Ready to harness the power of your introversion? Use these quick links to catch the highlights: 2:01 - Why the world is filled with more introverts than you realize. 5:00 - How Susan overcame her debilitating fear of public speaking. 8:54 - How to choose the right career for your temperament. 10:44 - The magic of making a quota for networking. 12:47 - Susan’s rule of thumb for networking events. 14:45 - The power of partnerships - and finding your opposite. 16:57 - What to do when you hit a wall at social events. 19:04 - How one of the most powerful people in history grappled with introversion. What’s next? Watch this playlist for more inspiring interviews: ruclips.net/p/PL4D5277E0F92106D2
Thanks for sharing this. I am an extroverted-introvert. I found my way to mastering networking, which I just shared on my channel with the hope anyone sees and field better.
i get so anxious about the idea of networking because I feel like I 'fail' at them for only finding one or two people I connect with. This totally re frames the way I think about it !
Yoo I know right! I guess we tend to be followers rather than leaders. Sometimes when I’m in situations where you have to be creative I come up with various ideas but don’t saying anything but maybe I should you know cause it’s a good chance that someone around me might think my idea is good, you know? 💡
As a young child in elementary school, at the end of the day when legions of children streamed out of the schoolyard, running and shouting & just expressing exuberance, I would move away from it all and walk alone through a forest where there was a stream and a log I crossed to place me into nature where there was quiet. I am still that person today making my way in the world as an adult introvert. Cain's assertion that introversion is a gift of observation & sensitivity to life is something valuable and worth remembering.
I am an introvert. The strategy that works best for me is not feeling guilty about leaving social events. I thought I was so weird. I could be having the best time at this party, and then just hit this wall and be so over the whole thing. I can become really moody like a toddler fighting a nap. So it is just best for me and everyone involved to leave while it is good. This is also why I can't have houseguest, because I get to a point where I want to kick everyone out. And, I have done it.
I'm the same way. In fact, most everyone that knows me personally knows that I will not stay at an event long if I decide to go. Even last night, I hosted a chat on Skype for like-minded friends through my business, and after 3 1/2 hrs of participating I was like, "I need to say goodnight". My first reaction was to feel guilty because magic was happening with the callers, but I knew that I didn't need to feel guilty and they were all really understanding. So...I totally relate to what you are saying!
it's 2017 as soon as I read your statement "because I get to a point where I want to kick everyone out" i just started laughing Wow I am not the only one who feels that way thank you for sharing :)
Lol. Brilliant.. I hear you. I’ve had to leave my family laughing for all hours ever since I was a teenager, it’s taken me to my forties to discover I am an introverted being. But I love it.
Wow, Susan Cain nails it again! As an introvert, I've always felt like my quiet nature was a disadvantage in my career and networking. But this video showed me that embracing my introverted traits can actually be a superpower. Thanks for the awesome tips, Susan!
YES! Embracing your natural gifts is one of the best things you can do. There's room for introverts to network and grow in their careers. There's room for you 💗 - Monauar, Team Forleo
Thank you for creating such an awesome book, Susan Cain. I was a cabin crew for my first job and I absolutely hated it. I was forced to socialize so much during training, and my classmates still wanted to hang out after lessons. Even the VP commented that introverts are not suited for that job. Just when I was feeling like an oddball in an institution I don't belong, I went on an research on Quiet and it totally made me rethink and reframe my introvertion. I hope the next generation of introverts never have to grow up the way I did.
I found Susan Cain's talk a few days ago and it has removed a lifetime of guilt of not being "social" enough. I find myself really good at conversing with one or two people but hard to "mingle" with everyone in the room at a social event. Thank you Susan for making me realize that there are others like me and there's nothing wrong with me. Surprisingly I am OK with public speaking as long as I have practiced heaps and heaps ;)
I am an introvert myself. The insight that resonated with me is that I am very observant which makes me more perceptive of others. I am very sensitive and compassionate as well. I also prefer intimate settings opposed to crowds. I also believe I have a quiet strength that many people don't see because they see timidity as a weakness. I believe because we, introverts tend to be more introspective, we have more of an acute awareness. We hear more and see more. I prefer to step out of the canvas to get a full view of the picture.
Countless gems in this one! Why would you struggle when you could partner with your compliment? YES! Kindred spirits come together. Thank you for this!
Knowing there are people out there that are so giving and compassionate and intelligent gives me loads of hope! I know I’ll find a way to find these incredible individuals for myself - my soul family.
I clicked on this video I thought "by accident" but I am so thankful that I did. My professional life requires me to speak on a regular basis. I enjoy transferring knowledge, however, I HATE speaking in 1:1 settings. I often wondered why I was so happy being quiet and alone at the end of each day. This video cleared up a lot for me. I want to thank you for recording and airing this!
I think the profound point that I often missed is the mindset not to be guilty. Because soo often I got exhausted from engaging in social activities. I am an introvert came from a small family and my fiancee is an extrovert who has large family and friends. I wondered if it's gonna be fine. Turns out from this session, it's really normal and even such an inspiring person as Susan just have to set a quota herself. But she keeps delivering. So what I pick and apply into my life from now on is : don't be guilty, just do what you have to do (leave early/ or hang out for a while), and after that you could re-engaging with people again. Don't dismiss your needs. Thank u Marie! I would want to get to read Quiet after this.
I liked Susan’s comment about doing smaller events first and looking at people in the audience who are engaged and supportive. That has really helped me with singing. One small start for me is uploading my songs on RUclips in audio with a picture until I feel more confident about videos.
I'm contemplating starting a small business and it's wonderful to hear that introverts can succeed in business too. Thank you for normalizing this personality trait. I can so identify with the 2 hour limit. I rarely find a person or group I want to talk to for more than 2 hours!
Susan Cain is truly a champion of the underdog and is doing great work building awareness around accepting, understanding, and embracing introverts. Thank you Marie Forleo for bringing her message and stories into your incredible community. Keep inspiring!
Finding the extrovert to my introvert in my business instead of using all my mental stamina/energy to do it all. Thank you! This segment was very helpful!
I am desperately waiting for that day when the bias and stigma of introversion would be completely eliminated, and introverts would be able to feel proud for who they are and finally breathe in workplaces especially.
I'm a introvert. I recently had job to be on a youth panel speaking about mental health and addiction and i was so nervous that you can tell with how i spoke. I definitely understand what Susan said about focusing on the people resonaning with you. once I looked at some people who didn't, I got kinda discouraged but after I was done alot of people adressed me and thanked me. It felt great, got a great confidence boost.
One of the best ways to start a conversation in any gathering or with an individual is to say you're an introvert. That seems to make it safe for others to confess that they are too. There are many of us!
I'm an intovert attorney. I just went to a social happy hour where there were over 20 people. It was such an effort to commit to going and the main reason I did was because one of my close friends was going too. My friend had to leave early and I was so anxious just thinking about who am I going to talk to now?! I managed to stay a while longer talking mostly to one other person I met there and someone I knew from work. I always feel bad aftreer going to a social event because I generally only speak to one or two people...I feel like I failed because I didn't mingle more. So, I really liked the kindred spirit idea. I will think about that now and hopefjlly not feel so bad when I don't talk to everyone in the room
I'm the same way. I might actually say hello to a few people and ask how they are doing. But more times than not, I stick to the people I'm most comfortable with. When I'm not comfortable with someone, I get so awkward trying to figure out what to say and do next to the point that I start imagining they are likely offended by me or think I'm really weird. The funny thing is that a lot of people think I am an extrovert because I'm really playful and friendly. Haha, I'm not an Extrovert but a fairly Social Awkward Introvert who apparently comes off as uptight because I skip out on a lot of social events due to my introversion. I seriously feel bad about not going to a social event or wanting to leave early because I feel so drained or awkward. I like the Kindred Spirit idea as well. I needed to see this video. I'm such an awkward duck when trying to Network but I want to Network and meet new people.
I'm so glad introverts are finally being understood. I remember growing up and constantly being told that I needed to open up more and take part more in school events. Once a teacher put alot of pressure on me to do a talk in a school assembly, and I'll never forget how overwhelmed I felt when I got on the stage, I literally broke down into tears. I eventually learned to 'fake it' in some situations, but even when I'm 'faking it' I can feel the build up inside me where I know I need to make a quick exit. Something else I've learnt to do on the sly ;)
TherapyTeeVee just my opinion but I think being introverted and being shy are completely different (although there tends to be overlap). I think being shy is something that we do need to be pushed out of and get over. Everyone has there shy moments, especially when put on the spot, but I *personally* think it's unhealthy to be shy all the time. When I was shy, it was because I lacked confidence in myself. Over time, I started to believe in myself and trust myself more. So I wouldn't consider myself to be shy overall, but I'm still definitely an introvert
Lmao thats nothing the teacher sent me the youth welfare office because she thought i have problems or even thought i have a dosease because i didnt like to talk a lot
Thanks Marie for this video. For the longest time I've been following you and loving all of your videos. But this time decided to write and tell you how grateful I am to you. I always felt out of place (used to be so shy and" leftie" in a "righties" world ) now I know the reason. Thanks to Susan Cain for opening the door for so many of us. To both of you thanks from this 68 year old for Awakening The Entrepreneur Inside!!!!
It's kind of comforting that a lot of media practitioners are actually introverts. I'm currently in my 3rd year of studying journalism and, at first, i thought that my passion for writing and research is enough. Since first year, i felt really uncomfortable because everyone are very extroverted and the few introverts handle their selves very well. I really wanted to work in the media industry someday, but i got anxious every time i think that i'm not a people person and i need to become one if i really want to succeed in my dream
Marie and Susan- thank you , thank you, thank you! for letting me know that I am not abnormal. I am the sole introvert in a family of argumentative extroverts. I work in a super talkative - high decibel cubicle environment, My team of extroverts love back to back meetings that accomplish very little and are essentially social gatherings. These meetings are often dominated by the the loud and verbose, mostly with "filler talk". So I REALLY look forward to making US workplaces Introvert-friendly.
Wow ! What an incredible collaboration. I 'm so grateful and appreciative to Marie Forleo for hosting Susan Cain. Her Ted talk was so inspirational to me and I loved hearing both of you in a interview and conversational medium. As someone who also feels incredibly drained by over-socialization as well. I love the suggestions you offered at the end about gracefully leaving a party or networking event early, but always showing up.
I loved this show. I like to think of networking as "connecting" with people. "Networking" sounds so impersonal. I love connecting with people. The concept of seeking out kindred spirits resonated so much with me.
I'm in the beginning stages of creating a business for myself and just recently I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm an introvert and that its OK! I, like most introverts, hate the idea of networking but when Susan said we should instead look for kindred spirits my heart lit up! That's by far the most brilliant thing I've heard plus it makes meeting people a WAY less daunting task! Thanks so much for this post!
I am an introvert, and the one point that really got me was ALL of them! :) this episode has been so enlightening since I always thought I had to be an extrovert in order to succeed and it really drains my energy. I am so happy to have found out about this and feel so much more confident knowing that introverts can really make a difference without converting into something we are not.
I really like the strategy (or should I say, acknowledgement) that in every 'networking' event, it is okay to talk to one (and only) person that we really feel connected with. There is this pressure I always have that I don't communicate well enough unless I talk to lots of people in a social event. It always ends up with me feeling drained and in extreme cases, depressed for a while afterwards.
Wow..felt relieved to hear this and understood. I am a introvert and when going to parties, I would shrink away from the big group of people and be found in the kitchen with the other introvert and breathe sigh of relief. I do like my quietness and I finally realised that my strengths are what bring certain people to me..extroverts who want to talk about their problems. I find this frustrating at times and want to be heard but I think there is a lot of value in being quiet. Thank you so much. I want to read you book.
What I want to comment is that This video is awesome. I love it. The learning... 1. Kindred Spirit 2. Develop other powers that compliment your Shyness 3. Show up following Quota 4. Shake the world gently [Mahatma Gandhi] Thanks Susan Cain (Y)
i just listening to the interviewer's voice over and over again, she's so elegantly expressive. it kinda helps me express myself mor by trying to copy her
Thank you because this episode teaches me I'm not weird, I just don't accept myself and judge me too much. I'm definitely an introvert, when I try to be extrovert, I say things that just come out from nowhere, and then I feel bad for not being at ease with me and not allowing to be myself. Point 5 is great for me, because it releases the pressure. Thanks Marie.
I loved this. Totally me. I have never "liked" networking - but your ideas of freedom is huge. Would LOVE the public speaking for introverts. way cool.
I love the idea of looking for kindred spirits!! It feels so much more comfortable interacting with others when you have someone there to "support" you even if they're just there.
Best part for me was connecting with a kindred spirit, going to these kinds of social events may just become more enjoyable rather than a marketing scheme :)
My heart is fluttering - not with nervous energy - but because I am not alone with these feelings of wanting and NEEDING to be alone to create! One of the tips that I will use starting today is: Creating a Quota System. I love this idea, and it doesn't make me look like a party-pooper! We a Quiet Revolution . . . Thank you Marie & Susan
i love it! I'm an introvert so i know how it feels like being in a huge party with no one to converse with, like you're in a wrong world but you have to be there but after watching this episode i realized that i have to change it. and i got some useful tips... like what Marie said practice public speaking slowly by slowly like you can have your teacher and your parents as your listener and slowly you can build your strength, next is make a quota ..i love this tip . now i'm creating my event-list for this month and the last one is the quote that was mentioned by Susan "in a gentle way you can shake the world" that moves me, i appreciate how she lives by that motivating quote and how she describes gandhi from being introvert to extrovert. thumbs up!
I'm an introvert: the thought that resonated most with me was connecting with one kindred spirit because I feel like making one phenomenal connection is ten times better than uncomfortably or awkwardly talking to a bunch of people.
I am an introvert, and I have accepted that long ago despite the fact that people tell me I should become an extrovert. To me it's ridiculous, it's like telling me to become someone else. The insight that I found most interesting was that we can leave a party or meeting early. I never thought of that but I realized it's true, after a while I start getting bored or anxious out of nowhere or I feel stomach pain sometimes, and when I come back home it's such a relief. I'm going to apply that in the future . Thank you Marie and Susan :)
It's like a balm for the soul to hear someone say their shyness is their strength. While I've grown out of most of my shyness, I was so shy growing up and remained introverted and I strongly believe accepting myself makes me strong.
I loved this. Thank you for this. It confirmed so much of my thinking as an introvert. Also, I love how Marie is a host with an ability to listen well. A big trait that quietly allows this show to have depth . Thank you.
I love the framing of networking as finding kindred spirits - it feels so much more authentic. I think it would actually also be more productive for someone like me who can behave extroverted but doesn't tend to portray their 'true self' during those interactions. Thanks to both of you beautiful ladies :)
As an introvert, in order for me to function when I slip into public speaking roles, I step into an acting mode. My favorite speaker is my friend and pastor and she is just down to earth, generous and bouyant woman who loves sharing her knowledge. I kind of pull in that idea of how I want to share my information to my audience and then be able to smile and step back into my own self. But in networking, I look at body language. I see the crinkles in the eyes with the smile but the subdued arm movement and know I am among another introvert.
FOMO- Fear of missing out. I used to immensely struggle while deciding whether I want to attend a public gathering or not. Gradually I realised being someone I am not, is not worth it for me. So now when I absolutely have to attend a gathering or event, I find my one (Saviour) person and enjoy the evening. Thanks for the Video. I just came across your channel and I appreciate what profound insights it provides. Kudos.
Fantastic interview! I am a "tick-all-the-boxes" introvert. Introverts appreciate irony. And I have found that, ironically, the less I think "how do I look or sound, or do I want to be here" and the more I pay attention to the person I am speaking with and think "how can I care for this person?" - the less drained I feel. Who knew? Perhaps it's because our people like to have a purpose to our interactions rather than just 'talk for talks' sake.
I really love the tought of finding one interesting person in a networking event and enjoying that person's presence rather than trying to meet as much people as possible. I think it's true that these few but important new relations will benefit you a lot more in your life than knowing a ton of people that you don't really know a lot about. Also I loved the idea of considering our personnality and our side (introvert vs extrovert) when it comes to choosing our career and opportunities in life. We think to often about salary and status, when we should think more about our needs, our strenghts and the best way to use our strenghts.
I really appreciate this. I'm an introvert in real estate. It's so hard for me to pick up the phone, to go to a networking or group learning event. But I need to figure it out in order to succeed in my career.
Introverts have such a 'Quiet Power' that is such a wonderful way to influence and lead in their own way! I know with working with 80% of my clients who are full-on introverts, they've always felt misaligned 'doing business' in ways that just make them feel icky. We all should be using our strengths + genius zones only we can provide! Thanks for another great video interview, Marie :)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you ladies! for talking about this..there are so many of us out there facing these issues..lots of love and blessings to you mwah!
I am not completely an introvert, but some aspects of introversion really resonates with me. Absolutely adored Susan Cain's book by the way! I think what I like the most about this video is to alleviate pressure, to not force myself to fit society's image of extroversion, and mainly to value my own temperament; basically, to not feel guilty for something that I am not. Thank you so much for this video!
it is really great to know more about yourself and how to embrace who you are . I have been introverted since my childhood but i could not be happy with myself until I fully understand my type of personality and who I am. You do not need to change yourself and be something else just try to educate yourself on how to be comfortable with your own skin and strive to be a better version of you .
She is great. Loved her TED talk. I need to read this book, for sure. Introverts can be very powerful in their own right. I can definitely relate and have worked very hard to overcome fears in social settings. Now I'm able to do so much, knowing that I can be impactful no matter what.
Gosh, this woman, Marie Foreo is better than any shrink! She knows how to nail the very core of human dilemmas, especially those that hits women more often. What a great sister she is! 🥰
Make a quota. That one definitely is my favorite. I find that when I make quotas in life, whether social or otherwise, I end up feeling much better, and more energized overall.
Thank you soooooooooo much for this video! I absolutely love you Marie because I can feel that you are genuine. Everything Susan Cain said resonated with me and I can't wait to go out and buy her book tomorrow. Seasons Greetings
Really enjoyed this! I am not shy but at social events I like to find the one or two people I can connect with. I liked the quota system, pick one or two things to attend or get involved with and do them. I'm not up for small talk, but I like deep meaningful conversations. For years I thought I had problems. Thank you ladies for showing me I don't.
Thank you Marie and Susan. What a great episode! I'm an introvert and this interview really resonates with me. I can't pick just one of the tips, I love and will use them all. Thank you both for the work you do. Introverts are awesome!
Finally something for introverted and shy people. I connected most feeling down by two hours of it need for recharge time. Thank you for sharing. Shall use the tips in the video. Namaste!
Brian Jones I'm terrible with small talk in general. My conversations with strangers or acquaintances mostly end awkwardly every time, either because the conversation ends very quickly after we say how we are doing or I share information that's too intimate/honest about myself.
I totally agree with being yourself on stage... so myself is actually whom I am in my mind... and I comfortably slip into it, when I'm on stage talking and the freight kicks in...
Hell yeah! I am currently reading Susans book AND I practically sat here waiting for your video Marie... (sort of) Love from Lene, Denmark Ps. You changed my life...Thank you!
This was such a great video! I'm an introverted college student, and the part that hit home the most was having a quota of evening/extra events. After a long day of classes, I many times feel very drained. There are club meetings that I am interested in, but I get that pull of either making myself go or feeling like I'm lazy for taking the night off. These are points I've never thought about, and I can't wait to get the book to explore more! In addition, I feel like I have two types of communication skills, the one's that are my default, and then the one's I've been trained in throughout my life. I'm definitely interested in the communication for introverts, and I think it's really awesome that you're creating the Quiet Revolution!
I'm introverted, but I never liked that about me, so I went on a sales rampage where I forced myself into people skills and now I consider myself an AMBIVERT (equally extroverted and introverted) I can be both, but I always recharge in solitude.
I am really grateful for this opportunity to connect with Susan. I am in the point of my life when networking is more important than anything and I have always hated "networking". The advice I got from career advice made networking sounds so unreal, and the people who i am "suppose to" network with so scary. I love the quote from Gandhi, "In a gentle way, you can shake the world". I also like how Susan define networking as finding the kindred spirits.
I'm having a total epiphany... for sure as a child I was an introvert and there was a moment in time - a very specific one - where I felt I needed to be more of an extrovert if I wanted to be "successful" in life. While I'm glad I took the steps at the time to put myself out there in public speaking type things.... I realize that what I do for a living, since I'm really an introvert, taxes me soooooo much. I'm looking forward to reading Susan's book. I will be implementing the quota idea - I totally agonize over the invitations to attend events - and I get why that is.... because going with the intent to work the room is a lot of pressure. thank you for having this episode. I almost didn't watch it, because I am an introvert who has trained myself to live as an extrovert.... huge light bulbs.
Yep, it seems to be "the way" we have to be Mandy Cellar Nobles --- but it seems Susan Cain is helping to make some changes. I've gotta go look up her TEDx talk!
Loved this video. Comes at a perfect time while finishing my book and self starting my own business. I think the one thing that resonated with me is "Choose your business/career wisely". If I had done this when I first started out, I could have saved myself years of aggravation. I always looked at the office and the company and the paycheck and the insurance - but never the quality of the work. I ended up being an assistant all my life - when I was never "built" to work in an office assisting people. My work was sub-par most of the time with company drones - above average with open minded, entrepreneurial bosses. I've always loved quiet and contemplation, and find myself rattled by some of the people I had chosen to work with/for. Just coming to this realization is my first step toward a better life. So, I'm writing and self publishing now. Wish I could have done this sooner.
Love love this so much. I'm a self-proclaimed introverted life coach. So much of what she shared here and in her book resonated so deeply with me it's def work I want to contribute to
I am so happy that you covered this topic! I like to call myself a performer... when I have a stage performance or a business presentation or an interview, I can be very very good - what I do mentally is turn on that performance charm and smile... but then when I need to sit with clients the whole day and talk to them or go to big parties where I dont really know most people and I am supposed to "network" with them, it kiils me! I thought this was rare cause I know u can be an introvert or an extrovert or an ambivert... but did not know there were more like me who could go from performing like an (sometimes better than an) extrovert to being a person who likes his own space. Its good to know we r not alone :)
I am currently a lecture on Business English.I have shown this video to my class was we were discussing on networking and how to relate to people in a social setting.The conversation was very impact and most of my students who were shy of public speaking gained more tips on the value of being "quiet' and yet able to communicate and relate effectively
I really hope the world can be more supportive of introverts someday & less crazy fast paced & ego-based. Good advice about acting out of character for the moment. But finding kindred spirits is so rare for me.... I feel like in my whole life I've only made connections that about 10 times, and even then they all hurt me so I have a hard time trusting people even if I want to. I'm reading Susan Cains book now though, it seems really great!
I loved the way Susan put her views about the word Networking. I personally felt many times that the word Networking seems so superficial and cold. "Be who you are and re frame things outside accordingly without losing the true YOU " these words make me feel that I am not alone and it's not a downside to be introvert rather it's a quality which the world really needs right now. This improves the collective consciousness promoting greater good . Great work Susan and thank you Marie.
The networking principle is something I need to work on; I would just blaze through the room trying to collect business cards like merit badges. And the most important one I need to work on is how to gracefully exit social situations; I would just leave after feeling the breaking point approaching. Thanks for uploading Marie.
OMG how have I missed this video in all of my Marie-time?! #1 point I took from this "Make a connection" instead of networking. For my work I go to huge networking shows and events, I hate forcing myself to go and have 100 shallow conversations. I would rather have 10 quality. I truly value that this philosophy can be validated by other people!
I'm a hairdresser, and although I love my clients and doing hair, it can be very draining for me because I'm also pretty sensitive to other people's energy. So, when I'm done for my day, nothing sounds better than going straight home and turning off. However, I def want to start putting myself out there more because I do want connect with more people, but whenever I'm around more than 4 or 5 people, I start internally freaking out. No one ever knows because it's something that I have trained myself to mask most of my life, but I don't want to feel like that anymore. So, I really liked the tip about finding kindred spirits when you are out at events. I will give that a shot next time I have to go be around a lot of people! Thanks for the tips!
Most of what was said in this discussion resonated with me. I am definitely one of those introverts who felt pressure since an early age to 'transform' myself into an extrovert in order to feel more accepted in life. I very much liked the comparision to the a civil rights movement, and I felt relief when hearing Cain say that our introverted qualities are something to be accepted as part of ourselves, and as a resource on their own, rather than to be oppressed. I wish someone had told me that earlier on :) I think what she said regarding choosing a career that is in tune with our personality is also very important, and I am going to take on this advice.
I feel that I'm both extroverted and introverted because I definitely enjoy shows, large parties and gatherings of people, but I'm terrible at starting conversations, remembering names, and I shake like a leaf when presenting a paper. I don't like being alone for very long. This video came my way at an excellent time, being that I'm having hard conversations with my partner about the future of our relationship, and I'm finally taking the time to learn more about his depression, and deep introversion. Its true that his kind nature, and thoughtfulness, are part of his introversion and what I love about him, and I need to accept and cherish him for that, not take his withdrawn nature as anything personal against me. I want to help him manage his depression, and love him for, and identify with, his introverted side. Its important to not lump the two together, or make someone feel guilty or depressed for their introverted nature. Thank you for the advice on working the room and setting quotas. I never realized that I have always just been trying to find that one person to have a conversation with, or a kindred spirit, mentor figure to collaborate with on my mission to change the world. It really takes the pressure off putting yourself out there, if you don't feel obligated to speak to everyone. I feel less scared to attend a group meeting or conference event now considering this, and see how they could really open doors for me.
Love this; my favorite ideas were: A) public speaking while being YOURSELF, B) short-stay socializing without guilt and C) redefining Networking as seeking ONE great connection - love that. Great ideas, ladies! So appreciated from this introverted business owner. :)
I have now seen Susan Cain on 2 TED talks and this interview - and every one made me cry. The messages of gentleness and acceptance that she shares, are really healing. I personally love the concept of finding "kindred spirits" not simply "networking" if that only means building (perhaps shallow) connections. It's helpful to try to *be* that kindred spirit to someone too. I don't mind the word network, because I do enjoy connecting some of those kindred spirits to each other, but yes, the whole thing has to be real and meaningful and honest. I just dislike anything that feels fake or manipulative.
Love this episode. I am very much an introvert and a shy one at that. Two things that really resonate with me. One is Susan's "year of speaking dangerously" what a genius and doable commitment to conquer that fear. And two was looking for one kindred spirit to "network with" this can make it seem like making a new friend rather than the dreaded "I have to mingle". I am ordering Quiet today, can't wait to read it. Thank you for another great episode.
I need to see this SO much! I have always been one to hit the 2 hour wall. And it literally is a WALL. I go from enjoying myself and being the Life of the Party, to becoming *suddenly* overwhelmed and disengaged. The change-over happens so quickly: ON (within 2 minutes) OFF. It throws a lot of people off, because I will be a group leader in song circles, games, bonding and fun: a real central part of the wonderfulness of the party, and then.... SUDDENLY, BAM: I can hardly hold a conversation. It's odd, because I establish myself as a leader, and then loose my "magic." I have recently begun to simply tell people I love that I need to leave, or go take time outside alone or in a room by myself. Although... gracefully??.... I can't say that much. Usually, with terror/overwhelm in my eyes, a mild hyperventilation, and a DEEP guilt about my "inability" to socialize "normally." Recently, to make this work, I have been focusing on paying more attention to the process leading up to "the wall," so that it doesn't hit me so suddenly, and I can leave before I am "tapped." This video is SO empowering, because it makes it ok to be me. I also have an extrovert boyfriend (who likes to be the last one to leave) and I feel that accepting this difference between us (more so accepting myself) will be radically life-changing. Thank you!
As an introverted entrepreneur, I most resonated with reframing networking as opportunities to seek out kindred spirits. Phew! I am filled with relief after this mini-ah-ha. Also, coming up with a quota system for the frequency of socializing/networking is a GREAT idea. No more feeling bad about declining invitations-I'll go where I want, when I want-predetermined by my quota. Woohoo! Thank you, Susan and Marie!
I am such an introvert. I don't like big parties or being around big crowds. After I perform on stage I need time to myself. I'm so glad that I am not the only one who hit's the wall at parties. Lol. I can last about 2 to 2 1/2 hours and then I am done. The one strategy that resonated with me was connecting with that one kindred spirit. I always felt like I had to meet everyone and talk to everyone at a party, but doing that made me feel tired and drained. I think I will take the advice of finding those kindred spirits in life that I really contact with. Thank you for this video and I will definitely read this book. :)
Genius on so many levels! I see now that I hesitate putting myself out there because I thought I had to be a partygirl extrovert to do it. The Quiet revolution is a revelation. Why wasn't I watching these videos sooner?
When I am drained by people and/or small talk...I just walk away. I think that comes with age, where you just don't really care ow others handle things...you just do what you need to do.
Thank you for this discussion. Listening to Susan's perspective has helped me to feel okay with being an introvert. I work in an corporate firm that really appreciates extroverts and I'm not sure I will be able to advance and be promoted without acting more like an extrovert. I have an upcoming networking event that I have to go to for work, needless to say I'm not looking forward to it, but I will try to find a "kindred spirit" as suggested and hopefully that will allow me to make it through the event.
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Ready to harness the power of your introversion? Use these quick links to catch the highlights:
2:01 - Why the world is filled with more introverts than you realize.
5:00 - How Susan overcame her debilitating fear of public speaking.
8:54 - How to choose the right career for your temperament.
10:44 - The magic of making a quota for networking.
12:47 - Susan’s rule of thumb for networking events.
14:45 - The power of partnerships - and finding your opposite.
16:57 - What to do when you hit a wall at social events.
19:04 - How one of the most powerful people in history grappled with introversion.
What’s next? Watch this playlist for more inspiring interviews: ruclips.net/p/PL4D5277E0F92106D2
🌸🌺🌹🌷🍀
Thanks for sharing this. I am an extroverted-introvert. I found my way to mastering networking, which I just shared on my channel with the hope anyone sees and field better.
I got a chill when she renamed networking as "looking for kindred spirits." First time anyone has ever presented that idea. Now that, I can relate to.
Searching for kindred spirits opposed to "networking" is so inspiring.
i get so anxious about the idea of networking because I feel like I 'fail' at them for only finding one or two people I connect with. This totally re frames the way I think about it !
Yoo I know right! I guess we tend to be followers rather than leaders. Sometimes when I’m in situations where you have to be creative I come up with various ideas but don’t saying anything but maybe I should you know cause it’s a good chance that someone around me might think my idea is good, you know? 💡
As a young child in elementary school, at the end of the day when legions of children streamed out of the schoolyard, running and shouting & just expressing exuberance, I would move away from it all and walk alone through a forest where there was a stream and a log I crossed to place me into nature where there was quiet. I am still that person today making my way in the world as an adult introvert. Cain's assertion that introversion is a gift of observation & sensitivity to life is something valuable and worth remembering.
I am an introvert. The strategy that works best for me is not feeling guilty about leaving social events. I thought I was so weird. I could be having the best time at this party, and then just hit this wall and be so over the whole thing. I can become really moody like a toddler fighting a nap. So it is just best for me and everyone involved to leave while it is good. This is also why I can't have houseguest, because I get to a point where I want to kick everyone out. And, I have done it.
I'm the same way. In fact, most everyone that knows me personally knows that I will not stay at an event long if I decide to go. Even last night, I hosted a chat on Skype for like-minded friends through my business, and after 3 1/2 hrs of participating I was like, "I need to say goodnight". My first reaction was to feel guilty because magic was happening with the callers, but I knew that I didn't need to feel guilty and they were all really understanding. So...I totally relate to what you are saying!
it's 2017 as soon as I read your statement "because I get to a point where I want to kick everyone out" i just started laughing Wow I am not the only one who feels that way thank you for sharing :)
Heart of Tarts omg this is ME!
@Brian Jones yeah exactly! i truly feel you!
Lol. Brilliant.. I hear you. I’ve had to leave my family laughing for all hours ever since I was a teenager, it’s taken me to my forties to discover I am an introverted being. But I love it.
Kindred spirits... when I heard that, it just felt so RIGHT.
I love Susan Cain. I really think we need a civil rights movement for introverts as she suggests.
*Introverts, unite!* _(Individually)_
Alma Mazziotta lol. I loved that. Unite.... Individually.
takiyla77 At home. Alone :)
Or each in a separate floatation tank :p
***** loool Good one!
😅
loved the idea
Wow, Susan Cain nails it again! As an introvert, I've always felt like my quiet nature was a disadvantage in my career and networking. But this video showed me that embracing my introverted traits can actually be a superpower. Thanks for the awesome tips, Susan!
YES! Embracing your natural gifts is one of the best things you can do. There's room for introverts to network and grow in their careers. There's room for you 💗 - Monauar, Team Forleo
Thank you for creating such an awesome book, Susan Cain. I was a cabin crew for my first job and I absolutely hated it. I was forced to socialize so much during training, and my classmates still wanted to hang out after lessons. Even the VP commented that introverts are not suited for that job. Just when I was feeling like an oddball in an institution I don't belong, I went on an research on Quiet and it totally made me rethink and reframe my introvertion. I hope the next generation of introverts never have to grow up the way I did.
I found Susan Cain's talk a few days ago and it has removed a lifetime of guilt of not being "social" enough. I find myself really good at conversing with one or two people but hard to "mingle" with everyone in the room at a social event. Thank you Susan for making me realize that there are others like me and there's nothing wrong with me. Surprisingly I am OK with public speaking as long as I have practiced heaps and heaps ;)
I am an introvert myself. The insight that resonated with me is that I am very observant which makes me more perceptive of others. I am very sensitive and compassionate as well. I also prefer intimate settings opposed to crowds. I also believe I have a quiet strength that many people don't see because they see timidity as a weakness. I believe because we, introverts tend to be more introspective, we have more of an acute awareness. We hear more and see more. I prefer to step out of the canvas to get a full view of the picture.
Countless gems in this one! Why would you struggle when you could partner with your compliment? YES! Kindred spirits come together. Thank you for this!
Knowing there are people out there that are so giving and compassionate and intelligent gives me loads of hope! I know I’ll find a way to find these incredible individuals for myself - my soul family.
I clicked on this video I thought "by accident" but I am so thankful that I did. My professional life requires me to speak on a regular basis. I enjoy transferring knowledge, however, I HATE speaking in 1:1 settings. I often wondered why I was so happy being quiet and alone at the end of each day. This video cleared up a lot for me. I want to thank you for recording and airing this!
You've convinced me to watch this. I've found that I prefer group settings rather than having to speak 1:1.
*Makes note to watch this later*
The power of one and rule of thumb for networking resonates with me.
I think the profound point that I often missed is the mindset not to be guilty. Because soo often I got exhausted from engaging in social activities. I am an introvert came from a small family and my fiancee is an extrovert who has large family and friends. I wondered if it's gonna be fine. Turns out from this session, it's really normal and even such an inspiring person as Susan just have to set a quota herself. But she keeps delivering.
So what I pick and apply into my life from now on is : don't be guilty, just do what you have to do (leave early/ or hang out for a while), and after that you could re-engaging with people again. Don't dismiss your needs. Thank u Marie! I would want to get to read Quiet after this.
I liked Susan’s comment about doing smaller events first and looking at people in the audience who are engaged and supportive. That has really helped me with singing. One small start for me is uploading my songs on RUclips in audio with a picture until I feel more confident about videos.
I'm contemplating starting a small business and it's wonderful to hear that introverts can succeed in business too. Thank you for normalizing this personality trait. I can so identify with the 2 hour limit. I rarely find a person or group I want to talk to for more than 2 hours!
Susan Cain is truly a champion of the underdog and is doing great work building awareness around accepting, understanding, and embracing introverts. Thank you Marie Forleo for bringing her message and stories into your incredible community. Keep inspiring!
Finding the extrovert to my introvert in my business instead of using all my mental stamina/energy to do it all.
Thank you! This segment was very helpful!
I am desperately waiting for that day when the bias and stigma of introversion would be completely eliminated, and introverts would be able to feel proud for who they are and finally breathe in workplaces especially.
That will be a while for now. I still have the question "why are you so quiet" asked
Let’s not wait, let’s be part of the change!
never gonna happen
Yep Covid was horrible but it definitely kept all of the loud mouth extroverts in the house.
@@theblackswan3757 hi ,I m facing social rejection
I'm a introvert. I recently had job to be on a youth panel speaking about mental health and addiction and i was so nervous that you can tell with how i spoke. I definitely understand what Susan said about focusing on the people resonaning with you. once I looked at some people who didn't, I got kinda discouraged but after I was done alot of people adressed me and thanked me. It felt great, got a great confidence boost.
One of the best ways to start a conversation in any gathering or with an individual is to say you're an introvert. That seems to make it safe for others to confess that they are too. There are many of us!
I'm an intovert attorney. I just went to a social happy hour where there were over 20 people. It was such an effort to commit to going and the main reason I did was because one of my close friends was going too. My friend had to leave early and I was so anxious just thinking about who am I going to talk to now?! I managed to stay a while longer talking mostly to one other person I met there and someone I knew from work. I always feel bad aftreer going to a social event because I generally only speak to one or two people...I feel like I failed because I didn't mingle more. So, I really liked the kindred spirit idea. I will think about that now and hopefjlly not feel so bad when I don't talk to everyone in the room
I'm the same way. I might actually say hello to a few people and ask how they are doing. But more times than not, I stick to the people I'm most comfortable with. When I'm not comfortable with someone, I get so awkward trying to figure out what to say and do next to the point that I start imagining they are likely offended by me or think I'm really weird. The funny thing is that a lot of people think I am an extrovert because I'm really playful and friendly. Haha, I'm not an Extrovert but a fairly Social Awkward Introvert who apparently comes off as uptight because I skip out on a lot of social events due to my introversion. I seriously feel bad about not going to a social event or wanting to leave early because I feel so drained or awkward.
I like the Kindred Spirit idea as well.
I needed to see this video. I'm such an awkward duck when trying to Network but I want to Network and meet new people.
I'm so glad introverts are finally being understood. I remember growing up and constantly being told that I needed to open up more and take part more in school events. Once a teacher put alot of pressure on me to do a talk in a school assembly, and I'll never forget how overwhelmed I felt when I got on the stage, I literally broke down into tears.
I eventually learned to 'fake it' in some situations, but even when I'm 'faking it' I can feel the build up inside me where I know I need to make a quick exit. Something else I've learnt to do on the sly ;)
TherapyTeeVee just my opinion but I think being introverted and being shy are completely different (although there tends to be overlap). I think being shy is something that we do need to be pushed out of and get over. Everyone has there shy moments, especially when put on the spot, but I *personally* think it's unhealthy to be shy all the time. When I was shy, it was because I lacked confidence in myself. Over time, I started to believe in myself and trust myself more. So I wouldn't consider myself to be shy overall, but I'm still definitely an introvert
Lmao thats nothing the teacher sent me the youth welfare office because she thought i have problems or even thought i have a dosease because i didnt like to talk a lot
I am 52 y/o and I am getting realized that I am introvert! I feeling happier after I reconized and accepted it. Thanks for the video.
Thanks Marie for this video. For the longest time I've been following you and loving all of your videos. But this time decided to write and tell you how grateful I am to you. I always felt out of place (used to be so shy and" leftie" in a "righties" world ) now I know the reason. Thanks to Susan Cain for opening the door for so many of us. To both of you thanks from this 68 year old for Awakening The Entrepreneur Inside!!!!
It's kind of comforting that a lot of media practitioners are actually introverts. I'm currently in my 3rd year of studying journalism and, at first, i thought that my passion for writing and research is enough. Since first year, i felt really uncomfortable because everyone are very extroverted and the few introverts handle their selves very well. I really wanted to work in the media industry someday, but i got anxious every time i think that i'm not a people person and i need to become one if i really want to succeed in my dream
I like "accept all invitations, but leave early." Thank you so much!
Marie and Susan- thank you , thank you, thank you! for letting me know that I am not abnormal. I am the sole introvert in a family of argumentative extroverts. I work in a super talkative - high decibel cubicle environment, My team of extroverts love back to back meetings that accomplish very little and are essentially social gatherings. These meetings are often dominated by the the loud and verbose, mostly with "filler talk". So I REALLY look forward to making US workplaces Introvert-friendly.
Wow ! What an incredible collaboration. I 'm so grateful and appreciative to Marie Forleo for hosting Susan Cain. Her Ted talk was so inspirational to me and I loved hearing both of you in a interview and conversational medium.
As someone who also feels incredibly drained by over-socialization as well. I love the suggestions you offered at the end about gracefully leaving a party or networking event early, but always showing up.
I loved this show. I like to think of networking as "connecting" with people. "Networking" sounds so impersonal. I love connecting with people. The concept of seeking out kindred spirits resonated so much with me.
Melissa Salinas Hi
I'm in the beginning stages of creating a business for myself and just recently I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm an introvert and that its OK! I, like most introverts, hate the idea of networking but when Susan said we should instead look for kindred spirits my heart lit up! That's by far the most brilliant thing I've heard plus it makes meeting people a WAY less daunting task! Thanks so much for this post!
I am an introvert, and the one point that really got me was ALL of them! :) this episode has been so enlightening since I always thought I had to be an extrovert in order to succeed and it really drains my energy. I am so happy to have found out about this and feel so much more confident knowing that introverts can really make a difference without converting into something we are not.
Instead of thinking about meeting everyone present, think about looking for kindred spirits. Great advice.
I really like the strategy (or should I say, acknowledgement) that in every 'networking' event, it is okay to talk to one (and only) person that we really feel connected with. There is this pressure I always have that I don't communicate well enough unless I talk to lots of people in a social event. It always ends up with me feeling drained and in extreme cases, depressed for a while afterwards.
Wow..felt relieved to hear this and understood. I am a introvert and when going to parties, I would shrink away from the big group of people and be found in the kitchen with the other introvert and breathe sigh of relief. I do like my quietness and I finally realised that my strengths are what bring certain people to me..extroverts who want to talk about their problems. I find this frustrating at times and want to be heard but I think there is a lot of value in being quiet. Thank you so much. I want to read you book.
What I want to comment is that This video is awesome. I love it. The learning...
1. Kindred Spirit
2. Develop other powers that compliment your Shyness
3. Show up following Quota
4. Shake the world gently [Mahatma Gandhi]
Thanks Susan Cain (Y)
there is difference between shyness and introversion.
Susan is sensational. Her Talk on TED is my favorite!
i just listening to the interviewer's voice over and over again, she's so elegantly expressive. it kinda helps me express myself mor by trying to copy her
Thank you because this episode teaches me I'm not weird, I just don't accept myself and judge me too much.
I'm definitely an introvert, when I try to be extrovert, I say things that just come out from nowhere, and then I feel bad for not being at ease with me and not allowing to be myself.
Point 5 is great for me, because it releases the pressure. Thanks Marie.
I loved this. Totally me. I have never "liked" networking - but your ideas of freedom is huge. Would LOVE the public speaking for introverts. way cool.
I love the idea of looking for kindred spirits!! It feels so much more comfortable interacting with others when you have someone there to "support" you even if they're just there.
Susan cain´s work has changed my life and in a way saved it I wish there was something I could do to be a part of this awareness racing
Best part for me was connecting with a kindred spirit, going to these kinds of social events may just become more enjoyable rather than a marketing scheme :)
My heart is fluttering - not with nervous energy - but because I am not alone with these feelings of wanting and NEEDING to be alone to create! One of the tips that I will use starting today is: Creating a Quota System. I love this idea, and it doesn't make me look like a party-pooper! We a Quiet Revolution . . . Thank you Marie & Susan
i love it! I'm an introvert so i know how it feels like being in a huge party with no one to converse with, like you're in a wrong world but you have to be there but after watching this episode i realized that i have to change it. and i got some useful tips... like what Marie said practice public speaking slowly by slowly like you can have your teacher and your parents as your listener and slowly you can build your strength, next is make a quota ..i love this tip . now i'm creating my event-list for this month and the last one is the quote that was mentioned by Susan "in a gentle way you can shake the world" that moves me, i appreciate how she lives by that motivating quote and how she describes gandhi from being introvert to extrovert. thumbs up!
I'm an introvert: the thought that resonated most with me was connecting with one kindred spirit because I feel like making one phenomenal connection is ten times better than uncomfortably or awkwardly talking to a bunch of people.
I am an introvert, and I have accepted that long ago despite the fact that people tell me I should become an extrovert. To me it's ridiculous, it's like telling me to become someone else.
The insight that I found most interesting was that we can leave a party or meeting early. I never thought of that but I realized it's true, after a while I start getting bored or anxious out of nowhere or I feel stomach pain sometimes, and when I come back home it's such a relief. I'm going to apply that in the future . Thank you Marie and Susan :)
It's like a balm for the soul to hear someone say their shyness is their strength. While I've grown out of most of my shyness, I was so shy growing up and remained introverted and I strongly believe accepting myself makes me strong.
I loved this. Thank you for this. It confirmed so much of my thinking as an introvert. Also, I love how Marie is a host with an ability to listen well. A big trait that quietly allows this show to have depth . Thank you.
I love the framing of networking as finding kindred spirits - it feels so much more authentic.
I think it would actually also be more productive for someone like me who can behave extroverted but doesn't tend to portray their 'true self' during those interactions.
Thanks to both of you beautiful ladies :)
As an introvert, in order for me to function when I slip into public speaking roles, I step into an acting mode. My favorite speaker is my friend and pastor and she is just down to earth, generous and bouyant woman who loves sharing her knowledge. I kind of pull in that idea of how I want to share my information to my audience and then be able to smile and step back into my own self. But in networking, I look at body language. I see the crinkles in the eyes with the smile but the subdued arm movement and know I am among another introvert.
FOMO- Fear of missing out. I used to immensely struggle while deciding whether I want to attend a public gathering or not. Gradually I realised being someone I am not, is not worth it for me. So now when I absolutely have to attend a gathering or event, I find my one (Saviour) person and enjoy the evening. Thanks for the Video. I just came across your channel and I appreciate what profound insights it provides. Kudos.
Thank you so much Marie for bringing Susan to your show. I am an introvert but the world sees me as ac extrovert. i am just proud to be an introvert.
Fantastic interview! I am a "tick-all-the-boxes" introvert. Introverts appreciate irony. And I have found that, ironically, the less I think "how do I look or sound, or do I want to be here" and the more I pay attention to the person I am speaking with and think "how can I care for this person?" - the less drained I feel. Who knew? Perhaps it's because our people like to have a purpose to our interactions rather than just 'talk for talks' sake.
I really love the tought of finding one interesting person in a networking event and enjoying that person's presence rather than trying to meet as much people as possible. I think it's true that these few but important new relations will benefit you a lot more in your life than knowing a ton of people that you don't really know a lot about. Also I loved the idea of considering our personnality and our side (introvert vs extrovert) when it comes to choosing our career and opportunities in life. We think to often about salary and status, when we should think more about our needs, our strenghts and the best way to use our strenghts.
I really appreciate this. I'm an introvert in real estate. It's so hard for me to pick up the phone, to go to a networking or group learning event. But I need to figure it out in order to succeed in my career.
Introverts have such a 'Quiet Power' that is such a wonderful way to influence and lead in their own way! I know with working with 80% of my clients who are full-on introverts, they've always felt misaligned 'doing business' in ways that just make them feel icky. We all should be using our strengths + genius zones only we can provide! Thanks for another great video interview, Marie :)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you ladies! for talking about this..there are so many of us out there facing these issues..lots of love and blessings to you mwah!
I am not completely an introvert, but some aspects of introversion really resonates with me. Absolutely adored Susan Cain's book by the way! I think what I like the most about this video is to alleviate pressure, to not force myself to fit society's image of extroversion, and mainly to value my own temperament; basically, to not feel guilty for something that I am not. Thank you so much for this video!
it is really great to know more about yourself and how to embrace who you are . I have been introverted since my childhood but i could not be happy with myself until I fully understand my type of personality and who I am. You do not need to change yourself and be something else just try to educate yourself on how to be comfortable with your own skin and strive to be a better version of you .
I loved the "when it's time to fly, don't deny". Pure gold.
She is great. Loved her TED talk. I need to read this book, for sure. Introverts can be very powerful in their own right. I can definitely relate and have worked very hard to overcome fears in social settings. Now I'm able to do so much, knowing that I can be impactful no matter what.
Gosh, this woman, Marie Foreo is better than any shrink! She knows how to nail the very core of human dilemmas, especially those that hits women more often. What a great sister she is! 🥰
Make a quota. That one definitely is my favorite. I find that when I make quotas in life, whether social or otherwise, I end up feeling much better, and more energized overall.
Thank you soooooooooo much for this video! I absolutely love you Marie because I can feel that you are genuine. Everything Susan Cain said resonated with me and I can't wait to go out and buy her book tomorrow. Seasons Greetings
Really enjoyed this! I am not shy but at social events I like to find the one or two people I can connect with. I liked the quota system, pick one or two things to attend or get involved with and do them. I'm not up for small talk, but I like deep meaningful conversations. For years I thought I had problems. Thank you ladies for showing me I don't.
Thank you Marie and Susan. What a great episode! I'm an introvert and this interview really resonates with me. I can't pick just one of the tips, I love and will use them all. Thank you both for the work you do. Introverts are awesome!
Marie, your channel is very very helpful, your conversations with guests are always on point and practical.! Thank you alot !
Finally something for introverted and shy people.
I connected most feeling down by two hours of it need for recharge time. Thank you for sharing. Shall use the tips in the video.
Namaste!
I hate making phone calls ...
Brian Jones I'm terrible with small talk in general. My conversations with strangers or acquaintances mostly end awkwardly every time, either because the conversation ends very quickly after we say how we are doing or I share information that's too intimate/honest about myself.
@@MasterAppels im so glad im not allone
Hate phone calls too!! really hate it!
I totally agree with being yourself on stage... so myself is actually whom I am in my mind... and I comfortably slip into it, when I'm on stage talking and the freight kicks in...
So true
Hell yeah! I am currently reading Susans book AND I practically sat here waiting for your video Marie... (sort of)
Love from Lene, Denmark
Ps. You changed my life...Thank you!
This was such a great video! I'm an introverted college student, and the part that hit home the most was having a quota of evening/extra events. After a long day of classes, I many times feel very drained. There are club meetings that I am interested in, but I get that pull of either making myself go or feeling like I'm lazy for taking the night off. These are points I've never thought about, and I can't wait to get the book to explore more!
In addition, I feel like I have two types of communication skills, the one's that are my default, and then the one's I've been trained in throughout my life. I'm definitely interested in the communication for introverts, and I think it's really awesome that you're creating the Quiet Revolution!
I'm introverted, but I never liked that about me, so I went on a sales rampage where I forced myself into people skills and now I consider myself an AMBIVERT (equally extroverted and introverted)
I can be both, but I always recharge in solitude.
I am really grateful for this opportunity to connect with Susan. I am in the point of my life when networking is more important than anything and I have always hated "networking". The advice I got from career advice made networking sounds so unreal, and the people who i am "suppose to" network with so scary. I love the quote from Gandhi, "In a gentle way, you can shake the world". I also like how Susan define networking as finding the kindred spirits.
I am an extreme introvert, so this was really insightful and helpful
I'm having a total epiphany... for sure as a child I was an introvert and there was a moment in time - a very specific one - where I felt I needed to be more of an extrovert if I wanted to be "successful" in life. While I'm glad I took the steps at the time to put myself out there in public speaking type things.... I realize that what I do for a living, since I'm really an introvert, taxes me soooooo much. I'm looking forward to reading Susan's book. I will be implementing the quota idea - I totally agonize over the invitations to attend events - and I get why that is.... because going with the intent to work the room is a lot of pressure. thank you for having this episode. I almost didn't watch it, because I am an introvert who has trained myself to live as an extrovert.... huge light bulbs.
Yep, it seems to be "the way" we have to be Mandy Cellar Nobles --- but it seems Susan Cain is helping to make some changes. I've gotta go look up her TEDx talk!
Loved this video. Comes at a perfect time while finishing my book and self starting my own business. I think the one thing that resonated with me is "Choose your business/career wisely". If I had done this when I first started out, I could have saved myself years of aggravation. I always looked at the office and the company and the paycheck and the insurance - but never the quality of the work. I ended up being an assistant all my life - when I was never "built" to work in an office assisting people. My work was sub-par most of the time with company drones - above average with open minded, entrepreneurial bosses. I've always loved quiet and contemplation, and find myself rattled by some of the people I had chosen to work with/for. Just coming to this realization is my first step toward a better life. So, I'm writing and self publishing now. Wish I could have done this sooner.
Love love this so much. I'm a self-proclaimed introverted life coach. So much of what she shared here and in her book resonated so deeply with me it's def work I want to contribute to
I am so happy that you covered this topic! I like to call myself a performer... when I have a stage performance or a business presentation or an interview, I can be very very good - what I do mentally is turn on that performance charm and smile... but then when I need to sit with clients the whole day and talk to them or go to big parties where I dont really know most people and I am supposed to "network" with them, it kiils me! I thought this was rare cause I know u can be an introvert or an extrovert or an ambivert... but did not know there were more like me who could go from performing like an (sometimes better than an) extrovert to being a person who likes his own space. Its good to know we r not alone :)
I am currently a lecture on Business English.I have shown this video to my class was we were discussing on networking and how to relate to people in a social setting.The conversation was very impact and most of my students who were shy of public speaking gained more tips on the value of being "quiet' and yet able to communicate and relate effectively
I really hope the world can be more supportive of introverts someday & less crazy fast paced & ego-based. Good advice about acting out of character for the moment. But finding kindred spirits is so rare for me.... I feel like in my whole life I've only made connections that about 10 times, and even then they all hurt me so I have a hard time trusting people even if I want to. I'm reading Susan Cains book now though, it seems really great!
I loved the way Susan put her views about the word Networking. I personally felt many times that the word Networking seems so superficial and cold. "Be who you are and re frame things outside accordingly without losing the true YOU " these words make me feel that I am not alone and it's not a downside to be introvert rather it's a quality which the world really needs right now. This improves the collective consciousness promoting greater good . Great work Susan and thank you Marie.
The networking principle is something I need to work on; I would just blaze through the room trying to collect business cards like merit badges. And the most important one I need to work on is how to gracefully exit social situations; I would just leave after feeling the breaking point approaching. Thanks for uploading Marie.
OMG how have I missed this video in all of my Marie-time?! #1 point I took from this "Make a connection" instead of networking. For my work I go to huge networking shows and events, I hate forcing myself to go and have 100 shallow conversations. I would rather have 10 quality. I truly value that this philosophy can be validated by other people!
I'm a hairdresser, and although I love my clients and doing hair, it can be very draining for me because I'm also pretty sensitive to other people's energy. So, when I'm done for my day, nothing sounds better than going straight home and turning off. However, I def want to start putting myself out there more because I do want connect with more people, but whenever I'm around more than 4 or 5 people, I start internally freaking out. No one ever knows because it's something that I have trained myself to mask most of my life, but I don't want to feel like that anymore. So, I really liked the tip about finding kindred spirits when you are out at events. I will give that a shot next time I have to go be around a lot of people! Thanks for the tips!
Most of what was said in this discussion resonated with me. I am definitely one of those introverts who felt pressure since an early age to 'transform' myself into an extrovert in order to feel more accepted in life. I very much liked the comparision to the a civil rights movement, and I felt relief when hearing Cain say that our introverted qualities are something to be accepted as part of ourselves, and as a resource on their own, rather than to be oppressed. I wish someone had told me that earlier on :) I think what she said regarding choosing a career that is in tune with our personality is also very important, and I am going to take on this advice.
I feel that I'm both extroverted and introverted because I definitely enjoy shows, large parties and gatherings of people, but I'm terrible at starting conversations, remembering names, and I shake like a leaf when presenting a paper. I don't like being alone for very long. This video came my way at an excellent time, being that I'm having hard conversations with my partner about the future of our relationship, and I'm finally taking the time to learn more about his depression, and deep introversion. Its true that his kind nature, and thoughtfulness, are part of his introversion and what I love about him, and I need to accept and cherish him for that, not take his withdrawn nature as anything personal against me. I want to help him manage his depression, and love him for, and identify with, his introverted side. Its important to not lump the two together, or make someone feel guilty or depressed for their introverted nature.
Thank you for the advice on working the room and setting quotas. I never realized that I have always just been trying to find that one person to have a conversation with, or a kindred spirit, mentor figure to collaborate with on my mission to change the world. It really takes the pressure off putting yourself out there, if you don't feel obligated to speak to everyone. I feel less scared to attend a group meeting or conference event now considering this, and see how they could really open doors for me.
Love this; my favorite ideas were: A) public speaking while being YOURSELF, B) short-stay socializing without guilt and C) redefining Networking as seeking ONE great connection - love that. Great ideas, ladies! So appreciated from this introverted business owner. :)
Very good discussion about being an introvert and making a difference!
I have now seen Susan Cain on 2 TED talks and this interview - and every one made me cry. The messages of gentleness and acceptance that she shares, are really healing. I personally love the concept of finding "kindred spirits" not simply "networking" if that only means building (perhaps shallow) connections. It's helpful to try to *be* that kindred spirit to someone too. I don't mind the word network, because I do enjoy connecting some of those kindred spirits to each other, but yes, the whole thing has to be real and meaningful and honest. I just dislike anything that feels fake or manipulative.
Love this episode. I am very much an introvert and a shy one at that. Two things that really resonate with me. One is Susan's "year of speaking dangerously" what a genius and doable commitment to conquer that fear. And two was looking for one kindred spirit to "network with" this can make it seem like making a new friend rather than the dreaded "I have to mingle". I am ordering Quiet today, can't wait to read it. Thank you for another great episode.
I need to see this SO much! I have always been one to hit the 2 hour wall. And it literally is a WALL. I go from enjoying myself and being the Life of the Party, to becoming *suddenly* overwhelmed and disengaged. The change-over happens so quickly: ON (within 2 minutes) OFF. It throws a lot of people off, because I will be a group leader in song circles, games, bonding and fun: a real central part of the wonderfulness of the party, and then.... SUDDENLY, BAM: I can hardly hold a conversation. It's odd, because I establish myself as a leader, and then loose my "magic." I have recently begun to simply tell people I love that I need to leave, or go take time outside alone or in a room by myself. Although... gracefully??.... I can't say that much. Usually, with terror/overwhelm in my eyes, a mild hyperventilation, and a DEEP guilt about my "inability" to socialize "normally." Recently, to make this work, I have been focusing on paying more attention to the process leading up to "the wall," so that it doesn't hit me so suddenly, and I can leave before I am "tapped." This video is SO empowering, because it makes it ok to be me. I also have an extrovert boyfriend (who likes to be the last one to leave) and I feel that accepting this difference between us (more so accepting myself) will be radically life-changing. Thank you!
As an introverted entrepreneur, I most resonated with reframing networking as opportunities to seek out kindred spirits. Phew! I am filled with relief after this mini-ah-ha. Also, coming up with a quota system for the frequency of socializing/networking is a GREAT idea. No more feeling bad about declining invitations-I'll go where I want, when I want-predetermined by my quota. Woohoo! Thank you, Susan and Marie!
I am such an introvert. I don't like big parties or being around big crowds. After I perform on stage I need time to myself. I'm so glad that I am not the only one who hit's the wall at parties. Lol. I can last about 2 to 2 1/2 hours and then I am done.
The one strategy that resonated with me was connecting with that one kindred spirit. I always felt like I had to meet everyone and talk to everyone at a party, but doing that made me feel tired and drained. I think I will take the advice of finding those kindred spirits in life that I really contact with. Thank you for this video and I will definitely read this book. :)
Great episode! I'm reading Susan's book.
Genius on so many levels! I see now that I hesitate putting myself out there because I thought I had to be a partygirl extrovert to do it. The Quiet revolution is a revelation. Why wasn't I watching these videos sooner?
When I am drained by people and/or small talk...I just walk away. I think that comes with age, where you just don't really care ow others handle things...you just do what you need to do.
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Thank you for this discussion. Listening to Susan's perspective has helped me to feel okay with being an introvert. I work in an corporate firm that really appreciates extroverts and I'm not sure I will be able to advance and be promoted without acting more like an extrovert. I have an upcoming networking event that I have to go to for work, needless to say I'm not looking forward to it, but I will try to find a "kindred spirit" as suggested and hopefully that will allow me to make it through the event.