Stay away from the narcissist. This individual is incapable of showing any love or genuine emotion. They’re just terrified that someone might be more beautiful, more talented, more intelligent, more popular, more successful etc. than them. So they will do anything to put you down and make you feel worthless, or at least put doubt
Jasmine Hetherington - EXACTLY!! If I get ANY positive attention, my husband will make me suffer, punish me. He’ll pout...It’s sad because I grew up with this nonsense, and then went ahead and married someone just like them, except he’s covert.
*Jasmine Hetherington:* How do you even KNOW that's what they are, when their lies are so convincing, and you trust them, and think they're good people, because that's what they project to the world?! My narc used to be a good friend of my late husband and his family - so I trusted him TOTALLY, and mistakenly thought, because of his association with them, he MUST be a good person! I didn't realize what my narc was until 23 years later, when he just packed up, without my knowledge - no discussion, no clues of any kind, and left me SUDDENLY (and left me with a $5,000+ credit card bill!!)!! We had been at my daughter and son-in-law's place babysitting our 5-yr. old grandson, and meanwhile he had a pair of fools he knows, move all his stuff out of our house, into a $1,500/mth apartment, after telling me all summer that we "couldn't afford" things!! I have no idea how much of what he told me over the past 23 years is true, but I have a feeling, probably NONE of it - he gave me a sob story about his ex-wife, and what a controlling monster she was, and that's why he left her and their 2 children!! Of course I believed every word he said, and felt sorry for him!! There's just NO WAY to tell who and what these monsters are, until it's far TOO LATE!!
My dad won't change and expects me and everyone else to kow-tow to him. He's delusional. I am sane. No more contact with him(I blocked his number on my phone). He doesn't want to listen to my complaints about his crap to me He has no patience and claim I have a problem: he is a jerk. I went no-contact(again) a month ago. I deserve a better father than him!
The narcissist is like a tyrant out-of-control child who has all the power and expects to be worshipped, catered to and served at all times. You, your needs and your desires don't exist. Lying, cheating, betraying, criticising and mocking is all a fun game to them. If they succeed at these cruel fun games...they win! At least that is what they think in their minds. I choose to no longer play. Thank you Dr. Carter for all your insight and sharing your expertise in dealing with narcissists with us. Your videos are so helpful and healing.
A narcissist will read this and still have the audacity to be like, "Nope, this isn't me. This is you." And then continue to point out why you're a "narcissist" and that you need to get help. Smh lol
I've now gone NO CONTACT. I've been discarded due to dedication to my daughters and grandkids. He HAS NO CHILDREN. I feel like I lost but I'm worth better treatment
Bout slow is a snail....if they in they 40s they act like they 20 ..constantly having to say grow up...I had 2🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃 away. Called cops on my self so mad one day..
This gonna sound weird but I think narcissists lack a sense of self so they end up taking things from everyone to build a personality and interests to seem charming and fulfilled to maintain their supply.
They are walking vessels of TOXIC SHAME. They hate their true selves so they create a false self and force everyone else into their supporting that false self, at your expense.
Lola they are so busy pointing the finger at others which keeps them from ever taking ownership of their own actions and growing from their mistakes or as I say their learning experiences.
I am having such a hard time letting go & coming to terms with the fact I cant help this person. I have to watch videos like this daily to remind me I need to step away. Despite knowing this, I allow myself to get sucked back in everytime. Its literal insanity & yet I just can't seem to help myself.
I think Dr Carter has saved my life by opening my eyes. I have been studying this topic for years and I always dismiss the behavior believing I am just plain wrong and confused. 1 million times- thank you.
I actually thought you had hidden cameras in my house. I never knew my x fiancee was a Narcissist I've moved on a few days ago and it hurts. But your videos, which I found by accident, had helped me Instagram's not only am I losing the battle by being angry and emotional. I noticed her whole family is narcissist. Their mom the sisters the children. I did not know what the problem was until you taught me through you're videos. Is such a relief because I was a walking wreck trying to figure out why is she all of a sudden so different and blaming me for her life's mistakes
@@conycortescony2823 I totally understand you. My ex spouse and x MIL and his siblings are the same, narcissistic, bipolar, and anger issues. Him and His mother are like being married. Very sick and the same time very sad and heartbreaking that lives you with a deep broken heart, like dead...
To admit guilt for a narcissist is a hard blow to their ego, it hurts them like a hard punch in the gut. I've noticed how sometimes a narc will briefly admit guilt then auto-deflect to shifting the blame away from themselves and onto others. I think its because admitting guilt or being honest is so painful to their ego, it would shatter them and their self-inflated image and they can't allow that
As you said, you cannot expect something from them that they cannot give. This is so hard to grasp. For the longest time I have tried in vain to make narcissists UNDERSTAND my point of view. What a waste of time and energy! They are not equipped with the necessary tools. You are talking to a wall. Exasperating is the word. And worse even when you blame yourself for maybe not explaining yourself well enough. It is hard to come to the conclusion that you have to let it go, find other ways to work around it, but not behave as if you are talking to an equal. They live in a totally different world, and when you enter that world, you put your own life at risk. It is that dangerous. Thanks for the very clear outline. I love your understanding and your structure.
You described it perfectly... Their willfully obtuse nonsense that’s designed to confuse you. It is so hard to accept the harsh reality that no amount of facts or reasons will ever be enough. It doesn’t matter how clearly, calmly and patiently you explain yourself. They don’t care and there’s no desire to understand your feelings. It’s exhausting.
Trying to get a narc to understand what compassion is or basic humanity ... I was not successful. Mission fail... fall back... further, hopefully out of sight, out of range. I moved across the country to change my circumstances & toxic cycle with one. I'm super grateful to regain my sense of self-respect. Now that he can't show up drunk at my door at 4am ...or show up where I go with friends, ..i'm free of it. It really was a nightmare.
I’m sorry. We’re just shit human beings honestly, I was lucky to have my eyes opened by a friend, but that won’t happen for most. For me it took becoming a total zero and seeing how I started to treat my friends who I didn’t respect to see who I was more clearly. Anyway, I’d ask narcs to imagine themselves from the outside. If they can do that -or maybe record them-then it will force them so see the reality of who they are and how they’re behaving.
This makes SO much sense. My family can literally talk for HOURS about the same problems at work, every single day. The second you need to talk about your day, or even just mention a crazy situation, all the sudden it's as if they can't believe you're bogging them down with such information. Makes sense that they can't empathize or it drains them to care for you in even the slightest way that they expect you to care for them.
Haha for real. I spent COUNTLESS hours listening to her problems being her "emotional support" 4 months into the relationship I finally told her something that was bothering ME ONE TIME, and I wasn't having a good day. She litterally called me a coward, control freak, and said I was "TORCHERING" her all day. She ACTUALLY felt Torchered by three seconds of something that had nothing to do with HER, compared to months of being there and listening to her problems.. Lmao then she blocked me for three days.. unblocked me and called me an asshole. Anyone that knows me knows im a pretty selfless person. Would do anything for anyone. This woman projected everything she was doing and blamed me for it. Lied, cheated, manipulated, pretended to be in love for months and months, then I got discarded. Long brutal story short. I could write a book on this woman. I also had people stop talking to me recently...I'm sure she's gotten ahold of them by now. God only knows what crap make believe lies she's telling everyone. probably how I touched her kids or raped her or something lol. I WOULD NOT put it past her. Last message I got from her was how I have a mental illness and she needs to keep her family safe 😂 and how it was "just a vunerable time in her life and gave me all her attention" lol wow does she mean how I GAVE HER ALL MY attention? She couldn't even handle a single moment of ME having a bad day.LITTERALLY. then when I left her cause of the lying and cheating she said "I've been trying to express to you my NEEDS" LOL WOOOOOW. you can never fullfil their needs...and can't even tell them about something that's happened to you..they will laugh and always believe they've been through more in life. She litterally laughed when I explained one thing about MY past
That's my mom 100% She could rant about her stuff 24/7. Had zero patience for other people's problems, including her kids. A terrible listener, to put it mildly.
I'm learning more everyday. Should I even bother staying with the man I fell in love with. Is this the kind of life that I want, or deserve? The answer is No! He will never change. I'm so tired of the arguments that never get resolved. If I ever give an opinion and he doesn't like it, he will get into an argument, and usually is for something not even that bad. He is always right, and I have no idea what I'm talking about, he says. Calls me Dumd,stupid, not knowledgeable. He tells me to read relationship book..He's a Narsaccist a Passive Aggressive and a Pathological liar. I've never have cried so much in my life.. 😥
@@erikamunoz3813 I also cried because of narcissists so much, that it's not possible to count. Hope, you'll find strength to get away from him soon and get back to normal life. Good luck!) And men who call us stupid and other bad words, don't deserve to be near us. After I realized, what kind of monster is behind the mask of charming person, it is much easier to say good bye to them
7:24 #18 “Watch your back when you’re around our mutual acquaintances. There’s a good chance I’ve already spoken poorly about you to them.” This is a tough one when we learn that we may need to say goodbye to the entire herd. When you realize their view may be so slanted due to behind-the-back chatter, I t’s likely not possible, or even worth the effort, to try to sway them. If they won’t really consider your side, treat you in an equitable way and you can’t trust them to stand in your corner, then it’s time to put precious energy elsewhere. Wonderful list, Dr C! God bless you and Merry Christmas!
So hard when it’s your family, which is otherwise relatively healthy aside from the narcissist. My mom has poisoned the barrel. To free myself from her meant risking all the healthy apples. Wishing you and your healthy apples a happy holiday season!
I loved this. One time I met a mutual acquaintance of a narcissist in my life, and the acquaintance was surprised when she realized who I was, because she liked me and was surprised at that based on things the narcissist had told her about me. HA!
@Tewdy Quew Definitely, but if you can get a few people on your side who are willing to admit to what the narc is doing and then catch them in the act yourself (preferably through written correspondence) this behavior can definitely be taken to H.R. It is a form of harassment because they are creating a hostile work environment for the individual. Usually it is someone they feel threatened by.
I always feel exasperated!! Before I figured it out, I felt I was banging my head on the wall. He's so crazy I have to laugh!! I'm thankful I'm so strong and see right through him! Poor narcs! They are very sick!
Vivian Vennicia problem is they do it secretly and covertly, upsetting us but no one else sees their behavior and if we say something then we look like the crazy one. God will handle it, we can trust Him
Dr Carter you are so well informed may be your 30 years experience. When I first started listening for some reason you were the best kept secret on You Tube about narcissim. I am so glad that thousands listen to your clear message within hours now.
Found you a couple weeks ago...it's like I e been living in a dark forest and painful hell for 11yrs trying to figure out WTH is going on......the terrain is still the same, but the sun is out and the fog has cleared and I can see and I'm not emotionally stumbling into trees and thornbushes any more. I can more easily avoid what he throws at me, and shield myself mentally. Thank you! It's only been a week, but I'm feeling so much better internally! You are truly a gift!
@@SurvivingNarcissism In 2011, before I had a laptop to look things up, I asked an acquaintance who was married to a "counselor" to ask them for me if there was a proper term for someone who was a bully, someone who picked on people. They later replied saying their spouse knew of no such psychological term. Why have "counselors" been ignorant on this subject for so long? For years people went for counseling and got no help at all. There were labels such as "co-dependent" but they had no term or label to describe bullies/narcissists. If the "experts" don't know a thing, they aren't experts at all. Many of us have had to study from the ground up to learn while we were suffering. What gives??
My husband who scored 98% in denial on a behavioral survey, walked out of the room as I played this. This is saying some things that I have already told him, but THANK YOU!!!!! This is an excellent summary!!
I tried showing this video to my husband, his friend and work partner, and his wife, I am also friends with- and they all refused to listen to it laughed and said I was the one who was the narcissist. So now I try to get my husband to watch it alone with me and he is snoring. Unconditional Love is the hardest test in a marriage for sure !
@@naturewalkwithwords spot on, unconditional love for sure is the hardest thing's. Watching this videos make us strong and try to go out from one hear to the other and learn to fake, the way they do. 💔💔💔
25 narcissist don’t like this video. It exposes them so well . Narcissist don’t like to hear the truth , from their mates or no one else for that matter.
My Mother told me along time ago:when you hear a person saying I,I,I,and ME,ME,ME, every time they open their mouths , usually they are telling Lies,so be prepared to exit; in those 25 things mentioned there were about 100 references to either ME,or I,.Nice work Dr Les,. Thank you for the reminders ❤️👏🏽👍🏽💪🏽
Worked for a narcissistic manager. I had to leave. Cost me a bundle. Eventually the State came in and the company got busted for fraud, there was a huge fine. These people are sick. No cure. Leave.
Unfortunately, many have had the misfortune of entertaining narcissists, and if one is around them long enough, every aspect of their behavior shows up. Dr. Carter, you have provided great teaching tools, reminders, warning road signs, so that if a person unwittingly becomes involved with such "a being", one can extricate themselves before being enticed, conned, and impacted to a degree that leaves scars. The irony is that most narcissists are extremely talented at being charming, for they know how and whom to make their minions, the gullible ones, who will defend them, as they stab another in the back. Too bad there isn't an antidote pill to give a narcissist, or place a placard on their forehead.. saying, WARNING: I am a narcissist, and you will be my next victim.
The Green Queen - I can't see how it would change anything. He already has "fake" marked clearly on his head. 😉 But... how many successful politicians are NOT narcs? A few come to mind - or is their narcissism a bit less, allowing them to craft a better mask? Dr Carter said (in the "8 Lies" video, IIRC) that we can all have some degree of narc - an annoying truth, but helpful in checking how I'm treating people...
Thank you for helping to restore my sanity! I've said to my narcissistic husband for years, "your reality is distorted"! But narcissist don't care, so I started going crazy, lol. But all the information on npd is clarifying what I already suspected to be wrong with him. I force myself to take time to read something on this topic or watch a video, EVERYDAY to train myself on how to deal with him. It's been 10 years and their patterns are consistent.
Good for you. That's action, and that's a plan. I guess I've been doing the same, and I don't always feel like it (rather watch a comedy, you know?), but it's a commitment to making a change right? I'm in a 10 yr marriage, trying to get out, aka flee. We'll make it. Good luck!
Sigh, having been raised by a probable narc mother, “stop crying-you look ugly when you cry and no one will like you”, “ you don’t have real friends”, type of thing, I learned to always put myself last from fear of further rejection. A prime target for future narcissistic exploitation. At 65, I find I am “on my third” narc, though not at the direct mercy of #3 this time. But it takes a while for the mask to drop sometimes, and the learning curve was steep. One can perhaps equate the narc with alcohol - if you keep carrying on with narc consumption you are going to wake up sick, depressed and frustrated with yourself. Leave the party after the first drink. You will thank yourself in the morning. Had I had access to your great videos twenty years ago, Dr, Carter, I could have saved more of my sanity! There was so little info out there then. I can’t thank you enough. Your presentation is so calming and centering.
Again, awesome video dr. C. I learned about a year and a half into my 3 year relationship with my narc, that arguing was futile. Reasoning was pointless, trying to get her to see my side or have compassion with me was useless. Something was literally always wrong. Always. Barely a day went by where I wasn’t screwing up in some way. She was so confrontational and argumentative all the time, I’ve never met anyone like that before. It got to the point about 1.5 years in that when she would start arguing with me, stonewall me, shut down and get condescending, I would just walk out the door. I found this to be the only way I could win for a short amount of time. Narcs have to get the last word in, and if you walk out the door and leave, they don’t get to and it pisses them off. There was times I’d leave her house and drive home at 1 a.m. after we were in bed, and she’d start on something else. I’d just get up and leave. Then the text messages would come in, which I’d promptly ignore. It felt good for a little while until ultimately I’d get discarded unless I begged for her forgiveness. These people are monsters.
Thanks Doc. living and married to a narcissist for 40 years. I have always known. But the good news is I never lost myself or who I am. Your video's just reinforces that fact.
Entire video is outstanding, but I especially like 12:15 on. “Unhook” is a great way to think about dealing with a narcissist when leaving isn’t a feasible option.
Carolynne Gischel I particularly loved that part too. I almost felt like I was getting permission like “it’s ok to live again”. I’ve always felt that being in a relationship with a narcissist is literally like living in a prison because after a while you forget who you were.
Another thing I’ve learnt and I would like dr Carter talking about is … everything you say it could and it WILL be used for sure against you later … maybe 5 minutes later … is unbelievable!
This is a good emphatic approach to seeing a narcissist. I've gone from frustration and anger with narcissists to sadness in having to interact with them.
Finally cut of the narcissist’s supply. Going no contact because I cannot take anymore. I’m constantly sick, hardly sleeping, anxious. But this is someone I have to keep contact with in a way unfortunately!
Sometimes I think that you were dwelling in our house. The description of the narcissist is so accurate. Thanks for suggesting tools to deal with this personality.
I've met so many of them in my life but I've learnt to play their game. The twinkle they get in their eyes, the smirk on their face and the tone in their voice is a dead giveaway but I always make sure they get what they want and then drop them the next time they think they can use me. The look on their face is always priceless.
Exasperating to say the least!...i got so sick of the circular arguing...never ever resolving anything! Thank God he saved me from myself! Love? His interpretation of love is out of Hollyweird...he (they) are delusional in their thinking...
Love? when we first got together and I was working 3rd shift I "busted" him watching pornography-more than once even though he lied about it. Then there's the online gaming/gambling it just goes on and on. I get sick when I think about it!!
I love these confessions! I have watched this video 10 times. I laughed out loud, like you had to have met my husband of 23 years. Thank you for giving me my sanity back.
I never comprehended that my mother had narcissistic personality disorder until much later in my life when I pieced it all together. I first read the book "Emotional Vampires" which began to give me an understanding. I used to say that my mother suffered from narcissistic personality disorder. However she really did not suffer. She made everyone else suffer
Such deep words of wisdom, all the way through. At 11:45 you start talking about ditching your concern over this nutty person’s crazy ramblings, and the things they’ve poisoned others with. This is so key. You can only make things worse by trying to counteract a smear campaign! Just keep being your authentic self, and any “others” that really matter will see the truth. 💛
So grateful I found Dr. Les Carter. I am recently divorced from a narcissist after 38 years of marriage. I have received encouragement, peace and understanding from these videos and discovered a whole new self. I am absolutely not the worthless, defective being that my ex made me believe I was.
Isn't it ironic that a person who berates your emotions as unstable after perpetuating all the grief. I gotta tell ya Doc, as i listen, narc free for over a year, i laugh out loud as the story is told. I think that's a good thing. There was a time it just simply baffled my entire existence. Knowledge and zero toxic contact, the elixir for past and preventative for future.
My mother makes it her life goal to get people that do and do not know me to approach me about how horrible I am to her. I have had to move out of town and start fresh without her in my life at all. She still tries to get her lackeys to come after me since I have zero contact now. She even sent me a Christmas card. I sent a card back with some home made cookies. She told everyone she bets I poisoned them and she isn't gonna touch them. I have heard over the years you only have 1 mother but I feel like I have never had a mother.
The positive is that you have such strength and were able to be assertive with yourself and geographically relocate. But as you said she will use smears and flying monkeys to try and get her narc supply from you. I think if any flying monkeys come or contact you, you should go no contact with them too. As for any mail she sends you, I think ( if you identify it's from her) return to sender unopened. The notion that we only have one mother ( or in my case one father) is dangerous. It comes from people who have no idea about narc abuse and have not been ( as well as other family members) scapegoat targeted. Whether they are parents or not does not give them ( or any one else) the right to narc abuse us.
The phrase "you only have one" is incorrect. I only have one I'm blood connected too...my kids have at Least three! My sisters live close and love them like their own. Side story (Infact, my 5 yr old used to call her favorite "mom" when she was tiny...and when Auntie kept trying to get her to use her proper Name at 2 1/2, she sighed exasperatedly and said "K...Other Mom!" My sister was worried I would be upset she calls her mom......my heart was sooo happy! To know my kids feel That loved and can trust someone on That level other than me gives me comfort. Mothering can be hard, and I know I have a back up!) Don't give up, you may still find yourself a mother to "adopt" you. Blood relationship and being raised by them can facilitate that bond, but it's not what determines it!
In my family it was often mentioned that the bible says that you have to respect and worship/praise (I'm not sure about the translation) your parents/elders. It was like a religious and moral hook that kept children in a cornered situation. But then someone also discovered that the Bible also teaches parents that "do not enrage your children"! So in this case children have duty towards the parents but also parents have duty towards children. And as it's also always been said: the example comes from the above (elders) so if they do not fulfil it then i guess children are dispensed and let off the hook of that duty for nothing.
Man, do I love you or what!! Thank you dear one, you are such a blessing to me. You are very creative and you truly "get it" -- so refreshing coming from a professional!
suggested narc thought #26 - 'i w/do anything that i can get by with and step over dead bodies if i need to. i am accountable only to my own reality.' - the Ns instant gratification.
No 18..."watch your back".......this is the biggy for me......scapegoating, cold shouldered......hated by her friends....leading to ostracism by her pastor...who was sucked in to all the lies.....blinded by her sterling performances and crocodile tears!!! Its unbelieveable
Thank you so much. Such an ingenious and appealing way to help your listeners, Dr. Carter. I wrote this all down, the confessions, the patterns, all of it. I’ll refer to this when I have my times of questioning my decision to leave after 36 years. These are powerful truths and spot on. It’s heartbreaking to leave someone you love and give up the idea of growing older together. I was hooked, played the fool, wound up exasperated, isolated and beyond sad. It isn’t easy to leave the dance early and I see it will take a lot of time and commitment on my part to give myself credit for the truth I did see and to forgive myself for not leaving sooner. I want to understand my motivations and choices that kept me trapped and hopeless for such a long time. Thank you this guiding and healing content that you so kindly and generously share with all of us. It’s priceless and I hold onto every word through the dark times. Again, many thanks.
Ms Cooper wow! You spoke my truth. Divorced after 43 years. I’m just now understanding what I was dealing with and the marriage has left me totally broken down. I never even knew what a narcissist was but when I found these wonderful videos, I started to connect the dots and am now beginning the healing process. Years and years of not understanding why what I was doing was never enough. And the blame! I was turning myself inside out trying to please this person. I knew he had a horrific childhood but was totally unprepared for how it would affect our marriage. So, I am so thankful for these videos from Dr. Carter. They are allowing me to acknowledge the crazy dynamics already set up way before I came into the marriage. I also am learning to forgive myself and to know that I am a worthy human. Knowledge is power and kindness and love to self will heal.
@@Bluesky1426 Hi, I'm replying to some of these (people who have been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist). How can these relationships last so long? I am really interested to know! Thanks!
I want to share- Happily, I have been so busy lately working and studying for my doctorate that I do not have the time and most importantly - I have no more desire to investigate the phenomenon of narcissists. BUT- To watch Dr. Carter- It's an experience that's worth put it all a side and just listen. Thank you for everything!!
AMAZING how each of your videos reveals more truths behind this deceitful character. It helps me to deal with the pain of falling for it all. Thank you Dr. Wes, you are becoming my inner voice of reason since I lost my way following the narcissist.
Being underdeveloped myself I can understand these people 😔I was foushont anouf to have a parent who I did get my emotional needs met inspite of her metalillness.and for the most part I have made good life decisions. I actually really liked my mother growing up.the only thing I didn't like was the drama? But there was alot of good times.
I think she had borderline ?I wasn't abused.we had a good relationship but I never talked back to her.interfied with my own development. It's called imesment. I have disexya moved alot. Went to too many schools school system moved me alot. THATS NONSECE..today lived in the same house for over 25 years.and I dont do rebounds.its sick lots of introspection.
I am currently trying to end a 5 year relationship with a narcissist. Everything you "confessed", was him exactly. What finally has me determined to move on from him, was an explosive, vile text messages that contained almost word for nasty word, that he had sent nearly to the day; every year we have been together. It just kept echoing in my mind, the lies, the manipulation, the denials and the berating. However, it hurt less this time. I did respond to him today, but with little emotion. I wished him the best and validated that he was entitled to feel whatever he felt. I did mention that his perception of me, was more a reflection of him. I have a hard time not responding to him and I really don't understand fully why? Thank you for sharing the knowledge. Knowledge is always power.
I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you so much, and yes I'm subscribing. You have a very calm and soothing way of explaining these people; which really helps with the CPTSD.
Excellent! Superb video. Bullseye! I love that you not only talk about hope at the end but provide practical examples of what to do, because many of us in these types of “power struggle” relationships, just want to live a normal life but we live in a constant cycle of confusion and craziness, and have such a loss of self, we forget what to do (as crazy as that sounds!). It’s actually so helpful to hear someone (particularly an expert on the subject) not only make these suggestions about establishing your own sense of direction, but letting us know it’s ok to do so.
I am so glad I stumbled across Surviving Narcissism, I was raised by parents who were narcissists, an older brother who was a narcissist (I say were because they are dead); my ex-husband, my cousin who are full-blown narcissists and a few acquaintances that I now realize are narcissists; through watching these videos I have learned to cut out these toxic people and I have been a happier healthier person as a result!
Thank you for helping me to understand what I had been dealing with before being discarded after 30 years. In the midst of trying to understand, process and heal. I pray I can get through it and find the light within me.
How do these long-term relationships with a narcissist last so long? I know that they do, but how?! I would really like to know, if anyone would like to take the time to answer - very interested! Thanks!
Its really amazing how each and every one of these things has relates to my most recent ex. I had been feeling like she has narcissist traits for a long while, but I truly believe that she is a full blown one after researching and listening to videos like these. They truly are stunted emotionally; and will forever be in arrested development. I let this person say some of the most horribly mean things to me because I loved her. Your videos really do help people. Thank you so much for posting. They help so much...for me especially, now around the holidays.
I have been backing off from my son. Gave him several warnings over the months. I pray but recently have been praying real hard on my knees for this kid. Well, he got arrested. Turns out he's hooked on meth. I'm not bailing him out. I'm allowing one phone call per day (and that may stop) and I'm staying strong. Thanks to your teaching. I'm actually relieved. He's safe.
My mom got her 40yr old grandaughter out of prison for dealing meth for mex mafia. She now lives in my childhood home and poor mom has lost her mind. Gone. MURDEROUS intentions. Gone.brainwashed. family is now GONE.it is horrifically sad to have to go no contact because shes isolated and going along with all this powergrabbing demonic robot. Moms not going to have one card for xmas.prob her last one!
Nancy Fahey yes. Tough love is the only way. This will be a life lesson that he needs. So many parents continue to bail their children out and that doesn’t help them become independent. Plus when he decides to change on his own instead of the condition of mom and dad making him it will truly be better for himself. Just continue praying for him.
Nancy Fahey I truly believe that tough love is pure love. God deals with us through tough love, He allows us free choice and allows us to deal with the outcome of bad choices. 💕💫
Jean Roeder sorry but I have to respectfully disagree. I don't believe 'tough love' is the answer. i think it causes more harm and damage which cannot be repaired. imo
Good gravy! The narcissist I dated displayed every confession you gave, no exceptions. These are the reasons why we’re no longer together. I got to the point I could not stand him! I could not care less what he thinks of me today. I know who I am and what I am. Life is good with him gone!
These imaginary confessions feel validating. I wrote similar comments in my journal last month. One was; "I'm not really depressed honey, I'm just too ridiculously lazy to get a job. I can't tell you how much it tickles my entitlement to see you get up and go to work everyday. And don't get me started on the empathy I create in you. Seeing you feel sorry for me really humors my grandiosity. Demand and supply. I LOVE my agenda, I mean our marriage. Have a good day at work honey." TY again for another great video Dr C
Thank you for this. You have helped me. My estranged son blames me for everything. He is with an older woman and looking after her children. He has always abused me and would argue in an empty room. By him refusing to interact with me, I have been handed a gift . I am released from all this ugliness and blame.
This is the best thing I have ever seen (or read, for that matter) on narcissism! It EXPLAINS it SO WELL! I think that this is what people need the most: to UNDERSTAND WHY!!! Thank you Dr. Carter!!!
This is so utterly true, helpful and relieving! Like washing off years of crusty layers of frustration, hurt, repeated exasperation. Saddest is how much it damaged me in the process, but there’s a chance to now apply your insights from now on.
I hope you realize how much you are helping people like me who are trapped in a marriage with a malignant narcissist.. if it weren’t for your videos I might lose my mind. But listening to you has grounded me and given me strength. Thank you very much.
such perfect timing! as I am 30 minutes past one of THOSE insane moments of being in the twilight zone and arguing w/someone who sees reality thru completely dif colored glasses. so maddening and all you wanna do is scream: arrrhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! arguing reality w/one of these whackos is like you cleaning 1,000 drinking glasses and making them shine only to have narcypants come in and say "you missed a spot...see I told you I am better at seeing things than you". yep, the same one who hasn't lifted a finger to even wash one of them. grrrr.
Dr. Carter - THANK YOU! You have helped me rid my narcissistic family once and for all. Yes, I said family! Parents, kids, ex-husband, extended family. I have nobody left standing after I unleashed my big can of woop ass. You have heard the term you know the ship is sinking when all the rats are leaving. Mine all scattered when I called them all out. To a sane person it was pure craziness how they all banded together and denied, denied, denied! I have been a victim for 54 years, but I have taken my life back. NO MORE NARCS. Words of wisdom to all of you beautiful co-dependents out there, GO NO CONTACT! Be brave. Always ask yourself this question "what have they done for me?" If your answer is nothing - cut out the cancer before it spreads. Dr. Carter please keep the videos coming.
Crystal clear. These "confessions" perfectly match the behavioural patterns of a narcissist. It's almost like they have formulated these rules for themselves. So, at some level they must be very clear about what they are doing. At the same time there must be a disconnect that stops them from seeing that they are as they do.
Clear about what they do as being effective tactics. That's all. They don't see that they are damaging others. Without empathy, which they have none of, they only see what works for them, what keeps their fragile egos feeling protected from the rest of the world around them they are making up conspiracy theories about. They don't see real friendship based on acceptance b/c they think everyone thinks like they do and are only being what looks like kind as a tactic to get something from them. Their fantasy thinking about the world is paranoia-filled.
As I’ve commented before, I recovered from BPD and “woke up” with narcissists in my life I’ve needed to deal with. I’m so finished with the pain of it all. Letting go and moving forward with my life is scary, but, the alternative is a hell I want out of. Thank you Dr. for the insight. The habits I’ve developed to survive are being worked on and I feel hopeful today. God Bless You and yours for the work you do. It’s life saving and soul saving. 🍃🌷🍃
You always put put great content and this is no exception. Really compelling. Oh I wish my Borderline mom could soeak to the hell inside her instead of trying to control the whole damn world. Thank you for helping survivors like myself to arm ourselves with knowledge.
You are absolutely brilliant. This is just a treasure of information. Extremely helpful and just made me so much better somehow. When we feel so alone from the abuse, this is like someone just reached down and gave me their hand and pulled me out of a hole. Thank you.
NUMBER 14: It is not the narcissist who throw a tantrum as a child but his parents, mother or father, or both, who used the child as a scapegoat for their own emotions.
Sophie Shinning - I disagree. I'd offer this view: We are all born narcissists. Those tall people around us are just servants (from our infant perspective); we yell at them to "feed me, change me, entertain me." If they set necessary boundaries by telling us "no", we first seize the power of "no" for ourselves - the notorious "terrible twos." But if they keep setting healthy boundaries, we're forced to change our perspective. If they don't, whether due to people pleasing, self-absorption, reading Dr Spock 😉, or whatever, our infantile narcissism will continue. As in #14, it kept working, so why stop? Btw, your comment sounds like the awful parent behavior described in Scott Peck's book "The People of the Lie." But the resulting damage didn't sound like narcissism. Contrary opinions very welcome...
@@anitab3365 I disagree with that. I offer you my perspective: We are all born selfish. But selfish is not narcissist. There's a difference between selfish vs. narc. Selfish means prioritizing myself, like, I have money but I won't share it with you. But narcissist means, prioritizing myself at the cost of others. Like, I want that private jet, but I can't afford it, so I will use your money, & commit fraud to pay for that jet. A baby is selfish, but not necessarily vampiric. The parents are maybe happily provide all the needs diapers, etc., and do not feel drained. In fact, when they see baby happy, the parents are happy too. Selfish is good, and some degree of selfishness is healthy. In fact, all victims need to be more selfish. But vampiric/toxic/narc is bad.
@@dianne7250 Remind me of my oldest brother. I don't understand where did he get that from? I know it's from the toxic wife, but I mean, he wasn't like that before he met her. He used to love me, the sweet sister. What happened to his conscience? Is he demon infected?
I used to be precisely like that. I did the massive work with a therapist to look myself in the mirror… took 15 years but now I accept being responsible for my mood and behavior…
I felt the same way at first. Now I'm on the road to self healing, with GOD and people like the good doctor I'm getting stronger. I'm slowly making my way out the door. But it does take time, so be good to yourself.
So spot on that I could actually hear her saying just about every one of these to me. It actually brought up a lot of hurt feelings. I guess I'm not as over my ex as I thought or hoped I was. wtf
The sad thing is they think they are the aware ones😞
And if we sent this video to a narcissist they would probably be proud that they think like this.
@@thekrrib they would deny it all. And say that's not them is you.
This is so true
@@MattSandoz
Yes they would never agree that they have a problem.. rather they say we are the oversensitive and overreacting ones
priyanka Precisely. If o hear the word overreact one more time I’ll puke.
Stay away from the narcissist. This individual is incapable of showing any love or genuine emotion. They’re just terrified that someone might be more beautiful, more talented, more intelligent, more popular, more successful etc. than them. So they will do anything to put you down and make you feel worthless, or at least put doubt
Yes. My soon to be ex wife is NPD for sure.
Jasmine Hetherington - EXACTLY!! If I get ANY positive attention, my husband will make me suffer, punish me. He’ll pout...It’s sad because I grew up with this nonsense, and then went ahead and married someone just like them, except he’s covert.
*Jasmine Hetherington:* How do you even KNOW that's what they are, when their lies are so convincing, and you trust them, and think they're good people, because that's what they project to the world?!
My narc used to be a good friend of my late husband and his family - so I trusted him TOTALLY, and mistakenly thought, because of his association with them, he MUST be a good person! I didn't realize what my narc was until 23 years later, when he just packed up, without my knowledge - no discussion, no clues of any kind, and left me SUDDENLY (and left me with a $5,000+ credit card bill!!)!! We had been at my daughter and son-in-law's place babysitting our 5-yr. old grandson, and meanwhile he had a pair of fools he knows, move all his stuff out of our house, into a $1,500/mth apartment, after telling me all summer that we "couldn't afford" things!!
I have no idea how much of what he told me over the past 23 years is true, but I have a feeling, probably NONE of it - he gave me a sob story about his ex-wife, and what a controlling monster she was, and that's why he left her and their 2 children!! Of course I believed every word he said, and felt sorry for him!! There's just NO WAY to tell who and what these monsters are, until it's far TOO LATE!!
Exactly, stole my identity and life!!!!!!!!!!!
Blablabla
They can’t change what they don’t acknowledge. A good predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Very true. Dr. C
Humans are not predictable - animals and robots are.
I doubt that a Narc will tell You about their "past behavior"...
My dad won't change and expects me and everyone else to kow-tow to him. He's delusional. I am sane. No more contact with him(I blocked his number on my phone). He doesn't want to listen to my complaints about his crap to me He has no patience and claim I have a problem: he is a jerk. I went no-contact(again) a month ago. I deserve a better father than him!
I am going to listen to this video at least once a day. So I know I am not crazy and that I know other people out there understand my pain.
you are not crazy. if you are then so am i
I'm doing the same thing. Watching these videos as many as I can daily!
Same
Good idea! I will try and do the same.
Smart.
If you decide to interact with a narcissist, be prepared to deal with someone who has the emotional IQ of a toddler that's eaten too many paint chips.
😂
Yep. They emanate toxicity
😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂 Bam!!!! Good one!!!!
😆😂
Very true and a hilarious comment!
The narcissist is like a tyrant out-of-control child who has all the power and expects to be worshipped, catered to and served at all times. You, your needs and your desires don't exist. Lying, cheating, betraying, criticising and mocking is all a fun game to them. If they succeed at these cruel fun games...they win! At least that is what they think in their minds. I choose to no longer play. Thank you Dr. Carter for all your insight and sharing your expertise in dealing with narcissists with us. Your videos are so helpful and healing.
Cecilia Allen well said.
People who believe them, elect them and we all suffer. How about you run for president 😄
You are sooooo right.
I choose to no longer play, I prefer to observe and life is so much nicer.
Amen!!
A narcissist will read this and still have the audacity to be like, "Nope, this isn't me. This is you." And then continue to point out why you're a "narcissist" and that you need to get help. Smh lol
So true.
Omg, yes!!! Yes, this is so true! It takes your breath away how they twist the truth or reality...
Very yrue
@Krista Awesome I forgot I even posted this. I think you're just thinking too much into it. It's a comment lol
@Krista Awesome I'm not gonna read your comment because you just came here to argue. Have a nice rant :)
P.S. These confessions are why no contact makes sense.
I've now gone NO CONTACT. I've been discarded due to dedication to my daughters and grandkids. He HAS NO CHILDREN. I feel like I lost but I'm worth better treatment
Thank YOU!!!! spot on
All roads with narcissist parents lead to no contact.
It's the ONLY way!!!!!
Yes, you are.
It really is amazing how out of touch with themself the narcissist is.
Bout slow is a snail....if they in they 40s they act like they 20 ..constantly having to say grow up...I had 2🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃 away. Called cops on my self so mad one day..
This gonna sound weird but I think narcissists lack a sense of self so they end up taking things from everyone to build a personality and interests to seem charming and fulfilled to maintain their supply.
They are walking vessels of TOXIC SHAME.
They hate their true selves so they create a false self and force everyone else into their supporting that false self, at your expense.
Lola they are so busy pointing the finger at others which keeps them from ever taking ownership of their own actions and growing from their mistakes or as I say their learning experiences.
They often give the truth away in their body language, tones and expressions when responding specially when in it's done in a defensive manner
I am having such a hard time letting go & coming to terms with the fact I cant help this person. I have to watch videos like this daily to remind me I need to step away.
Despite knowing this, I allow myself to get sucked back in everytime. Its literal insanity & yet I just can't seem to help myself.
Since I was five, I realized Dad is a narcissistic, misogynisitic, sarcastic and sadistic jerk! I am 60 now, he keeps proving he's an asshole!
I think Dr Carter has saved my life by opening my eyes. I have been studying this topic for years and I always dismiss the behavior believing I am just plain wrong and confused. 1 million times- thank you.
Thank you. You're why I'm doing this! Dr. C
I am thankful too. I am currently dealing with mother and son. Their mistakes had scaled to major consequences. Pray for me
I actually thought you had hidden cameras in my house. I never knew my x fiancee was a Narcissist
I've moved on a few days ago and it hurts. But your videos, which I found by accident, had helped me Instagram's not only am I losing the battle by being angry and emotional. I noticed her whole family is narcissist. Their mom the sisters the children. I did not know what the problem was until you taught me through you're videos. Is such a relief because I was a walking wreck trying to figure out why is she all of a sudden so different and blaming me for her life's mistakes
Cognitive dissonance will do that to you.
@@conycortescony2823 I totally understand you. My ex spouse and x MIL and his siblings are the same, narcissistic, bipolar, and anger issues. Him and His mother are like being married. Very sick and the same time very sad and heartbreaking that lives you with a deep broken heart, like dead...
To admit guilt for a narcissist is a hard blow to their ego, it hurts them like a hard punch in the gut. I've noticed how sometimes a narc will briefly admit guilt then auto-deflect to shifting the blame away from themselves and onto others. I think its because admitting guilt or being honest is so painful to their ego, it would shatter them and their self-inflated image and they can't allow that
Inga Hicks I’ll watch out for that auto-deflect in future, thanks 🙏🏻
The only time they ever apologize or admit they were wrong is if not to do so would destroy their (false) image!
As you said, you cannot expect something from them that they cannot give. This is so hard to grasp. For the longest time I have tried in vain to make narcissists UNDERSTAND my point of view. What a waste of time and energy! They are not equipped with the necessary tools. You are talking to a wall. Exasperating is the word. And worse even when you blame yourself for maybe not explaining yourself well enough. It is hard to come to the conclusion that you have to let it go, find other ways to work around it, but not behave as if you are talking to an equal. They live in a totally different world, and when you enter that world, you put your own life at risk. It is that dangerous. Thanks for the very clear outline. I love your understanding and your structure.
You described it perfectly... Their willfully obtuse nonsense that’s designed to confuse you. It is so hard to accept the harsh reality that no amount of facts or reasons will ever be enough. It doesn’t matter how clearly, calmly and patiently you explain yourself. They don’t care and there’s no desire to understand your feelings. It’s exhausting.
Trying to get a narc to understand what compassion is or basic humanity ... I was not successful. Mission fail... fall back... further, hopefully out of sight, out of range. I moved across the country to change my circumstances & toxic cycle with one. I'm super grateful to regain my sense of self-respect. Now that he can't show up drunk at my door at 4am ...or show up where I go with friends, ..i'm free of it. It really was a nightmare.
Yeah they live in a different world, it’s called heaven to them and they are the god ruling their heaven.
I’m sorry. We’re just shit human beings honestly, I was lucky to have my eyes opened by a friend, but that won’t happen for most. For me it took becoming a total zero and seeing how I started to treat my friends who I didn’t respect to see who I was more clearly. Anyway, I’d ask narcs to imagine themselves from the outside. If they can do that -or maybe record them-then it will force them so see the reality of who they are and how they’re behaving.
troll123 yes.. Its the arrogance they regard such efforts with that really hits that fail button, imo
This makes SO much sense. My family can literally talk for HOURS about the same problems at work, every single day. The second you need to talk about your day, or even just mention a crazy situation, all the sudden it's as if they can't believe you're bogging them down with such information. Makes sense that they can't empathize or it drains them to care for you in even the slightest way that they expect you to care for them.
Haha for real. I spent COUNTLESS hours listening to her problems being her "emotional support" 4 months into the relationship I finally told her something that was bothering ME ONE TIME, and I wasn't having a good day. She litterally called me a coward, control freak, and said I was "TORCHERING" her all day. She ACTUALLY felt Torchered by three seconds of something that had nothing to do with HER, compared to months of being there and listening to her problems.. Lmao then she blocked me for three days.. unblocked me and called me an asshole. Anyone that knows me knows im a pretty selfless person. Would do anything for anyone. This woman projected everything she was doing and blamed me for it. Lied, cheated, manipulated, pretended to be in love for months and months, then I got discarded. Long brutal story short. I could write a book on this woman. I also had people stop talking to me recently...I'm sure she's gotten ahold of them by now. God only knows what crap make believe lies she's telling everyone. probably how I touched her kids or raped her or something lol. I WOULD NOT put it past her. Last message I got from her was how I have a mental illness and she needs to keep her family safe 😂 and how it was "just a vunerable time in her life and gave me all her attention" lol wow does she mean how I GAVE HER ALL MY attention? She couldn't even handle a single moment of ME having a bad day.LITTERALLY. then when I left her cause of the lying and cheating she said "I've been trying to express to you my NEEDS" LOL WOOOOOW. you can never fullfil their needs...and can't even tell them about something that's happened to you..they will laugh and always believe they've been through more in life. She litterally laughed when I explained one thing about MY past
quantum love oh my GOSH SO DAM Similar!!! This is crazy!!!!!!
@@quantumlove5998 OP
I experienced this, too many times ! I promise you,I did nothing to provoke and yet, it went completely off the rails!!! Friggin terrifying!!!..
That's my mom 100%
She could rant about her stuff 24/7. Had zero patience for other people's problems, including her kids. A terrible listener, to put it mildly.
Your videos are not just helping me survive narcissism, it is helping me live along side one while maintaining my determination and dignity.
ME TOO!
SheLikesSteel. You will be a stronger person for it. These people are God's way of refining His people thru tests and trials.
I'm learning more everyday. Should I even bother staying with the man I fell in love with. Is this the kind of life that I want, or deserve? The answer is No! He will never change. I'm so tired of the arguments that never get resolved. If I ever give an opinion and he doesn't like it, he will get into an argument, and usually is for something not even that bad. He is always right, and I have no idea what I'm talking about, he says. Calls me Dumd,stupid, not knowledgeable. He tells me to read relationship book..He's a Narsaccist a Passive Aggressive and a Pathological liar. I've never have cried so much in my life.. 😥
@@erikamunoz3813 I also cried because of narcissists so much, that it's not possible to count. Hope, you'll find strength to get away from him soon and get back to normal life. Good luck!) And men who call us stupid and other bad words, don't deserve to be near us.
After I realized, what kind of monster is behind the mask of charming person, it is much easier to say good bye to them
@@shellymichelle2719 I'd like to see where you get that idea from... Do you have any sort of reference to back up a statement like that?
7:24 #18 “Watch your back when you’re around our mutual acquaintances. There’s a good chance I’ve already spoken poorly about you to them.”
This is a tough one when we learn that we may need to say goodbye to the entire herd. When you realize their view may be so slanted due to behind-the-back chatter, I t’s likely not possible, or even worth the effort, to try to sway them. If they won’t really consider your side, treat you in an equitable way and you can’t trust them to stand in your corner, then it’s time to put precious energy elsewhere.
Wonderful list, Dr C! God bless you and Merry Christmas!
So hard when it’s your family, which is otherwise relatively healthy aside from the narcissist. My mom has poisoned the barrel. To free myself from her meant risking all the healthy apples. Wishing you and your healthy apples a happy holiday season!
So very well said. Thank you. It's hard to find people who are not swayed by the narcissist's lies.
The weak minions are the only ones following along with the narc. NO BIG LOSS THERE REALLY. We are waaaayyy better off without 'em!
I loved this. One time I met a mutual acquaintance of a narcissist in my life, and the acquaintance was surprised when she realized who I was, because she liked me and was surprised at that based on things the narcissist had told her about me. HA!
@Tewdy Quew Definitely, but if you can get a few people on your side who are willing to admit to what the narc is doing and then catch them in the act yourself (preferably through written correspondence) this behavior can definitely be taken to H.R. It is a form of harassment because they are creating a hostile work environment for the individual. Usually it is someone they feel threatened by.
This is perfection!
It's complete insanity and the biggest mind f* I've ever been through. 😫
You're not alone Sis!
Exactly what I've been trying to describe to people in one simple sweet sentence. I'm using it, thanks!
oh god, and how long it takes to get over !
No one truly understands until they’ve been there.
@@micaelam4127 no one.
These videos are helping me so much. I just left. I need to rebuild my sense of self, reclaim me.
Dr. Carter, I feel like you've just given me a Christmas gift.
I always feel exasperated!! Before I figured it out, I felt I was banging my head on the wall. He's so crazy I have to laugh!! I'm thankful I'm so strong and see right through him! Poor narcs! They are very sick!
Yvette Givens very SICKKKKKKKK
They advertise all of this through their actions and attitudes. They give themselves away constantly you just have to see them clearly.
Vivian Vennicia problem is they do it secretly and covertly, upsetting us but no one else sees their behavior and if we say something then we look like the crazy one.
God will handle it, we can trust Him
@@shellymichelle2719 there are ways to trip them up and out them. It just isn't wise to do so. Lesson learned.
@@shellymichelle2719 he can be trusted in all things
Dr Carter you are so well informed may be your 30 years experience. When I first started listening for some reason you were the best kept secret on You Tube about narcissim. I am so glad that thousands listen to your clear message within hours now.
Thank you, Ted. Dr. C
Found you a couple weeks ago...it's like I e been living in a dark forest and painful hell for 11yrs trying to figure out WTH is going on......the terrain is still the same, but the sun is out and the fog has cleared and I can see and I'm not emotionally stumbling into trees and thornbushes any more. I can more easily avoid what he throws at me, and shield myself mentally. Thank you! It's only been a week, but I'm feeling so much better internally! You are truly a gift!
@@SurvivingNarcissism
In 2011, before I had a laptop to look things up, I asked an acquaintance who was married to a "counselor" to ask them for me if there was a proper term for someone who was a bully, someone who picked on people. They later replied saying their spouse knew of no such psychological term. Why have "counselors" been ignorant on this subject for so long? For years people went for counseling and got no help at all. There were labels such as "co-dependent" but they had no term or label to describe bullies/narcissists. If the "experts" don't know a thing, they aren't experts at all. Many of us have had to study from the ground up to learn while we were suffering. What gives??
My husband who scored 98% in denial on a behavioral survey, walked out of the room as I played this. This is saying some things that I have already told him, but THANK YOU!!!!! This is an excellent summary!!
Maybe he'll stick around the next time you play a video. Dr. C
I tried showing this video to my husband, his friend and work partner, and his wife, I am also friends with- and they all refused to listen to it laughed and said I was the one who was the narcissist. So now I try to get my husband to watch it alone with me and he is snoring. Unconditional Love is the hardest test in a marriage for sure !
@@naturewalkwithwords spot on, unconditional love for sure is the hardest thing's. Watching this videos make us strong and try to go out from one hear to the other and learn to fake, the way they do. 💔💔💔
Nina- K yes if they have friends it ppl they brain washed an have control over
@@naturewalkwithwords
One might play the video during lunch: they have to stay awake to eat. :)
25 narcissist don’t like this video. It exposes them so well . Narcissist don’t like to hear the truth , from their mates or no one else
for that matter.
Ha! Brillant!
They have NO mates
If only they could have Integrity, Rationality and Reflection!
My Mother told me along time ago:when you hear a person saying I,I,I,and ME,ME,ME, every time they open their mouths , usually they are telling Lies,so be prepared to exit; in those 25 things mentioned there were about 100 references to either ME,or I,.Nice work Dr Les,. Thank you for the reminders ❤️👏🏽👍🏽💪🏽
Enn Vee
The I I I, ME ME ME person is also very self-centered, no room for others.
What's your momma number cause I need to ask her so e questions????good advice go hug her if you can
Rowena LyfeBlessing Still momma’s gone to sleep,now,so listen while you can 🤗
Jean Roeder you don’t have no room in them but they will always have room in you,it’s up to you to move on or not 🎯
This Revelation makes me more concerned about ex-presidents Obama
Worked for a narcissistic manager. I had to leave. Cost me a bundle. Eventually the State came in and the company got busted for fraud, there was a huge fine. These people are sick. No cure. Leave.
Unfortunately, many have had the misfortune of entertaining narcissists, and if one is around them long enough, every aspect of their behavior shows up. Dr. Carter, you have provided great teaching tools, reminders, warning road signs, so that if a person unwittingly becomes involved with such "a being", one can extricate themselves before being enticed, conned, and impacted to a degree that leaves scars. The irony is that most narcissists are extremely talented at being charming, for they know how and whom to make their minions, the gullible ones, who will defend them, as they stab another in the back. Too bad there isn't an antidote pill to give a narcissist, or place a placard on their forehead.. saying, WARNING: I am a narcissist, and you will be my next victim.
SRS4859 I hate to make it political, but wouldn’t it have been helpful for the current leader to have that sign on his forehead?
Terrific comment. Said so well. Thank you!
The Green Queen - I can't see how it would change anything. He already has "fake" marked clearly on his head. 😉 But... how many successful politicians are NOT narcs? A few come to mind - or is their narcissism a bit less, allowing them to craft a better mask? Dr Carter said (in the "8 Lies" video, IIRC) that we can all have some degree of narc - an annoying truth, but helpful in checking how I'm treating people...
SRS4859 o .
The Green Queen Only if the previous one would do it first!
Thank you for helping to restore my sanity! I've said to my narcissistic husband for years, "your reality is distorted"! But narcissist don't care, so I started going crazy, lol. But all the information on npd is clarifying what I already suspected to be wrong with him. I force myself to take time to read something on this topic or watch a video, EVERYDAY to train myself on how to deal with him. It's been 10 years and their patterns are consistent.
Good for you. That's action, and that's a plan. I guess I've been doing the same, and I don't always feel like it (rather watch a comedy, you know?), but it's a commitment to making a change right? I'm in a 10 yr marriage, trying to get out, aka flee. We'll make it. Good luck!
Sigh, having been raised by a probable narc mother, “stop crying-you look ugly when you cry and no one will like you”, “ you don’t have real friends”, type of thing, I learned to always put myself last from fear of further rejection. A prime target for future narcissistic exploitation. At 65, I find I am “on my third” narc, though not at the direct mercy of #3 this time. But it takes a while for the mask to drop sometimes, and the learning curve was steep. One can perhaps equate the narc with alcohol - if you keep carrying on with narc consumption you are going to wake up sick, depressed and frustrated with yourself. Leave the party after the first drink. You will thank yourself in the morning. Had I had access to your great videos twenty years ago, Dr, Carter, I could have saved more of my sanity! There was so little info out there then. I can’t thank you enough. Your presentation is so calming and centering.
Again, awesome video dr. C. I learned about a year and a half into my 3 year relationship with my narc, that arguing was futile. Reasoning was pointless, trying to get her to see my side or have compassion with me was useless. Something was literally always wrong. Always. Barely a day went by where I wasn’t screwing up in some way. She was so confrontational and argumentative all the time, I’ve never met anyone like that before. It got to the point about 1.5 years in that when she would start arguing with me, stonewall me, shut down and get condescending, I would just walk out the door. I found this to be the only way I could win for a short amount of time. Narcs have to get the last word in, and if you walk out the door and leave, they don’t get to and it pisses them off. There was times I’d leave her house and drive home at 1 a.m. after we were in bed, and she’d start on something else. I’d just get up and leave. Then the text messages would come in, which I’d promptly ignore. It felt good for a little while until ultimately I’d get discarded unless I begged for her forgiveness. These people are monsters.
Thanks Doc. living and married to a narcissist for 40 years. I have always known. But the good news is I never lost myself or who I am. Your video's just reinforces that fact.
Exasperation! YES!!! That is the perfect adjective for how I've felt! Grrrrr....
When I walked away from a narcissist that I met recently, I was grateful to see a red flag and walk away.
Entire video is outstanding, but I especially like 12:15 on. “Unhook” is a great way to think about dealing with a narcissist when leaving isn’t a feasible option.
Carolynne Gischel I particularly loved that part too. I almost felt like I was getting permission like “it’s ok to live again”. I’ve always felt that being in a relationship with a narcissist is literally like living in a prison because after a while you forget who you were.
Chica yessssss... that one was key for me too.. I had an ah ha moment... an Ummmmm moment..
@@mommabear5059 So true
I can laugh now because I'm truly over him after 17 years!!
Torri Howard congratulations!! I feel like we should all get together and have a party 🎉 🎈 🎂
I would like to have a Divorce party but my mentor says it's not to be celebrated. Hmm.
Another thing I’ve learnt and I would like dr Carter talking about is … everything you say it could and it WILL be used for sure against you later … maybe 5 minutes later … is unbelievable!
This is a good emphatic approach to seeing a narcissist. I've gone from frustration and anger with narcissists to sadness in having to interact with them.
Too bad a narc. could never watch this video.. They would be fidgeting and twitching, completely narc. injured. : ) lol
As patetic spoiled 3 year old child..lol
They'd say oh he's talking about you 😮
Torri Howard your good! How long did you get trained for? : )
Some are watching it. Those are clearly the dislikes.
Juan Antonio Suarez lol.. : )
Finally cut of the narcissist’s supply. Going no contact because I cannot take anymore. I’m constantly sick, hardly sleeping, anxious. But this is someone I have to keep contact with in a way unfortunately!
They confess all the time by projecting what they feel onto you. But these are spot on.
Exactly! They read like a playbook!
Sometimes I think that you were dwelling in our house. The description of the narcissist is so accurate. Thanks for suggesting tools to deal with this personality.
Same here.
You are the best of the best! Thanks for the truth bombs and some genuine laughs.
This perfectly describes 2 of my 3 siblings. They have teamed up to abuse me for decades. I'm so glad to finally learn what's going on.
I've met so many of them in my life but I've learnt to play their game. The twinkle they get in their eyes, the smirk on their face and the tone in their voice is a dead giveaway but I always make sure they get what they want and then drop them the next time they think they can use me. The look on their face is always priceless.
Thank you Dr. Carter. Ur a beautiful person.🍀😎❣
Thank you! Dr. C
A weight has been lifted, from me, by following your talks. Thank you.
When they're "interested in you or what you have to say", ...it's a setup. So true.
Exasperating to say the least!...i got so sick of the circular arguing...never ever resolving anything! Thank God he saved me from myself! Love? His interpretation of love is out of Hollyweird...he (they) are delusional in their thinking...
AMEN 🙏THANK YOU JESUS 💕 😁
Love? when we first got together and I was working 3rd shift I "busted" him watching pornography-more than once even though he lied about it. Then there's the online gaming/gambling it just goes on and on. I get sick when I think about it!!
@@natthebratster liars that they are....i hope you have moved on from the creature of a leech....
Oh yes and doing very well emotionally...knowledge is power!
I love these confessions! I have watched this video 10 times. I laughed out loud, like you had to have met my husband of 23 years. Thank you for giving me my sanity back.
Glad it hit home! Dr. C
I never comprehended that my mother had narcissistic personality disorder until much later in my life when I pieced it all together. I first read the book "Emotional Vampires" which began to give me an understanding. I used to say that my mother suffered from narcissistic personality disorder. However she really did not suffer. She made everyone else suffer
When I heard the confessions, I pictured certain people I know. You really hit the nail on the head with this one, Dr Carter!
Such deep words of wisdom, all the way through. At 11:45 you start talking about ditching your concern over this nutty person’s crazy ramblings, and the things they’ve poisoned others with. This is so key. You can only make things worse by trying to counteract a smear campaign! Just keep being your authentic self, and any “others” that really matter will see the truth. 💛
I fell for doing this today and made an a** of myself
Start anew tomorrow
So grateful I found Dr. Les Carter. I am recently divorced from a narcissist after 38 years of marriage. I have received encouragement, peace and understanding from these videos and discovered a whole new self. I am absolutely not the worthless, defective being that my ex made me believe I was.
Hey Lori, make sure to keep an eye out for the video coming up this Friday about reclaiming your self respect. Dr. C
Isn't it ironic that a person who berates your emotions as unstable after perpetuating all the grief. I gotta tell ya Doc, as i listen, narc free for over a year, i laugh out loud as the story is told. I think that's a good thing. There was a time it just simply baffled my entire existence. Knowledge and zero toxic contact, the elixir for past and preventative for future.
Thanks again for these thoughts, Brad. If I had to choose between laughing or crying, I'd choose laughing too. Dr. C
My mother makes it her life goal to get people that do and do not know me to approach me about how horrible I am to her. I have had to move out of town and start fresh without her in my life at all. She still tries to get her lackeys to come after me since I have zero contact now. She even sent me a Christmas card. I sent a card back with some home made cookies. She told everyone she bets I poisoned them and she isn't gonna touch them. I have heard over the years you only have 1 mother but I feel like I have never had a mother.
The positive is that you have such strength and were able to be assertive with yourself and geographically relocate. But as you said she will use smears and flying monkeys to try and get her narc supply from you. I think if any flying monkeys come or contact you, you should go no contact with them too. As for any mail she sends you, I think ( if you identify it's from her) return to sender unopened. The notion that we only have one mother ( or in my case one father) is dangerous. It comes from people who have no idea about narc abuse and have not been ( as well as other family members) scapegoat targeted. Whether they are parents or not does not give them ( or any one else) the right to narc abuse us.
Joan Copeland Why do you let her know where you live??? hello?!
The phrase "you only have one" is incorrect. I only have one I'm blood connected too...my kids have at Least three! My sisters live close and love them like their own.
Side story (Infact, my 5 yr old used to call her favorite "mom" when she was tiny...and when Auntie kept trying to get her to use her proper Name at 2 1/2, she sighed exasperatedly and said "K...Other Mom!"
My sister was worried I would be upset she calls her mom......my heart was sooo happy! To know my kids feel That loved and can trust someone on That level other than me gives me comfort. Mothering can be hard, and I know I have a back up!)
Don't give up, you may still find yourself a mother to "adopt" you. Blood relationship and being raised by them can facilitate that bond, but it's not what determines it!
In my family it was often mentioned that the bible says that you have to respect and worship/praise (I'm not sure about the translation) your parents/elders. It was like a religious and moral hook that kept children in a cornered situation. But then someone also discovered that the Bible also teaches parents that "do not enrage your children"!
So in this case children have duty towards the parents but also parents have duty towards children. And as it's also always been said: the example comes from the above (elders) so if they do not fulfil it then i guess children are dispensed and let off the hook of that duty for nothing.
@@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023 I don't let her know. Heh but I do have to have a legit address to keep my kids in school so she just looks it up.
Man, do I love you or what!! Thank you dear one, you are such a blessing to me. You are very creative and you truly "get it" -- so refreshing coming from a professional!
Thank you. Dr. C
This is excruciatingly sad but helpful. Thank you
suggested narc thought #26 - 'i w/do anything that i can get by with and step over dead bodies if i need to. i am accountable only to my own reality.' - the Ns instant gratification.
No 18..."watch your back".......this is the biggy for me......scapegoating, cold shouldered......hated by her friends....leading to ostracism by her pastor...who was sucked in to all the lies.....blinded by her sterling performances and crocodile tears!!! Its unbelieveable
Thank you so much. Such an ingenious and appealing way to help your listeners, Dr. Carter. I wrote this all down, the confessions, the patterns, all of it. I’ll refer to this when I have my times of questioning my decision to leave after 36 years. These are powerful truths and spot on. It’s heartbreaking to leave someone you love and give up the idea of growing older together. I was hooked, played the fool, wound up exasperated, isolated and beyond sad. It isn’t easy to leave the dance early and I see it will take a lot of time and commitment on my part to give myself credit for the truth I did see and to forgive myself for not leaving sooner. I want to understand my motivations and choices that kept me trapped and hopeless for such a long time. Thank you this guiding and healing content that you so kindly and generously share with all of us. It’s priceless and I hold onto every word through the dark times. Again, many thanks.
Ms Cooper wow! You spoke my truth. Divorced after 43 years. I’m just now understanding what I was dealing with and the marriage has left me totally broken down. I never even knew what a narcissist was but when I found these wonderful videos, I started to connect the dots and am now beginning the healing process. Years and years of not understanding why what I was doing was never enough. And the blame! I was turning myself inside out trying to please this person. I knew he had a horrific childhood but was totally unprepared for how it would affect our marriage. So, I am so thankful for these videos from Dr. Carter. They are allowing me to acknowledge the crazy dynamics already set up way before I came into the marriage. I also am learning to forgive myself and to know that I am a worthy human. Knowledge is power and kindness and love to self will heal.
@@Bluesky1426 it must have taken a lot of courage. I'm at 44 yrs. And asking how do I pack up that many years and start over?
@@Bluesky1426 Hi, I'm replying to some of these (people who have been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist). How can these relationships last so long? I am really interested to know! Thanks!
I want to share-
Happily, I have been so busy lately working and studying for my doctorate that I do not have the time and most importantly - I have no more desire to investigate the phenomenon of narcissists.
BUT-
To watch Dr. Carter- It's an experience that's worth put it all a side and just listen.
Thank you for everything!!
So pleased! Dr. C
Thank you Dr.Carter for once again boosting my confidence....Happy holiday season as well.
AMAZING how each of your videos reveals more truths behind this deceitful character. It helps me to deal with the pain of falling for it all. Thank you Dr. Wes, you are becoming my inner voice of reason since I lost my way following the narcissist.
That almost makes me feel sorry for them.....almost. Thank you 😊
Being underdeveloped myself I can understand these people 😔I was foushont anouf to have a parent who I did get my emotional needs met inspite of her metalillness.and for the most part I have made good life decisions. I actually really liked my mother growing up.the only thing I didn't like was the drama? But there was alot of good times.
I think she had borderline ?I wasn't abused.we had a good relationship but I never talked back to her.interfied with my own development. It's called imesment. I have disexya moved alot. Went to too many schools school system moved me alot. THATS NONSECE..today lived in the same house for over 25 years.and I dont do rebounds.its sick lots of introspection.
I am currently trying to end a 5 year relationship with a narcissist. Everything you "confessed", was him exactly. What finally has me determined to move on from him, was an explosive, vile text messages that contained almost word for nasty word, that he had sent nearly to the day; every year we have been together. It just kept echoing in my mind, the lies, the manipulation, the denials and the berating. However, it hurt less this time. I did respond to him today, but with little emotion. I wished him the best and validated that he was entitled to feel whatever he felt. I did mention that his perception of me, was more a reflection of him. I have a hard time not responding to him and I really don't understand fully why? Thank you for sharing the knowledge. Knowledge is always power.
He has his hooks in you. It feels really good to ignore them, really good. Just like you are someone who won't give the time of day to a creep.
please block him everywhere- cellphone, social media accounts. that's why there's a block button! You're still waiting to hear from him.
I really needed to hear this right now. Thank you so much, and yes I'm subscribing. You have a very calm and soothing way of explaining these people; which really helps with the CPTSD.
“Honesty hurts too much” that’s good
Excellent! Superb video. Bullseye! I love that you not only talk about hope at the end but provide practical examples of what to do, because many of us in these types of “power struggle” relationships, just want to live a normal life but we live in a constant cycle of confusion and craziness, and have such a loss of self, we forget what to do (as crazy as that sounds!). It’s actually so helpful to hear someone (particularly an expert on the subject) not only make these suggestions about establishing your own sense of direction, but letting us know it’s ok to do so.
This could actually be stand up comedy. It’s so refreshing to hear how crazy this all is with how narcissistic people rationalize their thoughts.
I am so glad I stumbled across Surviving Narcissism, I was raised by parents who were narcissists, an older brother who was a narcissist (I say were because they are dead); my ex-husband, my cousin who are full-blown narcissists and a few acquaintances that I now realize are narcissists; through watching these videos I have learned to cut out these toxic people and I have been a happier healthier person as a result!
I'm so glad you stumbled across us too! Thanks for this good feedback. Dr. C
I am glad, can’t wait to begin reading the book
Anything you SAY or DO will be held against you in the court of a narcissist ... crazy court!!!
The good news is...the narcissist is not my judge or jury. Dr. C
The good news yes... that’s reality ... where I belong TY
Love your talks they give me strength and remind me of the truth
Jennie Jackson
Crazy cort -- good one.
Thank you for helping me to understand what I had been dealing with before being discarded after 30 years. In the midst of trying to understand, process and heal. I pray I can get through it and find the light within me.
How do these long-term relationships with a narcissist last so long? I know that they do, but how?! I would really like to know, if anyone would like to take the time to answer - very interested! Thanks!
Its really amazing how each and every one of these things has relates to my most recent ex. I had been feeling like she has narcissist traits for a long while, but I truly believe that she is a full blown one after researching and listening to videos like these. They truly are stunted emotionally; and will forever be in arrested development. I let this person say some of the most horribly mean things to me because I loved her. Your videos really do help people. Thank you so much for posting. They help so much...for me especially, now around the holidays.
I have been backing off from my son. Gave him several warnings over the months. I pray but recently have been praying real hard on my knees for this kid. Well, he got arrested. Turns out he's hooked on meth. I'm not bailing him out. I'm allowing one phone call per day (and that may stop) and I'm staying strong. Thanks to your teaching. I'm actually relieved. He's safe.
God bless you, Nancy. Praying for you and your family. Xoxo
My mom got her 40yr old grandaughter out of prison for dealing meth for mex mafia. She now lives in my childhood home and poor mom has lost her mind. Gone. MURDEROUS intentions. Gone.brainwashed. family is now GONE.it is horrifically sad to have to go no contact because shes isolated and going along with all this powergrabbing demonic robot. Moms not going to have one card for xmas.prob her last one!
Nancy Fahey yes. Tough love is the only way. This will be a life lesson that he needs. So many parents continue to bail their children out and that doesn’t help them become independent. Plus when he decides to change on his own instead of the condition of mom and dad making him it will truly be better for himself. Just continue praying for him.
Nancy Fahey
I truly believe that tough love is pure love. God deals with us through tough love, He allows us free choice and allows us to deal with the outcome of bad choices. 💕💫
Jean Roeder
sorry but I have to respectfully disagree. I don't believe 'tough love' is the answer. i think it causes more harm and damage which cannot be repaired. imo
That's so true and the sad thing is if you love them you will believe they are instead of believing yourself that you are aware
Exasperation is exactly how it feels. This video is 100% accurate!
Good gravy! The narcissist I dated displayed every confession you gave, no exceptions. These are the reasons why we’re no longer together. I got to the point I could not stand him! I could not care less what he thinks of me today. I know who I am and what I am. Life is good with him gone!
These imaginary confessions feel validating. I wrote similar comments in my journal last month. One was; "I'm not really depressed honey, I'm just too ridiculously lazy to get a job. I can't tell you how much it tickles my entitlement to see you get up and go to work everyday. And don't get me started on the empathy I create in you. Seeing you feel sorry for me really humors my grandiosity. Demand and supply. I LOVE my agenda, I mean our marriage. Have a good day at work honey."
TY again for another great video Dr C
YW.....Dr. C
Thank you for this. You have helped me. My estranged son blames me for everything. He is with an older woman and looking after her children. He has always abused me and would argue in an empty room. By him refusing to interact with me, I have been handed a gift . I am released from all this ugliness and blame.
Excellent Video!! Had a "Ah Ha" moment TY.
These confessions are harsh and almost make me pity the narcissist. Then I remember the pain they cause.
He just described my husband!!! He has made me have nervous breakdown s,im seriously broken
Hope you could find a happy life by now! 😎
This is the best thing I have ever seen (or read, for that matter) on narcissism! It EXPLAINS it SO WELL! I think that this is what people need the most: to UNDERSTAND WHY!!! Thank you Dr. Carter!!!
This is so utterly true, helpful and relieving! Like washing off years of crusty layers of frustration, hurt, repeated exasperation. Saddest is how much it damaged me in the process, but there’s a chance to now apply your insights from now on.
I hope you realize how much you are helping people like me who are trapped in a marriage with a malignant narcissist.. if it weren’t for your videos I might lose my mind. But listening to you has grounded me and given me strength. Thank you very much.
such perfect timing! as I am 30 minutes past one of THOSE insane moments of being in the twilight zone and arguing w/someone who sees reality thru completely dif colored glasses. so maddening and all you wanna do is scream: arrrhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
arguing reality w/one of these whackos is like you cleaning 1,000 drinking glasses and making them shine only to have narcypants come in and say "you missed a spot...see I told you I am better at seeing things than you". yep, the same one who hasn't lifted a finger to even wash one of them. grrrr.
Dr. Carter - THANK YOU! You have helped me rid my narcissistic family once and for all. Yes, I said family! Parents, kids, ex-husband, extended family. I have nobody left standing after I unleashed my big can of woop ass. You have heard the term you know the ship is sinking when all the rats are leaving. Mine all scattered when I called them all out. To a sane person it was pure craziness how they all banded together and denied, denied, denied! I have been a victim for 54 years, but I have taken my life back. NO MORE NARCS. Words of wisdom to all of you beautiful co-dependents out there, GO NO CONTACT! Be brave. Always ask yourself this question "what have they done for me?" If your answer is nothing - cut out the cancer before it spreads. Dr. Carter please keep the videos coming.
Crystal clear. These "confessions" perfectly match the behavioural patterns of a narcissist. It's almost like they have formulated these rules for themselves. So, at some level they must be very clear about what they are doing. At the same time there must be a disconnect that stops them from seeing that they are as they do.
Clear about what they do as being effective tactics. That's all. They don't see that they are damaging others. Without empathy, which they have none of, they only see what works for them, what keeps their fragile egos feeling protected from the rest of the world around them they are making up conspiracy theories about. They don't see real friendship based on acceptance b/c they think everyone thinks like they do and are only being what looks like kind as a tactic to get something from them. Their fantasy thinking about the world is paranoia-filled.
@@ACE-zo6st They can also be spiteful, vengeful and sadistic. I'm just being cautious of the idea of the narcissist as a machine. They do know.
This answers so many questions. God bless you for your contribution to Team Healthy!
Glad you were able find this one!
👍🏻 thank you for your channel.
As I’ve commented before, I recovered from BPD and “woke up” with narcissists in my life I’ve needed to deal with. I’m so finished with the pain of it all. Letting go and moving forward with my life is scary, but, the alternative is a hell I want out of. Thank you Dr. for the insight. The habits I’ve developed to survive are being worked on and I feel hopeful today. God Bless You and yours for the work you do. It’s life saving and soul saving. 🍃🌷🍃
You always put put great content and this is no exception. Really compelling. Oh I wish my Borderline mom could soeak to the hell inside her instead of trying to control the whole damn world. Thank you for helping survivors like myself to arm ourselves with knowledge.
Wow, that was a phenomenal take on the narcissist and very creative approach.... Thank you for that!
You are absolutely brilliant. This is just a treasure of information. Extremely helpful and just made me so much better somehow. When we feel so alone from the abuse, this is like someone just reached down and gave me their hand and pulled me out of a hole. Thank you.
I am not waiting anymore for anything from this person. I am grateful to finally learn about the men in my life and break the cycle of abuse.
NUMBER 14: It is not the narcissist who throw a tantrum as a child but his parents, mother or father, or both, who used the child as a scapegoat for their own emotions.
my ex mother in law was testing my husband by openly STEALING from me and saying I had no "family values".
Sophie Shinning - I disagree. I'd offer this view: We are all born narcissists. Those tall people around us are just servants (from our infant perspective); we yell at them to "feed me, change me, entertain me." If they set necessary boundaries by telling us "no", we first seize the power of "no" for ourselves - the notorious "terrible twos." But if they keep setting healthy boundaries, we're forced to change our perspective. If they don't, whether due to people pleasing, self-absorption, reading Dr Spock 😉, or whatever, our infantile narcissism will continue. As in #14, it kept working, so why stop?
Btw, your comment sounds like the awful parent behavior described in Scott Peck's book "The People of the Lie." But the resulting damage didn't sound like narcissism. Contrary opinions very welcome...
@@anitab3365 I disagree with that. I offer you my perspective: We are all born selfish. But selfish is not narcissist.
There's a difference between selfish vs. narc. Selfish means prioritizing myself, like, I have money but I won't share it with you.
But narcissist means, prioritizing myself at the cost of others. Like, I want that private jet, but I can't afford it, so I will use your money, & commit fraud to pay for that jet.
A baby is selfish, but not necessarily vampiric. The parents are maybe happily provide all the needs diapers, etc., and do not feel drained. In fact, when they see baby happy, the parents are happy too.
Selfish is good, and some degree of selfishness is healthy. In fact, all victims need to be more selfish. But vampiric/toxic/narc is bad.
@@dianne7250 Remind me of my oldest brother. I don't understand where did he get that from? I know it's from the toxic wife, but I mean, he wasn't like that before he met her. He used to love me, the sweet sister. What happened to his conscience? Is he demon infected?
thiery572 - "at the cost of others" - very helpful distinction. Thanks!
I used to be precisely like that. I did the massive work with a therapist to look myself in the mirror… took 15 years but now I accept being responsible for my mood and behavior…
26 I will never admit that I'm wrong....but you will always be wrong' "You're wrong" exhausting!!!!
Yep. Dr. C
this increases my pain knowing what situation and my life is like
I felt the same way at first. Now I'm on the road to self healing, with GOD and people like the good doctor I'm getting stronger. I'm slowly making my way out the door. But it does take time, so be good to yourself.
So spot on that I could actually hear her saying just about every one of these to me. It actually brought up a lot of hurt feelings. I guess I'm not as over my ex as I thought or hoped I was. wtf