I am from Bosnia. I am 29 years old. I have gone through loss, trauma, stress, and violence, and when I listen to this man, I feel better and understand my condition more clearly. It becomes clear to me what causes the bad feelings I experience. He explains things very well, unlike the others who pretend to be smart. I pray we all do well and heal.
All the years … and you are the best. Unregulated parents lead to unregulated children. Hi there multi generational trauma survivors.. 😂❤❤ We are on a wild journey, may we all love and love to our full potential.
May we also have a source of guide as him walking next us all when we need this most valuable support on our journey of life. Just imagine, if we had benefit of a super knowledgeable person as him in our major directiinsin life. Just marvellous.
Loving for me, is not the problem,. I love hard core and with the empathetic understanding of others' root wounds. Where I struggle is, BEING and FINDING that love in return.
I have been feeling alone with my pain all my life, thinking I was the only one feeling this way, feeling there was something wrong deep down inside me. These videos soothe my soul, just to know I am not a monster, I am not guilty of anything, I did nothing wrong to deserve to be ignored, criticized, attacked, put down... am just a wounded soul wanting to heal, and there are many more like me. I am no longer alone. Thank you.
You talked me through a horrific CPTSD attack. I’ve got no one I’m a survivor of CSA. I realize I’m shouting into the void but. Thank you. You talked me through this.
I just had a flashback and saw this topic. Your comment is very helpful encouraging. I pray that you and everyone who reads this will find the support system that you need and long for.
@@luciantempest1291 OMG me too! He makes the Bible stories come alive, and I’m definitely not a Christian. He makes me reconsider my antagonistic view of Christians. He’s the real deal. He loves everyone.
I quit therapy after a few months because my therapist said CPTSD is not real because it’s not in the DSM5. He was telling me not to look at the past and use “the Secret” to manifest the life I want. And I’m like “riiiiiiiiiiight”. The professional class of therapy is not as effective as the RUclips community of self healers. Tim bears his soul, blemishes and all, so we can relate to his complex trauma. It’s so cool to have a good preacher who doesn’t pretend they are perfect and have always been perfect, and will even admit they have a mental disorder. I’m sooooooo grateful for Tim’s message. Real healing! No bullshit!
It’s tragic , because this used to be the lion’s share of our training during the 80’s. It was eclipsed by the medical model starting in the early 90’s when mental health became a lucrative industry and hospital systems gobbled up grants for services .
Please stop suggesting to teach this in schools. They already obliterated education. This needs to be addressed in therapy, not in schools. What they will do with your idea is going to be so twisted, that it will have all the unintended consequences you never imagined. The school system might need to change to accommodate different learning styles, but thats different.
First of all, schools do teach Conscious Discipline and regulating emotions. We have to because parents and the family unit are not. The school is not where you should be learning this....home is. Parents think the school should do everything. That's not where we truly learn. It starts at home.
That’s the first time I recall that I’ve heard someone actually give a reasonable and clear schematic for rebuilding and repairing the broken processes beneath C-PTSD. I’m stunned and delighted.
Listening to your complex trauma series brings tears to my eyes. You have explained my behavior characteristic better than I could ever put into words. All along I just thought it was bad anxiety & I was weird. Thank you so much for making me feel validated. 🙏🏼❤️
Now, he's SHOWING US what "doing the Lord's Work" looks like!!! No spinning around 3 times and chanting affirmations...giving steps for recognizing & healing. 🔥💯 THANK YOU, SIR
I avoid toxic individuals as much as possible , have gone no contact w my own family , and minimal contact w my toxic dysfunctional in laws. I’ve never been so aware as I am now of the vibe I feel when meeting other people. And I no longer rationalize my feelings if I’m sensing a narcissistic or toxic vibe. I simply avoid . Gone are the days of me giving toxic or selfish people the benefit of the doubt. I don’t have any friends . I love my work , my husband , my cats , and Jesus & for right now that’s enough . I feel I will be battling my emotional disregulation until I die. One day at a time, just the fact I’m still here after the hell I’ve been through is victory enough . God be with all of you ❤
OH!!! This explains why the cognitive behavioral techniques I learned were completely useless when I panicked! I didn’t have the ability to rationalize to control my emotion, as CBT says.
I am Finding my therapist is trying CBT with me and is not addressing my inquiry to check this is a possible reason for My increased panic attacks. I fit every check box of CPTD base don childhood traumas and a very bad marriage at a young age. Therapist are not addressing CPTD bxs it is easier to Medicate due to an easier more common disorder
@@bucii01 So your panic attacks have INCREASED since seeing your present therapist?? If so, you owe it to yourself to move on. I believe that the ones who are busy taking notes during sessions (and subsequently unable to respond when we ask questions) are writing our symptoms to sell to Big Pharma to make drugs instead of addressing what Tim says we need in order to heal: human connection. The way that therapists focus on their philosophy whether we’re improving or not can hurt our self-esteem. Also, rhythm would be a possible way to intercept my panic attacks. Do you think rhythmic patterns would help you during yours? Also, I believe Tim Fletcher has programs to help people based on the actual science (which is astounding, since he comes from the side of religion and they come from the side of professionals supposedly based in science)
I cannot seem to find any people that feel safe to me. Im mid 50s. Despite years of hard and honest personal work, I can only relate in small bursts, a social occasion dysregulates me for days. Maybe i am autistic, as well as C PTSD. I have barely any hope of finding an intimate other i dont feel actively harmed by daily.
Such critical information for understanding reasons trauma survivors consistently make poor choices and decisions. Living a life regulated by the limbic system explains why I often lose spaces of time, causing me to think I had selective memory, or possibly early alzheimers. When I'm fully dysregulated, I have no sense of time, including the absence of memories, related to that time.
The poor decisions and choices I can relate to. And why I froze. Time? What's that? All I want do is understand the breach of my former self by my Narc. bros. better, so hang out on U-Tube day and night. Getting older. I wonder about Alzheimer's, too. They've tied up so many year's of my life. The criminally insane!
I have an intense startle reflex, so this is vital information for me. I often wondered, since the mention of firework’s connection to past the trauma of war, WHY in the world would there be an intense fireworks display, EVERY JULY 4th celebration, on the grounds of our Veteran’s Administration Hospital field. It drove me so crazy that I had to leave, but no one could answer me as to why they would put vets thru this absolute triggering, cruel horror! What are they thinking!?!
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Be your own safe person. Learn to be ok without anyone. Learn stoicism. Be the rock for others . That responsibility will be a healthier response to dealing with our own trauma. I find being around dreg ululated people makes me rise to being the stable rock . Rise
I see risk in this approach for those still on their healing journey from complex trauma. It's a fine line and I'll share what my perspective has become after years of healing my own childhood trauma. Hopefully it makes sense. Stoicism can be healthy, and is also 1 degree away from being avoidant and completely negating personal needs. Ask older siblings that have healed their CPTSD after growing up in a traumatic home. Often they learned to completely destroy the value of their own needs being met to instead become pseudo-parents to their younger siblings. They are often seen as stable, responsible, generous, caring, and sometimes stoic in the face of adversity. The point being, stoic responsibility is not always as healthy as it may look from the outside. In many cases I've seen, the person is deeply repressed having killed off genuine parts of themselves for the sake of taking care of others. Stoicism can be a very attractive form of coping to those that are still on the journey to recovery because they can emulate the way stoicism looks on the outside by numbing their emotions. One way I've recently gained clarity on how to define this is with the 3 forms of self-worth: 1. Innate worth (your mere existence makes you worthy of life and love) 2. Earned worth (your contributions to others and community gives a sense of value among society) 3. Social worth (your efforts working alongside others in shared purpose creates an intimate social worth) The example I gave above is a person that has learned to completely rely on the second and third forms of self-worth while surviving on a non-existent sense of innate worth. They have destroyed their sense of self-love that comes from simply being alive. They no longer see any value to their existence outside of what they give away to others. They no longer receive. There are many examples of people that have been like this that have helped lots of people, and destroyed themselves in the process. A socially acceptable act of self-hate. I believe healthy stoicism is built out of a deep connection to yourself that leads to incredible emotional resiliency. A common lookalike of stoicism can be built out of emotional numbing by further disconnecting from your own authentic needs and wants through becoming a caretaker. The latter is just another form of codependency masked as emotional health.
I am so excited with your content ! I’m busy with my children right now but when I have time I want to write you an email. I feel I am being led to build up myself while going through recovery to develop a recovery ministry… your entire library and opportunities to learn through courses if I’m not mistaken has me so hopeful and optimistic! I look forward to communicating soon…God bless you and thanks again!
Amen on that, I also believe the Holy Spirit sent this across my path to watch. I truly thought I was alone in this battle with no one to help or pinpoint the problems.
I grew up from the womb in a war zone. I am unable to connect & never found a safe person. I often know what's expected of me & at best I can act the part needed in that moment. That leaves me in a state of an inauthentic self. I can not be around ppl for any length of time and I suppose I will always be by myself. Don't feel sorry for me that will only bring me into shame. I don't drink, use drugs or have much of an emotional outlet. I am married to a narcissist for 23 years. I am alone Ive always been alone. Still I survive and I can't see God, God cannot hug me, but I am more comforted by God than i am with ppl. I know that God loves me, but i wish I could be like other ppl that are coconsidered normal❤
You are not alone. I feel exactly the same way and tend to attract narcissists. I’ve been married and divorced four times😢 so kinda giving up on an intimate relationship. Thank God I have Jesus, my children, and two grandsons. ❤ I’m 54 and just learning why I am the way I am. Hang in there. Healing is coming. 🎉
Im sure your intentions are noble and there is something to be said about the healing power of being of service, nevertheless, there's a thin line between that and codependence
Hello Leslie. I can relate. There's no magical answer. But you're definitely on the safe track now. Please don't feel stuck. And ya know what? None of us are NORMAL. Everyone has SOMETHING WE HOPE TO CHANGE. But even those who appear "NORMAL" are just the same as everyone else. Please LOVE YOUR "SELF." Stick with GOD'S WORD, AND YOU'LL NEVER GO WRONG. REMEMBER...GOD IS ALWAYS "ON TIME" BUT ON "HIS TIME" NOT OURS. . . SO BE PATIENT AND LISTEN TO HIS "STILL, SMALL VOICE." LOVE, VIVIENNE. (I'm sure you know all this. But sometimes it's nice for someone to give a little virtual hug online. =) .... Oh yah, and try getting out and meet new SAFE people!
Have learnt so much from these videos. I have lived the affects of complex trauma my whole life so I take it for granted and these videos make me understand myself better. Thank you!
Is youtube spying on us... ?? How does the bloody feed give me specific videos depending on my mood?? This is not a joke! If someone has the same experience please tell me so, caus i am feeling paranoid as F!
There are complex mathematical algorithms at work behind the scenes based on other videos you are watching. So that's the less conspiratorial take on this. On the other hand, I personally believe Google and iPhone platforms do listen to us through our phones. And have for a long time. I know of articles written in the early 2000s about company executives taking the batteries out of their cell phones for private conversations. I don't worry too much about it because they are doing it to everyone and have been for a long time and it's mostly done for advertising I believe. God bless. 🙏
I was about to say an absolute 'YES' but let me qualify it with this. It also listens to your conversations with other people and what you watch on TV, the tunes you sing in the shower, the children coming in and out of your life, the apps you use for banking and oh souch more. Whenever something comes up on my phone suggesting I might like, it feels like the 'spies' are reading my thoughts. So YES it spies but it also predicts and perhaps manipulates your very desires and thoughts.
Recently diagnosed with childhood ptsd that I've kept covered up as much as possible for years. Starting watching these extremely helpful videos in the past couple of days. Prayers answered when in this video he is incorporating Jesus and the Bible. These two have been separated in my previous searches for answers. It's either one or the other... yet knowing in my heart it's all connected (science and God). Love this thank you so much.
He is correct in that it is not a moral deficit (in most cases), but rather the effect of traumatic experiences. Some of which last your whole lifetime. Almost EVERYONE these days is affected, like never before. This world has become such a toxic place, it is unavoidable.
@@taylorharbin3948 Well, man has always been capable of evil, yes. However, our world economic system has never been as tight as it is now, along with the financial chains of interest upon interest, which afffects everyone. Plus, technology is in the hands of the wrong people. Man has never been as enslaved as in these days.
Until Jesus comes in and shows you who you are, and how to heal. And little by little videos like this to give reasoning and explanation and doing the deep work with the one that created you changes everything ❤
This was one of the most clarifying things I have ever heard about what happens to me, and funny enough how the body is wise enough to try to heal itself. Thank you so much for this.
I can't tell you how much you helped me through my Healing journey by providing all of the answers, and helping me heal my deepest wounds especialy that I'm a self-healer, and therapy ain't well developed in my country. Thank you Thank you Thank you
I deep you to understand this at the deepest level. You have no idea just how much these videos have helped me unpack and deal with some of the very descrutive behaviors learned due to my complex trauma experienced throughout my childhood. Truly, God bless you for these.
This is absolutely BRILLIANT and right-on. As a 62-year-old with severe C-PTSD who has endured decades of many forms of trauma, I'm shocked at how his description of the dynamics involved match exactly how I experience and describe it. My only issue with this presentation, and most others on the topic, is that they all assume the trauma is in the PAST, that something in the present that ISN'T a trauma only REMINDS a person of past trauma. But in many (perhaps most) cases, trauma is REPETATIVE and ON-GOING. It is actual PRESENT traumas that are identical in nature to ones experienced countless times in the past. So, it's NOT a "false alarm" situation. This is a fundamental error trauma therapists miss or overlook. Thus, the advice they give is not always appropriate.
I'm finding this to be a very beneficial guide to understanding myself and understanding others. Understandable may be distinct from acceptable, but understanding is where we need to start.
I think this is the clearest explanation for dysregulation that I've come across. I also think that you need to keep in mind that if your diabetic or have thyroid issues or something that puts you in an irritable State because it's a physical condition you are going to be triggered much faster than the average otherwise healthy person
Fixing this is like the common cold or headaches. There will never be a generation that doesn't have a percentage of people experiencing this. So it's awesome that this video exists. Thank you
Incredible help. After so many year and so much money spent on therapy finally someone that can explain what is happening and even gives you rules of how to really help yourself… Most of therapists should be really ashamed of their work ethics..
@@leahflower9924 No, it’s because so many us, no matter what gender, race, color, culture, have experienced the exact same things. We are one race, one species. Humans look different with different languages, cultures and traditions, but our brains are wired the same and we all want the same things. That’s why racism and bigotry is so stupid. Anyhow. Cheers! ❤
@olgakim4848 100% I'm so happy I heard this from you. You're the only other person I've seen say this besides myself in all the years I've been looking at comments in blogs. Thank you for that. I know I'm not the only one who sees this but it's about time someone else says it too. 1 race & it's HUMAN!God Bless you!
I found out yesterday by accident, that it calms dogs, when they get in hyper mode barking at cats, other dogs, neighbours etc., when one talks to them slower, calmer and very kind like: everything is ok, it's all fine, you are fine and ok, while touching them gently and tipping them gentle on the bag. That regulates the dogs hyper arousal. (Even if it might be kind of normal because they always want to protect but they also feel fear, especially when the are on a rope /I don't know the right word at the moment, because it's not my language). It will always help, when you as the owner are relaxed. Than this technique instead of shouting them out to stop barking, is super working. But, you must know your dog. So that you know it won't bite. I have a good and easy contact to animals, children etc. For me it's all the same. 🙂 So I could calm the strangers dogs like I told before. But I would never do that in a unsafe way or when I feel unsafe in that monent. So you must touch your dog from about 10 cm behind it's head. So that just in case you would be able to take your hand back if they would want to bite. So please only do this, method when you feel safe with your dog or that dog you want to calm. First: be calm yourself! Second: show love and respect and calmness through your gently tipping the dogs back in a distance to it's head and also call it's name. I was soooo amazed, that they got quickly relaxed and sat down by free choice! And stopped barking nearly immidately. It's like wow how that works! The owner did try it through shouting as most people do. And as I did when I was younger, about two or three times in all his 19 years.(So I can say I already was most of the time very relaxed with him). But anyway, now I know, it's mostly not needed!!! One can calm them with tipping touches and gentle calm voice. The same as with little kids. Your dogs deserve your love and kindness at every time! 🐕🐩🦮🐕🦺
I've been Isolated so long, I'm going to go to a Coffee Chat though someone from church. I need more safe and healthy people in my life. It's time to do that!
Thank you for having the best way of describing deregulation. I have never heard it explained this way. I wish I had found this video so much sooner. Just wow. I'm still shocked.
That's absolutely not the definition of someone who is a "Highly Sensitive Person". It's about their brain being wired, from birth, to be extra sensitive to internal and external stimuli. They feel deeply, think deeply, and are moved in a large way by the arts, music, etc. They are typically more sensitive and emotionally intelligent towards other people, sensing what others are feeling. They understand subtleties where others miss them. And that's just a small synapsis of what an HSP is. @@peanut1001x
Wow this info is life changing. Thank u so much so that I can help heal myself n my family! How powerful to combine psychology with spirituality! I use alot of coping strategies for my anxiety n now I am starting to sing alot of worship songs throughout the day n when I feel a panic attack coming on n it works wonders!
Beautiful explanation of the story of Peter; we all have failed somebody. Our "failures" help others experience the torment of disapproval with love and hope.
This is extremely interesting and informative. VERY on par with the many Facebook groups I used to belong to a few years ago, and began to learn about narcissism and psychopathy, thereafter found RUclips Channels of Dr. Ramani, Dr. Carter, and Andrew of Narc Daily. Thank you for your work and in presenting this valuable information. ❤
Very interesting and helps me understand my daughter's anxiety better. As a loving parent and a stable home, I know most of us really do our best and make mistakes that we don't even realize how they impact our kids until later or realize our own dysregulation. I am wondering if the shut downs (no political argument about whether they were necessary or not just wondering about the brain impact) caused trauma to kids that were in critical developmental milestones (like just starting kindergarten, or in middle school), etc. Its not near the same as real dramatic trauma, and could it have caused some trauma? Love the practical advice though I am not familiar with the 12 needs.
Thank you so much for this. You have helped me so much by this presentation. I feel real hope for the first time in a long time…I did not understand why I react the way I do and felt really down on myself. I will follow you because I really need to for myself.
You say the rythm of the mothers heartbeat heard and felt in the womb is unconsciously associated with safety. But what if the mother was disregulated a lot during pregnancy. Wouldn't the rythm then be associated with stress?
I was diagnosed at 12 and by 3 different drs by 16 with manic depression and biplorar disorder. Im also extreamly sensitive to sensory inputs "loud noises, textures, touch like wind blowing on my bare skin etc. When i was young we lived by a stop sign motorcycles would stop n rev their bikes REAL LOUD the feeling that ran through my body was so intense all i could think about was pulling whoever it was off the bike and smear their face across the concrete road. Certain yells, to make people talking in a room, high pitched crying instantly triggering. My drug addict drunk mother sobbing triggering i told her to knock that shit off i can listen to your problems but not when your whinning and crying. Most emotions just feel like anger i have a really hard time knowing what emotion im really feeling in turn it just turns straight to anger bc that i can show and articulate and dont feel vulnerable. I find when very intense things happen in my life that cause very intense emotions and pain in my body i usually dont know what to do i cant handle it for very long i end up hurting myself, iv turned to drugs, alcohol, and iv attempted to just exit myself to make it stop. Sounds bad i would rather end my !ife then feel all those different emotions and feelings i just cant think straight i cant believe x is happening cant tell the difference between reality i feel like im just imagining the shit instead of eccepting its real and happening
Thank you. My son was diagnosed mood dysregulation disorder. He is this way because of me and I am this way because of my parents. I am breaking the cycle. We are both going through intensive therapy separate and together. Thank you for breaking it down for me to understand what’s going on.
Music is so powerful to uplift the mood, rock back & fourth while showering, journaling keeping records of good & not so good, dancing & massage it is impossible to be upset while both !!!
I cannot find a therapist that takes my insurance AND is accepting new patients. So I turn to YT in the meantime. You have a compassionate way of educating. Thank you very much. I’m 51 and finally just burned out and bone tired. No energy to keep up the job of repressing my past through working long hours and over committing. So time to do the hard work…it’s painfully uncomfortable. Praying I can be a success story. ❤
Tim, your work is outstanding. The comment section is heartening. Psychotherapy with a therapist who is dedicated to a patient's wellbeing along with this framework and information can make all the difference in a life. With appreciation, thank you.
What an insightful, powerful message! The conclusion (referring to 'CONNECTION') reminds of Dr. Henry Cloud's discussion about 'THE POWER OF THE OTHER'.
Life with a psychopath was difficult to predict. Beside the reg. array of abuse, there was also intentional sadistic abuse. There was really no way to prepare for an evil mind. As I say, evil is as bad as you can imagine and then some. I was the specimen in a wide variety experiments. The only good thing was there were no alcohol or drugs involved. I now see that they developed an addiction to my suffering. Finally contact is nonexistence.
I've had therapists insist there must have been alcohol or drug issues behind my parents cruelty. Nope. I wish I could blame their viciousness on a substance. They were both lifelong teetotalers.
Sounds like their knowledge of evil is mostly theoretical. Pretty much the same as for substances. I think it is a control thing. Little bit of gaslighting from the therapists?? What is evil? As bad as you can imagine and then some @@danae-rain3019
Indeed - there are so many "degrees on a spectrum" of narcissism and psychopathy. It is very interesting that my abuser was Very intelligent, in that the abuse was very subtle but near constant so that I gaslighted myself into thinking that I was living a somewhat "normal" life. His daughter from a previous marriage was quite more direct, but, in the earlier years of our marriage, I didn't see her that often so, didn't realize what a psychology sadistic individual she was. Whole family - her mother from my ex's first marriage was also "very out there" - burned their house down!!! Yep!!! How uneducated I was to not see the whole picture until too late. Another thing that fit so well into that whole predatory family was they knew that I had come from a poor, poorly educated, dysfunctional family, so that bad behaviors were normalized - I put up with far more than I otherwise would not have put up with, had I been more educated. This is new information which is now piled on to what I already have learned!! "Every day's a school day!" I hope others can work their way out of the trauma; I think and hope that our inner chemistry can change for the better, as we learn and grow ❤❤❤❤
I'm not surprised - the term "narcissist supply" can, sort of, describe your situation. Once I began to learn the vocabulary of psychology, things really began to come together so I could realize just what i was really dealing with: Things were NOT my imagination, afer all. Terms such as "gaslighting"; "victim blaming"; "projection"; "love bombing"; "devaluation"; "emotional sadism"etc....
That's a whole additional layer of sickness. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you have seen someone or will see someone to help heal this.
I have been deep diving into ADHD/autism for 4 years. Lately I have accepted that and deep diving into trauma and its response on the nervous system. It is mind blowing how much correlates between behaviors and trauma. You explained everything so well now I know even more why why I am the way I am. I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 33 years old I have OCD. I did everything with my babies I held them, rocked them, and fed them as soon as they cried. But my 12 year old son is so disregulated and has been since his sister was born when he was 5. I feel like he felt betrayed and she triggers that for him every day because he is so mean to her and me. He has told her numerous times she stole his mother, but that was not the case he started pushing me away when I couldn't do everything for him anymore.
I'm firmly atheist, but I don't really mind that Tim comes from Christian mindset because he is a very loving and accepting man. I really love how he explains these concepts.❤
I like his stories from the Bible that he adds in. He's blessed with a gift to apply and interpret these stories in such a way that especially help those with complex trauma ❤
If you had my son’s life story from 19 months to 5 .. and see him now he would prove everything in your lecture! Rhythm, routine & my (primary parent since 5 yo) regulated mood, behavior & attitude no matter how stressed is largely how my autistic son is a different child! Now I will say most of what I did although very similar to your lecture was just instinctive. Great lecture man!
@@MimiMkenya , I never really felt connected in my birth country, but I found a sense of interdependence as well as mental, emotional and spiritual growth in the West.
I have been dealing with this my whole life and after 38 years even my three children hate me and won't talk to me. I didn't know what was going on with me I just thought I was am messed up there's no hope for me. I even asked Jesus into my life and I try and walk in obedience and I just can't I always relapse and then I just realized that I'm dissociating from life because I don't see and talk to my kids every time I walk out of my house and I see kids with their parents the pain it brings me I disassociate from so I'm just disassociated from life itself and I know that Jesus is the only way and he's the only one that can save me but even that's not working. I feel absolutely hopeless but now I know what's going on with me thanks to these videos and I see how desperately I need counseling now.
THIS is the video i needed from this playlist, i always thought i was borderline BPD like my father, but this makes much more sense for why i have been using substances to help regulate my emotions.
222 comments. God led me here. Thank you for this Tim, it has shed some light on why I have reacted poorly to certain situations over the years. You’re a blessing brother, keep doing the good work.
It s so sad that it was never explain right... Or the church just say; lets pray in Jezus name... I thank God that great smart lovely people put this powerful helpful information on line..just for free This is real love And using your brain and talentd for the good kingdom of GOD.... TO HELP MANKIND ... Thank you.. Priceless God bless you
I wanted to say thank you for the insight I have received from the videos that you have made I have been in therapy For 30 plus years I'm 53 years old and the insight that I have gained from you has been paramount to the time I've spent in therapy I am so grateful to you thank you so much
This is me and it's ruining my life. I try so hard to stay calm. I am on medication etc but I still do it. I am in panic mode all the time. And sometimes I have reason like being sabotaged at work or smear campaigns. But I want to control it and not care.
@@ambitius23geniusYou can read the entire Bible and still suffer from this dis-regulation. I know you mean well. You can pray day and night for God to help you in your suffering, and still be in disregulation. At this point, after years of reading and praying, it becomes extremely unlikely that someone suggesting you do these two things has any idea how much the words sound like a platitude. Read the Psalms? If my mental health remains unchanged, does it suggest my faith is lacking. You know, “ If you had the faith of a grain of mustard seed …..” Faith comes from God, it is one of the promises. Would you tell a person with a broken arm to read the Bible? To pray for healing ?
Me too in that situation. I think I got fired because of it and while being on medication too. I asked to change the meds because they weren’t working but the doc only listened to me when I said I will not take the pills anymore.
I am from Bosnia. I am 29 years old. I have gone through loss, trauma, stress, and violence, and when I listen to this man, I feel better and understand my condition more clearly. It becomes clear to me what causes the bad feelings I experience. He explains things very well, unlike the others who pretend to be smart.
I pray we all do well and heal.
Great sharing, I am on a similar path too, God bless 🙌🏾 🙏🏾
I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through. I’m so glad this is helpful.
Razumem te prijatelju
❤❤❤
All the years … and you are the best. Unregulated parents lead to unregulated children.
Hi there multi generational trauma survivors.. 😂❤❤
We are on a wild journey, may we all love and love to our full potential.
❤
🤍🕊
Not all children of unregulated parents are necessary unregulated
May we also have a source of guide as him walking next us all when we need this most valuable support on our journey of life.
Just imagine, if we had benefit of a super knowledgeable person as him in our major directiinsin life.
Just marvellous.
Loving for me, is not the problem,. I love hard core and with the empathetic understanding of others' root wounds. Where I struggle is, BEING and FINDING that love in return.
I have been feeling alone with my pain all my life, thinking I was the only one feeling this way, feeling there was something wrong deep down inside me. These videos soothe my soul, just to know I am not a monster, I am not guilty of anything, I did nothing wrong to deserve to be ignored, criticized, attacked, put down... am just a wounded soul wanting to heal, and there are many more like me. I am no longer alone. Thank you.
Thank you ….very well expressed .
We are guilty of some things but not other people's sin against us
💗
sending you all the love
You talked me through a horrific CPTSD attack. I’ve got no one I’m a survivor of CSA. I realize I’m shouting into the void but. Thank you. You talked me through this.
That's amazing!
I'm so sorry that happened to you
Sending digital hugs your way 🧸
I just had a flashback and saw this topic. Your comment is very helpful encouraging. I pray that you and everyone who reads this will find the support system that you need and long for.
Not a void. Sending sympathy and prayers 🙏
I love him. I have been listening for 3 years now, and it has helped me more than anything else ever has.
He is awesome, I don’t even like religion but I’ll listen to the 2nd part because I like the way he explains it
Amen! Ditto!
@@luciantempest1291 OMG me too! He makes the Bible stories come alive, and I’m definitely not a Christian. He makes me reconsider my antagonistic view of Christians. He’s the real deal. He loves everyone.
I quit therapy after a few months because my therapist said CPTSD is not real because it’s not in the DSM5. He was telling me not to look at the past and use “the Secret” to manifest the life I want. And I’m like “riiiiiiiiiiight”. The professional class of therapy is not as effective as the RUclips community of self healers. Tim bears his soul, blemishes and all, so we can relate to his complex trauma. It’s so cool to have a good preacher who doesn’t pretend they are perfect and have always been perfect, and will even admit they have a mental disorder. I’m sooooooo grateful for Tim’s message. Real healing! No bullshit!
Me too ! My life is changing so much for the better !! 😊
I love how he explains WHY we tap or rock, etc, rather than wondering if it's new age hocus-pocus.
No therapist has ever explained my behaviour. I finally understand!!! ❤❤❤
It’s tragic , because this used to be the lion’s share of our training during the 80’s. It was eclipsed by the medical model starting in the early 90’s when mental health became a lucrative industry and hospital systems gobbled up grants for services .
@@nancybaumgartner6774 what model is this considered then?
@@nancybaumgartner6774Vote Trump and RFK will do much more!
This man is incredible they should teach this in schools
Please stop suggesting to teach this in schools. They already obliterated education. This needs to be addressed in therapy, not in schools. What they will do with your idea is going to be so twisted, that it will have all the unintended consequences you never imagined. The school system might need to change to accommodate different learning styles, but thats different.
YES!!, right!!!, I agree!! 🙋🏾♀️👆👆😲 kids WOULD definitely be MORE regulated in schools . 😼
Nope schools teach you Mathematics Science How to socialize P.E...
You can learn these things on RUclips
@@westernsellers9148Think that’s why they said schools “should”, implying they currently do not
First of all, schools do teach Conscious Discipline and regulating emotions. We have to because parents and the family unit are not. The school is not where you should be learning this....home is. Parents think the school should do everything. That's not where we truly learn. It starts at home.
That’s the first time I recall that I’ve heard someone actually give a reasonable and clear schematic for rebuilding and repairing the broken processes beneath C-PTSD. I’m stunned and delighted.
Listening to your complex trauma series brings tears to my eyes. You have explained my behavior characteristic better than I could ever put into words. All along I just thought it was bad anxiety & I was weird. Thank you so much for making me feel validated. 🙏🏼❤️
This has explained so much.
Ditto. Thank you for sharing. 😊
Same for me, thanks for putting it into words :)
Very valuable to me!
❤
Now, he's SHOWING US what "doing the Lord's Work" looks like!!! No spinning around 3 times and chanting affirmations...giving steps for recognizing & healing. 🔥💯 THANK YOU, SIR
Right lol
I avoid toxic individuals as much as possible , have gone no contact w my own family , and minimal contact w my toxic dysfunctional in laws. I’ve never been so aware as I am now of the vibe I feel when meeting other people. And I no longer rationalize my feelings if I’m sensing a narcissistic or toxic vibe. I simply avoid . Gone are the days of me giving toxic or selfish people the benefit of the doubt. I don’t have any friends . I love my work , my husband , my cats , and Jesus & for right now that’s enough . I feel I will be battling my emotional disregulation until I die. One day at a time, just the fact I’m still here after the hell I’ve been through is victory enough .
God be with all of you ❤
OH!!! This explains why the cognitive behavioral techniques I learned were completely useless when I panicked! I didn’t have the ability to rationalize to control my emotion, as CBT says.
I am
Finding my therapist is trying CBT with me and is not addressing my inquiry to check this is a possible reason for
My increased panic attacks. I fit every check box of CPTD base don childhood traumas and a very bad marriage at a young age. Therapist are not addressing CPTD bxs it is easier to
Medicate due to an easier more common disorder
@@bucii01 So your panic attacks have INCREASED since seeing your present therapist??
If so, you owe it to yourself to move on. I believe that the ones who are busy taking notes during sessions (and subsequently unable to respond when we ask questions) are writing our symptoms to sell to Big Pharma to make drugs instead of addressing what Tim says we need in order to heal: human connection. The way that therapists focus on their philosophy whether we’re improving or not can hurt our self-esteem.
Also, rhythm would be a possible way to intercept my panic attacks. Do you think rhythmic patterns would help you during yours?
Also, I believe Tim Fletcher has programs to help people based on the actual science (which is astounding, since he comes from the side of religion and they come from the side of professionals supposedly based in science)
I cannot seem to find any people that feel safe to me. Im mid 50s. Despite years of hard and honest personal work, I can only relate in small bursts, a social occasion dysregulates me for days. Maybe i am autistic, as well as C PTSD. I have barely any hope of finding an intimate other i dont feel actively harmed by daily.
Such critical information for understanding reasons trauma survivors consistently make poor choices and decisions. Living a life regulated by the limbic system explains why I often lose spaces of time, causing me to think I had selective memory, or possibly early alzheimers. When I'm fully dysregulated, I have no sense of time, including the absence of memories, related to that time.
So accurate R Mcd! I feel the same way.
The poor decisions and choices I can relate to. And why I froze.
Time? What's that?
All I want do is understand the breach of my former self by my Narc. bros. better, so hang out on U-Tube day and night. Getting older.
I wonder about Alzheimer's, too. They've tied up so many year's of my life. The criminally insane!
Sounds like absence seizure
I'm glad I met this guy via RUclips. He's so good 👍
The “Tim Talks” have untangled my confusion from my childhood and it is as if I’m looking at the world through new glasses.
😂
I have an intense startle reflex, so this is vital information for me. I often wondered, since the mention of firework’s connection to past the trauma of war, WHY in the world would there be an intense fireworks display, EVERY JULY 4th celebration, on the grounds of our Veteran’s Administration Hospital field. It drove me so crazy that I had to leave, but no one could answer me as to why they would put vets thru this absolute triggering, cruel horror! What are they thinking!?!
Satan mocks the truth by using it against itself.
That’s beyond cruel
They’re NOT THINKING… YOUVE MADE A GOOD POINT you are right that needs to end
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
This gentleman is an encyclopaedia of knowledge of mental and spiritual ( body, emotional) health. ❤
Be your own safe person. Learn to be ok without anyone. Learn stoicism. Be the rock for others . That responsibility will be a healthier response to dealing with our own trauma. I find being around dreg ululated people makes me rise to being the stable rock . Rise
Amen
Thank you jesus
Exactly.
I see risk in this approach for those still on their healing journey from complex trauma. It's a fine line and I'll share what my perspective has become after years of healing my own childhood trauma. Hopefully it makes sense.
Stoicism can be healthy, and is also 1 degree away from being avoidant and completely negating personal needs. Ask older siblings that have healed their CPTSD after growing up in a traumatic home. Often they learned to completely destroy the value of their own needs being met to instead become pseudo-parents to their younger siblings. They are often seen as stable, responsible, generous, caring, and sometimes stoic in the face of adversity.
The point being, stoic responsibility is not always as healthy as it may look from the outside. In many cases I've seen, the person is deeply repressed having killed off genuine parts of themselves for the sake of taking care of others. Stoicism can be a very attractive form of coping to those that are still on the journey to recovery because they can emulate the way stoicism looks on the outside by numbing their emotions.
One way I've recently gained clarity on how to define this is with the 3 forms of self-worth:
1. Innate worth (your mere existence makes you worthy of life and love)
2. Earned worth (your contributions to others and community gives a sense of value among society)
3. Social worth (your efforts working alongside others in shared purpose creates an intimate social worth)
The example I gave above is a person that has learned to completely rely on the second and third forms of self-worth while surviving on a non-existent sense of innate worth. They have destroyed their sense of self-love that comes from simply being alive. They no longer see any value to their existence outside of what they give away to others. They no longer receive.
There are many examples of people that have been like this that have helped lots of people, and destroyed themselves in the process. A socially acceptable act of self-hate.
I believe healthy stoicism is built out of a deep connection to yourself that leads to incredible emotional resiliency. A common lookalike of stoicism can be built out of emotional numbing by further disconnecting from your own authentic needs and wants through becoming a caretaker. The latter is just another form of codependency masked as emotional health.
Sounds like a codependent response.
I am completely blowed away with these presentations! I really believe the The Holy Spirit knew how bad I needed these! Thank you sir!
I am so excited with your content ! I’m busy with my children right now but when I have time I want to write you an email. I feel I am being led to build up myself while going through recovery to develop a recovery ministry… your entire library and opportunities to learn through courses if I’m not mistaken has me so hopeful and optimistic! I look forward to communicating soon…God bless you and thanks again!
Right with you
Ditto Amen and Amen!!! 🙏🏼🙌🏼❤
Amen on that, I also believe the Holy Spirit sent this across my path to watch. I truly thought I was alone in this battle with no one to help or pinpoint the problems.
Thank you!!!!!
I grew up from the womb in a war zone. I am unable to connect & never found a safe person. I often know what's expected of me & at best I can act the part needed in that moment. That leaves me in a state of an inauthentic self. I can not be around ppl for any length of time and I suppose I will always be by myself. Don't feel sorry for me that will only bring me into shame. I don't drink, use drugs or have much of an emotional outlet. I am married to a narcissist for 23 years. I am alone Ive always been alone. Still I survive and
I can't see God, God cannot hug me, but I am more comforted by God than i am with ppl. I know that God loves me, but i wish I could be like other ppl that are coconsidered normal❤
You are not alone. I feel exactly the same way and tend to attract narcissists. I’ve been married and divorced four times😢 so kinda giving up on an intimate relationship. Thank God I have Jesus, my children, and two grandsons. ❤ I’m 54 and just learning why I am the way I am. Hang in there. Healing is coming. 🎉
Im sure your intentions are noble and there is something to be said about the healing power of being of service, nevertheless, there's a thin line between that and codependence
Hello Leslie. I can relate. There's no magical answer. But you're definitely on the safe track now. Please don't feel stuck. And ya know what? None of us are NORMAL. Everyone has SOMETHING WE HOPE TO CHANGE. But even those who appear "NORMAL" are just the same as everyone else. Please LOVE YOUR "SELF." Stick with GOD'S WORD, AND YOU'LL NEVER GO WRONG. REMEMBER...GOD IS ALWAYS "ON TIME" BUT ON "HIS TIME" NOT OURS. . . SO BE PATIENT AND LISTEN TO HIS "STILL, SMALL VOICE." LOVE, VIVIENNE. (I'm sure you know all this. But sometimes it's nice for someone to give a little virtual hug online. =) .... Oh yah, and try getting out and meet new SAFE people!
I'd hug you if I could. You are an amazing, atrong person.
Have learnt so much from these videos. I have lived the affects of complex trauma my whole life so I take it for granted and these videos make me understand myself better. Thank you!
Is youtube spying on us... ?? How does the bloody feed give me specific videos depending on my mood?? This is not a joke! If someone has the same experience please tell me so, caus i am feeling paranoid as F!
You are correct.
Same here
There are complex mathematical algorithms at work behind the scenes based on other videos you are watching. So that's the less conspiratorial take on this.
On the other hand, I personally believe Google and iPhone platforms do listen to us through our phones. And have for a long time. I know of articles written in the early 2000s about company executives taking the batteries out of their cell phones for private conversations. I don't worry too much about it because they are doing it to everyone and have been for a long time and it's mostly done for advertising I believe. God bless. 🙏
Yes.
I was about to say an absolute 'YES' but let me qualify it with this. It also listens to your conversations with other people and what you watch on TV, the tunes you sing in the shower, the children coming in and out of your life, the apps you use for banking and oh souch more. Whenever something comes up on my phone suggesting I might like, it feels like the 'spies' are reading my thoughts. So YES it spies but it also predicts and perhaps manipulates your very desires and thoughts.
Recently diagnosed with childhood ptsd that I've kept covered up as much as possible for years. Starting watching these extremely helpful videos in the past couple of days. Prayers answered when in this video he is incorporating Jesus and the Bible. These two have been separated in my previous searches for answers. It's either one or the other... yet knowing in my heart it's all connected (science and God). Love this thank you so much.
❤
SO TRUE. SO THANKFUL FOR HIM. 🎉❤❤
He is correct in that it is not a moral deficit (in most cases), but rather the effect of traumatic experiences. Some of which last your whole lifetime. Almost EVERYONE these days is affected, like never before.
This world has become such a toxic place, it is unavoidable.
I think it has always been this way with the human race but we didn’t have the same insight.
@@taylorharbin3948
Well, man has always been capable of evil, yes.
However, our world economic system has never been as tight as it is now, along with the financial chains of interest upon interest, which afffects everyone.
Plus, technology is in the hands of the wrong people.
Man has never been as enslaved as in these days.
Until Jesus comes in and shows you who you are, and how to heal. And little by little videos like this to give reasoning and explanation and doing the deep work with the one that created you changes everything ❤
I’m so grateful for you and all you share.
Wow I do this , I call it going away . I close up deep into myself . The whole world goes away .
I can sleep and sleep.
Me too! Its the only way i can feel safe.
Boy do I need this. ❤😂mood swings like crazy. It’s brutal.
This was one of the most clarifying things I have ever heard about what happens to me, and funny enough how the body is wise enough to try to heal itself.
Thank you so much for this.
I can't tell you how much you helped me through my Healing journey by providing all of the answers, and helping me heal my deepest wounds especialy that I'm a self-healer, and therapy ain't well developed in my country.
Thank you Thank you Thank you
I deep you to understand this at the deepest level. You have no idea just how much these videos have helped me unpack and deal with some of the very descrutive behaviors learned due to my complex trauma experienced throughout my childhood. Truly, God bless you for these.
You're work has been so eye opening and beneficial to me. I am so grateful for your work.
This is absolutely BRILLIANT and right-on. As a 62-year-old with severe C-PTSD who has endured decades of many forms of trauma, I'm shocked at how his description of the dynamics involved match exactly how I experience and describe it. My only issue with this presentation, and most others on the topic, is that they all assume the trauma is in the PAST, that something in the present that ISN'T a trauma only REMINDS a person of past trauma. But in many (perhaps most) cases, trauma is REPETATIVE and ON-GOING. It is actual PRESENT traumas that are identical in nature to ones experienced countless times in the past. So, it's NOT a "false alarm" situation. This is a fundamental error trauma therapists miss or overlook. Thus, the advice they give is not always appropriate.
I'm finding this to be a very beneficial guide to understanding myself and understanding others. Understandable may be distinct from acceptable, but understanding is where we need to start.
I think this is the clearest explanation for dysregulation that I've come across.
I also think that you need to keep in mind that if your diabetic or have thyroid issues or something that puts you in an irritable State because it's a physical condition you are going to be triggered much faster than the average otherwise healthy person
Fixing this is like the common cold or headaches. There will never be a generation that doesn't have a percentage of people experiencing this. So it's awesome that this video exists. Thank you
Incredible help. After so many year and so much money spent on therapy finally someone that can explain what is happening and even gives you rules of how to really help yourself…
Most of therapists should be really ashamed of their work ethics..
God bless you ❤🎉❤.
Its like you are describing every personality trait i have in this series. This is really confronting.
Thank you for the videos
That's whats so weird when he knows your life but doesn't know you it's like a psychic fortune teller lol
@@leahflower9924 No, it’s because so many us, no matter what gender, race, color, culture, have experienced the exact same things. We are one race, one species. Humans look different with different languages, cultures and traditions, but our brains are wired the same and we all want the same things. That’s why racism and bigotry is so stupid. Anyhow. Cheers! ❤
@olgakim4848 100% I'm so happy I heard this from you. You're the only other person I've seen say this besides myself in all the years I've been looking at comments in blogs. Thank you for that. I know I'm not the only one who sees this but it's about time someone else says it too. 1 race & it's HUMAN!God Bless you!
I found out yesterday by accident, that it calms dogs, when they get in hyper mode barking at cats, other dogs, neighbours etc., when one talks to them slower, calmer and very kind like: everything is ok, it's all fine, you are fine and ok, while touching them gently and tipping them gentle on the bag.
That regulates the dogs hyper arousal. (Even if it might be kind of normal because they always want to protect but they also feel fear, especially when the are on a rope /I don't know the right word at the moment, because it's not my language).
It will always help, when you as the owner are relaxed. Than this technique instead of shouting them out to stop barking, is super working.
But, you must know your dog. So that you know it won't bite.
I have a good and easy contact to animals, children etc. For me it's all the same. 🙂 So I could calm the strangers dogs like I told before. But I would never do that in a unsafe way or when I feel unsafe in that monent.
So you must touch your dog from about 10 cm behind it's head. So that just in case you would be able to take your hand back if they would want to bite. So please only do this, method when you feel safe with your dog or that dog you want to calm.
First: be calm yourself!
Second: show love and respect and calmness through your gently tipping the dogs back in a distance to it's head and also call it's name.
I was soooo amazed, that they got quickly relaxed and sat down by free choice!
And stopped barking nearly immidately. It's like wow how that works!
The owner did try it through shouting as most people do. And as I did when I was younger, about two or three times in all his 19 years.(So I can say I already was most of the time very relaxed with him).
But anyway, now I know, it's mostly not needed!!!
One can calm them with tipping touches and gentle calm voice.
The same as with little kids.
Your dogs deserve your love and kindness at every time!
🐕🐩🦮🐕🦺
❤
I really appreciate this 60 part series, it really highlights all the areas my upbringing was lacking which are also the places where i need to grow
Oh great, connection--the one thing I feel like I have no control over...
I agree.
I've been Isolated so long, I'm going to go to a Coffee Chat though someone from church.
I need more safe and healthy people in my life. It's time to do that!
Thank you for having the best way of describing deregulation. I have never heard it explained this way. I wish I had found this video so much sooner. Just wow. I'm still shocked.
Amazing. This information brought me to a breakthrough that I've been looking for 40 years.
Thank you, with all of my heart.
This was so helpful I'm amazed how complex the brain is.
This is one of the most useful lectures I've heard in ages! Thank you for helping me to understand the freeze response.
Dear Tim, do you have a video about high sensitive persons? Thank you, and may God bless you for your work.
You mean CPTSD….Ross Rosenberg
Sam vaknin
Etc…
@@luckyluckyloulou6100 thank you. But I would like to hear from Tim Fletcher what he has to say about high sensitivity in the light of complex trauma.
@Lavinia Blajovan Thank you, Lavinia, I already started listening to them.
highly sensitive = emotionally immature, people who haven't learned to control their emotions
That's absolutely not the definition of someone who is a "Highly Sensitive Person". It's about their brain being wired, from birth, to be extra sensitive to internal and external stimuli. They feel deeply, think deeply, and are moved in a large way by the arts, music, etc. They are typically more sensitive and emotionally intelligent towards other people, sensing what others are feeling. They understand subtleties where others miss them. And that's just a small synapsis of what an HSP is. @@peanut1001x
Very important information. For many life-changing. Thank you.
Wow this info is life changing. Thank u so much so that I can help heal myself n my family! How powerful to combine psychology with spirituality! I use alot of coping strategies for my anxiety n now I am starting to sing alot of worship songs throughout the day n when I feel a panic attack coming on n it works wonders!
Beautiful explanation of the story of Peter; we all have failed somebody. Our "failures" help others experience the torment of disapproval with love and hope.
What if you have no safe, healthy connections, with people that understand CPTSD and betrayal trauma?
This is extremely interesting and informative. VERY on par with the many Facebook groups I used to belong to a few years ago, and began to learn about narcissism and psychopathy, thereafter found RUclips Channels of Dr. Ramani, Dr. Carter, and Andrew of Narc Daily.
Thank you for your work and in presenting this valuable information. ❤
These videos represent a critical turning point in understanding myself. Thank you, Tim
Always a joy and a privilege to listen to you. It is of tremendous help to hear what you are saying. Thank you, thank you. ❤
Ive always struggled as a child with ocd and adhd and this really helps
me aswell your no the only one theres heaps of us
Very interesting and helps me understand my daughter's anxiety better. As a loving parent and a stable home, I know most of us really do our best and make mistakes that we don't even realize how they impact our kids until later or realize our own dysregulation. I am wondering if the shut downs (no political argument about whether they were necessary or not just wondering about the brain impact) caused trauma to kids that were in critical developmental milestones (like just starting kindergarten, or in middle school), etc. Its not near the same as real dramatic trauma, and could it have caused some trauma? Love the practical advice though I am not familiar with the 12 needs.
Thank you so much for this. You have helped me so much by this presentation. I feel real hope for the first time in a long time…I did not understand why I react the way I do and felt really down on myself. I will follow you because I really need to for myself.
Excellent explanation, thank you. The limbic/dysregulation/ rhythm could also explain eating disorders…
It explains why I've been a rocker all my life.
I'm so thankful for this man's work. I am starting to slowly feel human again.
Truly enlightening once you fully understand what he is saying
connection is definitely important - really believe that
You say the rythm of the mothers heartbeat heard and felt in the womb is unconsciously associated with safety. But what if the mother was disregulated a lot during pregnancy. Wouldn't the rythm then be associated with stress?
If we are accidents and humiliate the mother, that transfers to us.
I cry when I get mad. It's really annoying.
Me too
I was diagnosed at 12 and by 3 different drs by 16 with manic depression and biplorar disorder. Im also extreamly sensitive to sensory inputs "loud noises, textures, touch like wind blowing on my bare skin etc. When i was young we lived by a stop sign motorcycles would stop n rev their bikes REAL LOUD the feeling that ran through my body was so intense all i could think about was pulling whoever it was off the bike and smear their face across the concrete road. Certain yells, to make people talking in a room, high pitched crying instantly triggering. My drug addict drunk mother sobbing triggering i told her to knock that shit off i can listen to your problems but not when your whinning and crying. Most emotions just feel like anger i have a really hard time knowing what emotion im really feeling in turn it just turns straight to anger bc that i can show and articulate and dont feel vulnerable. I find when very intense things happen in my life that cause very intense emotions and pain in my body i usually dont know what to do i cant handle it for very long i end up hurting myself, iv turned to drugs, alcohol, and iv attempted to just exit myself to make it stop. Sounds bad i would rather end my !ife then feel all those different emotions and feelings i just cant think straight i cant believe x is happening cant tell the difference between reality i feel like im just imagining the shit instead of eccepting its real and happening
Hi I feel your pain!! My heart goes out to you.❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
May God heal and deliver you, friend 🧡. Jesus knows your name.
I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. Sending love and prayers for you 💕🕊️
I am the same way.
Thank you. My son was diagnosed mood dysregulation disorder. He is this way because of me and I am this way because of my parents. I am breaking the cycle. We are both going through intensive therapy separate and together. Thank you for breaking it down for me to understand what’s going on.
Music is so powerful to uplift the mood, rock back & fourth while showering, journaling keeping records of good & not so good, dancing & massage it is impossible to be upset while both !!!
I cannot find a therapist that takes my insurance AND is accepting new patients. So I turn to YT in the meantime. You have a compassionate way of educating. Thank you very much. I’m 51 and finally just burned out and bone tired. No energy to keep up the job of repressing my past through working long hours and over committing. So time to do the hard work…it’s painfully uncomfortable. Praying I can be a success story. ❤
Appreciate this man and his teachings so much. He is sent from God.❤
These are actually incredible videos. Thank you!
Absolutely brilliant presentation...to reach the layman. A God sent angel! Thank you.
Tim Fletcher you are an EMOTIONAL SURGEON, covered in something. warm and fuzzy....you are helping me save my life and explain why I have to do this!
Tim, your work is outstanding. The comment section is heartening. Psychotherapy with a therapist who is dedicated to a patient's wellbeing along with this framework and information can make all the difference in a life. With appreciation, thank you.
What an insightful, powerful message! The conclusion (referring to 'CONNECTION') reminds of Dr. Henry Cloud's discussion about 'THE POWER OF THE OTHER'.
this is absolutely amazing. I am currently going thru a huge mess. I wish it 2-3 yrs from now. Its that bad.
Life with a psychopath was difficult to predict. Beside the reg. array of abuse, there was also intentional sadistic abuse. There was really no way to prepare for an evil mind. As I say, evil is as bad as you can imagine and then some. I was the specimen in a wide variety experiments. The only good thing was there were no alcohol or drugs involved. I now see that they developed an addiction to my suffering. Finally contact is nonexistence.
I've had therapists insist there must have been alcohol or drug issues behind my parents cruelty. Nope. I wish I could blame their viciousness on a substance. They were both lifelong teetotalers.
Sounds like their knowledge of evil is mostly theoretical. Pretty much the same as for substances. I think it is a control thing. Little bit of gaslighting from the therapists??
What is evil? As bad as you can imagine and then some @@danae-rain3019
Indeed - there are so many "degrees on a spectrum" of narcissism and psychopathy.
It is very interesting that my abuser was Very intelligent, in that the abuse was very subtle but near constant so that I gaslighted myself into thinking that I was living a somewhat "normal" life. His daughter from a previous marriage was quite more direct, but, in the earlier years of our marriage, I didn't see her that often so, didn't realize what a psychology sadistic individual she was. Whole family - her mother from my ex's first marriage was also "very out there" - burned their house down!!! Yep!!! How uneducated I was to not see the whole picture until too late.
Another thing that fit so well into that whole predatory family was they knew that I had come from a poor, poorly educated, dysfunctional family, so that bad behaviors were normalized - I put up with far more than I otherwise would not have put up with, had I been more educated.
This is new information which is now piled on to what I already have learned!! "Every day's a school day!"
I hope others can work their way out of the trauma; I think and hope that our inner chemistry can change for the better, as we learn and grow ❤❤❤❤
I'm not surprised - the term
"narcissist supply" can, sort of, describe your situation.
Once I began to learn the vocabulary of psychology, things really began to come together so I could realize just what i was really dealing with: Things were NOT my imagination, afer all. Terms such as "gaslighting"; "victim blaming"; "projection"; "love bombing"; "devaluation"; "emotional sadism"etc....
That's a whole additional layer of sickness. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you have seen someone or will see someone to help heal this.
I have been deep diving into ADHD/autism for 4 years. Lately I have accepted that and deep diving into trauma and its response on the nervous system. It is mind blowing how much correlates between behaviors and trauma. You explained everything so well now I know even more why why I am the way I am. I have been diagnosed with ADHD at 33 years old I have OCD. I did everything with my babies I held them, rocked them, and fed them as soon as they cried. But my 12 year old son is so disregulated and has been since his sister was born when he was 5. I feel like he felt betrayed and she triggers that for him every day because he is so mean to her and me. He has told her numerous times she stole his mother, but that was not the case he started pushing me away when I couldn't do everything for him anymore.
What a fantastically explanatory video. Answered so many of the questions iv struggled to answer !! So grateful for this ❤
I'm firmly atheist, but I don't really mind that Tim comes from Christian mindset because he is a very loving and accepting man. I really love how he explains these concepts.❤
But like.... Why would you mind?
❤
30:50 - Freeze in Children - People pleasing
I like his stories from the Bible that he adds in. He's blessed with a gift to apply and interpret these stories in such a way that especially help those with complex trauma ❤
If you had my son’s life story from 19 months to 5 .. and see him now he would prove everything in your lecture! Rhythm, routine & my (primary parent since 5 yo) regulated mood, behavior & attitude no matter how stressed is largely how my autistic son is a different child! Now I will say most of what I did although very similar to your lecture was just instinctive. Great lecture man!
This guy is amazing. I'm learning so much from him.
Connection is missing everywhere, not only in the WEST.
Yes but the West is the worst. I'm an immigrant from Kenya and Oh my Lord the individualism in 🇺🇸 is absolutely insane.
@@MimiMkenya , I never really felt connected in my birth country, but I found a sense of interdependence as well as mental, emotional and spiritual growth in the West.
This is so amazingly helpful!!
On so many levels
Working with patients to be able to understand this process is such a gift
THANK YOU
I have been dealing with this my whole life and after 38 years even my three children hate me and won't talk to me. I didn't know what was going on with me I just thought I was am messed up there's no hope for me. I even asked Jesus into my life and I try and walk in obedience and I just can't I always relapse and then I just realized that I'm dissociating from life because I don't see and talk to my kids every time I walk out of my house and I see kids with their parents the pain it brings me I disassociate from so I'm just disassociated from life itself and I know that Jesus is the only way and he's the only one that can save me but even that's not working. I feel absolutely hopeless but now I know what's going on with me thanks to these videos and I see how desperately I need counseling now.
Go back to the trauma event.. re-frame the lesson learned with a wiser mind. Speak that mantra daily 👏🏽
This video was God sent this morning. Thank you for your words.
THIS is the video i needed from this playlist, i always thought i was borderline BPD like my father, but this makes much more sense for why i have been using substances to help regulate my emotions.
Wow this is profound..i am so glad to have clicked on this video
222 comments. God led me here. Thank you for this Tim, it has shed some light on why I have reacted poorly to certain situations over the years. You’re a blessing brother, keep doing the good work.
And it’s 2:22. 🤯
When i lover cortisol, and insulin also emotionaly i become more stable😊
It is absolutely true. According to my undisclosed needs, utube sends me appropriate videos. I am not paranoid but grateful 😊
God bless your amazing work You are a true blessing to the people💜🙏
It s so sad that it was never explain right...
Or the church just say; lets pray in Jezus name...
I thank God that great smart lovely people put this powerful helpful information on line..just for free
This is real love
And using your brain and talentd for the good kingdom of GOD....
TO HELP MANKIND ...
Thank you..
Priceless
God bless you
I have just discover your channel, I think is great!! Thanks Tim!!
Me too!
Amen...finally...good information...still healing...
I wanted to say thank you for the insight I have received from the videos that you have made I have been in therapy For 30 plus years I'm 53 years old and the insight that I have gained from you has been paramount to the time I've spent in therapy I am so grateful to you thank you so much
This is me and it's ruining my life. I try so hard to stay calm. I am on medication etc but I still do it. I am in panic mode all the time. And sometimes I have reason like being sabotaged at work or smear campaigns. But I want to control it and not care.
Read the bible especially psalms
get b vitamins
@@ambitius23geniusYou can read the entire Bible and still suffer from this dis-regulation. I know you mean well. You can pray day and night for God to help you in your suffering, and still be in disregulation. At this point, after years of reading and praying, it becomes extremely unlikely that someone suggesting you do these two things has any idea how much the words sound like a platitude. Read the Psalms? If my mental health remains unchanged, does it suggest my faith is lacking. You know, “ If you had the faith of a grain of mustard seed …..” Faith comes from God, it is one of the promises. Would you tell a person with a broken arm to read the Bible? To pray for healing ?
Me too in that situation. I think I got fired because of it and while being on medication too. I asked to change the meds because they weren’t working but the doc only listened to me when I said I will not take the pills anymore.
Hopefully therapy should also help together with the right meds
You provide the human manual that is missing so essential truly amazing 💜🙏
Exactly🎉