This is gold. Every communication is supply because it tells the narcissist that they matter to you. When you shut the communication and contact down, you shut the supply down. Everyone who has suffered at the hands of the narcissist should listen to this 1 video. Thank you HG Tudor.
How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The Narcissist simply puts the bulb up to the light socket and waits for the world to revolve around them.
This video is one to listen to off and on, as a reminder. When I start thinking I will just have a rational conversation with the Narc, no emotional reaction, I remember this message. Doesn't matter - every interaction is fuel. Don't interact! Then I relax.
Thank you HG....it took months of your messages for it finally to sink in. You are the best teacher on any topic I have ever heard. You leave no stone unturned to overthrow the delusions of the optimistic empaths like me.
Aw you poor soul hope you doing good now follow your internal compass feel like escaping,escape feel like confronting,confront this will also teach you to believe in yourself. Whatever you do cannot be wrong.
I have experience of the narcissist being totally unhinged when I ended the relationship and went no contact. He couldn't believe it and told people I was emotionally unstable ... righty ho. Thanks HG - love your 'stuff'.
Mind-Blown! This is something I've NEVER heard of. If you don't back down then they retreat. This is an o-m-g moment for me. It was like dealing with a possessed person. Wow. Thank you for sharing!
Mine would just withdraw immediately after she was done spewing her hate and disgust on me. That was her control, she had no interest in how I felt and thats why left and let her with her bs
He is absolutely right, had I only had the good fortune of knowing this 30 years ago, well, no use going back there! You sound very smart by listening to someone who has nothing to gain by all of his work, I do believe we need to pass it on!
Hello H.G., I knew as soon as I read the title of this video I said that there is no such phrase. It is only by listening to your content that I was able to catch that right away. I have been able to identify a couple of friends ( we are no longer friends) as narcissists this past year and have maintained a No Contact regime for over a year with my ex-partner. Thank you, I appreciate all your information that enables me to stay narc-free.
Being happy in front of him is best answer to them. Love yourself, surround with new positive friends, always talk peacefully in front of them, shows that he failed in his attempt of destroying you. If he is your boss or family member, be busy and stay silent. What ever he does will hurt you inside but never show outside on your face or don’t tell anyone that you are hurt , just tell is person is evil with explanation.
My response.” You’re a narcissist, go fig yourself “. Then full no contact. Eliminate all common friends and contacts. Block all social media. Block all mutual contacts that have any contact with the narcissist. Even if they have done nothing wrong. Keeping any connections keeps a crack so they can have a spy hole on you.
The only magic you can do is disappear. Be sure not to leave even the smoke when you do😉because you cannot shut down something that doesn't have an OFF button.
It’s true, it never stops. You think you’ve reached a state of calm and balance but as soon as they realise this they disrupt it. And that’s when you give up on them.
@@avanellehansen4525, Joe c, From Ancient Greek ἄπαγε (ápage, “go away!”), imperative of ἀπάγω (apágō, “to lead or go away”) so the best phrase to use is:"Apage Satana"!
Well not really. Narc are people that developed this as a means of physical, mental and emotional survival. They grew up in circumstances where it was not possible to survive WITH empathy. So they are NOT evil. We victims just need to get off of their narcotic effects on our mind. It is like getting rid of a drug addiction. Just imagine they are drugs that you no longer chose to rake.
Tell the narcissist, “No!” and then run. They cannot accept being told “no” because they have to control. Best to not engage w/a narcissist & if you can sever ties w/them do so. If you give them an inch into your life they’ll want a mile.
@@supermcfly3103 Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣 cracks me up hard lmao this abuse is really funny after you know you are going through this abuse. The narc is walking contradiction and their weird behaviour cracks me up.
I remember waiting in line with my narc at customer service at Lowes one day. I noticed she was starting to get kind of anxious, so when it was our turn she started on the elderly lady behind the counter! I was starting to get embarrassed because there were quite a few people in line and she was beginning to shout! I looked at her and quite loudly said why you hollaring at her it's not her fault! She gave me that like, shut the F up look! So I started to walk toward the exit and the car and she said as if I was some child, where do you think you're going? I turned looked at her and said, nobody embarrass me, and kept walking! If anger could start a fire her head would have exploded! One of my better moves with her! And it was even before I new she was a narc!
@@hgtudor-theultra is this going to be worth the cost if there's no issue with hoovering or any of the rest of the adult relationship issues? We have full custody of the child, but the narcissist simply will not comply with any aspect of the court order. The kid is trauma bonded to her disgusting mother but also healthy in love with me as the step-mum. I am also willing to book a consultation with your terrifying self.
that's why I wont do it.if I'm stupid enough to he only wants to try to get in the sack.plus,unless hes acting,he is such a monster my son doesn't need to be anywhere near him.he isnt paying child support and procured a new gf at the same time his son was born.he just wasnt getting enough attention and action so he had to find it,the baby wasnt an after thought.He has no rights to this child.and other than him wanting to appear to others as if he cares,still not enough for him to work now that the rich gf makes sure he doesnt have to,oh yeah he might give me 40 bucks.then followed w an hour of sexual harrassment.he has no son,as far as I'm concerned
I have to say HG I love this series. I just found it and haven't stopped listening. Your broadcaster voice, proper speech, sense of humor and occassional potty mouth crack me up and suck me in. Lol. I now know why I can't stand Meghan Markle ! In 2010 my newly divorced self fell into the hands of a psycho narc and we dated for 4 months. He broke up with me but put me through hell for the next 2.5 years. He is down to contact through Facebook messenger a couple messages a year mostly around my birthday. He's blocked otherwise. That experience didn't stop me from finding a lower level narc a few years later. Saw myself in another video where you mentioned knowing every detail (in this case bad and worse) about someone. I stayed because he owed me money and I wanted it back. When I realized that wasn't gonna happen i did what I had to and the silent treatment has worked great. We are Scuba divers so we travel in the same social circle.... not even acknowledging his presence as much as he'd stare felt/feels good I know it kills him. He's blocked too but sometimes I can't help but see him at certain events. I do have 1 friend (like you mentioned) that tries to get me to think he's not so bad even though he knows what the narc has done. I figured Goso out on my own but wish I found you earlier it might've saved me some trouble. I always felt like "He can't be doing this because no one thinks this way" .... red flags dismissed. I listen because you confirm everything I've felt ! Thank you for this ! Now that I've roided you up with fuel I must goso and stalk your videos from afar. Lmao PS: you have an awesome voice !
Thank you for the dose of logic and clarification on this subject. I have seen this title in videos put out there by various so-called narcissist abuse coaches/survivors, much of which is questionable.
Totally in sync with personal experiences. My mother has cancer and my narc sister lives with her so she can present an image to the outside world she is taking care for our sick mom. She hardly prepares mother a decent meal. So i said to her : " you know sis, won't you just sit down for tonight and i'll make you both diner (so my mom would at least have a decent meal and at the same time trying to defuse the threat it might pose to my sister's control over 'feeding mom' ) My sister's reply as she IMMEDIATELY sensed something 'off' : " Do you think i can't manage ? Do you think i'll leave mom unfed " ? .... So the sad thing is i have to look to feed my mom secretly because there is NO WAY ON EARTH i can even touch upon the subject of feeding mom without her patrolling the situation....
My relative is a narc and I've completely cut her out of my life since she yelled hysterically at me during a family funeral 18 months ago. My life is better as a result and she's found comfort in her large coterie of family and friends who have no clue she's a narc.
Same here Melissa. My narc relative has gathered a big crew of toxic enablers who are her "supply." It's dysfunctional as all get out. She discarded my spouse & I one year ago & we've had a year of such fantastic peace & joy ... the likes of which I can't even describe.
So lets get this clear..A self proclaimed narc...helps people deal with other narcs...But also in doing so, gets much attention..Therefore the platform of 'enlightening' victims...is also an endless lovely supply source from many to him, who now depend on the next life saving video... HG in the process makes good money from from the abuse he has and is probably still doing to people in his personal life. Interesting . Call me challenge fuel. Just some perceptions.
Consider this though. Religion. Science. What have these ideals done in their own name and purpose? Information in many forms is important. When taken in and processed logically can serve many people. While I had the same thought as you, I also have had enough experience to know that what I have heard so far in these videos is factual. At least to my own experiences. The explanations are plain and mostly to the point. Most people love some entertaining flare.
It pains me to think I'm giving a self confessed narc/psychopath fuel .... but not that much ..... and needs must. Also, he's doing us all an enormous favour so, despite these vlogs being 100 percent for his own narcissistic benefit, it's actually a win win situation. I can only imagine the hell he is reaping on his own personal life victims. Let's hope they discover this vlog! 😄
They don’t care what you say they have too a high opinion of themselves and if you don’t go along with them they walk, they expect you to chase them, if you don’t they get fuel somewhere else even if it’s the checkout chic at the supermarket who his friendly. Sick individuals
Kate, I wondered about his supply sources in the case of my Narcissist he loved the attention from Cafe and Bar female staff. He was enraged when Service was poor when out Dining
I find the only way to disorientate/disengage the mechanism of narcissism, is to heal one's own false identification with control to the degree that your own shadow is integrated, and the other's behavior doesn't impact. I'm not speaking about putting on an overlay attitude of controlling your responses with them, but moving from a true, integrated neutrality which has no space to entertain affectation. And if you have to be in the room with this other person, like a family member, and you're coming from this space, you can then see the mechanism at work from an objective point of view, and then you can act as a reflector of, rather than a reacter to, that behavior. Reflecting consciously so the other is mirrored their own false identification. Reflecting the inconsequential nature of any control strategy, no matter how overt or covert it is. When we are self-aware to this degree, integrated to this degree, even the subtlest, most triggering strategy is felt and seen through. It doesn't touch anything. It only touched my own egoic construct, never me. Not having any reaction to the other confuses because it does not lie within the recognizable domain of the program of cause and affect. You are now presenting yourself as a mirror of, rather than a player in, the dream. Because the nature of consciousness is non dual, reflective, not causative. The truth of reality, when embodied to a certain degree by a human being, dispells the capacity for the narcissistic mechanism to play with you. To feel its power is real, consequential. It reveals the agenda's futility and leaves the mechanism disorientated, which is all the mechanism has ever truly felt anyway. Now it has no reaction from you to distract it from this absolute fact. It will feel this neutrality as the ultimate threat-- finally being exposed to itself as--"Oh my God--I have no actual power when I use power incorrectly. I am powerless. (Which isn't true, but it is the core belief underneath all insecurity). I am nothing". If one has the fortune and grace to sincerely fall to its knees and ask for help from this broken open place, the soul has a chance. Otherwise, it is imprisoned within identification as the mechanism. So, we free ourselves from the programmed trap of internalized duality and others will surely follow. As long as we play any role to polarize the mechanism, we are participating in the mechanisms perpetuation. Time to take attention off the other and put it on where I play a role in the mechanisms dance. If, of course, we care to evolve.
I did shut down...I said he needs help...disappeared without saying anything, because I think he realized that I would not provide him with fuel. True?
@@elanorglf I’ve lived in England for 31 years and never heard that accent. He’s British for sure but the accent is part of the facade. Everything about narcissists is fake. Literally a false self.
While I was waiting to escape, I used the grey rock technique on him. No eye contact. No answering his questions. Not reacting to his provocations. I literally sat in my car, every evening, (til i figured his drunken non working azz passed out) in Wisconsin, in November/December, hours and hours every damn day...I thought Id never be warm again...but im 6 months out and just dealing with the aftermath, and that he kept saying over and over...how can you live in the same house with someone and not even acknowledge my presence? zin my head I told myself...I pay attention to humans, You are not a human....restraining orders are a life saver...
One word….this is easy….say “whatever” with complete indifference. Also….”wrong” or “false” will fill them with rage because they are informed by a lesser being (you) they are less than you. Emotional complaining by you is super fuel to the narc. That’s the empath’s default frustration and totally display it. Withhold that and replace with distracted indifference, they see and feel they don’t matter.
Even when I didn't say anything and just stared blankly at her, with no expression at all, my oldest sister kept at me for a long time. She kept trying one thing after another, to get me wound up, to upset me, to scare me, until she finally gave up, let out a sigh of exasperation, and walked away. But then she had her husband interrogate me about what she had been on my case about. I could tell that this made him uncomfortable, as he is the kind of person who tries to avoid conflict, and confrontations, at almost all costs. But he felt that he had to do his wife's bidding. It has become increasingly clear that I will have to end all contact with her. I'm just not able to do that yet, but I'm going to have to. The sad part is that I may have to end up losing my friendships with her family (her husband and her kids), and I have gotten along well with most of them. That's the hard part, the collateral damage that happens when you have to cut off the other people who are connected with them, but who may not realize how toxic that person is.
I gave a narcissist a funny nickname. And it's not complimentary either. It's subtle jab. It instantly puts me above him It's just derogatory enough that I'm not viewed as a jerk. He withers when he hears it and stays away.
I call the one in my family lake (insert name) they constantly swim or wallow around in their own lake expecting us all to join. Me, me, me. The woes & how amazing they are with helping other people, the “struggles” & the constant need for being centre of attention & adoration is exhausting. That lake I do not swim in, ever.
Justice, truth, fairness... Just concepts some of us waist a life time believing. To me, it is useless to be good. I wish for a different heart, I wish not to feel used. Maybe one day, someone will make me believe there is good in others again.
Justice, truth, and fairness are noble, honorable, ancient values. Believe in them and hold them like beacons of light. Know the truth about narcissists to set yourself free, gain justice for yourself by healing and moving on to a better life, and achieve fairness by leaving them in the dust to their miserable existence while you go on to thrive.
Your right nothing really shuts them down until they hit rock bottom and are forced to be in there own thoughts , but one phrase IV used that really rattles the cage .... 'Sorry I don't speak to fake people '. And the classic text message reply ..... 👍 Really twists them up . I pray for there souls
My Narc continues to use our children to see if I’m under control by trying to extort money out of me, saying it’s “for the children” despite the fact that I reliably meet my financial obligations. I have found with good success that saying “I am unable to commit to your request” and then offer insight as to how she might be able to “de-victimize” herself and count the cost as to whether or not she really needs to spend the money works well. Or at least brings a measure of silence to the request. I can smell the extortionist now a mile away. It’s almost like magic 😜
No, it’s not at all. You’re fuelling us, leaving yourself open to adverse consequences and increasing your emotional thinking. Do not mirror the narcissist
I have a narc on the work - so I can't go away - not yet. I do not go with her in the cantine or elswhere and say allways polite that I don't have time - have allways something else - very important to do when she tray to talk to me. Allways look that I am not alone with her. Speak the absolut work related minimum - only stuff that can't be avoided.
It would be very interesting to watch you interact with your sources and watch how you think you are in control (because I love observing an arrogant narcissistic from the shade as I learn about you.) I’m a Super Empath raised by a Narcissist who comes from a long line of intelligent narcissists. And I have finally gained control (your tactics are correct, but because you come from the Narcissist side, you can’t really understand the actual magical formula because you couldn’t possibly know how it feels to win and win from now on against people like us).
I don't understand what it is they want exactly. If we don't do what they want us to do, they get upset and paint us black and discard us. But it we DO abide by what they want us to do, they get bored with us and discard us also. So what actually makes them happy 🤔
I'm right here, watching, commenting on H. He's videos. Fourteen (14) months after escaping my narcistic marriage, and going NO CONTACT, I am healing and doing better and better. Hope you are well too.
And your silence also enables them because to are allowing the behaviour to go unchecked and providing no consequence for their actions. It is worth noting that your very existence provides narcissistic supply. Your BREATHING provides narcissistic supply. To someone who believes the world revolves around them, they will interpret anything you do as narcissistic supply, even if it has nothing to do with them. I just flushed the toilet. "Oh! says the narcissist. "Narcissistic supply!". Call them out, then leave. Staying silent but within their 'world' enables their behaviour.
Accept that you made a mistake by loving them. Admit that they're a scumbag. Heal what about yourself made you believe that you deserved mistreatment. Then you'll Have a peaceful Life.
Loads of sites say “say this, say that etc....” I wouldn’t bother, they want you to be netted by them, they don’t care how much it costs them because in their eyes they never lose.
I'm from germany ... so excuse my english. I'm in forgiveness with my narcissist... it hurts me to think about his dark heart and soul and there's no way out for him. This relationship showed me my own picture in the mirror, I changed so much things and anywhere i'm thankful for this human in my life. I put all my pieces of my mind and soul new together. A part of me will always love him alone for that. It sounds crazy, i know. But he activated the best in me, seeing my strength and my warm heart ... to go a better way. If i could, I would rescue him from himself. But I stay in no contact everywhere und whisper to the silence: Thank you 😢
It means he has all your friends contacts and details. So he can smear you. It means he knows everything about your work and can get you fired. It means he knows every little detail about your life and can get you put in jail. It means that if he cant get control of you, you may die. Run !....
I feel like I'm at a place right now where I can identify if a prospective romantic partner is a narcissist. I can also avoid members of my family who are narcissists. What I really need to know is how to deal with narcissistic bosses at work, because I can't just ignore them, I'll get fired. It's also not always easy to find another job right away.
You know it's very hard to comprehend that another human being can be so cold I don't I could never be like this if I see someone ill or sick I want to help them I wouldn't let them just sit there and choke I wouldn't let them sit there and cough n cough not care or lift a finger to help them if I sneeze or I'm coughing he says all right well you'll be all right there's absolutely zero less than zero empathy if you can get any lower than that can you go below zero cuz if you can that's him but what I don't understand is why is he so concerned about another person's pain but when it comes to me he absolutely doesn't give two craps I don't understand this
Basically be indifferent to them and go SILENT.
This is gold. Every communication is supply because it tells the narcissist that they matter to you. When you shut the communication and contact down, you shut the supply down. Everyone who has suffered at the hands of the narcissist should listen to this 1 video. Thank you HG Tudor.
My sister said to me 'you are not talking to us' that is what they want (supply) I am not giving it to them. Ha,Ha!
@@nycstarport8542 your;; is;;
Shut down the narcissist by your silence and by you getting out and staying out GOSO... Thx HG... And i like your sense of humor 💖
Thank you.
How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The Narcissist simply puts the bulb up to the light socket and waits for the world to revolve around them.
Love this.😄 so true.🤦🏼♀️
🤣🤣🤣 brilliant 😁
And it seems
@Allan Frame excellent, 🤣🤣🤣
Ha, Ha, Ha, that's a good one!!!
Proverbs 21:23 Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.
Get out, stay out and most of all shutup👍
This video is one to listen to off and on, as a reminder. When I start thinking I will just have a rational conversation with the Narc, no emotional reaction, I remember this message. Doesn't matter - every interaction is fuel. Don't interact! Then I relax.
Rhett Butler at the end of "Gone with the Wind" had the right idea it seems!
Silence is the only way although a piece of 4 by 2 is tempting .. ha
Hahaha lol
@Back2 Nature yep but a girl can dream ..
@@MsEm-xr8ns If you hit them hard enough they get stuck on repeat, well they are anyway, but I mean short term feedback loop
@Back2 Nature absolutely!
Lol 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you HG....it took months of your messages for it finally to sink in.
You are the best teacher on any topic I have ever heard. You leave no stone unturned to overthrow the delusions of the optimistic empaths like me.
Understanding helps to stop trying things that dont And cannot work. Thanks for putting it together.
You are welcome.
Aw you poor soul hope you doing good now follow your internal compass feel like escaping,escape feel like confronting,confront this will also teach you to believe in yourself. Whatever you do cannot be wrong.
I have experience of the narcissist being totally unhinged when I ended the relationship and went no contact. He couldn't believe it and told people I was emotionally unstable ... righty ho. Thanks HG - love your 'stuff'.
Mind-Blown! This is something I've NEVER heard of. If you don't back down then they retreat. This is an o-m-g moment for me. It was like dealing with a possessed person. Wow. Thank you for sharing!
Mine would just withdraw immediately after she was done spewing her hate and disgust on me. That was her control, she had no interest in how I felt and thats why left and let her with her bs
You have certainly mastered sarcasm. Love it.
Again no contact , silence is the only way
I’ll just have to trust your word HG.. I’ll never witness it happening.. The advice to stay NC has been invaluable.. so I trust you. 😊
Good work.
He is absolutely right, had I only had the good fortune of knowing this 30 years ago, well, no use going back there! You sound very smart by listening to someone who has nothing to gain by all of his work, I do believe we need to pass it on!
Trying to make a narcissist understand empathy is like trying to jam a square peg into a triangle hole, it's not going to happen.
With about 10 thousand foot 🦶 pounds 🤨
Hello H.G., I knew as soon as I read the title of this video I said that there is no such phrase. It is only by listening to your content that I was able to catch that right away. I have been able to identify a couple of friends ( we are no longer friends) as narcissists this past year and have maintained a No Contact regime for over a year with my ex-partner. Thank you, I appreciate all your information that enables me to stay narc-free.
Well, narc-free for the most part anyway.
For me it was the word "magic" I knew better 🤣
Being happy in front of him is best answer to them. Love yourself, surround with new positive friends, always talk peacefully in front of them, shows that he failed in his attempt of destroying you. If he is your boss or family member, be busy and stay silent. What ever he does will hurt you inside but never show outside on your face or don’t tell anyone that you are hurt , just tell is person is evil with explanation.
I knew right away that there is nothing one can say to shut down a narcissist. I just love hearing your insight. 100% every time. 🙂
My response.” You’re a narcissist, go fig yourself “. Then full no contact. Eliminate all common friends and contacts. Block all social media. Block all mutual contacts that have any contact with the narcissist. Even if they have done nothing wrong. Keeping any connections keeps a crack so they can have a spy hole on you.
The only magic you can do is disappear. Be sure not to leave even the smoke when you do😉because you cannot shut down something that doesn't have an OFF button.
Lol. No. They don't stop. Ever.
But they do retreat like whipped puppies when you don't care. At all.
That is the best comment I have ever read
Awesome!!!
It’s true, it never stops. You think you’ve reached a state of calm and balance but as soon as they realise this they disrupt it. And that’s when you give up on them.
The devil is the original narcissist. Narcissists are tools....they win nothing in the end.
"Get thee behind me, Satan!*
@@avanellehansen4525, Joe c,
From Ancient Greek ἄπαγε (ápage, “go away!”), imperative of ἀπάγω (apágō, “to lead or go away”) so the best phrase to use is:"Apage Satana"!
@@annamorawska5053 you're so evil.
Agape means the true love of Yahovah
Well not really. Narc are people that developed this as a means of physical, mental and emotional survival. They grew up in circumstances where it was not possible to survive WITH empathy. So they are NOT evil. We victims just need to get off of their narcotic effects on our mind. It is like getting rid of a drug addiction. Just imagine they are drugs that you no longer chose to rake.
aGape...aPage
The magical phrase is “I don’t care what you think”
"You are IRRELEVANT!*
@@avanellehansen4525 their getting emotional fuel from you
Or no answer - just don't say a word and go.
And stay the hell away.
@@veronicasmith1147 yep, they get challenge fuel. disgusting how greedy narcissists crave attention LOL
NO NO NO 😂 They must be ignored!
Tell the narcissist, “No!” and then run. They cannot accept being told “no” because they have to control. Best to not engage w/a narcissist & if you can sever ties w/them do so. If you give them an inch into your life they’ll want a mile.
💯
I am imagining how I literally tell my narc ex "no!" and then run. He'd be thinking like "wtf is happening"
Lmao. Very cute the telling no and running part. 🤣
@@supermcfly3103 Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣 cracks me up hard lmao this abuse is really funny after you know you are going through this abuse. The narc is walking contradiction and their weird behaviour cracks me up.
Bibbidy bobidy boo!!! 😂😂😂😂 Can’t believe I heard you say that! Love it.. I’m an empath btw 🤯
When you deploy the magical GOSO there is no need to be worrying about the magic words to shut the narc down.
Logic - boom. HG approves.
They need us more than we need them! I’ve learned that the hard way. Get out - get over it - get your life back.
How do you make a narcissist disappear?
Hold them accountable!
Whew
No! That is also fuel!
How about: This phrase: It's all good, no worries, and then go Zero Contact?
It is what it is. All good 👋
Lol that's how I move around. Just say ok, shrug and move on.
I remember waiting in line with my narc at customer service at Lowes one day. I noticed she was starting to get kind of anxious, so when it was our turn she started on the elderly lady behind the counter! I was starting to get embarrassed because there were quite a few people in line and she was beginning to shout! I looked at her and quite loudly said why you hollaring at her it's not her fault! She gave me that like, shut the F up look! So I started to walk toward the exit and the car and she said as if I was some child, where do you think you're going? I turned looked at her and said, nobody embarrass me, and kept walking! If anger could start a fire her head would have exploded! One of my better moves with her! And it was even before I new she was a narc!
Good for you!
“My narc” Sorry to tell you people who use “my narc” aren’t over the narc. They are: the narc
I'll never let someone say shut the fukk up to me ever again 🧡
"What do you think I think about what you think?" This a question which sets up an obstacle course for a narcissist to trip and stumble over.
Fuel. No need to feed d addiction
This has been enlightening. Most of it has been my understanding of how fuel works. Thank you for sharing
Thanks HG ! I'm laughing through these tears.
Jolly good.
Then you are winning. Make a decision carved in stone. 'We win the battle in our mind first' - Napoleon (God Bless you every day)
I am so glad that I found your channel!! I am learning so much!!
Welcome on board. Make sure you share to others.
This is why coparenting with one is so unendingly crazy making.
Until you access this narcsite.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist/
Awww I’m Sowwie for ya girl
@@hgtudor-theultra is this going to be worth the cost if there's no issue with hoovering or any of the rest of the adult relationship issues? We have full custody of the child, but the narcissist simply will not comply with any aspect of the court order. The kid is trauma bonded to her disgusting mother but also healthy in love with me as the step-mum. I am also willing to book a consultation with your terrifying self.
that's why I wont do it.if I'm stupid enough to he only wants to try to get in the sack.plus,unless hes acting,he is such a monster my son doesn't need to be anywhere near him.he isnt paying child support and procured a new gf at the same time his son was born.he just wasnt getting enough attention and action so he had to find it,the baby wasnt an after thought.He has no rights to this child.and other than him wanting to appear to others as if he cares,still not enough for him to work now that the rich gf makes sure he doesnt have to,oh yeah he might give me 40 bucks.then followed w an hour of sexual harrassment.he has no son,as far as I'm concerned
Much appreciative the hard no nonsense truth.
I have to say HG I love this series. I just found it and haven't stopped listening. Your broadcaster voice, proper speech, sense of humor and occassional potty mouth crack me up and suck me in. Lol. I now know why I can't stand Meghan Markle ! In 2010 my newly divorced self fell into the hands of a psycho narc and we dated for 4 months. He broke up with me but put me through hell for the next 2.5 years. He is down to contact through Facebook messenger a couple messages a year mostly around my birthday. He's blocked otherwise. That experience didn't stop me from finding a lower level narc a few years later. Saw myself in another video where you mentioned knowing every detail (in this case bad and worse) about someone. I stayed because he owed me money and I wanted it back. When I realized that wasn't gonna happen i did what I had to and the silent treatment has worked great. We are Scuba divers so we travel in the same social circle.... not even acknowledging his presence as much as he'd stare felt/feels good I know it kills him. He's blocked too but sometimes I can't help but see him at certain events. I do have 1 friend (like you mentioned) that tries to get me to think he's not so bad even though he knows what the narc has done. I figured Goso out on my own but wish I found you earlier it might've saved me some trouble. I always felt like "He can't be doing this because no one thinks this way" .... red flags dismissed. I listen because you confirm everything I've felt ! Thank you for this ! Now that I've roided you up with fuel I must goso and stalk your videos from afar. Lmao
PS: you have an awesome voice !
I wish I had this video a few years ago.
Only fear can shut down a narcissist. I know this from personal experience.
Hi HG.
I just found your channel.
Sooo funny.
You are comedy gold with that fake posh accent 🤣
Iv subscribed 👍🏼
I knew the answer before I clicked lol
Me too but I just had to check
“I know who you are.” Worked beautifully more than once. But I had zero intention of maintaining future relationship.
It seems quite appropriate that HG speaks in the third person, Queen Victoria's royal "we".
Thank you for the dose of logic and clarification on this subject. I have seen this title in videos put out there by various so-called narcissist abuse coaches/survivors, much of which is questionable.
Precisely.
Totally in sync with personal experiences. My mother has cancer and my narc sister lives with her so she can present an image to the outside world she is taking care for our sick mom. She hardly prepares mother a decent meal. So i said to her : " you know sis, won't you just sit down for tonight and i'll make you both diner (so my mom would at least have a decent meal and at the same time trying to defuse the threat it might pose to my sister's control over 'feeding mom' )
My sister's reply as she IMMEDIATELY sensed something 'off' : " Do you think i can't manage ? Do you think i'll leave mom unfed " ? .... So the sad thing is i have to look to feed my mom secretly because there is NO WAY ON EARTH i can even touch upon the subject of feeding mom without her patrolling the situation....
My relative is a narc and I've completely cut her out of my life since she yelled hysterically at me during a family funeral 18 months ago. My life is better as a result and she's found comfort in her large coterie of family and friends who have no clue she's a narc.
Same here Melissa. My narc relative has gathered a big crew of toxic enablers who are her "supply." It's dysfunctional as all get out. She discarded my spouse & I one year ago & we've had a year of such fantastic peace & joy ... the likes of which I can't even describe.
Block Blocklity Block
🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱🧱👠
Paper Scissors Rock
Not sure what this means, but I like it. I lak it olat
👏👏👏👏👏
So lets get this clear..A self proclaimed narc...helps people deal with other narcs...But also in doing so, gets much attention..Therefore the platform of 'enlightening' victims...is also an endless lovely supply source from many to him, who now depend on the next life saving video... HG in the process makes good money from from the abuse he has and is probably still doing to people in his personal life. Interesting . Call me challenge fuel. Just some perceptions.
Consider this though. Religion. Science. What have these ideals done in their own name and purpose? Information in many forms is important. When taken in and processed logically can serve many people. While I had the same thought as you, I also have had enough experience to know that what I have heard so far in these videos is factual. At least to my own experiences. The explanations are plain and mostly to the point. Most people love some entertaining flare.
It pains me to think I'm giving a self confessed narc/psychopath fuel .... but not that much ..... and needs must.
Also, he's doing us all an enormous favour so, despite these vlogs being 100 percent for his own narcissistic benefit, it's actually a win win situation.
I can only imagine the hell he is reaping on his own personal life victims. Let's hope they discover this vlog! 😄
They don’t care what you say they have too a high opinion of themselves and if you don’t go along with them they walk, they expect you to chase them, if you don’t they get fuel somewhere else even if it’s the checkout chic at the supermarket who his friendly. Sick individuals
Kate, I wondered about his supply sources in the case of my Narcissist he loved the attention from Cafe and Bar female staff. He was enraged when Service was poor when out Dining
I love you, HG.
Very useful and entertaining. Thank you HG :)
Truer words have never been spoken. Thanks HG. Please do ' The narcissist and Karna. ' which suggests that their karma is in built.
Just sit there pointing ur finger at them while laughing hysterically. Then walk away. They dont like that. Not at all
Correct, but far superior not to be there in the first place.
It makes them angry and they will fight - they fight dirty
- and there's no need for that dance.
My best friend stopped me from doing this. I'm kind of glad she did. I just passed by and gave a sinister laugh instead.
I like it when the narcissist withdraws. At least i can breath!!
One phrase …….. no contact….. bless you HG
I find the only way to disorientate/disengage the mechanism of narcissism, is to heal one's own false identification with control to the degree that your own shadow is integrated, and the other's behavior doesn't impact. I'm not speaking about putting on an overlay attitude of controlling your responses with them, but moving from a true, integrated neutrality which has no space to entertain affectation. And if you have to be in the room with this other person, like a family member, and you're coming from this space, you can then see the mechanism at work from an objective point of view, and then you can act as a reflector of, rather than a reacter to, that behavior. Reflecting consciously so the other is mirrored their own false identification. Reflecting the inconsequential nature of any control strategy, no matter how overt or covert it is. When we are self-aware to this degree, integrated to this degree, even the subtlest, most triggering strategy is felt and seen through. It doesn't touch anything. It only touched my own egoic construct, never me. Not having any reaction to the other confuses because it does not lie within the recognizable domain of the program of cause and affect. You are now presenting yourself as a mirror of, rather than a player in, the dream. Because the nature of consciousness is non dual, reflective, not causative. The truth of reality, when embodied to a certain degree by a human being, dispells the capacity for the narcissistic mechanism to play with you. To feel its power is real, consequential. It reveals the agenda's futility and leaves the mechanism disorientated, which is all the mechanism has ever truly felt anyway. Now it has no reaction from you to distract it from this absolute fact. It will feel this neutrality as the ultimate threat-- finally being exposed to itself as--"Oh my God--I have no actual power when I use power incorrectly. I am powerless. (Which isn't true, but it is the core belief underneath all insecurity). I am nothing". If one has the fortune and grace to sincerely fall to its knees and ask for help from this broken open place, the soul has a chance. Otherwise, it is imprisoned within identification as the mechanism.
So, we free ourselves from the programmed trap of internalized duality and others will surely follow. As long as we play any role to polarize the mechanism, we are participating in the mechanisms perpetuation. Time to take attention off the other and put it on where I play a role in the mechanisms dance. If, of course, we care to evolve.
..’no tinge of disappointment’
I know: ‘Your Kind’ and your videos have been serving me very well, thank you.
I did shut down...I said he needs help...disappeared without saying anything, because I think he realized that I would not provide him with fuel. True?
Yes, tnx mr Tudor....great video again.
Having HG come down to my level, saying things like “duh” makes me laugh.
Yes, sometimes HG does have a sense of humor!!
Brilliant. Thank you.
You are welcome.
Dude's voice sounds just like Christopher Lee. It's like stress-inducing ASMR.
British men sound a lot like the next...fantastic and alluring, fatal for me
I like his voice.. sometimes it is creepy in a way, I guess. But I like his British accent.
You think that’s real? 😉 He’s a narcissist.
@@elanorglf I’ve lived in England for 31 years and never heard that accent. He’s British for sure but the accent is part of the facade. Everything about narcissists is fake. Literally a false self.
While I was waiting to escape, I used the grey rock technique on him. No eye contact. No answering his questions. Not reacting to his provocations. I literally sat in my car, every evening, (til i figured his drunken non working azz passed out) in Wisconsin, in November/December, hours and hours every damn day...I thought Id never be warm again...but im 6 months out and just dealing with the aftermath, and that he kept saying over and over...how can you live in the same house with someone and not even acknowledge my presence? zin my head I told myself...I pay attention to humans, You are not a human....restraining orders are a life saver...
I absolutely love your examples of positive and negative fuel. Had a good chuckle 🤣
Standing your ground
One word….this is easy….say “whatever” with complete indifference. Also….”wrong” or “false” will fill them with rage because they are informed by a lesser being (you) they are less than you.
Emotional complaining by you is super fuel to the narc. That’s the empath’s default frustration and totally display it. Withhold that and replace with distracted indifference, they see and feel they don’t matter.
Even when I didn't say anything and just stared blankly at her, with no expression at all, my oldest sister kept at me for a long time. She kept trying one thing after another, to get me wound up, to upset me, to scare me, until she finally gave up, let out a sigh of exasperation, and walked away. But then she had her husband interrogate me about what she had been on my case about. I could tell that this made him uncomfortable, as he is the kind of person who tries to avoid conflict, and confrontations, at almost all costs. But he felt that he had to do his wife's bidding. It has become increasingly clear that I will have to end all contact with her. I'm just not able to do that yet, but I'm going to have to. The sad part is that I may have to end up losing my friendships with her family (her husband and her kids), and I have gotten along well with most of them. That's the hard part, the collateral damage that happens when you have to cut off the other people who are connected with them, but who may not realize how toxic that person is.
I gave a narcissist a funny nickname. And it's not complimentary either. It's subtle jab. It instantly puts me above him It's just derogatory enough that I'm not viewed as a jerk. He withers when he hears it and stays away.
Im intrigued. What’s the name?
Do tell. 🙏
I call the one in my family lake (insert name) they constantly swim or wallow around in their own lake expecting us all to join. Me, me, me. The woes & how amazing they are with helping other people, the “struggles” & the constant need for being centre of attention & adoration is exhausting. That lake I do not swim in, ever.
Justice, truth, fairness... Just concepts some of us waist a life time believing. To me, it is useless to be good. I wish for a different heart, I wish not to feel used. Maybe one day, someone will make me believe there is good in others again.
Don't ever regret what you are
Much better to be empathic than a psycho
Justice, truth, and fairness are noble, honorable, ancient values. Believe in them and hold them like beacons of light. Know the truth about narcissists to set yourself free, gain justice for yourself by healing and moving on to a better life, and achieve fairness by leaving them in the dust to their miserable existence while you go on to thrive.
Your right nothing really shuts them down until they hit rock bottom and are forced to be in there own thoughts , but one phrase IV used that really rattles the cage .... 'Sorry I don't speak to fake people '.
And the classic text message reply .....
👍
Really twists them up . I pray for there souls
🤣 when I’d send 👍 oh man he’d get rageful
Induced conversation.... THEIR FUEL
Laugh and then walk away!
My Narc continues to use our children to see if I’m under control by trying to extort money out of me, saying it’s “for the children” despite the fact that I reliably meet my financial obligations. I have found with good success that saying “I am unable to commit to your request” and then offer insight as to how she might be able to “de-victimize” herself and count the cost as to whether or not she really needs to spend the money works well. Or at least brings a measure of silence to the request. I can smell the extortionist now a mile away. It’s almost like magic 😜
I wanted to say "Wunderbaar," but I don't know how to spell it. This was a great one. Thanks, HG.
The utter worthlessness and emptiness that a narcissist feels is severe.
I think its been working very well for HG types
Actually mirroring the narcissistic personality is the best way to shut them down. It’s repeating their own mind. Thus not fueling.
No, it’s not at all. You’re fuelling us, leaving yourself open to adverse consequences and increasing your emotional thinking. Do not mirror the narcissist
I have a narc on the work - so I can't go away - not yet.
I do not go with her in the cantine or elswhere and say allways polite that I don't have time - have allways something else - very important to do when she tray to talk to me.
Allways look that I am not alone with her.
Speak the absolut work related minimum - only stuff that can't be avoided.
It would be very interesting to watch you interact with your sources and watch how you think you are in control (because I love observing an arrogant narcissistic from the shade as I learn about you.) I’m a Super Empath raised by a Narcissist who comes from a long line of intelligent narcissists. And I have finally gained control (your tactics are correct, but because you come from the Narcissist side, you can’t really understand the actual magical formula because you couldn’t possibly know how it feels to win and win from now on against people like us).
Most powerful phrase;
-...............
The Returned smirk the invisible punch in the stomach that is when you shut them down just have to be a couple steps ahead works every time
I don't understand what it is they want exactly. If we don't do what they want us to do, they get upset and paint us black and discard us.
But it we DO abide by what they want us to do, they get bored with us and discard us also.
So what actually makes them happy 🤔
Deleted all my SM profiles, changed my number, got rid of LT spy's.
Its a Wrap!
Emotionally Normal Women where are you?
BLOODY GOOD QUESTION!!
I'm right here, watching, commenting on H. He's videos. Fourteen (14) months after escaping my
narcistic marriage, and going NO CONTACT, I am healing and doing better and better.
Hope you are well too.
And your silence also enables them because to are allowing the behaviour to go unchecked and providing no consequence for their actions. It is worth noting that your very existence provides narcissistic supply. Your BREATHING provides narcissistic supply. To someone who believes the world revolves around them, they will interpret anything you do as narcissistic supply, even if it has nothing to do with them. I just flushed the toilet. "Oh! says the narcissist. "Narcissistic supply!". Call them out, then leave. Staying silent but within their 'world' enables their behaviour.
Diminishing/denying his role in my life(due to my own sense of shame, not to humiliate), is most likely to be seen as challenge fuel?
Accept that you made a mistake by loving them. Admit that they're a scumbag. Heal what about yourself made you believe that you deserved mistreatment. Then you'll Have a peaceful Life.
Loads of sites say “say this, say that etc....” I wouldn’t bother, they want you to be netted by them, they don’t care how much it costs them because in their eyes they never lose.
“Abracadabra”, my parrot says that!
Clever polly.
@@hgtudor-theultra clever Kai
He is shutting you down 😂😂😂😂
Bibidy Bobidy Boo 😆, your awesome 🖤
Shuty, shuty. Thank you HG
Thank you HG
Cracked me up the magician words lmbo
Run and don't look back.
*I seek refuge with God*
*from The cursed setan*
It’s not magic, it’s nature
I'm from germany ... so excuse my english.
I'm in forgiveness with my narcissist... it hurts me to think about his dark heart and soul and there's no way out for him.
This relationship showed me my own picture in the mirror, I changed so much things and anywhere i'm thankful for this human in my life. I put all my pieces of my mind and soul new together.
A part of me will always love him alone for that. It sounds crazy, i know. But he activated the best in me, seeing my strength and my warm heart ... to go a better way. If i could, I would rescue him from himself. But I stay in no contact everywhere und whisper to the silence: Thank you 😢
you re right, darling!without any emotion works somehow, but she had me replacd at that moment already, so i would have to guess...
What does it mean when the narcissist tells you he casts spells on you? I assume that is just him asserting control.
Correct. Or you are dating David Copperfield.
Could have put "roots" on you. My advice, RUN and go NC immediately, BEFORE it's too late!
It means he has all your friends contacts and details. So he can smear you. It means he knows everything about your work and can get you fired. It means he knows every little detail about your life and can get you put in jail. It means that if he cant get control of you, you may die. Run !....
@@scotthow2933 damn relax g
If someone tells you that then hit them with a protection scripture.
"No weapon former against me shall prosper"
There are warlocks out there.
This is hillarious 😅
I feel like I'm at a place right now where I can identify if a prospective romantic partner is a narcissist. I can also avoid members of my family who are narcissists. What I really need to know is how to deal with narcissistic bosses at work, because I can't just ignore them, I'll get fired. It's also not always easy to find another job right away.
He has some material on narcsite oe u can email him n ask
No contact only way best way
I love the narcissist very much, and I wanted to continue, and to give him love every day.
Same
Save it for someone who knows what love is.
My favorite phrase was “la la la” (reference Seinfeld talking tummy). It drove him mad because I was ignoring his insults.
You know it's very hard to comprehend that another human being can be so cold I don't I could never be like this if I see someone ill or sick I want to help them I wouldn't let them just sit there and choke I wouldn't let them sit there and cough n cough not care or lift a finger to help them if I sneeze or I'm coughing he says all right well you'll be all right there's absolutely zero less than zero empathy if you can get any lower than that can you go below zero cuz if you can that's him but what I don't understand is why is he so concerned about another person's pain but when it comes to me he absolutely doesn't give two craps I don't understand this