Offensive Aspie Behaviour: When I'm Tired
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- Опубликовано: 18 дек 2024
- I usually have to modify my behaviour so that it is socially acceptable. Running out of energy to do this can lead to undesirable consequences.
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Am I the only one who feels like an actor on the stage when doing things that are “normal?” And then being physically drained by just being around people all the time?
Makes sense. When you say 'actor on stage' I imagine putting energy into maintaining a facade. I experience this too and it's definitely draining. Now that I'm conscious of it, I can also deliberately 'drop the act' (in certain situations) which is really relaxing.
Thank you for your courage and for helping us all.
That's what's happening right now with me. My Dad died five days ago, relatives I don't know well are here, and acting neurotypical has exhausted me.
Makes you wonder why we even do it, I really can’t stand being expected at certain events, like I was told I had to be at my grandsons first birthday, and although I wanted to, there were a lot of other people expected there too, and I already knew that it would be some ex in-laws that would not find anything that I’d do right anyway, but I did show up for my daughter and grandson, and I just tried to act like the others weren’t there and go ahead and have a good time, the stares made me nervous enough, now these were people who had been pretty abusive while I was married to their son, because I was shy and stayed home mostly, I was the weirdo they’d say, miss peculiar, and told a lot to get out, even though I was happy staying home, but at this party, knowing they’d find a way to jump at me, and they did, I just smiled at them and went into the kitchen with my daughter and hung out and never let my daughters side after that, I felt like this was for my grandson and they should’ve left their attitudes at home, but that’s just me, they’ve been mad for years that I’d left the abusive marriage, and always tried to make me feel bad because of my desire to be alone and not be super social, and talkative, but since then I found out why I am the way I am, and they had no right to ridicule me and try to tear me down always, so I’d say just make yourself comfortable and don’t try to follow the rules of what others expect, just as long as you aren’t disruptive or hateful, be comfortable if that means staying home, so be it.
I feel like this all the time when out in the world...but not in the sanctuary of my home. Tired? I get exhausted and need time to recharge as my brain and body actually shuts down coping with social interaction during a day.
My son is an aspie. His need for friends drove him into a cult. These videos are hugely helpful. Keep up the good work!
@GC3 World Mission Society Church of God.
Is that good or bad?
@@patperez8223 Its bad. One of many high demand religions that prey on peoples good intentions. Especially those with Aspie tendencies. Basically a Cult.
I'm so sorry. I hope you could get your son out of there safely.
was the cult the American Dream?
Tiredness is our worst enemy. I often sleep a lot to make sure it does not happen, but sleeping too much on the other hand can make you slow. So it is like balancing on a rope for me. When I am really tired I just become silent and everything annoys me.
Over sleeping is often a sign of low level depression, just taking walks in nature or be I g around animals snaps you out of this .
@@JudgeMarmianWiZard or just go nocturnal, have you not noticed that in the quiet calm of night, the tank does not burn out, so fast if at all
Sounds very normal to me
Same
@A-dutch-Z........"I just become silent and everything annoys me". I know exactly what that's like. I need to remove myself from everything when I feel that way. It's damned difficult to have an 'episode' and explain to others why I'm screwed-up now, but was just fine five minutes before. It can really suck.
This happens to me all the time! I am just minding my own business and people interpret it as rude. In actuality, I am just trying to cope with all of the noise and I am so exhausted.
Me and me being tired is easier to ignore all that negativity
Noise is so hard on me to Shikia. I’ve had to leave parties because the laughter is too loud. Concerts are out, and I’d rather be alone than near groups of people. Sometimes my ears ring from outbursts of laughter by a group of people. Not fun.
In that situation THEY are wrong. Use "narcicism" and turn it around on them! Just boldy ask the person this :
" How is me going out of my way to be POLITE by MINdING MY OWN business " rude ? Then roll your eyes and walk away. You will give them food for thought and make them MAYBE (more chances not bc those ppl dont care &lack empathy in the first place) feel like doo doo /ashamed for reacting. Sometimes they will actually apoligisd and say oh I didnt think of it that way. Yes I have done that and yes I have had that reaction (not always but sometimes, they feel bad and stop it).
I think I got the same thing hapoen to me just because I wanted to wear my headphones as I did my things.
So true! I used to feel bothered if others thought I was rude when I'm minding my own business. But now I stopped caring so much because I come 1st because I need to take care of my mental wellbeing, others ain't doing my homework nor expected to, and the least they can do is leave me alone when I'm minding my business peacefully.
When I'm tired, I'm either in a really silly mood (usually at night) or a really irritable mood (usually in the morning)
I can definitely relate to the 'silly mood'! )
same here
I so relate to that too. My son (who's also an aspie) always used to know when I was tired as I just come out with silly jokes & puns and make up daft words. :)
Same here
THIS IS SO ME.
One thing that is exhausting is that when you know you reached your limit but know you have an event to attend so you decide to rest before it the rest of the day so your socially recharged. If you live with people who don’t have this problem they say stupid things like “well part of growing up is to push through... “ I push through everyday but I know my limit and why can’t they let me be for that?...
It's possible you would enjoy social life in Estonia. We, Estonians, are notorious for remaining silence at social gatherings. If it were a family dinner, for example, nobody would mind you watching TV in a quiet room, going for a brief walk, or even taking a nap while others were busy eating. Even sitting together and contributing to the overall silence with an occasional sigh is a thing in Estonia. :-D
Sounds nice. I really enjoyed my 3 days in Tallinn a few years back :)
That sounds a lovely and more honest atmosphere.
Eve Laur That sounds great. Most sunday here in USA we usually have big family dinners like 10 or more people. It can get so tiring. And especially holidays are hard to get through.
That sounds so lovely. Estonia sounds like a super place.
I want to go to Estonia when I retire!
You gotta cut the people out of your life who don't try to peel back the 'you' to see what makes you tick. If they don't make the effort to know why you're behaving the way you are, they aren't worth knowing in my opinion. Don't be around people who don't give you what you deserve. You try so hard, so they should try too.
Caractacus Well, I agree with you. I’m a healthcare professional and have seen all types of people and ran a practice for many years. People are quite self absorbed these days.... they rarely care enough to even try to understand someone else’s suffering. I’m a female Aspie, and when I had to tell my staff about it because they kept seeing my odd behavior getting worse due to stress and some other physical health issues...they did not want to listen! My doctor even offered to come to my office to explain it to them, I offered to buy them dinner or have a lunch and learn...they had no interest! I gave every ounce of my being to people everyday and eventually it broke me. I had to stop my extremely successful career...I barely have enough energy to do the simple things around the house or for my husband and son. Fortunately, they are very understanding, and I have a very few people around me who do care. I absolutely kicked those people out of my life that didn’t have any interest for understanding me...they just used me. Nope 👎 no more! I’m more blunt and cold with those kinds of people. Life is too short to be miserable due to trying to please everyone at all expense to yourself. I’ve researched the hell out of this too..diet plays a huge part of it as well. Ive had deep conversations with doctors with degrees ranging from Harvard to Yale to Emory...to local colleges. They happen to agree with my strategy. I was suicidal and nearly succeeded a few times. I love to help others...I’m practically addicted to it, but unfortunately, right now I have to take of me!
I absolutely agree with you. People with asperger's are expected to accept & settle for crumbs.
Floating Head and they thus expect their significant others to settle for crumbs too. Sometimes people with Aspergers just are not going to be compatible with those who have certain standards. It doesn’t mean they are bad people, they just cant be expected to settle for less than they know they need either.
@Aryan Ranger No. Sorry, but no. People simply don't care. They are only willing to "understand" (which in itself is usually an act) when it's socially expected (for example, when dealing with someone who is handicapped), when they are lower in the hierarchy (they have something to lose by not caring) or when they feel attracted to the that person (as attractive people's faults are more easily overlooked/forgiven).
Yeah sounds good in theory
. But in reality this approach has left me single and living alone for 8 years so ... maybe not the best advice
I'm 42 and never been diagnosed. But it's like hearing the story of my life.
Wow. I have some of these qualities too. I have problems with too much eye contact and I have moments when I just don’t want to talk in a room full of people. I feel out of place when I’m invited to people’s houses. I kind of stay silent and just “people watch” which may seem rude but I just don’t get people. 🤷🏽♀️ One on one is fine but boy! You get in those multiples with mixed personalities and I become an observer. If people talk to me, I’ll talk but I literally have 3 close friends and none of them live near me.
I think many people share the same characteristics.
45 and same here.
48 and exactly the same
41, same here. Problem I also have is that if I get beyond tired I also get extremely anxious because I don’t want others to feel bad for my behaviour. Very fatiguing.
When I realize that I'm that tired, and have no energy to change my behaviors to seem more "typical", the logical choice to me is to just mostly keep my mouth shut. And if someone calls me out on that, my first thought is "screw you", but I don't say that, and sometimes it's actually something personal and meaner. And then I'm in trouble for having an inappropriate outburst. Why can't they just let me be?! At work, my boss and HR are the only people who know I'm on the spectrum. My boss told me at a recent review (that was very positive) that another manager, who I don't report to at all, labeled me as inflexible. WTH???!!! They have NO IDEA how much I have had to flex to just survive in the "cube farm" that I work in. Thank you so much for sharing your personal stories. It makes me feel less alone in this beautiful but challenging world.
I am not an aspie but my brother is, so I understand (at least partly) what you're going through, he had much the same issues with employers. Its unfortunate that we all get compared to some mythical baseline "normal" person, as if we should all be super flexible in any situation. Or that "flexible" has a definite objective meaning and not a subjective one. Flexibility is subjective, we would all be amazed at a log that can bend 90 degrees without breaking but wouldn't bat an eye at someone folding paper made out of that same wood.
Be proud you were able to flex as much as you did to fit in and get through life, it is a true accomplishment. Like Paarthurnax says in Skyrim "What is better - to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" of course we aren't talking about good and evil here, but it works as an analogy.
*People can't adjust to things they don't know.*
My brother is autistic, and we've had to have this conversation many times.
Thankfully he's gotten better at letting people know his struggles with practice, and it has helped him a lot.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you want people to stop interrupting you or other similar things you find annoying, you will have to find a way to explain to them why their behaviour is negatively impacting you, and give them alternatives.
For instance, instead of talking to you when you are working, they could send you a message or write you a note to come over when you have come to a natural break point, so as to not disturb you.
It's important that you talk to a friend, family member or even therapist about how you should go about it, so it doesn't make things worse.
It's not your fault that you want and need space, but as an adult you have to take responsibility and make that known, with an explanation and some preferred alternatives (if you want positive results).
This is why I love the spoon theory! It explains the exhaustion and the impact it has on your actions so well to others.
I relate to this so so much! I find that actively acting more like an NT is really draining, and when my energy runs out I tend to stop replying with words, and all I want is for the people I'm with to leave so I can relax by myself.
Don't know about you but I find texts bug me too when tired I often worry about being rude as I don't answer for ages till I feel like it.
NTs are draining and demanding without sharing.
Your videos on Aspergers is the best I've found on RUclips. You help me so much understand my ex who had autism. I understand that most of the behavior he could not help when I expected it from him. Thanks doll.
Can you pls explain in details what are your expectations were from him and in what way you think he I different from others?
Can you pls explain in details what are your expectations were from him and in what way you think he I different from others?
I bet you feel pretty bad now huh
That's takes a lot of self-awareness and honesty to admit!
I really appreciate your Channel.. 👏🙏
I’m an NT and I’m not a pleasant person when I’m tired either. Did the people who complained about you know that you’re an aspie?
I’ve been trying to learn about aspie and “the way of the aspie” because I believe the man I love could be an aspie. The more I learn the more interesting y’all seem to be. As far as emotions go, it seems like everyone has the view that the NT is superior in this area but in some aspects the aspie does have the upper hand. Y’all have a really cool way of thinking. This is no disability at all, what I see is a gift that I don’t have. I love and adore the man I’m with so much, I’m not 100% sure he’s an aspie but I’m convince, I’m 90% sure he is. Sometimes there’s complications in getting him to understand how my emotions work but when I treat the situation like he’s an aspie from what I’ve learned from watching your and others videos, it makes those complicated situations so much easier. Sometimes I think I should just listen to him when he says “just don’t worry”.
But seriously. Y’all seem to be amazing in ways that an NT could never be.
There are so many different types of people in this world it would be so helpful if we learned about this in school as well as learned about compassion and acceptance.
Yes, totally agreed.
Yea when I get overloaded and tired I just go quiet. Family/friends may say you dont seem very enthusiastic, which annoyes me. I have to recharge on my own where I can just focus on the present. I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 5, but I believe I am highly sensitive as well.
I've had people threaten me on the bus because they think they are getting dirty looks when I'm just flat knackerd!
I know what you mean. Never got threatened but realised during my teens my neutral look wasn't very appealing, so I stopped looking people in the eye in public, unless I actually had to speak to them. I can look people in the eye for longer than a second, but I have to prepare to do so before the converation starts. I can tell you, eye contact is real important. It determines the rest of your relationship with this person.
@Alex Hamblin.....Hypersensitivity is 'part of the package' in my case. It really sucks when someone is just goofing around with me and I take it personally and literally. The mood swings are a trip through hell. I've lost relationships with women when I have an 'episode'.
As a fellow aspie, sometimes it seems that they have super high expectations of me. It's very tiring and frustrating when I feel like people aren't meeting me halfway
Try family omg they should know what will set me off and do not so those things.
Sometimes it feels like I’m giving 110% because no one in a situation gives even 10%.
i've been browsimg your videos and have found comfort in a lot of them. but this video made me cry instantly. in social situations involving groups i tend to shut down because it takes too much out of me to keep up the façade and therefore come across as cold. my mother also calls me mean and "bitchy", often times after a long day. i know i'm tired, but telling her so doesn't ever seem like a satisfying answer. i've recently been diagnosed with asd and am working on some of the difficulties, but i hadn't realised that my poor behavior when i'm tired could be linked to my condition. anyway, i'm very thankful for all your videos, they bring me a little bit of happiness and, for a short moment, pause my constant anxiety. cheers x
I was halfway through typing up an essay length comment to your video describing how much this video resonates with me when I decided that a short reply would be the better way to go. Like some of the others who have replied I can also relate to this very much. I just want to post a comment to send some good vibes and energy your way since I know personally how draining it can be to constantly filter your behavior so that other people around you aren't offended. After something like that happens all we can do is try to learn from the experience as much as we can and try to stay positive. It's hard to not let experiences like that make you jaded.
thanks for the support :)
It does help sometimes when these arses get funny with you to say in a tired irritated tone "Oh God not another one of those!". It makes them question their piss poor judgement (as long as you are not dealing with a Narcissist)
Listening to you, is like hearing my own thoughts, 😊
This man is intelligent inciteful and very considerate of how he is perceived by others. Don t care about about what others think so much. Who cares. Your survival is most important. Others who don t understand don t care for others. Hang in there and keep your head uo. Your one of. Gods creatiins and nothing can change this. God is love.
Oh I’m exactly the same!! People think there’s something wrong with me, that I’m depressed or in pain or not happy to be with them but it’s not true
If I had a dollar for everyone who asked me if I was OK or in a bad mood when I was really just focused...sigh...
I just go home. I crash. I am tired. I eat nourishing food like sliced red peppers , sourdough bread, organic Fuji apples, honey . I read and cuddle my three cats.
Every one I know gets tired. It is totally cool that you are you.
Everyone adds energy in their own way. If people expect me to get up at the crack of dawn, I say no. I love to see people in the day. Depression drains my energy. And I want to keep going! I wish I could keep writing and reading at night.
I think you found your tribe. It is beautiful that can express your energy truly and be accepted by your friends. This is human acceptance without judgement.
A friend used work in a mental hospital. It frequently occurred that the patient seemed reasonable, but when the family visited, it was noted that the family were the ones that should be admitted! It was agreed amongst staff that they could then understand why the patient appeared to have problems- far more due to the family's behaviour, than their own supposed condition! What you describe often sounds like what used to be called 'highly strung', or 'over-sensitive'. In a tough and harsh world..
That's exactly how I am too, I really love when my family gather and talk among themselves, not expecting me to answer any questions but welcoming a small chime in here and there, not minding me zoning out and putting my head on the table or laying down
What I never understood is why it was perfectly ok for EVERYONE else to be having a bad day or be tired and want to shut down, but when I really need it... when I’ve pushed myself to my limit and given it my all and the work is done or I’m at a good stopping point; it’s completely unacceptable for me to do so and I get lectured or scolded or told that now isn’t the time. It’s perfectly acceptable for others to get to slack off or change up the way they do something or leave out a little detail or call off, but when I do it it couldn’t be a worse possible time or the error is so egregious that it warrants a “sit down talking to”. I honestly feel like I’m just constantly wrong and it keeps me up all night going over “theoretical” conversations in my head and planning and planning and planning until my eyes finally close. Until I found this channel I just thought that I had a target on my back. Now I kind of KNOW that I do and it’s actually my broken brain’s fault. Now I just need to figure out how to fix that.
I don't know. Sounds like you are surrounded by unpleasant, bitchy people. I've gotten rid of friends when I've seen them treat other people really badly, because I figure "I'm next."
Sounds more like certain people are making you the scapegoat for their shortcomings 😢
I understand that my coworkers started making jokes like why I sleep too much, how I should do certain things, why I do not go out much, why why why. I just asked myself I do not give a shit about their lives why they think they tell me what I should do or not. Society sucks there are lots of toxic people around us even though we do not want them around unfortunately we've got to live with them.
I have mentioned needing the ability to tap out and take a break but when I get to that point my verbage gets me in trouble when I am really trying to ask for a break. Thanks for sharing. I need a pause button for everything. Or a code word that I can say when my processing ability goes down. I get mad when someone asks a simple question or the phone rings.
code word. Good idea. Pre-rehearsed phrases also work reasonably well.
I can relate to this. If I'm tired or focused on an object, I usually become unresponsive. This typically happens when I'm walking in or out of a classroom and the teacher is there greeting people. I'm usually so focused on getting to where I'm supposed to get to respond to a greeting. By the time I realise I made a mistake, It's already too late. I always feel guilty afterwards.
I'm fine with socializing with family & friends, but socializing with other people is just too draining for me. There are so many things that I'm supposed to focus on. On top of that, I also get nervous and very uncomfortable. It's good to know I'm not the only one experiencing this:-)
I can only focus on one thing at a time, sounds like you are the same
I always retreat to my flat ( With ears plugged) in till I'm fully slept well and recharged before meeting up with anyone as I've known for years now and learned the hardway Tiredness = Krankyness= falling out with people/ scenes. Of course it don't help that sleeping problems often accompany AS. It's horrible when you have to go somewhere or have agreed to do something the next day and you hadn't slept all night beforehand.
I enjoy the occasional social event, but find it takes me two days afterward to recover my energy. I had never connected the dots to how much energy those events require of me. Thanks for this. You have offered me a lot to think about.
Hate, hate, hate to hear about your feeling like you have to spend all your energy trying to act "normal" and how people treat you.
Thankful you have some friends who allow you to be you and accept you for that. If you can't just say, "folks, I'm really beat so don't take my silence personally- I just am out of energy for now" and have others accept that, well, that itself is unacceptable in my view. You're amazing, so hope you will increasingly let go of trying to be something you are not and be yourself. Normal is boring! :D
Nancy Addison
Very good observation. .. I couldn't agree with u more. I can relate to how he feels to the T.... this video helps me Tremously. . Thanks bro.
Being socially conscious is very exhausting x
This combination of words is just perfect
Omg! This is ME! even my kids get so mad at me for shutting down, but I literally cannot help it!
This explains so much - I thought it was low blood sugar or something but blood tests when I "shut down" show normal levels. And when I shut down, there is nothing I can do, ESPECIALLY not able to make decisions.
They don't get mad. How can you even say that. They get SAD. And children often act out in anger when they are sad.
Very true. And even though in certain situations I've learned how I should react and do often react accordingly, it's not natural for me so I have to push myself into doing these things. And when I'm tired and/or frustrated I'm not able to focus enough to keep up the appearances with these reactions.
Very exhausting to have to pre-analyze what I'm going to say to someone in response, while I'm already in "shut down"and mode and unable to make a decision or regulate my comments so that they don't come across as rude or mean. I'm not a mean person, but when I'm depleted of energy, what I think is a normal, indifferent statement can be very offensive.
He describes it very well and I don't get it in my mind how people can give this video a thumb down.
Oh my god I’m 54 years of age and you nailed it. I have been subjecting my partner to this behaviour. I am now POSITIVE that this one of many behaviours that I do that she has found challenging to say the least. I’m so sad for her. On a positive note, I am currently having assessment to see if I’m on the spectrum. Your vlogs have helped me to see how my behaviour comes across, they make me cry. Keep up the excellent work.
You really explain things well and that helps me to understand my boy so much better. Thank you and keep it up it's of great benefit.
You're welcome! Thanks for the comment :)
I, too, have been thinking, as I've gotten into watching your videos, that you are such a good teacher. Thankyou.
How lovely to see such a dedicated parent!!
I had a stroke five years ago and I've found that when I'm tired the filter between my brain and my mouth tends to disengage
Your videos help me so much to understand my son better because he doesn’t always verbalize these things. You’re so great. Thank you 🙏🏼
So happy I found your channel. Now I feel like I can understand my autistic brother. He is a teenage now and has trouble opening up or explaining his feelings. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you for expressing the way I feel. To hear it all coming from someone like you helps me sort out other people's reactions in my own life. Keep up the good work.
You're welcome. Glad to hear it has been helpful for you :)
I’m completely serious when I say that you sound more like a person I’d want to be around than your friends. Keep up the good work !
These older videos are so enlightening. Far less psycho-therapy and scientific studies than the new videos- the way you say it in these videos is how I say it when I'm telling someone. But the newer videos demonstrate the absolute scientific basis of what we experience and they validate all your older videos. Great job sir! I just sent in my request to join the Facebook group.
Your comment about wanting to be around people, but without any expectations really resonated with me the other day when I was so upset I kept crying. But because I knew I could join a meeting with people who would be concerned for my welfare but accept me being there regardless. This enabled to calm within about 10 minutes and then contribute! (to my surprise!)
same thing happens with people with chronic pain
we are misunderstood
yeah, not that I have chronic pain, but I can relate to people asking 'why are you always tired?'
Thank you for your videos I've been wondering why I'm so tired all the time, and you've helped me to understand myself and my aspergers better, in just the couple videos I've seen, your videos are a God send! And have helped my parents to understand me better, these videos are helping me come to reality!☺
If I get over tired with too much socialising, I may do something to show or say I need to recharge myself and someone gets offended then I break all social bonds, I don't miss them.
I’m done being fake for people that demand I just be normal, I’d rather be me by myself
I describe this as ‘my social filters are down’, the unfiltered things I say are often received poorly. Very much a smart arse. I warn people, they disregard it at their peril.
In the mental health profession this is often referred to as "decompensation". When a person with mental health challenges can no longer compensate by acting "normal". Which happens daily for many. (Often at a predictable time of day.)
Whatever my issues are, I get this way OFTEN. And if I get pushed, it literally destroys me in ways I can barely recover from. it scars me & takes excruciatingly dry & painful days, weeks or months to recover.
When I am forced away from disconnecting & resting to take care of myself & recuperate when I need to do so, I describe that horrible destroying feeling as "I'm being extruded!"
It creates extreme dysphoria, heart palpitations, hyperventilation, unbearable depression, desperation, bizarre behaviors, even more bizarre thoughts, debiliitation, migraines for days, disorientation, dissociation, visual disturbances, inability to function at all, hebephrenia ("word salad"), panic attacks, brokenness, shatteredness, despair & more in me.
It is real, immediate & of the utmost seriousness!
Yeah sometimes I love to tune out & relax within myself by disconnecting when around other kind, comfortable, non- intrusive people. I daily need to spend time alone too.
I def think the people you hang around are selfish, narcissistic... and you are possibly codependent, so they expect constant psychic feeding coming from you to them. You deserve better friends!
(I am being helped by CBD oil :) but not Charlottes Web, it makes me sick & crazy (like how i feel with yerba matte, i get psychotic feeling inside... I'm guessing these things are anticholinergic? Which is terrible for me.)
I LOVE Palmetto Harmony (organic), & the Plus brand. They're helping put me back together again more, & I can socialize more easily & successfully though I still need to rest.
Moderate exercise & stretching helps too. As does massage or very light skin stroking (called "nerve stroke" technique). These touch therapies, for those who can tolerate them, are considered also to help in healing Attachment Disorders or anything related.
I adore 3 books for help: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Dr Daniel Amen, The Edge Effect by Dr Eric Braverman, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie. I'm sure there are also other, newer such books out there too.
Love your great honest vulnerable strong videos!They help me so much. It's so great & priceless to get together online & share our thoughts, what resonates for us, what helps & what hurts.
Peace, love & wholeness to all! Tribe ;)
That's a very interesting and useful term. Thanks!
Sorry to hear about your difficult experiences :(
Aspergers from the Inside Cool, I thought the term/concept may be helpful :)
Thank you very much, your words feel good to read. I also have PTSD so that's part of it too. It has all made me wise, empathetic & compassionate, in many ways.
(Only read next long comments if you want):
Wish you could visit our town in the US... we have some gentler healing-oriented culture here around more introvert values, like (this is a long list lol):
allowing each other to be ourselves no matter how "odd"
to not judge or condemn so much without realizing or being told that's what we're doing to someone
to take more responsibility for our own happiness, rather than making it someone else's "fault" or responsibility
to use kinder & more considerate forms of communication, and
to openly do the tedious work to do better in that
to point out more when we think someone's full of shit or perpetrating on another with their own irrational beliefs and their "trip"
to not be demanding or aggressive, either overtly or covertly
to be okay with taking down time alone or around others
to speak our truths without judgment or punishment etc.
It's def not perfect here, but it's growing and it shows what's possible, ideal & doable I believe.
We who are neurologically less typical or "tough" have as much right as anyone to ask for what we need and to receive respect for it. Blessings to you! :)
(I give all this info simply in case it may be helpful for anyone :)
@@iahelcathartesaura3887 where is this place?
Sounds just like me! Have you ever heard of a supplement called Gabatrol? It’s basically just amino acid precursors and phenabut that helps your gut to create neurotransmitters. It has helped me tremendously! No more depression, hardly any anxiety....just a problem still with energy. I have to be really careful with stimulants as my brain already has a lot of dopamine...they can make me a bit manic. Doing a combo of the keto and paleo diet have helped me as well. I wish you all the best. God bless.
I want to learn more about teas and natural foods. We are not machines. We are people with fluctuations in energy and productivity. Remember biorhythms? That's how we are.
We are meant to deal and heal with nature. But I get on my phone to engage with it and all the light effects me. Tech can have dangerous effect on my health.
I am a child of a living universe not Microsoft, Facebook, or The Tech Old Boys Club. And I feel good about my philosophy . I do not care if anyone agrees or not - i like free thinking not thought control or Big Brother! Love and Peace to All!
I always am
Comforted by this video when it comes up on my feed. My heartbreaks when I am falsely accused of innappropriate answers or anger when I am having aspergers issues, not anger issues.
Even harder when I have explained my meltdown potential to associTes but I get gaslit by them anyways for “using” autistic ND symptoms as excuses. Crushing.
As the mask is off, I am in solititude more, not less.
I try so hard to tell people, I am too tired… I am empty but they dont get it at all. Or they “tip toe” around me.
Thank you for this video; never gets old
Thank you so much my daughter is 21 , I adopted her from China 20 years ago I always felt she was different and to her self and never make iContact she’s probably hugged me five times in her life that was really heartfelt your videos have helped me realize and help to deal with her thank you so much
Thank you for your honest unveiling because I now understand what my son is going through. He only answers in short answers so I'm never sure what's going on.I am more accepting of him for who he is.This is a big breakthrough. ❤
When i was younger i did not really care how would other ppl react to me or what they would think but my mother had major issues with that thus becoming my first source of major exaustion..and now i tend to avoid ppl with high expectations of how should i behave, ecpecially in regards to private settings.. what i hate the most is when being my usuall hardly-understandable-to-others self and some ppl punishing and/or rewarding me (by their in-response behaviour) for something I did or did not do, without verbaly saying anything so then I never know where exacly they found fault in my behaviour. It is too draining to me and I tend to avoid such ppl which leaves me with just couple of ppl I can be relaxed with and clear on what is or is not an issue for them. Now I wish Im more like my former self not caring as much about others perception of me, cuz you dont get more conections with others by "pretending to be normal" i.e. in accordance with social rules, you just get more constant exaustion.. 😂
Great video and so relatable!.....I get exhausted trying to fit in in social situations and need to leave after a certain amount of time to be by myself and recharge. I get to a point where I just can’t converse anymore.
My 38 year old son was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. Your videos are helping myself and his fairly new girlfriend to really get into his head and understand his behavior. I can’t thank you enough for your candor and honesty! You’ve changed how I think about my beautiful son, I had just turned 20 when he was born. I always thought that because he was so exceptionally bright and brilliant that was why he was so much different than the other children. And as he grew into a man I just thought he was kind of a (forgive me for saying this) a ass_ole 🤭 he was very difficult needless to say. Even with all the difficulties we have always been very close. Watching your videos helps so much, I’m understanding the moods, the meltdowns, the 10-12 hours of sleep... the list goes on and on. As a mom my heart hurts seeing how painful this is for my son, you and the others who it afflicts. Thank you again for all the insight 🥰🙏🥰
My son is 28; he's not officially diagnosed, but he does this. Now I understand why. I sure wish you were his friend. Thank you!
I only have been diagnosed with inattentive ADD, but I feel you on so many levels. I can't explain why I started watching your videos, but they really resonate with me. I just want to say that I see your struggle and your sincerity and I feel love for you. I feel like i know you because you are so open and vulnerable and honest. You are also insightful and a deep thinker. All wonderful qualities that others around you, well, I should say I WISH those around you would catch onto. I, too, get overwhelmed easily, and though I consider myself extroverted, and love to have people over to visit and cook for, I frequently go to the bathroom or duck out to my room to lie on the bed for a while just to have some alone time. People may be frustrated by that, but I try to make it as inconspicuous as possible. I'm not able to have many friends because I just can't keep all the balls in the air trying to juggle work, family, home, pets, appointments, etc and still make enough phone calls and visits with people to make them feel like I'm not avoiding them. (I often AM, because I can't handle it all) I truly admire your ability to be honest about your needs and still fight on through these obstacles and educate people.
Oh I concur with responding when you can being relaxing. It's nice to be around others without having to force yourself to do anything.
Thank you very much for your videos, you helping us in dealing with our kid, who suffer the same. We wish someday he become as good as you.
I have 99% the same experience, welcome to the club :-) happy to see I'm not the only one! I am not diagnosed for Asperger's, but I sure have some special characters traits ;-)
When I'm empty, my head will turn on it's own, to an angle where there are no humans in my field of view, and stay there until I will myself to look elsewhere
I identify so much with this. I've gotten into the habit of warning people when I'm tired or at my limit so that they know I'm still listening to what they are saying.
I truly think so many people feel too tired to be entertaining or social. We don’t have enough time to be on our own. Solitude can be a positive thing. Allow them to miss you as it may be taxing for them too. You both come back rejuvenated. Your quality time will have more quality.
Your response to being tired actually sounds lovely.
i can somehow relate because i'm an introvert. at times i even feel thst me socialising is me being plastic. well i love socialising but only to a certain period of time. before though i don't har boundaries and that's what i'm excited about now finding new friends and establishing boundaries. i am hoping and prayin that this time i get to enjoy friendships more. i'm also learning this "strong sense of self" becasue the thing is is would easily get affected if people would have ill-feelings towards me. it brings me down. i just want everybody happy.
I appreciate your videos a lot. It's a nice inside view of what's going on. Sorry such good friends are hard to find.
I really don't want to be around other people when I'm tired, exactly because I know I won't be able to interact and respond properly to social situations, and because I'm so afraid that people are gonna react negatively to me.
Such insight and so clear about the internal battle that you experience on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing. So many people need to just understand and appreciate you and people with similar experiences.
I like to thank you for making these videos.
I'm a 45 year-old man. Who was diagnosed with this at 42 years old.
I've learned very quickly to please others who are in understanding of my condition.
I tend to want to help others up a comfortable level for my own self preservation of energy. I was done getting burned out. I had to do something to save my mental health.
If someone does not want to take the time to understand my condition through educating themselves. Then they are simply undeserving of my attention.
To all my fellow autism and broad spectrum of autism folks ( Aspies ).
Save yourselves. Because no one person holds that responsibility but you.
Take responsibility for yourself.
Meditation has huge benefits by the way!!🙏
Change your lifestyle to better serve your own life. So that you can help the others you hold dear.
Never take on more than you can provide your full attention too. Maintaining balance is key to one's happiness. When this happens. Your chi is in a state of light.
Light for which you can now see thing's with greater clarity than the fuzzy mental thoughts of before.
I send blessings of light to all
with disabilities of mental and physical health issues.
You are never alone. I hear and see you.🙏
I
Hi Paul / We appreciate you taking the time to make these videos, and build up this great resource - for persons on the spectrum, as well as friends & family.
> When we listen to you, we can understand better - and maybe able to respond better w. the folks who have different needs.
> The time has come for us all to be more flexible ... 🏄🏻
Very informative, great translation, this helps so much to my behaviour toward my close friend whom is on the spectrum. Great work, thank you 🙏
I tell people to think of me like an android that has 25+ years of experience learning to imitate human behavior. I'm good at it, but there are times when I don't care enough to keep the program running, usually when somebody says or does something that breaks my threshold of acceptable interactions. When I hit that point, I call it Asperger Mode. When I enter Asperger Mode, I'm a full blown droid. I don't make the effort to showcase any emotions, I don't react to the emotions of others, I hyper focus on something that amuses me or catches my attention, and I give absolutely logic-only answers and reactions. My girlfriend has accidentally triggered Asperger Mode during the occasional fight, and I just shut down, which triggers her insecurities, and she'll cry. I verbally acknowledge her feelings, and that I understand why she is crying, and that normally I'd want nothing more than to comfort her, which I can do even in shut-down, but she has to ask for it knowing that it's going to be an empty action equivalent to freestyling on a familiar script. My mask is good, solid, even in Asperger Mode I could convince most people that I'm 110% normal. It's just that when I reach that point I literally do not have the emotional capacity to care if I am passing for normal. To my credit, Asperger me is zen as fuck, so no matter how mad I might have been before I shut down, I'm not mad anymore as long as I don't have to focus on the fight. I could be ready to toss someone off a building, but when I enter Asperger Mode that same person could sit right next to me and watch whatever video I'm watching, and even ask stupid questions, and I'm compelled to answer as if they're a total stranger and my only function in life is explaining that one topic. Asperger me only does anger in the sense that I understand what made me angry, and decide whether or not that thing is justified, and whether or not there is any risk moving forward in any of several ways. I call it "cold anger." Normal anger is hot, as evidenced by the way people physically become hotter as they get angry, they sweat, they turn red, they scream as if there is a new force boiling inside of them. I've felt that, and in my younger years I was quick to hit that point, but I slowly learned that there was no benefit in "hot anger" for me. "Cold anger" still serves a purpose without distracting me. I realized I was rambling about 75% into this paragraph, but I do not like to leave an explanation unfinished. If you made it this far, thank you, and my apologies.
I feel that. Recently I havent really been giving a fuck to keep my mask on......not much emotion in my face no spark no joy in my eyes. I accepted that my "socializing part of my brain is fucked. I cant keep the mask on
It tries me so much. Part of the reason I ended my 6 month relationship I had... I just fucking cant keep relationships going its 2 taxing....
My favorite Star Trek characters are Data and Troi because I identify with both of them, and Spock who is a mix of the opposite ends of their "spectrum". I am somewhat empathic, like Troi, but I love Data because he's not human but SO wants to be and is so curious about human behavior and he also LOVED his cat named Spot, and Spock on the other hand tries so hard to fight his human side. Even though They are fictional characters, the struggle is real.
Been there, done that. I'm 65 and listening to you really assures me that I've had aspergers all my life. I guess I was lucky, in a way, by the way I started this life. I refused, even as an infant, to accept that what everybody else was doing as what I had to do. Granted, after being married to three different women, I'm alone. But I'm used to it. I spent my formative years alone, and didn't really understand why, then. I hated being in a crowd-never felt so alone as then. I had few friends; the women I married really courted me, under the pretense that it was the other way around. Focus on the positive aspects: you always know where everything is, you were the one to leave it there. You don't have to deal with someone talking you into something you really don't want to do. You have the peace and quiet to know just what that is.
I have a diagnosed son with ASD and ADHD and hearing you talk you are describing my husband. Since my sons diagnosis I have thought my husband probably has it too. He is currently going through a hard time at work so I feel the need to protect him right now from other people around us.
Dude I'm so fucking glad I found your channel. I cant describe how alone I feel because people just dont seem to understand certain things about me... this being a big one. Working anywhere from 10 to 17 hours a day and acting "normal" the whole time is exhausting to say the very least. Idk if I'm autistic but I experience a lot of the things you talk about. The comment sections of your vids feel like home almost lol it's good to know that there are people out there who understand. Thanks for doing what u do man. Peace.
Thank you for this video! And all your videos really, it's so interesting to learn about, I have a few friends with autism and I want to understand them better (asking about it feels like prying to me, though they have become more open about it as I've gotten to know them). I thought I had offended one of them when they weren't as talkative with me as usual, but this makes a lot of sense. Keep up the good work!
This is a really important lesson. Not everyone behaves the same way, and what I perceive as someone being rude is in reality a person doing their very best to get through a difficult situation. I often need to remind myself of this. I do wish, if someone is on the Autism scale they would say so as soon as possible.
Thank you very much for sharing this. Recently I noticed that I get tired alot....and was trying to make sense of what is going on.
I don’t know whether or not I have Aspergers, but I do relate to a lot of what you’re saying.
A fantastic, informative video as per usual. Thanks for the effort that you put in to explaining things so clearly. I think you're one cool mo' fo'. Keep up the good work.
thanks :)
I have problems when I'm tired too especially first thing in the morning except not everyone understands this so sometime I lash out or ask someone to wait to talk to me til later but my family doesn't understand and they get angry.
This would be my son, who is also a night owl. It's best not to speak to him until about 3pm. After that, he is quite reasonable.
That sounds like the other persons’ problem if they find those things offensive when you are tired. Yet I get that same kind of reaction sometimes. I was called childish and rude for being too tired and drained to respond to a coworker when they were belittling me. I wish people would realize that not everyone can be energized and extroverted all the time, especially when drained. Good videos. It’s helpful to hear this to know you aren’t alone.
Find your time limit. Dont plan over that time limit. One hour, than go lay down privately.
I always knew I felt cranky as I got tired and I would remove myself to rest... feeling cranky is a recipe for offending others. I am now chronically ill with a debilitating disease and spend most of my day in bed or on the couch. I had to develop new ways to cope with the impact of being exhausted with autism because I feel cranky most of the time now. It's our responsibility to find ways to cope. Even if all we do is say, "I'm tired and very cranky; I mean no one offense; I apologise in advance for my crankiness." "I'm tired; please excuse me should I momentarily check out here or there." Knowing yourself, knowing your limits, knowing what that state feels like (including warning signs that you're approaching), and having strategies to cope pays off in this regard.
Thank you for the things you share with us. I can relateto what you have shared here.
My late son would offer to make me breakfast one day and then soon after he would try and hide and go quite in his room for 2 to 3 weeks. A very often repeated pattern. I understand and can relate to you. Look after yourself.
I know this video was ages ago, but I hope you recovered fully from this event and I just feel so horrible. It seems it really affected you. And it would have probably hurt me a lot. Anyway, just my observation and thank you for sharing and supporting others. Your channel is hugely valuable.
Now that makes a heap of sense!
Thank you for sharing something worth sharing around 👍
I've moved to China 5 years ago. I love the place. And one thing that is great for me is that I often go out with my spouse's friends, to the restaurant for example, and since my Chinese is not good enough to sustain any significant conversation, I just sit there and watch, and try to follow what they're talking about. Other people might find that terrible, but for me, it is exactly like you say, relaxing. I don't have to worry about what I should say or not say, about offending someone and not realizing it and not understanding why they're offended. And nobody minds. Some people make a comparison of being Aspie with being launched in the middle of a foreign country where you don't know the language. Well that is literally my case. So in many ways I feel comfortable like that.
I feel the same. I feel so much better knowing there are people just like us , that we are not weird we are just different.
Can totally relate. Thanks for putting this into words.
I felt so sorry for you, that this person shouted on you for behaving exhausted. Whats wrong with them? If a person does what you described as your behavior that day, one should only ask them, if they are ok, if they could be helped with anything or need anything. Thats normal. Love your videos! And i am so happy to see how much better you are these days.(as this is an older clip). How can people be mean to others just because they are different? Lots of love, bye!
I understand you very good. You're right to be like non feel. Instead of this, I use to force myself in order to avoid this kind of reactions towards me; it makes me feel loneley. So, I prefer to avoid people...
You’re an amazing communicator
I don't mind other people, for part of the day, but after 2 in the afternoon, I have had enough..... I go home.
Social things, I just don't do them, I don't have any reason to be around people having a good time so I don't go and sit and try to look interested.
Yes I would be very reluctant to go to a house party again unless I knew I could leave quickly and get home, the last 2 house parties I went to ended in Great upset/blazing rows.
“Trying to look interested “ the story of every girl’s party...exhausting!
Wow! You have really had to put up with a lot of non aspie people behaving badly!!! I think it is wonderful that you are putting this information out there. So, that caring people can learn how to better live peacefully among Aspergers folks.
just discovered your channel. I feel the exact same way everyday after work. By the end of the work day I just want to go home and sit quietly for a few hours. My wife says i look angry and that I am short, but really I am just drained and have no energy left to mask anymore
In recent years, I have become more and more aware about my social skills being so bad that even my siblings stop seeing me as soon as they have found an excuse for not seeing me. Every person I meet starts to avoid me after a while. Some of them show their dislike by being rude. Some prefer more subtle ways to convey to me that they don't like me, i.e. they don't invite me for lunch in the office break, etc. Actually, this has become somewhat a social phobia for me. I start to fear meeting new people. The happiest moments of my life are always when I'm alone. Maybe, I do have Aspergers.
I really appreciate your sharing this so clearly and honestly. I love a world where we can each be in the moment, be ourselves, and it's okay and accepted and appreciated by others. 💖