20 Most Common Mistakes of the Unfaithful Spouse Part 1
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- Опубликовано: 5 апр 2016
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Betrayal simultaneously turns a lover into a stranger, and a stranger into a lover. How quickly a spouse of many years, is displaced by another-the next best thing. Kicked to the curb, thrown away like garbage, the cheated return to the unfaithful spouse in the status of recycled trash. The marriage is over. Period. If it endures after an affaire it does so as a husk of its former beauty and love. It’s a walking tragedy. It’s likely a big fat lie that neither cares to admit, just as the affair made it. Infidelity profanes a once sacred trust, like a cock roach on a wedding cake.
2 years and a couple months after D-day, she dropped more bombs on me with truths that she originally had lied to me about. Im absolutely devastated again. Its ripped my heart out again.
Thank you. My husband has made all these mistakes and still does after months from the D day I was the one that found out all the information I could. What I got from him was small drops of information.
Hello everyone
My issue was because i gave up , to him i was acting unfairly towards him.
He could not understand that he broke my trust and that it's a big deal.
The only reason why he confessed.... i did not budge one bit on my suspicion.
I feel drained from it all he lies so much and i now see no future with this man.
Time to heal and please This channel helped me a lot🙏🏾👌
I'm having a hard issue knowing it took me to discover the affair and can't help but wonder how long it would have continued. We are coming up on our 30th Anniversary. Already spent 2 anniversaries knowing she was on his mind. 😢😢😢
Same here 🥺.
I know of a couple who are dealing with infidelity, and they both refuse professional help and want to just try to act like nothing happened and repress everything down... I pray for them, but I don't see how any marriage could last using that strategy.
OMG.... THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!
this is Zen for me during this horrible time in my life. thank u
Thank you for watching Annie. I hate that you needed it but glad you found some help.
This was good, I needed to hear this!
How do we the betrayed get control over their reactions? How can I gain control over my thoughts? This crazy feeling has me upside down and inside out. I don’t want to feel like this.
You said a common mistake is leaking information, but what am I supposed to do if they just don’t wanna talk about it. I trust them with the information but they don’t wanna talk about it, they wanna be hurt again. What am I supposed to do
Not sure if anyone monitors this post, I’m hoping so. I have a question. Of these most common mistakes, if the unfaithful has committed the majority, and seems uninterested in researching to learn, is it time to think maybe the marriage is over?
HI Michael. I think our latest post may help: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate
I have a question.. if the betrayed is constantly hot and cold and unsure if he wants the relationship to continue but tells the unfaithful they are not trying hard enough even though the betrayed tells the unfaithful to give them space. What should the unfaithful do? Give them space or try to fix things
Hi Esther... how are you doing, today
Thank you for the help. If I am the one betrayed and feel alone in the endeavor of overcoming this, how do I get her to understand the best thing for us is professional help? Again thank you for such an eye opening video.
You may find help with convincing your mate to get help with this article: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2006-06
Also, see if she'll do the free 7 Day Bootcamp to give professional help a shot with a very small trial: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp
Hi Aargeta, below are a couple of other resources you may find helpful.
www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/2011-08-03-couples-fail-after-affair
One more,
www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/healing-after-affair-whether-to-get-help
Hope these resources help you.
Was there ever a part 2 to this video? I can't seem to find it. Thanks.
Yes. Both parts can be found here: www.affairrecovery.com/20-most-common-mistakes-unfaithful-spouse
ruclips.net/video/43su9ExGEGQ/видео.html
This is the only video in the series I can't get to play. I watched part 2 and really want, nee, need to see part 1 but there seems to be a glitch. I even tried different devices and same problem. All the other videos play just fine. Is there any other source where I can find part 1? Thank you.
I've got the same problem. It wont load this video. All the others load just fine.
@@mikek2928 it's working fine for us. Very strange. Try watching it on our site here: www.affairrecovery.com/20-most-common-mistakes-unfaithful-spouse
This is excelleny
Thanks for watching and for the feedback. Hope it helps prevent others from making the mistakes I see and did myself. Be sure to watch John and Leslie's version for the betrayed spouse as well. Very helpful.
Couldn't disagree more with point 3. In my experience, points one and two contradict the idea that the unfaithful simply want to get to the reality of things and avoid distortions or accusations. If that were true, they would not be trying to "manage" the flow of information to control responses. It is a form of manipulation that does seek reality but attempts to version it, distort it into something they can "manage." It also presumes that the unfaithful party is healthy and of sound mind, trying to accept reality instead of run away from it; this contradicts many of these other videos that speak to the all the moral justifications, self-deceptions, and mental gymnastics done to avoid confronting "self" and the damage they have done not just to their spouse or the marriage, but to themselves. Moreover, what about the video about "waiting for their unfaithful spouse to wake up and get it." Is that so that the unfaithful can understand the "distorted" view of the betrayed? I feel the need to push back a little bit on this one and voice what many are probably experiencing right now; an unfaithful spouse that will rewrite history, gaslight to feed a narrative that is used to justify cheating. With all your years of experience, I was taken back, surprised that you landed on "trying to get to reality" as opposed to running from it.
I think you misunderstood what he was saying. #3 was when the unfaithful gives full disclosure, the betrayed may lash out and pile even more on top of what the unfaithful has done. Example: the unfaithful cheated once with one person, the betrayed is flooding with hurt and fear and starts accusing their partner if cheating with every woman in the office. It's natural for the unfaithful to get defensive and want to make sure they are only getting in trouble for what they actually did and not a drop more. Another example would be if the unfaithful believes that the affair was purely physical and the betrayed fears that things are even worse and accuses their partner of being in love with the affair partner. Rick is saying try not to get defensive, the initial disclosure is hard and the betrayed may say some things that are feared to be true but the unfaithful shouldn't try to defend or correct them at this time. The betrayed needs to process everything and should be allowed to do so without feeling that the unfaithful is already trying to justify, minimize, or dictate they way the betrayed should feel or react to the betrayal.
👌👌👌
Wonder if the triggers you suffer with as a betrayed spouse, is your own home, where he brought the affair partner to, and had sex all over your house? I can’t move right now, but living here at the crime scene is pure hell. I have no where to escape.
Wow, that's rough. I understand, to a degree, because I have trigger memories involving my home as well, but not because she was here. I hope you're finding a way through all this.... it has so many levels of healing.
I did this to my wife…she’s in hell now bc the dream house we just bought is trashed now. I’ve destroyed her life. I’ve destroyed my life. Our once good lives are ruined
@@sibelius4671 You can build her world up again. In fact, you have to, you owe it to her
What if your partner badgers you about their flaws and is constantly questioning you
That's what happens when you shatter someone's trust. They will question everything about you they thought they once knew. It's natural and fair. As for "badgers you about their flaws", that's a cop out for someone that doesn't want to take responsiblity and doesn't want to accept the gravity of what they've done. To reduce cheating to mere flaws is to earn distrust.