"Pathalogical Hope" is not a term I thought I'd be hearing today, but the moment you said it I immediately broke out laughing because of how fucking true and straightfoward that is as a descriptor.
Brilliant insights as always, Heidi! It’s a bit of a random life hack, but as a female ENFP I’ve learnt to lean into my PMS rollercoaster of emotions every month … It helps me to cry and release pent up stress from everything I took on during the energised parts of my cycle.
This woman!!!!!!!!! Omg. I can't believe how on spot you are everytime I'm going through something, lol. Finding a balance between letting yourself feel sadness without going through the rabbit hole 🕳️ 🐰 (yay, FA attachment). I'm mourning quite a few relationships and an attachment to an outcome. So, I literally have a timer to feel sad. I allow myself to feel sad, but only for 10mins per day (20 at the beginning). Knowing that I have that space allows me to self regulate, and at this point I don't need that space as much anymore. Not suppressing, but not drowning in it. Healthy balance.
I’m navigating a complicated breakup situation. This video couldn’t have come at a better time. Simply said, I’m sad!! Thank you for consistently producing content that encourages me to be kind to myself. I love you!!
I'm a hard ENFP and what you are saying is exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I was so attached to one outcome that i pushed and pushed while knewing that scenario was impossible. And now the greiving of this idea is sooo painfull. I feel like "acceptance" is not a thing that you do in a moment, like telling yourself "I accept the situation", rather than a long period of sadness during which you still experience waves of hope.
Well, you have now made me cry twice in as many days! But this is a good thing. It has been a difficult, grief-filled past two years and your videos are really helping me process it in a healthier way. Just wanted you to know that your content is very valuable and appreciated.
Thank you, Heidi!! This video is so good to hear! As ENFPs, it seems like it is so easy to disconnect from reality and to process things in ways that others just cannot understand…
Not only am I experiencing personal loss in a relationship lately (which has been super hard to process) but also trying to be there for others who are going through a loss in our family as well. Lately, I can’t find the words and I often can’t feel the emotional connection to reality.
I feel like the Serenity Prayer can really help here. It is the most important piece of wisdom that I have ever used in my life. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
The genuine and deep authentic feel of this is amazing Heidi. This one hit me hard and something I have been analyzing for a very long time. We always have the inner down times and where we need to step back and analyze, melt and mold together what we have experienced and been through. I notice I often time step back and meet myself inside during times like this. Because as soon as I feel like I need to push something or have to be able to push through, sometimes I do and sometimes I really do not. And boy am I glad when I do not push something, like creation or overwork myself. Having that time to work on health, being and breathing truly does wonders. When that inner self have been given time and have been deeply explored and after feels ready, it all feels so much more real when one comes forth again. Thank you Heidi for being you and bringing up this. This is important and I truly wish more ENFPs finds this. ENFP-A, 4w5, hsp, num 22, libra, earth dragon, sanguine-melancholy, creative director
I agree. When I feel sad, I feel so drained. And energy less. With a full time job and 4 kids and babysitting kids on the weekdays when I get home. I can not be in that physiological state and function properly. So I just get happy in the same pants I got happy in. And value of sadness and suffering swept under the rug. Your absolutely right. I'll learn to sit with sadness I guess... 😔
I frequently tell people I’m ok being uncomfortable and/or sad because that emotion helps me know what’s wrong, or what can change, so I’m so glad you made this video.
This dynamic is very familiar. As ENFPs, our optimism is our calling card. As great inspirers, we fight fiercely for our visions. The world is at turns skeptical or indifferent or even hostile to our imaginations of what can be. All too often though we find that “the future isn’t what it used to be.” So many initiatives falter whether because the timing was wrong, the resources were lacking, or it just wasnt going to pan out no matter how hard you tried to conjure a hope / vision into reality. ENFPs by their very nature inevitably court disillusionment. Hitting your existential shin on the coffee table is how we learn from “the reality principle” - the way things in fact are. So we dwell in our sadness, watching yet another castle in the air crash to the ground. But we are resilient. We dwell first in darkness and solitude as we heal, as we accept what is, and ideally lead into that pain. For us Dreamers, harsh reality is a regular instructor. We should always remember, always keep in mind that this too shall pass, that new passions will emerge, new projects and intimacies. We will continue to project our desires, overinvest, repeat the pattern again, but each time we get a little smarter. We remember. ENFP wisdom is accretive. How do we stay as curious, as pure and innocent as children, while becoming wise through all our necessary encointers with the world through sometimes harsh experience is a life task. I heard the sadness in your voice, your usual ebullience gone. When I feel this way, I seek refuge in Nature. We get our hearts broken every day really, since we see all the ways in which the world could be improved from the moment we step out the door. Accepting things as they are is indeed a bitter pill we need to swallow on occasion, but for the sake of everyone else, lets not make it a habit as ENFPs. The responsibility to remain cheerful is a heavy burden to carry, so we stay sad alone. Thank you again for your radical honesty in admitting sadness, which ENFPs will only share normally with just a few if any.
Thank you for this - Such insightful advice and vulnerably delivered. Definitely a common experience for me as an ENFP with that highly active Te. That Fi-Si circuit can make us very aware of and sensitive to emotional/ physical pain or unpleasantness, and it can feel so much easier or more efficient to "jump" into Te. Good for a true crisis moment maybe, but often it's simply avoidance of reality because we are seeing things as we'd prefer. Thanks for reminding us to show up for ourselves.
I cried listening to this video. 😭 So true. I’m pathologically hopeful even if it hurts like hell 🙄 Although I let myself to be sad I don’t know how to be sad around other people. It’s like some subconscious switch inside of me 🤷🏻♀️
this explains a lot about what i've been going through for the past 10 years. the inability to accept reality and keep doing the same thing expecting a different result is so true. i also think accepting the fact that i'm sad and feeling hopeless and it's okay to sit with sadness is really helpful to me.
Wow this resonated. I think I’m some combination of anxious and maybe FA, I don’t know. But I definitely feel anxious over sad usually and this video really clarified why! I’ve been in a lot of “beating a dead horse” situations with jobs and relationships and despite being creative, I get so stuck which was pretty confusing. Your anecdote about improv really resonated because lately, I’ve been paying a lot of attention to how my ISTP partner navigates unexpected events and can be so flexible to the point that I’m like “hey I’m the creative one! What’s going on?” So insightful. Thank you and my heart goes out to you in your time of loss
Hmm...I'm an ENFP and I'm not hopeful. I have been abused myself but things never working in my life just slowly made me lose the hopefulness. So when you said that crying is the acceptence that there is nothing else we can do makes sense now why I cry a lot. I suppose I reached a point in my life where I accepted that nothing I'm trying will ever work. I don't struggle with being sad, because I just broke down crying like 1 hour ago. I guess my crying and the pain I feel is actually me accepting and grieving that I can't change things, that I can't adapt and pretty much everything. But my condolences for your own loss.
As an ENFP who does improv, I was pleasantly surprised to hear you mention it! And I'm super curious to hear more about your thoughts about how improv plays into strengths and weaknesses for ENFP, as well as general learnings and insights you've gained in life from it. Would you consider doing a more in-depth video on this?
I feel as if I'm self aware enough to understand that I am sad, but at the same time especially more recently, I find it difficult to physically show it. I feel the sadness in me, but I can't cry it out. I want to and it would give me that sense of acceptance, but maybe I might just still be in denial to a degree when it comes to my personal issues. I've observed myself to be "good" at brushing off my own emotions to the side just so that I could get through the day and actually do stuff. I'm also an ENFP.
I laughed like a horse at 10:30. Felt totally called out, but greatly appreciate the revelation. Thank you, Heidi. I've read Survival Guide a few times and watch your vids, when I can (enfp with 2 jobs and 39 chickens). Your insight has helped me tremendously over the last couple of years. You're a blessing, Heidi
You're super intelligent and express your ideas coherently even when they are complex and deep concepts and I was so engaged, following so easily and connecting and relating to what you're saying. That's a skill! (I read the comprehensive ENFP guide so I already know how well you can communicate a topic but this is another medium) I only just paused halfway in to say this. I'm curious if you use notes or not when talking.
This was such a wonderful comment to read, thank you for it ❤️ whether or not I use notes depends on the video! Generally I have a structure but nothing too intensive. I.e. For this video I had a note on my phone that read ‘pathological hope, improv, bargaining /grief model’ 😂
@@heidipriebe1 Wow that's next level! And thanks so much for replying. I admire your work. My favourite part of your book are the comments by ENFPs and other types about ENFPs. Maybe because my love language is WoA. It is so uplifting and I think that was a brilliant idea 💕
Thank you for this insights. I have a good friend who is an ENFP. His superior at work was a narcissist of the highest caliber who made his life miserable to the point where my friend became ill and ended up in the hospital. For many years he managed to get many of his ideas implemented that made the company more innovative. What drove him was his immense desire to be creative, his positivity and the idea that what he was doing was the right thing to do. Over time, political barriers were erected within the company and conflicts increased. Above all, his boss did everything he could to make his life miserable. But he was still convinced that if he kept trying, things would eventually change and he thought he had finally found a way to deal with the boss. Nothing could be further from the truth. When he ended up in the hospital he realized what was happening to him. He ended up in a clinic where he was helped to process his traumatic experiences. Nowadays he's working in another company in a similar position with a boss who appreciates him .... and now he is starting to have great ideas again, hahaha. As an INFJ, I also have ideas and plans are often quite far from reality, but I have probably a more pessimistic attitude towards possible events and especially towards people. Maybe my attitude is in the other side of the pathological psychological spectrum, haha. That's why I think we complement each other in our friendship 😊.
Thank you for making this video. I am definitely one who will try to come up with several ideas to help reality match my fantasy, if it feels realistic. It can be very hard for me to accept I need to let it go. I appreciate your authenticity. You always articulate do well!. We love you too
Hugs & love to you, Heidi. Love your authenticity & vulnerability in this video. Grateful you felt the freedom to be real in your video. Can totally relate to sitting in the sadness & grieving process. I found embracing the gift of every emotion is helpful in life. The gift of sadness is bringing healing, growth, awareness, & letting go of a loss. Hugs to you as you grieve the loss sweetheart. 💗💗
Love this information. I agree with you. When we get to the place where we want to feel all our emotions, value the experience with a calm acceptance, we find peace and focus. Having a willingness to experience our emotions/feelings is healthy, whereas numbing ourselves is not healthy.
You ate my soul and regurgitated it. I absolutely needed that. Thank you. I needed this moment of self reflection. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for coming as you are and sharing your truth so that I am encouraged to come as I am.
Now look at me, ENFP with anxiety and over thinking which causes said anxiety. The said anxiety/over thinking makes me very grouchy, sad and kind of drowns my intuition and fear becomes fact. I have been doing a lot of personal work on this. I may seem often kind and happy to others but I'm often mean to myself. I am only 6 mins in, but what if my sad style is to just ruminate with it for hours haha. 16:43 yes! I feel like I do fight how I feel alot (when its sad) and try to label why, and name all the reasons and just make it worse. I have had to learn to sit with it and sort of integrate exercise and letting go. 19:33 makes so much sense and really verbalizes something I hadn't thought of. 21:18 YES, YES! That is exactly what I do. Sheesh! haha. I for sure would love to hear you discuss 26:12 because I do fall into that category unfortunately.
I think I probably lean towards the tendency you spoke of at the end of the video where I've learned to acknowledge the sadness but then that's all I can feel. And it's hard to crawl out of that pit inside once I'm there. And lately it seems to be a place I visit more frequently than I would like.
Same...well kinda. When I hit the bed, ALL i can think about are sad things about my life (mostly wishing my love life was better than it is), and doing this for HOURS.
I'm an infp. I really needed this reminder. I know a lot of people see us as masters of sadness, we spend so much time in it and really milk it for all its worth sometimes, but it can be just as overwhelming and scary for us as anyone else. I lost my mom in 2020, I was just 17, and I had a whole slew of trauma that had been building up for a decade around her illnessess open up. I'm still scraping away at those suppressed feelings 2 years later. I've been doing "better" the past month - better meaning able to get out of bed and be productive and not feel like I'm dying - so I've been using it as an excuse not to be sad or angry, but I realized today that that's stopping me from opening up to my friends at all, cheerfully or not. Your vulnerability in this video is so brave and so needed. I'm trying to treat my feelings like a sad friend who just needs to be sat with, listened to, and loved, but I needed to see I was neglecting her. Thank you so much 💕
This video really resonates with me at this time in my life. I tried as hard as I could to craft this positive relationship with my narcissistic parents. I tried so hard to show up for them, to forgive them, to forget the past they would never take credit for. So many times when I needed them, they did not help me and did not support me. Then, last year when I needed them the most when I almost lost my daughter, they not only didn’t show up. They were offended that I expected it of them. They even seemed upset and jealous that others in my life were there for me. Then they accused me of hurting them so much over the years. They refused to explain, and I was left wondering what I did wrong when all I’d ever done was try to make them proud of me. I finally came to a point where there was like a shift in my psyche. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t try to pretend I wanted them around anymore. I couldn’t override my brain and forget it all. I just couldn’t. My heart, spirit, and smothered sense of self demanded that I let them go and walk away from those relationships. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. To sit with the sadness, I listen to music- Kelly Clarkson, Ashe, Lincoln Park, Avril Lavigne, Matchbox Twenty, Missio. Melancholy or even angry music that lets me feel the sadness and anger I have repressed for so long. Thanks, Heidi, for your videos. I’m also reading your ENFP book I purchased from Amazon, and I am enjoying it very much. Thanks for the content. Take a break if you need it 🙂
ENFP here, and I just need to say thank you, soo so much for this video and u have no idea how badly i need this in particular.. most of the content in this video relates to me in so many ways,, I have been struggling to find so many ways to solve a solution for so long.. I even almost lost myself in the process.. I've learned so much from this, about myself and more.. Thank you
Thank you,❤ sounds like me. I wish I had found you earlier I glad i can see you now I see your growth as I binge watching you and also learning a lot to myself Love your channel but when you talk about the types as well as your psychology and deep dives❤❤❤
I'd say a similar problem for the INFP happens when sadness is avoided by taking a refuge in what we know is right/good and refuse to let in anything new, we just dive in the Fi-Si loop and feed on the reassuring knowledge that we are right and everything else is wrong ... when sometimes we have to just accept/mourn that there is nothing we can do, we won't be able to prove our point, we won't make someone change their mind, we won't avoid conflict forever etc. (and perhaps our worst fear aside losing our mind: we won't always be right).
Wow 🤩 I am so grateful for this video, and I have to tell you how courageous and what a game changer you are!! Thank you for modelling authenticity and sadness because I am an ENFP and I have struggled with major depression all of my life…..You have helped me so much in my journey and I hope my words come across to the level of my deep appreciation 🙏🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕💕
For me i think it is good balance. When I get really sad, I will be sad for a few weeks or a month depending on the situation but after that I will accept the facts and continue with my life and my emotional baseline returns to normal and not constantly sad
UGH I was not good at improv, your scenario totally reminded me of myself. I thought I'd be good because I love acting, but it turns out I love acting if there's a script or if I can improv by myself and be all the characters (be in control of what's happening).
One of your best videos, wonderfully informative and with a great appreciation of perspective. Personally being one of the opposite types of ENFP that you mentioned at the end (4w3) I am more likely to get stuck in sadness, but the fact that you mentioned it from a attachment theory standpoint and mentioned lots of relevant concepts gives more credit to you. Well done and thank you for doing this, I could see you found it a little challenging, but you did great all the same, which makes it an even more valiant effort!
Pathological hope…feels like self destructive tendencies…..and I need help with this…..and also letting go is a huge issue! I am still hurting for a divorce that I chose 12 years ago, WTF, Heidi please keep giving us tips and strategies…..💕💕💕 Thank you again! You are a beautiful human being!
Another hopeful in absence of evidence here! As someone also in improv I couldn't stop laughing at the cowboy thing, it's sometimes crazy how much we push to be able to see what we can't let go of.
This is a video that speaks so much to a concept I think I've heard you mention once or twice in more general/non ENFP videos; self-compassion. And that idea is so intrinsic to how I've grown a lot, and just walking through my sadness rather than just moping (I lean towards acting with Anxious Attachment) and dwelling in depression helps. I hadn't even considered that idea of how Ne WOULD seem like, the ultimate off-the-cuff responses and adaption, especially paired with Te. But I hadn't even considered how those often work in tandem to create a really good foundation for something super cool! I think that's why I love working with my Fe and Se friends
Maaaan this was a really tough listen for me Heidi…so much so that I wanted to leave the video a few times while watching but I knew I needed to hear what you had to say because for as far back as I can remember it’s been hard for me to feel sadness. As a matter of fact today after prayer and meditation I found myself missing my mother she past away in 2011 (I didn’t even cry at her funeral) I was sad about her today…I teared up and let myself stay in the moment, it was cleansing but that doesn’t happen as much as it should, I’d like to learn to sit with sad emotions more often. Thank you for your authenticity it’s not easy creating content like this on low energy. I going to checkout the book you mentioned.
I'm unsure if this video is draining or uplifting, but it's necessary. I have trouble looking at myself and my life through an objective lens, and I've sort of lost the pathological hope at some point in my life. My mom is trying to get me to feel better about myself, but it's easier said than done. I thank her for being in my life, though. I do have trouble letting go of my ideas and trying to correct things that have gone wrong.
Amazing, thank you for this video!❤ Imagining the outcomes and getting highly attached to them is so true! Not long ago I had an impulse to confess to my coworker I'd developed feelings for. I imagined everything: when this confession would happen, what outfit I would wear, what hairstyle I would have (my friends spent 3h making my hair that day cause I was so attached to my vision it HAD to be what I had imagined). I was quite certain he reciprocated my feelings and imagined different scenarios for a positive reaction. To my utmost surprise he reacted in a very very weird and awkward way, completely different to what I would've ever expected. It totally threw me off guard and was difficult to cope with. Even when afterwards I realized that we might not actually be the best fit for each other I was still too hooked on the idea of us being together, just couldn't let it go. It took me a few months to finally start letting go of the outcome I had wanted for this relation and accepting that it will probably never go into that desired direction
Nailed it, Heidi!! I have major health issues. I think about it for a minute and then move on to something else or proactively think about solutions or the things I CAN do in spite of it. It annoys people, because they want me to commiserate with them, and I try to look on the bright side. 😁
Surprisingly helpful. I was kinda skeptical at the beginning because you talked about avoiding types and I'm more anxious, but then you mentioned that loop of never ending hopeless attempts to find something to change the reality and I was like WOAH. I can't quit my job for 3 years now because I'm trying to find a way to make myself to make some sense here so yeah I'm called out .D And about avoidance: it is nice to know there are people who do NOT spend their days lying in bed and crying ugly because of a mere glimpse of sadness due to a poor emotional regulation...
What a wonderful video to listen to. :D A great change to see you in this light showing us that we have sad sides and days too. We are not always cheery, we do have stuff going on, how can we properly move on from it.
Middle aged ENFP , been dumped 3 times in last 10 years. I’m exhausted, tired and have given up on love. Completely low energy over here. I’ll have my moments but I really want to hide in a cave. I’m not happy and I love Love, But I now know the universe is telling me it’s not in the plan for this lifetime.
Yes, just be yourself, Heidi. You’re perfect. Now, as to the problem of which mbti type makes the best comedic improviser, I googled mrs. maisel’s type and found a plethora of guesses: enfp, enfj…What say you?
Very interesting and informative video. Cerebral approach to emotion, yet yielding to the emotion as a remedy. The process is very contextual and maybe can only be applied to certain emotions. Those individual to us that are protected more than others. It's very healthy this approach. Thanks for the information.
the movie analysis of the kids movie inside out, helped me understand why sadness and grief are so important, for ourselves,it helps connection build, momentum, as a entp who cringes with telling my flaws, I began understanding those are far more relatable for connection,which entps struggle at, I can drop things easily unlike you, but actually I need to keep going , put in the hard sweat, then rather opt out.. as a ennergram 7.. which I'm slowly doing, but is that worth investing in. is the hard part.
You make me wish I was an ENFP because it’s such a gift to watch content from someone who deeply understands our experience. Does anyone know someone of Heidi’s caliber of insight and awareness who talks about INTJ or ENTJs?
Dreamers by their very nature court disillusionment. We need periodically to find the equipoise to bear the pain of that, so we can dream yet again. At our best, we are willing to suffer this for some common good. Our light is necessary. It needs to be tended, guarded and rekindled. When the spark goes out, it gets very dark because we invest our whole beings in our convictions / hopes. That is part of our charisma. We offer people the possibility of better worlds. How painful it is when we fall short, crashing like Icarus to the earth. Which only proves we are human. ENFPs live against the chance that they can conjure something new and good into the world. Such aspirations rarely are realized. But we must act “As If.” Its a matter of duty. Our estimation of the true prospects for our hopes is something we very much keep to outselves. As ENFP, our impulse is to swallow the world. Too much to digest, too far for most to go.
I think you are right, my mind (when Im feeling that sadness) says HEY lets pretend everything is alright so you wont notice that youre sad and you wont be sad. the outcome= deep lately sadness because of past situations, but as thereis nothing that makes sad at that moment my mind still thinks that Im not sad jajajaj
Also I can struggle with disappointment because I can have high expectations due to being able to imagine all kids of great outcomes that are way better than the reality is likely to be (e.g. what a present from a partner might be). “Magical future” 😬🙋🏼♀️
Currently I am grieving over my brother who committed suicide. And I relate to the anxious side of dealing with sadness by creatively finding my way back to joy. In the past I was at the other side of the spectrum, did you call this avoidant? Anyhow, that other side of amplifying it too the point that I did not show up for my life because I jumped into conclusion that I was unworthy. Wauw :) Now that I write this down I get this insight that I feel that I am going towards the middle now and that is where I want to go: to honor my feelings and still show up for my life. I hereby affirm: I am showing up for my sadness and that is going to be okay :) To everyone here I am sending love, courage and blessings to show up for honoring your sadness. You are enough, always! 🌻
Whenever I feel a dark feeling or a heavy feeling on my chest I know that there is something going on so I sometimes take a 10 minutes break or even longsr and meditate the feeling untill it's resolved. If it was really hard to pinpoint where the feeling is, I just watch some sad videos on youtube until I cry. It always worked for me.
I'm very on the anxious side of this. Where I overexaggerate the negative emotion in a really intense way that it can become extremely overwhelming. My first relationship ended a bit under 2 months ago and especially the first week was absolute hell. I had my first panic attack ever, felt the worst I've ever felt and that week was by far the worst of my entire life. Im 21 btw so not like I'm 15 and have no clue about anything (not saying I know everything). I started therapy for the first time and am really trying to focus on turning my life around and making positive change. I'd really like a video on this side of sadness/loss :)
I had to play it twice because i cant really understand anything but then it hit me. i am very very inclined to make something work, a hundred times, even if it doesnt work at all. one particular event is about my career, because lately it has been the hardest thing to deal with. They have been telling me im good in maths and drawing and that im smart in the field, well in every field, and engineering is the field that would make me successful. But it is intoxicating me. Everything about that field is intoxicating me. But i always try to work things out, and i worked hard and i beat myself everytime to just to make it work. and everytime i think about the future it makes me frustrated but the monetary benefits involved are "worth-taking" as what im told. so i beat myself up then i.just.gave.it.up. so now im standing to pursue psychology, a field i feel very much myself and it doesnt drain me a lot. surely this field may have its downsides i currently does not know about but i know the sadness ive dealt with in the past will not be the same when you love what you are doing. enfps, and much like every other types, does everything in love, and id choose what i love. and i think that would make me most happy. Thank you again Heidi. God bless you.
Life is beautiful and we want to show the world. Until we remember. Nothing matters and we will all be dust. ALL OF US. We will all be dead and gone. In the span of a blink.
Autistic INTP: I've had this thing forever that no one else seems to have - when there is anything to be sad about, and I take that sadness on, it feels disrespectful - I use "flippant" a lot - to bring up anything that isn't sad, or to believe that better days are ahead. It can feel like pressure to get better quicker, or it can feel like laughing at a funeral. Dunno what that's about.
The holding on to the past is a problem.. and it seems also contrary to the primary Ne function, so I wonder if it's good advice for ENFPs to generally just "don't worry about it" and let things break. I mean.. ENFP will be ok in either case, they fall on their feet like cats, because Ne will help navigate changed circumstances.. but on the other hand.. it what makes ENFPs loyal and what makes them hold on to things that are worth holding on to, like a marriage or a project.. some things are better if tended to for a long time ..
I guess this really shows the significance of ENFP and INFJ having the same stack order, because if I didn't have pathological hope, I might not have any hope at all! INFJs have an easier time sitting with sadness (we even do it for fun sometimes), but if you think Ne gets stubbornly attached to a single outcome, imagine what it's like for Ni, which only deals in single outcomes... Then there's Fe not wanting to disappoint anyone, plus Ti at the ready to help tune out any pesky real-world countervailing evidence coming from Se. To admit defeat is to admit Ni did its ONE JOB wrong!
As an INFP I relate a lot about not letting go that idea that your Fi wanted too much to see made reality. But in comparison with the ENFPs I know, i think we have an easier time to step into sadness but i think it can be similar
Hi, I am a 16 year old ENFP. Over the course of five years, after my dad died when I was 11, my life has gone down in quality. I've dropped down all the way to my shadow functions and am really struggling. I've lost my best friend, and have made my family worried for years to the point of exhaustion and am in so much pain. I don't even feel like myself anymore. But your ENFP handbook has helped me alot. I'm trying to take better care of myself and I'm trying to reconnect with my introverted sensing but due to my circumstances I'm worried I'm not doing enough. I just want to feel happy and like myself again. What do you reccomend? Can you help me?
My brain seems to think that all hope is false, making me a non participant in my own life and thinking that to pursue anything im hopeful about is akin to letting delusion weigh in on my decision making, but i think this is perhaps an elaborate self deception to protect me from rejection, dissapointment and embarrassment because ive had more of all three than one can go through without being dramitally changed by, so i avoid those at the cost of being lonely, alone and perpetually wishing i didnt have to do this anymore... probably WAY off topic, but no one will read this, so who gives a fuck
Oh I typed this just before you mentioned getting caught in sadness...you are awesome and needed in this world. I hope you continue to take care of you and feel whatever you feel
Heidi are you sure you are Enfp. I am intj and can figure out the persons personality by just seeing a person and I am usually right. Heidi comes up as Entp for me!
If Heidi were an ENTP she would have a completely different cognitive stack including Ti and Fe instead of Fi and Te in that order. On the surface it could look like Heidi is a T type. 😁What you are observing is Heidi's well developed Extroverted Thinking. She is relying heavily on it in this video as she is not feeling her best. I think she is using Te to push through this video to completion. Perhaps you are only familiar with stereotypes or young/less developed ENFPs. Mature ENFP's can be very logical but they will always use emotion as a basis how they approach things. It might help to think of feeling/thinking preferences like lenses. A thinker naturally has a well calibrated T lens and a Feeler has a well calibrated F lens, they also possess the opposite lenses. The more mature and balanced a person is ( gained through self reflection, which ENFPs often excel at) the more calibrated the inferior lens becomes. the two lenses work together in syncronicity although the first one developed will always be dominant/preferred. As a 48yr old ENFP, I have been married to an INTJ for 20+ years and as we have both grown over time to be more self aware and mature versions of ourself, I have developed more logical/rational thinking ability and my husband has developed more emotional awareness and empathy. Hope this is helpful. P.S INTJ's in my experience are usually right 99% of the time. But when they are wrong, it is usually when they have gone entirely with their introverted intuition, (disregarded the logic of Te and jumped straight to Fi ) ... then they can be very wrong!
"Pathalogical Hope" is not a term I thought I'd be hearing today, but the moment you said it I immediately broke out laughing because of how fucking true and straightfoward that is as a descriptor.
That was more or less my reaction to hearing the term for the first time too!
Brilliant insights as always, Heidi! It’s a bit of a random life hack, but as a female ENFP I’ve learnt to lean into my PMS rollercoaster of emotions every month … It helps me to cry and release pent up stress from everything I took on during the energised parts of my cycle.
As a male ENFP, I am actually doing the same sometimes.
@@erik111erikthis is awesome to know!
This woman!!!!!!!!! Omg. I can't believe how on spot you are everytime I'm going through something, lol. Finding a balance between letting yourself feel sadness without going through the rabbit hole 🕳️ 🐰 (yay, FA attachment). I'm mourning quite a few relationships and an attachment to an outcome. So, I literally have a timer to feel sad. I allow myself to feel sad, but only for 10mins per day (20 at the beginning). Knowing that I have that space allows me to self regulate, and at this point I don't need that space as much anymore.
Not suppressing, but not drowning in it. Healthy balance.
I’m navigating a complicated breakup situation. This video couldn’t have come at a better time. Simply said, I’m sad!! Thank you for consistently producing content that encourages me to be kind to myself. I love you!!
Couldn’t of said it better!! You’re not alone. Thanks Heidi!
Same, you’re not alone there. I’m sad for the same reason, friend.
Breakups are horrible for ENFPs. I feel the reason is that our possibility mindedness is not wired to let go.
@@silentgrove7670 the hope is so deep rooted. A gift that in times such as this feels like a curse.
I'm a hard ENFP and what you are saying is exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I was so attached to one outcome that i pushed and pushed while knewing that scenario was impossible. And now the greiving of this idea is sooo painfull. I feel like "acceptance" is not a thing that you do in a moment, like telling yourself "I accept the situation", rather than a long period of sadness during which you still experience waves of hope.
Well, you have now made me cry twice in as many days! But this is a good thing. It has been a difficult, grief-filled past two years and your videos are really helping me process it in a healthier way. Just wanted you to know that your content is very valuable and appreciated.
Thank you, Heidi!!
This video is so good to hear! As ENFPs, it seems like it is so easy to disconnect from reality and to process things in ways that others just cannot understand…
Not only am I experiencing personal loss in a relationship lately (which has been super hard to process) but also trying to be there for others who are going through a loss in our family as well. Lately, I can’t find the words and I often can’t feel the emotional connection to reality.
I feel like the Serenity Prayer can really help here. It is the most important piece of wisdom that I have ever used in my life.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I love the serenity prayer too ❤️
The genuine and deep authentic feel of this is amazing Heidi. This one hit me hard and something I have been analyzing for a very long time. We always have the inner down times and where we need to step back and analyze, melt and mold together what we have experienced and been through. I notice I often time step back and meet myself inside during times like this. Because as soon as I feel like I need to push something or have to be able to push through, sometimes I do and sometimes I really do not. And boy am I glad when I do not push something, like creation or overwork myself. Having that time to work on health, being and breathing truly does wonders.
When that inner self have been given time and have been deeply explored and after feels ready, it all feels so much more real when one comes forth again.
Thank you Heidi for being you and bringing up this. This is important and I truly wish more ENFPs finds this.
ENFP-A, 4w5, hsp, num 22, libra, earth dragon, sanguine-melancholy, creative director
Came to think of sadness as a tool to open up new ways of seeing happiness.
I agree. When I feel sad, I feel so drained. And energy less. With a full time job and 4 kids and babysitting kids on the weekdays when I get home. I can not be in that physiological state and function properly.
So I just get happy in the same pants I got happy in. And value of sadness and suffering swept under the rug. Your absolutely right.
I'll learn to sit with sadness I guess... 😔
I frequently tell people I’m ok being uncomfortable and/or sad because that emotion helps me know what’s wrong, or what can change, so I’m so glad you made this video.
"How can I show up as a dynamic co-creator of my own experience and not a micromanager of reality?" Love that. Those are really words to ponder.
This dynamic is very familiar. As ENFPs, our optimism is our calling card. As great inspirers, we fight fiercely for our visions. The world is at turns skeptical or indifferent or even hostile to our imaginations of what can be.
All too often though we find that “the future isn’t what it used to be.” So many initiatives falter whether because the timing was wrong,
the resources were lacking, or it just wasnt going to pan out no matter how hard you tried to conjure a hope / vision into reality.
ENFPs by their very nature inevitably court disillusionment. Hitting your existential shin on the coffee table is how we learn from
“the reality principle” - the way things in fact are.
So we dwell in our sadness, watching yet another castle in the air crash to the ground.
But we are resilient. We dwell first in darkness and solitude as we heal, as we accept what is, and ideally lead into that pain. For us Dreamers, harsh reality is a regular instructor.
We should always remember, always keep in mind that this too shall pass, that new passions will emerge, new projects and intimacies. We will continue to project our desires, overinvest, repeat the pattern again, but each time we get a little smarter. We remember.
ENFP wisdom is accretive. How do we stay as curious, as pure and innocent as children, while becoming wise through all our necessary encointers with the world through sometimes harsh experience is a life task.
I heard the sadness in your voice, your usual ebullience gone. When I feel this way, I seek refuge in Nature. We get our hearts broken every day really, since we see all the ways in which the world could be improved from the moment we step out the door.
Accepting things as they are is indeed a bitter pill we need to swallow on occasion, but for the sake of everyone else, lets not make it a habit as ENFPs. The responsibility to remain cheerful is a heavy burden to carry, so we stay sad alone.
Thank you again for your radical honesty in admitting sadness, which ENFPs will only share normally with just a few if any.
Thank you for this - Such insightful advice and vulnerably delivered. Definitely a common experience for me as an ENFP with that highly active Te. That Fi-Si circuit can make us very aware of and sensitive to emotional/ physical pain or unpleasantness, and it can feel so much easier or more efficient to "jump" into Te. Good for a true crisis moment maybe, but often it's simply avoidance of reality because we are seeing things as we'd prefer. Thanks for reminding us to show up for ourselves.
I cried listening to this video. 😭 So true. I’m pathologically hopeful even if it hurts like hell 🙄 Although I let myself to be sad I don’t know how to be sad around other people. It’s like some subconscious switch inside of me 🤷🏻♀️
Think this is one of my favorite videos of yours. So real. So authentic.
this explains a lot about what i've been going through for the past 10 years. the inability to accept reality and keep doing the same thing expecting a different result is so true. i also think accepting the fact that i'm sad and feeling hopeless and it's okay to sit with sadness is really helpful to me.
In a really sad state I always felt like a disappointed idealist. - ENFP-A
Wow this resonated. I think I’m some combination of anxious and maybe FA, I don’t know. But I definitely feel anxious over sad usually and this video really clarified why! I’ve been in a lot of “beating a dead horse” situations with jobs and relationships and despite being creative, I get so stuck which was pretty confusing. Your anecdote about improv really resonated because lately, I’ve been paying a lot of attention to how my ISTP partner navigates unexpected events and can be so flexible to the point that I’m like “hey I’m the creative one! What’s going on?” So insightful. Thank you and my heart goes out to you in your time of loss
Hmm...I'm an ENFP and I'm not hopeful. I have been abused myself but things never working in my life just slowly made me lose the hopefulness. So when you said that crying is the acceptence that there is nothing else we can do makes sense now why I cry a lot. I suppose I reached a point in my life where I accepted that nothing I'm trying will ever work. I don't struggle with being sad, because I just broke down crying like 1 hour ago. I guess my crying and the pain I feel is actually me accepting and grieving that I can't change things, that I can't adapt and pretty much everything. But my condolences for your own loss.
As an ENFP who does improv, I was pleasantly surprised to hear you mention it! And I'm super curious to hear more about your thoughts about how improv plays into strengths and weaknesses for ENFP, as well as general learnings and insights you've gained in life from it. Would you consider doing a more in-depth video on this?
I feel as if I'm self aware enough to understand that I am sad, but at the same time especially more recently, I find it difficult to physically show it. I feel the sadness in me, but I can't cry it out. I want to and it would give me that sense of acceptance, but maybe I might just still be in denial to a degree when it comes to my personal issues. I've observed myself to be "good" at brushing off my own emotions to the side just so that I could get through the day and actually do stuff. I'm also an ENFP.
I laughed like a horse at 10:30. Felt totally called out, but greatly appreciate the revelation. Thank you, Heidi. I've read Survival Guide a few times and watch your vids, when I can (enfp with 2 jobs and 39 chickens). Your insight has helped me tremendously over the last couple of years. You're a blessing, Heidi
You're super intelligent and express your ideas coherently even when they are complex and deep concepts and I was so engaged, following so easily and connecting and relating to what you're saying. That's a skill! (I read the comprehensive ENFP guide so I already know how well you can communicate a topic but this is another medium) I only just paused halfway in to say this. I'm curious if you use notes or not when talking.
This was such a wonderful comment to read, thank you for it ❤️ whether or not I use notes depends on the video! Generally I have a structure but nothing too intensive. I.e. For this video I had a note on my phone that read ‘pathological hope, improv, bargaining /grief model’ 😂
@@heidipriebe1 Wow that's next level! And thanks so much for replying. I admire your work. My favourite part of your book are the comments by ENFPs and other types about ENFPs. Maybe because my love language is WoA. It is so uplifting and I think that was a brilliant idea 💕
Thank you for this insights.
I have a good friend who is an ENFP. His superior at work was a narcissist of the highest caliber who made his life miserable to the point where my friend became ill and ended up in the hospital.
For many years he managed to get many of his ideas implemented that made the company more innovative. What drove him was his immense desire to be creative, his positivity and the idea that what he was doing was the right thing to do. Over time, political barriers were erected within the company and conflicts increased. Above all, his boss did everything he could to make his life miserable. But he was still convinced that if he kept trying, things would eventually change and he thought he had finally found a way to deal with the boss. Nothing could be further from the truth.
When he ended up in the hospital he realized what was happening to him. He ended up in a clinic where he was helped to process his traumatic experiences. Nowadays he's working in another company in a similar position with a boss who appreciates him .... and now he is starting to have great ideas again, hahaha.
As an INFJ, I also have ideas and plans are often quite far from reality, but I have probably a more pessimistic attitude towards possible events and especially towards people. Maybe my attitude is in the other side of the pathological psychological spectrum, haha. That's why I think we complement each other in our friendship 😊.
Thank you for making this video. I am definitely one who will try to come up with several ideas to help reality match my fantasy, if it feels realistic. It can be very hard for me to accept I need to let it go. I appreciate your authenticity. You always articulate do well!. We love you too
You and I are like 90% the same ! I am glad I found your channel , you have been so helpful
Hugs & love to you, Heidi. Love your authenticity & vulnerability in this video. Grateful you felt the freedom to be real in your video. Can totally relate to sitting in the sadness & grieving process. I found embracing the gift of every emotion is helpful in life. The gift of sadness is bringing healing, growth, awareness, & letting go of a loss. Hugs to you as you grieve the loss sweetheart. 💗💗
Reading this felt like getting a warm hug. Thank you ❤️
@@heidipriebe1 You're very welcome sweetheart! 💗
Love this information. I agree with you. When we get to the place where we want to feel all our emotions, value the experience with a calm acceptance, we find peace and focus. Having a willingness to experience our emotions/feelings is healthy, whereas numbing ourselves is not healthy.
You ate my soul and regurgitated it. I absolutely needed that. Thank you. I needed this moment of self reflection. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for coming as you are and sharing your truth so that I am encouraged to come as I am.
love your authenticity Heidi!!!!
Now look at me, ENFP with anxiety and over thinking which causes said anxiety. The said anxiety/over thinking makes me very grouchy, sad and kind of drowns my intuition and fear becomes fact. I have been doing a lot of personal work on this. I may seem often kind and happy to others but I'm often mean to myself. I am only 6 mins in, but what if my sad style is to just ruminate with it for hours haha. 16:43 yes! I feel like I do fight how I feel alot (when its sad) and try to label why, and name all the reasons and just make it worse. I have had to learn to sit with it and sort of integrate exercise and letting go. 19:33 makes so much sense and really verbalizes something I hadn't thought of. 21:18 YES, YES! That is exactly what I do. Sheesh! haha. I for sure would love to hear you discuss 26:12 because I do fall into that category unfortunately.
I have been watching your videos, and they are a big help thank you so much. I am a male enfp and your videos are the best
I think I probably lean towards the tendency you spoke of at the end of the video where I've learned to acknowledge the sadness but then that's all I can feel. And it's hard to crawl out of that pit inside once I'm there. And lately it seems to be a place I visit more frequently than I would like.
Same...well kinda. When I hit the bed, ALL i can think about are sad things about my life (mostly wishing my love life was better than it is), and doing this for HOURS.
What a beautiful video
I'm an infp. I really needed this reminder. I know a lot of people see us as masters of sadness, we spend so much time in it and really milk it for all its worth sometimes, but it can be just as overwhelming and scary for us as anyone else. I lost my mom in 2020, I was just 17, and I had a whole slew of trauma that had been building up for a decade around her illnessess open up. I'm still scraping away at those suppressed feelings 2 years later. I've been doing "better" the past month - better meaning able to get out of bed and be productive and not feel like I'm dying - so I've been using it as an excuse not to be sad or angry, but I realized today that that's stopping me from opening up to my friends at all, cheerfully or not. Your vulnerability in this video is so brave and so needed. I'm trying to treat my feelings like a sad friend who just needs to be sat with, listened to, and loved, but I needed to see I was neglecting her. Thank you so much 💕
This video really resonates with me at this time in my life. I tried as hard as I could to craft this positive relationship with my narcissistic parents. I tried so hard to show up for them, to forgive them, to forget the past they would never take credit for.
So many times when I needed them, they did not help me and did not support me. Then, last year when I needed them the most when I almost lost my daughter, they not only didn’t show up. They were offended that I expected it of them. They even seemed upset and jealous that others in my life were there for me. Then they accused me of hurting them so much over the years. They refused to explain, and I was left wondering what I did wrong when all I’d ever done was try to make them proud of me.
I finally came to a point where there was like a shift in my psyche. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t try to pretend I wanted them around anymore. I couldn’t override my brain and forget it all. I just couldn’t. My heart, spirit, and smothered sense of self demanded that I let them go and walk away from those relationships. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
To sit with the sadness, I listen to music- Kelly Clarkson, Ashe, Lincoln Park, Avril Lavigne, Matchbox Twenty, Missio. Melancholy or even angry music that lets me feel the sadness and anger I have repressed for so long.
Thanks, Heidi, for your videos. I’m also reading your ENFP book I purchased from Amazon, and I am enjoying it very much. Thanks for the content. Take a break if you need it 🙂
ENFP here, and I just need to say thank you, soo so much for this video and u have no idea how badly i need this in particular.. most of the content in this video relates to me in so many ways,, I have been struggling to find so many ways to solve a solution for so long.. I even almost lost myself in the process..
I've learned so much from this, about myself and more.. Thank you
Soooooo on point Heidi! Now I know a bit more about myself too. Thank you! :)
Thank you,❤ sounds like me.
I wish I had found you earlier
I glad i can see you now
I see your growth as I binge watching you and also learning a lot to myself
Love your channel but when you talk about the types as well as your psychology and deep dives❤❤❤
I'd say a similar problem for the INFP happens when sadness is avoided by taking a refuge in what we know is right/good and refuse to let in anything new, we just dive in the Fi-Si loop and feed on the reassuring knowledge that we are right and everything else is wrong ... when sometimes we have to just accept/mourn that there is nothing we can do, we won't be able to prove our point, we won't make someone change their mind, we won't avoid conflict forever etc. (and perhaps our worst fear aside losing our mind: we won't always be right).
Wow 🤩 I am so grateful for this video, and I have to tell you how courageous and what a game changer you are!! Thank you for modelling authenticity and sadness because I am an ENFP and I have struggled with major depression all of my life…..You have helped me so much in my journey and I hope my words come across to the level of my deep appreciation 🙏🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕💕
For me i think it is good balance. When I get really sad, I will be sad for a few weeks or a month depending on the situation but after that I will accept the facts and continue with my life and my emotional baseline returns to normal and not constantly sad
A beautiful and insightful video!
UGH I was not good at improv, your scenario totally reminded me of myself. I thought I'd be good because I love acting, but it turns out I love acting if there's a script or if I can improv by myself and be all the characters (be in control of what's happening).
One of your best videos, wonderfully informative and with a great appreciation of perspective. Personally being one of the opposite types of ENFP that you mentioned at the end (4w3) I am more likely to get stuck in sadness, but the fact that you mentioned it from a attachment theory standpoint and mentioned lots of relevant concepts gives more credit to you. Well done and thank you for doing this, I could see you found it a little challenging, but you did great all the same, which makes it an even more valiant effort!
I've had to grieve the death of my father in the last year, and every word you're speaking rings so truly. So insightful as always!
Pathological hope…feels like self destructive tendencies…..and I need help with this…..and also letting go is a huge issue! I am still hurting for a divorce that I chose 12 years ago, WTF, Heidi please keep giving us tips and strategies…..💕💕💕 Thank you again! You are a beautiful human being!
Another hopeful in absence of evidence here! As someone also in improv I couldn't stop laughing at the cowboy thing, it's sometimes crazy how much we push to be able to see what we can't let go of.
This is a video that speaks so much to a concept I think I've heard you mention once or twice in more general/non ENFP videos; self-compassion. And that idea is so intrinsic to how I've grown a lot, and just walking through my sadness rather than just moping (I lean towards acting with Anxious Attachment) and dwelling in depression helps.
I hadn't even considered that idea of how Ne WOULD seem like, the ultimate off-the-cuff responses and adaption, especially paired with Te. But I hadn't even considered how those often work in tandem to create a really good foundation for something super cool! I think that's why I love working with my Fe and Se friends
Thank you so much for being real 🙏💖
Maaaan this was a really tough listen for me Heidi…so much so that I wanted to leave the video a few times while watching but I knew I needed to hear what you had to say because for as far back as I can remember it’s been hard for me to feel sadness. As a matter of fact today after prayer and meditation I found myself missing my mother she past away in 2011 (I didn’t even cry at her funeral) I was sad about her today…I teared up and let myself stay in the moment, it was cleansing but that doesn’t happen as much as it should, I’d like to learn to sit with sad emotions more often. Thank you for your authenticity it’s not easy creating content like this on low energy. I going to checkout the book you mentioned.
I'm unsure if this video is draining or uplifting, but it's necessary. I have trouble looking at myself and my life through an objective lens, and I've sort of lost the pathological hope at some point in my life. My mom is trying to get me to feel better about myself, but it's easier said than done. I thank her for being in my life, though.
I do have trouble letting go of my ideas and trying to correct things that have gone wrong.
Thank you so much for your videos 😊 this is so on point!!! It's almost scary
Amazing, thank you for this video!❤ Imagining the outcomes and getting highly attached to them is so true! Not long ago I had an impulse to confess to my coworker I'd developed feelings for. I imagined everything: when this confession would happen, what outfit I would wear, what hairstyle I would have (my friends spent 3h making my hair that day cause I was so attached to my vision it HAD to be what I had imagined). I was quite certain he reciprocated my feelings and imagined different scenarios for a positive reaction. To my utmost surprise he reacted in a very very weird and awkward way, completely different to what I would've ever expected. It totally threw me off guard and was difficult to cope with. Even when afterwards I realized that we might not actually be the best fit for each other I was still too hooked on the idea of us being together, just couldn't let it go. It took me a few months to finally start letting go of the outcome I had wanted for this relation and accepting that it will probably never go into that desired direction
whenever i feel something foreign, i always run to your videos. thank you!! i appreciate you so much
I often wish I would cry more just for the release of it all ...
Nailed it, Heidi!! I have major health issues. I think about it for a minute and then move on to something else or proactively think about solutions or the things I CAN do in spite of it. It annoys people, because they want me to commiserate with them, and I try to look on the bright side. 😁
Surprisingly helpful. I was kinda skeptical at the beginning because you talked about avoiding types and I'm more anxious, but then you mentioned that loop of never ending hopeless attempts to find something to change the reality and I was like WOAH. I can't quit my job for 3 years now because I'm trying to find a way to make myself to make some sense here so yeah I'm called out .D
And about avoidance: it is nice to know there are people who do NOT spend their days lying in bed and crying ugly because of a mere glimpse of sadness due to a poor emotional regulation...
Thank you for this video, just when I need it
What a wonderful video to listen to. :D A great change to see you in this light showing us that we have sad sides and days too. We are not always cheery, we do have stuff going on, how can we properly move on from it.
Thanks Heidi. Great video, really helped
Middle aged ENFP , been dumped 3 times in last 10 years. I’m exhausted, tired and have given up on love.
Completely low energy over here. I’ll have my moments but I really want to hide in a cave.
I’m not happy and I love Love, But I now know the universe is telling me it’s not in the plan for this lifetime.
Me clicking this vídeo after finishing crying, i don’t know what to expect
this video was amazing, thank you so so much this is so so amazing and helpful for me today thank you thank you thank you
Yes, just be yourself, Heidi. You’re perfect. Now, as to the problem of which mbti type makes the best comedic improviser, I googled mrs. maisel’s type and found a plethora of guesses: enfp, enfj…What say you?
Very interesting and informative video. Cerebral approach to emotion, yet yielding to the emotion as a remedy. The process is very contextual and maybe can only be applied to certain emotions. Those individual to us that are protected more than others. It's very healthy this approach. Thanks for the information.
the movie analysis of the kids movie inside out, helped me understand why sadness and grief are so important, for ourselves,it helps connection build, momentum,
as a entp who cringes with telling my flaws, I began understanding those are far more relatable for connection,which entps struggle at, I can drop things easily unlike you, but actually I need to keep going , put in the hard sweat, then rather opt out.. as a ennergram 7.. which I'm slowly doing, but is that worth investing in. is the hard part.
You make me wish I was an ENFP because it’s such a gift to watch content from someone who deeply understands our experience. Does anyone know someone of Heidi’s caliber of insight and awareness who talks about INTJ or ENTJs?
Dreamers by their very nature court disillusionment. We need periodically to find the equipoise to bear the pain of that, so we can dream yet again. At our best, we are willing to suffer this for some common good. Our light is necessary. It needs to be tended, guarded and rekindled. When the spark goes out, it gets very dark because we invest our whole beings in our convictions / hopes. That is part of our charisma. We offer people the possibility of better worlds. How painful it is when we fall short, crashing like Icarus to the earth. Which only proves we are human.
ENFPs live against the chance that they can conjure something new and good into the world. Such aspirations rarely are realized. But we must act “As If.” Its a matter of duty. Our estimation of the true prospects for our hopes is something we very much keep to outselves.
As ENFP, our impulse is to swallow the world. Too much to digest, too far for most to go.
ruclips.net/video/N1mqMuDoKx0/видео.html
I think you are right, my mind (when Im feeling that sadness) says HEY lets pretend everything is alright so you wont notice that youre sad and you wont be sad. the outcome= deep lately sadness because of past situations, but as thereis nothing that makes sad at that moment my mind still thinks that Im not sad jajajaj
I’m infp and I totally feel this. Pathological hope is something I need to watch!
Also I can struggle with disappointment because I can have high expectations due to being able to imagine all kids of great outcomes that are way better than the reality is likely to be (e.g. what a present from a partner might be). “Magical future” 😬🙋🏼♀️
Currently I am grieving over my brother who committed suicide. And I relate to the anxious side of dealing with sadness by creatively finding my way back to joy. In the past I was at the other side of the spectrum, did you call this avoidant? Anyhow, that other side of amplifying it too the point that I did not show up for my life because I jumped into conclusion that I was unworthy. Wauw :) Now that I write this down I get this insight that I feel that I am going towards the middle now and that is where I want to go: to honor my feelings and still show up for my life. I hereby affirm: I am showing up for my sadness and that is going to be okay :) To everyone here I am sending love, courage and blessings to show up for honoring your sadness. You are enough, always! 🌻
I appreciate this. Thank you Heidi!
im so thankful
Whenever I feel a dark feeling or a heavy feeling on my chest I know that there is something going on so I sometimes take a 10 minutes break or even longsr and meditate the feeling untill it's resolved. If it was really hard to pinpoint where the feeling is, I just watch some sad videos on youtube until I cry. It always worked for me.
Spot on ✨
Generally I just push on through but, I'll try to remember to put on the Joni Mitchell once in a while instead of the disco!
Joni Mitchell is my go-to reflective music, so I fully endorse this message!
I'm very on the anxious side of this. Where I overexaggerate the negative emotion in a really intense way that it can become extremely overwhelming. My first relationship ended a bit under 2 months ago and especially the first week was absolute hell. I had my first panic attack ever, felt the worst I've ever felt and that week was by far the worst of my entire life. Im 21 btw so not like I'm 15 and have no clue about anything (not saying I know everything). I started therapy for the first time and am really trying to focus on turning my life around and making positive change. I'd really like a video on this side of sadness/loss :)
I had to play it twice because i cant really understand anything
but then it hit me. i am very very inclined to make something work, a hundred times, even if it doesnt work at all.
one particular event is about my career, because lately it has been the hardest thing to deal with.
They have been telling me im good in maths and drawing and that im smart in the field, well in every field, and engineering is the field that would make me successful.
But it is intoxicating me. Everything about that field is intoxicating me. But i always try to work things out, and i worked hard and i beat myself everytime to just to make it work. and everytime i think about the future it makes me frustrated but the monetary benefits involved are "worth-taking" as what im told. so i beat myself up then i.just.gave.it.up.
so now im standing to pursue psychology, a field i feel very much myself and it doesnt drain me a lot. surely this field may have its downsides i currently does not know about but i know the sadness ive dealt with in the past will not be the same when you love what you are doing.
enfps, and much like every other types, does everything in love, and id choose what i love. and i think that would make me most happy.
Thank you again Heidi. God bless you.
Life is beautiful and we want to show the world. Until we remember. Nothing matters and we will all be dust. ALL OF US. We will all be dead and gone. In the span of a blink.
If you wonder what matters, decide how much it matters to consider your grandma's mom's problems.
And. We are hilarious as long as we know the context. So
Autistic INTP:
I've had this thing forever that no one else seems to have - when there is anything to be sad about, and I take that sadness on, it feels disrespectful - I use "flippant" a lot - to bring up anything that isn't sad, or to believe that better days are ahead. It can feel like pressure to get better quicker, or it can feel like laughing at a funeral.
Dunno what that's about.
Im tired of dealing with so much suffering... Im tired of feeling like im only surviving. I hate the word "surviving"
The holding on to the past is a problem.. and it seems also contrary to the primary Ne function, so I wonder if it's good advice for ENFPs to generally just "don't worry about it" and let things break. I mean.. ENFP will be ok in either case, they fall on their feet like cats, because Ne will help navigate changed circumstances.. but on the other hand.. it what makes ENFPs loyal and what makes them hold on to things that are worth holding on to, like a marriage or a project.. some things are better if tended to for a long time ..
I guess this really shows the significance of ENFP and INFJ having the same stack order, because if I didn't have pathological hope, I might not have any hope at all! INFJs have an easier time sitting with sadness (we even do it for fun sometimes), but if you think Ne gets stubbornly attached to a single outcome, imagine what it's like for Ni, which only deals in single outcomes...
Then there's Fe not wanting to disappoint anyone, plus Ti at the ready to help tune out any pesky real-world countervailing evidence coming from Se. To admit defeat is to admit Ni did its ONE JOB wrong!
As an INFP I relate a lot about not letting go that idea that your Fi wanted too much to see made reality. But in comparison with the ENFPs I know, i think we have an easier time to step into sadness but i think it can be similar
I think I've seen you in other collaboration video of ENFP talks isn't it
Heidi ♥
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Hi, I am a 16 year old ENFP. Over the course of five years, after my dad died when I was 11, my life has gone down in quality. I've dropped down all the way to my shadow functions and am really struggling. I've lost my best friend, and have made my family worried for years to the point of exhaustion and am in so much pain. I don't even feel like myself anymore. But your ENFP handbook has helped me alot. I'm trying to take better care of myself and I'm trying to reconnect with my introverted sensing but due to my circumstances I'm worried I'm not doing enough. I just want to feel happy and like myself again. What do you reccomend? Can you help me?
"Yes and..."
My brain seems to think that all hope is false, making me a non participant in my own life and thinking that to pursue anything im hopeful about is akin to letting delusion weigh in on my decision making, but i think this is perhaps an elaborate self deception to protect me from rejection, dissapointment and embarrassment because ive had more of all three than one can go through without being dramitally changed by, so i avoid those at the cost of being lonely, alone and perpetually wishing i didnt have to do this anymore... probably WAY off topic, but no one will read this, so who gives a fuck
Any chance that you could talk about anxious attachment (hyper sensitive to sadness)?
Oh I typed this just before you mentioned getting caught in sadness...you are awesome and needed in this world. I hope you continue to take care of you and feel whatever you feel
Heidi are you sure you are Enfp. I am intj and can figure out the persons personality by just seeing a person and I am usually right.
Heidi comes up as Entp for me!
If Heidi were an ENTP she would have a completely different cognitive stack including Ti and Fe instead of Fi and Te in that order. On the surface it could look like Heidi is a T type. 😁What you are observing is Heidi's well developed Extroverted Thinking. She is relying heavily on it in this video as she is not feeling her best. I think she is using Te to push through this video to completion. Perhaps you are only familiar with stereotypes or young/less developed ENFPs. Mature ENFP's can be very logical but they will always use emotion as a basis how they approach things. It might help to think of feeling/thinking preferences like lenses. A thinker naturally has a well calibrated T lens and a Feeler has a well calibrated F lens, they also possess the opposite lenses. The more mature and balanced a person is ( gained through self reflection, which ENFPs often excel at) the more calibrated the inferior lens becomes. the two lenses work together in syncronicity although the first one developed will always be dominant/preferred. As a 48yr old ENFP, I have been married to an INTJ for 20+ years and as we have both grown over time to be more self aware and mature versions of ourself, I have developed more logical/rational thinking ability and my husband has developed more emotional awareness and empathy. Hope this is helpful. P.S INTJ's in my experience are usually right 99% of the time. But when they are wrong, it is usually when they have gone entirely with their introverted intuition, (disregarded the logic of Te and jumped straight to Fi ) ... then they can be very wrong!
Humbug. - INTJ
1:31 i want to be sad bc everyone is mean and they say bad words at me😥😢😭🤧
How do you know all this, Heidi? 😂
Hey how about you make How to be happy ' while you're at it
Hahaha remind me to queue that up in the future
What is enfp?