I'm Struggling And I Wanna Talk About It
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- Опубликовано: 27 авг 2024
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As someone who suffers from depression I share some of these feelings. One of the things my therapist gets me to do is write down little things that happen during the day that are nice. Like eating a nice piece of cake, petting my cat, seeing a pretty flower, the sky being lovely and blue. Don’t wait for the really big things to make you smile, just think small. It helps so much to know there are things you don’t pay as much attention to that are actually really nice and helps remind me things aren’t so bad. Also, don’t feel pressure to upload as much if you don’t feel able to. We appreciate any video you upload but put less pressure on having to do a certain number. Sending hugs x
Thank you for mentioning this, I try to do this but I also try to remind myself when I have good days, I feel healthy and happy today, so we just don't feel the feelings when we are having a bad day :)
This can be an extremely effective technique for disrupting depressive thought cycles, especially when you combine it with limiting your exposure to news/media and other negative stressors. BUT I just wanted to say that, to anyone for whom these techniques aren't 'working' - it is okay. It doesn't mean that you are not grateful or you are not trying. Do what you can to remind yourself of the good, but understand that it's not your fault if you can't feel a difference right now. ❤❤❤
I see a therapist, I've had depression for most of my life (well, since I lost my Mom when I was a child so yeah, pretty much forever) and I swear it's the type that is trying to kill me... And I'm not being funny about that whatsoever. But I have to say, I love the little thing that you do daily that your therapist told you to do! I'm definitely going to try to do that! Thanks for taking time to comment! ❤
@@sweethomealamandaI also lost my mom when I was young. It really does effect everything in your life in the future. Sending you love!❤
Spiritual warfare is REAL!!!! Look into that too…. I feel the attacks for real! & I also feel like I’m an empath, so I pick up on other people’s feelings & that can cause me mental issues. ❤😇
I had cancer in 2019. It was life changing, but I had one of the “easier” ones. I had to have a radical hysterectomy and had all kinds of parts taken out. Then I had radiation treatment. But going to cancer centers where a lot of people were dying and going through terrible treatments was definitely traumatic, along with my own trauma. Everything just stopped and my whole life was fear and cancer. Then all of a sudden I was back at work and everything was just supposed to go back to normal. I was supposed to be grateful that it was “over” and that I survived and that I didn’t have chemotherapy, etc. It was a very surreal and emotionally complicated time. I felt devastated and guilty and overwhelmed. I felt angry and lonely. All this to say that your feelings are valid and please don’t expect anything out of yourself that isn’t natural. 💕 Just take all the time you need to process the feelings. We’ll be here!
I'm about to have a LEEP procedure to hopefully keep this from happening. It's scary. I'm glad you're well.
I was sitting in my car in my driveway this morning looking at my wonderful house and my little girls chalk drawings on the pavement. I have the life I’ve always wanted and worked so hard for yet struggle to feel joy. I have depression and panic attacks. It’s a major struggle sometimes but I’m always not keen on leaving. I’m a therapist also and struggle with feeling like a fraud also. But that’s another story. You aren’t alone. Actively taking care of yourself does make a difference.
Thank you so much for sharing, Angie! Counselor here (with treatment resistant Depression, Anxiety and ADHD): Survivor's guilt is a thing. I also believe in survival skills. There were three situations where I should have been dead. Said my bloodwork and other diagnostics. All the time, I thought, dying is just not an option. It just isn't. I have work to do here. People don't believe that and I can't fault them. I didn't magically wish it away, but I think not losing focus and trusting yourself at least helps ❤. I'm glad you're here!
I hate it when people say get over it. All my life, when things go wrong or I am sick, being told I am just being dramatic. None of us are being dramatic or need to get over it. It is good to feel your feelings and work through what you need to in your own time. If it is recurring, then it is what it is.
I think that sometimes we go through these scary times….and we are running on adrenaline. So afterwards, we finally can begin to truly “process” what we’ve been dealing with.
I hope that makes sense…
No matter the outcome you went through a traumatic experience and you can't expect to just walk away from that and not be at least a little traumatized. Give yourself grace. It all takes time.
Angie, as a clinical depression sufferer myself, with recent PTSD and anxiety disorder and past suicide attempt. I am so glad you are talking and over sharing. You are so smart and wonderful. I do hope you are able to care for yourself. I’m here working but that doesn’t mean that I can’t break out your “Little Ghost Palette”
And show myself some love, too. Thank you for all you do. If you don’t know how much it means to us. Let me tell, it’s a beautiful thing, and appreciated. So glad you and Ricardo have a great relationship, that helps so much. Keep sharing here, it helps us, too. As for survivors guilt, I fully understand. I’ve been a nurse for nearly 36 years.
❤❤❤
As a fellow woman struggling with mental health, sending you so much love, Angie! Your content makes me happy🧡
I am a therapist and tend to think of depression a bit differently more in terms of Polyvagal Theory and the Freeze Response. You've had some stressful times lately so no wonder you're feeling the effects of that now. Without wishing to overstep, I notice a huge helper part of me wants to reach out to you and offer support as I hear a lot of survival strategies in what you are saying.
Edited to add: I also have experienced depression and anxiety from time to time. My mantra is "this too shall pass".
You put out so much content. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Thank you so much for talking about this! I'm a lady in her 40s with persistent depressive disorder, social anxiety and quiet BPD. Sometimes things can be really rough! It's really nice to not feel so alone.
Omg, Angie. It is so hard going through health issues and then being told it's nothing. It feels weird. I imagine it like a toxin in the system that needs to be flushed out. There was so much negative emotions like fear making you feel bad. And then you're told it's fine, but that fear is just sitting in your system and needs to be lanced, like blood letting. I know, weird analogy, but go through the motions, feel all those feelings.
As someone who has had their fair share of mental health problems, its amazing to hear someone else share their experiences and be relatable ❤❤
Angi: I don’t need help unless I ask
…meanwhile, just a few states away, I was asking my husband if I should drive on into Texas to help 🤣🙈
Love you ❤
😂❤
Thank you for being honest about how your depression affects you. The more of us who do that, the more we can fight the stigma and encourage people to get treatment instead of feeling shame (clinical depression, seasonal depression, generalized anxiety and social anxiety here. It’s a lovely soup of crap). One of the things that has helped me is thinking of it as having a “bad brain day” just like a bad hair day. Just… ok, that’s how we are today and that’s fine. We’ll deal and get through it.
I’ve also wanted to not be here anymore. I know that feeling. And I had a health scare a few years ago with a similar feeling of “but I don’t want to go!” and I definitely get the feeling of “oh, that’s new. That’s hopeful!” that you described.
You obviously wouldn’t know me if you tripped over me, but your videos and your personality are a bright spot in my world. I hope that you feel the support that is being sent to you from all of your followers. We want you to be healthy. We want good things for you. And we get that sometimes your uploads are going to be the thing that needs to give.
It is so nice to hear someone else talk about having feelings of gratitude for having an experience that makes us want to live. It is so true that others who have never experienced depression, have a hard time understanding how good it can feel to have an awareness that you want to live. That you aren't ready to "not be here". As someone who has dealt with depression for the better part of my life, it truly can be so cathartic to have those reminders of reasons you want to live. Thank you so much for sharing this vulnerable experience with us. I sincerely appreciate knowing that there are others out there that can understand the emotions and thoughts that you try to conceal from people who you feel like won't understand. I'm thankful for your willingness to discuss serious topics, such as mental health. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers!
You’re absolutely validated in feeling intense emotions after your health situation, despite it resolving relatively positively. Toxic positivity can warp your perception of your own struggles, when in reality, only you can understand the weight of your emotions. Progress isn’t linear. I think you’ll enjoy having those relaxing gamer days :) I know I had some of those this year as a way to cope with my own mental health struggles. wishing nothing but the best for you. ❤
I’ve had “grippy sock” vacations too. I’m diagnosed with Major depression. It just weird waves that hit like the weather that I don’t understand either. But I’m happy you’re here. I’m happy I’m still here. Keep living no matter what is what I tell myself. It will pass.
Thank you so much for posting this! I am the SAME with needing time alone sometimes. My husband has been so helpful over the years helping me to recognize when I need that and graciously accommodating it (especially now that we have 2 kiddos). Cheers to Ricardo and all the wonderful partners out there that help to bring out the best in their person!!!
I also wanted to add that I applaud you for deleting comments. It’s like graffiti and vandalism. Keeping it around just attracts more. Keep your space beautiful because you deserve that! ❤❤❤❤
Seeing how productive and active you are helps me to cope with my depression, because I know it is possible
I get my arthritis infusions at a cancer clinic and I totally understand the guilty feeling. I get to know people during the infusions and never know what happens with them good or bad. It breaks my heart. Hugs and prayers for you!
Yes, I had to get iron infusions at the cancer clinic after my transplant. The other patients were so lovely to me.
You put so much content out, don't be hard on yourself❤❤❤ Take your time, if you feel you need to also reduce the 5-7 videos per week and take care of yourself! Being a cancer survivor, I can tell you first hand it takes time for the bad feelings to pass - even if it wasn't cancerous the cyst, your body went into defensive mode and it's a lot to deal with especially with survivors guilt
I think there is an aspect of mental illness that we do not talk about nearly enough... and I think you touched on a big part of it. For most people going on vacation is to RECHARGE their batteries, but often when dealing with mental health issues vacations DRAIN our batteries. Often the people around us think they are helping us by suggesting or planning vacations for us, but they don't always fully realize that often vacationing for us can trigger more issues and cause us to have to take the time to "recover" once we get back home. I understand that they are well meaning most of the time, but it can be hard to communicate that a vacation or road trip or whatever could be more harmful than helpful.
It's difficult for people who have never experienced depression outside of depressing moments to understand that sometimes it just floods you for no particular reason. Thank you for sharing this with us Angie ❤ your content has been part of my own healing journey and you always continue to inspire me
Good morning Ang, I'm so in tune with what you are saying. The last 8 years have been rough. I lost my dad unexpectedly April 9, 2015 and have since buried 10 family members (I had to plan 4 of those funerals, my dad, grandma, grandpa and 1 aunt) along with one of my best friends passing. My oldest son went to prison at only 17 years old (he met the wrong people and made a bad choice) for 4 years and got out January 31, of this year. My mom is fighting stage 3 colon cancer and lives in Florida (I am in Ohio) and I hate that I am not with her right now. Praying for you girl, life can be tough and I know you will find the strength. Love from Ohio.
I’ve always been keenly aware of how fortunate I am. Of course, I have plenty of issues and problems, like most people but I’m still constantly reminding myself of how fortunate I am, period, no matter what. Then, I “encounter” people like you, and my awareness of being fortunate, in spite of all my problems, is reinforced, 10 fold+. I am so sorry for everything you’ve been put through! I sincerely hope things will be looking up for you.
@@sirilawson2557 Thank you so much. It was really rough there first a couple years, but after years of counseling I’ve managed to learn how to cope with it. I was constantly worried about my husband and had a fear of something happening to him, luckily I’ve managed to overcome it. I too remind myself someone out there has it worse and remind myself I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge and am thankful for what I have. I wish you the very best in life.
You have really been through it. Look how strong you are! ❤
I hope your son is doing well. You have been through a lot.
My husband struggles with addiction, I worry daily he will relapse. Our son has special needs. I am the bread winner for the family. I also live in Ohio.
Just because you get to walk out being clear from cancer doesn’t invalidate the feelings you have had about your own mortality or how difficult it has been for you. You aren’t being ungrateful at all. Sending much love ❤️
First off, you put out so much content for us. In fact, I think I speak for the majority of us in that we'd be OK if you need to step back even more (if only just to have a set day every week for playing video games). We'd still love you and the channel the same. ❤️ However, we do get that makeup is your happy place.
Secondly, survivor's guilt can be debilitating, and it's absolutely a real thing. There's also something so sobering about facing your own mortality. It's one thing to lose loved ones. That's a whole catastrophe of its own on your mental health. But facing the fact that you aren't immortal, that sickness and death are things we'll all face, is a mind f*ck.
Thirdly, depression is so much more than sadness. It's your brain totally messing up how you think and feel and putting foreign ideas into your head. You may have absolutely nothing to be sad about, but depression doesn't care. I know you know all this. Just wanted to put it out there.
Fourth and final, thank you for talking about this. It's so easy for us to watch and see others and think they are perfect. It makes us wonder what's wrong with us. It's nice to be reminded that we're all human, and our struggles are valid. I hope you feel seen and validated through sharing with us, too.
PS, I'm wearing all three of your Oden's Eye palettes today, and I feel so pretty. They make me one happy clown.
What I'm hearing is that you want to participate with your in-laws and friends but it's really hard to feel like a full participant in those relationships and still take care of your personal priorities, and you are definitely not alone in that!!! I'm working on finding balance with those same things. For me it's because I've "spent" all my energy on others, and then I find I don't have much left for things that are just for myself and my own goals. So I need to be more strategic when I make plans. I don't get mad at myself when I get overbooked, because I was going with my gut and being open and available to expand my horizons, and it's in fact been a good thing to help me discover where those boundaries are and to keep them in mind when I'm (for example) staring down the barrel of a really busy month like October!
Your feelings are valid. Thank you for sharing. I’ve also had a hard time letting go of the ‘you have nothing to be sad about’. It’s a chemical imbalance. It’s out of your control. It’s out of my control. We can control how we decide to attack the depression, and sometimes we don’t always have it in us, but we can’t control the fact that we *have* depression.
This is perhaps the most honest vulnerable video I’ve seen from you about mental health and I admire you so much for sharing. Nothing to say but you are a wonderful person and proud of you for understand yourself, setting boundaries, and feeling better.❤❤❤
I'm going to watch this one again later. I don't do a lot of rewatching but this...this one hit different. I appreciate you oversharing. Sometimes it is needed. Today, right now, it was needed. I listened to my inner voice this morning and I feel better because of it and that God willing and He wakes me up tomorrow morning I get to start over with a brand new day. I understand about those "I just need to be alone" days to clear your mind of the inconsequential clutter that builds up, to take the pressure off of you even from doing something you love. Its ok to step back sit down shut up and listen feel and be...its ok. And you are ok for acknowledging that.
And that get over it business they can keep that to themselves. Those of us with depression are doing the most already to get through it not get over it.
So Angie, you are good just the way you are. Peace and blessings. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I myself have been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 16 and I’m in my 40’s. I also recently had melanoma removal surgery and I almost feel like people are just like you just had skin cancer (hello isn’t that cancer). I am going to go for now cause I don’t want to cry off my eyeshadow before I have to go out. But just know that there are people that know somewhat what you’re going through.
I have clinical depression, anxiety and PTSD. I understand how you feel. I started in therapy 30 years ago...oh my. One therapist told me '...do not should on yourself..'. I have told myself this at least weekly. I am an introvert and Must have some alone time every day. I appreciate your sharing especially about mental health letting us know it is OK to say it. Love you Angelique keep being lovely you.
Thank you for sharing Angie! I have had multiple depressions in my life. I have extreem chronic pains and they will never go away. It really messes up my mental Health big time. I struggle a lot with my depression. You are a fantastic person! Take your time ❤
I think many of us, even lots of us can relate to what you talked about, it absolutely makes sense. I remember a few years ago you talked (in a Q&A? In an "assumptions about me" video? I'm not so sure, I've been following you for so many years and you've done a lot of those chatty meaningful videos in the past too 😁) about that cycle of wanting to be sociable but also wanting to be enjoying time on your own. I think the key in not ending miserable is to stop looking and longing for happiness but instead enjoying and acknowledging moments of happiness when we're lucky to experience them, in the moment or afterwards. It's a tough combination the association of being an empath and suffering from clinical depression, but it's a terrific combination for making a nice and caring human being. That satisfaction of being a nice person and being loved and loving can bring so much contentment. And to me contentment is such a fulfilling feeling. I've stopped a long time ago looking for happiness, that unattainable goal, which can make people feel so unhappy. Empathy can make us suffer when we think of those of us who aren't happy while we are feeling relieved or lucky, but it also can bring lots of joy when we feel connected to the moments of happiness brought to the people we love. Sometimes when something a bit bad happens I try to think "maybe it's for something worse not to happen" Empathy can bring us that, put us in a mental situation where something horrible could happen or could have happened to someone we love or ourselves and imagine something miraculous happened : the worst didn't come and we feel grateful for the present boring situation. I'm not sure it's making sense but that's how I deal with everyday life unknowns (that and the miraculous anti-depressants of course 😂) Take care Angie and/or anyone who was brave enough to read that post till the end 😁
Fellow mental health struggler here. 💜 These cycles can be really hard, even though we know they are coming and will eventually go. I'm so glad you stay. I feel so much of what you do, and being an ambivert! My job is fulfilling and so exhausting to my body and spirit. You are so loved and I hope you can navigate this low as smoothly as possible.
I relate to your experiences with depression. I’ve been treated for depression for about 6 years, and even though I’m pretty happy in my life, some days are just a struggle, and it’s hard to reconcile those two facts. But being kind and gentle with ourselves, allowing for those feeling without submitting to them, that’s been my method of dealing with those days. It’s hard, but worth it.
Fellow depression sufferer here. I can remember being a child and wishing I didn't exist, but, being a control freak, I never wanted anyone to know. Finally, at the age of 30, I realized that without help I would end things. In the years since, with medication, I still have episodes. I basically wanted you to know that it is so great that your husband understands your needs. My last relationship ended because he could not understand my depression. He always wanted to know why I was depressed, and as you know, there is no reason. I hope you feel better. Know there are a lot of us out here who understand and love you!
Thanks for the share, and your experience is 100% relatable with me. I wish I had said no to traveling recently with family when I knew the timing was not good for me. The result was not good. It's so hard to say no to people you love! Ugh! Being under the grip of hopelessness is no joke. You can't shake it off no matter what healthy tools you employ to cope. Time takes time. Any helpful advice you have, I am grateful for experience, strength, and hope. I try to just sit with my feelings until they pass. So hard. Cheers to happy times when we are graced with them. Thank you again.
I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety. I have been struggling a lot too lately. But I also have to remind myself that I have a loving husband, beloved pets, and family who love me and want me to be here. I'm 31 and I know that past me didn't expect to be here this long. It's a weird feeling, but I'm learning value my life even in the worst of times. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Please don't feel bad about uploading less. I only have time watch a couple videos from each of my favorite 2 or 3 RUclipsrs each week.
~hugs~ I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I've been struggling with depression for years and can understand. It sucks! And sometimes it sucks for no reason at all. I'm glad you're having a better day today and hope more of those are in your future. Hang in there! You are doing a great job with your YT uploads and we all love seeing your content!
Thank you so much for sharing, Angie. I cried, nodded along, and smiled at your self awareness. It’s so important. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time, and it just seems like it’s where I live. My daughter (who was just 30) passed away on 12/20/2018, and somehow I keep going. Life definitely isn’t always easy, but I’m so glad that you came to the conclusion that it’s better than the alternative. The world wouldn’t be as great without you in it. ❤
Someone who suffers from clinical depression,I understand your struggle, and I, too, have had to learn how to let myself just accept it and allow the feelings to come. I do have a therapist and she has help considerably but my husband a few friends and family are also a great support system.
I experienced the same thing with a cyst and being at a cancer clinic as you. I walked out and called my kids and they were so happy that I forgot about the guilty feeling which I had before, too. I guess those feelings are normal. Probably most of the people walk out with a false alarm. And those who really have cancer, doctors are good.
Just wanted to say that I appreciate you sharing this so much. It is so important to break the stigma around mental health and I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now. Holding you Angie! ❤❤❤❤❤
There were so many moments when I thought “same, same.” You made perfect sense! Especially about the parts about having a tough time with saying no to personal relationships. I’ve had clinical depression since I was a kid but wasn’t diagnosed until my early 20’s (I’m now 44). The generation before us and the 80’s/90’s taught us to just “deal with it” and “suck it up”, much to our detriment. It can be hard to unlearn that when you’re a quart low on serotonin!
I know one thing: your work ethic is admirable! However, your brain and soul need rest and it sounds like you’re on the right path to being kind to yourself when you’re really not feeling it. It’s hard when RUclips is your income (and anyone who says RUclips is not work? I’d love to see them manage their own channel for two weeks and try it!) but I think if you give yourself a break throughout the week, it keeps you from facing even deeper depression and total creative burnout (that’s what happened to me personally). It doesn’t really matter so much if you don’t have anything to feel sad about. What matters is that they are your feelings, depression can lie to us when we’re in the thick of it, and that you take care of you, whether that’s an afternoon playing video games or hanging out with your family. Also, remember that you won’t feel like this forever. I know that’s obvious but it’s a great reminder when we’re clouded by depression. Much love, girl, from a fellow clinically depressed person.
I appreciate you discussing your mental health journey, I too have dealt with mental health issues for most of my life. Last year, I added a medicine to my existing med (so two for mental health), and it has helped soo much. I can't believe how productive I am now. I still have bad days, but it's not everyday. Books and journaling help so much!
Also, I think that you are such a hard working person, but I also believe you should know that Rest is still productive. I'm so glad you felt hope, and I understand the feelings of wanting things to end. It's always good to see the progress of managing your feelings and processing.
Many hugs!! 💚 😊
Thankyou for talking about this. I’m going through similar things at the moment. It’s so easy to feel like you’re the only one, and while I also don’t wish this on anyone, it’s absolutely a comfort to know that I’m not alone
Going thru it right now, too, Ange…. I just have to remember 🗣️ ITS A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE and I can’t really control it. But I hate feeling like this. But then bc I’m feeling sad, things don’t get done and it feels very self sabotaging and that just makes it worse. Just know, we do know. And we DO care. So many positive vibes I can send. 💕
Thank you for that video. It's just what I (struggeling with mental health, too) needed today. And I understand that talking about it, especially so publicly, is hard and gets you some backlash so thank you very much for doing it. Like, really.
I have also not been consistent in my life either - it's been very difficult.
Personally, yes I did notice, but knowing how hardworking you are - the only thing that comes to mind is I hope she is taking care of herself
Even though you are in a warmer climate - I always get hit by seasonal depression. esp right now with the state of the world... Also the story you shared regarding your health.
I always try to think everyone is trying their best - because mental health is a BISHHHH. It takes some hard hard work to be happy everyday for a lot of people including myself
PS survivers guilt is something else.. it takes you out in ways you least expect
My daughter also has anxiety and some depression and there is not necessarily a particular reason and the guilt is real for feeling badly for "no reason". You are right that you learn to accept that and I am glad that you talk yourself out of the alternative. My daughter is better and has also learned to deal with ups and downs and not make the downs so extreme. With therapy and medication and communication, her life is overall better.
Thank you so very much for sharing! You are amazing! Totally understand how you feel about needing to be alone for a certain time and then wanting to be surrounded by people. And also saying no to your loved ones is so difficult. I love watching your videos because you are always so honest and genuine. Thanks again! You eyeshadow look rocks! 🧡💜🧡💜
I appreciate how you explained survivor's guilt. I hadn't heard of that. When I was at a cancer clinic getting the "ok" I felt much like you described. Thank you for sharing Angie! Take care of you!🧡💛🧡💛
I think there is a better word than guilt: empathy. It also means you're a good hearted person to not just care about your own feelings in a moment like that ❤
Thanks for sharing Angie. When those clinical depression spells hit, I also get the “what do you have to be depressed about?” but hearing someone else say that’s how clinical depression works makes me feel less crazy
You are not alone 💛 everything you described also happens to me. Highs and lows and times i want to spend with others and days i need to be alone. I appreciate when people can be transparent about topics with a stigma around them.
Angie I think you talking about your struggles and current bout with depression is so helpful. I’ve struggled for years and have been diagnosed as a manic depression. When I get a bad bout of depression I close off from everyone. In this past year I’ve had several things come up which has been hard to deal with. Even right now I’ve been struggling and the only thing that has helped me move forward is thinking of my children. I couldn’t imagine leaving them alone.
For me, the biggest things have been: firstly, getting a diagnosis (so it's not just in my head), secondly, getting talk therapy (someone outside my life who doesn't judge cos they're a professional), thirdly, trying out antidepressants in conjunction with other therapies (tried 3 and finally found a good SNRI), and finally, an amazing support network of friends that I go on walks with and spend time with in person (so grateful). They let me talk things out and figure out my feelings and emotions and I get a lot of epiphanies this way. Also feel freer.
I think maybe the feeling of downness even after finding out you do not have cancer is very tightly linked to your depressive episode. What works for me is volhnteering at a pet shelter: so, so good because it's a duty, so I kjnda gotta just go do it, but in the process, its brilliant for me. And also means I don't have to deal with a lot of human emotions.😅
I hope you find yourself little by little in a better place. ❤
hello been a really frequent viewer and even though we are in very different stages of life, it's so reassuring to know that someone is also out there struggling, I try to be a chronically positive person but my worlds' have felt like they've been crashing down every week... it's been rough, and watching makeup has always been my comfort space. Thank you for sharing Angie
I don't know how you put out so much content. I tried juggling work, kids, and starting my channel but it sort of all fell apart this year. I had a massive meltdown last week so I'm having a 2 week break from life as much as I can. I really hope you find balance in your life and feel good soon ❤
Oh yeah and I finally paid (a lot of money) to get diagnosed last month at 34yo - major depressive disorder, who's surprised? Not me! And ADHD but whatevs.
Thanks for sharing Angie! I can relate with so much you are saying. I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since I was about 20. I’ve been managing it without meds for quite sometime, but I too have been struggling with feeling really down and lacking the energy to do things. It truly has nothing to do with being lazy, and it’s hard to explain to someone that hasn’t been through it. Just want you to know I love your content and I think you are beautiful! Lots of love lady! ❤❤❤
Angelica, thank you for being so open. I am bipolar and struggling with depression at the moment. I admire your outlook on acceptance - I have zero patience for myself and really struggle to accept when I am sad especially when, on paper, my life is "so good". Hearing your thoughts on just accepting the sadness and going through it really hit home. Mental illness fucking sucks - I hope you feel better soon.
I know for me with my clinical depression, when a big thing I’ve been working or looking forward to happens and then is over - I often find myself falling into depressive mode. Maybe that is also affecting you with the reveal and release of your Helaween collection you’ve been working on for so long.
I can relate to when you realized that you liked being alive and that you didn't want to stop existing. I had a similar experience two weeks ago. I ended up in the hospital due to an accident, after *finally* having found a therapist to talk to about a very traumatic 2 years, and being excited about life again. I'm looking forward to healing and allowing myself to believe that I *do* deserve good things. That I deserve to feel happiness. The very next day, I accidentally overdosed on a medication or there was a scary drug interaction, I'm still not completely sure what happened. If I took the same medication twice by mistake or if there was some scary reaction between two prescriptions. Regardless, it was an accident, and it was very scary. I was having awful symptoms for almost 12 hours and stayed awake the whole night trying to convince myself that I was okay before finally calling EMS at 5 a.m. to take me to the hospital and make sure I wasn't dying. It was dreadful. I thought to myself, how convenient, I've realized I want to live, I'm tired of just existing. I'm excited for my future, I'm hopeful, and now I may have done irreparable damage to myself. It was an experience that I can't find a word for right now, but I'm so grateful that I'm okay, and that I didn't really hurt myself. Thank you for speaking on this topic, Angie. I feel like I'm hanging out with a friend when I watch your videos. 🖤✨️
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I have clinical depression and I’m also an ambivert so I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s so hard to explain how you feel to others when you literally have no reason to feel the way you do. I really struggled after my divorce 4 years ago (I was in a very toxic and manipulative relationship). But I learned to love me and find how to be happy but also sit in my sadness. It’s not easy but I will say overall I’m my best me. That was a ramble and I hope it made sense but thank you for this video. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes. ❤
Hi Angie, long time viewer but not a frequent commenter. I just wanted to say that the way you speak about makeup and color has always awakened something in me that no other creator has. Your channel is one I turn to when I'm feeling particularly disinterested in continuing on, when the whole world tastes like unseasoned potatoes. I appreciate you sharing your experience, and I wanted to let you know that the work you do makes a difference. I'm glad you're here.
❤️❤️❤️ hope everything settles for you!! We are here for you and all sending positive energy your way!!
Oh Angie you truly are my hero, you are going through so much, a health scare, living in foreign country away from people that were in your daily life, the loss of a pet, starting your own company, working in a field of exposure and judgement, it's natural to feel down, or stressed, or any other way you might feel, you are human, you have a lot on your plate, any one would be overwhelmed with much less. I know exactly what you meant with feeling hope by fearing death, I felt that deeply, I ve been struggling since May, exercising regularly has helped me a lot but I know it's not your thing, also allowing my self to feel my feelings and meditation has helped. I hope you find something that helps you, you deserve to feel amazing everyday, just because you are you. Sending you love wishing you the best!❤
I'm a breast cancer survivor with a history of depression. First off while I totally understand the feeling of survivors guilt please try to remember the fact that you were OK didn't make a difference to anyone else's outcomes. I'm not jealous of any woman who gets an all clear but I'm happy for her to not have to have undergone the experiences I have. I know that your depression makes it so much more difficult to accept life's wins but please take time to celebrate whatever triumphs you have ‐ even if you have to wait months to do so!
Just to emphasise the weirdness of how depression works I've had my worst periods of depression when life has been good! When I've had a good job and income to enjoy doing things, when I've been in strong relationships and had someone to support me and enjoy doing those things with me and when I've been physically well. When I was going through cancer treatment yes there was upset and stress but it was a normal reaction to a dreadful situation and I'd have a cry, regather myself and get on with it! I also lost my father during this time. So while I had plenty of lows and lots to feel depressed about I wasn't depressed! I was functioning normally!
Hoping and doing something fun doesn't get you over depression because fun things aren't fun! They're a source of pressure to conform or to socialise! They're a source of anxiety. When you can have fun doing something fun then you're healing! You may relapse minutes later but you are still making progress!
I'm so glad you have Ricardo to support you! I have my own rock and I know the value of that kind of relationship whether you well or unwell!
Take the time you need when you need it and post when you feel good about filming ‐ your core community will always support you! ❤️
this is all very relatable - and important to talk about, especially the fact that sometimes depression hits with any reason and that's so difficult to explain... thank you ❤
I suffer from a bipolar disorder so I understand the depression part quite a bit. I had so many phases in my life where I was down although there was no reason to be down. So I feel you so much. You are an inspiration to me. and to a lot of other people.
It’s not a bad thing at all to have empathy and compassion for other people. Sitting with the understanding that other people were not coming out of that clinic with the same news you had is not anything to feel guilty about. In fact, it speaks to who you are as a person, that you were aware of and able to process that dissonant reality and to do so with grace toward the situation others were in.
I appreciate your transparency with your audience so much and that you’re honest about when you’re not having the best day. You’re very much authentic in who you are, or at least in who you present yourself as on your channel.
I don’t know if that’s the Swede in you, or if that’s just Angeshka-my family is Swedish and we’ve always had the attitude that you should be honest about where you’re at, rather than pretending to be happy when you’re not-and that being just okay is also perfectly fine! So I genuinely don’t know if that’s a Swedish thing or if you’re just a kindred spirit.
I also appreciate that you’re honest about having periods where you just need to do something different, and even while you recognize the demands of the algorithm, you value your mental health more. I wish more of the beauty space was as honest as you are. There are some (Theresa is one, for sure), but you’ve always been a favorite for this.
I am sorry to hear you’re working through things, but I’m glad to hear you have such great support from family and friends irl. Please know that you’re appreciated and that as a community we want to support you in what you need to do however we can.
ETA: the word I think you were looking for about the way you receive energy for or from socializing is “ambivert.” I think I’ve heard some people say “flexivert” before, too, but ambivert is the one I’ve heard most often.
Wow, everything you said at the end made so much sense. I always considered myself an extrovert, but could never understand why at times I didn't want to be around people. Your description of how you are hits the nail on the head for me. Thanks for sharing this, because you never know who is going through what you are and how it helps to know that there isn't anything wrong with you - you just need your batteries charged from different chargers! Love when you do color - I don't think it looks good on me, but I love seeing your creativity. It's just beautiful.
I feel with you, my life has had a lot of downs too and when im happy im always afraid that the bubble will burst.
Also read years ago about survivors guilt, i dont remember so much but maybe reading about it could help you figuring out your emotions about your past months dealings ❤️❤️❤️
I had similiar "cancer scare" and months later my body was like "hey, remember this traumatic event? let's shut down". It took another months for docto's to realise what's happening and why I shake and faint daily. They DID as if I was stressed, but I really thought I was not. Then one doctor asked "ok, but last few years, any trauma?" and then it clicked, I got antidepressants and I was cured in days. I hope someone will read that and IF they are in similiar situation they will realise faster what's happening.
On a bit lighter note: women in my family are prone to depression. According to statistics I'm a medical miracale by NOT having a depression. I am forever grateful since I see what it does to a person by looking at my family. Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness!
Sending love from Poland 💕
thank you for being so open about this - the more we talk about mental health, the better it is for everyone. I've also been really struggling lately.
Love these chatty grwm! As someone who's been dealing with depression since 14yo it's really nice to hear other's experiences, makes me feel less alone in this. It's pretty to post "You're not alone, stay strong!" on World's mental health day, but it's not nearly as effective as actually hearing someone who actually goes through this kind of shit.
Survivor's guilt is such a bitch. I am a cancer survivor, and I constantly wonder why I was spared and why I get to be healthy and continue my life, but my dad didn't, my sister's best friend didn't, and my family friend has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer. I don't wish to trade places with them, of course, but I do wonder why me? I'm simultaneously grateful and despondent about it. I also have MDD (major depressive disorder) and anxiety. It took a lot of medication and therapy to get better, but the spirals still happen from time to time. Everything you have talked about experiencing with your depression, I've been there. You're not alone. I'm glad you have realized you're not ready and that you never did anything about those feelings in the past. You are a light in this world. Thank you for sharing your true feelings.
“I don’t want to be the richest person in the graveyard.” That’s sooo powerful I needed to hear that. Thank you for sharing with us
We are here for you, Angie 💯 and I'm here as well to listen to what you're saying and that someone who has your back no matter what. You are loved, Angie 😊
I’ve been “fighting” the oncoming DOOM for about 2 months and it’s finally here as I lost the battle and for the last week I’ve said twice I want to admit myself bc my brain is so overwhelmed. I have a lot of stress and problems but in comparison to my past I have SO SO much to be thankful for and happy about like things I never thought were even possible are part of my life now! But no matter how much I tell myself positive affirmations it doesn’t change what’s in my head. I also am blessed to have a husband that tries his best to understand. I have zero friends and a 1yr old boy and I don’t drive and live in the country so we sit at home 24/7 and though it’s hard it’s my safe place. I feel guilty that my baby doesn’t get more social time and I know I need it but everything is just in shambles mentally rt now and I don’t know what I want or how to focus enough on a single idea for more than 2 seconds to resolve anything. Adhd , general and social anxiety and depression and a bit or agoraphobia all at once are a real bitch! But I don’t hear much from people that are as similar and though most of what’s said in this video makes no sense..it makes perfect sense! It’s so frustrating trying to lay it out and verbalize when u can’t even do that for yourself In ur own head! But sometimes just rambling can make it better even if for a moment so girl do what u gotta do! I admire your openness and honesty and ur so beautiful inside and out!
This sounds very similar when I go through autistic burnout. It’s like you run out of spoons until you can charge them back up again. I love watching you Angie and following you through your journey. I don’t have a mom so when I watch you and watch others it brings me comfort, that sounds so weird but it’s true.😅 soothe your soul, dear!
Angie, I have so much love and respect for you. Thank you for being vulnerable. Don't worry about being consistent. I think your audience would understand if you needed to take some time for yourself. ❤
I get it. I’m 67 and have had it since my 20’s…I wish you stability and peace!
Thanks for sharing ❤ I know exactly how it feels, I've had depressions where I've tried to end it. But thankfully my family have intervened and saved me. Just 2 years ago I was in a very dark place because of my panicattacks, it was so bad that I couldn't eat for 10 days and I just wanted to give up completely, then last year I found a lump in my breast and went to the doctor where he confirmed 5 lumps in total in both breasts and then I went down again to a dark place. Thankfully it wasn't cancer, but I'm still afraid that it can happen again.
Depression isn't a walk, it's a marathon. Forcing yourself to be grateful or others saying that you should be grateful is just toxicity. It's okay to not be okay and sometimes it's not easy to get over all these things like you said. My partner's parents moto saying "get over it" for anxiety, etc. It's not something to get over, it's just things to manage and find time to enjoy stuff ♥️ You're one of my fav RUclipsrs and thank you for finding time to want to upload content. Much love 💕
I have struggled so much with my mental health over the years too. The best advice I’ve received for when I start beating myself up over not being grateful or feeling that I have no right to be sad in this world is just to be gentle with myself. Sometimes that’s hard to do, but it’s become my mantra for when my mind starts spiraling. Just be gentle with yourself. Be kind. It’s helped me with self compassion 🌸💕🧚🏼♀️
depression is a bitch and I totally understand when a person is relieved to get 'I wanna live' feeling after not actually wanting to at times. I just want to send hugs to you and to all people who watched this video feeling it's relatable. we are going to be kinder to ourselves and make it better 💜
I have clinical depression as well. It is very difficult to manage. People that don't have this issue don't understand. Like saying get over it or I get sad too. It is not just having the blues. Thank you for being open about this. It helps to know someone else gets it.
One thing about going through depression before is knowing that it's possible to get through the really rough patches again, and your empathy for others, knowing or recognising that things aren't going right and getting help about that is a massive step big hugs
I appreciate the fact that you are so open, real and an amazing human. You being confident and/or comfortable enough to be open about where you are mentally and emotionally helps bless more people then you know. My daughter is clinically depressed. I don’t always understand what she is dealing with and or going through. She is in her early 20s and has a hard time expressing herself or explaining it. You break it down in a way that helps me understand what she may be going through or feeling. Sending tons of love your way. ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you!!!
Omg!❤ You talking about being afraid to say no hits home with me so hard!!
I'm always afraid of making someone mad or hurting ppls feelings. Also the panic attacks. I can relate. I truly understand what you are going through ❣️
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attacks at the age of 18, been seeing a psychiatrist consistently since. Also going through treatment for Body Dysmorphia right now. I am so thankful for having a family and friends that understand and are there to help. I had a panic attack at work a couple of times my boss told me to stop crying and a nurse came to help. Those people who have never felt like this don't understand what we go through. Sending love♥♥
We have three things in common. Makeup, gaming, and depression. I love you and I LOVE this look today. Stay strong. ❤
Oh Angie I get this so much. Big hugs ❤
I appreciate you and how you can share how you are feeling with us. I have anxiety and depression as well and have been going through similar feelings where nothing is "wrong" and I feel overwhelmed and sad and like I don't want to get out of bed and face the day. I love being alone as well. Saying no to more things is hard but so necessary at times, it's okay to say no! If I force myself to do something I'm not my best so it's not good for anyone ❤
I have terrible depression and anxiety. I feel you. It's so hard sometimes and I'm really struggling lately. Sending you love and positivity 💙
i think it’s therapeutic for all of us to get it out now and then. i’m sorry you’re struggling. i understand. i think we all do.
Hi Angie,
Please take care of yourself. You matter.
I learned to prioritize my mental health when I checked myself into an inpatient psych facility. I'm now on the right meds and finally able to sleep again.
I just want to say how much I appreciate your content. Your maturity and candor are refreshing, and you consistently give me little bursts of inspiration to go there with color. I love how you managed to combined the orange and purple here! 🧡💜