So glad I found this channel. I'm so TIRED of being talked over, having to repeat myself, not being respected, not having the type of people I want in my life, not having a Boyfriend, not having the life that I want. I'm tired of it! But I'm working on it, so thank you! @ The Charisma Matrix
@@indridcold8433 I’m thinking of you right now I pray you Know Jesus is with you and he loves you and he wants you to deny everything even yourself and come to him 🙏✝️
If Barron was a waiter: "Hi, welcome, my name is Barron I'll be your waiter today! Today's special includes various freshly caught seafood from the Pacific. But before we get into the chef's specials, check out my free vocal tonality power checklist..."
Barron, I can't thank you enough. I've suffered social anxiety as long as I can remember, situations like the one you've described here push me further back. I feel I'm never taken seriously. It hurts. But I've recently found your videos and will continue to watch and rewatch them, not only do they give me the guidance I've been looking for (unlike a lot of vague, unhelpful "self help" nonsense), but you seem to have a video for every problem I face, with great explanations and examples. I just want you to know what good you're doing. You are changing my life for the better. Thank you
Really well put together showing the 3 things you can do: 1) body posture: open, really open - it’s actually eye opening how little space you are taking up when you think you’re taking up a lot of space. 2) tonality, loud, loud and upbeat. 3) pinging. For me pinging was one of the biggest issues - it’s crazy how much I grew up looking around - every time someone walked into a room, I was lookin! Haha it comes off as a little validating seeming. It gives respect to the person you are talking with to really engage completely and not be constantly looking off to the side. Cheers Baron!
Barron Cruz I prefer you sitting tbh because I feel as though you're more informative that way compared to standing and I (kind of) get the feeling like you're a highschool/middle school teacher or something, thanks for the video tho Barron. Very good reminders for whenever I forget these things
If someone’s not taking you seriously in a conversation get real quiet and stare at them, then slap their face and say look at me, you listening.. I saw it in Goodfellas and it worked like a charm.
Definitely similar, but I would encourage you to not think about it as "faking" but rather acting in high status ways. If you don't know how to dribble a basketball, as you start learning and doing it your not "faking," but rather simply learning. Cheers!
The problem that I see with the opening assessment of this piece is that sometimes I think ignorance builds confidence, the shy specialist isn't as outspoken because with a true realm of intelligence you realize all the possibilities about your study and that can lead to uncertainty and unseen variables which I believe might make someone more softspoken because of a great awareness.
Mr. ElectriDictator lmao the wrong place and time. This mans right, to be self aware could create humility and many times humility is confused with shyness and arrogance and ignorance with confidence. Not that this lecture is bad. It makes complete sense he breaks it down in its simplest form for all of us to understand. Learned a lot from this guy about tonality a lot with roger loves lectures on the topic
hex warp To be confident, you have to respect yourself fully. If you feel that there is something that prevents that like your body, work on that. That would slowly build your confidence. You just have to care about other people's opinion of you but not to the point of arrogance. It's between shyness and arrogance. *imho*
hex warp ive had this problem my whole life and i completely understand what you mean. I read a comment earlier on one of his videos where someone wrote, " I have done research on this kind of thing and it seems like a full blown asshole has to have really high self esteem and really low IQ" hahah it is true!
Sometimes, when I'm in a situation where I have to assert myself (but don't feel very brave), I call up in myself the "attitude" that I take when I go in for an interview. In an interview, I'm representing myself to a complete stranger, and I understand that EVERYTHING COUNTS - tonality, body language, gestures, eye contact, etc. - and when a job is on the line, I'm absolutely NOT going to be "shy" about my capabilities, skills, knowledge and smarts. When I bring that attitude into an uncomfortable social situation, I find that others treat me with more respect, than when I'm "just little ol' me..." In some circles, it's known as "pulling rank". I'm not "shy"; I'm an introvert, and I find it takes a lot of energy to "represent".
I hate those people who are loud and confident but give false information because other people will start believing in them. The ones who do that are over rated.
Exactly! I don't hate people who do that, you just need to realize that people will likely assume they know more than they really do simply based on their confident delivery. Cheers!
What’s fucked up about this is this 100 percent true. I have seen a business crumble to the ground because the owners always trusted the loud extroverted types more than the shy introverted types. I don’t know how the statistical data would look, but in this particular case all of the extroverted types were shallow manipulators, and the introverted types were all far more competent. It’s probably coincidental. But it remains true that people always trust the extroverted types even while they are being exploited by them. Of course, the house of cards always comes tumbling down.
Barron, all of these videos have helped me so much. I came across the Charisma Matrix while looking for a job and going through a ton of interviews. A lot of these things (body language, tonality, etc.) are things that I have never thought about before, but they make perfect sense. Even with my current elementary level of understanding of these things, I am much better at reading people and taking control of the situation when I need to. I'm currently a Service Advisor at a car dealership and even with slight adjustments of my tonality and body language, I have been able to take control of interactions with more difficult customers. A few months ago, I would have been the one backing down in these situations. Really good stuff.
Your statements on imagining what a leader or non-shy person would look like and how he'd carry himself in a similar situation and setting reminded me of something I learned a while back. I'm a classically-trained singer and I sing jazz, mostly. One problem I had early on was, "How do I move while I'm singing and what do I do with my hands?" I'd just stand there like of stiff, singing well but delivering poorly. The funny thing is, I've always been good at public speaking, and I like it, which is really odd as I'm typically painfully shy in one-on-one situations. Anyway, while speaking, i never had a problem moving around and gesturing appropriately. So, I started just speaking, not singing, lyrics to songs while practicing, as though delivering a speech. I'd often do this in front of a mirror to observe what I was doing. I'd also do it with my eyes closed, to get the feeling of how I was moving. The other thing I did was to watch videos of other, more competent singers doing the same songs. For example, I'd watch videos of Sinatra doing "Fly Me to the Moon" to see how he moved and used his hands. I'd start out by mimicking some of the things he did, but soon, along with my lyric recitation, I broke through those barriers and that stiffness. Before long, I developed my own ways of moving and gesturing while singing and I went from aping what other singers did to moving my own way, dancing my own dance. Where I'm going with this is, we can not only imagine how a leader would move through a crowd, but we can see and study it, whether through movies and TV or in real life. You can start out copying those leaders' styles, but you'll likely soon develop your own. Even if you don't, and you continue to mimic, so what? Do what works. To paraphrase Duke Ellington, if it looks good, it is good.
from others point of view, if you're qualified but really shy or quiet. that's your problem. it makes them easier for us to shut you down. not that we don't want to. but there's that options. whereas shutting down much more confident people are difficult, challenging at best. not sure if there's a thrill in that, but things can escalate.
Hey Barron , Thanks for the awesome content ! I've watched a couple of your videos and actually just subscribed to your channel. You definitely add a ton of value to the atmosphere.
Love your videos! Reminds me of the many flaws that I have lolol. Love the video lengths too! Short and to the point, not some 15-20 min videos rambling on and on. 👌👌
I think I have a really bad habit of pinging around. Once we filmed a video for a school project and I literally couldn't look at the camera I was looking at a different direction every millisecond. It's something I never noticed by myself because I do it all the time and it's not really even a thing I do because I'm shy, I'm just so used to it to look around for things. I often look at random things when I'm speaking to someone just to know my surroundings. Sure, I sometimes do it because I'm shy but it's just a bad habit really.
I won't say am shy...but there are some bullies who leave no stone unturned to harrass me. This makes me lose my confidence. Cos I am a person who avoids fights. I hope this helps.
Hey bro, here are *the best* books on body language. The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease You say more than you think - Janine Driver and Mariska van Aalst What everyBODY is saying - Joe Navarro Still, Barron's The Vocal Power and Tonality Program are probably the best available when it comes to tonality. Good luck!
This so sad but true, just go and watch footage of the Kennedy/Nixon Presidential debate. Nixon was by far the more politically capable candidate but the charismatic, outgoing John F. Kennedy wipe the floor with him. Richard Nixon said some pretty intelligent things but his nervousness and anxiety is abundant clear.
Hey, Baron, do you think the four temperments come into play with any of this. I have a shy personality type, it's how I am wired. When I do take a step in the direction of coming out my shell I can make it pretty far out but a week later I'm back to my normal shy self. I don't see the point of practicing something that fades with time, there is no end goal for me. Seeing how my temperment is naturally shy maybe their are ways to trick myself to be bold or utilize my shy temperment to bolster my strengths.
I just want to add, I am a firmly believer in the confidence by evidence of the environment approach. I am a shy person who lacks Self confidence but can be pretty bold when the evidence backs me up, and when that is the case tonality body language and those things come natural. So I am not self confident but evidence confident. Maybe there is a way where I could gain confidence from small amounts of evidence. But without evidence it's easy to feel like you are not allowed to be confident or the leader of the group the thought int he back of the mind is "People will say what makes you the boss?!" that is a HUGE fear.
Last thing. As a shy person, most of the reason why speaking up is so difficult is because when the words come out there is stuttering and all these things that quickly convey less confidence, and you lose the image of confidence you might of had if you kept your mouth shut. And when those nervous stutters happen they make you regret speaking and wish you never spoke up at all. In other words you look way cooler quiet than talking.
Pascal J Duverger I would study the lecture of the 4 temperaments of anthroposophy they say we are a mixture of the 4 but if the main one is shyness then that would be the melancholic temperament if I’m not mistaken. I would best re listen to the audio lecture I don’t think it gives you steps more along the lines of how to lecture each temperament and also what each temperament is prone to in terms of weakness like lust or arrogance etc. I would also consider listening to the power of concentration audiobook by Theron Q Demont the practice of keeping your poise is useful if you’re trying to become more confident and controlled it starts with full control of all the nerves well maybe not starts with and also control of the mental forces
Pascal J Duverger sometimes just choosing to be the boss in situations of relatively equal footing is really all that it takes. I'd suggest going to some improv classes if any are in your area. They build confidence but are also just lots of fun and you might meet people you like. My high school had an improv club after school in my senior year, the year I decided I would try to be popular and come out of my shell more. For context, I hardly talked to anyone besides my closest friends in junior year. I felt invisible and it sucked. The games of improv club helped everyone get a chance at being a leader or participating in building a narrative and being their own original expression of many types of roles. We even put on a performance at the end of the semester so you had to pay full attention in the moment, summon the confidence out of nowhere when things didnt go how you assumed they might, and roll with the punches and prompts.
Hey Barron, First of all great video, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into making these. Can you explain how you can avoid pinging without sacrificing strong, confident eye contact? Thanks
Pinging is quick, darting, glancing eye contact "checking in" where you're looking to ensure your acting "appropriately." This is completely different than strong, longer lasting eye contact. The two biggest differences is the mentality behind it and secondly the length of eye contact.
Tell me why I tweeted "body language is everything" yesterday. I had good body language with a "10" chick yesterday and it was cool good little interaction but later on as I passed by I got a little anxious right as I was about to pass, looked down (that right there is defeat). Not a good look. I'm trying to be confident in everything. Its a grind to change but you can do it if you keep your head up my dudes. Key is keep trying. I did that flying blind thing today in class btw when I got anxiety... mine is terrible. Heat and face that stings, lil sweat lol not pretty even though its short-lived (1-3min max). Didn't look around to get confirmation to prove my internal hypothesis that I was doing something "wrong" or whatever. Went away and felt fine. That voice thing I think is the hardest to nail because your voice is your first audible impression which like you said tends to reflect how you feel. And for naturally shy people it can be tough to speak up ASAP without choking (almost literally). sounds stupid but i deal with shit like this daily. anyway dope vid. keep at it. also just wanna add dont overthink it guys! try to be happy/chill. everybody does that when they go home.
Well done! And your right about the voice being very hard to do right, and thats why its so powerful - its so hard to fake. Keep at it, your doing everything right just give time. Cheers!
Hey I just wanna say I used to be extremely confident in basically any situation where the spotlight was on me, up until about 3 months ago. I get the same social anxiety symptoms you’re describing (almost choking when trying to speak, sweating, etc.) and it has really taken a toll on my self esteem. I recently was prescribed Ativan and when I know I’m going to have a situation like that I just pop a pill and my social dominance is restored. Still trying to figure out a long term daily med for unexpected situations but there is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck to you!
The Charisma Matrix I haven't seen all your videos but do you have one with like an interview process. I'm not sure if you have one on this. Also I like your videos cause this one I related to on so many levels, I want to be like you.
What do think about the book “How to win friends and influence people”, by Dale Carnegie? I read the popular book and it has been suggested to me by many people but seems to offer passive approaches to social problems. Is there ever a time being passive is appropriate?
Social anxiety and self-doubt are my biggest challenges. I've gotten to a point where I can get out of my apartment every day (without medicine), but when interacting with people (family included) my throat gets tight making it hard to speak up, my palms get sweaty, and my heart races.
Well done on improving...even if its just getting out of your house. My specialty isn't dealing with severe anxiety and I don't want to give you bad advise. I would suggest consulting with someone who has had the same issues as you in the past and figured out a way to overcome them. Wish I could be more help! Cheers
Hi Barron. what's your take on meditation? Does it help people with social anxiety? I watched most of your videos but when trying to recall them in actual conversations, I tend to forget all that as anxiety kicks in and speak with bad tonality and body language.
I hear it, but you will desensitize yourself to the pressure so eventually being in situations like this and acting in these ways wont evoke that anxiety and panic!
There is nothing wrong with being shy or introverted. A shy or introverted person will likely survive things a social person can not. In a disaster situation, social groups become almost cannibalistic and start attacking people within their own ranks. This rarely ends well. Those that are alone will not have to contend with a social group fighting among itself. I doubt I will ever be part of any sort of social herd again.
@The Charisma Matrix I like ur videos n enjoy your suggestions. But as the title says demanding respect from people doesn't work.U need to earn respect not demand respect. Thats what i learnt from exp. Seems the ego got in the way of this title.
So glad I found this channel. I'm so TIRED of being talked over, having to repeat myself, not being respected, not having the type of people I want in my life, not having a Boyfriend, not having the life that I want. I'm tired of it! But I'm working on it, so thank you! @ The Charisma Matrix
You won't worry as much about what people think about you when you realize how seldom people think about you.
Now you've done it broken the matrix
Nobody ever thinks anything of me. I am unknown to all. I have no friends.
@@indridcold8433 im sorry.
@@indridcold8433 I’m thinking of you right now I pray you Know Jesus is with you and he loves you and he wants you to deny everything even yourself and come to him 🙏✝️
If Barron was a waiter:
"Hi, welcome, my name is Barron I'll be your waiter today! Today's special includes various freshly caught seafood from the Pacific. But before we get into the chef's specials, check out my free vocal tonality power checklist..."
Your channel is like finding a treasure chest
Kind words! Thanks
Literally
Barron, I can't thank you enough. I've suffered social anxiety as long as I can remember, situations like the one you've described here push me further back. I feel I'm never taken seriously. It hurts. But I've recently found your videos and will continue to watch and rewatch them, not only do they give me the guidance I've been looking for (unlike a lot of vague, unhelpful "self help" nonsense), but you seem to have a video for every problem I face, with great explanations and examples. I just want you to know what good you're doing. You are changing my life for the better. Thank you
Hi anything changed in 3 years.
Can u share with me
Really well put together showing the 3 things you can do: 1) body posture: open, really open - it’s actually eye opening how little space you are taking up when you think you’re taking up a lot of space. 2) tonality, loud, loud and upbeat. 3) pinging. For me pinging was one of the biggest issues - it’s crazy how much I grew up looking around - every time someone walked into a room, I was lookin! Haha it comes off as a little validating seeming. It gives respect to the person you are talking with to really engage completely and not be constantly looking off to the side.
Cheers Baron!
Do you like the format like this where I'm sitting down behind a microphone or standing up and moving around?
Barron Cruz Does it cost anything for tonality?
I like more this format.
Covert Bee I don't think it does
Barron Cruz I prefer you sitting tbh because I feel as though you're more informative that way compared to standing and I (kind of) get the feeling like you're a highschool/middle school teacher or something, thanks for the video tho Barron. Very good reminders for whenever I forget these things
Free to all
If someone’s not taking you seriously in a conversation get real quiet and stare at them, then slap their face and say look at me, you listening.. I saw it in Goodfellas and it worked like a charm.
sounds to me like fake it till you make it
Definitely similar, but I would encourage you to not think about it as "faking" but rather acting in high status ways. If you don't know how to dribble a basketball, as you start learning and doing it your not "faking," but rather simply learning. Cheers!
This changed my life. Thank you!
High praise! Thanks Yash
The problem that I see with the opening assessment of this piece is that sometimes I think ignorance builds confidence, the shy specialist isn't as outspoken because with a true realm of intelligence you realize all the possibilities about your study and that can lead to uncertainty and unseen variables which I believe might make someone more softspoken because of a great awareness.
hex warp r/iamverysmart
Mr. ElectriDictator lmao the wrong place and time. This mans right, to be self aware could create humility and many times humility is confused with shyness and arrogance and ignorance with confidence. Not that this lecture is bad. It makes complete sense he breaks it down in its simplest form for all of us to understand. Learned a lot from this guy about tonality a lot with roger loves lectures on the topic
hex warp To be confident, you have to respect yourself fully. If you feel that there is something that prevents that like your body, work on that. That would slowly build your confidence. You just have to care about other people's opinion of you but not to the point of arrogance. It's between shyness and arrogance. *imho*
Nabil C I get your point; but I think you may have missed the point I was making.
hex warp ive had this problem my whole life and i completely understand what you mean. I read a comment earlier on one of his videos where someone wrote, " I have done research on this kind of thing and it seems like a full blown asshole has to have really high self esteem and really low IQ" hahah it is true!
Sometimes, when I'm in a situation where I have to assert myself (but don't feel very brave), I call up in myself the "attitude" that I take when I go in for an interview. In an interview, I'm representing myself to a complete stranger, and I understand that EVERYTHING COUNTS - tonality, body language, gestures, eye contact, etc. - and when a job is on the line, I'm absolutely NOT going to be "shy" about my capabilities, skills, knowledge and smarts. When I bring that attitude into an uncomfortable social situation, I find that others treat me with more respect, than when I'm "just little ol' me..." In some circles, it's known as "pulling rank". I'm not "shy"; I'm an introvert, and I find it takes a lot of energy to "represent".
I hate those people who are loud and confident but give false information because other people will start believing in them. The ones who do that are over rated.
dickweeeeeeeeeed What's wrong about what I said?
Exactly! I don't hate people who do that, you just need to realize that people will likely assume they know more than they really do simply based on their confident delivery. Cheers!
Barron Cruz Yeah. And I'm sorry if this is somewhat of a weird comment. I'm someone who had a lot of depressing moments in my life.
Prejudged Seeker I understand you bro but instead of having anger, build yourself up over all that want to oppress yoh
Gold gold gold✊️✊️✊️
I absolutely love your advice. Don't stop Baron
This literally saved my life thanx so much
I find it very challenging to easily start speaking with others as I'm always in my head. How can I practice getting out of this?
What’s fucked up about this is this 100 percent true. I have seen a business crumble to the ground because the owners always trusted the loud extroverted types more than the shy introverted types.
I don’t know how the statistical data would look, but in this particular case all of the extroverted types were shallow manipulators, and the introverted types were all far more competent. It’s probably coincidental. But it remains true that people always trust the extroverted types even while they are being exploited by them.
Of course, the house of cards always comes tumbling down.
Barron, all of these videos have helped me so much. I came across the Charisma Matrix while looking for a job and going through a ton of interviews. A lot of these things (body language, tonality, etc.) are things that I have never thought about before, but they make perfect sense. Even with my current elementary level of understanding of these things, I am much better at reading people and taking control of the situation when I need to. I'm currently a Service Advisor at a car dealership and even with slight adjustments of my tonality and body language, I have been able to take control of interactions with more difficult customers. A few months ago, I would have been the one backing down in these situations. Really good stuff.
AWESOME man! Great to hear and very well put!
What he talks about at the beginning reminds me so much of Stargate 1994.
Your statements on imagining what a leader or non-shy person would look like and how he'd carry himself in a similar situation and setting reminded me of something I learned a while back. I'm a classically-trained singer and I sing jazz, mostly. One problem I had early on was, "How do I move while I'm singing and what do I do with my hands?" I'd just stand there like of stiff, singing well but delivering poorly. The funny thing is, I've always been good at public speaking, and I like it, which is really odd as I'm typically painfully shy in one-on-one situations. Anyway, while speaking, i never had a problem moving around and gesturing appropriately. So, I started just speaking, not singing, lyrics to songs while practicing, as though delivering a speech. I'd often do this in front of a mirror to observe what I was doing. I'd also do it with my eyes closed, to get the feeling of how I was moving. The other thing I did was to watch videos of other, more competent singers doing the same songs. For example, I'd watch videos of Sinatra doing "Fly Me to the Moon" to see how he moved and used his hands. I'd start out by mimicking some of the things he did, but soon, along with my lyric recitation, I broke through those barriers and that stiffness. Before long, I developed my own ways of moving and gesturing while singing and I went from aping what other singers did to moving my own way, dancing my own dance.
Where I'm going with this is, we can not only imagine how a leader would move through a crowd, but we can see and study it, whether through movies and TV or in real life. You can start out copying those leaders' styles, but you'll likely soon develop your own. Even if you don't, and you continue to mimic, so what? Do what works. To paraphrase Duke Ellington, if it looks good, it is good.
This channel is absolutely life changing. I am using it to help my confidence in my RUclips videos!
I wish we had face to face courses like this here
Really need that
I wish I wouldve seen this years ago. I had to learn it the hard way. Love these vids!
Yeah I hear that. Wish I would have know all this years ago. Life changing.
This truly does cater to the irrational side of humans. I appreciate this truth tho being assertive I did this today and it worked out
from others point of view, if you're qualified but really shy or quiet. that's your problem. it makes them easier for us to shut you down. not that we don't want to. but there's that options.
whereas shutting down much more confident people are difficult, challenging at best. not sure if there's a thrill in that, but things can escalate.
Very strong and courageous subscribed from india
rajesh
You are so beautiful, your voice is amazing and your content is stellar. THANK YOU!
Lol, I liked it when you mentioned Tony Robbins
Very helpful tips! Thank you. Despite how old the video is, you're still helping.. encouraging.. and inspiring people.
Dude this video was awesome and extremely informative. Thanks Barron for this empowering video. God bless you, I appreciate you.
Thanks for the kind comment! I appreciate it.
Hey Barron ,
Thanks for the awesome content ! I've watched a couple of your videos and actually just subscribed to your channel. You definitely add a ton of value to the atmosphere.
Sweet I'm the outspeaking person and really bold
Project your voice and speak with rapport breaking tonality.
Best advice from this channel
Great content, your videos are a good source of info, thank you
these are actually really great advice. not the standard typical things i always hear👍
Am just proud to be introvert.
But i want to be a lil bit to cruel with people, cause being good had made people believe am not confident.
Great video! You nailed a lot of points that I see every day.
Love your videos! Reminds me of the many flaws that I have lolol. Love the video lengths too! Short and to the point, not some 15-20 min videos rambling on and on. 👌👌
Keep it real bro. Great video thanks
Good deal. Cheers!
I feel like getting the message better if you sit down. Maybe because I am sitting down any time I listen your teachings.
I think I have a really bad habit of pinging around. Once we filmed a video for a school project and I literally couldn't look at the camera I was looking at a different direction every millisecond. It's something I never noticed by myself because I do it all the time and it's not really even a thing I do because I'm shy, I'm just so used to it to look around for things. I often look at random things when I'm speaking to someone just to know my surroundings. Sure, I sometimes do it because I'm shy but it's just a bad habit really.
I have noted all your points and I believe it's going to help me....
Thanks man for the advice
Very interesting keep up the work and thank for the advice it really helped me.
So nice was looking for this stuff thank you 😊
Powerful video man!
Thanks man! Glad you liked it.
*TOUCHING
I won't say am shy...but there are some bullies who leave no stone unturned to harrass me. This makes me lose my confidence. Cos I am a person who avoids fights. I hope this helps.
Barron, Is there any books that you recommend to read about those three topics?
Unfortunately no. Theres such a lack on solid info on the subject. The Vocal Power & Tonality Program is a great start.
Thanks for the recommendations. I really like your channel.
Right on!
Hey bro, here are *the best* books on body language.
The Definitive Book of Body Language - Barbara Pease
You say more than you think - Janine Driver and Mariska van Aalst
What everyBODY is saying - Joe Navarro
Still, Barron's The Vocal Power and Tonality Program are probably the best available when it comes to tonality.
Good luck!
Nice, thanks Vasiljkovic.
Working on being bold. Thank you
I got nervous just while listening to this..But I'll get there somehow..
This so sad but true, just go and watch footage of the Kennedy/Nixon Presidential debate. Nixon was by far the more politically capable candidate but the charismatic, outgoing John F. Kennedy wipe the floor with him. Richard Nixon said some pretty intelligent things but his nervousness and anxiety is abundant clear.
I can be the most confident person in some situations but avoid eye contact, speak quietly, e.t.c in other situations. How do I be more consistent?
If you made an audiobook, it would sell like crazy...great videos!!
Hahah good call. I love talking about this stuff but HATE writing so an Audiobook is prob not coming anytime soon. Good idea though! Cheers
Then do a podcast.
my favorite topics!!
My posture is terrible because im not confident
Hey, Baron, do you think the four temperments come into play with any of this. I have a shy personality type, it's how I am wired. When I do take a step in the direction of coming out my shell I can make it pretty far out but a week later I'm back to my normal shy self. I don't see the point of practicing something that fades with time, there is no end goal for me. Seeing how my temperment is naturally shy maybe their are ways to trick myself to be bold or utilize my shy temperment to bolster my strengths.
I just want to add, I am a firmly believer in the confidence by evidence of the environment approach. I am a shy person who lacks Self confidence but can be pretty bold when the evidence backs me up, and when that is the case tonality body language and those things come natural. So I am not self confident but evidence confident. Maybe there is a way where I could gain confidence from small amounts of evidence. But without evidence it's easy to feel like you are not allowed to be confident or the leader of the group the thought int he back of the mind is "People will say what makes you the boss?!" that is a HUGE fear.
Last thing. As a shy person, most of the reason why speaking up is so difficult is because when the words come out there is stuttering and all these things that quickly convey less confidence, and you lose the image of confidence you might of had if you kept your mouth shut. And when those nervous stutters happen they make you regret speaking and wish you never spoke up at all. In other words you look way cooler quiet than talking.
Pascal J Duverger I would study the lecture of the 4 temperaments of anthroposophy they say we are a mixture of the 4 but if the main one is shyness then that would be the melancholic temperament if I’m not mistaken. I would best re listen to the audio lecture I don’t think it gives you steps more along the lines of how to lecture each temperament and also what each temperament is prone to in terms of weakness like lust or arrogance etc. I would also consider listening to the power of concentration audiobook by Theron Q Demont the practice of keeping your poise is useful if you’re trying to become more confident and controlled it starts with full control of all the nerves well maybe not starts with and also control of the mental forces
Pascal J Duverger sometimes just choosing to be the boss in situations of relatively equal footing is really all that it takes. I'd suggest going to some improv classes if any are in your area. They build confidence but are also just lots of fun and you might meet people you like.
My high school had an improv club after school in my senior year, the year I decided I would try to be popular and come out of my shell more. For context, I hardly talked to anyone besides my closest friends in junior year. I felt invisible and it sucked. The games of improv club helped everyone get a chance at being a leader or participating in building a narrative and being their own original expression of many types of roles. We even put on a performance at the end of the semester so you had to pay full attention in the moment, summon the confidence out of nowhere when things didnt go how you assumed they might, and roll with the punches and prompts.
Step by step❤
Hey Barron,
First of all great video, I really appreciate the time and effort you put into making these.
Can you explain how you can avoid pinging without sacrificing strong, confident eye contact?
Thanks
Pinging is quick, darting, glancing eye contact "checking in" where you're looking to ensure your acting "appropriately." This is completely different than strong, longer lasting eye contact. The two biggest differences is the mentality behind it and secondly the length of eye contact.
Thank you Barron.
Love this guy
Tell me why I tweeted "body language is everything" yesterday. I had good body language with a "10" chick yesterday and it was cool good little interaction but later on as I passed by I got a little anxious right as I was about to pass, looked down (that right there is defeat). Not a good look. I'm trying to be confident in everything. Its a grind to change but you can do it if you keep your head up my dudes. Key is keep trying. I did that flying blind thing today in class btw when I got anxiety... mine is terrible. Heat and face that stings, lil sweat lol not pretty even though its short-lived (1-3min max). Didn't look around to get confirmation to prove my internal hypothesis that I was doing something "wrong" or whatever. Went away and felt fine. That voice thing I think is the hardest to nail because your voice is your first audible impression which like you said tends to reflect how you feel. And for naturally shy people it can be tough to speak up ASAP without choking (almost literally). sounds stupid but i deal with shit like this daily. anyway dope vid. keep at it. also just wanna add dont overthink it guys! try to be happy/chill. everybody does that when they go home.
Well done! And your right about the voice being very hard to do right, and thats why its so powerful - its so hard to fake. Keep at it, your doing everything right just give time. Cheers!
Hey I just wanna say I used to be extremely confident in basically any situation where the spotlight was on me, up until about 3 months ago. I get the same social anxiety symptoms you’re describing (almost choking when trying to speak, sweating, etc.) and it has really taken a toll on my self esteem. I recently was prescribed Ativan and when I know I’m going to have a situation like that I just pop a pill and my social dominance is restored. Still trying to figure out a long term daily med for unexpected situations but there is light at the end of the tunnel! Good luck to you!
great content
Thanks man
Thank you
'Pinging' could also be PTSD
good videos man
Thanks Adan. What specifically would you like to see a video about in the future?
The Charisma Matrix I haven't seen all your videos but do you have one with like an interview process. I'm not sure if you have one on this. Also I like your videos cause this one I related to on so many levels, I want to be like you.
Hey Barron, you should make a video on how to improve nonverbal communication.
Yeah its an interesting topic. There are so many aspects of non-verbal communication it would be a challenge but a good idea all the same. Cheers!
What do think about the book “How to win friends and influence people”, by Dale Carnegie? I read the popular book and it has been suggested to me by many people but seems to offer passive approaches to social problems. Is there ever a time being passive is appropriate?
Brilliant 👍
Good morning
I enjoy your videos - thank you for posting. Any suggestions for someone who is more than just "a little shy"?
Hey there Gary. What are you trying to improve upon right now?
Social anxiety and self-doubt are my biggest challenges. I've gotten to a point where I can get out of my apartment every day (without medicine), but when interacting with people (family included) my throat gets tight making it hard to speak up, my palms get sweaty, and my heart races.
Well done on improving...even if its just getting out of your house. My specialty isn't dealing with severe anxiety and I don't want to give you bad advise. I would suggest consulting with someone who has had the same issues as you in the past and figured out a way to overcome them. Wish I could be more help! Cheers
That's good advice - thank you. You've helped more than you know.
Awesome..
MONSTERRRRR!!!!!!!!
Where's the tonality check list? I need it before going to court!!
Text him on WhatsApp
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One step beer
Can you add an english subtitle. ?
Hey there Ali. Yeah it's something I probably should do, just takes a little more time. I'll try to start crankin' em out sometime soon!
Barron Cruz thanks
There should be a lot of English captions on his videos now
Nice
Hi Barron. what's your take on meditation? Does it help people with social anxiety? I watched most of your videos but when trying to recall them in actual conversations, I tend to forget all that as anxiety kicks in and speak with bad tonality and body language.
I think meditation is great. If you have anxiety, even more so. In my experience, it quiets the mind like nothing else.
I have liked and commenting on your video, consider yourself lucky you have me commenting.
+Nasim Delawar - I do indeed! Very lucky
The person here would look like and sound like me but when my anxiety kick in I'm nearly 100℅ fucked
I hear it, but you will desensitize yourself to the pressure so eventually being in situations like this and acting in these ways wont evoke that anxiety and panic!
Barron Cruz Thank you Barron
There is nothing wrong with being shy or introverted. A shy or introverted person will likely survive things a social person can not. In a disaster situation, social groups become almost cannibalistic and start attacking people within their own ranks. This rarely ends well. Those that are alone will not have to contend with a social group fighting among itself. I doubt I will ever be part of any sort of social herd again.
If your ego is small you will have to think about this things and you will be in your head and that will make you as much shy as you are...
@The Charisma Matrix I like ur videos n enjoy your suggestions. But as the title says demanding respect from people doesn't work.U need to earn respect not demand respect. Thats what i learnt from exp. Seems the ego got in the way of this title.
Who else is here because igotcuteankles
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James Hetfield