I grew up in a household where my mom was the provider and my dad the one to cook, clean and raise my sister and I (he also had a job, but it was one that meant he could be home once we were out of school). He received more scathing comments about that from his own parents (and probably from other adults) than he ever should have. As if a man parenting his own children meant he was a joke. My mom was not safe from comments either. As you say, she was deemed a bad mother AND wife because some felt she was emasculating my dad because she had the higher paying job. I blame this whole mentality for my being completely flabbergasted and outraged when grown ass men can't even do their own laundry. Ie. Society sucks.
Welcome to this channel, we will ignore any comments that doesnt paint men as the enemy. However i do agree that if one partner works less, he/she should be doing more around the house. Im just here trying to grasp the man hate
@@deltaxcd Low selfesteem in women is one of the factors that leads to lower pay, lower success in carrier and many more problems. It of course isn't the only factor but influential one indeed. I was studying engineering for a while and I had such a strong impostor syndrome which was escalated with some teachers and peers constantly reminding me of my gender for no reason. That because of anxiety leads to lover performance in many women.
@@brendanmorin9935 I men what will change if Low self-esteem will change into high self-esteem? Your success in life depends on your beauty skills luck or whatever else but not on your self-esteem.
@@deltaxcd Self esteem is important in life because you can't be confident while having low self esteem. Confidence can help you be more successful. Also, having higher self esteem will prevent you from tolerating mistreatment from other people. If you don't believe in yourself you can miss a lot of opportunities. It's better to act than wait untill you accidentally stumble on success because that can never happen. E.g. If you ask for a promotion you are more likely to receive it.
He was completely serious, he was convinced it’s a hologram 😭 he told me his friends showed him “the truth,” so now we have to worry about evolution AND moon denial
Omg, I went on a date with someone who believed that underpopulation was a real problem for our future generations and that's one of the reasons he wanted to have kids.
I'm only going to say this: when you gain your own money, you can run away if your partner turns out to be an abuser. Feminism at that point was focused on that, and saved so many women lifes.
My parents have the most perfect marriage. Seriously. Like they're so freaking in love after 23 years, and it just comes down to the fact that they're each other's support system and are so excited whenever the other starts a new project. They've always split the chores/parenting (mum was more up and personal because they had girls but he took over things like cooking/cleaning) and my mum had her own career. They were the perfect example for a romantic relationship to me and my sister and it's reflected in our dating choices. I can't picture my sister putting up with a guy who won't clean and I sure as hell wouldn't (I have stories of friends who would). When I think about what I want in a romantic relationship, that's what I want. I won't take anything less, because the amount of women (and men) I know who put up with heaps of garbage from their partner because they're chasing that 'idea' of what their life SHOULD be is ridiculous. I've been judged for having high standards but HELLOOOO this would be the person I will be sharing my life with. Whyyyyyyy would I settle for less??? I would LIKE to have that but I've accepted that it may not be in the cards. Edit: just to be clear I totally agree with most of what Kristen is saying in the video. I just wanted to point out that it is totally possible that men rise to better standards, and women need to stop putting up with it. My dad is totally comfortable not being the 'alpha' or the one who runs the house and I think that culturally, men need to accept that that is going to be the case from now on. More and more I'm seeing men demand 'traditional' roles while their partner also has a full-time job while also claiming that they're 'equal partners'. I have my fair share of bad dating stories. I'm just saying that good men are out there, they're just rare, and women need to be more prepared to walk away when men don't meet their standards.
YESSS same here!! My parents also have a amazing marriage. What I consider to be a good relationship people consider having crazy high standards. I really would love to have a long term relationship but I am not going to accept men doing the absolute bare minimum. I just want some romance and true partnership but it seems next to impossible in this dating world
Lmk if you find a man who cleans- my ex roommates are men, my friend circle is mostly men, I have a brother, and have dated men, and I have yet to find one :( starting to think they're a myth
Let's have this same conversation in 5 years again. See, feelings and perspectives are always changing on the long term. You are not the person you were 5 years ago.
Simone Weil said "pain and suffering are a kind of currency passed from hand to hand until they reach someone who receives them but does not pass them on." And this is how mother-daughter generational trauma ends. Well done, great video topic!
I, a lesbian, enjoy this video but there are a few things I don't agree, one of them is the short/tall guy thing. You made a video talking about the implication of society on our brain and how we perceive men and ourselves, and you say women that like tall men don't do it to feel small and cute, while every woman I've talked in my life with about this said they want taller guys to feel protected and they like feeling small in his arms. You cannot deny that a lot of women preferring taller guys come from the idea of men protecting them and the belief they must be shorter and cuter because a more masculine man is taller and bigger than the woman. You CANNOT deny that c'mon. Also, why would you bash short guys and people who like them like that? Not cool, girl. Not cool.
Fr we gotta stop ignoring the weird fetish-y infantile dynamic in a lot of straight relationships, being attracted to somebody isnt wanting them to be your "protecter" that's trauma lmao
@@sydneygraham1470 no it´s not, it is very basic psycological need to feel somewhat safe and have a stability. And if your date is tall/big and a nice person it can of course make you feel more secure/relaxed as a women. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
@@Eva-nw5go Exactly, I never had a thing for tall guys, but walking about town (esp as the sun goes down) with a tall guy made me feel like I had a bodyguard 😂😅 I felt safe enough to explore at night, it was nice.
@@sydneygraham1470 Jesus christ, why do you care? Why are other people's relationship dynamics relevant to you? Like, live your life. Date someone. Fuсk a hundred people, I don't care. It's not my place to psychoanalyze strangers' sеx lives, and it's not yours either
I'm bi and I second this 💀 but also, I'd argue that a lot of straight men feel the same way about women (only they get a free pass to trash talk their "nagging girlfriends/wives" and it's socially acceptable for them to do so), it seems as if some of them don't like us as individuals with emotions and opinions of our own, but rather as pieces of meat they love chasing and controlling whenever they can. It's too much for me to handle and I'm seriously considering committing to the full lesbian experience lol
@@eurekamreum5458 literally same but im too damn nervous around girls, maybe some females might be able to give more emotional intelligence to a relationship
I used to be obsessed with having a boyfriend. Recently I realized I'm self-partnered as Emma Watson once said. I'm not sure I want to have a boyfriend anymore. I have so much fun with myself and my life is a bliss right now.
I know a guy who tries to put me down or keeps super serious face when I say something funny, because nobody can be funnier than him. And the bar is quite low, so...
Or it could be from the fact that men and women behave differently thus tend to find humor in different ways. Hence why men on average don't find women funny because on *average* women get easily offended while men typically have thicker skin thus aren't easily offended and find things that make most women upset and the things women that women find funny are usually so POC that men find it less funny. Hope that clears it up
@Trinity M so because I speak on generalizations just like both the author of this comment section and the author of this video I'm sexist?. Why? Based on what? Because I *dare* challenge and or critique a woman's opinions as a man?. Am I not entitled to freedom of speech as them?. It's fine women to generalize men but not men because that makes us sexist when *we* do it?. Are you really sure it's *me* who's the sexist here?
It's the red lighting. Coincidentally, the term "Red light district" came from the use of red lantern lights to obscure pock marks and blemishes on the faces of... (ahem) "working women".
Gee work AND maintain a home as if only women have ever had to do that. So so hard do you need a tissue? But please don't work yourself to death by doing the same work *millions* before and long well after you have to do. And if it's really that hard then please go to a jungle or forest and leave the lands of mankind and free yourself of having to work and maintaining a home by all means.
Yes, the 'super mum' kind of bullsht. But I think that this is a distorted idea of feminism, in the sense that it implies that women are capable of being perfect, a kind of super human.
Mr Judge To this day there’s plenty of men who expect the woman to look after the house despite her working as much as them. In the past men didn’t do shit in the house while women were expected to be maids 24/7 at home. Unlike for men, their work never ended. You’re such a troglodyte, lol.
yes, even though women have been able to enter the workforce, women's labor and domestic labor are still grossly undervalued. Certain professional fields where women make up the majority of the workforce, like teaching, are underpaid. unfortunately second wave feminists did not have an intersectional lens and overlooked the problems with capitalism so here we are...
I really wish that the majority of the this comment section realized that dating woman isn't going to make all your problems go away with dating. Women aren't perfect angels incapable of doing harm.
The day I realized I'm better off alone than struggling to sift through relationships with guys who would replace me for parasocial relationships with Instagram booty models, my life became happier.
That is the problem: you equate "equal" as "EXACTLY the same", and THAT is the main issue that Feminism need to face, which is the need to deal with the inherent differences between men and women.
@@Jamhael1 the main issue? not really, there are far more similarities between men and women than there are differences,. And you're really making this comment to the wrong person as I am neither.
@@mandolaa Honestly, it is mostly a joke because this whole aesthetic is incredible. I don't really care about poeple's opinion but my coworkers still point out that I have little variary of clothes, I don't know why this is an issue still, like I do laundry on time leave me alone 😂
Grew up in a Greek American community and Greek American men are the same. The son is the golden child and waited upon by the mother and sisters. I once had a man tell me: "I wish I had a daughter like you when Im old to take care of me." I was like "YOU HAVE 5 SONS"
That's how I experienced life to some extend in my country (Romania). And what's worse is the women older than 40 are convinced the flaws of both sexes are normal and integral in day to day life, is biological instead of social. I don't really know how some men see things but I assume are just about the same...
I am THOROUGHLY enjoying sassy Kristen today. The meme references, the outFIT, the aesthetic- yes mama serve us the scolding tea, I've been waiting for this one
Well, Mr. Judge, the fact that so many women recognised those behaviour should lead you to a different conclusion, like that maybe some men are like that.
@@mrjudge6167 that some men are acting respectfully doesn't invalidate her message and the argument, that past societal expectations of men in relationship - or lack of- lead to a majority of women beeing satisfied by the minimum in their relations and feeling the need to be in top of every aspect of their life (full time job, raising children, keeping a house, etc.) is still valid
@@mrjudge6167....i don't really get what point you're trying to make, but yes, a good relationship is based on mutual respect. As a matter of fact, everybody deserves a baseline of respect, or human decency, if you prefer. tldr: sont treat people like trash.
Already commented this but pasting it here because people need to understand. Please stop joking or saying you would like to be a lesbian when you’re straight! You have so much privilege and you make it sound like being a lesbian is a choice and you’re invalidating our experience, making it seem like being a lesbian is super fun and easy. It is not. Imagine having to go through all the stages of internalised homophobia and denial when you’re very young often not exposed to any queer representation, then realising most people think who you are is disgusting, men sexualising your relationships and not taking them seriously and being scared of losing family members because of your identity. It really isn’t easy. I assume dating men is not easy either but you still have so much privilege and so many things you don’t have to worry about because of your sexuality that is accepted everywhere.
@@mkav Totally agree with you, but as a lesbian who's spend a while debating my sense of identity with only help being from Google, your comment here is a bit out of place lmao
@@Wanderlustsflask i was referring to straight women saying this cause that’s how it was used in the video so i just assumed you related to what Kristen said and was also a straight woman haha sorry🥴
@@mkav but how do you know if someone is a straight woman or not? How would she know for sure? Plenty of lesbians thought they were straight women once as well. Maybe she's just deep in the closet
@@user-mt2co8ip4u well this kind of rhetoric is harmful if it’s used by anyone who is publicly seen as straight because it invalidates our experience and makes it seem like being gay is a choice. This is especially a thing when it comes to lesbians. I was fully dating a girl as a teenager but because of this rhetoric I was constantly denying it because everyone around me did not see us as a couple but as 2 best friends. Even though we were holding hands, kissing etc So i myself believed it. If we were 2 boys or a boy and a girl people would automatically read us as a couple. There’s this whole narrative about straight women just “experimenting”. As a lesbian i have to “prove” my identity to ppl so often and they still don’t take me seriously sometimes and it’s tiring. And straight women joking about “wanting to go lesbian” n stuff happens very often. That was my whole point. If you’re saying this as a person who’s questioning their sexuality then it’s completely fine but in this context it wasn’t so obvious imo.
mannn the 'i wish i was a lesbian' shit here is really weird. please maybe look into why that's problematic rhetoric, a lot of lesbians have voiced discomfort with non lesbian women saying they wish they were a lesbian because they're sick of boring men and the way it treats gay relationships as 1) a fun option with no extra baggage, and somehow easier than straight relationships and 2) a backup, not a real option but a plan B for straight girls to mess around with when they get bored of their boyfriends, as if gay relationships are less serious and real than straight ones.
Everyone is on a different path. If their path doesn't align with yours that's fine. Many women are experiencing an identity awareness in this time of increased visibility and acceptance. Sometimes hearing someone voice similar feelings can help you to realize your own differences or similarities. I. E. "Not everyone looks at (women's) butts? I think I might be a little gay" meme. Learning that many lesbians feel anxiety when it comes to inexperience in the bedroom helped me to overcome my own anxiety. Now I can work through my feelings with my partner rather than continuing passionless relationships with cishet men.
yes literally! as a bi gal I've dated both and I hate it when people take one more seriously than the other. Like, gay relationships have baggage too especially if the person you're dating is closeted. It seems easier until you think about it, and have to face it properly.
@@brittasings what do you mean by that? I love women in a friendly way, but why do I have to be sexually attracted to women? I wouldnt mind if I did, but I also cannot will myself to getting attracted to anyone.
THIS!! saying things like "oh i wish i were a lesbian" or "liking women would be so much easier" completely erases the oppression that sapphic people face. i feel like this video doesn't discuss intersectionality when it comes to sexuality very well. i wish she would reply or like comments that point this and a few other mistakes she made out because she replies to almost all of the other comments that have likes.
Exactly end me please why is so hard for people to understand sexuality is on a spectrum and you can either find more about yourself over time or getting comfortable with yourself plus experience can reveal more stuff about your sexuality. They are just refusing to get cultured a bit or are just keeping it vague enough so people dont call them out as homophobic at this point
Yeah... Saying things like “I wish I were a lesbian” or ”You are sooo lucky” is really a backhanded compliment if you even can call it a compliment. Although shame and harm to sapphic people have diminished by far where I live it’s still very much prevalent and statements like these are diminishing of our experience, especially the experience of intersectional sapphics ://
This is a great video but the rhetoric on shorter guys is so problematic. There is so much stigma about women being with shorter guys and it’s so ridiculous. It’s another way to reduce us to baby making machines who should only choose men based on optimal physical genetics rather than wanting to be with someone just because we like them and enjoy being with them. It’s possible to find someone smaller than you attractive and saying it’s not is just harmful to everyone and only really benefits tall misogynists imo and lowers the bar for tall guys. Obviously this doesn’t mean women owe men of any size absolutely anything but it’s dangerous to continue the bullshit of shaming shorter guys or women who are with someone the same size or smaller and acting as if tall men are the only men worth being attracted to and thus pushing women towards the smaller pool of guys who coast off the fact that they happen to be taller than 6ft and don’t need to work on themselves in any other way because society says they’re the most worthy and desirable partner. Particularly as women, we need to stop fuelling that bullshit train.
Honestly. I absolutely love short guys, they’re definitely my preference, in terms of partners. But coming from an Asian girl with a little brother, he’s pretty short (5’3) and he’s been persistently infantilized, fetishized, and emasculated for a trait he _can’t even control_ As if being an Asian guy isn’t already a romantic death sentence in this society! I always feel bad about it and try to comfort him. Being a short guy is so hard in this culture, particularly because men suffer from their own issues of emasculation and toxic masculinity (from both men _and_ women).
@@lils6696 I don't think that's necessarily the case if you look at the ones she had liked they were all in the time line from 2 weeks ago while this one is much later than that.
I’ve never dated anyone , probably because I have no trust In men . I’ve been cat called , sexually harassed , scared of creepy men . And have no male figures to look up to except fictional book men characters 😬 I enjoy being single tbh ❤️
This is a really good video and I agree with a large majority of it other than the weird part where you said women who date short guys are basically into bestiality lmao. Please just let women be physically attracted to whatever features or whoever they find attractive without making them feel weird or "other" or wrong.
Also when she said that you have to be the standard for for partner or vice versa. I think having a little bit of acceptance and compassion for people goes a long way, unless that means making up for their imperfections of course.
@ItzTYLER Mate ...sure? Men can like what they like? They don't have to insult the people they're not attracted to, though. Not sure what point you were attempting to make but thanks for your irrelevant contribution lol.
Or they just keep being predatory aka going after teenagers and vulnerable women in difficult life situations, who happen to be easy to manipulate. Sexists rarely change, even nowadays most women don't want to date a misogynist, but there are plenty of them anyways - they either get into relationships with women who will settle for that (or trap them in some sort of intimate partner violence situation) or they keep whining about how 'feminism' made women 'spoiled' and 'unbearable' and it's the fault of social progress that they can't get laid. If they land in a first category they will treat their girlfriends like shit and if they don't get one they will just become another body in the army of incels/mras/pua clients.
@@SamuraiShizuo that's depressingly true, i hadn't thought of this 😔 I basically just actively avoid most men outside of professional circles so I don't meet these types of men, fortunately. I suppose societal views shifting as a whole helps as people may grow up less sexist and more safe spaces for women facing domestic abuse, progress can be very slow though I think
@@SamuraiShizuo We can't let the behavior of men scare us into not making a stand. If they trying going for our young vulnerable girl, then we up the protection of our young vulnerable girls.
I too am caught between the "looks shouldn't really matter" and "why are ogre men always paired with goddesses" dilemma, but some attractiveness is in our control, like through fashion and makeup, but height...uh, idk uncomfortable thing to mock ngl 😅
The 'if you are into little men you may as well be into fucking mice' bit made me reel a little, honestly. Not even for me, I am a pretty tall dude. But I just think back to a college friend, he was very short and had a high voice. But he was in shape, took care of himself, was handsome, smarter and kinder than I will ever be, sociable... Iunno, maybe I am projecting in how bad I'd feel if I heard hurtful, vicious comments like that about my own many flaws. It just felt cruel. I do get having some ingrained hostility in response to oppression and bad experiences, but eesh.
Yeah the height insult should just stop. This argument affect women too. While i didnt hear women in queer relationships have any problema with it in hetero ones its rare to see men not have their fragile masculinity bullshit hurt by the fact a woman is the same height as them or taller. This is just immaturity at this point.
@@sacta true tho, most of the guys Ive been attracted to, are my same height or shorter, and while I agree that no one should be shamed for their preferences, she's making the a argument while shaming women who like shorter guys? Wheres the consistency sis
I really enjoyed the whole video but that part rubbed me the wrong way too. Shaming people for the way they look is so against the philosophy of self love and self acceptence and if we want society to progress, we need to quit joking about the phisical appearence of men as well. I know she meant it in a joking manner and I still think the video was great
Technically we men can improve upon our height. I had the leg lengthening procedure and went from 5'8" to 6'0." it's expensive, and I'm not going to lie: excruciating, but it's worth it.
I feel like it's easy to misunderstand when she says "the maternal mortality for young, first time mothers in the US is 1.7-3.6%", but that's not what the study says! The maternal mortality rate is actually 0.017%. The study states 1.7-3.6% of all young female deaths is caused by pregnancy.
It feels like all men my age are either addicted to video games or porn (or both), and do not have anything of value to bring into a relationship. I’m far better off alone or with another woman.
".... Or you found a man and made him amazing." Omg the number of times I've taught basic skills to men and had them straight up steal my personality, interests, mannerisms....?! Only for us to break up and for some other woman to reap all the benefits of my labour?! Too. Many. Times. That's why I only date women now.
Did you always like both men and women? Sorry but I cannot comprehend how you and Kristen suggest you can choose to date women. How does it work if you are not sexually attracted? Surely it cannot all be platonic?
@@BioBioLove they aren’t saying that you can just chose, as in changing your sexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum. Most people aren’t 100% gay or straight. So sometimes people experiment and try dating someone of the same sex and end up enjoying it! But that isn’t the case for everyone
@@brendanmorin9935 I have nothing against sexuality being a spectrum. But I always perceived that as a spectrum where everybody is located at a position and stays there. Not as a spectrum that I can freely move across. If that is the case then what is the difference with being pansexual? Of course no issue if somebody is pansexual but it is not a choice. I literally know nobody who just chose to swap the gender of the people they date. Of course my limited experience and circle can be at fault for that, but I doubt it is the norm. For instance I know many many people who are homosexual. Also an exception would be if someone is bisexual. But how many people really are? I am not even touching on the fact that hetero vs homosexual relationships have exactly the same problems. It has to do with the partner and not the gender.
@@BioBioLove it’s not that someone is just freely moving around, but sometime you discover things about yourself that you didn’t know was there. There are many people who come out as bi, only to realize later in life that they’re actually gay or vise versa. And I don’t think it’s crazy to think that your sexuality could maybe change over time, but it’s not something that youd have control over
@@brendanmorin9935 Yes I can see that, knowing you are bisexual and then realised you are gay. Anyway to me it doesnt make sense that I could suddenly start being attracted to women, if that has never happened before. What can I say, not my story maybe somebody else’s.
As a bi girl I really liked this video, but some things really didn't stir right with me. First off, ik "how to be lesbian" was a joke, but I'm sure I speak for many when I say that joking about "choosing to become gay because of boring men" really is damaging to how this world already perceives wlw relationships. Additionally, the small guy/mice joke was also not it. Bashing others for things they cannot control (especially something many is insecure of) is so wrong and out of alignment with so much you've previously said
timestamps: 00:00 - intro 03:23 - SkillShare 04:34 - Chapter 1. The history of human relationships 13:06 - Chapter 2. Polyamory and female homosexuality 19:22 - Chapter 3. The impact of feminism on modern relationships 26:32 - Chapter 4. The deprecation of hetero relationships on tiktok 31:15 - Chapter 5. Marriage 37:05 - Chapter 6. The 15 questions
I remember being 13 and thinking I was such a feminist because I didn't feel attraction towards any guy+ I wasn't boy obsessed. Turns out I am a lesbian,in fact
Hey dude, the part on short guys is kind of not it. Like firstly, shaming anyone on a physical trait they have no control over is inherently shitty. But also, it’s especially rude to trans guys who often are shorter and already have to deal with enough people invalidating their masculinity. Like sure have a preference, but “beastiality”? Why say that?
Yeah what the actual hell was that... made me cringe oh so hard it hurt. Trying to deflect her own failure to outgrow the same cultural indoctrination she spends the whole video dragging men for.
fr like,, as a trans guy who stands at 5'3,, putting short men on the same level as incels felt hella disgusting. most of this video felt okay for the most part but specifically calling out people who date short/ugly/poor men as basically just "feeling pressured to date them" was really outta pocket.
ok you had me until the comment about short, ugly men and comparing it to beastiality T-T, what would your reaction be if a dude said the same thing? Isn't it a bit hypocritical to objectify anyone? I'm totally gay, so I'd agree with you, but that was a mean thing to say.
Right. Imagine if a man was like "don't shame men who like to date short women. It's not because we want to feel big and strong. Hey, if you other guys want to date your giraffes who eat leaves from the tree tops, go right ahead. I'm just not into beastiality like that." Wouldn't we all be disgusted?? I love the message of don't shame women for their preference for tall men, but can we not shame women who date short men in the process?? Especially in such a disgusting way.
@@justicejones7646 why is everyone praising her and no one else calling her out on it? this video just goes against a lot of what feminism stands for. she makes some valid points, but it's borderline female supremacist and so hateful.
@@unoriginalname04 there are a few comments saying what we are saying. I had to look really hard for them though. They are being hidden by the algorithm. There were even a couple with over 100 likes, but bc Kristen liked so many comments but not any that are criticizing her for this, these are being pushed to the bottom 😒
I hate the fact that even one of my best friends has shamed me for breaking up with boys that I realized were either not respecting me and treating me as equal or just not a good match in my opinion. At the same time she still remains in a relationship where they both talk so badly to each other. Like I am sorry that I don't want to be miserable in my relationship. The things she has told me about her boyfriend are something I could never imagine enduring in my relationship...
@@mastercleanseNOTdiet yep, is really unhealthy to be with a person who does not respect you and treat you as lesser than them. It literally can mess with a person's physical health.
@@noway3577 *it's ok though, 99% of you aren't and you don't understand your own ideology -- I'm just making a general statement about women and culture , and it's not an attack on you specifically
@@bill8383 hating and judging women for their own relationship choices is wrong, you can hate a woman for valid reasons, this right here was not a valid reason. Did you even take the effort to read it?
I grew up in a family where my father lost his job and still didn't do anything in the household, my mom worked, took crae of the meals, me and my brother and the house while my dad spent most of his time watching TV and literally doing nothing for most of my childhood seeing that, growing up and realizing, as you said, that this is normal made me hate men so much, when I was younger I kept on saying: "I am gonna make sure It's the other way around! I am not going to do anything and my husband has to work for me" because I thought it was so unfair, it took me some time to realize that that wasn't something I wanted either I just want equality. I want for both partners to care for each other and work together if I love someone I should try to enhance and enrich their life as much as I can and if both do that wouldn't that be such a lovely relationship
"Don't shame women who like tall men!" Continues to shame women who date "short" men by saying those men are mice in the wall and those women are into beastiality for dating them... At least saying "women who only date tall men are trying to feel small" is just trying to find a reason to explain a phenomenon while your shaming is literally relating the opposite to an illegal and immoral sex act. Nice. I liked the video as a whole, but ngl, that part pissed me off.
@@deltaxcd idk about that. There are plenty of intelligent women here saying the same thing as me. Some dating advice: maybe don't insult other women as a compliment to the woman you're asking out.
@@justicejones7646 That part irritated me as well. Also fully believing in Ch.3 that there is no way that a different society could survive. There are fertility, and the US is overpopulated AF, so we need to slow.the.fuck.ddoowwwwnnnnn on having babies here.
This is funny because I have been thinking about hetero exclusif relationships recently. I'm hetero (as far as I know) and in a relationship for 2 years now. The questions you proposed are pretty much the kind of things I check BEFORE dating a man, so he passed the test haha. There are "good guys" around there. I think it REALLY depends on the country and town you live in ! I'm French and from the south (he's from the north). I just wanted to add that even though the guy passes the test, feminism is not the only problem we can face in a relationship... So even with a good guy we are really not at the end of troubles... Simply because human relationships are complicated!
I'm kinda bummed out, because I was really liking the video, but then you started to talk about appearance and it really rubbed me the wrong way. I feel like it's not cool to shame people for their looks, period. People can control their opinions and the way they treat others, but they have zero control over their height. I know your point was to not shame people for having a preference for tall guys, but instead of just saying that and ending it there, you decided to shame BOTH people who are comfortable dating short guys AND anyone who is short (I know it was said jokingly but it was kinda tasteless imo). You can date or not date anyone you'd like but please don't bully people for their looks. It really took away from an otherwise good point that ofcourse you shouldn't date people you are not attracted to, or don't want to date, and nobody should bully you into doing that either.
I love your content, and I agree with what you say but you've unintentionally disenfranchised quite a few lesbians and that hurts. As a lesbian, I'd usually expect to feel safe and respected in a feminist space and this made me very uncomfortable. I'm not trying to 'cancel' you or start an argument but I do think this is an important point because to be a feminist it's important that you also are considerate of lesbian women too.
@@weniwidiwici265 because, she's making it seem like heteros have it so hard. they are not oppressed,, you dont get called slurs for being a hetero. Yeah men suck but atleast you guys dont have to come out and experience what gay people have to got through. this video is making it seem like being a lesbian is a privellege. it is definetly not. Also she's making it seem like sexuality is a choice. I love kristen, i just disagree with this video.
@@frankocean5639 yeah that rubbed me the wrong way too, when straight girls complain saying they wish they were attracted to girls as a joke it’s just so insensitive. Like do u want my terrible self esteem, religious trauma and commitment issues with that or... like I get it I’m pan so men aren’t off the table or anything but complaining about being the ‘normal’ sexuality is just ignorant.
@@aok9130 Yes !! i agree 100%. also i know what you mean, im bi (id if i like men i just know i like women) but still being a het isnt something straights should complain about
Love everything about this video 😭 Up until about 16-17 years old I had always said I was never going to get married or have kids. I was a tomboy and I much preferred being alone, I didn’t even like having friends that much. And I definitely didn’t have any interest in sex. Then at some point in high school I started feeling differently, like I started being hyper-feminine and almost boy crazy, and even got engaged at the end of my senior year. But now I’m in my early 20’s, and back to how I was before. I’ve been single for 3 years, and zero desire to have children or get married. I’m perfectly happy living alone with my cats and having the occasional hookup. I don’t wanna sacrifice my great body to bring another human into a world that has too many of us to begin with, I don’t want to feel owned or like I belong to a man, I don’t like feeling objectified, and I love having my own money and being able to spend it completely on myself and not anyone else. The idea of even getting into a long term relationship and sharing a home with them isn’t all that appealing to me, I don’t want someone else in my space or touching my stuff. I’m way happier and feel more at peace with myself when I’m not committed to anyone else. My mental state takes a sharp nose dive every time I get into a serious relationship. I think women staying single and child free & being sexually liberated should be more normalized. A lot of us seem to be happier that way 🤷🏻♀️
My boyfriend sometimes randomly pays for my prescriptions and he did all the laundry this weekend while I largely sat around. And yet he's still on a thin line. Also, "being alone" and being "single" are different, you can still fill your life with wonderful friends and colleagues and I feel like non-romantic relationships are so underrated in our society.
So true! The ultimate lifegoal is a marriage or at least a long term partnership and once that is achieved friendships become so secondary to most people. I would rather have a bunch of really good and stable friendships with mutual support than a romantic partner.
You blew my mind with the thoughts about humans being essentially masochistic and sadistic as a survival mechanism. I'm like morbidly fascinated with how horrible childbirth and pregnancy are and it creeps me out that hardly anyone even acknowledges it. Even maternal birth injuries are still pretty bleak in developed countries- if we're being honest, women are probably more likely than not to get some kind of injury after having just one child (incontinence, sexual dysfunction, pelvic organ prolapse) and medicine still can't really treat it. NO ONE talks about it. People generally have children young and these are injuries that would affect your standard of living for the rest of your life. Maternal injuries weren't even medically recognised as being injuries or at least classified until 2008. 2008!! If we're biologically evolved to just ignore these things, that would definitely explain it.
Yess I know pain and the possibility of death in childbirth is very normalised nowadays but it really does scare me to the point of actually not wanting to have kids. I can’t imagine in 10x more pain than my period cramps already put me in, and my health anxiety wouldn’t be able to cope with the fact that I could literally pass away whilst giving birth 😔
I never dated anyone and I'm on my 20s, the majority of the time i feel blessed that i haven't dealt with men before, I cringe (still have tbh) when my girlfriends tell me stories about the guys that they are dating and the shit they had been through, honestly i don't envy that, and I'm even glad that I'm single because i enjoy it so much, but at the same time sometimes i wish i had a partner to be with, i confess that I've been brainwashed by books, media, male idols and singers about this fictional good men that im not sure if i could find someone like that irl, all the men i met have been so disappointing (excluding my male friend mostly gay ngl) and i also have this thought that if i ever meet one he will not be attracted to me, idk i have this feeling that i will be forever unsatisfied with my options, and i also i want to experience to be in a relationship, ugh its so frustrating just to thinking about it.
I think you don't have to worry about growing old. The aspects that really matter are about the assurances for oneself. And then move on to dating people. "But they all say not these things I like" No one will ever have the perfect version. This is really corny to say but you really need to be positively manipulative/influential. You have to imagine of how you can guide that person into your framework without hurting their feelings. "Oh but there is a tendency that that person would be emotionally distant" I think it can be established in the beginning if they are inclined to listen to your philosophy. I hated HS people/relationships. I don't worry about my future even though I'm nearly middle 20's and never dated anyone. And this might be very edgy since people are really easy to jollify and try to emit an 'attractive' aura. You just need someone with a good baseline to start on. The only red flag I know is that if they continue to refuse to have a conversation, that's anonono.
You defiantly shouldn’t project your desires from a romantic story onto the real world. So many people have unrealistic expectations of love and romance due to an over consumption of romantic movies, tv shows, and books. Of course a story with characters who follow a script that designed to say everything a person wants to hear is not gonna be realistic.
I have gripes with your video, but the one I'm about to talk about is my biggest one, so I'm going to get very critical here. The way you talk about women who like shorter men as being some kind of weird fetish thing separate from the "normal" women who like tall men is not funny. "Just let women have their preferences" is a complete cop out. We can't just ignore the context in which these preferences exist in. They exist in the context of a society that has told all men and all women that in the ideal relationship the man should be the bigger one, and that the woman should be the smaller one. That men need to be the protector, and women need to be the protected, and that the reverse is just inherently less romantic and less exciting. I'm very skeptical of how you claim that "Girls aren't attracted to tall men because they want to feel small and protected and this has nothing to do with patriarchy", but like... this is blatantly untrue. For example, on almost every tiktok about women wanting to date a man taller than them the most common reason is because they say they want to feel small and protected. On one tiktok in particular where a guy was complaining about so many girls wanting a boyfriend over 6 feet tall when they themselves are like 5 feet tall and the comments were flooded with girls saying "As long as he's taller than me, it's fine". We need to ask why so many girls don't want a boyfriend that's shorter than them and why having a taller boyfriend is seen as desirable but having a shorter boyfriend is not. Of course, wanting to be protected by a taller man isn't inherently patriarchal on its own. In a society where there is no expectation for men to be taller in relationships and we treat couples where the man is shorter equally to ones where the man is taller, this is fine. However, we don't live in this hypothetical society free from patriarchy. You know this. Everyone, even men, is under the influence of patriarchy in some way or another. The standards society has for relationships and beauty for men and women are all deeply rooted in patriarchy. Almost no one's shaming women who prefer tall men, they're being critical of the societal standards that demands that women should be smaller and that men should be bigger and how it shapes our preferences. Criticizing these social rules isn't "incel bullshit" and is not the same thing as shaming people. The way you imply that women dating shorter men are forcing other women to do the same is a complete misrepresentation of what they're actually doing. I especially hate how you say "You don't have to bully the rest of us into liking *that kind of thing*" Seriously. "*That kind of thing*'' is a phrase people use to refer to fetishes and kinks. Why do you think it's okay to talk about a relationship like that like it's a weird fetish you have to distance yourself from? You're the exact kind of person they are criticizing. What you said here is part of the problem. Ignoring this implies that women preferring taller men is just a naturally occurring thing that doesn't have a connection to how our culture constantly romanticizes couples where the woman is smaller and the man is bigger, yet they do not do the same for couples where the woman is bigger and the man is smaller, it's treated as a lesser, less romantic version of the decidedly "normal" relationship and gets brushed off to the side. Out of sight, out of mind. This is reinforced in your video by degrading short men and putting them down by listing them off in the same categories of undesirability as poor and ugly. It's reinforcing the patriarchal idea that a tall man in a relationship with a short woman is normal, but a relationship with a short man and a tall woman is strange and funny to compare to bestiality and decidedly deserves to be taken less seriously than the supposedly "normal" relationship, and that only a small minority of weirdos could ever want a relationship like that. I know you joke about how the only man shorter you'd date is Peter Dinklage. But tell me, when is the last time you saw short men being thought of as attractive BECAUSE of their shortness and not DESPITE it? That's right, almost never. It's almost always treated as something you have to make up for. Even if sometimes short men are celebrated for their shortness, it's nothing compared to how much tall men are praised, celebrated and seen as superior to shorter men. There's no sugarcoating it, what you said here is straight up sexism. This isn't cute and feminist, this is sexism under the guise of being progressive and fun. This is the reinforcement of patriarchal ideas about what makes a man desirable and what a more ideal relationship looks like based on whether the man is taller or shorter. I don't hate you, but this isn't okay. I know you probably won't read this, but if you do, please just be more careful next time and think about what you include in your videos. Edit: Also, let me add that I want to correct myself when talking about how "poor" was used as an insult here. I want to clarify something. I now realize it's even more fucked up that you used poor as a way to insult short men, as if poorness is an insulting thing on its own. And it's dumb that I didn't meantion this a month ago when I actually wrote this comment. This again, isn't okay. Stop and think about what you're saying.
@@simonedebeauvoir8552 Yeah, I don't mean to say that being poor is insulting. Though now that you bring it up, I think I should've included an entire section about how it's used as an insult when it shouldn't be. I should've included a paragraph talking about why using poor as an insult is shitty, do you think I should? Edit: Nvm I just did
@@phoebemcgowan663 Hi sorry for the late reply, I didn't cover that in my comment because I wouldn't know how to go into all the intricacies and I don't find it would be helpful to just say "It's ableist, too" and then leave it at that. I mean I should say that because it IS ableist, but I feel like more elaboration on my part would be needed on how ableism factors into it all, but I'm not sure how I would that. Should I just think about it some more and then include it?
this is an interesting conversation to be having and i agree with some of the points brought up, but right from the getgo, i have to say that things like looking up 'how to become a lesbian' (timestamp in case anyone needs it: 1:38 ) rubbed me the wrong way. the romanticization of wlw relationships amongst straight women (and even sapphics themselves) appears to stem from the point of view of 'men bad' and 'women good'. i can understand where this comes from, as virtually every woman or anyone perceived as such has had bad experiences with men, but as a lesbian, i need you to realize that a relationship with another woman is not inherently going to be perfect and free of issues found in heterosexual relationships. sure, it's less likely for the person you're dating to be misogynistic, but as that one girl on tiktok said, 'i will hurt you just as bad as that man did'. this also brings me to how many women on social media shame both men for simply being men and women who are attracted to men. it really seems as though people like this center their feminism more around hating men that striving for equality, which, just like what was talked about in this video on how a lack of intersectionality in feminism does more harm than good, ends up harming everyone. anyway, there is a LOT to talk about here but a lot of what i'm talking about is also discussed in the video 'the tiktok feminism to terf pipeline' by nicholas black so if anyone is actually interested in this wider conversation, i would recommend watching that :)
you're 100% rihgt Ai as a cis het guy that hates himslef and thinks that every woman is disgusted by me all the "men bad, women good" mentality hurts and it doesn't help young boys and girls to belive that have of the population is bad or wrong, I get that men do very bad things, but saying "men bad, women good" isn't the solution
Omg yes. I hate hearing other who has a man - who got married when they were like 20 - say to single women that “ooooh he’s out there” ... bla bla bla. Well. Is he? Honestly I will turn 30 this summer and I always wanted kids around this age. I have to let that go. I will not settle even if I have to be 70 before I find a good person. Haha.
Girl, focus on yourself. Be the best version of yourself because when you meet him, he will be like, "I think I found the one, she is perfect." Live your life.
@@michelleisplanning I am living my life . That’s kind of what I said within that haha. But it’s also a bit of a conundrum bc I deeply want a family life.
@@Bamgeutcutiepie I feel you! I NEVER wanted kids but now I do because I met the man I love and can see myself having kids with but well, he's in Australia, I'm in Germany. I'm turning 33 this year, if we ever see each other again I might be 36-38 by the time we would have kids... Life's fun sometimes.
30:04 - 31:04 What seems like incel propaganda is this entire segment, comparing liking short men to bestiality feels exactly like what one would write. I hope you understand how awful it sounds, but judging by the comments you don't care.
I felt bad for short men, until I visited a short man forum online which was full of men talking about how the only women who want them are “post-wall”. Why shouldn’t women hit back in some small shallow way after all the cruel things men have said online?
Even though I'm a 6 ft woman with a preference (preference, not a set rule. I've dated pretty much from 5'7 and to 6'2) for taller men, at that part I was like YO, tf was that?! Like girlie, what short king hurt you so badly to go as far as compare it to b*stiality lmfao
YES! I felt exactly the same way. Saying such things is the same as when men say bad things about overweight or short women. It's awful and totally not what relationships are about... When we are old we all are going to look bad and what will matter is that we have fun together... My partner is not short, but is my height (I am quite tall) and I never even think about it. How does it matter? Really, I would never expect that Kristen is so much about other people's looks. So now what, I guess she is going to date only beautiful skinny women...
Its not really that bad, lots of men in general tall or short arent so great. Why cant women do the things that they've been doing to us this whole time?
It's ironic that this video (rightly) condemns incels, but is full with the same bitterness and vehemence in conjunction with nitpicked studies to support a gender-hating rhetoric that is the backbone of incel communities. Lol. Have some self awareness.
If you're referring to the part where she naturalizes patriarchy as if it were human nature, I totally agree with you. And it also erases two centuries of feminist achievement when many women in the past died on barricades to get our rights today.
this video has only strengthen my belief that us incel are completely correct in our worldview. (the talk about short men, saying she would rather share a guy than date an ugly one)
i'm bi so i did choose my man over every other women. I love him, he's perfect and he's worht it but if we break up i'm no searching for any other men lmao there's no other good men out there
I feel you there, if for whatever reason i lose my partner i do not want to go fishing for another male partner in a sea full of red pill incel mgtow pua's.
I love your videos, your ideas and points of view, but please please learn a bit more about reviewing scientific studies. You cannot base a whole theory about maybe the most complex of human behaviours around articles from sources like the guardian
It always makes me uncomfortable when people who obviously have no idea on the subject start making up these really complicated sociological explanations for human behaviours. At best it’s just wrong and at worst it reinforces bigotry, just stay in your lane if you’re not an expert.
I am now gonna assume that you did in fact open the google docs link where she listed all of her sources that is a lot more than just the guardian article, but she makes it really clear that this is just her uneducated opinion based on the observations she has made
@@annastalhand7383 Imagine defending a literal misandrist who is pulling 98% of what she says out of her behind to create this sick, hateful, tinfoil hat wearing world view and then tries to pass it off as being based on research. Herre gud xd
Okay just so we are all on the same page, men suck, but so does being a lesbian because of lesbophobia, heteronomativity, erasure and sexualisation and all of that. I get the joke i just wanted to get it out there so we’re all clear 😅
@@ellcally508 no, they are not perfect, but at least a lesbian relationship doesn't drag thousands of years of trauma, systematic opression, misogyny, lack of rights, power imbalance, ownership etc. behind it like hetero relationships/marriages do. For some people that is s relief.
Yeah it honestly makes me so angry when straight girls complain about being heterosexual, like I get it most men I’ve met are shitty but complaining about being the only socially accepted sexuality is just plain insensitive.
(Tw for r*pe) Bruh this is so true. I'm not even a women (I've finally worked out that I'm really on the nb end of things) but when I dated as a woman I found a guy who I thought was great- he was smart, conventially attractive, did household chores as a matter of course, good political opinions, good in bed etc. He even claimed to be a feminist. Then he raped me, and It absolutely killed me inside bc I just realised that even my high standards weren't high enough to protect me from absolutely reprehensible people. Obv I missed red flags there, but it's just like??? Great??? How the fuck am I supposed to date then?? When even stuff that I should take as a good sign could mean absolutely nothing?? This shit's so depressing, and I'm fully planning to stay single and happy while I work out where to go from here. I'm happy in my own company! Anyway, thanks for the fantastic video, I send it to one of my really cool straight friends who should really value herself more. Love from the UK!
Thank you for sharing💕 I hope you’re doing well and finding a lot of healing from such an awful event. I’ve been right there with you. I’m a non binary queer person and I’m staying single for awhile as well!
Danm… 😢 I’m sorry that happened to you that’s horrible. I hope you’re coping well. This is the sort of stuff that scares me. I’ve never dated before, I would like to attribute it to I’m just a kid (I’m 18) but a lot of my peers have been at least 3 relationships by now 😅, but I always said that to ensure I marry/date the best man possible I will make sure that everything about him is perfect, like all the things you described about him actually meet my standards 😅. Now hearing that after all those good days things he still did that to you I’m a little stuck.. because I don’t know what to believe anymore 😢 I constantly hear many people say that sapphic intercourse is better for women than het because ur partner most likely isn’t misogynistic and will listen to your wants/needs and probably relate. But I still hold out hope that I can find a perfect cishet man for me that won’t ever be misogynistic towards me and be gentle because that’s all I want 😓. But I see so much bad representation of men everywhere and barely any good that I’m starting to lose hope. But I don’t want to be single forever 😔.
You should read the book "When God was a Woman," as it dives into pre judeo-Christianity times. There was a matriarchy. The past was female. The present is male. The future is all of us.
But some people still believe in the truth of woman being the creator and that men are just good at stuff and if they are not stupid loveable and kind so they get to pass on their genes innit
@@alundavies8402 weomen cannot be creators, women are preservers by nature. creator is by definition crazy-insane who does things that make no sense women cant do that they can only follow established rules and can't invent new things
I mean, even as a lesbian I haven't had wonderful relationships either. My first girlfriend was a horrible communicator, and the couple of situationships were a little toxic. I will say each relationship I've been in has definitely gotten better, but I've still been ignored, compared, and treated badly. It really sucks since I'm such a romantic person, I really want that sweet gushy romance with a woman who wants that as equally as me, I'm just afraid I'll never find that.
lmao, the lesbian master doc... that's such a unique shared experience for those questioning their sexuality. Scouring the internet can lead to unexpected realizations!
you should really check out a bisexual trans person's critique of the doc on the channel VerilyBitchie in her video "Am I A Lesbian: The Comphet Masterdoc and Bisexuality"
@@sophiaz6833 thanks! I did, it's a great video, and we definitely need better resources for questioning people within the community. (tbh I knew I was in fact not attracted to men before I read it and just needed a little validation so the masterdoc didn't do to much damage for me, but I see how it could for others. I've since stopped procrastinating figuring out my sexuality and gone gay full time)
When I was a kid my mom worked, cooked, cleaned..my dad just worked yet he complained ALL the time. And then he said "why would I do any house work I have a wife and 2 daughters". Now he has his own company and does almost nothing as far as work goes. My mum still goes to work and he makes fun of her and me saying "your little jobs". He even calls me when he knows I am at work and when I say I am busy he sais "oh with what" .cause only a mens job is hard and important. Even tho I work at purchasing with men. Somehome my work is worth less.
Took gender studies from a global perspective (a course) last semester We've been taught that men are hunters and women are gatherers so that's been generalized. but to my surprise, that is not always the case! In some tribes roles have been switched where women were more aggressive and hunted while men stayed back and took a submissive role. this def was a shocker for me I recommend checking out Margaret Mead if you are interested in anthropology
Men literally shame woman for everything about their physical bodies from head to toe...even rank us on a 1-10 scale...yet want to get upset that we have this one preference? Give me a break. Boys would literally make me cry, calling me ugly, flat chested, and skinny. I couldn’t care less about their short tears.
@@cuttiecrazy11 What do you achieve by continuing the viscous cycle of toxicity? Can a man justify mocking you because other women have mocked him? - No. Shaming people for their natural appearance is wrong period.
@Mr "Judge" (lol) dude just shut up. You are all over this comment section vomiting out unsolicited idiotic statements. Write Kristen a letter or email or something, since you're clearly so obsessed with her.. Or pick up a hobby maybe, cus all you're doing right now is being annoying and unproductive while embarrassing yourself.
11:21 just because patriarchy helped us survive then doesn’t mean it’s the end goal that will last forever for us. Empathy is also a really good survival strategy-we don’t have to cut our weakest link off to make us all stronger. When we strengthen the weak links they can offer the community all of the good stuff they have to offer.
I live in Sudan and only watch videos on 144p because of network issues and data costs but THIS video I watched in 1080p. Thank you so much for articulating a lot of how I feel about relationships, gender roles and how society has failed us. This is the content I'm here for 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Some thoughts from a gay man- People objectify each other all the time. Men objectify women for their appearance and fertility. Women objectify men for their appearance and money. Kristen even did it in this video, boiling down men as either "Simon" or a "bridge troll." Is that really the attitude we want to carry us through life? "Socialize that D." Is sharing a winner who can act as poorly as he wants because of how many options he has really worth it? "You can have it all, but you can't have it all at the same time." Regardless of who we are or where we come from. There's only 24 hours in a day and we only live for about 30,000 days. A third of all that time is spent sleeping too. Ultimately we all need to decide how those 30,000 days will result in a legacy that will stay in the world beyond our own lives. Historically, men build their legacy through work and women nurture their legacy through family. Which option will make us the happiest on our death beds? Internalized misandry exists. If we are convinced our hand is bad because someone else has a better hand, then we will always have a bad hand. Even if there are tons of positives to what we have. I can promise you the grass is not greener on this side. It's just a prettier picture made by a loud minority pretending to have it all at the same time. Women are starting to adopt that same mindset, which is just as doomed to fail as when men do it. Both sexes are treating each other more and more like a "build-a-spouse." As if people are more in love with their idea of a spouse instead of the actual person in front of them. In trying to compete with each other, both sexes are losing their unique strengths. This is all just one gay dude's opinion.
I agree 100%. A lot of conversations about this topic start to feel one-sided without solutions that will actually incite change. There's a lot of feminists who project misandry and it doesn't have the power that they think.
What I observed, as a bisexual woman, This a problem between the straights that I think anyone mostly attracted to the same sex won't understand (no offense). I think straight people in general are very bitter about today's dating world, because of dating apps and we live in a different time. I think people are more willing to tolerate an attractive person whose an ass because they're hot and the sex can be steamy? (As you said) biologically humans prefer an attractive mate, and would rather share a beautiful person than to be monogamous with someone average or ugly. Which is why incels/redpill/mgtow and misandry exists. Also many women are bitter/resentful is because many of them have been hurt (I'm not saying that men haven't been hurt) but I think it explains why women have mandating views, instead of being logical and looking for a solution. I kind of agree with you, in that straight men and women are very shallow. But your reasoning is very textbook, when this situation is very nuanced and can't be logically explained. (Hell, I even had a hard time trying to explain this).
This is so true. It feels like everyone just hates each other and they'd sooner tear each other apart than work together to build each other up. It's totally black pilled me on relationships. I'm just working on trying to set up a life where I'll be happy by myself now.
Never been on a relationship before and I gotta say, being the avg straight dude, I'm not feeling very confident. All I can say about the topic comes from observing the couples around me, older or at the same age, and today it all feels like a transaction, you know? Can you provide good sex? Can you provide food, income and shelter? Do you share my world views and opinions? Will you be my emotional support unconditionally? At surface level that's what you'd expect from a relationship, but they way people talk about it makes me think the order is kind of being reversed. You expect the other side to "bring these benefits to the table" and if they don't meet the criteria, well, sucks to be them, next or welcome single life. I understand we all need some standards on who we share our lives with, but isn't that getting a bit out of hand? I would guess that's a result of numerous bad relationship experiences people endure in life, on all sides. People become jaded and when you hear more and more similar experiences, it turns into an open war between the groups. Idk, I feel like everyone expects you to be *something* and when you don't match the exact description, it's a no-go.
i think that women who don't have children are actually happier because they are more likely to be well educated and have better paid jobs. i'm not saying that not having a child isn't an important part, but that not having to worry about paying your bills on time sounds pretty important to me.
I think education around motherhood and how challenging it is is simply not spoken about. I honestly think that so many more women would not have children if they truly understood what it would mean. I have never wanted children - even more so now with the world becoming an ever increasing dumpster fire....
@@everydaysaschool-day7517 imo it's beyond irresponsible to have a child when our planet is already so overpopulated and on the verge of destruction. even more so to have more than one.
@@everydaysaschool-day7517 This 👏🏼 I wish everyone was as thoughtful as you, we would have less suffering in the world. It seriously INFURIATES myself when I see people on social posting how much "they have learned from this experience, that being a mom is incredibly hard..." It's like no really?! Duh? Who doesn't know that. It's the most difficult, unappreciated job you can do so proceed with caution and read your books and talk to doctors and professionals and honest moms! Some people spend more time thinking about what smartwatch they should buy than they do thinking about the consequences of having children 🤦🏻♀️ it's no wonder our world is in so much pain.
Yes but women can and often feel something missing later on in life when theyve accomplished all they can in their careers. That only goes so far.. Having a child is still a beautiful experience and motherhood hard as it is, is equally rewarding
There's a reason for the "do it all" and it's not necessarily the fault of feminism. When you come from a background where your womanhood and how your community viewed you is based on your role as a homemaker, it is hard to embrace a different view. It's kind of how when converting pagans to Christianity, they kept some of the paganism to make it easier. To help Suzy homemaker feel comfortable going to school or getting a job, she had to feel like it wouldn't hurt her ability to be a good wife and mother.
You have summarized why I am happily with a man right now despite being predominately attracted to women, but we did find each other at 18 so I guess I got lucky. I went through the 15 questions section and I realized I have already asked all 15 throughout our relationship and have liked the answers.
Hmmm... I think there is a lot of room for growth on this topic. I contribute the idea that moving beyond pursuing a relationship as a life goal, no matter what that relationship is called or with whom, is what should be normalized. There are just more interesting things in life than romantic relationships to a lot of people.
Agreed. I think there are problems with the social constructs that surround gender and sex. This infiltrates so many different aspects of life, including dating/marriage/sex/advertising/etc. BUT, to say a whole half of humanity is intentionally wrongheaded, simple, careless and cannot be redeemed is shortsighted. All people of any gender or sex share the burden of the human condition.
You're so right about self esteem being the biggest hurdle. I'm a trans man, but, still, to this day, struggle with everything I felt I had to reach before realizing that I was trans, on top of and continuing onto the feeling of not 'looking male enough'. The only reason that I'd ever say that I'm glad to have been born into the experience I have is basically all of the information you've touched on in this video: everyone is always learning, but I'm glad that I'm in the position where I can easily pick up on when women are made uncomfortable, treated wrong, etc by cis men. Hoping that things continue to get better.
Im literally writing a paper about this! The word you're looking for when talking about the labour women do for free is called reproductive labour. Marxist feminist describe reproductive labour as the labour all society rests upon as society cannot function without it. (because without reproductive labour 'productive labour' which is the workforce, wouldn't have any workers)
Add on to that the emotional burden that women carry in relationships that men don’t! There’s studies on that which are so interesting and infuriating at the same time
+ the "mental load" that women always need to have at the back of their mind at all times of organizing thinking and remembering and planning everything for their family (appointments, birthdays, deadlines, kids preferences and things like shoe size or homework)
hey everyone who commented here, I'm sure everyone has read this already but for any of you who haven't and would like to know more I recommend 'Marx and Feminism' by Silvia Federici. Her writting is very easy to follow and she explains these themes very well.
I'm dating a greek from skg for years now. When we started dating, I spotted a couple 🚩s because he was very closed-minded about a couple of things - greeks are (generally speaking) more than portuguese. One of the red flags was his mother doing everything for him, whilst he was just chilling. Since I'm nobody's mother, I decided to put him to test and invited him to come spend 1,5 weeks at my place. I only had to explain to him 1 time that if he'd not respect my house, I wouldn't invite him again. Since then, he helps with everything without me having to ask for anything (as it should be). Regarding the closed-minded issues, I always stood my ground and it didn't take him long enough to understand that he'd either evolve and keep up with me, or he'd be out. I absolutely agree with you: changing a partner isn't our job and, at the end of the day, if your partner can't keep up with you (or vice versa) it just doesn't make sense to be together. You'll be much better on your own! Υ.Γ.- I understand why you include the 15th question, and thankfully, there are plenty of exceptions, BUT that's the case for a lot of men. I'm fanatic for football myself (that's why I started visiting your country in the 1st place), but I wanna let you know that only a few things in life have given me more satisfaction than 1) 1st times I entered some sindesmoi full of misogynist and racist young men, clearly unfomfortable with my presence, with my head held high; and 2) 1st times going to the stadium, to θύρα "x" and facing the same situation. They had no other option than to get used to my presence, hahaha!
@@newchapterasmr Os gregos estão bem mais ‘atrasados’ do que nós portugueses, acredita. Senti choque cultural e de mentalidades no início, e estou longe de me referir apenas a relações amorosas. Lá me cruzei com alguém que sabe respeitar e quis evoluir para acompanhar, mas sinto que é raro, infelizmente
@@newchapterasmr Andamos a ver os mesmos youtubers :D e sim, também tive alguma experiência com gregos e concordou. Muito Muito simpáticos, mas mais conservadores, mais machistas e muito dependentes das mães
@@marianasouto5120 Que giro, estamos em sincronia! :) God, a sério... Eu já encontro muitos homens assim por aqui, não há nada menos atraente que mommys boys (que depois nos vão tornar na mãe nº2 ao viver juntos e casar)
“They think they do but their beliefs and their behaviour shows otherwise” δεν έχω ταυτιστεί περισσότερο με φράση! Ζήτημα να έχω γνωρίσει 2 άντρες (Έλληνες εννοείται κ συμπεριλαμβανομένων κ φίλων) που να συμπεριφέρονται και να αντιμετωπίζουν τις γυναίκες ίσα κ όμοια. Οι υπόλοιποι δεν ξέρουν που τους πάνε τα 4 όσον αφορά την ισότητα κ φαίνεται ειδικά τώρα με τις υποθέσεις κακοποίησης που βγαίνουν στην φορά. Καταπληκτικό βίντεο.
I just discovered your channel yesterday and I cannot express how validated I feel. I have had these thoughts since I was a teenager but never felt confident to really own them until fairly recently after a horrible toxic relationship. I just LOVE your energy!
Leave my short, chubby, bald boyfriend alone 😤😅 Even the hot guys are gonna look like him in 10 years so I might as well grab one with a good personality who 👅😽
Genius, but also... I feel like the idea that 👅 🐈 is rare among men is just not something I have ever experienced... Erybody I slept with has 👅 my 🐈 and I straight up would not sleep with someone who won't do that but expects the glug glug.
30:05 Have to comment on this part! I know women who do wish they could feel "small and weak" next to a man, partially because they have been shamed for being "too tall" and "too strong" for a woman, which in my opinion does sound a bit like internalized misogyny. Maybe that's not the case for the most women who are into taller guys though.
This is literally my case, I grew up fat and tall and shamed for it. Now I hate feeling big next to anyone especially men, it triggers childhood traumas so I couldn't have a romantic relationship with someone who isn't taller/bigger than me.
I was shamed for being taller than everyone and ended up with a man a few inches shorter than me. It’s actually been wonderful for my self esteem to realize that my height doesn’t make me any less feminine or beautiful or attractive. He still protects me and is the stronger of the two of us, but I’m the one reaching up to the hugest shelf ❤️ It works for us!
As a man, I thought this video was really thought-provoking. I wish I could have seen this when I was younger. I feel that guys really aren’t exposed enough to women’s issues.
Honestly. I find that most men dismiss or minimize women’s issues, even my own father. While women’s movements and progressivism has been developing and transforming (for better or worse), young men are usually not exposed to this kind of responsibility, and are not expected to be conscientious of their privileges in society. While I’ve met many highly politicized young girls in high school, the majority of guys I interact with don’t care about any social issues and focus on video games. Men are expected to be more “chill” and “less emotional” and that’s really not fair, both to women and men. That’s partially rooted in toxic masculinity, partially in misogyny, and results in a delayed development of men’s accountability in the patriarchal systems still in place to this day. While I’m not condemning anyone for not engaging in politics, I do believe that, as a whole, women are more engaged and involved in progressive politics. Not only that, but there’s an expectation of educational and thought provoking conversations about these topics while many men get away with not even having to care, or worse, mocking and ridiculing these issues for the sake of “dark humor”. So men avoid getting political, mostly because it’s supposedly not in their nature to get very passionate about real world issues, whereas women carry the brunt of this weight. Not on the actual political representation because, y’know, patriarchy and male-dominant industries of power, but on a more meaningful scale. Women make up most protest groups and movements, and, even dating back to the Antebellum Era (also know as Antebellum Reformation), were much more fixated on social issues. This is largely due to how we’re socialized, but also because men engage in many “hobbies” (most of which, of the time, were drinking, gambling, hunting, and networking) that enable them to ignore social issues which have been placed solely on women’s shoulders. But the failure to address the growing division between men and women, and how they’re educated (in terms of egalitarian values) has led to a rise of women’s complete rejection of men. Not saying that’s right, it’s definitely not, but I can understand the frustration of men diminishing and gaslighting women’s problems with their entitlement. My own family members do it all the time and it drives me up the wall.
@@apocalypseready6256 I'm a man, I grew up raised by a single mother, and that exposed me so much to women's issues, feminism, social justice and so on and I'm SO grateful you don't even understand. I'm also gay so I guess I resist toxic masculinity, but sometimes I think who I would be today if I was raised a different way and it's kinda scary...
@@knight-of-rain It’s honestly sad that some boys don’t appreciate all their mothers do for them and continue to uphold misogynistic viewpoints. I just wonder how these men’s mothers feel about their sons’ viewpoint on women. I also find it strange that gay men usually care so much more about women’s rights than straight men do. Like she said, I thought straight men were supposed to like women?? But quite a few them stake their “manhood” and masculinity on degrading women. It just doesn’t make any sense. I’m glad you’re informed about feminism!Men should absolutely be just as involved in the movement as women are, and society would be greatly improved if more men were empathetic like you. I know most don’t even engage in sexism on purpose, just like women suffering from internalized misogyny, and anyone willing to open up their viewpoints and welcome new beliefs is exceptional to me. I only hope men will begin realizing feminism doesn’t just benefit women, because many feminists are supportive of dismantling toxic masculinity and the stigma around male affection! It would help all people be more in touch with their emotions and communicative with the people they love :)
I love your videos and content most of the time, but I'm going to have to disagree with this. As an Anthropology major, these views unsettle me greatly. It treats primitive humans as stupid and incapable of helping one another through childbirth. We know that humans have a long history of soothing childbirth, and of helping make sure that women survived. Modern America has a shittier birth death-rate than most of the third world, and possibly more than most ancient cultures too. Also good to remember that all animals can die in childbirth... that is an unfortunate fact of being a living thing. Sometimes, you die unexpectedly. Were ancient women likely assaulted? Yes, of course. It happens today, we have records of women talking about it since forever. But to say that all women who knew that childbirth was dangerous chose to avoid it or were forced into it is COMPLETELY unscientific. Science and facts and evidence actually matter when you are talking about history. Your sources are far from actually academic. Please reconsider... all of this tbh. And I'm speaking as an AFAB gay person: just don't.
@@rdeal8912 I think dismissing upper-class male anthropologist in specifically discussions about women happens for a reason, which is that men, especially white men from wealthy "first world" countries, often impose their own views about women onto ancient women and their places in society. However, dismissing actual research by showing modern women talking about their modern opinions on people we have no verbal or written records or beyond circumstantial evidence is just wrong and ignorant.
Thanks for this comment! I also think she ignored much of the value that most species put in reproduction and "growing the tribe". Yeah most of us modern people can't relate, but that's something that has been valuable to humans of all genders throughout history. To many, that was part of being alive and living a fulfilling life. Even as a woman who chooses to be childless, I can recognise that people valued different things in different times and cultures.
There is a part where she says that after hunter gatherer era was over, woman stayed at home and man worked on the fields. I'm not an anthropologist, but isn't that complete wrong? The way I understood it in medieval Europe everyone had to work the field. Men, women and children. Only noble women could afford not to work, because they had servants. Servants who were also women who worked.
@@IvellScarlett Yes, that is completely correct. Women WERE laborers. They made textiles, they made alcohol, they farmed the land and tended the animals. Working class women have, for the entirety of human civilization and agricultural society, been a part of the working world and have been workers. The idea that women have ALWAYS been in the home is completely patriarchal bullshit with millenia of evidence to prove otherwise. Women were incredibly vital parts of every day society, in and outside of the home.
@@IvellScarlett Yes. Exactly. Women who were not nobles had to work all the time and even women of low nobility were shunned to become royal chambermaids. The point is that the means of production were generally controlled by men of the nobility or clergy. And there was obviously a division of labor by gender: women in general, in addition to working in the fields, had to spend their time spinning fabrics, as many lords collected taxes in the form of pieces of fabric. That's where the gender role of the "seamstress" comes from (in antiquity this already happened in the West). As far as I know, cis women were selected in this division of labor for the same reason they prefer cis women in electronics factories in China these days: small hands. Obviously I think people should do what they love and not what is imposed on them, so these impositions today are oppressive, especially if they are based on gender or race.
I grew up in a household where my mom was the provider and my dad the one to cook, clean and raise my sister and I (he also had a job, but it was one that meant he could be home once we were out of school). He received more scathing comments about that from his own parents (and probably from other adults) than he ever should have. As if a man parenting his own children meant he was a joke. My mom was not safe from comments either. As you say, she was deemed a bad mother AND wife because some felt she was emasculating my dad because she had the higher paying job. I blame this whole mentality for my being completely flabbergasted and outraged when grown ass men can't even do their own laundry.
Ie. Society sucks.
@XEREBRL is that all you got out of that comment?
I do my own laundry every weekend. I did the laundry in my last relationship too. Drop off service...
Welcome to this channel, we will ignore any comments that doesnt paint men as the enemy. However i do agree that if one partner works less, he/she should be doing more around the house. Im just here trying to grasp the man hate
@Kitty Kat Yup, I get the idea that some ppl dont live in the real world, but only form their opinions solely from some sub culture on the internet.
Your parents were great
People can just suck it.
"Low female self esteem is the biggest hurdle we need to overcome"
Yes, could not have said it better!
And what changes then?
@@deltaxcd what do you mean?
@@deltaxcd Low selfesteem in women is one of the factors that leads to lower pay, lower success in carrier and many more problems. It of course isn't the only factor but influential one indeed. I was studying engineering for a while and I had such a strong impostor syndrome which was escalated with some teachers and peers constantly reminding me of my gender for no reason. That because of anxiety leads to lover performance in many women.
@@brendanmorin9935
I men what will change if Low self-esteem will change into high self-esteem?
Your success in life depends on your beauty skills luck or whatever else but not on your self-esteem.
@@deltaxcd Self esteem is important in life because you can't be confident while having low self esteem. Confidence can help you be more successful. Also, having higher self esteem will prevent you from tolerating mistreatment from other people. If you don't believe in yourself you can miss a lot of opportunities. It's better to act than wait untill you accidentally stumble on success because that can never happen. E.g. If you ask for a promotion you are more likely to receive it.
Okay I’m only a few minutes in but I went on a tinder date a few years ago with a man who thought the moon was fake. THE MOON.
It's a meme, tho.
Or was he serious about it?
PLEASE NO is that a thing now too???
He was completely serious, he was convinced it’s a hologram 😭 he told me his friends showed him “the truth,” so now we have to worry about evolution AND moon denial
I know I guy who believes there are two suns, but one of them is being hidden by the NWO. It's a crazy world out there.
Omg, I went on a date with someone who believed that underpopulation was a real problem for our future generations and that's one of the reasons he wanted to have kids.
I'm only going to say this: when you gain your own money, you can run away if your partner turns out to be an abuser. Feminism at that point was focused on that, and saved so many women lifes.
Same with men, avoid partners if you are rich .
My parents have the most perfect marriage. Seriously. Like they're so freaking in love after 23 years, and it just comes down to the fact that they're each other's support system and are so excited whenever the other starts a new project. They've always split the chores/parenting (mum was more up and personal because they had girls but he took over things like cooking/cleaning) and my mum had her own career. They were the perfect example for a romantic relationship to me and my sister and it's reflected in our dating choices. I can't picture my sister putting up with a guy who won't clean and I sure as hell wouldn't (I have stories of friends who would). When I think about what I want in a romantic relationship, that's what I want. I won't take anything less, because the amount of women (and men) I know who put up with heaps of garbage from their partner because they're chasing that 'idea' of what their life SHOULD be is ridiculous. I've been judged for having high standards but HELLOOOO this would be the person I will be sharing my life with. Whyyyyyyy would I settle for less??? I would LIKE to have that but I've accepted that it may not be in the cards.
Edit: just to be clear I totally agree with most of what Kristen is saying in the video. I just wanted to point out that it is totally possible that men rise to better standards, and women need to stop putting up with it. My dad is totally comfortable not being the 'alpha' or the one who runs the house and I think that culturally, men need to accept that that is going to be the case from now on. More and more I'm seeing men demand 'traditional' roles while their partner also has a full-time job while also claiming that they're 'equal partners'. I have my fair share of bad dating stories. I'm just saying that good men are out there, they're just rare, and women need to be more prepared to walk away when men don't meet their standards.
your comment just brought me pure joy and hope
YESSS same here!! My parents also have a amazing marriage. What I consider to be a good relationship people consider having crazy high standards. I really would love to have a long term relationship but I am not going to accept men doing the absolute bare minimum. I just want some romance and true partnership but it seems next to impossible in this dating world
I don't think it is high standards. That is supposed to be a healthy and good relationship but in our society it seems that too much for ask
Lmk if you find a man who cleans- my ex roommates are men, my friend circle is mostly men, I have a brother, and have dated men, and I have yet to find one :( starting to think they're a myth
The way kristen likes every single comment but skips the ones like this that slightly disagree w her... lmao
In conclusion: I would be my ideal partner, and this is my new standard now
This omg
YES
The mirror has never been a good partner as it is right now...
Lmao
Let's have this same conversation in 5 years again.
See, feelings and perspectives are always changing on the long term. You are not the person you were 5 years ago.
Simone Weil said "pain and suffering are a kind of currency passed from hand to hand until they reach someone who receives them but does not pass them on." And this is how mother-daughter generational trauma ends. Well done, great video topic!
I, a lesbian, enjoy this video but there are a few things I don't agree, one of them is the short/tall guy thing. You made a video talking about the implication of society on our brain and how we perceive men and ourselves, and you say women that like tall men don't do it to feel small and cute, while every woman I've talked in my life with about this said they want taller guys to feel protected and they like feeling small in his arms. You cannot deny that a lot of women preferring taller guys come from the idea of men protecting them and the belief they must be shorter and cuter because a more masculine man is taller and bigger than the woman. You CANNOT deny that c'mon.
Also, why would you bash short guys and people who like them like that? Not cool, girl. Not cool.
Fr we gotta stop ignoring the weird fetish-y infantile dynamic in a lot of straight relationships, being attracted to somebody isnt wanting them to be your "protecter" that's trauma lmao
@@sydneygraham1470 no it´s not, it is very basic psycological need to feel somewhat safe and have a stability. And if your date is tall/big and a nice person it can of course make you feel more secure/relaxed as a women. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
@@Eva-nw5go Exactly, I never had a thing for tall guys, but walking about town (esp as the sun goes down) with a tall guy made me feel like I had a bodyguard 😂😅 I felt safe enough to explore at night, it was nice.
00
@@sydneygraham1470 Jesus christ, why do you care? Why are other people's relationship dynamics relevant to you?
Like, live your life. Date someone. Fuсk a hundred people, I don't care. It's not my place to psychoanalyze strangers' sеx lives, and it's not yours either
I saw something on tiktok that was like “I don’t like men. I’m *attracted* to men, but I do not *like* them” and I felt that 💀
OMG I felt that. It's so sad
OMG! I felt that
**sobs in bi** 😢i feel that
I'm bi and I second this 💀 but also, I'd argue that a lot of straight men feel the same way about women (only they get a free pass to trash talk their "nagging girlfriends/wives" and it's socially acceptable for them to do so), it seems as if some of them don't like us as individuals with emotions and opinions of our own, but rather as pieces of meat they love chasing and controlling whenever they can. It's too much for me to handle and I'm seriously considering committing to the full lesbian experience lol
@@eurekamreum5458 literally same but im too damn nervous around girls, maybe some females might be able to give more emotional intelligence to a relationship
I used to be obsessed with having a boyfriend. Recently I realized I'm self-partnered as Emma Watson once said. I'm not sure I want to have a boyfriend anymore. I have so much fun with myself and my life is a bliss right now.
Same! Better to be alone than to be a sacrificial lamb lol
I don't really need a bf either but I need sex so that's a struggle.
This is me right now. Not looking for a boyfriend has brought so much tranquility to my life. Now the focus is on me and my happiness ❤️
That sounds awesome!!
Self partnered in inceldom by another name, cheers
The whole "women aren't funny" stance always confuses me but then that sentiment usually comes from the "dark humour" guys who only laugh at sexism
Love your channel 💗
I know a guy who tries to put me down or keeps super serious face when I say something funny, because nobody can be funnier than him. And the bar is quite low, so...
Or it could be from the fact that men and women behave differently thus tend to find humor in different ways. Hence why men on average don't find women funny because on *average* women get easily offended while men typically have thicker skin thus aren't easily offended and find things that make most women upset and the things women that women find funny are usually so POC that men find it less funny.
Hope that clears it up
@@NatureFreak1127 or He could just not find what you say funny 😒
@Trinity M so because I speak on generalizations just like both the author of this comment section and the author of this video I'm sexist?. Why? Based on what? Because I *dare* challenge and or critique a woman's opinions as a man?.
Am I not entitled to freedom of speech as them?.
It's fine women to generalize men but not men because that makes us sexist when *we* do it?.
Are you really sure it's *me* who's the sexist here?
Sis said she was 30, I legit thought you were 23
It's the red lighting. Coincidentally, the term "Red light district" came from the use of red lantern lights to obscure pock marks and blemishes on the faces of... (ahem) "working women".
"Not eating meat will turn me gay? That sounds hOriFyiNg"
Sex drive and meat have been related by science, especially pork! But eggs seem to do well
@@elasticharmony but... have any connections been made about meat and gayness lol
@@elasticharmony source?
and then she searches how to become a lesbian. he literally gave her an answer smh
Wow I love you. This video basically summarized everything I have been feeling and learning the past few months!
Ah I
Hitomiiii 😭💗 love you too
Collab 👀
Same 😂 Those days I feel the need to be with other women because I’m so tired being around men
Omg Hitomi commenting on Kristens Video 😍 You are my two favorite female RUclipsrs and I love that you love each other ❤️
I loved that you mentioned the negative aspects that feminism has brought to women. Women now work AND have to keep the house. It's a wild ride.
Gee work AND maintain a home as if only women have ever had to do that. So so hard do you need a tissue? But please don't work yourself to death by doing the same work *millions* before and long well after you have to do.
And if it's really that hard then please go to a jungle or forest and leave the lands of mankind and free yourself of having to work and maintaining a home by all means.
@@mrjudge6167 she was being sarcastic.. what’s up ur butt?
Yes, the 'super mum' kind of bullsht. But I think that this is a distorted idea of feminism, in the sense that it implies that women are capable of being perfect, a kind of super human.
Mr Judge To this day there’s plenty of men who expect the woman to look after the house despite her working as much as them. In the past men didn’t do shit in the house while women were expected to be maids 24/7 at home. Unlike for men, their work never ended. You’re such a troglodyte, lol.
yes, even though women have been able to enter the workforce, women's labor and domestic labor are still grossly undervalued. Certain professional fields where women make up the majority of the workforce, like teaching, are underpaid. unfortunately second wave feminists did not have an intersectional lens and overlooked the problems with capitalism so here we are...
I really wish that the majority of the this comment section realized that dating woman isn't going to make all your problems go away with dating. Women aren't perfect angels incapable of doing harm.
Your a dude?
@@blah-zo7ve Nope, I'm not a guy. Don't see why that matters though??
@@mutilist we are talking about women who date other women, you being a dude matter more than anything
@blueviolets exactly
@@blah-zo7ve read in the dream house by carmen maria machado
The day I realized I'm better off alone than struggling to sift through relationships with guys who would replace me for parasocial relationships with Instagram booty models, my life became happier.
I need to write that down and read it first thing every morning untill I internalize it
Sa-em!
Maybe this is why most girls now post butt pics on Instagram?? So that their boyfriends look at their booties too? I think I just had an epiphany.
@@helloworld7818 No that's not the reason.
@XEREBRL You might be onto something.
"They think they see me as their equal but their values and actions say otherwise" - that is... yes!
That is the problem: you equate "equal" as "EXACTLY the same", and THAT is the main issue that Feminism need to face, which is the need to deal with the inherent differences between men and women.
@@Jamhael1 the main issue? not really, there are far more similarities between men and women than there are differences,. And you're really making this comment to the wrong person as I am neither.
@@muccycloud then why the actions show otherwise?
I wish it was acceptable to wear the same thing everyday as a cartoon character and have your outfit for life 🐱
I won’t stop you 😅
It is and you can, you just have to not care if others have an opinion about it
Do it! Don't care about people's opinion
@@mandolaa Honestly, it is mostly a joke because this whole aesthetic is incredible. I don't really care about poeple's opinion but my coworkers still point out that I have little variary of clothes, I don't know why this is an issue still, like I do laundry on time leave me alone 😂
*steve jobs approves of this message*
Grew up in a Greek American community and Greek American men are the same. The son is the golden child and waited upon by the mother and sisters. I once had a man tell me: "I wish I had a daughter like you when Im old to take care of me." I was like "YOU HAVE 5 SONS"
That's how I experienced life to some extend in my country (Romania). And what's worse is the women older than 40 are convinced the flaws of both sexes are normal and integral in day to day life, is biological instead of social. I don't really know how some men see things but I assume are just about the same...
That's how it is
I am THOROUGHLY enjoying sassy Kristen today. The meme references, the outFIT, the aesthetic- yes mama serve us the scolding tea, I've been waiting for this one
Couldn‘t agree more
It’s copycat of Contrapoints. Check Natalie out she is much better 😉
@@BioBioLove literally CP minus the critical thinking skills and selfawareness lol
@@handsomebear. indeed! I am glad somebody else can see it too 😅
gurl the first two minutes were a whole cinematic experiance
Well, Mr. Judge, the fact that so many women recognised those behaviour should lead you to a different conclusion, like that maybe some men are like that.
@@mrjudge6167 that some men are acting respectfully doesn't invalidate her message and the argument, that past societal expectations of men in relationship - or lack of- lead to a majority of women beeing satisfied by the minimum in their relations and feeling the need to be in top of every aspect of their life (full time job, raising children, keeping a house, etc.) is still valid
@@mrjudge6167....i don't really get what point you're trying to make, but yes, a good relationship is based on mutual respect. As a matter of fact, everybody deserves a baseline of respect, or human decency, if you prefer. tldr: sont treat people like trash.
@@mrjudge6167 no one is saying that they NEED to be respected because their a woman but instead HUMAN.
When she googled "how to become a lesbian", felt that
Already commented this but pasting it here because people need to understand. Please stop joking or saying you would like to be a lesbian when you’re straight! You have so much privilege and you make it sound like being a lesbian is a choice and you’re invalidating our experience, making it seem like being a lesbian is super fun and easy. It is not. Imagine having to go through all the stages of internalised homophobia and denial when you’re very young often not exposed to any queer representation, then realising most people think who you are is disgusting, men sexualising your relationships and not taking them seriously and being scared of losing family members because of your identity. It really isn’t easy. I assume dating men is not easy either but you still have so much privilege and so many things you don’t have to worry about because of your sexuality that is accepted everywhere.
@@mkav Totally agree with you, but as a lesbian who's spend a while debating my sense of identity with only help being from Google, your comment here is a bit out of place lmao
@@Wanderlustsflask i was referring to straight women saying this cause that’s how it was used in the video so i just assumed you related to what Kristen said and was also a straight woman haha sorry🥴
@@mkav but how do you know if someone is a straight woman or not? How would she know for sure? Plenty of lesbians thought they were straight women once as well. Maybe she's just deep in the closet
@@user-mt2co8ip4u well this kind of rhetoric is harmful if it’s used by anyone who is publicly seen as straight because it invalidates our experience and makes it seem like being gay is a choice. This is especially a thing when it comes to lesbians. I was fully dating a girl as a teenager but because of this rhetoric I was constantly denying it because everyone around me did not see us as a couple but as 2 best friends. Even though we were holding hands, kissing etc So i myself believed it. If we were 2 boys or a boy and a girl people would automatically read us as a couple. There’s this whole narrative about straight women just “experimenting”. As a lesbian i have to “prove” my identity to ppl so often and they still don’t take me seriously sometimes and it’s tiring. And straight women joking about “wanting to go lesbian” n stuff happens very often. That was my whole point. If you’re saying this as a person who’s questioning their sexuality then it’s completely fine but in this context it wasn’t so obvious imo.
mannn the 'i wish i was a lesbian' shit here is really weird. please maybe look into why that's problematic rhetoric, a lot of lesbians have voiced discomfort with non lesbian women saying they wish they were a lesbian because they're sick of boring men and the way it treats gay relationships as 1) a fun option with no extra baggage, and somehow easier than straight relationships and 2) a backup, not a real option but a plan B for straight girls to mess around with when they get bored of their boyfriends, as if gay relationships are less serious and real than straight ones.
yeah, that was shit
Yeah, everyone is singing along to "Born This Way" at the pride, but then we joke about choosing the lesbian life afterwards?
Everyone is on a different path. If their path doesn't align with yours that's fine. Many women are experiencing an identity awareness in this time of increased visibility and acceptance. Sometimes hearing someone voice similar feelings can help you to realize your own differences or similarities.
I. E. "Not everyone looks at (women's) butts? I think I might be a little gay" meme.
Learning that many lesbians feel anxiety when it comes to inexperience in the bedroom helped me to overcome my own anxiety. Now I can work through my feelings with my partner rather than continuing passionless relationships with cishet men.
yes literally! as a bi gal I've dated both and I hate it when people take one more seriously than the other. Like, gay relationships have baggage too especially if the person you're dating is closeted. It seems easier until you think about it, and have to face it properly.
Thank you!
really wish some of these comments would stop acting like being a lesbian is a choice
Every woman has a unique love for other women. Some choose, some dont have to
@@brittasings what do you mean by that? I love women in a friendly way, but why do I have to be sexually attracted to women? I wouldnt mind if I did, but I also cannot will myself to getting attracted to anyone.
THIS!! saying things like "oh i wish i were a lesbian" or "liking women would be so much easier" completely erases the oppression that sapphic people face. i feel like this video doesn't discuss intersectionality when it comes to sexuality very well. i wish she would reply or like comments that point this and a few other mistakes she made out because she replies to almost all of the other comments that have likes.
Exactly end me please why is so hard for people to understand sexuality is on a spectrum and you can either find more about yourself over time or getting comfortable with yourself plus experience can reveal more stuff about your sexuality. They are just refusing to get cultured a bit or are just keeping it vague enough so people dont call them out as homophobic at this point
Yeah... Saying things like “I wish I were a lesbian” or ”You are sooo lucky” is really a backhanded compliment if you even can call it a compliment. Although shame and harm to sapphic people have diminished by far where I live it’s still very much prevalent and statements like these are diminishing of our experience, especially the experience of intersectional sapphics ://
This is a great video but the rhetoric on shorter guys is so problematic. There is so much stigma about women being with shorter guys and it’s so ridiculous. It’s another way to reduce us to baby making machines who should only choose men based on optimal physical genetics rather than wanting to be with someone just because we like them and enjoy being with them. It’s possible to find someone smaller than you attractive and saying it’s not is just harmful to everyone and only really benefits tall misogynists imo and lowers the bar for tall guys. Obviously this doesn’t mean women owe men of any size absolutely anything but it’s dangerous to continue the bullshit of shaming shorter guys or women who are with someone the same size or smaller and acting as if tall men are the only men worth being attracted to and thus pushing women towards the smaller pool of guys who coast off the fact that they happen to be taller than 6ft and don’t need to work on themselves in any other way because society says they’re the most worthy and desirable partner. Particularly as women, we need to stop fuelling that bullshit train.
The way kristen liked every comment but skipped urs cuz u disagreed w her...gurl...
Honestly. I absolutely love short guys, they’re definitely my preference, in terms of partners. But coming from an Asian girl with a little brother, he’s pretty short (5’3) and he’s been persistently infantilized, fetishized, and emasculated for a trait he _can’t even control_ As if being an Asian guy isn’t already a romantic death sentence in this society!
I always feel bad about it and try to comfort him. Being a short guy is so hard in this culture, particularly because men suffer from their own issues of emasculation and toxic masculinity (from both men _and_ women).
@@lils6696 lol I know.. glad someone else noticed!
@@lils6696 I agree with the point this comment made, but she is not obligated to like every comment (especially one she doesn't agree with).
@@lils6696 I don't think that's necessarily the case if you look at the ones she had liked they were all in the time line from 2 weeks ago while this one is much later than that.
I’ve never dated anyone , probably because I have no trust In men . I’ve been cat called , sexually harassed , scared of creepy men . And have no male figures to look up to except fictional book men characters 😬 I enjoy being single tbh ❤️
You are not alone. We'll find our happiness regardless of the path we take
Let's all be cat ladies 😻
Me too. I feel terrible and sick if I even kiss a guy
This is a really good video and I agree with a large majority of it other than the weird part where you said women who date short guys are basically into bestiality lmao. Please just let women be physically attracted to whatever features or whoever they find attractive without making them feel weird or "other" or wrong.
Yea my thoughts exactly
Also when she said that you have to be the standard for for partner or vice versa. I think having a little bit of acceptance and compassion for people goes a long way, unless that means making up for their imperfections of course.
@ItzTYLER Mate I'm confused, what does that have to do with my comment? Completely irrelevant bait.
@ItzTYLER Mate ...sure? Men can like what they like? They don't have to insult the people they're not attracted to, though. Not sure what point you were attempting to make but thanks for your irrelevant contribution lol.
@ItzTYLER Mate Nice generalizations
But the question is do we as a species want to survive? NO, so let's go and create the matriarchy homosexual poliamory fantasy
EXACTLY🙌
I'm innn!
Good question, haha
Let's do thiiiss
That's literally feminist lesbian separatism lmao
Ladies we need to make a pact not to date sexist men so sexist men will be forced to address their biases 😎
Or they just keep being predatory aka going after teenagers and vulnerable women in difficult life situations, who happen to be easy to manipulate. Sexists rarely change, even nowadays most women don't want to date a misogynist, but there are plenty of them anyways - they either get into relationships with women who will settle for that (or trap them in some sort of intimate partner violence situation) or they keep whining about how 'feminism' made women 'spoiled' and 'unbearable' and it's the fault of social progress that they can't get laid. If they land in a first category they will treat their girlfriends like shit and if they don't get one they will just become another body in the army of incels/mras/pua clients.
@@SamuraiShizuo that's depressingly true, i hadn't thought of this 😔 I basically just actively avoid most men outside of professional circles so I don't meet these types of men, fortunately. I suppose societal views shifting as a whole helps as people may grow up less sexist and more safe spaces for women facing domestic abuse, progress can be very slow though I think
@@SamuraiShizuo We can't let the behavior of men scare us into not making a stand. If they trying going for our young vulnerable girl, then we up the protection of our young vulnerable girls.
Not gonna work because those sexist men are most attractive LOL
Doesn’t work... they’ll just find a woman who won’t be able to say no. Exactly why mail order brides and trafficking are so popular now.
I too am caught between the "looks shouldn't really matter" and "why are ogre men always paired with goddesses" dilemma, but some attractiveness is in our control, like through fashion and makeup, but height...uh, idk uncomfortable thing to mock ngl 😅
The 'if you are into little men you may as well be into fucking mice' bit made me reel a little, honestly. Not even for me, I am a pretty tall dude. But I just think back to a college friend, he was very short and had a high voice. But he was in shape, took care of himself, was handsome, smarter and kinder than I will ever be, sociable... Iunno, maybe I am projecting in how bad I'd feel if I heard hurtful, vicious comments like that about my own many flaws. It just felt cruel.
I do get having some ingrained hostility in response to oppression and bad experiences, but eesh.
Yeah the height insult should just stop. This argument affect women too. While i didnt hear women in queer relationships have any problema with it in hetero ones its rare to see men not have their fragile masculinity bullshit hurt by the fact a woman is the same height as them or taller. This is just immaturity at this point.
@@sacta true tho, most of the guys Ive been attracted to, are my same height or shorter, and while I agree that no one should be shamed for their preferences, she's making the a argument while shaming women who like shorter guys? Wheres the consistency sis
I really enjoyed the whole video but that part rubbed me the wrong way too. Shaming people for the way they look is so against the philosophy of self love and self acceptence and if we want society to progress, we need to quit joking about the phisical appearence of men as well. I know she meant it in a joking manner and I still think the video was great
Technically we men can improve upon our height. I had the leg lengthening procedure and went from 5'8" to 6'0." it's expensive, and I'm not going to lie: excruciating, but it's worth it.
I feel like it's easy to misunderstand when she says "the maternal mortality for young, first time mothers in the US is 1.7-3.6%", but that's not what the study says! The maternal mortality rate is actually 0.017%. The study states 1.7-3.6% of all young female deaths is caused by pregnancy.
this comment should be way higher!!
It feels like all men my age are either addicted to video games or porn (or both), and do not have anything of value to bring into a relationship. I’m far better off alone or with another woman.
Did you have male friends?
@@helloworld7818 of course I do. What are you on about?
@@juliabrooks1203 I guess you're talking about young boys. Usually they don't want to have a relationship. When you're young you live your sexuality.
@@helloworld7818 I’m talking about guys in their 20s. There’s a difference between “living your sexuality” and being an overgrown man-child.
@@juliabrooks1203 exacly. Most 26/27/28 ish men act like boys.
My gift to you for Valentine's day
It's the only valentine's gifts I've ever had. Thanks ❤️❤️❤️
Only V-day gift I'll ever neeed!!!!*!*!**!*! xD so single aint so bad !~*
It‘s great honestly. I love your Videos so much!
I wish you were my Valentine Kristen , but after that video I think everyone here probably does too.
Thank you 🌞 Couldn’t ask for more!
".... Or you found a man and made him amazing." Omg the number of times I've taught basic skills to men and had them straight up steal my personality, interests, mannerisms....?! Only for us to break up and for some other woman to reap all the benefits of my labour?! Too. Many. Times. That's why I only date women now.
Did you always like both men and women? Sorry but I cannot comprehend how you and Kristen suggest you can choose to date women. How does it work if you are not sexually attracted? Surely it cannot all be platonic?
@@BioBioLove they aren’t saying that you can just chose, as in changing your sexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum. Most people aren’t 100% gay or straight. So sometimes people experiment and try dating someone of the same sex and end up enjoying it! But that isn’t the case for everyone
@@brendanmorin9935 I have nothing against sexuality being a spectrum. But I always perceived that as a spectrum where everybody is located at a position and stays there. Not as a spectrum that I can freely move across. If that is the case then what is the difference with being pansexual? Of course no issue if somebody is pansexual but it is not a choice.
I literally know nobody who just chose to swap the gender of the people they date. Of course my limited experience and circle can be at fault for that, but I doubt it is the norm. For instance I know many many people who are homosexual. Also an exception would be if someone is bisexual. But how many people really are?
I am not even touching on the fact that hetero vs homosexual relationships have exactly the same problems. It has to do with the partner and not the gender.
@@BioBioLove it’s not that someone is just freely moving around, but sometime you discover things about yourself that you didn’t know was there. There are many people who come out as bi, only to realize later in life that they’re actually gay or vise versa.
And I don’t think it’s crazy to think that your sexuality could maybe change over time, but it’s not something that youd have control over
@@brendanmorin9935 Yes I can see that, knowing you are bisexual and then realised you are gay. Anyway to me it doesnt make sense that I could suddenly start being attracted to women, if that has never happened before. What can I say, not my story maybe somebody else’s.
As a bi girl I really liked this video, but some things really didn't stir right with me. First off, ik "how to be lesbian" was a joke, but I'm sure I speak for many when I say that joking about "choosing to become gay because of boring men" really is damaging to how this world already perceives wlw relationships. Additionally, the small guy/mice joke was also not it. Bashing others for things they cannot control (especially something many is insecure of) is so wrong and out of alignment with so much you've previously said
Thanks for this comment, I'm glad to see that body shaming against men isn't being entirely accepted by pop feminism without push back.
You are a good woman
I think the joke was about unattractive men who demand their women to always be pretty (if that exists)
timestamps:
00:00 - intro
03:23 - SkillShare
04:34 - Chapter 1. The history of human relationships
13:06 - Chapter 2. Polyamory and female homosexuality
19:22 - Chapter 3. The impact of feminism on modern relationships
26:32 - Chapter 4. The deprecation of hetero relationships on tiktok
31:15 - Chapter 5. Marriage
37:05 - Chapter 6. The 15 questions
mandatory comment to please the algorithm so kristen's video will get recommended
I remember being 13 and thinking I was such a feminist because I didn't feel attraction towards any guy+ I wasn't boy obsessed. Turns out I am a lesbian,in fact
I- well.
Hey dude, the part on short guys is kind of not it. Like firstly, shaming anyone on a physical trait they have no control over is inherently shitty. But also, it’s especially rude to trans guys who often are shorter and already have to deal with enough people invalidating their masculinity. Like sure have a preference, but “beastiality”? Why say that?
Yea it was pretty transphobic
Yeah what the actual hell was that... made me cringe oh so hard it hurt. Trying to deflect her own failure to outgrow the same cultural indoctrination she spends the whole video dragging men for.
fr like,, as a trans guy who stands at 5'3,, putting short men on the same level as incels felt hella disgusting. most of this video felt okay for the most part but specifically calling out people who date short/ugly/poor men as basically just "feeling pressured to date them" was really outta pocket.
yeah that was bad. I had to dislike, I don't understand why that was even necessary.
Horrible, reminds me of something I read called "Manlet Mayhem".
ok you had me until the comment about short, ugly men and comparing it to beastiality T-T, what would your reaction be if a dude said the same thing? Isn't it a bit hypocritical to objectify anyone? I'm totally gay, so I'd agree with you, but that was a mean thing to say.
Right. Imagine if a man was like "don't shame men who like to date short women. It's not because we want to feel big and strong. Hey, if you other guys want to date your giraffes who eat leaves from the tree tops, go right ahead. I'm just not into beastiality like that." Wouldn't we all be disgusted?? I love the message of don't shame women for their preference for tall men, but can we not shame women who date short men in the process?? Especially in such a disgusting way.
@@justicejones7646 why is everyone praising her and no one else calling her out on it? this video just goes against a lot of what feminism stands for. she makes some valid points, but it's borderline female supremacist and so hateful.
@@unoriginalname04 there are a few comments saying what we are saying. I had to look really hard for them though. They are being hidden by the algorithm. There were even a couple with over 100 likes, but bc Kristen liked so many comments but not any that are criticizing her for this, these are being pushed to the bottom 😒
@XEREBRL Bruh women are treated like slaves in the US as well, and this youtuber is from greece where women are also treated like slaves.
@@Hannikost girl I'm from Greece and no one is being treated like a slave here wtf are u on lmao
Aaaahhh the aesthetic of this video is just too good !
Thank you 🥺💗
this was too good. TOO GOOD Kristen. Thank you.
Thank you Sukkari! 💖💖💖
I came to watch after you posted here so thank you raouum . and that was insanely amazing kristen
raouummm 💛
I hate the fact that even one of my best friends has shamed me for breaking up with boys that I realized were either not respecting me and treating me as equal or just not a good match in my opinion. At the same time she still remains in a relationship where they both talk so badly to each other. Like I am sorry that I don't want to be miserable in my relationship. The things she has told me about her boyfriend are something I could never imagine enduring in my relationship...
girl she aint a friend, she needs to battle that internal misogyny
@@mastercleanseNOTdiet yep, is really unhealthy to be with a person who does not respect you and treat you as lesser than them. It literally can mess with a person's physical health.
@@noway3577 why is hating women "mysogynistic" and wrong ? -- you are clearly not a true follower of equality
@@noway3577 *it's ok though, 99% of you aren't and you don't understand your own ideology -- I'm just making a general statement about women and culture , and it's not an attack on you specifically
@@bill8383 hating and judging women for their own relationship choices is wrong, you can hate a woman for valid reasons, this right here was not a valid reason. Did you even take the effort to read it?
I grew up in a family where my father lost his job and still didn't do anything in the household, my mom worked, took crae of the meals, me and my brother and the house while my dad spent most of his time watching TV and literally doing nothing for most of my childhood
seeing that, growing up and realizing, as you said, that this is normal made me hate men so much, when I was younger I kept on saying: "I am gonna make sure It's the other way around! I am not going to do anything and my husband has to work for me" because I thought it was so unfair, it took me some time to realize that that wasn't something I wanted either I just want equality. I want for both partners to care for each other and work together if I love someone I should try to enhance and enrich their life as much as I can and if both do that wouldn't that be such a lovely relationship
"Don't shame women who like tall men!"
Continues to shame women who date "short" men by saying those men are mice in the wall and those women are into beastiality for dating them...
At least saying "women who only date tall men are trying to feel small" is just trying to find a reason to explain a phenomenon while your shaming is literally relating the opposite to an illegal and immoral sex act. Nice.
I liked the video as a whole, but ngl, that part pissed me off.
You are the only woman here who seems to be capable of using her brain. I would invite you a date LOL
@@deltaxcd idk about that. There are plenty of intelligent women here saying the same thing as me. Some dating advice: maybe don't insult other women as a compliment to the woman you're asking out.
@@justicejones7646
Oh don't worry i know ow how to lie to a woman, I am just being myself now :)
@Socrates was real and he tried to eat my ass
At least pretend to be smart LOL
@@justicejones7646 That part irritated me as well. Also fully believing in Ch.3 that there is no way that a different society could survive. There are fertility, and the US is overpopulated AF, so we need to slow.the.fuck.ddoowwwwnnnnn on having babies here.
This is funny because I have been thinking about hetero exclusif relationships recently. I'm hetero (as far as I know) and in a relationship for 2 years now. The questions you proposed are pretty much the kind of things I check BEFORE dating a man, so he passed the test haha. There are "good guys" around there. I think it REALLY depends on the country and town you live in ! I'm French and from the south (he's from the north). I just wanted to add that even though the guy passes the test, feminism is not the only problem we can face in a relationship... So even with a good guy we are really not at the end of troubles... Simply because human relationships are complicated!
That's because it's France lol
Do this in middle east, South asia, eastern Europe and rual US, you are a dead meat.
@@fbyi2940 are you french? Your lack of knowledge of France's widespread sexism and misogyny tells me you're french. Signed: a french woman
"please tell me more about how much you love Elon musk" had me deaaaaaaaaaad.
I'm kinda bummed out, because I was really liking the video, but then you started to talk about appearance and it really rubbed me the wrong way. I feel like it's not cool to shame people for their looks, period. People can control their opinions and the way they treat others, but they have zero control over their height. I know your point was to not shame people for having a preference for tall guys, but instead of just saying that and ending it there, you decided to shame BOTH people who are comfortable dating short guys AND anyone who is short (I know it was said jokingly but it was kinda tasteless imo). You can date or not date anyone you'd like but please don't bully people for their looks. It really took away from an otherwise good point that ofcourse you shouldn't date people you are not attracted to, or don't want to date, and nobody should bully you into doing that either.
i completely agree.
Agree. If you only date men who are tall, then you shouldn't have an issue with men saying they only date women with big boobs.
Yeah, that's basically where she lost me too. Calling people mousey, smeagle, BEASTIALITY even... what in the dehumanization?
Yeah, that point was not it. Let’s not shame anyone for who they find attractive or their looks. So shallow and unnecessary.
I agree that was a really weird to even go there.
I love your content, and I agree with what you say but you've unintentionally disenfranchised quite a few lesbians and that hurts. As a lesbian, I'd usually expect to feel safe and respected in a feminist space and this made me very uncomfortable. I'm not trying to 'cancel' you or start an argument but I do think this is an important point because to be a feminist it's important that you also are considerate of lesbian women too.
How did she disenfranchise lesbians? Not trying to be rude, just curious.
And the harmful things she's spewing about looks and height...she's literally perpetuating the hate that she says she dislikes.
@@weniwidiwici265 because, she's making it seem like heteros have it so hard. they are not oppressed,, you dont get called slurs for being a hetero. Yeah men suck but atleast you guys dont have to come out and experience what gay people have to got through. this video is making it seem like being a lesbian is a privellege. it is definetly not. Also she's making it seem like sexuality is a choice. I love kristen, i just disagree with this video.
@@frankocean5639 yeah that rubbed me the wrong way too, when straight girls complain saying they wish they were attracted to girls as a joke it’s just so insensitive. Like do u want my terrible self esteem, religious trauma and commitment issues with that or... like I get it I’m pan so men aren’t off the table or anything but complaining about being the ‘normal’ sexuality is just ignorant.
@@aok9130 Yes !! i agree 100%. also i know what you mean, im bi (id if i like men i just know i like women) but still being a het isnt something straights should complain about
"Tarantino is your favourite film director? It's original" I am dead 😆😆😆😆
Love everything about this video 😭
Up until about 16-17 years old I had always said I was never going to get married or have kids. I was a tomboy and I much preferred being alone, I didn’t even like having friends that much. And I definitely didn’t have any interest in sex.
Then at some point in high school I started feeling differently, like I started being hyper-feminine and almost boy crazy, and even got engaged at the end of my senior year.
But now I’m in my early 20’s, and back to how I was before. I’ve been single for 3 years, and zero desire to have children or get married. I’m perfectly happy living alone with my cats and having the occasional hookup. I don’t wanna sacrifice my great body to bring another human into a world that has too many of us to begin with, I don’t want to feel owned or like I belong to a man, I don’t like feeling objectified, and I love having my own money and being able to spend it completely on myself and not anyone else. The idea of even getting into a long term relationship and sharing a home with them isn’t all that appealing to me, I don’t want someone else in my space or touching my stuff.
I’m way happier and feel more at peace with myself when I’m not committed to anyone else. My mental state takes a sharp nose dive every time I get into a serious relationship.
I think women staying single and child free & being sexually liberated should be more normalized. A lot of us seem to be happier that way 🤷🏻♀️
My boyfriend sometimes randomly pays for my prescriptions and he did all the laundry this weekend while I largely sat around. And yet he's still on a thin line. Also, "being alone" and being "single" are different, you can still fill your life with wonderful friends and colleagues and I feel like non-romantic relationships are so underrated in our society.
Why is he on a “thin line”? He seems nice.
So true! The ultimate lifegoal is a marriage or at least a long term partnership and once that is achieved friendships become so secondary to most people. I would rather have a bunch of really good and stable friendships with mutual support than a romantic partner.
Usually people that get married forget about their friends so if you're a single person it's better to have single friends
You’re an abusive partner
what do you mean "hes on a thin line?"
You blew my mind with the thoughts about humans being essentially masochistic and sadistic as a survival mechanism. I'm like morbidly fascinated with how horrible childbirth and pregnancy are and it creeps me out that hardly anyone even acknowledges it. Even maternal birth injuries are still pretty bleak in developed countries- if we're being honest, women are probably more likely than not to get some kind of injury after having just one child (incontinence, sexual dysfunction, pelvic organ prolapse) and medicine still can't really treat it. NO ONE talks about it. People generally have children young and these are injuries that would affect your standard of living for the rest of your life. Maternal injuries weren't even medically recognised as being injuries or at least classified until 2008. 2008!! If we're biologically evolved to just ignore these things, that would definitely explain it.
I didn’t know that about the maternal injuries 2008!!!!!??? That’s horrifying
Yess I know pain and the possibility of death in childbirth is very normalised nowadays but it really does scare me to the point of actually not wanting to have kids. I can’t imagine in 10x more pain than my period cramps already put me in, and my health anxiety wouldn’t be able to cope with the fact that I could literally pass away whilst giving birth 😔
I never dated anyone and I'm on my 20s, the majority of the time i feel blessed that i haven't dealt with men before, I cringe (still have tbh) when my girlfriends tell me stories about the guys that they are dating and the shit they had been through, honestly i don't envy that, and I'm even glad that I'm single because i enjoy it so much, but at the same time sometimes i wish i had a partner to be with, i confess that I've been brainwashed by books, media, male idols and singers about this fictional good men that im not sure if i could find someone like that irl, all the men i met have been so disappointing (excluding my male friend mostly gay ngl) and i also have this thought that if i ever meet one he will not be attracted to me, idk i have this feeling that i will be forever unsatisfied with my options, and i also i want to experience to be in a relationship, ugh its so frustrating just to thinking about it.
I think you don't have to worry about growing old.
The aspects that really matter are about the assurances for oneself. And then move on to dating people.
"But they all say not these things I like"
No one will ever have the perfect version.
This is really corny to say but you really need to be positively manipulative/influential.
You have to imagine of how you can guide that person into your framework without hurting their feelings.
"Oh but there is a tendency that that person would be emotionally distant"
I think it can be established in the beginning if they are inclined to listen to your philosophy.
I hated HS people/relationships. I don't worry about my future even though I'm nearly middle 20's and never dated anyone. And this might be very edgy since people are really easy to jollify and try to emit an 'attractive' aura.
You just need someone with a good baseline to start on.
The only red flag I know is that if they continue to refuse to have a conversation, that's anonono.
You defiantly shouldn’t project your desires from a romantic story onto the real world. So many people have unrealistic expectations of love and romance due to an over consumption of romantic movies, tv shows, and books. Of course a story with characters who follow a script that designed to say everything a person wants to hear is not gonna be realistic.
I have gripes with your video, but the one I'm about to talk about is my biggest one, so I'm going to get very critical here.
The way you talk about women who like shorter men as being some kind of weird fetish thing separate from the "normal" women who like tall men is not funny.
"Just let women have their preferences" is a complete cop out. We can't just ignore the context in which these preferences exist in. They exist in the context of a society that has told all men and all women that in the ideal relationship the man should be the bigger one, and that the woman should be the smaller one. That men need to be the protector, and women need to be the protected, and that the reverse is just inherently less romantic and less exciting.
I'm very skeptical of how you claim that "Girls aren't attracted to tall men because they want to feel small and protected and this has nothing to do with patriarchy", but like... this is blatantly untrue. For example, on almost every tiktok about women wanting to date a man taller than them the most common reason is because they say they want to feel small and protected. On one tiktok in particular where a guy was complaining about so many girls wanting a boyfriend over 6 feet tall when they themselves are like 5 feet tall and the comments were flooded with girls saying "As long as he's taller than me, it's fine". We need to ask why so many girls don't want a boyfriend that's shorter than them and why having a taller boyfriend is seen as desirable but having a shorter boyfriend is not. Of course, wanting to be protected by a taller man isn't inherently patriarchal on its own. In a society where there is no expectation for men to be taller in relationships and we treat couples where the man is shorter equally to ones where the man is taller, this is fine. However, we don't live in this hypothetical society free from patriarchy. You know this.
Everyone, even men, is under the influence of patriarchy in some way or another. The standards society has for relationships and beauty for men and women are all deeply rooted in patriarchy.
Almost no one's shaming women who prefer tall men, they're being critical of the societal standards that demands that women should be smaller and that men should be bigger and how it shapes our preferences. Criticizing these social rules isn't "incel bullshit" and is not the same thing as shaming people. The way you imply that women dating shorter men are forcing other women to do the same is a complete misrepresentation of what they're actually doing. I especially hate how you say "You don't have to bully the rest of us into liking *that kind of thing*" Seriously. "*That kind of thing*'' is a phrase people use to refer to fetishes and kinks. Why do you think it's okay to talk about a relationship like that like it's a weird fetish you have to distance yourself from? You're the exact kind of person they are criticizing. What you said here is part of the problem.
Ignoring this implies that women preferring taller men is just a naturally occurring thing that doesn't have a connection to how our culture constantly romanticizes couples where the woman is smaller and the man is bigger, yet they do not do the same for couples where the woman is bigger and the man is smaller, it's treated as a lesser, less romantic version of the decidedly "normal" relationship and gets brushed off to the side. Out of sight, out of mind. This is reinforced in your video by degrading short men and putting them down by listing them off in the same categories of undesirability as poor and ugly. It's reinforcing the patriarchal idea that a tall man in a relationship with a short woman is normal, but a relationship with a short man and a tall woman is strange and funny to compare to bestiality and decidedly deserves to be taken less seriously than the supposedly "normal" relationship, and that only a small minority of weirdos could ever want a relationship like that.
I know you joke about how the only man shorter you'd date is Peter Dinklage. But tell me, when is the last time you saw short men being thought of as attractive BECAUSE of their shortness and not DESPITE it?
That's right, almost never. It's almost always treated as something you have to make up for. Even if sometimes short men are celebrated for their shortness, it's nothing compared to how much tall men are praised, celebrated and seen as superior to shorter men.
There's no sugarcoating it, what you said here is straight up sexism. This isn't cute and feminist, this is sexism under the guise of being progressive and fun. This is the reinforcement of patriarchal ideas about what makes a man desirable and what a more ideal relationship looks like based on whether the man is taller or shorter.
I don't hate you, but this isn't okay. I know you probably won't read this, but if you do, please just be more careful next time and think about what you include in your videos.
Edit: Also, let me add that I want to correct myself when talking about how "poor" was used as an insult here. I want to clarify something. I now realize it's even more fucked up that you used poor as a way to insult short men, as if poorness is an insulting thing on its own. And it's dumb that I didn't meantion this a month ago when I actually wrote this comment. This again, isn't okay. Stop and think about what you're saying.
Bravo for how you worded this.
it's also ableist and i don't get why no one ever thinks of that when talking about this
also listing poor. I thought we were moving past this
@@simonedebeauvoir8552 Yeah, I don't mean to say that being poor is insulting. Though now that you bring it up, I think I should've included an entire section about how it's used as an insult when it shouldn't be. I should've included a paragraph talking about why using poor as an insult is shitty, do you think I should?
Edit: Nvm I just did
@@phoebemcgowan663 Hi sorry for the late reply, I didn't cover that in my comment because I wouldn't know how to go into all the intricacies and I don't find it would be helpful to just say "It's ableist, too" and then leave it at that. I mean I should say that because it IS ableist, but I feel like more elaboration on my part would be needed on how ableism factors into it all, but I'm not sure how I would that. Should I just think about it some more and then include it?
I am not even kidding, I googled that same thing this week, but then I went to therapy. Turns out that I am doomed to date men
I’m so sorry you have to live with that 💀
F
im sosorry 😭😭
You can always choose not to date XD
F
Words from my boyfriend's mouth today: "Why would somebody NOT be a feminist? Everyone should be feminist."
keep him (the bar is so low omg)
Think you might have missed the point Sarah
@@albertinelynch7623 Not sure what 'point' youre referring to. I'm making a comment about the lighthearted into.
That's a keeper
@@albertinelynch7623 and maybe you missed my point.
Stop me from sending this to my friends and having hours long discussions about it🤌
No 😤
I literally just did this ahaha
this is an interesting conversation to be having and i agree with some of the points brought up, but right from the getgo, i have to say that things like looking up 'how to become a lesbian' (timestamp in case anyone needs it: 1:38 ) rubbed me the wrong way. the romanticization of wlw relationships amongst straight women (and even sapphics themselves) appears to stem from the point of view of 'men bad' and 'women good'. i can understand where this comes from, as virtually every woman or anyone perceived as such has had bad experiences with men, but as a lesbian, i need you to realize that a relationship with another woman is not inherently going to be perfect and free of issues found in heterosexual relationships. sure, it's less likely for the person you're dating to be misogynistic, but as that one girl on tiktok said, 'i will hurt you just as bad as that man did'. this also brings me to how many women on social media shame both men for simply being men and women who are attracted to men. it really seems as though people like this center their feminism more around hating men that striving for equality, which, just like what was talked about in this video on how a lack of intersectionality in feminism does more harm than good, ends up harming everyone.
anyway, there is a LOT to talk about here but a lot of what i'm talking about is also discussed in the video 'the tiktok feminism to terf pipeline' by nicholas black so if anyone is actually interested in this wider conversation, i would recommend watching that :)
the part was weird to me too, it wasn't needed. but good video suggestion !
you're 100% rihgt Ai as a cis het guy that hates himslef and thinks that every woman is disgusted by me all the "men bad, women good" mentality hurts and it doesn't help young boys and girls to belive that have of the population is bad or wrong, I get that men do very bad things, but saying "men bad, women good" isn't the solution
you are so right, their are good and bad women as they are good and bad men.
the part "how to become a lesbienne" I think it was a joke
Omg yes. I hate hearing other who has a man - who got married when they were like 20 - say to single women that “ooooh he’s out there” ... bla bla bla. Well. Is he? Honestly I will turn 30 this summer and I always wanted kids around this age. I have to let that go. I will not settle even if I have to be 70 before I find a good person. Haha.
Same. I feel ya
Girl, focus on yourself. Be the best version of yourself because when you meet him, he will be like, "I think I found the one, she is perfect." Live your life.
@@michelleisplanning I am living my life . That’s kind of what I said within that haha. But it’s also a bit of a conundrum bc I deeply want a family life.
@@Bamgeutcutiepie I feel you! I NEVER wanted kids but now I do because I met the man I love and can see myself having kids with but well, he's in Australia, I'm in Germany. I'm turning 33 this year, if we ever see each other again I might be 36-38 by the time we would have kids... Life's fun sometimes.
Oh my gosh 30 is not old you guys!!!!
30:04 - 31:04 What seems like incel propaganda is this entire segment, comparing liking short men to bestiality feels exactly like what one would write. I hope you understand how awful it sounds, but judging by the comments you don't care.
I felt bad for short men, until I visited a short man forum online which was full of men talking about how the only women who want them are “post-wall”. Why shouldn’t women hit back in some small shallow way after all the cruel things men have said online?
@@milesfurther4395 solving fire with fire isn't the best way to go 👀
Even though I'm a 6 ft woman with a preference (preference, not a set rule. I've dated pretty much from 5'7 and to 6'2) for taller men, at that part I was like YO, tf was that?! Like girlie, what short king hurt you so badly to go as far as compare it to b*stiality lmfao
YES! I felt exactly the same way. Saying such things is the same as when men say bad things about overweight or short women. It's awful and totally not what relationships are about... When we are old we all are going to look bad and what will matter is that we have fun together... My partner is not short, but is my height (I am quite tall) and I never even think about it. How does it matter? Really, I would never expect that Kristen is so much about other people's looks. So now what, I guess she is going to date only beautiful skinny women...
Its not really that bad, lots of men in general tall or short arent so great. Why cant women do the things that they've been doing to us this whole time?
"grl you're talking about socialism but you're not sharing this man with the rest of us? socialise that d" ~Kristen, 2021
Seize the means of reproduction!!!
@@skjninj1287 YEESSSSSS
It's ironic that this video (rightly) condemns incels, but is full with the same bitterness and vehemence in conjunction with nitpicked studies to support a gender-hating rhetoric that is the backbone of incel communities. Lol. Have some self awareness.
If you're referring to the part where she naturalizes patriarchy as if it were human nature, I totally agree with you. And it also erases two centuries of feminist achievement when many women in the past died on barricades to get our rights today.
this video has only strengthen my belief that us incel are completely correct in our worldview. (the talk about short men, saying she would rather share a guy than date an ugly one)
i'm bi so i did choose my man over every other women. I love him, he's perfect and he's worht it but if we break up i'm no searching for any other men lmao there's no other good men out there
You've met less than 10% of the entire male population but you think he's the only good one? Please lol
I feel you there, if for whatever reason i lose my partner i do not want to go fishing for another male partner in a sea full of red pill incel mgtow pua's.
Hard same. Told my bf that, one way or another, he's the last man I will be dating.
@@treacherousjslither6920 less than 1%
me!!! but im pansexual :') i have a preference for girls but damn he's a special one
I love your videos, your ideas and points of view, but please please learn a bit more about reviewing scientific studies. You cannot base a whole theory about maybe the most complex of human behaviours around articles from sources like the guardian
What? Are you saying that The Guardian isn't the height of journalism?
@@treacherousjslither6920 *gasp*
It always makes me uncomfortable when people who obviously have no idea on the subject start making up these really complicated sociological explanations for human behaviours. At best it’s just wrong and at worst it reinforces bigotry, just stay in your lane if you’re not an expert.
I am now gonna assume that you did in fact open the google docs link where she listed all of her sources that is a lot more than just the guardian article, but she makes it really clear that this is just her uneducated opinion based on the observations she has made
@@annastalhand7383 Imagine defending a literal misandrist who is pulling 98% of what she says out of her behind to create this sick, hateful, tinfoil hat wearing world view and then tries to pass it off as being based on research. Herre gud xd
Okay just so we are all on the same page, men suck, but so does being a lesbian because of lesbophobia, heteronomativity, erasure and sexualisation and all of that. I get the joke i just wanted to get it out there so we’re all clear 😅
Lesbians don't have perfect relationships either.
@@ellcally508 no, they are not perfect, but at least a lesbian relationship doesn't drag thousands of years of trauma, systematic opression, misogyny, lack of rights, power imbalance, ownership etc. behind it like hetero relationships/marriages do. For some people that is s relief.
@@AngelDeed Of course, homosexual couples can't reproduce on their own, that's why they never dragged any BS...
@@transforgoku Generational trauma is technically not genetic so it doesn't make a difference.
Yeah it honestly makes me so angry when straight girls complain about being heterosexual, like I get it most men I’ve met are shitty but complaining about being the only socially accepted sexuality is just plain insensitive.
(Tw for r*pe)
Bruh this is so true. I'm not even a women (I've finally worked out that I'm really on the nb end of things) but when I dated as a woman I found a guy who I thought was great- he was smart, conventially attractive, did household chores as a matter of course, good political opinions, good in bed etc. He even claimed to be a feminist.
Then he raped me, and It absolutely killed me inside bc I just realised that even my high standards weren't high enough to protect me from absolutely reprehensible people. Obv I missed red flags there, but it's just like??? Great??? How the fuck am I supposed to date then?? When even stuff that I should take as a good sign could mean absolutely nothing??
This shit's so depressing, and I'm fully planning to stay single and happy while I work out where to go from here. I'm happy in my own company!
Anyway, thanks for the fantastic video, I send it to one of my really cool straight friends who should really value herself more. Love from the UK!
Thank you for sharing this and being vulnerable with us
Thank you for sharing💕 I hope you’re doing well and finding a lot of healing from such an awful event. I’ve been right there with you. I’m a non binary queer person and I’m staying single for awhile as well!
Danm… 😢 I’m sorry that happened to you that’s horrible. I hope you’re coping well. This is the sort of stuff that scares me. I’ve never dated before, I would like to attribute it to I’m just a kid (I’m 18) but a lot of my peers have been at least 3 relationships by now 😅, but I always said that to ensure I marry/date the best man possible I will make sure that everything about him is perfect, like all the things you described about him actually meet my standards 😅. Now hearing that after all those good days things he still did that to you I’m a little stuck.. because I don’t know what to believe anymore 😢 I constantly hear many people say that sapphic intercourse is better for women than het because ur partner most likely isn’t misogynistic and will listen to your wants/needs and probably relate. But I still hold out hope that I can find a perfect cishet man for me that won’t ever be misogynistic towards me and be gentle because that’s all I want 😓. But I see so much bad representation of men everywhere and barely any good that I’m starting to lose hope. But I don’t want to be single forever 😔.
the lighting, the colors, the objects, the KRISTEN! everything so beautiful (:
Yeah, loving the composition! Aesthetic on point! ❤️
“Preferably under 20” 😅
💀💀💀
i.e. " inexperienced, easy to manipulate, who will eat up my bullshit and won't threaten my ego" :D
@@sarkam.5303 exactly
A child.
You should read the book "When God was a Woman," as it dives into pre judeo-Christianity times. There was a matriarchy. The past was female. The present is male. The future is all of us.
I love that book!
But some people still believe in the truth of woman being the creator and that men are just good at stuff and if they are not stupid loveable and kind so they get to pass on their genes innit
there is no one global culture
@@alundavies8402
weomen cannot be creators, women are preservers by nature.
creator is by definition crazy-insane who does things that make no sense women cant do that they can only follow established rules and can't invent new things
@@deltaxcd Um...care to back that up with any science?! Like I'm genuinely interested about what you're refering to.
I mean, even as a lesbian I haven't had wonderful relationships either. My first girlfriend was a horrible communicator, and the couple of situationships were a little toxic. I will say each relationship I've been in has definitely gotten better, but I've still been ignored, compared, and treated badly. It really sucks since I'm such a romantic person, I really want that sweet gushy romance with a woman who wants that as equally as me, I'm just afraid I'll never find that.
me : *thinks i'm bi*
that lesbian masterdoc, gay tiktok, kristen, the whole universe : "oh honeeeeeey"
lmao, the lesbian master doc... that's such a unique shared experience for those questioning their sexuality. Scouring the internet can lead to unexpected realizations!
The Lesbian Masterdoc called me out so hard this past quarantine
Lolll
you should really check out a bisexual trans person's critique of the doc on the channel VerilyBitchie in her video "Am I A Lesbian: The Comphet Masterdoc and Bisexuality"
@@sophiaz6833 thanks! I did, it's a great video, and we definitely need better resources for questioning people within the community. (tbh I knew I was in fact not attracted to men before I read it and just needed a little validation so the masterdoc didn't do to much damage for me, but I see how it could for others. I've since stopped procrastinating figuring out my sexuality and gone gay full time)
When I was a kid my mom worked, cooked, cleaned..my dad just worked yet he complained ALL the time. And then he said "why would I do any house work I have a wife and 2 daughters". Now he has his own company and does almost nothing as far as work goes. My mum still goes to work and he makes fun of her and me saying "your little jobs". He even calls me when he knows I am at work and when I say I am busy he sais "oh with what" .cause only a mens job is hard and important. Even tho I work at purchasing with men. Somehome my work is worth less.
I'm sorry for you
@@jaquelinesantos6941 oh no worries I am fine, I am stronger because of that! But thank you for replaying!
Why do you even talk to him?
it sounds like your dads taking the piss 🤣
Why u still talking? Like 🤢
Took gender studies from a global perspective (a course) last semester
We've been taught that men are hunters and women are gatherers so that's been generalized. but to my surprise, that is not always the case! In some tribes roles have been switched where women were more aggressive and hunted while men stayed back and took a submissive role. this def was a shocker for me
I recommend checking out Margaret Mead if you are interested in anthropology
Can you still name some examples. Never heard of the latter.
Your pronunciation of poliandria took to the heavens
Later in the video you mentioned that u are from Greece and that made sense, saludos desde México
30:45 Feminism doesn’t legitimise shaming men for things completely out of their control. 😪
Men literally shame woman for everything about their physical bodies from head to toe...even rank us on a 1-10 scale...yet want to get upset that we have this one preference? Give me a break. Boys would literally make me cry, calling me ugly, flat chested, and skinny. I couldn’t care less about their short tears.
@@cuttiecrazy11 What do you achieve by continuing the viscous cycle of toxicity? Can a man justify mocking you because other women have mocked him? - No. Shaming people for their natural appearance is wrong period.
@@cuttiecrazy11 Somehow I think women want a lot more than height...
@@cuttiecrazy11 do you not understand how prejudice you are being? You are literally trying to fight discrimination with more discrimination
Do you even guys know what was original purpouse of Facebook?🙄 i took it as a joke tbh 🤧 men are even more cruel than any of her jokes
This intro is perfect. Best Valentine's Day gift ever!
Yes because what better then a feminist bitchy attitude to start up a traditional holiday about love.
@Mr "Judge" (lol) dude just shut up. You are all over this comment section vomiting out unsolicited idiotic statements. Write Kristen a letter or email or something, since you're clearly so obsessed with her.. Or pick up a hobby maybe, cus all you're doing right now is being annoying and unproductive while embarrassing yourself.
For someone who talks a lot about beautystandarts your talk on us short men is quite insulting.
completely agree!!!!
The rise of the Femcel.. the incel's arch-nemesis.
11:21 just because patriarchy helped us survive then doesn’t mean it’s the end goal that will last forever for us. Empathy is also a really good survival strategy-we don’t have to cut our weakest link off to make us all stronger. When we strengthen the weak links they can offer the community all of the good stuff they have to offer.
I live in Sudan and only watch videos on 144p because of network issues and data costs but THIS video I watched in 1080p. Thank you so much for articulating a lot of how I feel about relationships, gender roles and how society has failed us. This is the content I'm here for 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I wish western men were like sudanese men in the way they treat their women lol.
@@DeandreSteven not sure what unicorn Sudanese men you've met haha in many aspects they are one and the same
Some thoughts from a gay man-
People objectify each other all the time. Men objectify women for their appearance and fertility. Women objectify men for their appearance and money. Kristen even did it in this video, boiling down men as either "Simon" or a "bridge troll." Is that really the attitude we want to carry us through life? "Socialize that D." Is sharing a winner who can act as poorly as he wants because of how many options he has really worth it?
"You can have it all, but you can't have it all at the same time." Regardless of who we are or where we come from. There's only 24 hours in a day and we only live for about 30,000 days. A third of all that time is spent sleeping too. Ultimately we all need to decide how those 30,000 days will result in a legacy that will stay in the world beyond our own lives. Historically, men build their legacy through work and women nurture their legacy through family. Which option will make us the happiest on our death beds?
Internalized misandry exists. If we are convinced our hand is bad because someone else has a better hand, then we will always have a bad hand. Even if there are tons of positives to what we have. I can promise you the grass is not greener on this side. It's just a prettier picture made by a loud minority pretending to have it all at the same time. Women are starting to adopt that same mindset, which is just as doomed to fail as when men do it.
Both sexes are treating each other more and more like a "build-a-spouse." As if people are more in love with their idea of a spouse instead of the actual person in front of them. In trying to compete with each other, both sexes are losing their unique strengths. This is all just one gay dude's opinion.
I agree 100%. A lot of conversations about this topic start to feel one-sided without solutions that will actually incite change. There's a lot of feminists who project misandry and it doesn't have the power that they think.
What I observed, as a bisexual woman,
This a problem between the straights that I think anyone mostly attracted to the same sex won't understand (no offense). I think straight people in general are very bitter about today's dating world, because of dating apps and we live in a different time. I think people are more willing to tolerate an attractive person whose an ass because they're hot and the sex can be steamy? (As you said) biologically humans prefer an attractive mate, and would rather share a beautiful person than to be monogamous with someone average or ugly.
Which is why incels/redpill/mgtow and misandry exists. Also many women are bitter/resentful is because many of them have been hurt (I'm not saying that men haven't been hurt) but I think it explains why women have mandating views, instead of being logical and looking for a solution.
I kind of agree with you, in that straight men and women are very shallow. But your reasoning is very textbook, when this situation is very nuanced and can't be logically explained. (Hell, I even had a hard time trying to explain this).
This is so true. It feels like everyone just hates each other and they'd sooner tear each other apart than work together to build each other up. It's totally black pilled me on relationships. I'm just working on trying to set up a life where I'll be happy by myself now.
@@thetwilightzone2403 Anything that is real can be logically explained. What you are describing is your own desire to AVOID a logical explanation.
Never been on a relationship before and I gotta say, being the avg straight dude, I'm not feeling very confident. All I can say about the topic comes from observing the couples around me, older or at the same age, and today it all feels like a transaction, you know?
Can you provide good sex? Can you provide food, income and shelter? Do you share my world views and opinions? Will you be my emotional support unconditionally? At surface level that's what you'd expect from a relationship, but they way people talk about it makes me think the order is kind of being reversed.
You expect the other side to "bring these benefits to the table" and if they don't meet the criteria, well, sucks to be them, next or welcome single life. I understand we all need some standards on who we share our lives with, but isn't that getting a bit out of hand?
I would guess that's a result of numerous bad relationship experiences people endure in life, on all sides. People become jaded and when you hear more and more similar experiences, it turns into an open war between the groups. Idk, I feel like everyone expects you to be *something* and when you don't match the exact description, it's a no-go.
i think that women who don't have children are actually happier because they are more likely to be well educated and have better paid jobs. i'm not saying that not having a child isn't an important part, but that not having to worry about paying your bills on time sounds pretty important to me.
I think education around motherhood and how challenging it is is simply not spoken about. I honestly think that so many more women would not have children if they truly understood what it would mean. I have never wanted children - even more so now with the world becoming an ever increasing dumpster fire....
@@everydaysaschool-day7517 imo it's beyond irresponsible to have a child when our planet is already so overpopulated and on the verge of destruction. even more so to have more than one.
@@everydaysaschool-day7517 This 👏🏼 I wish everyone was as thoughtful as you, we would have less suffering in the world. It seriously INFURIATES myself when I see people on social posting how much "they have learned from this experience, that being a mom is incredibly hard..." It's like no really?! Duh? Who doesn't know that. It's the most difficult, unappreciated job you can do so proceed with caution and read your books and talk to doctors and professionals and honest moms! Some people spend more time thinking about what smartwatch they should buy than they do thinking about the consequences of having children 🤦🏻♀️ it's no wonder our world is in so much pain.
Yes but women can and often feel something missing later on in life when theyve accomplished all they can in their careers. That only goes so far.. Having a child is still a beautiful experience and motherhood hard as it is, is equally rewarding
Sure. But motherhood is definitely not for everyone and life is too full of experiences to pigeon hole yourself. More to life than career or babies.
There's a reason for the "do it all" and it's not necessarily the fault of feminism. When you come from a background where your womanhood and how your community viewed you is based on your role as a homemaker, it is hard to embrace a different view. It's kind of how when converting pagans to Christianity, they kept some of the paganism to make it easier. To help Suzy homemaker feel comfortable going to school or getting a job, she had to feel like it wouldn't hurt her ability to be a good wife and mother.
Also, starting from 35mins, why do I feel like it would be a perfect speach of a drunk woman at her best gf's wedding? 😂
Looool 😂
You have summarized why I am happily with a man right now despite being predominately attracted to women, but we did find each other at 18 so I guess I got lucky. I went through the 15 questions section and I realized I have already asked all 15 throughout our relationship and have liked the answers.
Hmmm... I think there is a lot of room for growth on this topic. I contribute the idea that moving beyond pursuing a relationship as a life goal, no matter what that relationship is called or with whom, is what should be normalized. There are just more interesting things in life than romantic relationships to a lot of people.
My life revolves about so many things, none of them romantic relationships
Agreed. I think there are problems with the social constructs that surround gender and sex. This infiltrates so many different aspects of life, including dating/marriage/sex/advertising/etc. BUT, to say a whole half of humanity is intentionally wrongheaded, simple, careless and cannot be redeemed is shortsighted. All people of any gender or sex share the burden of the human condition.
You're so right about self esteem being the biggest hurdle. I'm a trans man, but, still, to this day, struggle with everything I felt I had to reach before realizing that I was trans, on top of and continuing onto the feeling of not 'looking male enough'. The only reason that I'd ever say that I'm glad to have been born into the experience I have is basically all of the information you've touched on in this video: everyone is always learning, but I'm glad that I'm in the position where I can easily pick up on when women are made uncomfortable, treated wrong, etc by cis men. Hoping that things continue to get better.
Im literally writing a paper about this! The word you're looking for when talking about the labour women do for free is called reproductive labour. Marxist feminist describe reproductive labour as the labour all society rests upon as society cannot function without it. (because without reproductive labour 'productive labour' which is the workforce, wouldn't have any workers)
Add on to that the emotional burden that women carry in relationships that men don’t! There’s studies on that which are so interesting and infuriating at the same time
+ the "mental load" that women always need to have at the back of their mind at all times of organizing thinking and remembering and planning everything for their family (appointments, birthdays, deadlines, kids preferences and things like shoe size or homework)
hey everyone who commented here, I'm sure everyone has read this already but for any of you who haven't and would like to know more I recommend 'Marx and Feminism' by Silvia Federici. Her writting is very easy to follow and she explains these themes very well.
@@BibBelle96 link me a source please, thanks
I'm dating a greek from skg for years now. When we started dating, I spotted a couple 🚩s because he was very closed-minded about a couple of things - greeks are (generally speaking) more than portuguese. One of the red flags was his mother doing everything for him, whilst he was just chilling. Since I'm nobody's mother, I decided to put him to test and invited him to come spend 1,5 weeks at my place. I only had to explain to him 1 time that if he'd not respect my house, I wouldn't invite him again. Since then, he helps with everything without me having to ask for anything (as it should be). Regarding the closed-minded issues, I always stood my ground and it didn't take him long enough to understand that he'd either evolve and keep up with me, or he'd be out.
I absolutely agree with you: changing a partner isn't our job and, at the end of the day, if your partner can't keep up with you (or vice versa) it just doesn't make sense to be together. You'll be much better on your own!
Υ.Γ.- I understand why you include the 15th question, and thankfully, there are plenty of exceptions, BUT that's the case for a lot of men. I'm fanatic for football myself (that's why I started visiting your country in the 1st place), but I wanna let you know that only a few things in life have given me more satisfaction than 1) 1st times I entered some sindesmoi full of misogynist and racist young men, clearly unfomfortable with my presence, with my head held high; and 2) 1st times going to the stadium, to θύρα "x" and facing the same situation. They had no other option than to get used to my presence, hahaha!
A lot of portuguese men are like that too unfortunately.
@@newchapterasmr Os gregos estão bem mais ‘atrasados’ do que nós portugueses, acredita. Senti choque cultural e de mentalidades no início, e estou longe de me referir apenas a relações amorosas. Lá me cruzei com alguém que sabe respeitar e quis evoluir para acompanhar, mas sinto que é raro, infelizmente
@@lindacardoso5632 Okay, lembra-me de não ir à Grécia procurar homens então xD Aqui já é difícil, pergunto-me onde raio vou encontrar!
@@newchapterasmr Andamos a ver os mesmos youtubers :D e sim, também tive alguma experiência com gregos e concordou. Muito Muito simpáticos, mas mais conservadores, mais machistas e muito dependentes das mães
@@marianasouto5120 Que giro, estamos em sincronia! :) God, a sério... Eu já encontro muitos homens assim por aqui, não há nada menos atraente que mommys boys (que depois nos vão tornar na mãe nº2 ao viver juntos e casar)
“They think they do but their beliefs and their behaviour shows otherwise” δεν έχω ταυτιστεί περισσότερο με φράση! Ζήτημα να έχω γνωρίσει 2 άντρες (Έλληνες εννοείται κ συμπεριλαμβανομένων κ φίλων) που να συμπεριφέρονται και να αντιμετωπίζουν τις γυναίκες ίσα κ όμοια. Οι υπόλοιποι δεν ξέρουν που τους πάνε τα 4 όσον αφορά την ισότητα κ φαίνεται ειδικά τώρα με τις υποθέσεις κακοποίησης που βγαίνουν στην φορά. Καταπληκτικό βίντεο.
I just discovered your channel yesterday and I cannot express how validated I feel. I have had these thoughts since I was a teenager but never felt confident to really own them until fairly recently after a horrible toxic relationship. I just LOVE your energy!
Leave my short, chubby, bald boyfriend alone 😤😅
Even the hot guys are gonna look like him in 10 years so I might as well grab one with a good personality who 👅😽
If you find him hot ✨that’s all that matters✨ hihihi
Genius, but also...
I feel like the idea that 👅 🐈 is rare among men is just not something I have ever experienced... Erybody I slept with has 👅 my 🐈 and I straight up would not sleep with someone who won't do that but expects the glug glug.
@@josephinetapp3340 same!!! I know men who don't want to 👅🐱 but I'm lucky I never dated anyone like that 🤚🏽
@matchaproblem hear hear
Amen Siofra lol!
I saw the title and had to watch
Same^ haha
I finally accepted my ace-spec identity this year. Never felt better and more free in my life, bitches I'M FREEEEEEEEEEE
Congrats :)
Same.
same and good for you!!
Me too last year! Such a relief! Congrats!
Me tooooo
That's it. I will happily die a spinster.
30:05 Have to comment on this part! I know women who do wish they could feel "small and weak" next to a man, partially because they have been shamed for being "too tall" and "too strong" for a woman, which in my opinion does sound a bit like internalized misogyny. Maybe that's not the case for the most women who are into taller guys though.
This is literally my case, I grew up fat and tall and shamed for it. Now I hate feeling big next to anyone especially men, it triggers childhood traumas so I couldn't have a romantic relationship with someone who isn't taller/bigger than me.
I was shamed for being taller than everyone and ended up with a man a few inches shorter than me. It’s actually been wonderful for my self esteem to realize that my height doesn’t make me any less feminine or beautiful or attractive. He still protects me and is the stronger of the two of us, but I’m the one reaching up to the hugest shelf ❤️ It works for us!
Genuinely confused everytime i find out someone is heterosexual
With ya
Why would you feel that ? Are you heterophobic?
I'm straight, but it's not like I chose my sexuality since you don't have a choice in that.
That makes no sense, so being straight is now a problem too?
It was probably a joke yall
Go find a good man if you want to
Good luck, you're gonna need it :)
As a man, I thought this video was really thought-provoking. I wish I could have seen this when I was younger. I feel that guys really aren’t exposed enough to women’s issues.
Yeah and most men don't understand how women think. If they watched this video they would get women better.
Honestly. I find that most men dismiss or minimize women’s issues, even my own father. While women’s movements and progressivism has been developing and transforming (for better or worse), young men are usually not exposed to this kind of responsibility, and are not expected to be conscientious of their privileges in society.
While I’ve met many highly politicized young girls in high school, the majority of guys I interact with don’t care about any social issues and focus on video games. Men are expected to be more “chill” and “less emotional” and that’s really not fair, both to women and men. That’s partially rooted in toxic masculinity, partially in misogyny, and results in a delayed development of men’s accountability in the patriarchal systems still in place to this day.
While I’m not condemning anyone for not engaging in politics, I do believe that, as a whole, women are more engaged and involved in progressive politics. Not only that, but there’s an expectation of educational and thought provoking conversations about these topics while many men get away with not even having to care, or worse, mocking and ridiculing these issues for the sake of “dark humor”. So men avoid getting political, mostly because it’s supposedly not in their nature to get very passionate about real world issues, whereas women carry the brunt of this weight. Not on the actual political representation because, y’know, patriarchy and male-dominant industries of power, but on a more meaningful scale.
Women make up most protest groups and movements, and, even dating back to the Antebellum Era (also know as Antebellum Reformation), were much more fixated on social issues.
This is largely due to how we’re socialized, but also because men engage in many “hobbies” (most of which, of the time, were drinking, gambling, hunting, and networking) that enable them to ignore social issues which have been placed solely on women’s shoulders.
But the failure to address the growing division between men and women, and how they’re educated (in terms of egalitarian values) has led to a rise of women’s complete rejection of men. Not saying that’s right, it’s definitely not, but I can understand the frustration of men diminishing and gaslighting women’s problems with their entitlement. My own family members do it all the time and it drives me up the wall.
@@apocalypseready6256 I'm a man, I grew up raised by a single mother, and that exposed me so much to women's issues, feminism, social justice and so on and I'm SO grateful you don't even understand. I'm also gay so I guess I resist toxic masculinity, but sometimes I think who I would be today if I was raised a different way and it's kinda scary...
@@knight-of-rain
It’s honestly sad that some boys don’t appreciate all their mothers do for them and continue to uphold misogynistic viewpoints. I just wonder how these men’s mothers feel about their sons’ viewpoint on women.
I also find it strange that gay men usually care so much more about women’s rights than straight men do. Like she said, I thought straight men were supposed to like women?? But quite a few them stake their “manhood” and masculinity on degrading women. It just doesn’t make any sense.
I’m glad you’re informed about feminism!Men should absolutely be just as involved in the movement as women are, and society would be greatly improved if more men were empathetic like you. I know most don’t even engage in sexism on purpose, just like women suffering from internalized misogyny, and anyone willing to open up their viewpoints and welcome new beliefs is exceptional to me.
I only hope men will begin realizing feminism doesn’t just benefit women, because many feminists are supportive of dismantling toxic masculinity and the stigma around male affection! It would help all people be more in touch with their emotions and communicative with the people they love :)
I love your videos and content most of the time, but I'm going to have to disagree with this. As an Anthropology major, these views unsettle me greatly. It treats primitive humans as stupid and incapable of helping one another through childbirth. We know that humans have a long history of soothing childbirth, and of helping make sure that women survived. Modern America has a shittier birth death-rate than most of the third world, and possibly more than most ancient cultures too. Also good to remember that all animals can die in childbirth... that is an unfortunate fact of being a living thing. Sometimes, you die unexpectedly. Were ancient women likely assaulted? Yes, of course. It happens today, we have records of women talking about it since forever. But to say that all women who knew that childbirth was dangerous chose to avoid it or were forced into it is COMPLETELY unscientific. Science and facts and evidence actually matter when you are talking about history. Your sources are far from actually academic. Please reconsider... all of this tbh. And I'm speaking as an AFAB gay person: just don't.
@@rdeal8912 I think dismissing upper-class male anthropologist in specifically discussions about women happens for a reason, which is that men, especially white men from wealthy "first world" countries, often impose their own views about women onto ancient women and their places in society. However, dismissing actual research by showing modern women talking about their modern opinions on people we have no verbal or written records or beyond circumstantial evidence is just wrong and ignorant.
Thanks for this comment! I also think she ignored much of the value that most species put in reproduction and "growing the tribe". Yeah most of us modern people can't relate, but that's something that has been valuable to humans of all genders throughout history. To many, that was part of being alive and living a fulfilling life. Even as a woman who chooses to be childless, I can recognise that people valued different things in different times and cultures.
There is a part where she says that after hunter gatherer era was over, woman stayed at home and man worked on the fields.
I'm not an anthropologist, but isn't that complete wrong?
The way I understood it in medieval Europe everyone had to work the field. Men, women and children. Only noble women could afford not to work, because they had servants. Servants who were also women who worked.
@@IvellScarlett Yes, that is completely correct. Women WERE laborers. They made textiles, they made alcohol, they farmed the land and tended the animals. Working class women have, for the entirety of human civilization and agricultural society, been a part of the working world and have been workers. The idea that women have ALWAYS been in the home is completely patriarchal bullshit with millenia of evidence to prove otherwise. Women were incredibly vital parts of every day society, in and outside of the home.
@@IvellScarlett
Yes. Exactly. Women who were not nobles had to work all the time and even women of low nobility were shunned to become royal chambermaids. The point is that the means of production were generally controlled by men of the nobility or clergy. And there was obviously a division of labor by gender: women in general, in addition to working in the fields, had to spend their time spinning fabrics, as many lords collected taxes in the form of pieces of fabric. That's where the gender role of the "seamstress" comes from (in antiquity this already happened in the West). As far as I know, cis women were selected in this division of labor for the same reason they prefer cis women in electronics factories in China these days: small hands. Obviously I think people should do what they love and not what is imposed on them, so these impositions today are oppressive, especially if they are based on gender or race.