Othello Syndrome (Delusional Jealousy)
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- Опубликовано: 3 ноя 2024
- Othello Syndrome (Sometimes known as morbid jealousy, sexual jealousy, delusional jealousy or erotic jealousy syndrome), was first coined by psychiatrist John Todd. Named after Shakepeare's play, 'Othello', it refers to someone who is consumed by obsessive, intrusive, and at times delusional thoughts about their partner's fidelity.
This video outlines what it is and some of the common characteristics and triggers.
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darrenfmagee.s...
#othellosyndrome #delusionaljealousy #morbidjealousy
Jealousy is such a wasted emotional drain in my opinion. Having been cheated on early in life several times I asked my husband to just be honest if he was interested in someone else to just tell me and move on. We agreed and we have been together for 36 years. I refused to even think about this subject and it's given us both such freedom to live our lives trusting not in fidelity but open honesty even when the words were things we didn't want to hear. This works for us. Negative emotions are very bad for your health.
If you both wants to have sex with other people and both of you agree on it then good for you. I would not want that for me.
jealousy is a natural emotion. when it's damaging to oneself or others is when it's a problem. You describe the traditional marriage: Don't ask, don't tell. That's what makes a marriage last.
@@TheOneanjel respectfully, I completely disagree about the don't ask don't tell part and just like anger or rage, jealousy is a very negative emotion.
@@walkinlight3380 people who think any of those emotions are negative with no wiggle room are numb. Any biography of a great life begins with rage including Ghandi.
@@walkinlight3380 and trust me when you tell someone that you're going to just trust them until and unless they tell you otherwise they're just not going to tell you otherwise. It's classic don't tell don't ask
This is helpful, I suffer from this & it’s very useful to know it’s me who has the problem and not them. I think with this self awareness I hope to be able to control my intrusive thoughts & know it’s all part of this condition. & stop the bad habits that escalate these feelings
You and not a single other other Othello woman in the world -- they know nothing, they admit nothing, but they k*n*o*w. I am home all the time, but I am somehow cheating.
My partner has this and it is so difficult to get them help. They function well and even highly in other areas of their life so it is impossible for them to believe that they are the ones that have the problem.
This has destroyed our lives. 😢
They cannot be helped: get out before they become violent
I had to leave my partner because of this. I loved her more than anything and I still feel so sad thinking about this 10 months post breakup. But nothing will make them see the light. You will continually feel misunderstood, unseen, and like you are walking on eggshells. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
Same story
@@casey5260so sorry you went through this. I am beginning the process of divorcing my spouse because of this 😢.
That's the problem, the issue is concentrated on the relationship. I'm sorry that your partner doesn't want to get help. I think with the right help there is hope. Maybe he doesn't see the possibility that the relationship will end eventually if he doesn't get help or the pain he is causing because of the delusions.
My soon-to-be ex-husband has this problem but there is a cure. Its called divorce and I highly recommend it!
Work through it, you can’t just give up. I worked through 10 years of this behaviour and our relationship is so much better now
My ex when we first got together would accuse me of looking at other women or fancying work colleagues, would check my phone and had to have email access, I thought she was just incredibly insecure and very paranoid, I had nothing to hide but with hindsight wish I'd had boundaries cos things only got worse.
I have this, but my boyfriend blatantly looks at other women in front of me. What should I do with him?
As for me, I’m in counseling
@Lizbeth36961 have you mentioned it to him, does he admit or deny it. Either way it's disrespectful to you.
My wife suffers from this and it's no laughing matter. While the episodes do not happen everyday, they creep up and manifest in acute, rage-filled events where she becomes a whole different person. We've been together for 30 years (married for more than 20) and for the last ten years during these episodes she has accused me of sexual affairs with most of our friends (I should say former friends, since the relationships have been severed because of this illness) including both the male and female partners of the couples, with my work partners, with clients, and even with her own father. When she gets revved up, there is no way to escape the strength of the delusional illogic, since it is almost impossible to disprove a negative. Currently, we are separated, as the last episode led to her calling the police and telling them that I was poisoning her food. If you are in such a relationship, be careful. The threats perceived by the jealous spouse are so strong that they may lead to violence on their part. I have been punched, pushed etc., while my wife is going through these episodes. There's no substance abuse on her part, but I do believe there is something organic happening, almost like a paranoid schizophrenic. If anyone has a similar experience or could share resources, I would appreciate hearing from you.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I discovered this mental disorder today. My family is falling apart because the wife thinks there is an affair / infidelity going on. There is none. The obsessive episodes started with a late night message from a female coworker about the next day job. Has been married for 20 years. It pains me. The only way out is divorce and separation. No matter what I say, what I show to the wife. She won't listen or believe. She tried to hit me today. It saddens me, I hoped to spent my life with her. But now it seems impossible.
Hi, I am going through the same thing at the moment. It is very difficult and no fun. We just have a newborn too, I am not sure how we going to do. I worry this will be very traumatic for the baby growing up. We are checking in and seeing doctors but I am not sure if meds will be enough to fix this. By the way, how can I get in touch with you? email or whatsapp?
Yes! I thought I was alone. I just started reading and educating myself recently. This is my wife exactly, "While the episodes do not happen everyday, they creep up and manifest in acute, rage-filled events where she becomes a whole different person."
She says she thinks about the infidelity constantly. (I have never been unfaithful) Married 35 years. I am not going to end the marriage. I believe I should give her the best care I can.
I am wondering if I should show her these videos and information I have found? I think it would make her mad.
We are seeing a marriage counselor. The counselor has recommended a psychiatrist, my wife is not opposed to the psychiatrist. I made an appointment, but, she thinks it is for my benefit.
I originally thought I was the one being tormented, but, the torment is the same for her. We have endured 4 years so far. We have been in counseling for almost a year, the rage filled episodes have mostly turned into discussions. She will never believe I haven't had an affair. I am going to try and make us as comfortable as possible for the rest of our lives. Perhaps someone should start a support group for the accused.
I can truly feel the pain for all of you going through this condition. I have read some cases where the delusion goes completely away and cases where the delusions have been managed to make a decent life. I pray that everyone out there would have one of these outcomes.
I have been strongly rooted in the Christian faith with the knowledge that Jesus is God. This faith is the only thing that has kept me alive.
I hope this reaches you. I was In a relationship with someone who suffers from this. I'm not sure how long he had dealt with this before meeting me but it was several years and has gone untreated to this day. I believe there is schizophrenia and neurological and physical damage also involved. We would have a normal day, maybe go somewhere to eat and then a day or two later he would suddenly come out of nowhere saying things had happened at the restaurant involving me and the waiter who served us being in a restroom having sex and he comes in and sees us. He believes these things are real and will not hear otherwise. I was abused , had guns pulled on me several times in his fits of rage . Many of his dillusions involved sex and violence. He had a dillusion that me and his sister had fought. I told her about it and she even tried to tell him this never happened. Ultimately I had to get away, he is not willing to get treatment and he was unsafe to be around.
@@scott9126You are not alone. I hope you can see this and my post on this thread
Glad my children are adults and I'm glad I'm on my own.
"me me me I I I"
Great comment
My brother is jealous like this over any relationship with our mother. He hates for me & my sister to have any kind of meaningful relationship with her & he'll do whatever he can to sabotage it.
He's literally told us that she doesn't love us like she loves him & that he knows she gave birth to us but she is HIS MOTHER.
Him & my sister are twins 🤔
She isolated him so much and put him the role of " man of the house" when he was about 7 yrs old somehow they've developed a very strange very dependant on one another relationship. It's hard to process it and impossible to understand.
My brother is so emotionally crippled he's never been able to have a relationship with a woman . He's 48.
He's had girls in & out of his life but he only sees them as a means to an end. If they have something he wants he'll stalk them and pounce on them like a wild cat skillfully sneaking up on it's prey until the moment is right to pounce & over take them.
And my mother has viciously hated these women.
It's been sad and confusing to watch throughout my life
my brother was the same with my now deceased mother. i was the outcast between them and was bullied by both. i believe my mother molested him from an early age. he had many unsuccessful relationships and would never leave someone but they left him. he would stalk them and was arrested for breaking a restraining order. he ended up marrying a woman who is the spitting image of our mother in her way of thinking and treating people. she had made it a mission to alienate him from friends and fam. we haven't spoken for 10 years. I'm fine with that.
yikes, thats' a bit twisted. It sounds like you bro and mom are one-co-dependent narc. cycle. Sam Vaknin did an excellent talk on that flip flop cycle in his recent posts.
I have been going through this for the last 2 years, the last 8 months he has completely lost the plot, completely delusional. When I left him 8 months ago because I could not take it anymore, he went psychotic.
I am living the same life. I live my partner and their is nothing I can do to help him.
same here except it was for about 10 months and then he abruptly left, but the false accusations were so traumatizing. I never even spoke to the person he decided I had slept with! 😢
My boyfriend has periods where he is like this. He believes I cheat on him with one of HIS coworkers. Based upon our Facebook online statuses lining up. (Me and other man aren’t even friends, on Facebook or in real life. We’ve only met a handful of times at work events) So there’s no real correlation. Only my boyfriend’s perceived correlation. It’s hellish when he disappears for days at a time, thinking I’ve been cheating. I love him dearly because when he is good, he is really good. But the accusations suck and I’m not that kind of person so it’s painful to have my character/ goodness questioned so much. It feels like my value is diminishing with every episode. It’s gotten the point it’s really starting to wear me down. A couple particular incidents involving the accusations have left me with deep emotional trauma that I’ve had to bury, as well. It sucks. He’s never been violent or scary about it, though. Ugh
This happened to me, yes with HIS coworker that I’ve never even met. He abruptly left me but not without threatening me. Had to change my locks and get a security system and yet I cry everyday because I miss him and this cheating NEVER happened. 😢 so I feel your pain.
This is the first I've heard of Othello syndrome. I lost my son 5yrs ago. I believe his girlfriend of 9 years had this syndrome. Although my son death was ruled a suicide. I have so many questions than answers. She had behaviors that I ignored, only because I respected him. A week before his death I had a conversation with him, on bad she was. If I would have known that was going to be last conversation I was going to have with my son.
The outcome would have been different. She is so toxic. I wonder if this behavior followedi her to the next relationship?
Sorry to hear that. It is very hard for young people to understand and regulate their thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for you're loss. This makes me think of a Cold Case file where a man was suspected in his wife's death & during the investigation another woman came forward saying her sister died under suspicious circumstances with the same husband years earlier. The guy was eventually sentenced for the 2nd wifes death and though they couldn't prove he killed his 1st wife, her family finally knew what had happened.
Jeanette, I would look in the mirror before you go blaming the girlfriend.
I'd like to know more about parental alienation.... Love you work!!! Thank you so much!
very sad for anyone who has gone through this. there is no talking to the other person.
I was obsessively jealous, as I was told with first husband, he divorced me, I found out how many affair she had had, married a few years later and have never been jealous. It wasn’t about me, it was I was given reason to mistrust. 10 long years of it.
Some of them people are just trashy narcs.
My ex would never want to be corrected. If she said I was being unfaithful then she was right, no matter what I said or proved her wrong. Toxicity to it's worst everyday of my life she was deteriorating me a bit more until I couldn't take it anymore. Had to gain strengths and stop fearing. Because that's all she wanted to represent: A nightmare to my life until I woke up and left her.
There are two kinds of women. The ones who love men, and those who do not.
I suffer from this and it’s literally distroying my life…
Wow, you are so beautiful
I think I have this. Something hard to admit to but ever since I got cheated on and stayed I’ve developed those symptoms. Wasn’t like this till it happened several times. Something said wrong can change my mood in seconds and I won’t be able to let it go until I feel the apologies meets my standards. It’s toxic asf but idk how to get over it and how to let him talk to women without me needing to be there.
Before my dad passed away he was definitely consumed with jealousy and delusions , my poor mom was always right there with him and it got so bad he thought when she went to the bathroom her “boyfriend “ was sneaking through the toilet , it was bonkers and heartbreaking he really believed it . Can’t imagine how stressful it was to be him
My dad has this too and it's making the situation in my home unstable .My mental health is not well because of this .Since these kind of people are mentally sick I'm even afraid about my mom's safety at this point):
@@Ann-sv7zx Look Up A Mobile Crisis Assessment Team. Best Of Luck.🫂
Good vid Dr Magee ... Thanking you.
I have been in this kind of relationship and life has become worse due to it. Immediately after marriage my wife wanted to know about my past which I thought was ok. But things started getting bad to worse day by day. At severest form I was needed to carry phone {on} continuously with me when at work and she would hear from other side what I was talking, what others were talking to me and themselves also. I was not allowed to watch TV, even News channel to prevent me having a look at females. She would follow me on GPS to know my route taken to reach workplace. constantly ask me why I got late even by a minute or two due to traffic. she would call on land line in office to check if i was really there, would make me video calls to see who is around me. Even after that I needed to speak everything on oath to clarify that i was not in relationship with other women. We had no relation as husband and wife because she feared I have contracted HIV and forced me to do test for same at least thrice. and when reports came negative, she used to say I must be using protection to prevent HIV infection. But if this thing kept aside, she happened to be very intelligent lady and nobody including my parents (leave aside her parents) would think that she was wrong somewhere.
Girls are always perfect, aren't they?
Then what happened now?? Still has relation with ur wife or divorced or separated???
I am trying to sort out the things. Its mentally draining the thought of separation specially from daughters, whom I am sure she won't allow me to meet ever, if separated.
@@shriramjahagirdar6947 you can be sure of that. use the legal system
Hi Darren
Ive watched your other clip on Pathological jealousy.
I found it really helpful.
Can you recommend any help for living with it, trying to save ones own Self whilst coping with living with other who has OCD, Pathological Jealousy, Othello Syndrome..who does not own it.
I love your work.
Talking to a therapist, even maybe even both of you going to couples therapy could help you understand and manage your boundaries better
@@DarrenFMagee Thankyou Darren.
What if your partner is plagued by voices that tell them that their partner is involved w nefarious behaviors involving infidelity?
On the flip side, i imagine someone whose partner was actually cheating on them being accused of othello syndome.
And you're right. We just finished seeing that. Even with proof of her cheating, she accused HIM of Orthello Synddrome. WHEW!!
Then your in denial mate
Thank you for your videos.
Im glad im not alone in this. Been with my husband for almost 9 years. Only married for 1. I thought when he quit drinking and we got married it would change but the the obsessive thoughts he had keep coming. Its gotten so bad he's just walked out on me and our kids. Im trying to understand what i did to make this happen. Ive always been faithful so its so hard to understand why hes doing this.
My ex-husband said I was cheating on him said he had photos of me kissing the guy outside the gym which was far from the truth I was so ill at the time and Did everything to save my marriage but at that time I was too sick to do anything but what doctors gave me to build my body up from Autoimmune disease. I had memory problems at the time could barely get up the steps he said he had photos and me kissing some guy which was a lie. He was really messing with my head that’s when I knew that I wasn’t the problem all these years no one validated that I was being abused. So I stayed in therapy trying to fix me at the expense of my children being traumatized in myself and my family protected him to as he worked for my father. Now my oldest child is estranged from me more and more and I lost finances car house my daughter and realized that my parents had been on my Exercise my mom not anymore But my dad’s loyalty in line with him after my brother died he kind of took on that spot in the family
Sorry you went through all the BS from your husband children and your father. I totally understand why as I've just figured out what's happening with my family as well. Sounds like we've been been gaslighted by the people we loved and trusted. The deception and gossiping behind your back to attack your thoughts and feelings are unjustifiable and not being validated. You're the chosen one as a scapegoat in your circle. Love them and let God and Jesus be your guides and on your side. 🙏🏼
Sorry To Hear.
Parental Alienation Is Tough.
It’s totally my husbands condition. 😢
To have this is awful. I wish I never had it and I am trying everything including therapy and medication to get rid of it.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but the meds are not working the same and I'm going for therapy.
I think nicotine can aggregate it as well and I possibly have asd and OCD that are untreated.
I've had it in the past with ex's going for my girl and its ruined me long timeb
what if they never dated that person but created a story on how they dated that person and that that person cheated on them?
😂 I am sure that most narcissists would not even know who Othello is while displaying this
My ex was positive that I was talking to men on line as soon as he wasn’t with me I wasn’t even on social media but he reacted old apps and try to friend request me but I wouldn’t know because I didn’t use it I couldn’t even access my account m wow he was a piece of work
Any link to narcissism? Going through some of your vids, my ex appears to be a narcissist. But she also had a very jealous streak. Totally unfounded as I have never had extra marital affairs. Nor even kiss anyone except my (soon to be ex) wife.
Narcissists are very prone to jealousy in many forms. They also often believe others are jealous of them. Plus, when they feel jealous they tend to react in aggressive and toxic ways
Othello syndrome is often confused by layman with narcissism, because narcissism is so well-discussed on social media and has similar behaviors. But with Othello syndrome the intense need to control is based only around the love interest or partner while a narcissist controls people in an entire or whole way and seldom shows their anger, jealousy or resentment until it is time to manipulate someone with it.
@@theguaable I think you may be confusing Borderline Personality Disorder with narcissist
@@TheOneanjel both borderline and narcissistic disorders involve issues with jealousy / envy. If what I said originally didn't make sense replace "jealousy" with "envy".
Many comments on here seem mean and hateful towards people who suffer with this. And even encourages you to leave your partner w this. But as someone who struggles with this, has children and wants to keep her family together, because everything else in my marriage is great, I need hope I can overcome this. I hate struggling with this, I’m working hard to get help, and don’t understand where it came from. Sometimes pure logic doesnt always work in overcoming an issue. If I could use logic I would have fixed this by now because I realize it’s ridiculous to obsess about it husband admiring other attractive woman. But I’m not a bad person and love him very much- just need some help. So far talk therapy and DBT haven’t helped. Currently looking into other options.
I am currently in the same boat and it is actively destroying my relationship (and my mental health). It’s like I know deep down the thoughts are irrational but in that moment there is nothing that can convince me my partner isn’t cheating. It’s ruining our love. I am losing him more everyday (he has left me twice because of this and has came back each time with the hope that it would change) but somehow even after those wake up calls I can’t seem to get control over the fear of betrayal. I’m always hyper vigilant, imagining that when we aren’t together he’s without a doubt with another woman, checking for ‘clues’ that technically don’t exist. Why? Why are we like this?
I have been trying to better myself for months and even though I have made some small progress, it’s always there. The constant jealousy and paranoia. I don’t understand. It is truly destroying what could have otherwise been the greatest love story of my life. He went from “i cant wait to marry you” 10 months ago to “i still love you but every time you accuse me of something I didn’t do I love you a little less.” This morning I had another ‘episode’ and he finally told me he wasn’t ‘in love’ with me anymore because of this. I’m heartbroken. I don’t know how to get better. But I truly want to. If anyone knows how to overcome this please reach out.
@@chloelafond1957 if I had the answer I would tell you. Right now I’m simply trying to get out of the habit of thinking/ acting this way and treat it like an alcoholic would treat alcohol if they were trying to quit. Assuming your partner really isn’t doing anything and it’s all you…. Everytime I think those thoughts, or try to ask for reassurance, I boss myself around a little and tell myself no and immediately re-direct to something else. Like an alcoholic would need to stop himself from thinking of boos and taking a drink, or if he tried to just have 1 drink (-ask your partner a question) To stop himself and go distract with something else. I’ve tried every sort of therapy and it hasn’t worked- so I’m down to this. It’s a habit for me at this point, a way of thinking, and I’m trying to re wire my brain. I love my husband I want there to be a short cut or an easier softer way to overcome this, but it doesn’t seem like there is one besides taking control of myself more, if that makes sense.
For me at least, I have to work hard and stay away from anything related to jealousy/insecurity until my brain gets the message to stop wiring immediately in that direction. Who knows how long it will take- but it’s better than dyeing alone. Like I said I’ve tried everything else, short of hypnosis and meds…. I want to do this naturally but will resort to medication if I can’t get out of this habit/way of thinking in a year. That’s my goal I gave myself.
When I mess up and ask my husband a question about another woman, I think of that as a relapse (like an alcoholic) and make a resolve to try again the next day.
This is helping so far. I used to let my thoughts and emotions completely over take me… and they still do this time. But I realized that wasn’t getting me anywhere, and I can’t trust my thoughts and my perceptions at this point, they are only hurting me now and not helping me. CBT and DBT or good they have workbooks on Amazon.
But I’m really in no position to give advice as I am still working on this, just sharing ideas. I’m going to do this for a while and resist from shaming myself of if I mess up. That’s not beneficial either. I give myself lots of positive pep talks and keep at it. I have faith it will get better and I faith it will get better for you too if you don’t give up and keep working at it and try different things. Not just for the man in your life… but so YOU can be free of this and enjoy life for what it has to offer. 🩷
Sir is this disease curable?? & is it reasonable to give this video to my husband??
Yes a psychiatrist can recommend medications, symptoms will improve in 1.5 months & can require medication up to a year paired with couple counselling.
Thank you.
I need help ! I have Othello syndrome and can’t find anyone in Utah that even knows about it. I m loosing my 29 years marriage because I can’t think about my husband looking at others it kills me please help
How are you now sis? Are you getting better with that? were you still awared that you have Othello syndrome? I was surprised cause people here share that patients never know that they have a mental disorder.
My wife thinks that every mutter that I make is some sort of sexual desire for a woman and I have to immediately repeat that mutter out loud, although I may not even remember what it was. I work at home, I don't go anywhere, but of course there are vast numbers of "whores" whom she believes desire me. At times, I have to walk in public bent over with my head facing down lest some woman cross my path.
We don’t know how to help it . That’s me and I don’t know how to keep living this way is not fun
@@28taniel I don't understand -- You are that way or your wife is that way?
I can relate with it. she compelled me to take car reverse without looking back, otherwise I could watch some lady behind. Once
I met with a minor accident due to this when taking car out of parking. When in park or public space, or theatre or hotel, I had to look at my shoes to avoid getting "caught" watching a lady of any age- 5 to 70 year or over also.
@@shriramjahagirdar6947😂😂😂
As a literary scholar, I do not agree that Othello's problem is jealousy. Near the beginning of the play, Iago describes Othello's fatal flaw, namely, that he believes people are as they appear to be. When Iago then tells Othello lies about Desdemona, Othello remarks that Iago appears to be an honorable man, therefore, he feels compelled believe Iago's lies, never suspecting his true motive. Is there a name for people who suffer from this delusion? If not, there should be!
First name that popped into my head too.. Iago. Dropping seeds of doubt to drive people crazy.
my thoughts, as well.
I would agree it’s not an accurate description but it’s what it’s now commonly known as. I think the nearest modern colloquial term for Iago would be some who gaslights others. He also triangulates, which ends in tragedy
This really isn't about Othello. Othello is just the name given to the condition. This is about a very real condition and hurting people. I would not have understood the torment and misery 5 years ago. I understand the hurting of all these people now!
Mom did this every day for 2 years after dad was caught having an affair. So many videos on a narcissist who cheats, but nothing on when a parents cheats "on" the narcissist who also is a drinker.
One huge red flag was seeing dad come home bleeding from his forehead one time
How do I figure out if I have Othello syndrome? If I do, how do I stop?
Go to a GP and they will refer you to a specific treatment, I think. GP may know where you can get help
Yikes.
Bullshit my wife is like this and now she is divorcing me because she thinks I am cheating for watching a Netflix movie and a couple kissing each other
I'm pretty sure i have this
Great 👍😍🤩
Johnny Darvo
I got a name for this kind "Narcissist" and i think its a cultural curse-side effect. Sawry to say, jus see some cultures teaching this type of attitude.
Great content...I suffer with monopoly syndrome and it's a right pain in the arse.....I just can't help getting sent to jail.....damn conspiracy
Tardis?
Yes 😊
@@DarrenFMagee Back to Galifrey!
This is a pure projection, tf i Othello syndrome...
you are going to get cheated on, deal with it or stay single