My husband’s #1 shame response has been to say nothing. Dead silence, leaving me to drown in the sewage. More abandonment begat more trauma and the pain would turn to rage. Over and over again. After 5 years, I stopped turning to him for support, empathy, comfort. I am stronger and I am healing. We live in the same house, different bedrooms. We are cordial, but there is no intimacy of any kind. It is a completely empty relationship, but preferable to the hell I was in. I’m no longer being retraumatized and the relentless pain is finally gone, along with any hope I had of building a new life with him.
Wonderful outline of what place the cheating partner needs to be to be a force for good. Could you do a video about exactly and specifically what that looks like, sounds like? Give specific examples of words and actions that heal. Would so appreciate it. Thanks!
I just cried listening to you acting out the affair partner showing up, without saying sorry. It is about energy. 2 years on since discovery, lots of rug sweeps, and attempting to attach shame to me, that it takes two, that I treated him badly, I'm the betrayed!! I'm looking forward to my phone call. Xx
This is great and I would love to send this to my husband - but I need to stop sending him constantly videos or reading material. He is still emotionally attached to his AP and does nothing to stop that. Somehow he sees no problem of her giving him a birthday card or checking up on him by calls ect. He might even dies the same. I am 3 years in and now on working on our legal separation. I absolutely love all your videos and will call in Monday - I need to go use in my healing and moving forward. Thank you
Can you explain what it is that makes him sit on the couch, lay back his head, close his eyes, put his feet up and have absolutely no response to any thing I say after 2 years since discovery? I have spent many hours reading and listening to therapists. I have learned how to talk it out but it’s one sided. The next day he’s up and at it , ready to go like nothing happened and I gave him my heart and soul of pain and get nothing. I won’t keep letting him throw in under his rug of lead. It has created contempt and bitterness like I never knew a person could have toward one’s spouse. 39 years and this emotional texting garbage went on for at least 10 years until she sent a message at the wrong time. I found out everything like that. Not fun. I think his addition to her is over but he has not dealt with any shame or guilt about what he did to me.
Is there a way I, as the betrayed partner can invite my partner into this role of "force for good" and "healer" and help him feel confident and trust that I will hold space for him to try on that role?
does this have an addition where the cheating partner is now pregnant(had ptsd from her partner being the cheating partner from her first pregnancy- and an alcoholic- never healed from that-ongoing relationship off and on for 12 years) and emotionally is still fragile and realizing her cheating behavior was from trauma not healed prior and now her hurt partner is trying to have emotional conversations that exacerbate nausea/hormones and is triggering her ptsd from being pregnant and betrayed from previous? (he betrayed her by straying AND choosing to drink over being there for her through the pregnancy and past the pregnancy for years until she broke up with him and he actively pursued her to get back together) how would one go about trying to navigate that? (the emotional lows also are a huge detriment for a growing fetus but the other partner does not seem to acknowledge that fact about this and continues to push to heal and "understand"
@ Michelle May My husband says he doesn't feel shame or guilt. 4+ decades of pmo addiction and dday last December. He can't even say sorry. Says he has no empathy. Is that normal???
I'm so very sorry you're experiencing this with your husband. I too have had a D-Day where I (finally) found out about my husband's PMO addiction, just 4.5 months ago. It had been going on for 30 years of our 39 year marriage. I don't know what I would do if my husband refused to acknowledge the enormity of what he's done. (He is FULLY onboard with healing and taking responsibility) Your situation must be impossible to deal with. I hope that things are going better now, a year later. Stay strong...
I’m sorry but my ex was not been accountable.. he’s blamed me and actually thinks it’s ok because he BELIEVES he was abused. No I’m apology, no remorse or regret and no closure or honesty about what happened, why or what it did for him. I never could even talk in person.. I was stone walled and blamed.
Braving Hope is a ground-breaking coaching intensive for betrayed partners around the world. Move out of the devastation of betrayal, relieve your trauma symptoms and reclaim your life. To find out if Braving Hope is right for you, schedule a call now: www.michellemays.com/hope
![Digital Circus Episode 4 [TRAILER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/abZtsmMUbJo/mqdefault.jpg)
One of my top 10 videos as I get into recovery! I learned a lot here…😢
Thank you so much!
My husband’s #1 shame response has been to say nothing. Dead silence, leaving me to drown in the sewage.
More abandonment begat more trauma and the pain would turn to rage. Over and over again.
After 5 years, I stopped turning to him for support, empathy, comfort. I am stronger and I am healing.
We live in the same house, different bedrooms. We are cordial, but there is no intimacy of any kind. It is a completely empty relationship, but preferable to the hell I was in. I’m no longer being retraumatized and the relentless pain is finally gone, along with any hope I had of building a new life with him.
Exactly what happened to me.. stone walled and smeared
Get out as soon as possible. create a new reality for yourself. its amazing.
Wonderful outline of what place the cheating partner needs to be to be a force for good. Could you do a video about exactly and specifically what that looks like, sounds like? Give specific examples of words and actions that heal. Would so appreciate it. Thanks!
I just cried listening to you acting out the affair partner showing up, without saying sorry. It is about energy. 2 years on since discovery, lots of rug sweeps, and attempting to attach shame to me, that it takes two, that I treated him badly, I'm the betrayed!! I'm looking forward to my phone call. Xx
This was really helpful thank you Michelle ❤
This is great and I would love to send this to my husband - but I need to stop sending him constantly videos or reading material. He is still emotionally attached to his AP and does nothing to stop that. Somehow he sees no problem of her giving him a birthday card or checking up on him by calls ect. He might even dies the same. I am 3 years in and now on working on our legal separation.
I absolutely love all your videos and will call in Monday - I need to go use in my healing and moving forward.
Thank you
Thank you so much 🙏
so good wow.
Profoundly amazing!
Thanks for your comment!
Thank you.
Can you explain what it is that makes him sit on the couch, lay back his head, close his eyes, put his feet up and have absolutely no response to any thing I say after 2 years since discovery? I have spent many hours reading and listening to therapists. I have learned how to talk it out but it’s one sided. The next day he’s up and at it , ready to go like nothing happened and I gave him my heart and soul of pain and get nothing. I won’t keep letting him throw in under his rug of lead. It has created contempt and bitterness like I never knew a person could have toward one’s spouse. 39 years and this emotional texting garbage went on for at least 10 years until she sent a message at the wrong time. I found out everything like that. Not fun. I think his addition to her is over but he has not dealt with any shame or guilt about what he did to me.
Is there a way I, as the betrayed partner can invite my partner into this role of "force for good" and "healer" and help him feel confident and trust that I will hold space for him to try on that role?
does this have an addition where the cheating partner is now pregnant(had ptsd from her partner being the cheating partner from her first pregnancy- and an alcoholic- never healed from that-ongoing relationship off and on for 12 years) and emotionally is still fragile and realizing her cheating behavior was from trauma not healed prior and now her hurt partner is trying to have emotional conversations that exacerbate nausea/hormones and is triggering her ptsd from being pregnant and betrayed from previous? (he betrayed her by straying AND choosing to drink over being there for her through the pregnancy and past the pregnancy for years until she broke up with him and he actively pursued her to get back together) how would one go about trying to navigate that? (the emotional lows also are a huge detriment for a growing fetus but the other partner does not seem to acknowledge that fact about this and continues to push to heal and "understand"
@ Michelle May My husband says he doesn't feel shame or guilt. 4+ decades of pmo addiction and dday last December. He can't even say sorry. Says he has no empathy. Is that normal???
I'm so very sorry you're experiencing this with your husband. I too have had a D-Day where I (finally) found out about my husband's PMO addiction, just 4.5 months ago. It had been going on for 30 years of our 39 year marriage. I don't know what I would do if my husband refused to acknowledge the enormity of what he's done. (He is FULLY onboard with healing and taking responsibility) Your situation must be impossible to deal with. I hope that things are going better now, a year later. Stay strong...
What is PMO addiction ?
@amylambyouert2401
You can Google because I don't know if I'll get deleted spelled out 😮
I’m sorry but my ex was not been accountable.. he’s blamed me and actually thinks it’s ok because he BELIEVES he was abused. No I’m apology, no remorse or regret and no closure or honesty about what happened, why or what it did for him. I never could even talk in person.. I was stone walled and blamed.
Me too 🫤
Jeez are we dating the same person? I can't understand the ZERO accountability. And they say they love us. Like what? Where do they show that?
Braving Hope is a ground-breaking coaching intensive for betrayed partners around the world. Move out of the devastation of betrayal, relieve your trauma symptoms and reclaim your life. To find out if Braving Hope is right for you, schedule a call now: www.michellemays.com/hope
What 12 steps exactly are you referring to?
I'm guessing the 12 steps is for sex addiction...?