rd counselor did CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy and put three appointments. The first two appointments for to see us as individuals and see what we like independently, the third as a couple. The therapist said this took less time to cut through the BS. He was awesome!
7 more sleeps until Narc must legally vacate my premises. This channel understands my situation so much better than any friends or family. Narcs are charming and fool many. I’m terrified at the thought of any future relationship and still have more work ahead of me. I feel fortunate to be able to have this time for myself. I’ve been feeding my narc for 12 years. Now it’s my turn to feed myself. Hope!
Shit happened, what now? I have Richard’s course. Prior to that, I mostly just sat and shook like hell. I’ve been going through the ugly including CPTSD for a year and a half while questioning my very sanity (he’s a gaslight specialist). Once I obtained legal representation seeking separation, the shit truly hit the fan and it has taken an incredible amount of fortitude to fight back and legally force him off my property and out of my life. I actually stumbled onto this channel because I thought my former partner was exhibiting similar traits to Donald Trump and googled Narcissism. I wish I were joking. As I began reading, my jaw hit the floor... thank you for your encouragement!
Cyndi Moring Thank you, Cyndi 🤗 Yes. No contact. The CPTSD is set off by his presence and it’s debilitating like a panic attack. I either pace, or get rooted to the spot and my entire body quakes. My brain turns to mush and I can’t focus with my mind racing, summersaulting. I agree wholeheartedly.. I cannot have this person in my life. No children... thank goodness!
Wednesday Misener AWesome. You know how to protect yourself. Yes, my blood pressure always went up in his pressure but even after no contact I couldn't hear his voice without reacting, & months of tears & needing to hole up in my own safe little house. All your feelings will be normal.
The better I feel about myself it seems to be putting some others off. As though my previously submissive, quiet acceptance was better for them regardless of my views. I stood up and said, "that's not what's right for me". I dared to talk back.
I've had similar responses from people that want doting doormats around them. I'm done with always putting others needs at the top of my list and not tending to my own equally if at all. If people won't support your growth leave them out of your life, especially if they're relatives. Do not be guilt tripped into living by their twisted, unfair, off balanced rules.
I agree with CPTSR as a term. It is not a disorder, not genetic and ingrained in our personality. It's more like a thick layer of shit dimming my shine! Thank you for your videos Richard. Much love to you. It is literally changing my life
it taakes work to shed the grime to begin to shine, resnetment is the neemy they fuel resentment, biutterness aka grime, fight this with backing yourself so you get what yuo want, this doesn't mena be apscuho humans are built for mutuals bargaining.negotaiation, find a wa so both sides can get their needs met, hold that as virtue.
That's always been my issue with the AA narative, highly likely the majority of people in AA have CPTSR, the AA narrative is the person is born with a disease not even implying, but explicitly stating that there is something wrong with the person and this approach would be more sensible, but having said that maybe some people in AA have gone so far that's what they need to hear.
Very well said. Most religions argue the shine, or radiance, of the divine is to shine through us. We are all going to have some shit on our lense, but it is amazing how some broken folk bury there radiance in shit & all other radiance they find.
After being abused by a narcissist for 3 years, I'm finally dating a good man. I dont deserved to be called names, I deserve to be called beautiful. I dont deserve to get hit and told it was my fault for angering him, i deserve to eat enchiladas while the man sitting across from me hasnt even touched his nachos because he cant take his eyes off of me. I dont deserve to get told I look like a whore and need to cover up, I deserve to hear "I feel so honored because while you're turning heads, you're holding my hand" yall stop settling for these narc asshats. There are good people in the world.
@@christymarch7245 i have been with mine for 8 years, I thought I had everything. After he discarded me, I realized I had nothing with him, he is a cheater, later I learned he was cheating on me from the day 1, liar, thief, abuser... I went no contact from that day, but I am afraid I will never find someone I can grow old with...I'm only 30, and I already feel there is nobody out there for me, that I will never have a child. I really want a caring and loving man in my life, I know that I'm loving and caring. But right know, that part is very hard...
I try to remeber to breath slow and deep, and to focus on just feeling it with a quiet mind. After all, if I felt what was needed I wouldn't feel these things anymore.
I know what's up, I'm cool, all good...yet - that yet. And it passes, like you knew it would, you massive twat. Absolute plank for forgetting what you just said, to your own self.
Exactly....my ex, would originally say i didnt mean it or i was just drunk or some other excuse. Then it turned into I dont give a f#&!, you do and say things too and I was like, ummmmm, only in defence of you being a total nightmare.
Right. So right. I love you, he'd say...I don't believe you anymore after all the things you've done and said to me. Oh, but that was in the past, he'd say. You must forget the past. I don't silence you anymore, I don't shut you out anymore. I blocked my exes etc... all total bs. I always wonder whether I exaggerated in reacting in certain ways. But he hurt me for 5 years. I let him get away with so much. I always fought against my gut feelings....not wanting to admit his abusive behaviour. Then suddenly I stopped fighting my gut and left point blank. I will never ignore my gut again!!
That’s how they work on others, I stayed 20 dang years because it was slow. It’s like Chinese water torture one drop at a time until you loose your shit!
I ignored my gut for years. I’ve been away from the narc for 10 months now, and life just keeps getting better all the time. It’s like I had to retrain myself to listen to my gut, and it has served me well. Here’s to a happy life!
“It’s quiet in here now” I totally resonate with that. Her words “your a piece of shit” “your worthless” is now nothing but a story. Thank you for your channel brother it has been so helpful with my healing. 🤙🏼
I wish I would’ve known all this when I was 16. My life would have been very different... I have issues with abandonment anxiety, and I’m working through that. I just get really lonely. My feelings have changed a lot in the last two years. I cry when I’m happy now..... I’m starting to feel like I’m not in the trauma response that I’ve always been in since childhood. My outlook is different now. It’s nice to feel like I’m not jumping out of my skin at every little noise or feeling like I’m pressured to do things I don’t agree with. Maybe that’s what freedom feels like?
I also have issues with abandonment anxiety and I didn't realize what exactly my problem was and why I struggle being alone until I just read your comment. I have never heard that term before. Thank you.
This was one of the most intellectual explanations I’ve heard in my whole life about emotional healing after narcissistic relationships.. I’m really glad I found you. What an amazing guy
I thought I had done a lot of inner work but after getting into another bad relationship I'm feeling more lost and confused than ever. It's crazy how well it feels like you know me and what I've been through. What you said about not knowing how to want hit so hard. I was like "I dont have a problem wanting" until you said "like people say to you go for what you want and you're like I don't know what to want." And that has been me my entire life. I want to be happy. I dont even know if I know what that means anymore. I'm going to be watching a lot of your videos and maybe I'll even sign up for a class. I don't want to be a coin anymore.
All so very true! I was frozen in a horrible state, wanting to run my car into a tree to stop the pain. I found an amazing therapist has been so very helpful! For once in a long time I'm starting to find me.
The best tip from Richard is the one with the boiling water spilled slowly, its true they do that. Just dont rush in to relationships take your time. Patience and perseverance.
I watched this video and my eyes started to water. I never knew how hurt I was till I saw this and you basically called out everything that happened to me. It almost felt like you made this video about me. Thank you.
Mind blown. This explains so much. I have a lot of work to do still. Thank you for sharing. Damn. I've been out of my abusive relationship for over a year now and still blown away by how damaging it was.
thank you for showing up in my life to help me live. its hard to believe anyone could have any idea what my life has been like. so far your the only one. and we have never even met. amazing. just wanted to let you know that you restore my faith in loving people. thank you.
Thank you for this video....I don't think someone understands who hasn't been in a covert narcissistic relationship, the daily emotional abuse rollercoaster. It sucks and overwhelming. In the process of divorce it's I had to leave my job due to inability to focus in my high stress job. Spending more time involved with my kids school who are 5 & 6 year old boys.
7 years after leaving my ex, I've fought drug and alcohol addiction and I'm only just realising my ex was a narcissist! I'm only just playing over all the things he did to me and I just want it to go away 😭 I'm feeling this all for the first time and I cant numb it. Thank you for this content 🙏
This is seriously your best video yet Richard! Maybe it's just the space I'm in right now but you touched on all the real dilemmas that have been concerning me more recently. Been feeling lonely because I've self isolated and now trying to date again I overattach emotionally to the relationships, causing over reactions and feelings of worthlessness when it doesn't work out. No matter the work I've done on myself I can't shut the angry, self defeating inner critic up. Asked my friends if I have a neon sign on my forehead saying "fool" or "doormat" that everyone else can see but me. As you said, every time I think "oh this one is so different" it ends up being the same person wrapped in different skin. Still struggling with knowing what my own wants and needs are and I definitely try to put a positive spin on negative traits that I see in a partner for all the reasons you mentioned. I hate to say it but for a person who doesn't really know what love is, a sense of desperation goes into trying to make things work even when you know it's not really what you want.
Never recovered the opportunities I lost while I was intoxicated with the narcissist. He introduced nothing but chaos, destabilized me as a human being, and destroyed my career. I have deep regrets and hate the fact I allowed this to happen to me, totally brainwashed. Grieving the fact he acted authoritatively without my consent and manipulated my course of life.. not to mention, he didn’t even have a job. So much lies from him, I finally put the pieces together about this con artist. Took me a long time to regain some of my sanity back. Utterly disgusted.. what a free loader.. all these pretentious “love” and “care” .. it was all a big fat lie. Perhaps these kind of crime can be ruled in the justice system one day. I still struggle to separate my thoughts from his and go no contact completely. Praying that I can regain my self confidence and heal. Most importantly, be able to trust again.
It sounds like we have the same ex! My one went onto get married and I know he will destroy her like he has done with so many others ! It’s like a long game with them.
Richard, it is great to see you back in the driving seat again! As much as I have appreciated the questions and answers sessions , and videos with various people, such as the two new life coaches you have appointed and Kris in the USA last year... It feels comfortable and 'more like home' to see you present videos on different topics as you used to. They were my go to videos, and also helped when I was receiving counselling every other week, and my emotionally abusive ex- husband would pop up on the scene now and again , and I needed to put my headphones on and listen to your coaching sessions - to unravel the emotional disregulation he would implant, through even a brief interaction with him. I love your sweary, dramatic 'ramblings' as you named in the past... Even the videos that went on for two hours with interruptions from wonderful Max and gliches in the recording equipment! Please let's have more? Thank you!
You're spot on. With the help of many many friends online and with your videos, I have just ended a massively psychological torturous relationship and I thought exctly like that "I cant get any better" I am now 43, childless, never been married and my youth is gone bc of this.
Thank you so much for this Richard! For the past five years, after leaving a narcissistic relationship (my mother was also a narcissist), I have intentionally stayed single and have been healing to the point of having self-love and being quite confident. This has been a difficult yet wonderful journey. My life has done a complete 180°. Recently I have entered into a relationship with a very kind man. I'm surprised at the feelings of anxiety I'm feeling! After listening to your comments about the CPTSD/R Spectrum I'm going to do some research on that. Apparently I still have some residual issues if "normal" makes me nervous. ?
I appreciate these videos so much! So much of what you speak on about the dynamic and the pathology of the trauma bond makes common sense and yet, it’s only on this side of the abuse that it feels that way. I had 3 long term relationships, over 20 years of life, with narcissistic men that changed from overt to vulnerable in the latter relationship. I have done a lot of therapy and continue to do the work; yet I often marvel at my experience in disbelief that I ever allowed such abusive treatment or stifling control of my Self. It’s truly a slow warp into a cult like mentality. How fragile and powerful our minds are equally. The one truth, knowledge is power. However, you can only lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink. I had to have a full mental and emotional breakdown to finally have the breakthrough. At 42, I’m finally free…. sad for the time lost and overjoyed for the life ahead. I’ll live the rest of my life with clarity and lesson learned!
I love how Richard uses movie referencing to help us clutch a better understanding of these issues and relationships ❤️. I believe that watching LOTR and Harry Potter movies etc actually enlightened me to the disguised abuse from my ex , before I even discovered what narcissistic abuse was. It was such a gut feeling that he was not “right” so to speak and I swear it was from reading fiction books and watching certain movies.
Brilliant Richie... You nail it every time without fail ! . Very grateful for your efforts and time you have put into this from the beginning as it's for sure exhausting and very hard work. Hats off to you brother. Each video is another few inches of the curtain being pulled back and more light coming in. Clarity at its best...Thank you..
When I came out of a NAR, I was like a burn victim: don't even open the window as a breeze will increase my pain, as people believed his victimhood and my "evilness." I realized that my radar was broken and took years to heal and still having some flashbacks. I realized that even though his family was chaotic and lawless, and my family was straight, law abiding, and looked like the "Leave it to Beaver" family, we both came from families that did not allow boundaries and the skill and permission to solve conflicts and differences of opinions. I am happy with my progress and the ability to talk with my kids about my learning and boundary progress. I am reclaiming what I can and moving forward through the confusion and reclaiming my voice.
I can say finally, I followed this closely. Even to the isolation...but I worked hard to understand myself and heal. The next time that I got into a relationship with a narcissist....I noticed when the talk didn't match the behavior. The minimalizing of my own feelings and experience ...however I stood Mt ground, held my boundaries, refused to move...and then went no contact. I knew what I wanted and I was not willing to bend or change my values and lifestyle, just to appease this person under his explanations and excuses. I did not give my power away...and yes it was sad, bit it was necessary. All relationships can be a growth and learning opportunity. 🥰
I did that. I beat him with a 2 by 4. And I'm in a wheelchair. Reactive abuse. It was horrible. I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted to inflict the pain he had caused me. I don't want to be around anyone right now because i don't trust my judgment. The unconscious completely runs your life. You're spot on again. Thank you.
This video is 100% packed with truth, accurate insights and healing tools. Thank you! I follow you on IG and began the Silencing the Inner Critic course, yet got stuck - my limitations only, not the course's. I'm inspired now to begin again.
“ let’s keep going it will probably be ok “ 👌🤣. I’ve come back to this channel time and time again but I can only really listen to you when I’m ready to heal. I’m so ready to put the work in!
“Only dead fish go with the flow” AMAZING!!! That is a keeper! This is perfect for my healing journey! My “social DNA” was so fucked up I did not know normal! It has taken me 39 years of living 4 years of intense self evaluation, ( finally set on the right path of what to evaluate from Richard’s RUclips’s ) and intense psychology books, youtubes, magazines and everything upwardly mobile on empaths and narcissists I could find! There is far too much hatred and ruminating from most of these forums! It keeps you stuck and being the cerebral empath that I am I was already in my head TOO MUCH! My oppressive,domineering,religious abusing, histrionic,borderline Mom kept me in my head it is how I escaped her!!! Though she is dead her teachings live on I had to completely sever ties with my siblings to firmly place sanity back in my life! Ironically I do not miss them. Thank God I am narcissistically knowledgeable and free! Thank you Richard! Sadly this is where I had to go to find my answers! I had to research the most damaged socially dysfunctional people on the planet who goes looking for that? 😳
Julia AKA Julz Nixon I am with you on that journey! I became aware of narcissism in 2012 & 2015 I began to study relentlessly! What a blessing channels like this are! Richard Grannon you are a saint, sharing what you have learned, leading us to the life we all deserve. Peace and harmony are within everyone's grasp. The ability to 'see' malignant narcissists and eliminate them is truly a gift! x
I have discovered that my reality map has been distorted since I was a kid...something went wrong, I grew up being extremely shy, anxious, codependent, having a low sense of self and all that jazz...been in a toxic relationship and had kids, now living alone with them, heeling myself and getting help for my kids...If it hadn`t been for you people on youtube, I would not have had the insight that I have now....Richard your videos are great (and funny too)
I found you by accident tonight on my RUclips scrolling and am ECSTATIC because you're education on Narcissism and Word Salad explained so much to me about what my family is going through right now...with a person who definitely has those N tendencies and Word Salad talent. I have subscribed and will be searching all of your videos because they are chock full of so much positive information.
I've watched a lot of your videos. You, among a few others have really helped me understand my abusers, yet far more important, that knowledge helped me understand my responses and lack of boundaries. As I began to understand what the h*** my OWN problems have been/are, my own healing finally began to accelerate and take root. I am 6 months out of an emotionally, psychologically abusive 36 year marriage, and 6 months down the road, I'm already becoming my true self again. It's fecking amazing, finding myself again! I'm actually getting to the point where I really don't care whether or not I get "what I'm entitled to" out of the divorce that's still ongoing, I am actually looking more at just getting it finalized and completing the detachment process I began while still in the marriage and family home. Others think that's nuts, that I should "get what I deserve", but my heart and soul are now saying, nope, we just want to keep filling in this growth road and no longer be connected to the abuser in any way". (Other than our adult kids and our grandson, of course, and judging by my progress, that isn't going to be an issue in the future.) Understanding myself and what made me give in and allow the abuse has been a huge factor. I'm so much happier now than I was as a youth (NPD type mom w/ issues & unresolved trauma), happier than I was ever in my 36 year marriage, happier than I was the last 10 years....I'm even happier already than I was a few weeks ago! Thanks Richard, for all you do.🌻
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whatsapp +1(661) 485-5860 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ?We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
Me too! But he's just glowing pixels. How can we find a real man who is good for us in the long run? I've looked everywhere it seems. Most of them are too soft for me. Pushovers. I dont look it. But I can be so damned tough and need someone who can keep up! Someone who can set a boundary!! :D Where do you look for men? I usually on my way to work. LOL **predator** Still scared too..if one of them is really hot I become all awkward and shy. ;)
Oh wow and thank you for describing this type of emotional abuse. I am twisting and turning daily attempting to understand what the hell is going with my partner's unreliable reactions, actions and attitudes, his mental torture games and his on the sly rejection manipulation tactics. I have been viewing your presentations no matter the topic just to help me with my situation and today I believe you described what I am experiencing. So thank you. I was starting to believe that my values and beliefs were set too high. Thank you, I feel a bit validated while I'm still off center. It has been two years now of this unstable environment with him and slowly grows deeper down an emotional and mental torture chamber.
Thank you for this.... gone through this for 5 whole years... Being made to feel like I'm crazy fro wanting to be treated with compassion.... I have been on defensive mode all this time.... I honestly don't know who I am anymore 😭😭
Holy shit. This is words out to exactly what I feel inside but couldn’t find a way to explain it! Thank you! I have had a lot of traumas, I’ve put work into healing and educating myself, I’ve felt the flashbacks and felt paralyzed that I can’t assess anything now. I can’t tell if I’m making big deals out of nothing and fear losing good people thinking everything just triggers me. This made complete sense. Again thank you!
I ignored the red flags because what he said he was didn't match his actions. Wanted to believe it after 9 years on my own following 10 years with a classic narcissist. Doors opened for the covert narcissist 9 years later. Now on my own, healing again. You can appreciate how titsed off I am. 3 actors, with the same script so far.
Thank you for this. I'm 2 and a half years down the line and I only just realised I've been approaching relationships in an incredibly unhealthy way. A lot of what you said hit hard because it's exactly where I'm at. I'm working on it, I hope I'll get there
This is so true. I looked after my mum a lot with mental health. Then went from 1 abusive relationship to another. I became very hypersensitive and I've always recognised that I changed as a human. I now have a flight or fight mode and tend to push men away, even the good ones. Because I can't stand lies, even the petty ones. It does make a lot of sense what you're saying. I have nightmares most weeks and don't really go out because anxiety is too much. Tried all different types of therapy and it's worked then it wears off. But your childhood and how people have made you feel plays a huge part. That's why all my jobs have been to help people
Anton chiggurgh! The very best portrayal of death, ever. What a brilliant movie/book to choose. Thanks for the reminder, I’m off to watch it again now.
For a few minutes I got it and actually laughed, what you said made perfect sense. Unfortunately, I have felt this (not as vivid) and fell back. The course you speak of is needed to scrub my unconscious clean, I started it once and pushed back ( my brother died at the time I started). It’s time, a lot is still going on, but it’s time.
Spiritual paths call the super ego the “higher self.” Whether the subconscious is driving, or thoughts are manifesting- there is no difference- it’s just semantics. Your videos are very good. Thank you.
Thanks Richard, I thought o had done so much work.. until I entered the dating scene… I didn’t recognise myself. When I liked someone I was on high alert, hyper vigilant , anxiety ridden and at one time completely flipped my lid! Something I have never felt and I was unrecognisable… cptsd is real. I am back to therapy, learning to trust myself and judgement is a must x
thanks..this came out at just the right time. I have an inner shit storm in my head and life isn't very kind right now.. and that perpetuates the "you're shit. No one likes you. What are you still doing here?" I lie in bed crying a lot. I don't go out unless necessary to go to market. Although I put out content on RUclips..it has become less and noone cares..I am also now 'old' and people care even less. I am stuck having to deal with my narcissist and her son(my brother) daily..I can't not be at this time... The environment of hate is all around here in the US and is overwhelming me with negativity. Presently, I seek things to live for
Parmesana start making plans, even if just in your head, to get out of there. If all you do is lay down and be trod on, your situation will be never-ending. If you start making plans to leave these people, in whatever little tiny ways to begin with, you will light a flicker of hope within yourself. And remember, you don't owe a narcissist ANYTHING. Ever.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I definitely know how you are feeling (atleast to some extend). Simply going for a walk or in the nature can do wonders. If you feel like you don't have friends, you must become your own best friend and you'll realize that that is what you'll ever need and everything else is a bonus :) I wish you luck and send you a hug, take care :)
Emotions set to mute... really touched a spot, other than identifying with the WHOLE video. Sept 2020. Yes. I've been watching your videos for over 2years. 🇭🇲🐞 Sincere thanks Richard ❤🥰
When you talked about the subconscious, once more I was reminded of the astonishing fact that there are many people who acknowledge the existence of the subconscious and it's decisive role - but at the same time believe in the existence of "free will" (and often even defend this belief with vigor)! Baffles me.
Let’s just keep going... I’m sure denial will take us somewhere good... Richard I’ve been listening to you for over a year now. You have been a God send and I refer my clients to you now as well. In the last year I’ve come to realize I married my narcissist mother twice... the last blew out in a violent and sociopathic meltdown 6 months ago and the divorce finalized in June. I thank God constantly for you and others like you guiding us through CPTSD. I cannot imagine how I would’ve navigated without this kind of clarity. Even as a therapist, personality disorders are almost something you have to see to believe. I’ve been educated the hard way but I’ve helped so many people in my practice now with what I’ve learned and being intentional about healing. I have one young man right now whose done every training on your website at this point and it’s really helping. Convincing him he is loved and worthy of love is a journey but he’s winning with your help.
Wow. Long time listener, first time commenter. This is one if the best of your videos. In a nutshell is explains perfectly why some of us continue to choose the wrong partners, why we stay, how it makes us feel & why we need to move on in a different way. This video is going to help a lot of people. Thank you. And, nice guns!
I am living proof Richards hypothesis is actually correct. I have completed and still practice the skills learned in the Heal Emotional Flashbacks course and recently Heal the Super Ego course and daily emotional literacy and life is looking great now. I can spot and handle the snakes, and I am looking forward to having healthy a relationship in my future because now my unconscious knows what real love looks and feels like and I will not settle for anything less. ❣
Hello from America! Your mate should not make you want to feel like vomiting. Since you get healthy and are around abuse you will see the difference. Be healthy. You are worth being treated with respect and if you feel you don't then you to work on yourself! I never knew trying to love could be so painful. I know now you can't love someone that has no love in them. They can't give you what they don't have! Upon using my intuition and common sense I knew I was being gaslit and decided to run. I am getting healthier by the day. It will take me some time to ever get into another relationship again but I've decided I need to heal and fix myself before getting into another relationship. Discernment!!🇺🇸❤🇺🇸
Richard Grannon....you make me laugh, you make me question, you make me look at my contributing personality traits...I enjoy watching your presentations. You don't sugar coat the fact that....yeah, life may have screwed me over a couple of times.....BUT....its my responsibility to smarten up, learn from it and build some good stuff from now on. Thank you for ALL your presentations.
I don't so much have an inner critic as an inner defensiveness. I have been very aware for years, even after all the work I've done on myself, that I am silently defending and justifying even when no-one is there attacking me. If I accidentally cut someone off in traffic I'll go into a full on fantasy conversation of defensiveness with the driver. I'm often a couple of minutes into this delusion before I realize the driver is long gone and didn't even toot his horn at me. Anyone else constantly defending themselves against imagined attacks?
Thank you Richard, I so appreciate you teaching me (and the world) about all of this. I know I am getting better, slowly but surely, I am seeing my abuse has been so extensive I don't think I have ever had a healthy relationship - I don't know even what that is, and it really makes me just want to be alone, but then I over-attach to the first person who comes along because I'm starved for interaction, and I am really trying to find balance somewhere as I try to define who I am without catering to who other people want me to be. The super ego evidently hates me, so I will look into the course and see how to get rid of her. Thank You and God Bless, Mr. Grannon.
Mine had a sneaky way of making me believe his love for me was so much greater than mine was. I dont remember him telling me that though, yet I arrived at that conclusion myself, weird. Binge watching your videos Grannon, thanks so much! Love your sense of humor, find myself laughing a lot watching you, and somehow the pain subsiding. I am a typical empath, nurse of course, somehow the job chose me, I was chosen by my narcs although it felt like I was always chasing them. I was perfect for them until I did something wrong, spent years and years figuring out why I had a bad feeling in my tummy, years numbing that with alcohol as well... Phew this may all take a while for me. I never buy online stuff, you might be the one exception...
I've watched so so many videos on narcissistic behaviour, how to handle it and heal from it . . . This is the first one where I actually feel hopeful and am smiling. Thank you so much Richard for posting these, so grateful. I'm on my way back :-)
Brilliant, Richard! Thank you! 👏👏👏 Seeing this now after watching so many of your and Sam Vaknin's videos (that provided a constructive bsckground to this) is like I was the next one to get that dime! 🌟🇨🇦
This is the first video I listened to while entering a very healthy relationship after 20 years and having a 5 year break in between. I wanted to break any flashbacks and mines that get set of from the past. As he's so nice to move at my comfort level. It wasn't just emotional by the end. But I know by researching as there weren't any groups I could get into (every specialist seemed surprised by this or said start my own) I was told to start my own. This with out having therapy is idiotic. So I seek out people like you. CptsR this is very smart. I concure! I subscribed due to this. And agree needs to be re updated or free organized in psychology but most are barely up to accepting cptsd in the USA
I haven't had time to date! I have been "Laser focused on trying to increase my work hours so that I can earn more money!" (In order to pay back all of the Narc's debts that he incurred on my credit cards!) Yes, I have thought about dating again, multiple times- but, the concept of dating again makes me feel a little anxious. The thought has crossed my mind but, I didn't want to enter a new relationship with the baggage of "My ex's debts" and having that conversation with my 'new date'/'boyfriend.' (What a huge TURNOFF that would be!!)
I'm watching this 5 AM waking up in a panic attack. 1 month no contact with a very sulky, extremely covert narcissist. Mostly l'm ok, l feel happier than when l was in the situationship. But these feelings come in waves. And when they do, l kind of melt down. Unseen and unheard for so long l still can't process being abused and not validated for it. Not even being deserving of an apology. Dehumanized in every possible way. How could you ever trust again after this....
I allways literally miss you and still remember the day I didn't look up the narcissistic healing stuff and was so proud of myself!!! That's awesome because I am not one to pay any mind... I have an amazing life that keeps me on my toes in a healthy (most the time lol) way!!! Everything you talk about allways resognates!!! I only had one but I don't date,,, I even put a ring on my own finger!!! It was a job... caregiver position for a wounded solider in the states... Had a close call... But YOUR words keep me safe Richard!!! So just wanted to fly by and say you are brilliant!!! Absolutely brilliant!!! I love love love you!!! Hugmongous hugmongous hugmongous hugs!!! 💜💜💜 Untrapt Butterfly... No longer a human dildo... Non-sesrvium for Life!!! Because you cared enough to share!!!
Because I was abused as a kid, my emotionally set language of love is to prey, is to be abused. I feel uncomfortable when in a healthy family, surrounded by love. I remeber to talk less, keep things not about me, enjoy a cocktail, and keep spending time in this uncomfortable environments. Know your/you're love.
0:00 Dealing With Emotional Dysregulation First
1:41 Where Does CPTSD Come From?
3:55 What Is Super-ego And How Does It Become Hijacked?
7:05 Super-ego, If It's Not Being Dealt With, Will Keep Inducing Emotional Flashbacks
12:26 What You Need To Do If You Want To Be In A Healthy Relationship
16:33 "If The Rule By Which You Lived Has Led You To This Point In Your Life, Of What Use Was The Rule?"
20:12 Wrapping Up
can you talk about men being verbally abusive. i have no self confidence anymore. im blessed that i ran into your channel
I am clinging to these videos right now to keep true North somewhat oriented.
If I don't figure myself out real fast my son is fucked. Will NOT let that happen.
can you post the link for the material of reducing emotional flash back?
Whatjudiu is the rule ?
Thank you
All of this is true. After spending 15 years with an abuser, it took 5 years to get things calmed down. During that time, I became good friends with a man that is now my partner. I did not fall in love with him, like I had in my previous relationship, I chose to love him. At the time I found it strange to consciously choose to become his partner instead of just allowing myself to fall in love with whatever basket case I could find. Five years later, I can say I have never been happier with my life. You do good work Richard, you’ve never met me but you have helped me immensely. Thank you.
so, you had an affair?...a plan B guy you promoted after you left your "abuser"?...smh
@@primalway1317 what ? did you even read the comment ? SMH
Omg thank you so much for such a good explanation!!!
Thank you for this! Your comment was really helpful to me. :)
You’re so lucky I’m so afraid to date and don’t even really want to.
I used to think "this is all I can get, this is the best I can... So I have to take what I can get"
Which I realize now is completely while wrong. You deserve love, not crumbs.
We accept the love we think we deserve
James F I thought the same bro.. didn’t know my value. She was probably afraid that if you did know your value you would discard her. Was she by chance a single mother “victim.”
Same
Sometimes "we" as in women forget men can be emotionally abused as well. Sorry you had to go through that but I am glad to see men be verbal about the abuse and recovery. You are awesome and deserve no less.
Yes
Your videos have helped me more than 20 years of therapy.
Jean Lomasto I have had the same experience. I listened to Why Does Your Family Hate You, and the clouds opened. I've never looked back. Richard if you read this, I think you're brilliant. Xxx
Agnostic Realist I'm really sorry you're still suffering. The reason that video helped so. much was because I was convinced that I caused ALL the problems within the family. It gave me some peace and room to think about their failure to look at themselves. I still suffered heartbreak and I continued to feel lonely but I knew I had been unlucky to be born to such a toxic environment. I am still sad but I feel much better than I did. My family had and continue to have no loyalty. They have been savage to me. Meditation is my medicine xxx
To me as well
I did five years of couples therapy with my recently ex wife. She played every therapist. She’d lie and manipulate and as this says, she wasn’t even aware she was doing it. God. 15 years of being gaslit and twisted round. And it was worse and worse right to the end. And she has everyone (including her many therapists) convinced she was the victim. Maddening.
@@zenbear4149 Dude, my ex did the same gaslighting to two marriage counselors. The 3rd counselor did CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy and put three appointments. The first two appointments for to see us as individuals and see what we like independently, the third as a couple. The therapist said this took less time to cut through the BS. He was awesome!
I get so angry when a person gas lights me 😡 I feel gas lighting is disgusting 🤢😠
7 more sleeps until Narc must legally vacate my premises. This channel understands my situation so much better than any friends or family. Narcs are charming and fool many. I’m terrified at the thought of any future relationship and still have more work ahead of me. I feel fortunate to be able to have this time for myself. I’ve been feeding my narc for 12 years. Now it’s my turn to feed myself. Hope!
Shit happened, what now? I have Richard’s course. Prior to that, I mostly just sat and shook like hell. I’ve been going through the ugly including CPTSD for a year and a half while questioning my very sanity (he’s a gaslight specialist). Once I obtained legal representation seeking separation, the shit truly hit the fan and it has taken an incredible amount of fortitude to fight back and legally force him off my property and out of my life. I actually stumbled onto this channel because I thought my former partner was exhibiting similar traits to Donald Trump and googled Narcissism. I wish I were joking. As I began reading, my jaw hit the floor... thank you for your encouragement!
WEdnesday you can do it! I pray you are going no-contact. There will be lots of emotions, just let them flow...
Cyndi Moring Thank you, Cyndi 🤗 Yes. No contact. The CPTSD is set off by his presence and it’s debilitating like a panic attack. I either pace, or get rooted to the spot and my entire body quakes. My brain turns to mush and I can’t focus with my mind racing, summersaulting. I agree wholeheartedly.. I cannot have this person in my life. No children... thank goodness!
Wednesday Misener AWesome. You know how to protect yourself. Yes, my blood pressure always went up in his pressure but even after no contact I couldn't hear his voice without reacting, & months of tears & needing to hole up in my own safe little house. All your feelings will be normal.
Wednesday Misener I’ve also noticed,most people don’t get it unless they’ve lived through it.
The better I feel about myself it seems to be putting some others off. As though my previously submissive, quiet acceptance was better for them regardless of my views. I stood up and said, "that's not what's right for me". I dared to talk back.
I've had similar responses from people that want doting doormats around them. I'm done with always putting others needs at the top of my list and not tending to my own equally if at all. If people won't support your growth leave them out of your life, especially if they're relatives. Do not be guilt tripped into living by their twisted, unfair, off balanced rules.
Needed this. Thanks
@@TantiAmartaPutri I'm glad you feel it. I found out that standing up for ourselves is a commitment worth taking on. Got to be dedicated. 🍀
I agree with CPTSR as a term. It is not a disorder, not genetic and ingrained in our personality. It's more like a thick layer of shit dimming my shine! Thank you for your videos Richard. Much love to you. It is literally changing my life
Love this! It’s hard to clean off the thick layer of dried shit, yet worth it to shine again... be bright like a diamond!! 💎
Caroline haha this really made me laugh!! also completely agree ! 👏😂
it taakes work to shed the grime to begin to shine, resnetment is the neemy they fuel resentment, biutterness aka grime, fight this with backing yourself so you get what yuo want, this doesn't mena be apscuho humans are built for mutuals bargaining.negotaiation, find a wa so both sides can get their needs met, hold that as virtue.
That's always been my issue with the AA narative, highly likely the majority of people in AA have CPTSR, the AA narrative is the person is born with a disease not even implying, but explicitly stating that there is something wrong with the person and this approach would be more sensible, but having said that maybe some people in AA have gone so far that's what they need to hear.
Very well said. Most religions argue the shine, or radiance, of the divine is to shine through us. We are all going to have some shit on our lense, but it is amazing how some broken folk bury there radiance in shit & all other radiance they find.
After being abused by a narcissist for 3 years, I'm finally dating a good man. I dont deserved to be called names, I deserve to be called beautiful. I dont deserve to get hit and told it was my fault for angering him, i deserve to eat enchiladas while the man sitting across from me hasnt even touched his nachos because he cant take his eyes off of me. I dont deserve to get told I look like a whore and need to cover up, I deserve to hear "I feel so honored because while you're turning heads, you're holding my hand" yall stop settling for these narc asshats. There are good people in the world.
Check in. Still happy as can be. Wow. This is my life now? Thanks Richard. You saving lives out here
@@christymarch7245 i have been with mine for 8 years, I thought I had everything. After he discarded me, I realized I had nothing with him, he is a cheater, later I learned he was cheating on me from the day 1, liar, thief, abuser... I went no contact from that day, but I am afraid I will never find someone I can grow old with...I'm only 30, and I already feel there is nobody out there for me, that I will never have a child. I really want a caring and loving man in my life, I know that I'm loving and caring. But right know, that part is very hard...
Are you still together or he became a narcissist too?
I knew it was done when he kicked me and said f you and that baby . Because I cheated. Mind you I was at work. With my find me on.
When I get flashbacks I say to myself. Its only a flashback nothing more and I feel the emotion... its painfull than it passes.... yet!
I try to remeber to breath slow and deep, and to focus on just feeling it with a quiet mind. After all, if I felt what was needed I wouldn't feel these things anymore.
I know what's up, I'm cool, all good...yet - that yet. And it passes, like you knew it would, you massive twat. Absolute plank for forgetting what you just said, to your own self.
In the final stage they cease to say “no I didn’t” and start saying “I don’t care” right into your face.
Exactly....my ex, would originally say i didnt mean it or i was just drunk or some other excuse. Then it turned into I dont give a f#&!, you do and say things too and I was like, ummmmm, only in defence of you being a total nightmare.
Right. So right. I love you, he'd say...I don't believe you anymore after all the things you've done and said to me. Oh, but that was in the past, he'd say. You must forget the past. I don't silence you anymore, I don't shut you out anymore. I blocked my exes etc... all total bs. I always wonder whether I exaggerated in reacting in certain ways. But he hurt me for 5 years. I let him get away with so much. I always fought against my gut feelings....not wanting to admit his abusive behaviour. Then suddenly I stopped fighting my gut and left point blank. I will never ignore my gut again!!
Bintang221 HSP 💜💜💜
Bintang221 wow I relate to this a lot. Thank you for sharing.
That’s how they work on others, I stayed 20 dang years because it was slow. It’s like Chinese water torture one drop at a time until you loose your shit!
I can relate to EVERY WORD 100%🙏
I ignored my gut for years. I’ve been away from the narc for 10 months now, and life just keeps getting better all the time. It’s like I had to retrain myself to listen to my gut, and it has served me well. Here’s to a happy life!
“It’s quiet in here now” I totally resonate with that.
Her words “your a piece of shit” “your worthless” is now nothing but a story.
Thank you for your channel brother it has been so helpful with my healing. 🤙🏼
"Only dead fish go with the flow" - that's an interesting idea, something to think about. thank you Richie for another great video! 👍
Went with the flow. Ended in a meltdown last Christmas. Didn't have enough $$$
I can not overstate how much I respect you Richard. You’re some woo miracle shit.
yes
I wish I would’ve known all this when I was 16. My life would have been very different...
I have issues with abandonment anxiety, and I’m working through that. I just get really lonely. My feelings have changed a lot in the last two years. I cry when I’m happy now..... I’m starting to feel like I’m not in the trauma response that I’ve always been in since childhood. My outlook is different now. It’s nice to feel like I’m not jumping out of my skin at every little noise or feeling like I’m pressured to do things I don’t agree with. Maybe that’s what freedom feels like?
I also have issues with abandonment anxiety and I didn't realize what exactly my problem was and why I struggle being alone until I just read your comment. I have never heard that term before. Thank you.
Loriann1506, you look good ❤️ ❤️❤️🌷 🌷
This was one of the most intellectual explanations I’ve heard in my whole life about emotional healing after narcissistic relationships.. I’m really glad I found you. What an amazing guy
I swear !!!!
It's true what he says about the free course. It really works. Fast. Best free stuff I ever got. Changed my life.
@@SerafinaLorelei you can find it on spartanlifecoach.com sign up for the emails and you will get the free pdf
I thought I had done a lot of inner work but after getting into another bad relationship I'm feeling more lost and confused than ever. It's crazy how well it feels like you know me and what I've been through. What you said about not knowing how to want hit so hard. I was like "I dont have a problem wanting" until you said "like people say to you go for what you want and you're like I don't know what to want." And that has been me my entire life. I want to be happy. I dont even know if I know what that means anymore. I'm going to be watching a lot of your videos and maybe I'll even sign up for a class. I don't want to be a coin anymore.
All so very true! I was frozen in a horrible state, wanting to run my car into a tree to stop the pain. I found an amazing therapist has been so very helpful! For once in a long time I'm starting to find me.
Could you share that therapist with me please?
The best tip from Richard is the one with the boiling water spilled slowly, its true they do that. Just dont rush in to relationships take your time. Patience and perseverance.
Been 5 years not rushing into a relationship
I watched this video and my eyes started to water. I never knew how hurt I was till I saw this and you basically called out everything that happened to me. It almost felt like you made this video about me. Thank you.
I'm definitely crying listening to this...
Mind blown. This explains so much. I have a lot of work to do still. Thank you for sharing. Damn. I've been out of my abusive relationship for over a year now and still blown away by how damaging it was.
thank you for showing up in my life to help me live. its hard to believe anyone could have any idea what my life has been like. so far your the only one. and we have never even met. amazing. just wanted to let you know that you restore my faith in loving people. thank you.
Thank you for this video....I don't think someone understands who hasn't been in a covert narcissistic relationship, the daily emotional abuse rollercoaster. It sucks and overwhelming. In the process of divorce it's I had to leave my job due to inability to focus in my high stress job. Spending more time involved with my kids school who are 5 & 6 year old boys.
7 years after leaving my ex, I've fought drug and alcohol addiction and I'm only just realising my ex was a narcissist! I'm only just playing over all the things he did to me and I just want it to go away 😭 I'm feeling this all for the first time and I cant numb it. Thank you for this content 🙏
This is seriously your best video yet Richard!
Maybe it's just the space I'm in right now but you touched on all the real dilemmas that have been concerning me more recently. Been feeling lonely because I've self isolated and now trying to date again I overattach emotionally to the relationships, causing over reactions and feelings of worthlessness when it doesn't work out. No matter the work I've done on myself I can't shut the angry, self defeating inner critic up. Asked my friends if I have a neon sign on my forehead saying "fool" or "doormat" that everyone else can see but me. As you said, every time I think "oh this one is so different" it ends up being the same person wrapped in different skin. Still struggling with knowing what my own wants and needs are and I definitely try to put a positive spin on negative traits that I see in a partner for all the reasons you mentioned. I hate to say it but for a person who doesn't really know what love is, a sense of desperation goes into trying to make things work even when you know it's not really what you want.
I think you project yourself onto your dates? ("oh this one is so different" it ends up being the same person wrapped in different skin. )...
Never recovered the opportunities I lost while I was intoxicated with the narcissist. He introduced nothing but chaos, destabilized me as a human being, and destroyed my career. I have deep regrets and hate the fact I allowed this to happen to me, totally brainwashed. Grieving the fact he acted authoritatively without my consent and manipulated my course of life.. not to mention, he didn’t even have a job. So much lies from him, I finally put the pieces together about this con artist. Took me a long time to regain some of my sanity back. Utterly disgusted.. what a free loader.. all these pretentious “love” and “care” .. it was all a big fat lie. Perhaps these kind of crime can be ruled in the justice system one day. I still struggle to separate my thoughts from his and go no contact completely. Praying that I can regain my self confidence and heal. Most importantly, be able to trust again.
It sounds like we have the same ex! My one went onto get married and I know he will destroy her like he has done with so many others ! It’s like a long game with them.
Richard, it is great to see you back in the driving seat again! As much as I have appreciated the questions and answers sessions , and videos with various people, such as the two new life coaches you have appointed and Kris in the USA last year... It feels comfortable and 'more like home' to see you present videos on different topics as you used to. They were my go to videos, and also helped when I was receiving counselling every other week, and my emotionally abusive ex- husband would pop up on the scene now and again , and I needed to put my headphones on and listen to your coaching sessions - to unravel the emotional disregulation he would implant, through even a brief interaction with him. I love your sweary, dramatic 'ramblings' as you named in the past... Even the videos that went on for two hours with interruptions from wonderful Max and gliches in the recording equipment! Please let's have more? Thank you!
You're spot on. With the help of many many friends online and with your videos, I have just ended a massively psychological torturous relationship and I thought exctly like that "I cant get any better" I am now 43, childless, never been married and my youth is gone bc of this.
He said “I guess the magical thinking will take care of everything.” 🧚🏻♀️🏰🦄
Thank you so much for this Richard! For the past five years, after leaving a narcissistic relationship (my mother was also a narcissist), I have intentionally stayed single and have been healing to the point of having self-love and being quite confident. This has been a difficult yet wonderful journey. My life has done a complete 180°.
Recently I have entered into a relationship with a very kind man. I'm surprised at the feelings of anxiety I'm feeling! After listening to your comments about the CPTSD/R Spectrum I'm going to do some research on that. Apparently I still have some residual issues if "normal" makes me nervous. ?
I appreciate these videos so much! So much of what you speak on about the dynamic and the pathology of the trauma bond makes common sense and yet, it’s only on this side of the abuse that it feels that way. I had 3 long term relationships, over 20 years of life, with narcissistic men that changed from overt to vulnerable in the latter relationship. I have done a lot of therapy and continue to do the work; yet I often marvel at my experience in disbelief that I ever allowed such abusive treatment or stifling control of my Self. It’s truly a slow warp into a cult like mentality. How fragile and powerful our minds are equally. The one truth, knowledge is power. However, you can only lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink. I had to have a full mental and emotional breakdown to finally have the breakthrough. At 42, I’m finally free…. sad for the time lost and overjoyed for the life ahead. I’ll live the rest of my life with clarity and lesson learned!
"Everything is justified because I love you." Nailed it! Cognitive dissonance be damned!
Lyn Bopp, you are absolutely gorgeous ❤️ ❤️❤️🌷 🌷🌹🌺 🌺🌷🌷 🌹🌺 🌺 and I will be happy to know you
I love how Richard uses movie referencing to help us clutch a better understanding of these issues and relationships ❤️. I believe that watching LOTR and Harry Potter movies etc actually enlightened me to the disguised abuse from my ex , before I even discovered what narcissistic abuse was. It was such a gut feeling that he was not “right” so to speak and I swear it was from reading fiction books and watching certain movies.
Brilliant Richie... You nail it every time without fail ! . Very grateful for your efforts and time you have put into this from the beginning as it's for sure exhausting and very hard work. Hats off to you brother. Each video is another few inches of the curtain being pulled back and more light coming in. Clarity at its best...Thank you..
Christian XianLeather Marsh....... Well stated!
When I came out of a NAR, I was like a burn victim: don't even open the window as a breeze will increase my pain, as people believed his victimhood and my "evilness." I realized that my radar was broken and took years to heal and still having some flashbacks. I realized that even though his family was chaotic and lawless, and my family was straight, law abiding, and looked like the "Leave it to Beaver" family, we both came from families that did not allow boundaries and the skill and permission to solve conflicts and differences of opinions. I am happy with my progress and the ability to talk with my kids about my learning and boundary progress. I am reclaiming what I can and moving forward through the confusion and reclaiming my voice.
I can say finally, I followed this closely. Even to the isolation...but I worked hard to understand myself and heal. The next time that I got into a relationship with a narcissist....I noticed when the talk didn't match the behavior. The minimalizing of my own feelings and experience ...however I stood Mt ground, held my boundaries, refused to move...and then went no contact. I knew what I wanted and I was not willing to bend or change my values and lifestyle, just to appease this person under his explanations and excuses. I did not give my power away...and yes it was sad, bit it was necessary. All relationships can be a growth and learning opportunity. 🥰
I did that. I beat him with a 2 by 4. And I'm in a wheelchair. Reactive abuse. It was horrible. I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted to inflict the pain he had caused me. I don't want to be around anyone right now because i don't trust my judgment. The unconscious completely runs your life. You're spot on again. Thank you.
I used to think I was cursed. Now I understand I was just severely abused and it was still echoing through my soul.
This video is 100% packed with truth, accurate insights and healing tools.
Thank you! I follow you on IG and began the Silencing the Inner Critic course, yet got stuck - my limitations only, not the course's.
I'm inspired now to begin again.
michelle lunn, Thank you!
Shit happened, what now?, thank you, I will! :)
"Emotion are Mute"!! You might not realize that you are doing it!! This is so important.
“ let’s keep going it will probably be ok “ 👌🤣. I’ve come back to this channel time and time again but I can only really listen to you when I’m ready to heal. I’m so ready to put the work in!
I love your videos Richard. Been watching since February. This video really hits home for me. Thanks for what you do for all of us.
The Sanctum Sanctorum 💜💜💜
“Only dead fish go with the flow” AMAZING!!! That is a keeper! This is perfect for my healing journey! My “social DNA” was so fucked up I did not know normal! It has taken me 39 years of living 4 years of intense self evaluation, ( finally set on the right path of what to evaluate from Richard’s RUclips’s ) and intense psychology books, youtubes, magazines and everything upwardly mobile on empaths and narcissists I could find! There is far too much hatred and ruminating from most of these forums! It keeps you stuck and being the cerebral empath that I am I was already in my head TOO MUCH! My oppressive,domineering,religious abusing, histrionic,borderline Mom kept me in my head it is how I escaped her!!! Though she is dead her teachings live on I had to completely sever ties with my siblings to firmly place sanity back in my life! Ironically I do not miss them. Thank God I am narcissistically knowledgeable and free! Thank you Richard! Sadly this is where I had to go to find my answers! I had to research the most damaged socially dysfunctional people on the planet who goes looking for that? 😳
Julia AKA Julz Nixon I am with you on that journey! I became aware of narcissism in 2012 & 2015 I began to study relentlessly! What a blessing channels like this are! Richard Grannon you are a saint, sharing what you have learned, leading us to the life we all deserve. Peace and harmony are within everyone's grasp. The ability to 'see' malignant narcissists and eliminate them is truly a gift! x
Wow you are now in the 100,000 subscribers club. What a HUGE accomplishment!! CONGRATULATIONS 🍾👏👏👏
Absolutely brilliant Richard! So clear, helpful and concise. Thank you!
Oh Richie, you are so lush and so, so right ☺️
I have discovered that my reality map has been distorted since I was a kid...something went wrong, I grew up being extremely shy, anxious, codependent, having a low sense of self and all that jazz...been in a toxic relationship and had kids, now living alone with them, heeling myself and getting help for my kids...If it hadn`t been for you people on youtube, I would not have had the insight that I have now....Richard your videos are great (and funny too)
Betina Lundkaer Jensen, you are so beautiful ❤️ ❤️❤️🌷 🌷🌹 🌺🌷 🌷🌹 🌺🌺 and I will be happy to know you
I found you by accident tonight on my RUclips scrolling and am ECSTATIC because you're education on Narcissism and Word Salad explained so much to me about what my family is going through right now...with a person who definitely has those N tendencies and Word Salad talent. I have subscribed and will be searching all of your videos because they are chock full of so much positive information.
The best explanation of CPTSD (R) I've ever come across. Thank you for this video ❤
I've watched a lot of your videos. You, among a few others have really helped me understand my abusers, yet far more important, that knowledge helped me understand my responses and lack of boundaries. As I began to understand what the h*** my OWN problems have been/are, my own healing finally began to accelerate and take root. I am 6 months out of an emotionally, psychologically abusive 36 year marriage, and 6 months down the road, I'm already becoming my true self again. It's fecking amazing, finding myself again!
I'm actually getting to the point where I really don't care whether or not I get "what I'm entitled to" out of the divorce that's still ongoing, I am actually looking more at just getting it finalized and completing the detachment process I began while still in the marriage and family home. Others think that's nuts, that I should "get what I deserve", but my heart and soul are now saying, nope, we just want to keep filling in this growth road and no longer be connected to the abuser in any way". (Other than our adult kids and our grandson, of course, and judging by my progress, that isn't going to be an issue in the future.)
Understanding myself and what made me give in and allow the abuse has been a huge factor. I'm so much happier now than I was as a youth (NPD type mom w/ issues & unresolved trauma), happier than I was ever in my 36 year marriage, happier than I was the last 10 years....I'm even happier already than I was a few weeks ago!
Thanks Richard, for all you do.🌻
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whatsapp +1(661) 485-5860 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ?We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger
seen it like this it is very much less scary to face. It actually gives a sense of concrete hope for an excellent outcome.
You're doing a great job!!
Richard, you are such a gift to humanity! You have powerful insight and share it with others. Blessings to all of us, survivors!
I want a healthy relationship with Richard 🤣
Me too! But he's just glowing pixels.
How can we find a real man who is good for us in the long run?
I've looked everywhere it seems. Most of them are too soft for me. Pushovers.
I dont look it. But I can be so damned tough and need someone who can keep up! Someone who can set a boundary!! :D
Where do you look for men? I usually on my way to work.
LOL **predator**
Still scared too..if one of them is really hot I become all awkward and shy. ;)
I was thinking the same thing 😂. The werid part is that he actually looks my ex and he is a narc.
😂🤣 me too…
Oh wow and thank you for describing this type of emotional abuse. I am twisting and turning daily attempting to understand what the hell is going with my partner's unreliable reactions, actions and attitudes, his mental torture games and his on the sly rejection manipulation tactics.
I have been viewing your presentations no matter the topic just to help me with my situation and today I believe you described what I am experiencing. So thank you. I was starting to believe that my values and beliefs were set too high. Thank you, I feel a bit validated while I'm still off center. It has been two years now of this unstable environment with him and slowly grows deeper down an emotional and mental torture chamber.
Thank you for this.... gone through this for 5 whole years... Being made to feel like I'm crazy fro wanting to be treated with compassion.... I have been on defensive mode all this time.... I honestly don't know who I am anymore 😭😭
Holy shit. This is words out to exactly what I feel inside but couldn’t find a way to explain it! Thank you! I have had a lot of traumas, I’ve put work into healing and educating myself, I’ve felt the flashbacks and felt paralyzed that I can’t assess anything now. I can’t tell if I’m making big deals out of nothing and fear losing good people thinking everything just triggers me. This made complete sense. Again thank you!
I ignored the red flags because what he said he was didn't match his actions. Wanted to believe it after 9 years on my own following 10 years with a classic narcissist. Doors opened for the covert narcissist 9 years later. Now on my own, healing again. You can appreciate how titsed off I am. 3 actors, with the same script so far.
Thank you for this. I'm 2 and a half years down the line and I only just realised I've been approaching relationships in an incredibly unhealthy way. A lot of what you said hit hard because it's exactly where I'm at. I'm working on it, I hope I'll get there
This is so true. I looked after my mum a lot with mental health. Then went from 1 abusive relationship to another. I became very hypersensitive and I've always recognised that I changed as a human. I now have a flight or fight mode and tend to push men away, even the good ones. Because I can't stand lies, even the petty ones. It does make a lot of sense what you're saying. I have nightmares most weeks and don't really go out because anxiety is too much. Tried all different types of therapy and it's worked then it wears off. But your childhood and how people have made you feel plays a huge part. That's why all my jobs have been to help people
Anton chiggurgh! The very best portrayal of death, ever. What a brilliant movie/book to choose. Thanks for the reminder, I’m off to watch it again now.
For a few minutes I got it and actually laughed, what you said made perfect sense. Unfortunately, I have felt this (not as vivid) and fell back. The course you speak of is needed to scrub my unconscious clean, I started it once and pushed back ( my brother died at the time I started). It’s time, a lot is still going on, but it’s time.
Spiritual paths call the super ego the “higher self.” Whether the subconscious is driving, or thoughts are manifesting- there is no difference- it’s just semantics. Your videos are very good. Thank you.
Thanks Richard, I thought o had done so much work.. until I entered the dating scene… I didn’t recognise myself. When I liked someone I was on high alert, hyper vigilant , anxiety ridden and at one time completely flipped my lid! Something I have never felt and I was unrecognisable… cptsd is real. I am back to therapy, learning to trust myself and judgement is a must x
I’m still so afraid of another relationship 😢
You aren't alone i have days were everything hits me hard
Meohmy89 thank you 🙏 my friend hope you are doing better
Im still scared too.
thanks..this came out at just the right time. I have an inner shit storm in my head and life isn't very kind right now.. and that perpetuates the "you're shit. No one likes you. What are you still doing here?" I lie in bed crying a lot. I don't go out unless necessary to go to market. Although I put out content on RUclips..it has become less and noone cares..I am also now 'old' and people care even less. I am stuck having to deal with my narcissist and her son(my brother) daily..I can't not be at this time... The environment of hate is all around here in the US and is overwhelming me with negativity. Presently, I seek things to live for
Parmesana watch some of j b Peterson his info, it'll get you in the right direction.
Peace and light into your heart, all of our hearts
Job thanks for the info on j b👍🏼
Parmesana start making plans, even if just in your head, to get out of there. If all you do is lay down and be trod on, your situation will be never-ending. If you start making plans to leave these people, in whatever little tiny ways to begin with, you will light a flicker of hope within yourself. And remember, you don't owe a narcissist ANYTHING. Ever.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I definitely know how you are feeling (atleast to some extend). Simply going for a walk or in the nature can do wonders. If you feel like you don't have friends, you must become your own best friend and you'll realize that that is what you'll ever need and everything else is a bonus :) I wish you luck and send you a hug, take care :)
Emotions set to mute... really touched a spot, other than identifying with the WHOLE video. Sept 2020. Yes. I've been watching your videos for over 2years.
🇭🇲🐞 Sincere thanks Richard ❤🥰
When you talked about the subconscious, once more I was reminded of the astonishing fact that there are many people who acknowledge the existence of the subconscious and it's decisive role - but at the same time believe in the existence of "free will" (and often even defend this belief with vigor)! Baffles me.
Let’s just keep going... I’m sure denial will take us somewhere good...
Richard I’ve been listening to you for over a year now. You have been a God send and I refer my clients to you now as well. In the last year I’ve come to realize I married my narcissist mother twice... the last blew out in a violent and sociopathic meltdown 6 months ago and the divorce finalized in June.
I thank God constantly for you and others like you guiding us through CPTSD. I cannot imagine how I would’ve navigated without this kind of clarity. Even as a therapist, personality disorders are almost something you have to see to believe. I’ve been educated the hard way but I’ve helped so many people in my practice now with what I’ve learned and being intentional about healing.
I have one young man right now whose done every training on your website at this point and it’s really helping. Convincing him he is loved and worthy of love is a journey but he’s winning with your help.
I’m finally aware of what my past attracts and now the healing can begin
Wow. Long time listener, first time commenter. This is one if the best of your videos. In a nutshell is explains perfectly why some of us continue to choose the wrong partners, why we stay, how it makes us feel & why we need to move on in a different way. This video is going to help a lot of people. Thank you. And, nice guns!
I am living proof Richards hypothesis is actually correct. I have completed and still practice the skills learned in the Heal Emotional Flashbacks course and recently Heal the Super Ego course and daily emotional literacy and life is looking great now. I can spot and handle the snakes, and I am looking forward to having healthy a relationship in my future because now my unconscious knows what real love looks and feels like and I will not settle for anything less. ❣
Richard you are AMAZING! THANK YOU! You brought a smile to my 👄. Best wishes to you for much success with your new published book!
Omgoodness you explain developmental CPTSD so well. This is another EXCELLENT video.
For years I felt bad thinking my spouse was just not that intelligent, but now realizing it was deliberate abuse.
Hello from America! Your mate should not make you want to feel like vomiting. Since you get healthy and are around abuse you will see the difference. Be healthy. You are worth being treated with respect and if you feel you don't then you to work on yourself! I never knew trying to love could be so painful. I know now you can't love someone that has no love in them. They can't give you what they don't have! Upon using my intuition and common sense I knew I was being gaslit and decided to run. I am getting healthier by the day. It will take me some time to ever get into another relationship again but I've decided I need to heal and fix myself before getting into another relationship. Discernment!!🇺🇸❤🇺🇸
Learn to say “NO” and set boundaries early on. Stick with those boundaries and do not back down.
Richard Grannon....you make me laugh, you make me question, you make me look at my contributing personality traits...I enjoy watching your presentations. You don't sugar coat the fact that....yeah, life may have screwed me over a couple of times.....BUT....its my responsibility to smarten up, learn from it and build some good stuff from now on. Thank you for ALL your presentations.
So expressive, so helpful, Thankss
Really great video, Richie. You really nailed it, here. Thank you so much for all you do. Life is so much brighter, with your input. Gratitude.💚
I don't so much have an inner critic as an inner defensiveness. I have been very aware for years, even after all the work I've done on myself, that I am silently defending and justifying even when no-one is there attacking me. If I accidentally cut someone off in traffic I'll go into a full on fantasy conversation of defensiveness with the driver. I'm often a couple of minutes into this delusion before I realize the driver is long gone and didn't even toot his horn at me. Anyone else constantly defending themselves against imagined attacks?
I used to. Its getting less. Still do it though.
I pattern.interrupt myself to STOP it. Do it! It helps.
This LITERALLY just scared me bc it's EXACTLY what I'm experiencing at the moment
Thank you Richard, I so appreciate you teaching me (and the world) about all of this. I know I am getting better, slowly but surely, I am seeing my abuse has been so extensive I don't think I have ever had a healthy relationship - I don't know even what that is, and it really makes me just want to be alone, but then I over-attach to the first person who comes along because I'm starved for interaction, and I am really trying to find balance somewhere as I try to define who I am without catering to who other people want me to be. The super ego evidently hates me, so I will look into the course and see how to get rid of her. Thank You and God Bless, Mr. Grannon.
Sheila Mc, you look stunning ❤️🌹🌷 🌷🌷🌹
Mine had a sneaky way of making me believe his love for me was so much greater than mine was. I dont remember him telling me that though, yet I arrived at that conclusion myself, weird. Binge watching your videos Grannon, thanks so much! Love your sense of humor, find myself laughing a lot watching you, and somehow the pain subsiding. I am a typical empath, nurse of course, somehow the job chose me, I was chosen by my narcs although it felt like I was always chasing them. I was perfect for them until I did something wrong, spent years and years figuring out why I had a bad feeling in my tummy, years numbing that with alcohol as well... Phew this may all take a while for me. I never buy online stuff, you might be the one exception...
Wow. This helps explain so much about why I am the way I am. All the way back to childhood...
I've watched so so many videos on narcissistic behaviour, how to handle it and heal from it . . . This is the first one where I actually feel hopeful and am smiling. Thank you so much Richard for posting these, so grateful. I'm on my way back :-)
This makes sooo much sense, Richard! Gosh you're good at explaining it! I'm so glad I stumbled across your videos. I'm binge watching them all now😬
Thank you. Im hypnotherapist so dealing with this subject a lot. Nice clear view of that process.
Brilliant, Richard!
Thank you! 👏👏👏
Seeing this now after watching so many of your and Sam Vaknin's videos (that provided a constructive bsckground to this) is like I was the next one to get that dime! 🌟🇨🇦
great video. a good reminder i've been slacking, emotionally. but that's ok and i can fix that
This is the first video I listened to while entering a very healthy relationship after 20 years and having a 5 year break in between. I wanted to break any flashbacks and mines that get set of from the past. As he's so nice to move at my comfort level. It wasn't just emotional by the end.
But I know by researching as there weren't any groups I could get into (every specialist seemed surprised by this or said start my own) I was told to start my own. This with out having therapy is idiotic.
So I seek out people like you.
CptsR this is very smart. I concure! I subscribed due to this.
And agree needs to be re updated or free organized in psychology but most are barely up to accepting cptsd in the USA
I haven't had time to date! I have been "Laser focused on trying to increase my work hours so that I can earn more money!" (In order to pay back all of the Narc's debts that he incurred on my credit cards!) Yes, I have thought about dating again, multiple times- but, the concept of dating again makes me feel a little anxious.
The thought has crossed my mind but, I didn't want to enter a new relationship with the baggage of "My ex's debts" and having that conversation with my 'new date'/'boyfriend.' (What a huge TURNOFF that would be!!)
Richard you look so handsome, and really healthy. Great advice on your video. Thank you 🙏 for all your time and energy.
The "response" is so accurate, as well as more hopeful vs. An irreparable condition. Great vid, thank you
I'm watching this 5 AM waking up in a panic attack. 1 month no contact with a very sulky, extremely covert narcissist. Mostly l'm ok, l feel happier than when l was in the situationship. But these feelings come in waves. And when they do, l kind of melt down. Unseen and unheard for so long l still can't process being abused and not validated for it. Not even being deserving of an apology. Dehumanized in every possible way. How could you ever trust again after this....
Hang in there ...please you can do it
This is definitely one of my favorites!! I think I've listened to this 5+ times. Thank you!!
I allways literally miss you and still remember the day I didn't look up the narcissistic healing stuff and was so proud of myself!!! That's awesome because I am not one to pay any mind... I have an amazing life that keeps me on my toes in a healthy (most the time lol) way!!! Everything you talk about allways resognates!!! I only had one but I don't date,,, I even put a ring on my own finger!!! It was a job... caregiver position for a wounded solider in the states... Had a close call... But YOUR words keep me safe Richard!!! So just wanted to fly by and say you are brilliant!!! Absolutely brilliant!!! I love love love you!!! Hugmongous hugmongous hugmongous hugs!!! 💜💜💜 Untrapt Butterfly... No longer a human dildo... Non-sesrvium for Life!!! Because you cared enough to share!!!
AWESOME INSIGHT IN THIS ONE VIDEO! Thank you for this message.
Because I was abused as a kid, my emotionally set language of love is to prey, is to be abused.
I feel uncomfortable when in a healthy family, surrounded by love. I remeber to talk less, keep things not about me, enjoy a cocktail, and keep spending time in this uncomfortable environments.
Know your/you're love.