Will You Ever Find 'The One'? From Matthew Hussey & Get The Guy
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- Опубликовано: 24 янв 2014
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This might get me in trouble...
But there's something today I have to tell you.
There's a belief that many of us have that I see destroying relationships, that's the cause of chronic relationship hopping, and that sets women with a completely unachievable expectation in their love lives.
I've come armed with statistics to back up what I'm saying, and while the message might initially rattle you, my hope is it leaves you with a far more empowering mindset than the one you have right now.
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Website: howtogettheguy.com
Facebook: / coachmatthewhussey
Twitter: / matthewhussey
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“An amazing relationship is BUILT not FOUND.” Absolutely. Thanks Matthew
And it sucks when you want to built but he just wants to run away from you like you are poison...makes you feel unlovable and just a horrible person
My question is rather: how do I find ANYONE? 😅
Same here 😔
Lol, "I found A one...anyone"
Stop playing video games and go out! ... BE PROACTIVE
Same 😂😂
😂😂😂
Don't serch for the One
^.^ Be the One
I was just dumped after only a short period of dating. His reason was that he didn't feel butterflies anymore and for him that was a sign that I was not the one. He had stopped making an effort and I told him that by not making an effort you take away the possibility of creating the environment for that feeling of love (butterflies) to grow. He said that fact that he didn't want to make an effort anymore was just further proof that I wasn't right for him. I feel heartbroken and lost but this video just reminded be that love is built over time with an intention and with effort not just on the insult and impulse of a gushing feeling in your gut. Thanks Matt. I'm the lucky one as I know what love actually is.
Yes...day after day , we all learn a new lesson that shows us the brightest path to take, and I learnt to accept my vulnerability. I believe that nothing is free in life, everything needs to invest 4 things on it to flourish: time, effort, money, and attention.
All my love to you.
Jemima Adjei i was with some one for all most 6 years we both build it just for it to come crashing down love is so blind she left me ,love is a mf
He has the right of leaving for whatever reason he pleases, yes. However, when you're with someone that loves you what she said rings truth. Love is an everyday committed to feed that love and growing it together... it's more than the butterflies and passion we used to feel in the beginning states, in the honey moon. Some relationships simply don't grow into that stage, or simply by one reason or another don't last and if "the one" existed, those people wouldn't in fact be the proverbial "the one" for each other.
HAH what an idiot
wow i’m in this exact situation right now and it hurts so bad. he says he doesn’t feel the same way that he did when we first started talking ...
Its simple: If he treats you bad, HE IS NOT THE ONE! CLEARLY!
One time, I was bemoaning a broken romance to my Dad. He said, "There are millions of men who want to be loved the way you want to love. Your job is to find them."
In other words, be selective, have respect for my goals, dreams, & standards. Look for someone who fits with me, rather than someone I need to mold myself to.
Great advice, Dad & Matthew.
I've thought this for a while. There's no such thing as soulmates. You make someone your "soulmate" by interacting with him and having experiences. The "one" is who you fall in love with and do life with, who happened to be at the right place at the right time.
Sweet P What if soulmates are the small percentage he mentioned at the end of the video? The small group of people that you may fall in love with. I think there are soulmates - but not just one.
@@johns8065 True that
I found the one. I look at her every day, in the mirror! =D
Good 1
lol
yesssss hahahah
so hows it workin out ?
Having great self-esteem works well with me. =p
A few relationships ago, it felt magical. She just got married yesterday. It’s been a while, but it stung a bit. But for me, it’s a lot easier knowing that she wasn’t the one for me, and that her being happy is a really good thing. But after dating dozens of girls after, every girl had specific traits that she had. Some better, some worse, but every single girl has been healthier than the last, because I’ve been working on myself the whole time. It gets better, but it takes time and effort.
My personal philosophy is that I can make anyone "the one." As long as the guy is intelligent, nice, and attractive enough for me to be attracted to him, I'm good!
Karina Gutierrez Not always the case. I am those things and I was left for an alcoholic lol.
as Seinfeld says "95% of the world is UNDATEABLE". It's true.
There is so much truth to that. I say: Yes there are plenty of fish in the sea, but unfortunately most of them are eels.
The phrase "love at first sight" is so shallow .
yeah
i dated people who loved me at first sight. i grew my feelings and then they dump. people who love at first sight are just to prone to being fickle and will break your heart anyday.
Love at first sight does not exist
Thank u
@Flowered Sentiments I don't believe in love at first sight, I believe love grows when you get to know someone! 🙄
I just met "the one" and he's inside of this video
Another one of those girls that judges guys and focus on looks why can't girls just open their hearts up and give every guy a chance why can't they stop going for looks I'm so sick in tired that what is wrong with they girls why are they so materalistick what are they so afraid?Why can't I find a girl who will love me unconditionally why do I deserve to get my heart broken over an over again why doesn't any one think that I deserve to have true love why is it so hard for me to find why don't I deserve to have true love ?why can't I find true love what's so wrong with me ?
I feel like I won't to give up I'm tired of seeing other guys find true love so easy and I have to struggle why?Why aren't I worthy enough for a girl to love unconditionally It's really not fair at all I deserve to be loved and I deserve unconditional love I have a really big heart?Well I ever find true love ?
Well I ever find true love or should I just give up?
Mike Yen1971 There is nothing wrong with you. Just keep meeting people, whenever you can, don't force feelings on yourself and don't try to force feelings on them. Learn to love yourself before you focus on someone loving you. Then you won't have a dire need for someone to come along and it will come along naturally. Btw, I think that your statement about girls being materialistic is wrong and quite offensive. I understand that you probably don't mean it and you're just saying it because you feel lonely but having an attitude like that will drive girls away. When you finally learn to appreciate yourself you'll start to feel loved, and you'll start loving life. Enjoy the small things, and only focus on the big things like 'true love' when it comes around. Be patient. And have faith in life. And make sure to meet new people because that helps a lot.
BenH Ya it's the pain an hurt an my heart that's my problem And their are some girls that are superficial an they only go by looks instead of what's on the inside and they judge before getting to no me it least the girls I've met any way what my problem is I'm tired of being second choice and never being good enough for a girl to love me.Yes it hurts I've been used cheated on and takin advantage of.Its nice to hear someone say that theirs nothing wrong with me thankyou.Ive always wondered if something was wrong with me.Because I wondered why it's taking so long for me to find true love an why it's so hard?How can I love myself when I can't even attract any girls to me I can't even talk to a girl without being called fat ugly loser all the time them putting me down all the time saying I'll never be attractive enough?How am I suppost to love myself when all this stuff keeps happen?It would be a miracle if just one girl found me to be attractive and instead of looking at my flaws and would give me a complement?that would be nice instead of saying negative things about me?
I've finally understood that after a huge disappointment and after watching 500 days of Summer lol. Books, movies and songs are lies, we humans love the concept because of how beautiful it is, we romantice it so much that we actually fall in love with the idea of it. Thank you Matthew :)
I love this... Thanks Harry Potter.
What has now been heard cannot be unheard.
Joanna Jackson
I see this now shit
He's got some good points. I found my wife at the supermarket 👌🏿 Your soul mate is out there. A relationship shouldn't be hard work either. We actually made a video ourselves listing 10 things that worked for us. Reaching 15years and still having fun together
i don't think people actually believe there's only one person for them, but they want to feel that awe when they meet someone, that they were meant to meet. and that's the person you put your blood sweat and tears into building a relationship with
hi Matthew, I genuinely agree with you. what you told me is exactly what my mum told me. no one can fit you one hundred percentage. what important is your commitment to your relationship and the effort you invest in your relationship.
This was awesome to hear. Thank you!
I am 28 years old. I spent the past 12 years of my life with 1 person. He was my best friend, my partner, and the love of my life. He passed away 3 months ago and I've never felt such loneliness and loss of self. It's been very difficult but I've managed to continue on with my goals.
A big fear is moving on. It can go one of two ways for me everyday. On one hand I am afraid to find someone new and start a new relationship. And on the other hand I'm afraid I won't have the strength to put myself back out there. Being 28 I still feel young and I feel like I have something to offer. But I am unsure how I'll know when I'm ready to move on. But I suppose when you know, you know.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I have much respect for you! Thank you Matt!
Ur 34 now
So true! Totally agreed. Of course we all wished the relationship we have will last forever but if it doesn't, we have the ability to make it happen again. That is so important.
I completely agree, BUT also "love at first sight" is also comfort for the ones who haven't yet built a strong, lasting relationship
This is such a great message.
My problem is how do I even find anyone Ilike at all? :(
Dating sites. They're crazy... Try whatsyourprice.com... Lol guys will actually pay you to go out with them... and true story... I've had so much fun because of that site... While being paid. Good luck either way...
lalakuma9 Your subconscious mind!
All humans hold a love map (blue print) of what love is for them in their subconscious. Some people have tighter criteria, so maybe you will only find few certain select people you find attractive.
Sarah Christine uh... I dunno if your post is a spam or not, but when you get paid to go out, that probably falls under prostitution. I don't mean by legal terns or by dictionary definition. I mean your conscience just tells you, this feels like hustling.
Every time i try to get a date guys disappear as soon as i tell them its gonna be in public. Im not stupid or ugly. So why cant i even get a date? 😔
I agree with you completely. So much time gets wasted when people stick around with someone that isn't good for them, and make excuses saying they are "the one." How are these people happy? haha
Perhaps the idea of "The One" is about meeting that one person you love, build a relationship and working it out with that person. With that, surely and confidently we could say that we have truly found "The One"...
Truest thing I have ever heard! What screw us up the most is society making us believe of how suppose to be.
Love this. I was widowed after 30 years, it was a team effort and it was built and became stronger over the years. I now find myself in love again..and yes it is possible and it's awesome!
I have already met "The One" . . . *long* *time* *ago* . . . I just didn't know it. That "The One" who loves me and whom I love is *MYSELF*!
When we love ourselves first and foremost, we don't need others to love us . . . it would be nice, but it wouldn't be necessary. The irony is, when we can love, and be loved by, ourselves, then we would be able to *properly* love and be loved by others. And if there is no one out there, at the moment, who loves us, then it is okay too . . . because the greatest love of our life, our own selves, love us *ALWAYS*. :)
I had 3 major relationships in my life, each time quality of men better and better. I agree - work on it, forgive, let things go, but when they are destroying your core, pushing you change as a personality - wish them well and move on. Next 1 will be better
'The One' is the person you find in your lifetime, who was the greatest love of you will have. That's all it is. There is love at first sight. I have had it. It's the most intoxicating feeling there is. But it only gets you so far. I have also not been into someone to start with, then ended up falling for them and having a good relationship. I believe there can be some element of destiny if you tap into it at times. I also strongly believe in getting out there and making it happen! So that's what I think.
min 5: you can't get out there and find happiness ;)- happiness is found within you. And the most important relationship is the one with yourself...
Amen sister!
Videos like this one are why you're my favorite relationship guide of ALL types of relations, period. You're so practical without sounding like you're on a pedestal or offering false hopes. I'm healing from a breakup with a guy who was perfect...at first...and now I'm struggling so much to get out the depression. I WISH I could find just one of those many men out there to be my partner in life. Thinking that there is more than one guy who could be for me gives me peace of mind. The idea of The One is enough to make me scream in my own head at the impossibility of finding him
I really agree 100% that it is thinking too small and limited to think that only one person could be the one and that we can develop and use our capacity to have the faith, love and power within to find true love again and always build a new happy healthy loving and fulfilling relationship with someone, such a valuable discussion and topic
I totally agree. We've been living under that illusion for so so long that it seems preposterous to to believe otherwise, that it's so damn scary to find out otherwise.
Quote "Amazing relationships are built,not found"
AMEN
yes people like it simple. and also: people like to think of themselves as IRREPLACEABLE while in fact they are not. of course your first love will always be your first love but there are many people out there who could fill in the position of a partner / husband / wife / lover / best friend - whatever. to find one of those people you only have to know two things: who you are and what you need. (what you need is not always what you want.) so be honest to yourself and kepp your eyes and hearts open. and no i don't think this point of view is "less romantic" because at the end of the day i know that my man could have had many other women but HE CHOSE ME. despite the fact that i am stubborn, chaotic and a over all mess at times. despite the fact i grew up in a completely different way, despite the fact that with me he "never knows what will happen next" and he had to leave his comfort zone way, way behind. he chose me and i chose him. that (to me) is the beauty of love and life.
You definitely have a point Matt. If everyone has a capacity of knowing THE ONE, then no women or men are crying because of failed relationship.
this video completely changed my perspective and makes me look forward to finding happiness again with someone i can build a future with and spend the rest of my life with :)
rileywlove awesome
I always like the way Matthew explain the situation/problem . He always made the effort to make it simple to understand and very logical. :)
Thumbs up for the video !! ♡
I'm on Match dating site - the men on there never cease to amaze me - there's no preamble or effort to get to know you - it's just "I want a woman!" - just like that
I got his point. mine is still to love yourself as you are because you are the one for you in first place. I'm not talking about narcissism, but self-esteem. so many at fixated on finding all that from the outside that they forget to love themselves first.
Thanks Matt! My Grandparents told me love comes after 50 years of marriage. I didn't understand that when I was younger, but is exactly what you are speaking of.
The love at first sight being an insult makes so much sense
Matthew, THANK YOU! You have boldly articulated something my female friends refuse to understand.
I didn't believe "the one" existed, until I met my best friend.
I think you're talking about people that talk about "love-at-first-sight" or people out there searching for love.
I wasn't even interested in him and didn't even realize I loved him at first. But after experiencing what I did with him.... I do believe there are people just "right" for us.
Matt I am a believer of "the one" and I don't believe that the moment I meet him I will fall in love with him but there is this spark this chemistry that will be different than anything I have ever felt before and when we do get into a relationship we will help eachother grow help eachother become the best person we can be work on our relationship be respectful with each others feelings this is how you know this person is the one when you spend time with them and you know YOU JUST KNOW that there is noone in the world that can make you feel the way he makes you feel.
This is the most meaning full answer. The one does not exist. Love is built stone by stone, brick by brick!
Building something together, gone through hard times together, looking out for each other, as a genuing TEAM. I love and agree with this attitude SO MUCH.
Hahaha thank you for this! I’ve never believed in ‘The One’ or ‘Soulmate’. Honestly, it’s all a choice and it also all comes down to good timing.
simply amazing & true! Your channel is so helpful and inspiring!
This is the first video, which I can say from a bottom of my heart, is very authentic, passionate, and useful. For these words I was looking around for a while. Thx Mat.
Matt!!! Your perspective here is quite illuminating!! Opened my eyes and my own thoughts as to how relationships can work. THANK YOU! 🌟
This made me cry and I don't even k ow why. Thanks! The message is amazing
Finally someone said it! it makes me so happy there's someone out there with enough brain to realize it THANK YOU I believe the same
I love this! I absolutely love this video, Matt! I teared up a little when you were talking about love in the end. It really is something created.
Matt, this is one of the most beautiful videos you've ever made thank you!
Please,, please, please, Matthew, just keep spreading your honest, clear and rightfull truths!!!!
This is so inspiring. I've never seen love, from this point of view! You're right, absolutely!
Create and sustain. Love is a continual process of work and effort. Give and take. 100/100. Perfection is unrealistic. It must be built. In building, you have to build the floors before you build the walls or else the foundation has nothing to stabilize it. You have to be friends first before you can create anything else.....bc that is all you will have to fall back on when things start to crumble. Love is fighting for each other to keep what you have. It is actions. Words are null and void actions speak volumes. I needed to hear this message for sure. Thanks!
I agree with you! It's partly the person you choose and partly the effort you put in. Thanks for the encouraging words
Thank you. Just ... thank you for making this important message so very clear. Love watching all your videos!
Wow this is so great. You made such an iconoclastic point and so good at conveying it! I find myself constantly bedazzled at your ability to make a point.
Amen brother. Totally agree on building a meaningful relationship and not just expecting it to be instantly great while putting in minimal effort.
this is so true. sometimes it takes meeting the one & it not work out to realise that there is no "the one"
i have to say that you are not only a great speaker but also a great critical thinker
I totally agree with you Matt! This is what people really need to listen to! And appreciate what they work for instead of just replacing it for fairy tales and non sense ideas about true love! You are an excellent teacher and definitely you are contributing to make this world better n.n! I admire your job and I hope we have more Matthew Hussey for a long time 😊!
I can not describe how much this video in particular makes sense to me ! The most powerful 6 min I have ever come across ! The way the argument is built ; your body language ; the LOGIC behind it makes me go back to this video over & over again ! I LOVE this video so much & enjoy all of your work in general ! Thank you thank you thank you Matthew for all your valuable insight . You have an AMAZING mind & I'm always curious to hear what you have to say about anything & everything ^^ Wish u all the best
Amen to your answer! thank you Matthew for keeping it real....on the path of redeeming myself (atm) and ready to fall in love...your tips are very assuring and helpful..Your helping a lot of people with the one issues....of love! God bless you!
My thoughts exactly! I am so sick and tired of people going on about "one soulmate"...like you said, love at first sight has got to be the most superficial idea out there. You don't know anything about that person, he or she has done literally nothing for you at that point, yet somehow you're in love. Ridiculous. Thank you for putting this out there. You're spot on! Cheers.
wow i was truly amazed, you just open my eyes over and over again
matt, i think that it's totally awesome and admirable that you dont talk bull crap because it's what people want to hear. you actually make so much sense and speak truth! well done!
You're the man, Matthew! Wishing you a wonderful relationship since you work so hard to help others with their lives first. You sound so serious in this video 😆
I think your the person I've needed to give me advice my entire life. Honest, blunt, open and not vague whatsoever. Realistic. Amazing :).
A great, realistic, and beautiful perspective. Thank you
Right ON Matthew, I receive this as your most powerful, truly transformational stuff here that helps people move toward the maturation it takes to have meaningful relationships.
That was an absolutely astounding video Matthew! I was completely blown away.Your insight is just brilliant Thank you :)
Don't be a woman who needs a guy but be a woman who guys need💍
Yasss
same goes for MEN TOO..
nope. we need each other, just don't be a woman who needs many guys
Yes, a strong independent yet sweet, caring, and willing to be a teammate. Not a woman who thinks she's better or higher valued just because she's a woman.. she will never find the one.
I hope he's right. "The one" I believe my twinflame is an alcoholic, does drugs, addicted to money-making, and sex. We were never together, but we both knew we were "the one" for each other. I am not mature enough to deal with all his issues, so I have moved on. I want to find happiness again. It is difficult, but I hope it happens.
This is by far your best video. Thanks for the Math, Matt.
Thank you Matthew. you're phenomenally sane and helpful!
I've watched almost all your videos and I must say with the advice I got from this video I am so grateful.xxxxx
I agree 100% as a coach. "The One" is so appealing because it doesn't cause one to self reflect but that since there are forces are out there outside their control, they too must take a back seat to those forces instead of being a proactive part within it. Great advice again.
Now that I think about it, I believe I've had more than one 'soulmate' in my entire life! Each has played a crucial role in my growth. If one helped me through a bad break-up, another healed my depression, while another gave me a goal in life. We might keep meeting these people till we realise our purpose in this world.
Such passion. This guy knows what he's talking about though.
Matthew! I'm a silent fan of yours for one year now. And I really enjoyed this segment! You're so articulate and your view of life is so open minded. Please continue to make dating and more importantly life advice videos! I believe you are a truly wise man! :-)
Take care!
Agreed. Romantic-Relationships are a process; it’s learning about a completely different human being to you, & then maybe you get along or you find out you don’t (and that’s completely okay too because not everything always works out, people change all the time that’s growth) but it’s the hope (Not expectation) of giving Yourself & someone the opportunity to be open and vulnerable, and maybe .. just may be you’ll find yourself and your partner accepting the little differences you have as endearing quirks. ^_-
This is your best post to date, thank you for your words.
the statistics were really logical and the best part was to point that love at first logically cannot exist !!
you are the best Matthew! this is absolutely so true, love is built through a hard work and invest in both partners no first sight, love it!
I love this so much. Thank you for this message.
That was an eye opener. I never looked at it this way. Thank you! (Y)
Matthew is one of a kind.
Thank you thank you ... I agree many years I thought the one was a silly conception. Yet carried on with the one because it gave me hope. My future guy is like me a work in progress.
the challege is not only to build a relationship with a guy but assess yourself on how to think about "the one" idea? the later is problematic, im hopeless romantic and i do think that someone is out there for me, it keeps me hopeful and inspired about love. ideally, i dont mind losing as long as i gave my best to a relationship.
Dude... I love you lol. Your vids have been helping me a lot lately! Thanks for all the advice :)
Great Video and message as always. Great to hear someone say what I believe too! I also think when I hear love at first sight its more really about 'lust at first sight' because you could not possibly see someone across the room, meet eyes and say yes this the person. It think love at first sight is incredibly shallow.
Wow this is such an amazing speech
This is so true
No more word needs to be added
Wow Matt, what an amazing message. Thank you!
Fantastic video! Just broken up and this is exactly what I needed to be told.
Great video Matthew, your absolutely correct, "the one" does not exist. People who are looking for "the one" also believe in fairly tales. It's sad that we have adults who believe in "soul mates" and "the one."
The idea that we may have to work at a relationship and not meet the "perfect person" upsets a lot of people. It's unbelievable that we have adults who believe in fairy tales, princesses, soul mates and "the one."