A month ago my mom told me: “confidence isn’t *being* perfect, it’s being imperfect and owning it. Nobody wants to see a perfect person, they want to see someone as fucked up as them killing life anyway” So true.
This a good one for Shallon! Sister's, friends, even people of authority... and how to stay confident when those closest to you don't -really- want you to do well
I always say: you young girls are so fortunate to have access to these kind of women for guidance. Had Shallon been around when I was in college… the mistakes and self imposed heartbreak I could have avoided because I chose to remain a spineless victim to a man who was a tool 🙄 Anyway, we love you Shallon 🤍
You are so right! As a 42-year-old, I wish RUclips was around and we had people like Shallon when I was in college and just starting out in life. It probably would have saved me from a lot of pain.
I really love your necklace but I don’t see a link on this one. Taylor & Sabrina are friends. She opened on the tour and Taylor brought her out one night to sing White Horse, which is Sabrina’ favorite song. She also brought Haley Williams and Gracie Abrams out to perform with her in front of these huge crowds. I don’t think she’s threatened by the younger up and coming pop divas because she’s so huge. Charlie had negative things to say when she opened for Taylor on the Reputation tour so that is probably a sour note besides the double fiancé situation with the 1975, 🤣
I worked at a restaurant as a host for a year and that really broke me out of my shell. I had to learn to smile when I didn't feel like it and have brief engaging conversations with strangers. Plus constantly having a task to do kept me mentally occupied and physically active (inactivity can fuel anxiety and depression). I rarely start conversations at my current job, but I can be social when I need to.
I first heard the quote “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” by Maya Angelou when I was about 14. For some reason that quote stuck with me for many years and I am ashamed to say I was about 25 years old before I finally understood the message… 🤦🏼♀️
My theory is that Taylor is surprised with the criticism of Tortured Poets Department. I think she poured her heart into this album (possibly over the course of a decade if most of the songs are really about her 10 year long situationship) and she thought this was her magnum opus that everyone was going to love. Then a lot of people said most of the songs are kinda cringey and it didn't have the same splash as Midnights. Midnights occupied all top ten spots at one point! I think she's chasing that dragon, trying to claw her way onto the chart with "new" releases. So maybe when your big passion project doesn't get the reception you expected?
I am autistic and I also get frequently described as charming and everything you have said are things I do 😂 One thing that also helps me is being authentic. Lead with your best attributes. People will either love you or hate you and that’s okay. That’s how you find your tribe.
im autistic too, and its been challenging ngl to be authentic....something that's helped me is that its not a death sentence by any means, and life goes on
So am I! Recently diagnosed at 17 and now I’m 18. It’s been difficult since my so called ex “friend” didn’t believe me despite showing her paper proof of the diagnosis! I had to cut her off because she was draining me and would always say “I would never succeed in life.” I wish I listened to the other people who warned me about her earlier but better now than never. I want to live as my authentic self without feeling sorry for myself and that’s what I’ll do. Reading this comments like yours make me smile by the way. :)❤
Omg! Can we talk about how it’s not “selfish” or “neurodivergent” to relate to someone who’s told a story, by sharing a similar story of your own?! It’s literally how humans feel connected and know that they’re not alone in their experience. It’s the entire reason that art makes us feel better or feel strongly, we feel less alone knowing someone else shares our experience and feelings. I’ve seen a full ted talk, countless Facebook comments, and heard from select people in my life how sharing your own similar experience is “competing” with the experience someone else is currently sharing. It’s not. It’s telling them, “oh, no! I totally understand how you feel because I went through the exact same thing and here’s how I got through it.” I have a theory that people who think you’re competing with them actually just want to be the winner to gain sympathy and they’re the one who has a problem.
In my experience, when someone takes your experience and makes it immediately about them, it's incredibly irritating. I get that they think they're relating to you, but sometimes it just comes off as selfish.
I completely agree! I feel like if the person I am talking to is not telling me a story about how they were in a similar situation and how they overcame it, I feel like they don’t really care or that it’s just a one-sided interaction. 🤷♀️ I’m here to connect with people, not to just talk at them, or be talked at.
Same here! Some people do some people don’t. I feel like it’s better to keep asking questions first, instead of immediately telling your own story to relate. If I feel like you are only asking me questions back to back and not sharing anything about yourself, it comes off as just nosey. Socializing is an art and sometimes we talk more than we wanted to, or come across more quiet than we thought… it’s funny that it’s pretty egotistical to care that you want to be liked from a stranger so bad, that you end up having the opposite effect. I hope that even others that I don’t “like” at first don’t give af if I do either, because my opinion as a stranger that has not lived in your shoes shouldn’t affect your life!
Yeah but don't be like my cousin. I stopped calling her cause she'd relate with a similar story and the entire phone call ended up being about her and me consoling her instead of the other way around. Every. Single. Time.
Topic suggestion based on the Taylor thing: how to handle not being the best anymore. Like, when you were the "It" girl but then someone younger and prettier moves to town, or someone gets better grades than you in your best subject, or you were the funny one but then someone even funnier enters your friendship group. I suppose: how to be graceful when your identity is threatened, how to be okay with not being the best/having all the attention, how to let other women win without being a loser.
Shallon it's like you've read my mind. I've been literally feeling so lost and sad in the past weeks due to unfullfilling friendships and my own socially anxious behaviour. I am so excited to watch this video, your advice on everything is gold. Gotta get my notepad ready. I think everyone is here for it, if you would expand the topic!
Throughout the years, I’ve stuck with two quotes from you that I kept in my mind for many different situations in my life. These are what you permit you promote” and “you can be right or you can be happy”
As INFJ, it's natural to me to turn a conversation to the other person. They tell me everything, and I just listen, react, and engage even though it just go in and out of my brain. Then they think I'm their best friend, but most of the times I am just nice and make them talk because I don't want to talk about myself 😅
‘How to deal with competition’ is a good topic. I also thought of ‘what to do when someone senior to you is sabotaging your success at work’ or something like that!
I totally agree, social confidence is a muscle that needs to be exercised. I used to be shy and awkward, and over time I've pushed myself out of my comfort zones. Today, I'm a bit reserved around people I don't know, but I'm pretty confident in general, and I do have great friends now 🎉
Please do expand this topic, I zip into you in social situations out of my comfort zone but need to learn more e.g Questions to ask when being introduced to new people, dealing with akward silences, dinner party etiquette when you don't know everyone... Thanks! You look gorgeous!!
THIS IS EXACTLY IT. When I was 19 I had such bad social anxiety I couldn’t look people in the eyes without breaking out in a cold sweat including those gross little beads of sweat on my upper lip. I would literally HIDE IN TREES rather than make eye contact with people when I went out on walks (because that’s sooo much better). Was also 236 lbs at 5’8”. Finally got sick of my shit and remembered who I used to be before I had let other people convince me of who I was. Decided to basically do exactly this - become the hero of my story. I literally had to imagine pulling myself by my own ear into the gym every day and I had to make eye contact with people and talk to them if they spoke to me. I started forcing myself to go out every time I was invited. It was HORRIBLE at first. So many cringe worthy memories. But it got better. Practice makes perfect. GIRL. I lost the 100 lbs (which is tough to do since I have/had PCOS) to the point that when I was 24 at 5’8” my measurements were 32C-25-36. I started gettin put in the front of most jobs I applied for, whether I wanted to or not. Now at 36 I am able to maintain a healthy weight (the 25” waist is a bit too hard to maintain unless I basically treat it like a part of my career). Do you know how people describe me? Calm, soothing, funny, chill, even charming (still always shocks me). The best thing you can do for yourself is decide you are the hero of your story and you have now entered the montage part where all the monotonous hard work happens that later everyone else will write off as “must be nice to have x come so easily to you”. And pro tip: the best way to recover from being awkward or cringe is to be willing to laugh at yourself at about it. People LOVE that. Laugh if it’s a new experience and you’re nervous. Laugh if you just botched the sentence you were trying to say. It’s all good. Anyone that tries to shit on you for that is honestly a miserable loser anyway. Literally no one is thinking about you that much, and if they are, they’re super weird and creepy. I try to tell people this and I can immediately tell who is going to pull through and who isn’t. The “Yeah, But -“‘s? Nope. Stuck in their misery.
@@watermelonlover745 I’m saying I worked on both extreme social anxiety and my severe weight gain at the same time. So when I was at my fattest, my social anxiety was at its highest as well.
@@kyraforeman508that's what I meant. When I said mine was the opposite I just meant that I used to be skinny and now I'm not. I had the reverse happen. Basically I was agreeing
For the Taylor topic: how to deal with being low key jealous of women younger than you as you get older // feel like you’re further behind or they’re all catching up haha you know what I mean
Everyone : some advice I read in a 18th century novel and that I never forgot and I keep using EVERY WEEK : 99 % of people LOVE to talk about themselves. With a few well put questions and an attentive ear, you can leave anyone with a good impression of you.
You're totally right about the loneliness aspect in summer! Actually the suicide rates are higher in spring/summer because of what you just said. I get your take on social anxiety, but I think there is a difference between clinical social anxiety disorder (where you're basically paranoid, can't eat in public, ruminate excessively etc.) and social anxiety every human experiences. Agree about the volunteering point. It gives you a sense of significance as well. I would say I am pretty good at paraphrazing. It has led to many one-sided relationships though, cause the people are used to me asking them questions and aren't really interested in me.
@@npats550 I got it from a talk by a psychiatrist who does research in this field. He talked about seasonal depressive disorder and mentioned that paradoxically people attempt suicides more often in the warmer days. You can also google it, there are some studies done.
@@npats550It was from a presentation hold by a psychiatrist who does research in the field of seasonal affective disorder. There are a few studies also.
I think an interesting topic for Taylor could be how to be friends (or frenemies) when someone always has to win be the best. ‘Cause after what happened with her and Olivia Rodrigo it kinda seems like whenever someone stumbles into her spotlight, she has to push them back and irl those ppl r exhausting to be friends with
I wonder what Taylor is like at parties. Can you please talk about that concept Shallon? I think it would be funny to hear what kind of person you think Taylor is at parties. Personally I think she is a mean girl stuck in high school who is intolerant of the attention not always being on her to the point that she is a tyrant in the music industry. It makes me mad and I’m so sick of hearing about her next petty move in pop culture news.
Thank you for this!!! I had to let go of my best friend because of her constant victim narrative!!! It was always “I can’t do this or that” or go to any social event because of her anxiety. It became too much for me and I felt that when you said “It’s because they don’t want to be better”! She always wanted pity and for me to be understanding but never really tried!! She made all the excuses and just made me decide it’s better we move on. Life does go on and I’m sure she is still stuck in her never ending anxiety spirals
Heavy on the “do you wanna be right all the time or do you wanna be happy?”. You’re also so right about how easily offended people come across as extremely unlikeable.
Not going to lie I really needed to hear this. I know a lot of people hate when you call them out. But like I hate and love it. Bc you shine a light on the actual problem to help a person shine. Yes I may be like stop shallon. Yet I definitely take what you said and are definitely working hard. It's a start and I can't wait to see the finish line! ❤
Taylor subject: when does healthy competition become unhealthy? Basically, how do you know when you’ve stopped being ambitious and started being destructive?
@@beewest5704 exactly!! I can’t even tell you how many people I’ve seen go ballistic trying to get a promotion only to destroy their family and friendships
Before I even finish watching. Taylor billboard topic: Friends who can never let you have your moment. I had a friend who kept trying to copy EVERYthing good I did. I started prepping to launch my business when I got laid off and she suddenly decided to rush and launch a business (while also bragging about how “essential” she was at her job that didn’t lay her off. She got fired months later so 😂). When my business took off AND I landed my dream job she called me “lucky.”
6:10 okay about Taylor, here's a video idea - How to break into a field and establish yourself, when there are established authorities (like Taylor) who wouldn't like your competition
I'm going through a lot of life changes this year which have naturally increased my already high stress levels and my mother keeps repeating the anxiety = future and depression = past thing to me lol
Yes! Everyone has social anxiety and I realised that when I stopped drinking alcohol. Because I witnessed when I was sober how many people were drinking to help with their nerves, in social situations. Face your fears slowly, don't avoid situations that make you scared. Avoiding even means drinking alcohol when socialising. Also, please keep the Italy trips coming! I can't do this year but can do the next ❤
Imo There’s a difference between having some anxiety from time to time and then social anxiety, where it’s so debilitating that it needs to be treated with a professional. Also from what I’ve seen (and experienced) this comes from childhood trauma. In my case I came from a neglectful upbringing so although I’ve gotten better about it, it stills very much there. I just don’t let it get in the way of getting a job, going out doing errands etc. There was a point in my life where it was so bad I couldn’t even go to class when I was in college, couldn’t go to work either. But I didn’t want to live like that anymore so I had to really work on it.
I love Sharon to the moon and back and I know she hates the victim narrative, but I truly feel that the thing that is stopping me from really blossoming socially and from opening myself up is the bullying I endured in school and formative years. I stuttered and that made me a target of many jokes. I still sometimes feel someone is making fun of me when a group of younger people walk behind me, especially if they quickly stop talking when I glance at them and they look at each other and giggle.
This was the tough love type of video I needed to hear. I've seen a lot of your videos and this was probably the most motivating and inspiring. Thank you Shallon for your openness and realness in all your videos. ❤
As someone who hides behind their anxiety I really needed to be called out, I would love more videos like this! ❤ you make everything seem so effortless
Those awkward laugh/silences when you say something weird are the worst, it’s so true 😂 this happened to me so often in high school that I became withdrawn because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, so I just stopped socialising. Not the best response but I did grow and I’ve become less apologetic as I’ve gotten older. It’s definitely easier as an adult as you give less f*cks, but man, high school was hard!
I am going to a huge gathering soon and was feeling super anxious because I feel like I shouldn't be there but you just gave me a reality check 🤣 I love your videos they always pull me out of my mind ✨️
This is why Taylor Swift sabotaged Charli XCX: Charli is best friends with Gabbriette Bechtel, who is engaged with Matty Healy, who is the guy who never commited to Taylor, but got a fiance just months after dumping her. Charli and Gabbriette are not just bffs, but both women are enganged to "The 1975" band members (Matty Healy is the leads vocalist and songwriter, George Daniel is the drummer). In fact, Matty Healy and Gabriette got engaged at a party celebrating Charli's album. Taylor spitefully sabotaged Charli's album because of how close these 2 women are. Because underneath her feminist facade, Taylor Swift is fundamentally just a mean, mean girl. P.S.: Gabriette is not just some random rebound who Matty Healy impulsively commited to. She is the woman he was with before his situationship with Taylor. Which I'm sure must sting Taylor even worse, because it means Matty was in love with and wanted to be with someone else, the entire time he was with Taylor. P.P.S: Charli's new album is far better than Taylor's.
@@Mynameisdarkxxo Not disagreeing, MH saying "we weren't even that serious" after Taylor wrote like 5000 songs about him , it was mega petty. But it doesn't in any way justify what Taylor did to Charlie.
No that was Meredith. He ghosted her for Taylor then briefly got back with her after the break up. Then he started dating Gabriette. Why do swifties care so much when Taylor was already public with Travis by then. Is she the only one allowed to move on???
I love the ACOTAR & Fourth Wing examples because I recently started promoting the dark new adult fiction book I wrote and I've noticed that a very particular group of friends has been super distant as of late and the only thing that has changed is me hyping up and posting about my book. It's got a dark academia/urban fantasy vibe that I think non-readers might not understand. So I, too, have been feeling ostracized due to the wonderful, wild world of books. Shallon, you can be in my weird book club any time, as can anyone else who gets super into the fiction they read/write 📗😅💕
Taylor topic: how to stop being delusional? How to stop thinking the world revolves around you? How to stop needing to constantly one up everyone? How to not be cringe with your so? How to not fall into grandiose sense of self worth?
Madonna and Cher are still doing their thing at retirement age. Taylor has years before she needs to worry about that. Plus, very few women out there are musicians and writing their own music and singing. That's almost becoming a relic of the past.
I found this video to especially helpful, I recently finished grad school and left academia at 26 and am in my first in-office job working with dozens of people on a regular basis (whereas before, most of my work was isolated or under the supervision of one single person, online, etc.). I am an outgoing, kind of "weird/quirky" person and got in trouble at work for telling certain stories and doing things that I now realize were "changing the vibe". It was shocking to get this feedback given I've never been socially awkward and was a "popular" girl in high school and somewhat in college as well. I realized I need to be more conscious of how I am in the office and that people put a mask on before they go to work. As someone who wears their heart on their sleeve I find it difificult to do that, but moving forward I will try.
I was wondering if you’d consider making a video about “how to date”. I am in my late 30’s and have never been in a healthy relationship or really dated because I had no idea that the things I sought out and my own behaviours were unhealthy. But I’m here! And I want to date, but I literally don’t know how. In a healthy way. I don’t want to sleep around, no shade or shame to anyone- I could haha but I know myself, it doesn’t work. So no sleeping around, but yes I would like to date and meet someone. Thank you for the conent and the laughs. You crack me up. ❤
You should check out her old videos. She covers it extensively. I wish she had been around in my teens & early 20's. It would have saved me in the dating dept. & I would have avoided so many trainwreck relationships. I'm in my early 30's & single too hun. Good luck out there!
I was always very anxious growing up; surprisingly, every job I have had so far was with people. And it has helped me tremendously because I had to learn how to get on with all kinds of people. And guess what - people like me more now. It is easier for me to make friends, even as an adult. Life is much easier when I am not extremely picky about who I interact with.
Hi Shallon! I have a video request, in the Netflix special about Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, you can see they are very underpaid… so how do you ask for a raise when you are underpaid and if your boss says no, should you quit? That would be a very popular video because that’s the number one show on Netflix and I wanna hear your no BS approach to the topic!!
Nothing worst that a person who doesnt want to interact with you. It happened to me recently when I went to meet my male best friend's girlfriend. We went out to dinner and at some point he got up for a short while and she literally she started looking at the ceiling. 🙄 yeah, no thanks! I know how to have a good conversation, I am a great listener and an extrovert. Uncomfortable silence with strangers are so annoying, I rather be alone because I enjoy my own company haha
@@SavoryBaby if people naturally gravitate towards you and like you because you connect with them charming, if you just talk a lot and they tend to avoid you, annoying. So I want to say charming haha
Social anxiety is normal and common but social anxiety disorder can be debilitating and impact functioning in a profound way. It is a vicious self perpetuating cycle that can lead to feelings of loss due to years of missed opportunities. If you have SAD consider working with a therapist who does exposure therapy and cognitive restructuring, you deserve to get the help you need ❤
Yessssss I needed this video!!! Thanks Shallon ❤ I actually really like the thoughts about how everyone experiences social anxiety, and I’m not some special case. That comment made me feel normal. And motivated to keep working on not caring what others think about me 💕💫🔥
Please have this series! I have no idea how to socialise and I literally have to be told how to talk what to say and what to do during certain scenarios. I really dont know how people just get it and I dont?
Can we also talk about the fucked up psychology of a swiftie?? This stuff makes me so mad sometimes I like need therapy over Taylor Swift’s behavior. Like seriously I’m taking it to therapy next week😂
Even as someone who likes her music has to admit the fact she's talked about being bullied in the industry herself then turns around & does it to others is sad ☹️
I agree with you Shallon about being a great listener and questioner. However, I found that people tend to see this more as being almost a "fan" of them, rather than an equally interesting person. It's like the average person is so hungry for attention and having someone listening to them, that they just gobble it up and leave.
Shallon- your level of self awareness is astoundingly inspiring… everything clicks! Thank you so much for not gate keeping this information I feel like our sisters, friends , aunts, grandmothers, and mothers never were able to articulate!! Your intelligence is seen and appreciated!
You're reading Manacled??? OMG I never knew you would speak about Dramione! I was so into it when I was a teenager lol Thankfully I had other friends who were weird with me hahaha 😅
So much of this stuff, our mental health issues are primarily mindset. Like being happy is a choice, it’s really tough to maintain a life that is baseline happy and society wants you to not be happy so you listen to their messages and buy their products. You’ll see so many “but my brain chemicals” “that’s not how xyz works”… then what is the alternative, be miserable 24/7 go ahead but then don’t expect everyone to support that. Misery loves company and happy people, who can help you make your life better, don’t want to be around miserable people it is a corrosive energy like envy is. That’s not to say to not be authentic and to not feel things, but yeah kind of like you need to put in work to at least be making baby steps towards happiness and the first step is choosing you want to be. This is the same as social anxiety, you need to choose to be outgoing and work towards becoming it until it is a default setting. I have adhd and hate doing the dishes, they pile up and yet I still have to wash them all by hand because what is the alternative.. a bug infestation and mold issues. So doing something that sucks is ultimately needed until it isn’t life altering cause I have to wash every dish i own at once. I get the lack of brain chemicals but that isn’t an excuse to make yourself miserable longterm by actively causing yourself suffering. Happiness is the greatest form resistance.
Can I buy your necklace? I didn’t see a link & I really love it. Sabina and Taylor are friends- Sabrina opened on the eras tour for months & Taylor brought her up on stage to sing White Horse when her set was rained out. I don’t think Taylor is threatened by the new crop of pop divas because she is so huge and probably ready to move on to making movies.🤣
A month ago my mom told me: “confidence isn’t *being* perfect, it’s being imperfect and owning it. Nobody wants to see a perfect person, they want to see someone as fucked up as them killing life anyway”
So true.
👏👏👏
Loved how u have such a great advisor as a mom ❤
@makenzie girl this screenshot is going in my affirmations board ❤
love this
Taylor subject : When your friend wants you to do good, but not better than her
She is the main character and you're the supporting character
Yessssss I dealt with this situation
This one's interesting
This a good one for Shallon! Sister's, friends, even people of authority... and how to stay confident when those closest to you don't -really- want you to do well
that's the case with most people
I always say: you young girls are so fortunate to have access to these kind of women for guidance. Had Shallon been around when I was in college… the mistakes and self imposed heartbreak I could have avoided because I chose to remain a spineless victim to a man who was a tool 🙄
Anyway, we love you Shallon 🤍
Same!!! I’ve been saying this for 6 years. Wish I had true guidance from women older than me with their ish together
You are so right! As a 42-year-old, I wish RUclips was around and we had people like Shallon when I was in college and just starting out in life. It probably would have saved me from a lot of pain.
I can unfortunately relate.. I know it sounds cliche to say but we learned from our past mistakes. It made us who we are now ❤
It’s proven fact. Gratitude and anxiety come from the same place within our brains. And only one can exist at any time. So choose gratitude.💕
Love this😊❣️
Wow
I really love your necklace but I don’t see a link on this one. Taylor & Sabrina are friends. She opened on the tour and Taylor brought her out one night to sing White Horse, which is Sabrina’ favorite song. She also brought Haley Williams and Gracie Abrams out to perform with her in front of these huge crowds. I don’t think she’s threatened by the younger up and coming pop divas because she’s so huge. Charlie had negative things to say when she opened for Taylor on the Reputation tour so that is probably a sour note besides the double fiancé situation with the 1975, 🤣
I'm choosing Gratitude! Thank you Lisa for your comment!!!🤩
Thank you for this
I worked at a restaurant as a host for a year and that really broke me out of my shell. I had to learn to smile when I didn't feel like it and have brief engaging conversations with strangers. Plus constantly having a task to do kept me mentally occupied and physically active (inactivity can fuel anxiety and depression). I rarely start conversations at my current job, but I can be social when I need to.
I first heard the quote “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” by Maya Angelou when I was about 14. For some reason that quote stuck with me for many years and I am ashamed to say I was about 25 years old before I finally understood the message… 🤦🏼♀️
YESSS LOVE YOU SHALLON I’ve been watching you since I was 15/16, I’m 24 now and I feel like you partially raised me 🥺❤️
Same she's the big sister we always needed!
My theory is that Taylor is surprised with the criticism of Tortured Poets Department. I think she poured her heart into this album (possibly over the course of a decade if most of the songs are really about her 10 year long situationship) and she thought this was her magnum opus that everyone was going to love. Then a lot of people said most of the songs are kinda cringey and it didn't have the same splash as Midnights. Midnights occupied all top ten spots at one point! I think she's chasing that dragon, trying to claw her way onto the chart with "new" releases. So maybe when your big passion project doesn't get the reception you expected?
Totally agree!!
I am autistic and I also get frequently described as charming and everything you have said are things I do 😂 One thing that also helps me is being authentic. Lead with your best attributes. People will either love you or hate you and that’s okay. That’s how you find your tribe.
im autistic too, and its been challenging ngl to be authentic....something that's helped me is that its not a death sentence by any means, and life goes on
So am I! Recently diagnosed at 17 and now I’m 18. It’s been difficult since my so called ex “friend” didn’t believe me despite showing her paper proof of the diagnosis! I had to cut her off because she was draining me and would always say “I would never succeed in life.” I wish I listened to the other people who warned me about her earlier but better now than never. I want to live as my authentic self without feeling sorry for myself and that’s what I’ll do. Reading this comments like yours make me smile by the way. :)❤
Omg! Can we talk about how it’s not “selfish” or “neurodivergent” to relate to someone who’s told a story, by sharing a similar story of your own?! It’s literally how humans feel connected and know that they’re not alone in their experience. It’s the entire reason that art makes us feel better or feel strongly, we feel less alone knowing someone else shares our experience and feelings.
I’ve seen a full ted talk, countless Facebook comments, and heard from select people in my life how sharing your own similar experience is “competing” with the experience someone else is currently sharing. It’s not. It’s telling them, “oh, no! I totally understand how you feel because I went through the exact same thing and here’s how I got through it.” I have a theory that people who think you’re competing with them actually just want to be the winner to gain sympathy and they’re the one who has a problem.
In my experience, when someone takes your experience and makes it immediately about them, it's incredibly irritating. I get that they think they're relating to you, but sometimes it just comes off as selfish.
I completely agree! I feel like if the person I am talking to is not telling me a story about how they were in a similar situation and how they overcame it, I feel like they don’t really care or that it’s just a one-sided interaction. 🤷♀️ I’m here to connect with people, not to just talk at them, or be talked at.
Same here! Some people do some people don’t. I feel like it’s better to keep asking questions first, instead of immediately telling your own story to relate. If I feel like you are only asking me questions back to back and not sharing anything about yourself, it comes off as just nosey. Socializing is an art and sometimes we talk more than we wanted to, or come across more quiet than we thought… it’s funny that it’s pretty egotistical to care that you want to be liked from a stranger so bad, that you end up having the opposite effect. I hope that even others that I don’t “like” at first don’t give af if I do either, because my opinion as a stranger that has not lived in your shoes shouldn’t affect your life!
Yeah but don't be like my cousin. I stopped calling her cause she'd relate with a similar story and the entire phone call ended up being about her and me consoling her instead of the other way around. Every. Single. Time.
I think you can usually tell if it's coming from a place of trying to one up you or trying to connect over mutual experience
Topic suggestion based on the Taylor thing: how to handle not being the best anymore. Like, when you were the "It" girl but then someone younger and prettier moves to town, or someone gets better grades than you in your best subject, or you were the funny one but then someone even funnier enters your friendship group. I suppose: how to be graceful when your identity is threatened, how to be okay with not being the best/having all the attention, how to let other women win without being a loser.
I love it so deeply when Shallon said “ Grow tf up” lolll
😂You can tell that she lived for
Shallon it's like you've read my mind. I've been literally feeling so lost and sad in the past weeks due to unfullfilling friendships and my own socially anxious behaviour. I am so excited to watch this video, your advice on everything is gold. Gotta get my notepad ready. I think everyone is here for it, if you would expand the topic!
Throughout the years, I’ve stuck with two quotes from you that I kept in my mind for many different situations in my life. These are what you permit you promote” and “you can be right or you can be happy”
Choose peace over victory is mine.
As INFJ, it's natural to me to turn a conversation to the other person. They tell me everything, and I just listen, react, and engage even though it just go in and out of my brain.
Then they think I'm their best friend, but most of the times I am just nice and make them talk because I don't want to talk about myself 😅
Same 🤣
‘How to deal with competition’ is a good topic. I also thought of ‘what to do when someone senior to you is sabotaging your success at work’ or something like that!
I totally agree, social confidence is a muscle that needs to be exercised. I used to be shy and awkward, and over time I've pushed myself out of my comfort zones. Today, I'm a bit reserved around people I don't know, but I'm pretty confident in general, and I do have great friends now 🎉
Please do expand this topic, I zip into you in social situations out of my comfort zone but need to learn more e.g Questions to ask when being introduced to new people, dealing with akward silences, dinner party etiquette when you don't know everyone...
Thanks! You look gorgeous!!
THIS IS EXACTLY IT. When I was 19 I had such bad social anxiety I couldn’t look people in the eyes without breaking out in a cold sweat including those gross little beads of sweat on my upper lip. I would literally HIDE IN TREES rather than make eye contact with people when I went out on walks (because that’s sooo much better). Was also 236 lbs at 5’8”. Finally got sick of my shit and remembered who I used to be before I had let other people convince me of who I was. Decided to basically do exactly this - become the hero of my story. I literally had to imagine pulling myself by my own ear into the gym every day and I had to make eye contact with people and talk to them if they spoke to me. I started forcing myself to go out every time I was invited. It was HORRIBLE at first. So many cringe worthy memories. But it got better. Practice makes perfect.
GIRL. I lost the 100 lbs (which is tough to do since I have/had PCOS) to the point that when I was 24 at 5’8” my measurements were 32C-25-36.
I started gettin put in the front of most jobs I applied for, whether I wanted to or not. Now at 36 I am able to maintain a healthy weight (the 25” waist is a bit too hard to maintain unless I basically treat it like a part of my career). Do you know how people describe me? Calm, soothing, funny, chill, even charming (still always shocks me).
The best thing you can do for yourself is decide you are the hero of your story and you have now entered the montage part where all the monotonous hard work happens that later everyone else will write off as “must be nice to have x come so easily to you”.
And pro tip: the best way to recover from being awkward or cringe is to be willing to laugh at yourself at about it. People LOVE that. Laugh if it’s a new experience and you’re nervous. Laugh if you just botched the sentence you were trying to say. It’s all good. Anyone that tries to shit on you for that is honestly a miserable loser anyway. Literally no one is thinking about you that much, and if they are, they’re super weird and creepy.
I try to tell people this and I can immediately tell who is going to pull through and who isn’t. The “Yeah, But -“‘s? Nope. Stuck in their misery.
I'm incredibly tall for a woman and was always curvy but my experience was the reverse. I developed severe social anxiety with weight gain.
@@watermelonlover745 I’m saying I worked on both extreme social anxiety and my severe weight gain at the same time. So when I was at my fattest, my social anxiety was at its highest as well.
@@kyraforeman508that's what I meant. When I said mine was the opposite I just meant that I used to be skinny and now I'm not. I had the reverse happen. Basically I was agreeing
@@watermelonlover745 oooh my bad. I’m a bit sleep deprived from my baby! Whoops!
What you wrote here made me emotional. You’re so strong, cool, and you must be a blast to be around. I’m proud of you.
For the Taylor topic: how to deal with being low key jealous of women younger than you as you get older // feel like you’re further behind or they’re all catching up haha you know what I mean
I just pretend they're teens not adults. Even if they are😂
Everyone : some advice I read in a 18th century novel and that I never forgot and I keep using EVERY WEEK : 99 % of people LOVE to talk about themselves. With a few well put questions and an attentive ear, you can leave anyone with a good impression of you.
Taylor swift topic: how to let other people outshine you and be ok with it?
You're totally right about the loneliness aspect in summer! Actually the suicide rates are higher in spring/summer because of what you just said.
I get your take on social anxiety, but I think there is a difference between clinical social anxiety disorder (where you're basically paranoid, can't eat in public, ruminate excessively etc.) and social anxiety every human experiences.
Agree about the volunteering point. It gives you a sense of significance as well.
I would say I am pretty good at paraphrazing. It has led to many one-sided relationships though, cause the people are used to me asking them questions and aren't really interested in me.
@jenni
Where are you getting the suicide rates from? I'm curious as an ex healthcare worker.
II've read the opposite. They say suicide rate is higher during winter/Holidays.
@@npats550 I got it from a talk by a psychiatrist who does research in this field. He talked about seasonal depressive disorder and mentioned that paradoxically people attempt suicides more often in the warmer days. You can also google it, there are some studies done.
@@npats550It was from a presentation hold by a psychiatrist who does research in the field of seasonal affective disorder. There are a few studies also.
I think an interesting topic for Taylor could be how to be friends (or frenemies) when someone always has to win be the best. ‘Cause after what happened with her and Olivia Rodrigo it kinda seems like whenever someone stumbles into her spotlight, she has to push them back and irl those ppl r exhausting to be friends with
I wonder what Taylor is like at parties. Can you please talk about that concept Shallon? I think it would be funny to hear what kind of person you think Taylor is at parties. Personally I think she is a mean girl stuck in high school who is intolerant of the attention not always being on her to the point that she is a tyrant in the music industry. It makes me mad and I’m so sick of hearing about her next petty move in pop culture news.
Just this topic in general, yes please!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
For your Taylor vid I think the topic should be "how to remain graceful and grounded in the presence of other successful women".
This!!!! ^^^ how to let others shine while not dimming your own shine!
💯 absolutely I would 100% watch as a Shalligator
Yess this!!
AGREED
Please!!!!
lol Shallon is funny. Love that she never holds back.
She is so unfiltered and great!!! Love her ❤
I’ve always struggled with standing up to bullies.
I’m actually dealing with it right now.
A video about that topic would be amazing
Thank you for this!!! I had to let go of my best friend because of her constant victim narrative!!! It was always “I can’t do this or that” or go to any social event because of her anxiety. It became too much for me and I felt that when you said “It’s because they don’t want to be better”! She always wanted pity and for me to be understanding but never really tried!! She made all the excuses and just made me decide it’s better we move on. Life does go on and I’m sure she is still stuck in her never ending anxiety spirals
Honestly, we need a whole course on this please!
Heavy on the “do you wanna be right all the time or do you wanna be happy?”. You’re also so right about how easily offended people come across as extremely unlikeable.
Not going to lie I really needed to hear this. I know a lot of people hate when you call them out. But like I hate and love it. Bc you shine a light on the actual problem to help a person shine. Yes I may be like stop shallon. Yet I definitely take what you said and are definitely working hard. It's a start and I can't wait to see the finish line! ❤
Taylor subject: when does healthy competition become unhealthy? Basically, how do you know when you’ve stopped being ambitious and started being destructive?
Great topic for a vid. Probably when you are getting success in one area while other parts of your life go backwards or get worse.
@@beewest5704 exactly!! I can’t even tell you how many people I’ve seen go ballistic trying to get a promotion only to destroy their family and friendships
Before I even finish watching. Taylor billboard topic: Friends who can never let you have your moment.
I had a friend who kept trying to copy EVERYthing good I did. I started prepping to launch my business when I got laid off and she suddenly decided to rush and launch a business (while also bragging about how “essential” she was at her job that didn’t lay her off. She got fired months later so 😂). When my business took off AND I landed my dream job she called me “lucky.”
I had a friend who only befriended me because she was jealous that I had a job that she didn't. I hate her. I ended up getting fired from the job too.
@@watermelonlover745as your new comments section friend: diabolical. Also F that B. That’s so insane. Wild to befriend you out of hatred and haterism.
6:10 okay about Taylor, here's a video idea - How to break into a field and establish yourself, when there are established authorities (like Taylor) who wouldn't like your competition
Every 👏🏽 day👏🏽shallon👏🏽posts👏🏽is a 👏🏽good👏🏽day! Been educating myself from this channel since 2019🙌🏽❤
How to deal with people who are threatened by who you are naturally!!! And not let that get you down
I'm going through a lot of life changes this year which have naturally increased my already high stress levels and my mother keeps repeating the anxiety = future and depression = past thing to me lol
Shallon please make a video about starting a new job and setting boundaries and navigating work socially:) LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Yes! Everyone has social anxiety and I realised that when I stopped drinking alcohol. Because I witnessed when I was sober how many people were drinking to help with their nerves, in social situations. Face your fears slowly, don't avoid situations that make you scared. Avoiding even means drinking alcohol when socialising. Also, please keep the Italy trips coming! I can't do this year but can do the next ❤
Imo There’s a difference between having some anxiety from time to time and then social anxiety, where it’s so debilitating that it needs to be treated with a professional. Also from what I’ve seen (and experienced) this comes from childhood trauma. In my case I came from a neglectful upbringing so although I’ve gotten better about it, it stills very much there. I just don’t let it get in the way of getting a job, going out doing errands etc. There was a point in my life where it was so bad I couldn’t even go to class when I was in college, couldn’t go to work either. But I didn’t want to live like that anymore so I had to really work on it.
YES !!!!!!
Next video: How to outshine your competition
yes!
AGREEED
She made the video on this topic. It's on nicki Minaj and Meghan thee stallion feud. I think the title is how to defeat your rival
I love Sharon to the moon and back and I know she hates the victim narrative, but I truly feel that the thing that is stopping me from really blossoming socially and from opening myself up is the bullying I endured in school and formative years. I stuttered and that made me a target of many jokes. I still sometimes feel someone is making fun of me when a group of younger people walk behind me, especially if they quickly stop talking when I glance at them and they look at each other and giggle.
babe this video is no different than actual, literal, visual, GOLD.
This was the tough love type of video I needed to hear. I've seen a lot of your videos and this was probably the most motivating and inspiring. Thank you Shallon for your openness and realness in all your videos. ❤
As someone who hides behind their anxiety I really needed to be called out, I would love more videos like this! ❤ you make everything seem so effortless
Yeah I would love a video about the Taylor thing.. in dealing with competition like how to let others shine and be graceful something like that ❤
Those awkward laugh/silences when you say something weird are the worst, it’s so true 😂 this happened to me so often in high school that I became withdrawn because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, so I just stopped socialising. Not the best response but I did grow and I’ve become less apologetic as I’ve gotten older. It’s definitely easier as an adult as you give less f*cks, but man, high school was hard!
I am going to a huge gathering soon and was feeling super anxious because I feel like I shouldn't be there but you just gave me a reality check 🤣 I love your videos they always pull me out of my mind ✨️
Yes! Please! How to deal with someone when you just KNOW they have to come for you.
huh the moments in conversation that make me most anxious are actually often in reaction to other people not engaging.
Taylor just always wants to be on top no matter what.
Your self development videos are so good!
This is why Taylor Swift sabotaged Charli XCX: Charli is best friends with Gabbriette Bechtel, who is engaged with Matty Healy, who is the guy who never commited to Taylor, but got a fiance just months after dumping her. Charli and Gabbriette are not just bffs, but both women are enganged to "The 1975" band members (Matty Healy is the leads vocalist and songwriter, George Daniel is the drummer). In fact, Matty Healy and Gabriette got engaged at a party celebrating Charli's album. Taylor spitefully sabotaged Charli's album because of how close these 2 women are. Because underneath her feminist facade, Taylor Swift is fundamentally just a mean, mean girl.
P.S.: Gabriette is not just some random rebound who Matty Healy impulsively commited to. She is the woman he was with before his situationship with Taylor. Which I'm sure must sting Taylor even worse, because it means Matty was in love with and wanted to be with someone else, the entire time he was with Taylor.
P.P.S: Charli's new album is far better than Taylor's.
I think Charli was attacking Taylor first
Umm for someone to deny a relationship that so obviously happened, sounds sus
@@Mynameisdarkxxo Not disagreeing, MH saying "we weren't even that serious" after Taylor wrote like 5000 songs about him , it was mega petty. But it doesn't in any way justify what Taylor did to Charlie.
No that was Meredith. He ghosted her for Taylor then briefly got back with her after the break up. Then he started dating Gabriette. Why do swifties care so much when Taylor was already public with Travis by then. Is she the only one allowed to move on???
@@Rosie-rx5ry Ew, I'm not a swiftie! Girl that's gross
I love the ACOTAR & Fourth Wing examples because I recently started promoting the dark new adult fiction book I wrote and I've noticed that a very particular group of friends has been super distant as of late and the only thing that has changed is me hyping up and posting about my book. It's got a dark academia/urban fantasy vibe that I think non-readers might not understand. So I, too, have been feeling ostracized due to the wonderful, wild world of books. Shallon, you can be in my weird book club any time, as can anyone else who gets super into the fiction they read/write 📗😅💕
i never thought i would see the day where the worlds of shallon lester and dramione fan fics unite and i’m here for it
Immediately yes to a course!!! I’m so sick of feeling awkward socializing
Taylor topic: how to stop being delusional? How to stop thinking the world revolves around you? How to stop needing to constantly one up everyone? How to not be cringe with your so? How to not fall into grandiose sense of self worth?
Yes, learn how to match the vibes and go with the flow of the people you are with, surf the wave instead of trying to control
Taylor is almost 35. She's scared someone younger might take her spot as the IT Girl of the decade.
Yes , deffo
Madonna and Cher are still doing their thing at retirement age. Taylor has years before she needs to worry about that. Plus, very few women out there are musicians and writing their own music and singing. That's almost becoming a relic of the past.
@@Mmmmkaaay Madonna is cringe af, nobody thinks what she is doing rn is respectable or entertaining
This video is going to change my life. Thank you, my love Shallon.
I found this video to especially helpful, I recently finished grad school and left academia at 26 and am in my first in-office job working with dozens of people on a regular basis (whereas before, most of my work was isolated or under the supervision of one single person, online, etc.). I am an outgoing, kind of "weird/quirky" person and got in trouble at work for telling certain stories and doing things that I now realize were "changing the vibe". It was shocking to get this feedback given I've never been socially awkward and was a "popular" girl in high school and somewhat in college as well. I realized I need to be more conscious of how I am in the office and that people put a mask on before they go to work. As someone who wears their heart on their sleeve I find it difificult to do that, but moving forward I will try.
Can you please make more videos on health fitness and loosing weight shallon ? Your last videos about them motivated me a lot ❤
I was wondering if you’d consider making a video about “how to date”. I am in my late 30’s and have never been in a healthy relationship or really dated because I had no idea that the things I sought out and my own behaviours were unhealthy. But I’m here! And I want to date, but I literally don’t know how. In a healthy way. I don’t want to sleep around, no shade or shame to anyone- I could haha but I know myself, it doesn’t work. So no sleeping around, but yes I would like to date and meet someone.
Thank you for the conent and the laughs. You crack me up. ❤
You should check out her old videos. She covers it extensively. I wish she had been around in my teens & early 20's. It would have saved me in the dating dept. & I would have avoided so many trainwreck relationships. I'm in my early 30's & single too hun. Good luck out there!
I was always very anxious growing up; surprisingly, every job I have had so far was with people. And it has helped me tremendously because I had to learn how to get on with all kinds of people. And guess what - people like me more now. It is easier for me to make friends, even as an adult. Life is much easier when I am not extremely picky about who I interact with.
Shallon, you should do a course about how to be a good conversationalist and how to be socially fluid! XO
This was so helpful, thank you we need more videos like this
OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU KNOW ABOUT MANACLED!!!! AHHH!!! SHALLON I LOVE YOU❤❤
Hi Shallon! I have a video request, in the Netflix special about Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, you can see they are very underpaid… so how do you ask for a raise when you are underpaid and if your boss says no, should you quit? That would be a very popular video because that’s the number one show on Netflix and I wanna hear your no BS approach to the topic!!
This is really golden advice. Best video of 2024! ❤🎉
I love you Shallon. You’re the sister I’ve always wished for.
HI YES PLEASE EXPAND THIS INTO A COURSE
YES SHALLON PLEASE DO A COURSE
Nothing worst that a person who doesnt want to interact with you. It happened to me recently when I went to meet my male best friend's girlfriend. We went out to dinner and at some point he got up for a short while and she literally she started looking at the ceiling. 🙄 yeah, no thanks! I know how to have a good conversation, I am a great listener and an extrovert. Uncomfortable silence with strangers are so annoying, I rather be alone because I enjoy my own company haha
Thank you for this. Very informative!
I may be a social butterfly but I still will watch the video
Same here girl! I never pass up a new Shallon video. Even though I can't personally relate. She's always pure gold.
Are yall charming or annoying lol
@@SavoryBaby if people naturally gravitate towards you and like you because you connect with them charming, if you just talk a lot and they tend to avoid you, annoying. So I want to say charming haha
@@VictoriaHatzson 🦋 🦋🦋
Social anxiety is normal and common but social anxiety disorder can be debilitating and impact functioning in a profound way. It is a vicious self perpetuating cycle that can lead to feelings of loss due to years of missed opportunities. If you have SAD consider working with a therapist who does exposure therapy and cognitive restructuring, you deserve to get the help you need ❤
True
Yessssss I needed this video!!! Thanks Shallon ❤ I actually really like the thoughts about how everyone experiences social anxiety, and I’m not some special case. That comment made me feel normal. And motivated to keep working on not caring what others think about me 💕💫🔥
Just made plans to volunteer at a rehabilitation center. Now I’m wondering why I didn’t do this sooner! Thanks Shallon💞
Girl I will HAVE to read Draco and Hermoine fanfic, I appreciate you adding the pictures too 😂😂😂
Yes do a course on this topic please😊
Once I realized nobody gives a fuck about anybody but themselves when they’re out in public, my social anxiety left completely.
It’s lovely. 😊
One of your most important videos.
Thank you❤
Please have this series! I have no idea how to socialise and I literally have to be told how to talk what to say and what to do during certain scenarios. I really dont know how people just get it and I dont?
volunteering really is the best advice 💕
Can we also talk about the fucked up psychology of a swiftie?? This stuff makes me so mad sometimes I like need therapy over Taylor Swift’s behavior. Like seriously I’m taking it to therapy next week😂
Even as someone who likes her music has to admit the fact she's talked about being bullied in the industry herself then turns around & does it to others is sad ☹️
it’s a cult.
I agree with you Shallon about being a great listener and questioner. However, I found that people tend to see this more as being almost a "fan" of them, rather than an equally interesting person. It's like the average person is so hungry for attention and having someone listening to them, that they just gobble it up and leave.
anyone else had a similar experience?
Shallon- your level of self awareness is astoundingly inspiring… everything clicks! Thank you so much for not gate keeping this information I feel like our sisters, friends , aunts, grandmothers, and mothers never were able to articulate!! Your intelligence is seen and appreciated!
You’re the best honestly I really enjoyed this video… thanks so very much for your shared wisdom 🎉❤
Very useful video on so many levels. Practicable tips. I would buy a course on social skills from you Shallon if you ever decided to make one ❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉
Shallon gives the best advice !! ❤
You're reading Manacled??? OMG I never knew you would speak about Dramione! I was so into it when I was a teenager lol Thankfully I had other friends who were weird with me hahaha 😅
So much of this stuff, our mental health issues are primarily mindset. Like being happy is a choice, it’s really tough to maintain a life that is baseline happy and society wants you to not be happy so you listen to their messages and buy their products. You’ll see so many “but my brain chemicals” “that’s not how xyz works”… then what is the alternative, be miserable 24/7 go ahead but then don’t expect everyone to support that. Misery loves company and happy people, who can help you make your life better, don’t want to be around miserable people it is a corrosive energy like envy is. That’s not to say to not be authentic and to not feel things, but yeah kind of like you need to put in work to at least be making baby steps towards happiness and the first step is choosing you want to be. This is the same as social anxiety, you need to choose to be outgoing and work towards becoming it until it is a default setting.
I have adhd and hate doing the dishes, they pile up and yet I still have to wash them all by hand because what is the alternative.. a bug infestation and mold issues. So doing something that sucks is ultimately needed until it isn’t life altering cause I have to wash every dish i own at once. I get the lack of brain chemicals but that isn’t an excuse to make yourself miserable longterm by actively causing yourself suffering.
Happiness is the greatest form resistance.
Yeah i see the typos, i wont edit them though
As a writer of NSFW fanfictions in my free time I just love that Shallon read some 😂 it makes me so happy
Maybe with Talyor how to deal with competitive co workers or people?
Let’s do a course on this please ❤
This video definitely hurt my feelings but thank you 🤣💕
Can I buy your necklace? I didn’t see a link & I really love it. Sabina and Taylor are friends- Sabrina opened on the eras tour for months & Taylor brought her up on stage to sing White Horse when her set was rained out. I don’t think Taylor is threatened by the new crop of pop divas because she is so huge and probably ready to move on to making movies.🤣
oh my god shallon 😭😭 you matched my freak frrr I was obsessed w manacled in highschool 😹
Yes!! You are the one for this kind of course. I’m already grabbing the card for this.
If you do a course on this topic I'll sign up in less than one second!