Regretting Your Promiscuity? Do This!
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- Опубликовано: 16 ноя 2022
- People with unrestricted sociosexuality (promiscuous, dissociative, dysregulated) are typically also subclinical psychopaths. Those who are not are frequently ego dystonic: they regret the sex and go through bouts of shame and guilt.
As time passes, to ameliorate the anticipatory anxiety (“I am lapsing again”) as well as the cognitive and other dissonances, the latter sort begin to avoid situations and activities that lead to sex (constriction). In many cases, they end up being atomized, self-sufficient, and schizoid.
This is a common outcome in Borderline and Histrionic personality disorders - but not in somatic ego-syntonic narcissism. And it is treatable.
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He is by far the best psychologist out there. Why hasn’t his content blown up the internet yet? Thanks!!!!
"Subclinical" is a new word that I want to use correctly. Very cool!
Sam the Man, thank you for what you're doing!
Professor Vaknin, thank you.
Very powerful. Thank you!
Thank you Professor Vaknin
Thank you for deep info
I never realised how bad it was and how far I had gone
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS
This was perfect for the Holidays! ❤
Thank you professor Vaknin
תודה!
Thank you so much. I am struggling with this. Social anxiety & depression. BPD, sexually promiscuous with many hundreds strangers, toxic self shame😢
Your shame is not toxic. It is justified. Use it to transform yourself.
How the fuck can you be socially anxious and promiscuous at the same time? I don't get people like you. My ex had a high body count, and she claimed to be anxious, meanwhile I would literally freeze in social interactions and had troubles even being comfortable around her.
I'm sorry, doesn't add up. Get better.
Damn hundreds? Thats insane 💀
@@la8076 I refuse to believe such people actually exist. I'm 27 and have ever been with only two people. My ex, and my current gf. She's also been with 2. No way people sleep with hundreds of people in their lifetime, hell no
Thank you professor vaknin
Thank you Professor!
Thank you 😭 thank you so much🙏🏾
This was so enlightening on so many questions within my self and the resolve of my own history. Thankyou.
Can you treat Schizoid PD? As I get Older, now 66, It's getting Worse, Don't Even want to Have anything to do With Anybody, except my Dog! LOL! Thanks for this Talk, Dr. Sam.
I think you are fine. I am in my 20s. I wouldn't want to do anything with anyone. So it's just the state of affairs we are in.
Please understand living alone and not mixing can start dementia very early
@@MsLoila beseeching you to that will you be fine pray!
So spot on! Even the part about..MY SMALL ROOM, NETFLIX and TWO CATS :O How did you know!?
Always on point. Like laser precision.
12:54 💔 yesterday I settled on this give up on wanting a life my my goal was raising my 4 girls my marriage of 17 years is ending and I’m not the kind of person to just start talking to a man r have sex with anyone.even though I know my husband is.but I’m afraid that what If I do because every thing in my life is in ruins and my family I’m staying with don’t want to deal with me I don’t blame them my marriage affect them to.. so The only goal I have now is stay away from everyone and don’t go anywhere and try not to make any problems. I don’t usually comment but what you said really feel like you were speaking to me ❤
I am right there with you. After being married for 28 years and raising 3 kids, my husband decided to start going to a sleazy bar and drinking with girls our son's age. He has become someone I don't recognize without a conscience. Although I had more dating experience than my husband in my teens it is hard to even think about dating again. But, my husband keeps pushing the limits and I know I can't stay. Our 16-year-old daughter should not have him as an example of how to treat women. I am still in shock because my husband was a great husband and father for years. I wish I had family to go to. I cared for my parents who both passed from cancer now I am 49 and feel like I have nowhere I belong. Keep your head up.
Thank you so much for your message at the end!🙏
I get so much information AND good advices from every video you put out! Jordan Peterson who??
J. Peterson
@@ivana5240 Thank you.
Thank you Professor Vaknim ❤
Vaknin.
I had wondered if you were ever going to mention Linehan when discussing BPD and DBT 🙂
14:14 Sam & Mini (mug), EUPD female 31 years. YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER (for me) !!! The BPD 16 year old girl who wrote a book describing her perspective on sexual experiences/encounter (in another video), I have never been able to understand my disorder until I listened to you. Now, I can create my own tool box before - going back into the damn world. Wow. Please visit England to talk forever. They should bottle you up and prescribe you as medicine :) X
Professor Vaknin,
Can you please recommend me method of therapy for psychosis? Thank you so much..
"What are you waiting for?"
The money. And qualified therapists. The last woman I went to told me that once you are married, there is no reason to masturbate. 🤯🤷 She also INSISTED I be medicated and was hostile toward me until I met with the psychiatrist and was prescribed. I lied about taking it for 3 weeks and she said "SEE? See how much more calm and rational you've become?" That was the last insurance dollar she saw from me, and I have been too disappointed to bother looking for anyone more qualified. Now that I know the background of DBT, I'll look into it on my own. I wonder, is there a video about the quality of therapists??
I ❤️ Vaknin
Yes indeed, Dr. Vaknin, again you have distilled the truth into actionable wisdom. Now if you could pioneer a way to deliver it that last mile into the hearts of those who need it most before things pass the point of no return. I wish I knew. I wish I found you a year ago. As I reconstruct my life experience with my tragically late wife, I can now clearly see the devolving downward spiral of anxiety/compulsion/guilt/shame/self hatred/self trashing as it ripped us, and ultimately her, completely apart. Dear God, I love her, even knowing, I always will. She'd be making progress with dbt workbooks, and all it'd take was 20 mins on the phone with mind-meld, black mirror mom to get back to square one. Everything makes "sense" now. Thank you, Sam. And pardon me but I feel compelled to express the sentiment "Fu
I regret everything I was raped I felt worthless so I felt like it didn’t matter I would just have to have sex to be able to date a man or it didn’t matter if I had sex bc I was now worthless bc I wasn’t a virgin I was also lonely, I had no ppl my mum let me do whatever I want she didn’t mother me properly she should’ve been more strict
That’s actually nice hearing someone say “Should’ve been more strict” about their parents.
Strictness is vilified in today’s societies, which is bad, because strictness is good.
Anyways, hope you feel better, never settle for less, never feel that you’re not worthy of respect. With time you’ll get the hang of it just keep on the good route.
You are funny Sam
Professor Vaknin, is the DBT success rate as high for a Covert Borderline male as it is for the classic female Borderline presentation?
No.
DBT is for women victims of prolonged trauma who have been diagnosed with a personality disorder instead of reaction to trauma. Now called CPTSD.
What if you didn’t drink alongside it?
I think that you don't necessarily have to use drugs/alcohol I think it's just easier for those who do, especially if you already have a drug/alcohol problem.
IMO the alcohol/drugs make it easier to disassociate but it's not crucial in disassociation which I feel is the root of the way people sleep around especially without Drink/drugs
Why haven't they found anything to help out narcissim and sociopathy?
I respect your point of view. I'm just after giving up on therapy after 3 sessions. Absurd talks (the therapist didn't stop talking, I barely could speak) about how to view a little incomprehension with a colleague of mine. She never asked me "Would you like to have a button that makes people disappear?" Or "would you be sorry if you were diagnosticated with a deadly illness?". No, talks about a call with a colleague, my gosh. Rarely I met such a stupid person. So proud of herself, she loves the sound of her voice. She was not interested in my research in this field, I think all she wanted was to show me that she is the only professional and I shouldn't even try to understand this matter. Small talks about a colleague, a nonsense, something I managed at best. She had a kinda monster in fron of her, a person that lacks so many social skills, a person not interested in life and people, and she talks about my colleague. I definitely gave up on therapy, forever, for God's sake. Such a fraud in 99% of cases. What a waste of time and money, you pay to interact with a stupid person that is interested in a phone call with a colleague and not in you having repulsion of people's bodies, your body, loud voices, Jesus you really need to make an effort, I'm creepy as hell and she talks and talks and talks about a f**** colleague of mine. Give me a break. And what a "woke"! I am a woman, and I said I like men but I see myself as the "powerful" part in a couple, as if I were "the man in the family"... Ohhhhh half an hour of critics to patriarchy and my correlation betwenn being a man and being powerful. Jesus, I was simplifying and shortening the concept for her little brain and the high fee of the time there. Nooo, half an hour speaking to me that this is a society where feminism has failed but soon women will advance and bla bla bla. So out of focus, this woman. So totally attracted by stupid details, my gosh. U n b e l i e v a b l e.
@@eeba4538 don't worry, that was not interesting anyway.
Not all therapists are the same. You chose a stupid one, egocentric and probably a Narcisisst
@@StartingPlanet I agree with you.
You’re describing normal therapy, the questions you wanted her to ask are randomly bizarre. You clearly have issues relating to people and she probably honed in on that with your colleague. You can’t get too far in only 3 sessions, I hope you don’t give up on therapy because it can be really helpful. If you don’t think it’s a good fit then find another therapist, but don’t forget that the problem might be you not her
@@a.c.1877 gaslighting at its best. Were you there to know the problem was him? No you were not. NORMAL THERAPY IS NOT CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF AS A THERAPIST. This is insane. Therapy is for the client not the therapist
If you are the village bicycle then just enjoy being pumped and dumped. There's no undoing what you have done to your self. Don't destroy a man for your own selfish ego.
Keep being alone, insecure and miserable 😊
I've only had sex in long term commited relationships. If those relationships didn't last longer is because they (the other part didn't want it).
My first relationship lasted 5 years and wasnt unstable at all. I never felt the need of having sex but would still be an experience of intimacy between and my partner.
The man i dated after spent 3 months pursuing me and other 2 devaluing me, humiliating me, hurting me. I didn't know what was going on but suddenly he hated every part of my body, my background, my personality. He dumped me and 2 weeks later was dating someone new and showing her around everywhere, ended up marrying her.
The pain was so great I went into depression and developed an autoimmune condition.
During this time i kept going out with friends, socializing but while i was mentally feeling better the autoimmune symptoms were there to last. I didn't know what it was but after many tests a neuromuscular condition was diagnosed, it wasn't "in my head".
More than 1 year after, even with my physical health permanently affected, i kept going, starting dating again, meet new men. Finally met one who wanted a relationship, a commitment like me (he said). But the same scenario started again, I had been chosen as a placeholder again and i was now being subject to his unsatisfaction of not being his idealized first option.
The emotional abuse was ruthless, in a country 15+ hours away from home, i had no friends or family to support me. He knew that, knew where my job was, where my apartment was. So he could dump me and appear in front of my workplace with fake tears asking for forgiveness.
My physical and mental health couldn't hold it anymore. I was falling sick all the time to the point i couldn't work anymore. When i finally had nothing to hold on to he completed the final discard. I was left isolated, suicidal, autoimmune symptoms flaring, infections running havoc.
I've turned schizoid. Men have no interest in me besides casual sex. I'm not interested so they don't feel like I'm worth of keep seeing.
Apparently, I'm the mentally ill one not them.
No one talks of physical illness caused by emotional abuse but if someone decides to engage in self-preservation, a mental illness diagnosis is given faster than an autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that took 3 years, specialists, diagnostic tests from lab work, ct scans and MRIs, nerve conduction studies.
Only after many illnesses were properly ruled out and scientific diagnostic methodologies came "positive" I was provided a diagnosis. For having a mental illness all it takes is not wanting to socially engage anymore. If I f*ck around I'm mentally ill If I don't f*ck at all I'm also mentally ill.
There's no win.
Beach you’re an borderline
@@richardvandervink6788 No need to call me mommy. You came from your mothers cunt so you can go back there.
I hope you can find a way to heal. You deserve love and what you found was pain. I'm sorry this happened to you ❤
@@alyssawoodman, how does one deserve love? What must I do to deserve love? Something more than just exist?