While we enjoy the baby bubble I figured I’d upload some videos I filmed right before going into labour! 🥰 REALLY hope you guys enjoy this as I rarely if ever see this subject approached...major respect for my husband for being so open. Flipping adore him. Even if you aren’t a guy yourself, this will maybe help you to understand the men in your life a little more XX
Seeing you mention feeling insecure about having an asymmetrical face is soo relatable. I have a pretty asymmetrical face and am very insecure about it. But I never would've noticed that your face is asymmetrical until you put those photos side by side, which makes me feel a bit better about myself. We're used to seeing ourselves in a mirror so that version of us looks more attractive, but everyone else is used to seeing us the other way, so it's like the same, just opposite.
That’s it...we really do focus on things that NOBODY else ever notices! And I really want people to realise just how common these things (and feelings!) are! I used to have such negative self talk about it, calling myself lopsided etc! 💔😬😭
Asymmetry in faces is usually only noticed by the person themselves and by plastic surgeons, who are obviously trained to examine features closely, but I've noticed that asymmetry actually creates many beautiful beautiful faces, just like Melanie's and yours I'm sure. There are many different types of beauty that I notice in the world, in men and women - asymmetry and symmetry alike - and thank goodness beauty is in the eye of the beholder because if we all agreed on who we find attractive the world would be monotonous and less alluring.
@@melaniemurphyofficial I don't even see your face being asymmetrical, even after you said it - I think your face is really beautiful and even actually!
Completely agree! Also don't forget other people see your face (and body too!) MOVING (talking, making expressions, etc) rather than how you look at yourself in the mirror or see yourself on photos. This makes a huge difference. I'm not super insecure, but as anyone, I have things that I pay attention too and that I'd like to be a little bit different (not too much). However when I see my body moving in the mirror those insecurities disappear. And seeing myself on film I find mysefl a lot more beautiful than when I see myself on certain photos. Certain features or shapes become all part of the moving body/face, rather than being individual things that you can nitpick on. :)
Same...especially since everybody seems to accept the definition of beauty as symmetry. My eyes are slightly different shapes (one lid is very hooded and the other is less so) and my nose is crooked from breaking it as a kid so this narrative really contributed to my body dysmorphia when it was at its worst.
I've always noticed the way you look at Thomas in your videos, since the day you've introduced him. He's gained confidence too. I love it, how you scan his face, hehe, wth all that affection, just wondering how you see your baby or the first time you saw him in your hands, its surreal xxx I'm so happy for you x
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a whack of instant adoration 😭😭 Thomas captured pics of the first time baby was on my chest...I will NEVER forget that moment 😭❤️
The whole thing about how most men only tend to open up about their emotions to their partners is so sad to me. It leads to a lot of adjacent issues, like incredible emotional strain on their partners because they have to be a person's only support system, and men having a really hard time dealing with breakups because they don't have people in their life other than their exes who they're used to opening up to about how they're feeling. It's such a difficult issue for individual people to detangle.
and who are we supposed to share our insecurities and fears with? for starters, many men don't even share those things with their girlfriends or wives because you always hear how women want a strong man ..Additionally , society makes it ok for women to judge men on things determined by genetics such as height or race so who is a man supposed to share his emotions with ? now, for women is easy to tell the whole universe about their insecurities because society says that it's not ok to judge women on things such as weight (something which isn't determined by genetics) so she's obviously going to find a lot of people who will give her support and encouragement.
My boyfriend is so so insecure about it. I didn’t realise how much until this past year or so. He’s only 25 and it started in his late teens, and he constantly “measures” his hairline with his finger, I see him doing multiple times a day sometimes. I love him and am attracted to him no matter what, but he just really hates the idea of shaving his head. It doesn’t help that the lads we live with make jokes about it and although they might not be made maliciously, they still obviously have an impact. I hate that nothing I can say can help :( I really love that Thomas was so open in this video and I think you’re both absolutely right, if it’s in your power to do something that doesn’t hurt you or anyone else and makes you feel better, then why the hell not. Thank you for this video, will be showing it to himself later :)
❤️❤️❤️ I really hope he feels a little ‘seen’ when he watches, guys tend to feel so isolated in these concerns! Since I uploaded this Thomas has already had texts from guys he knows telling him fair play for talking about all this...which is just so cool, to see guys suppose eachother being open in this way ❤️
Melanie Murphy definitely! There’s so much discussion around female insecurity and ageing on all scales, from friendship circles to global campaigns. Hair loss is part of a much bigger picture that needs more focus and compassion. I’m speaking generally, but I feel like Irish men have so much pressure to internalise insecurity as it’s seen as ‘feminine’ to be concerned about your appearance which feeds into even bigger problems. I hope it will change in the future for all the little boys like baby Pan, Thomas and yourself are helping to do that by using your platform! Love to your little family xxx
Love Thomas just kicking toxic masculinity in the face! This is such a good thing to keep in mind with men in your life. I really appreciate the honest
I don't think the male beauty ideal of being very big and very muscular is biological. I mean, look at all the existing hunter-gatherer people that still live nowadays (Hadza-tribe, San, etc). The men often do look muscular, healthy and lean yes, but not muscular, not _big_ like the standards and norm we have in our society. If anything I think our present day beauty standard for men could possible have a lot to do with classical greek and roman beauty standards, of which there was a _huge_ revival and idealization of in the early *19th century* (neoclassicm). Not so long ago!
I don't think 19th century neoclassism had anything to do with it. Yes, they brought back beautifully buff Adonis statues, but they were still very natural looking. Before neoclassism Michelangelo went kind of overboard with his robust maniqueist figures, I'll give you that. But still, historically bigger men have been beacons of power. Beauty in general (and I mean real beauty that anybody can look at and there is no question that person is striking, like Ruby Rose or Aishwarya Rai, for example) has always been a social status symbol. Coveted. I think the unnaturally muscular and big muscles trend started in the 80s when people found ways to enhance their bigness. Guys' beauty standards have never been more exaggerated than in the 80s. I think even nowadays the typical fitness guys would be considered average to small by 80s standards. There seems to be an unhealthy fixation with leanness in today's male beauty standards. The lower the fat body percentage is the better, an effect that comes from the 60% overweight population in the States, no doubt.
I don't think women care that much about a man's muscles ..I have never seen a woman on a dating site saying "don't message me if you don't have muscles" but they sure say "don't message me if you aren't tall"..I'm other words, women judge men on things which are totally and absolutely determined by genetics ..I wish we would instead be "judged" on our weight or muscles since those aren't things determined by genetics.
Just shows you, I ve never even noticed Thomas’s hair line. You never know what’s going on inside someone’s brain. He’s a handsome lad whether he had hair or a shaved head but it’s how he feels about himself that’s the most important!! Lots of love to you both 😘😘
Thank you so much for this video. As a woman, I often forget that men have insecurities as well. With all the beauty standards placed on us, it is difficult to see that men struggle with this too. It was so refreshing to hear both of you (especially your husband) really opening up in a world that condemns vulnerability and tries to enforce this erroneous idea that men should not express their feelings. I absolutely loved this.
I fucking love this video! It's so important to talk about these issues and to not marginalize men from conversations about confidence and insecurities. While everyone has their own problems and self-criticisms, often men in particular avoid talking about them and allow their issues to pile up without facing them. The statistics are there and it's widely known that men make up the majority of suicides and suffer from mental health issues just as much as women do, and yet still, in 2020, we rarely consider men to suffer from such inner demons unless it's blaringly obvious. I'm so grateful that you're using your platform to speak on this, I know that it's not often that men have the short end of the stick and we've grown accustomed to not think that men need standing up for, but this is one of those rare instances that we do.
As a young fella this has been so so lovely to watch! Immediately feeling so understood and less alone and inspired to talk to more people about the insecurities I have too ! Thanks so much Thomas and Melanie! 🌞🌞🌞
Best of luck with the hair transplant lad. Takes bottle to openly talk about insecurities as a general rule, let alone something like hair loss. As a man who went full, legend of Aang bald at the age of 20, it's good to see other men approaching the discussion. Some tips for anyone reading this who is going bald themselves, is pooping it and/or fears they won't be able to afford a transplant: 1. Bald is v sexy. I am one of the sexy bald men (although I'm not the profile pic of Demba Ba). 100% of other bald men fall in to this category. 100% of bald women/non binary fall in to sexiness category too. There's just something a bit saucy about being bald. 2. Your face shape will suit being bald. 3. Use being bald as a way of experimenting with your identity. Owning who you are no matter what is cool in itself, fuck around with facial hair/clothes/jewellery/tattoos/gait/etc. 4. If you are able to access it, take advantage of therapy or anyone you feel comfortable conversing with. Talking through why hair loss is affecting you may help you come to terms with it or even completely embrace it. 5. As Thomas notes in the vid, as you get older, you care less about what people think of you, and I personally have found that to be true with going bald. Time is a healer, rhythm is a dancer, and you will process this better over time. Even if it doesn't sound that comforting now ("yeah well I can't magically be 3 years older"), you'll understand how important this point is and how it works with other insecurities. 6. You are strong willed, and I've every confidence you'll grow with this and be more resilient for it. Big love, stay safe x
@@PoppyFields You are most welcome. Bald women are like another level, and I haven't come across one that isn't radiating confidence and strength. You're in fantastic company.
cutearshino..That was a great post ..Thank you..Now, I assume you are from the UK since you used the term "lad"..May I ask you something? is it true that women in the UK don't judge men on height ? that's something I had heard however the guy who appears in this video who seems to have a British accent said that back then when he was single he would go to dating sites and see how most women would say something like "don't message me if you aren't 6 feet tall"..
@@Dah42 Hello chap - yes I’m from the UK. I’d say that it’s a generalisation (that I’ve not heard of) that people from the UK won’t judge you on height. Personally I’m 5’11 so don’t encounter many issues regarding my height so it’s hard to speak from experience, but yes some people (a minority) will have a strict height policy on dating. Usually they’ll be relatively tall themselves and because in western society we teach that it’s weird for men to be smaller than women (it’s not), it makes sense for people to want a partner taller than themselves. Most importantly, I wouldn’t worry about the people who will judge you based on height. That’s their cross to burden, and if you are short yourself, you will meet people in life that won’t be dragging that weight around with them. As long as you’re accepting of yourself, others will follow.
Thomas, just so you know, I've never thought about your hair looking thin at all. What stands out about you is that you seem to have a great sense of humour, a lovely nature, and you seem very calm and grounded. You have such a strong connection as a couple, and manage to maintain both a sense of fun, as well as a maturity beyond your years.
we love thomas in this house!!! ur son is so lucky to have beautiful parents with such amazing communication skills and healthy ways to go about things ❤️
Awwww the clip of your friend kissing his father and gifting him the hair transplant and his reaction was legit most precious thing I’ve seen in a long time. ☺️
I’m gonna show this video to my husband when I get home from work! He’s never really been afraid of showing his insecurities but I know everyone can benefit from listening to other people talk about this stuff! This video is such a good idea, I think we all need to be having more conversations like this and making things easier for guys to feel like they can be honest and open💛
I adore things like this. It's so nice to see things from a male perspective because we just don't see it in everyday life 💖 I wish more men felt free and safe to express themselves in this stuff 💖
With the neglect in male insecurities, I especially remember my teachers telling young boys and men not to 'be so emotional/be such a girl/cry like a baby' if something upset them. A distinct memory is my prep teacher (6yo) would loudly point out their mistakes in work and make the entire class laugh at them.
I think it's very courageous of you both Thomas and Melanie to start talking about male insecurity in a world where it's often not talked about. Hopefully more content like this will appear, because it's as important for men as much as women to feel like they are in control of their bodies and how they express themselves, like you said. :D Love the content as always! xoxo
thomas has the BEST laugh and the warmest kindest sweetest energy it's the most infectious thing - i feel so much better whenever there's even just a moment of him in a video ❤❤ their relationship makes me feel like being single for 8 years is worth it to find something like them 😭😭
A lot of women also deal with hair loss, and some even deal with receding hairlines too. Its crazy. Im glad people are taking about it, ive had boyfriends with the same concerns and i think this will help a lot of men start to feel better about it, like they aren’t the only ones
Thomas is just incredible for this! Thank you for showing vulnerability. My boyfriend was playing a game next to me and paused it to come and watch with me when he heard Thomas talking about male insecurities. It’s SO unheard of for guys to talk about this, especially online so thank you so much :) this is how mens lives are saved 💗 good luck for the surgery and hope you both are enjoying the baby bubble! xxx
I really appreciate you providing a space for a conversation like this. In the era of identity politics, I think it's easy to assume those we conceptualise as "privileged" as having no issues whatsoever - which is reductionist and lacking empathy, fundamentally - so it's great to see you challenging that here. Thank you for productively and constructively adding to the conversation.
As a bald, fat mid forty year old man would just like to say this video is fantastic and more men (myself included) need to be able to open up and talk more about insecurities.
I just want to say how proud and thankful I am of Thomas for filming this video. It definitely opened my mind and see a male’s perspective of insecurity. It’s not spoken about enough. It was absolutely brilliant
Good job, Thomas! I think we need to change so much in our culture about how men are raised, what it means to be male, and encouraging men and boys to open up more, talk about feelings, and give them a chance to be who they really are behind all the male myths. I see so much damage to men and the people they have relationships when men don't feel like they can do this.
As a woman who went though a hairloss and hair thinning scare bc of stress (alopecia oils, vitamin B complex, and black castor oil helped), I'd definitely do this treatment instead of hair extensions etc. So happy for Thomas, good on you!
I've never seen anything like this before! Thank you! My boyfriend had a bad haircut last week and was really insecure about it. I couldn't understand - but he explained it was like Thomas has just said - it changed the shape of his face from whay he could see and he just didn't feel himself! It was really interesting to talk about it with him (as reluctant as he was to admit his insecurity!) Think I'm gonna show him this so he can see - talking about it helps! 100% we need to have more talks on male insecurity. They are not robots! ❤️
A video that I was waiting in your channel Melany. I belong to the hair loss club. It's difficult or sad to lose your hair but acceptance is the best way to not worry about that, when you suffer for example, serious health problems you realise that esthetics are not so important. Thank you very much for sharing this excellent material :)
My dad started losing his hair when he was 16 or 17. My whole life my dad has had no hair at the top of his head, and while things have receded a bit more and thinned over the years, I think he looks great. My mom met him and they fell in love despite any insecurities. I know it's something that has bothered him but one thing we do (dad and daughter) is I will dye his greys for him. He looks facially 10 years younger than his true age already, and the hair refresh gives him a confidence boost, so why not? Guys should be totally cool with using whatever tools or doing whatever gives them the most confidence (safely of course).
This video concept, damn I wish it was a tag so I could watch loads, hearing men being vulnerable about their insecurities is so very refreshing and eye opening. We need more of this type of content in media. Breaking down this stereotype of men having to be stoic and strong and unaffected. Well done Thomas.
I think it's really great that you're talking about this so openly. When I was growing up I believed all permanent cosmetic treatments were people putting vanity above all else. But as an adult, I still feel some procedures aren't necessary, and I do wish there was less pressure to get certain things done (particularly as we age), I am a lot less judgemental of people who choose to have something done. I think part of it is a lot of those procedures are now a lot safer than they used to be, but also through learning from channels such as yours that if it's not negatively affecting your health, then that's someone's choice to make. Personally I feel a lot of them are very expensive and that money could be put to better use, but it's your money and how you spend it is your choice, and not mine to judge as obviously I don't know the ins and outs of someone's personal life experience that lead them to choosing to have something done for cosmetic reasons.
5'5 guy here so height is my huge insecurity (among others) Weight I could lose, muscle I could gain, even with hair loss I can fix that. I'm 30 next year, I ain't getting a growth spurt anymore lol so while I have my issues with my height, I've accepted it and now I'm just trying to rock it as much as I can. Pants are still difficult to find though lol. I'm glad Thomas spoke about his insecurities. It's definitely liberating to hear more guys express and talk about the things that really affects them emotionally. Thanks for speaking up man! 🤙🏼
21:30 excellent point. Heard it from multiple others that not dealing with stress or anxiety tends to make it fester and come out in other ways and get worse. Toxic masculinity has a lot for answer for.
I honestly think this is one of the best videos I've watched in a long time. So simple and honest. I loved it. I've so much respect for both of you, for Thomas for being so brave and open and for Melanie for opening up a conversation that nobody's having.I'm a woman and I've found it very eye opening, it gives you an idea of the WORLD there's behind the "I'm a man, I don't cry" barricade. thank you both and congrats on your baby! Hopefully things will be easier for him! lots of love
Your advice and mentality growth over the years has been an absolute cornerstone that has guided my development!!! I appreciate you and Thomas to the end of the earth ❤️
I have watched men in my life whether it’s family, friends or colleagues and always been envious of their ability to just seem like they don’t worry about anything. Like I am anxious about so many things and openly say it but the men around me seem so like ‘yeah whatever’. I morbidly just wanted a man to say hey I also am anxious about things. We need a lot more men to do what Thomas has done here and share not just for other men but for all other genders who are often labelled ‘emotional’.
The insecurity around hair is so real. My boyfriend started balding at 17 and just shaves his head now. He gets the piss ripped out of him much less and I’m so much more attracted to him bald than with his questionable hairline. I wish lads didn’t make it so hard on each other. Thanks Thomas for being so open with us all and congrats to you both on the arrival of the little one❤️❤️
Thomas you're not alone! My big brother (Also a Thomas) has a big issue with losing his hair, he's been saying every time he goes to the barbers... Do you think I have to shave yet? And hoping they say no. But not being able to visit a barber with Covid he has braved the shave and he's had a lot of compliments on his new look. Men feel they have to exude confidence and be "the rock" for everyone else. You're allowed to be insecure. I am so happy for you that this fix is going to give you some confidence back! Bravo for being so open, honest and vunerable x
My partner is really insecure about his hairline too! Thank you for talking about it. A couple of his friends have insecurities surround their hair too. It really is so common
Somehow and in some cultures I also think women have to be always cute and happy and funny to be around and some men can get annoyed if you talk too much about your insecurities or if you are just sad or depressed. I saw this a lot in 'Memories of a Geisha' for example but I also experienced it myself meeting men who would just be annoyed if I am too emotional. I know we are talking about male insecurities here, I just wanted to point that out. Also it is true that we have more tools to improve our appearance but there is also pressure on us to use these tools. There is always that person who criticises that girl who does not wear make up, does not style her hair and doesn't dress fashionable or fancy.
My fiancé has always been insecure about how tall skinny he is. He eats like a horse and is really active so it’s purely a genetics thing. I’m kind of glad I’m a way he’s able to speak freely about it with me, as he’s often been picked on for it even though really what can he do but eat more? 🙄 Honestly the whole ‘swol’ fit physique thing is overrated for me. He plays hockey so I know he’s fit in a different way. And Goddammit, my fiancé is the sexiest person in the room when he wears a suit. 😍😂😍😂😍
ahh loved this!! cant believe you’ve got the little one already! oh hes gonna grow up to be the loveliest little man with the sweetest little heart :,)) sending youse my love ! & thomas, i’m so happy for u & excited for you to feel like yourself again, a lovely video, def gonna show this to my brother
As a 1dfan I witnessed just how women (that are normally against bodyshaming) are disconnected from man's insecurities. I saw so many fans making fun of Harry's hairline bc they assume he knows he's hot and is too confident to care. Also Louis and Niall's height isn't smth to point out and it was hard to understand for me too because height isnt as big of a deal for women and being smol means adorable in stan language .
I saved this video to watch with my boyfriend and I just want to say thank you to both of you because this opened up such a nice honest conversation between us about insecurities (a lot of his being similar to Thomas’). I hope more men can be as open, I’m sure with you two setting this example your little boy will be. Congrats again! 💚
Their aren’t many people I love and appreciate as much as I do Melanie, but Thomas you are pretty close. Thank you for sharing, it reminds me to let myself be more vulnerable, and kinder to myself as well.
Excellent video guys.... i had this on while my boyfriend was alongside me (who is also a pilot and also wants a hair transplant) so its really helpful that Thomas has normalised it. Thanks guys
I feel that, too! I wear a fake tooth as I lost a tooth upfront and sure I'd be fine without it, I'd still be able to eat lol, but it's completely an aesthetic thing for me - I just cannot see myself as a woman with a tooth missing haha! xx
Hair really is such a contested topic today; too much, not enough, ‘wrong‘ place etc. Personally, I‘ve always perceived widow’s peaks as kinda sexy, but then that‘s also a weird internalised double-standard of how society broadly treats ageing signs in men kinder than those in women. But yes, also completely understand how insecurities impact self-perception and are very much little niggling mind-f*ckers. Thank you to Thomas for talking openly about it & hope you three are doing well! 💕
This is amazing and so helpful, both to men and women. I grew up with only sisters, never really had any guy friends and the only guy I've ever been with, is the one I'm with now. So my experience with guys and their insecurities, is next to none. Now I have my partner and two sons, and my partner isn't really one to talk about insecurities, unkess you drag it out of him😅 so this is great, and so helpful, to hear a man talk about this, so that we all can learn. So thank you, Thomas, for sharing💚
This was a great video! It was nice to hear insecurities from Thomas - the way you both talked about them and reflected on them in a broader way was great! Can't wait to hear about the follow up :)
Brilliantly insightful video. Well done guys! I love that we talk about this. Using your platform like this is why I always know you’re going to deal with a topic sensitively. 💚
I love you guys, you are so funny and amazing. I have a good friend who started loosing his air in his late 20's (he is now in his 30's) and he is insecure about it. This video will hopefully help with his self confidence, thank you!
Love the video! Now that you have had a son I recommend the documentary “The mask you live in”. It really talks about men and how they are trained with repressing emotions. It made me think a lot about how I raise my son! Congrats on your beautiful boy. ❤️
A great topic! Made me think of how i perceive and interact with male insecurities, wanna have that sort of conversation with men in my life 💙 Congrats on the vulnerability and the spark of life that came to being thanks to you two. 💚
Thank you guys so much for making this video, it’s really helpful for girls, I think, to be able to get outside of ourselves and our own insecurities and see the other side of things! TBH I just love the videos with both of you on camera and can’t wait to see what more “couple talk” videos you two come out with as your lives and marriage progresses. And p.s. Thomas, you are awesome for being vulnerable and stepping up and sharing your own personal experiences!
Lovely to hear you talk about insicurity in general. But I think it is great for everyone to talk about this kinda stuff if you are comfortable with it
Good to see a video on hair loss! I can actually relate to Thomas, even though I'm a woman, as I have male pattern alopecia that looks quite similar to Thomas'. My alopecia is a symptom of polycystic ovaries, I often feel quite unlucky as it's a super rare symptom of PCOS! But the dermatologist recently prescribed Regaine, which I feel is helping. Plus I just bought my first wig topper which has made me feel so much more confident, I have FRINGE now!! It's brilliant lol
Congratulations on the new baby Melanie and Thomas ❤ from the little of him we've soon (and of course I respect keeping him private) he seems adorable and just so precious. Also I love this video, so glad you keep talking about things people are worried to talk about ❤❤❤
Great to hear Thomas' thoughts on insecurities. I personally think the reason I got bullied was in fact the bullies insecurities. The two guys who bullied me the most both lost their hair really early as adults. the hair line thing worries me too but Bruce Willis can do it, so can I lol
What a great video on insecurities, bravo Thomas for sharing! Many men are having procedure, watched fitness influencer Mike Thurston's experience through it last year! 💚
This was so refreshing & insightful! My partner has often expressed that his height was his biggest insecurity prior to meeting me. He said the number of times women commented on how short he was (he's 5'6), how lovely he's be if only he was taller etc was staggering. It took a bit for me to get used to, as I'm 5'9, but it was really just a matter of becoming comfortable with not aesthetically aligning with social norms as a couple, and not to give a shit what anyone thought. That being said, it's become obvious how engrained the notion that men (in hetero relationships) have to be taller and buffer than their partners, as we constantly get stares when we're together, and have even had individuals stop us to ask why I would waste my time on someone so short (this has always been by taller men, mind you, so I'm imagining it's an unfortunate 'why could he get a girl and I couldn't' mindset).
I loved hearing about Tomas' perspective. Thank you for bringing this conversation to the internet! One thing I would like to add is that women generally face much more pressure related to their appearance. Men are often praised for their intellectual abilities while women are often firstly praised for their beauty. Even in the workforce, particular appearance expectations are placed on women - for instance, wearing makeup/shaving/wearing hair in a certain way is often expected of women to look 'professional'. Anyway, it doesn't remove the interest/relevance of talking about men's insecurities, but I thought it is good to be reminded of the context and why women talk about their insecurities more -- a lot more weight is placed on their appearance...
Josh Taylor this is true, people react and cope differently... but it’s possible to take what’s happened and to find a new layer of resilience in there somewhere, which should always be encouraged. I responded down the line to my own bullying experiences in a similar way to Thomas (mainly after I learned why people bully in the first place, almost always from a place of insecurity and fear, or they’re acting out familiar parental behaviour, or they want to keep negative attention off of themselves, usually they’re deeply unhappy) xxx
This was all very enlightening! Thanks to Thomas for sharing his insecurities (that would be difficult for me!) Also I feel very validated because I have this scar on my forehead that I really want to get rid of. I feel like after your conversation I feel like it’s okay if I actually go for it and try and get rid of it. Thanks you two!
I love that Thomas was so open, especially on here too where there’s a lot of people watching! It’s always lovely to see especially for a man! (Generally speaking ofc) I did not know you could get hair transplants though! I am excited to see the results and stuff!! Good luck with that Thomas! 😊 xx
I really enjoyed this, the back and forth and different perspectives etc. I'd love to see similar videos where you both go back and forth in a discussion or something you likely have different experiences with etc
I'm only 5 minutes in, but with regards to what Thomas was saying about women having more 'tools' than men, I think it's also important to address that women deal with a lot more pressure to appear a certain way, esp on dates. Not that men don't also face pressures, but women are constantly sexualised and objectified in a way that men aren't, so although we may have more 'tools', those tools are actually just physical representations of the pressures that we face to appear more sexually attractive etc. (not saying that if you wear make up/heels etc that youre giving into those pressures - ofc it's more complicated than that, but just that you can see how many more pressures women face in terms of their appearance)
Thomaass! Thank you for opening up about your hair loss, it’s so important! I just want to point out that if you are a woman who also experience hair loss and you’re feeling isolated, there’s a whole community of people like you on insta (@hairlossboss for example). We don’t talk about women hair loss that much when it can happen just like it does for men (androgenic alopecia, alopecia areata/universalis, trichotolomania). Unfortunately hair transplant is not an option for most women since women’s balding pattern is more diffuse but there’s a whole world of alternative hair out there and you can feel confident again. Just thought I would share as I’ve been experiencing this since I was 17 and thought I was on my own for so long. Yes, bald can be beautiful ♥️
Once again, thanks Thomas for sharing your insecurities about this. Hair loss in general is very “ush ush don’t mention it” when it affects so many people. Knowing how much it’s affected my confidence, I can’t imagine having to deal with it with the added pressure of not being able to/allowed to talk about your feelings on top of it all.
Insecurity is definitely seen as a feminine trait. We have SO much more to uncover about toxic masculinity, even among really open-minded, progressive people. When men reveal their insecurities, it's almost like realizing... oh yeah, Brad Pitt poops too (if that makes sense lol). Everyone benefits from vulnerability, so really cool of you, Thomas!
Thomas I think you look great and also surprised of your insecurities. You are so confident that it doesn’t even matter. Happy you are getting the procedure done. Good luck! Congratulations to you both on the 👶 baby 🍼 xoxo DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY 😃
Really nice video and talk about insecurities, which I can relate to as a woman as well regarding the difficulty to express oneself. Feels great to hear you talk so openly. Great job as always Melanie (and Thomas) ! And congrats again for your baby boy
While we enjoy the baby bubble I figured I’d upload some videos I filmed right before going into labour! 🥰 REALLY hope you guys enjoy this as I rarely if ever see this subject approached...major respect for my husband for being so open. Flipping adore him. Even if you aren’t a guy yourself, this will maybe help you to understand the men in your life a little more XX
thank you Thomas, this is really really appreciated
Really cool stuff. I left a longer individual comment here and on another vid. You've got a new fan... both of you!
Can we all applaud Thomas for being so vulnerable
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so proud of him tbh!
Seeing you mention feeling insecure about having an asymmetrical face is soo relatable. I have a pretty asymmetrical face and am very insecure about it. But I never would've noticed that your face is asymmetrical until you put those photos side by side, which makes me feel a bit better about myself. We're used to seeing ourselves in a mirror so that version of us looks more attractive, but everyone else is used to seeing us the other way, so it's like the same, just opposite.
That’s it...we really do focus on things that NOBODY else ever notices! And I really want people to realise just how common these things (and feelings!) are! I used to have such negative self talk about it, calling myself lopsided etc! 💔😬😭
Asymmetry in faces is usually only noticed by the person themselves and by plastic surgeons, who are obviously trained to examine features closely, but I've noticed that asymmetry actually creates many beautiful beautiful faces, just like Melanie's and yours I'm sure. There are many different types of beauty that I notice in the world, in men and women - asymmetry and symmetry alike - and thank goodness beauty is in the eye of the beholder because if we all agreed on who we find attractive the world would be monotonous and less alluring.
@@melaniemurphyofficial I don't even see your face being asymmetrical, even after you said it - I think your face is really beautiful and even actually!
Completely agree! Also don't forget other people see your face (and body too!) MOVING (talking, making expressions, etc) rather than how you look at yourself in the mirror or see yourself on photos. This makes a huge difference. I'm not super insecure, but as anyone, I have things that I pay attention too and that I'd like to be a little bit different (not too much). However when I see my body moving in the mirror those insecurities disappear. And seeing myself on film I find mysefl a lot more beautiful than when I see myself on certain photos. Certain features or shapes become all part of the moving body/face, rather than being individual things that you can nitpick on. :)
Same...especially since everybody seems to accept the definition of beauty as symmetry. My eyes are slightly different shapes (one lid is very hooded and the other is less so) and my nose is crooked from breaking it as a kid so this narrative really contributed to my body dysmorphia when it was at its worst.
I've always noticed the way you look at Thomas in your videos, since the day you've introduced him. He's gained confidence too. I love it, how you scan his face, hehe, wth all that affection, just wondering how you see your baby or the first time you saw him in your hands, its surreal xxx I'm so happy for you x
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a whack of instant adoration 😭😭 Thomas captured pics of the first time baby was on my chest...I will NEVER forget that moment 😭❤️
The whole thing about how most men only tend to open up about their emotions to their partners is so sad to me. It leads to a lot of adjacent issues, like incredible emotional strain on their partners because they have to be a person's only support system, and men having a really hard time dealing with breakups because they don't have people in their life other than their exes who they're used to opening up to about how they're feeling. It's such a difficult issue for individual people to detangle.
and who are we supposed to share our insecurities and fears with? for starters, many men don't even share those things with their girlfriends or wives because you always hear how women want a strong man ..Additionally , society makes it ok for women to judge men on things determined by genetics such as height or race so who is a man supposed to share his emotions with ? now, for women is easy to tell the whole universe about their insecurities because society says that it's not ok to judge women on things such as weight (something which isn't determined by genetics) so she's obviously going to find a lot of people who will give her support and encouragement.
My boyfriend is so so insecure about it. I didn’t realise how much until this past year or so. He’s only 25 and it started in his late teens, and he constantly “measures” his hairline with his finger, I see him doing multiple times a day sometimes. I love him and am attracted to him no matter what, but he just really hates the idea of shaving his head. It doesn’t help that the lads we live with make jokes about it and although they might not be made maliciously, they still obviously have an impact. I hate that nothing I can say can help :( I really love that Thomas was so open in this video and I think you’re both absolutely right, if it’s in your power to do something that doesn’t hurt you or anyone else and makes you feel better, then why the hell not. Thank you for this video, will be showing it to himself later :)
❤️❤️❤️ I really hope he feels a little ‘seen’ when he watches, guys tend to feel so isolated in these concerns! Since I uploaded this Thomas has already had texts from guys he knows telling him fair play for talking about all this...which is just so cool, to see guys suppose eachother being open in this way ❤️
Melanie Murphy definitely! There’s so much discussion around female insecurity and ageing on all scales, from friendship circles to global campaigns. Hair loss is part of a much bigger picture that needs more focus and compassion. I’m speaking generally, but I feel like Irish men have so much pressure to internalise insecurity as it’s seen as ‘feminine’ to be concerned about your appearance which feeds into even bigger problems. I hope it will change in the future for all the little boys like baby Pan, Thomas and yourself are helping to do that by using your platform! Love to your little family xxx
Love Thomas just kicking toxic masculinity in the face! This is such a good thing to keep in mind with men in your life. I really appreciate the honest
I don't think the male beauty ideal of being very big and very muscular is biological. I mean, look at all the existing hunter-gatherer people that still live nowadays (Hadza-tribe, San, etc). The men often do look muscular, healthy and lean yes, but not muscular, not _big_ like the standards and norm we have in our society. If anything I think our present day beauty standard for men could possible have a lot to do with classical greek and roman beauty standards, of which there was a _huge_ revival and idealization of in the early *19th century* (neoclassicm). Not so long ago!
I don't think 19th century neoclassism had anything to do with it. Yes, they brought back beautifully buff Adonis statues, but they were still very natural looking. Before neoclassism Michelangelo went kind of overboard with his robust maniqueist figures, I'll give you that. But still, historically bigger men have been beacons of power. Beauty in general (and I mean real beauty that anybody can look at and there is no question that person is striking, like Ruby Rose or Aishwarya Rai, for example) has always been a social status symbol. Coveted. I think the unnaturally muscular and big muscles trend started in the 80s when people found ways to enhance their bigness. Guys' beauty standards have never been more exaggerated than in the 80s. I think even nowadays the typical fitness guys would be considered average to small by 80s standards. There seems to be an unhealthy fixation with leanness in today's male beauty standards. The lower the fat body percentage is the better, an effect that comes from the 60% overweight population in the States, no doubt.
I don't think women care that much about a man's muscles ..I have never seen a woman on a dating site saying "don't message me if you don't have muscles" but they sure say "don't message me if you aren't tall"..I'm other words, women judge men on things which are totally and absolutely determined by genetics ..I wish we would instead be "judged" on our weight or muscles since those aren't things determined by genetics.
Just shows you, I ve never even noticed Thomas’s hair line. You never know what’s going on inside someone’s brain. He’s a handsome lad whether he had hair or a shaved head but it’s how he feels about himself that’s the most important!! Lots of love to you both 😘😘
Thank you so much for this video. As a woman, I often forget that men have insecurities as well. With all the beauty standards placed on us, it is difficult to see that men struggle with this too. It was so refreshing to hear both of you (especially your husband) really opening up in a world that condemns vulnerability and tries to enforce this erroneous idea that men should not express their feelings. I absolutely loved this.
I fucking love this video! It's so important to talk about these issues and to not marginalize men from conversations about confidence and insecurities. While everyone has their own problems and self-criticisms, often men in particular avoid talking about them and allow their issues to pile up without facing them. The statistics are there and it's widely known that men make up the majority of suicides and suffer from mental health issues just as much as women do, and yet still, in 2020, we rarely consider men to suffer from such inner demons unless it's blaringly obvious. I'm so grateful that you're using your platform to speak on this, I know that it's not often that men have the short end of the stick and we've grown accustomed to not think that men need standing up for, but this is one of those rare instances that we do.
As a young fella this has been so so lovely to watch! Immediately feeling so understood and less alone and inspired to talk to more people about the insecurities I have too ! Thanks so much Thomas and Melanie! 🌞🌞🌞
Awww I’m sooo bloody glad! ❤️❤️❤️
Best of luck with the hair transplant lad. Takes bottle to openly talk about insecurities as a general rule, let alone something like hair loss. As a man who went full, legend of Aang bald at the age of 20, it's good to see other men approaching the discussion.
Some tips for anyone reading this who is going bald themselves, is pooping it and/or fears they won't be able to afford a transplant:
1. Bald is v sexy. I am one of the sexy bald men (although I'm not the profile pic of Demba Ba). 100% of other bald men fall in to this category. 100% of bald women/non binary fall in to sexiness category too. There's just something a bit saucy about being bald.
2. Your face shape will suit being bald.
3. Use being bald as a way of experimenting with your identity. Owning who you are no matter what is cool in itself, fuck around with facial hair/clothes/jewellery/tattoos/gait/etc.
4. If you are able to access it, take advantage of therapy or anyone you feel comfortable conversing with. Talking through why hair loss is affecting you may help you come to terms with it or even completely embrace it.
5. As Thomas notes in the vid, as you get older, you care less about what people think of you, and I personally have found that to be true with going bald. Time is a healer, rhythm is a dancer, and you will process this better over time. Even if it doesn't sound that comforting now ("yeah well I can't magically be 3 years older"), you'll understand how important this point is and how it works with other insecurities.
6. You are strong willed, and I've every confidence you'll grow with this and be more resilient for it.
Big love, stay safe x
Thank you so much for this! -woman losing hair very fast
@@PoppyFields You are most welcome. Bald women are like another level, and I haven't come across one that isn't radiating confidence and strength. You're in fantastic company.
I like this answer so much! I am a woman, but I feel this so much... Thanks for writing it.
cutearshino..That was a great post ..Thank you..Now, I assume you are from the UK since you used the term "lad"..May I ask you something? is it true that women in the UK don't judge men on height ? that's something I had heard however the guy who appears in this video who seems to have a British accent said that back then when he was single he would go to dating sites and see how most women would say something like "don't message me if you aren't 6 feet tall"..
@@Dah42 Hello chap - yes I’m from the UK. I’d say that it’s a generalisation (that I’ve not heard of) that people from the UK won’t judge you on height.
Personally I’m 5’11 so don’t encounter many issues regarding my height so it’s hard to speak from experience, but yes some people (a minority) will have a strict height policy on dating. Usually they’ll be relatively tall themselves and because in western society we teach that it’s weird for men to be smaller than women (it’s not), it makes sense for people to want a partner taller than themselves.
Most importantly, I wouldn’t worry about the people who will judge you based on height. That’s their cross to burden, and if you are short yourself, you will meet people in life that won’t be dragging that weight around with them. As long as you’re accepting of yourself, others will follow.
Thomas, just so you know, I've never thought about your hair looking thin at all. What stands out about you is that you seem to have a great sense of humour, a lovely nature, and you seem very calm and grounded. You have such a strong connection as a couple, and manage to maintain both a sense of fun, as well as a maturity beyond your years.
we love thomas in this house!!! ur son is so lucky to have beautiful parents with such amazing communication skills and healthy ways to go about things ❤️
Awwww the clip of your friend kissing his father and gifting him the hair transplant and his reaction was legit most precious thing I’ve seen in a long time. ☺️
I’m gonna show this video to my husband when I get home from work! He’s never really been afraid of showing his insecurities but I know everyone can benefit from listening to other people talk about this stuff! This video is such a good idea, I think we all need to be having more conversations like this and making things easier for guys to feel like they can be honest and open💛
Melanie gives me such positive vibes and I don't use that term loosely 🌸
I’m so glad you’re open about discussing insecurities, your videos have really helped me a lot!!! Hope you’re doing great Melanie 💕
I adore things like this. It's so nice to see things from a male perspective because we just don't see it in everyday life 💖 I wish more men felt free and safe to express themselves in this stuff 💖
I watched this with my boyfriend and it made him feel so much better about his thinning hair! Thank you Thomas and Melanie 💚💚💚
With the neglect in male insecurities, I especially remember my teachers telling young boys and men not to 'be so emotional/be such a girl/cry like a baby' if something upset them. A distinct memory is my prep teacher (6yo) would loudly point out their mistakes in work and make the entire class laugh at them.
I think it's very courageous of you both Thomas and Melanie to start talking about male insecurity in a world where it's often not talked about. Hopefully more content like this will appear, because it's as important for men as much as women to feel like they are in control of their bodies and how they express themselves, like you said. :D Love the content as always! xoxo
thomas has the BEST laugh and the warmest kindest sweetest energy it's the most infectious thing - i feel so much better whenever there's even just a moment of him in a video ❤❤ their relationship makes me feel like being single for 8 years is worth it to find something like them 😭😭
A lot of women also deal with hair loss, and some even deal with receding hairlines too. Its crazy. Im glad people are taking about it, ive had boyfriends with the same concerns and i think this will help a lot of men start to feel better about it, like they aren’t the only ones
Thomas is just incredible for this! Thank you for showing vulnerability. My boyfriend was playing a game next to me and paused it to come and watch with me when he heard Thomas talking about male insecurities. It’s SO unheard of for guys to talk about this, especially online so thank you so much :) this is how mens lives are saved 💗 good luck for the surgery and hope you both are enjoying the baby bubble! xxx
I really appreciate you providing a space for a conversation like this. In the era of identity politics, I think it's easy to assume those we conceptualise as "privileged" as having no issues whatsoever - which is reductionist and lacking empathy, fundamentally - so it's great to see you challenging that here. Thank you for productively and constructively adding to the conversation.
As a bald, fat mid forty year old man would just like to say this video is fantastic and more men (myself included) need to be able to open up and talk more about insecurities.
Standing ovation for Thomas. Thank you for sharing! What a cool and necessary conversation
I just want to say how proud and thankful I am of Thomas for filming this video. It definitely opened my mind and see a male’s perspective of insecurity. It’s not spoken about enough. It was absolutely brilliant
Good job, Thomas! I think we need to change so much in our culture about how men are raised, what it means to be male, and encouraging men and boys to open up more, talk about feelings, and give them a chance to be who they really are behind all the male myths. I see so much damage to men and the people they have relationships when men don't feel like they can do this.
As a woman who went though a hairloss and hair thinning scare bc of stress (alopecia oils, vitamin B complex, and black castor oil helped), I'd definitely do this treatment instead of hair extensions etc.
So happy for Thomas, good on you!
G era I have female patterned hair loss that’s hereditary in my family and I’m so consumed with insecurities about it.
@@absolutelycukoo 💜
Maybe experimenting with a headscarf or other accessories can also help boost ur confidence
I've never seen anything like this before! Thank you! My boyfriend had a bad haircut last week and was really insecure about it. I couldn't understand - but he explained it was like Thomas has just said - it changed the shape of his face from whay he could see and he just didn't feel himself! It was really interesting to talk about it with him (as reluctant as he was to admit his insecurity!) Think I'm gonna show him this so he can see - talking about it helps! 100% we need to have more talks on male insecurity. They are not robots! ❤️
A video that I was waiting in your channel Melany. I belong to the hair loss club. It's difficult or sad to lose your hair but acceptance is the best way to not worry about that, when you suffer for example, serious health problems you realise that esthetics are not so important. Thank you very much for sharing this excellent material :)
My dad started losing his hair when he was 16 or 17. My whole life my dad has had no hair at the top of his head, and while things have receded a bit more and thinned over the years, I think he looks great. My mom met him and they fell in love despite any insecurities. I know it's something that has bothered him but one thing we do (dad and daughter) is I will dye his greys for him. He looks facially 10 years younger than his true age already, and the hair refresh gives him a confidence boost, so why not? Guys should be totally cool with using whatever tools or doing whatever gives them the most confidence (safely of course).
We love and appreciate you so much Thomas✨my boyfriend also struggles with this, it’s so common and I’m so glad we are finally normalizing it
This video concept, damn I wish it was a tag so I could watch loads, hearing men being vulnerable about their insecurities is so very refreshing and eye opening. We need more of this type of content in media. Breaking down this stereotype of men having to be stoic and strong and unaffected. Well done Thomas.
I think it's really great that you're talking about this so openly. When I was growing up I believed all permanent cosmetic treatments were people putting vanity above all else. But as an adult, I still feel some procedures aren't necessary, and I do wish there was less pressure to get certain things done (particularly as we age), I am a lot less judgemental of people who choose to have something done. I think part of it is a lot of those procedures are now a lot safer than they used to be, but also through learning from channels such as yours that if it's not negatively affecting your health, then that's someone's choice to make. Personally I feel a lot of them are very expensive and that money could be put to better use, but it's your money and how you spend it is your choice, and not mine to judge as obviously I don't know the ins and outs of someone's personal life experience that lead them to choosing to have something done for cosmetic reasons.
5'5 guy here so height is my huge insecurity (among others) Weight I could lose, muscle I could gain, even with hair loss I can fix that. I'm 30 next year, I ain't getting a growth spurt anymore lol so while I have my issues with my height, I've accepted it and now I'm just trying to rock it as much as I can. Pants are still difficult to find though lol.
I'm glad Thomas spoke about his insecurities. It's definitely liberating to hear more guys express and talk about the things that really affects them emotionally. Thanks for speaking up man! 🤙🏼
Thank you Thomas! Bringing these issues up is SO important for peoples mental health!
21:30 excellent point. Heard it from multiple others that not dealing with stress or anxiety tends to make it fester and come out in other ways and get worse. Toxic masculinity has a lot for answer for.
I honestly think this is one of the best videos I've watched in a long time. So simple and honest. I loved it. I've so much respect for both of you, for Thomas for being so brave and open and for Melanie for opening up a conversation that nobody's having.I'm a woman and I've found it very eye opening, it gives you an idea of the WORLD there's behind the "I'm a man, I don't cry" barricade. thank you both and congrats on your baby! Hopefully things will be easier for him! lots of love
Your advice and mentality growth over the years has been an absolute cornerstone that has guided my development!!! I appreciate you and Thomas to the end of the earth ❤️
Haley Witt 😭❤️ what an amazingly encouraging comment xxxxx
I have watched men in my life whether it’s family, friends or colleagues and always been envious of their ability to just seem like they don’t worry about anything. Like I am anxious about so many things and openly say it but the men around me seem so like ‘yeah whatever’. I morbidly just wanted a man to say hey I also am anxious about things. We need a lot more men to do what Thomas has done here and share not just for other men but for all other genders who are often labelled ‘emotional’.
Thank you for making a video that helps men and shines a light on things we worry about. It's very heartening
The insecurity around hair is so real. My boyfriend started balding at 17 and just shaves his head now. He gets the piss ripped out of him much less and I’m so much more attracted to him bald than with his questionable hairline. I wish lads didn’t make it so hard on each other. Thanks Thomas for being so open with us all and congrats to you both on the arrival of the little one❤️❤️
Thomas you're not alone! My big brother (Also a Thomas) has a big issue with losing his hair, he's been saying every time he goes to the barbers... Do you think I have to shave yet? And hoping they say no.
But not being able to visit a barber with Covid he has braved the shave and he's had a lot of compliments on his new look.
Men feel they have to exude confidence and be "the rock" for everyone else. You're allowed to be insecure.
I am so happy for you that this fix is going to give you some confidence back! Bravo for being so open, honest and vunerable x
My partner is really insecure about his hairline too! Thank you for talking about it. A couple of his friends have insecurities surround their hair too. It really is so common
This was fantastic. Thanks so much for making this video and particularly to Thomas for speaking so openly.
Lovely video, men's insecurities really need to be spoken about more!
Somehow and in some cultures I also think women have to be always cute and happy and funny to be around and some men can get annoyed if you talk too much about your insecurities or if you are just sad or depressed. I saw this a lot in 'Memories of a Geisha' for example but I also experienced it myself meeting men who would just be annoyed if I am too emotional. I know we are talking about male insecurities here, I just wanted to point that out. Also it is true that we have more tools to improve our appearance but there is also pressure on us to use these tools. There is always that person who criticises that girl who does not wear make up, does not style her hair and doesn't dress fashionable or fancy.
Congrats on the baby Mel ❤️ he looks like a ball of sunshine 🌞 really glad you discussed this topic in he video 😀
He’s our favourite thing in the universe 😍😭❤️
@@melaniemurphyofficial CAN'T WAIT for the baby update 😍🤗
My fiancé has always been insecure about how tall skinny he is. He eats like a horse and is really active so it’s purely a genetics thing.
I’m kind of glad I’m a way he’s able to speak freely about it with me, as he’s often been picked on for it even though really what can he do but eat more? 🙄
Honestly the whole ‘swol’ fit physique thing is overrated for me. He plays hockey so I know he’s fit in a different way. And Goddammit, my fiancé is the sexiest person in the room when he wears a suit.
😍😂😍😂😍
he's insecure about being tall? I guess he isn't from the U.S. a nation where women treat tall men like celebrities .
ahh loved this!! cant believe you’ve got the little one already! oh hes gonna grow up to be the loveliest little man with the sweetest little heart :,)) sending youse my love ! & thomas, i’m so happy for u & excited for you to feel like yourself again, a lovely video, def gonna show this to my brother
As a 1dfan I witnessed just how women (that are normally against bodyshaming) are disconnected from man's insecurities. I saw so many fans making fun of Harry's hairline bc they assume he knows he's hot and is too confident to care.
Also Louis and Niall's height isn't smth to point out and it was hard to understand for me too because height isnt as big of a deal for women and being smol means adorable in stan language .
I saved this video to watch with my boyfriend and I just want to say thank you to both of you because this opened up such a nice honest conversation between us about insecurities (a lot of his being similar to Thomas’). I hope more men can be as open, I’m sure with you two setting this example your little boy will be. Congrats again! 💚
Their aren’t many people I love and appreciate as much as I do Melanie, but Thomas you are pretty close. Thank you for sharing, it reminds me to let myself be more vulnerable, and kinder to myself as well.
Such an important topic to discuss! Mens insecurities are so rarely talked about.
Excellent video guys.... i had this on while my boyfriend was alongside me (who is also a pilot and also wants a hair transplant) so its really helpful that Thomas has normalised it. Thanks guys
So lovely to hear this thanks a million for sharing! So delighted to hear that so many of you are sharing with guys in your lives 🙌🏻❤️❤️❤️
@@melaniemurphyofficial Also I forgot to say massive congrats on yer little boy
Thank you Thomas for doing this video! It's such an important topic.
You and your husband always seem like totally wonderful people and so beautiful. You will be the best parents! I love the accents you all have too.
Totally agree with Thomas' point about not recognising yourself being the real issue. That's my struggle!
I feel that, too! I wear a fake tooth as I lost a tooth upfront and sure I'd be fine without it, I'd still be able to eat lol, but it's completely an aesthetic thing for me - I just cannot see myself as a woman with a tooth missing haha! xx
Hair really is such a contested topic today; too much, not enough, ‘wrong‘ place etc. Personally, I‘ve always perceived widow’s peaks as kinda sexy, but then that‘s also a weird internalised double-standard of how society broadly treats ageing signs in men kinder than those in women. But yes, also completely understand how insecurities impact self-perception and are very much little niggling mind-f*ckers. Thank you to Thomas for talking openly about it & hope you three are doing well! 💕
This is amazing and so helpful, both to men and women. I grew up with only sisters, never really had any guy friends and the only guy I've ever been with, is the one I'm with now. So my experience with guys and their insecurities, is next to none. Now I have my partner and two sons, and my partner isn't really one to talk about insecurities, unkess you drag it out of him😅 so this is great, and so helpful, to hear a man talk about this, so that we all can learn. So thank you, Thomas, for sharing💚
This was a great video! It was nice to hear insecurities from Thomas - the way you both talked about them and reflected on them in a broader way was great! Can't wait to hear about the follow up :)
Brilliantly insightful video. Well done guys! I love that we talk about this. Using your platform like this is why I always know you’re going to deal with a topic sensitively. 💚
I love you guys, you are so funny and amazing. I have a good friend who started loosing his air in his late 20's (he is now in his 30's) and he is insecure about it. This video will hopefully help with his self confidence, thank you!
Love the video! Now that you have had a son I recommend the documentary “The mask you live in”. It really talks about men and how they are trained with repressing emotions. It made me think a lot about how I raise my son! Congrats on your beautiful boy. ❤️
A great topic!
Made me think of how i perceive and interact with male insecurities, wanna have that sort of conversation with men in my life
💙
Congrats on the vulnerability and the spark of life that came to being thanks to you two.
💚
Thank you guys so much for making this video, it’s really helpful for girls, I think, to be able to get outside of ourselves and our own insecurities and see the other side of things! TBH I just love the videos with both of you on camera and can’t wait to see what more “couple talk” videos you two come out with as your lives and marriage progresses. And p.s. Thomas, you are awesome for being vulnerable and stepping up and sharing your own personal experiences!
Lovely to hear you talk about insicurity in general. But I think it is great for everyone to talk about this kinda stuff if you are comfortable with it
The way you two look at each other 🥰 So nice to see such a lovely couple with such a good relationship!
I always feel so much love & joy watching u guys together ❤
Good to see a video on hair loss! I can actually relate to Thomas, even though I'm a woman, as I have male pattern alopecia that looks quite similar to Thomas'. My alopecia is a symptom of polycystic ovaries, I often feel quite unlucky as it's a super rare symptom of PCOS! But the dermatologist recently prescribed Regaine, which I feel is helping. Plus I just bought my first wig topper which has made me feel so much more confident, I have FRINGE now!! It's brilliant lol
Yeah truly applaud him for talking so candidly about this in the public sphere
This is so important!! You guys are great parents, congrats on baby Pan!
You both are such beautiful people❤ truly the healthy role models we all need and deserve
Congratulations on the new baby Melanie and Thomas ❤ from the little of him we've soon (and of course I respect keeping him private) he seems adorable and just so precious.
Also I love this video, so glad you keep talking about things people are worried to talk about ❤❤❤
I love you guys 💕 such a lovely heartfelt chat between you guys the way you are with each other is so precious xxx
such a great video! 😍 Thomas has such a calming vibe about him that just makes me feel like everything is going to be okay somehow..
Great to hear Thomas' thoughts on insecurities. I personally think the reason I got bullied was in fact the bullies insecurities. The two guys who bullied me the most both lost their hair really early as adults. the hair line thing worries me too but Bruce Willis can do it, so can I lol
What a great video on insecurities, bravo Thomas for sharing! Many men are having procedure, watched fitness influencer Mike Thurston's experience through it last year! 💚
This was so refreshing & insightful! My partner has often expressed that his height was his biggest insecurity prior to meeting me. He said the number of times women commented on how short he was (he's 5'6), how lovely he's be if only he was taller etc was staggering.
It took a bit for me to get used to, as I'm 5'9, but it was really just a matter of becoming comfortable with not aesthetically aligning with social norms as a couple, and not to give a shit what anyone thought. That being said, it's become obvious how engrained the notion that men (in hetero relationships) have to be taller and buffer than their partners, as we constantly get stares when we're together, and have even had individuals stop us to ask why I would waste my time on someone so short (this has always been by taller men, mind you, so I'm imagining it's an unfortunate 'why could he get a girl and I couldn't' mindset).
I loved hearing about Tomas' perspective. Thank you for bringing this conversation to the internet!
One thing I would like to add is that women generally face much more pressure related to their appearance. Men are often praised for their intellectual abilities while women are often firstly praised for their beauty. Even in the workforce, particular appearance expectations are placed on women - for instance, wearing makeup/shaving/wearing hair in a certain way is often expected of women to look 'professional'. Anyway, it doesn't remove the interest/relevance of talking about men's insecurities, but I thought it is good to be reminded of the context and why women talk about their insecurities more -- a lot more weight is placed on their appearance...
my partner and I are using derma-rolling to try and combat thinning, and it does work, and we are incredibly excited about it
Bullying does not always make people stronger. Sometimes it turns them into hermits.
Josh Taylor this is true, people react and cope differently... but it’s possible to take what’s happened and to find a new layer of resilience in there somewhere, which should always be encouraged. I responded down the line to my own bullying experiences in a similar way to Thomas (mainly after I learned why people bully in the first place, almost always from a place of insecurity and fear, or they’re acting out familiar parental behaviour, or they want to keep negative attention off of themselves, usually they’re deeply unhappy) xxx
This was all very enlightening! Thanks to Thomas for sharing his insecurities (that would be difficult for me!)
Also I feel very validated because I have this scar on my forehead that I really want to get rid of. I feel like after your conversation I feel like it’s okay if I actually go for it and try and get rid of it. Thanks you two!
Major kudos to Thomas for sharing all of this!
I love that Thomas was so open, especially on here too where there’s a lot of people watching! It’s always lovely to see especially for a man! (Generally speaking ofc) I did not know you could get hair transplants though! I am excited to see the results and stuff!! Good luck with that Thomas! 😊 xx
I really enjoyed this, the back and forth and different perspectives etc. I'd love to see similar videos where you both go back and forth in a discussion or something you likely have different experiences with etc
It’s so lovely to watch you two talking😊😊😊
I'm only 5 minutes in, but with regards to what Thomas was saying about women having more 'tools' than men, I think it's also important to address that women deal with a lot more pressure to appear a certain way, esp on dates. Not that men don't also face pressures, but women are constantly sexualised and objectified in a way that men aren't, so although we may have more 'tools', those tools are actually just physical representations of the pressures that we face to appear more sexually attractive etc. (not saying that if you wear make up/heels etc that youre giving into those pressures - ofc it's more complicated than that, but just that you can see how many more pressures women face in terms of their appearance)
Thomaass! Thank you for opening up about your hair loss, it’s so important! I just want to point out that if you are a woman who also experience hair loss and you’re feeling isolated, there’s a whole community of people like you on insta (@hairlossboss for example). We don’t talk about women hair loss that much when it can happen just like it does for men (androgenic alopecia, alopecia areata/universalis, trichotolomania). Unfortunately hair transplant is not an option for most women since women’s balding pattern is more diffuse but there’s a whole world of alternative hair out there and you can feel confident again. Just thought I would share as I’ve been experiencing this since I was 17 and thought I was on my own for so long. Yes, bald can be beautiful ♥️
Once again, thanks Thomas for sharing your insecurities about this. Hair loss in general is very “ush ush don’t mention it” when it affects so many people. Knowing how much it’s affected my confidence, I can’t imagine having to deal with it with the added pressure of not being able to/allowed to talk about your feelings on top of it all.
I can't wait to see Thomas hair transplant progress :) hope it goes well for him
Insecurity is definitely seen as a feminine trait. We have SO much more to uncover about toxic masculinity, even among really open-minded, progressive people. When men reveal their insecurities, it's almost like realizing... oh yeah, Brad Pitt poops too (if that makes sense lol). Everyone benefits from vulnerability, so really cool of you, Thomas!
Congrats Thomas 🎊 Hope it went well.
Love these conversations..
Thomas I think you look great and also surprised of your insecurities. You are so confident that it doesn’t even matter. Happy you are getting the procedure done. Good luck! Congratulations to you both on the 👶 baby 🍼 xoxo
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY 😃
It was so sweet because now I watched this thinking what a good dad he is going to be to a son
love seeing Thomas in your videos! and great talk as always
Really nice video and talk about insecurities, which I can relate to as a woman as well regarding the difficulty to express oneself. Feels great to hear you talk so openly. Great job as always Melanie (and Thomas) ! And congrats again for your baby boy