The problem is not the presence of failure, it's an abscence of success. I'm so tired of people that do the "it's OK, everybody fails sometimes" or "toughen up, kiddo" dance. Because it's not about failure. It's about no success.
What is not mentioned is that you can fail despite your best efforts. That's just the way life is... Hopelessness doesn't come out of nowhere, nor does failing and giving up despite some effort affect your will to keep fighting... No, what is really devastating is that the fight lasts so long and is so exhausting until you simply can't go on. How much longer are we supposed to fight this unwinnable battle? Until we're 40? 50? Is it even worth it at that point?
I feel you. I don't think its about fighting, it's about letting go and accepting the good and the bad. Do what you want to do in life bc our time is limited and we shouldn't die with regrets
I get that, that when I gave up and just followed some strange things from intuition. Like it felt the universe was conspiring against me. Something changed mid 20s. I think i might have been acceptance but it's like life just fell into place. It was mind set change but not one I did intentionally it just sort happened when I went into bout depression losing my job and acceptance that lasted about 6 weeks where I came out on the clueless just happy to have job but things really changed. In hindsight I subconsciously made a lot odd decision that lead to success.
I kind of fell into this rabbit hole for a while and for all I tried, it was still other people who helped me feel comfortable in my skin. I moved to a western country to study at a university. I stumbled into a girl I was working with for a module project and we started talking. Idk why, but it was easy for me to talk and be in the moment. She later came up to me in a lecture break where I was sitting and teased me. I flirted a bit with her in a practical hour and held hands while fighting over who should get the last bit of a snack. That really gave me confidence and now I notice how I can look people in the eyes and stand straight. It's as if I wanted to make sure that I didn't bring attention to myself before and now that's gone. I didn't notice this before, but now it feels like a weight is off my chest. She wasn't really interested because I asked her to hang out and she refused when it was just the two of us and she recently mentioned that she has a boyfriend. I really don't mind though. Not only her, but other people here treating me like a decent human being helped me come out of my shell. That's when others with confirmed mental issues tried to insult me and convince me that I am also in some way mentally sick like them. I went to a psychologist when I was younger because of a teacher saying I wasn't paying attention in class(it was too easy) and he said there was nothing wrong with me. It's just that I had trouble getting closer with other people after I befriended them and I always felt like I had to put a lot of effort just to maintain relationships. I think they felt how I put up barriers around me and how I refused many invitations. All of these insecurities of mine seem to wash away not because I worked on myself, but because of my many interactions in university with new people. Having people genuinely appreciate your presence can do wonders. Some people say you can't be friends with girls or they are using you for attention while you aren't getting action. I think that's so stupid now when I just appreciate them caring and being open more than just the physical relationship. If it does get to that point, awesome, but always looking for locking her in is just stupid now in hindsight. That's not really what I was looking for, but just people treating me like the normal human that I am and not some worthless social reject. Sorry for the long comment. I hope you get some insight from this.
i had the exact same experience since i started working+college in september. my boss, coworker, customers and all my new friends treat me really well and i think it also helped with me trying my best to open up to people again. feels good to just be myself with lots of energy and love to spread as it is returned the same way
I had to see someone as a kid as well. Played chess with the guy, he asked me questions. no surprise to me that I was found to be normal. The teacher hated the boys in general, but she also saw that I daydreamed all the time and seemingly didn't pay attention (and either I did pay attention just enough to absorb the info, or I didn't and still got 100% scores on literally every single spelling test.. Pissed her off I imagine, unfortunately. lol) Them saying that you're being taken advantage of is assuming that you don't feel happy with the relationship being platonic. Or that even if you do, you're still being 'taken advantage of' because I guess they believe that social interaction with a woman without sexual motives/payoff is pointless and has no value. That's a major part of why they likely struggle or have unhealthy hook-ups and not meaningful relationships best-case scenario. Worst case it's a Rogers-esque incel.
Great story, and I'm glad you're doing better. HOWEVER, I have to warn you of something: if you're actually INTERESTED in a woman ROMANTICALLY, DO NOT pursue a friendship with her! Instead, express your interest quickly (telling her to give you her number, so you can ask her out); even if she says 'no', she'll perceive you as being confident for expressing yourself authentically, as opposed to being passively pleasing, putting yourself in the friend zone, hiding your feelings and then getting angry, resentful and vindictive when the girl rejects you years later. Based on my experience, you'll save yourself a ton of misery.
Just came back from an extended family gathering for my uncles celebration of life. Everybody there including my brothers in my generation are married and either have kids or are planning on having them soon and make great money. My family is really nice and everybody would come up to me and be like, wow you look great! But inside, i dont know what to do with my life and feel like a huge waste of a human being. I come from a family of successful people where it was all ring before spring for them. Im 31 years old, jobless, hardly any friends, no romantic partners for years now and have so much complex trauma and confusion with life that I feel like I am drowning and wasting so much potential but wont ever see the light at the end of the tunnel and won't ever meet any great significant other in my life. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself, but it is so hard to when everyone around me has a life and i just want to be loved and feel confident again.
I'm 33, been single for basically more than a decade. (And the relationships I had before were intensely shallow) My 3 younger brothers are all married with good jobs. You're not alone. There's a portion of men who society will never accept, both in the job market & the relationship market. The only thing that makes it unbearable is crap like what this guy talks about in his video. He's pissing on his audience & tell them it's rain.
Don't listen to the black pillers. Cultivate empathy and see, what society wants from you - and what do you want. My story is that I was this hopeless black piller a decade ago, befor it was cool. Now, I figured out that technically I am aroace, so the source of my frustration was external, and it is not a miracle that I hated every second of this. It was just not natural for me. About job seeking: if you know what you want, it builds up an internal motivation, which doesn't have to be "coached" into you. What do you like to do? What are your skills? All in all, you have to figure this out, but a therapist can help. Also don't reduce human relationships into a meat market. People are more crazier than any market, and that is okay.
@@Secret_Takodachi “never accept” why? I get feeling hopeless but claiming “never” is like claiming omniscience. Maybe you perfectly understand why things haven’t worked out for you in the past, and you’re already doing everything you can. Maybe you won’t ever be accepted, even if you’re doing everything right, but you can’t know that for sure. Nobody can know the future. Question that belief - even if there’s zero room to improve your own circumstances (which I doubt), even if the odds stacked against you are a billion to one, you don’t know that shit for sure. It’s fine to be mad at the vid, but consider why it irks you so much. Did he say anything factually incorrect? Did you?
dude why don’t you try to find something real that brings you enjoyment? just find 1 thing that you like to do. u only get one life, and if you enjoy playing video games and doing nothing then fine but it sounds like you don’t like the feeling you get when you do that stuff so just find 1 thing that is real
Kurzgesagt’s video on loneliness was a video that taught me to understand and accept a lot of the things you discuss in this video. I am a lonely mafacr which means that I’m in a lot of pain. Constantly. And because I’m in a state of agony I became over protective of my self which means I got more cautious than necessary. And because I’m overly cautious I act differently and turn good situations into bad ones or cut people of because my overprotectiveness senses something negative where in actually there’s nothing.
Damn that sounds exactly like myself. I suppose I should watch that video. Sorry your dealing with that it makes daily life hard and pretty frustrating.
I personally got so much benefit out of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). As someone who has been in and out of therapy for years, it was the breakthrough I needed. Talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy made me aware of the concepts that made me feel the way I did, but ACT helped me be present with what I’m feeling and recognize the events of the past that inform that feeling. It’s less about controlling and suppressing your emotions, but instead recognizing them and understanding why you feel the way you do. Essentially you can’t control your emotions, but you can influence the actions you take from the information you have about how you’re feeling. That being said, everyone has a different experience and circumstances. What works for my anxiety and depression may not work for yours. I wish you luck on your journeys!
Never thought about it that way tbh. Stayed up till 1AM last night thinking about how much better my life will be once I do “X”. At the same time felt like I was on the verge of tears - but couldn’t get anything out. So it’s all rooted in avoidance huh? Think I’m gonna take a walk after I get these dishes done.
Good points. According to David Hawkins (and Lester Levenson), unprocessed emotions are the underlying cause for almost all of our troubles and misery, and letting go of them changes your emotional state so that you have more free energy and start moving towards your goals and desires more effortlessly. I am currently in the process of clearing out that emotional store house and it is an enormous task, but it will hopefully be rewarded
You do realizeclearing out these emotions is impossible because they keep on flooding in? Some people, like you, might have a store house. Others have the flood gates wide open. How exactly are they supposed to deal with these emotions?
They are not flooding in, they are already in you. Everything that you react to is unconscious programs inside of you, they don't flood in. How should that be possible? Emotions are not a thing outside of your consciousness. Start by observing what you react to and maybe you can see the reason behind it. Then you can start letting it go and let the emotions run their course until they change@@alistlesshowlfromtheether
I was struggling with intense self-harm thoughts and your video appeared. I feel you are my guardian angel Dr K. I wish my perpetual hopelessness ends soon. I don't want to keep living in this constant state of misery. My efforts seem futile and the whole year has ended.😞
And each day is a new day. A chance for us to touch the sun and enjoy it's warmth. You my friend...and each of us it worthy of that and more. Take care friend.
Good on you for commenting and watching the video. It's proof you're still making an effort. I hope you find the help you need. I believe you are capable of changing for the better!
Look for help my friend. Ive lived like you for all my life, im 42 now, and im falling too deep once more. But, tje support from antidepressants helps a lot, as it place my brain in a "normal" state I can see ams think much easier and stop seeing all black and lost. Cause otherway theres nothing i can do, wjen u r this low you cant tell anybody because its too much. I feel deeply ashamed to open up. Good luck .
Interesting this came out today. I’ve been feeling incredibly suicidal and hopeless. The genuine trying my hardest for a long time to feel like I’m not seeing what I want out of existing is exactly how I feel. Like what is it about me that prevents me to exist like the folks around me.
@@instantpug7036 they mean the ABILITY to exist as they themselves want, a skill that everyone around them *seems to have.* Not that they want to be LIKE the other people.
the joke is that your serounding feels the same but does not show it because they all play it save, and supress their emotions. you who noticed the meaningless of life, you can life with the base essenz of life, to bring good into the world and have a good time. if you want a blessing: May my lord jesus christ help you and us all to find rest in our pressing lifes, as to guide us to a way where we can be happy.
Y'all need to look at Professor Allen Downey's chart of rates of marriage by decade of birth, on his blog "Probably Overthinking It", the post is called "Millennials are Not Getting Married". Seriously, *look* at it. This is a civilisational problem. Saying "la la la I can't hear you" does not change the truth.
I admit that even after watching the whole video, I have no idea at all what he means with vague phrase like "tackling hopelessness directly". I wish he used more concrete examples or gave some simple practice because phrases like "accept your feelings and something beautiful will happen" just sound like noise of every other self-help expert in black piller's instagram feed.
The issue with what you want is that the root of the problem isn't concrete and can't fully be resolved through physical practices. Simplified a lot, it's an abstract psychological problem; it's a mindset issue. Perspectives aren't concrete and aren't often resolved through a couple of simple physical practices (although they are certainly boosted and supplemented by actionable practices). In order to resolve an issue that revolves around perspectives/mindsets, you have to understand and embody a change in how you perceive things. Until then, you will stay stuck.
Because he has no answer for this himself, he cant refute the blackpill and knows that but wants to still keep making money from lonely dudes. the blackpill tackles hopelessness with a realistic non bs approach. improve your looks/money/status. think about it if therapy was the answer why there is still tons of lonely men ot there?
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
It took the 30-second into to realize that I’m in the blackpill headspace. The whole “relationships aren’t possible for me” hit like a ton of bricks. My initial thought was, “well, but my past experiences are…. actually probably as nuanced as anyone thinking this. Crap.” Okay, then- I suppose awareness is generally the first step in addressing a problem. Let’s hear it, Dr.K!
@@NobodyListensToCasandraThe term Blackpill is less about a specific community than becoming a hopeless individual whose mentality will lead to destructive actions toward oneself (themselves included) out of spite for their perception of Reality
"Need to feel it" is easy to say, but HOW? Like, I feel it 24/7, so I'm not sure how else to feel it. I write about it, I say what I'm feeling out loud, I do my best to embrace it, but that doesn't seem to change anything... When someone says I need to feel it, and confront it, it just sounds mystical to me.
I think its all about understanding why you feel it so that you can eventually let it go, but it's hard and you can't rush it, you have to be patient with the process
It can be mystical. If you are a high testosterone individual, it really will not come out until your test drops low enough to feel it. I think the best time to do it is at night, or after enough physical exertion. As a man I feel like you almost need a routine for this, along with working with a professional.
By acknowledging that trying to control the outcome is hopeless, you can move on without having to give up. All you can do is put your effort in. It's not up to you whether that's reciprocated.
@ScaryMango6755 You won't become a monk, but you will stop putting your self-worth in the hands of someone who might reject you for no fault of your own
Knowing there's someone like you(in your situation) is a big relief. Plus, a sense of community. Seeing the real face of the world (mean, greedy) is another good thing for nice guys. However, it's very easy to get stuck there in resentment. It's important to find something higher.
I agree. Applying for law jobs right now out of law school. Been rejected by 27 firms in a row and had 16 interviews. Each one gets harder and harder. I’m out of hope…
It will happen keep going. I almost quit nursing in the beginning due to toxic work environment, but this little words of encouragement helped me from a stranger.
Dr. K who wants to help us: "Don't suppress your emotions" Parents: "If you don't stop crying you will get another slap!" I wonder how some of us turned out this way😑
Your parents were not safe people. You need to parent your inner child safely now that they are not controlling your life anymore. It's hard, but being the parent you needed for your inner child will eventually bring peace.
They got some point tho, tho it's not applicable at all times. There's time and place for showing emotions, and usually parents and they know it or at least subconsciously--that they are a representation of the outside world--showing those negative emotions most of the time isn't good, in fact it can be manipulating and can be seen as a manipulator. Sadly not all has developed EQ to discern what's what
Yea but parents arent supposed to teach this their child by traumatizing them lol Parents simply should nurture a child, make them as confident and happy as possible
I'm one of the target demogrpahics of black pill thought. Person of color, short, not a great hairline. I pretty much never got picked on for any of these things growing up, and nobody outside certain online communities full of trolls would even bring it up. Women have expressed interest in me, regardless of those "issues". 10-15 years ago, I did spend time online, but this "doomerism" around dating for men didn't seem nearly as widespread. Redpill/PUA stuff was blowing up big in the early 10's, but back then the message was mostly that if you couldn't attract women, it was your fault and your responsibility. I'm not saying those groups didn't have problems even back then, but the stuff about looksmaxxing, height obsession and so on was usually turned around and called as an exccuse/copout for guys not being successful in dating and life. There seems to have been a relationship between what happened at the start of the decade - a pandemic - and the rise of more "mainstream" black pill talking points. Simultaneous social atrophy due to lockdown/stay at home measures, and people spending criticial formative years interacting with the world behind screens instead of IRL, probably lead to folks who started to really internalize the really insidious rhetoric around controversial talking points like lookism. In other words, people have formed their opinions about the world online, in times when they should have been getting their ideas and socialization from co-ed environments with mixed peer groups like school and work. I think it's always been accepted that more attractive people had more options, for obvious reasons, but most people were still perfectly acceptable relationship partners for someone. Only recently has this idea that men who don't have all the perfect genetics are completely out of the market and have zero hope has blown up. Even now, I noticed a lot of men care way more about things like their height and hairline than I ever remember growing up. This is especially true with younger millenials and Gen Z, in my observation. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention, but I swear this kind of body dysmorphia didn't exist with young men when I was in high school and college.
The issue I personally face within this is, that I get used to hopelessness, cause it at least feels familiar and denying this hopelessness feels like fleeing from reality. Defencelessness (Martin P. Seligman & Steven F. Mayer, 1967). I'm so used to rejection, that I might be even more afraid of acceptance and commitment. I love my mind.
It sounds like you have already realized that your mind is not reality. It is just a series of ideas and emotions that recognizes the familiarity and comfort of hopelessness. You recognize it already which means you have the power to change it if you wish. Many people benefit from professional help, you don't have to do it alone.
@rw5622 Sadly I've had 6 treatment of 3 different settings in the past 6 years and by now I'm not even validly diagnosed let alone effectively treated. It keeps being interesting. 😄
Few people get that the concept of hope is the complete antithesis of what black pill is about. Hope isn't real, only reality is. Black pill teaches people to accept and deal with reality as is, instead of hoping for things to magically change. An ugly mfs shouldn't be feeling hopeless NOR hopeful that they will never have a 10/10 gf. It's the final form of what essentially stoicism is about.
I dunno. Sometimes it seems to me this is far more a systemic problem than failiure on individual level. People used to have their relationships, marriage, jobs etc. sorted for the most part by mid-twenties. When we postpone these big life decisions, we "grow out" of natural socilal circles that existed in schools, universities etc, where most people "recruted" their lifelong friends and partners. First, you need to have the right environment if people are to thrive.
I agree and disagree at the same time. Because many people lose their friends, jobs, partners in the middle of their life. So you will always kinda have to start over with one thing or the other. The only constant is change.
There are absolutely systemic problems. The trick is that all the changes needed to fix systemic problems start with doing something at the individual level.
@@randxalthor Dont get me wrong - it can absolutely be done. You can get a girlfriend still in your 30s or 40s. You can start a career. Just, it seems the demands and amount of effort is so much higher that I do not think this is suistanable for general population
Think out of the box. Why are you so troubled by living by strangers standards? You are you. Good days willcome as you realize its not about others its about you and YOU ARE different, and it is a blessing. Why would anyone want to be another lamb in the farm?
Hey Dr K you helped me a lot to expand my view on self compassion that is, it is not a self pity show rather accepting and facing your thoughts and feelings and working on them with, awareness of internal mechanism and many other factors, situations and perceptions. I want to say I am happy now and with this I will continue to improve my wisdom and external circumstances and reaching higher consciousness about self and things
7:45 - explains why I applied for sector jobs after graduation, constantly got ghosted let alone rejected, and haven't wanted to try again in the years since
I applied to hundreds of places for rent. I was discouraged at first, but towards the end every time I went to a viewing and I wasn't chosen I felt relief. I know that I need to throw the dice many more times on this new online format that the world works on now. I'm sure that's gonna be the same after I finish uni and look for a job myself/ internship before that.
you said you have no hope in there being a cure for balding and that those people are essentially helpless despite their feelings being valid on many levels as you also mentioned
There's also power in accepting and acknowledging that we may end up alone in the end, but that we can still lead fulfilling lives - dating is the area we have the least control over in our lives (you can't control how other people see you and, for hetero men, you cannot control how masculine you look or how tall you are, even if you can shift things slightly with haircuts and some muscle). I say focus on the financial security (not the same as money-worship), friendships (much easier than dating), and hobbies/passions. If someone wants to be a part of the life you build, then great, if not, keep it moving.
Great job, thank you so much for talking about suppressed emotions and obsessive thoughts. It helped me understand what is going on in my head and how to combat it. I limiting my coping behaviours. I cry more often and am very sad. On the other hand, my ability to focus increased. My anger is more manageable ect. I’m on a correct path of fixing my life.
Nah bro you gotta lay of that negative toxic mindset you inkwell. Just buy his cope courses bro and after enough grifting you too can become adonisssssss.
I feel like there's really no reason to keep trying. I'm lonely and I can't go outside without feeling a lot of anxiety and fear of people... shit I can't even commit to go to work everyday. I always feel exhausted and angry. I'm taking medication, I'm on a waiting list for getting therapy. But nothing it's really changing and I'm still stuck in the same place for years and I just feel useless and hopeless. My birthday is in a few days and it just makes me depressed. I don't want it to happen. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't understand life
Hey, I've been there my man, and I believe you can pull through. Honestly, it just takes patience and work, I've dealt with an avoidance disorder/ADHD/sleep disorder for a really long time. My honest advice, try to work on one thing at a time and do something everyday outside of your comfort zone. For me I was terrified of people so I started by just waving at people at grocery stores and on walks, then I did a bit of grocery work so I'd have to be around them, then for the absolute terror that is dating, I pushed myself to use a dating app as often as I could. I also would game with and chat with people online. Once you do that long enough and realize people aren't out to eat you, Try making yourself go to an online meet up doing something simple, like walking a trail or riding a bike. You don't really have to do anything besides just being there. That all probably sounds horrifying, but the intensity of the fear drops with each step. Each time you push yourself, try not to get hung up on any mistakes when you do these, and back yourself up positively for trying something on your own.
Thank you GamerGG for being one of the few psychologists focusing on men’s issues. So many men are dead inside and want to give up on life. That includes me who is educated and comes from a decent family. I am wanting to give up on a daily basis and dating has been terrible
I kind of feel like Dr. K wouldn't give a fair presentation of what is wrong with men AND women. In a general sense, of course. I definitely think a gender war is starting if it has not already started. IMO, men struggle with images/videos on the hubs. Men are expected to earn more than women when women are getting higher salaries than men. Nothing wrong with women earning more, but the expectation that men must still earn more than women is a problem. Women may have been taught that they are beautiful and can do no wrong and that Prince Charming is the goal. Which may have formed a sense of entitlement in women from a young age. Women may only start becoming more humble and respectful as they get older with lessons learned and faded beauty. But of course this is just my opinion and I'm sure there are different opinions than my own. I don't have research on it. Just my own experience.
Looks like my comment was deleted, so I'll say it again. It would be great if Dr. K addressed these topics, but I doubt that he will give a fair presentation on men AND women.
I've been feeling painfully lonely since falling out with a close friend of mine with whom I developed a (serious) romantic interest. Since then, I've tried many things that were advised to me, and while I do believe that some of those helped me get to a better place as a person, they did not at all help me solve the problem. I'm still lonely, I get hardly any interactions with people I see or run into. At this point, what I've given up on is putting so much effort into doing things that aren't me and make me unnecessarily uncomfortable throughout my daily life. It doesn't help. I've grown somewhat cynical and hopeless about many thing but on the other hand I keep going for a strong desire to be proven wrong in those negative views. I see little point in keeping going, but my (sometimes overly) rational mind refuses to believe giving up entirely will make things better. It just feels like soldiering on is the only option.
I am really sorry. 3 years ago i also had a falling out with my best friend that i fell in love with. Good thing is, we reconciled. We're about a year into our friendship again and we're closer than before. I still love him so much but im not sure if he returns the same feelings so im contented with getting to spend time with him even as a friend. I have a lot more affection for him than normal friends but i consider it a perk nowadays. Im also his closest friend, so he means the world to me regardless if we ever make it a romantic thing. I fully believe if youve gotten to a point of getting that close with someone that you'll sort it out. Might take years before it happens, itll hurt. But youll be okay. Your friend is hurting a lot more than you might imagine. And as simple as it seems it takes a lot of time for some people to let their pride down and sort it out. Even if both sides are longing for that connection again.
@eline7214 Thanks for sharing your experience. Knowing things can work out that way is nice and I'm glad you're on good terms with your friend. As for my case, I don't think it's particularly healthy for either of us to stay in touch too much, even though I really want to. We didn't split on bad terms and agreed to remain friends, but at the time I didn't fully realise what that would imply. I was too naïve and inexperienced to, and also believed that having them still there as a friend would be better than losing them entirely in life. The times that we do still talk and she sometimes gives me an update on her life, particularly about seeing other people, I feel like a piece of me that was broken from before crumbles into dust. As much as I want her to have that sort of happiness, I can't bear to watch as she finds it with someone else while I'm forced to sit on the sidelines. Which is an inevitable outcome. It's a conflict in my mindset that I can't shake off and I don't think it's one that someone you'd call your friend can afford to have. I'll spare you the details but the way things played out just feels incredibly unfair to me, but in my experience, that's just life... I do hope she doesn't hurt as much as you suggest they might. I also don't think she understands how I feel at all, and quite frankly I wish she never has to. For now, there's just a lot that I need to address on a mental level.
@@HexVertex You love her so much. I hope you understand how beautiful you are for that. Your feelings are so genuine and thoughtful i can feel it from your writing. I understand completely what youre going through, from what it sounds to me like unrequited love. All you think about is her happiness but it still hurts to see her getting it from someone else. You are right. Yeah, that situation isnt too healthy for you as of now. I used to be exactly where you are emotionally, and it sucks when the person you love isnt capable of exacting the same amount of thoughtfulness that things end up unfair sometimes. Even though i have no idea of your detailed situation, i already resonate at a core level 😭 I know it seems impossible right now, and its hurting a lot but you will get to a place where the love you have for her can exist in a platonic relationship if thats what you want. Grieve the loss of what could've been, by all means. But trust me, whether its romantic or not, how you feel is the same. You love her fundamentally for who she is as a person. Its a gift, truly. Your ability to love someone so strongly. For now, i do want you to be selfish and perhaps give up on her. Focus on building yourself and letting the parts you love about her inspire you. Everything you love about her try to cultivate it in yourself. Find a relationship where you are loved too. If this friendship stands this test, it will be one of your strongest. The way you love her can be incorporated into a friendship eventually, and it strengthens your connection. It is possible. 💗 Truly rooting for you, i hope you flourish and overcome this painful time.
I have been dealing with black pill ideations for the past 5 years. It wasn't until having an argument with AI about determinism and nihilism that things changed. In this chat I said a Buddhist concept I learned and the AI rifted and played off it and said, "Buddhism isn't about answers, but it is about acceptance." It hit me like a ton of bricks. This video is reaffirming my pursuit of acceptance in and of the world.
AI is super powerful for stuff like this. It can be like journalling but someone actually talks back and gives feedback, angles, pointers etc. For me its very helpful dealing with health anxiety
This is fucking me up because all the things you said to not do are the things my former therapists had me do. Or to change my thoughts in order to change my emotions. Or change my behaviors to change my emotions. And I was a teenager at this point, so my parents pushed me to keep going to school and doing normal life things. I've now been in therapy for 15 fucking years and only last year did I meet a therapist who seemed to hear what I was trying to explain all along. That I don't want to try anymore, but I want to, want to. I want to have the desire to live. But all the thought reforming, behavioral activation, or lifestyle changes in the world isn't going to do that. I'm doing DBT now and I have trauma (or so she says) so we're doing prolonged exposure. That's what made your factoid about treating acute PTSD-like symptoms especially enlightening to me
I don't think I understand what is being said here. If my romantic life isn't fulfilling, my career doesn't put food in my belly, and I understand I look like an overfilled bag of potatoes, I should just acknowledge all of that then carry on and brush my teeth? I am 34, acknowledging those things with an "Well... it bes like that sometimes tho." and moving on to the next task has lost me 20 years of my life.
No, it’s called being proactive and getting out there and doing something about it. Start working out, stop eating garbage, get a better job or study to get a better one, etc. it’s better than stewing around feeling sorry for yourself.
@@whysoblutube That sounds like the antithesis of the video though, running away to the Swolehouse and/or Library is precisely what avoidance is. At 13:18 Dr. K basically said that the response should be to tell myself "It bes like that sometimes.", then see out my other tasks for the day. I'm serious about this, I'm not fucking around.
@ going to the gym or library isn’t avoidance, though. Staying home dwelling in misery in the basement - that’s avoidance. Not taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others for your issues, that’s avoidance. There’s a distinction.
@aland7236 BPD patient here - I tackled "radical acceptance" in DBT therapy, and It took me years until I realized that "acceptance" only means to stop beating yourself up for where you are, and stop constantly wishing for things and your feelings to be different right now. Instead, make the best out of the given situation. So you're single. And yes, that can make you sad. It's just what is right now. Thinking "Man, I wish I had a girlfriend and I wish I wasn't sad" a thousand times (as I like to do 😉) is not going to change this. Instead: What can you do to make things a little bit better for you right now, just in this moment? And so you push on, it's like standing still and moving forward at the same time - very weird, and I still work on it. But yeah, it's actually transformative in a bizarre way. Cleans your mind and sets free new energy.
I dont get it, isn't that what everyone is doing when they make the "black pill reading list" for example. That is finally accepting that they feel hopeless and that it's not necessarily wrong. How does one accept being hopeless without just.. You know. Society is so fucked, I don't feel welcome att all to this world. It feels like hell. Usually these help and I get it but now I'm just confused. This is just my thoughts I don't usually focus on these things unless I'm feeling low for whatever reason and it never really helps to acknowledge it. I haven't really looked into these rainbowpill groups so can't talk on that. Or am I supposed to accept the feeling but not the fact? Because sure it might not be literally hopeless but it really feels like the world is working against me (and this is a world where struggle for resources exists, that's a fact). It might not be hopeless but it still feels like a place you wouldn't want to be at. For example if you're in a toxic group you should leave. Wherever I go there's pain. And I'm not objectively doing badly other than my career so it's not a problem with goals, it even feels like I use resources that I don't deserve. I guess that makes sense because work thing. Damn my thought are a mess hehe, maybe I don't understand this because it's not aimed at me, I honestly don't believe that it's hopeless, just feels unnecessary if that makes sense. But might as well let it play out and se what happens, time flies.
“I feel hopeless” is a fact, “the future IS hopeless” is a prediction…but no one can know the entire future with certainty. Strive, my friend, and even if you do not succeed, you at least did not guarantee yourself failure by succumbing to the black pill rot. It exists to erode your spirit and profit off our your hopelessness - if you spent your whole life striving and failing, that’s still better than not trying at all (at whatever it is you seek). Whatever that is, I sincerely hope you achieve it.
@@mindgames4389 We dont experience "reality", but rather just what information our senses collect, what our brain then makes out of that, and then in our consciessness we'll get some thought based on the whole process. If we feel something is absolute certain, than thats just a part of our brain is saying it is, which is regardless of it actually being true or not. And thats not a bad thing, thats just how it is. Yet eg when we get depressed, our brain starts presenting things as black and white, it struggles with nuance.
@@termitreter6545 Brother your senses interact with reality… smell is molecules, hearing is sound waves, sight is light reflecting off objects, etc. Even depression is an imbalance in brain chemistry aka something very real, not imagined. There are even organisms without brains that can detect these things. We all know if you step off a high ledge that gravity will take effect regardless of what you think so ignore reality at your own peril.
Wow that's the best explanation of lasting negative emotions I've ever heard. That applies not only to self beliefs and negative experiences, but also to trauma, I think
For some time I've been noticing that meds, especially antidepressants, did not help me with living through trauma, but even made my emotions worse. I think that in short term ther helped me not to kill anyone, but in long term (7 years of pharmacological treatment) they made me depressed uncapable hopeless wreck of human...
I found this fascinating, but at the end at what point do you actually go back to relate with the external world? All that internal work must have an external outcome in the end
I feel like he didnt say much. Acknowledge it and become aware of your emotions? Is that all? I think everyone who is hopeless know that theyre hopeless and what's going in their heads and what contributes to those thoughts.
Did you think watching some 22 minute RUclips video was gonna fix your problems - ironically he has done in this video what he is claiming to stop the blackpill from doing he exploited you
@@aryantiwari1945 I dont think he even states or claims to have a cure but he knows that there are a lot of people who are hopeless and videos with thumbnails like these and his whole brand would lead people to believe he does again exploiting you
Emotions are not in your head, they're in your body. It's not about knowing that you're hopeless, it's about directly and consciously feeling and validating your hopelessness and other (negative) emotions. That instead of avoiding them through constant thinking or trying to change external factors.
@@A23049 i don't understand the concept. if i cry, feel emotions, does it count? well, it doesn't change anything at all. they keep affecting my life and coming up again and again. i'll accept them again and again, but nothing will change.
I think you miss a deeper pont in this problem. I know what i should do, like engaging in the emotion and dont avoid it. But it feels so bad when i do it so my body just says “ dont do it“ and i dont. How do i overcome this ?
Can you please make a video on exactly how to connect with your emotions?? I've tried really hard for years and I just can't reach that part of the brain it seems.
First pay attention to sensations in your body. Look for things like, "butterflies in your stomach," or, "a warmth in your chest." That's the beginning of emotions since the amygdala (that tags signals with emotions) gets signals from the insula (from your network of nerves that monitors your bodys insides.)
So improve the stuff you can. Life’s fucking unfair and you can’t change everything. Accept the things you can control and do the best you can. There’s no guarantee everything will turn out how you want but even if success is unlikely, it’s better odds than giving up ‘cause you’re *checks notes* barely less than average height. I’d rather try and fail than live with regret.
Did you watch the WHOLE video?Be honest! 😂 Dr. K literally had put some timestamps, and your issue can be solved with the advice at the minute 12:37 - good luck! Don't nag. Look for solutions. 👍
@@danielroy8232 just keep buying my courses bro, im sure your life will improooove after you spend your life savings on my personal coaching sessions bro. - Unhealthy Gaslighter.
I hope you’re joking ‘cause that’s definitely an unfair oversimplification of what he said. This shit is by no means easy and he acknowledges this throughout.
'Feeling hopeless? So *do* feel hopeless, do not avoid your emotions and over time you will be able accept this feeling. Now you may improve your situation, because it no longer is do or die.'
Ok so here's my question, If I'm ready to accept that by taking more and more desperate actions to try to find love (which were actually motivated by my own fear) was actually not helping me, and lead to a negative feedback loop of being hurt by more rejections and negative experiences; then how do I attribute the negative outcomes of those attempts in a way that's not super negative? It's extremely hard for me to not view it in a black-and-white way where it's either "my fault and i deserve it" or "life just sucks". Neither of those is helpful to me.
10:25 is such an important statement that goes unnoticed within others. Even if people don't intentionally treat others different, they still do because of whatever bias they have.
The blackpill freed me from trying to impress women or be good enough for them. Nowadays I just focus on the things I'm passionate about and I even rejected a girl that asked me out recently. I genuinely feel so free nowadays. I don't have to worry about what women think of my height, I don't have to worry about repressing and hiding my emotions in order to not seem weak and unmanly. I can legitimately just be myself and enjoy things now that I understand that women simply are not worth it and that they only care about superficial things.
Yeah boyo you can unironically just be yourself and accept no matter what you do you will allways be perceived as a genetic dead end. Most of these grifters try to put the Nihilism and danger label onto the BP because they know if the majority of sub5's get blackpilled they wont have anyone to scam anymore.
Well, I was attractive when I was young and it didn’t bring me any happiness. Now I’m fat, old and hopelessly single, and realise that broken spirits is what prevents us from finding love and happiness. Looks, careers and such definitely affect our chances in life, but let’s be honest, most people are just average. And there are plenty of really ugly and poor people in happy relationships. Just some of us are so shitty people that we can’t even do what the ugliest and poorest do when they feel okay about themselves. I think I might have taken it into a new level of depressing.
The reality is that looks aren't anywhere near as important as people like to say they are, hypergamy has been scientifically disproven, and people with polarizing looks and odd features do well in their niche. Late bloomers tend to "stick the landing" on relationships better than people who started early and learned bad habits. I like scrawny nerds. Don't care about height. Don't like beards. Don't GaF about cars. That already breaks a lot of stereotypes. My current partner was a virgin who'd never had a girlfriend. We started as online friends. Nobody can force happiness, or even hope. But if you're open to new experiences when the right person comes along, evaluating rather than obsessing, you could get lucky.
@@Trammiliin_nr2 I used to think my issues were all my fault. Then in my 40s came the diagnoses: CPTSD, regular PTSD, AvPD, ADHD... yikes. Chances are, all the cruelties echoing in your head have a root cause. Abuse, bullying, neurodivergences... if you investigate, you may find those root causes, and even if you don't have the tools to get official help yet, the fact that you're here on the doc's channel says you're doing your best. You may not be able to believe it right now--I sure didn't--but chances are, you deserve self-compassion. Imagine another you from a parallel universe: would you have compassion for them? That question got me started.
@@WynneL I’m actually in therapy with cPTSD, depression and anxiety. And being medicated for ADHD. Plus I have insomnia and chronic pain, so I don’t sleep either. And THIS is what causes my issues. Not how I look or how much money I make. 😂 I’ve observed life, and I see how people born with significant disabilities grow up absolutely awesome people if they grow in supportive and loving families. There was a girl who was born without legs, but she learnt skateboarding and enjoys her life the fullest. Her adoptive parents supported her and filled her life with love and empowerment. And I’ve seen many more similar stories. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely do not minimize their struggles, but admire their spirit. And I thought how come that despite their obvious hardships, they are so content and happy, and I have all my limbs intact and I can’t even cope with simply being an adult without being constantly on the verge of burnout and swinging between mild and incapacitating depression. And I figured it’s the broken spirit that holds us back. I think black pillers are deceiving themselves with this narrative that only the “top 10” are able to find a partner or a good job. They just don’t want to face the truth that they are rotten inside, because it’s much harder to accept. And it’s easier to blame those who won’t date them, bad genes, shallowness of other people etc. I once started talking with a guy online and he asked me out. There were some slight red flags and I rejected. As a response I got a kilometer long rant how he asked a female friend what he should do to get a date, and he did everything correct and women are so stupid. Not nessecarily an incel-rant, but definitely a “nice guy”. He also refused to accept that maybe he causes the rejections with his strange belief system.
thanks so much for the video, I took notes. I just started with a new therapist. In spite of my childhood trauma (PTSD), he wanted to jump straight to anxiety coping strategies, one of which involved distancing myself from my emotions. I told him that I felt completely numb from that because it gave me the power to distance myself from every thought and feeling, essentially alienating them from me. I told him that instead, I wanted to do PTSD work and talk about my family in-depth. Thankfully he agreed. Now it's been 9 weeks and I think I'm hitting my limit on divulging and detoxing the trauma. I hope that I've done the right thing in order to be able to move onwards and upwards.
It sounds like you've turned that onto the right tracks and you're heading in the right direction. My guess is you're doing some form of exposure therapy... if it's getting a bit much, there are some less intense and quicker methods which can work - EMDR is one well known way... there's also the Rewind technique that comes out of the Human Givens approach. For context on that, there's a charity here in the UK for Veterans called PTSD Resolution which did some clinical studies - they found substantial benefit for most people within a handful of sessions. I'm not a therapist myself, but just thought I'd mention these approaches in case they do help. Whether it's helpful or not, I wish you good luck.
@@am01264 I’m going to look further into that! Thank you for sharing 😊 (pausing to imagine our society’s impact if contributions like this were normalized..maybe, one day 😅
@@am01264 EMDR is the exact "distancing oneself from emotions" exercise that made me feel numb and alienated from my own emotions, as lizzie described, when it was attempted on me for (C)PTSD. The more I did it the worse I felt. Recommend heavily against.
Just as an example, treatment centers won't touch trauma w clients. It's usually very destabilizing and can lead clients to leaving and getting loaded. I think that's the approach your therapist wanted to start with so you didn't get overwhelmed. I didn't talk about my childhood trauma until I was seeing my therapist for a year regularly. She said we could go as fast or as slow as I wanted. Everyone is different, and it's good you asked for what you needed.
It will take longer than 9 weeks-you'll have to keep coming back to it, probably. You might need to look for a trauma-informed therapist, and who does more than only pure CBT and coping skills.
I feel like there is something missing from that video. That this is just the beginning of the journey. Acknoledge the hopelessnes and all the Bad Stuff that has happened, but then what?
You're right. I'm not Buddhist but Buddha said acknowledging your suffering is the first step to your salvation. I'd read more from him, he made a whole guide thousands of years ago that is still relevant today. I think it's called the 8 fold path or sm
Not sure how should I put it, but the hopelessness is kinda what I chase when I consume the black pill content. And it helps. Because when I look at what I should I do to fix my life, I feel overwhelmed. "No way I can do it, no way I can succeed - but I must, must or else..." But then I get myself a black pill. "It won't work anyway". And it makes me calm down... and actually do at least some of the stuff, as I don't feel overwhelmed anymore, but at the same time be like "okay, maybe it will make feel fulfilled at least for a day so I can feel marginally better." In a way, you've touched it but then fell back into this talk about "validation", and not "giving up". But there is a way to exploit the other side of it, too.
You made me smile with your "myself" as the starting point....and the hand gesture.... Arent we all "a touch narcissistic"? Amused and genuinely interested in healing myself, from Pakistan.
Haha, that title is pure projection. BP is literally just a metaphor that's up for individual interpretation. Dr.K is actually taking your money (sometimes HUNDREDS) , promising he can help you through Discord lool. You tell me which sounds more predatory.
First of all 🖤Dr.K 🙂 I liked the example of Minas Trith, but I imagine it more like being Gandalf on the top of Orthanc during a cold night... : D I believe in destiny and so I think that apart from working on oneself as Dr.K describes one must open one's eyes to opportunity, or in Gandalf's case to the ‘white moth’. Learn to smile (mirror) and greet people with it. The ‘white moth’ will smile back. ;-) The following is intended to express my hopelessness as a way of recognising it. My hopelessness is not only due to what Dr.K. has said, but also to the general world picture. I make the mistake of watching the news every morning and what I see there shatters all hope. I can't help it. If I don't watch the news I have the feeling that I am missing something important. In short, my attitude to life mirrors that of Arthur Schopenhauer and, therefore, I see no point in making an effort to get out of my hopelessness.
My hopelessness comes from my mom making take a "who let the dogs out" dance when i was about 9. It makes me feel like im destined to be this wuss of a man. I didnt realize until recently that i spent a large portion of energy keeping that a secret from friends and denying that was part of my past. I was only in it for like 2 months, and then played football the next 6 years, but for whatever reason, my brain tells me 'because i was in a silly dance, that is who i am' but im not. I hated that dance. I pissed the teachers off everyday. I should have been skateboarding like my friends were. I just turned 30, and that self doubt still affects me
I've done much worse much more embarrassing stuff, with less accomplishments and I don't feel this way. If that's the only thing that's bothering you its in your head. You literally played football for 6 years, people will know you more for that than some shit you probably won't bring up you did for 2 months. And even if you do bring it up, yeah maybe some people will tease you for it, but others will see it as a wholesome thing you did when you were a child. Also a lot of people did embarrassing stuff when they were younger, and even still do it when they're older. It doesn't make it less cringe, but it is what it is. You do things that are embarrassing. Some people are cringe and don't even know it. People make mistakes and try to hide them. I wet my bed until I was 10 but nobody knew about it. I wasn't stupid enough to tell anyone.
Thank you Dr K for talking about this. I try to make blackpillers reconsider their stance through my videos and your videos helped me discover new ways to help them. And of course Thank you to the Healthy gamer Team as whole!
Hope feels like both a revelation and a fresh start, but it asks something of us-a leap of faith. Like love and morality, it draws us toward action. When we take that leap, it’s as if the universe meets us halfway. In contrast, the Black Pill shapes a system of thought where the abyss stares back-not with indifference, but almost as if mocking. I wonder how hope and faith differ, when being thinks of existence in the Space ... where time is the fire in which we Burn
Thanks for the vid. What would have been nice to mention is, if you are going and experiencing the same emotions (like rejection) again, what prevents it from creating trauma this time, or making it worse? From my understanding, trauma arises from the inability to form a proper response in an emotionally overwhelming situation. If you go and confront your trauma, how can it be likely that you won't AGAIN get overwhelmed? Since the situation (with a girl) is always a bit random. Some women are worse than your previous experiences. At the end of the day, I think you get hopeless because you try to do something and you don't succeed. You really have only two rational choices: either stop trying, or find a way to make it work. But IMO, doing the same over and over is purely insane, and it will ruin your confidence even if you don't resist the feelings.
Thank you for this video but i have another problem, you keep saying that when you put yourself out there you get rejected and rejected and this increases hopelessnes but i dont even got rejected, i dont know how to even try to get out there, i found a good job i started going to gym im on a therapy, i found a lot of interesting hobbies but still i dont know how to date and how to find anyone to even get out on a date, im stuck at first step. Please Define what do you mean by going "out there"?
Emotional repression and suppression are linked to emotional blackmail, and the only way out is radical honesty by ourselves owning our responsibility for processing our own feelings.
Id like to see a video on how to embrace pain, go through the grieving process, and stop running away. I have extremely suppressed emotions but am self reflective. I am also quite self aware at this point and see two therapists (one for regular life, one for cancer), but i have a hell of a lot more baggage than i think i realized. Obviously i am a specific case like anyone else, which is maybe why it is a good general question: Everyones baggage is different. What tools can I use to acknowledge my emotions?
You can see it happen in his interview videos. It's subtle though, so people miss it. A lot of the heavy lifting is about just naming emotions honestly. Even if it's the "wrong" emotion to feel, the point is allowing it to come out. You can see how many interviewes get uncomfortable as they go into vulnerable spaces.if you can find someone to guide you like that, even if it's by showing that process on video to a therapist you trust.
First of all great video! Came to the same conclusion quite some time ago but called it "acceptance of losing". Like in that one scene in "Devil's advocate" when John Milton says to Kevin Lomax, "Maybe it was your time to lose.". But where is the significant difference in the long run? At least for me, it seems like just another attack of Māra only from a different fraction, substituting one hope with another. So as long as society or my social enrivonment doesn't accept that I lost this game, under which conditions am I allowed to go and leave the board then?
The way I see it, blackpillers are stuck in a vicious cycle of putting too much pressure on themselves to behave a certain way or have certain things, then when they inevitably fail to have those things, they end up putting even more pressure on themselves. I feel like they think that they only have value if they do those things/have those things. Thus, if they don't have those things, then they're worthless, and no one wants to feel that way. They're seeking external validation instead of getting it from themselves. So I think the first thing to do would be to accept yourself. It's okay to not have a romantic partner. Not everyone needs to get married and have children. It's okay to not have an amazing career. Not everyone needs to be Bill Gates. It's okay to be ugly. Not everyone needs to look like a supermodel. That doesn't make you any less human. It's okay to be yourself. We're all just characters playing the roles that evolution gave us. We do have some choice, but it's very limited. As such, there's no sense in comparing your character to someone else's, any more than there is in comparing a fish to a monkey. Start treating yourself like a person instead of a tool. Pay attention to your body and your subconscious. Listen to what they're trying to say. That usually solves the problem.
Realizing I've got a friend like this, they always wanted to get "better" in the ways the video states, but I hope what I learned just now will help with being able to talk to them. Thanks
Lately started feeling like love is kinda dead within modern dating due to various factors and dr k drops this
You are acting like its going to fix anything
@Anaximandro_1814 To be honest, anything in life is worth over the blackpill ideology lol
Same but I'll tell you something that I've been really considering is religion, literally all of my problems can be fixed
@Anaximandro_1814 "They are all perfect" bro.
He's tapped in
The problem is not the presence of failure, it's an abscence of success.
I'm so tired of people that do the "it's OK, everybody fails sometimes" or "toughen up, kiddo" dance. Because it's not about failure. It's about no success.
the absence of success is failure. you either succeed or fail.
@@LuigiMario-o7oOr it's nothing, because you've stopped trying.
@ irrelevant failure
@@LuigiMario-o7o there is a difference between failing 9/10 and 10/10 times
@@Straga_Severa_ you get micro successes, but accepting that the main goal isn't complete allows one to get out of assessment and back to action
What is not mentioned is that you can fail despite your best efforts. That's just the way life is... Hopelessness doesn't come out of nowhere, nor does failing and giving up despite some effort affect your will to keep fighting... No, what is really devastating is that the fight lasts so long and is so exhausting until you simply can't go on. How much longer are we supposed to fight this unwinnable battle? Until we're 40? 50? Is it even worth it at that point?
I feel you. I don't think its about fighting, it's about letting go and accepting the good and the bad. Do what you want to do in life bc our time is limited and we shouldn't die with regrets
Nah bro everyone knows your prime is in your 90s bro.
Just keep buying his courses and keep improooovin 😎😎😎
@@jaydeegreat88 who said “we” shouldn’t and who said that its bad
he literally brought it up
I get that, that when I gave up and just followed some strange things from intuition. Like it felt the universe was conspiring against me. Something changed mid 20s. I think i might have been acceptance but it's like life just fell into place. It was mind set change but not one I did intentionally it just sort happened when I went into bout depression losing my job and acceptance that lasted about 6 weeks where I came out on the clueless just happy to have job but things really changed. In hindsight I subconsciously made a lot odd decision that lead to success.
I kind of fell into this rabbit hole for a while and for all I tried, it was still other people who helped me feel comfortable in my skin. I moved to a western country to study at a university. I stumbled into a girl I was working with for a module project and we started talking. Idk why, but it was easy for me to talk and be in the moment. She later came up to me in a lecture break where I was sitting and teased me. I flirted a bit with her in a practical hour and held hands while fighting over who should get the last bit of a snack.
That really gave me confidence and now I notice how I can look people in the eyes and stand straight. It's as if I wanted to make sure that I didn't bring attention to myself before and now that's gone. I didn't notice this before, but now it feels like a weight is off my chest.
She wasn't really interested because I asked her to hang out and she refused when it was just the two of us and she recently mentioned that she has a boyfriend. I really don't mind though. Not only her, but other people here treating me like a decent human being helped me come out of my shell. That's when others with confirmed mental issues tried to insult me and convince me that I am also in some way mentally sick like them. I went to a psychologist when I was younger because of a teacher saying I wasn't paying attention in class(it was too easy) and he said there was nothing wrong with me. It's just that I had trouble getting closer with other people after I befriended them and I always felt like I had to put a lot of effort just to maintain relationships. I think they felt how I put up barriers around me and how I refused many invitations.
All of these insecurities of mine seem to wash away not because I worked on myself, but because of my many interactions in university with new people. Having people genuinely appreciate your presence can do wonders.
Some people say you can't be friends with girls or they are using you for attention while you aren't getting action. I think that's so stupid now when I just appreciate them caring and being open more than just the physical relationship. If it does get to that point, awesome, but always looking for locking her in is just stupid now in hindsight. That's not really what I was looking for, but just people treating me like the normal human that I am and not some worthless social reject. Sorry for the long comment. I hope you get some insight from this.
i had the exact same experience since i started working+college in september. my boss, coworker, customers and all my new friends treat me really well and i think it also helped with me trying my best to open up to people again. feels good to just be myself with lots of energy and love to spread as it is returned the same way
I had to see someone as a kid as well. Played chess with the guy, he asked me questions. no surprise to me that I was found to be normal. The teacher hated the boys in general, but she also saw that I daydreamed all the time and seemingly didn't pay attention (and either I did pay attention just enough to absorb the info, or I didn't and still got 100% scores on literally every single spelling test.. Pissed her off I imagine, unfortunately. lol)
Them saying that you're being taken advantage of is assuming that you don't feel happy with the relationship being platonic. Or that even if you do, you're still being 'taken advantage of' because I guess they believe that social interaction with a woman without sexual motives/payoff is pointless and has no value. That's a major part of why they likely struggle or have unhealthy hook-ups and not meaningful relationships best-case scenario. Worst case it's a Rogers-esque incel.
W bro
sucks you had to goi through that. she was young and immature
Great story, and I'm glad you're doing better. HOWEVER, I have to warn you of something: if you're actually INTERESTED in a woman ROMANTICALLY, DO NOT pursue a friendship with her! Instead, express your interest quickly (telling her to give you her number, so you can ask her out); even if she says 'no', she'll perceive you as being confident for expressing yourself authentically, as opposed to being passively pleasing, putting yourself in the friend zone, hiding your feelings and then getting angry, resentful and vindictive when the girl rejects you years later.
Based on my experience, you'll save yourself a ton of misery.
Just came back from an extended family gathering for my uncles celebration of life. Everybody there including my brothers in my generation are married and either have kids or are planning on having them soon and make great money. My family is really nice and everybody would come up to me and be like, wow you look great! But inside, i dont know what to do with my life and feel like a huge waste of a human being. I come from a family of successful people where it was all ring before spring for them. Im 31 years old, jobless, hardly any friends, no romantic partners for years now and have so much complex trauma and confusion with life that I feel like I am drowning and wasting so much potential but wont ever see the light at the end of the tunnel and won't ever meet any great significant other in my life. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself, but it is so hard to when everyone around me has a life and i just want to be loved and feel confident again.
I'm 33, been single for basically more than a decade. (And the relationships I had before were intensely shallow) My 3 younger brothers are all married with good jobs.
You're not alone. There's a portion of men who society will never accept, both in the job market & the relationship market.
The only thing that makes it unbearable is crap like what this guy talks about in his video.
He's pissing on his audience & tell them it's rain.
Don't listen to the black pillers. Cultivate empathy and see, what society wants from you - and what do you want. My story is that I was this hopeless black piller a decade ago, befor it was cool. Now, I figured out that technically I am aroace, so the source of my frustration was external, and it is not a miracle that I hated every second of this. It was just not natural for me.
About job seeking: if you know what you want, it builds up an internal motivation, which doesn't have to be "coached" into you. What do you like to do? What are your skills?
All in all, you have to figure this out, but a therapist can help.
Also don't reduce human relationships into a meat market. People are more crazier than any market, and that is okay.
relatable 😭
@@Secret_Takodachi “never accept” why? I get feeling hopeless but claiming “never” is like claiming omniscience. Maybe you perfectly understand why things haven’t worked out for you in the past, and you’re already doing everything you can. Maybe you won’t ever be accepted, even if you’re doing everything right, but you can’t know that for sure. Nobody can know the future. Question that belief - even if there’s zero room to improve your own circumstances (which I doubt), even if the odds stacked against you are a billion to one, you don’t know that shit for sure. It’s fine to be mad at the vid, but consider why it irks you so much. Did he say anything factually incorrect? Did you?
dude why don’t you try to find something real that brings you enjoyment? just find 1 thing that you like to do. u only get one life, and if you enjoy playing video games and doing nothing then fine but it sounds like you don’t like the feeling you get when you do that stuff so just find 1 thing that is real
You are gonna griiiiind, you are gonna IMPROOOOVE everyday!
Have you improooooooooved today?
Kurzgesagt’s video on loneliness was a video that taught me to understand and accept a lot of the things you discuss in this video. I am a lonely mafacr which means that I’m in a lot of pain. Constantly. And because I’m in a state of agony I became over protective of my self which means I got more cautious than necessary. And because I’m overly cautious I act differently and turn good situations into bad ones or cut people of because my overprotectiveness senses something negative where in actually there’s nothing.
Anyway the blackpill is real
Damn that sounds exactly like myself. I suppose I should watch that video. Sorry your dealing with that it makes daily life hard and pretty frustrating.
whoa did I write this comment, or did you! Thanks for sharing. It's wild how alike most of us really are.
Try CBT.. And how are you going to trust anyone if you aren't going to be able to be vulnerable?
So relatable, it's the feedback loop from hell
So you're saying the blackpill appeared for no reason?
it's just a chemical imbalance
I personally got so much benefit out of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). As someone who has been in and out of therapy for years, it was the breakthrough I needed. Talk therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy made me aware of the concepts that made me feel the way I did, but ACT helped me be present with what I’m feeling and recognize the events of the past that inform that feeling. It’s less about controlling and suppressing your emotions, but instead recognizing them and understanding why you feel the way you do. Essentially you can’t control your emotions, but you can influence the actions you take from the information you have about how you’re feeling.
That being said, everyone has a different experience and circumstances. What works for my anxiety and depression may not work for yours. I wish you luck on your journeys!
Never thought about it that way tbh. Stayed up till 1AM last night thinking about how much better my life will be once I do “X”. At the same time felt like I was on the verge of tears - but couldn’t get anything out.
So it’s all rooted in avoidance huh? Think I’m gonna take a walk after I get these dishes done.
Taking a walk sounds like avoidance
@@Wow-hr1gl Depends on what you are avoiding. If you are avoiding your own thoughts, a walk is a way to confront those thoughts head on.
@@Darth_Insidious I think sitting alone is definitely more powerful if your aim is to confront your thoughts the walk is a distraction
@@Wow-hr1gl My brain moves better if my body is moving. If I'm not moving, my thoughts can often spin without going anywhere.
Avoidance from embracing evolutionary biology and its consequences 😅
Good points. According to David Hawkins (and Lester Levenson), unprocessed emotions are the underlying cause for almost all of our troubles and misery, and letting go of them changes your emotional state so that you have more free energy and start moving towards your goals and desires more effortlessly. I am currently in the process of clearing out that emotional store house and it is an enormous task, but it will hopefully be rewarded
You do realizeclearing out these emotions is impossible because they keep on flooding in? Some people, like you, might have a store house. Others have the flood gates wide open. How exactly are they supposed to deal with these emotions?
Idk maybe find a book about the topic and read it? Why are you asking in yt comments @@alistlesshowlfromtheether
They are not flooding in, they are already in you. Everything that you react to is unconscious programs inside of you, they don't flood in. How should that be possible? Emotions are not a thing outside of your consciousness. Start by observing what you react to and maybe you can see the reason behind it. Then you can start letting it go and let the emotions run their course until they change@@alistlesshowlfromtheether
I was struggling with intense self-harm thoughts and your video appeared. I feel you are my guardian angel Dr K. I wish my perpetual hopelessness ends soon. I don't want to keep living in this constant state of misery. My efforts seem futile and the whole year has ended.😞
The good thing is, there's a new year after this one ends. The bad thing is, there's a new year after this one ends.
And each day is a new day. A chance for us to touch the sun and enjoy it's warmth. You my friend...and each of us it worthy of that and more. Take care friend.
Keep going
Good on you for commenting and watching the video. It's proof you're still making an effort. I hope you find the help you need. I believe you are capable of changing for the better!
Look for help my friend. Ive lived like you for all my life, im 42 now, and im falling too deep once more. But, tje support from antidepressants helps a lot, as it place my brain in a "normal" state I can see ams think much easier and stop seeing all black and lost. Cause otherway theres nothing i can do, wjen u r this low you cant tell anybody because its too much. I feel deeply ashamed to open up. Good luck .
Interesting this came out today. I’ve been feeling incredibly suicidal and hopeless. The genuine trying my hardest for a long time to feel like I’m not seeing what I want out of existing is exactly how I feel. Like what is it about me that prevents me to exist like the folks around me.
Why do you have to exist like the folks around you?
@@instantpug7036 they mean the ABILITY to exist as they themselves want, a skill that everyone around them *seems to have.* Not that they want to be LIKE the other people.
the joke is that your serounding feels the same but does not show it because they all play it save, and supress their emotions. you who noticed the meaningless of life, you can life with the base essenz of life, to bring good into the world and have a good time.
if you want a blessing:
May my lord jesus christ help you and us all to find rest in our pressing lifes, as to guide us to a way where we can be happy.
Y'all need to look at Professor Allen Downey's chart of rates of marriage by decade of birth, on his blog "Probably Overthinking It", the post is called "Millennials are Not Getting Married". Seriously, *look* at it.
This is a civilisational problem. Saying "la la la I can't hear you" does not change the truth.
he knows lol
Only self improvement you can do is being low bodyfat and surgeries, the rest is cope
I admit that even after watching the whole video, I have no idea at all what he means with vague phrase like "tackling hopelessness directly". I wish he used more concrete examples or gave some simple practice because phrases like "accept your feelings and something beautiful will happen" just sound like noise of every other self-help expert in black piller's instagram feed.
The issue with what you want is that the root of the problem isn't concrete and can't fully be resolved through physical practices. Simplified a lot, it's an abstract psychological problem; it's a mindset issue. Perspectives aren't concrete and aren't often resolved through a couple of simple physical practices (although they are certainly boosted and supplemented by actionable practices). In order to resolve an issue that revolves around perspectives/mindsets, you have to understand and embody a change in how you perceive things. Until then, you will stay stuck.
Because he has no answer for this himself, he cant refute the blackpill and knows that but wants to still keep making money from lonely dudes. the blackpill tackles hopelessness with a realistic non bs approach. improve your looks/money/status. think about it if therapy was the answer why there is still tons of lonely men ot there?
@@lordenvincar what % of blackpillers leave the community?
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
@@daniellegeddes8432 Way more than bluepilled normies who are left to make poor desicions with no real knowledge of how any of this works. how often do you see men marry goldiggers who clearly have no interest in them and will divorce after a few years? hell even jeff bezos is making that mistake.
Great video Dr. Kope
I’m tired boss…
It took the 30-second into to realize that I’m in the blackpill headspace. The whole “relationships aren’t possible for me” hit like a ton of bricks. My initial thought was, “well, but my past experiences are…. actually probably as nuanced as anyone thinking this. Crap.” Okay, then- I suppose awareness is generally the first step in addressing a problem. Let’s hear it, Dr.K!
Having watched the entire video: 💯
@@NobodyListensToCasandraThe term Blackpill is less about a specific community than becoming a hopeless individual whose mentality will lead to destructive actions toward oneself (themselves included) out of spite for their perception of Reality
"Need to feel it" is easy to say, but HOW?
Like, I feel it 24/7, so I'm not sure how else to feel it. I write about it, I say what I'm feeling out loud, I do my best to embrace it, but that doesn't seem to change anything... When someone says I need to feel it, and confront it, it just sounds mystical to me.
I think its all about understanding why you feel it so that you can eventually let it go, but it's hard and you can't rush it, you have to be patient with the process
And also don't let it stop you from living your life and experiencing new things, that helps a lot
It can be mystical. If you are a high testosterone individual, it really will not come out until your test drops low enough to feel it.
I think the best time to do it is at night, or after enough physical exertion. As a man I feel like you almost need a routine for this, along with working with a professional.
Same
By acknowledge that dating is hopeless, I can give up and move on
By acknowledging that trying to control the outcome is hopeless, you can move on without having to give up.
All you can do is put your effort in. It's not up to you whether that's reciprocated.
do you truly Move on? Like you will become a monk?
@ScaryMango6755 You won't become a monk, but you will stop putting your self-worth in the hands of someone who might reject you for no fault of your own
I see, so funny enough the reason I am hopeful is because I am so lazy that I haven't try the things everyone say works🤣🤣
Don't settle.
"Bro just be yourself bro"
"Never get UP"
everyday i wake up!
it's over bros
Goated philosopher Meeks
Black pill and red pill actually saved my life.
Knowing there's someone like you(in your situation) is a big relief. Plus, a sense of community. Seeing the real face of the world (mean, greedy) is another good thing for nice guys. However, it's very easy to get stuck there in resentment. It's important to find something higher.
I agree. Applying for law jobs right now out of law school. Been rejected by 27 firms in a row and had 16 interviews. Each one gets harder and harder. I’m out of hope…
It will happen keep going. I almost quit nursing in the beginning due to toxic work environment, but this little words of encouragement helped me from a stranger.
@@x80WildCat08x Your suffering is meaningless
@LOL_MANN who asked you?
@@lexi6081 Truth is often disappointing
Dr. K who wants to help us: "Don't suppress your emotions"
Parents: "If you don't stop crying you will get another slap!"
I wonder how some of us turned out this way😑
Your parents were not safe people. You need to parent your inner child safely now that they are not controlling your life anymore. It's hard, but being the parent you needed for your inner child will eventually bring peace.
They got some point tho, tho it's not applicable at all times. There's time and place for showing emotions, and usually parents and they know it or at least subconsciously--that they are a representation of the outside world--showing those negative emotions most of the time isn't good, in fact it can be manipulating and can be seen as a manipulator. Sadly not all has developed EQ to discern what's what
Yea but parents arent supposed to teach this their child by traumatizing them lol
Parents simply should nurture a child, make them as confident and happy as possible
@@nolandderlugner1351if it was so simple...
"Fear will keep them in line" - Some parents.
It nevER began Mr K
I'm one of the target demogrpahics of black pill thought. Person of color, short, not a great hairline. I pretty much never got picked on for any of these things growing up, and nobody outside certain online communities full of trolls would even bring it up. Women have expressed interest in me, regardless of those "issues".
10-15 years ago, I did spend time online, but this "doomerism" around dating for men didn't seem nearly as widespread. Redpill/PUA stuff was blowing up big in the early 10's, but back then the message was mostly that if you couldn't attract women, it was your fault and your responsibility. I'm not saying those groups didn't have problems even back then, but the stuff about looksmaxxing, height obsession and so on was usually turned around and called as an exccuse/copout for guys not being successful in dating and life. There seems to have been a relationship between what happened at the start of the decade - a pandemic - and the rise of more "mainstream" black pill talking points. Simultaneous social atrophy due to lockdown/stay at home measures, and people spending criticial formative years interacting with the world behind screens instead of IRL, probably lead to folks who started to really internalize the really insidious rhetoric around controversial talking points like lookism. In other words, people have formed their opinions about the world online, in times when they should have been getting their ideas and socialization from co-ed environments with mixed peer groups like school and work.
I think it's always been accepted that more attractive people had more options, for obvious reasons, but most people were still perfectly acceptable relationship partners for someone. Only recently has this idea that men who don't have all the perfect genetics are completely out of the market and have zero hope has blown up. Even now, I noticed a lot of men care way more about things like their height and hairline than I ever remember growing up. This is especially true with younger millenials and Gen Z, in my observation. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention, but I swear this kind of body dysmorphia didn't exist with young men when I was in high school and college.
you didn't grow up in this situation, you don't know what it's like
@@gplastic actually, I probably have a lot more in common with "sub 5 males" than you think.
As someone who’s fy in college this year, 19, I found this post insightful. Especially since you didn’t grow up in this era.
Black pill isnt doomerism....its supposed to teach acceptance to how evolutionary biology works
People care more about these things because they are less ignorant perhaps?
The issue I personally face within this is, that I get used to hopelessness, cause it at least feels familiar and denying this hopelessness feels like fleeing from reality. Defencelessness (Martin P. Seligman & Steven F. Mayer, 1967). I'm so used to rejection, that I might be even more afraid of acceptance and commitment. I love my mind.
It sounds like you have already realized that your mind is not reality. It is just a series of ideas and emotions that recognizes the familiarity and comfort of hopelessness. You recognize it already which means you have the power to change it if you wish. Many people benefit from professional help, you don't have to do it alone.
@rw5622 Sadly I've had 6 treatment of 3 different settings in the past 6 years and by now I'm not even validly diagnosed let alone effectively treated. It keeps being interesting. 😄
"trust me bro it will get better"
"just try, don't give up"
And how hard did you really try?
yes
"Anything is possible! Don't ever give up! Keep grinding keep hustling, shoot for your dreams!" - a great man
Anyway the blackpill is real
@@felipeignaciomartinezcacer8754 no one is arguing against the blackpoll
Few people get that the concept of hope is the complete antithesis of what black pill is about. Hope isn't real, only reality is. Black pill teaches people to accept and deal with reality as is, instead of hoping for things to magically change. An ugly mfs shouldn't be feeling hopeless NOR hopeful that they will never have a 10/10 gf. It's the final form of what essentially stoicism is about.
I dunno. Sometimes it seems to me this is far more a systemic problem than failiure on individual level.
People used to have their relationships, marriage, jobs etc. sorted for the most part by mid-twenties.
When we postpone these big life decisions, we "grow out" of natural socilal circles that existed in schools, universities etc, where most people "recruted" their lifelong friends and partners.
First, you need to have the right environment if people are to thrive.
I agree and disagree at the same time. Because many people lose their friends, jobs, partners in the middle of their life. So you will always kinda have to start over with one thing or the other. The only constant is change.
There are absolutely systemic problems. The trick is that all the changes needed to fix systemic problems start with doing something at the individual level.
@@instantpug7036 Good point, yeh
@@randxalthor Dont get me wrong - it can absolutely be done. You can get a girlfriend still in your 30s or 40s. You can start a career. Just, it seems the demands and amount of effort is so much higher that I do not think this is suistanable for general population
Think out of the box. Why are you so troubled by living by strangers standards? You are you. Good days willcome as you realize its not about others its about you and YOU ARE different, and it is a blessing. Why would anyone want to be another lamb in the farm?
Hey Dr K you helped me a lot to expand my view on self compassion that is, it is not a self pity show rather accepting and facing your thoughts and feelings and working on them with, awareness of internal mechanism and many other factors, situations and perceptions.
I want to say I am happy now and with this I will continue to improve my wisdom and external circumstances and reaching higher consciousness about self and things
Dr K popping off with this one. I'm going to be replaying this video every 6 months for the next 20 years
As always perfect timing
I was quite content being hopeless without blackpill
7:45 - explains why I applied for sector jobs after graduation, constantly got ghosted let alone rejected, and haven't wanted to try again in the years since
I applied to hundreds of places for rent. I was discouraged at first, but towards the end every time I went to a viewing and I wasn't chosen I felt relief. I know that I need to throw the dice many more times on this new online format that the world works on now. I'm sure that's gonna be the same after I finish uni and look for a job myself/ internship before that.
you said you have no hope in there being a cure for balding and that those people are essentially helpless despite their feelings being valid on many levels as you also mentioned
There's also power in accepting and acknowledging that we may end up alone in the end, but that we can still lead fulfilling lives - dating is the area we have the least control over in our lives (you can't control how other people see you and, for hetero men, you cannot control how masculine you look or how tall you are, even if you can shift things slightly with haircuts and some muscle).
I say focus on the financial security (not the same as money-worship), friendships (much easier than dating), and hobbies/passions. If someone wants to be a part of the life you build, then great, if not, keep it moving.
Great job, thank you so much for talking about suppressed emotions and obsessive thoughts.
It helped me understand what is going on in my head and how to combat it.
I limiting my coping behaviours. I cry more often and am very sad. On the other hand, my ability to focus increased. My anger is more manageable ect.
I’m on a correct path of fixing my life.
The BP showed me the truth and I’ve never been happier. I’m not sure the negative stigma behind it. Read the book of Ecclesiastes.
Nah bro you gotta lay of that negative toxic mindset you inkwell.
Just buy his cope courses bro and after enough grifting you too can become adonisssssss.
@@TheMightyShrimp Rumour has it that if you spin around and say, “I AM ADONIS” 3 times at the top of your lungs you automatically get laid
@@TheMightyShrimp "IM ADONIS,IM ADONIS, IM ADONIS"
Love this! I was in this spot for a while and have plenty of friends who are currently there. Thanks for talking about this. Thanks Dr K!
its all about looks
To me the idea of Delusional hope sounds worse than depressive realism.
I feel like there's really no reason to keep trying. I'm lonely and I can't go outside without feeling a lot of anxiety and fear of people... shit I can't even commit to go to work everyday. I always feel exhausted and angry. I'm taking medication, I'm on a waiting list for getting therapy. But nothing it's really changing and I'm still stuck in the same place for years and I just feel useless and hopeless. My birthday is in a few days and it just makes me depressed. I don't want it to happen.
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't understand life
Dont you dare go hollow.
@@FoxinnyVi or else?
Shit sucks, but hang in there buddy, you’ll get there
What do you think creates the anxiety? Are there other specific reasons why life's shit for you?
Hey, I've been there my man, and I believe you can pull through. Honestly, it just takes patience and work, I've dealt with an avoidance disorder/ADHD/sleep disorder for a really long time. My honest advice, try to work on one thing at a time and do something everyday outside of your comfort zone. For me I was terrified of people so I started by just waving at people at grocery stores and on walks, then I did a bit of grocery work so I'd have to be around them, then for the absolute terror that is dating, I pushed myself to use a dating app as often as I could. I also would game with and chat with people online. Once you do that long enough and realize people aren't out to eat you, Try making yourself go to an online meet up doing something simple, like walking a trail or riding a bike. You don't really have to do anything besides just being there. That all probably sounds horrifying, but the intensity of the fear drops with each step. Each time you push yourself, try not to get hung up on any mistakes when you do these, and back yourself up positively for trying something on your own.
Thank you GamerGG for being one of the few psychologists focusing on men’s issues. So many men are dead inside and want to give up on life. That includes me who is educated and comes from a decent family. I am wanting to give up on a daily basis and dating has been terrible
Dr. K should address some of the topics in his subreddit. Young men are really struggling with dating and its turning into a gender war.
As long as winning side keeps winning, it will not think of negotiations
I kind of feel like Dr. K wouldn't give a fair presentation of what is wrong with men AND women. In a general sense, of course. I definitely think a gender war is starting if it has not already started.
IMO, men struggle with images/videos on the hubs. Men are expected to earn more than women when women are getting higher salaries than men. Nothing wrong with women earning more, but the expectation that men must still earn more than women is a problem.
Women may have been taught that they are beautiful and can do no wrong and that Prince Charming is the goal. Which may have formed a sense of entitlement in women from a young age. Women may only start becoming more humble and respectful as they get older with lessons learned and faded beauty.
But of course this is just my opinion and I'm sure there are different opinions than my own. I don't have research on it. Just my own experience.
@@andybreadley429 Good point. Why would they? That would be pretty foolish
Looks like my comment was deleted, so I'll say it again.
It would be great if Dr. K addressed these topics, but I doubt that he will give a fair presentation on men AND women.
Nah. I wanna be beautiful so I can reject others, we are not the same...
I've been feeling painfully lonely since falling out with a close friend of mine with whom I developed a (serious) romantic interest. Since then, I've tried many things that were advised to me, and while I do believe that some of those helped me get to a better place as a person, they did not at all help me solve the problem.
I'm still lonely, I get hardly any interactions with people I see or run into. At this point, what I've given up on is putting so much effort into doing things that aren't me and make me unnecessarily uncomfortable throughout my daily life. It doesn't help.
I've grown somewhat cynical and hopeless about many thing but on the other hand I keep going for a strong desire to be proven wrong in those negative views.
I see little point in keeping going, but my (sometimes overly) rational mind refuses to believe giving up entirely will make things better. It just feels like soldiering on is the only option.
I am really sorry. 3 years ago i also had a falling out with my best friend that i fell in love with. Good thing is, we reconciled. We're about a year into our friendship again and we're closer than before. I still love him so much but im not sure if he returns the same feelings so im contented with getting to spend time with him even as a friend. I have a lot more affection for him than normal friends but i consider it a perk nowadays. Im also his closest friend, so he means the world to me regardless if we ever make it a romantic thing.
I fully believe if youve gotten to a point of getting that close with someone that you'll sort it out. Might take years before it happens, itll hurt. But youll be okay.
Your friend is hurting a lot more than you might imagine. And as simple as it seems it takes a lot of time for some people to let their pride down and sort it out. Even if both sides are longing for that connection again.
@eline7214 Thanks for sharing your experience. Knowing things can work out that way is nice and I'm glad you're on good terms with your friend.
As for my case, I don't think it's particularly healthy for either of us to stay in touch too much, even though I really want to. We didn't split on bad terms and agreed to remain friends, but at the time I didn't fully realise what that would imply. I was too naïve and inexperienced to, and also believed that having them still there as a friend would be better than losing them entirely in life. The times that we do still talk and she sometimes gives me an update on her life, particularly about seeing other people, I feel like a piece of me that was broken from before crumbles into dust. As much as I want her to have that sort of happiness, I can't bear to watch as she finds it with someone else while I'm forced to sit on the sidelines. Which is an inevitable outcome.
It's a conflict in my mindset that I can't shake off and I don't think it's one that someone you'd call your friend can afford to have.
I'll spare you the details but the way things played out just feels incredibly unfair to me, but in my experience, that's just life...
I do hope she doesn't hurt as much as you suggest they might. I also don't think she understands how I feel at all, and quite frankly I wish she never has to.
For now, there's just a lot that I need to address on a mental level.
@@HexVertex You love her so much. I hope you understand how beautiful you are for that. Your feelings are so genuine and thoughtful i can feel it from your writing. I understand completely what youre going through, from what it sounds to me like unrequited love. All you think about is her happiness but it still hurts to see her getting it from someone else.
You are right. Yeah, that situation isnt too healthy for you as of now. I used to be exactly where you are emotionally, and it sucks when the person you love isnt capable of exacting the same amount of thoughtfulness that things end up unfair sometimes. Even though i have no idea of your detailed situation, i already resonate at a core level 😭
I know it seems impossible right now, and its hurting a lot but you will get to a place where the love you have for her can exist in a platonic relationship if thats what you want. Grieve the loss of what could've been, by all means. But trust me, whether its romantic or not, how you feel is the same. You love her fundamentally for who she is as a person.
Its a gift, truly. Your ability to love someone so strongly. For now, i do want you to be selfish and perhaps give up on her. Focus on building yourself and letting the parts you love about her inspire you. Everything you love about her try to cultivate it in yourself. Find a relationship where you are loved too.
If this friendship stands this test, it will be one of your strongest. The way you love her can be incorporated into a friendship eventually, and it strengthens your connection. It is possible. 💗 Truly rooting for you, i hope you flourish and overcome this painful time.
@@HexVertex also apologies for the long ass message i DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS THAT LONG 😭 i got carried away fr
@@eline7214 This is such an inspiring message. I appreciate the thoughtfulness and effort so much. Thank you, I'll try!
I have been dealing with black pill ideations for the past 5 years. It wasn't until having an argument with AI about determinism and nihilism that things changed. In this chat I said a Buddhist concept I learned and the AI rifted and played off it and said, "Buddhism isn't about answers, but it is about acceptance." It hit me like a ton of bricks. This video is reaffirming my pursuit of acceptance in and of the world.
Which ai you are using?
"When we accept our limitations, we go beyond them." ~ Einstein
Which ai r u using
AI is super powerful for stuff like this. It can be like journalling but someone actually talks back and gives feedback, angles, pointers etc. For me its very helpful dealing with health anxiety
This is fucking me up because all the things you said to not do are the things my former therapists had me do. Or to change my thoughts in order to change my emotions. Or change my behaviors to change my emotions. And I was a teenager at this point, so my parents pushed me to keep going to school and doing normal life things. I've now been in therapy for 15 fucking years and only last year did I meet a therapist who seemed to hear what I was trying to explain all along. That I don't want to try anymore, but I want to, want to. I want to have the desire to live. But all the thought reforming, behavioral activation, or lifestyle changes in the world isn't going to do that. I'm doing DBT now and I have trauma (or so she says) so we're doing prolonged exposure. That's what made your factoid about treating acute PTSD-like symptoms especially enlightening to me
I don't think I understand what is being said here. If my romantic life isn't fulfilling, my career doesn't put food in my belly, and I understand I look like an overfilled bag of potatoes, I should just acknowledge all of that then carry on and brush my teeth? I am 34, acknowledging those things with an "Well... it bes like that sometimes tho." and moving on to the next task has lost me 20 years of my life.
No, it’s called being proactive and getting out there and doing something about it. Start working out, stop eating garbage, get a better job or study to get a better one, etc. it’s better than stewing around feeling sorry for yourself.
@@whysoblutube That sounds like the antithesis of the video though, running away to the Swolehouse and/or Library is precisely what avoidance is. At 13:18 Dr. K basically said that the response should be to tell myself "It bes like that sometimes.", then see out my other tasks for the day.
I'm serious about this, I'm not fucking around.
@ going to the gym or library isn’t avoidance, though. Staying home dwelling in misery in the basement - that’s avoidance. Not taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others for your issues, that’s avoidance. There’s a distinction.
@aland7236 BPD patient here - I tackled "radical acceptance" in DBT therapy, and It took me years until I realized that "acceptance" only means to stop beating yourself up for where you are, and stop constantly wishing for things and your feelings to be different right now. Instead, make the best out of the given situation.
So you're single. And yes, that can make you sad. It's just what is right now. Thinking "Man, I wish I had a girlfriend and I wish I wasn't sad" a thousand times (as I like to do 😉) is not going to change this. Instead: What can you do to make things a little bit better for you right now, just in this moment? And so you push on, it's like standing still and moving forward at the same time - very weird, and I still work on it. But yeah, it's actually transformative in a bizarre way. Cleans your mind and sets free new energy.
I dont get it, isn't that what everyone is doing when they make the "black pill reading list" for example. That is finally accepting that they feel hopeless and that it's not necessarily wrong. How does one accept being hopeless without just.. You know. Society is so fucked, I don't feel welcome att all to this world. It feels like hell. Usually these help and I get it but now I'm just confused.
This is just my thoughts I don't usually focus on these things unless I'm feeling low for whatever reason and it never really helps to acknowledge it. I haven't really looked into these rainbowpill groups so can't talk on that.
Or am I supposed to accept the feeling but not the fact? Because sure it might not be literally hopeless but it really feels like the world is working against me (and this is a world where struggle for resources exists, that's a fact). It might not be hopeless but it still feels like a place you wouldn't want to be at. For example if you're in a toxic group you should leave. Wherever I go there's pain. And I'm not objectively doing badly other than my career so it's not a problem with goals, it even feels like I use resources that I don't deserve. I guess that makes sense because work thing.
Damn my thought are a mess hehe, maybe I don't understand this because it's not aimed at me, I honestly don't believe that it's hopeless, just feels unnecessary if that makes sense. But might as well let it play out and se what happens, time flies.
“I feel hopeless” is a fact, “the future IS hopeless” is a prediction…but no one can know the entire future with certainty. Strive, my friend, and even if you do not succeed, you at least did not guarantee yourself failure by succumbing to the black pill rot. It exists to erode your spirit and profit off our your hopelessness - if you spent your whole life striving and failing, that’s still better than not trying at all (at whatever it is you seek). Whatever that is, I sincerely hope you achieve it.
I don't think dating is impossible for men or whatever, I think it's impossible for me
well said
You shouldnt believe everything your brain thinks
@@termitreter6545 No, but you should believe everything reality tells you
@@mindgames4389 We dont experience "reality", but rather just what information our senses collect, what our brain then makes out of that, and then in our consciessness we'll get some thought based on the whole process.
If we feel something is absolute certain, than thats just a part of our brain is saying it is, which is regardless of it actually being true or not.
And thats not a bad thing, thats just how it is. Yet eg when we get depressed, our brain starts presenting things as black and white, it struggles with nuance.
@@termitreter6545 Brother your senses interact with reality… smell is molecules, hearing is sound waves, sight is light reflecting off objects, etc. Even depression is an imbalance in brain chemistry aka something very real, not imagined. There are even organisms without brains that can detect these things.
We all know if you step off a high ledge that gravity will take effect regardless of what you think so ignore reality at your own peril.
Wow that's the best explanation of lasting negative emotions I've ever heard. That applies not only to self beliefs and negative experiences, but also to trauma, I think
For some time I've been noticing that meds, especially antidepressants, did not help me with living through trauma, but even made my emotions worse. I think that in short term ther helped me not to kill anyone, but in long term (7 years of pharmacological treatment) they made me depressed uncapable hopeless wreck of human...
I found this fascinating, but at the end at what point do you actually go back to relate with the external world? All that internal work must have an external outcome in the end
I feel like he didnt say much.
Acknowledge it and become aware of your emotions?
Is that all? I think everyone who is hopeless know that theyre hopeless and what's going in their heads and what contributes to those thoughts.
Did you think watching some 22 minute RUclips video was gonna fix your problems - ironically he has done in this video what he is claiming to stop the blackpill from doing he exploited you
@Wow-hr1gl i think he's pretending to have a cure when he knows there isn't any for some people
@@aryantiwari1945 I dont think he even states or claims to have a cure but he knows that there are a lot of people who are hopeless and videos with thumbnails like these and his whole brand would lead people to believe he does again exploiting you
Emotions are not in your head, they're in your body. It's not about knowing that you're hopeless, it's about directly and consciously feeling and validating your hopelessness and other (negative) emotions. That instead of avoiding them through constant thinking or trying to change external factors.
@@A23049 i don't understand the concept. if i cry, feel emotions, does it count? well, it doesn't change anything at all. they keep affecting my life and coming up again and again. i'll accept them again and again, but nothing will change.
Hopelessness is one of the numerous signs of CPTSD... such as obsessive thinking, overthinking. Trauma hants the brain, mind and body.
The mogging will never end
Your videos are amazing, Dr K. I'm so glad that I've found this YT channel ( a big fan from eastern EU). :)
I think you miss a deeper pont in this problem.
I know what i should do, like engaging in the emotion and dont avoid it.
But it feels so bad when i do it so my body just says “ dont do it“ and i dont. How do i overcome this ?
Can you please make a video on exactly how to connect with your emotions?? I've tried really hard for years and I just can't reach that part of the brain it seems.
Psychedelics 😅
@@khalilkhoury-d7x stop treating mind-altering substances as some entry-level stuff
@@khalilkhoury-d7xequal chances of going psychotic. Try vipassana meditation
He has actually made several, you can find them by typing "emotions" in the channel's search bar
First pay attention to sensations in your body. Look for things like, "butterflies in your stomach," or, "a warmth in your chest." That's the beginning of emotions since the amygdala (that tags signals with emotions) gets signals from the insula (from your network of nerves that monitors your bodys insides.)
And then Austin Wayne will joint the chat and tell me i need to improooveeee im 5'7 no improvement for my height
Just take 400 showers while getting a haircut and lifting weights at the same time bro
So improve the stuff you can. Life’s fucking unfair and you can’t change everything. Accept the things you can control and do the best you can. There’s no guarantee everything will turn out how you want but even if success is unlikely, it’s better odds than giving up ‘cause you’re *checks notes* barely less than average height. I’d rather try and fail than live with regret.
LMFAAAO
so... what should we do then?
and how? i don't understand
Did you watch the WHOLE video?Be honest! 😂 Dr. K literally had put some timestamps, and your issue can be solved with the advice at the minute 12:37 - good luck! Don't nag. Look for solutions. 👍
Get better😅
@@RoseRoseRoseRoseRoseRose he literally said, hopeless should stay hopeless, lol
Never get up
- Jeremy Meeks
"feeling hopeless? just stop feeling hopeless and all you problems will go away bro"
@@danielroy8232 just keep buying my courses bro, im sure your life will improooove after you spend your life savings on my personal coaching sessions bro. - Unhealthy Gaslighter.
"just be happy and rich bro"
except he didn't say that
I hope you’re joking ‘cause that’s definitely an unfair oversimplification of what he said. This shit is by no means easy and he acknowledges this throughout.
'Feeling hopeless? So *do* feel hopeless, do not avoid your emotions and over time you will be able accept this feeling. Now you may improve your situation, because it no longer is do or die.'
Ok so here's my question, If I'm ready to accept that by taking more and more desperate actions to try to find love (which were actually motivated by my own fear) was actually not helping me, and lead to a negative feedback loop of being hurt by more rejections and negative experiences; then how do I attribute the negative outcomes of those attempts in a way that's not super negative? It's extremely hard for me to not view it in a black-and-white way where it's either "my fault and i deserve it" or "life just sucks". Neither of those is helpful to me.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Compatibility, sex, and different goals can be the reason you and another person wouldn’t be for right for each other.
Bigger the Mogg Harder the cope.
Hmm, yes I believe you're quoting Aristotle?
10:25 is such an important statement that goes unnoticed within others. Even if people don't intentionally treat others different, they still do because of whatever bias they have.
The blackpill freed me from trying to impress women or be good enough for them. Nowadays I just focus on the things I'm passionate about and I even rejected a girl that asked me out recently. I genuinely feel so free nowadays. I don't have to worry about what women think of my height, I don't have to worry about repressing and hiding my emotions in order to not seem weak and unmanly. I can legitimately just be myself and enjoy things now that I understand that women simply are not worth it and that they only care about superficial things.
Yeah boyo you can unironically just be yourself and accept no matter what you do you will allways be perceived as a genetic dead end.
Most of these grifters try to put the Nihilism and danger label onto the BP because they know if the majority of sub5's get blackpilled they wont have anyone to scam anymore.
This is actually so accurate! Thanks Dr K
So the answer is to accept that you you aren’t attractive enough and may never find a relationship. Then be happy about it 🥳🎉🎊
LOL
Well, I was attractive when I was young and it didn’t bring me any happiness. Now I’m fat, old and hopelessly single, and realise that broken spirits is what prevents us from finding love and happiness. Looks, careers and such definitely affect our chances in life, but let’s be honest, most people are just average. And there are plenty of really ugly and poor people in happy relationships. Just some of us are so shitty people that we can’t even do what the ugliest and poorest do when they feel okay about themselves. I think I might have taken it into a new level of depressing.
The reality is that looks aren't anywhere near as important as people like to say they are, hypergamy has been scientifically disproven, and people with polarizing looks and odd features do well in their niche. Late bloomers tend to "stick the landing" on relationships better than people who started early and learned bad habits. I like scrawny nerds. Don't care about height. Don't like beards. Don't GaF about cars. That already breaks a lot of stereotypes. My current partner was a virgin who'd never had a girlfriend. We started as online friends.
Nobody can force happiness, or even hope. But if you're open to new experiences when the right person comes along, evaluating rather than obsessing, you could get lucky.
@@Trammiliin_nr2 I used to think my issues were all my fault. Then in my 40s came the diagnoses: CPTSD, regular PTSD, AvPD, ADHD... yikes.
Chances are, all the cruelties echoing in your head have a root cause. Abuse, bullying, neurodivergences... if you investigate, you may find those root causes, and even if you don't have the tools to get official help yet, the fact that you're here on the doc's channel says you're doing your best. You may not be able to believe it right now--I sure didn't--but chances are, you deserve self-compassion. Imagine another you from a parallel universe: would you have compassion for them? That question got me started.
@@WynneL I’m actually in therapy with cPTSD, depression and anxiety. And being medicated for ADHD. Plus I have insomnia and chronic pain, so I don’t sleep either. And THIS is what causes my issues. Not how I look or how much money I make. 😂
I’ve observed life, and I see how people born with significant disabilities grow up absolutely awesome people if they grow in supportive and loving families. There was a girl who was born without legs, but she learnt skateboarding and enjoys her life the fullest. Her adoptive parents supported her and filled her life with love and empowerment. And I’ve seen many more similar stories. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely do not minimize their struggles, but admire their spirit.
And I thought how come that despite their obvious hardships, they are so content and happy, and I have all my limbs intact and I can’t even cope with simply being an adult without being constantly on the verge of burnout and swinging between mild and incapacitating depression. And I figured it’s the broken spirit that holds us back.
I think black pillers are deceiving themselves with this narrative that only the “top 10” are able to find a partner or a good job. They just don’t want to face the truth that they are rotten inside, because it’s much harder to accept. And it’s easier to blame those who won’t date them, bad genes, shallowness of other people etc.
I once started talking with a guy online and he asked me out. There were some slight red flags and I rejected. As a response I got a kilometer long rant how he asked a female friend what he should do to get a date, and he did everything correct and women are so stupid. Not nessecarily an incel-rant, but definitely a “nice guy”. He also refused to accept that maybe he causes the rejections with his strange belief system.
thanks so much for the video, I took notes.
I just started with a new therapist. In spite of my childhood trauma (PTSD), he wanted to jump straight to anxiety coping strategies, one of which involved distancing myself from my emotions. I told him that I felt completely numb from that because it gave me the power to distance myself from every thought and feeling, essentially alienating them from me. I told him that instead, I wanted to do PTSD work and talk about my family in-depth. Thankfully he agreed. Now it's been 9 weeks and I think I'm hitting my limit on divulging and detoxing the trauma. I hope that I've done the right thing in order to be able to move onwards and upwards.
It sounds like you've turned that onto the right tracks and you're heading in the right direction.
My guess is you're doing some form of exposure therapy... if it's getting a bit much, there are some less intense and quicker methods which can work - EMDR is one well known way... there's also the Rewind technique that comes out of the Human Givens approach. For context on that, there's a charity here in the UK for Veterans called PTSD Resolution which did some clinical studies - they found substantial benefit for most people within a handful of sessions.
I'm not a therapist myself, but just thought I'd mention these approaches in case they do help.
Whether it's helpful or not, I wish you good luck.
@@am01264 I’m going to look further into that! Thank you for sharing 😊 (pausing to imagine our society’s impact if contributions like this were normalized..maybe, one day 😅
@@am01264 EMDR is the exact "distancing oneself from emotions" exercise that made me feel numb and alienated from my own emotions, as lizzie described, when it was attempted on me for (C)PTSD. The more I did it the worse I felt. Recommend heavily against.
Just as an example, treatment centers won't touch trauma w clients. It's usually very destabilizing and can lead clients to leaving and getting loaded.
I think that's the approach your therapist wanted to start with so you didn't get overwhelmed.
I didn't talk about my childhood trauma until I was seeing my therapist for a year regularly. She said we could go as fast or as slow as I wanted.
Everyone is different, and it's good you asked for what you needed.
It will take longer than 9 weeks-you'll have to keep coming back to it, probably. You might need to look for a trauma-informed therapist, and who does more than only pure CBT and coping skills.
I feel like there is something missing from that video. That this is just the beginning of the journey. Acknoledge the hopelessnes and all the Bad Stuff that has happened, but then what?
You're right. I'm not Buddhist but Buddha said acknowledging your suffering is the first step to your salvation. I'd read more from him, he made a whole guide thousands of years ago that is still relevant today. I think it's called the 8 fold path or sm
Just keep working wagie. Everything will work out fine. (Not for you but for corporate profits)
NEET is comfy NEET is cool
NEET is free from work and school
Wagie works and Wagie dies
NEET eats tendies sauce and fries
Not sure how should I put it, but the hopelessness is kinda what I chase when I consume the black pill content. And it helps.
Because when I look at what I should I do to fix my life, I feel overwhelmed. "No way I can do it, no way I can succeed - but I must, must or else..."
But then I get myself a black pill. "It won't work anyway". And it makes me calm down... and actually do at least some of the stuff, as I don't feel overwhelmed anymore, but at the same time be like "okay, maybe it will make feel fulfilled at least for a day so I can feel marginally better."
In a way, you've touched it but then fell back into this talk about "validation", and not "giving up". But there is a way to exploit the other side of it, too.
You made me smile with your "myself" as the starting point....and the hand gesture....
Arent we all "a touch narcissistic"?
Amused and genuinely interested in healing myself, from Pakistan.
Haha, that title is pure projection. BP is literally just a metaphor that's up for individual interpretation. Dr.K is actually taking your money (sometimes HUNDREDS) , promising he can help you through Discord lool. You tell me which sounds more predatory.
First of all 🖤Dr.K 🙂
I liked the example of Minas Trith, but I imagine it more like being Gandalf on the top of Orthanc during a cold night... : D
I believe in destiny and so I think that apart from working on oneself as Dr.K describes one must open one's eyes to opportunity, or in Gandalf's case to the ‘white moth’.
Learn to smile (mirror) and greet people with it. The ‘white moth’ will smile back. ;-)
The following is intended to express my hopelessness as a way of recognising it.
My hopelessness is not only due to what Dr.K. has said, but also to the general world picture.
I make the mistake of watching the news every morning and what I see there shatters all hope. I can't help it. If I don't watch the news I have the feeling that I am missing something important.
In short, my attitude to life mirrors that of Arthur Schopenhauer and, therefore, I see no point in making an effort to get out of my hopelessness.
Really appreciate this
Professionals are always like "Work with a professional" but yet never do it for free 😂.
The professional bit does imply they get paid. Folks gotta eat.
ppl have families to feed
My hopelessness comes from my mom making take a "who let the dogs out" dance when i was about 9. It makes me feel like im destined to be this wuss of a man. I didnt realize until recently that i spent a large portion of energy keeping that a secret from friends and denying that was part of my past. I was only in it for like 2 months, and then played football the next 6 years, but for whatever reason, my brain tells me 'because i was in a silly dance, that is who i am' but im not. I hated that dance. I pissed the teachers off everyday. I should have been skateboarding like my friends were.
I just turned 30, and that self doubt still affects me
I've done much worse much more embarrassing stuff, with less accomplishments and I don't feel this way. If that's the only thing that's bothering you its in your head. You literally played football for 6 years, people will know you more for that than some shit you probably won't bring up you did for 2 months. And even if you do bring it up, yeah maybe some people will tease you for it, but others will see it as a wholesome thing you did when you were a child.
Also a lot of people did embarrassing stuff when they were younger, and even still do it when they're older. It doesn't make it less cringe, but it is what it is. You do things that are embarrassing. Some people are cringe and don't even know it. People make mistakes and try to hide them.
I wet my bed until I was 10 but nobody knew about it. I wasn't stupid enough to tell anyone.
This is great!
The story of my life.. the more I try to improve my circumstances the worse it becomes
Thank you Dr K for talking about this. I try to make blackpillers reconsider their stance through my videos and your videos helped me discover new ways to help them.
And of course Thank you to the Healthy gamer Team as whole!
7:59 I am so glad you tried to fly. I also salute those who, as children, tried to swing all the way over the bar.
Chances of me getting laid (without paying for it) or getting a GF is the same chance as winning the mega million
You considered mRNA-injections yet?
@ No idea what that is if you’re talking about PEDs no there’s no benefit to using those
Hope feels like both a revelation and a fresh start, but it asks something of us-a leap of faith. Like love and morality, it draws us toward action. When we take that leap, it’s as if the universe meets us halfway. In contrast, the Black Pill shapes a system of thought where the abyss stares back-not with indifference, but almost as if mocking.
I wonder how hope and faith differ, when being thinks of existence in the Space ... where time is the fire in which we Burn
Thanks for the vid. What would have been nice to mention is, if you are going and experiencing the same emotions (like rejection) again, what prevents it from creating trauma this time, or making it worse? From my understanding, trauma arises from the inability to form a proper response in an emotionally overwhelming situation. If you go and confront your trauma, how can it be likely that you won't AGAIN get overwhelmed? Since the situation (with a girl) is always a bit random. Some women are worse than your previous experiences.
At the end of the day, I think you get hopeless because you try to do something and you don't succeed. You really have only two rational choices: either stop trying, or find a way to make it work. But IMO, doing the same over and over is purely insane, and it will ruin your confidence even if you don't resist the feelings.
Thank you for this video but i have another problem, you keep saying that when you put yourself out there you get rejected and rejected and this increases hopelessnes but i dont even got rejected, i dont know how to even try to get out there, i found a good job i started going to gym im on a therapy, i found a lot of interesting hobbies but still i dont know how to date and how to find anyone to even get out on a date, im stuck at first step. Please Define what do you mean by going "out there"?
Wouldn't accepting the negativity result in self loathing , which leads into a deeper rabbit hole of blackpillness
Put myself out there. Where?
Work on yourself. I exercise, eat well. Ok?
Stop trying. Ok..what?
Emotional repression and suppression are linked to emotional blackmail, and the only way out is radical honesty by ourselves owning our responsibility for processing our own feelings.
Very nice new design, dr. K! That transition is beautiful!
Id like to see a video on how to embrace pain, go through the grieving process, and stop running away. I have extremely suppressed emotions but am self reflective. I am also quite self aware at this point and see two therapists (one for regular life, one for cancer), but i have a hell of a lot more baggage than i think i realized. Obviously i am a specific case like anyone else, which is maybe why it is a good general question:
Everyones baggage is different. What tools can I use to acknowledge my emotions?
You look like whatifalthist
You can see it happen in his interview videos. It's subtle though, so people miss it. A lot of the heavy lifting is about just naming emotions honestly. Even if it's the "wrong" emotion to feel, the point is allowing it to come out. You can see how many interviewes get uncomfortable as they go into vulnerable spaces.if you can find someone to guide you like that, even if it's by showing that process on video to a therapist you trust.
First of all great video! Came to the same conclusion quite some time ago but called it "acceptance of losing".
Like in that one scene in "Devil's advocate" when John Milton says to Kevin Lomax, "Maybe it was your time to lose.".
But where is the significant difference in the long run? At least for me, it seems like just another attack of Māra only from a different fraction, substituting one hope with another. So as long as society or my social enrivonment doesn't accept that I lost this game, under which conditions am I allowed to go and leave the board then?
I still don't understand what needs to be done.
The way I see it, blackpillers are stuck in a vicious cycle of putting too much pressure on themselves to behave a certain way or have certain things, then when they inevitably fail to have those things, they end up putting even more pressure on themselves. I feel like they think that they only have value if they do those things/have those things. Thus, if they don't have those things, then they're worthless, and no one wants to feel that way. They're seeking external validation instead of getting it from themselves. So I think the first thing to do would be to accept yourself. It's okay to not have a romantic partner. Not everyone needs to get married and have children. It's okay to not have an amazing career. Not everyone needs to be Bill Gates. It's okay to be ugly. Not everyone needs to look like a supermodel. That doesn't make you any less human. It's okay to be yourself. We're all just characters playing the roles that evolution gave us. We do have some choice, but it's very limited. As such, there's no sense in comparing your character to someone else's, any more than there is in comparing a fish to a monkey.
Start treating yourself like a person instead of a tool. Pay attention to your body and your subconscious. Listen to what they're trying to say. That usually solves the problem.
Same
Because nothing can be done. Blackpill = truth. Hope = cope.
Literally Live Your Life. Don't take it so serious but don't neglect the important things to you
Dr. k saving lives one video at a time. I was close to the end, man. Now heading in the right direction.😊
This was REALLY good! 🎉 thank you SO MUCH! ❤ All of your videos are so helpful
Realizing I've got a friend like this, they always wanted to get "better" in the ways the video states, but I hope what I learned just now will help with being able to talk to them. Thanks