Words like embarrassing and sorry are not necessary, Ben. Take the time you need to find your strength(s) again, and remember you're still a legend and a huge inspiration, both in good and less good times, to other people (runners and non-runners)! 💪🏻
You’re an inspiration to the running community - not only with your positivity but also over the past few years being realistic about the ups and downs. It sounds like a bad day at the office and something in your system that wasn’t identified, so no need to feel embarrassed or apologise to anyone. Diagnosed with ADHD last year at 39, which helped understand how my head works and how to manage myself. Good luck with finding the answers you are looking for: I think all of us care about you doing well first and foremost over race times and RUclips content.
I have this thesis that a lot of runners have mental issues and that is what steered them into running in the first place because running calms the mind. I think the key is to be much more focused on the proces rather than the goals so you don't lose the joy of running.
Haven't really been following your content since you hurt your ankle but always wish you all the best, in the most loving way possible though catching up on your content it does seem like it's a anxiety/mental issue as it always seems to pop up in the races and not in training. The time around and beyond your injured ankle seems to be the catalyst.
Ben, you showed up. That is something you can be proud of! You mention that we as your YT followers are here to see you perform on race day. Let me just share that I am here to enjoy the authentic and honest content you create because it motivates me in my running journey. I wish for you that you can find your inner peace and enjoyment in your future projects. Keep up the good work!
We love you Ben. Can imagine the pressure you feel doing these big races with such exposure. The truth is, we love that you are human and sometimes things go wrong on the big day. Embarrassing it is not, real it is. Keep going. Please.
Ben it's so good to see you. You have nothing to be embarrassed or humiliated about. We're just glad you're okay. I admire you talking about your mental health and sharing it with us. Looking forward to you uploading some new videos. We missed you loads.
Don’t feel embarrassed, Ben. You’re an incredible runner and huge inspiration to so many - your channel is a testament to that. You inspired me to take on the marathon a second time after I completely bombed the first time round, and seeing you ‘fail’ (not a failure at all) a race like this is a great reminder that everyone has their good days and bad days and it doesn’t make you any less of a runner. Keep your head up, don’t beat yourself up, UTMB will always be there waiting for you when you’re ready 💪
Thanks for your honesty in speaking about your mental health. You'll be making a difference in peoples' lives just by speaking so honestly about it. You have nothing to be embarrassed by your race. It'll be there in the future if you decide to get back on that start line! Excited to see you back on the road running happy aiming for that mara PB.
Genuinely love your content and the person that shines through, Ben. Be kind to yourself. You aren't accountable to us, we are spectators on your journey that are blessed to come along for the ride; the ups and the downs.
You are human! We all have days like that. You would have learnt so much from that and it will help you going forward. Love watching you channel and learning from what you do. You’ll be back stronger!
And BTW, @@BenParkes, this messagr helped me A LOT 🤗 so sorry to know that you recorded it at such a massive cost, but I know you'll overcome what bothers you 💪
It's good for all of us to hear you talk through your challenges, frustrations, mental health, and all of the above. It's not at all embarrassing. We love you here! On a side note, have you done all six world majors? That could be fun if you haven't. We love you!
Apologies are not necessary and you certainly should not be embarrassed! You are an inspiration to many people and we follow and support you through good and bad times. I hope you get the care and diagnosis you’re looking into to help you understand you a bit better. With that will hopefully come acceptance and understanding. All the very best 🤜🏻 🤛🏻
Ben you inspire so many people and we are sending loads of positivity your way. Your content is alway incredible and we don’t just watch your videos for race days. Look after yourself ❤
Your honesty is really appreciated Ben. I definitely relate to the anxiety issues. Although I struggle to do any races. I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD this year too. I wish you luck on your diagnosis journey and I hope it gives you the answers that you need 😊.
Hey Ben, I've followed your channel since very early on, and as someone who also experiences mental health issues (and has done almost my entire life), let me just tell you you're an inspiration and I have nothing but admiration for you. Regardless of what caused the problems you experienced in this race, it doesn't change our opinion of you. You're only human like the rest of us. If you're anything like me, you do put huge pressure on yourself and competitive as you are, that is unlikely to change. But try to see the big picture - well all KNOW what you are capable of and you have nothing to prove to us. We're proud of you.
Appreciate the honesty of this video. The struggles you faced all sound very familiar to how I felt during the event, and again it took me a long time to figure out the whys (I'm still not sure). Can't imagine the added pressure of wanting to put together a wicked video along with the challenge of 100miles around the Mont Blanc. Keep your head up!
Hi Ben, there's some amazing comments here and I agree with all that I've read. One thing I'd not seen anyone else mention: "I shouldn't be doing these races looking to complete them, I should be looking to perform my very best" - if someone else said this to you about their passion (be it running, gardening, knitting etc) what would you say? There's a sense of freedom in giving ourselves the option to fall to short or fail, the hero's journey must always involve failure, so if we embrace that as not just a possibility but a key component of success it relieves a great deal of pressure. and by observing and living our hero's journey in our own lives, we see that failure is a necessary part of opening the door for our greatest successes. You can apply that to anything - running, mental health, business. If you expect the very best from yourself and think you owe it to your subscribers to perform your very best then I can't imagine how brutal that pressure must be, I can assure you that 95% of the people subscribed and anyone that matters don't watch to see Ben Parkes succeed, they watch to see Ben Parkes being Ben Parkes, and the great guy that you are.
Sorry the UTMB didn't work out for you this year. I'm sure you'll smash it next time. I had a DNF at the TDS race last year as it was 31 degrees and forecast to be hotter the next day, so dropped out at 100K. Thankfully managed it this time but was also very sick at CP7 at Beaufort. I don't like the soup and noodles at the check points, I'm unsure if it was that. The food at the Snowdonia UTMB 100K race was brilliant this year. Anyway I managed to get back on track after CP9 or so and finished this year. The -5 degrees weather on the first night was better for me coming from Scotland. I really enjoy your videos. All the best for your races coming up!
Great video Ben! You're still an incredible and inspiring runner, and you shouldn't feel any shame at all. Nothing that happened or is happening to you is your fault. Mental health is something everyone struggles with in different ways. It's great you can recognize your struggles and seek help. I know you'll come out on top in some way. Keep on it, you're doing great!
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your struggles. You have nothing to be embarrassed about at all. You have brought so much encouragement to myself and so many people.
Love you and your content so much! Keep pushing and don't let experiences like these ruin you, They are just lessons for the future. Keep your motivation always high and remember how much you've helped so many people, including myself- I'm so thankful for you. Truly an inspiration to me, Keep on going strong!❤
Bless you Ben for your honesty and vulnerability. You have a very large fan club out here who will always be in your corner. Keep doing you. That’s plenty good enough!
Ben! You are an incredible inspiration. With or without a “great UTMB video”. Pace and finishing races is only one part of running and it makes me feel encouraged that I’m not the only one that has tried and failed before. Thanks for showing your wins, but thank you even more for being willing to show us your failures. I know it must have been a really tough video to make but we are all here supporting you and cheering you on!
Thanks for this video Ben, like all the other comments we’re all right behind you…it’s not embarrassing as the vast vast majority of us would love to get anywhere near the results you get. You’re an inspiration, keep your chin up ❤️
Yeah, you nailed it at about 4:40 - not specialising and not enough volume of training. That will always come out. No place to hide. Good luck next year! If you were wanting to do a mountain ultra of high intensity and distance like UTMB, you would need to focus now and only on it for the whole year building up and up. (Also, it must be tricky filming and trying to run your best - maybe leave that alone as well...)
One of the reasons we all watch the channel is for its honesty and integrity. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs of your running career, it would not be the same otherwise.
Ben, no need to be sorry, you’re an inspiration and I learn so much from your channel. Glad you’re getting back to marathons and it’s nice to see you smiling again! 👍🏻
So incredibly proud of you Ben. I marvel at your athletic achievements but it's your honesty and vulnerability that is a true testament to your character. In short you're a bloody good human being who should never use the words embarrassing - nothing could be further from the truth. Go easy on yourself and put your incredible efforts into context, there may be hundreds running UTMB but that's 0.00001% of the world's runners, so to even start that event is a remarkable feat that only a minority could even contemplate, let alone tackle. Be proud of yourself and know that you're loved by many.
Ben, I'v been a supporter since the early days and you've inspired me to do my best in every race. More then anything I want you to reach your goals! Even if that means you have no footage or youtube video of the utmb. If you lose the struggle of documenting things and just focus on enjoying the race, then maybe that means you have less anxiety? I don't know, i'm not a docter, I just wish you the best in your future endeavors!
Thank you for your honest video Ben. First I would like to say I’m sorry to hear about your UTMB 23 race after all your training you put in. Second I am currently injured and have been watching your retiring to running from injury videos from a couple of years ago which I will be following the guidance you provided, lastly my young son who is 5 years old has recently been diagnosed with autism and I would like to thank you for talking about this. Both you and Sarah are an inspiration. Keep getting it done. 👍
Don’t be so hard on yourself Ben , you’re an amazing inspiration to thousands of runners,but what I love about you is your honesty even when the chips are down.Enjoy your new marathon journey and keep me inspired as you always do ❤
One of my favourite RUclipsrs keep your head held high mate! One thing to consider is your hormone levels definitely recommend getting them checked trt has transformed my mental health
These things happen, Ben. You're inspirational in your successes and your failures. You are right to focus on what you love, and what you are good at... return to the road, rebuild, and come back to UTMB stronger and more resilient then ever. That UTMB finish will be ever so sweeter when you get it.
You're incredibly inspiring Ben! Sometimes it's a good idea to reflect on just how far you've come. I'm so grateful for all of your content and training plans which have helped me along my own journey. Keep your head held high, you got this.
Don't be embarrassed Ben - we all find our limits, take pride that you have made a sensible decision (return to your core running) and consider UTMB when your head and body are in a better place.
Amazing runner,please dont be hard on yourself. I love your channel and your positive vlogs. If we didn't have lows- there would be no highs. Thats life.
I fail to see how any of this is embarrassing, Ben. Stuff happens. Sometimes things don't work out how they were planned or prepped for, and that's ok. You have achieved so much already, and will continue to do so in the future there's no doubt about it, even if it's isn't with a new PB (though I'm sure you can achieve one!). Personally, I don't watch your training content for your performance but for your attitude towards training and goals, as well as your brutal honesty on sometimes being dealt a bad hand on the day as you were for the UTMB. All this to say: best wishes to you; looking forward to following your journey!
I feel with you Ben! Definitely a tough one but nothing embarrassing about this. You gave it everything and never gave up. It’s sucks you hit a bad day with the worst timing in the world, but you’ll be back and you will finish it for sure. Just that fact you made this video and the things you are telling us, shows you are mentally very strong. Tough blows takes time but I have no doubt you’ll find that confidence again before you know it. Thanks for making videos like this. It shows that even with all the planning you can do, there are no guarantees. It’s a good lesson to learn for everyone.
Hey Ben, The pressure you must feel to perform must be immense. And part of that is a product of both your outstanding ability, drive and personal ambition, Amplified by the following you have built. Failing in public is brave. What will everyone think? What will people say about you? Well yes - there will be people who say things and talk. Let them. What you do and what you did is immensely brave and the stories and advice you share literally changes peoples lives. And people will still talk. Let them. Because the truth is - 99.999% of us respect and admire you. But the one that really needs to learn & remember to respect and admire you... is you. High Flipping Five for Fifty Miles of Totally Not Flat UTMB. In those days where you failed, thats tough - for sure. So practice self admiration, consciously. Ask for help. Go get a life coach and therapy - yes both - cos dude, showing up every week consistently for 140,000 strangers is just not what human brains living in mud huts were wired for 😂 Respect, Admiration, Gratitude. Matt
Ben, I look up to you! Irrespective of the video. You’re a role model, someone people look up to. You’re human, so it’s all in the mind. I know you’ll learn more about this on the mind side, than on the physical side. Ad Astra Per Aspera my youtube friend!
Open honest - top bloke. We’ve all had these sort of days in our lives - yours are just more intense because you live life to the full - Good Arrows m8 🎯
Hi Ben, 2019 London marathon we crossed the line together. For me it was a massive pb, you vlogged your way round! You’re a top notch marathon runner. Like you, I’ve dabbled in ultras and I have a sticking point at 40+ miles when, whatever I do, I get horrific nausea. My choice was to stick to what I’m good at. The most important thing about running is the enjoyment, and like most people I tend to enjoy what I’m good at! Do what you love and love what you do. ❤️😁
Ben, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got nothing to apologise for, especially to us viewers. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things which just didn’t go right. It may be difficult at present but you’ll get through it and there’ll be greater success for you in other events soon. You inspired me and many others to take up running during lockdown, and I have since completed 5k, 10k and half marathon races. This wouldn’t have happened without your videos and enthusiasm. You’ll get stronger from this and you will get it done 👍
Appreciate you sharing your experience with us. We have all been there man in one way or another. Failure is very much part of running events like this. If I was a betting man I would go with some kind of bug.
Ben, please don't apologize to us! There's no need and it's really not a healthy mindset to feel like you let us down, which you absolutely did not. I personally LOVED seeing your training for UTMB even without you finishing (those mountains???) and I hope you enjoyed the training block. Obviously a finish is a huge goal but the journey there is more important, it is what you spent way more time doing. And dnfing an ultra might sting but it is so common, especially when you have lofty goals for yourselves (I mean, you are now in a club with Jim Walmsley!)
You are inspiring. Some races really crash and that's not something to be sorry for, it's absolutely not your fault. As a nurse, knowing your familiarity with the ultra distance, I really think you were fighting an illness of some sort. I really do. Even if not, it wasn't your fault at all. This just happens sometimes. Best wishes to you. .
Hi Ben. What happened could be labelled many things, but certainly not embarrassing nor something to feel sorry about. You don't owe us, your followers ,anything. We are in debt to you for your honesty and for opening your heart.
Sounds to me like you were ill. I'm quite confident you just had bad luck. My advise: Sign upnfor a nice 50-100K ultra quickly, and run it for fun - not for result. Don't even tell us about it until it is done. Good luck whatever you choose to do. No pressure 😊
Ben, I know you dont feel like it but I can guarantee that you should be replacing embarrassing with inspiring. Your honesty and openeness will help more people than you know. You have achieved so much on this channel so far, but it sounds right that you are concentrating on ensuring you enjoying the process
Hey man. Don't sweat UTMB. I ran it last year and (whilst thankfully finished) also felt absolutely shocking at the start line. No one will understand that feeling at the start line unless you're there. I really think this isn't unusual so don't over think it - you're 10 times the athelete most people are so it's not the distance or your head - it's just a massive expectation that people place on themself and that's far far worse for you given you have to film the event and have a huge audience.
If you focus on running fast marathons and Sarah does the long, exhausting ultras that sounds like a pretty nice combo. You guys are amazing, and amazingly honest.
Embarrassing?! Dude, do you know how many people don't have the balls to keep showing up like you do? You're amazing! I hope you continue to do trails. Maybe change the plan, like every year have the only goal being getting farther than last year, and anything more is a bonus? Also maybe the trails efforts don't need to be on youtube. Just do it for yourself. Either way, if you only do roads we'll still be watching! Great stuff.
Hey there! You might give yourself pressure for your followers but you should not.. these races ( including marathons) are tough in the sense that anything can happen! They would not be challenges otherwise! Some people tried even 5 times before completing Utmb! Look at Jim Walmsley! It is humbling to see every time what breaks us but do not fear you are not ready nor that your followers feel you are embarrassing. We are all on the same boat to try to learn and challenge ourselves no matter the outcome! My advice to you : simplify! I start at the race taking it as an adventure.. no time nor peer pressure.. try to see it in this perspective! good luck for the next one!
Far too hard on yourself. I know it's easy for us to say, but there's nothing embarrassing or sorry about this. You're an inspiration and create insane and informative content. Look after yourself. Stay positive. Results and numbers aren't everything xxx
Embarrassing is not a word I would expect or assume. I could understand using a word such as 'disappointing' but not embarrassed. Relax and do whatever you enjoy most. Us viewers simply enjoy watching you run. It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself unnecessarily. Do what YOU enjoy and do it for yourself, not us!😊
Ben, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Those of us who were following your progress during UTMB were wishing you nothing but the best, but were also knowing how difficult of a task it is for anyone to cross the finish line. You have inspired many of us, and you will continue doing so.
There are zillions of people making running videos. We come here because you and Sarah are delightful people - funny, honest, vulnerable, supportive, and creative. None of that is directly tied to race outcomes or changes when you DNF or even DNS. Keep doing what makes you happy, and by sharing it, makes others happy too.
99% of the people here just want to support you regardless of finishing position. You do so many amazing things at such a high level. The struggles just show you re human. Being switched on for a marathon or ultra can be a finicky thing. The professional runners often struggle with these distances. Sort yourself out however you feel is best and I’m certain your supporters will be here for you. Can’t wait to see you smash whatever comes next!
You say that but there have been so many comments on recent videos, with people saying ‘where’s the video’, ‘150k subs and no word’, plus other similar comments as though he has an obligation to explain! Leave the guy alone. Can’t help but feel he was pressured into making this video. People need to get a life. Sad.
@@ldbhood84 i still think they are in the minority and probably post because they are lacking something in their lives, most folk on here are supportive, its just sometimes the negativity can seem louder, imo Ben really didnt look too well at the start, i know it is was a very big deal for him and he has searched for answers but anxiety is very draining and he did look very drained, i just hope he can regain some peace with himself, he was the first running youtuber i watched at start of lockdown and he really was a joy even dealing with his broken ankle,
Ben, you don't know me from Adam, but you are an inspiration. Don't apologise for the delay in this video and certainly don't apologise for either your mental health or the 'failure' of UTMB. The fact you had that disappointment yet were still there for Sarah at the end of her epic race shows the type of person you are. Using your training plans and bought 2-3 hats (I keep losing them 😆) you've made me realise anyone can really be a runner. Keep getting it done, all the best and let us know how it all goes!
That’s a very brave video Ben, and anyone who has been following you for a while will fully appreciate how hard it probably was to film. I think we can also all appreciate how much pressure you must feel when this is not just your hobby but also your job. I also just wanted to mention that, IMO, you don’t need to do well competitively to make great videos. And in fact, showing the human side of running, including the downs as well as the ups, is of far greater value to viewers (who may also be struggling) than those who only choose to show their successes. Let’s face it, there’s enough of that in social media in general - and it’s not healthy or helpful! I really hope you’ll feel able to share some of your next steps. I for one will certainly continue to follow and like (love) your channel. ❤ 🤗
I'm sorry to see that this is (and we are) causing you so much stress and anxiety. It's supposed to be fun! Definitely time for a recalibration of something here :) All the best to you, I hope your next run is a positive experience, no matter the result.
Hi Ben, I'm not usually one to comment on things like this. However, you played a role in inspiring me to start running when I was bored during the first lockdown so A) Let me thank you for that. B) As a primary school teacher, I'm often telling my class there's no point them being here if they've got all the answers. The challenges, the struggles, the (quote-unquote) 'failures' are all part of the process. It's very difficult for me to follow my own worldly wisdom on occasion, but it is something I firmly believe in. When I'm out of inspiration, or I haven't run in months I return to some of yours and others' videos and it gives me that boost to get it done. Well done for setting clear goals on how to use this as a learning experience. I'm looking forward to completing a marathon before I turn 30 next year - there's going to be lots of learning experiences with that for sure. See you on the start line! 😅
Watched the video, went away, felt the need to comment and came back and post, which I never do.... It's important to remember that the impact of our actions can be achievements much bigger than the ones we were seeking. You make content that inspires a lot of people. You are genuine and real about the process on good days. You're incredibly honest about your struggles on the "less good" days. All of these have a massive impact on a lot of people and that is the opposite of embarrassing. It's pretty awesome. 🙂 Best of luck finding the answers you are looking for and thank you for being who you are. And as a mum to 2 on the spectrum, thanks for being another voice willing to talk about these things. Breaking taboos is another pretty awesome contribution to your online "community" 😉
A dnf is never embarrassing - it’s a part of trail running. Everyone’s dnf’s at some point for myriad reasons. Don’t pressure yourself, 2:25 is phenomenal and you’re in
Ben, mental health is more important than anything else. As someone who loves to run ultra's, I lost someone that was a trail running mentor to me due to mental health and till this day I cannot run on the trails w/o breaking down. Time heals all wounds but you need to give yourself that time to figure it out and when you have the trails will still be there for you. Take your time, run roads to gain clarity & confidence back. We will encourage you from all over the world!
We were just talking about why we continue to watch you week after week and the word ‘integrity’ springs to mind. You’re not afraid to share your struggles as well as your successes and are all the more inspiring as a result.
You are real and an inspiration for all of us. You did your best and something unexpected happened. That is running good days and bad days. I was happy to see Sarah finish that was great and you will do it one day just be patient and do not bead yourself up
We haven't all tried to run UTMB; hell, I haven't even run a marathon yet! But we all know how it feels not to perform as well as we'd hoped. And it sucks. But standing here on the other side of the RUclips video, Ben, I can say that we all love and appreciate YOU and the work you do as much as we always have. Taking us through the ups and downs of training AND competition helps us perform better, ourselves--and that's such a gift you give us. So THANK YOU! And know that we'll be just as supportive of you when you hit your next PB as we are now. 'Cause it's YOU we're celebrating here, and you're you no matter how you place!
Absolutely not embarrassing, you have my full admiration for speaking out about mental health and about ‘failure’. I met you at the Chamonix shake out run and I was really rooting for you knowing how much you wanted it after last year’s fall and injury. My guess is that alongside some other issues like training and nutrition you could well have had a virus or even COVID, there seemed to be plenty of it about with hindsight. One year your day will come and I wish you every success on the roads in the meantime. As an older female runner my experience is that success in trail ultras can come at any age and the correlation with raw speed is actually pretty weak (unless you really are at the sharp end).
Well done mate. Getting to the start line and competing like you have done is a big achievement for anyone. I'm not an expert on any of this, so you don't have to take my advice, but I can tell you get incredibly nervous for race day. The pressure must be immense for such a big distance that you've trained so long for, and perhaps that gets to you and affects your performance? The fastest marathon you've done was one where you went out planning to 'run 5k and see how it goes'. Maybe a freedom and lack of pressure is what you need, so working on dealing with the pressure and anxiety could be a good way forward? Anyway, giving UTMB a few years off and focusing on road marathons sounds like a good idea, but don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's only you who's putting pressure on yourself, nobody else.
Ben, thank you for being so open with your struggles, on the road, trail or in your head. You are by far the most courageous of all the “big time” runners out there, as you push yourself all the time - again physically and mentally - and inspire us by sharing it all. We need more Bens in this world! Thank you! “Keep on keeping on!”
Words like embarrassing and sorry are not necessary, Ben. Take the time you need to find your strength(s) again, and remember you're still a legend and a huge inspiration, both in good and less good times, to other people (runners and non-runners)! 💪🏻
Was about to comment the same! Huge inspiration for the rest of us, well done for making the decision to focus on what makes you happy!
100 percent! Inspired me for the last 3 years now. ❤🙌
💯 ❤❤❤❤
Well said ❤
Totally agree!
100% agree, your awesome Ben
just did your 50 mile plan and ran my 50 last Saturday... just bought the marry 315-345 plan.. thank you your the truth!
You’re an inspiration to the running community - not only with your positivity but also over the past few years being realistic about the ups and downs. It sounds like a bad day at the office and something in your system that wasn’t identified, so no need to feel embarrassed or apologise to anyone.
Diagnosed with ADHD last year at 39, which helped understand how my head works and how to manage myself. Good luck with finding the answers you are looking for: I think all of us care about you doing well first and foremost over race times and RUclips content.
I have this thesis that a lot of runners have mental issues and that is what steered them into running in the first place because running calms the mind. I think the key is to be much more focused on the proces rather than the goals so you don't lose the joy of running.
Never feel the need to apologise Ben. You are a huge inspiration for so many. Keep up the awesome work. Thank you so much.
Haven't really been following your content since you hurt your ankle but always wish you all the best, in the most loving way possible though catching up on your content it does seem like it's a anxiety/mental issue as it always seems to pop up in the races and not in training. The time around and beyond your injured ankle seems to be the catalyst.
Ben, you showed up. That is something you can be proud of! You mention that we as your YT followers are here to see you perform on race day. Let me just share that I am here to enjoy the authentic and honest content you create because it motivates me in my running journey. I wish for you that you can find your inner peace and enjoyment in your future projects. Keep up the good work!
We love you Ben. Can imagine the pressure you feel doing these big races with such exposure. The truth is, we love that you are human and sometimes things go wrong on the big day. Embarrassing it is not, real it is.
Keep going. Please.
Ben it's so good to see you. You have nothing to be embarrassed or humiliated about. We're just glad you're okay. I admire you talking about your mental health and sharing it with us. Looking forward to you uploading some new videos. We missed you loads.
This is the bravest video I have seen. I am in tears. Please don’t stop doing what you do. I love watching your videos because of YOU.
Nothing embarrassing Ben! Be proud of yourself and head up. Best races yet to come🤝🏃♂️
Don’t feel embarrassed, Ben. You’re an incredible runner and huge inspiration to so many - your channel is a testament to that. You inspired me to take on the marathon a second time after I completely bombed the first time round, and seeing you ‘fail’ (not a failure at all) a race like this is a great reminder that everyone has their good days and bad days and it doesn’t make you any less of a runner. Keep your head up, don’t beat yourself up, UTMB will always be there waiting for you when you’re ready 💪
Thanks for your honesty in speaking about your mental health. You'll be making a difference in peoples' lives just by speaking so honestly about it. You have nothing to be embarrassed by your race. It'll be there in the future if you decide to get back on that start line! Excited to see you back on the road running happy aiming for that mara PB.
Genuinely love your content and the person that shines through, Ben. Be kind to yourself. You aren't accountable to us, we are spectators on your journey that are blessed to come along for the ride; the ups and the downs.
You are human! We all have days like that. You would have learnt so much from that and it will help you going forward. Love watching you channel and learning from what you do. You’ll be back stronger!
Thank you very much for this message! Take good of yourself 🙏 and never ever apologise. You and Sarah are awesome! Cheers! ❤️
You’re so kind, thank you very much. 🤗 Wishing you all the best!
And BTW, @@BenParkes, this messagr helped me A LOT 🤗 so sorry to know that you recorded it at such a massive cost, but I know you'll overcome what bothers you 💪
You owe us nothing Ben. Hope you’re able to get back to your best soon. Good luck for the autumn season.
It's good for all of us to hear you talk through your challenges, frustrations, mental health, and all of the above. It's not at all embarrassing. We love you here! On a side note, have you done all six world majors? That could be fun if you haven't. We love you!
Apologies are not necessary and you certainly should not be embarrassed! You are an inspiration to many people and we follow and support you through good and bad times. I hope you get the care and diagnosis you’re looking into to help you understand you a bit better. With that will hopefully come acceptance and understanding. All the very best 🤜🏻 🤛🏻
Ben you inspire so many people and we are sending loads of positivity your way. Your content is alway incredible and we don’t just watch your videos for race days. Look after yourself ❤
Too hard on yourself Ben. You are a inspiration to all us runners. You are stronger than you think
We will see you smash UTMB one day I’m sure 🙌🙌
Your honesty is really appreciated Ben. I definitely relate to the anxiety issues. Although I struggle to do any races. I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD this year too. I wish you luck on your diagnosis journey and I hope it gives you the answers that you need 😊.
Hey Ben, I've followed your channel since very early on, and as someone who also experiences mental health issues (and has done almost my entire life), let me just tell you you're an inspiration and I have nothing but admiration for you.
Regardless of what caused the problems you experienced in this race, it doesn't change our opinion of you. You're only human like the rest of us. If you're anything like me, you do put huge pressure on yourself and competitive as you are, that is unlikely to change. But try to see the big picture - well all KNOW what you are capable of and you have nothing to prove to us. We're proud of you.
Appreciate the honesty of this video. The struggles you faced all sound very familiar to how I felt during the event, and again it took me a long time to figure out the whys (I'm still not sure). Can't imagine the added pressure of wanting to put together a wicked video along with the challenge of 100miles around the Mont Blanc. Keep your head up!
Hi Ben, there's some amazing comments here and I agree with all that I've read. One thing I'd not seen anyone else mention: "I shouldn't be doing these races looking to complete them, I should be looking to perform my very best" - if someone else said this to you about their passion (be it running, gardening, knitting etc) what would you say? There's a sense of freedom in giving ourselves the option to fall to short or fail, the hero's journey must always involve failure, so if we embrace that as not just a possibility but a key component of success it relieves a great deal of pressure. and by observing and living our hero's journey in our own lives, we see that failure is a necessary part of opening the door for our greatest successes. You can apply that to anything - running, mental health, business. If you expect the very best from yourself and think you owe it to your subscribers to perform your very best then I can't imagine how brutal that pressure must be, I can assure you that 95% of the people subscribed and anyone that matters don't watch to see Ben Parkes succeed, they watch to see Ben Parkes being Ben Parkes, and the great guy that you are.
Sorry the UTMB didn't work out for you this year. I'm sure you'll smash it next time. I had a DNF at the TDS race last year as it was 31 degrees and forecast to be hotter the next day, so dropped out at 100K. Thankfully managed it this time but was also very sick at CP7 at Beaufort. I don't like the soup and noodles at the check points, I'm unsure if it was that. The food at the Snowdonia UTMB 100K race was brilliant this year. Anyway I managed to get back on track after CP9 or so and finished this year. The -5 degrees weather on the first night was better for me coming from Scotland.
I really enjoy your videos. All the best for your races coming up!
Great video Ben! You're still an incredible and inspiring runner, and you shouldn't feel any shame at all. Nothing that happened or is happening to you is your fault. Mental health is something everyone struggles with in different ways. It's great you can recognize your struggles and seek help. I know you'll come out on top in some way. Keep on it, you're doing great!
Thanks for your complete honesty and frankness!
Ben you are an inspiration. See you in the next one! 💪🏻
We have loved watching your training Ben. Gutted for you, I know this means a lot to you. You will be back there in the future.
Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your struggles. You have nothing to be embarrassed about at all. You have brought so much encouragement to myself and so many people.
Thanks for being so honest & open. Really appreciate that! All the best with your future goals. I have thoroughly enjoyed your utmb content!
Love you and your content so much! Keep pushing and don't let experiences like these ruin you, They are just lessons for the future. Keep your motivation always high and remember how much you've helped so many people, including myself- I'm so thankful for you. Truly an inspiration to me, Keep on going strong!❤
Your videos are brilliant please do continue as you inspire many of us watching
Bless you Ben for your honesty and vulnerability. You have a very large fan club out here who will always be in your corner. Keep doing you. That’s plenty good enough!
Ben! You are an incredible inspiration. With or without a “great UTMB video”. Pace and finishing races is only one part of running and it makes me feel encouraged that I’m not the only one that has tried and failed before. Thanks for showing your wins, but thank you even more for being willing to show us your failures. I know it must have been a really tough video to make but we are all here supporting you and cheering you on!
Thanks for this video Ben, like all the other comments we’re all right behind you…it’s not embarrassing as the vast vast majority of us would love to get anywhere near the results you get. You’re an inspiration, keep your chin up ❤️
Yeah, you nailed it at about 4:40 - not specialising and not enough volume of training. That will always come out. No place to hide. Good luck next year! If you were wanting to do a mountain ultra of high intensity and distance like UTMB, you would need to focus now and only on it for the whole year building up and up. (Also, it must be tricky filming and trying to run your best - maybe leave that alone as well...)
One of the reasons we all watch the channel is for its honesty and integrity. Thank you for sharing the ups and downs of your running career, it would not be the same otherwise.
your time will come, stay strong and focus on the next one!
Ben, no need to be sorry, you’re an inspiration and I learn so much from your channel. Glad you’re getting back to marathons and it’s nice to see you smiling again! 👍🏻
So incredibly proud of you Ben. I marvel at your athletic achievements but it's your honesty and vulnerability that is a true testament to your character. In short you're a bloody good human being who should never use the words embarrassing - nothing could be further from the truth. Go easy on yourself and put your incredible efforts into context, there may be hundreds running UTMB but that's 0.00001% of the world's runners, so to even start that event is a remarkable feat that only a minority could even contemplate, let alone tackle. Be proud of yourself and know that you're loved by many.
Ben, I'v been a supporter since the early days and you've inspired me to do my best in every race. More then anything I want you to reach your goals! Even if that means you have no footage or youtube video of the utmb. If you lose the struggle of documenting things and just focus on enjoying the race, then maybe that means you have less anxiety? I don't know, i'm not a docter, I just wish you the best in your future endeavors!
Thank you for your honest video Ben. First I would like to say I’m sorry to hear about your UTMB 23 race after all your training you put in. Second I am currently injured and have been watching your retiring to running from injury videos from a couple of years ago which I will be following the guidance you provided, lastly my young son who is 5 years old has recently been diagnosed with autism and I would like to thank you for talking about this. Both you and Sarah are an inspiration. Keep getting it done. 👍
Don’t be so hard on yourself Ben , you’re an amazing inspiration to thousands of runners,but what I love about you is your honesty even when the chips are down.Enjoy your new marathon journey and keep me inspired as you always do ❤
No apology necessary. One of the hardest races in the world, certainly not humiliating. You know where I am if you need me mate 🤗
One of my favourite RUclipsrs keep your head held high mate!
One thing to consider is your hormone levels definitely recommend getting them checked trt has transformed my mental health
Please don’t apologise for the delay in publishing the video! I thought you were v honest and I do feel for you - all the best. Much love.
human not monster..
fail & success is part of the game to have fun.
GO GO GO
These things happen, Ben. You're inspirational in your successes and your failures. You are right to focus on what you love, and what you are good at... return to the road, rebuild, and come back to UTMB stronger and more resilient then ever. That UTMB finish will be ever so sweeter when you get it.
You're incredibly inspiring Ben! Sometimes it's a good idea to reflect on just how far you've come. I'm so grateful for all of your content and training plans which have helped me along my own journey. Keep your head held high, you got this.
Don't be embarrassed Ben - we all find our limits, take pride that you have made a sensible decision (return to your core running) and consider UTMB when your head and body are in a better place.
Amazing runner,please dont be hard on yourself. I love your channel and your positive vlogs. If we didn't have lows- there would be no highs. Thats life.
It’s time to go full send for that Marathon PB. 🔔
Looking forward to follow the journey.
All the best Ben!! 🙏
I fail to see how any of this is embarrassing, Ben. Stuff happens. Sometimes things don't work out how they were planned or prepped for, and that's ok. You have achieved so much already, and will continue to do so in the future there's no doubt about it, even if it's isn't with a new PB (though I'm sure you can achieve one!).
Personally, I don't watch your training content for your performance but for your attitude towards training and goals, as well as your brutal honesty on sometimes being dealt a bad hand on the day as you were for the UTMB.
All this to say: best wishes to you; looking forward to following your journey!
I feel with you Ben! Definitely a tough one but nothing embarrassing about this. You gave it everything and never gave up. It’s sucks you hit a bad day with the worst timing in the world, but you’ll be back and you will finish it for sure. Just that fact you made this video and the things you are telling us, shows you are mentally very strong. Tough blows takes time but I have no doubt you’ll find that confidence again before you know it. Thanks for making videos like this. It shows that even with all the planning you can do, there are no guarantees. It’s a good lesson to learn for everyone.
Hey Ben,
The pressure you must feel to perform must be immense.
And part of that is a product of both your outstanding ability, drive and personal ambition,
Amplified by the following you have built.
Failing in public is brave.
What will everyone think?
What will people say about you?
Well yes - there will be people who say things and talk. Let them.
What you do and what you did is immensely brave and the stories and advice you share literally changes peoples lives.
And people will still talk.
Let them.
Because the truth is - 99.999% of us respect and admire you.
But the one that really needs to learn & remember to respect and admire you... is you.
High Flipping Five for Fifty Miles of Totally Not Flat UTMB.
In those days where you failed, thats tough - for sure.
So practice self admiration, consciously.
Ask for help.
Go get a life coach and therapy - yes both - cos dude, showing up every week consistently for 140,000 strangers is just not what human brains living in mud huts were wired for 😂
Respect,
Admiration,
Gratitude.
Matt
You'll be fine, Ben. Don't worry too much
Ben, I look up to you! Irrespective of the video. You’re a role model, someone people look up to. You’re human, so it’s all in the mind. I know you’ll learn more about this on the mind side, than on the physical side. Ad Astra Per Aspera my youtube friend!
Open honest - top bloke. We’ve all had these sort of days in our lives - yours are just more intense because you live life to the full - Good Arrows m8 🎯
Hi Ben, 2019 London marathon we crossed the line together. For me it was a massive pb, you vlogged your way round! You’re a top notch marathon runner. Like you, I’ve dabbled in ultras and I have a sticking point at 40+ miles when, whatever I do, I get horrific nausea. My choice was to stick to what I’m good at. The most important thing about running is the enjoyment, and like most people I tend to enjoy what I’m good at! Do what you love and love what you do. ❤️😁
I hope you feel better. Not getting the result really sucks when you trained so hard for it. Take care. Still loved the training footage. Much Love.
Your honesty is inspiring Ben! Keep up the hard work!
Remember Ben, ‘the longer the journey, the more stories you’ll have to tell’!
We love your channel, keep up the good work, you and Sarah are truly inspiring for the rest of us.
Ben, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve got nothing to apologise for, especially to us viewers. Unfortunately it’s just one of those things which just didn’t go right. It may be difficult at present but you’ll get through it and there’ll be greater success for you in other events soon. You inspired me and many others to take up running during lockdown, and I have since completed 5k, 10k and half marathon races. This wouldn’t have happened without your videos and enthusiasm. You’ll get stronger from this and you will get it done 👍
Brave video. What you do is incredible so please don't be hard on yourself. Inspirational guy 💪
Appreciate you sharing your experience with us. We have all been there man in one way or another. Failure is very much part of running events like this.
If I was a betting man I would go with some kind of bug.
Ben, please don't apologize to us! There's no need and it's really not a healthy mindset to feel like you let us down, which you absolutely did not. I personally LOVED seeing your training for UTMB even without you finishing (those mountains???) and I hope you enjoyed the training block. Obviously a finish is a huge goal but the journey there is more important, it is what you spent way more time doing. And dnfing an ultra might sting but it is so common, especially when you have lofty goals for yourselves (I mean, you are now in a club with Jim Walmsley!)
You are inspiring. Some races really crash and that's not something to be sorry for, it's absolutely not your fault. As a nurse, knowing your familiarity with the ultra distance, I really think you were fighting an illness of some sort. I really do. Even if not, it wasn't your fault at all. This just happens sometimes. Best wishes to you. .
Hi Ben. What happened could be labelled many things, but certainly not embarrassing nor something to feel sorry about. You don't owe us, your followers ,anything. We are in debt to you for your honesty and for opening your heart.
Tough luck Ben. I would recommend implementing some animal foods in your diet.
Sounds to me like you were ill. I'm quite confident you just had bad luck. My advise: Sign upnfor a nice 50-100K ultra quickly, and run it for fun - not for result. Don't even tell us about it until it is done. Good luck whatever you choose to do. No pressure 😊
Ben, I know you dont feel like it but I can guarantee that you should be replacing embarrassing with inspiring. Your honesty and openeness will help more people than you know. You have achieved so much on this channel so far, but it sounds right that you are concentrating on ensuring you enjoying the process
Hey man. Don't sweat UTMB. I ran it last year and (whilst thankfully finished) also felt absolutely shocking at the start line. No one will understand that feeling at the start line unless you're there. I really think this isn't unusual so don't over think it - you're 10 times the athelete most people are so it's not the distance or your head - it's just a massive expectation that people place on themself and that's far far worse for you given you have to film the event and have a huge audience.
If you focus on running fast marathons and Sarah does the long, exhausting ultras that sounds like a pretty nice combo. You guys are amazing, and amazingly honest.
Sounds a bit like a virus. Glad you're sharing your experience with others. Inspirational. Thank you 🙇
Embarrassing?! Dude, do you know how many people don't have the balls to keep showing up like you do? You're amazing! I hope you continue to do trails. Maybe change the plan, like every year have the only goal being getting farther than last year, and anything more is a bonus? Also maybe the trails efforts don't need to be on youtube. Just do it for yourself. Either way, if you only do roads we'll still be watching! Great stuff.
Hey there! You might give yourself pressure for your followers but you should not.. these races ( including marathons) are tough in the sense that anything can happen! They would not be challenges otherwise! Some people tried even 5 times before completing Utmb! Look at Jim Walmsley! It is humbling to see every time what breaks us but do not fear you are not ready nor that your followers feel you are embarrassing. We are all on the same boat to try to learn and challenge ourselves no matter the outcome! My advice to you : simplify! I start at the race taking it as an adventure.. no time nor peer pressure.. try to see it in this perspective! good luck for the next one!
❤️
Be kind to yourself!
Far too hard on yourself. I know it's easy for us to say, but there's nothing embarrassing or sorry about this. You're an inspiration and create insane and informative content. Look after yourself. Stay positive. Results and numbers aren't everything xxx
Embarrassing is not a word I would expect or assume. I could understand using a word such as 'disappointing' but not embarrassed. Relax and do whatever you enjoy most. Us viewers simply enjoy watching you run. It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself unnecessarily. Do what YOU enjoy and do it for yourself, not us!😊
Ben, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Those of us who were following your progress during UTMB were wishing you nothing but the best, but were also knowing how difficult of a task it is for anyone to cross the finish line. You have inspired many of us, and you will continue doing so.
this. take some pressure of yourself ben. its all about enjoying life.
There are zillions of people making running videos. We come here because you and Sarah are delightful people - funny, honest, vulnerable, supportive, and creative. None of that is directly tied to race outcomes or changes when you DNF or even DNS. Keep doing what makes you happy, and by sharing it, makes others happy too.
99% of the people here just want to support you regardless of finishing position. You do so many amazing things at such a high level. The struggles just show you re human. Being switched on for a marathon or ultra can be a finicky thing. The professional runners often struggle with these distances. Sort yourself out however you feel is best and I’m certain your supporters will be here for you. Can’t wait to see you smash whatever comes next!
You say that but there have been so many comments on recent videos, with people saying ‘where’s the video’, ‘150k subs and no word’, plus other similar comments as though he has an obligation to explain! Leave the guy alone. Can’t help but feel he was pressured into making this video. People need to get a life. Sad.
@@ldbhood84Yes. It’s so easy for these types to be cruel when they’re not face to face, human to human. ❤
@@ldbhood84 i still think they are in the minority and probably post because they are lacking something in their lives, most folk on here are supportive, its just sometimes the negativity can seem louder, imo Ben really didnt look too well at the start, i know it is was a very big deal for him and he has searched for answers but anxiety is very draining and he did look very drained, i just hope he can regain some peace with himself, he was the first running youtuber i watched at start of lockdown and he really was a joy even dealing with his broken ankle,
Ben, you don't know me from Adam, but you are an inspiration. Don't apologise for the delay in this video and certainly don't apologise for either your mental health or the 'failure' of UTMB. The fact you had that disappointment yet were still there for Sarah at the end of her epic race shows the type of person you are. Using your training plans and bought 2-3 hats (I keep losing them 😆) you've made me realise anyone can really be a runner. Keep getting it done, all the best and let us know how it all goes!
That’s a very brave video Ben, and anyone who has been following you for a while will fully appreciate how hard it probably was to film. I think we can also all appreciate how much pressure you must feel when this is not just your hobby but also your job. I also just wanted to mention that, IMO, you don’t need to do well competitively to make great videos. And in fact, showing the human side of running, including the downs as well as the ups, is of far greater value to viewers (who may also be struggling) than those who only choose to show their successes. Let’s face it, there’s enough of that in social media in general - and it’s not healthy or helpful! I really hope you’ll feel able to share some of your next steps. I for one will certainly continue to follow and like (love) your channel. ❤ 🤗
I'm sorry to see that this is (and we are) causing you so much stress and anxiety. It's supposed to be fun! Definitely time for a recalibration of something here :) All the best to you, I hope your next run is a positive experience, no matter the result.
Hi Ben, I'm not usually one to comment on things like this. However, you played a role in inspiring me to start running when I was bored during the first lockdown so A) Let me thank you for that.
B) As a primary school teacher, I'm often telling my class there's no point them being here if they've got all the answers. The challenges, the struggles, the (quote-unquote) 'failures' are all part of the process. It's very difficult for me to follow my own worldly wisdom on occasion, but it is something I firmly believe in. When I'm out of inspiration, or I haven't run in months I return to some of yours and others' videos and it gives me that boost to get it done.
Well done for setting clear goals on how to use this as a learning experience.
I'm looking forward to completing a marathon before I turn 30 next year - there's going to be lots of learning experiences with that for sure. See you on the start line! 😅
Watched the video, went away, felt the need to comment and came back and post, which I never do....
It's important to remember that the impact of our actions can be achievements much bigger than the ones we were seeking. You make content that inspires a lot of people. You are genuine and real about the process on good days. You're incredibly honest about your struggles on the "less good" days. All of these have a massive impact on a lot of people and that is the opposite of embarrassing. It's pretty awesome. 🙂
Best of luck finding the answers you are looking for and thank you for being who you are. And as a mum to 2 on the spectrum, thanks for being another voice willing to talk about these things. Breaking taboos is another pretty awesome contribution to your online "community" 😉
Very well said!
A dnf is never embarrassing - it’s a part of trail running. Everyone’s dnf’s at some point for myriad reasons.
Don’t pressure yourself, 2:25 is phenomenal and you’re in
If you never fail at anything, it means you're not challenging yourself enough. Well done for going for it. Don't live small. Keep going. 👍🏻
Ben, mental health is more important than anything else. As someone who loves to run ultra's, I lost someone that was a trail running mentor to me due to mental health and till this day I cannot run on the trails w/o breaking down. Time heals all wounds but you need to give yourself that time to figure it out and when you have the trails will still be there for you.
Take your time, run roads to gain clarity & confidence back. We will encourage you from all over the world!
We were just talking about why we continue to watch you week after week and the word ‘integrity’ springs to mind. You’re not afraid to share your struggles as well as your successes and are all the more inspiring as a result.
Well-put. Incredible integrity
You are real and an inspiration for all of us. You did your best and something unexpected happened. That is running good days and bad days. I was happy to see Sarah finish that was great and you will do it one day just be patient and do not bead yourself up
We haven't all tried to run UTMB; hell, I haven't even run a marathon yet! But we all know how it feels not to perform as well as we'd hoped. And it sucks. But standing here on the other side of the RUclips video, Ben, I can say that we all love and appreciate YOU and the work you do as much as we always have. Taking us through the ups and downs of training AND competition helps us perform better, ourselves--and that's such a gift you give us. So THANK YOU! And know that we'll be just as supportive of you when you hit your next PB as we are now. 'Cause it's YOU we're celebrating here, and you're you no matter how you place!
Good luck with your marathon! One day…. No pressure! 😅
@@Morfeusm Slowlu, slowly, right?!🙌😁
Absolutely not embarrassing, you have my full admiration for speaking out about mental health and about ‘failure’. I met you at the Chamonix shake out run and I was really rooting for you knowing how much you wanted it after last year’s fall and injury. My guess is that alongside some other issues like training and nutrition you could well have had a virus or even COVID, there seemed to be plenty of it about with hindsight. One year your day will come and I wish you every success on the roads in the meantime. As an older female runner my experience is that success in trail ultras can come at any age and the correlation with raw speed is actually pretty weak (unless you really are at the sharp end).
Well done mate. Getting to the start line and competing like you have done is a big achievement for anyone. I'm not an expert on any of this, so you don't have to take my advice, but I can tell you get incredibly nervous for race day. The pressure must be immense for such a big distance that you've trained so long for, and perhaps that gets to you and affects your performance? The fastest marathon you've done was one where you went out planning to 'run 5k and see how it goes'. Maybe a freedom and lack of pressure is what you need, so working on dealing with the pressure and anxiety could be a good way forward? Anyway, giving UTMB a few years off and focusing on road marathons sounds like a good idea, but don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's only you who's putting pressure on yourself, nobody else.
Ben, thank you for being so open with your struggles, on the road, trail or in your head. You are by far the most courageous of all the “big time” runners out there, as you push yourself all the time - again physically and mentally - and inspire us by sharing it all. We need more Bens in this world! Thank you! “Keep on keeping on!”
Would you consider doing OCC as it might be your jam? Maybe less stressful before hitting UTMB again
I'm certainly going to be doing some shorter events to build my confidence back up again but when I return to Chamonix it will just be for UTMB.