The Malignant Narcissist's Internal World | FRANK YEOMANS
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- What's it like to be a malignant narcissist? Does their narcissistic defense relieve them of their internal emptiness? What is the difference between a sociopath and a malignant narcissist? Why would a narcissist ever go to therapy? Is there such a thing as family for a malignant narcissist?
Frank Yeomans describes the internal world of malignant narcissism, also drawing a link between narcissism and substance abuse.
We talked with Frank Yeomans about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and how it can affect us on a personal and societal level.
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Frank Yeomans is an expert clinician who makes use of Transference-Focused Psychotherapy in his practice treating NPD and BPD. In fact, he co-wrote the manual on TFP for Borderline Personality Disorder!
Check out our interview of Otto Kernberg (who mentored Frank Yeomans) for lots more related material: • Otto Kernberg
For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on BPD and NPD is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
My father was considered to be a malignant narcissist by a psychiatrist. My mother is a covert narcissist. At a young age my brother and I realized they weren’t just abusive but actively sabotaging us and receiving joy from it. They’re empty inside.
😢
Me, too! I can relate.
I know what it feels like , it’s pure suffer
At least I only had one in my life.
I can't imagine having two! I'm so sorry.
God will avenge you if you believe in Him. Read the OT and NT.
THE NARCISSIST'S PRAYER:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did...
You deserved it!
Pretty much
My enabling covert sadistic grandma told me to read the serenity prayer about accepting the things we cannot change to make me give up trying to escape their grasp. If you are continually confused and bewildered by the people around you, run for your goddamn life. I tried distancing and they weren’t having any of it. Sort it all out and connect the dots at your leisure, alone if necessary.
Yes
Don’t forget “How can it NOT be your fault you were teased and bullied, or insert other demeaning thing.”
Yep,that's how they are. I think they have fragile self esteem,if any... because they refused to look at themselves and say,they're human,I'm human,I guess I'll forgive,or learn a lesson from this.
My heart breaks for children born to these individuals.
Yeah, it’s tough.
My heart breaks also to be a parent and realize one of ur grown kids is one. I never knew about this. Most of them would be easily discarded as a friend. Discarding a beloved child that is a hard topic.
@@terywetherlow7970 Your torment comes through you post as I read it, and I can only try and imagine how you must feel. I can say that no matter how you look at it, it's a grieving process for you no matter what, as you have to grieve the loss of the child you thought you raised (and probably believed loved you, too, but malignant narcissists are incapable of love) and that has to happen even if you choose to stay connected.
Malignant narcissists are usually raised by other malignant narcissists, though, and you seem "warm" like you have feelings and emotional depth to you. They are incredibly dangerous people i.e. Hitler/Stalin/Putin/Idi Amin, terrorists, spree shooters, serial killers, sexual sadists, white supremacists who murder other races...they have ZERO ability to empathize, connect, feel compassion or to love anyone.
Malignant narcissists do not have warm, fuzzy parents. Are you certain your adult-child is one of these heinous creatures? If you are, you *must* protect yourself. They loathe the opposite sex, too, so if you are the opposite sex parent, you must be extra careful.
I'm sorry you're even having to consider this might be the case. People like this come from very dark, very toxic childhood circumstances, again, usually where one parent is a malignant narcissist themselves or a psychopath who turns the child into a malignant narcissist.
One has to wonder what your child endured, ongoingly, to have to develop such a cruel, inhumane personality in order to survive it?
If you're correct, you MUST protect yourself and any vulnerable people in your family. I mean these are the kinds of individuals who could easily keep people in cage's in their basement. If they have their own children, you *must* do what you can to protect your grandchildren.
I wish you the best outcome from what sounds like a very dire, painful, no-win circumstance. The grief you must feel...
@@terywetherlow7970 my daughter was pushing it. has to intervene and crack the mentality and energy out of her. she was displaying some deep characteristics and I was not having it. it was definitely the hardest 4 hours, but we got through it and I was successful in exposing the narcissism to her and allowing for her to banish it from her being.
@@terywetherlow7970 so sorry you are going through that.
"Extreme malignant narcissism is on the border of psychosis" YES
Give them too much credit. Psychosis can not be predicted.
That is where the term Borderline, i.e. borderline personality disorder comes from, they are on that exact border.
@@JeffreyWilliams-dr7qeiiu😅😮
It took me several years to finally wrap my head around the whole thing. I just couldn't believe someone could be so twisted and mean.
I know what you mean, it's perplexing to say the least
To me, decades.
Especially family
keep crying
Ever hear of Adolf Hitler?
Narcissist have desire for connection but only to ppl that they can dominate and exploit.
I wonder if it’s always about domination or if it’s more about validation.
Validation sounds benign but when you consider the narcissist ONLY wants another person for validation, it’s actually quite pathological.
In any case I think some narcs can be lazy and find that overt domination is too much work. Covert narcs will use more underhanded means that make you think you’re insane because there’s not an easy way to prove any of it. Gaslighting to the fullest.
My mother is a malignant narc and she never ever would have gone for therapy. We were all " problematic " except her. She is beyond repair and I have no contact with that family I refuse to call mine.
Same here. Everyone else is a “reprobate”
This is the problem i have with my sister, you can't coexist with them, you'll be alright without them 😊
Ditto
My mother was a malignant narcissist the most violent most dangerous person I've ever known in my life I am happy that you got away they only get worse in time they only get more and more abusive literally on the verge of physical violence do not feel guilty do not look back and remember that the further you are away is nothing but a gigantic failure to the narcissist that you are happy and they have lost control over you just live your life take your time to heal and please remember one thing the narcissist is forever in a survival mode and they try to make you live in that mentality or it's as if every moment and every day is your last that's one of the hardest things that I had to break free from especially when that's so ingrained in your mind good luck to you
@@frankbujans5901 Couldn't have said or explained it better 👍🏼
This was my world, two sociopathic parents, abandoned at 5 years old...thank God for my grandparents.
I've always seen a link between narcissism and psychosis. If you hang around them for a while, the feeling that their sanity is fragile is inescapable.
I agree at some point their mask of sanity breaks down to a full blown meltdown
I disagree. The MN is a predator who selects prey for their own ends. They have a good grasp on strategising and planning what they do and have a sophisticated understanding of social skills and human behaviour. There is usually insight into their differentness - which they take as a sign they are superior and we are their inferiors. They choose to overturn the social norms and appear 'normal' to suit their own agenda, and then exploit others' respect for societal expectationss which the MN translates as weakness. There is an uncanny valley vibe to them (they look normal but don't act it) not to be confused with psychosis. In my experience MNs don't think being a MN is a disdvantage in life and would not swap places with anyone 'normal'. I never met a psychotic who preferred to be psychotic.
@@sphinxtheeminx Yes, they are skilled predators. But even a skilled predator may end up lining up fewer and fewer victims, especially later in life.
Furthermore, their strategizing isn't perfect, because of their impulsivity and narcissistic needs. They're too beholden to both, so are really better at shorter-term strategizing than long-term.
Then everything blows up in their face, so they have to move to a different city or state. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists are too concerned with their needs in the moment to consider the long-term consequences.
Edit:. I'm watching Trump and Markle. Like most narcissists, they're good at short and medium term strategizing. In the long run, they're terrible, and the fallout will be huge. (Yuuuuuuge. The biggest, most beautiful fallout.)
@@sphinxtheeminx you are talking about the " superficial charm" part. It`s all just shallow. the " superiority" part is just a mask, under it they are insecure. And they are not aware that they are like this. That is a part of the problem. They have zero capabillity of self reflection. When you confront them on this then comes the anger and narcissistc rage, this is a reacksjon because this part of their self is insecure and " soft". They act like a entiteld child because that part of the brain has not been develped since they where a child. The " mask" is who they want to be. Who they pretend to be. The insecure, crazy, entiteled, angry, irritated, and delusjonal person behind the mask is their " real self". They often have meltdown when reality catch up with all the lies, or they use drugs/alcohol and their " world" no longer computes with reality.
@@Ikaros23 I disagree. The MN is not your average human being. No one fully understands how they are created (nurture v nature) so all attempts at explaining them in 'normal' psychodynamic terms stinks of psycho babble biased bullshit. They are different, and treating them as failed 'normals' does them a disservice. They see us as failed MNs. I say again, I see no link between narcissism and psychosis. Any self-respecting MN would be outraged at the very suggestion!
Once you've had first hand experience with one you'll never let your guard down again.
From my experience in being married to a malignant narcissist for 30 years, I saw no outward evidence that he wanted an emotional connection, and believe me, I looked. He wanted to dominate and be admired, but he also wanted to remain aloof and separate. He even made fun of me for trying to talk to him about my need to be close and have a deep connection with him and share our lives. People are just tools to narcs to be discarded when they decide you have outlived your usefulness. They are BRUTAL.
I'm a narcissist, I feel like I could do with an emotional connection, I know I'm not right but I find it easy to be really dismissive when presented with the opportunity, because I just see it as me being weak and vulnerable, that's what I feel like I'm being invited to do.
Key 🔑 word is Tool 🤬
Exactly 🗣Dr Sam V states Supply/Sex/Services is all they want from u so if u don’t offer those 3 your safe 🙏🏻
I don't think they are capable of an emotional connection. I think to be truly connected to someone you have to be connected to and love yourself.
All humans, including narcissists have different layers or levels of consciousness (awareness of self, other etc). And all of us have multifaceted personalities. This man is talking about the unconscious needs and desires. So does the psychopath 'want' and do narcissists 'want' deep, loving, trusting, connection? the answer is yes, they do - at a hidden, natural, human level. Because of the damage during their childhood though, these needs are hidden, contaminated and distorted. On the surface of course, you are right that they want their needs to dominate and be admired.
We live in a world run by people with these psychological diseases. So, it's not just inside families or personal relationships.
Wanted to give you another “like,” but 33 seems like a good number. Blessings.
@@16sputnik7I like 33 as well.
There more narcs in the world than stats/,they tell us I believe.
Trump
@@morganfalkdesignsI came here to say the exact same thing 😂
I wish this type of information and help had been available in my formative years. The damage and destruction can take more than one lifetime to heal from.
Personality disorder doesn’t just pop out of thin air. It is created within the family.
Yes my ex GF had a past that I slowly started learning about as I got deeper in the relationship. She claims her dad molested her . Her mom didn’t take care of her and her sisters. At 14 she was out in the streets . She was in foster care then from 16 - 19 was in prison. When she got out she got raped . Jumped from relationship to relationship. Got pregnant had a child that relationship ended .Got married later he ended up leaving her . She went out dating again then met me . I was in and out of that relationship for 5 years. I tried but her constant fighting drove me nuts . I really loved her kid . And I did love her too of course . She would always tell me that I was so nice and she got a kick out of my happiness I guess I knew that she was damaged. But it’s true you can’t fix anybody. Her sisters would tell me to leave her . One would tell me that she was bipolar. At the end after 5 years it’s over . 6 months out she’s getting married to some guy she just met . Damn but I do blame myself because so many red flags I ignored . Now it’s like I never existed to her . She’s 38 now and didn’t want to date anymore because she said she’s too old so that’s why she’s getting married.
It’s not always from abuse
My ex husband wasn’t abused at all but now runs a cult in Australia
@@funkymonk542 brother this is so heartbreaking to read. Hope you're in a better state of mind now. These things can for sure destroy the soul of a person.
@@bhaskar6205 thank you brother. Yes every day is a better day . I realize I dodged a bullet I feel bad for the people who have invested a much longer time . But one thing I would not let happen was my soul to be damaged. But I understand what you mean . We live & learn . 👍🙏✌️💪
@@funkymonk542 coincidentally I had to endure a covert narcissist right about this time last year. Didn't take too long for the mask to slip. Really changes your perception on human relationships moving forward Survivors need to be heard so people don't fall into these traps. Thank you brother for sharing your story and all the best
The moment we cure narcissism is the moment we cure cancer
A cure will never happen but creating some type of machine that detects pure narcissism would work wonders
Well parenting also can play a role..The narcissists in my life were abandoned as children actually.
Cancer might be curable but narcissism never will be
Hahaha
There is much wisdom in this remark…because stress on a human can cause many diseases including cancer. Love and joy are the foundations to excellent health as well!
Malignant Narcissist = A self-righteous, self-obsessed grandiose Emperor-complex individual that maintains a relationship for exploitation.
🙏👍👍👍
Damn sounds like me in a way. smh
@@bgoodfella7413 Sounds a bit like me too, I’m getting worried
I thought I married a good woman, then I started seeing signs of her tryna isolate me from my family and friends, cause public scenes when she didn't get her way, didn't like gettin told no, took me bout 5 months to get away from her, now I'm going on 16 years of a wonderful marriage and 3 kids to a woman who helped me forget those bad times...
How was the female narcissistic childhood I’m always in search of the root of the problem? Like how did it all start or are people born this way?
Aww so glad you got out quickly and found happiness! ❤❤❤
Glad for you that you escap with your sanity too ....didthat narc woman ever discuss her childhood....i wish you well .....thank goodness u were able to start over even tho it was hard to do
@@zawadeighiaesthetic3915 learned behavior. Sometimes they watch how the narc treats the other and they learn that is normal conduct. Hard to detect. Usually first sign is clingy and victim. So many incidents of people doing things that they find offensive and always want you to go fight someone or stick up for them. There is always chaos.
Fantastic!!!
I don't think they have any concern for anyone. I think they just use everyone around them for sadism and self-aggrandizement.
Exactly 🤬👹and getting worse by the second
No filter at all
Well, are they the sort of kid who takes care of their toys or the kind who leaves them strewn around and steps on them? Most are the latter, but some are the former and will do everything to make you "happy" like they want their toys to be.
@@flinfake I think later make more sense
@@Real2k25 Possibly. How do you mean?
He is very good. He just described my “family” well. I always thought with a “family “ like mine, who needs mortal enemies? Narcissistic parents should be banned from reproducing.
And, in that perspective, my idea is to ASSESMENT ALL of whom desire to be a parent. You have to demonstrate your competence, otherwhise, you're banned to be a parent.
But narcissists never seek mental help because they’re addicted to perfection and other substances
Then nobody would ever reproduce. Also, there would never be any super empaths to break the cycle. There are powerful people and the disenfranchised. Both hungry for the same thing to fill an empty spiritual void. Everything happens for a reason.
The way to fix it is to show them by being one step ahead on spiritual ascension. Make sure you feed them well and encourage exercise with love and leadership. Meditate, eat lots of vegetables, salad, cider, cider vinegar, and get food rich in B vitamins. Make sure to incorporate new things each day as part of the cycle, including meditation and exercise. Keep listening to your spirit.
Even though it's twice as hard, try to include them in all your healthy meals, and when you exercise encourage them to do it as well. Even though it's frustrating to deal with them be patient and a stone mentally. Keep your mind hard and do not back down. Each day will bring improvements and as you grow they will learn to love themselves and you at the same time.
By the time you are finished practicing twice as hard as you play you will be the best at this.
You are not alone.
Be authentic.
Surrender the outcome.
Do uncomfortable work.
@@brendanwood1540 I really appreciate your contribution, im from a narc family, its exhausting, if I am in the super empath territory I have to say its hard work , ( im not sure if I will reproduce - but as you say, surrender to outcome) I can see your points, a well as the original points at head of link, I still have a ton of healing to do, it's brutal, I hope it passes
@@Cristian-Andres1 Eugenics is not new. It's actually a very narcissistic way of thinking.
Dated a malignant narcissist for 5 months and when I confronted him if he was sleeping with anyone, he got mad at me for asking him. Turns out he was cheating the entire time and just omitted that piece of information. I was so devastated. But I learned to not take it personally since he needed his supply. Their self-esteem is so fragile so they constantly need that reinforcement.
I'm glad that you could survive the situation, learn from it and move on!
But remember you gave him 5 months of your time and body while other women gave more or less of theirs as well. Perhaps you should all have asked yourselves why you did what YOU did, and be concerned less about why he did what he did? Explore your own motivations, and how honest they were. What were you expecting from him that perhaps you had no right or good reason to expect. That maybe you got him for the same reasons they did? If you enjoyed what you had for almost half a year, then be happy with that. If not learn from the experience and don't get the same type of guy using the same methods next time.
@@garypowell1540 Could it be that the guy was handsome and charming, and these innocent women assumed he really was who he claimed to be? Why did you turn this into the women's fault?
@@garypowell1540 lol! Delusional
@@garypowell1540 Most are incredibly charming at first, it can take months to realize what theyre really like, you start noticing signs gradually a few months in if not sooner, 5 months to end it sounds about right to me. People are attacking you because it sounds very much like youre victim blaming, but you are right, we SHOULD ask ourselves all these questions and more to make sure we dont get involved with someone like that again and if we do, its because we havent learnt what we needed to yet. Taking responsibility is empowerment. Back to the drawing board.
In my last year of marriage before I divorced my narcissist, she admitted to having what I called the 'Golden Rule'. Everything in her life was determined by two criteria: 1 Will I get caught, 2. If I get caught what will happen. For anything she chooses to do if she determines that she will not get caught or if caught the consequences will be insignificant than it is a 'go' to go ahead and do it. 'Getting away with things' also proves (to her) that she is smarter than other people.
What a disgusting way of thinking.
That's a very sad person indeed...😔
A malignant narcissist cares about one thing-winning at all cost
They see lying and cheating as tools to attain that end
They see themselves as special
Don't ever marry one!
It sounds like trump
Amen!
Try not to be governed by one, either!
Exactly and sounds just like the democrats ... fraud is okay as long as we get our way.
I was married to a narcissist. Here's one example of what it's like, i was very young and somewhat naive, when we got married. When I discovered my ex-wife's infidelity, she nearly had me convinced that it was my fault that drove her to cheat on me, they are master manipulators. Now 30 years after our divorce, our kids got so sick of her narcissistic behavior, that they haven't spoken to her nearly 6 years.
Four years ago, our then 5 month old granddaughter was diagnosed with a brain tumor, at the time our daughter was living out of state, our daughter called regularly to keep us updated on her progress, each time our daughter called her mother, she would blow her off and start talking about herself and her new life with rich husband and how perfect her life was, and not once did my ex go and see her and our granddaughter, even though she had the means and the time. My wife and I flew to Florida at least a dozen times to visit them over a 18 month period, until they decided to move back to Michigan, it's no pickneck being married to a narcissist.
If you see any signs of it, get out of that relationship...fast!
This gentleman described my childhood family. The family motto was "Every Man for himself!" There was no love, just mutual exploitation. As the youngest in the family, I witnessed this in my older siblings and parents. I ran away at 16 and never went back. Now I am 70 years old. Have been married happily 45 years and have children and grandchildren that feel wanted, not just tools in someone's personal agenda of grandeur. The Trump family illustrates the "Every man/woman for yourself" philosophy to perfection. If Papa Trump didn't have millions, his kids would have abandoned him long ago.
I feel this way about Kris Jenner as well
Big brain willie out here armchair psychologizing people he's never met and at best his only exposure to them has been the opinions corporate news talking heads have told him to have.
I don't know I see a family that has a bond. Could not have been easy for those kids to turn into fine Adults with all the Media hounding them.
@terywetherlow7970 they are not fine
I don't really think we can speak of other people like that unless if we know them personally. In fact, without having a personal relationship it is really hard to detect NPD accurately in people. Happy to read about your escape though, you saved many lives starting with yours! Blessings.
The worst of the worst people. Back to back in my life. Now I am keeping myself in hiding.
Ive experienced the same as you. They are everywhere. I'm hiding now as well. God help us
Same
@@ravenraven966 Yes I agree. They are rampant in the world. Scary as the 'black eyed kids', if you've ever heard of them. Pure evil.
@@oceans9687 , no I never heard of them......I truly dont know how much more I can take. Do you feel the same? This narcs have been surrounding me all my life. It almost doesn't feel possible there could be so many of them. But it's true. Once you learn about them, you see them everywhere. It's so isolating when we have to make the decision to hide. No healthy connections.
Grown up in a family of people with personality disorders. Luckily only one is suspected of the malignant type. A lot of lying, half-truths, no truths etc. After 5 courses of therapy I think I'm on the road to recovery but I'm very, very weary of people. I analyse them to their core. If I suspect any behaviour on the spectrum I run. A therapist would call that hyperbole, I call it protecting myself.
dangerous to say a narcissist longs for connection. They can’t connect or love.
I am a narcissist and I long for connection
Does the truth not matter? I think this guy knows the scientific span of malignant narcissism better than you do.
@@sarahelizabethtaylor1159 What makes you think you are a narccisist?
They are* people. They do want connection. They just are so disordered they can't love properly.
@Harmony May the dsm doesn't include an exhaustive description. Just diagnostic criteria.
Narcs cannot love in the sense that non disordered people can.
The malignant narcassist has a one way emotional connection, its just codependent and shared psychosis there is no possibility of healthy relations for them.
They don't think they need therapy!
They think they don't need therapy! 😎
I love his calmness. He’s extremely knowledgeable, experienced, and wise. Very well spoken.
He's wrong in a lot of what he is saying here actually , in fact, to start with there isn't a narcissist on earth would ever even end up talking to a psychiatrist or therapist voluntarily.
@@veronicav1779 Yeah, I'm not inclined to believe this guy knows what he's talking about whatsoever. He went to school and got a degree but that's about the extent of it. He evidently has no real life experience with narcissists.
@@veronicav1779 This false. My mom near lives in therapy bc she lies to the therapist and then she recieves validation that she did or said or responded perfectly. She goes and has always gone for attention and an ego boost. This is a woman that left me blind for 6 hours in the 8th on a Saturday and refused to take me to the ER bc it was her day off and she wasn't going to spend her day off at the hospital. Shortly after she ran around telling everyone I lied all the time and told many tall tales and so on. Also she forced me into therapy in HS but made sure she had the 1st 15 min alone with my therapist and the last 5 alone with my therapist. This allowed her to express her concerns about my mental health issues to my therapist....I didn't have any btw.
@@1993magen It sounds to me like the individual in question here wasn't "going to therapy" as such, they were using sessions with a therapist as a means of doing, well, all their narcissistic bullshit. I think a more accurate statement would be, narcissists wouldn't ever seek real professional help. Any narcissist that does go to a professional is simply doing so for strategic reasons, not because they want to get well.
@@chilliecheesecake This is exactly what I spelled out in an example. Clearly you didn't read what I wrote.
To sum up the example and what I said was, 'She went for validation and an ego boost'.
When you come from a family with loving parents and get into relationship with a damaged person who has learned how to deceive you, it's not surprising we don't understand how damaging this can be long-term.
exactly
Narc’s usually choose their targets who have the following: people who have weak boundaries and insecurities from adverse childhood. Rarely with somebody that came from a well rounded home with healthy upbringing would accept behavior that I narcissist would exhibit
Agreed 1000%
Damaged 😢
They are indeed in a world of their own. They are, therein, relieved when playing grandiose. But then, the confrontation with reality crushes them.
"Exploiting and power grabbing, not being a caring happy family." My extended family has 2 malignant narcissists. Working together they seized the majority of the family assets. Unleashed themselves and flying monkeys on their targets destroying and making difficult their lives. They enabled the borderline personality individual to do maximum damage. I can say from experience ,its impossible for these families to function.
would you care to detail how they seized family assets? I think I may have witnessed a similar thing to happen &, its hard to wrap ones head around it.
@@oppressednolonger1497 They enlisted flying monkeys . They are manipulative whereas my father is overly trusting wearing "rose coloured glasses" in his assessment of these individuals. My father was easy pray.. Not because he was stupid but because he was so trusting and naive.
@@therenegadepianotechnician5170 ugh they do seem to sniff out the more naive of people. in my case....family heirlooms and even all the family photos were all seized and commandeered by a narc sibling now the next generation has no photos to see from their own parents childhood. ridiculous.
My bros. evicted my sister from my Mom's, as DPoA. She was a major screw-up and an 'Invrerted' Narc., whose time had come.
Turned out they're both Nazi 'narcopaths' and were way the HELL the worse! ... And waay more Criminal & Damaging!!!
💔 😭 🇺🇸
@@therenegadepianotechnician5170 In our culture... Macedonian... when we won't to say to someone that they going to go to prison for something... and we don't say what it is... it's up to them to know that we know... we say... "O, someone going to ply piano."
However I was recently thinking...
Where from all this trust and naivety come from? Why some people are like that? What is "that" that makes them to feel safe and giving?
I'm more convinced a narcissist won't change. If Dr Phil and Dr Ramani say it's not the best prognosis meaning no chance of change, I believe it.
I think I can answer the question @2:55
It depends on the supply they can cultivate. The narcissist's sense of self is fluid and outsourced: one hour they could feel like enough and the next hour send a pitiful text message to their ex for a "hit" of supply.
I say "hit" of supply because it's literally like a drug that they NEED just to exist. The narcissist has no ego like a bodybuilder has no natural testosterone production, and like the bodybuilder treating their testosterone deficiency by injecting an exogenous bioidentical replacement, the narcissist must replace their lack of ego with everyone else's perception of them. It's a ferocious, malicious and all consuming survival instinct in motion.
I suspect I dated two narcs (mostly covert but with malignant tendencies). It's always a bad sign when you randomly get a text from them months after the breakup... you know they're trying to get a hit of supply when it's overly friendly, familiar, maybe even apologetic, anything that screams "it's a lure." For example, they may even try to do you a favor (that was my experience) to get the ball rolling again. It will not just be a "hey" or "what's up," usually.
i think anybody who knows a narcissist or has a nParent would tell you its a very dangerous thing to say that these people can be changed through therapy. They cannot.
100% correct
I dragged my "Covert Malignant Narcissistic with Bizarre Delusions and Psychotic Features" into therapy and ended up myself curled up in the fetal position digging my nails into my arm and sobbing 'I'm so bad" and that wasn't even the worst part.... ;-D
Correct
Therapy, especially couples therapy, would give them even more insight and strings to their bows to do even more damage. Very dangerous and revolting people
Ok only 95% true but fair enough.Check out Mental Healness, a self aware narc with 4 years of therapy for his npd.Very insightful guy cuz he has learned much and knows what he did as an unaware narc.
I was raised by a narcissist father and a enabling mother. Yep. It screwed me up.
Same here. Took me 54 years to find out. I feel I'm raised by the devil. He left me a wounded winner. Never been treated like a son.
Took me 45 yrs to straightend myself out. Some folks should not be parents
My moms a narcissist. My dad is hard to pin down. He died a few years ago, and while he seemed to be a bit of a prick and hard ass I don’t believe he was narcissist. I think he genuinely loved me. Even though he showed bad behaviors of abuse, not physical, but mess with me. Bad jokes, like pretending to abandon me on a country road. I guess it’s kind of funny, but probably something you shouldn’t do. I knew he was coming back. I’d just wait there a few minutes. Probably crap his dad did to him when he was a kid.
@@metalbrainmextrememetalent6810 Yeah that's so f@#_@# up. 😮
wait, he actually let you stand there and drive away? This is so cruel and not in the slightest a joke.
Please do more videos on malignant narcissism.
2:04 Narcissists go to therapy to vent and complain and because they know that when they reveal themselves to normal people outside of therapy people will them out on their bullshit and no one will listen to them.
Narcissists don't go to therapy
@@Abr022575 Not necessarily, some do but most don't stay in therapy
@@Abr022575 they definitely go to therapy. How do you think they are studied? Of course there are other ways to study them. But there are narcissist that want to get help.
@@leahdamron2176 99% of them don`t. They always think it`s you and the world that`s the problem. Not them
Most normal people would defend themselves. The Narcissist response is: “You beat me up, you threatened me, over THAT? Really?”
Your response: “OF course I’m going to do something about it, YOU said ‘I don’t need to apologize!’”
“I don’t need to apologize. You just need to get over it already,” says my narcissist father with regard to all his BS in the past. I pretty much expelled him from my life and only make occasional contact for a couple of hours when I feel like giving myself a good challenge in exercising restraint from choking him. If that person in your life is never wrong, never admits to having any regrets, or if you’re wondering if you’re the one going insane, cut them off; they’re not worth your sanity and spiritual wellness. I’d say tell them why, but they’re so demented I doubt they could ever fathom the concept that they’re the problem.
Perfectly put! 👍😖
Well said!
Speaking with my mother, I always have to prepare myself like I'm going to be wrestling an alligator. For real
I think my mother is a sociopathic person. She is a very, very difficult & strange person to understand & process. I've been trying to understand her for 20 years, because I have never really seen or met others like her when I hear stories of abusive parents, or I read about narcissism or even see people talk about their narcissistic parents in their groups.
What I experienced has some mirrors or similarities to some narcissistic aspects, but it also is different.
My mother has never expressed true or genuine love for anyone. She never had any friends, or closeness to anyone. She was married to my father, but was completely detached from him, & even once told him she saw "nothing" in his eyes when he asked her to look at him & say what she saw.
There was abuse in my household- example sexual with my father- that she knew, saw, & walked by as if it never happened. She would get mad if we brought it up to her for her to address or protect us from- even going as far as to choke us, lock us in rooms, or even just outright abandon us/leave us with him for days on end- after confronting her about it.
So there was a complete detachment, lack of care/concern, & normalization of some pretty disturbing things.
& She would never react, except with anger or rage- or cruelty.
& Her cruelty is especially what leads me to believe she's sociopathic- as she was also abusive & was ESPECIALLY focused in mental & emotional abuses, manipulations & controls.
She would set up situations to cause the most distress & create horrible situations to place us kids into, to watch us panic & to watch us react & to see us struggle.
One of the strongest examples I remember is her persistently only making foods my brother could not eat, & nobody else had to eat this food- only him. She'd make it in the middle of the day when it was not time to eat- eg. 2 pm- call my brother to the kitchen, sit him down at the table & tell him he had to finish it.
Of course he couldn't & would be gagging trying to- spending hours at this table, he couldn't swallow it.
& my brother at this point was not even a small child. He was 17 and she was still doing this.
& She would sit in silence across from him at the table & watch him, in silence- for hours, while he struggled to swallow this food which made him gag.
Then of course when he couldn't finish it, she'd say "Well this will be your supper tonight" "And if you don't finish this tonight, this is your breakfast tomorrow" & would continue on basically it would be the only food he gets, until he finishes it.
She used to rip my sister out of the bedroom, tell her she stunk or say she didn't shower properly (my sister and I shared a room, & she DID shower properly). My sister would cry, & say she did & my mother would say no you didn't do this properly, then would strip her naked & force her back into the shower- again standing in the bathroom- watching my sister- enjoying my sister being humiliated.
She did crap like this to me too- would stop me from finishing homework & would then say "You can tell your teacher tomorrow why it's not done" actually expecting me to do that- (I didn't) She relished in the idea of her kids feeling shame, humiliation, etc...
She enjoyed it.
& She created so many situations on purpose just to torture us & watch us respond in emotional or mental or even physical agony.
& When we finally went to police to get out, social services came & took us away- she then abandoned all of us- & told the family we lied- so we lost everyone.
It did go to court for my father's abuse, he did go to jail for a short period, so a judge agreed this was abuse & he was convicted.
But that didn't matter to the extended family.
We lost everyone because of her.
& When I left I left with nothing but the clothes I was wearing- my mother refused to give social services even a change of clothes for me.
& It's been 20 years- she refused all contact after that- told my sister that she's not her child, called the cops on my brother when he tried to see her to have him removed from the premises.
She stood behind my father in court too & lied & told social services she never knew about the sexual abuse.
& She got out of being charged herself by saying our father threatened to kill her. That's not true.
The truth is she actually threatened to kill us, the last time I pushed my sister to confront our mother about the sexual abuse- our mother threatened to kill us if we ever told anyone.
& She meant it.
As she had already allowed my sister to become almost blind & deaf from physical abuse & did nothing.
& The week before my brother and I finally got out, she was starving him. He would have died if he didn't get out.
He was being denied any food- & would be beaten if he came out of his room.
I hear & I read stories about people's childhoods with narcissistic parents, & they are horrible & awful, but rarely do I hear or read a story that mirrors my own- that shows a very emotionally detached, sadistic, cold, bitter & miserable person who has no remorse, no care, no concern- for anyone's wellbeing.
& Who basically doesn't appear to feel anything- except rage or anger & who wants everyone to suffer & enjoys seeing it & creating that chaos.
Recently after nearly 20 years of my mother pretending I did not exist- she finally tried reaching out.
I asked her if she ever even loved anyone?
& Pointed out how in my lifetime I have not seen her show or express or connect with anyone - not her husband, not her kids- nobody.
Her answer to this was "Well I had you"
As in to say she gave birth to me.
But not "Well, I love you"
& I spoke to her for 20 minutes- after I asked her why now- why bother now after 20 years?
& She said she wanted "a relationship"
I pointed out how she doesn't even know how to have a relationship, & brought up how sadistic her behaviours are, how there's no care or remorse, or guilt or anything for things she's done or does.
There's no recognition either.
She couldn't even say- after I asked her if she's ever loved anyone in her lifetime- that she had.
Only that she had me.
But I wish she did not have kids, because she does not have the capacity to love.
And the things she's done are unforgiveable in my books.
Cruel, cold, calloused- mean- & sadistic in a lot of rights.
& as I spoke to her, detailing how disturbingly she had behaved- there was no emotion. There was no reaction. There wasn't even a huff of air- there was no denying it, but there was no emotion.
Because the things she did don't affect her. She doesn't feel bad.
I told her she has no moral compass, no empathy, no compassion.
If I had said this to another person- any other person- they would get upset, there would be emotion- there'd be some reaction- even if it was just confusion, or anger, or something.
But not from my mother.
It was like speaking to a wall.
& That's what it's always been like- a wall- an emotionless wall of aggression & hatred.
Just a manipulative entity with no feelings.
& That's always disturbed me, how a person can be like that & how cold that really is. It's hard to wrap my head around it.
It's hard to wrap my head around a person who does not feel any remorse, who does not feel or experience guilt, who is not sorry & would do it all again.
Who has no reaction whatsoever- when I detail the horrific things she's done.
Just flatness.
Emptiness.
& I have experienced narcissistic people before- & usually they will try to gaslight, deny, deflect- SOME kind of reaction, SOME kind of response- right. There's some emotion there- even if it's avoidance.
But that's not my mother.
There's no reaction.
There's no feelings, even when the most horrific things are brought up.
There's nothing.
& So I told her I wouldn't entertain it any further & ended the call- as she clearly doesn't have remorse & isn't sorry & doesn't feel anything about her past behaviours that would showcase any sort of recognition of the harm done.
People like that are scary AF to me.
& It was so confusing as a child to grow up in that reality where everything was constantly used against me- constant reactive abuses, emotional abuses, neglect, depravities, disregard for my life & my siblings' lives etc...
Doesn't get more cold than a parent telling you they will end your life & you know they would & can & would be fine to do it too.
If anyone is reading this & has experienced a parent like that, I hope you have warmth, comfort, & supportive people in your life now.
It's scary having a dangerous parent & that's true even for narcissistic aspects too.
😢
That was one of the saddest things I ever read. My heart goes out to you and I just want to say you are an incredibly strong person to survive all this. Hope you have managed to somewhat recover and find some peace :(
For anyone to have to go thru that really messes you up. Especially as a child. I’m so sorry you had to go thru that and hope you don’t blame yourself for anything. Know you are not alone. 🙏
You really must be extremely strong, surviving that. Wow, you have my respect
You have my upmost respect for not only surviving all the abuse, but for seemingly coming out a better person; more compassionate, empathetic, and self-aware.
And you mother is paying for her crimes. Like you said, she is reaching out because she is all alone. She has no one to talk to, no one to torture, no one to abuse. And now that you aren’t kids, she can no longer control you. She is living in a hell of her own creation.
Hell No ! Malignant narcs are absolutely abuses in every way possible. Very dangerous types of people!!
They are dangerous
There is talk of sociopaths and narcissists unblocking empathy for certain people, or at least more affective empathy than usual (Psycopaths will have practically no affective empathy). Sociopaths tend to see people almost exclusively as objects and are *goal orientated* ("how can I con this person"); narcissists also see people as objects but are less goal orientated and more *supply orientated*: in the narcissist's case, their manipulation and treating people as objects is more *incidental* or *a secondary effect* of extracting supply.
Despite the above, some practitioners are still unhappy with the distinction, and instead believe sociopathy/psycopathy manifests more as *anti-social* behaviour, like disregard for laws, conduct disorder, etc.
Officially they are categorised as antisocial personality disorder (cluster b personality), with psychopathy requiring extra criteria. Narcissistic personality disorder is also a cluster b personality disorder, and on top of that, cluster b personality disorders show high comorbidity.
I absolutely see from my formative years, narcs create what we call empaths.
Everyone is empathic to some extent but when your survival depends on sensing moods & 'reading minds', you get good at it to the point of it being as integral as breathing.
I found myself analyzing her behavior during our relationship. I didn’t know anything about Narcissism other than the obvious (people so full of themselves it makes you sick). The Red Flags were popping up consistently. She needed to present me to her family in a specific way which was weird to me. She used her trauma as an excuse to act out. I tried to make her understand if the shoe were on the other foot how she’d feel. Empathy for a Narc is a humorous concept, unless everyone is feeling sorry for them. That is perfectly reasonable.
My instincts told me to fight back. If she was going to hurt me I was going to return the favor, then explain to her like a child why it was wrong. Her father abused her as a child so I thought maybe if I took over in a small way a lightbulb could go on. It didn’t as far as I could tell.
Her mother displayed the same narc behaviors so that’s where she learned it.
Our relationship was a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I accepted the fact that it was going to be temporary and not long term. I knew she’d end it and she did, displaying her new conquest on social media. Once again i fought back and told my side of the story so her friends and family could get an idea of the monster. She doubled down and claimed abuse. I doubled down with the love-bombing words, pics on cards and letters she used to describe me during our relationship, which completely refuted her claims.
These people need to be taught a lesson so never back down. Obviously women need to be more cautious when challenging a male narc, as violence is a distinct possibility. Though fighting back may rarely solve a narc, at least you can look yourself in the mirror. Never play the victim. That leads to the dark side🛋
Its so gnarley. If I could get some of the narcs in my life to reflect on themselves it would be a miracle. I get intense I call them out send them screenshots of grandiose narcissist definitions. And if all else fails I cut them off. I care about them but the ego, the manipulation, and others is too much so I just ignore calls and live my life cut off from it.
I'm not licensed, but my "mom" shows every sign I can find on the Internet for narcissism, and most perfectly fits into the malignant category of narcissist. This dude is really spot on about malignant narcissists, IMO.
I dated a woman briefly who probably was a narc with a personality disorder or two. Horrible experience. I don’t think she had a conscience, meanwhile she was a nurse and she acted like the most caring human on planet earth. Well she wasn’t lol. Thankfully I can look back and laugh about it now. At the time it really messed me up. Never treated so bad in my life.
I can relate and can't wait for the day when I can look back and laugh at my experience. Mine was was a licensed therapist. Master's level training, emotionally vulnerable clients disclosing their deepest insecurities and most traumatic experiences, giving him their undivided attention, taking his condescension and critism to heart because we believe it's his "professional opinion" and that in order to address/resolve our underlying issues we had to submit to his mental and emotional abuse.
I personally know one client who committed suicide. But having had countless therapy sessions with him, dating back to before he was licensed (because as you know 'rules' don't apply to Narcissists) the 'body count' that he's accumulated over the past decade must be _astronomical_ when compared to his mental health colleagues.
@@invisiblemissx
Is this guy having relationships with his patients too? That would be even more messed up. You said ‘body count’ which sometimes can describe sexual conquests. Hopefully you’re not seeing this therapist anymore. I’m sorry you are hurting. Time certainly helps.
I’ve just come out of a 7 month hell . And she was a nurse to . It’s a good place for them to hide . This one trained later in life makes me wonder now
My ex narcissist is very malignant and cunning. She is psychologist and I thought she is very polite, caring other people. They can musk very well. Her profession deceived me on the beginning. Even I noticed strange behaviores she has explanation for everything. That made me crazy. I thought something wrong is with me. That was hell. Very dangerous people.
My experience with a malignant narcissist was my foster mother... She is sooo great. She saves animals and children. Please kiss the ground she walks on 🙄
It does so much damage. Thankfully I was becoming "too old" for her aka less easy to manipulate, so she gave me back into a childrenshome. Best day of my life. Probably saved my sanity.
Social professions are the perfect hiding spot for them.
The major worry is our society that behaves like a malignant narcissist.
We need to see the narcissism in ourselves rather than in others.
Christopher Lasch spelled it all out about 40 years ago with an important book on this subject. "Culture of Narcissism". An important and timely book for these days we are in.
I have had one boyfriend, two husbands, & a girlfriend during my life who all suffered with classic narcissism. I could go on for days with all the stories. Leave them, & never return. They will leave once they realize they are seen clearly. Let them go. Even better if they leave, because it is far less dangerous for you if they go.
Yeah when they walk of their own accord , it is a lot better, a lot safer for you in the long run ... as long as they don't come sniffing around out of the blue under the guise of platonic friendship - which just lands you in an abusive "friendship"! I've stuck my foot in that particular bear-trap. Probably the closest I've come to murdering someone. (probably shouldn't say that. lol)
They DO leave once they know you see them clearly. They detach in a sinister way and it goes downhill from there...
Ever wonder how you kept ending up with them? Highly likely your just as bad as all of them, just manifest in a different way.
@@masonart4950 Usually the opposite of narcissists and sociopaths are people like codependent types and empaths. Both types are unhealthy just in different ways so you see a lot of this pairing. Ones a blood sucker and the other allows their blood to be sucked.
People need to heal their own wounds or they will keep attracting this type into their lives.
Sound like ur the problem og
This man is a genius. I had the good fortune to interview him. He has incredible insight and is always open-minded and insightful. An amazing teacher.
My mother was malignant NPD with her extended family as either flying monkeys or mute observers staying out of the fray. i did not learn until 54 years of hell and went no contact. By that time I had adored and worshipped my son into such entitlement that either by nature alone or with nurture, my spoiling, he revealed his own malignant NPD traits. Trying to extricate now from this. Suffering.
I have two sons. I treated both with love and respect and plenty of boundaries and the oldest turned out just just my narcissist mother. Seems they are just wired this way. Don't beat yourself up. My other son turned out grounded and sensible. I guess you never know who you're gonna get when you have a kid. It's like spinning the wheel on the Wheel of Fortune.
Thank you so much, DR. Yeomans, for your program. I married a malignant narcissistic husband who was also an alcoholic, suffered from anxiety and depression. that marriage almost destroyed me emotionally and physically because I didn't understand what was going on and what kind of mental illness he has suffered. Now, thanks to your explanation, I really developed more understanding of who he was and what have I gone through so I can heal. Thank you.
I was raised by a malignant narcissist my mother was the most violent most dangerous person I've ever known in my life as far as the family Dynamics were concerned she was a wrecking ball and as far as a child understanding the Dynamics of a family well it was just normal remember they love to project their agenda there delusion of what reality is supposed to be like on other people so it was pretty much normal for us but as far as my mother living her life and getting by honestly all I ever saw was an inner pain and rage that would tear her apart it is truly a horrific Life to live no matter how confident and happy they are no matter how many excuses they come up with deep down inside they are raging and they are in excruciating pain every single day of their lives
The confidence is just a mask they use. They are not " content" with life. they struggle with both " superiority complex" and " inferiority complex", and are deeply mentaly deranged. My grandmother was a grandiose narcissist, this made my mother a codependent. And over time my mother became a alcoholic. She struggeld with inferiority complex and over time she also became more and more narcissistic, but not the full spectrum. Today i have zero contact and have better life all over.
@@Ikaros23 isn't it amazing how they become worse and worse over time by the way did you say your mother became narcissistic by the way it's not uncommon for a person that was raised by a narcissistic person to show narcissistic characteristics but then again that's because of that person was put into a survival mode just like the narcissist was I know because when I was younger I showed those traits also but then again I was raised by a malignant narcissist that was actually arrested for murder at one time
This seems to be the psychological profile of Fox News and other right wing media today. Lies and more lies, hate and more hate. Delusion and more delusion. How many Americans have they made mentally ill from watching and believing?
God bless this man for working with narcissists. Because the most severe of people need change in order to protect everyone else.
Ten years ago I had a horrible experience with a sociopath/malgnt narc. I was in my 50's and very ill. My parents died and my cousin who I barely knew, offered to "help" with the aftermath. She moved in with me into my parents home. I was bedbound and it became a daily ritual of her threatening to kill me if I told anyone that she was stealing my inheritance. For 8 months she would tell me how she killed her best friend and her dogs, how she stole from other sick people, and her family gave her all the excuses necessary, I mean she got over $250,000 in 8 months. I finally escaped, but she followed me back to my home (in another state) and killed my service dog as a warning to me. I went to the cops and they didn't know what to do. How many others are going thru this in their own nightmare? It's sad, illegal, immoral, and a resemblance of what our POTUS is doing today. My PTSD is on full-throttle. I hope there is a punishment waiting for my cousin in some form or another, and for our president as well. They charm, lie, and make other people believe them, all the while tearing the meat off their bones and licking their chops waiting on another victim. If there is a hell...
So sorry you experienced all of that, I can't imagine the emotional scars that would leave.
Jeepers! So did she get your house? How did you get rid of her? What a nightmare, with all that family support behind her as well....
Wow. I had a similar experience to you. After that I was a complete different person. Hope you’re ok. It was one of my teachers from college and I have no idea how many people they victimized. I haven’t stopped being afraid of people since
Yup! HELL Is waiting and real. Be encouraged🙏❤
It truly gets harder for them to manipulate people as they get older that's the only solace that I can tell you and you should really look into legal means to get your money back that'll truly terrify the narcissist they make you believe like you have no rights but you have no choice but you do and once you realize that and apply it it will terrify the narcissist a simple police report will probably make the narcissist leave you alone because now they know that other people know and that's one of their greatest fears stop being quiet you have a voice they want you to believe you don't have a voice but you do use it don't let this person hurt other people
They can't lose you because then they have no narcissistic supply.
You are expendable to them.Disposeable…They just go out and find more and usually have back up supply on deck at any given time.No, they don’t like losing a supply source but don’t be fooled, they move in a split second.
Their imaginations would run rampant in desperation of a new storyline
I'll remind myself that if I didn't have the scars, I'd eventually convince myself that these kinds of people exist only in fiction. How can the uninitiated ever comprehend or understand?
How indeed
As soon as I came across Trump on TV, I instantly knew (based on childhood experiences). I genuinely think children should be educated about sociopathy/narcissism at school.
They will be initiated in family court.
It must be hell being stuck with this. On the inside and out.
I feel like I'm almost on the opposite end of it (though not as extreme). I have social anxiety disorder and often feel like I have nothing to offer, but my reflex isn't to puff myself up and pretend otherwise. It just makes me depressed and avoid people entirely.
My mother has scapegoated me all my life going as far as whipping me with a racehorse whip and making me stand on ant hills for them to crawl on me . She blames me for everything and has coached my sister s and my complacent father to join the abuse . She even blamed her depression on me , she went to a psychiatrist on her own and told the therapist that seeing me depressed and afflicted because of my personal problems which include a failed marriage by age 22 , addiction , PTSD from my TBI, emotional issues and such . So my misery which to me the biggest part is seeing and being hurt by people who are supposed to be there and love you don't, they actually do the opposite is what causes most of my affliction. the doctor asked her ,if you're hurting, how do you think he feels ?? My mom never went back , she was looking for validation of malignant narcissistic behavior. I heard her say this to my sister. Sometimes I feel like they're not human.
They Are half human.
They are half human, yes
Influenced by evil spirits
My "mother" abused me physically and emotionally continuously while growing up. It shaped me and caused so much pain amd suffering in my adult life. Jesus is healing me at the age of 45. It is a process but lot more effective then psychotherapy what i have been doing for 5 years
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See Sam Vaknin YT and read his book/articles/lectures. Understanding will strengthen you to do what is necessary for yourself. Learning this at 54, went no contact. Best years since until pandemic forced me to isolate with son and one of his girlfriends when his malignant disorder revealed itself. Almost out and will distance to point required to live my life on my terms. At 64 I may have 30 left and I want to finally live.
What horrible people, personally I they need to be taught a hard lesson not to eff with you, don’t ever allow anyone to eff with you, because they will trample all over you again and again.
My ex husband who was diagnosed with ASPD/NPD went into therapy because he was insisting I do it and he was focused on me being the problem and he was planning to use it in divorcing me (I didn't know that part. I thought we were trying to save our marriage.). I also believed that I was the problem. After six months we got the therapists report that I had depression and CPTSD and the therapist handed down the dual diagnosis above and said plainly "You are a sociopath!"
I really appreciate the part where he says that he does not know whether their grandiosity ever truly relieves them of "the horror of their internal emptiness." Wow. The things that happen when people are not loved well as children never ceases to amaze me. After many years deeply immersed in human psychology, I often feel that the more that I understand the less that I understand. Well, I guess this is actually true of most subjects. I just mean that the various factors that contribute to us becoming who we become is ridiculously overdetermined. We can make general observations about psychological causes and effects, but if you put 100 different people in the same formative situation, you are going to get 100 different responses. It seems quite obvious that we arrive here with something. Whether you want to attribute this to basic biology and genetic predisposition or to what we call the soul is a matter of preference. My 22 year-old daughter definitely arrived here with her own thing going on. People recognized it and pointed it out to me and my husband all of the time. That fact helped spur both of us to continue repairing the damage from our childhoods so as not to damage her in the same ways. Thanks for this post. I really enjoyed it. : )
My grandiose defence mechanism protects me from reality, I never learned to deal with. As soon as I connect with reality, I am overwhelmed by emptiness, anxiety, intense vulnerabilities, and just become catatonic.
Thanks for this Frank. Ex-husband of 25 years is narcissistic from a narc family. They'd NEVER attack anyone in the immediate narc family, (they stuck together as they can't stand alone) but saved the NO's for their chosen partners. On leaving him he shrieked at me 'I HATE MY FUCKING MOTHER!!!!'. (Pardon the language, sorry but that's verbatim what he said.) I had worked that out and said to him years earlier.......'All the NO's you wanted to say to your mother but didn't dare you saved up and for decades that's all you've EVER said to me.'. Shocking. We had 2 children. The younger, my son, committed suicide - one of his greatest fears being 'I don't want to grow up to be a dickhead like my Dad'. He'd also had a series of disappointments in life but we were exceptionally close, I was shocked as well as being bereft. My daughter who was older grew up to be a carbon copy of my ex-mother-in -law/ex-husband putting me down all the time, demeaning me, using me as an emotional rubbish bin and delighting in it as well. Years before that manifested she sat in my living room and said very earnestly 'Eeeeh Mam, when I think about it you did EVERYTHING.... and I MEAN EVERYTHING!!'. No loyalty there then, LOL. I had to cut her off over 8 years ago for my own sanity as she just would not stop and I'd had enough, wasn't going to tolerate it via another generation. At one year old her daughter gave me such a black look and scowled at me blurting out the first words I ever heard my first grandchild say 'Naughty Nana!!'........ obviously coached by my daughter and probably because I divorced her father. It's bizarre what life throws on your path but I must say I feel less stressed and healthier for having cut contact with her.
This man is amazing! I wish he was my therapist!
The major difference I see between a sociopath and a narcissist in terms of relationships is that narcissists have felt and recognized another's love for them at some point while a sociopath largely has not. Sociopaths, to one degree or another, can't feel that someone loves them as more than a fact or conjecture. Little in the way of dopamine or serotonin or oxytocin or any of the other nice chems for them from their mothers smile, just a simple "huh". This difference is the difference between someone who has been full and is starving and someone who has never known anything but hunger, and it is a hunger. The one who has known freedom from hunger will struggle desperately to get away from the discomfort while the always hungry one will mostly stew.
Sociopaths get lonely. Point of fact, many sociopaths who have done horrendous things later say that they did it to fill a craving or to lash out because they felt their needs weren't being met, and there is an argument that the loneliness was literally driving them insane. Imagine living in a video game, with no humanity to be seen or felt, just characters.
No excuse, of course, for any actions taken, this knowledge just makes their pitiable nature and disability all the more apparent. One's suffering can't excuse the suffering one inflicts on others. Just an interesting tidbit of information that makes the whole affair of trying to heal and heal from these cursed folk that much more bitter.
☆
Thank you, the hunger "metaphor" really helped clarify the distinctions I see.
"Imagine living in a video game, with no humanity to be seen or felt, just characters."
Wow sounds like the Metaverse. Our dystopian future.
Yea, there is a solution to much of this, but institutions stumble on , as if they got no brain
There can be loyalty by a narcissist but its only to other narcissist cause it really loyalty to narcism , and a covert one will stick to an overt one cause the covert wants to be an overt!
Haha but narcissists can't stand eachother because they're both so uncooperative!
"Bulls Eyes" 4 BOTH! 👏 🌟 🌟
I'd laugh at their "All-out," Narc. WAR, where I'm sure the Covert got the same Foul Tx. he gave me. ... And, by that time, I'm sure he already had a lot of the $words in his back. But, it's not that funny!
When the Overt, $crewed up, too, - AGAIN, - and, again, soo Monumentally, he Lost Mom's Home! 💥
$uper Hurting me - More, but, putting the Final Daggers in, to make it: "10-Fold" for the BULLY! ~ Lololol
Who just had to fork over $10K, or lose the 'Roof over his Sub-sapien Head'.
Thank God he DIDNT lose my $50K ownership in it!!
3 Narc sibs. No inheritance.
Yep. They "get what they deserve". At 64, on SSI and 72 on SS + ?, ? (he got Fired from that job. Twice!); living in their "$hit-HOLE ccuntry" that they Custom Odered!! ROFLMAO
All because the BULLY can't Co-operate with Anyone!
defensive grandiosity is a really good way of putting it that. It made thay kinda click in my head. I've never heard that term before.
I love his connection with Substance Abuse. When seeing a patient with that issue, I look for the "why". Often it is a cluster B personality disorder. You can make major progress with these people, once the issue is diagnosed.
Only by locking em up. Need for narcissistic supply is endless and chronic. It's vitim after victim till they die. Most die alone. Nobody left who cares. Amidst their stolen stuff. It's those who we are speaking of.
Humans love to explain and endlessly debate the labels they've invented.
He is so authentic and empathetic.
I'd say that my Dad will end up in therapy only because I started feeding him well, getting him to meditate, pray, and exercise. He was never a very spiritual person. He does realize that it he is not living his best life. Only because I helped him to realize that. It was not enough that I told him to try therapy, or expressed how therapy helps us to identify the shadows in our subconscious emotional memory. Once we can identify these emotions we can start to heal passed trauma and then begin to open our minds to new positive and creative patterns. He is starting to get dementia and this makes it easier for him to dissociate from emotions and memories; he is also losing his memory.
Exercise and healthy eating along with real authentic spiritual practice is the only way to start stimulating the hippocampus and generate enough natural dopamine to initiate a process of spiritual healing. Even the slightest gains in empowerment actually make a person less narcissistic. The more dignity they have the less they project insecurity. In this way body and mind connected healing is far more efficient and functional.
Without breaking ties this is the only way to actually change someone. With positive inspiration. The trick is that you need to stay ahead and take care of yourself in order to help someone else. So long as your battery is fully charged, love is coming from an infinite source.
Sure it is hard work to exercise, meditate, and prepare healthy meals for two people. But it will pay off because when positive abundance comes your way and you are free from negative influences everything will seem so much easier. The trick is not to ever let things get to easy, and always challenge yourself.
One love. One light. One heart.
Together we can.
I've found that only Jesus can do this, through the Holy Spirit otherwise it is impossible. They are reprobate and given over to evil. They like the darkeness more than the light.
I think that there isn’t enough conflict in a narcissist to seek therapy other than to find self-validation. It’s extremely rare to actually work through the insult that therapy would bring; absolute and constant pain of failure may, but only may help them seek progress. Let’s remember that one can take the horse to the water but not make it drink.
You said it so perfectly the “insult that therapy brings.” I’ve been trying to put it in to words the defense idiots go on when confronted by therapy or ppl for their wrong doings.
If talk therapy makes a true difference with a malignant narcissist I'll eat my goddamn hat.... One thing it won't do is make any difference for their future victims bc they are gonna walk out of therapy on Friday and go off to destroy more lives on Saturday.
What a refreshing non judgemental
mental health presentation. A lot of the clips on Narcissism border on hate particularly by female commentators.
Narcissists have often had
terrible childhoods and the only self esteem they can salvage is
at the expense of others until as this man points out they want to change.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
As the victim of many narcs, I have no sympathy for them . Regardless of the cause ,the damage they knowingly do to others from their cruelty, bullying, entitlement, selfishness, and power seeking , is so bad for the victims, they deserve no forgiveness and deserve to be hated.
@@robinantonio8870 I agree. Malignant narcissists need no sympathy. They KNOW what they're doing, as they can so easily choose to CHANGE their behavior in public versus in private. Many people have trauma in childhood and do not become criminals. Because that's what narcissistic abuse is.... criminal. They steal, they lie, they commit adultery. They know it is bad because they HIDE their crimes. My mother is a malignant narcissist. I've never seen her cry in my 51 years of life, and as she started having dementia, all her crimes came to light...... because she no longer had a filter to hide them. It's CREEPY how much she projected her crimes onto others, throughout her lifetime. Even from childhood. Trauma does not exonerate these people from their crimes, when they KNOWINGLY commit them. Repeatedly. Without remorse.
Every one of these excellent videos make me grateful for my refusal to allow the malignant narcissist and her hostages back into my life.
I found the discussion facinating, because I have repeatedly felt, in both personal and work settings, that there seems to be some deep-seated recognition in people like this that they don't actually have much to offer. In my experience, it's more of a recognition than a belief, because it's true. Yet they are also relentlessly desperately needy - for attention, adoration, and status, for dominance and control, as well as for material resources. In my experience, their response to their own lack of ability to make a real contribution is to shift the blame to someone else, and to try to grossly distort the measures with some elaborate wall of pure bullshit to try to force the world to accept their big special 'deserving' in place of any demonstration of relevant merit.
Why is it that people who are altogether normal in every respect will follow a leader who is clearly suffering from a severe personality disorder? Many examples in history where this had happened. Perhaps Dr Yeomans could address this.
He already adressed this. Watch some of the other videos or one of his lectures. (also his articles are really interesting!)
@@Tahnetouge could you provide some links?
@@anakein sure! I would recommend first watching the other videos of Yeomans on BorderlinerNotes.
For example this one:
ruclips.net/video/xoRuzpsLzTU/видео.html
If you want to check out his publications you can check out his website: www.frankyeomans.com/publications.php
Also I really thought this lecture was very interesting:
ruclips.net/video/Hp4AcdnRViI/видео.html
Hope this helps:)
@@Tahnetouge Thank you so much! :)
I'd love to hear more analysis about this. Why is it that a narcissist, and even a malignant narcissist, is sometimes so good at developing a following? Erich Fromme developed the idea of the disorder to describe the personality type of tyrannical leaders like Hitler. But why are people with such a severe disorder as Malignant Narcissism able to gain followers and power in the first place? It's an interesting and important topic for discussion.
Yes, I felt what this man said on a very deep level. So much so that I believe a psychotherapist would be a good idea for me. Thank you fir your knowledge and willingness to share
Thank you for taking the time to do this channel.
Brilliant. I really hope this guy is a practicum professor and/or supervisor as well. Brilliant.
Everyone is not the same. We are individuals. Good and accurate input. I have experienced a lot of what this doctor says with individuals.
It’s been a rough 4 years folks, but 80 million of us saw him for what he us and voted to eliminate. Thank you all. America is back!
I don't think so. He still got 75 million votes. Someone smarter and more charismatic than Trump will come along and claim them. Then we will be in deeper shit.
Alex, your insecurity shows.
Commie
@@chrismathis4162 I wish you were not right. Trump was a dry run. Thank God he is incompetent and ineffective. Hopefully will prevent someone like him in the future. Lord knows the Republicans will try. Lord knows millions of Americans will follow them. This is one of the reasons Trump and the people that enabled him need to be held accountable in our court of law. There needs to be a whole commission to reveal everything that he did during these four years. And if Democrats had any sense, they would repeat over and over again that Republicans are now anti-democracy. They have been for a long time but not this overtly.
@@2bullcrap how’s that? My insecurity? What insecurity? I think you’re projecting your own insecurities there buddy. Joe Biden is our president....which part if 63 failed lawsuits don’t you understand?
Thank you! This offers a ray of hope for me and a family member.
This is so true and what i needed to hear....Thank you
Stumbled here, LOVING this channel. Likely will subscribe. Fascinating, enlightening content. Thank you
I now know for a fact that I am 100% a narcissist. Not narcissistic but actually probable for being diagnosed with NPD. Thank you for this. Any treatment/testing suggestions would be appreciated
Me too :(
1) Theory of Mind (ToM). This is what narcissists critically lack (and is necessary to properly develop empathy). Make ToM your god, study it, crucify your fragile ego to ToM to learn it at all costs, and you will cripple narcissism. Much of theory of mind develops in childhood around the age of 3-5 but continues development lifelong depending on the individual’s effort, social integration, empathy, maturity, and individuation.
Narcissism typically develops in teen years when adolescents "try on" different personalities. Due to the sheer complexity of socialization, brain development, and theory of mind the narcissists unconscious mind attempts to "cheat" socialization, they unconsciously choose to become narcissists (stress plus epigenetic activation of the psychopathology). By prioritizing social status, attention, and surface level reactions their consciousness effectively becomes trapped in their persona (social mask) and ego (this tradeoff deadlocks their normal psychological development, self-understanding, and maturity). They then never have to fully develop empathy, theory of mind, and meaningful connections and can instead game others by feigning mutually beneficial social signals but act in unilateral and subtly destructive betrayals.
This is why narcissists often seem like children. They've sacrificed the decade of psychological developmental progress they made so they don’t have to psychologically develop anymore. Reconnecting with memories from this time period (early childhood to narcissism onset) will help in reestablishing Theory of Mind development.
how do you know? can you tell by yourself?? i think if you lived in your own brain your entire lift, its really hard to do that
@@michatroschka I know because I've reverse engineered all psychopathogies, their wants, needs, weaknesses, and most importantly their light/good variants. Narcissists can change and it will be difficult. But the age of the Machiavellian is coming to an end (10,000 B.C. -now), they designed systems (often corrupted into webs of lies) that built civilization. The age of the covert narcissist is dawning right now, you can see their pride and persecution spill over into the mainstream culture. You likely know many of them or individuals like them.
Taking as much accountability as possible while shrinking your ego in a frustrated state, then letting it cool, is the key to infinite psychological growth. This process builds trust with your unconscious, granting you greater autonomy, maturity, freedom, and wisdom and much more.
Covert Narcissists value persecution, but they can learn to invert their ego will-to-annihilation and will-to-evil to transform into covert narcissists of light; divine inspirations for us all (while still maintaining their right to commit evil if necessary).
The alternative is what covert narcissists are doing now. You all dig your way to hell with a teaspoon. How's that going? :)
Good luck covert narcissists, I believe in you. Try it out... What have you got to lose?
Go online, or to a university or a hospital and ask around if anyone knows where to find a psychologist (not a counselor or therapist, an actual clinical psychologist.) If you know you have the condition and aren't feeling so great about it, then you very well might be treatable.
This was so good. One of the best videos on narcissism I’ve seen.
This was very enlightening, thank you.
Thank you! Great!
There is no hope for any of these people whatsoever as they embodies EVIL!
@Mary Carroll Amen! 🙏
Yes, there is hope. Most of them wont make it, but there is a little porcentage of malignant narcissists&BPD’s who probably will make it. Those with candor, superior intelligence, self honesty and will power. Its very, very difficult but not impossible. And of course, the support of a good and patient therapist is absolutely necessary.
@@irenec.2597 I would say Borderlines have a much higher chance for some kind of a reasonable recovery.
Sadly, their NASTY Behaviors, for both PDs - remain, even after they age out of being able to receive their actual diagnoses!
Agree
They embody despair, pain and misery, and you’re not helping by marking them as evil.
Do I think they can change? Maybe some, maybe in the future, but most won’t, just like a “normal” person doesn’t from what I have seen.
Before blindly calling someone evil, let’s try to comprehend why they do what they do, and what made them do it. Understanding is hard, and I can confirm it because I don’t consider myself any better than most people, but that just means that we need more truly empathetic people.
Very well spoken too... you weren’t nervous at all. I’m proud of you. Nice contribution.....
👁 wide open ...ThankYou!
The scariest part of this video is that I know someone who took a social worker job, dealing with children and I always wonder why? Now, I don't anymore. Dec 26th 2020.🤦♀️
Ugh.
Poor kids
Great video. A video everybody should watch to be prepared when they run into such sick people...
Spot on assessment. Very insightful
I love the way he talks, and the depth of understanding he has.
This man is just amazing actually!!!! Wow
I wish a malignant narcissistic parent on no one and what is really bad is having a malignant narcissist parent and a malignant narcissist sibling.
I’m in the same position and it’s hard when you have no friends much less u know no one else who was dished put this horrible fate
My dad and brother. They are a scary pair who secretly women
As usual, this man has done Yeoman's work.
🌟🌟🌟🌟Thanks for these great videos Frank! I learned so much!!!!🌟🌟🌟
As a recovering narcissist I can say that I lack empathy as a result of never being able to develop the feelings other people have because I've always been in a fight or flight state and having no structure in my life apart from getting myself high in order to masturbate my ego and then getting burned out.
Exactly.. we do the same shit my friend, and my names Jake too!
How did you start to recover?
Jake stopped bashing off and joined a white supremacist church, for some very onanistic skewing MNs that is often the only way to a better place. With time he will heal 🙌🙏🏻
wow.
Empaths had horrible lives too probably worse than narcs we didn’t become demons.
I have 3 small children who a malignant narcissist and honestly don't know how much more that I can take. The put downs, the bullying, the yelling and fighting is taking a toll on me mentally. We've gone to couples therapy but everything that we go he ends up firing a therapist once they don't agree with his point of view. I think this type is a lost cause.
Be careful he dosent alienate your kids-brainwash them against you-look up parental alienation
Get the hell out now.
Please get out for your safety and health and that of your children. Children need a safe, happy, nurturing environment to thrive. I wish you all the best!
They are a lost cause and the older they get the worse they get save yourself and your children there's no happy ending
The hardest part is to come to realisation that we dealing with disorder. It is hard to explain. Is it worth to pay the price? There is no light in the tunnel. No one changes. That is why we have these videos. It is so hard.
Phenomenal. Listened to this several times to make it resonate
I'm always interested by narcissist motivations: adoration, approval and control. Hence the cognitive empathy - they have feelings, but they often feel shame and self hatred, and they fight to avoid it, instead of processing it. Often by lying to themselves and others to gain validation (at the expense of others) as a result. They want to be seen as a 'saint', whatever the cost.