What Is The Devouring Mother?
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2024
- What Is The Devouring Mother?
Are you curious if you have a devouring mother? In today's video I will share the five common ways mothers devour their children for their own emotional and psychological benefit at the expense of their child.
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In college I went with my mom to talk to a counselor, he turned to her and said "Now let's talk about you for a moment". Immediately she spat out, "Me what do you want to talk to me for, I'm not the one with the problem, she's the one with the problems." And just like that we never went back. She couldn't comprehend that she was doing anything wrong because she loved me so much, in her eyes she was the perfect mom and I was the problem for not being able to see that. Flash forward 25 years and we are now estranged, despite many more attempts on my end to talk about the issues in our relationship. She loved me so much that she completely devoured me and now at 48 I am just beginning to discover myself. I'm just glad I was able to get out.
Yeah, my mother also thinks that I am ungrateful kid. Quess what? In my 25 years old I never had serious relationships and true friends. My sister very coodependet , have no relationships( all was with atachment style) In her 30's have chronic clinical depression with severe anxiety. She almost every weeknd back to parents home from bigger city where she lives. She said: "what the problem to be close to parents? I don't see there problem" She get calling me names and yell and hates me, becouse I expose the real truth about our dysfunction family: tyranical father and overbearing mother. Lives in deniel cuz truth hurts and suck too much.
Btw: I am VERY grateful how slowly I find support 🥺
Practise self-love and worth too!
My friend's mom called and asked if I had seen him. She told me he ran away the day before. I bust out laughing. She's like it's not funny , I don't know if he's safe.
I'm like he's 24, he moved out! I was 21 and had just got an apartment with my girlfriend. I actually showed him how to do laundry , at 24!
Even crazier he lived with both parents. Him and his sister lived at home until 24 ( him) and 30 something ( her) . Like let them Fng grow up.
Sure put a lot of “I” and “me” in there.
Apples don’t fall…
@@rickybobbyinc293apples do fall, psh.
I always say my mom cared for us but didn't raise us. Never pushed us into uncomfortable situations or prepped us for life.
💯
This is my mother. She is also a narcissist. So she would use me to display what a great person she was to others. She would always brag to others about me. However she just ignored me at home.
I dated one of those. Last time I ever dated a single mom. Very lazy, neglectful & incompetent parent.
Holy shit this hits home
I do'nt know you, but if my mom was like that, I'd degrade her image out of spite.
Hashtag metoo. My mom was good at reward/punishment so she could get the behaviours out of me that let her brag, but that's about it. I'm more in tune with my dog's emotional state than she was of mine. ZERO consideration of how her action/inaction might affect me. My parents are (obviously) divorced. I had my high school graduation at her house, so had my college graduation party at my dads house. She came, but sat in the car in the driveway the whole time, even though half the people there were HER relatives. That's when I realized she didn't give a shit about my achievements at all other than how they benefitted her.
I see quite a bit of this in me. I must fix this. I dont want my children to be devoured by me. I will be watching my actions closely and am going to show my 17 year old this video so she can see what i see in me fully. Ohhh man this feels weird and kinda hurts but thinking of them not being able to navigate life is stronger. I have never wanted them to feel like me or be stuck and not be able to go to the doctors or make phone calls. Thank you doc. ive been searching for whats going on and why i am the way ive been. I am changing and will continue to get healthy. right now its for my children and i ..... i am healing for me too. eventually
Thank you. Just showing accountability goes a long way in the healing process for both of you❤
Bless you mama ❤
God bless you for being willing to take an objective look at yourself and try to do better for your family! Good luck, you can do it!
Thank you for your honesty, your children and theirs will avoid a massive amount of suffering because of it ❤
🙏
This results in lack of individuation for the child. It's so damaging. The flaw find and micromanage others. It's terribly damaging to those around them.
Sets you up for a life time of people pleasing and narcissistic abuse.
0:53 Neglectful
2:19 Controlling
4:09 Overprotective
8:21 Overnurturing
11:00 Neurotic
I have a tyrannical father and a devouring mother, and I was unlucky enough to be their firstborn daughter. They were terrified of anything and everything being a bad influence on me. I'm not allowed to have my own thoughts, feelings, or opinions. I told my mom I don't want to be the person she wants me to be and she had a serious problem with that. Even as I'm reaching my mid 20s, they still infantilize me.
Just leave. Walk away. You can come back in 5-15 years, once they are old and feeble and you’ve already established your own marriage and children. Then you’ll be dealing with them from a place of power instead of weakness. You have to leave and establish your own life to grow up.
Yea. You have to leave. When i left. Tho. My mom got on her knees. Crying. Begging me to stay. When I told her no this time. She just stood up, wiped her eyes and cursed me out for almost an hour about how I would never amount of shit.
That’s how they truly feel about you. Maybe you haven’t pushed them to the point where they only use their true feelings about you. But really, they’re just weak children. It will become more evident when you leave the house and ignore them.
I didn’t leave until I was 26. Even though I had a bachelors degree and a full-time job. That’s because my mother is known for character assassination. Are used to hear her all the time talk shit about my father, who paid most of the bills in the house. I knew she would talk shit about me if I left the house and my own thing.
What I have found is, people only care about how you look. No matter what people say about you as long as you up to the function, looking good and in good spirits. It calms people down. But yea. Leave and just ignore for a few years if you aren’t a weak little bitch
RUN! And like me, you had the nerve to be born female! What til that hits you!! I am you 50 yrs from now go go. Run Katnis!
Heal in analysis. Jung is awesome.
Then go build a family elsewhere. You can do that. Find your real tribe Your destiny was to smother this is your FAMILY of female descendents.
Break it
Good luck. You are born a hero already!!
You still have time to make your own life. Go to college (if you haven't yet) even part time and then work on a career path that YOU want. Next, start getting out there to build new healthy relationships or develop existing ones (e.g go to coffee shops, the gym, dance or fitness classes, sports events, etc. Fill your like with healthy people and reduce your time with unhealthy ones. Also, it is very important that you do this without letting them know.
You are not alone I'm going through something similar. I'm also in my mid twenties as well. I plan on going no contact when I leave. For my sake and their sake. Dad is an alcoholic, with anger issues and mom has anger issues too. I will not be associating with them one day.
"Devouring Mother" oh the accuracy of that label. My mother is controlling, overprotective, over nurturing, and neurotic all rolled into one. Dead on about her hating men. She's spoken poorly against my father, my husband, and her husband. She had even begun to talk poorly of my little boy who was four at the time, very obviously favoring my daughter. I made the hard decision to go no contact with her in order to find peace and heal my "mother wound." This ends with me.
On mother’s day I feel deep relief that I went full no contact. It’s been about 30 years now. I have no desire to even do an internet search to see if she’s still alive.
Dam that sounds kinda rough
Of course she hasn’t found you
Woah…
You sound like a piece
wow
Prior to having children I was in the legal field and I was looked up to. Once I left my secular job and stayed home with my children I was totally looked down upon and was treated accordingly. However, to me the most important job was raising your own baby! Glad you are actually speaking out about this.
Thank-you for sharing ! I totallllly agree : ) & I sincerely, say, thank-you for your love, care, concern & self-lessness ... YOU will be rewarded for this one day, as now, as I am sure you have been (Proverbs 31)
Beautifully said. The most important thing is what you think of yourself, not others who think they are rocking life, and find out much later they wish they could have...would have..... Good for you! Same!
Yes!
Queen
This is my mother. She was never a mum, she always said 'Im the mother' ... and that makes her everything. To this day she's 'the mother'. I could never understand why my sister is the way she is until a therapist told me my mother had swallowed her. So thankyou for elaborating on this.
same
Years ago I met a couple who took their child to the doctor who was like 2 years old saying that she always cries before she goes to sleep and she cries for hours on end.
The doctor told them both she's trained that way
I am from Slovenia watching this, I am soo gratefull for you sir. I feel understood watching this, I feel safe and hugged.
Yikes. This is my mother and my MIL. Why is this so common? I pray to God I do a better job with my children.
Human beings need to be challenged and corrected by others constantly to understand boundaries and their own flaws. The problem is our modern society has put women and the feminine on such a pedestal that is has become taboo to criticize female nature when it goes to far (such as the possibility of becoming a devouring mother) and so many women don’t get properly challenged by those they respect.
It's common because people are generally cowards. It's not just mothers who do this, fathers do this to their own daughters as well. Many people raise their children weak, because they spoiled them, never disciplined them, shielded them from reality and the truth... so now, all they have is a life of lies. When they take a step into reality, the truth will tear apart their world of lies. It's up to the caged child to react "correctly" to this rude awakening
It's caused by our society pretending that psychology is just some woo woo stuff. Peoples shadows grow and grow and people become more and more angry and stuck in life. People sit in their comfort zones, build a big wall around them and then deflect anything that they see as negative.
Deflection instead of self-reflection is a huge problem in our Western society.
I have never felt so validated in my experience with this type of mother, now I am suffering with Narcissistic personality disorder
I think other people suffer from it, not the narcissist.
My mom is controlling, overprotective, over nurturing, and neurotic - especially the last three. I'm 50-years old now and it is amazing how she has sabotaged my life and shows absolutely no remorse for it. I think she's actually mentally unwell. I have no wife, no kids, and I'm in a job I hate. But I have to stay in it because she has stuck me with a huge mortgage for a house I don't even want. I have to support us both, which includes paying for her medications. But even worse than the material circumstances are the what she did to my mind and personality. I have been de-engineered, my adulthood, my masculinity. I try not to think about it because I get very resentful, and then I feel very guilty. Right now I'm doing the work to construct a healthy adulthood. It's the only way out of this mess.
I feel your pain man. I'm in a similiar situation.
Same here. When I realized the whole picture of my mom, my life is almost over. I am well over 50. When I try to be myself, she says I have personality problem. She neglected me, discarded when I am not useful. Still she calls me say what she did for me. She says there is no mom like her! Loving me.
May u find peace ❤
Oh my soul, how often we are destroyed by those who should love us! Praying you may somehow find peace.
Nothing is stopping you from walking out on her except yourself
more people need to see this video
Its so hard doing it right
i will disclose this very personal part of my life because it will help someone out there to feel leas alone. when i was maybe 7 years old i was in the car with my mom and we were making conversation. i said “no way, youre crazy!” in the casual way that people say it every day. she turned on me. she tearfully scolded me and said that i was never, ever to call her crazy again. a child. years later me and my college girlfriend went to see “gone girl” which is a movie about a woman who shares all these qualities discussed in the above video and shared by my mother. after the movie i will never forget we were driving home and my GF was beside herself, visibly shaken. and she kept insisting to me that she wasnt crazy even though i hadnt said a word to her. in her mind my silence was me brooding over how crazy she was, like i could see how guilty she was. she was aware of how crazy she was and she felt ashamed. all the while i had no idea - i was too young. i think its important to recognize not only the existence of this kind of woman but also the fact that this is a severe mental illness which women feel trapped by. saying it exists is unacceptable because the only outcome women see from that is being blamed and held responsible. if we collectively communicated to these women that its the illness thats to blame, they would start to allow it to be recognized and discussed culturally. and we might find a solution rather than burying it and the children it destroys. these women do evil things but they are much more self aware than even we realize.
i'm completely broken and drained out any will to live, agoraphobic, shit social skills, not being able to feel any connection towards anyone whatsoever, not enjoying anything anymore, i feel like a walking corpse these types of mothers socially isolate you, beat you down both physically and emotionally, make you incapable to handle life and in the end still somehow put all blame on you
This is my mother 1000% . I have been searching trying to figure this out. She fits everything but maybe the first.
I'm 60 years old only child and never had any interest in having kids. I do think some of it has to do with my parents
Yup…agree
Yeah I'm 47 and same thing. I remember in 5th grade a bunch of kids were talking about how many kids they want when they grew up. I'm the only one who said "I don't think I want ANY". Being a kid sucked, and being a parent looked like pure burden that kept you from doing what you actually wanted to do.
@@blurglide it's OK 👍 you aren't alone
@blurglide I'm 62 and don't have all the drama. Yes I am alone but could be a hell of a lot worse
Yes it’s in her best interest that you don’t have kids
My maternal grandfather was a half Cherokee WWII vet and a severe alcoholic. He died in the hospital shortly after falling down the basement stairs in my house, my mom was the first one to find him. It feels like my purpose to her is to displace all of her rage, sadness, and longing towards him directly at me.
That poor man had some serious demons to deal with. He lived a brief and miserable life. I hope that him and my mom find peace eventually. But, I'm no more inclined to hug a rattlesnake than her.
The social state is becoming MORE and MORE like the devouring mother.
Some parents are whole and are great parents sadly most have not dealt with own trauma why everything is a nightmare on earth. Takes honestly and a lifetime of handwork to be a better human. Few done the genuine hard work
My mother on all points. Dumped on the side of the road. Beaten across the face because I repeated something harmless that she just said about someone. Undermined or invalidated any decision or choice I made. Never had a birthday party. Used me as a dumping ground when my father had cancer. I became the failed golden child and she became the latent narcissist.
Sounds horrific 😦
the failed golden child is an extremely painful role to be stuck in. i wish you the best. Kenny's perspective is so healing and eye opening because it's so honest and direct. i haven't found anyone, except Teal Swan who i also love, who untangles the mechanics of dysfunctional family of origin dynamics as well as he does. it's like a pleasant slap in the face. a cold bath. really seeing the carrot at the end of the stick and knowing you can someday reach it.
Terrible abusive in all ways childhood here! It is what I have become, that is who I am, my soul. Teach your children love and compassion but for those who did not receive these things, use your trauma as a gift and know the wisdom you gained is your calling. You are here to break the chains :-)
Stay at home moms can still be devouring mothers.
They often are more often. And I was a stay at home mum so no judgment.
I think this is very cultural thing. I come from country where women get generous maternity leave then go back to work and have lots of in work benefits like holidays, sick leave etc. Nobody even associate working with neglect or pursuing your selfish wants. We work to support our families and have better futures, retirements etc and safety net if something happens. When women become single mothers then everyone moans about not wanting to help them etc. Women can't win.
He sounds like he’s conflating issues to go for the trad-con “evil feminist” angle.
@@trashpageant7861 - This guy sounds like because HE had a bad experience, he wants practically everyone to hate their mothers.
@@Ami-zo7moI was a social worker in the USA.And I have experienced the polar opposite. Stay at home moms are treated like crap, they get no respect.
A lot of women in the workforce are devouring Mother's.They have no desire to ever mother their children, only fill them with fear by overprotection. Kids are often brought up in day care. Day care is expensive.There is no maternity leave. You have to have insurance to have even the birth of your baby covered.
I've never had an intimate relationship, I don't trust people, I have no protective boundaries, as a child there was always a conflict between my mother's professed love for me and my belief that she didn't love me. I believe I was a strong willed child and she destroyed that and I believe she hated men , she wore the pants in the home. I had intense anger toward my mother. I was 45 yrs old before I figured out why I was begging god to take my life at age 15, a lot of pain. You helped me Kenny to understand that she was abused terribly to be the monster she was to me. My dad worked at Schlitz brewery and I was the best child because I took care of her needs covert incest is destructive and it went on for years
Female narcissism is at an all time high. Few of them ever diagnosed.
True
Because they deny it the time they being called out for it.
@@markarca6360 Privilege too. There exist considerable biases protecting them from scrutiny, and formal diagnosis.
Wow. This was very eye opening. This is my mother to a T. But i can definitely recognize aspects of some of these in myself. I've got some work to do! Thank you
Even as a man, I've noticed how some of these aspects of my mother have spilled into my own psyche. So glad my daughter is only 6 months and I can more conscientiously nip these bad traits in the bud
@@Torpax_ my son's father's mother was a devouring mother as well and I was very observant of his behavior and their relationship so I know that I have definitely made effort to raise him differently that we both were. But there's for sure more work to do. He's definitely more free to be himself and explore his own interests. I encourage him to be himself, but I think I can also still be over protective.. and in my attempts to heal myself from my own years of abuse, I've been self absorbed and neglectful quite often. I've explained what I'm doing and how it has nothing to do with my love for him but rather so I can heal and be a better mother to him, but I guess I never really recognized how damaging my self absorbed distractions with the trauma from my mother and his father could affect him long term. He's 9, I hope that I haven't damaged him, that was the whole purpose of the healing in the first place to not hurt him the way his dad and I were. It's good that you can recognize these things while your little one is younger. That's a great thing I think. Less damage control down the road. Good luck with it all. I think parenting is the most important and challenging job in the world especially when we weren't modeled good parenting ourselves. We're sorting it out though.
I literally have a mother exactly like what you described. Verbatim. Even at 38 my mom still doesn’t let go and has a massive problem with my wife. How does one handle a devouring mother psychologically? I’m seriously curious.
Ghost them
Cut them off
Run and don’t look back, feel no guilt just go
Run
My brother is in your situation. Our mother is a “devourer”, and all four of us children have lifelong mental health issues, but my brother is the only boy, and was the favored child. My mother got considerably worse after she split with my father, whom she had alienated from us. She HATES my brother’s wife, even moreso because the wife was once a psych nurse, and she is not threatened or worried in the least. My brother has had to cut our mother almost entirely out of his life, lest he risk the loss of his successful marriage; he wishes it was not this way, but there really is no choice. You can try enforcing boundaries, but mothers like this will not respect them. All the best to you.
Great video. The analogy of being walked by the emotional roadkill was so clear and perceptive. Thank you very much.
I’m 28 and my mom was never neglectful but she became the other descriptions that followed after “neglectful”. Like 3 weeks ago I did not know I was starting my period so, one Sunday evening like around 5:45 pm my mom woke me up and she opened my door in a super harsh way. She was not happy I was missing from 2 events because she thought I was acting lazy. So it happened that she around that time started berating me and when she asked to me what was going on, I told her with all honesty and truth that I was struggling with suicidal thoughts and anhedonia. All of a sudden she became completely quiet, but 5 seconds later she told me: “Well, I will tell you something like in many religions do. You will go to hell for your suicidal thoughts or for having those kinds of thoughts” then she proceeded to tell me how I was like an empty carriage, very scandalous and after she told me all that, she became very much in a sense overly controlling that following Monday she told me I was mentally fragile. Basically the whole day she held me like in a hostage situation where I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t say nothing out of fear my mom would use that against me. Now that I’ve been wanting to move out, my mom has made things worse and complicated to where I feel she’s been in a sense making me have a chain or a anchor ⚓️ towards her to not leave her side. Even for finding a job it has been complicated out of my own fear that while I’m at work, my personal space will not be respected by her if I leave. Or simply, that those things she said to me on how complicated it will be for me to find a place to live will take me time. Honestly, her words have made me feel that I’m just not worth it or good enough in any sense.
Glad I found you n your channel.
You verify many things I have concluded by looking back at ..
the WHOLE mess .. the WHY. ..
Why WE ... pick them ..
Why we MUST own our choices.
etc . etc.
Thank You
My mother is all of these points
Got into an argument with my mom yesterday i was called selfish, lazy and defiant. Smh this video definitely describes her. I do wonder though can a mother be a devouring mother and a covert narcissist?
Dr. Weiss thank you so much for this video.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Brilliant, Kenny...thank you
Great explanation. Thank you
My ex narc was proud of neglecting the kids, often saying they will grow up tougher and stronger by neglecting them.
I feel like i have always dealt with this out of my mother. She has emotionally neglexted me my whole life and have been invalidated about it .
One thing I've noticed is when the parent is trying to keep the child from discomfort they will even blame the child for then feeling any discomfort Even if it isn't because of the parent they will take it very personally if you show any negative emotion,
My mom is very neurotic, every time she gets to the part in therapy where it gets hard she quits and victimized herself
My mother used her roadkill to show me what not to Do. My parents would speak as if they were normal healthy parents sometimes (offering to come pick me up if I got drunk no questions, help me out of any situatjon) but when it came time for me to do anything they didn't like, it was a different story.
Thank u so much I appreciate ur perspective as a woman stuck in careerism inside I've bin shaped more by toxic feminine vs masculine so I'm now view male with compassion and scratching surface of understanding the whole.
In fact women attemt to mimic same power that that led to toxic masculinity
Beautifully said. I write about all of that in my new book where I show that the feminist movement, while well-intentioned trained women to become exactly what they hated, the misogynistic patriarchal man. They are now their own self-victimizers.
I sit upon the stool of love and compassion it is strong not foolish. If only sacred feminine sees men as sons and sacred masculine see women as daughters. I don't want REVENGE i want calm and centred ness from which I create incredible worlds. U provide I create something new from ur provision ,not 50 50 but 100 100.
This is so good! I’m hearing listening after searching about Possessive mothers . So weird
With all the absent fathers the mother is becoming more devouring...this is becoming a serious problem.
Worst is a passive father, might as well have never been in my life
@@ChrisN-hs7dhI know exactly what you're talking about. Passive but was there to belittle and "punish" you, correct?
@@Alaskanman yes, isolation and religious abuse
@@ChrisN-hs7dh Brother, you've described my life... I'm a man nearing 30 and that genuinely makes me tear up for you. When I look people like us and to all fellow tortured souls whom suffered the same unnecessary treatment and one sided mental hard wirings of dysfunctional parents and community system, I feel a fire in my heart. Something needs to be done about this, we don't need any more feral kids walking like a moth to a flame lost without any knowledge and suffering the consequences as they get older. It's heart breaking when a child creates a sandbox all alone without any interaction, any parental love nor a true "stringed" connection to anyone but that one area. Not knowing the concepts of friends, culture or anything, cause you were given something to be distracted with. Ready to be lined up for a cult(in my case, it was the unificatuon church) as a puppet for the church
Thanks Kenny ❤ Happy mothers day to all the mothers out there 😊
Thank you ❤
Thanks Kenny Did the best I know how. But sure With all the wonderful talks
Not to be an armchair psychologist, I'm no expert, but this description of the "devouring mother" immediately makes me think of Jeannette, the mother of Jazz Jennings, known from the reality TV show "I Am Jazz". She was instrumental in creating this Münchausen by proxy situation with her youngest son, Jeran, whom she decided to turn into a girl because she missed having a daughter in the house since her eldest went off to university. Every single scene I see with Jeannette in it involves her manipulating, smothering, and bullying Jazz, and the rest of the family joins in to help her gaslight and humiliate Jazz on international television. Anyone that thinks what the Jennings family did to their little boy either doesn't understand the full story, is hopelessly naive and incapable of thinking about anything pertaining to the trans movement critically and rationally, or is a downright ruthless ideologue that doesn't give a damn about the actual well-being of Jazz, only caring about devotion to this new religion, the "woke" Church of Gender. Literally everything described in this video fits perfectly with what Jeannette does to her son in that horrific TV show. A little boy's mental and physical health and his ability to procreate or even experience sexual pleasure were all sacrificed on the altar of Gender, so the oligarchs could advertise these deeply unethical procedures to parents of children that will be getting gender-bending propaganda pushed on them in public schools as we speak, and so Jeannette and the rest of the family can get capital, both monetary and social, and Jeannette can pursue fame, mostly vicariously. Jazz can barely even live his own life, she smothers him, and not at all in a loving way. Jazz has always just wanted to make mommy happy, so he has gone along with everything that has been done to him since he was two and Jeannette decided to do this to him. Her explanation is that baby Jazz asked her "When will the good fairy come and turn my penis into a vagina?" The fact that she expects people to believe a two year old said that just shows how detached from reality that woman is, I mean it's absurd. She also justified the decision to start socializing Jaren (Jazz's real original name as a little boy) as a girl on the basis of noticing that Jaren loved doing cartwheels as a three year old, I kid you not. Are cartwheels an indication that should result in chemical sterilization and later castration? Am I crazy here? The fact that the TV show "I Am Jazz" was allowed to air just goes to show how morally depraved postmodern Western civilization has become. All of our formerly sacred cultural traditions have been inverted and our values are being inverted.
I completely agree with you and there is actually a RUclips channel that rewatches every episode of this show and pauses scene by scene to point out the abuse. It is unbelievable!!! The channel was taken down by RUclips for a while but she is back under the name Ex Aisle. I highly recommend it. You are on to something. It is 💯 Munchausen by proxy. I am dumbfounded that the show is allowed on tv at all.
@@slackyogurt Thanks but I have actually already watched most of Ex Aisle's videos, you're right her channel does an excellent job covering that total horror show. So sad, so much damage was done to Jazz/Jeran while the world watched, and still nothing can be done to help, no matter how many people call CPS. I suspect it will never be made right, and no one involved will be brought to justice. I hope I'm wrong.
This isn't like, how trans kids are made. This is an outlier. I'm trans. My mother absolutely does not agree, and did not FORCE me to transition. I don't know a single trans person irl who was forced to transition. I do, however, know of a specific mother who forced me NOT to. It's funny, she was so anti masculinity, but shamed me for any femininity I showed. I grew up believing I was too ugly to be a girl and too feminine to be a man.
@@toastiesburned9929 I won't bother trying to argue with you, as I have never made any headway attempting to deconvert any cultists. You didn't come up with the idea that you are insufficiently masculine or feminine to fit your biological sex, it was cruelly planted in your mind at an early age. Had you lived in a bygone age and been allowed to keep to your own devices, rather than being socially engineered to feel inadequate as a man/woman, you would have felt fine in your body. Now, you've likely been sterilized, or plan on being sterilized. I just feel sorry for all the young people going with the flow, adopting the beliefs they are told to adopt by the media and academia. Your parents care more about you than the faceless oligarchs ever did, but you'll never see it. Breaks my heart. I'm just so tired of this process of inversion. Not one tradition or norm will be left unturned. I figure pedophilia will be normalized and legalized by 2050 at the latest. There will be teacher-led orgies in elementary school classrooms, straight out of Brave New World. You'll see. And when you do, you'll be fine with it, and call anyone that isn't fine with it a homophobe for not letting their middle aged neighbor have a play date with their four year old boy. Every moral will be inverted. Evil has triumphed once and for all. I'm so ready to die.
So true, it's really sad to see jazz being abused like that 😞
Thank you for your discerning video
Kenny
I truly appreciate your content
Please help with how to be a good parent to college age kids!
Wow. You nailed it.
I call those Children Prisioners of Love
Excellent
My mother-in-law was a culmination of ALL of these examples!!! Shes dead now but her darling son is still operating how she raised him. I will say, she certainly set an example of how I refused to raise our daughter!
Wow. Thanks for this video
You are most welcome
Brilliant and very helpful video !
My mother in law is a covert narcissist. My husband and I and our kids have gone low contact with her. I initiated this move. Was this the right decision on my part? I am afraid of the abuse she can inflict on my kids. I see the damage she has done to her own kids.
I’m helping my husband work through his trauma of his youth…….he decided to go away to school………his mother and younger sister followed him…….it was a all male school but females could to “semester abroad” at the all male college…..that’s what they did.
Yes sir yu have it and iv seen this for ever iv alkways been a stay at home mom
As mentioned, this could also be a discription of a anxious dysfunctional farther.. my mother died when I was little and we groow up with a farther which was a good mix of all this described, unfortunately 😔
I am 24, living with my mom, soo hard relationship. Soo painfull...😢
Interesting video. Now do one on the narcissistic father. I’ve noticed there are many more videos on mothers than fathers. Given that there are so many single moms raising kids on their own or with very little help, it would be interesting to see how the stress of minimal support affects a mother’s ability to be a healthy parent.
My mother lacked emphathy and nurture. Very emotionally cold and can't accept that all ppl are different. " faster, faster".
Make video about tyrant father and all family dysfunction. Where it comes from, all system and end up scenarios to kids and again ths dysfunction circle.
YOU SAVE PEOPLE LIVES.
Btw: I took theraphy, but its too expensive for good ones. Also I am not american, I live in small country.
Please please makes video about tyrant father. 🙏🥺
I will show this video to my other friend who suffered from narc mother I hope this helps her too.
Wow this was spot-on, very clearly explained. Thank you very much.
Yep. Devouring mothers will destroy your life.
Even if you are 35, 45, 60 - leave them & don't look back.
Choose your peace over being consumed & destroyed. You owe it to yourself. 🙏🙏
✨🙏🏽✨💜 Wow! Mom!!
This definitely resonates in my experience... The 1st & last.. Neglectful & Neurotic! 💯 😔
These also express my daughter's father! 💯 -Malignant Narcissist Psychopath.
#Scapegoat
The two colluding ran point to legally kidnap my Lil girl. (I think they mean to terminate me, wholeheartedly.) 💔 3.5 Years isolated, estranged, & imprisoned. No contact!
(pssst, No, I didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Not one thing!) Suicidal ideation & there's no competent help or legal intervention without extreme expenditures that I don't have. It's a tormenting & torturous hell!
Yep, my ACEs are high. At almost 50, Complex PTSD stalks & taunts me!
Thank you for articulating this so concisely! I Love the Purple!!✨💜✨💜✨💜
Sadly my mother fits all of it
I just had a baby 5 months ago. I hope I don’t screw him up.
When ma called me a child abuser because I grew my hair out I threw her out of my house. Best decision ever...but the damage is done.
My mother was the fear mother. She was over protective. It had an effect on me. I did the opposite. I was not perfect but i listened and i was a bit over protective when it came to others hitting my kids. My Father felt he could take his belt to the grandkids. No not his place too. My ex blooded my 4 year olds face. I heard the pop when he hit him. I went to the room he was crying with blood pouring down his arms snd face. I went nose to nose and told him they were my kids and he better not do it again. I left with the kids but my mother forced me back. I never should have gone back!!!! He was a mean father like his father. His father put there heads thru walls. They became trauma bonded to there father until the day he died. Now my kids are trauma bonded to there father. So sad.
This is heartbreaking...
oh so sad😢
Are these traits all needed to be present to be considered a devouring mother? Can someone clear this up for me? How can they be both neglectful and over nurturing ?
Guess they don't have to be all present. I recognize 3 or 4. The overnuturing is in their own behalf/good but not really for the child. I think more out of fear and not stimulating the child but instead keep it more rigid & "chained" so nothing happens. Then it becomes controlling and some will be gentle one moment but if the kid don't comply the rage will come to the surface . I'm no proffesional but I think it's this somehow 😃👍🏼
These are different ways a mother can be "devouring", so there isn't a need to have all of them. Also, if you coddle your children too much, while giving her only gingerbread and sweets like the witch from Hansel and Gretel, blasting away any grain of sand from the smooth pathway of their lives too the point it's more polished than glass, you are being both neglectful and overnurturing. Neglectful ain't always about forgetting the children even exist, but neglecting the children's health, needs, desires and duties for a selfish purpose like internet clout or a motherly desire.
They neglect what the child really needs or actually desires, while over-nurturing them on frivolous things like packing lunches for their child who's already 26 or calling to check on them every single day while they're at boarding school.
@@Fear_the_Nogspot on
I'll add that, basically they can be wonderful at anything that looks good to the outside world, either to avoid embarrassment or to get narcissistic supply, or both. You will be extremely shielded from any harms that could make the family look poor, dysfunctional, stupid, lazy, etc., typically centered around some family/generational trauma or embarrassment. That can mean you are scolded or disciplined away from such things using the stick, or coddled away from them with the carrot.
I want to be the tiger parent only when necessary. Like i want to have a balance give the child resources to watch the first time they try something and then have them try and try again themselves thereafter but still be there to see their successes and ask questions. My own mom is amazing but protective of me because i had a chronic illness so it was a bit different. Its ok to monitor the kids illness and then look over things after they try. Im so afraid of not having the balance of not helping and letting the kid try but also wanting to keep them safe from like the stove and things. Like ive seen people who arent there for their children but being too there. Im here to learn how and lessons before they even arrive.
What about a mother who had a son diagnosed as schizophrenic as a very young child? My mother guided his life each and every step of the way. My brother was bullied all through school, and when 9th grade became too much to bear because of bullying, my parents let him drop out of school. He lived at home most of his life. He had a job as a janitor and was a very good employee. My parents said he didn't need to drive, so he rode a bicycle. He slept in the same twin bed he'd had as a child. He had a few friends who were "different".
Life went on until it became clear that the place he was working for had been taking advantage of him, so he quit and got a much better job as a janitor elsewhere. Mom was getting old - my brother was still living at home in his 50's when my other brother and I began to realize that Mom would pass eventually, and my brother could not live in the home anymore because we would need to sell it. We also thought he needed to learn to drive. It was time
You’re amazing for being there for your brother like this ❤
My mom to the t
Being stuck with having to be raised by messed up parents but still turning out a polite, empathetic and self aware person is not a small miracle and takes a lot of reprogramming during the adolescent and adult phases of your life. In some cases when a child reaches these stages they will notice the toxicity in their parent but will choose not to war against them simply because they are still living under their rule which creates a psychological hell quite like no other which can only be solved by freedom and detachment.
Wow. Nail on the head.
Thank you sir.
You have a mistake on the graphics
You just described everyone's mother there sir...I don't think you described pathologies,i think you described reality in general
Look into archetypes of the positive feminine.. completely different . Jordan Peterson discusses this
You're right and wrong. Reality is not reality, "reality" is a manmade box of past traumas. A collective of warped perspectives molded by violence, manipulation, dark thoughts, r*pe, everything that makes life shine is eaten in there. We merely adapt inside that box; I know women whom are nothing like today's modern women because they were untouched by the influences of that box or were taught better. Yes, men and women like that still exists...
We only need to listen to Pink Floyd's The Wall to fully understand this concept.
Thanks for that. I've done quite a bit of research or Google search 😂 on this topic but never put it together with the Wall. 😮
Craig Childress works on parental alienation are spot on.
By selective attunement to child's negative emotions towards the father, the mother can shut down bond between child and father.
This way a child may be made into a mommy's puppet while the father will be a boogie man.
It's so common that for a long time I thought about it as a perfectly normal behavior.
No, it's not.
It's way of controlling a child and creating trauma in attachment system.
How can we help when we see this happening? My acquaintance/distant friend is very much like the "walk your children past the roadkill of your life " mother. She insists on having more babies, and obsesses about it. She's had several miscarriages, and cannot or will not control her emotions around her other children. So much weeping and wallowing, it's not healthy! She gets fixated on an idea, usually if it's not having a baby it's losing weight. And she'll weep about it and only talk about this one topic. For example she really really wanted a baby girl. Her three boys couldn't comfort her, if only she had a girl, probably one of the miscarried babies was a girl, she feels a special connection to my daughter because she was born the same night of the really bad miscarriage. This made me pretty uncomfortable, and I backed way off the friendship.
And now she's got a daughter, but the girl is two and not a baby, sooooo she's now pregnant again. 😢
I feel bad for the kids. She'll spend money on special containers for her diet foods, but none of her children have had a birthday party because she's ashamed to have such a small house, as if kids care about that. Just bake a cake, invite some kids, play for two hours, done. But no, everything is too much expense or won't work for some reason. It's frustrating. I suggested, when she overshared that she and her husband were "praying" about whether they should have another one, that four children is enough and she could focus on them without the distraction of a new baby. I said that I find that I have a hard time keeping up with my three, and their various activities and troubles and homework, this one needs glasses, that one has a learning disability and needs special tutoring, they all have different gifts that should be nurtured, and although I always wanted 4, there are good things about having fewer children than perhaps we'd hoped for. Life goes on, and it's pretty good even when we don't get everything we wanted. She didn't like that at all, she was hurt that I wasn't supportive. 🙄 I was trying to be!
Thank you 🥹
And what to do if the child can't participate in sports (difficult feet bone structure = sports shoes or [jumping, running] barefeet impossible = very few sports clubs without sports-shoes requirement available)???
(There is physiotherapy but progress is slow and/or there are evtl long breaks between sessions)
Then the son has only his friends (whom he doesnt meet/invite/visit every week, unfortunately :( or his father (who often works at/after 3pm) or himself e.g. books or his mother...
Is this then also enmeshment??? How to deal with such situations??? Thanks for comments or ideas ❤❤❤
Oh I hope I was never like that. I was a bit overprotective only because my oldest was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 3 tears old then had my 2nd daughter a year later, after 2 miscarriages. I was more or less alone raising them, hubby was working continuously.
This is very accurate; the most difficult part is the incompetence of the industry of therapy to identify or know how to manage either the devouring mother or the aftermath. I was 25 before learning of narcissism and another 35 years to understand how inadequately narcissism described what I encountered. I spoke with therapists a few times over the years and they convinced me they were incompetent by their superficiality. The human impulse to make something sacred and then to destroy it is somewhat overwhelming; it is the economy of scapegoating. Holocaust means burnt offering; the sacrifice of Jews was not hatred but a sacred ceremony. Likewise, the Zionists have a theology of purification by sacrificing the Palestinians, as a devouring mother fetishizes and sacrifices their child.
My mother trapped me in her house when I was about to buy my dream house- long story- then when I finally told her if she violated my boundaries in future I would call my siblings who she never does this crap to and tell them she wants to do the same to them, she then threatened to throw me out in the street without a reliable income so wouldnt get a rental. Over reaction, much? Backfired on her because I told her I'd be happier dead so go for it and noone else will lift a finger for her and she knows it. She backed off and is being sweetness and light for the time being. Cant wait for one of us to die
There are professional resources which can bring about positive change to your situation. For your own sake, I encourage you to reach out for help.
How this will be represented in a grandmother?
Wow, thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
I dated one of those.
Very lazy, negligent & incompetent parent.
She was always recording & taking pictures of her child to show off to all her friends & family to make herself look like she was an amazing mom, but at home she would let her child do whatever she wanted. No real rules, discipline or structure.
She would have her child convinced that crying solves everything instead of using her words.
She always coddled & over nurtured her child instead of having the child be more self sufficient & gain some independence. Never made her work or earn anything.
Her child was still sleeping in her bed, didn’t ever really clean up after herself & still using a potty trainer after a certain age too.
The child would literally be up past midnight most nights ON HER PHONE till it died. Especially ON SCHOOL NIGHTS. Late to school a lot of days. To where the child looked all sloppy & dirty like she slept under a bridge.
Very overweight for her age. Since she fed her mostly junk food & sugary snacks majority of the time. Since she really wasn’t much of a cook to begin with anyway & her child most of the time hardly ever finished her food. Until I introduced her to some very high quality food. She LOVED the things I cooked for her. Vegetables, fruits, herbs, etc. Literally cleaned out her plate every single time that I cooked for her.
Extremely overprotective. Had cameras all over the house & in her room where it’s supposed to be a place of PRIVACY. But, god forbid you ever told her that.
She went ballistic when I told her child she couldn’t have a juice after a certain time (midnight). She literally told me, “she’s just a baby. Why do you talk to her like that?” Mind you, this is a 5 year old.
She treats that child as if she’s just an ACCESSORY. Only focuses on being friendly cause she doesn’t ever want her to feel disappointed or not liking her.
In the short amount of time I knew that child, I know for a fact that she indeed respected me a lot more than her own DEVOURING mother.
The one you described is devouring, you yourself are tyrannical. What a perfect match. 👏
My mother devoured two boys and several dogs.
Luckily my 14 granddaughter is living with us. Her mother won't allow us any rights to talk to medical staff or School officials. She pays no child support and constantly tries to control me and daughter. To the point where she has threatened to take her away from us and place her in a group home. My whole career was spent in mental health so I brush her off.
What is wrong with parents today? Why are 80% of you people, evil?
I'm a devouring mother!!! Oh my gosh. I've had this video in my que and have delayed watching. Was afraid
When my son's father died I went way over the top. I saw me doing it too and just couldn't stop. I felt so bad he didn't have a dad anymore and gave him everything and did everything for him and didn't reprimand him when I should've and took all his responsibilities away, cause he didn't have a dad and that didn't make sense, at the time I just didn't want him to hurt. And when he got a girlfriend in highschool, I didn't want him to date her cause what if she breaks his heart and he has to go through feeing all that loss again?. I was the Willy Wonka dad.
He warned me when he was younger that I needed to cut the apron strings, his exact words. I laughed at such a notion. But when he became a teen and acted out, I knew I had to course correct. I'm sure some of that had to do with losing his dad but now I'm realizing some of that was dealing with me. Wanting to break free of me! I'm so sorry.
Please, other devouring mothers, listen to this guy and do better. Children need to be challenged in good ways that stretch them beyond their comfort zones. I kept mine small, tucked into my pocket, and that wasn't right. He wanted to step up and be the man of the house when his dad died, but I said, no you're the kid, I'll take care of you. But really, I stole the masculine role from him. I was a thief disguised as a saint. I didn't see it that way. but now it's so obvious. I'm so sorry. My son is a super awesome human in spite of my failures as his mom. Thank you God for watching over him.
I just want to applaud you for taking ownership of this. My mother is incapable of doing that. What really struck me from what you wrote is when you said "I was a thief disguised as a saint.". That is so true. The great lie in this whole thing is that the mother is doing it for the child.
@@joelhenry5489 this is harsh to hear, but you are right. It was a lie.. I realized that I said I didn't want him to hurt but it was really me that I didnt want hurting. So even in my confessing I found my selfishness. I will work the rest of my life to remedy this. To let me son know he is worthy, able, and stronger than I ever knew. I hope you and your mom one day can find common ground and healing can begin.
I so respect you for your ability to admit your mistakes and face them so nakedly and bravely. ❤
That was hard to read. Why would you hurt your own son like that. Wdym you thought you were protecting him... you knew what you were doing because you even questioned yourself. My mother at least left me alone while my father ruined me like you tried to ruin your son
@@Alaskanman I'm sorry either of your parents weren't there for you.
Yes, & to ''add to'' (with another example of like) @ 13;00 - A Mother who has a ''truly'' Loving Husband, Son & Daughter (ie) no abuse in the home, a higher s.e.s. level, no debt, beautiful home, no spouse w/ alcoholism, no drug addictions, lots of healthy love expressed etc BUT ''demands'' after 16 years of marriage that ''she'' wants / should be allowed to go on a Trip w/ her girlfriends while she leaves her husband & children back home ... thus, she meets a man while on vacation, comes back, continues to have an affair w/ him & leaves her husband & children ''on a dime'' b/c ''she's deserves to be ''happy'' ~ ... ? but w/ no care nor concern about ''what about the husbands or children ''right'' to be Happy & what about all the Damage she will create by leaving ? So Sad, fast forward years later - yes, she married the man she had the affair with, he dies and NOW the Mom wants all of everyone's help, love, assistance etc but she's alone now & is ''truly angry'' when the adult children now 'do not rush' to her immediately to help her out etc !!!! lol, smh !
So very uncomfortable and awkward to sit across the table at a restaurant and have dinner with my sister and nephew. They sat side-by-side and whispered to each other, like boyfriend and girlfriend, and made it impossible for me to participate in the conversation while they were visiting. Couldn't hear anything they said. Now, that golden child son is living with my sister (with his wife) and her other son is the scapegoat, drug-addicted and homeless. Total emotional enmeshment in my family. If I ever dared to speak up about anything unpleasant, my sister rages at me or else it's the silent treatment until I come crawling back with apologies for unspoken crimes I never committed.
When you have a child, whether you are a mother or father, your CHILD is the most important thing (or SHOULD be), not your OWN "self care" (mostly attempts to relive past youth, AGAIN, mothers AND fathers). YES, you should enjoy your life, but NOT at the expense of your children! Sorry to say but people/society are SO messed up these days, much of it due to the media, entertainment industry, social media, and govt....now let's talk about who controls the vast majority of these things! The TRUTH is not "forbidden" to talk about, anyone who says otherwise is part of the problem, PERIOD. Take care of your kids!
Most importantly you should make a video about how fathers ruin their children’s lives.
My mom! 😢
Im so confused by my mom. Shes 93 and in good health for her age. I don't go see her really at all and shes pretty much always been there for me except i found out a few years ago that she knew all along that i was SA'd by my sisters ex husband when i was about 14. She pretty much denied it and it broke me. Who is this lady? I dont have much time to fix this before i regret my not seeing her. I honestly dont think i even know how to love. My mom was obsessed with me and imo never wanted me to leave or grow up out of fear of abandonment. I dont know whst i like ,feel or who tf i am at 58. God forbid i talk to my siblings about how i feel and disrespect mom. I feel ive slready lost my mom in a way. I was "too sensitive and impossible to talk to". I lived with her as an adult after my divorce because i didn't know how to be a responsible adult. Anyhow if i happened to spend the night out ( not often at all , i was in my 40's) when id get home my mom would have on her sunglasses ( in the house lol) and shed completely ignore me for a minimum of two days. Not even look at me. Wtf? What makes things worse is that as i examine and judge my relationship with my mother im also looking at my own terrible shortcomings with my own kids. I failed my kids. Im like s f""king child at 58 and consumed with self hatred. I want to break the dysfunction cycle. I was not prepared for life at all but it was done in such a subtle way and not intended how can i be angry or resentful when my parents were so much better than most. 😢