I Asked Discord to Help Me Play Chess

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  • Опубликовано: 5 янв 2025

Комментарии • 700

  • @Valefisk
    @Valefisk  5 лет назад +4762

    that was a weird fuckin night, i tell ya

    • @thoughtfulpug1333
      @thoughtfulpug1333 5 лет назад +86

      This has the same energy of a CallMeCarson video

    • @reneerjavec3950
      @reneerjavec3950 5 лет назад +53

      I went from funny to weird back to funny then back to weird then back to funny again

    • @jovideos7546
      @jovideos7546 5 лет назад +9

      Valefisk, you have to move the pieces to win the game

    • @Cherry_jacck
      @Cherry_jacck 5 лет назад +24

      Valefisk you are the only person that could have figured out how to commit war crimes in chess ( I commit them in DND by accident)

    • @Model_Guy
      @Model_Guy 5 лет назад +4

      Never thought I'd see myself in a valefisk video

  • @emred4653
    @emred4653 5 лет назад +1229

    "whos that guy?"
    "thats dave, the bishop"

    • @t.jrocket2589
      @t.jrocket2589 5 лет назад +65

      "what he does in his free time is none of my business"

    • @-_Nuke_-
      @-_Nuke_- 5 лет назад +4

      ahahahah

  • @tybondus
    @tybondus 5 лет назад +2491

    I love how at first the guys tried helping then decided fck it, and started throwing DND and politics in there.

    • @potterfanz6780
      @potterfanz6780 5 лет назад +203

      "Use your wife to beat his wife"
      "I saw that one on brazzers before"

    • @alexanderticonuwu7591
      @alexanderticonuwu7591 5 лет назад +216

      "Your wife left you for the big black king"
      "Bribe the bishop"

    • @FinnishCrystal
      @FinnishCrystal 4 года назад +77

      "Roll if Dave the Bishop seduces you"

  • @andy7bianca
    @andy7bianca 5 лет назад +3066

    Can't wait to see vale call in a carpet bombing on the enemy king

    • @ВиталяКекс-ц6е
      @ВиталяКекс-ц6е 5 лет назад +11

      techno ita
      *I N C E N D I A R Y I N T E N S I F I E S*

    • @Zorro9129
      @Zorro9129 5 лет назад +5

      Only the finest Persian rugs shall fall upon his head!

  • @Aruthicon
    @Aruthicon 5 лет назад +3321

    As an actual chess player, I can confirm that this is exactly what an average game looks like.

    • @GBlockbreaker
      @GBlockbreaker 5 лет назад +147

      Indeed, especially Dave the bishop partaking is one of the most important rules

    • @mktpolaris
      @mktpolaris 5 лет назад +29

      If you put aside all the illegal moves and all of that this doesn't look like a normal Chess game. (Just to let you know before hand this is some relatively high level analyse that uses Short Algebraic to analyze the games a little) The pawn positioning on g4 and f3 seems to weird for a normal Chess game. Like exposing the e1-h4 file almost never happens in most Chess games mainly because of moves like Qh4+. And some of the moves like a4 and c4 are just not good. One of the games almost looks like the Bird's opening (1.f4, d5 2.e3 Nf6 etc) but there are too many oddities in the pawn placements. This hardly looks like the average chess game even if you remove all the craziness

    • @mktpolaris
      @mktpolaris 5 лет назад +1

      If you want I can give an example of your average Chess game

    • @Aruthicon
      @Aruthicon 5 лет назад +22

      @@mktpolaris That was a joke. (Yes, I do play chess, USCF ~1500.)

    • @mktpolaris
      @mktpolaris 5 лет назад +3

      @@Aruthicon I wasn't sure because there are "those" people who say they know a lot about Chess but in reality are like 400. So as someone who was 1800 I thought I should maybe correct them. You know?

  • @richardhambidge7964
    @richardhambidge7964 5 лет назад +2499

    As soon as I saw this in my sub box I was confused as to how you commit war crimes in chess

    • @richardhambidge7964
      @richardhambidge7964 5 лет назад +149

      I now know

    • @buckstop
      @buckstop 5 лет назад +151

      When you think about it Chess is all about war crimes. Send legions of minions to their deaths, bait out enemies by placing your units in risk, have the royal family fight, have the clergy execute a knight.

    • @tenacityxl
      @tenacityxl 5 лет назад +15

      WolfBlade0001 have knights executing peeasants(aka pawns)

    • @samuellund1377
      @samuellund1377 5 лет назад +9

      Life uh...finds a way

    • @caelverada1869
      @caelverada1869 5 лет назад +2

      @@samuellund1377 i think you mean the Grand Reaper

  • @davidkenway4862
    @davidkenway4862 5 лет назад +1490

    First question I asked myself was “how is Vale going to violate the Geneva convention in chess?”

    • @CBRN-115
      @CBRN-115 5 лет назад +31

      Simple: use napalm on the pawns

    • @Ajc-ni3xn
      @Ajc-ni3xn 5 лет назад +23

      역병으사 no, of course not, capture the pawns, torture them, strap incendiary bombs to them and send them back to their families. 4 birds with one bomb.

    • @FloraOfTheCats
      @FloraOfTheCats 5 лет назад +10

      @@Ajc-ni3xn i like the way you think

    • @Ajc-ni3xn
      @Ajc-ni3xn 5 лет назад +8

      /s/ad touch the Government didn’t, that’s why I’m being tried in The Hague.

    • @FloraOfTheCats
      @FloraOfTheCats 5 лет назад +3

      @@Ajc-ni3xn well shit.

  • @existentialgoberts4345
    @existentialgoberts4345 5 лет назад +1189

    *Flips board*
    Boi! This opponent is really smart

  • @ReaVen443
    @ReaVen443 5 лет назад +588

    Commenter: "Vale how high are you right now?"
    Vale playing Chess 3am in the morning: "Yes? How do I nuke the King?"

  • @martonk
    @martonk 5 лет назад +2274

    This was as if Vale was a teacher giving a chess lesson to special ed kids.

  • @nobutrl476
    @nobutrl476 5 лет назад +217

    I love how in the beginning they were trying to play actual chess and then halfway there they gave up and commenced a nuclear war

  • @friedwaldderlebendige8494
    @friedwaldderlebendige8494 5 лет назад +1076

    Probably the most entertaining video i have ever watched, i never laughed out loud due to youtube before and now i still have a smile on my face

    • @Valefisk
      @Valefisk  5 лет назад +208

      comments like these are the reason i like making youtube videos

    • @lilstarjester3927
      @lilstarjester3927 5 лет назад +7

      Come back next time where I make a post apocalyptic world...and commit war crimes

    • @friedwaldderlebendige8494
      @friedwaldderlebendige8494 5 лет назад +5

      @@lilstarjester3927 Just a normal das at the workplace

    • @justseffstuff3308
      @justseffstuff3308 5 лет назад +8

      Yep, I’ve subbed now

    • @justseffstuff3308
      @justseffstuff3308 5 лет назад +5

      Valefisk Wait. I could swear I recognize your voice...

  • @thetrexgaming901
    @thetrexgaming901 5 лет назад +276

    You should've given your bishops rifles to assault the fort while using the +2 agility helmet on your rook to capture pawns while researching mini-nuke catapults to counter his M1 Abrams. Also shouldve used the demon ritual to destroy the twin towers with a straight flush. Clearly you're time in Monopoly had given a boost of strength to your king, giving a +10 advantage against the opponent's queen. Truly a master of strategy right here.

  • @realdragon
    @realdragon 5 лет назад +144

    As a professional chess player I have to admit those were some sick moves

  • @pseudoker4167
    @pseudoker4167 5 лет назад +195

    "What do I need to roll to have the priest molest me?"
    - Valefist 2019

  • @cooperthompson5855
    @cooperthompson5855 5 лет назад +84

    I love how this went from regular chess to complete nonsense in 2 seconds flat.

  • @ArmorFrogEntertainment
    @ArmorFrogEntertainment 5 лет назад +386

    "Okay, how is Vale going to commit crimes against humanity in Chess???"
    *regularly makes black/white jokes in video*
    "Oh. Of course."

  • @randomradek5284
    @randomradek5284 5 лет назад +417

    Honestly, I'm suprised y'all didn't start playing the Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.

  • @wowiexist9875
    @wowiexist9875 5 лет назад +180

    I just watched a grown man do what I did when I was 8 and make up rules for games we didn't know how to play with my friends.
    *And I loved it.*

  • @thellamacorn8902
    @thellamacorn8902 5 лет назад +106

    For some reason youtube recommended this to me even though I've never watched this channel before and omg I'm so glad it did. *This* is quality content.

  • @thebirdgang2240
    @thebirdgang2240 5 лет назад +189

    I didn't know they made a sequel to that one Pixar animation with the old man playing chess with himself

    • @MINIPRO27
      @MINIPRO27 5 лет назад +5

      His name is jerry lol

    • @wikinfei
      @wikinfei 5 лет назад +8

      yeah, and in this one the dementia is really starting to set in.

  • @PvEGamingChannel
    @PvEGamingChannel 5 лет назад +198

    It's a good thing these guys didn't just kept making edgelord humour and actually taught you how to play the game. The latest update really made the game about min-maxxing which is really disappointing but at least I got things easier with the Season Pass™.

  • @TheCrabReal
    @TheCrabReal 5 лет назад +166

    Vale plays chess with his alternate personalities.

  • @-Clueless-
    @-Clueless- 5 лет назад +120

    Me: “what’s a great competitive game to watch on the toilet?”
    Also me: “C H E S S”

    • @zoruko3713
      @zoruko3713 5 лет назад +4

      Read this while taking a dump. Thank you for your service.

    • @ashiscooler
      @ashiscooler 5 лет назад +2

      Zork if you sent this now doesnt that mean hes been taiking a dump for a week. Is he ok?

    • @zoruko3713
      @zoruko3713 5 лет назад +2

      @@ashiscooler Little dehydrated, but it's all good homie.

  • @luiscarvajalino5417
    @luiscarvajalino5417 5 лет назад +57

    "I Can't say that word for another twelve years"- Valefisk 2019 before committing crimes against chess

  • @Cosporcos-Q
    @Cosporcos-Q 5 лет назад +64

    I've never been so frustrated yet entertained at the same time

  • @yungmalaria
    @yungmalaria 5 лет назад +33

    Even in chess you found a way to break the Geneva convention

  • @ceridwenaeradwr8105
    @ceridwenaeradwr8105 5 лет назад +68

    AKA what happens when you combine Chess with Sid Meier's Civilization

  • @KZ-hu9uj
    @KZ-hu9uj 5 лет назад +328

    “Centrist is banned in competitive play”
    *cries in reasonable American*

  • @horrordudeify
    @horrordudeify 5 лет назад +60

    Good thing I fixed up my grandpas old ham radio so I could tune into your chess game.

  • @scharnhorst3233
    @scharnhorst3233 5 лет назад +44

    Honestly a 10/10 intro

  • @karara5532
    @karara5532 5 лет назад +21

    "I don't think i can say that for another 12 years atleast"
    Suggested: bringing ww1 tactics to a ww2 setting

  • @vincentfegley6068
    @vincentfegley6068 5 лет назад +23

    As a professional 6d chess player with 200 iq I can tell you this is exactly how you play

  • @JR-zc5pz
    @JR-zc5pz 5 лет назад +28

    as a chess player, this is the most entertaining video I've ever seen.

  • @genericuser5523
    @genericuser5523 2 года назад +5

    Imagine this was a real thing in tournaments where you have to ask random people (at other games) how to beat your opponent just by other people's suggestions

  • @tybondus
    @tybondus 5 лет назад +58

    Valefisk: Exists
    Chess: Am I a joke to you?

  • @glennowen4940
    @glennowen4940 5 лет назад +56

    Early: Normal Chess, nothing's wrong.
    Mid: Okay stacking chess is pretty normal, I guess.
    Late: WTF! Nuke, Affair, 9/11, Osama.
    End: Why not put some bridge cards and chips in it to bribe and win.

  • @InternetShis
    @InternetShis 5 лет назад +99

    This is just Geri's Game but with multiple personality disorder

    • @KaneYork
      @KaneYork 5 лет назад

      it's crowdsourced

  • @inbajooeditz272
    @inbajooeditz272 3 года назад +6

    I LOVE HOW ONE OF THE GUYS SAID “move the queen and take the king” LMAO 😂

  • @jordanc.m.6735
    @jordanc.m.6735 5 лет назад +33

    This is like calvinball with chess, who'll be the first to write the official rulebook?

    • @DarkSword3125
      @DarkSword3125 4 года назад +3

      no one, because you can't play the same way with calvinball.

  • @pipagamer3874
    @pipagamer3874 10 месяцев назад +3

    Dude, I have cramp from smiling at this so much

  • @littlegirlgogo
    @littlegirlgogo 2 года назад +2

    love the slow descent into anarchy chess, once they knew he was just playing against himself they immediately started making it wilder and wilder

  • @pipagamer3874
    @pipagamer3874 2 года назад +5

    I feel like Valefisk would be an excellent dungeon master if he played D&D

  • @gekkenhuisje
    @gekkenhuisje 4 года назад +2

    Somehow, this is your best video. Great work, could hardly wipe a smile off my face the entire time.

  • @matboi120
    @matboi120 5 лет назад +12

    I genuinely loved this. You are a masterpiece.

  • @nicholasbirdsall7133
    @nicholasbirdsall7133 5 лет назад +16

    Hey next time go down the neutral ideology tree, that 30% attack bonus with the king really helps

  • @Т1000-м1и
    @Т1000-м1и 2 года назад +3

    Thanks to your chess videos I was able to get better and grow as a chess specialist. Sincere thanks

  • @zflowes
    @zflowes 5 лет назад +26

    I thought Teddy was going to say "WHATS UP BITCHES!!!!!"

  • @MrBeastiemon
    @MrBeastiemon 5 лет назад +20

    The most important question,
    Does a bishop count as a civilian if hes attacking us??
    Are we not commiting a war crime here??
    The thought sickens me...

  • @juststatic420
    @juststatic420 5 лет назад +5

    When two kids try to convince each other that fake rules exist because their losing

  • @7OwlsWithALaptop
    @7OwlsWithALaptop 5 лет назад +36

    This hurts me on a physicall level...
    But it's also hillarious

    • @7OwlsWithALaptop
      @7OwlsWithALaptop 5 лет назад +2

      To anyone who liked this video, I want to direct you the video "how to play chess properly"

    • @jeremiahmuth9732
      @jeremiahmuth9732 5 лет назад +5

      Just described Vale's whole channel lmao

  • @MyTube31581
    @MyTube31581 5 лет назад +12

    For real now this was very entertaining. Please interact more with your Discordgroup in this way :D

  • @walrider
    @walrider 5 лет назад +1

    This is undoubtedly the funniest video i've watched since a long time, I cant even think about how you and the discord bois were able to go with the flow like its normal.
    For real, thanks dude.

  • @Zorro9129
    @Zorro9129 5 лет назад +10

    "The black player has my wife, guys."

  • @Ron-um7de
    @Ron-um7de 5 лет назад +3

    Honestly one of the most entertaining vids I've seen in a while. Glad you're finally making content you actually enjoy making vale

  • @genericuser5523
    @genericuser5523 2 года назад +2

    I love how shit went from normalish chess to complete and utter bullshit rules and gibberish rules with weird ways around things and also rules being made half way through funniest game of chess I've ever seen :D

  • @ark7395
    @ark7395 5 лет назад +4

    More Discord videos please. I just woke up and had a blast laughing. Really great video!

  • @Ajc-ni3xn
    @Ajc-ni3xn 5 лет назад +7

    10:26
    I think it’s fitting that he killed his own guy in the drone strike.

  • @bubba6599
    @bubba6599 5 лет назад +5

    "The black guy has my wife now"
    Me, not paying attention: *Chokes on air*

  • @strongraider1014
    @strongraider1014 5 лет назад +9

    And that was the story how the fighter/rouge assassinated the king after bribing the bishop with the kings own money that he stole.

  • @watchtrap
    @watchtrap 5 лет назад +27

    Just like the pixar movie short

  • @TheNorthernR
    @TheNorthernR 2 года назад +1

    "A Criminal." Thank you random discord user for this nice response to Vale's statement.

  • @cultist_npc
    @cultist_npc 5 лет назад +10

    guys you forgot to roll to see if you have the right to laugh.
    It's 10 or higher and you roll with advantage

  • @KaneyoriHK
    @KaneyoriHK 2 года назад +2

    Local Schizophrenic Gets Help Playing Chess by the Voices in his Head.

  • @schaffs2
    @schaffs2 Год назад +1

    I haven't played that much chess and I'm not that good at the game but I can say these are what most of my games look like

  • @Jakobsh2
    @Jakobsh2 5 лет назад +2

    This was actually your best video yet.

  • @TheNilsbuss
    @TheNilsbuss 2 года назад +1

    I see some excellent moves being played out here, truly remarkable

  • @Elliot.2591
    @Elliot.2591 5 лет назад +3

    As someone who's played chess for 6 years, this is fucking cursed.

  • @Kandall05161
    @Kandall05161 5 лет назад +8

    "Do you think I can hit my wife from here?" ~Valefisk 2019

  • @dravenoats2186
    @dravenoats2186 5 лет назад +1

    I would, ironically, enjoy more videos like this. Next is blackjack which devolves into mousetrap.

  • @overfallen.
    @overfallen. 5 лет назад

    This was the first video of yours I've watched and so I came into it expecting it to be a semi-normal round of chess with some minor messing around and OH BOY. I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS. Instantly subscribed.

  • @EternalVirgin
    @EternalVirgin 5 лет назад +4

    Ah yes, the first tabletop game
    AKA early warcrime simulator

  • @wickederebus
    @wickederebus 5 лет назад +1

    Well, you did it Vale, you committed a war crime, in CHESS. For fuck's sake, for the fuck did you do that.
    Granted it was by not playing by the rules, but you managed to commit a war crime in CHESS.

  • @thechosendino206
    @thechosendino206 2 года назад +1

    this is the best chess content ive ever watched

  • @svahn1
    @svahn1 5 лет назад

    One of the funniest videos you've ever made mate, your other stuff is great but this is just brilliant

  • @pupinator98
    @pupinator98 2 года назад +1

    that one pixar short of the old guy playing chess

  • @Someone-ej7kd
    @Someone-ej7kd 5 лет назад +3

    How should you play chess?
    a. By summoning dragons
    b. By using mp players
    c. By sueing the other player
    d. By shooting the king

    • @yeetionary
      @yeetionary 2 года назад

      e. eveboingalagagawashiwashangle

  • @sjege
    @sjege 5 лет назад +3

    When the other people on the call become the dm

  • @stitch2k1
    @stitch2k1 5 лет назад +4

    Teddy honestly does sound like a supersonic prop, lol. I like the intro.

  • @TazoLatte
    @TazoLatte 5 лет назад +5

    This was great and haven't laughed that hard in along time.

  • @aaronchristian3827
    @aaronchristian3827 Год назад +1

    Dude I saw the thumbnail and I thought this was gonna be fps chess and I was actually so disappointed when it wasn’t

  • @endergaming2760
    @endergaming2760 5 лет назад

    I've never seen this channel before in my life but suddenly it's in my home page... not complaining, this made my night better!

  • @Daniel_Lancelin
    @Daniel_Lancelin 5 лет назад +1

    I actually kinda want this version of chess to be a real thing. Maybe it could have players draw cards from a deck that let them do things like add new pieces, give bonuses, or commit various war crimes.

  • @SapphicAshley
    @SapphicAshley 5 лет назад +1

    this is the best video ive seen in some time

  • @maajored
    @maajored 2 года назад +2

    Bro turned chest into a middle ages rpg battle game

  • @xYamakaze
    @xYamakaze 5 лет назад

    I thought this was gonna be your Discord helping you play against other players online but this was a much better surprise.

  • @january0th
    @january0th 5 лет назад +9

    Actually if you go right, makes me your more intelligent and you will be able to summon a 4d chess board to play at

  • @joshuadoll9000
    @joshuadoll9000 5 лет назад

    All I can think of right now is that Pixar short where it's the two old guys playing chess but it turns out it's the same old guy playing both sides.

  • @drake4138
    @drake4138 3 года назад

    I can never stop coming back to this video, it is truly the peak of RUclips and comedy.

  • @tomhall8687
    @tomhall8687 5 лет назад

    This had me in stitches mate, flawless

  • @Hipnoful
    @Hipnoful 5 лет назад

    I can't fucking take it. That golf clap at 6:05 and "A beautiful shot!" as if thats a standard play in chess

  • @drdiabeetus4419
    @drdiabeetus4419 5 лет назад

    This might be the best video you've put out

  • @facelessman9224
    @facelessman9224 2 года назад

    "Is your king a centrist? Because if he is a centrist you can start drone striking the children." omg... Too much truth found here.

  • @colonelh1875
    @colonelh1875 5 лет назад +1

    Thank you Vale! Funniest thing I've seen all day!

  • @JoseGuzman-st2cc
    @JoseGuzman-st2cc 5 лет назад +12

    Vale, come on bro, I'm in class. Guess my professor is just going to have to take the backseat this time 🤷🏽‍♂️

    • @gilgamesh7055
      @gilgamesh7055 5 лет назад

      lol git rekt. Over here in Scandinavia its already the after hours xD

  • @ВиталяКекс-ц6е
    @ВиталяКекс-ц6е 5 лет назад +1

    8:37
    US president: do you have an idea?
    Douglas Mackharthur: nuclear strike

  • @jabbablade1884
    @jabbablade1884 5 лет назад +2

    The beginning of the video is GOLD, i couldn't stop laughing XD LMAO

  • @YellowBunny
    @YellowBunny 5 лет назад +1

    No chess rules were harmed in the making of this video.

  • @pieandcheese1016
    @pieandcheese1016 5 лет назад +1

    This hurt to watch...
    I love it

  • @Hlebuw3k
    @Hlebuw3k 2 года назад +1

    This gives me an idea... What if someone just launches a twitch stream, and allows the chat to play against themselves (make a poll and side 1 fights side 2 via a bot and commands) BUT there is a twist... None of the actual chess rules apply. You can still take pieces and such, but any piece can move anywhere on the board, and checkmating does nothing, but there has to be a poll with commands to surrender to end the game