My 27 yr. old daughter has suffered with mental illness for the last 10 years. In the last 4 months since she was diagnosed with BPD, we have learned so much. But she is only half-heartedly into therapy; it's scary for her to change. I myself am seeing that I have my own emotion dysregulation that I need to deal with from childhood trauma. My improved mental health will hopefully make her life a little smoother when she interacts with me. I am so hopeful to be able to begin your class!
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas After just four classes, I am handling my daughter's blow ups in calmer fashion. I find that I have to limit my contact with her because she's especially angry at me right now. But I no longer try to calm her down if it goes past a certain point. DBT is teaching me how to deal with my own painful emotions about the disorder of my daughter's life. She's doing the best she can! And with DBT, I can be a better mother for her, and kinder to myself!
Been where your daughter is at, but also struggling with Bipolar Disorder. It's extremely hard to remain engaged to anything during a long period of time when you have bpd, but it becomes easier. Half-hearted is better than nothing, she'll be better eventually🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I guess I was dealing with rejection issues from my Dad. I started to re enact that with men by pushing them away and using a lot of these emotional markers to further enhance my story line...I literally had paranoia that women were “wanting” my man...These stories got so mind reading crazy that eventually I’d even convince my BF that women wanted him(even if she felt who knows how) My BF actually became more cocky and eventually yes attracted to another female , but one I never knew existed...thinking is powerful! I’m truly tired of living this story line and I want my own authentic life with a healthy mindset about my love life! Thanks for helping me start my journey to healing💕
@@rainingpatchouli4476 I am curious what were the markers? They can be insecure attachment. Emotional abuse is insidious and not obvious for many cannot see the wounds unless you have a trained eye. The best thing in all relationships is to avoid shaming and blaming. This is a big step for people who come from toxic families of origin.
@@irenem1838 the markers were my thinking "if I think it , it's true! " I also had rigid beliefs about sex and projected a lot of my worst fears about myself , onto my men . And shame and blame we're used as weapons towards my men, esp from Their past mistakes... being human. I have since apologized to my daughters dad for all the torment I caused him. He was no angels but I made him Out to be a monster that he was not
I borderline delusional because of fear of abandonment and being cheated on. I have an insecurity over beautiful women and my boyfriend. I found my best friends underwear under the couch (she was gross) and it set me off. I am still recovering. Best thing I do is say these thoughts aren’t real and I’m insecure and anxious/depressed right now.
Fantastic. I can't thank you enough. I am making a worksheet from your "15 styles of distorted thinking" and having my therapist go over it with me and watch the video!!! This was so helpful with out being overtly clinical. Thanks again, Debbie.
I would think as a child if you were abused you'd always be on edge and scanning to protect yourself or do the right thing at the right time. Maybe this where you develop a mind reading skill. It can be toxic to not recognize mind reading as distorted thinking, but an abused individual maybe become hyper vigilant or hypersensitve to other people's emotions it became their way to cope or survive.
Irene M They develope a hypersensitivity in order to fit in, like a cameleon they have to adapt. This is bcs compered to others they lack a self, something that is constant in other people, an anker. Remove self from selfworth or selfesteem n youre left with a bunch of words that comes n goes, that never sticks to anything. In order to get a self they have to borrow others constantly. But! I belive the self exists in these people its just that its burried under a bunch of crap (traumas, manipulativ enviorments/people, medication) all of these will keep these people from real introspection and a chans to really desolve the false self that they have built and expanded their entire lifes. Sorry, i dont buy this.
Except mental health illness causes have nothing to do with trauma since mental health illnesses come from chemical imbalances, genetics and family history of mental health trauma is just a trigger for what you've always had and what you're always goons have triggers and causes are two completely different things so nearly all these videos based on mental health are not full of actual medical facts so these videos are feeding you pseudoscience which fyi is fake science that's not based on facts so it's all the wrong information
AaronW3440 you gave the most intelligent response. Not all abused kids develop BPD. Many with BPD actually grew up in loving, functional environment because It is genetics.
Psychology as a whole is not based on facts. It's based off research. That's nothing new and nobody is trying to hide that. No professional has ever claimed its based of evidence. It takes decades to build research, centuries even. What's the difference between a cause and a trigger in this context? Do you have definitions? Do sociopaths also just a chemical balance and 'become' sociopaths because of genetics? Like to hear you explain that one. What about anxiety? What about PTSD? All those a soldiers already had a chemical imbalance and war triggered it? What about a baby in the womb who's addicted to heroin who know has withdrawal symptoms and depression? Is that genetics or nurture? I'm interested to know the difference between a trigger and cause in this context. It looks like you're suggesting an invalidating home is a trigger and not a cause just because other people came from invalidating homes n never got BPD? That's something called probability. You know like not everyone who smokes is gonna get lung cancer but most people who have lung cancer smoke. It's called probability. Trying to dismiss people's traumatic pasts is invalidating. If you didn't come from that environment then ok but stop dismissing other people. Not everyone who has cancer smoked, drunk Alchahol or ate red meat but MOST DID!!!!! Are they just triggers or a cause?
I think even just having a parent with NPD/BPD/anything with emotional disregulation could cause this too because their emotions can control the entire house. So you spend so much more time in your childhood walking on eggshells that you are hardwired to make sure everyone is ok in your adult life.
Wow, I have every single one of these distorted thinking styles!! Thank you so much for this video! I feel like I need to watch this over and over until I can get it through my head that these are distortions.
You are very bright! Thank you for your empathy.. I feel empathy through the roof w/everything. I feel everything!!! It is hard @ times... I feel bullied as well @ work, but it may not be because of me and it is them.Therefore, I take it to heart. These videos help so much.
I love what you are doing and am starting to be encouraged by the fact that there are a lot of other people that are like me. Is there anyone that also has issues with concentration? I'm having such a hard time at work and I feel like I'm going to lose my job because I can't focus.
This is such a good video on BPD behavior (thinking). Thank you so much for all you do to share knowledge on this disorder. You are helping me to heal, through better understanding, from my devastating breakup with my ex BPD fiance.
Wow..thank you so much....Debbie...I just don't know how someone can solve so much with having all these issues. It is so much for the person with BPD to deal with...and those who love them also
This is amazing! This is my first time watching your video and I feel good knowing i'm not the only one who has a mind like this. The racing thoughts I get sometimes as i'm trying to multitask is over whelming. I love how you explained this!
I am not suffering from BPD but I suffer from a form of Trauma. For me BPD is a massive Trauma response. I now can witness that every aspect of my life slowly heals, as soon I found the therapist I trust, she is with a specific education in Trauma healing. You cant heal if you have no one who is witnessing that bad things happened to you. Some friends, but all of family of origin couldn’t understand. In my case they were part of the Trauma system. I had to get out of the system, break all connections to restart a new life. And it’s true you only can learn to be in the present moment, to trust life fully again, if you learn to regulate your Trauma response. It takes energy but is manageable… you can heal from hit and you can live a happy life… it’s possible…
I don't know how to thank you enough for sharing this video! I'm almost 35 and I'm only understanding what I'm dealing with now. The content is practical and explained in a way an average person can understand. Thanks again and i hope this helps more people.
I loved this video. Very informative and very helpful. I do however miss number 8-9 on the list. When you count them you say control fallacies are seven, then you do not give blaming a number and then you say shoulds are 10. I googled after the list and it seems that number 8 is "Fallacy of Fairness". We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” - things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.
You are a very special young woman.. With beautiful courage. It maybe why your message is so potent and palatable. You are very relevant to younger people. Bless you.
I now understand this is most likely a disorder I have lived with most of my life. I wasn't fortunate enough to ever find a therapist or psychiatrist who accurately diagnosed me. In my forties, I developed a substance use disorder (SUD) after years of using substances to regulate my powerful moods. After completing a 30-day inpatient treatment program, I attended 12 step meetings religiously and worked the 12 steps with my sponsor. Living life according to the 12-step program and relying on others in the program for guidance helped me more than any therapy or hospitalization and/or prescription meds I tried for approximately 30 years of my life beginning in adolescence. It's encouraging to see so much good information out there on BPD and to know there's much hope for those who receive the right kind of treatment.
I started drinking to not feel terrible about myself. I agree the 12 step program rewrites the software program that has run through your head since the need to defend oneself with BPD symptoms against an abuser, usually troubled parent/s
I'm a big objective critic about, well you name it, but this video is harmonious in it's tone, and genuine in it's presentation. From the editing, to the laid back personal background, and even the cute kitty side comments all come off as relatable and comforting. It's very well done. I also have to say that the editing is great! It shows focus! Some RUclipsr's lose thier audience in the middle of a video because of bad editing, but every video so far have been impeccably done. Congrats
I have bpd,depression,ptsd,anxiety. My wife and I are currently separated so that I can focus on my mental health and heal. Thank you for your video it is very helpful to my soul.
Debbie, your videos are gentle and helpful for me. This one, however, is probably my fave. Distorted thinking causes me ongoing, miserable problems. I think you might have said this at the start of the video (mindlessness on my part?), but I hope you will continue to emphasize that distorted thinking is not an all or none situation; that distorted thinking is a human experience that everyone shares to one degree or another; that the info on this video is not intended to provide material for others to judge us or for us to judge ourselves; that our close family and friends can help us challenge as we work continuously and diligently to maintain balance. Oh, yes, I love your gentle manner as you describe each one. The pitch and tone of your voice are very soothing, even more when the material can sting for the listener. Now I'm looking for a video about how to coach my close family members and friends when I am dysregulated about ways to respond and what to say to help promote calmness.
The blaming process is a bitch XD I just can't help but wondering all the time whether I'm trying to take off responsability of my back or trying not to be so hard on myself, or even protecting myself from abusive people or blaming them for my mistakes. I just can't do it myself. Not yet, right? Not yet... Love your videos. I really hope when I graduate I can do the same for people here in Brazil, be healthy enough to help others feel better.
I have listened to so so so much of these videos and videos on this topic. The thing is though as one on the receiving end of a borderline emotional sensitive persons behavioral treatment. I have to say that all the talk of giving loving support and how important it is for the recovery of this condition seems to me that it is putting the weight of the change on the real victim which is the person who is on the receiving end of the bad behaviors. It's curious how people coming out of abusive relationships are taught to separate themselves from their abuser and that the victim of the abuse is not responsible to cater to the abusers behaviors to try to help them change but then with the borderline abuser the victims are told to stay in the relationship to help their abuser grow towards that change. My experience with borderline sensitive person is that they always defend their bad behavior and expect me to understand that they were so called triggered by something (which happens pretty regularly) and basically it's my fault for the outburst or abusive behavior. This is the same thing that an abusive husband tells his wife after he beats her. I really feel that there is a double standard here. It's sad that some people have this disorder and I truly feel compassion for them but I do not think it has to be the responsibility of the person on the receiving ends problem to solve. I have dealt with this behavior in family members for over 50 years and am so so tired of it. I have done all I can do and am not feeling the energy or desire to continue to pat wrist. I need to take care of myself now and being constantly put in emotional disregard has seriously taken its toll.
I have every single aspect of BPD and in Particular the Control Fallacies which is the most painful one of all criteria. I talked to my brother today in length about this subject and he was very helpful for me in that conversation. He said that I do not have to be the savior of all beings and I can't be the savior for all individual animals and humans. I need to let that sink in for a moment. I've been chat rooms in order to educate the public on letting their dogs outside to go pee and poo and to bring them back into the warm house. I got at least one guy to do that and then it does feel like talking to them made a difference I helped a dog or a teenager. But the psychopaths make up the vast majority of chat room visitors and they do Not want peace, love and help. They want the opposite. I asked them why and one guy said because it makes him feel like a lion. So they think the only way they can feel strong is by making others miserable. I am also a very emotionally frail person so when I go to sleep those hater's Egos follow me into my bedroom with their never ending Krage which means craving, wanting and trying to elicit. Maybe I'm delusional but I strongly feel those Ego energies following me around. Many men in chat rooms want to murder me. My brother said that I might have some masochism going on. It could be a melange of different things that are going on. My main thing is the Control Fallacies for sure. I see what is happening through news media and Google news and animal rights petitions and I feel compelled to help. Another smaller motif is loneliness. Another one might be masochism. I quit the chat rooms for good now simply because my nervous system can't handle the abuse. What I need now more than any other action is to sit in meditation and fully go into my own mind.
No, I have never experienced not remembering the driving route I took or conversation I had but I have experienced forgetting what I just read. I also zone out with my husband and other people sometimes but not on on purpose. It's usually when I'm not understanding, am afraid or confused.
Thank-you for this video! This is an older video, but it really interesting and helpful, and you seem overall like a very nice and gentle person. Awesome stuff.
Very much enjoyed this Debbie. I'm helping teach a Personal Wholeness class at our church and am covering the Distorted Thinking Styles. Your commentary was very helpful.
In my experience in a relationship with someone with BPD; Mind reading was worst. It was like i should always explain myself endlessly. the worst part was; It's just makes it worst! so i stopped explaining. & Yes, she broke up with me 😁😐. I was going nuts, i was trying hard, but...
I am watching this 6 years later from publishing and yeah...You are super beautiful. I also like your kinda messy hair. I want to thank you most for making these videos.♥_♥
your "open letter..." video was crazy. I extremely intensely identify with the whole thing word for word...comments are turned off so I commented here instead
Most of the things you mentioned are also present in everybody, and that's what people with ptsd needs to realize. so they could forget the thought that they are ill and suffering from disorder just because they have these things. Because i believe that the more they think it, the more it gets real, the more it become worse. Control Fallacy for me (according to your explanation) is the root of Heroes and Social helpers, and Saints, so it can't be that bad after all. if society will call "being compassionate" as a mental illness, then nobody will even dare HELP anybody. Fallacy of change however (sad to say) is present to most females (yes including me) and often the cause of relationship failures. Like what I always tell my niece(s), do not try to change MEN. you will only end up frustrated because they were created that way. :-) i hope im not just "Being right". Lol! And Heaven's reward fallacy, I only learned the term now, is what's present to most Men! Lol! But guess all human beings reacts to "ungratefulness". Nobody wants that. So whatever, mindful or unmindful, fallacy or not, I think all we need to do is just learn to understand each other, maybe become a little PASSIVE and patient (which i really need to learn too). It is these emotions, personality, or whatever we may call it, is what makes humans ALIVE and very different from Robots. I think all we need to do is learn to control it. I learned a lot from this video. I'm so thankful i checked it out and thank you so much for sharing this. "Not all facts are true, and not everything we feel are necessarily a fact." Nice one. I'll try to remember this. :-)
i think my dad who raised me may have bpd , its not a fact but he has random negative behaviors, fallacy of change symptoms xyz.. I feel like living with him is not allowing me to heal properly because im still in the same situation (maybe thats a perspective but the relational issue/communication has not been resolved.. i am in the same physical location where the abuse xyz.. took place) is there any tips for this?
I had a few 'a-ha!' moments during this video were I realised a way of thinking I did which I never fully realised before (emotional reasoning especially!). I was wondering if you had any advice on how to get over a break-up? My ex-boyfriend eventually got impatient and fell out of love with me due to the problems we had with my emotional instability. So, life is quite hard for me right now! Thank you for the videos x
I don't have a lot of issues with needing to demonstrate rightness. I don't have a need to be right and I can admit when I'm wrong but I have a lot of abandonment issues!
I don't think that continuing to drive near the speed limit in front of a road-raged tailgater instead of pulling over for them is "being a cop." Does not make the rest of the example or the point invalid, although that "don't (need to) be right" idea is one of the things I like least about DBT.
I'd like to know if all these traits that are mentioned a bpd person might have, has been proved scientifically or are just a result of personal experience?
I really enjoyed this video. Under DBT it probably has my face. I wrote down the addy but I didn't catch what time. Please reply with the time. Thanks.
Omg how do I talk to Debbie corso ? I feel totally understood now. But I have some questions I would like to ask it would mean ever so much to me if I could ask them
Im 17 n i feel like i have some traits of BPD , i change myself around people even within my friend circle or family becoz i wanna stay relevant or someone special ig n sometimes i try so hard that i cringe myself afterwards and ask myself why did i do that ? but when someone does the same wid me i feel bad becoz i feel like im not worth to know them so, i analyze their behavior ,compare it wid mine and when i find sthg off wid their behavior , i will start to believe that its sthg to wid my behavior so i change myself *idk if this cmnt makes sense ,if it does plz help me
9:20 the problem isn't that the job isn't "glamorous" (??) enough. the problem is that a chronic victim's superiors can smell it on her and they will treat her like the whipping girl. or at least give her less meaningful work than her qualifications would require. loving the vid topic.
Do you still monitor this page? I'm 46 and bpd and PTSD has destroyed my life and two careers. I feel like at my age and being a loser, I am a lost cause.
You are not a loser or lost cause! I have people in my online DBT Skills class who are in their 70s who have radically changed their lives. Please don't give up. There is DEFINITELY hope! 💕
i am a persone dignosed with bpd (borderline personality disorder) but i cannot understand very well, if you could explained more obvious for me... that i mean what is the difference and or similarity with bipolar disorder and bpd... is quite the same to me...sometimes i see one like more negative but at the same time i see the other one even more negatively... am i correct at some point at least?
Alexandra Almodovar bipolar mood swings last for months from manic to normal to depressed borderline mood swings last for hours to a few days but chqnge constantly throughbout the day it never goes away and they never actually hit normal or manic as it's a constant mood swing from one extreme to the next two completely different illnesses even though the treatment is exactly the same there's no similaritys to the illnesses you are entirely wrong don't even remotely compare the two because they are two different things
My 27 yr. old daughter has suffered with mental illness for the last 10 years. In the last 4 months since she was diagnosed with BPD, we have learned so much. But she is only half-heartedly into therapy; it's scary for her to change. I myself am seeing that I have my own emotion dysregulation that I need to deal with from childhood trauma. My improved mental health will hopefully make her life a little smoother when she interacts with me. I am so hopeful to be able to begin your class!
Alicia en el pais de las maravillas After just four classes, I am handling my daughter's blow ups in calmer fashion. I find that I have to limit my contact with her because she's especially angry at me right now. But I no longer try to calm her down if it goes past a certain point. DBT is teaching me how to deal with my own painful emotions about the disorder of my daughter's life. She's doing the best she can! And with DBT, I can be a better mother for her, and kinder to myself!
Been where your daughter is at, but also struggling with Bipolar Disorder. It's extremely hard to remain engaged to anything during a long period of time when you have bpd, but it becomes easier. Half-hearted is better than nothing, she'll be better eventually🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
OMG, this message is 6 years old, hahaha... I hope you guys are doing much better right now 😊
I listen to this everyday just to remind myself of these ways of thinking. You are so soothing.
Aww! So glad you find this helpful!
I guess I was dealing with rejection issues from my Dad. I started to re enact that with men by pushing them away and using a lot of these emotional markers to further enhance my story line...I literally had paranoia that women were “wanting” my man...These stories got so mind reading crazy that eventually I’d even convince my BF that women wanted him(even if she felt who knows how) My BF actually became more cocky and eventually yes attracted to another female , but one I never knew existed...thinking is powerful! I’m truly tired of living this story line and I want my own authentic life with a healthy mindset about my love life! Thanks for helping me start my journey to healing💕
You are simply brilliant and amazing to recognize this! Yay!
@@irenem1838 awe thank you!
@@rainingpatchouli4476 I am curious what were the markers? They can be insecure attachment. Emotional abuse is insidious and not obvious for many cannot see the wounds unless you have a trained eye. The best thing in all relationships is to avoid shaming and blaming. This is a big step for people who come from toxic families of origin.
@@irenem1838 the markers were my thinking "if I think it , it's true! " I also had rigid beliefs about sex and projected a lot of my worst fears about myself , onto my men . And shame and blame we're used as weapons towards my men, esp from
Their past mistakes... being human. I have since apologized to my daughters dad for all the torment I caused him. He was no angels but I made him
Out to be a monster that he was not
I borderline delusional because of fear of abandonment and being cheated on. I have an insecurity over beautiful women and my boyfriend. I found my best friends underwear under the couch (she was gross) and it set me off. I am still recovering. Best thing I do is say these thoughts aren’t real and I’m insecure and anxious/depressed right now.
Fantastic. I can't thank you enough. I am making a worksheet from your "15 styles of distorted thinking" and having my therapist go over it with me and watch the video!!! This was so helpful with out being overtly clinical. Thanks again, Debbie.
I would think as a child if you were abused you'd always be on edge and scanning to protect yourself or do the right thing at the right time. Maybe this where you develop a mind reading skill. It can be toxic to not recognize mind reading as distorted thinking, but an abused individual maybe become hyper vigilant or hypersensitve to other people's emotions it became their way to cope or survive.
Irene M They develope a hypersensitivity in order to fit in, like a cameleon they have to adapt. This is bcs compered to others they lack a self, something that is constant in other people, an anker. Remove self from selfworth or selfesteem n youre left with a bunch of words that comes n goes, that never sticks to anything. In order to get a self they have to borrow others constantly. But! I belive the self exists in these people its just that its burried under a bunch of crap (traumas, manipulativ enviorments/people, medication) all of these will keep these people from real introspection and a chans to really desolve the false self that they have built and expanded their entire lifes. Sorry, i dont buy this.
Except mental health illness causes have nothing to do with trauma since mental health illnesses come from chemical imbalances, genetics and family history of mental health trauma is just a trigger for what you've always had and what you're always goons have triggers and causes are two completely different things so nearly all these videos based on mental health are not full of actual medical facts so these videos are feeding you pseudoscience which fyi is fake science that's not based on facts so it's all the wrong information
AaronW3440 you gave the most intelligent response.
Not all abused kids develop BPD. Many with BPD actually grew up in loving, functional environment because It is genetics.
Psychology as a whole is not based on facts. It's based off research.
That's nothing new and nobody is trying to hide that. No professional has ever claimed its based of evidence. It takes decades to build research, centuries even.
What's the difference between a cause and a trigger in this context? Do you have definitions?
Do sociopaths also just a chemical balance and 'become' sociopaths because of genetics? Like to hear you explain that one. What about anxiety? What about PTSD? All those a soldiers already had a chemical imbalance and war triggered it? What about a baby in the womb who's addicted to heroin who know has withdrawal symptoms and depression?
Is that genetics or nurture?
I'm interested to know the difference between a trigger and cause in this context. It looks like you're suggesting an invalidating home is a trigger and not a cause just because other people came from invalidating homes n never got BPD? That's something called probability. You know like not everyone who smokes is gonna get lung cancer but most people who have lung cancer smoke. It's called probability.
Trying to dismiss people's traumatic pasts is invalidating. If you didn't come from that environment then ok but stop dismissing other people. Not everyone who has cancer smoked, drunk Alchahol or ate red meat but MOST DID!!!!! Are they just triggers or a cause?
I think even just having a parent with NPD/BPD/anything with emotional disregulation could cause this too because their emotions can control the entire house. So you spend so much more time in your childhood walking on eggshells that you are hardwired to make sure everyone is ok in your adult life.
Thank you so much for this. You have such a lovely manner and I'm sure you will help so many people much more than many therapists.
Thank you so much!
This was awesome...you gave me more insight into my own diagnosis I didn't even know were symptoms!!!
Wow, I have every single one of these distorted thinking styles!! Thank you so much for this video! I feel like I need to watch this over and over until I can get it through my head that these are distortions.
Oh and I just have to say it's obvious she has just such a beautiful soul
I just love you!! Thank you so much for all of you help with my recovery xx
You are very bright!
Thank you for your empathy..
I feel empathy through the roof w/everything.
I feel everything!!!
It is hard @ times...
I feel bullied as well @ work, but it may not be because of me and it is them.Therefore, I take it to heart.
These videos help so much.
Not all thoughts are true...
This is the best and most accurate Ive heard about BPD yet.
So grateful to have seen this video today. This stuff makes me feel so totally alone so often and suddenly I feel not quite so alone.
So many of these apply to my thinking. Thank you for identifying them and giving them names so they're not as scary when they happen.
I love what you are doing and am starting to be encouraged by the fact that there are a lot of other people that are like me. Is there anyone that also has issues with concentration? I'm having such a hard time at work and I feel like I'm going to lose my job because I can't focus.
This is such a good video on BPD behavior (thinking). Thank you so much for all you do to share knowledge on this disorder. You are helping me to heal, through better understanding, from my devastating breakup with my ex BPD fiance.
Wow..thank you so much....Debbie...I just don't know how someone can solve so much with having all these issues. It is so much for the person with BPD to deal with...and those who love them also
This is amazing! This is my first time watching your video and I feel good knowing i'm not the only one who has a mind like this. The racing thoughts I get sometimes as i'm trying to multitask is over whelming. I love how you explained this!
I am not suffering from BPD but I suffer from a form of Trauma. For me BPD is a massive Trauma response. I now can witness that every aspect of my life slowly heals, as soon I found the therapist I trust, she is with a specific education in Trauma healing. You cant heal if you have no one who is witnessing that bad things happened to you. Some friends, but all of family of origin couldn’t understand. In my case they were part of the Trauma system. I had to get out of the system, break all connections to restart a new life. And it’s true you only can learn to be in the present moment, to trust life fully again, if you learn to regulate your Trauma response. It takes energy but is manageable… you can heal from hit and you can live a happy life… it’s possible…
I don't know how to thank you enough for sharing this video! I'm almost 35 and I'm only understanding what I'm dealing with now. The content is practical and explained in a way an average person can understand. Thanks again and i hope this helps more people.
I loved this video. Very informative and very helpful. I do however miss number 8-9 on the list. When you count them you say control fallacies are seven, then you do not give blaming a number and then you say shoulds are 10. I googled after the list and it seems that number 8 is "Fallacy of Fairness". We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” - things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.
You are a very special young woman.. With beautiful courage.
It maybe why your message is so potent and palatable. You are very relevant to younger people. Bless you.
I now understand this is most likely a disorder I have lived with most of my life. I wasn't fortunate enough to ever find a therapist or psychiatrist who accurately diagnosed me. In my forties, I developed a substance use disorder (SUD) after years of using substances to regulate my powerful moods. After completing a 30-day inpatient treatment program, I attended 12 step meetings religiously and worked the 12 steps with my sponsor. Living life according to the 12-step program and relying on others in the program for guidance helped me more than any therapy or hospitalization and/or prescription meds I tried for approximately 30 years of my life beginning in adolescence. It's encouraging to see so much good information out there on BPD and to know there's much hope for those who receive the right kind of treatment.
I started drinking to not feel terrible about myself. I agree the 12 step program rewrites the software program that has run through your head since the need to defend oneself with BPD symptoms against an abuser, usually troubled parent/s
I'm a big objective critic about, well you name it, but this video is harmonious in it's tone, and genuine in it's presentation.
From the editing, to the laid back personal background, and even the cute kitty side comments all come off as relatable and comforting.
It's very well done. I also have to say that the editing is great! It shows focus! Some RUclipsr's lose thier audience in the middle of a video because of bad editing, but every video so far have been impeccably done. Congrats
This video really helped me understand my distorted thinking!
I have bpd,depression,ptsd,anxiety. My wife and I are currently separated so that I can focus on my mental health and heal. Thank you for your video it is very helpful to my soul.
Thank you so much for posting this and helping us! 😚
Thank you so much for the important work that you do, Debbie! I really appreciate your clarity in this video and the helpful examples you give.
Debbie, your videos are gentle and helpful for me. This one, however, is probably my fave. Distorted thinking causes me ongoing, miserable problems. I think you might have said this at the start of the video (mindlessness on my part?), but I hope you will continue to emphasize that distorted thinking is not an all or none situation; that distorted thinking is a human experience that everyone shares to one degree or another; that the info on this video is not intended to provide material for others to judge us or for us to judge ourselves; that our close family and friends can help us challenge as we work continuously and diligently to maintain balance. Oh, yes, I love your gentle manner as you describe each one. The pitch and tone of your voice are very soothing, even more when the material can sting for the listener. Now I'm looking for a video about how to coach my close family members and friends when I am dysregulated about ways to respond and what to say to help promote calmness.
The blaming process is a bitch XD I just can't help but wondering all the time whether I'm trying to take off responsability of my back or trying not to be so hard on myself, or even protecting myself from abusive people or blaming them for my mistakes. I just can't do it myself. Not yet, right? Not yet... Love your videos. I really hope when I graduate I can do the same for people here in Brazil, be healthy enough to help others feel better.
fantastic video! thank you for your caring contribution to humanity!
Thank you so much for your kindness! 💕
I have listened to so so so much of these videos and videos on this topic. The thing is though as one on the receiving end of a borderline emotional sensitive persons behavioral treatment. I have to say that all the talk of giving loving support and how important it is for the recovery of this condition seems to me that it is putting the weight of the change on the real victim which is the person who is on the receiving end of the bad behaviors. It's curious how people coming out of abusive relationships are taught to separate themselves from their abuser and that the victim of the abuse is not responsible to cater to the abusers behaviors to try to help them change but then with the borderline abuser the victims are told to stay in the relationship to help their abuser grow towards that change. My experience with borderline sensitive person is that they always defend their bad behavior and expect me to understand that they were so called triggered by something (which happens pretty regularly) and basically it's my fault for the outburst or abusive behavior. This is the same thing that an abusive husband tells his wife after he beats her. I really feel that there is a double standard here. It's sad that some people have this disorder and I truly feel compassion for them but I do not think it has to be the responsibility of the person on the receiving ends problem to solve. I have dealt with this behavior in family members for over 50 years and am so so tired of it. I have done all I can do and am not feeling the energy or desire to continue to pat wrist. I need to take care of myself now and being constantly put in emotional disregard has seriously taken its toll.
What a gift your videos are... Thanks for sharing your knowledge and experiences.
I just came across this video and it’s been very helpful in understanding my own behavioral and emotional patterns. 32 M with BPD.
Such a helpful video, thanks Debbie.
I have every single aspect of BPD and in Particular the Control Fallacies which is the most painful one of all criteria. I talked to my brother today in length about this subject and he was very helpful for me in that conversation. He said that I do not have to be the savior of all beings and I can't be the savior for all individual animals and humans. I need to let that sink in for a moment. I've been chat rooms in order to educate the public on letting their dogs outside to go pee and poo and to bring them back into the warm house. I got at least one guy to do that and then it does feel like talking to them made a difference I helped a dog or a teenager. But the psychopaths make up the vast majority of chat room visitors and they do Not want peace, love and help. They want the opposite. I asked them why and one guy said because it makes him feel like a lion. So they think the only way they can feel strong is by making others miserable. I am also a very emotionally frail person so when I go to sleep those hater's Egos follow me into my bedroom with their never ending Krage which means craving, wanting and trying to elicit. Maybe I'm delusional but I strongly feel those Ego energies following me around. Many men in chat rooms want to murder me. My brother said that I might have some masochism going on. It could be a melange of different things that are going on. My main thing is the Control Fallacies for sure. I see what is happening through news media and Google news and animal rights petitions and I feel compelled to help. Another smaller motif is loneliness. Another one might be masochism. I quit the chat rooms for good now simply because my nervous system can't handle the abuse. What I need now more than any other action is to sit in meditation and fully go into my own mind.
Thank you,Thank you!!!!!!
Soo helpful and encouraging.
love that the cat opened the door by itself and left, so cute
He has his own agenda! He's 14 now! 🐱
You're welcome. Thank you for commenting. :)
I actually LOVE the hair, looks full and lots of texture :) People pay for hair styles like that :)
No, I have never experienced not remembering the driving route I took or conversation I had but I have experienced forgetting what I just read. I also zone out with my husband and other people sometimes but not on on purpose. It's usually when I'm not understanding, am afraid or confused.
Thank you . You are very articulated. Good reminders. Nice!
Thank-you for this video! This is an older video, but it really interesting and helpful, and you seem overall like a very nice and gentle person. Awesome stuff.
Glad you had some insights, and thank you for sharing Adrienne!
I do all of these =(
This video changed my life. I am registering for April class
Can anyone tell me of an online support group for people who love someone with BPD?
Lol 😂 Loved the “wild hair” arrow & disclaimer. Ha ha Nice job
Ha ha! Thank you! 🤣
Wow! This was is very insightful, thanks for sharing
Your cat opened the door and walked out by herself? 00:50...lol
Ha ha ha! Yes! :)
Again really interesting. Thanks for posting.
This was interesting. I will definitely check out the website
Awesome work on illustrating this stuff thankyou
Stop the Stigma - Countering Distorted Thinking Styles in #BPD & #PTSD
Very much enjoyed this Debbie. I'm helping teach a Personal Wholeness class at our church and am covering the Distorted Thinking Styles. Your commentary was very helpful.
So glad to hear that Scott!
This is so on point. Thank you
Thank you ❤
In my experience in a relationship with someone with BPD; Mind reading was worst.
It was like i should always explain myself endlessly. the worst part was; It's just makes it worst! so i stopped explaining. & Yes, she broke up with me 😁😐. I was going nuts, i was trying hard, but...
amazing amazing video so informative and helpful! thank you
I am watching this 6 years later from publishing and yeah...You are super beautiful. I also like your kinda messy hair. I want to thank you most for making these videos.♥_♥
Thanks for relating. Our brains are just trying to protect us. They are well-meaning. :)
Thank you Stacy. ♥
your "open letter..." video was crazy. I extremely intensely identify with the whole thing word for word...comments are turned off so I commented here instead
Great ideas
Great video 🙏🏼
Thank you so much!
This was really great. Thank you.
Most of the things you mentioned are also present in everybody, and that's what people with ptsd needs to realize. so they could forget the thought that they are ill and suffering from disorder just because they have these things. Because i believe that the more they think it, the more it gets real, the more it become worse. Control Fallacy for me (according to your explanation) is the root of Heroes and Social helpers, and Saints, so it can't be that bad after all. if society will call "being compassionate" as a mental illness, then nobody will even dare HELP anybody. Fallacy of change however (sad to say) is present to most females (yes including me) and often the cause of relationship failures. Like what I always tell my niece(s), do not try to change MEN. you will only end up frustrated because they were created that way. :-) i hope im not just "Being right". Lol! And Heaven's reward fallacy, I only learned the term now, is what's present to most Men! Lol! But guess all human beings reacts to "ungratefulness". Nobody wants that. So whatever, mindful or unmindful, fallacy or not, I think all we need to do is just learn to understand each other, maybe become a little PASSIVE and patient (which i really need to learn too). It is these emotions, personality, or whatever we may call it, is what makes humans ALIVE and very different from Robots. I think all we need to do is learn to control it.
I learned a lot from this video. I'm so thankful i checked it out and thank you so much for sharing this.
"Not all facts are true, and not everything we feel are necessarily a fact." Nice one. I'll try to remember this. :-)
Thanks for this
i just got started in the diary thing ... so it s pretty cool!
Great video...very informative
i think my dad who raised me may have bpd , its not a fact but he has random negative behaviors, fallacy of change symptoms xyz.. I feel like living with him is not allowing me to heal properly because im still in the same situation (maybe thats a perspective but the relational issue/communication has not been resolved.. i am in the same physical location where the abuse xyz.. took place) is there any tips for this?
Wow thank you
I had a few 'a-ha!' moments during this video were I realised a way of thinking I did which I never fully realised before (emotional reasoning especially!). I was wondering if you had any advice on how to get over a break-up? My ex-boyfriend eventually got impatient and fell out of love with me due to the problems we had with my emotional instability. So, life is quite hard for me right now! Thank you for the videos x
I really like that shirt :)
Hi, your examples were wonderful, I do too have some aha moments listening to your examples.
Thank you :)
I don't have a lot of issues with needing to demonstrate rightness. I don't have a need to be right and I can admit when I'm wrong but I have a lot of abandonment issues!
I don't think that continuing to drive near the speed limit in front of a road-raged tailgater instead of pulling over for them is "being a cop." Does not make the rest of the example or the point invalid, although that "don't (need to) be right" idea is one of the things I like least about DBT.
I'd like to know if all these traits that are mentioned a bpd person might have, has been proved scientifically or are just a result of personal experience?
Hi Lilly -- I got them from a previous DBT class that I attended. :)
I really enjoyed this video. Under DBT it probably has my face. I wrote down the addy but I didn't catch what time. Please reply with the time. Thanks.
You're welcome Takeshi! :)
Thank you for this sweetie you are awesome!
Oh, you're welcome -- thank you! :)
LOL! I think I heard that on the Lucinda Bassett program. I never forgot it! LOL
well-presented
Omg how do I talk to Debbie corso ? I feel totally understood now. But I have some questions I would like to ask it would mean ever so much to me if I could ask them
Great video. Thank you :)
Im 17 n i feel like i have some traits of BPD , i change myself around people even within my friend circle or family becoz i wanna stay relevant or someone special ig n sometimes i try so hard that i cringe myself afterwards and ask myself why did i do that ? but when someone does the same wid me i feel bad becoz i feel like im not worth to know them so, i analyze their behavior ,compare it wid mine and when i find sthg off wid their behavior , i will start to believe that its sthg to wid my behavior so i change myself
*idk if this cmnt makes sense ,if it does plz help me
9:20
the problem isn't that the job isn't "glamorous" (??) enough. the problem is that a chronic victim's superiors can smell it on her and they will treat her like the whipping girl. or at least give her less meaningful work than her qualifications would require.
loving the vid topic.
How do i get this work book?
Hey Debbie, where did you get your work sheets from? xx :)
Tee hee. Thank you Amy. ♥
Do you still monitor this page? I'm 46 and bpd and PTSD has destroyed my life and two careers. I feel like at my age and being a loser, I am a lost cause.
You are not a loser or lost cause! I have people in my online DBT Skills class who are in their 70s who have radically changed their lives. Please don't give up. There is DEFINITELY hope! 💕
i mind read always!
i am a persone dignosed with bpd (borderline personality disorder) but i cannot understand very well, if you could explained more obvious for me... that i mean what is the difference and or similarity with bipolar disorder and bpd... is quite the same to me...sometimes i see one like more negative but at the same time i see the other one even more negatively... am i correct at some point at least?
Alexandra Almodovar bipolar mood swings last for months from manic to normal to depressed borderline mood swings last for hours to a few days but chqnge constantly throughbout the day it never goes away and they never actually hit normal or manic as it's a constant mood swing from one extreme to the next two completely different illnesses even though the treatment is exactly the same there's no similaritys to the illnesses you are entirely wrong don't even remotely compare the two because they are two different things
You are the best. Thank you for your help. I believe my wife is un-diagnosed with BPD. How can I help her with distorted thinking styles?
Should I tell my very close friends and family that I was diagnosed with BPD? I feel like I really need to, but I'm not sure how.
Jamie Wilson how are you now??
Do you have any qualifications in mental health? If so you should post them
Hi Vaughan! You can learn about my background and credentials (and that of my team) at www.emotionallysensitive.com/about Thanks!
@@HealingFromBPD thank you! I think having your credentials up front would really help to promote your mission and credibility.
@@SevenRavens007 Thank you for your feedback!
We all do. :)