Thanks for sharing ya story bruh! I'm actually FTM & I've been transitioning for about 2yrs now. I luv watching these sort of vids bc this is an important conversation that needs 2 be had too
Glad you enjoyed it. I feel it is necessary so people that actually have dysphoria can transition without being lumped into so much of the activist rot these days. Congrats on making it 2 years. I wish you well!
@@haveagoodone2935 To all the trans souls out there: You all been DECEIVED by the old devil, who uses many technics to mess with the minds of humans. Being trans ain`t a diagnose, being trans = deeply deceived mind sets that have been broken down with fear technics. Human life is known to be fragile, our minds are much more fragile. It doesn`t take much at all to break someone mind/soul. A mind/soul broken into pieces is much easier to make believe lies. The most often method on people being used is: TRAUMAS, childhood traumas. These are enough to cause a soul to be broken down so deeply that for a soul to find some kind of relief, they make up or come up with unlogical - unrealistic ways to cope with pain inside. Therefore: Trans human being = A Soul who is hurting deeply and usually are also DECEIVED to believe many lies deeply. Ephesians 5:29 | View whole chapter | See verse in context For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: How can one argue with GOD/TRUTH/LOGIC? - none can`t At the end of the day what you all “trans” really do is: you are cutting off your working = healthy body parts, trying to put on wrong parts that never should be there. Congratulations by being GENDERLESS being. And all for what? - because all the lies you end up believing? Mass media, family members, friends, strangers = forming a mind of a child. The wrong and unhealthy ways as we all clearly see. Wow to these people who do such crimes. Making someone believe the lies so deeply, advising to cut off someones own body parts, Doing the operations on these souls. When did someone became that EVIL? and why? Let me ask 1 more question: What are you doing with these parts that are cut off one`s bodies? you don't stick them all on the wrong bodies, so what about these? ruclips.net/video/pGnuFwUv5-g/видео.html Start to shovel into the deep and wake finally up from the delusions one living in.
I read that one of the reasons there are way more female detransitioners speaking up it’s cause all the men detransitioners have it easier when it comes to “going back” to their biological sex since most of the times the changes made by estrogens are completely erased by the testosterone coming back in , so it’s easier to “ be stealth” ,while for females it’s close to impossible to completely go back which makes it more compelling to talk about it .
Peach Cob You’re a fucking idiot calling others idiots Testosterone thickens the vocals cords so it’s not the ”putting on a deep voice” it’s the same as biological guys after puberty, they don’t put on a deep voice their voice is like that and will need vocal training for it to return near to it’s original sounds but will never been the same again
@Peach Cob majority of people who undergo ftm transition get top surgery as soon as is physically possible, the body hair does not go away at best it gets thinner but the hair follicles don't magically disappear, you will have an adams apple forever and you will at best sound like a 13 year old boy who's voice just broke forever because vocal change is irreversible, you can become permanently infertile, also your clit gets bigger and can end up looking like a micropenis forever because that is also irreversible, and depending on how young you are when you start taking it it can also cause permanent changes to your bone structure making your face appear irreversibly more masculine. stop being a whiny pussy and accept that detransition is hard for everyone and it's way harder for someone who looks like a woman but has an adams apple and a deep voice and 5 oclock shadow to pass for female than it is for a dude with a shrunken ballsack to pass for male, at least no one can see your dysfunctional penis
@Jerry Donohue they all go on T because they think they do have the "wrong brain sex", I should know since I was one of them. The problem is the lack of research into gender dysphoria and gender issues because so many people push back against accepting trans people at face value that no one is able to dig deeper without unintentionally giving credibility to this transphobia, therapists have to focus so much on getting a person as supported and safe as the gender they think they might be so they can continue therapy that they usually end up on hormones before they can even start addressing other underlying issues that may be contributing.
I am a Trans Woman. I appreciate your voice and hope that you are doing well. Good luck on your journey. You are right, there are not many mtf detrans stories and you being a voice for some people who may have doubts and may want to change their minds is important. I’m going to watch part 2 and 3 now. ❤ no regrets only lessons.
When you mentioned feeling like you were 2 different people fighting each other I relate hard to that and I’m a woman (born) never taken any hormones. I’m glad u were able to free yourself from the inner conflict. Wish me luck in the same.
It struck me as interesting that he said he felt like there was a conflict between two different people. I can't really relate to that. For me, my transness is more like me coming into my own. I don't feel like a different person. Just the right version of myself.
I literally am going through the same exact thing after living as a trans woman for 5 years and now I’m detransitioning it’s been rough but everything you said I resonate with. I really needed this video because it’s so spot on with what I’m going through. I’ve been having such a hard time with it but I’m just looking forward to the future, but thanks for sharing ✌🏻
Thanks for making this video! And thanks for mentioning Autogynephilia. I myself am autogynephilic; I think trying to hide it under the rug negatively impacts everyone. I understood myself a lot better once I learned about it and accepted it. I wish you the best! And am glad that you've found a sort of peace after all this~
Glad to help. When I went off the hormones there was no info for MtF detrans. I'm hoping more info can be available. Gender needs less politics and more science. I wish you well!
Great vid, this is a good story and it’s so hard to find other detransitioned guys talking about this. Seems like most detransition content on here is from ex-ftm’s and the experience is just different. I’m tempted sometimes to consider my transition to be the most misguided decision I’ve ever made, but the wakeup call that led to my detransition was probably worth it because I was still probably even more deluded about myself and reality before transitioning than during the trans woman phase. Stoic philosophy and the idea of not trying to impose my will on reality and seek satisfaction in externals really carried me through. I’m actually, I guess, a fairly masculine guy based on traditional parameters, and part of my motivation, I’ve decided, was shame about maleness due to the association with my abusive father’s kind of masculinity. I think autogynephilia was probably part of it too for me - DEFINITELY needs more research! I think in the future when I’ve had more distance from it and gotten more of my life back, I’ll put out my own videos.
I hope you do put videos out as mtf back to male de-trans voices are very needed. Especially as many mtf trans identified people who surgically transition are facing a very challenging issues when they de transition as they no longer produce testosterone and will have to a) take it exogenously and b) may not want to have their sex drive while unable to obtain a physical orgasm due to a lack of the genital structure.
My gender therapist was too lax about me believing I was male, too (I'm an FtM detransitioner). Both her and my doctor were convinced I was male simply because I claimed I felt male. It disgusts me how doctors and therapists these days (in America, at least) have to just take you by your word. Especially when they're talking to a dumb teenager! Or even a prepubescent kid! Kids don't know over 110% what their gender is. Therapists and doctors have to be better than this.
Especially since body altering and I would say even mind altering drugs (hormones are synthetic) are used and very real. More science and less politics is needed in the area of gender transition.
@@haveagoodone2935 I completely agree! Politics feel so gross and nasty. I feel like they corrupt everything they touch. It shouldn't touch gender identity at all. It just makes life harder for everyone, even if at first it feels like the right direction.
@@haveagoodone2935 I can really feel this sentiment, my experience with being prescribed stimulants for Adhd from age 6+ (which i could say from experience is a mind-altering treatment.) I really had very little concept of what I was committing to or the potential effects, I was so unaware at that age and completely trusted my parents and doctors. It doesn't have the long lasting side effects of HRT, but the effects it had on my state of mind were stark. I can kind of relate to young people being prescribed hrt.. patients of any age really could be as unaware as I was, simply seeking a solution to their problems. I've edited this comment like 6 times lol the surge of gender dysphoria diagnosis lately really does remind meme if the 90s ritalin scare (when stimulants like ritalin and adderall were overprescribed to way too many kids that probably didn't have adhd ya know?) 🤔😑😙
@@luxie2155 I wish I could tell you the requirements but trans activists are trying to withdraw any gatekeeping. It USED to be at least a year of gender therapy (but it depends on location), then once you get the letter of consent, your doctor can hand you the drugs. It was still a low bar to hop but it was something.
I'm FTF just a little levity. I'm an older woman who finds this subject absolutely fascinating. First, I'm glad I was born when I was. I was and can still be considered a tomboy. Very athletic, don't give me a doll give me a skateboard. No one ever assumed I was anyone but who I was, meaning I never felt I was a boy just better than any boy lol. At 14 I was working with a really nice guy. He struck me a little odd because he was very feminine. But none the less he was cool to hang with. One day he wasn't there and I just thought he moved on. Several months later a new employee showed up and I found myself memorized by her. She caught me staring and called me to the back room. I was nervous hell, I thought I was in trouble. She said I'd like to introduce myself. Her voice was eeriely familiar. She said it's me Angel but you can now call me Angie. My face must have melted sideways she said you better sit down, I'll explain. She explained everything to me, it was incredible. She asked if I had any questions and I said yes, I like sports does this make me like you. She laughed out loud and said oh no honey. But it's important to always be yourself, if you ever need to talk about anything I'm here. She could've jumped in and insisted I was trans, so much like the adults I witness these days. Well I examined myself and realized I'm a woman and I like men. I don't know if I ever would have questioned this had I not met Angie or would I have lived a sheltered life of lies. I am so thankful for this experience and major learning opportunity. I feel so many young lives are being manipulated by the people that are supposed to protect and or help you. ☮️
I have many trans friends, and am part of a very socially progressive community, and I think the young "trans community" is a little misunderstood. People aren't going around diagnosing their friends as trans, or manipulating each other, that I'm aware of. People decide these things on their own. When your friend tells you they want to transition, you should be supportive, the same way you should be supportive if your friend tells you they want to detransition. If they're an adult, then they're the best person to make the decisions about how to best improve their life. And most of the time, people are right. If you're someone's therapist, then you have professional expertise that can help you guide them in these kinds of decisions. And if you've transitioned or detransitioned (or even if you were a tomboy), then you have a valuable story to tell, and it's really important that all these kinds of stories are out there. But if you're just a friend, you should be supportive of your friends whatever gender they choose to present as.
I'm an older tomboy too. Always have been, and always will be lol! Things have changed so much. Our environment is full of xenohormones, atrazine, and other things that are effecting our endocrine and reproductive health - lots of wildlife studies have already been done. I wish this was part of the conversation. Our modern lives are exposed to so many chemicals and heavy metals.
Accepting ourselves and learning how to be divinely feminine in our own ways - even though it's not always a popular feminine social stereotype - is difficult, albeit healthy and important.
I grew up in the 90’s, turned 5 years old in 1989 and I was all boy, despite being a girl for my entire childhood, teenage years and into adulthood and if transgender had been as common as it is today, I would have been convinced I was a boy. I was just called a tomboy and looking back I was a tomboy. Never wanted to be a guy so badly I would take testosterone or have any surgeries. Thank you for your story, it will really help others to think about it before they do anything permanent.
Hi. I really appreciated your comment. When I was young I was such a tomboy. I hated anything girly anything with lace made me sick. I was all boy. Yet I was born a girl. Well when I was a kid nobody really talked about being transgender but if you were you had to go through two years of gender therapy before you could even start hormones. Nowadays it blows my mind. A kid goes into therapy tells the therapist I feel like I'm a boy they say they have dysphoria or the therapist leans them that way by saying do you feel uncomfortable being a girl and then the child says yes I do and boom they're put on hormones. It's such a serious decision. I think it should go back to the ethical policy were all people no matter what age if they want to transition must have two full years of gender therapy. Then we wouldn't have all these detransitioners now. Thanks for a great comment
kavita deva Thank you! I love how your story is very close to mine. Wow two years, I wish they had that much today and yes, these kids are talking about “I’m transgender” at 4-8 years old and I’m like 🤔. Now I’m not saying that these kids aren’t trans but I’m just hoping they give themselves a lot of time. Like Jazz Jennings did, she dressed like a girl and for all intents and purposes was a girl and then when she was much older had the bottom surgery, that’s ok, she never changed her mind. I’m just wondering what’s to become of these kids who are being immediately listed as like you said having dysphoria or called trans right away. These are medicines being put in the body that will change that child’s life forever and I fear for them. Thank you for telling me your story btw, it’s nice to not get hate for my comment.
@@CaptchaNeon hi. Thank you so much for replying back to me. I did not think I would get a reply and it was so quick and I'm so excited. Because I think our childhoods are similar in that way. And it is really scary right now especially if you were born female and want to transition to male and then you realize oops I don't think I'm trans. Now you're left with hair on your face on your legs on your butt on your back maybe on your chest. and that hair does not go away. The hair does not go away I know that for a fact. I know someone who detransitioned and they still have facial hair and they have to shave. Anyways you know today it's too easy to become transgender. And the therapist these days will even kind of ask questions in a way where the child will answer oh yes I feel like what you just said therapist. Or the therapist will say you have dysphoria. yes that's me the kid replies. Well I can tell you I hated being a girl I hated everything about it until I went through puberty and I got a very blessed body. And then all of a sudden for some reason after puberty when I was older like in my twenties I really dug being a chick. I still have my masculine ways. you know what I mean? I don't know people today would call it non-binary I guess. But I just want to thank you again because I think we kind of see eye-to-eye that it's just not being done ethically in my opinion. And we are going to see so many detransitioners. Have a great day.
@@kavitadeva Hello again and you're welcome. I'm always excited to meet people like me too so I understand. I always try to reply to people fairly quickly, especially when I was recording RUclips videos. I stopped posting on my channel back in February 2020. Anyway, you know I never thought about the actual hair that would start growing in weird places, it's good you brought that up. I was thinking about possible growth stunting, mood changes and voice changes. OMG about your friend, it's crazy how they're forced to live a life of always having to take away the damage that happened to their body. Do you think that person has any other effects? Like mentally I mean? Oh yeah kids can definitely be convinced of anything and coxed into answering what they think the adult wants to hear. I'm curious if you felt this way as well, you mentioned that prior to puberty you hated everything about being a girl, did you hate (like I did) the idea that in order to be a "real" girl you had to do you hair, wear nail polish, go for all the girliest toys and speak in a feminine way? I agree we'll definitely be seeing a lot more detransitioners and all I can hope for them is that they find whatever peace they didn't find in their transition. Hope you have a great day as well.
@@CaptchaNeon well hello again back at you. You leave really awesome comments I just want you to know that. Very thoughtful and very insightful. What was your RUclips channel about and what was the name of the channel? Well to answer one of your questions, yes as a child I hated the idea of anything girly any kind of dress any kind of nail polish. I never liked to shave under my arms or my legs. I did it when I was in high school but I don't do it now. it's just too weird for me. But when I was younger like you know 9 10 or 11 I was really not interested in anything that was super femy. And still to this day I'm not. So I want to tell you a story a true story. My mother was a severe narcissist. And at nine years old she took me to a gender Clinic because she hated the fact that I wasn't a girly girl. So she told me that I had to go to this gender Clinic because she was going to have my sex changed to a boy. It was the most traumatic year ever. I had to sit-down with the psychiatrist and therapist and they made me draw myself naked on paper they made me draw myself with a penis they asked me really bizarre questions. Now remember I'm only 9 years old. I didn't know what was going on. So that's my narcissistic mother for you putting me through that. And as for my friend I also know other female to male transgender people on RUclips that have detransitioned and they still have a manly voice and they still have to shave and one of them said she still has chest hair and back hair and even hair on her butt. And she hasn't taken testosterone for over a year. This whole transgender thing is really crazy. I never wanted to be a boy I just didn't want to be a girl if that makes sense. for instance when I started developing breasts I would hit myself on my breast hoping that I could make them go away and it was very painful to do that. And when I got my period Oh boy I was so upset so upset. If I was that child today I would be a transgender kid and I would be a boy now. Because nowadays like you said in your comment they can talk you into thinking you're transgender. they can tell you all the wonderful things that will happen if you change your sex excuse me your gender. Anyways by the way what is your name? And thank you so much for dialoguing with me. What made you stop your YT? Channel?
Thanks for making this; i'm trying to decide now too. I'm still in that stuck-between-two-people phase, but I feel like I'm getting closer to detransitioning.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a female detransitioner, but I could relate. I also did not talk about my detransition until years after the fact. It is great that so many more people are coming forward now. I think it will help people who are considering transitioning to weigh their options more.
Thank you for your story, I thought I was MTF trans as a young teen, but I never transitioned since my parents said I was too young (thankfully). Now years later I figured out I am just a bisexual cis guy. And yeah some people are way too easy to tell people they are trans, being a bit non conforming does not make you trans! and I agree that gender is mostly biology, not a social construct. It was nice though to see that im not the only one who had gender stuff be a phase then pass and I am happy as my birth gender.
Funnily, the reason I'm considering detransitioning is really just cause I feel estrogen hasn't done anything after starting so late. I looked kinda fem, sure.... But only if I'm overweight as hell since fat redistribution is most of what hormones did starting at 25. :(
I really appreciate this video. I struggle to stay as I am, and not be moved by my own thoughts, pressure, society. I stopped my hormone process over a year ago. It pulls at me to continue to change to a man, but my heart keeps me in the middle because something tells me I'm already perfect. I'd love to have friends like you.
I think the reason I transitioned was from child hood trauma and not being able to express my femininity. I found this out through spirituality so I decided to detransition a few days ago. I was only on my meds for two years from 16 to 18 and I was wondering if I keep doing push-ups will my very minimal breast development turn to muscles. I was extremely bony before but now I have more weight from my meds but not a lot. Thanks for telling your story tho
I'm sorry you experienced trauma. Life does get better once gender stops being the core of one's identity. I can say that lifting weights and doing push-ups consistently have built up my muscles. On HRT my transbreasts were barely an A cup. The natural testosterone has reversed a lot. Altho I think I still have a woman's butt
I work at a clinic. Biological males, detransitioned or not often forget to screen themselves for breast cancer. You'll have a bit more tissue to check than the many men, so things could be less noticable. Please, please don't forget.
Thanks for this Josh! I'm also MtFtM. Quite relatable to me in a lot of ways. I was also on estradiol and spironolactone for just over a year. I found myself as if being caught between being two people--I've often described it like this: The part of me which was allowed to mature is a young mother, but the more primary part of me which was not allowed to mature in order to be protected is the unborn baby boy in my womb, and that by detransitioning I started to give birth to the baby boy. That's a good point what one of your therapists said, which I think applies very much to me: that some men have a certain degree of sensitivity and natural way of expressing things that would have a look that we associate with women. I detransitioned 6 years ago, but that's sort of where I'm at today--I've understood I'm a man, but now I'm also becoming comfortable with being a man and yet having a certain set of natural expressions that might look girlish/womanly, and other expressions that might looks boyish/manly, and trying not to be insecure about either of those. Because it's awkward starting to loosen up and act more naturally, and I have fears it will look terribly awkward and unnatural at first--but I think whatever turns out to be my natural way of being expressive, it will not only feel natural but look natural and won't be a constant interruption in social life. I'll check out some more of your videos when I get the chance :) God bless!
I think society really needs to do more to embrace people who do not conform to traditional, sexist gender stereotypes (feminine woman and masculine man). The shift is starting to happen but unfortunately it is being undermined by the transgender movement which tries to push people into transitioning, without considering whether it's the best course for them or exploring alternative treatments, and they try to silence anyone who dares to disagree with their agenda. The UK recently had a court case where a transgender clinic was successfully sued for prescribing puberty blockers to teenagers. Hopefully this will set a precedent for other countries. Edit: To give a personal account, I have struggled with my identity for many years (not just in terms of gender but in terms of where I fit into society in general). I've always been pretty skeptical and had a tendency to question anything that was followed by the majority. Eventually I realised that I (and every other human, and indeed sentient life form on this planet) was simply a conscious mind inside a body that we did not choose. That helped me to accept myself and other people and develop a much deeper level of empathy for other humans and living things. I feel much more at peace with my existence now, and with the existence of other people. None of us chose to be here and none of us chose the form that we were born into. All we can do is be kind to one another and try to make everyone's limited time on earth as pleasant and meaningful as possible. I think if everyone could get to this point of self-awareness then they wouldn't need to resort to expensive surgeries and hormone treatments in order to conform to some socially acceptable way of being human. IMHO, as long as you abide by laws and treat others with kindness, that's enough. It doesn't matter what other people think. Your true value as a person lies within. I just wish people knew this.
You're a handsome man! I am a Transwoman who is completely happy with who I am now...who I always really was, and for me, after decades of this, know I will never go back.. but, that all said, I understand there are many nowadays who "transitioned" who shouldn't have. It must have taken real guts to make a video like this, but it will be appreciated by many and it will help many people who also are in the same position. I was fortunate in that the psychiatrists I spoke to encouraged me to wait a few years before making the decision to transition. Nowadays, there is a general sentiment in the medical establishment that if you don't allow a person to transition quickly or even immediately that you are being "transphobic" or denying the person their rights. This attitude, while well-meaning, will cause a lot of hurt for many who will rush into transition. I personally - when asked - would counsel those feeling they want to transition to really think about it for several years before going the full way. Anyway, great video - being honest about yourself is a beautiful thing.
Thank you for being a voice of reasons in a sea of bigots that seem to make up the trans rights movement, who do their utmost to silence any alternative views or discussion.
Thanks for sharing Josh. This is very important! We know so little about dysphoria and its connection to socialisation, trauma, sexuality, biology etc. I think the one thing that is a given is that the concept of "lady brain in man body" is the most simplistic answer to an amazingly complex question. We need so , so, so much better study and answers. Best wishes for your future.
It also resonates a lot with me what you said about two people battling it out in your head. This happens to me too. I feel I'd like to change my body to be more feminine on the one hand but am also afraid to lose my old one. I wish I could be like Ranma in the manga Ranma 1/2 who can change his gender with the touch of cold / hot water. The best of both worlds. I'm also generally very averse of taking medicine that is not strictly necessary or having surgeries that are no necessary for healing. So the idea of taking hormones or getting surgeries is against my normal values. I'm all for the natural body so changing it feels contrary to myself. It's paradoxical.
I also believe that the autogynophiliac things applies to me. I definitely find it arousing imagining myself to be a sexy woman and it is a major motivator in my desire to be more feminine, dressing like a woman, wanting breasts and a vagina
@N R I think it's good that you weigh in all options, but the autogynephilia theory that is linked to trans people has been disproven for a long time. If you think that might play into your identity, just try it out in bed with someone. It should be fun either way! Stay safe!
Oh my gosh, you're so cute I can't stand it! 😃Anywho, I'm a transwoman and I agree with you 100% that gender is rooted in biology. I don't believe it's merely a "social construct," although I imagine that societies are generally constructed in a way that reflects and reinforces sex/gender differences. Ironically, I think that in some senses transexuals are a testament to the fact that innate gender differences exist. Obviously there are different causes and pathways to gender dysphoria, but I do believe that some of us are naturally "inverts," probably due to hormone exposure in the womb, and we act more like the opposite sex for that reason. Not because gender isn't real but because we are influenced by the same hormones that make women act like women or, vice versa, FTMs who are influenced by the same hormones that make men act like men. I see a lot of trans people who don't fall into that specific sub-category of trans-- for example, MTFS who, like yourself, are more innately masculine but who still are experiencing (or who have experienced) a form of gender dysphoria. They seem to be motivated to pretend that gender norms are invalid for obvious reasons: to justify their relative lack of femininity. Your honesty and level-headedness when discussing the experience you had is very enjoyable to listen to because you certainly cut through the B.S. Idk if I've said anything here that you haven't already thought about, but I just figured I'd put my thoughts out there just in case and wish you the best on your individual path in life. :)
Transgender Therapists confirms "Misery loves company". THOUGHT: If I am miserable and confused and you join me in my thought process, then I am okay. Just because someone says they are happy doesn't mean when the lights go off, they don't cry and have regrets. Talk is cheap and a facade is full of PRIDE ["Pride goes before the fall"] which EVENTUALLY destroys one's being. IMO
Thank you for sharing your experience. These times we live in worry me for the younger generations. It seems far too easy to medically transition. I hope you are thriving!
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. The points you make about some boys being “just gay” or just sensitive boys is so true. It’s what many parents try to express to our children and the counsellors these days. It would be nice if people experiencing gender dysphoria were actually counselled to learn to be happy with your truth “your biology” as you said. It would be som much healthier than starting on pharmaceuticals or having surgeries.
This video has been enlightening for me. I am female and have been very concerned about the increase in children/teens transitioning. The long term effects of puberty blockers and hormones can creat lots of problems I thank you for you honesty and bravery in discussing this issue. Bravo for discovering who you are!
Josh Thanx for sharing your story! You are precious! You have a gentle and good spirit! You will make some woman really happy! Glad you are back! Def wishing all well! Lol love the tree analogy!
"You should be more than 100% sure". Anyone going for medical intervention needs to think this through, and make a calm, rational decision, rather than a whimsical, emotional one they might regret years down the line.
I’d love for you to do a video talking about your personal experience in your de transition, like how did that process look for you? What changes did you see first(both physical and emotional)? How long did these changes take? Where did you work at the time of your detransition? How long before you felt 100% comfortable to go out and be perceived as a male again? Did you ever get electrolysis, if so how long before your hair grew back after de transitioning? These would also be very helpful! Thank you in advance Josh, I wish you well handsome.
Thank you so much for sharing! You have no idea how much this has touched my heart and really helped me. Seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I believe you may have saved me tons of time, money, and even prevented some permanent life choices I might regret. I've watched all your videos. Even though I didn't get as far into the transition process; you literally stole the words right out of my mouth during the entire process, from the uprising of trying on clothes to Autogynephilia, to pre and during HRT, even the same weird craving for salt and pickles while surrendering to your emotions, all the way to your conclusions on why you chose to detransition. I have lots of questions, but don't feel obligated to answer them, I understand this was a in the past for you. 1. I'm very curious about Autogynephilia, as I believe I'm in the same boat, and my therapist brushed it off. I feel hormones initially fueled this, but slowly the 'estrogen goggles' started blocking it out. I've always been very ashamed and embarrassed about Autogynephilia, probably one of my biggest burdens life. To finally be 'free' from that has been more than welcome while on hormones. However, I also feel I may be on hormones for the wrong reasons, specifically escapism for Autogynephilia. As I look to detransition, I'm scared the desires to dress/act feminine might return. I'm curious how you feel now that you are no longer on hormones. Do you still have any desires? Does Autogynephilia give you any issues? Or do you think your gender exploration might have helped you detach the psychological association with your gender identity and break that chain from starting? If this didn't break it, do you have any advice or guidance on making peace with Autogynephilia when you stop hormones? 2. Did you ever dislike your male secondary sex characteristics? Or do you believe maybe that was strictly associated with Autogynephilia? Do you currently struggle with any desire or want for feminine secondary sex characteristics? I've come to really like a lot of the feminine secondary sex characteristics, and I fear I will miss them. I know in my heart that I value internal self-exploration and becoming the best version of myself over being feminine or any form of external expression, but I'm REALLY struggling to walk away from this, even when I know there is a stack of reasons I should not be transitioning. Not sure if its the same, but this feels like one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make in my life. Thanks again for sharing, it is extremly admirable. This video is way too underrated, and I feel you touch on, and describe, things in a very neutral and articulate way. I hope you are doing amazing and enjoying your life to the fullest!
Thanks so much for this video. I'm FtMtF and I agree that most detransitioning voices out there are those of detransitioned females (not that it's bad or anything, but the MtFtM viewpoint is naturally going to be different and equally necessary for people to hear). I actually transitioned and detransitioned around the same time you did, which is interesting! Anyway I just appreciate you putting your voice out there at a time when it feels like detransitioners are unnecessarily vilified.
Thank you for sharing your story. You will help many people with your openness about detransitioning. I wish you the best. I also hope you have the support you need and hope you are happy . Remember the journey because you have a very unique perspective .
The more of these stories that come out and are lifted up, the better. We HAVE TO PROTECT THE YOUNG ONES!! We have to protect those who are not able to protect themselves!
Josh, what made you have that "a-ha moment" when you decided to detransition? did your original circle of friends (pre-transition) accepted you after you de-transitioned? how has your history impacted your professional llfe?
I never had an aha moment. Just living it day by day the medical costs add up. My truest friends are still in my life. My history has no impact since I'm in a different career field and enough years have passed that talking about it would require answering more questions. I just work and do music gigs these days.
Oh my goodness do you resonate with me so much when I am in a certain state of mind. I am a biological male, who has been gender questioning for almost three years. Well more than that really, I have dressed and lived as a womab, undergone therapy, referred to a Gender Identity Clinic. I am socially incredibly shy, and cannot even speak on Zoom groups. Tonight I tried, but was too nervous to turn my microphone or video on, I just wanted to listen to the thoughts and discussion of the trans women group members. But the host kicked me out, possibly because I didn't speak or show myself. So much for a caring, welcoming community. Hypocrites. I always turn to you when I am disillusioned and doubting the nature of trans. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I’m non-op mtf “transgender” and am thinking of socially detransitioning as well. We must remember that gender is a spectrum and you don’t stay in that same position on the spectrum forever. There is no failure involved either way - it’s simply a change. I follow hermetic principles in nearly everything I do and I believe We all have gendered energies expressing themselves throughout our lives and that ok. The various experiences add new perspectives to your life and it really takes strength and wisdom to embrace the constant change.
Josh Drewes to use your example of cutting down the tree to make a chair. The fact that both the tree and chair are wood is akin to your biological sex. Yes as a trans woman i am still biologically male just as a chair is wooden. But gender which is a social construct denotes function and despite the tree and chair being the same material the function is different. I share my perspective with respect and appreciation to your experience, not to be be disagreeable. 🤙🏻 much love!
I wholeheartedly believe that being transgender is a hobby being mistaken for an identity. We should be more accepting of crossdressing and recognize that crossdressing does not have to mean something more.
Thanks for being so open. Transition is a brutal process. I have thought about detransition, but ultimately decided this is best. I accept AGP is real as I meet people who say they have it, but the concept seems off to me.
Thank you for sharing your life. I appreciate that you went through all these decisions and came back to being male. I hope people considering mtf or vice versa find your story and consider both sides. I had a lot of confusion as a child, being sexually molested by three males at different times in my life made my childhood horrific. For years, I wondered if life would be easier as a male. I finally learned to love myself and could accept me as a female. The molesters took my identify and body comfort for most of my life.
Hey Josh, I really appreciate you sharing your perspective. Im 3 years into my transition, and considering detransitioning. For me, transition did bring everything I wanted- happiness, self confidence, healthier relationships with my family- but the long term risks of synthetic hormones have been really weighing on me. I want to detransition for these health concerns but Im feeling stuck because the feelings that pushed me to transition in the first place- "dysphoria", and general happiness of living as a female- are difficult to ignore. Im curious how you overcame these feelings if you had them, and how you cope with them if you still have them since you detransitioned?
It wasn't easy but I read up on Carl Jung's theories of the Anima/Animus complex. It has been almost 4 years since my detransition journey began (Feb 2017) and I can say that just letting go and embracing what nature (and me personally what God created) is an even more rewarding experience long term. As a guy I feel like I have an emotional and biological advantage over men that have never transitioned. In short, I feel even more whole having experienced the full spectrum. I recommend talking with you endocrinologist about detransitioning since that is an emotional journey in and of itself. Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you the best
I watched a whole documentary on straight men who cross dress. There really is a community out there for everyone. It’s not weird and it’s not uncommon. Just be you 🥰 do what makes you happy. It was very interesting. We need to normalize males who are more feminine. Or women who aren’t super feminine. It’s all good 😊
I used to be sort of an activist, but I am no longer, I have some old views and they are not pleasing to everyone, so I usually keep it to myself. I would say that transitioning MTF the worst case scenario as to sex life is that it is gone. During my time, in the 1990's, sexuality was a no-no, and for a good reason. I think autogynephiles were rejected by the gatekeepers.
Thank you for sharing, I praise you for educating yourself and findkng the real man God created you to be. I have a child living as a trans man and I just keep praying that she understand and accepts herself as the beatiful woman God created her to be as well. Bless you for transparent with your experience.
Good to hear from other detransistioners. So you no longer enjoy womens clothing or makeup or anything? Even though I have detransistioned, I still like to crossdress and practice makeup a lot too.
Thanks for honesty uncovering your authentic comfortable self. I'd recommend a book called "Bodycage" (Rehana Incognito) which blows apart so much of this gender "industry" in a very forthright manner! Saves a lot of heartache.
Hi Jared. I just read your comment and I wanted to say if you're wondering if you are trans or not you're probably not. I'm not trying to tell you anything however real transgender people know absolutely know that they were born in the wrong body. And also I am a whole lot older than you and when I was young people had to go through two years of gender therapy before they ever could even begin taking hormones. The scary thing is now days all a person has to do is say that they're trans or that they're uncomfortable in their body or that they have dysphoria. And that's it you can start hormones. That's a problem you see even in this video is how many D transitioners there are. So I just wanted to share that with you so you wouldn't just jump into something or get into something because you're having feelings about your gender or whatever and make a decision that could change your life forever. Anyways take good care have a good day.
I have been on hrt mtf for 5 months I’m so scared. I decided to stop taking them. I was in a high dosage of hrt I can’t take them, i feel weird and I don’t feel me. I want to be me back. I’m so scared. Do you think I’ll be fine?
I'm sorry what you are going thru. Hormones do have psychological effects but most of what you worry about is in your head. Try talking with any close family or friends and if possible find a good counselor of therapist. I wish you the best. I was on hormones for 14 months. It will get better. Your body and mind just has to readjust not being on hormones. Instead of quitting cold turkey I recommend decreasing your dosage incrementally.
I disagree about gender not being a social construct, although it's important to make the major distinction here. Biological sex, sometimes said to make a distinction between the terms sex and gender as they are often used interchangably. In here, yes this is biological fact and outside of the outliers of people who are born intersex, people are either born male or female Culturally/socially it's different, this is where people usually make the distinction that there is a split between what/who you are and how people expect/want you to present yourself and how you want to be perceived. Gender here, despite the biological facts at play at birth vary a lot, with how people act and treat one another based on looks and presentation. Biggest example I can offer here is the history of clothing and how it has changed over time, but currently (outside of some locations) stuff like dresses and skirts are seen as female attire despite the fact that males can wear them, but generally there is a stigma there against those that do.
@@haveagoodone2935 After listening to some opinions about the subject I suppose I've come to agree to some extent So I'm guessing how you see it is: Gender (the top of the hierarchy, biology) Gender expression (how people view and deal with the biological fact) Gender norms (how society views and treats the biological fact) So does this encapsulate what your (and possibly my revised) stance is? Typically how some people split the difference is that they define biological sex as its own tree while putting gender in the more social category
I think your mistake was relying on other people to confirm that you were transgender. I knew deep in my heart and soul that I was born with my gender identity as a woman. I didn't need anyone to verify it. My therapist who I still see is merely a guide and mainly works through my childhood trauma of family violence. My biggest doubt came from internalised homophobia and transphobia. If I had other doubts it was more about being a failure at being trans. I had so much fear and shame of my sexual orientation and gender identity that I spent years pretending to be cishet and the internalised hatred and shame of who I am caused me to attempt suicide and self harm throughout my life. Being closeted meant that my true gender expression was acted out as a dysfunctional sex addict marked by secret crossdressing and dangerous casual sex with men and addiction. The difference that it made for me when I came out and began to transition socially then medically was night and day. Immediately I felt a profound spiritual awakening and a happiness I had never known was possible. The addiction to acting out with erotic cross dressing and casual gay sex evaporated almost over night long before I started hormone treatment. My hormone treatment now after 8 months no longer includes t blocker and I've never been happier with my life. I am so proud to be trans. IMO I think your story is an example of a cis gendered person who made a mistake. As long as you're truly happy now in yourself I guess that's all that matters.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a trans women. I find it strange that your therapist told you you were transgender. In my opinion, only you can determine if you are transgender. No one can or should tell you. I also find it very strange that your coming out was celebrated. That is not the story that I have heard very often. Most of the time its losing a relationship, job, family, friends ect. It was pretty damn brutal for me. I sacrificed an incredible amount. It was a very difficult decision but in the end I knew it was something that I had to do. Biology is fixed. There is a bit more too it then just XY and XX. A disproportional amount of trans people have pretty sever endocrine disorders or are some form of intersex. There is a lot of science that shows that trans people have biological differences to cis people although more research is needed. I constantly considered and debated where my dysphoria could be coming from. I was desperate to find something that would mean I was not trans and could live happily without transitioning. I did not want to be trans WHATSOEVER. I was really horrified when I first realized that I was. As my dysphoria worsened with age, my sexuality really crashed. I was def not AGP case. I think you cannot change the gender that you are. You can only chose to live as your true gender or chose not too. Similar to sexuality. You can not chose who you are attracted too. You can only chose to act on it or not. My gender is certainly female. I tried to chose not to live that way but faking something like that is really hard for a lot of trans people. I was good at pretending to be a guy but it was a lot of work and repression. Gender is not the same thing as sex. Lastly, de-transitioning people should be supported 100%. Doing something that is socially difficult to live a more honest and happier life should be supported by everyone ESPECIALLY trans people. I think that questioning gender should be more widely accepted. You should be allowed to try what you like and change your mind as you learn more about yourself. It is a very difficult thing to figure out for most GNC people.
As an MtF I totally agree with your remarks. I think one of the hardest things in life is know yourself. One thing I will say is that when you transition you do things that you never thought that you would do....in this amazing journey....
What I don't understand, why trust these gender therapists that are trans themselves? It would appear they want new team members and not acting in the best interest of the patient/client. Thanks for telling your story. They tend to embrace new members but when people have a change of mind, the tribe seems to turn.
@@haveagoodone2935 yes, I realize that they are sharks looking for new teammates by deception. Most of them rush people into hormones in a meeting or two, yours played it out longer than usual. They know what they are doing and know it needs to be rushed. All kids have questions, now the Internet and algorithms rush some pretty bad decisions. Get girls to hate their breasts, want a deeper voice. All to actually do more harm. I am 70, lol, we all questioned our sexes, luckily no surgeons were standing by for radical surgeries or hormones;)
Dude, I am living your life right now and not really sure where to go from here. I definitely have doubts that it's the best thing for me but I still am interested in the idea. On the off chance you see this, what do you recommend me to do? I am already going to talk to a therapist. I ask because I am scared that it comes from autogynephilia. I do get a kick thinking about being a woman but the kick comes from me wanting to act out the role of a woman. Unlike you I don't find women super attractive, I think they are attractive but my kick doesn't come from that. I also am like you in that I've always been a sensitive guy. Maybe this is too much for a youtube comment section but you honestly could be the best person for advice for me right now so it's worth putting myself out there lol. I just came up with an idea that actually might give me the answer. If they allowed me to take hormone blockers and let me skip out on the Estrogen would that stop Testosterone development so that I can be sure it doesn't come from a place of fetishism? I know you're not a doctor but you may be able to tell me whether that's a bad idea right off the bat or not.
I would recommend reading up on Carl Jung's theory of the anima/animus. As a biological male you can figuratively dance with your feminine side and long term you will essentially be formed individually instead of a specific gender. Unless you speak with a doctor I wouldn't recommend testosterone blockers because of the health problems associated with them
In India an instance in Mahabharat tells of how a scorned woman vowed to take revenge and was loaned masculinity. During the Mahabharat war, this FtM became a shield between the two opposing warriors-Bhishma and Arjun. Lord Krishna knew that the FtM Shikhandi would not be attacked by Bhishma because Bhishma would consider her as a woman and unfit to be attacked. Hiding behind the FtM would give Arjuna the opportunity to kill Bhishma and would fulfill Ambhi's vows to avenge her insult when she was abducted by Bhishma but he refused to marry her forcing her to pray to seek vengeance for insulting her womanhood. To me at least the fact is crystal clear: your biological sex cannot be changed, however advanced medical options become. Secondly, there is a deluge of information on such transition as a happy solution. Thirdly, sex change operation is a legitimized business and when there is commercial interest the perception and projection convey false impression. The issue of gender dysphoria is a highly invested concept and theory. Give yourself time. Be compassionate. Do not bother whether you are matching or not. The interior and exterior will match. Do not destroy self and family. It is not worth.
Hey Josh, thank you very much for the video! I have a question: how old were you when you decided to have the coming out on social media/how old are you now? Wish you all the best!
Do you have any persisting health issues because of your transition and detransition? I quit after 9 months and my balls seem to be in a good size still so I hope everything works out. I know it can cause persisting ED, penile atrophy and prostate issues for some. Haven't had a chance for bloodwork yet
Hey whats up brother. I appreciate this video and your others a lot. Im wondering if theres anyway to reach out to you to talk about some things Im dealing with very similar to what youve spoken about in these videos. I like the perspective you have on all this and Id like to get your take on some things going on in my own life.
Hi there, I'm happy you found your way, it's hard being trans and also hard being a detransitioner. In your video you mentioned biology a few times and living with nature etc, just wanted to point out that trans people's brain waves are closer to, some even the same as the gender they desire to be. BTW I myself am a MTF and a late bloomer...
I appreciate you sharing this. I was wondering if there were more detransitioned FTM or if it's about the same but the MTF's aren't as open about their experience.
That was very interesting. I've been looking deeply into trans recently because it almost seems as though there's an epidemic of it. I do believe that some people are born and grow up, believing from a very young age that they should be the opposite sex to the one that they are, that there's a minuscule percentage of the population that genuinely feel to be in the wrong body. However, I have witnessed my male siblings and relatives loving dressing up in female clothing when young and all bar one who is now gay have grown into hetero male presenting men. I myself as a girl spent a lot of time being a tom boy, playing with boys, having short boyish hair, but have never once questioned whether I am female. Children can imagine themselves to be all sorts of things. A friend's child spent most of their childhood believing they were a squirrel! There seems to be a contagion of teen and adult trans, the figures have rocketed over the last decade, and I find it very concerning. I consider myself to be liberal, non-bigoted and accepting but the sheer numbers, especially of FTM (of which a good friend has a daughter who did this aged 16 onwards), seems to suggest that something is happening to encourage it. I find it deeply disturbing that children can have their physiology "played with" using blockers and hormones and hear that in Canada girls as young as 13 can have mastectomies. Who at 13 knows their own mind...?! From the research I have done it would seem that blockers and hormones are prescribed after minimal counselling, I'm talking a couple of one hour sessions. I think that is woefully inadequate. As a sufferer of clinical depression, here in the UK I was offered 6 one hour counselling sessions on the NHS, that barely scratched the surface of my issues. So to think that life and body altering decisions could be made with so little psychological intervention is mind blowing. Having watched a lot of detransition videos on youtube it is very obvious that the people had other issues that they thought could be solved by changing sex, the saddest of which are those that have been abused. I think it far better to be accepting of each other and ourselves with all our quirks and foibles, whether gay, cross-dressing, camp, butch, or whatever. To celebrate that we are not all cookie cutter representations of male of female but like yourself can be male with strong female traits and who likes to dress as a woman at times. Transitioning can be life changing and not for the better, you could have gone the whole way and altered your genitalia, thank goodness for you that you didn't. As for my friend's daughter FTM, she/he has had radical surgeries, but presents as a a drag artist. She/he in no way at all presents as a male. She/he is very artistic, why could they not simply leave their body alone and just present in the same clothes as they do now? They are not happy, they have attempted suicide many times, clearly someone in need of psychological help rather than surgical help. It's so very sad and disturbing. I am glad that you realised in time that transitioning was not what you needed. It's interesting that you lost trans friendships over it, why do they feel so threatened by that...? I could imagine it is because they themselves don't feel secure and confident about their decisions and the people they have become and are defensive. Surely the right response to what you did should be supportive, as you realised before doing irreversible damage to yourself, what a tragedy it would have been if you had come to that realisation too late.
People who experience AGP is not transgender. Transgenders do not feel sexual drive like that. So if you experienced AGP then you did the right choice to detransition 👍
I went from HOCD to TOCD, listening to detransitioners calms me. I wish I was a man forever. I am a 14 year old male. But the ocd doubted me so much. But I know I want to be male for life. I take pride in being a guy.
Thank you for your insight.😊. I enjoyed your video and although I am a sis woman, not only I will subscribe but I will also hit your notification bell and look forward to your next video.😊
@@_pilly honesty is the best policy. It avoids so much problems in the future. If someone can't accept you for your past they aren't worth it. Best wishes
Hello, thank you for sharing this video! I also am aware of the word autogynephilia and do more or less relate to the feeling. And so I’m a little scared that as I start transitioning as a woman and taking hormones, I might change my mind as the chemicals change me. As seeing you as an example of mtftm detransition, I’m not too worried of how I would look, but am most afraid that I will lose the ability to produce sperm. In your case, this might be a personal question so please don’t feel compelled to answer, but how have you dealt and reasoned with why you should transition more than the risk of losing sperm produce?
Did you ever felt you were 100% transgender? You, as all detransition people seem to be very complicated cases, much more complicated than transgender people. This is sad because the medicine can not do miracles. The expectations of detransitioners should be realistic. Maybe you should understand that this trans experience was something you needed, to learn enough about yourself, your own sexuality and gender identity. In some cases, there is no talk with psychologists that can help someone to learn enough about himself. This temporary transition was very likely an experience you needed to go through, to become the man you are today.
My gender therapist was trans and never challenged me on a cognitive level. I was literally approved for HRT after 3 sessions of talking about my feelings at the time.
@@haveagoodone2935 there are people making detransition after 8 years living as the opposite gender. You can not tell, how much talk with the therapist, experience and time you will need to learn yourself better, and even to came to conclusion your gender match with your biological sex.
hey, i was hoping you could answer me a question, i am a men, im 20 years old and i am very very feminine , my body build is pretty feminine but i want to look like a femboy, (just to look more feminine and have a bigger bum and softer skin), i did what i can when it comes to working out but i want more, i came up with this crazy plan to go on estrogen for a whjile and then quit it, just to intentionally change the fat distribution in my body, to have a bigger butt and a little softer chest, i wanted to ask what are the permanent effects of estrogen and if this plan is even realistic? i do not want to be a women, i like my penis i like everything about me and being a men, i just want to be more feminine physically.
Thanks for sharing ya story bruh! I'm actually FTM & I've been transitioning for about 2yrs now. I luv watching these sort of vids bc this is an important conversation that needs 2 be had too
Glad you enjoyed it. I feel it is necessary so people that actually have dysphoria can transition without being lumped into so much of the activist rot these days.
Congrats on making it 2 years. I wish you well!
@@haveagoodone2935
To all the trans souls out there:
You all been DECEIVED by the old devil, who uses many technics to mess with the minds of humans.
Being trans ain`t a diagnose,
being trans = deeply deceived mind sets that have been broken down with fear technics.
Human life is known to be fragile, our minds are much more fragile.
It doesn`t take much at all to break someone mind/soul. A mind/soul broken into pieces
is much easier to make believe lies. The most often method on people being used is: TRAUMAS, childhood traumas. These are enough to cause a soul to be broken down so deeply that for a soul to find some kind of relief, they make up or come up with unlogical - unrealistic ways to cope with pain inside.
Therefore:
Trans human being = A Soul who is hurting deeply and usually are also DECEIVED to believe many lies deeply.
Ephesians 5:29 | View whole chapter | See verse in context
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
How can one argue with GOD/TRUTH/LOGIC? - none can`t
At the end of the day what you all “trans” really do is: you are cutting off your working = healthy body parts, trying to put on wrong parts that never should be there.
Congratulations by being GENDERLESS being. And all for what? - because all the lies you end up believing?
Mass media, family members, friends, strangers = forming a mind of a child. The wrong and unhealthy ways as we all clearly see.
Wow to these people who do such crimes.
Making someone believe the lies so deeply,
advising to cut off someones own body parts,
Doing the operations on these souls.
When did someone became that EVIL? and why?
Let me ask 1 more question: What are you doing with these parts that are cut off one`s bodies?
you don't stick them all on the wrong bodies, so what about these?
ruclips.net/video/pGnuFwUv5-g/видео.html
Start to shovel into the deep and wake finally up from the delusions one living in.
I read that one of the reasons there are way more female detransitioners speaking up it’s cause all the men detransitioners have it easier when it comes to “going back” to their biological sex since most of the times the changes made by estrogens are completely erased by the testosterone coming back in , so it’s easier to “ be stealth” ,while for females it’s close to impossible to completely go back which makes it more compelling to talk about it .
Yes I agree. Biological males produce 10x more testosterone than biological females.
@Peach Cob what language is this? lmao
Peach Cob You’re a fucking idiot calling others idiots Testosterone thickens the vocals cords so it’s not the ”putting on a deep voice” it’s the same as biological guys after puberty, they don’t put on a deep voice their voice is like that and will need vocal training for it to return near to it’s original sounds but will never been the same again
@Peach Cob majority of people who undergo ftm transition get top surgery as soon as is physically possible, the body hair does not go away at best it gets thinner but the hair follicles don't magically disappear, you will have an adams apple forever and you will at best sound like a 13 year old boy who's voice just broke forever because vocal change is irreversible, you can become permanently infertile, also your clit gets bigger and can end up looking like a micropenis forever because that is also irreversible, and depending on how young you are when you start taking it it can also cause permanent changes to your bone structure making your face appear irreversibly more masculine. stop being a whiny pussy and accept that detransition is hard for everyone and it's way harder for someone who looks like a woman but has an adams apple and a deep voice and 5 oclock shadow to pass for female than it is for a dude with a shrunken ballsack to pass for male, at least no one can see your dysfunctional penis
@Jerry Donohue they all go on T because they think they do have the "wrong brain sex", I should know since I was one of them. The problem is the lack of research into gender dysphoria and gender issues because so many people push back against accepting trans people at face value that no one is able to dig deeper without unintentionally giving credibility to this transphobia, therapists have to focus so much on getting a person as supported and safe as the gender they think they might be so they can continue therapy that they usually end up on hormones before they can even start addressing other underlying issues that may be contributing.
I am a Trans Woman. I appreciate your voice and hope that you are doing well. Good luck on your journey. You are right, there are not many mtf detrans stories and you being a voice for some people who may have doubts and may want to change their minds is important. I’m going to watch part 2 and 3 now. ❤ no regrets only lessons.
When you mentioned feeling like you were 2 different people fighting each other I relate hard to that and I’m a woman (born) never taken any hormones. I’m glad u were able to free yourself from the inner conflict. Wish me luck in the same.
It struck me as interesting that he said he felt like there was a conflict between two different people. I can't really relate to that. For me, my transness is more like me coming into my own. I don't feel like a different person. Just the right version of myself.
I literally am going through the same exact thing after living as a trans woman for 5 years and now I’m detransitioning it’s been rough but everything you said I resonate with. I really needed this video because it’s so spot on with what I’m going through. I’ve been having such a hard time with it but I’m just looking forward to the future, but thanks for sharing ✌🏻
I wish you well. Detransitioning can be hard but it's about self rediscovery. Wow 5 years is a long time. I was on HRT 14 months.
Thanks for making this video! And thanks for mentioning Autogynephilia. I myself am autogynephilic; I think trying to hide it under the rug negatively impacts everyone. I understood myself a lot better once I learned about it and accepted it. I wish you the best! And am glad that you've found a sort of peace after all this~
Glad to help. When I went off the hormones there was no info for MtF detrans. I'm hoping more info can be available. Gender needs less politics and more science.
I wish you well!
There’s a subreddit for people who are dealing with it .
Great vid, this is a good story and it’s so hard to find other detransitioned guys talking about this. Seems like most detransition content on here is from ex-ftm’s and the experience is just different. I’m tempted sometimes to consider my transition to be the most misguided decision I’ve ever made, but the wakeup call that led to my detransition was probably worth it because I was still probably even more deluded about myself and reality before transitioning than during the trans woman phase. Stoic philosophy and the idea of not trying to impose my will on reality and seek satisfaction in externals really carried me through. I’m actually, I guess, a fairly masculine guy based on traditional parameters, and part of my motivation, I’ve decided, was shame about maleness due to the association with my abusive father’s kind of masculinity. I think autogynephilia was probably part of it too for me - DEFINITELY needs more research! I think in the future when I’ve had more distance from it and gotten more of my life back, I’ll put out my own videos.
I hope you do put videos out as mtf back to male de-trans voices are very needed.
Especially as many mtf trans identified people who surgically transition are facing a very challenging issues when they de transition as they no longer produce testosterone and will have to a) take it exogenously and b) may not want to have their sex drive while unable to obtain a physical orgasm due to a lack of the genital structure.
My gender therapist was too lax about me believing I was male, too (I'm an FtM detransitioner). Both her and my doctor were convinced I was male simply because I claimed I felt male. It disgusts me how doctors and therapists these days (in America, at least) have to just take you by your word. Especially when they're talking to a dumb teenager! Or even a prepubescent kid! Kids don't know over 110% what their gender is. Therapists and doctors have to be better than this.
Especially since body altering and I would say even mind altering drugs (hormones are synthetic) are used and very real.
More science and less politics is needed in the area of gender transition.
@@haveagoodone2935 I completely agree! Politics feel so gross and nasty. I feel like they corrupt everything they touch. It shouldn't touch gender identity at all. It just makes life harder for everyone, even if at first it feels like the right direction.
@@haveagoodone2935 I can really feel this sentiment, my experience with being prescribed stimulants for Adhd from age 6+ (which i could say from experience is a mind-altering treatment.) I really had very little concept of what I was committing to or the potential effects, I was so unaware at that age and completely trusted my parents and doctors. It doesn't have the long lasting side effects of HRT, but the effects it had on my state of mind were stark. I can kind of relate to young people being prescribed hrt.. patients of any age really could be as unaware as I was, simply seeking a solution to their problems.
I've edited this comment like 6 times lol the surge of gender dysphoria diagnosis lately really does remind meme if the 90s ritalin scare (when stimulants like ritalin and adderall were overprescribed to way too many kids that probably didn't have adhd ya know?) 🤔😑😙
@@WafflingWillow can I ask is there any type of requirements..? Like social transition for an x amount of time before they give u hrt?
@@luxie2155 I wish I could tell you the requirements but trans activists are trying to withdraw any gatekeeping. It USED to be at least a year of gender therapy (but it depends on location), then once you get the letter of consent, your doctor can hand you the drugs. It was still a low bar to hop but it was something.
I'm FTF just a little levity. I'm an older woman who finds this subject absolutely fascinating. First, I'm glad I was born when I was. I was and can still be considered a tomboy. Very athletic, don't give me a doll give me a skateboard. No one ever assumed I was anyone but who I was, meaning I never felt I was a boy just better than any boy lol. At 14 I was working with a really nice guy. He struck me a little odd because he was very feminine. But none the less he was cool to hang with. One day he wasn't there and I just thought he moved on. Several months later a new employee showed up and I found myself memorized by her. She caught me staring and called me to the back room. I was nervous hell, I thought I was in trouble. She said I'd like to introduce myself. Her voice was eeriely familiar. She said it's me Angel but you can now call me Angie. My face must have melted sideways she said you better sit down, I'll explain. She explained everything to me, it was incredible. She asked if I had any questions and I said yes, I like sports does this make me like you. She laughed out loud and said oh no honey. But it's important to always be yourself, if you ever need to talk about anything I'm here. She could've jumped in and insisted I was trans, so much like the adults I witness these days. Well I examined myself and realized I'm a woman and I like men. I don't know if I ever would have questioned this had I not met Angie or would I have lived a sheltered life of lies. I am so thankful for this experience and major learning opportunity. I feel so many young lives are being manipulated by the people that are supposed to protect and or help you. ☮️
I have many trans friends, and am part of a very socially progressive community, and I think the young "trans community" is a little misunderstood. People aren't going around diagnosing their friends as trans, or manipulating each other, that I'm aware of. People decide these things on their own. When your friend tells you they want to transition, you should be supportive, the same way you should be supportive if your friend tells you they want to detransition. If they're an adult, then they're the best person to make the decisions about how to best improve their life. And most of the time, people are right.
If you're someone's therapist, then you have professional expertise that can help you guide them in these kinds of decisions. And if you've transitioned or detransitioned (or even if you were a tomboy), then you have a valuable story to tell, and it's really important that all these kinds of stories are out there. But if you're just a friend, you should be supportive of your friends whatever gender they choose to present as.
I'm an older tomboy too. Always have been, and always will be lol! Things have changed so much. Our environment is full of xenohormones, atrazine, and other things that are effecting our endocrine and reproductive health - lots of wildlife studies have already been done. I wish this was part of the conversation. Our modern lives are exposed to so many chemicals and heavy metals.
Accepting ourselves and learning how to be divinely feminine in our own ways - even though it's not always a popular feminine social stereotype - is difficult, albeit healthy and important.
Your comment about having two people inside you rang so true with me.
2017 was emotionally taxing for me.
I think i have autogynephilia, i havnt been diagnosed havnt started hormones but i feel like theres 2 of me as well.
I grew up in the 90’s, turned 5 years old in 1989 and I was all boy, despite being a girl for my entire childhood, teenage years and into adulthood and if transgender had been as common as it is today, I would have been convinced I was a boy. I was just called a tomboy and looking back I was a tomboy. Never wanted to be a guy so badly I would take testosterone or have any surgeries. Thank you for your story, it will really help others to think about it before they do anything permanent.
Hi. I really appreciated your comment. When I was young I was such a tomboy. I hated anything girly anything with lace made me sick. I was all boy. Yet I was born a girl. Well when I was a kid nobody really talked about being transgender but if you were you had to go through two years of gender therapy before you could even start hormones. Nowadays it blows my mind. A kid goes into therapy tells the therapist I feel like I'm a boy they say they have dysphoria or the therapist leans them that way by saying do you feel uncomfortable being a girl and then the child says yes I do and boom they're put on hormones. It's such a serious decision. I think it should go back to the ethical policy were all people no matter what age if they want to transition must have two full years of gender therapy. Then we wouldn't have all these detransitioners now. Thanks for a great comment
kavita deva Thank you! I love how your story is very close to mine. Wow two years, I wish they had that much today and yes, these kids are talking about “I’m transgender” at 4-8 years old and I’m like 🤔. Now I’m not saying that these kids aren’t trans but I’m just hoping they give themselves a lot of time. Like Jazz Jennings did, she dressed like a girl and for all intents and purposes was a girl and then when she was much older had the bottom surgery, that’s ok, she never changed her mind. I’m just wondering what’s to become of these kids who are being immediately listed as like you said having dysphoria or called trans right away. These are medicines being put in the body that will change that child’s life forever and I fear for them. Thank you for telling me your story btw, it’s nice to not get hate for my comment.
@@CaptchaNeon hi. Thank you so much for replying back to me. I did not think I would get a reply and it was so quick and I'm so excited. Because I think our childhoods are similar in that way. And it is really scary right now especially if you were born female and want to transition to male and then you realize oops I don't think I'm trans. Now you're left with hair on your face on your legs on your butt on your back maybe on your chest. and that hair does not go away. The hair does not go away I know that for a fact. I know someone who detransitioned and they still have facial hair and they have to shave. Anyways you know today it's too easy to become transgender. And the therapist these days will even kind of ask questions in a way where the child will answer oh yes I feel like what you just said therapist. Or the therapist will say you have dysphoria. yes that's me the kid replies. Well I can tell you I hated being a girl I hated everything about it until I went through puberty and I got a very blessed body. And then all of a sudden for some reason after puberty when I was older like in my twenties I really dug being a chick. I still have my masculine ways. you know what I mean? I don't know people today would call it non-binary I guess. But I just want to thank you again because I think we kind of see eye-to-eye that it's just not being done ethically in my opinion. And we are going to see so many detransitioners. Have a great day.
@@kavitadeva Hello again and you're welcome. I'm always excited to meet people like me too so I understand. I always try to reply to people fairly quickly, especially when I was recording RUclips videos. I stopped posting on my channel back in February 2020. Anyway, you know I never thought about the actual hair that would start growing in weird places, it's good you brought that up. I was thinking about possible growth stunting, mood changes and voice changes. OMG about your friend, it's crazy how they're forced to live a life of always having to take away the damage that happened to their body. Do you think that person has any other effects? Like mentally I mean? Oh yeah kids can definitely be convinced of anything and coxed into answering what they think the adult wants to hear. I'm curious if you felt this way as well, you mentioned that prior to puberty you hated everything about being a girl, did you hate (like I did) the idea that in order to be a "real" girl you had to do you hair, wear nail polish, go for all the girliest toys and speak in a feminine way? I agree we'll definitely be seeing a lot more detransitioners and all I can hope for them is that they find whatever peace they didn't find in their transition. Hope you have a great day as well.
@@CaptchaNeon well hello again back at you. You leave really awesome comments I just want you to know that. Very thoughtful and very insightful. What was your RUclips channel about and what was the name of the channel? Well to answer one of your questions, yes as a child I hated the idea of anything girly any kind of dress any kind of nail polish. I never liked to shave under my arms or my legs. I did it when I was in high school but I don't do it now. it's just too weird for me. But when I was younger like you know 9 10 or 11 I was really not interested in anything that was super femy. And still to this day I'm not. So I want to tell you a story a true story. My mother was a severe narcissist. And at nine years old she took me to a gender Clinic because she hated the fact that I wasn't a girly girl. So she told me that I had to go to this gender Clinic because she was going to have my sex changed to a boy. It was the most traumatic year ever. I had to sit-down with the psychiatrist and therapist and they made me draw myself naked on paper they made me draw myself with a penis they asked me really bizarre questions. Now remember I'm only 9 years old. I didn't know what was going on. So that's my narcissistic mother for you putting me through that. And as for my friend I also know other female to male transgender people on RUclips that have detransitioned and they still have a manly voice and they still have to shave and one of them said she still has chest hair and back hair and even hair on her butt. And she hasn't taken testosterone for over a year. This whole transgender thing is really crazy. I never wanted to be a boy I just didn't want to be a girl if that makes sense. for instance when I started developing breasts I would hit myself on my breast hoping that I could make them go away and it was very painful to do that. And when I got my period Oh boy I was so upset so upset. If I was that child today I would be a transgender kid and I would be a boy now. Because nowadays like you said in your comment they can talk you into thinking you're transgender. they can tell you all the wonderful things that will happen if you change your sex excuse me your gender. Anyways by the way what is your name? And thank you so much for dialoguing with me. What made you stop your YT? Channel?
Thanks for making this; i'm trying to decide now too. I'm still in that stuck-between-two-people phase, but I feel like I'm getting closer to detransitioning.
Wow hey Isaac I’m one of your subbies
@@justinohren8549 hey Justin :) i had forgotten about this comment, very interesting!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a female detransitioner, but I could relate. I also did not talk about my detransition until years after the fact. It is great that so many more people are coming forward now. I think it will help people who are considering transitioning to weigh their options more.
Glad you enjoyed it. I really needed enough time to process it all
It does! Thanks for the insights. I helps so much seeing both sides.
Thank you for your story, I thought I was MTF trans as a young teen, but I never transitioned since my parents said I was too young (thankfully). Now years later I figured out I am just a bisexual cis guy. And yeah some people are way too easy to tell people they are trans, being a bit non conforming does not make you trans! and I agree that gender is mostly biology, not a social construct. It was nice though to see that im not the only one who had gender stuff be a phase then pass and I am happy as my birth gender.
Funnily, the reason I'm considering detransitioning is really just cause I feel estrogen hasn't done anything after starting so late.
I looked kinda fem, sure.... But only if I'm overweight as hell since fat redistribution is most of what hormones did starting at 25. :(
I'm so thankful and relieved that so many are speaking up about detransitioning. Thank you, God bless!
I really appreciate this video. I struggle to stay as I am, and not be moved by my own thoughts, pressure, society. I stopped my hormone process over a year ago. It pulls at me to continue to change to a man, but my heart keeps me in the middle because something tells me I'm already perfect. I'd love to have friends like you.
I think the reason I transitioned was from child hood trauma and not being able to express my femininity. I found this out through spirituality so I decided to detransition a few days ago.
I was only on my meds for two years from 16 to 18 and I was wondering if I keep doing push-ups will my very minimal breast development turn to muscles. I was extremely bony before but now I have more weight from my meds but not a lot. Thanks for telling your story tho
I'm sorry you experienced trauma. Life does get better once gender stops being the core of one's identity.
I can say that lifting weights and doing push-ups consistently have built up my muscles. On HRT my transbreasts were barely an A cup. The natural testosterone has reversed a lot. Altho I think I still have a woman's butt
Have A Good One thanks so much! Subscribed
I work at a clinic. Biological males, detransitioned or not often forget to screen themselves for breast cancer. You'll have a bit more tissue to check than the many men, so things could be less noticable. Please, please don't forget.
Thanks for this Josh! I'm also MtFtM. Quite relatable to me in a lot of ways. I was also on estradiol and spironolactone for just over a year. I found myself as if being caught between being two people--I've often described it like this: The part of me which was allowed to mature is a young mother, but the more primary part of me which was not allowed to mature in order to be protected is the unborn baby boy in my womb, and that by detransitioning I started to give birth to the baby boy.
That's a good point what one of your therapists said, which I think applies very much to me: that some men have a certain degree of sensitivity and natural way of expressing things that would have a look that we associate with women. I detransitioned 6 years ago, but that's sort of where I'm at today--I've understood I'm a man, but now I'm also becoming comfortable with being a man and yet having a certain set of natural expressions that might look girlish/womanly, and other expressions that might looks boyish/manly, and trying not to be insecure about either of those. Because it's awkward starting to loosen up and act more naturally, and I have fears it will look terribly awkward and unnatural at first--but I think whatever turns out to be my natural way of being expressive, it will not only feel natural but look natural and won't be a constant interruption in social life.
I'll check out some more of your videos when I get the chance :) God bless!
I think society really needs to do more to embrace people who do not conform to traditional, sexist gender stereotypes (feminine woman and masculine man). The shift is starting to happen but unfortunately it is being undermined by the transgender movement which tries to push people into transitioning, without considering whether it's the best course for them or exploring alternative treatments, and they try to silence anyone who dares to disagree with their agenda. The UK recently had a court case where a transgender clinic was successfully sued for prescribing puberty blockers to teenagers. Hopefully this will set a precedent for other countries.
Edit: To give a personal account, I have struggled with my identity for many years (not just in terms of gender but in terms of where I fit into society in general). I've always been pretty skeptical and had a tendency to question anything that was followed by the majority. Eventually I realised that I (and every other human, and indeed sentient life form on this planet) was simply a conscious mind inside a body that we did not choose. That helped me to accept myself and other people and develop a much deeper level of empathy for other humans and living things. I feel much more at peace with my existence now, and with the existence of other people. None of us chose to be here and none of us chose the form that we were born into. All we can do is be kind to one another and try to make everyone's limited time on earth as pleasant and meaningful as possible. I think if everyone could get to this point of self-awareness then they wouldn't need to resort to expensive surgeries and hormone treatments in order to conform to some socially acceptable way of being human. IMHO, as long as you abide by laws and treat others with kindness, that's enough. It doesn't matter what other people think. Your true value as a person lies within. I just wish people knew this.
You're a handsome man! I am a Transwoman who is completely happy with who I am now...who I always really was, and for me, after decades of this, know I will never go back.. but, that all said, I understand there are many nowadays who "transitioned" who shouldn't have. It must have taken real guts to make a video like this, but it will be appreciated by many and it will help many people who also are in the same position. I was fortunate in that the psychiatrists I spoke to encouraged me to wait a few years before making the decision to transition. Nowadays, there is a general sentiment in the medical establishment that if you don't allow a person to transition quickly or even immediately that you are being "transphobic" or denying the person their rights. This attitude, while well-meaning, will cause a lot of hurt for many who will rush into transition. I personally - when asked - would counsel those feeling they want to transition to really think about it for several years before going the full way. Anyway, great video - being honest about yourself is a beautiful thing.
Thank you for being a voice of reasons in a sea of bigots that seem to make up the trans rights movement, who do their utmost to silence any alternative views or discussion.
Gosh your eyes are legit beautiful. I've never noticed someone's eyes before. You're gorgeous as yourself, authenticity is beautiful and graceful. 👍
Thanks for sharing Josh. This is very important! We know so little about dysphoria and its connection to socialisation, trauma, sexuality, biology etc. I think the one thing that is a given is that the concept of "lady brain in man body" is the most simplistic answer to an amazingly complex question. We need so , so, so much better study and answers. Best wishes for your future.
It also resonates a lot with me what you said about two people battling it out in your head. This happens to me too. I feel I'd like to change my body to be more feminine on the one hand but am also afraid to lose my old one. I wish I could be like Ranma in the manga Ranma 1/2 who can change his gender with the touch of cold / hot water. The best of both worlds.
I'm also generally very averse of taking medicine that is not strictly necessary or having surgeries that are no necessary for healing. So the idea of taking hormones or getting surgeries is against my normal values. I'm all for the natural body so changing it feels contrary to myself. It's paradoxical.
I also believe that the autogynophiliac things applies to me. I definitely find it arousing imagining myself to be a sexy woman and it is a major motivator in my desire to be more feminine, dressing like a woman, wanting breasts and a vagina
@N R I think it's good that you weigh in all options, but the autogynephilia theory that is linked to trans people has been disproven for a long time.
If you think that might play into your identity, just try it out in bed with someone. It should be fun either way! Stay safe!
@@sugonmad2402 odd, I thought it was being vindicated more and more
It’s been vindicated , and extremely prevalent
Oh my gosh, you're so cute I can't stand it! 😃Anywho, I'm a transwoman and I agree with you 100% that gender is rooted in biology. I don't believe it's merely a "social construct," although I imagine that societies are generally constructed in a way that reflects and reinforces sex/gender differences. Ironically, I think that in some senses transexuals are a testament to the fact that innate gender differences exist. Obviously there are different causes and pathways to gender dysphoria, but I do believe that some of us are naturally "inverts," probably due to hormone exposure in the womb, and we act more like the opposite sex for that reason. Not because gender isn't real but because we are influenced by the same hormones that make women act like women or, vice versa, FTMs who are influenced by the same hormones that make men act like men. I see a lot of trans people who don't fall into that specific sub-category of trans-- for example, MTFS who, like yourself, are more innately masculine but who still are experiencing (or who have experienced) a form of gender dysphoria. They seem to be motivated to pretend that gender norms are invalid for obvious reasons: to justify their relative lack of femininity. Your honesty and level-headedness when discussing the experience you had is very enjoyable to listen to because you certainly cut through the B.S. Idk if I've said anything here that you haven't already thought about, but I just figured I'd put my thoughts out there just in case and wish you the best on your individual path in life. :)
Such a lovely and informative comment ❤️
Transgender Therapists confirms "Misery loves company".
THOUGHT: If I am miserable and confused and you join me in my thought process, then I am okay. Just because someone says they are happy doesn't mean when the lights go off, they don't cry and have regrets. Talk is cheap and a facade is full of PRIDE ["Pride goes before the fall"] which EVENTUALLY destroys one's being. IMO
Thank you for sharing your experience. These times we live in worry me for the younger generations. It seems far too easy to medically transition. I hope you are thriving!
We all need to live our "true" selves in order to be happy. Glad you got to explore before you made the decision. I wish you well
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. The points you make about some boys being “just gay” or just sensitive boys is so true. It’s what many parents try to express to our children and the counsellors these days. It would be nice if people experiencing gender dysphoria were actually counselled to learn to be happy with your truth “your biology” as you said. It would be som much healthier than starting on pharmaceuticals or having surgeries.
This video has been enlightening for me. I am female
and have been very concerned about the increase in children/teens
transitioning. The long term effects of puberty blockers and hormones can creat lots of problems
I thank you for you honesty and bravery in discussing this issue. Bravo for discovering who you are!
Transition = celebrity Detransition = enemy.
Transwoman here. There are no regrets. Only lessons 💕 good luck to you Josh
Josh Thanx for sharing your story! You are precious! You have a gentle and good spirit! You will make some woman really happy! Glad you are back! Def wishing all well! Lol love the tree analogy!
"You should be more than 100% sure". Anyone going for medical intervention needs to think this through, and make a calm, rational decision, rather than a whimsical, emotional one they might regret years down the line.
I’d love for you to do a video talking about your personal experience in your de transition, like how did that process look for you? What changes did you see first(both physical and emotional)? How long did these changes take? Where did you work at the time of your detransition? How long before you felt 100% comfortable to go out and be perceived as a male again? Did you ever get electrolysis, if so how long before your hair grew back after de transitioning? These would also be very helpful! Thank you in advance Josh, I wish you well handsome.
Thank you so much for sharing! You have no idea how much this has touched my heart and really helped me. Seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I believe you may have saved me tons of time, money, and even prevented some permanent life choices I might regret. I've watched all your videos. Even though I didn't get as far into the transition process; you literally stole the words right out of my mouth during the entire process, from the uprising of trying on clothes to Autogynephilia, to pre and during HRT, even the same weird craving for salt and pickles while surrendering to your emotions, all the way to your conclusions on why you chose to detransition. I have lots of questions, but don't feel obligated to answer them, I understand this was a in the past for you.
1. I'm very curious about Autogynephilia, as I believe I'm in the same boat, and my therapist brushed it off. I feel hormones initially fueled this, but slowly the 'estrogen goggles' started blocking it out. I've always been very ashamed and embarrassed about Autogynephilia, probably one of my biggest burdens life. To finally be 'free' from that has been more than welcome while on hormones. However, I also feel I may be on hormones for the wrong reasons, specifically escapism for Autogynephilia. As I look to detransition, I'm scared the desires to dress/act feminine might return. I'm curious how you feel now that you are no longer on hormones. Do you still have any desires? Does Autogynephilia give you any issues? Or do you think your gender exploration might have helped you detach the psychological association with your gender identity and break that chain from starting? If this didn't break it, do you have any advice or guidance on making peace with Autogynephilia when you stop hormones?
2. Did you ever dislike your male secondary sex characteristics? Or do you believe maybe that was strictly associated with Autogynephilia? Do you currently struggle with any desire or want for feminine secondary sex characteristics? I've come to really like a lot of the feminine secondary sex characteristics, and I fear I will miss them. I know in my heart that I value internal self-exploration and becoming the best version of myself over being feminine or any form of external expression, but I'm REALLY struggling to walk away from this, even when I know there is a stack of reasons I should not be transitioning. Not sure if its the same, but this feels like one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make in my life.
Thanks again for sharing, it is extremly admirable. This video is way too underrated, and I feel you touch on, and describe, things in a very neutral and articulate way. I hope you are doing amazing and enjoying your life to the fullest!
Thank you for telling your story for everyone to know
Thanks so much for this video. I'm FtMtF and I agree that most detransitioning voices out there are those of detransitioned females (not that it's bad or anything, but the MtFtM viewpoint is naturally going to be different and equally necessary for people to hear). I actually transitioned and detransitioned around the same time you did, which is interesting! Anyway I just appreciate you putting your voice out there at a time when it feels like detransitioners are unnecessarily vilified.
Absolutely. I blame the politics of it all. It has gotten so bad that lesbians are considered transphobic for not wanted to date MtFs
Thank you for sharing your story. You will help many people with your openness about detransitioning. I wish you the best. I also hope you have the support you need and hope you are happy . Remember the journey because you have a very unique perspective .
The more of these stories that come out and are lifted up, the better. We HAVE TO PROTECT THE YOUNG ONES!! We have to protect those who are not able to protect themselves!
Josh, what made you have that "a-ha moment" when you decided to detransition? did your original circle of friends (pre-transition) accepted you after you de-transitioned? how has your history impacted your professional llfe?
I never had an aha moment. Just living it day by day the medical costs add up. My truest friends are still in my life.
My history has no impact since I'm in a different career field and enough years have passed that talking about it would require answering more questions.
I just work and do music gigs these days.
@@haveagoodone2935 Thank you for answering and sharing your story. I send you my best vibes for a happy, fulfilled life.
Oh my goodness do you resonate with me so much when I am in a certain state of mind. I am a biological male, who has been gender questioning for almost three years. Well more than that really, I have dressed and lived as a womab, undergone therapy, referred to a Gender Identity Clinic. I am socially incredibly shy, and cannot even speak on Zoom groups. Tonight I tried, but was too nervous to turn my microphone or video on, I just wanted to listen to the thoughts and discussion of the trans women group members. But the host kicked me out, possibly because I didn't speak or show myself. So much for a caring, welcoming community. Hypocrites. I always turn to you when I am disillusioned and doubting the nature of trans. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I’m non-op mtf “transgender” and am thinking of socially detransitioning as well. We must remember that gender is a spectrum and you don’t stay in that same position on the spectrum forever. There is no failure involved either way - it’s simply a change. I follow hermetic principles in nearly everything I do and I believe We all have gendered energies expressing themselves throughout our lives and that ok. The various experiences add new perspectives to your life and it really takes strength and wisdom to embrace the constant change.
I would say that gender expression is socially constructed, but gender is still rooted in biology
Josh Drewes to use your example of cutting down the tree to make a chair. The fact that both the tree and chair are wood is akin to your biological sex. Yes as a trans woman i am still biologically male just as a chair is wooden. But gender which is a social construct denotes function and despite the tree and chair being the same material the function is different. I share my perspective with respect and appreciation to your experience, not to be be disagreeable. 🤙🏻 much love!
I wholeheartedly believe that being transgender is a hobby being mistaken for an identity. We should be more accepting of crossdressing and recognize that crossdressing does not have to mean something more.
Thanks for sharing your story
Thank you for listening. It is something I've been mentally processing for years.
Thanks for being so open. Transition is a brutal process. I have thought about detransition, but ultimately decided this is best.
I accept AGP is real as I meet people who say they have it, but the concept seems off to me.
What does AGP mean
beautiful eye color, wow!
Put the speed on x1.5, you’re welcome.
Thank you for sharing your life. I appreciate that you went through all these decisions and came back to being male. I hope people considering mtf or vice versa find your story and consider both sides. I had a lot of confusion as a child, being sexually molested by three males at different times in my life made my childhood horrific. For years, I wondered if life would be easier as a male. I finally learned to love myself and could accept me as a female. The molesters took my identify and body comfort for most of my life.
I'm sorry you experienced that. I've noticed that many detransitioners have other underlying psychological issues. I wish you well
Hey Josh, I really appreciate you sharing your perspective. Im 3 years into my transition, and considering detransitioning. For me, transition did bring everything I wanted- happiness, self confidence, healthier relationships with my family- but the long term risks of synthetic hormones have been really weighing on me. I want to detransition for these health concerns but Im feeling stuck because the feelings that pushed me to transition in the first place- "dysphoria", and general happiness of living as a female- are difficult to ignore.
Im curious how you overcame these feelings if you had them, and how you cope with them if you still have them since you detransitioned?
It wasn't easy but I read up on Carl Jung's theories of the Anima/Animus complex.
It has been almost 4 years since my detransition journey began (Feb 2017) and I can say that just letting go and embracing what nature (and me personally what God created) is an even more rewarding experience long term.
As a guy I feel like I have an emotional and biological advantage over men that have never transitioned.
In short, I feel even more whole having experienced the full spectrum. I recommend talking with you endocrinologist about detransitioning since that is an emotional journey in and of itself.
Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you the best
I watched a whole documentary on straight men who cross dress. There really is a community out there for everyone. It’s not weird and it’s not uncommon. Just be you 🥰 do what makes you happy. It was very interesting. We need to normalize males who are more feminine. Or women who aren’t super feminine. It’s all good 😊
I used to be sort of an activist, but I am no longer, I have some old views and they are not pleasing to everyone, so I usually keep it to myself. I would say that transitioning MTF the worst case scenario as to sex life is that it is gone. During my time, in the 1990's, sexuality was a no-no, and for a good reason. I think autogynephiles were rejected by the gatekeepers.
Thank you for sharing, I praise you for educating yourself and findkng the real man God created you to be. I have a child living as a trans man and I just keep praying that she understand and accepts herself as the beatiful woman God created her to be as well. Bless you for transparent with your experience.
Good to hear from other detransistioners. So you no longer enjoy womens clothing or makeup or anything? Even though I have detransistioned, I still like to crossdress and practice makeup a lot too.
Since I was fairly passable on hormones, dressing up doesn't do anything for me anymore.
Thanks for honesty uncovering your authentic comfortable self. I'd recommend a book called "Bodycage" (Rehana Incognito) which blows apart so much of this gender "industry" in a very forthright manner! Saves a lot of heartache.
I cant believe it. You’re so cute. Good for you.
This video is EXTREMELY helpful..thank you Josh..I am in between wondering if transitioning is what I want or need
Hi Jared. I just read your comment and I wanted to say if you're wondering if you are trans or not you're probably not. I'm not trying to tell you anything however real transgender people know absolutely know that they were born in the wrong body. And also I am a whole lot older than you and when I was young people had to go through two years of gender therapy before they ever could even begin taking hormones. The scary thing is now days all a person has to do is say that they're trans or that they're uncomfortable in their body or that they have dysphoria. And that's it you can start hormones. That's a problem you see even in this video is how many D transitioners there are. So I just wanted to share that with you so you wouldn't just jump into something or get into something because you're having feelings about your gender or whatever and make a decision that could change your life forever. Anyways take good care have a good day.
I have been on hrt mtf for 5 months I’m so scared. I decided to stop taking them. I was in a high dosage of hrt I can’t take them, i feel weird and I don’t feel me. I want to be me back. I’m so scared. Do you think I’ll be fine?
I'm sorry what you are going thru. Hormones do have psychological effects but most of what you worry about is in your head. Try talking with any close family or friends and if possible find a good counselor of therapist.
I wish you the best. I was on hormones for 14 months. It will get better. Your body and mind just has to readjust not being on hormones.
Instead of quitting cold turkey I recommend decreasing your dosage incrementally.
I disagree about gender not being a social construct, although it's important to make the major distinction here.
Biological sex, sometimes said to make a distinction between the terms sex and gender as they are often used interchangably.
In here, yes this is biological fact and outside of the outliers of people who are born intersex, people are either born male or female
Culturally/socially it's different, this is where people usually make the distinction that there is a split between what/who you are and how people expect/want you to present yourself and how you want to be perceived.
Gender here, despite the biological facts at play at birth vary a lot, with how people act and treat one another based on looks and presentation.
Biggest example I can offer here is the history of clothing and how it has changed over time, but currently (outside of some locations) stuff like dresses and skirts are seen as female attire despite the fact that males can wear them, but generally there is a stigma there against those that do.
I disagree. Gender expression is a social construct. But the entire concept of gender is rooted in biology.
@@haveagoodone2935 After listening to some opinions about the subject I suppose I've come to agree to some extent
So I'm guessing how you see it is:
Gender (the top of the hierarchy, biology)
Gender expression (how people view and deal with the biological fact)
Gender norms (how society views and treats the biological fact)
So does this encapsulate what your (and possibly my revised) stance is?
Typically how some people split the difference is that they define biological sex as its own tree while putting gender in the more social category
youtube why you keep sending me detransition videos? I'm happy for those who find their truth in detransitions. But its def not for me.
I think your mistake was relying on other people to confirm that you were transgender. I knew deep in my heart and soul that I was born with my gender identity as a woman. I didn't need anyone to verify it. My therapist who I still see is merely a guide and mainly works through my childhood trauma of family violence. My biggest doubt came from internalised homophobia and transphobia. If I had other doubts it was more about being a failure at being trans. I had so much fear and shame of my sexual orientation and gender identity that I spent years pretending to be cishet and the internalised hatred and shame of who I am caused me to attempt suicide and self harm throughout my life. Being closeted meant that my true gender expression was acted out as a dysfunctional sex addict marked by secret crossdressing and dangerous casual sex with men and addiction. The difference that it made for me when I came out and began to transition socially then medically was night and day. Immediately I felt a profound spiritual awakening and a happiness I had never known was possible. The addiction to acting out with erotic cross dressing and casual gay sex evaporated almost over night long before I started hormone treatment. My hormone treatment now after 8 months no longer includes t blocker and I've never been happier with my life. I am so proud to be trans. IMO I think your story is an example of a cis gendered person who made a mistake. As long as you're truly happy now in yourself I guess that's all that matters.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a trans women. I find it strange that your therapist told you you were transgender. In my opinion, only you can determine if you are transgender. No one can or should tell you. I also find it very strange that your coming out was celebrated. That is not the story that I have heard very often. Most of the time its losing a relationship, job, family, friends ect. It was pretty damn brutal for me. I sacrificed an incredible amount. It was a very difficult decision but in the end I knew it was something that I had to do.
Biology is fixed. There is a bit more too it then just XY and XX. A disproportional amount of trans people have pretty sever endocrine disorders or are some form of intersex. There is a lot of science that shows that trans people have biological differences to cis people although more research is needed. I constantly considered and debated where my dysphoria could be coming from. I was desperate to find something that would mean I was not trans and could live happily without transitioning. I did not want to be trans WHATSOEVER. I was really horrified when I first realized that I was. As my dysphoria worsened with age, my sexuality really crashed. I was def not AGP case.
I think you cannot change the gender that you are. You can only chose to live as your true gender or chose not too. Similar to sexuality. You can not chose who you are attracted too. You can only chose to act on it or not. My gender is certainly female. I tried to chose not to live that way but faking something like that is really hard for a lot of trans people. I was good at pretending to be a guy but it was a lot of work and repression. Gender is not the same thing as sex.
Lastly, de-transitioning people should be supported 100%. Doing something that is socially difficult to live a more honest and happier life should be supported by everyone ESPECIALLY trans people. I think that questioning gender should be more widely accepted. You should be allowed to try what you like and change your mind as you learn more about yourself. It is a very difficult thing to figure out for most GNC people.
As an MtF I totally agree with your remarks. I think one of the hardest things in life is know yourself. One thing I will say is that when you transition you do things that you never thought that you would do....in this amazing journey....
What I don't understand, why trust these gender therapists that are trans themselves? It would appear they want new team members and not acting in the best interest of the patient/client. Thanks for telling your story. They tend to embrace new members but when people have a change of mind, the tribe seems to turn.
My reasoning at the time is that a transgender identifying person could confirm if I was or not.
Now I know better
@@haveagoodone2935 yes, I realize that they are sharks looking for new teammates by deception. Most of them rush people into hormones in a meeting or two, yours played it out longer than usual. They know what they are doing and know it needs to be rushed. All kids have questions, now the Internet and algorithms rush some pretty bad decisions. Get girls to hate their breasts, want a deeper voice. All to actually do more harm.
I am 70, lol, we all questioned our sexes, luckily no surgeons were standing by for radical surgeries or hormones;)
you can turn vegetables into a hamburger but the hamburger is not made of meat
When you were Jessica in your waking life, who were you in your dream life? Were you Jessica or josh?
IDK. My dreams usually involve animals, vehicles, and leading a group of misfits to overthrow a tyrannical hierarchy lol
Why all this is happening is because they are not getting enough iodine.
Dude, I am living your life right now and not really sure where to go from here. I definitely have doubts that it's the best thing for me but I still am interested in the idea. On the off chance you see this, what do you recommend me to do? I am already going to talk to a therapist. I ask because I am scared that it comes from autogynephilia. I do get a kick thinking about being a woman but the kick comes from me wanting to act out the role of a woman. Unlike you I don't find women super attractive, I think they are attractive but my kick doesn't come from that. I also am like you in that I've always been a sensitive guy. Maybe this is too much for a youtube comment section but you honestly could be the best person for advice for me right now so it's worth putting myself out there lol.
I just came up with an idea that actually might give me the answer. If they allowed me to take hormone blockers and let me skip out on the Estrogen would that stop Testosterone development so that I can be sure it doesn't come from a place of fetishism? I know you're not a doctor but you may be able to tell me whether that's a bad idea right off the bat or not.
I would recommend reading up on Carl Jung's theory of the anima/animus.
As a biological male you can figuratively dance with your feminine side and long term you will essentially be formed individually instead of a specific gender.
Unless you speak with a doctor I wouldn't recommend testosterone blockers because of the health problems associated with them
@@haveagoodone2935 Thank you, I'm definitely going to check it out.
Aren't you Danny Masterson?
In India an instance in Mahabharat tells of how a scorned woman vowed to take revenge and was loaned masculinity. During the Mahabharat war, this FtM became a shield between the two opposing warriors-Bhishma and Arjun. Lord Krishna knew that the FtM Shikhandi would not be attacked by Bhishma because Bhishma would consider her as a woman and unfit to be attacked. Hiding behind the FtM would give Arjuna the opportunity to kill Bhishma and would fulfill Ambhi's vows to avenge her insult when she was abducted by Bhishma but he refused to marry her forcing her to pray to seek vengeance for insulting her womanhood.
To me at least the fact is crystal clear: your biological sex cannot be changed, however advanced medical options become. Secondly, there is a deluge of information on such transition as a happy solution. Thirdly, sex change operation is a legitimized business and when there is commercial interest the perception and projection convey false impression. The issue of gender dysphoria is a highly invested concept and theory.
Give yourself time. Be compassionate. Do not bother whether you are matching or not. The interior and exterior will match. Do not destroy self and family. It is not worth.
Hey Josh, thank you very much for the video! I have a question: how old were you when you decided to have the coming out on social media/how old are you now? Wish you all the best!
I came out on social media when I was 29. I am now 34
@@haveagoodone2935 Thank you!
Do you have any persisting health issues because of your transition and detransition?
I quit after 9 months and my balls seem to be in a good size still so I hope everything works out. I know it can cause persisting ED, penile atrophy and prostate issues for some.
Haven't had a chance for bloodwork yet
Hey whats up brother. I appreciate this video and your others a lot. Im wondering if theres anyway to reach out to you to talk about some things Im dealing with very similar to what youve spoken about in these videos. I like the perspective you have on all this and Id like to get your take on some things going on in my own life.
How did you deal with the more permanent changes from hrt such as breasts and genital shrinkage?
My genitals were inactive instead of just shrinking and I never really developed breasts.
Hi there, I'm happy you found your way, it's hard being trans and also hard being a detransitioner.
In your video you mentioned biology a few times and living with nature etc,
just wanted to point out that trans people's brain waves are closer to, some even the same as the gender they desire to be.
BTW I myself am a MTF and a late bloomer...
what would have happened if you had just cut down on the blockers ...?
I feel like I'm looking into a mirror, except I don't have as much facial hair.
I appreciate you sharing this. I was wondering if there were more detransitioned FTM or if it's about the same but the MTF's aren't as open about their experience.
Dude, are you serious? Were you MTF only a couple of years ago? You look fucking masculine and handsome, bro! Lucky you.
That was very interesting. I've been looking deeply into trans recently because it almost seems as though there's an epidemic of it. I do believe that some people are born and grow up, believing from a very young age that they should be the opposite sex to the one that they are, that there's a minuscule percentage of the population that genuinely feel to be in the wrong body. However, I have witnessed my male siblings and relatives loving dressing up in female clothing when young and all bar one who is now gay have grown into hetero male presenting men. I myself as a girl spent a lot of time being a tom boy, playing with boys, having short boyish hair, but have never once questioned whether I am female. Children can imagine themselves to be all sorts of things. A friend's child spent most of their childhood believing they were a squirrel!
There seems to be a contagion of teen and adult trans, the figures have rocketed over the last decade, and I find it very concerning. I consider myself to be liberal, non-bigoted and accepting but the sheer numbers, especially of FTM (of which a good friend has a daughter who did this aged 16 onwards), seems to suggest that something is happening to encourage it. I find it deeply disturbing that children can have their physiology "played with" using blockers and hormones and hear that in Canada girls as young as 13 can have mastectomies. Who at 13 knows their own mind...?! From the research I have done it would seem that blockers and hormones are prescribed after minimal counselling, I'm talking a couple of one hour sessions. I think that is woefully inadequate. As a sufferer of clinical depression, here in the UK I was offered 6 one hour counselling sessions on the NHS, that barely scratched the surface of my issues. So to think that life and body altering decisions could be made with so little psychological intervention is mind blowing.
Having watched a lot of detransition videos on youtube it is very obvious that the people had other issues that they thought could be solved by changing sex, the saddest of which are those that have been abused. I think it far better to be accepting of each other and ourselves with all our quirks and foibles, whether gay, cross-dressing, camp, butch, or whatever. To celebrate that we are not all cookie cutter representations of male of female but like yourself can be male with strong female traits and who likes to dress as a woman at times. Transitioning can be life changing and not for the better, you could have gone the whole way and altered your genitalia, thank goodness for you that you didn't. As for my friend's daughter FTM, she/he has had radical surgeries, but presents as a a drag artist. She/he in no way at all presents as a male. She/he is very artistic, why could they not simply leave their body alone and just present in the same clothes as they do now? They are not happy, they have attempted suicide many times, clearly someone in need of psychological help rather than surgical help. It's so very sad and disturbing.
I am glad that you realised in time that transitioning was not what you needed. It's interesting that you lost trans friendships over it, why do they feel so threatened by that...? I could imagine it is because they themselves don't feel secure and confident about their decisions and the people they have become and are defensive. Surely the right response to what you did should be supportive, as you realised before doing irreversible damage to yourself, what a tragedy it would have been if you had come to that realisation too late.
People who experience AGP is not transgender.
Transgenders do not feel sexual drive like that. So if you experienced AGP then you did the right choice to detransition 👍
@Sacha Barbie females don't expeiece ag?
It is scary how I see so much myself in what u say u felt. What advice would u give a trans/questioning person.
Hi dude im also a male detransitioner. It's nice to c representation.
Dude if you were having doubts you werent ready or arent even trans to begin with.
That's why I detransitioned.
I went from HOCD to TOCD, listening to detransitioners calms me. I wish I was a man forever. I am a 14 year old male. But the ocd doubted me so much. But I know I want to be male for life. I take pride in being a guy.
You have amazing eyes.
Am I hearing a mosquitoe in the back ground ?
Thanks for sharing your story. Are there any signs, in retrospect, that you should have paid more attention to before deciding to transition?
Good thing you kept some insurance by not clearing your facial hair...
Thank you for your insight.😊. I enjoyed your video and although I am a sis woman, not only I will subscribe but I will also hit your notification bell and look forward to your next video.😊
Body dysmorphia & internalized homophobia was my cause of transitioning.
What about breast growth?
I was on estrodial. After 14 months I was barely an A cup size. But it's different with everyone
This is going to PASS,,,,,,, It may have already,,,,, but you’re gonna be OK you’re going to be OK!!!!!
also how has dating been? when do you tell them about your history?
If I like her enough I send them this video. My current gf appreciates I told her right away.
@@haveagoodone2935 thanks for the response. I'm probably gonna start dating soon so I'll use a similar stategy
@@_pilly honesty is the best policy. It avoids so much problems in the future.
If someone can't accept you for your past they aren't worth it. Best wishes
Base description my guy!!
Hello, thank you for sharing this video! I also am aware of the word autogynephilia and do more or less relate to the feeling. And so I’m a little scared that as I start transitioning as a woman and taking hormones, I might change my mind as the chemicals change me.
As seeing you as an example of mtftm detransition, I’m not too worried of how I would look, but am most afraid that I will lose the ability to produce sperm.
In your case, this might be a personal question so please don’t feel compelled to answer, but how have you dealt and reasoned with why you should transition more than the risk of losing sperm produce?
I appreciate you sharing your story. There are so many nay sayers and insensitive comments in your comment section here. Thank you for sharing.
People can say whatever they want. Glad you enjoyed it
I didn’t expect the voice that came out of your mouth it’s a good voice ha ha ha ha
Did you ever felt you were 100% transgender? You, as all detransition people seem to be very complicated cases, much more complicated than transgender people. This is sad because the medicine can not do miracles. The expectations of detransitioners should be realistic. Maybe you should understand that this trans experience was something you needed, to learn enough about yourself, your own sexuality and gender identity. In some cases, there is no talk with psychologists that can help someone to learn enough about himself. This temporary transition was very likely an experience you needed to go through, to become the man you are today.
My gender therapist was trans and never challenged me on a cognitive level. I was literally approved for HRT after 3 sessions of talking about my feelings at the time.
@@haveagoodone2935 there are people making detransition after 8 years living as the opposite gender. You can not tell, how much talk with the therapist, experience and time you will need to learn yourself better, and even to came to conclusion your gender match with your biological sex.
Sounds awfully confused. I cannot imagine why anyone would transition if they are not absolutely certain that transitioning is their true identity.
Thanks very much
You are so brave for sharing this.
hey, i was hoping you could answer me a question, i am a men, im 20 years old and i am very very feminine , my body build is pretty feminine but i want to look like a femboy, (just to look more feminine and have a bigger bum and softer skin), i did what i can when it comes to working out but i want more, i came up with this crazy plan to go on estrogen for a whjile and then quit it, just to intentionally change the fat distribution in my body, to have a bigger butt and a little softer chest, i wanted to ask what are the permanent effects of estrogen and if this plan is even realistic?
i do not want to be a women, i like my penis i like everything about me and being a men, i just want to be more feminine physically.