BPD NOT REAL?! 9 Questions about Female BPD Answered
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- Опубликовано: 29 июн 2024
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Bpd NOT REAL?!
This video is a paradigm shifter, mounting evidence is showing us that BPD is not even real. In this video, we cover 9 Innocently asked questions from a girl in her 20s who was friends with someone who had BPD.
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Timestamps:
00:00 | Intro
02:15 | 1. Is life very hard?
04:45 | 2. Not being "here"
05:25 | 3. Favorite person?
07:44 | 4. Friends with a person who has BPD?
11:14 | 5. Bad Person?
18:57 | 6. BPD only when in a relationship?
20:57 | 7. Treatable?
21:57 | 8. Hints they have it
26:16 | 9. Good or bad to date someone with BPD?
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE.
ALL RE-ENACTMENT CONTENT IN THIS VIDEO IS STRICTLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES
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#narcissist #emotionalabuse #narcissism 
Развлечения
Regardless of a person's mental "diagnosis", if their actions are abusive to others around them(and they dont go get help/therapy), that makes them a bad person. As humans, we all know the difference between right and wrong. Just because someone has a "diagnosis", it doesnt give them a pass.
And unfortunately they do use it as a pass to justify their behavior, instead of exercising self control and taking responsibility. It's always someone else's fault, never theirs.
Spot on.
This is how Quiet BPD is born, and then this leads to misdiagnosis for person who suppress their emotions in order not to hurt others around them.
Exactly! Most of the people that are intentionally hurting people are the so called normal people. They are the same people that love to blame others. They can't look in the mirror so they project that into a stronger person like a pwbpd. We get blamed for everything, we've been trained to just take it. I don't know any one with Bpd that sets out to hurt another person, mostly it's because they're inn survival mode and feel they're being attacked. If this doesn't make sense to you, count your blessings you don't have Bpd.
"You can mourn the child they were, even as you put down the monster they became" -Garret PI
I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s. I never quite resonated with it at all. I was also diagnosed with CPTSD, OCD and ANXIETY. I decided to work on myself and work through what was happening to me. I’m now pushing 40 and I don’t have any symptoms at all of BPD I haven’t for around 10 years. I still have mild anxiety but I can work through it. I didn’t have BPD never did, I was struggling with trauma from being raised in a highly abusive home with added religion. I went no contact and that’s what really healed me all those years ago!
I went no contact a few months ago at 50. Huge difference. I can think things through now. No diagnoses but Richard's vids certainly have helped me clarify causes and approaches to trauma. Glad you're progressing!
So happy for you, well done for doing that for yourself, a tough long road. ❤
@@kadran3263 I wish you all the best on your journey 🫶🏻
@@braverisingwithamanda yes it was a very tough long road. Getting to the other side is so freeing and I finally know what it is like to live!
@@jwillis2530was the religion JW’S ? Because it wouldn’t surprise me.
Yes, Please! I would love to hear more about sexual bias with this diagnosis! I was correctly diagnosed with PTSD many years ago, then a male, young, clinician diagnosed me with BPD. I was months out of a very toxic relationship with someone with narcissistic traits and the emotional and physical abuse. I believe there is a bias and easier for the system to label me the problem as opposed to the sexual assault, domestic violence and sexualization I was harmed with as a young woman.
I've read this a multiple times - that women are quickly labelled as BPD when they choose to seek official help from medical industry - doctors have no idea what it is so they use hyper-cognition to stick labels on someone who appears to them dysregulated. Narcissistic abuse - when we explain and describe it to people who never experiences it - will never trust us, because it is unreal. Anyone who has never been in narc abuse - they cannot understand it. To them it will appear as if we are conspiracy theorists.
Omg I went through this exact thing too 😫
I was clinically diagnosed with both BPD and CPTSD in my 30’s (after my brothers suicide when I was 27). I do not have the anger or aggressiveness associated with the diagnosis. And although I have only had two long term relationships (only had five relationships in my life and I’m 57). Both relationships were abusive, I was on the receiving end of verbal and physical abuse in a marriage of over 20 years. And to say I saw suicide as my only way out is putting it mildly.
So I think your description of people like me is actually painful to hear.
I’m extremely caring and empathetic to the point of putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I would give someone my last penny if they needed it more than I do. After my brothers death I became terrified of not being prepared for every eventuality and to protect my family because I had to be strong for my parents at that time. And now I’m terrified of letting anyone close because of my previous relationships.
I am not some kind of demon, I am a human being.
I was raised by a BPD mother. This woman was absolutely BPD and the classic symptoms you may read about don't even begin to describe them. That said, I do believe it can be over diagnosed. My mother could be a good mother but when she flipped, and she always did after a time, her abuse was monumental, could go on for days and the damage she left behind is profound.
My mom does the toxic positivity thing. I can't even be myself around her or my father my father is annoyed with me and my own mother says the meanest things like, "Oh you're singing off key" when I've sang or she won't listen and just dismisses my feelings so I cut her off. They are both religious to so I'm not for that. I even wrote a suicide letter once and my dad found it and said, "What will people think?" Not even caring about my feelings. I'd get shitty gifts apparently to my dad for christmas and my own step mom would say rude passive aggressive things like, "Wow did you get that from the gift exchange?" Meanwhile the gifts they would give us our gift cards. I'm never good enough so I'm done. Last time I talked to my mother I told her I'm taking shrooms and stopped talking to her. They don't want to get to know me, they never wanted to understand my mental illness so I'm done and my last thing I said to her also was to get counseling and of course she ignored me and made it about her..."Oh I have health issues." etc etc etc so yes I'm done I needed a mother not a fing child I have to take care of and my mom is like a child so i my grandmother so yes I'm done.
I've BPD. Can relate.
Yes, and thank you. I was pigeon-holed for years, until hearing the idea that I may have been wrongly diagnosed, and that it's more likely to be CPTSD. That rang true!
And there is Quiet BPD sub-type which does not meet DSM BPD criteria at all.
I want THAT video please, I. have lived this journey and it's fascinating! Also, it's taken me 20 years to finally hear someone that is prepared to say these things re BPD/PTSD as well as the BPD diagnosis being placed on a 'certain type of female' by a 'certain type of psychologist/psychiatrist.' Thank you!
Yep. I was diagnosed, along with bipolar 1, adhd, autism & CPTSD. I am not a bad person, i do struggle a lot. I’ve felt my whole life I’m a burden on the ones I love. It causes so much guilt. We don’t want to be this way. At least I can say I would never purposely manipulate anyone to get them to “bend to my will” nor would I ever aim to use people. I strive to spread awareness, tips for those struggling, and education about my conditions that educate people who love people like me, to help them understand more.
I have a highly sensitized nervous system. Someone clanks a dish I immediately go internally panic. I have panic disorder & a severe anxiety disorder. So yes, someone offering me a cup of tea is no different than someone suddenly grabbing me and shouting BOO!!
Agoraphobia naturally becomes a factor. Your world gets smaller & smaller.
I actively learn myself, my conditions. I do what I CAN & I accept what I cannot change.. at least not instantly..
It didn’t happen instantly. It’s years upon years, then adult relations after toxic adult attempts at connections with other broken people.
Do not date until you heal. Please.
I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun. But now I’m convinced I have been trauma bonded to my mum for years and never fully recovered from it.
Thanks I just broke it off with my boyfriend so that I can heal it's just way too much it sucks.
My mother was a malignant narcissistic psychopath. Because of my experience growing up, I was hospitalized at the age of fourteen. I was diagnosed with BPD at that time. What teenage girl isn't a borderline? I took, fit a criteria for BPD but I also do not fit the criteria at the same time. I had some manipulative behaviors I didn't recognize as manipulative because it was a learned behavior. I no longer act that way. I have empathy. Lots of empathy. I don't screw people over it burn bridges. I hope a new diagnosis will be assigned to us people who have survived narcissistic parents. To throw us in a cluster B isn't really fair. Thank you for trying to shed light on this subject.
Gosh, what you said is so important. As someone who has suffered with a series mental illness, it is NOT someone elses responsible to carry your mental illness. As a grown ass adult, it is my responsibility to seek treatment and heal my own trauma. Yes, your partner can be supportive. However, your partner needs to also care for their own needs. If you are unable to self manage.... you shouldn't be in a relationship. When I was 16 years old, I was a mess. It took years of therapy to get my head on straight. Thankfully I was able to heal and learn how to regulate my emotions. I've been happily married for 10 years. Heal first.... then seek a relationship. Relationships are like pure poison when you have open trauma wounds that need healing. I am not saying you need to be 100% healed (no one is). But you absolutely need to be able to regulate your emotions and be able to identify your triggers.
Such a relief to hear “ it s extremely painful” to be around and it was weighted heavily even after ! Went to therapy after such a encounter ! Thank you Richard
I was diagnosed with BPD in my late 20s after a relationship with a violent man. I went to therapy and mostly we talked about him because I was so stressed afterwards. The therapist ended the therapy after a year and said I had good emotional respons but needed to be better to set boundaries towards men. Today I live alone with my daughter and have a good stable loving life❤
might just be CPTSD if you don't enjoy hurting people for sport, that's not on the Cluster B spectrum. Traumatized people have really tough time sometimes with emotional flooding, and ADHD type symptoms, addiction and alcoholism, anxiety and severe depression and not wanting to be around people AT ALL - etc. - a lot of things get misdiagnosed esp in terms of BPD.
I recently had, or tried to have, a relationship with a BPD woman. I was meteoric. Love, love, love … then the SHTF. She had me thinking I was dealing with a Dark Triad. Possibly. Anyway, glad I found this guy. Vet here.
I'm not sure about personality disorder at all. I was set up by mother to accept abuse, to seek out narrcissts. Because I was raised as a people pleaser it is essential for me to make sure people are happy because of what I've done. Knowing now narrcissts will never be happy that meant I was a failure. So by keep seeking narrcissts I'm trying to right "the wrong" that was my birth, and my inability to make my narrcisstic mother happy. Over and over and over, this was what I was raised to believe. How does being a good person, never intentionally hurting people, give all I have to make others happy a disorder? I'm doing exactly what I was raised to do. I didn't have a choice. So I'm being the best people pleaser i can be. Therefore changing who I am is going against everything I've ever known. How can that be right? I don't think I'm out of line. Also I've been raised to accept the blame for everything that comes my way, not even capable of doing what I've been accused of, that makes me prey for Al on micro and macro scale. I am I strong person that can handle so much more bullshit than most people. I don't know of anyone that can handle what I do every day. I'm 61 and still here!
It’s hard to pretend otherwise. Just start choosing you first, your desires.
I realised a week and a half ago that if I'm not helping people, my inner critic tells me I need to be dead. It was a huge leap forward and away from my 'letting go of fixing people' role. The way I've stormed over boundaries to 'help' and 'fix' problems I've been trained to diagnose and attempt to resolve have ruined so many relationships and opportunities. I'm addressing my helpful instinct and turning it on myself. I don't want to live like that any more. I'm teaching myself how to invest in me. Like touching a slug, feels horrid, but I have to know who I am without my abusers or their impact on my psychological development.
I was raised this way. I can't relax when I'm with people. My energy feels so scattered. I fawn and people please to buy myself time/ keep people away. I don't feel worthy unless I'm giving myself away because people don't seem to want me around otherwise.
@@kadran3263 I had to sit with all the guilt I felt as someone was knocking at my door, only to get something from me or use me, but I've always opened the door and helped. It was so hard to just sit and feel the guilt, I never answered. Ya see I either give everything I have to everyone or feel guilty if I don't. It's uncomfortable for us because we're not use to talking care of ourselves. But keep doing it it will get better. At first the people will keep knocking and it will get louder because we've trained them to keep knocking and we'll give in, but don't. Hold strong and it will get better
Excellent video. I was diagnosed with BPD during Covid with my CPN, over the phone. At the time I was in an abusive, Narcissistic relationship and had no idea how much I was being gaslighted. My anger was reactive abuse. I am in therapy now and since my Nex left, I have had no major outbursts. In fact, I went through the typical CPTSD cycle of symptoms. I had an abusive childhood, my first relationship was abusive etc.
I bought a book by Dr Daniel Fox and began working through it and found that this wasn't me. I could see the similarities, but when I started learning about Trauma, it all clicked into place.
Now I am well along the healing path and start studying psychotherapy in October.
This was an excellent video. But, I won't be one of those people who isn't a friend or a supporter to someone who had been treated so bad they now (at the hands of other people etc) have a boat load of trauma. That in my opinion will further traumatize the person. Not to say I'm going to ruin my life for them but everyone deserves support and love...
I worked with cluster b people for years for this reason, but if you are going to do it, please be careful and be aware of what the trauma has made them as the last one killed my cat and poisoned me (he was 15 heading to an aspd diagnosis when old enough) and I have had a few BPD people assalut me and do a lot of damage to my home and the rage they have is dangerous, and it will harm you. Please make sure you know how to work with these people if you choose to take that path, you must stay safe, we know its not their fault thats why we try to divert the abuse pattern behaviour because it leads to such isolation for them, but you can never forget that they are capable of doing you very real damage.
@lizericsonn9367 thank you 😊 I appreciate that ❤️ and I'm so sorry you went through that 😢
it is what it is, I am sorry I couldnt divert the teens behaviour development before it was too late and I miss my cat a lot@@wandalynnellis7814
This is truly a captivating concept! Thank you as always Mr. Grannon. I come to you for your teaching excellence. 👏🏼👏🏼
I press into the cans of worms and no longer shy away from talking about it the elephant in the room.
A video about how the BPD diagnosis has historically been used in a sexist way? I think it’s actually a needed video. And I honestly can’t think of any other RUclipsr who regularly handles “Cluster B’s” to better take on this topic and genuinely welcome the opportunity to do so.
Know this: at least one of your followers will cheer your video loudly. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But more importantly (in my opinion), I think it’s a needed video. And dare I say, given the topic, I think it will be embraced more quickly in society and psychology if presented by a man.
I appreciate you. Your videos have been so key to me knowing what “Cluster B monsters were hiding under the bed” of my life, and how to disarm them.
You're my best teacher here on RUclips
And you have boosted my mindset to another level 💯
Thank you for your program. It literally saved my life.❤
Not a lot to say, I agree with you 100%, trauma is always at the root.
I want to be a poster girl for CPTSD, because of how much i suffered and how much happy, serene and grateful i am now.
I have had it all, depression, insonnia, nightmares with the devil, limerance, psychotic episodes, medicine abuse, chronic health issues, social avoidance, intimacy issues, toxic shame....
Psychoterapy is n.1 because it's extremely likely you start off with denial, then meditation, and then the biggest Panacea is giving yourself unconditional love, with this love you find the strenght to accept and work.
I honestly feel so blessed i got where i am now, so hope hope hope and hang on! Love to everyone!
I have done so much therapy man, I think a lot of people very high up have and people who landed through trauma very low down in society.
But not karens/nurse ratcheds.
The high up people take their data from.
I don't know how else to put it but there's a class of people who don't or won't and do damage.
Sharp elbows and heels.
It's a minefield because of that not ptsd
Stay blessed
Even if you do it.
Don't matter.
Yes, indeed. Open that "can of worms". You are so accurate in your understanding of these things. I just shake my head sometimes when listening to you in agreement. Hearing you echo my very words and sentiments is a strange kind of relief.
Thank you!!!!! I’ve been saying this, but apparently not loudly enough. Thank you so very much for your work.
I agree. Ptsd, and Cptsd is FUCKN HORRENDOUS to live with, and way more research needs to focus on understanding and healing it.
Thank you Richard. 👏👏👏❤️☯️💪🔥🖖☮️🦋
Testament to your strength that the videos you were making in 2017 lit my way.
I have not watched your videos in quite a while (around 4 years), and you look... healthy. Solid.
Glad I watched this one. I can see your shadow, and it looks absolutely lovely.
I love your honesty! Thank you! 🫶
Loving someone and living with someone with BPD is agonizing and everything Richard says is truth, I'm in it. I'm just glad to see Richard again, his videos help me through. 👍
I think some of the commenters are confusing borderline and bipolar disorder.
They are 2 separate things. Please get it straight
What are the key differences? I want to learn stuff
@Beth-iv4lj mainly whether there are manic episodes or not. Types of treatment, and the type/length of cycle. Borderliners seem to cycle between up and down a lot more frequently. Bipolar people have up and downs, but usually a little longer lasting in each state
Also borderlines seem to have more issues with anger and abandonment
I think bipolar has an earlier onset and worse prognosis overall. Borderline seems to start later in life and get more manageable.
That's my personal experience, I am not a health expert, just a relative.
@@user-lt3yb4fm6q k.
Really?!?! 😳😳
My ex husbands wife told me the same thing last year when I was at their place. That’s so interesting. 🤔
I wasn’t sure where she got her info, and was busy with paper work at the time and didn’t ask or have time to dive into it further.
Thank you for keeping every one up to date with info Richard.
❤️☯️💪🔥🖖☮️🦋
Question #6 answered something for me. Why I was so messed up when I was a young adult and married, and how I was able to grow over the years into a level-headed person. Thank you for that!
Perhaps Bpd is more like a bad coping mechanism
Listening to this lecture was both informative as well as enlightening.
Thanks - You answered it upin the end...appreciated...
Very interesting. I remember many years Back when I was struggling I thought me and my brother had BPD as we had many of the traits. That's when I found a video of Richard and started searching more on complex PTSD . After ending a narcissistic relationship and going through a lot of counselling I no longer see myself as having those traits. None of this would have been possible without understanding all this from RIchards videos🎉🎉.
Thank you for your perspective. I've learned a lot.
Excellence information, you are so knowledgeable and well- stated. I am Thankful you are providing to help people. The Court systems needs you to educate them. God Bless You! 💯 ⭐ 🙏
Absolutely amazing video!! I definitely agree. Complex PTSD. It’s absolutely horrendous in my 20s. And I just wanted to be by myself to fix it. But being attached to a borderline personality disorder as a partner. They didn’t want to leave. Took a long time to fix and a lot of therapy. But once you actually get to experience joy, even enjoying the journey of healing. Oh my goodness, the positivity and the life that is now what I call home within my own mind. I can’t be anything but positive I love it. It’s like something I’ve never experienced even as a child contentment and happiness.
Thank you for creating and sharing.
Thank you for addressing BPD...I have often questioned the discrepancy.
Epic Richard. Bravo.
Thank you for your important and interesting work. Greetings from Austria
I can so relate to this, especially if “so called” friends do this, I almost want to end the friendship when they show disinterest in or dismiss, my pain, but I try first to remember the adage; “don’t hate the person hate the behaviour”. I do this to prevent me from mistaking humanness, (I got that word from you Patrick) for toxicity and try not to take action against someone that I may regret later, when I am p___d off with them, however, it is definitely triggering because it really helps when people in my close circle of connections can somewhat empathise with me in the moment. Thanks for always creating a deeper awareness of how my childhood trauma affects me to enable me to benefit from the insight.
There is a very good article published recently in the BMJ about this supporting your content
It's tricky though, when people have all the markers of BPD but did not experience major trauma
I am so glad that you have a strong and influenial voice in this conversation because I see your persepective as common sense, highly intelligent and well informed with education and personal expereince. And that doesnt have to make you 'right' about everything and I would argue that in a field like psycology its dangerous to label anyone 'right' about their theories. If the theories lead to treatments that are effective then that should be how we judge them and I would like to see the industry explore treatments based on the theories you articulate because they make a lot of sense with my personal experience and historically the field hasnt been incredibly effective and it certainly hasnt been effective enough to give it the crediblity it has aquired in many circles. And to be honest I think many of those circles simply use diagnois to bully and abuse vulnerable people coercsing their behavior in a way where those diagnoising others personally gain. And I think history has shown that and we dont speak about it enough. (excuse my spelling here and there I prefer other academic subjects)
Aymen -- preach it sister!!
I see this video over and over again . Congratulations i have nothing to say more . You answer to all my guestions im not wondering anymore. I know i can find the solution to my problem just listening to you .thank you 😊
The video ended at 11 11, I never saw it from this perspective. Thank you 🙏💜
Exceptional video.
You are doing okay! ❤
Thank you, Richard.🙂
Thank you very much, Richard, for all the information you explain in your videos. You were the first person I heard the term CPTSD from, and after having lived through some really difficult and traumatic experiences, I think that is what is happening to me. Also, I think I may also be an HSP, so CPTSD may affect me even more. I will try to find a therapist to help me, although sometimes it is not easy to find the one who can help you most effectively. By the way (and this is just an anecdote), with you I am improving my understanding of English because you speak clearly and sometimes quickly, so thank you very much for this too 😊😄 Many greetings from Barcelona, Spain!
Speaking from personal experience, ASD also ramps up with PTSD and ADHD and to exaggerate BPD symptoms. I would appreciate your input. Thanks!
Maybe it's the diagnostics?
If a neurodivergent person is self isolating after burnout it's self care.
But there's no flexibility in the diagnostic.
If a Neurotypical person is, it is usually a sign something is up.
Same tick box. Same diagnosis.
Different lived experiences.
Neuro divergent people need to go into their shell to grow a new one.
Neurotypical people need prising out quite often.
yup, 26 years of misdiagnosis here 19-45 treated as bpd but surprise surprise, Autistic with adhd/rsd and PTSD episodes of dissassociation
nah its that GPs are allowed to diagnose BPD but not ADHD, we need it so that any female they want to hit with the BPD diagnosis is first screened for being ND@@Beth-iv4lj
@@Beth-iv4lj I appreciate your input but these things you've mentioned are not what I was asking. Perhaps my question is too vague.
@@lizericsonn9367 that's what I'm looking for! I wondered if this mix could look like BPD! THANK YOU for the reply! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I hate that I get thse notifications of upcoming videos but it doesnt always notify me when the video's available
I think some labels dehumanize people like those suffering from post traumatic stress disorder
My wife suffers from complex post traumatic disorder but they are hiding that she had spinal meningitis as a child and continue to give her meds that don't work except olanzapine but they don't prescribe it
Yes.
I am sorry for your wife. You know on 'take your data book'
There's support groups worth looking at.
(even if she doesn't join)
Being around people who understand that, even online might help her.
Richard is intelligent. I always learn about things listening anyway.
Retention shaky.
Thank you! I’ve only watched one minute in and I agree completely. Women getting diagnosed instead of helped with actual trauma.
My step son was diagnosed in 2020 and was gutted, he felt less human. Despite just being little old Paula from Bensham, I tried to reassure him that he most definitely did not. I'd been his other mother from 17 months old and so understood his needs. I can't believe a professional gave the diagnosis. I had him listening to you and he also found J Peterson helpful. Sadly, he died in 2021 at 21 years old. We are all devastated. Telling my kids was horrendous. Children shouldn't grieve a sibling. People can't get the correct support if they cant even understand where they are in the moment. I thought his dad had BPD but learned though your videos and other research that he in fact has CPTSD. This understanding enables us to maintain a supportive relationship despite being divorced.
I have a very uncomfortable conversation in front of me with a long term friend I keep putting off. But what you said is true. I’ve been thru far worse so bring it on. I’m not that brave and In such a sturdy place. But will deal with business that needs to be dealt with. Thank you Richard
Thank you for being so kind to me Richard. I will be back. I dont want to overwhelm you with my comments. You 'aight
The sound volume is perfect, now I finally can hear you clearly even through earplugs!
Yes, Richie, I would love and appreciate it if you’d be brave and open that can of worms about how BPD or whatever it should be called (and possibly other diagnoses), have been disproportionately aimed at women or whatever you wish to share. Thank you always.
Thank you Richard
I totally agree that underneath every case of BPD (at least that I have met with) lies trauma. But it seems that so it is with the narcissistic, antisocial and in some cases of histrionic and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. But why then we decide that BPD is complex PTSD and other personality disorders are not? It looks like all of them are just different reactions to extensive traumatisation. (And not always that different, because in some cases it is really hard to distinguish is it BPD or NPD or histrionic). So I wonder is CPTSD just a less "scary" word for BPD now?
Can you do a video on narcissistic gangstalking, community harassment, a person getting a community to harass the target,I believe it's going on a lot,many including myself is experiencing this,but very hard to believe.
I’m getting ready to start seeing a therapist. I was just with the narcissist who discarded me one month ago, but after seeing several videos, including this one I realize, I may not have BPD but I do have an anxious attachment style and some of these other traits you were talking about, but it only pertains to intimate relationships and love. I don’t know why I end up becoming that way I mean my son’s mom really hurt me when we were teenagers, so I definitely have the fear of abandonment as well, but I have to fix a lot of my own issues and then just being a narcissist I didn’t know anything about NPD, well being with her that was crazy because we went through the love bombing, evaluation… And then the discard. I do know my anxious attachment style didn’t help anything, however she was also trying to control me making me get rid of a lot of friends I had on Facebook, etc. so it was just a bad dynamic, a recipe for disaster if you will, but I’m slowly healing and I’m also looking forward to therapy so I can get help with my issues and maybe find the right person in the future.
Great video Richard. I can imagine that Favourite Person issues could manifest itself when a Borderline female is older and less likely to be around many people. It is known that they find themselves alone as they age!
I haven't had good experiences with people diagnosed with BPD, I hate to say it but I rather avoid them.
This is so confusing, honestly. I know a diagnosed BPD male. Hes a an ex lawyer who definitely shows signs of NPD(traits) but is completely delusional like a borderline.
Quiet BPD with NPD traits
Great talk
I just found your channel through your interview with Andrew Gold. I was misdiagnosed with BPD as a teenager and around 10 years later after starting with a fantastic therapist, discovered I have c-PTSD. I don't realy understand how people can have both, that feels like overdiagnosis because the overlap is so huge and if the root comes from trauma, isn't it automatically PTSD/c-PTSD because of being able to identify the root? I don't want to invalidate anyone who feels that a BPD diagnosis has helped them understand themselves & start to heal, I just question the models we have around understanding mental health. After lots of therapy I am well along my healing journey and pretty emotionally regulated, but other things are an internal battle every day. Feeling very seen here and welling up a little as a result. Thanks for talking about these things in such a grounded way.
F*uck, everything you say makes sense.
I was diagnose BPD, I’m in no way an abuser, I got better in my late 30’s with a lot of introspection and the internal feeling of craziness is triggered 9 out of 10 times when I begin a new relationship and struggle to maintain it when I see myself of not worthy and feel that I’m gonna be abandoned.
I’ve been in therapy for 25 years, are you suggesting that I’d stay single till the end of my life, that s pretty cruel, I maintain my single status because I’m afraid of the other, they don’t understand and we live in an era where people are not worth more than Kleenex, first obstacle, you’re interchangeable.
but I desperately want to be loved…
Congratulations for your work you have done with your self. I hope you to be OK now.
A Cult of One How to Deprogram Yourself from Narcissistic Abuse
Auteur: Richard Grannon . Wow.....can buy it now in my country: The Netherlands. Will read it very soon. Love your way of short clear video's. Thanks.
I don't care if his tantrums and controlling behaviors are a personality disorder or not, treatable or not. Get the eff out. Save yourself.
Exactly. Saying I like is "No excuse for bad behaviour"
There have been times in my life where it would have sucked for people to be around me. Doesn't matter my story, if I'm tearing your life apart you need to get out of there.
I was diagnosed with BPD in my late teens. It was revised to CPTSD a few years ago but I think I am on the spectrum/have autism and what they called BPD are autistic meltdowns.
I’ve wondered the same thing about myself. What is an “autistic meltdown” like for you? If you don’t mind me asking that
It was very hard to accept that my mom was actually a narcissist because I wanted to keep the false belief that she really loved me and wasn’t just using our interactions for narcissistic supply…then I really paid attention to how she only talked about herself and even if I called to vent about my problems she would immediately turn it to how she goes through the same thing or that I wouldn’t be in that problem if I had only done everything she tells me to do… it’s weird how we can completely misunderstand narcissistic treatment as love just because they were the primary caretaker. My sister and I were convinced our mother had BPD but the only difference from thinking she had narcissistic personality disorder is because her erratic emotional outbursts made us think she was more empathetic and human…but I’m thinking it could just be the more covert form of NPD makes them look like suffering victims rather than the abuser
hard when yo urealize that some human-like beings are actually NOT CAPABLE OF LOVE.. everyone is not "just doing the best they can with what they have", ... some really don't give a F, and some really enjoy hurting others as entertainment.
why on earth should your mother not talk about and compare your own experiences to hers? Is that not a form of empathy and understanding? And perhaps you would not listen, who am I to say, but it's worth thinking about... Loads of people suddenly now are convinced a parent has Narc disorder because they're too ill mannered to give a toss about their parents or even to listen to anyone other than their own ego, and cannot take 'no' for a answer and cannot take/accept any punitive measure for something they were ultimately responsible for.
Your mother did 'love' but it was a mammalian attachment type of love. Most mammals have attachment to their offspring.
YES I knew it wasn't valid! I don't have a personality disorder I am traumatised, and that is curable!
How?
I’m diagnosed BPD . Later in life in my early 30s.
It explained a lot, actually gave me all the answers for my nihilistic attitude sometimes
How can somebody access therapy in the U.K. because I e tried and tried and no luck, and there’s no way a million years I could ever afford private.
Spose just got to ride it out 😂
no reason you can't do dialetical behavioural therapy workbooks. Google for it +pdf
Don't pathologise some natural feelings. Everybody feels nihilstic sometimes. Look at the crazy society we live in, why wouldn't you? lol "It's no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." _ Krishnamurti
@@sonja7halcyon In a nut shell exactly.
2 days ago i got my BPD diagnose
Beginning of the year i had found out i have adhd and now this.
I am heart broken i am dying inside.
I can say that having a love relation is impossible with me ( and that was the thing all i ever really wanted) 2 be loved.
I had more than 100 boyfriends lovers and that type of stuff.
I killed them all .. with moodswings, violence i chead i cry i scream i let them no that they are the bad ones...
The moment they start questioning themself i can feel remors ..
Not for them but for myself. The shame i feel is so high that that is my reference 2 feel their 'pain'.
I can't feel pain from others but i can mirror myself with them "sometimes' in a way.
I am 47 and living 2 lives....
Nobody and than i mean nobody knows the real me..
I lay
I cant deal with money
I need attation
I feel shity
I am depressed when i am alone
I can love you and know you are the world 2 me and than 5 min later i can jump on you and scream shout pull your hair, fight and i can break windows...
I always feel like i am in my right 2 do this because you hurt me.
I had eating problmes bigtime
Sex issues
Alcohol problems, more than 100 times i drink myself almost 2 death
Used a lot of drugs.
Right now i know i want 2 be normal.
I want 2 be a good mother. Thats my goal.
I am working on me with meditation and thc olie.
I will start the program of BPD and i need 2 work on me ...
I hope one day i can controle it.
I know i am getting better around family and friends, dont know if i will ever be ready for a relationship.
Can not do that 2 any man anymore 🙏
🌱💚 thaks for your videos ❤
I could tell you the nightmare Healthcare fiasco
It starts with a little girl who lived 2 blocks from the old Elderodo nuke plant in Port Hope Ontario and she was constantly get blood in her urine
Richard, as you so eloquently posited in a video a while back - talking about whether the whole world and US in particular has gone NPD - that if it's true BPD in the traditional sense of a PD, there has to be the element of evil - entitlement and pleasure in harming others like NPD and ASPD. I think that graph should be a centerpiece for the next DSM version!
Thank you
Okay. I had ptsd severely. BPD avoid any reality, and they're in and out of psychosis. They turn psychopath. They hoover. They are so extremely sensitive to any comment that they perceive as negative, that it feels like you need to walk on eggshells 24/7. They are constantly in pain, and put on a very very fake nice face. When you're their fav person you are in for a world of pain and you need to run away as fast as you can and don't look back. Anything you say that might hint at tou leaving them, i.e. I'm going to the shop, their internal defence mechanisms will trigger and they will abuse you in some way. They could have a bad dream and drop you as their fav person right there. They don't see you, only the fav person image they created. They know basically nothing about you. They can't feel empathy. They can't put themselves in your shoes at all, they can't think from other perspectives but the one their brains create. You are in two states, you are idealised or you're hated. There's no grey area. After the first time of hating you, they will devalue you to a point where they discard you. You will always be discarded, there's no staying friends with a bpd. The relationship will disintegrate, 100% guatlranteed. When talking about the evil people in their past, you can be sure that you'll become one of those later, when you're discarded. It's not a matter of if. It will happen if this person has bpd.
I’d be interested in a video on sexism and BPD and also your thoughts on Judith Herman’s perspective
Defintmake that video discussing the sexism involved in the concept of BPD!!
I have CPTSD and my first attempt at leaving this world was at 16 and I've lost count how many more times since...20 yrs of therapy and I still struggle in relationships.
I'm grateful you're still here. 🤍🙏
@Richard grannon please do content on narcissistic roomates, landlords, and narcissitic neighbors
Not sure about BPD lightening up as they grow older maybe self aware diagnosed ones but undiagnosed there are many up to their seventies with all the traits but from what I learned that the approach- avoidance repetition cycle is an integral part of the disorder and it remains.
People were walking on eggs shells around my sister inlaw since 1978.
BUT, after working 25 years with brain damage and studying Psychology for 35 years am open to new findings Richard.
I mean we used to think that people with Epilepsy was possession so why not ?
I always felt like my sister inlaw needed to control and abuse everyone around her because of a sexual tramau.
My mother inlaw was very much the same after a rape at age 7 when she lost 2 years of memory and became a very toxic , controlling alcoholic.
I know you focus a lot on NPD. But I wish you did more videos on CPTSD and DBT like self help videos. I like the way you explain things and think it would help me and other people.
Omg I had that feeling of being left by a partner! I used to dream of him cheating and I would wake sweating and vomiting and crying quite frequently it felt like I was going to die! Completely terrifying.. it wasn’t the best relationship, I wasn’t healthy and I soon found out he had a coke addiction 😮.. embarrassed to say I thought if we stuck together that would somehow make him see a better way 😳 ffs 🤦♀️ he would stonewall me for days on end.. I accused him of cheating, he would say I reminded him of his MOTHER 😳.. exhausting.. it lead me to EMDR, Breathwork therapy and dare I say it plant medicine.. all absolutely necessary and they seemed to massively work.. lots of things I’ve read and watched helped me understand WHY I felt the way I did.. your videos somehow clarify why I ACTED in the ways in which I did.. they also help me move forward physically.. and I was so missing that! Thank you 🙏
Warm-hearted wishes from Brazil ☀️🌈🌼🌷🌟🦚🌞🌿🍍🪴🌴🌳💫💚🍉🍋🍎🫐🍊🐟🦜🏖️
I had a psychiatrist diagnose me with BPD 18 yrs ago. I was severely clinically depressed & had suicidal ideations at the time - but it was situational - cuz my narcissist mother & ex-husband was suing me for custody of my 3-yr-old son & only child - with flying monkeys all around proclaiming in court the terrible lies that I was an unfit mother. She gave me drugs that made me non-functioning. I rejected her diagnosis-CPTSD is something I am just learning about but it fits me to my core. But the emotional deregulation I feel/suffer even at age 60 is highly disturbing.
Why does the Terminator get along so well with Borderliners? - He tells them: "I'll be back!"
Would a person with CPTSD block you, but still email you, insult you, call you mentally ill and then contact your family members after you told them they had upset you and that you just needed some space?
Or, is that something that someone with BPD or narc traits would do? Unfortunately, I'm not the first person they have done this to. It's pretty scary.
Who in their right mind would even wish to admit to having BPD?
Oh.
From age of 27 we step into our first Saturn (planet) return and that effects peoples behaviour, especially will to take own life. There are some studies done on astrology based aspects and events , shaping our lives.
It's not pervasive like NPD. It's CPTSD.
People say that to excuse abuse done by traumatized people.
Fyi people with NPD experience abuse too.
Its about sucking it up and being accountable and not looking for excuses.
@@somethingclever8916wow you must be a narcissist how dare you speak on something you don't deal with on a daily basis!! I've been working my ass off for 3 years and I have been diagnosed with both!!!! 😤
@@lorettascott5477shut up. BPD and NPD are the opposite sides of the same coin. Anyone who empathizes with BPD over NPD is a sad sack of shit. Both overplay the victim card and constantly use their frail mental states as excuses. You can’t tell people they can’t speak on something bc they don’t have BPD bc people with BPD are so far gone that that themselves can’t speak about their own disorders with validity. You’re the last person that should be speaking on personality disorders while you’re “working your ass off”
I was diagnosed with BPD traits I don’t have the full diagnosis. I thought I had cptsd. But I did a psycho valuation because I wanted to be sure. I don’t have emotional blowups. I do you get overwhelmed. And I have a high level of the idea of perfectionism, but only within myself. Example, my problems are my problems. I’ll try not to let it affect anyone else. My children, my husband, my mother. Obviously had a pretty full on childhood. Now I feel like I’ve been given a map of the world as a child that does not serve me in this realm. So I’ve approached with strong curiosity. And tried to adapt to healthy mindset. But ultimately still quite scared of people. And the questions about how positive I can be. I try not to talk to People about my past because it creates more feelings that are required for the relationship. And I feel like that would be unfair to do to people. I get affected by negative. Highly critical people and I just put away. Favourite person I don’t really suffer from this I don’t feel. No body is all good or a bad there’s a lot of grey. I think I give people too much understanding. I’m still confused with the diagnosis of BPD traits. The psychologist that did the test told me due to my age. They I have adapted around it. I’ve kept the same job for 19 years. Been married for 18 years.I have three children in this relationship he was diagnosed with BPD and antisocial behaviour. That was a really hard time. But ultimately the loyalty thing that I have could possibly be detrimental to myself. But ultimately he’s turned into a loving good husband. When we get along beautifully every day. There’s definitely something I missing. Because most people probably wouldn’t handle this particular thing. As I don’t hold grudges, are you enjoying my own company quite a lot. I walk exercise every day. I don’t feel the need for a lot of people just a couple of really good ones. But still don’t want them on top of me all the time. So I’m not sure whether BPD fits, but it could just be something else.
I have PTSD, Bipolar, UPD, anxiety, and insomnia. So I started my channel to share my story and get others to share there story. So I know the struggle with PTSD.
Therapist says trauma, doctor says personality disorder. Hospital says bpd. Several years in psychodynamic therapy that doesnt work. Feel like I am beyond hope. My only relief is antipsychotic medication. 😔
26:55
I think you're right from a specific perspective. But wrong from another.
You see, I think if you're sick in any way, u should avoid contact that can infect other people without helping you getting healthy at least.
But on the other hand, it's especially important to seek and really get good help from other people to get better.
From a healthy distance I'd say.
Normally this would be considered as common sense. But in today's dystopian world (yes we're living a dystopia, check the characteristics of a dystopian society), it's necessary to provide both perspectives due to a growing tendency toward splitting in people's mind.