How To Overcome The Feeling Of Never Being Good Enough
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- Опубликовано: 14 окт 2024
- This is contains the most important thing I have learned in the last year. goo.gl/QL2tCL For some of you, I’m sure it will be the most important video I have ever done. In order to do it justice I need to tell you some personal stuff about what has been going on in my life.
It occurred as much of life biggest learnings do, when things went wrong. Specifically, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half. We loved each other and still do, but we had very very different ideas of how we wanted to live our live
At first, I felt like a zombie. And then I felt sad. And then I bawled my eyes out.
I started looking for ways to feel better after the breakup with my girlfriend and I came across something I hadn't expected: love and self-love. In short, this video is about self love, what it is, and why you need to work on it. Here are the three actions steps as discussed in the video
1. Interrupt the negative pattern with eye scrambling
2. Feed yourself self love
3. Extend that love to the person you least want to extend it to
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This guy just explained how to forgive and get over resentments the best way I have seen in my 58 years! Wish someone would have explained this to me 40 years ago. People are so lucky to have the internet today to learn from. And he's just a kid! When he's my age he will be levitating or something.
Why you think that?
well it's here for you too now!
@@frankiegunnz8066 He's saying he's very wise now, even though he's so young.
Age has nothing to do with anything, you may know things that he doesn't, he may know things that you don't, life isn't linear 🙃🖤
Ozzy true but doesn't having more experiences make you wore wise? because you learn a lot through your experiences. young people have less experience of life
Can we just admire how he went 20 minutes without saying "Umm". He the real MVP.
JorgeAlberto Herrera Takes alot of practicing
Also, no annoying music, no jump cuts or visual aids--just him being honest and vulnerable. Subscribed.
Gender Equality 1:24
Gender Equality i wish I could go that long without saying "ummm" "like" and "you Know" >.
+EagLe He was trying to say I'm but accidentally said um.
My mother used to say, "You should always rejoice at the good fortune of others; because if you are only ever happy at your own good fortune, you won't be happy very often."
Very wise
That’s amazing!
Thanks Jane's Mum ♥
Wow , thank you
I love this quote! Thanks for sharing!
When you said “ self love has nothing to do with what you’ve achieved, or your goals, self love is unconditional.” It hit me in the chest because I kept thinking that I had to make myself perfect so I could finally love myself. I thought I had to accomplish all my dreams, be a certain weight, look a certain way, be accepted and seen by people to finally start loving myself when that’s the complete opposite of what love, especially self love should be. It’s so crazy how I just realize this whole time I’ve been holding my friends and family to the standard of loving me unconditionally while not holding myself to that same standard all because I thought I had to be the perfect version of myself to do it. Thank you for this video... I just had such an eye opening moment 💓
nikeyathepoet .__ no love is umconditional
Me too, bud. Me too...
This was such an amazingly informative and well articulated video. Wishing the best for you in your journey!
@@theplanespotterguy I agree with you in the way that what we call love is extremely conditioned. I love you usually means "I need you"...
So yes, no 'human' love is unconditional...
But don't you think you can genuinely want the best for someone you really care, no matter what? Like he said in the video...
If you doubt you can, imagine you feel loved like never, by all kind if people. Could you feel unconditional love then?
I believe, like he said in the video, that we must feel love in order to love unconditionally.
Beautiful
For real. I took it like this - just like you don't need a reason to love someone else, you don't need one to love yourself either.
This video might be the turning point in my life.
A new way of thinking.
A breath of fresh air.
Hey man, how are you? I believe you can do this! :)
Next step, consistency. You got this!!
@@venusawaken6656 👊
i guess I'm just an oddball, but i really just don't feel the need to be loved.
Live The Future are you asexual?
I know this video is old, but thank you so much for interrupting my pattern of self doubt and insecurity.
I just came across this and it has given me so much to think about. I am hoping to put this stuff in to practice! If anyone knows of any other videos that talk about this kind of stuff let me know
Just now seeing it & feel the same way Janine, Bless you Charlie
It may be old, but the info is timeless.
Same for me. At the moment I have problems with self doubt and insecurity. I am in my early 20s and at the point of finishing university and applying for a job in a company I work for 1 year already. I know the people and they know me but I struggled with the decision whether to apply or not as I thought that I have way better chances than other applicants what would be unfair as I have few experience and others might fit much better. And I started feeling guilty for maybe destroying the opportunity for other people to work there on the one hand and preventing my colleagues from having someone better than me on the other hand. I know this seems weird but well... And now I have to talk with HR and my boss in a couple of days and am scared that they could reject me because I am less experienced etc. I mean I know they wanted me to apply and were happy when I told them I did but still I have these feelings and it drives me crazy 😅
Nini lol wow, 3 1/2 years is “really old” nowadays.
Whenever I watch an important video, I *summarize* it and share it in the comments:
• Bad definition of love: "I want them to be happy, IF I contributed to it etc."
• Leads to lots of jealousy, being bitter (due to ego issues) etc.
• Good definiton of love: "I want them to be happy unconditonally"
• Ego taken out of the equation
• Allows yourself to partake in and be genuinely happy for other people's happiness
• However, only if you love yourself unconditionally, you can love other people unconditionally
• Self-love is the most important emotional stabilizer
• Make self-love a habit to deal with bad emotional habits (e. g. jealousy, insecurity, anger etc.)
• To do so practice this exercise on a regular basis:
1. (Use techniques like "Eye Scramble" to) interrupt the recognized negative pattern and get into a neutral emotional state
• How-to-Eye Scramble: Move eyes rapidly around and hum a song
2. Now get from that neutral to a positive state by feeding yourself true self-love
• How? Imagine or say to yourself a few times: "Even though X (e. g. you are jealous etc.), I love and accept you exactly as you are!"
3. Test: Extend that self-love to the person you leat want to extend it to, e. g. the person you were jealous of ("overflowing cup")
• tl;dr: Notice it. Stop it. Replace it.
• Now all the happiness in the world becomes yours to tap into
Thank you!
Thank you!!
That's really sweet if u
thank you so much bro!
You are an amazing person. This is legit super awesome lol
"Emotions are habits, we can retrain them with practice" Wow!
This is special can work with anger although anger is an innate human trait
And here comes from fear self-loathing or not getting what you expected. If you can control that you can control yourself as an animal
It’s true .... emotional intelligence is learned
That must mean I've been practicing being a depressed jerk. Lol
Not on purpose...
What an amazing channel for sociopaths
This isn’t true whatsoever. Emotions are chemical triggers in your brain and CANNOT be controlled, they can only be suppressed. Bottled up. Which is incredibly unhealthy.
I am so impressed and amazed of him because he spoke with non-stop whole 22 minute video and there is no one "Jumpcut" edition in this video. The best coach in youtube!!! Respect man, respect!
You should see actualized.org's videos if you think 22 minutes is impressive 😁... 4h+
You have good taste in music
@@J031w yep Leo's video are excellent too
Leo could be talking for hours X)
Hes speaking truth from the heart especially with a personal story which doesn't require jump cuts or umm's/ahh's.
This guy is a great smile attached to a human body.
TekaiGuy a
It's takes an egoless and selfless soul to be with this type of character and attitude. Thanks Dude.
It just takes a lot of work. I'm going through the same thing with my ex right now and it's really painful, especially when you find out from everyone else that you don't have a girlfriend anymore before you hear from you're girlfriend.
Strange how selflessness and self love are being put into the same metaphor. Perhaps they can coexist, but one does not force the other. To be selfless is to be happy for everyone else without needing their happiness in return. To have self love is to love yourself. To value who you are, and to never let anyone take you for granted. It's the complete opposite in my opinion. Yes, you can feel happy for someone when you love yourself, but you will never let that person take advantage of you.
When you love yourself, you can be happy moving on from that person, and will not need to know what they're doing, or what path they are taking in life. You do not need to be happy for them. What they do doesn't have anything to do with how much you love yourself. You can love yourself, and love others. You can love yourself, and not love others. They are separate. Just because I love myself, and make myself happy does not mean that I have to love you, or anyone else in this comment section. I can choose to love you as well, but that's a separate choice. One that has to be added onto the initial choice of choosing to love myself.
It's important this gets mentioned, because I'm seeing a lot of confusion from a lot of people thinking these things are one and the same, or at the very least coexist indefinitely, which isn't entirely true. Either or can be exercised, or both can be exercised, or none can be exercised. It's a matter of choice, and expanding those levels of consciousness. I would even go as far as to argue that selflessness does not equate to loving others either. Even these are separate. You can be selfless, and be content with anything while loving others. You can even be selfless, and be content with anything while not loving others. These are three different things. Loving others, loving yourself, and not needing anything at all. All three should be exercised to reach the general picture depicted within this video.
How did he learn all this??? This guy is a literal angel on earth, imagine how many people will see this and how much of a positive impact it’s going to have! It’s insane how much love this dude is spreading. I know it helped me a ton.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
Yoda
John Smith man really out here quoting yoda
@@milesbizon8624 lmao
My back yard had a path to the dark side; I avoided it mostly, but went there on Friday and Saturday nites.
powergirl901 ok boomer
Peace is a lie. There is only passion. Through passion I gain strength. Through strength I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The force shall set me free. -Sith Code.
Glad I found this man at 16, before I get a chance to really fuck up
Happy to share :-)
Thaddeus Black just turned 15. I hope I have good chances in not screwing up. I'm Greek btw so excuse any grammar mistakes
Some things you have to experience yourself
Thaddeus Black good on you for aspiring to make good choices. It's okay if you make mistakes, just own up to it and resolve to make better choices. You're learning and that's good. Best to you!
Thaddeus Black i screwed things up and i found this video. Really describe what ive been feeling about lately. It's a really inspiring video, i feel better
Damn dude, the last few seconds of this nearly made me cry. In that moment I felt the emotion of every one of my own breakups hit me like a truck instantly.
Congratulations on where you are now, I've spent 2019 reading and watching a lot of self-help material and yours has been one of the best and this is definitely one of the most validating but empowering ones you've put out.
can you recommend anyone else? I seriously have not found anyone who knows as much as Charisma on Command.
@@urbanizedpizza Try "Prince EA" ! Even though he makes shorter videos, he is truly conscious about true happiness, the human soul and connection - and he is really motivational...
I started crying by just imagine been in front of a mirror and say "I love you"
Me too. The moment he said mirror, I couldn't stop.
Emotions are strong but being emotional can slow u down if u are not disiplined And just think with your emotions. Rational thought should lead your actions. After you Cried in the mirror what did you do? Was it actually profound n life changing or did u slip back into ur confort zone after? Dont let emotions dictare ur actions.
How can i love myself i have never ever ever being loved by anyone except my parent, and that is mostly instict
@Jeff Gee how exactly is that ignorant
@Jeff Gee What makes Martins comment any different from what charisma on command is telling people to do lol
"Every act that is not an act of unconditional love is a subconscious plea for unconditional love' - The Presence Process
But the problem is if people dont unconditionally love themselves then they wont be able to recieve our unconditional love and thus we wont be able to financially provide for us anymore because they will take us for granted.
Great book!
1. eyescrambling to get into a neutral state and break negative thought patterns
2. feed yourself with selflove (stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself „even though [insert negative thoughts], i love you“
3. Try to extend your love to a person you least want to extend it to. If you feel a negative emotion, you didnt self love yourself enough. If you feel happy for them, you will be free and mastered this challenge.
I would chage "even though" to "even with". Otherwise it sends false signals.
I just feel like I would be dead every one would be happyer
Crushing it Kid...Yeah Huh, You are.
@@RxKRT your family wouldnt be...and i shouldnt have to tell ya that...dont forget your Father in Heaven.
Thank You
This video may have legitimately saved my life. Thank you
James Latsko, I hope you’re still here dude.
Hope you are okay now
Stay strong
Wow
He's still here, he still actively uses RUclips and adds favorite videos in his video tab haha
But in all honesty, it is a great video.
This is perhaps the best and most clear and concrete advice I have ever heard for self love.
I’ve battled with self loathing since childhood and have great difficulties with comparing myself to others. I have watched 100s… maybe even 1000s of videos on RUclips talking about self love and I don’t know how to express how frustrating it is to hear “stop comparing yourself to others”, “be happy for others, not jealous”, “just love yourself because that is so important”, blah blah blah.. nothing that’s actually practical and makes me feel so hopeless because it seems to be so easy for everyone else and I don’t know how to take the steps their taking. But you gave me the steps. Thank you
You seem pretty cool to me😎
Agreed with all this. I have also struggled with this. He really simplified this to understand in a very practical way. That being said we are all special. Please believe that deep down. I know it is hard with all the media being thrown at us but all of our strength and love can only come from within. 🫂
The "eye scramble" thing you did is called EMDR and it really works for trauma. It forces your brain to process difficult thoughts or emotions MUCH faster.
EMDR is incredible and real
So now I think that when you meditate, the reason why they ask you stop you from.moving your eyes around, even though your eyes are shut is because of something connected to this. And tbh I've experienced it myself, like when I'm moving my.eyes around, I really.can think faster.
That's very interesting!
It is found to be the only therapy that works for CPTSD. Between EDMR and going within/without ( aka deep breathing) You’re Golden. Detox every once in a while. It’s good for cleaning out your cells. You are entirely lovable. You should wife shorty, tho. She’s only managed to keep 2 friends since childhood and 1 is very close to an early death. I don’t know her, obvi, but she ain’t sound like a hoe.
What does edmr stand for
When his voice almost cracked saying I love you at the end, I felt my heart tearing. You're an amazing person and your ex is one lucky girl.
was*
is
I felt that too. I’m going through the same as him and this video was just empowering and insightful for me honestly
Thank the lord I wasn’t the only person who almost cried at the very end.
Glad to see how many people felt the same as well.
I can only imagine how difficult to was for you to make this video. Very personal and very brave to turn a personal struggle into a lesson not just for yourself, but also for your viewers. Your insights are priceless. BTW, a lot of this approach is inherent in buddhism. Learning to wish your ex the best reminded me of how in a Thai meditation centre I learned about practicing the feeling of loving kindness to someone you hate. It's not easy at first to think of that person as a cute kitten. :)
All the best to you, Charlie! And thank you so much for your work. If you ever plan to visit Poland, I'll be happy to come to a meet-up. :)
Unless, it was all fabricated for views because he knows what people wants to hear...
I remember a certain middle eastern carpenter pretty big on that approach but the name escapes me
Jess Moss even if that’s true, does that take away from his point or the fact that he’s helping people that he doesn’t even know overcome their weaknesses and achieve their goals?
No doubt he wants people to see this, but wouldn’t you if you made something that you thought could help people?
Even if it’s for monetary gain, which I’m sure is just an added bonus that comes with doing what he loves, I still respect him for putting something that’s helpful into the world and getting payed for it rather than selfishly putting garbage nonsense that only serves to benefit him into the world and getting payed just the same, the point I’m trying to make is people shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for doing something for money if it’s valuable or helpful to someone, especially when we live in a world where money is necessary to live, you see films which make money and are viewed and enjoyed by people and we have no problem with it because the film is a source of entertainment, so how is this any different?
@@jessmoss9130 You clicked for a reason
Opps
This might be the best video you’ve ever made, I’m totally honest, after watching this video, I genuinely felt appreciation and gratefulness for your new self, and everyone around me. You’re making generations of people to rethink their lives for the better, and my respect for you...oh man, it’s indescribable.💛
This video taught me what it's taken my entire life to figure out. holding on to anger and resentment for too long is destructive
Then you should change your profile pic to a happy face instead of a sad one!
Truth
My table is perfectly supported, by the floor.
Hahah Ikr XD that's what I was thinking
Same
Hacker
Right there with you.
I thought the same thing.
This help me so much Charlie, thank you. I broke with my ex of 8 years after our baby died at 6 weeks old. We used to stay in regular contact but I started using heroin as a coping mechanism, anyways, a about 3 weeks ago I get a call from him asking how I'm doing etc, told me he loved me still, and how smart and beautiful and proud he was of me back in the day. He's asked to meet me the anniversary of out sons death at his grave soon, he's moved on and is getting married so even though I know we are never getting back together again, I'm happy for him but jealous also of this new woman also. This video made me realise all the running about I've been doing to self improve before we meet was for him and her. I still going to continue doing my improvement, but, now for me, no-one else. Love u, ur channel and sorry for the novel but I just needed to thank you so much x x
Wish you all the best. You deserve it.
Hope you're doing better and better each day. ❤
@michael larocca thank you so much x means a lot x
Brave woman, bless you
stay off the junk
@PollyPhonic81 Good to hear, but I hope you stopped with the heroin for you own sake.
My heart just about exploded when he told his ex that he loves her😭😭😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤
Naw he’s a simp she belongs to the streets
Why ? Who cares if he still loves her. It’s over.
The OP woman doesn't literally care about the relationship, but the story stirs up her emotions due to her empathy. This is why women love watching romance movies that we just don't get: they enjoy being made to feel a certain way.
Bear this in mind, and stop trying to understand women on a rational level. That's as bad as them trying treating us like defective women...
@@solhamer3502 Love is beautiful and desirable. For tragic hopeless romantic aspects, the beauty in pain. Thats the whole allure of romanticism. Men and women are actually not that different in this way, most people like to see that in movies. Art and movies are all like this. No one wants to watch a movie and have nothing happen to their emotions.
@@alangwhiteTheBoss and you are a parrot by repeating whatever a dude says in his youtube channel in order to extract money from guys like you.
"You don't have to be concerned with what you're lacking, all of a sudden, all the happiness in the world becomes yours to tap into."
that is so beautiful. I have been diagnosed with depression and I really want to get out of it, and this video is of a tremendous help. it's time for me (and everyone too, I guess) to stop focusing on my inabilities and instead, try to be happy for other people. it's a huge motivation boost and gets my mind into perspective :)
annxhilation how are you doing 9 months later
The funniest part is, I don't even know your name. But you have told and helped me more than my psychologist did in the six months of my treatment before I was discharged because "I was fine". "Treatment" is always, "how are you feeling?" Or being drugged on copious amount of mind altering drugs to numb you... but there is no action, no way to bring about the change. That's what I needed. I want to grow. I can talk about my anxiety in all areas of my life until I am blue in the face, but it won't change anything at all (besides let off some steam). You are a wonderful human for sharing your experience with everyone. It's a very vulnerable but beautiful thing to do. Thank you for your generosity. I am truly grateful and will take your words of wisdom on my journey to self-love.
@Jennica Morrison He's name is Charlie lool , and I'm having this treatment too for my anxiety soon it's going to be my first one and I'm kind of nervous as well as looking forward to it at the same time I know anxiety can't be cured and I doubt this therapy thing will also help me but this guy definitely is better then the therapist I will be having when I have my first one with the therapist. I also believe one thing which is don't care what people think of you because they will judge you either way and don't expect too much from other people either because they will let you down and always be helpful don't change that about yourself.
Thank you for making this comment. This proved something for me, and I can't explain how yet, but one day, I hope you will be one of the people to understand as well. Either if it's from me, or someone else. I believe Jordan Petersson might get there before me.
Unbelievable man. Thanks a lot for your vulnerability. I needed that. Really appreciate you.
It no coincidence why you’re as successful as you are. Your way of processing issues is at a whole new level. Thank you by watching this video I realized that.
So nice to see someone making this kind of videos that seems genuin and knowledgeble!
Glad you like it, thanks!
Charisma on Command Thank you!
Dude, respect... You got balls and I want to congratulate you on your channel... But mostly on this video... Amazing examples on how our ego can shape ourselves and on how working that ego can make us and others live better :)
Thanks so much - I really appreciate that!
Charisma on Command Thanks for the video, the eye scramble I thought was an interesting idea. I have huge problems with jealousy, which I know comes from a lack of self-esteem. It is particularly bad if I feel threatened by colleagues I think are performing better than I am. It doesn't help that our bonus scheme is based on comparing peers, however I'd like to feel genuinely happy when people succeed. Is there an alternative to humming you have tried to break the thought cycle as I don't really want to do that if I'm in front of people?
@@catshaveteats lip sync the words to your favorite song but with your mouth closed. It’ll be just your tongue moving and no one will notice.
Damn... I needed this video... I'm at the border of depression for not feeling love. But now, I actually feel happyer
you are loved brotha
We love you brother, I sent you a hug from mexico!
I have never had a video speak to me more than this one... i am so sorry about your break up, emotional pain is the worst thing in the world. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years purely for the fact that i was relying on him for my happiness and not myself. I have been having similar thought processes over the past few weeks and it has seriously been eating me up - I am so tired of not being purely happy without him. This video genuinely made me cry, because i can relate so much. Thank you for this and it’s so good to know you’re feeling better.
I love how he talks from the heart,just real talk,no editing,no cuts in the video. It's so nice to watch and listen to! Love this guy
that ending just melted my heart, I love how he speaks about loving her even in the state thats occuring right now 😍
I come from a disfuncional family and I've been working on my self-esteem issues forever. I won't say your videos changed my life, because it's obviously not that easy, but they are really helpful. I sincerely admire you. It's astonishing how someone so young can be so wise. I was having a particularly rough night and watching this has changed it a bit. Thanks Charlie, you seem like a great guy. Keep sharing! :)
Hey, it's been a year since you made this comment. How was 2018? What do you want to see happening in 2019, and what are you working towards? Tell me.
This comment said everything i was thinking almost to the letter!
So here I am crying over how selfish I've been and how this 22 min video just changed my life! Thanks a lot!
*1.Love** means truly wanting the happiness of someone else no matter what ❤️ ❤️💯*
*2.I love and accept myself exactly as I am*
*3.You** can't feel love for someone else in an unconditional way unless you first feel full of yourself ❤️*
But according to him you can't love yourself unless other people love you first
Internet Gas NO have you watched the Video?
Haha my church preached this since the start🤣🤣 except our secure never ending source of love in God:) and we dont have to earn his love nor workkk or do good and get right, but accept his gift of righteousness:) and the perfomance on us to God will be based of the performance of jesus which is blameless:) our performance really is crap HAHAH cant pray all the time, love god all the time etc etc, so thank god he judges us by jesus:)
@@meow9874 you're preachin !
in 20 mins you've not only explained to me volumes of my past, my search, my losses, my wins, my path, and OUR story. you are real. you are honest. you are truth. you are light. clearly you are a light given to this world, in this time, to shine. heh some would say "you're a tool"...but i mean that in a good way. thank you for being used to provide these insights to 'those who have ears'. the concepts are free to the world, but most of our forefathers were not equipped with this knowledge to pass down. However God, the Universe, Karma, Light, ... life ... has a way to cast light in a dark world; shadow can not exist in the presence of light. i wish i could sum up the crap you've helped me see that runs parallel with all this, but as you say "if this is rambling, i apologize"...
and alas, before i get too existential...
THANK YOU. I am very happy you have found this. and i love ya bro. (gay but "no homo") ;) i hope to meet you one day. until then, or either way; "SHINE ON, CHARLIE; shine on."
Shadow only exists in the presence of light
I keep having breakdowns because I miss my ex (who I broke up with 7 months ago) because I realized how much I still love him. He’s now dating my best friend, this video was precisely what I needed. Thank you, there’s no way I could’ve figured out what to do by myself.
I always wanted to ask someone like you. Why the hell did you dump him then? If you love him work at it do bizarre things like communicate what wrong. But why? Men don’t dump women they love. I never did it’s just a female thing. I guess.
@@christopherthomas8421 This takes me back, it’s been nearly 2 years so my memory of my emotions could be clouded. I was a sophomore in HS, and as time passed we just didn’t click. We couldn’t hang out, paths diverged, and I realized it’d be better to leave before we hated eachother. Ages later, I thought maybe everything was all in my head and I’d lost something perfect. So we got back together, realized that was not the case, broke it off, and we’re best friends now. Sometimes you think about love so much you think you don’t know what it is, though you do. But hell, I’m just 17, take my words with a grain of salt. :)
@Christopher Thomas
I know cisgendered, heterosexual men who have been the ones to break it off with women they loved. It's NOT a behavior determined by gender. One very recent example I can think of cried on the final day that he walked out the door. He had tried years of attempting to fix his unhappy home environment without success. I don't know what was in the counseling sessions that he and they had gone thru before that final day, but I support his personal decision to finally move out and move on. I'm pretty certain no scientific study has ever shown a difference in strength of love, or loyalty, or whatever between genders. Women are NOT the only ones to make the decision to break off a relationship with someone they love, and men are NOT the only ones to choose to remain within a turbulent relationship "for the sake of love."
@@dusty_sea330 cisgendered, heterosexual men.... aka men?
For a 25 year old, I'm guesstimating. You are extremely socially intelligent and emotionally balanced. Not to mention well spoken and mentally organized. Most guys don't get half the things you are showing until their mid 30s. I also love your relatable teaching using game of thrones and other popular series and movies. Keep up the good work. I'm honestly impressed.
Love is a verb. It's something you do, you don't wait untill it happens. This helps bring that idea into perspective and apply it in a practical way. Mind blown.
So is die, it tends to go both ways
Love is a noun too.
to add to it, love is an intransitive verb. no preposition required ;-)
I just have a question. if you love yourself just the way you are and believe that no matter what you're great...then how will you improve ? and what if someone are a serial killer or a horrible person ? are they allowed to love themselves despite are the awful awfuuull things they have done ??
@@huluhulu6009
My current understanding is that love is not simply a lens or feeling that labels someone as perfect, free of flaws and worthy of affection. Unconditional love is a continuous belief backed up by one's actions that says " your flaws, insecurities, and areas for improvement do exist, but they do not define you and do not mean your not worthy of affection and support." I would go as far as to say that without the acknowledgment of these flaws, love can not truly be called love.This is why i believe when he says to "stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself even though [insert negative thoughts], i love you“ he includes the [insert negative thoughts] part.
Regarding the "what if someone is a serial killer or a horrible person" question, I would say that true unconditional love is not something that can be allowed or undeserved. I am no expert in psychology but if i were to hazard a guess, for them to honestly "love" themselves would require some form of acknowledgement of the horrible atrocities they've committed as well as an understanding of the personal struggles and insecurities that caused their actions in the first place. I believe that with a sincere desire to change and reflect, they can truly love themselves in a healthy way that fosters positivity and improvement.
I hope that helped answer your questions. Have a nice day :)
OMG that ending was sooooooo incredibly sweet I almost cried ❤️💗💕🥰😭
i cried lol
@@SenpaiStories me too 😭
Me too . . .
So many silly comments from unenlightened minds... Pay no attention to them!
Great video - made complete sense to me. Very impressed by the level vulnerability and maturity you've shown - to actually recognise flaws and correct those behaviours/actions is immensely difficult (meditation helps!)
From personal experience, the whole emotion - habit thing is true, it's a taken a long time (years) to master it; but now I rarely feel anger or get upset in situations that would normally have triggered that response.
Looking forward to more videos!
Exactly
Yes! Beefis99 thanks for writing this. It's unfortunate so many people don't recognize Charlie's insight. Great video, keep them coming.
Couldn't say it in a better way. Really awesome video. This hits me really hard right now.
This must be my biggest realization in years.
So much enlightment in one video.
One of the best content in the youtube.
Just wanted to chime in and support you Beefis99 in your support of Charlie. You spoke my thoughts in a clear and good way.
Woke
When he said I love and accept for who you are I cried a lil that’s shows I need to love myself badly,
it’s been a rough 5 months after the woman I cared for left me and I just need to learn to be happy for her and myself thank you for this video
Charlie this video is so brave, thank you for sharing your story. I really needed this x
Nope... not brave... it is his job to put and maybe make this stuff up. All he is doing is taking. Brave is not sharing a break up with thousands of ppl you will never meet. There are so many more examples of ppl that show bravery. Like the millions and millions that voted against Hillary. Today's society is split between followers and people who think for themselves. Followers are people who voted for Hillary or Bernie. They want government to take care of them. Are you a follower?
@@pwba312 Don't drag your political agenda into this.
@@pwba312 why do you even exist?
Pw Ba LOL you’ve just seen a video of Ben Shapiro, didn’t you😂
@@pwba312 Sharing a political agenda with people you will never meet is so brave.
Man - I respect your perspective so much. It isn't easy to share yourself with even the closest people, let alone the world. Stumbled across your channel a few days ago and haven't felt more confident in dealing with my fears and insecurities since. It's difficult understanding oneself through introspection alone but hearing your stories and advice helps put things into perspective. This video in particular has been profound in helping me understand the one barrier that has always stood between myself and continued happiness. Couldn't have related to your story more. Thank you!
That ending almost made me cry, and I thought it had to do with the fact that I just recently ended a 6 year old relationship but from the comments I get that we could all feel the love you felt for her and the grieve you were going through. 💔
If my reactions are habits, I can change them. Wow, so simple, yet so hopeful. And three concrete steps toward a healthy self-love and love of others ... finally. Thanks. So glad I found this channel.
Charlie, this is the real stuff. All your videos are insightful and useful. but in my opinion if you handle the stuff you talk about here, then most of the other stuff will flow out naturally. I'd love to see more of this. I also respect your vulnerability in sharing this. "If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm."
Appreciate that!
thank you
thank you
"If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm." Last words of teh buddhist monk before getting shot in the neck by a raider
AMAZING video! I wish that I could like it 100 times! It was really eye opening because I have always struggled with self-love and I will definitely use what you said to improve my love for myself. You made me cry :)))
Pfff, I feel you love. It sucks to not be able to self-love yourself. See what I did there? :D Let's learn how to do it.
it's really difficult to wish the best for her if your ex tries to run you over with the car !
true story !
Chris Wilson Try to run her over with yours. That might just be the kick you need to be able to see her off to someplace better.
I just wrote a lot of music orepurifier. Thanks for the advice.
Maybe her extreme reaction shows the gradation of lessons you need to learn from what happened before.. For you. Not for her ;-)
Ash Daniels when I met my then future wife, I was all excited when she told me she was bi and a swinger.....
The fact that she meant Bipolar and Extreme Mood Swinger was not what first came to mind
_ba boom ta_
Dude...this has been my exact situation since my ex and I ended things a few months ago. Thank you so much for being so open and honest about what you’re going through and how you got through it. The table analogy alone has helped me rethink so much in the past 24 hours; you have no idea. Super happy to have stumbled on you channel recently and will be happy to support you moving forward!
I had this huge crush on this amazing girl. had amazing conversations, funny, smart and beautiful. she had a boyfriend and of course I didn't see what she saw in him. but there a moment where, we went to this collage party and she came with her boyfriend and there was a moment I saw her smiling and looking at him and then it clicked. I realised why she is with him and how he makes her feel. I let go at that moment.
That's really beautiful. and sad.
I wasn't sad really I was glad. I wasn't planning on hitting on her because she has a boyfriend got to respect limits. I also wasn't willing to let go of it before I saw this. I would have waited for them to break up and it probably wouldn't happen anyway. life goes on.
Dude this is awesome. I feel like I'd be able to let someone go like that too - we always have to keep moving forward.
What was it that you realized why she was with him?
+Linus Herr -- He made her happy.
You are genuine, love your videos. Planning on watching them all.
~ Appreciate it Matthew!
duude, I've been really struggling with anxiety for the past year to the point where I was kicked out of school and was scared to even leave my house. Recently couple of really important relationships in my life fell apart as well..
Your videos are the best thing, Thank you so much! ❤️ wish you all the best
Greip I truly hope you’re doing well now. Don’t worry you were kicked out, you can still be successful in life. Wish you all the positivity.
How old are you? Have you had having anxiety problems for a while or? Did something happen? Traumatic? Find what suddenly made you so anxious that made you get kicked out of school cuz that's big bro
16:35 How to Interrupt the negative pattern
17:15 Feed yourself self love
18:25 Extend love
Thank you so much as the video says it is the most important video you have ever done, I hope I can go through this and be a better person.
This is probably the most important video that you've made. I find that people are much more charismatic when they are genuinely happy and content with themselves. It is an aura that even the best thespians can't fake well.
congratulations... you just described Empathy and Compassion, two very vital traits this world is sorely lacking and so desperately needs...
You have no idea what impact you have on my mind and life. Respect to you! Honestly, you're my hero.
lol you're pathetic.
@@OP-hu7ve stop spreading all that negative energy, please. Why can't you just enjoy the video?
@@OP-hu7ve how is he pathetic for saying that?
@O P You’re really a miserable creature, arent you?
You’re right Charlie, being sincere and truly loving yourself and getting rid of all self-doubt is the key to happiness. You have to love yourself before you can love another person. And true love comes from having confidence in yourself and in your partner, being vulnerable, don’t be jealous or compare yourself to others, and everything else you said. Great video (finally not corny like the others) and much respect. And you’re right, freedom comes from being happy for everyone, even your biggest competition. And if other people are jealous or not happy for you, that’s THEIR problem, not yours. Don’t let anyone’s jealousy towards you effect you, and show them you have their best interest at heart. Respect to you, best video I’ve seen in long time. Thank you for sharing, and I’m definitely going to subscribe!!!
Adult life is too complicated
I'll just stay in my room
I agree screw all that nonsense.
Coward
It's just needless.
Want to fuck? Fuck a hooker
Want to eat? Go to cafe
Want to speak with someone? Go to 4chan...
+Giorgi Kenchiashvili But you aren't gonna be happy just consuming are you? Are you happy just staying in the same place? truly happy? ;)
😂😂😂
Powerful video. I imagine that being a RUclipsr at your level, you also must have felt additional stress from having to have an appearance of "keeping it together" as you're going through the parts of life that seem to be falling apart. Thank you for sharing your positive message and outcome for others. I wish I'd known what you know at your age.
Doubting yourself will only make you become a less attractive person. Don't feel sorry for yourself if you've been in a failed relationship because there are things that are just beyond your control.
Golden.
About the self-love and genuine happiness, I got it with prayer and a relationship with God. Just being genuinely happy for people. That's what filled my cup.
You're a GREAT human being!!! This planet needs more people like you bro.
Thank u charlie it means a lot
okay first of all: very sad and happy for you at the same time..i know how hard it is to break up with someone even though you both still love each other..
second:
loved the video. not only is it cool that you kinda opened up there but its amazing that you care so much about this channel (and hopefully your viewers) that after everything you had gone through the first thing you did after realising what changed in yourself was to make a video about it to help others as well.
it is one thing to go through something like that and learning things. its a whole different thing to then share it with the world with the intention of helping others..
..kinda makes me proud to be a subscriber of yours ;)
Yeah even when I was feeling down I kept thinking "If I can figure this out, it is going to help a ton of people." I'm glad it happened :-)
dude so many people figure shit out and never share it
So glad you shared this with us. I needed it.
Will definitely share great channel such as yours to my network. Well deserved.
Self-love really is the most important thing. It's the only thing that got me through a rough period when a bad relationship caused me to become alienated from friends and family. When that relationship finally ended bitterly, I was left sitting in a bath tub, realizing that the last pillar I had was gone. The only reason I didn't end it was because the one thing I did still have was self-love. I loved myself far too much to give up on life. The importance of self-love cannot be overstated.
Seems that Self love - was the only love you ever had - hence that was a cause of your bitterness , you love only yourself - selfish egoist.
I watched this before and thought it was great, but it wasn’t until I went through a very similar situation with a girl that it really hit me that I had the same problem you had, and I’ve been able to make so much progress mentally because of this. Thank you so much for sharing this stuff with the world.
This worked so good for me after a break-up with 7 years on the go.
Everyone looked weird at me for saying this out loud, and accepting what happened and feeling happy for her, with the guy she cheated on me with. But in the end I 'won', I feel happy and had a very short time of feeling bad after the break-up.
I would strongly advice everyone to give it a shot. It feels ridiculous at first, but man, it helped a lot!
Am definately giving it a shot!! 7 years??? Damn i thought 5 was many!!
Good for you man! A mature and positive mindset is the best thing you have with you (:
This is incredible. You touched on so many topics that I've struggled with, thought about, paid attention to, for awhile. I've come to some of these conclusions but I've never put it together like this. It's pretty awesome
Happy to share :-)
I've been doing a little thing for years now, similar to his tip of telling youself that you love yourself in the mirror, and it has really helped me with my confidence over the years (puberty isn't always easy): I started winking at myself whener I see myself in a mirror or reflection. 1. It made me have to look at myself and get used to what I look like, which is an essential step towards liking your face and yourself. 2. When I would wink at myself I would simoultaneously be flirting and flirted with, which made me feel more confident and attractive.
It's really silly at first and a little awkward, but it's the best practice for winking and smiling IMO, it helped me a lot. I used to be really awkward and shy and weird, but over the years I have become incredibly confident to the point that I joke about having an ego like Kanye.
Maybe this could be good for others aswell, I hope it helps you guys as much as it dide me! :0)
I'm currently getting over the fact that the person whom I thought was going to be my soul mate isn't going to be so anymore and is comfortable with flirting with other guys. THANK YOU SO MUCH, for this new perspective, it'll make it easier.
How you holding up, my dude?
Man, you don't know me and I only know you 10 minutes a week or something...
I'm sad for you that you had to make that choice, I'm sending a friendly hug your way.
Appreciate that. All good over on my end. After a few days I am feeling quite happy and she and I are on solid non-boyfriend/girlfriend terms
Charisma on Command this is kinda fitting lol, I feel happy for you. I know it's painful, seeing that you're making the best of it is very relieving to see.
+Charisma on Command Subscribed because of this video. Just wondering if the 4 steps you mention decrease motivation.
+Charisma on Command This video touch my heart in so many ways ty (though personally I'm not sure I'll be able to put it into practice since the only people I want happiness for the least are the very few people I HATE XD )
+Charisma on Command Sorry, but I don't buy that revised definition of love for a second. If she hypothetically got happiness from screwing other guys while you were still together, that doesn't mean you should thank the dudes just because she's happy. There are natural reasons for your initial negative feelings. And if someone wants to travel the world without you, and you don't like that, there are valid reasons for that too. It's not that you'd be wrong for feeling negatively, but you could say that there is an incompatibility there.
I'm not sure if I should write this, but I am acting with my heart !!
I found your channel by chance some months ago, and I start to realize that you had a lot of interesting things and I became a subscriber and follower...
My name is Laércio, im 18yo and I'm from Brazil, so maybe you do not understand something I say, because I'm still studying english...
Literally last night, after much thought about a ex girlfriend and wondering why it did not work, since we loved each other and it was all so good, and I was deeply since childhood and finally realized that my big problem was I did not love myself, and so did not felt loved ... I realized that all my attempts in love at some point went wrong, because I was sure that I was impossible to be loved, then at a moment i doubted the feelings of anyone who was with me and sabotaged myself, like pretend to be hurt by something or even fight without purpose with they, so that they give me what I believe deserve, but last night I figured it out and cried for hours, wrote notes to myself and decided that no matter how, I will change and solve this with myself, so I felt strange because when I decided that I went from tears to smiles, then looked in the mirror and I told myself my notes he had written and promised not wait any longer to start to change ... and then I wake up in the morning and see your video, a deep outflow as I had last night, I thought it was too coincidental to ignore, then I decided send you this... you know, the whole thing about not knowing how to love another person without loving yourself in the first place, and your definition of what love is and about wanting you to be the person who will make her happy, you know?
I already understood, but you said with words and externalised what I felt and that was the big problem, because I never spoke, and last night when I realized I was going deep on that I decided to go until the end, or the beginning ... so I'm grateful for that, and I saw your video from beginning to the end, pausing, repeating and trying to understand every single word, using as a lesson ... So even if you are alone, with no friends or girlfriends, I married myself on the last night and promise to love me and respect, , in sickness as in health, in poverty as in wealth, you know? all that stuff ... I'm very happy now and I wanted to say that I admire you now more than ever for what you did, because I know that was hard to understand and especially for make public your thoughts deeper .. Thanks for everything!
I hope from the bottom of my heart that you read this message, it is very important to me, and I know that you've helped change a life is also important for you ... thank you again!
more power to you
Another star of enlightenment shines today, wonderful.
Best of luck my fellow brother in life, and to all who read this
This was beautiful to read. Congrats on your awakening :)
wow! amazing! spread the love
It is not easy to open up like this guy did. That takes real strength. Thanks for sharing.
I've had a crush on this girl for about 4 years now without seeing her. Sounds dumn, I know, but I did. I'm 18 atm and I've known that girl for 12 years. She's hard working, smart, pretty, almost perfect imo. I wanted to match her. I was worrying that I wasn't good enough to ask her out. Funny thing is we aren't even dating and she lives across the entire globe. To me she was irreplaceable, she was one of her kind. Idk... I want the best for her, I want her to have someone to love her because I know how insecure she is. She needs someone, even if it isn't me. My motivation to study and improve upon myself, including starting to watch this channel, is that I don't want this to happen again. I don't want to not asking someone out because I was afraid of not providing her a good life. I want to be good enough for everyone.
But then I kinda got over her, time washed it away, and... I'm kinda... I feel like I'd be okay no matter what happens. I have my hobbies, myself and everything I need to be okay, so why aren't I? I don't know man...
There are probably plenty of women in your country who are perfect for you that you haven’t met yet. Work on loving yourself and accepting yourself and feeling whole as an individual and the rest will naturally fall into place
You have to stop putting people on a pedestal man. Stop feeling like your life will be better just cause a certain person is in it cause otherwise you always gonna get hurt cause lot of people come and go in our lives and things don’t go the way we want you have be happy with yourself and just focus on your goals and spend time with your homies and just try and forget about this chick
Just imagine her taking a massive dump :J
I don't know if you will ever see this but i want to thank you. Thank you so much for your much needed advice on self love being the way to heal your self. I was in a really depressing state and you helped me to come out of that. Thank you.
~ So happy to hear you found the video helpful Shanice!
Damn she was one lucky cookie.
I don't cry but this video spoke volumes to me. I was shedding small small tears because this is exactly me and exactly what I'm going through. Thank you and God bless you for this testimony. love from England.
Thanks! Glad you like it. It meant a lot to me.
I'm 45 yrs old and have been struggling with finding answers for quite some time. You confirmed so much and brought so much to light how you bring it makes sense and I am so greateful to you. I wanna thank you for your incredible gift of knowing i appreciate your kindness and sharing with the world I can't amagine how many countless lives that have changed with your encouraging words. Bless you and all you do for humanity 😊
This is actually profound. I want you to know this is helping me make some changes I really need in my life and I really truly appreciate how open and insightful you were here. And it definitely helped that you delivered on the presentation aside from just having some real insight--you took it from point A to B on the clearest and most direct route you could have. The thought process behind this is so analytical it's actually mildly annoying--that you were able to get to the end point that you did before I was able to myself actually makes me a little jealous lol. But I appreciate your help getting there so I didn't have to wait to get there on my own 😊
You are so strong. By the end of the video I was almost crying. Thx for sharing such personal stuff.
"If part of your definition of love is that you need to make someone feel terrible, you will have to make them feel terrible at times to feel love."
Like a penny dropping.
I've watched many videos on this channel over the years, and I cannot overstate how significantly my perspective in life has been impacted by this specific piece.
The first time I watched it was years ago. It was during a turbulent time in my life and it struck a chord deep within me that I've never been able to shake. I've since found that the message within is immensely vital to being satisfied with yourself and to experiencing genuine happiness at the thought of another's happiness, regardless of whether you are the source.
I have a playlist of videos that I believe to be helpful or essential to living a full and compassionate life that I labeled "Framework" and this sits squarely on it.
It helped shape how I've approached relationships with friends, lovers, family, and - equally as important - myself, and I am still so very grateful to this day that you took it upon yourself to be acutely vulnerable in order to share this with us.
I'm back here now after a loss of connection that weighs heavily on my heart, but I find comfort in knowing that through it all, I've only wanted what was best for the other party, to include my absence. Thanks, in part, to you. It has been a much needed reminder.
So, all this to say: thank you. I don't know that you'll see this, but if you do, know that your videos do more good than you can imagine.
Great comment 👍
Dude I've barely watched like three of Charlie's videos and I almost cried at the end there :'O This is so great! I've been trying to stop being mad at this one person but I didn't realize that maybe I need to work on myself first and then I can support that person as well. Thank you, Charlie!
The last confession.. I felt the love is genuine and.. realistic. :)
Charlie! You are a life saver!
I have watched your videos for the last few months and the video about how to read people blew my mind. I mean, I know and can relate to all your other videos as well, but that video really made me feel understood. I have read people like that for many years now and it is also how I know a lot of the stuff you are talking about.
But I recently(almost a year now) broke up with my girlfriend after a 6 year long relationship. Yet I still feel all the things you were talking about. I want her to feel happy, but only when I can make her happy. In this last year I have been trying to get her back, but she doesn't want to(even though it was me who broke up with her.. Long story but never the less).. We had a big fight today about our relationship and whether we should even be friends etc. But I think that the lessons you have learned from this hypnotist will also help me! Thank you so much for sharing this even though it was so new to you. I really learned something completely new and will try to implement this into my life as well. Thank you Charlie!
I really hope some of these lessons help you! They've been incredible at turning my sad emotions into constructive ones :-)
This was just what I needed to hear after the breakdown of my marriage of 24 years. I will try to remember the advice and put it into practice. 😃
You are very brave
I hope you're doing well, sir.
Loving others has been a hard thing for me to learn. Being a child of abuse can really take its effect, when both parents are there but they're not there, one is gone from divorce and the other is partying or drinking and when he's home, he's violent, it can feel as though you have never been given real love until you come across it. This can be a very rough struggle and this video really genuinely has helped me understand what love is, as I also have high functioning autism and have been trying to learn how to be more empathetic.
You sound a lot like me buddy. We’re in a similar boat.
It's so nice seeing that someone is sharing this kind of thinking and the way of living! Such a good point of view in these days, when so many people are trying to prove something to their ex and wish them not the best - but the worst. Thanks for sharing this :)!
Appreciate the kind words
Great video. Thank you.
The eye scrambling is called EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
Its a recovery method for PTSD and trauma.
Thank you for sharing that information!
EMDR has worked for many people. Read the book, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. Great book that changed my life. Much like this video.
@@marcelastacey890 reading it now what a coincidence!
Me: watches this video
Also me (looking ink a mirror): even though I look like a burnt chicken nugget, I still love myself ❤
Hello fellow nugget :)
burnt chicken nugget gang checking in lol
omg i laughed so hard
i quote this meme all the time
😂 😂
Your life appears perfect on your Instagram. It makes you much more human and relatable when you told this story, and reminds me that everyone faces struggles.
He is such a beautiful person, inside and out.
I wish everyone could be as strong and open minded as him.
Hooooly shit. I've always felt like I'm capable of fending of feelings as well as understanding my own thoughts, up until I went through a break up like yours. You hit the head on the nail at every point, and I recognize it all!
One week after we broke up, she started sleeping around with other guys, while I was still devestated. It made me feel all of this, and I felt bad for feeling angry and jealous. Thank you so much for making me feel like I am not alone, and how to handle it. This has already made me feel better, as even though I'm currently dating someone right now, I've still been feeling bad after that break-up. Thank you!
This is the most excellent video on self-love ever created!!! NO VIDEO I’ve ever watched gave ACTUAL advice on what to do to step by step to love yourself. Thank you!! Truly thank you!