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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
- Suzanne discusses the red flags and non-negotiables all unmarried women and men should watch for while dating.
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I'm a 30 year old stay at home mom.
My husband and I met, we went hiking. Ended up hitting it off talking about just gernal life etc and had very similar views and morals and how we wanted futures for ourselves just as a generic conversation of things in general. I honestly was surprised about how much we had in common and had the same views. A few days later he calls me and invites me on a date and I say yes, while on the phone after I said he says "now you know I am courting you with the intent of marriage right?" And I said "oh ok"
When he laid out his intentions on the table it was then my choice to decide weather i wanted to be courted by him or not. Well we went on that date and ended up getting married 2 months later.
We have now been married a little over 6 years and everyday I'm happy that God had brought us together, and that my husband was forthright and honest about his intentions so that I could make a decision on how I also wanted to pursue or not pursue this courting process of getting to see if he was someone I wanted to marry.
I think dating strategy for marriage should be something taught in school. Because we have set of strategy's and rules over other things in life like school, finances and jobs and so forth. But nothing about dating for marriage!
we love it, so happy for yoiu
Amazing story! I’m looking forward to marriage and children myself
@@GuidetteExpert yea exactly. But they dont want people to be in happy, loving successful marriages because they serve satan and satan hates marriage because it glorifies God. Anything to rip the family apart so they can have free range access to everyone children. It's a mess.
@@_heyimbritt I hope you find the man God has for you! Just make sure you discuss your nonnegotiables upfront and make sure you see eye to eye on serious potential marriage ending topics. Stick to your morals and values and DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED.
That's the best advice I can give. God bless you! 💕
Used the 'no sex, deal with it' approach after quite traumatising relationships in my '20s, friendzoned hottest girl I knew and took everything slow.
Now we're 18 years together, 8 of which married.
This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m marriage minded and in my mid-20s and I just started going out with a man who is marriage minded in his 30s and many of these conversations have already happened without my prompting. This gave me a lot of clarity and confirmed any green flags that I’d already taken note of. Thank you for what you do! 🙏 I’m hoping to be a wife and momma in the next few years.
@@ra9-02 It can be used both ways, like many other names with the same Hebrew root. ☺️
Good luck to you. You sound like a wonderful woman
@@ra9-02
So what? You are the one with the problem
This comment section is the reason why many young people dont date anymore and or get married. Men want a virgin when themeselves were sexually active. Men dont want a women who have pervious sex partners. Even if she has found her way and changed. Apparently whore is whore and should REMAIN a whore. But that same man who wants the virgin will sleep with the whore.
It sounds like to me alot of people want to get their cake a eat too. Men are not willing to practice self control when the women their dating is doing the same. Self-control is important. Especially in dating.
You want to date a virgin that perfectly fine but you should be a virgin too. Self control should be practice on both sides.
Yep. These dudes are bitter and watch too much manosphere content.
Young people don't date nor marry now because dating is predicated around men taking the assertive/ active approach, where women take the passive or passive-aggressive approach. Fewer men want to fit the role of taking the assertive/ active approach and now have a passive "if it happens it happens" approach. If more women take an assertive/ active approach to dating, it would encourage more men to date, and more marriages will happen. The days of men just being the ones who initiate are waning.
💯
Well said
Thank you. Not only that, but they watch a ton of pornography making them sexually deviant and abusive. That's why I checked out of the game. Good luck on even getting a first date that doesn't involve going to the guy's place. I will not do that. They don't even want to see you. If they don't have a guarantee that they're going to get laid as soon as possible. It's best to opt out.
The relationship with money can really fly under the radar if you're not paying attention. When we met, my husband was very fiscally responsible and made a good income with drive to move forward. It wasn't until we got engaged that I really realized that despite it seeming healthy on the surface he was carrying trauma from growing up without money such that making money was prioritized over everything including work life balance and his feelings on children. We worked through that but it nearly ended our engagement.
Same here. We try not to pass it onto our kids, I think we're doing OK.
I made it known to the lady I met that marriage is the only reason I was looking for a woman and anything else was of no interest to me, including casual sex. I met a well rounded woman who is 100% on board with my plans.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to marry a person of a different faith especially if you are planning to have children. This can be a huge issue down the road
Actually Christians should not marry with non Christians.
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14
Don't be unequally yoked! I'm a first-hand witness of sisters in Christ who married an unbeliever and someone from a different religion. It destroys your marriage and your relationship with the Lord. Not to mention the effects it has on your children. Dont think that you can change someone or bring them closer to the Lord. You are not God. You're setting yourself up for failure. God knows what's best, obey his commandments.
Correct
You are absolutely 100% correct on that.
Depends how devout or flexible you are as a person. I go to church regularly, but I've met plenty of entitled asshole "Christian" men. I call them "Jesus jerks"... You know the type, they're controlling/mental and hide behind the facade that it's their God given right to run everyone's life and feel jaded when they're not. I'd opt for a not religious person if they had good values and were supportive of my faith.
Is funny that we have to use the term dating "for marriage", that's what dating should be for, my dad always told me it was not worthy to have high school boyfriend's because at that age men are only looking for one thing, and that it wasn't worth to risk getting pregnant and not finishing school for a relationship that most likely didn't have a future, he was right.
Pops is right, but still need to prep out children in group settings with opposite sex.
If the only reason to date is marriage, what are the broken people not fit for marriage supposed to do - live their entire lives alone?
@DougArmstrong-pe9il marriage isn't for everybody. Many people have stayed single. Just because they live alone doesn't mean they are lonely. That's why building meaningful relationships with family and friends its important.
Love, intimacy, and sex are not exclusively reserved only for people who are willing to marry.
While you certainly have the right to set boundaries for your own life and relationships, your comments sound like you are setting them for everyone else.
@@DougArmstrong-pe9il love, intimacy and sex together are very hard to find outside the context of a committed relationship, if a person is jusr eternally "dating".
I am married and met my now husband at work. I asked him about 200 questions. We knew eachother so well we were friends first. Then romantic stuff came later. It layed a great foundation for our marriage.
Nothing better than ending up dating a good friend, I'm male ,met a girl that I thought was awesome but was dating someone else , we were friends for 10 years and always got on great, bumped into her when we were both free and we just knew we should be together, had a great 20 years together until she sadly passed with cancer, but was great knowing your potential partner so well before dating.
I always thought that would be a cool way to meet.
Someone who is self aware is able to be (more) honest to themselves and others. Schools should teach critical thinking, not just memorization. Thanks for doing what you do.
Gotta homeschool if you want your kids to learn critical thinking.
This is so true! I went through the same process, made men wait for the relationship title, talk about timelines for marriage & kids, and waited for them to say I love you + meet their family before sex!
Multiple guys bounced after I told them no sex unless it’s a serious relationship. It allowed the dating process to happen that much more quickly so I could find my now partner.
So, no sex before marriage and virtually no sex after marriage. What a catch!
Thank you for this podcast. When dating, I’ve noticed some guys I sense don’t have the same values as me will avoid having these conversations. One guy would start a political conversation and avoid explaining his beliefs when I ask why he believes that. And eventually admits our views don’t align, yet still wants to date me. I’ve cut it off there because I sensed that there will be no clear definition of the relationship or any hope for our future (on my end). I will keep this in mind when meeting more men. Hearing other woman dating with intention and eventually getting married is inspiring, just have to keep putting myself out there. Thank you!
@@kc6810 ok. I’m not interested in those men
if you marry young, remember people change over time, it happens and it might cause issues later - the person you marry in your 20s might not be the person you wouldn't marry later in life
thats why it is better to marry at 70 close to death.
Yes people do change
In a good marriage they tend to change together.
@jrozi3872
If people don't change then they're stagnating. Most people , or couples, never change together.
Yay! I’m only 58. There is still hope for me. 😀
Being "substantive" is not enough of a qualifier. If the expectation is that the man has a "purpose and a plan", she has to be motivated to create a home.
If we're negotiating relationships in this "getting down to business" manner where men have to meet the expectations of women, women are going to have to be prepared to offer something in return.
Very chivalrous generous joy of light.
Find a woman who wants to be a wife and make a home then. If that's what you want with someone, then it's your responsibility to express that early and find that person. The women who like that idea will be happy to hear that, and the women who don't will pass. Otherwise you risk going down the entitlement trap "I became a provider with the expectation women will magically be XYZ fantasy dream I have." It doesn't work like that, people have their own ideas of what happiness looks like and their own will. Your first priority in dating should be to find someone who wants the same things as you. It's that simple. No bending or obliging others.
The do you believe in God question does not probe deep enough to avoid problems in the future of a marriage. There need to be a follow up questions. What is this God you believe in like? How does your belief in God impact the way you live your life?
I wish I knew these things 20 years ago! Probably too late for me, but glad this info is out there for other women.
Mentally taking notes of this made me realize i only figured out like 2 of these before i got married🥴. This list is great, everyone should hear it❤️
This is great! Sharing with my 21yo son in the hopes that it will help him find a healthy relationship ❤️
Money is a MASSIVE part of being married. Resources are ALWAYS limited. My wife WAS a spender and is now a saver after she saw the results of being debt free and having investments! And boy she used to spend money and get really upset when told NO. Now don't get me wrong she still got plenty, however a new car every year for example was a HARD NO. That was her expectation for several years. Now, I have to push the issue to replace a 8-10 year old vehicle! What a change. Also she now regrets all the fancy plates and other silly expensive things that sit in a cabinet and never get used or some expensive "collectible" like the MASSIVE Precious Moments she bought early one. Religion is also very important - I changed from Lutheran to Methodist to fix that. Sex, hummm. Be honest here Suzanne - Menopause and sex is an issue. Don't even tell me I am a little wrong here. Now, purity later on after she has had all the Chads and the guy she wants to marry has to wait - hummmm. I would say guys should AVOID these women. Maybe one or two previous partners MAX. More than that the GUYS should just DUMP the lady. Also - and I know you hate it - but a prenup is an absolute must FOR BOTH SIDES - everything included. Marriage IS a CONTRACT in court so everybody needs to be protected here. I think one should have a prenup before sex, and all signed and sealed many months before the wedding. Make sure BOTH parties have good legal representation. If a lady will not have a prenup I figure she is already planning on taking all your stuff. See it all the time. The protection of a prenup goes both ways. Right now without a prenup the court system very much favors the wife. So the deck is stacked against husbands. Also include EXPECTATIONS including SEX, $, parenting, etc. All these things including current financials should be presented, discussed and agreed upon up front. Vacations, expenditures, debt, savings, investments, etc all on the table. You might find one of these young ladies that has $150,000 in student debt and wants to now be a stay at home mom driving an expensive car she has 10 years to pay on. Full financial disclosure in a legal document BEFORE marriage. Her debt or His debt should remain their debt - not transferred to to a spouse which I now see way to often.
😂. You just gave us men the reason NOT TO GET MARRIED! 👌
@@matthewwilsonn6748 I would not do it again for sure.
I am 60 so a little different way of thinking due to my age, more big head thinking. Females are not nearly as interesting or as fun as they were when I was 20 lets say. Ya otta hear what ex wives / wives say when they think no one can hear, problem is I know the ex husbands / husbands as well and have for a very long time. Always two sides of a story and I have seen people justify and rationalize things that are pretty off base.
great advice, you covered it so well, many thanks
It’s supposed to be a marriage not a company merger
20 years ago, there was a book, on the care and feeding of husbands. It was remarkably well written. Just saying...
I have that book! It’s great!
what’s it called
@@jjgems5909Do you mind sharing the name of the book? Thank you.
Light his fire? Ellen Kriedman. My spiritual mentor had recommended it. Its useful.
@@gabriellebiesuz1632 proper care and feeding of husbands by Dr. Laura
Thank you Suzanne for another great podcast!
I've raised my daughters conservative Catholic. Now 18 and 16 (my older two) and neither have started dating. Most boys their age are looking for sex and it's a hard no from my daughters. They were raised to be looking for a husband. Sadly looking through the comments from some guys even here gives me pause. So bitter and so angry. Avoid these guys. A good man will not be looking for sex. A good man will expect you to be the same. He won't be bitter or assume your full of crap. But as my 18 year old said very hard to find. Osy guys at 18 assume your out for sex and are put off if she says no. The longer you wait the harder it's gonna get but the guys just ate so damn bitter. Pretty sad.
@@G676aqiu-78 read the responses. Their arguments are based in self justification. They will be used as an excuse. Most ted pulled men get this way. So long as it's a pill it's treating a disease. Instead of listening and learning they are busy dismissing whole groups. Which is in itself a generalization. This is a channel of growth. Not excuses. I would suggest they watch and listen to " dad's starting over". A channel focused on men. This one is for women. DSO is a great channel for men to learn from men. There is no cause or need to criticize women here who are obviously coming to learn from venker. Time to spit the pill out and understand what you need to live up to and leave women to learn on their own.
Do you know why they are bitter and angry? It’s because 100% of women want the top 10% of men and that leaves the bottom 90% of men without a dance partner. Women these days have absolutely absurd and unrealistic expectations. They want men who are 6 feet tall, who are earning six figures and who have a six pack abdomen because this is what social media tells these women to expect. Actually, this is what social media tells these women that they are entitled to. And so they look down their nose at anyone who doesn’t meet these criteria which, in actuality, is the overwhelmingly vast majority of men. Today’s modern woman is finicky, fickle, obese, tattooed, promiscuous, bossy, disagreeable, uncooperative, and masculine and she is looking for a fabulously wealthy prince charming to treat her like the princess that she thinks she is. This is what has turned men bitter. Clearly, your daughters are exceptions to this general rule. But before you condemn all men, spend some time getting to know the modern women who are available in the marketplace and then you’ll understand why your daughters are encountering the attitudes and demeanors that they are encountering.
@@MrSethmo13 no. Not 100% but it seems it because you do not go where they are or do not live up to the standards. Are you masculine. Would you even date a girl that won't have sex till marriage
What's your plan, goals objectives in life? Fix that shit first then have standards. Go where the good women are. Don't date feminists. Don't date modern women. Date the church goer. Date the conservative. Date the girl that actually understands what men are looking for. Loyalty integrity and self respect!
@@diamondback2085 I apologize, but apparently I have unintentionally led you to draw erroneous conclusions about me. I am not young, single, and looking. I am happily married and I have been so for nearly 30 years. To answer your questions (although they are less relevant than they would be if your assumptions about me were correct), I am the quintessential high-value men (except for the 6 foot tall part). I have an extensive education including an advanced degree and I am a member of a very well respected, high status, lucrative profession. As you would say, “I have my shit together“ and I am married to a woman who has her shit together as well.
The reason I keep my finger on the pulse of modern women in the dating world is because I have two young adult sons who are both in college and who are both stuck with the pool of modern women as potential romantic partners. My wife and I each have the following philosophy: ask not what your spouse can do for you, ask what you can do for your spouse. This philosophy only works if both members of the romantic partnership subscribe to it. What I have seen in every corner of the Internet is modern women who are out for for themselves and who are trying to get out of a man as much as they possibly can. Hence, the expectation that their romantic partner should be 6 feet tall, have a six pack abdomen, and have a six-figure income. They don’t want that just for show, but rather, to satisfy their own selfish desires and expectations for a lavish lifestyle with a husband they can show off like a status symbol. But when these women find someone who’s even taller and more physically fit and/or more financially secure, these modern women will monkey branch to the more alpha alpha-male. This is the world that my two raised-right sons are facing. Society is in the process of collapsing and modern women‘s insatiable desire for wealth and status is just one of the indications of impending doom (as is modern man‘s insatiable desire for sexual conquest - I am just trying to be fair and balanced here).
The real culprit here is the birth control pill which ushered in an era of sexual liberation, which, in turn, has drastically and adversely impacted expectations of sexual activity as part of the modern dating paradigm. On the subject of premarital sex, the birth control pill has converted the default response of women from “hell no“ to “sure, why not“ when a male suitor invites his date into his boudoir. Things have gotten so bad that the modern paradigm of dating nowadays doesn’t even include dating, but rather, it just seems to include sex. This is tragic, demoralizing, and ultimately, destructive of society.
I’m glad that you have raised your daughters to have traditional values. I sincerely hope that they cross paths with men like my sons who also have traditional values. Sadly, these traditional values are increasingly becoming needles in haystacks. Good luck to you and yours.
@@MrSethmo13 Iade no assumptions. I responded to your statements that's all. I disagree with you. The solutions start withing the young men making negative comments. Instead of looking for what they can gleem a out women and finding out what they should emulate they make excuses of the women that have passed them over. Is it understandable that they are angry hell yes but the women that are talking about and referencing will be miserable in ten or so years. And these men are wasting time pining for the wrong women. Most likely these men will meet a good woman and will never notice or acknowledge them. And then be alone forever. Don't worry about the women who don't give you the time of day. Look for the good women and work on yourself till you find her. Have a plan and be forthright. Just as I've taught my children. Date with intention and don't waste time. And spending all this time criticizing women who would never be marriageable as they are is a pointless measure. Move on and find the person you hope to find. This is how I found my wife. This is how my daughters intend to find their husband. Don't waste time and don't get bitter. And if these boys can't take the little criticism I send their way they need to grow up fast. Women will be far harsher than I in calling them bitter and angry.
But if she has spent her 20s riding the CC and living her best life and then biological clock kicks in and now she is setting all these boundaries to get a guy locked in. Then a few years after marriage and kids, she is now unhappy and wants more excitement and missing the highs of her 20s. Then divorce is the next step.
So the business like approach to dating is for the purpose of getting married and kids but does not mean longevity of marriage will be better. In most cases, the guys that are accepting of this are men with limited options socially and they tend to be doormatish and boring and there is a higher risk she will not respect him down the road or divorce him.
You make some good points.
Using sex as leverage in the beginning of a relationship she'll use it in marriage also. PERIOD! She is settling for you and has no desire for you. Red flags run
See, I would be ok with this. It absolutely is a deal though, part of my side is I can sleep with other women at any time. Discreetly of course.
Yeah, no s*X rule is fine when you're 20 and have hardly any experience. When you're 30, had multiple partners, and now you put intimacy on hold to find a proper "husband material" it's the reddest flag of them all. You see plenty of these in the internet "no time for fun and games, only serious offers". Too bad too many guys will still consider. You gotta listen closely to what Suzanne said about her client - the only goal there was to get married and get pregnant ASAP. And the lady in question reached her goal. We can only wonder how long will it take for the husband to be put on the back burner. Briffault's law almost always works.
Eww barf 🤢
Absolutely not. Choosing not to sleep with someone until you get married is not using sex as leverage. It’s being wise about the appropriate time and place for an activity that can cloud your judgement and possible create a new human life.
I waited, and my husband has never been left wanting since saying “I do.”
Waiting is protection, for Both the body and the heart. Hormones are powerful during intercourse it bonds and can prematurely bond people before they are sure forever is what they both want. It can take years to untie an attachment especially for women. A new relationship can't sustain sexual relations without a solid commitment. Stats show folk who wait are better off even if it ends not devastated just disappointed. Building a relationship takes discipline, communication, affection, sex is the reward of building a life-long commitment worth the wait.
You'll know if a man is interested in 'courting you' for marriage if you withhold sex. However... if a lady has been 'hooking up' until this point where she want's marriage 'now', I wouldn't expect a man to see her deserving of courting (you have to 'earn' that). If a lady has maintained a marriageable mindset and lived that way, a man will see her differently than a reformed 'hookup culture' flunky going for the 'marriageable' thing. It's a harsh truth. A lady has to earn that courtship through how she lives her life. Otherwise, easy sex to multiple partners in the past and NOW telling a man 'no sex' is not going to seem justified or reasonable (in fact, good men may find that 'unreasonable' as they see her as 'high risk' and are looking for any red flag to abort... may even erroneously think they're doing her a 'favor'... aka: the white knight not really a 'good man'... stupid but I've 'heard' men say that with single women with kids by another man...). That said, I don't personally feel it's a good reason to abort (no sex thing). However, the 'high risk' on the reformer would be ('hook up culture' is a hard habit to break and I've noted a trend of women in that mindset still wanting to maintain their external validations from other men and orbiters... back up guys).
Suzanne is so right on but both men and women need to be respectable coming into it. As a man, I've always felt that marriage is for 'family'. When I was courting, I wasn't making sure she was 'good in bed'... I was making sure she'd be a suitable wife for me and a suitable mother... and future grandmother for my family. Is she seeking validation from other men or is she giving that up and throwing it 'all in' on the marriage (does she have the self-discipline to be 'committed' and not succumb to 'temptation' and wreck the whole effort).
@@kc6810 I'd imagine if 'good in bed' was a deal breaker, you'd have to sample the 'hook -up culture' and deal with un-marriageable women. A man has a different 'purpose' in courting a woman for marriage. Those 'marriageable' qualities take priority and sex is for 'procreation' as the highest priority and 'duty' to family is paramount as well are 'domestic' skills (note: skills every man and woman need to have... watch out for that).
That said 'being good in bed' can be acquired through monogamy and targeted for that one mate (not 'general purpose freakyness' on loads of other men to get there... yuck!)
Are you a virgin? If not, you have no right to demand one.
I'm a single woman, 31, child of divorce. It indeed affected my life, and i wouldn't want to marry someone like me, I don't know what healthy marriage looks like and i deal with psychology issues from the divorce (which was lengthy and ugly). I'm so broken, and I'm at an age where I can't afford to be so.
Why wre you shitting all over yourself. Go and find a good homeopath to build up your internal resources. Keep working on yourself try to be self aware. The biggest issue women deal with is not putting up strong boundaries and also being emotionally mature. You still have time 31 is young. Don't listen to anyone whom says it isn't. Discernment is key.
Please get involved with a good church. We are all broken and in need of a savior. You won’t find a man to marry who isn’t also broken in many ways. But you can have grace with each other and a church is the perfect place to see many great examples of marriage, especially if you ask an older married woman to mentor you.
Laying down the hard and fast rules on sex at the earliest stage - good luck to both parties on that front.
Thanks again hon....and that's a totally non-misogynistic "hon"...no, really. Love your stuff....and when I say "stuff", I mean your content.
I don't think you owe it to your partner to admit a problem. You owe it to yourself. Not everything needs to be said out loud. Unless the problem is hurting or harming the other person, it is ok to keep things to yourself if you choose to. I have been in two long term relationships that both lasted several years, and I carried with me even to this day what I consider an undiagnosed eating disorder. I appear to be a normal healthy and varied eater, who eats in moderation and on the outside I am. But I know I have internal psychological issues when it comes to food. I have shared this on occasion throughout my life with others, but, it's mainly been a me problem that I have grappled with on my own. It's a very real problem, but, not something I have ever expressed or shared. I know I need to one day put this problem to rest, but, it's so easy to think it isn't there because I had a coffee, banana and peanut butter toast for breakfast and I won't be eating or thinking of eating for another 2-3 hours and I am healthy, so, in the activity of my day, it's going to be set aside to the back of my mind. I grew up with the "eat everything on your plate" expectation and it did so much damage in terms of me even being able to know something as simple as when I am hungry or not. I feel educated on food and eating and follow sound advice, but, i'm completely cut off from what my body is trying to tell me in terms of appetite, food choices, hunger cues. I was completely controlled as a child food wise and you don't magically wake up on your 20th birthday and now you possess the skills that your parents never allowed you to develop. But, this post contains more mention of it then I will share in my regular dialogues with people. We are allowed to have our own cob webs is what I think, if no one is being hurt or harmed in the process.
How do I leave a review? I'm loving your down to earth show
An another great podcast . The game is not new. It's a knock off of the show called the: "Dating Game" which aired 1965-1973.
Great advice thanks!
Thank you for your videos
Very practical info
How can a man be certain that a woman isn't just settling for him? If so, it will quickly become a sexless marriage with the man receiving lots of nagging due to the woman being resentful that she didn't get to marry the alpha who got away.
She'll come to you. Always be there every time you turn around. Laughs at your dumbest jokes. Hint: tell her "no" on something trivial. If she accepts this and moves forward in life without drama you're in
She isn’t just “present” but actively coming to you during both good times and bad. Ask about her exes. Who did she love the most and why? Why did they break up? Compare your personalities.
how do you tell if someone is into you? You kinda just know. If you are not sure, then it is a no. You know when someone really likes you. It is hard to hide. Especially when you are young. I had a hard time playing it cool with guys I liked.
A man will bother if she is not a virgin
Why putting the work when others received it for free??, why wait for the 3 month when she gave it away 3 hours later after meet him in a party?
Why the man "worthy" of marriage has to wait, but the "funny" bad boy got it pretty quickly??
Past matters.
The past no longer matters if you’ve done teshuva/repentance. Your thinking is extremely flawed.
@@Foxie770 Past always matters, yes you can change and repent, however sin has consequences...does the fat guy get skinny just for repenting?' not, does the STD disappear from the promiscuous person just for repenting? not, does you become rich after repenting of a lazy life? not..... you do not understand how teshuva/ repentance work... the one with the flawed logic is you.
Why as a man I should be ok with no sex if you are not virgin 🙄
Spot on. The losers who showed up earlier who were not marriage material were granted access to her garden of Eden right away, but a high-value, marriage-minded man who is actually worthy of such access is made to wait for it!?!? That is the litmus test that Suzanne is advocating for?!?! Make that make sense please.
@@maddiesenator5491 Telling women not to be promiscuous is precisely the right message. But she’s delivering that message to women who already are promiscuous. And, as I explained in my previous response to you, when faced with a woman who was once promiscuous but who is now a born-again virgin, any self-respecting man will be outraged by her hypocrisy for the reasons I set forth in my earlier comment to you.
And another thing. I’m happily married and have been so for nearly 30 years. I am not attempting to “partake“ in that which makes modern women awful. I am simply dismayed at what modern women have become and at what the prospects are for my two young adult sons who are entering/occupying the dating market right now. What opportunities will they have to find honorable and worthy women to make their wives? The debauchery of the modern dating market is simply horrifying. It is destructive to both men and women, but to women more so than men.
Suzanne‘s advice to take sex off the table is fantastic. But she needs to be delivering that advice to women in their late teens, not their early 30s. Women in their early 30s are a lost cause. Let them live out the rest of their lives as spinsters. That way, they can serve as a cautionary tale for the next batch of 18 year olds coming down the pike. If they don’t want to end up living the rest of their lives alone, let them learn now that they should be very selective about who they invite into their bed chambers.
@@MrSethmo13 Sorry, but a woman who has changed her ways is to be valued. I'd respect her desire for abstinence before marriage and not just because it's what I do when dating. You know how women love to bring up the past? That's the worldview you're living with. Is your moniker of being a mr fake? Are you really a spurned woman cause you sound spurned.
@@hoobeydoobey1267 I agree that a woman who has changed her ways is to be valued, but only marginally higher than a woman who has not changed her ways. A used car is still a used car and the miles on that car have still taken their toll even if the car is now housed in a garage while it is on sale awaiting a new owner. As for the latter part of your comment, it is written cryptically. I interpret it as meaning that you believe that I am actually a woman, not a man. I don’t know what it is that I said or how I phrased things that led you to that conclusion, but you are mistaken. I realize that we live in a woke world and people mistakenly believe that they can change their genders by simply proclaiming it so, but I am not woke and I am not a woman. I hope this addresses your concerns.
No fornicator will enter heaven
He should want what she wants? How about her wanting what he wants?
Women only care about themselves
Why would a man want the leftovers of an older woman who was free with her body until she’s aging out of the dating game? I advised my kids to find someone in their mid 20s and abstain from sex until a ring. By this description I’d advise my sons to pass on these women. 😮
Just please please make sure your sons are not engaging in pornography watching, and hooking up with women who they feel are too lewd to wed. Because why would a woman want that? This has to go both ways!
It is amazing to me how many men have these high standards for women and, zero sexual standards for themselves.
I don't even care if a woman is a virgin or not. I've been with two women, that's all. I just think it's wild. Once I got into my 30s, I came across more women telling me 20+, and I've come across more women saying, "I lose count." The "I lost count" is absolutely wild. Lol
@@counselorguy5481 Most of us that have seen you speak on this thread; have already concluded that you are better off leaving women alone entirely. That also means don't mess with teenage girls either.
There are plenty of women like me who practice abstinence, because we don't want to be out here under all these men getting STDs and unwanted pregnancies. You're just going for trashy women because that's what your pornography videos inspire you to do.
@@counselorguy5481 did they really lose count or are they just too embarrassed to list a number that high?
@@atropiaveteran Nah, they probably did lose count. Many of these people don't view sex as an intimate act and instead view it as just getting off or taking a pee. Think about it, you don't remember how often you peed the other day but, you have a general sense. That's how it is for some people with sex, it's been so cheapened to them that they don't even remember exactly how many people.
Its fine for her to have boundaries. But she needs to understand that he will also have boundaries as well.
Is she ok that he doesnt pay for her when they go out?
Is it ok for her to actually reveal how many guys she slept with rather in or out of a relationship?
Ive asked a date these questions and it bothers them like crazy. They tell me they arent interested in discussing about their past. The past is the past. Yeah thats a past.
i hated dating so much, i wish i've found it 10 years ago 🙈
Tired of hearing a "purpose and a plan". It's like a broken record.
People must keep in mind that men can wait longer, so doing this as a business meeting will turn a lot of guys off. The woman really needs to let the guy know what she brings to the table. The risk is all on the guy's side, so she really has to put her best foot forward. I would say to the silly party girls this; stop. Men care a LOT about your "mileage", and they WILL find out. Lying about it will only make it worse. And the longer older women stay single, the smaller the pool of guys they have to pull from, as the eligible guys are looking at younger women. Bottom line is cut the crap and find a good guy when you are young. To hell with the "career" is the most important crap in your life. Guys don't care.
the longer a woman stays single, the more likely she will be depressed, anxious etc and often get on meds -- you need to know about this if you want to be with her long term
Even with a bell notification turned on... I didn't get testified for thid video
Suzanne. "Don't trust a guy who has any negative opinions about modern marriage."
What about his/her horoscope?
NO SUCH THING AS A zodiac signs....MADNESS
That's demonic
The more i listen to your videos the more i wonder if i can affect change. There arent men around me that are compatible with your advice. Its great advice but it feels outdated. These sort of men are needles in a haystack, even at churches.
Intentionality
Dating is part of the relationship continuum that includes getting acquainted and marriage. Marriage has lost most of it's function since women have made dating include the most important element: sex. That's the cultural norm all over the planet. If a 30 year old woman who isn't a virgin says sex is off the table until marriage, fine, all financial support is off the table as well. Every female rule has a correlary that is always a man's responsibility.
@@kc6810 you don't have enough reading comprehension
@@kc6810 I agree that sex is not “the” most important thing in a marriage, but it is “a“ most important thing in marriage. Said another way, there is nothing in marriage that is more important than sex, but there are a few things in marriage that are equally as important as sex. Please remember marriage, at its core, is a sexual relationship. It starts out as a crush where there are sexual urges that motivates each party towards the other. It develops into a dating relationship where each of the parties try getting to know each other socially and emotionally to allow each party to evaluate whether they want the relationship to become sexual. This stage is a cautious assessment that each party undertakes before they give in to their sexual urges and become sexually involved with one another. Eventually, the dating relationship will include sex and sex is the glue that binds the couple together. And then the relationship progresses to an exclusive relationship where each party agrees not to engage sexually with any party other than their relationship partner. And then the relationship progresses to engagement where the parties announce their intention to their friends and family that they intend to be bound together in a sexual relationship for life. And then they get married. Marriage is the ultimate evolution of the sexual relationship where the couple takes legal steps to ensure that each is sexually exclusive with the other for life. For you to suggest that sex is only important to men simply reveals that you are a woman who has a lower sex drive than your husband. But there are plenty of couples where the libidos are reversed. What you fail to understand is that sexual deprivation or starvation in a marital relationship is a poisonous cancer that spells doom for the marriage‘s long-term prospects. So before you tell other people to “grow up“, you should take a very serious look at the subject matter and make sure you know what you’re talking about. With that said, a woman’s sexual history is something that is important to men, and it will affect their sexual relationship. And if it affects their sexual relationship, it will affect their marriage. Please stop pretending that a woman’s sexual history is irrelevant and inconsequential.
@@kc6810 We have kids in their twenties and I and my wife have been married for exactly 30 years. Sex has not diminished in importance, only in frequency. I bet if we asked your husband for his opinion, he would give very different answers than you.
@@kc6810 I don’t disagree with a single thing that you said in your most recent comment. However, I think that you and I have strayed from the point of the original comment. The OP was talking about unmarried women engaging in sex before marriage as having become commonplace, and in the process of making his point, he offhandedly described sex as being the most important thing in marriage. You latched on to that tangential comment and focused your attention on it. From the perspective of young, unmarried people driven by their hormones, at that time in their lives, sex is the most important thing and according to your natural-law explanation of human sexuality, it should be the most important thing to both young men and women. However, in your original response to him, you shamed him that by telling him to “grow up”. That was not cool. He will grow up over time and perhaps he will reach the same level of enlightenment that you and I have reached, but that takes decades and for you to shame him for not having the perspective that only comes from the passage of time is unreasonable. And to get us back on track, his comment about sex being the most important thing in marriage was not his main point. His point was that in modern dating, there is no more “waiting until marriage” before having sex, but rather having sex with a dating partner is the norm now, and this new paradigm carries with it some new expectations (i.e.,that men will pay for dates and that women will participate in sexual activity). His point was that if women tinker with the variables in that equation, then they should expect men to tinker with the variables as well. He was saying that if thirty year old non-virgin, sexually active women become sexually inactive and withhold sex, then the men that they date will respond by withholding payment for social activity. As you know, women expect men to pay for dates. If a man does not pay, then he is crossed off of the list of serious romantic prospects. So, if women follow Suzanne’s advice and stop having sex, it will lead directly to men engaging in conduct that will “disqualify” him from further consideration.
@@kc6810 Thank you for your two comments, they were very thoughtful and thought-provoking. I’m going to respond to both of them with a single comment, rather than dividing them up into two separate strings.
The OP obviously believes that sex is the most important part of marriage, but he was not trying to convince the readers of his comment that sex is the most important part of marriage. Rather, that is a basic assumption of his argument. He proceeded from that assumption to make other points. You and I have been arguing over whether or not sex actually is the most important part of marriage and I was just trying to get us back to the point that the OP was making.
Regarding your point that most women are not promiscuous, I hope you are right. Promiscuity harms women and dooms them to unhappy and unfulfilled marriages. I haven’t gone out on a “date” since 1990 and so I lack personal experience with modern single women and I am not in a position to validate or dispute your assertion that most are not.
Regarding men being jaded by red pill propaganda, I agree that RUclips’s red pill community spews toxic rhetoric that poisons the minds of young men. Having said that, not every philosophy spewed by the red pill community is off the mark. These are difficult times to be young and single and looking. I am glad I am none of those things because of the confusing nature of male/female relations today.
Regarding splitting the cost of dates, you hold the minority view. It is my understanding that asking a woman to pay her share or accepting her offer to pay half of the bill is the kiss of death to a fledgling dating relationship. The same is true of inviting a woman on a coffee date or a walk in the park. You espouse a philosophy that reflects the way things SHOULD be, not the way things actually are.
At bottom, the videos that are being posted on RUclips on the subjects of dating, romance, and sex, and the comments that are being submitted on those videos have given me a real appreciation for what my wife and I have and how rare it is.
When you spell out what up-front effort is required to have a successful marraige, it really shows that marraige just isn't worth the trouble.
I think that is an extreme view. I have never been married, nor do I want to be married. The more I listen to Suzanne’s podcasts, the more I understand that due to my family of origin and childhood trauma, I was never marriage material. But, for healthy people who do want to marry it is absolutely “worth the trouble” to try and do it right.
I a m 59 today, I have given up hope on ever finding someone. I make almost 90k a year now, everything is paid off. The women who I do meet, I feel that i am just an ATM to them, the women vary in age from 28 to 63. And all entitled, no matter what part of the world I go too. But american women are the worst so far. I am about to go see if the professional route will work, i feel it will meet my physical needs, and they leave when i am done with them. This is not what I wanted in my life, i wanted the 3 kids, 2 car garage, 4 bedroom city home, cottage at the lake, a lady in the parlor room, etc, And kids who will go to college, None of that has ever happened. I have never met a worthy candidate, it was always i am the table. meh...not from my pov ladies.
If you kept picking these women, then naturally you don’t have the space for better women. Ask yourself why were you so drawn to the women who you felt like were using you? It sounds like you were using them too since you said they left when you were done with them. It’s not too late to experience true love from a good woman. I suggest you reflect on your weaknesses & turn your heart towards God who will help heal you with his wisdom (the Bible). Please don’t give up hope. Just move different!
I hear zero accountability on your part and that's the problem. All I hear is whining and crying. That's part of the problem. You say nobody was good enough for you, but clearly you were not good enough for them either. I can already tell by the way you speak the issue is pure selfishness. Doesn't matter how much money you shell out. If you're not willing to be vulnerable, drop your ego, and put your lust in check; leaving the country is not going to work. Women are women, are women everywhere you go. Now, you're going to get yourself set up to get clocked for a green card. Cute.
You can try these things discussed here -sex is off the table deal and dating with intention. Don't go for the 'silly party girl' who is not looking to settle down
"Sex is off the table". How long are we talking about? Speaking as a man, I'd say most men would have lost interest after 2 months. The problem with this method is that a guy will ask "how long", the woman might say "X weeks" and the guy will mentally calculate how much effort to put in, based on when he last had sex (2 weeks or two years...) and how long he'd have to wait until he'd have sex with another woman (2 weeks or two years...).
This no sex approach for women when they're looking for Prince Charming in their 30s but jammed through men (or were married in their 20s) is going to feel silly to most men, I think. Not saying it's bad, but I think he's going to wonder why you gave it up to Joe Shmoe but not to a man you think we'll be your husband. Men are logical.
Best not to get married to women any longer. No guarantees from them,….so no contracts that offers them any guarantees
You won't go to hell when you pass away for fornicating
First, I would never date a feminist. Second, no sex till marriage? Not many men would find that acceptable.
No sex before marriage is what's traditional around the world until recently. And it weeds out the men who don't share the woman's values.
Feminists are the only ones giving away all this casual sex. Sounds like u have conflicting desires. Traditional women aren’t giving their bodies to any random guy that takes them on a few dates.
Saying upfront that sex is off the table is okay if she’s still a virgin and under 25. If not, then you’re telling the guy that he has to pay a SUBSTANTIALLY higher price for something that another guy (or guys) got for much cheaper. That’s the way we men view things, and we don’t need to be taught the correct way to view things.
I guess it depends on what this higher cost is for...for example if the goal is sex, then it's unfair that 1 guy can go on 3 dates and get laid and another has to marry to get laid. But I think she's not talking about guys whose goal is to have sex...
You do not know or understand men if you don’t believe that every man’s goal is to have sex. As I said before, if she’s a virgin and under twenty-five, then it’s a fair price to ask. If she’s not, then it isn’t. This is why young girls must be taught early on that their past *DOES* matter and that you can’t erase it if you don’t like the consequences.
@@samcotten2416 well.... I don't know....if that's a man's only goal then it's better for them to avoid these women looking for marriage. There are always party girls and hookers for sex.... what's the point in messing about with women who are looking to settle. Men like you should avoid them.
A woman in her 30s who has never been married is not a good candidate for marriage. She had her opportunity and passed on great candidates. The odds are high she has a sexual past which means her ability to bond with a man has diminished. This message is better suited to women in their teens and early 20s. Marriage should be for building a life together and having children. By 30s she is a lost cause.
Your logic is completely flawed. I married at 32, we’ve happily been married for almost 11 years. My husband and I met and married within 3 months. And have no regrets. You haven’t already “built a life” at 30. In fact, you haven’t truly grown up or started to build a life until you GET MARRED, and have kids. Until marriage, you’re literally still a kid. That’s a fact that only a married person can understand.
Very ignorant comment.