Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on RUclips. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on RUclips. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
Asking for assurance about relationship status after 8 months of closeness, and he already kissed me several times. Is it called rushing for commitment?
@@bee7656 these people say take it slow but life is short. Yes don't rush but move to slow and things die too, like all things that live. 8 months... that's alot. That ain't no 8 weeks... Ask away
I was only FOUR dates in and had already started developing feelings for him and was anxious and sick when he wasn't around. Of course, he wanted to go slowly, but I pretty much had to stop hanging out with him because I did't know how to reverse those feelings and just get to know him. Now I'm stuck with depression, anxiety and looping thoughts about him daily. I'm a mess and feel like a complete failure.
You're better than me because I was one date in and two weeks of constant talking on the phone. Then I was totally hooked. I had to get away from him because I started acting obsessed and I realise he didn't really feel the same now I'm down depressed. It's already hard to find someone I actually like. when I do this is how the story plays out I become obsessed very quick, I developed feelings way to fast
If I feel euphoric about anyone (hot man who wants me) or anything (like a new job) that is a RED flag. I spent 3 years with a man who rocked my universe. He also stole my money, my stuff and my heart. I finally severed the relationship 7 months ago and my heart is still broken. No more euphoric buzz for me.
This is so right on Alan. At 56 I have finally "discovered" how important it is to understand attachment disorder. I am just starting a new relationship and repeating my old patterns just as you described them. So now, when I go have "ice cream" I am going to do just that, have ice cream. Thank you!
Oh my gosh. Was just saying this to someone I was dating - briefly. He has a lot of attachment trauma and he freaked out. He freaked out because we were having so much fun and I could be the type of person he wants long-term. I told him that everyone is scared, but he told me he wants to be friends because he hurts everyone he’s close to or everyone he’d been with hurt him. Basically, I asked him to slow down but he friend zoned me. So ultimately, he’s not a good candidate for me because of this attachment trauma. That sucks but it’s the truth.
This is so important, for whatever reason the last few guys I have dated have tried to force commitment and seriousness very quickly and despite my asking them to slow down they kept forcing so I had to exit both situations. Very frustrating to be a person that people are projecting on. It feels like you are unseen and basically a mannequin to keep them company.
This is so interesting. I had an ex who told me they loved me within a month & moved in after 4 months. I felt like it was too fast & I wanted the courtship and the fun. I now know to trust my intuition. My gut was screaming slow down & it gave me anxiety. I eventually told him after two months how I felt & that we were moving so fast- and he left & blocked me in every way. Never looked back. I see now that his feelings were just surface & he wanted to move in to see if we were right for each other. I thought he knew so I was trying to tell myself not to let my fear ruin it. Turns out I really needed to put my foot down in the beginning. Uggg. Why do people want to rush??!
Jlabo same situation here. My gut knew something was very wrong. He came across as super needy or insecure. Run like hell, moving in with another person should be something done with a lot of care.
I’m going through this now 😔😔😔 I recently got out of a toxic situation just to have someone new try to already force me into something just met and he already told me he wants me to fly out and do things with him he already making plans but I just met him. I told him I’m the beginning I don’t want a relationship but I don’t think he understands and he wants to talk to me everyday. Now my anxiety is high as hell I just want to leave before it’s too late ugh
Thanks Alan ! You are amazing at what you do. Why don`t they teach these things in school ? Insecure people like myself has to wander blindfolded through the ruins of our love life. Rejecting the available guys, and inviting in the unavailable guys. So sad !!
The school of life teaches us. We have to be open to hearing it or it doesn't stick. Too much family influence when we are in school. You almost have to be out on your own first to get it. Just my feeling.
This is me, I meet a guy we may be talking everyday for a week or two, then I want him to be 100% committed to me if not I start acting out protest behaviour, or I just cut him off completely
This is the most important video on RUclips, as far as I'm concerned. Incredible video, you've completely redefined my thought process here. I'm at the start of a new and amazing relationship and I really needed to hear this. Hope I can come back in a year and report success :D
I have a question for you: how long is enough time? How do you prevent yourself from being strung along by someone who has no intention of long-term relationship or commitment of any sort? Infinity? How long is a reasonable amount of time, in your opinion? Please factor these situations in this kind of video.
Exactly my question!! It’s been 3+ years...and slowly I feel like we are back to square one... or are like an old married couple that has nothing left to talk about except knowing that you are in their presence and that’s assurance??? Really??? Not sure I always jut wan to to keep being present without a deeper meaningful fulfilling relationship and commitment to creating and building a future together
@@livyogilife The title of this video is "Rushing New Relationships". He's talking about when it's new and you don't really know each other. If you have been together 3+ years it is NOT a new relationship. If you haven't got commitment after that long, you probably aren't going to get it.
As a single man who has a bad track record of rushing into different relationships in years past this is one of the most educational videos that I ever I seen. I will continue to watch this video over and over again as long as I continue to live. I do not want to re-live the past and be disappointed all over again. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Thank you very much for giving me knowledge. I really appreciate you
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for sharing your experience. Glad this video is helpful. So important to keep talking about this. This topic also comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Be in the moment...this is me but also I have found that they have rushed on their end while I was trying to slow down, making it serious instead of just having fun and feeling relaxed with each other....makes me realize though that I can put myself in a state of emotional unavailability with worry as well.
Alan, thank you for helping me see how my behavior has been effecting my relationships. Although my goal of marriage is a terrific goal, I need to change my initial goal to be one of exploring and taking time to journey with the person first. I appreciate you sharing your wisdom and gifts with all of us on this channel.
New relationship: Initially, I was expressed my desire for a ring. Then as time has gone on (4 months), I'm taking it one day at a time, because this might not work. Glad I slowed down.
While I feel this is very accurate information from personal experience, it also leaves out the behavior of the other person. The times I have been guilty of this behavior my new partner has been the contributing factor. Whether they're love bombing, self centered, all over the place, inconsistent, or words and actions don't match, just because one person is anxious doesn't mean their anxiety is unjustified. Either way, it's a connection that was never going to work and that has to be accepted.
Glad this delivered clarity. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts. If you are curious to learn more about what drives these behaviors then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Learn more by taking the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Relationship OCD, anyone? I've recently come to my own conclusion that the answer to my overthinking is to be present. I see now how I'm not participating if I'm in my head. You've just helped me to understand how I'm showing up, as well as what can happen once I get to the other side. Thanks Alan, I enjoy watching your videos 😊
great article. I especially liked the check list for how the two people relate. I wish I had that list earlier. "do they make you laugh, do they ask about your life, etc.
I really wish men also hear these. The problem is many people get on with the chemistry and very quick need to get laid. This chemistry can get overwhelming and put you with a like minded person who then uses you for sex.
This was beyond helpful. Thank you, Alan. Unfortunately I did just this with someone I was dating, which inevitably pushed them away. It's painful and hard not blame yourself but every painful experience is an opportunity to learn.
Thank you for valuing my content. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Your videos are so simplistic in nature and yet these are deeply complex concepts you discuss. It's unbelievable how much your videos have helped someone like myself with major codependency dependency issues and relationship addiction. Thank you for all the material you cover and I will continue to watch... You're truly an inspiration!
Leslie, i appreciate your feedback. I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Oh my, this is exactly me to the tee right now with a guy I newly started dating for 2 months and I have a compulsion to pull the plug now because I’m not getting the certainty I crave lol
This is so accurate. I find myself in my current relationship having to create space and pump the brakes. I didn’t have words for what I felt like and didn’t know why I felt so much anxiety.
Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist Thank you for this resource. I can tell you care about your audience, and authentically want to help guide us to where we can find the healing we need. I appreciate you.
Omg this is sooo me. If it doesn't turn into a full blown relationship within a couple of months I won't waste any more of my time. But if it does I get scared & abandon ship! 🥴
This is great insight. Glad this video spoke to you. And I hear you. Many can relate with these dynamics. Thanks for commenting. If you'd like to dive deeper into these dynamics then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Learn more by taking the quiz. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I needed this video. You have provided me with the education I needed to understand my behaviors. I will stop forcing a relationship and just enjoy my person. Thank you so much.
You're so welcome. Thank you for valuing my efforts to offer helpful content. Glad to hear it is of benefit. Also, if this video is helpful and you'd like to learn more about what gets in the way of emotional availability then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I’m so glad to hear the videos are helpful and that my work brought you new understanding. So many of us can relate with rushing into relationships. It can be so validating when others relate to our experience. Have you heard about the Improve Your Relationships Community Program? Take the quiz if you’d like to learn more about the Community. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Spot on and tryna reverse some of my antics I've already shown him lol. We're about a month in and I feel myself starting to catch feelings... so the terror creeps in and I gotta know XY&Z about his intentions and this and that and even tho he's been GREAT with me about answering and talking things out, I know it's draining and placing a cloud over what should be fun and flirty times while getting to know each other. I'm def backing off of bringing anything else up to him (unless it's just absolutely necessary lol) and gonna enjoy him and allow him to enjoy me too :)
This is how I ruined what could have been an incredible thing because I was freaking out and needed certainty and guarantee, where as he wanted to take it slow and enjoy the process 😢
I hear you and you wouldn't believe how many of us have been in this spot. Check out the relationship quiz if interested. It may spark helpful reflections/ideas. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I needed to hear this. Just had a relationship i was super excited about blow up in my face for the reasons explained here. Still trying to salvage/assess the damage
I'm glad you liked the video Kyle. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Glad this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my effort. If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I am a month and a half in, so approximately, I'm constantly having anxiety every time the person goes hours without texting me., I cry and cry are my world comes to a standstill.. I've worked a lot on protest behaviour and activation strategy. So I try not to act out but I'm suffering. A lot of waiting watching the time go by. Waiting for a txt. It's horrible. Constantly crying. Don't get me wrong he has messaged me every day since we met on the 29th June 23. However it's not enough. And of course his emotionally unavailable, goes cold And distance
thank you Alan this video make a lot of sense. I too as someone said is a work in progress.i will continue to listen to this video until I rap it around my brain. I am determined to get it right when it comes to relationship s. I had two failed engagements, I could not figure out why. slowly but surely I am starting to understand. I am so thankful for fg finding you on RUclips. Thank you ate a life saver.
This was very helpful. Going at this pace is not all that common in my experience. People are quick to move on without the reassurance that its going somewhere within the first few dates. Maybe its different with the securely attached types. Not so for anxious or avoidant types. We just need to breathe and enjoy the moment.
Thanks for the kind words and for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit. You may also like getting in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships: www.alanrobarge.com/community
That's wonderful. Thanks for valuing my efforts to provide quality content. I'm glad you benefit. Please consider becoming a sustaining supporter. Your contribution not only supports videos already created but is an investment in the continuation of future, new content. Thanks for your consideration. www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Megan, thank you for the supportive words. I'm glad to hear you are finding my videos helpful. Thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know my video was helpful.
This is me I met a guy on Tinder and I knew him for 1-month on our second time of sleeping together afterwards I asked him if we are going to be together in a relationship and where We Stand she did not want to answer me it was like trying to get blood out of a stone he then sadly turned around and said to me that I should not wait for him and that if somebody else comes along I should date them because he lives outside of my State he said to me that when he goes to the pub he sometimes hooks. up with women and he does not want me to get hurt I am really going through so much pain right now trying to detach from him I told him it was over I've had to emotional outbursts and sent loads of text messages to him it hurts so much I really want him back but he will not be exclusive with me
Girl, he told you the truth point blank. He’s not looking for a relationship and you can’t force that on him. Don’t take it personally, just cut off all communication and move on to someone who IS ready for a relationship.
Glad you like this one. You're welcome. If you like this content then you may also like the Improve Your Relationships Community Program: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Glad this one resonates. Thanks for the comment. If you like this video, you might also like learning about The Four Attachment Distress Responses. You are invited to take the quiz as an intro to learning more. Here is the quiz page: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thanks for the comment. If you like this content then you may also want to take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
You're welcome. Glad you like this one. If you like this content then may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
i agree with what you said. im in the same situation right now. but my thoughts over rule what i want to do. it convinces my heart that im not worthy of anythings
My empathy goes out to you. So many of us have experienced similar cycles and heavy emotions. That can be overwhelming, confusing, and frustrating. But you're not alone. My only Community, Improve Your Relationships, provides people with similar experiences and feelings to yours a place to discuss, learn, grow, and heal from these things. We all deserve to break free of the cycles and the past and present that make us feel helpless and unworthy. You deserve to feel supported, and joining a Community with people who can understand and relate is a great place to start. Check it out now: www.alanrobarge.com/community Also, because this video resonated with you, I recommend checking out my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I wish I'd seen this sooner. Maybe those relationships would've lasted longer...but I always start questioning the progress of our relationship when they start making some moves, like trying to hold my hands, or kissing me. To me, I don't do these things with just friends. is that reasonable?
I believe that's where boundaries come in because you have to be able to know what your limits are and state them. Also know your standards for what you want in a relationship so it can guide you. You are your priority and you should only do what makes you comfortable, always. When people can overstep your boundaries that's where they get the opportunity to start disrespecting you. Don't ever be afraid to speak up if you don't like or want to do anything but don't hold yourself back from being in the moment and having fun to. You deserve to be happy.
I'm glad you liked the video. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for your comment, Dylan. I'm glad this resonated with you. If you value my content, please feel free to share this video on other social media platforms and spread the word about Self Directed Healing. I appreciate your support!
The dating scene... not something that ever appealed to me. I feel sorry that once was simply dating is now a scary mess of unworkable! Women may not want to portray the true self until boundaries are established and the true self is revealed. Expectations are too huge and I would have to know the person, be in a periphery or I would not feel comfortable. Personally I think I could be happy living alone in retrospect! 💗
Alan, such useful information. There are so many difficulties in getting to know a person. Over the years of looking for Mr Right, it's nearly impossible to get men to slow down. I think the solution is to just begin with friendship. We women, I believe, are always rushed. For this reason I do not even date. I loathe needing to defend myself because I choose not to become a girl friend by the 2nd date. It is discouraging. And now young people just hook up for sex...so guys are getting their needs met and any woman that wants to go slow, just does not even put herself out there. Most everyone never learned the basics...right?
I find that men seem to put up a lot of boundaries, I personally should prolly put up more as well. I just feel like I trust them and want to explore life together. Men seem to go hot and cold. I do my best to be honest and upfront.
glad you like this one - you're welcome. Since you like this video, you may be interested in learning what drives this behavior from the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thanks so much I feel so unsafe when my partner doesn’t want to talk about being a couple or in a committed relationship with me and wants to just take our time and enjoy being together like why is that so sweet and so triggering 😂
You're welcome and I hear you. I'm reminded of when we mentioned mixed messages in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other. Check out the Community if interested. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Being a church girl , i was proposed after 3 months of knowing my partner, we got married 6 mos later, bin married for 13years & now going thru a divorce
I'm not going to rush into anything ever again. Yeah if your not a committed type of guy and you want a relationship with me . Forget it !! Don't be in a relationship if you cannot be committed to it. I'm being honest and straight forward I don't want to waste my time with someone who's not committed to the relationship . Well if that's the case you shouldn't be in one just play the field for all you players out there,don't even bother.
Glad to see you were engaged with this content. Great declaration. We can never talk enough about leading with our values in relationships. Thanks for commenting. Since you like this video, please tag a friend and/or share it with others. Help me spread the word.
Nolizwi, thank you. Glad you liked this one. You’re invited to join us in the online community I created, Improve Your Relationships. It takes the same topics that these posts are created from and expands upon them. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
What can be done if the relationship already ended? I started developing a crushing anxiety and broke up several times because of it. I know I am young and it's okey, but I want to know if I should try again.
Is 3 years to long for someone not to know if they want A relationship. I had A guy say don’t force it and wouldn’t take me out because he didn’t want to force or rush it or make A relationship with me after 3 years he wants A relationship now and to take me out.
This is me even the guy said to me it's only been two date it's too much. He said that after I was texting feeling like txt messages. I'm so desperate for a relationship that I just wanted it so bad. To the point where I was even paying for the dates. How pathetic
I’m no expert but as a woman if your willing to pay for a date most dudes see that in a positive way. I feel a man should still meet u halfway as you don’t want to potentially be taken advantage of but paying for a date is not something to frown upon.
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on RUclips. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on RUclips. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
If this doesn't save my current budding relationship, it will definitely help save future ones. Thank you sir
Hey Matt, you commented 2 years ago. How's it going? Did it save your budding relationship?
Commitment is futile
Asking for assurance about relationship status after 8 months of closeness, and he already kissed me several times. Is it called rushing for commitment?
@@bee7656 these people say take it slow but life is short.
Yes don't rush but move to slow and things die too, like all things that live.
8 months... that's alot.
That ain't no 8 weeks...
Ask away
@@oscarbear7498exactly I feel the same if someone's really interested why wait so long you should know
Oh boy 🤦🏼♀️ I'm so guilty of this kind of overthinking. I'm saving this video to my LISTEN BEFORE A DATE playlist. Allen, thank you.
I was only FOUR dates in and had already started developing feelings for him and was anxious and sick when he wasn't around. Of course, he wanted to go slowly, but I pretty much had to stop hanging out with him because I did't know how to reverse those feelings and just get to know him. Now I'm stuck with depression, anxiety and looping thoughts about him daily. I'm a mess and feel like a complete failure.
Sounds like you were in limerence instead of true love. Look it up.
@@trey-frey3963 I think you may be right. I'd never come across this word before. Thank you!
You're better than me because I was one date in and two weeks of constant talking on the phone. Then I was totally hooked.
I had to get away from him because I started acting obsessed and I realise he didn't really feel the same now I'm down depressed.
It's already hard to find someone I actually like. when I do this is how the story plays out I become obsessed very quick, I developed feelings way to fast
Dammm, that currently me😂😂
If I feel euphoric about anyone (hot man who wants me) or anything (like a new job) that is a RED flag. I spent 3 years with a man who rocked my universe. He also stole my money, my stuff and my heart. I finally severed the relationship 7 months ago and my heart is still broken. No more euphoric buzz for me.
This is so right on Alan. At 56 I have finally "discovered" how important it is to understand attachment disorder. I am just starting a new relationship and repeating my old patterns just as you described them. So now, when I go have "ice cream" I am going to do just that, have ice cream. Thank you!
Oh my gosh. Was just saying this to someone I was dating - briefly. He has a lot of attachment trauma and he freaked out. He freaked out because we were having so much fun and I could be the type of person he wants long-term. I told him that everyone is scared, but he told me he wants to be friends because he hurts everyone he’s close to or everyone he’d been with hurt him. Basically, I asked him to slow down but he friend zoned me. So ultimately, he’s not a good candidate for me because of this attachment trauma. That sucks but it’s the truth.
My cyber counselor
This is so important, for whatever reason the last few guys I have dated have tried to force commitment and seriousness very quickly and despite my asking them to slow down they kept forcing so I had to exit both situations. Very frustrating to be a person that people are projecting on. It feels like you are unseen and basically a mannequin to keep them company.
Not when you’ve been waiting 6 years for it and then they monkey branch to a new guy who “is perfect for them.”
This is so interesting. I had an ex who told me they loved me within a month & moved in after 4 months. I felt like it was too fast & I wanted the courtship and the fun. I now know to trust my intuition. My gut was screaming slow down & it gave me anxiety. I eventually told him after two months how I felt & that we were moving so fast- and he left & blocked me in every way. Never looked back. I see now that his feelings were just surface & he wanted to move in to see if we were right for each other. I thought he knew so I was trying to tell myself not to let my fear ruin it. Turns out I really needed to put my foot down in the beginning. Uggg. Why do people want to rush??!
Jlabo same situation here. My gut knew something was very wrong. He came across as super needy or insecure. Run like hell, moving in with another person should be something done with a lot of care.
People rush because they are seeking for stability and safety in a relationship, maybe validation and fulfillment some sort
Sadly he was only looking for a place to stay
I’m going through this now 😔😔😔 I recently got out of a toxic situation just to have someone new try to already force me into something just met and he already told me he wants me to fly out and do things with him he already making plans but I just met him. I told him I’m the beginning I don’t want a relationship but I don’t think he understands and he wants to talk to me everyday. Now my anxiety is high as hell I just want to leave before it’s too late ugh
@@shutit4024 A place to live they will drive your car they will only take from you, been there had it happen not worth it,
This is great information. Just being in the moment without an agenda is going to be a challenge but I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks Alan ! You are amazing at what you do. Why don`t they teach these things in school ? Insecure people like myself has to wander blindfolded through the ruins of our love life. Rejecting the available guys, and inviting in the unavailable guys. So sad !!
Magdalena Svensson totally relate :”(
The school of life teaches us. We have to be open to hearing it or it doesn't stick. Too much family influence when we are in school. You almost have to be out on your own first to get it. Just my feeling.
Belly Button Lint turning my back on family was absolutely necessary for me to grow as a person, although it’s been a very lonely process.
Because you re not mature to swollow this as a kid
I'm 18 seconds in but I already like this guy because he has one of my favorite paintings on the wall
It took me 1 months to be totally in love
This is me, I meet a guy we may be talking everyday for a week or two, then I want him to be 100% committed to me if not I start acting out
protest behaviour, or I just cut him off completely
Relatable
This used to be me. When they go Quiet they don't call every day forever it does slow down
This is exactly what I needed to hear in this moment. Thank you for your great suggestions and tips!!
This is the most important video on RUclips, as far as I'm concerned. Incredible video, you've completely redefined my thought process here. I'm at the start of a new and amazing relationship and I really needed to hear this. Hope I can come back in a year and report success :D
How did it go?!
👀
Guilty! I'm a work in progress and your videos are a big help.
I have a question for you: how long is enough time? How do you prevent yourself from being strung along by someone who has no intention of long-term relationship or commitment of any sort? Infinity? How long is a reasonable amount of time, in your opinion? Please factor these situations in this kind of video.
Exactly my question!! It’s been 3+ years...and slowly I feel like we are back to square one... or are like an old married couple that has nothing left to talk about except knowing that you are in their presence and that’s assurance??? Really??? Not sure I always jut wan to to keep being present without a deeper meaningful fulfilling relationship and commitment to creating and building a future together
@@livyogilife The title of this video is "Rushing New Relationships". He's talking about when it's new and you don't really know each other. If you have been together 3+ years it is NOT a new relationship. If you haven't got commitment after that long, you probably aren't going to get it.
As a single man who has a bad track record of rushing into different relationships in years past this is one of the most educational videos that I ever I seen. I will continue to watch this video over and over again as long as I continue to live. I do not want to re-live the past and be disappointed all over again. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Thank you very much for giving me knowledge. I really appreciate you
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for sharing your experience. Glad this video is helpful. So important to keep talking about this.
This topic also comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Be in the moment...this is me but also I have found that they have rushed on their end while I was trying to slow down, making it serious instead of just having fun and feeling relaxed with each other....makes me realize though that I can put myself in a state of emotional unavailability with worry as well.
Alan, thank you for helping me see how my behavior has been effecting my relationships. Although my goal of marriage is a terrific goal, I need to change my initial goal to be one of exploring and taking time to journey with the person first. I appreciate you sharing your wisdom and gifts with all of us on this channel.
New relationship: Initially, I was expressed my desire for a ring. Then as time has gone on (4 months), I'm taking it one day at a time, because this might not work. Glad I slowed down.
Slow down the process of decision making is GREAT advice in other areas of life too! 👏👏👏👏👏
While I feel this is very accurate information from personal experience, it also leaves out the behavior of the other person. The times I have been guilty of this behavior my new partner has been the contributing factor. Whether they're love bombing, self centered, all over the place, inconsistent, or words and actions don't match, just because one person is anxious doesn't mean their anxiety is unjustified. Either way, it's a connection that was never going to work and that has to be accepted.
Thank you for clearly and profoundly placing a mirror in front of me.
Glad this delivered clarity. Thank you for valuing my work and efforts.
If you are curious to learn more about what drives these behaviors then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Learn more by taking the quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Awesome!!!! I'm in
This is one of the best advice for me as I am
Always rushing into relationships with ppl I am really into.
Relationship OCD, anyone?
I've recently come to my own conclusion that the answer to my overthinking is to be present. I see now how I'm not participating if I'm in my head. You've just helped me to understand how I'm showing up, as well as what can happen once I get to the other side. Thanks Alan, I enjoy watching your videos 😊
I appreciate the feedback. Thanks for seeing my efforts to offer explanation. Glad you are finding benefit from the content.
great article. I especially liked the check list for how the two people relate. I wish I had that list earlier. "do they make you laugh, do they ask about your life, etc.
I really wish men also hear these. The problem is many people get on with the chemistry and very quick need to get laid. This chemistry can get overwhelming and put you with a like minded person who then uses you for sex.
This was beyond helpful. Thank you, Alan. Unfortunately I did just this with someone I was dating, which inevitably pushed them away. It's painful and hard not blame yourself but every painful experience is an opportunity to learn.
Thank you for valuing my content. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Your videos are so simplistic in nature and yet these are deeply complex concepts you discuss. It's unbelievable how much your videos have helped someone like myself with major codependency dependency issues and relationship addiction. Thank you for all the material you cover and I will continue to watch... You're truly an inspiration!
Leslie, i appreciate your feedback. I’m glad this material resonates with you. If the information I offer is of benefit, then consider joining us in the membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. You’re invited to join us. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
So guilty. Oh man. Thank you for this video. Lesson learned!
Oh my, this is exactly me to the tee right now with a guy I newly started dating for 2 months and I have a compulsion to pull the plug now because I’m not getting the certainty I crave lol
How is it going a year later?
This is so accurate. I find myself in my current relationship having to create space and pump the brakes. I didn’t have words for what I felt like and didn’t know why I felt so much anxiety.
Syhlex, You might be interested in my free Healthy Relating Checklist. You can get it here alanrobarge.com/checklist
Alan Robarge / Attachment Trauma Therapist Thank you for this resource. I can tell you care about your audience, and authentically want to help guide us to where we can find the healing we need. I appreciate you.
Thank you syhlex. I am glad this material is supportive.
Omg this is sooo me. If it doesn't turn into a full blown relationship within a couple of months I won't waste any more of my time. But if it does I get scared & abandon ship! 🥴
This is great insight. Glad this video spoke to you. And I hear you. Many can relate with these dynamics. Thanks for commenting.
If you'd like to dive deeper into these dynamics then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Learn more by taking the quiz. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I needed this video. You have provided me with the education I needed to understand my behaviors. I will stop forcing a relationship and just enjoy my person. Thank you so much.
You're so welcome. Thank you for valuing my efforts to offer helpful content. Glad to hear it is of benefit.
Also, if this video is helpful and you'd like to learn more about what gets in the way of emotional availability then you may be interested in the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I've never heard it in this perspective before! So simple.
Glad this video speaks to you. Thanks for the comment.
You may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Your videos have been extremely helpful in me understanding my patterns in relationships.
I’m so glad to hear the videos are helpful and that my work brought you new understanding. So many of us can relate with rushing into relationships. It can be so validating when others relate to our experience. Have you heard about the Improve Your Relationships Community Program? Take the quiz if you’d like to learn more about the Community. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning.
www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I definitely need to slow down and not get my hopes up. Just enjoy the moments with no expectation of commitment until we naturally get there.
holy shit ,this video hit the nail on the head for me.....extremely good video
Alan you are poet ... Words can heal ... And your words are uplifting thanks for saving my life....
Thanks Alan. Great vid! 👌
Spot on and tryna reverse some of my antics I've already shown him lol. We're about a month in and I feel myself starting to catch feelings... so the terror creeps in and I gotta know XY&Z about his intentions and this and that and even tho he's been GREAT with me about answering and talking things out, I know it's draining and placing a cloud over what should be fun and flirty times while getting to know each other. I'm def backing off of bringing anything else up to him (unless it's just absolutely necessary lol) and gonna enjoy him and allow him to enjoy me too :)
Glad this video speaks to you. Thanks for the comment and for sharing your experience.
How is it going for you
@teatalkwithme we no longer date but we're still friends :)
Yesss just be present on the walk or just be here at dinner, i need to hear that as I’m an over thinker by reassurance 😊
Thanks for the comment.
This is how I ruined what could have been an incredible thing because I was freaking out and needed certainty and guarantee, where as he wanted to take it slow and enjoy the process 😢
I hear you and you wouldn't believe how many of us have been in this spot. Check out the relationship quiz if interested. It may spark helpful reflections/ideas. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you! This is helpful for friendships too.
Glad this is helpful. You're welcome.
I needed to hear this. Just had a relationship i was super excited about blow up in my face for the reasons explained here. Still trying to salvage/assess the damage
I'm glad you liked the video Kyle. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
are there any exercises that we can do for this? I revert back to what I think I should be so I stress out and anxiety sets in......then I shut down.
Wow this is brilliant!
Thank you! 🙏🏻
You're welcome and thank you for the kind words. Also check out the relationship quiz www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
This is a great video.
Brilliant! Thank you Alan 😊
I appreciate the kind words.
You may also like the Relationship Quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I'm 5 weeks into a new one, this is a great reminder video!
Glad this is helpful. Thanks for valuing my effort.
If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. www.alanrobarge.com/community
I am a month and a half in, so approximately, I'm constantly having anxiety every time the person goes hours without texting me., I cry and cry are my world comes to a standstill..
I've worked a lot on protest behaviour and activation strategy.
So I try not to act out but I'm suffering.
A lot of waiting watching the time go by. Waiting for a txt.
It's horrible.
Constantly crying.
Don't get me wrong he has messaged me every day since we met on the 29th June 23.
However it's not enough.
And of course his emotionally unavailable, goes cold
And distance
thank you Alan this video make a lot of sense. I too as someone said is a work in progress.i will continue to listen to this video until I rap it around my brain. I am determined to get it right when it comes to relationship s. I had two failed engagements, I could not figure out why. slowly but surely I am starting to understand. I am so thankful for fg finding you on RUclips. Thank you ate a life saver.
So a random guy blames you for relationship fails ? Please don t
My now girlfriend and i rushed it to fast been together 19 years and going strong.
Just subscribed thank you so much.
This was very helpful. Going at this pace is not all that common in my experience. People are quick to move on without the reassurance that its going somewhere within the first few dates. Maybe its different with the securely attached types. Not so for anxious or avoidant types. We just need to breathe and enjoy the moment.
Thanks for sharing this amazing messages , I loved ur video messages 💕💖💕👑
Really excellent
Thanks for the kind words and for valuing my effort. Glad it brings benefit.
You may also like getting in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you sooo much for making these elucidative videos! ❤️🙏🏼
Alan, you've been instrumental in my journey back to healthy relationships! Thank you for your work; always so helpful!
That's wonderful. Thanks for valuing my efforts to provide quality content. I'm glad you benefit. Please consider becoming a sustaining supporter. Your contribution not only supports videos already created but is an investment in the continuation of future, new content. Thanks for your consideration. www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Verrrry helpful!!
💯 spot on Alan
Alan I just love watching your videos and your infinite wisdom. Please keep putting out this incredibly life changing content. Thank you.
Megan, thank you for the supportive words. I'm glad to hear you are finding my videos helpful. Thank you for valuing my work. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
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Make a direct donation
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Thanks again for letting me know my video was helpful.
I needed this, thank you
Glad my work brings you benefit.
Such great advice
Thank you.
This is me I met a guy on Tinder and I knew him for 1-month
on our second time of sleeping together afterwards I asked him if we are going to be together in a relationship and where We Stand
she did not want to answer me it was like trying to get blood out of a stone
he then sadly turned around and said to me that I should not wait for him and that if somebody else comes along I should date them because he lives outside of my State
he said to me that when he goes to the pub he sometimes hooks. up with women and he does not want me to get hurt
I am really going through so much pain right now trying to detach from him I told him it was over I've had to emotional outbursts and sent loads of text messages to him
it hurts so much I really want him back but he will not be exclusive with me
Girl, he told you the truth point blank. He’s not looking for a relationship and you can’t force that on him. Don’t take it personally, just cut off all communication and move on to someone who IS ready for a relationship.
@@angiek1827 you were right. And I did just that.
Im so grateful for your videos
Thanks mister
You're welcome.
Such awesome advice!!! Thank you!!! 😍
This is great, thank you
Glad you like this one. You're welcome.
If you like this content then you may also like the Improve Your Relationships Community Program:
www.alanrobarge.com/community
So helpful! Wow!
wow this video was so good!! Explains alot...
My mind is blown…. Who knew live the moment.
I just do check list when I’m dating! No more!!!! 😅
Glad my work speaks to you. So important to talk about this.
Thank you, so good, relates to me right now.
Glad this one resonates. Thanks for the comment. If you like this video, you might also like learning about The Four Attachment Distress Responses. You are invited to take the quiz as an intro to learning more. Here is the quiz page: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
5:28 onwards
Glad that part stood out for you. Thanks for commenting. Please also share this video with friends who may like it. Help me spread the word. Thanks.
thank you Alan!
You're welcome, glad you like this video. You may also like taking The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Loved it!!
Slowly but sure is the key...
yes. thanks for the comment
I wanna super like this video!!!!
Thank you!
You're welcome
This is very insightful.
Thanks for the comment. If you like this content then you may also want to take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz.
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thanks!
You're welcome. Glad you like this one.
If you like this content then may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
i agree with what you said. im in the same situation right now. but my thoughts over rule what i want to do. it convinces my heart that im not worthy of anythings
My empathy goes out to you. So many of us have experienced similar cycles and heavy emotions. That can be overwhelming, confusing, and frustrating.
But you're not alone. My only Community, Improve Your Relationships, provides people with similar experiences and feelings to yours a place to discuss, learn, grow, and heal from these things. We all deserve to break free of the cycles and the past and present that make us feel helpless and unworthy. You deserve to feel supported, and joining a Community with people who can understand and relate is a great place to start. Check it out now: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Also, because this video resonated with you, I recommend checking out my course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I did both.
I wish I'd seen this sooner. Maybe those relationships would've lasted longer...but I always start questioning the progress of our relationship when they start making some moves, like trying to hold my hands, or kissing me. To me, I don't do these things with just friends. is that reasonable?
If you're uncomfortable with that kind of affection you should definitely say so.
I believe that's where boundaries come in because you have to be able to know what your limits are and state them. Also know your standards for what you want in a relationship so it can guide you. You are your priority and you should only do what makes you comfortable, always. When people can overstep your boundaries that's where they get the opportunity to start disrespecting you. Don't ever be afraid to speak up if you don't like or want to do anything but don't hold yourself back from being in the moment and having fun to. You deserve to be happy.
Thank you so much!
I'm glad you liked the video. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Very helpful Thankyou kindly
Thank you for your comment, Dylan. I'm glad this resonated with you. If you value my content, please feel free to share this video on other social media platforms and spread the word about Self Directed Healing. I appreciate your support!
Great input 👍
Thank you for your work, Alan. This video helped me to understand/validate my sense of why a promising relationship ended after a few weeks of dating.
The dating scene... not something that ever appealed to me. I feel sorry that once was simply dating is now a scary mess of unworkable! Women may not want to portray the true self until boundaries are established and the true self is revealed. Expectations are too huge and I would have to know the person, be in a periphery or I would not feel comfortable. Personally I think I could be happy living alone in retrospect! 💗
Alan, such useful information. There are so many difficulties in getting to know a person. Over the years of looking for Mr Right, it's nearly impossible to get men to slow down. I think the solution is to just begin with friendship. We women, I believe, are always rushed. For this reason I do not even date. I loathe needing to defend myself because I choose not to become a girl friend by the 2nd date. It is discouraging. And now young people just hook up for sex...so guys are getting their needs met and any woman that wants to go slow, just does not even put herself out there. Most everyone never learned the basics...right?
I find that men seem to put up a lot of boundaries, I personally should prolly put up more as well. I just feel like I trust them and want to explore life together. Men seem to go hot and cold. I do my best to be honest and upfront.
like it - thank you
glad you like this one - you're welcome.
Since you like this video, you may be interested in learning what drives this behavior from the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Thanks so much I feel so unsafe when my partner doesn’t want to talk about being a couple or in a committed relationship with me and wants to just take our time and enjoy being together like why is that so sweet and so triggering 😂
You're welcome and I hear you. I'm reminded of when we mentioned mixed messages in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other. Check out the Community if interested. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Reaffirm to me that dating for 7months is still a very new relationship haha
Being a church girl , i was proposed after 3 months of knowing my partner, we got married 6 mos later, bin married for 13years & now going thru a divorce
I'm not going to rush into anything ever again. Yeah if your not a committed type of guy and you want a relationship with me . Forget it !! Don't be in a relationship if you cannot be committed to it. I'm being honest and straight forward I don't want to waste my time with someone who's not committed to the relationship . Well if that's the case you shouldn't be in one just play the field for all you players out there,don't even bother.
Glad to see you were engaged with this content. Great declaration. We can never talk enough about leading with our values in relationships. Thanks for commenting.
Since you like this video, please tag a friend and/or share it with others. Help me spread the word.
Amazing
TY!
If you like this video then check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz YW!
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Appreciate it! Keep up the good work Robarge 👏 🙌
OMG 😟. This is good
Nolizwi, thank you. Glad you liked this one. You’re invited to join us in the online community I created, Improve Your Relationships. It takes the same topics that these posts are created from and expands upon them. Here is a link for more info: www.alanrobarge.com/community
What can be done if the relationship already ended? I started developing a crushing anxiety and broke up several times because of it. I know I am young and it's okey, but I want to know if I should try again.
Is 3 years to long for someone not to know if they want A relationship. I had A guy say don’t force it and wouldn’t take me out because he didn’t want to force or rush it or make A relationship with me after 3 years he wants A relationship now and to take me out.
This is me even the guy said to me it's only been two date it's too much. He said that after I was texting feeling like txt messages.
I'm so desperate for a relationship that I just wanted it so bad.
To the point where I was even paying for the dates. How pathetic
I’m no expert but as a woman if your willing to pay for a date most dudes see that in a positive way. I feel a man should still meet u halfway as you don’t want to potentially be taken advantage of but paying for a date is not something to frown upon.