How Do They Infuriate YOU? Promiscuity and Compulsive Sexting
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- Опубликовано: 24 мар 2021
- Sexual promiscuity is often coupled with what I call “life promiscuity”: throwing away one’s life (not only one’s body) as if it were meaningless, worthless, and disposable. Cleckley called it “a rejection of life”, Seinfeld (the psychoanalyst): “a life unlived”.
This dual promiscuity is a common feature of psychopathy. The psychopath casts away himself, his prospects, accomplishments, future, and “nearest and dearest” like so much trash.
Hallmarks of life promiscuity:
The psychopath may be educated, but he is DUMB, NOT intelligent. His decisions are not merely extremely self-defeating, but inane and utterly random, lacking any organizing principle.
He has:
No insight of any kind into his motivations (actual and pseudo-stupidity).
Flat affect: even when he rages, it is instrumental and goal-oriented. Otherwise, he expresses and experiences no emotions whatsoever.
A dumbfounding lack of self-awareness coupled with counterfactual reframing and outright self-deception and denial. The evasiveness is infuriating because it closely mimics passive-aggressive gaslighting.
No boundaries whatsoever and no respect or recognition of others’ boundaries.
Zero self-respect: incapable of shame, guilt, or remorse.
He is prone to substance abuse: he is typically both a junkie and an alcoholic.
The psychopath resembles an animal, possessed of only the most basic reflexes and drives. Sex. Eat. Drink. Nothing sublime or transcendental. Constantly bored and in search of stimulation and excitement.
No higher functions. No intellectual life. No interests or hobbies. No conversation (“flat speech”): dismissive one-liners with no depth or background. As dull as drying paint.
Most psychopaths know that they have little else to offer, so that’s why they head straight to sex, their only alleged endowment. If borderlines traits are present, they confuse sex with relatedness, belonging, and being loved or appreciated.
Cleckley described psychopathy as the “Mask of Sanity”. It is even more profound - or shallower - than this: only the mask exists. The psychopath is a 3D glitchy simulation of a human being gone awry, the ultimate corrupted simulacrum.
The psychopath tends to see life and interactions with people as zero sum, winner takes all conflicts.
Consequently, he is hypervigilant. He scores points, he wins, he loses, constantly alert as to who is having the upper hand.
The psychopath never feels shame or remorse when he MISBEHAVES - only when he is caught red-handed or shows a weakness or a vulnerability to the “adversary”.
The psychopathic borderline is not INTENTIONALLY evil. She IS evil. Like a virus or a tigress: she kills not because she is malicious - but because she IS. Never mind her kind intentions and solemn promises - she can’t help it, it is not up to her.
Once promiscuous - always promiscuous? The short answer is: yes, but intermittently.
Promiscuity is having sex with multiple partners, mostly total strangers, indiscriminately and impulsively. It is a compulsive reaction intended to ameliorate to stress, anxiety, and perceived rejection. It is a form of reckless self-trashing that sometimes involves practices such as group sex, and adverse outcomes such as rape and recurrent sexual assault.
Many promiscuous individuals apparently settle into a more or less sublimatory (socially acceptable) functional lifestyle, replete with jobs and families. But the trait never goes away: it is there, lurking. Given the right adverse circumstances, acting out leads to flareups and relapses: bouts of uncontrolled sex, flagrant infidelity, and self-endangerment.
Promiscuity is highly correlated with many mental health disorders, among them Borderline Personality Disorder and psychopathy.
Indiscriminate sexting with virtual strangers (but not with friends or intimate partners) is highly correlated with mental health issues such as a dysregulated sense of self-worth, low self-esteem, alcoholism, mood lability, emotional dysregulation, erotomanic delusions, cluster B personality disorders, reactance (defiance), recklessness, issues with power and control, depression, decompensation, acting out, object impermanence, lack of impulse control, eating disorders, sleep deprivation, body dysmorphia, among others. Such behavior is indicative of self-trashing which is a self-defeating or even self-destructive behavior.
The partner’s cheating and promiscuity legitimizes the sexlessness of the schizoid cerebral narcissist in 2 ways:
1. The partner is dirty, corrupted, sick, revolting and, therefore, it is her fault that she is sexually undesirable; and
2. She does not regard the narcissist as special to her or unique. He is merely a statistic, just one of many. It negates his grandiosity and provokes legitimized aggression expressed via sex withdrawal.
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This is completely relatable and very helpful in understanding some of my ex’s reactions Thank you! I used to tell him he only lived in the moment without any regard to the future or consequences. He said, “Consequences are for cowards. I will live. I will eat. I will sleep. I will - - - -. What are you going to do? Sit around being boring?” When I told him he was going to catch something or tick off the wrong husband one day he laughed, “Boohoo. I broke your stupid heart and now you’re jealous.” So, I pointed out that there was zero technique or talent to his game. Anybody could have him for a wink or a smile. From that point there was an hour long screaming rage from him that was mostly cussing insults and him getting in my face and following me around being hostile and red faced. Dangerous situation. Couldn’t get to my keys, phone, door... Will never put myself in a situation like that again.
I know you'll know this already, but just to comment that you exposed his own lack of self-worth to himself - the thing he keeps from his own consciousness, the truth he keeps from himself - and boom, there was the narcissistic injury. Burst bubble, crying child. Well done on drawing blood, it takes a lot of balls. They need exposing for what they are, I hope you feel empowered over the long-run because of it. Profs like SamVak are a benefit to everyone out here trying to navigate life. I hope things are better for you now. I went through it myself with a covert narcissist woman, though not for a long time (it felt like it though). On reflection, I'm glad of the benefit of the experience as I move forward.
Anybody could have him for a wink or a smile. I love that. I feel that my ex was also like this. He would look at me with enlarged pupils and a predatory grin and tell me that 'life is a game, baby'.
@@mostthegames3723 lol creepy to the max. Yep there's that "game" mentality again .. the people don't hold meaning or value.. just what they can be used for or what ever the narc thinks "playing" is
Yes, cornered as I tried to escape the rage, he slammed the door shut as I opened it about twenty years ago. Another towered over me as I tried to get passed him following me around too. Other was a trauma based divorce. Never again.
Hahaha they don't like the reality of their valueless life. They want to hurt & cause chaos. So when you brush off their behaviour as mediocre & dumb they flip out. Very boring like Sam said.
This video answers the main questions about life I had when entering adulthood 20 years ago. To find this type of people with high education was mindbreaking, a shock.
Thank you. Wonderful presentation.
This is excellent. Reminds me of a cop I know who dated a stripper in an attempt to 'rescue' her. Apparently that's not too uncommon. Or nice guys (or women) who think their endless self-sacrifice will straighten out a difficult partner. In the context I'm referring to it would really be grandiose and controlling rather than altruistic.
@@CalloCallay Thank you! I need a good read and loved "Gaslight."
Self defeating self trashing and self destructive is a sum of exactly what happened to my ex spouse.
Due to a common medical issue for a lot of men, he lost his ability to perform, as a result this led to compulsive sexting.
This was the coup de grace and complete dissolution of our marriage.
Narcissists can be quite charming, and Sociopaths are often beautiful. I may be wrong, but this is what I often find.
How do/did you meet these people?
@@NuthaMuthaLuva All kinds of places, beginning from the beginning, in my own family.
@@cmickie3296 In the end that instinct that something doesn't feel right occurred the minute I gave the exnarcband my phone number. I heard a voice in my head say why did you do that? I believe that was my first red signal even though nothing had happened. Instincts are to protect one self from harm. It is to protect us (boundaries, Holy spirit) etc. from harm. Ignoring it is like not using a condom which is available to have sex with a perfect stranger who appears to be trustworthy, charming, attractive, etc. but you really do not have a clue.
Ignoring that instinct regarding the exnarcband amongst others for me led to a world of pain.
@@missstarrynight7736 I've identified only two people as psychopathic, and both of them were really ugly because they didn't take care of themselves. These were coworkers at my fast food job, so maybe that's why I still haven't seen the more polished and attractive types who are smarter and more professionally successful. To be honest with you, I think you're right that there is no rule. Psychopathy and narcissism is prevalent throughout society and can be observed in people from all walks of life.
It's just sad. Been married for 15 years and it always feels like being with a visitor no emotional investment just some signatures on a paper that say the children are his. The children are also noticing the hollow one sided conversation.
@@watchmeheal1176 He never came home from the wedding in my opinion. He never married me he was just looking for a place to belong because sometimes you need a place to sleep and take a shower.
They're like "non-player characters" in video games (reference from Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle)
They're more like the playable characters in games like GTA. Reality is boring if you're empty, so you lash out at it destructively it in the hope that something interesting will happen.
I always thought it was strange when she spoke about our sex with the guys at her work and thought nothing of it. Was like she was talking about the weather.
I thought compulsive acts are coming in kind of a pack and they are doing many at the same time (shopping, drinking, gambling). Whenever the (schizoid) narcissist girl told that to me she needs to drink in the beginning of our "relationship" i thought she is meeting with someone and promisciuous as well. She is having someone new now and texting 24/7, drinking as well, and overspending money online. Its very interesting to think about that, maybe this is how she is trying to repress and cope with her promiscuity. Thanks for the insight.
The adjectives are legendary. 👌
Totally agree with the idea that they are actually inherently stupid. My ex was completely incapable of grasping the concept of natural life consequences. He was also stupid enough to actually think that I believed his insanely outlandish lies. Like, the stupidest most obvious lies that even a 6 year old could see through, but he stuck to them no matter what. What an absolute idiot
Girl u can say that again lying straight to my face about things that i have seen with my own eyes like what??? Disappointing as hell
What are natural life consequences? Most animals are monogamous and mate once or twice per year. What we are dealing with here is in fact the definition of unnatural. Caused by trauma and living in unnatural ways/environment.
I have been watching many of your videos lately. It has given me tremendous insight and I thank you for putting your life’s work for free on youtube.
However, I find myself to be rather hopeless these days as I see what we are turning into as a humanity.
How can I find hope? Am I in the wrong channel?
ruclips.net/user/vakninmusings and my new channel on Nothingness.
This channel gives you awareness and it's been an enormous help to me. Dr. Vaknin is extraordinary as you've realized. Knowledge and awareness will give you understanding and the needed strength.
Another great video. Do you have any videos that specifically touch on the app Grindr or gay culture in general? I’d imagine you’d have a field day with that, it’s a big problem in my opinion
I agree that this would be an excellent topic for a dedicated video from Prof. Vaknin. He is one of the very few highly-respected clinicians/theorists willing to speak explicitly about this. If you search for 'homosexuality' on his channel you will find interesting videos. In the video "Narcissist-Borderline (40:07): Take My Shadow, Give Me Love", Prof. Vaknin directly responds to my query about the psychoanalytic aetiology of narcissism in homosexual men - you might find that interesting also, I certainly did! Feel free to write to me to discuss this topic further, as it is a special interest of mine professionally and personally. Let us hope that Prof. Vaknin will further develop his lectures in this arena, since his perspective will be extremely illuminating.
With kind regards,
Marie
How do you explain surgeons, & their ability to organize, who have a high rate of psychopathy?
Everyone adopts their boundaries from society, not just psychopaths
This sounds scarily like me. How do I change?
At 23:33 he begins to describe for a short moment the majority of modern women.
so NPCs are real
21:30 no thanks
A handsome , super intelligent, entertaining , world famous person who could , right now, be on the French Riviera with a smokin hot 20somenthing , but would rather make solo cat videos = schizoid
@@MikhaelYacobMalechNisan5742 good answer
Maybe he’s sick of superficial stuff.