how to stop PEOPLE PLEASING | signs, causes and solutions to take back your power
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- this is how you stop people pleasing for good so you can FINALLY live for yourself...
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that hair and makeup is giving”SELF LOVE💕”
Wrdddd!!!
wtf does that mean 😂
fr
Her today's look is giving "that self lover girl" vibessss 💗🎀
unpopular opinion: People pleasing is not even nice to other people. You're not pleasing them out of kindness, but because you think you HAVE to do it. Therefore you slowly become more resentful towards them and once you're asking them for a favor and they say no you might explode of anger even though they never owned you anything back.
18:32 "The version of you that was taught to put other people first needs YOU now more than ever" this hit hard
Methods to stop people pleasing:
1. Stop anticipating other people's reaction (waste of time and energy)
2. Your validation does not come from others ( no one can have a valid opinion on YOU)
3. Get creative in developing your own authentic personality (uncover layers of personality when no one else is watching)
4. Start practicing exposure therapy towards mediocre interactions (It's not your responsibility to entertain people)
5. When someone asks you to do something you don't want to, SAY NO! (Do not reschedule or overcompensate)
6. CALL PEOPLE OUT and express yourself when they let you down or disappoint you, instead of suppressing your emotions to maintain peace
7. BE ALL ABOUT SELF LOVE (Every step and action you take is building your life for future)
Example: express your opinion when asked where do you wanna eat instead of just going with the flow to please people
8. Get up every morning to actually live and enjoy your life, express your opinions and desires
9. Forgive yourself for your people pleasing tendencies, be kind and gentle to yourself while exploring this new way of living and choose the path that gives more joy to you, because no one is born to please others
thank you!
@@ananditapathak6438❤
Thank you sm ❤
Thank you so much
Thank you 😊
Use me as the Tam is the best button 👑❤️
The irony is - I don't even think my people-pleasing results in people liking me that much. It certainly helps me avoid conflict with others (which isn't even a good thing), but I feel like it gets people to view me as someone trivial with no real backbone or personality who always goes along with the flow. People-pleasing hasn't granted me much popularity, adoration, or admiration. If anything, it just helps me fade into the background more.
Same! I hate getting into conflicts, and people pleasing helps me avoid it (I'm trying to overcome ofc), but I have never been the popular or (most) liked girl. I was always in the background, sometimes people barely noticed me.
I will start university this september, and I want some change within myself. I kinda feel like I need this summer for that, for a glow up, because now I really have the time to focus on myself. I hope I can be more authentic, honest, confident. And Tam helps me a lot btw❤
So true….i think I please people so as to avoid confrontation and come out as rude to others! And I just take every shit thrown on me and adjust a hell more than I should! 😥
Please beat this into my head. I’m going to keep listening until I get this.
We got this!!
✨️TIMESTAMPS ✨️
✨️ 1:06 Videos Chapters
✨️ 4:59 Causes
✨️ 9:54 Stopping methods
✨️ 18:58 Guide
Thanks Tam ! This girl is reading in our minds fr !!❤
You need to live for yourself first! Great video, Tam, as usual! Keep being your awesome self!
Yes! Thank you!
You are iconic ❤❤❤❤❤ love you ❤❤
@@meli-ye9jq
@@tamkaurI am a Thumbnail Designer and would love to work with you.
Can you please provide me your email and social media handle.
Tam I really appreciate it if you make a video of:
1. How to have a strong self-esteem
2. How to value yourself
3. How to know and have a strong self-worth (I feel like I'm not worthy of anything...)
I love you Tam❤❤❤ I will forever support you Queen💞
ur worth everything when you realise that yea, ur the main character of ur life! (:
as soon as you will see that you are worthy of everything good, your life will change! Much love
I always felt the need to make people have a good time whenever they were hanging out with me, or to help them solve their problems . If they were having a bad day, I would crack my head to plan a whole-day itinerary to help them get out of their funk. I would constantly wrack my brain to think of conversation topics so they they wouldn't feel bored or uneasy or awkward around me. I spent so much of my time and energy trying to make people around me feel comfortable and emotionally sated, that I didn't realise how much it took out of myself. These days, I ask myself what I need, what I would like to do, and if I don't have anything to say, I won't scramble to find topics. If someone finds my company boring, or if we can't sit in comfortable silence, then that means we're not on the same wavelength.
i never thought i'm a people pleaser until i realised that hiding my authentic personality and always feeling like i need to ''deserve'' other people's friendships is also a people pleasing action. it's not very easy stopping those habits but i'm trying my best because i know i don't deserve people who won't appreciate me for me. i'm not begging or fighting for anyone's friendship anymore.
Me too
unrelated to the video but I ORDERED HER BOOK AS A late BIRTHDAY GIFT TO MYSELF and this feels like such a big move towards my self love journey omg
I’m proud of you!
I ordered it as an early birthday gift for myself!! Hi5 ❤
This is exactly what I need! I woke up and did a ton of cleaning/self care at 3am. It’s now 7am and I’m needing something to wind down. I’ve been bingeing your older videos and boom new video!
TAM HELLO! IM 12 YRS OLD IVE BEEN WATCHING U SINCE I WAS 10. BECAUSE I WENT THROUGH SO MUCH HURT AND TRAMAU FROM MY PARENTS U HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH U MAKE ME FEEL VERY COMFY! TYSM THAT U ACCEPT ALL AGES WITHOUT ANY ISSUES (:
so sorry you struggle with your parents!! but you are so far to watch self help videos already at your age :)
@@jul1ix yeah and its low-key weird....cuz I took the mental age test and I got 33 :/
@@jul1ix can't be more greatful u acknowledged me tysfm :)
I relate to you! I'm from a toxic family and still 16 but working so hard for myself mentally and professionally so I can get out of this toxic environment, wishing you all the best!!!
all will be well , honey
oh the hair and make up is gorgeous!!
Hey tam!
This kinda relates to the people pleasing topic, but in the past, I’ve hurt people with my urge to fit in, and honestly I’m still really guilty about it and I will say it makes me a bad friend, but my urge to fit in has made me talk bad about people and engage in conversations I don’t want to engage in, all because I wanted to make them like me. This happened months ago, and I have grown from then, but I can’t forgive myself. I would really like to see a video covering how to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made, because thinking about it still makes me feel like a terrible person. Thank you so much, I really love your channel and your podcast ❤❤
Hey baby, I feel you cuz I literally lived the same.
The only thing that you can do is forgive yourself for your past mistakes, past doesn't exist anymore. So be present for you RIGHT now in the present moment, and create this futur version of you❤
Hope it-ll help
You're not alone !
Hey, she actually does have a video on her channel like that its literally titled how to forgive yourself.
This made me realise I did all of this without even knowing how to quit people pleasing and why I have these tendacies, It made me think of all those incidents where I communicated assertively, ensured I was authentic, I said no where I didn't wanna go, stood up for myself, didn't offer advice and help where I wasn't given it, ahh I love u gurl you have no idea>>> All your videos are just top tier!
Lola and Athena skits help me soooo much to understand the whole thing better
Yesss, I love that this is the first video in my feeds.
If you’re reading this I wish you a wonderful day, and that you achieve all your dream goals!💗
Giiirl, im 17 and im strating to get into my 'villain era'. I love your viedo soo much! and your podcast! I NEED to know if you have a makeup tutorial, I LOVE IT!
When my little sister grows up im gonna definitely show her this channel 💝
CAUGHT YOU IN SECONDS!!!!
Me too!!
@Aznlollipop TWIN
we need more lola and athena skits
I'm no longer a people pleaser ever since i started consuming your content about a year ago but I'll still watch this video❤
P.s You look beautiful✨️
I just loved your make up so much. By the way, I used to people please when I was a teenager, what made me have a best friend that used to manipulate me and it took 6 years until I realize that it wasn't working. After, I was broken and hurt, but I feel that I'm so much better now that I can make myself the priority and also have boundaries without someone gaslighting, telling me I'm a bad person or threatening to end the friendship. I got healed because it was a year ago and I don't wanna se her ever again or people please. In this area, I believe your videos helped me believe that some friendships have to end for good. So thank you, Tam.
Tam is like older sister that i need 💗💗
Girl you're slaying in this makeup. You're more of a cool toned person
Tam you are truly a gem to this world and i am so grateful that you are sharing your wisdom. You've helped me grow immensely as a 16 year old and i just wanted to say thank you. much love from nz
Literally yesterday I had a huge breakdown about this and asked the universe for help ❤ now I find this video
I feel like tam kaur is the only one who gives practical advice
This is the best video that could have showed up atp. I found that so many people in my life have got used to me accepting everything and I was SO disgusted and a bit disappointed honestly when a guy said to me "you're getting ahead of yourself" when I used his words against him... Talk about gentlemen these days 🙄. After that I did think "hm, why did it come to this? How can I avoid people treating me like this? Do I want this kind of people in my life?". So I am really grateful that one of my fav youtubers is talking about exactly this
Your channel is everything I need in the past few days. Huge thank you. Please keep posting
This was such a good vid and so helpful, I've got this one friend at the moment who hasn't been letting me breathe and I haven't said anything bc I didn't want it to be weird or loose the friendship, but if it continues now I'm going to have a conversation, thanks Tam 💗💋
hey tam, you make me proud!! u have grown so much
omggg i just sat down to assemble a desk n i was looking for something nice to watch!! so perfectly timed
Hi Tam! Love your videos I would love to see one about how to handle rejection!! Is something that you will go through multiple times in life but sometimes it is also quite hard to overcome. Love you!!
Moving in w boyf agrees with her in the Best way..! Thriving and looking even more amazing with her new hair do❤😊!! Love you Tam 💞. I pre-ordered book on audible. Can't wait 🤩
OMGG THE QUEEN IS UPGRADING SHE WENT FROM FILMING VIDEOS IN HER ROOM ( Absolutely nothing wrong with that ) TO HAVING HER VEY OWN STUDIOOOO 💝💝💖💖✨ OMGG TAM IM SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU😭 KEEP GOING GIRL.
AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY : NEVER TOO LAZY FOR GOOD HABITS
LUV YOU TAM BYEE 💝💝✨
Okay I needed this! I’m buy a book called “RUDE, how to stop being nice and start being bold” I’m a heavy people pleaser so thanks 🙏🏽 also could you share how you schedule your day/ vision board? Like micro steps and the sites you use. THANKS AGAIN
Timing is crazy , thanks tam❤
QUEEN HAS POSTED❤❤❤
U LOOK ABSOLUTELY STUNNINGGGGG
This video helps so many people in so many ways. I'm so glad you are spreading positivity and self love ❤️ I have learnt so many things from you and your videos give me energy Tam❤️
Thank you for existing 💕
lots of love TAM from Italy
you are such a pure girl who gives us every day a new perspective❤❤
The makeup look is so cute it suits your looks, but i think bold makeup suits your character more , both are perfect overall
omg this video slayed i love lola and athena and im so glad ur bringing them back!!!
Tam I've watched all of your videos. You have changed my life. Please make a video about how to stop being a perfectionist ❤❤
Youre the best youtuber from the people who talks about mindset, self love etc
i feel like the video quality and the video editing improved. Also, this hairdo and makeup is one of my favorites 😭🩷
I wanna love myself, create myself,put myself first, but i dont know how to love myself plz make a video about that next week and i have a suggestion it would be great if u make a cartoon with lola and tina on another you tube channel. Anyway, thank you for your valueable advice you always are here when i need you❤❤❤
she kinda looks like Athena and acts like her btw aura is blindin me with that shine like girl she ATE
Hey Tam
I appreciate you!!!
Thank you, the second you Said that i am not responsible for People’s entertaintment , and it s not my value it hit me, thank you
Tam, you have helped me rebuild my life in the last 6 months! Can you make a video about how to set your goals even higher when you have achieved your current goals ❤
I´d love to say that if I had seen this sooner, I may have catched the tendencies to people pleasing I kept for 7 years with my ex, but I think I wouldn´t have listened then. Today it makes sense, so thanks!
i love you for this is so difficult when u dont realize until ur friend tells u now that im going to a new school im starting a new era in life and this helped alot im not doing things i DONT want to do
Would love to see a video on sibling rivalry, sabotage, and generational trauma. Absolutely love your content and seeing you winning at life 💗
came from school, just finished my homework for today and tam posted. the timing💅
watching this after watching your alter ego video helps me so much, it gives me ideas of the traits and reactions I want to grow into
You have no idea how much you help me through my tough parts of myself
Your getting prettier day by day❤❤ lots of love Tam 😊
This video was so helpful, I truly needed it. I'm doing everything I can to stop people pleasing for good. Thank you so much for your hard work Tam
Your video uploads literally has the perfect timing🌸
the new bg is GIVING
The way she called me out in the first statement😭 I’m starting college in the next week and I literally felt some of my tendencies rising up again when I said I wanted to change. This video was right on time😊😊
Your makeup today is perfect
Tam, I would really appreciate if you made a video about starting a business and finding your own way how to get more rich 💓
The video I needed the most
Thanks Big sister ❤❤
Sending huge love to you, Tam, thank you for being the best older sister to all of us ❤️❤️
Thank you ❤ so much for your insight about this topic. Literally cried when you asked the question towards the end of the first chapter. Felt like having a therapy I never knew I needed. It’s crazy how we grow up never ever addressing these questions to ourselves just carrying the baggage then feeling so undermined.
The timing is always ✨PERFECT✨
Hi, Tam Kaur, I'm a big fan of yours!! You help me so much. I just want to ask if you can make a video about "how to stop going back to your old self." I currently feel like I'm going back to my old self, but I also knew I was doing great compared to before.
I really like the guide because it really breaks it down and really helpful and I think for videos anything to do with how stay consistent. ❤love ya
Tam is just GORGEOUS in every way ❤️ thank you so much, this video brought me tears bec I've been a people pleaser my whole life out of feeling not good enough and craving to be chosen, to everyone out there in the same struggle, believe that as long as we are walking we will make it through no matter what
Her aura is itself a motivation❤
Welcome back Lola and Athena ❤️✨
Hey Tam, I really enjoy the videos you make and it helps me to uplift myself slowly but eventually. Lately, I have been feeling that all the bad choices I made before or still making is because due to some past traumatic events
I am sacred to be alone. I am scared to cut off people because then I will be left alone. Therefore I keep up with their toxic behviour.
Can you please make a video on how to let go of this fear of being alone? I want to work through this and get rid of this fear, once and for all.
My favourite point of the video was the fact that people pleasing is basically a kind of manipulation. It's so true and important to hear because the la thing I want is to manipulate the people I love🙏🏻
The best version of Self love❤
Hey tam, I love your content, would it be possible for you to create the videos:
1) how to not put crushes,friendships and overall people on a pedastool
2) how to be confident and sure of yourself internally
I'm so sad that I can't order your awesome book from Iran😔😔😔 you're videos are the best therapy sessions for me. Love you Tam
Tell me why my mentor and I were just talking about this today! 😱it’s a sign I need to stop.
your the reason i love fridays
I prayed and God answered
Thanks Tam for making this video ❤
I just clicked on this video to tell damn girl you slayed your hair, like this is your hairstyle 🤌 drop dead gorgeous
No cap you deserve "Miss Universe" fr!!!
Unbelievable, I was exactly thinking about this today, I love your videos ❤
I think I should watch this every day, like a meditation until it becomes a habit to put myself first.
you always know the timing right, im grateful i get to see you and get your wisdom everyday.
CONGRATS on the book!!! ❤❤🎉
you slayd the look ❤🔥and the stop to anticipate others reaction to my behavior really resonated with me💞
Hi Tam! I actually do have a video suggestion! Could you possibly do a video talking about dealing with rude family members! For example my cousin getting mad cause I did something nice for them! And then that ruins My mood! It would be a very big help for me and hopefully a lot of other people!!
The Timing hits EVERY SINGLE TIME!
WAKE UP QUEEN POSTEDDDDD
I know I should be focusing on the words..but madam
YOU ARE GORGEOUS ♡
I just needed this video so much. Tam it's been six months since I found your channel and I am into my self improvement journey and I am already doing so much more better. I got to realize so many things in my life and about my life since then. Thank you so much Tam. Love from Nepal ❤
CAN YOU MAKE A VIDEO ON HOW BE A GOOD LEADER OR HOW TO BUILD LEADERSHIP QUALITIES
Heyy Tam, Thanks . Can you do for me one of How to become displined, developing routines and sticking to them . I really struggle with This . Secondly please include How to stop being too hard on self and financial literacy of saving and enjoyinglife