Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder | Dr Syl's Analysis
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- Опубликовано: 22 май 2024
- Free trial and 25% off with AURA: www.aurahealth.io/drsyl
In this video, Dr Syl analyses a fascinating interview with Shawna. A young lady who experiences Borderline Personality Disorder. This footage is from the channel Soft White Underbelly. It's a channel that interviews people from all walks of life and explores their narratives which I think is very valuable.
Borderline Personality disorder is a very treatable and very common mental health problem in the world. In this interview, Dr Syl reflects on the role of parental drug addiction, emotional instability, anxiety management, depression treatment and other important reflections.
Link to the original Soft White Underbelly RUclips video with Shawna: • Borderline Personality...
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** The information in this video is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images, and information, contained in this video is for general information purposes only and does not replace a consultation with your own doctor/health professional. If anything in this video was distressing please consider calling LifeLine 131114 **
Timestamps
00:00 - Introduction
00:30 - Interview
06:30 - Sponsorship segment
07:45 - Interview
32:30 - Closing comments 
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Canada is using LSD, I'll tell you that much. Someone in Nova Scotia has above an 80% success rate in treating soldiers with ptsd.
i knew a girl in college with BPD - one evening, she called a mutual male friend and wanted him to come hang out with her, but he had a huge exam he had to study for. i think they kind of got into a bit of an argument about it, and she ended up unaliving herself that night. the guy was really shook up emotionally for a long time after this. just a sad situation all around and everytime facebook pops her profile up in my feed (not very often but when someone posts on her wall) i think about her and wish she was still here 💔
That’s awful. Around 1 in 10 of us succeed which it pretty high and sad to think about. I’m sorry for your loss.
This is very relatable
I can't imagine the pain the mate went/going through! I'm sorry to hear this ❤
I suffered BPD for over 8 years. Also suffered severe depression. Not until my son recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment actually saved my life. 3 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here. and mushrooms are one of the most amazing things on this planet i wish people would all realize. they could solve a lot of problems, more than just mental treatments, environmental clean up; the possibilities are endless with fungus.
I've been looking to try shrooms for depression, just very difficult to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
YES I'm very sure of Dr.alishrooms. i have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I hate that psilocybin gets grouped with drugs like cocaine and heroin. Mushrooms are a remedy, not a vice!
Yes he's Dr.alishrooms.Lsd and psilocybin are amazing teachers along its dmt mah dudes have safe trips all. Shrooms are blessings from nature.
I would like to you interview individuals at different ages with borderline personality 20's, 40's, 60's. Speak about the journey.
Good idea! X
Having high functioning BPD, I have to admit how happy I am to see the mention of an "alter ego". As a young teen, I always used to mirror people as a mechanism to protect me from my own feelings with regard to rejection. I feel like it's something little explored in the field
I’d say I’m in between low and high functioning BPD. I’m curious, as when you became aware of your BPD
@@sweet2sourr I was diagnosed last year August in the psychiatric ward :}
@@r.s.fletcher7066 I’ve been there a few times. I asked to learn more about higher functioning BPD. I read in “Stop walking on eggshells” that high functioning BPD is less aware than low functioning BPD. The author didn’t say why and so I was skeptical. Acknowledging mirroring as a teen shows insight.
I hope you’re well ♥️
@@sweet2sourr Starting out, I just wish I had a forum or any piece of information that delve further into High-functioning BPD and Bipolar-comorbid BPD. It took me a wholeass year to get the correct diagnosis :[ The relief that washed over me when the epiphany that "I found my demon" hit me and that I now know where to start working on myself and my intense moodswings, is indescribable ;) Ty for the nice comment
Theory it’s Autism but it shows up differently in girls so doctors diagnose BPD And BD. I think there is a study that talks about the amount of women diagnosed with BD BPD and many other combos might just have autism
I was a belly dancer for nearly 14 years; I was in a professional dance company, so we performed at weddings and big cultural events etc. It took a bit of time to get over the fear of being on stage, but it became second nature - eventually I was on TV and also performed in front of 10k+ audiences sometimes, no problem at all. I have horrendous anxiety (and ptsd/cptsd), and if I have to deliver an oral presentation for uni or something I always feel like I’ll throw up and pass out. I tell people that I can dance while balancing on a table with a sword on my head inside a packed restaurant no problem at all! …but for the love of all that is holy… *please* don’t make me talk in front of people 🙈😂
Love your username, that's such a great song!
The music probably helps
@@user-nh6mg9tl6j Not as much as you’d think lol. I think in the early days my teacher would dance in front of us so we could follow her if we panicked and lost our place in the dance. That always helped because when the adrenaline kicked in I wouldn’t be able to remember choreographies 🙈😅 This improved over time though, of course 🤗🙂
Yes you are doing structure performance vs personal expression only and alone. How is it we don’t see such distinctions culturally and are perplexed by “performative” social exposure vs personal?? Likely partly related to our messed up addiction to celebrity performances …nice when a person gets social supports, classes and rewards for doing safe performance not having to be a celebrity also…safe performance is like training wheels if someone potentially later wants/needs to express more personally socially.
I was diagnosed with BPD in 2008, but had been very ill for many years prior to this. My moods swung wildly from happiest ever, to deep despair most days, but now I have recovered from BPD. Anyways, I enjoy your reaction videos, you seem to have much knowledge about the subject, and come across as very compassionate. There is however one thing I have noticed, and that is that when individuals are not well, they are expected to appear unkempt and unwashed. And whilst this probably is a correct generalisation for the most part, I know from myself and many others like me, who will, if we have to appear in public, or go to an appointment/meeting, we will find whatever is needed to appear at our best. Even times when I was struggling with deep depression along with my BPD, and all I could do at home was lie in bed and stare or sleep, if I had an appointment I would get up and put something clean and nice on, and make sure my hair was tidy. It might have taken me hours to work up that little bit of whatever was needed to do it, but it had to do with being different people with different people. The deep need to belong, to be loved, and believe if I appear well and sensible people won't shun me and I have a chance and maybe I will be loved enough. I often didn't feel taken seriously by professionals because they would judge me by my appearance, thus take my words a little less seriously.
I have bpd, ptsd and adhd and am in psych nursuing school. The social anxiety at work in a psych ward melts away because I become my "professional" self when I'm there. I want to give the best care to my patients and make their time less horrible so that's what I'm focused on. That leaves no place for anxiety tbh.
A lot different than working a job where men are sexualizing and touching you. Especially with a history of abuse.
But that’s awesome. Was the reason I pursued nursing- psychiatry.
I'm autistic and have severe social anxiety. I'm also a scientist and I love to teach or present my research. To me, the clearity and goal oriented nature of presenting makes it a lot easier and actually enjoyable because I have a legitimate excuse to bother people with my special interest 😅
I have social anxiety but I'm more anxious around people who know me and who I love. I very much value their opinions of me and maybe I shouldn't so much. Strangers, on the other hand, are usually people I will never see again and I'm not as anxious about them.
I relate to this a lot! with people I know and care about, I put a lot of pressure on myself to not disappoint them, or to not hurt them, so I let them cross my boundaries way too much. and even with people who know me very well, and I cognitively know that they like me, I still feel like I'm responsible for their happiness. With strangers, it's like I could care less, which is something at least lol. Takes a lot of work to lay down such ingrained patterns of behaviour and just be myself, without having the feeling of not doing enough.
Whenever I tell people about it, many ppl don't seem to understand why I am that way, so it was nice to read that I am not quite alone in feeling that way 😊
Gosh, I'm the opposite. I can't stand small talk and hate being around people I'm not close to! Anxiety is the WORST tho, isn't it? I'm so sorry you feel this way. Try to work on loving yourself and boundaries. That's what helps me, anyways.
It has started to be more manageable for me and I don't know why. It's still a big struggle for me to order food at places I haven't been and can't do everything myself, talking to authoritative figures or doing management with people I don't know in "higher" positions is also a thing I avoid most of the time (I can overcome myself, which is honestly a blessing to know). Simply said, I guess just like a majority of people, strangers and unfamiliar places and actions make me anxious. Just to an unhealthy degree.
My daughter has both bi-polar and BPD. She takes an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. Also as weekly therapy. The 2 things that Shawna mentioned 1. She can feel happy and the next day want to off herself and 2. The smallest irritation can ruin her whole day. Exactly some of what my daughter goes through. My daughter has let me know that it is a struggle all day and the days I think are good days for her are just days she is working hard to be mindful, using dbt and CBT. It kills me that she has to think so hard in every situation and can’t just be. Good luck to this girl and best to her.
This is absolutely how BPD is for me and her interview definitely defines BPD I identify myself with her very much yes it's definitely hard day to day in glad your daughter has gotten the help for it's very hard tolive with this mental disorder
Are the medications helping with her bipolar? I also have both disorders
@@sweet2sourr - she takes Zoloft and I’m sorry I’ve forgotten the name of the mood stabilizer. They have helped quite a bit. She also has therapy once a week for dbt. Meds are helpful - I am pro medication as I believe mental illness is biological. You wouldn’t tell a person with diabetes they don’t need medication - just get over it! Just know every person is different with their own chemistry. You may need to try a few with different doses until you get what is right for you. Your psychiatrist will help. And if he/she is blowing you off change docs!! You have to have a good fit between you too. I am pulling for you and hoping for all good things for you!
I think there's a lot of misunderstanding in the psychology field about what this disorder is and how to treat it, because most of the field refuses to acknowledge that abuse exists. I was happy to see your video because you seem to have a higher-level, and more compassionate, understanding of most disorders than I have run into in the States from anyone. Over here, I have seen people with NPD and CPTSD routinely get lumped into the same diagnosis of BPD and it causes a lot of problems when, for instance, the victims of abuse and their abusers are put into the same support group and expected to react the same to a treatment method, and then are punished for not doing so.
That said, however, I would like to offer some insight to anyone listening: I find it odd that Dr Syl said the young lady was "warm" at the beginning. She was very clearly being distant and cold. She was answering questions but very obviously observing for any hint of a red flag. ALL borderlines say "it's fine, everything was fine" about their childhoods and then when you inspect it for details it's like "holy sh*t that's messed up" and they literally don't understand that.
The thing about borderlines is that it is a place you arrive at through abuse and neglect as a child, usually from drug/alcohol addicts or narcissists (who are a type of emotional addict). You are not taught any social skills; you are trained to be someone's victim or emotional fuel source. You are disallowed a sense of self and so don't develop one. (Pro tip: this comes from not being allowed boundaries. Learn to give yourself boundaries, and you will develop a sense of self! :) ) You are parentified and left in vulnerable positions, and constantly abandoned emotionally or physically or both. You are angry at literally everything because in most cases, literally every sentence of every interaction you had with the caregivers in your life was some kind of betrayal. You have a lot to be angry about and you disassociate half your life away because the only way you can control your emotions and function is to feel nothing. As an adult, that only builds, so the anger gets bigger if left unaddressed--those whiplash 'leave me alone' moments he was discussing.
As child in those households, you learned--and it was enforced--that the only way to survive and get bread crumbs of love, support, or attention, food, clothing--any resources at all--was to mask and be high-performing. You are nothing. You are allowed nothing. No one spends time on you unless it's to yell at you or use you. Psychology seems to completely miss all of this and instead says "your personality is messed up" (something that is inherent and immutable). It blames the victim.
But, even so, abuse is a kind of scaffold and structure. Remove that structure, twisted as it is, and borderlines (with the abandonment issues) can get really, really intensely out of whack and stalk people or even end up in the morgue. There are some other comments discussing this. It's not a good thing, it scares and hurts everybody. I could say more about it, but long story short, it comes from a fear of abandonment and it bothers me that the fear of abandonment people with this condition face is ridiculed and the issue is brushed off or minimized by practitioners. Even the talking heads about it do this. And they really need to understand it better or they will never help their patients fully.
The people who have this condition have VERY valid reasons for being terrified of abandonment; they've experienced psychological torture around abandonment throughout their lives by numerous individuals they depended heavily upon as a means to control them, and suffered very real consequences from actually being abandoned, emotionally or physically, repeatedly. In ancient times, as a child, being abandoned means you end up preyed upon one way or another, so it's a very fundamental fear as well, that gets exacerbated by the reality of what happened to them. It also causes mental breakdowns, which are also inherently dangerous mental states and the people on the way to suffering one know it---they're so desperate to get someone to not leave so that the mental breakdown can be staved off. Is it fair to the other person? No not at all. But just for the record, a lot of people treat their girlfriends' threats of d*ing as some kind of ploy when they're going to break up with them and it's really...not. They're really, genuinely scared to death and need open communication and reassurance to talk them off the ledge, as comments in this thread have shown. I wish the psychology field would address this more rather than mock or demonize it.
At the end of the day, this is a disorder of being unable to trust or connect; that's why clinical settings typically mess up people with this disorder rather than help them, and they end up responding more to life coaches and self help books. IME, what really helped was being around kind, welcoming, supportive people whom I could trust---and fully away from my family. Once that happened, I was almost all better within six months. Every time I interact with my parents or family, I relapse. You have to get people with BPD away from their families or they will never get better. That's another thing the psychology field turns a blind eye to and often gets wrong for this diagnosis.
Now, in order to heal and get better, I had to unlearn a lot of maladaptive behaviors too, learn to identify emotions, learn social expectations, etc---teach myself like I was 5 how to exist in normal society---which is something you don't get when you're an adult. There's no space for that just out there in the world. That's what I wish psychology as a field would help people with this disorder with--reparenting, rather than what it does now with CBT (just telling people "your behavior hurts others and you need to fix your cognitive distortions"). I don't need you to teach me that splitting is a thing and I'm a bad person for doing it, I need you to teach me how to love myself and say no and be honest about things even to myself, and then the splitting will stop on its own.
Also, just being able to overcome the gaslighting is so helpful. Someone hearing your story and saying "wow that's messed up" and then what should have happened instead. Someone holding you when you cry and modeling nice behaviors. Someone bringing me a cupcake on my birthday just because they care. Letting myself get mad at that terrible things happened that shouldn't have, and that I was wronged. That my potential was stolen from me...and then how to pick myself up from that. Giving me a place where I can be a loving person to others even if awkwardly and with mistakes. We don't need a therapist...we need a real mom/dad. And that's why life coaches seem to be so much more effective than therapists for this group, IMO.
Maybe there's better trained groups of therapists out there than I've encountered (likely, I live in the state dead last for healthcare of all kinds in the US), but I wish psychology as a field could use all its fancy observations to understand the reality of this condition rather than acting so confused about it. It's not mysterious, you're just not listening to the patients well enough...not earning their trust and not asking the right questions. (Not you, doc, specifically, but the general population of therapists as I've seen them.) Therapy's in denial about what really causes this and it's hurting patient outcomes. (At least in my experience with the field, but again, I live in a place that's a bit far behind.)
Anyway...that's what i have to say on it, as someone who writes about the situation. Keep on learning and believing your patients. This group doesn't need to be cured...they need kindness and connection and a little bit of guidance, and then they can cure themselves.
This comment helped me immensely. I suffered from childhood sexual abuse and neglect afterward after sharing the reality to one of my parents. They did not provide any support. Your point about relapsing with family is spot on. I’ve been to multiple therapists, none of whom diagnosed me with BPD, but the trauma was similar. I don’t switch, I draw boundaries well. I can see the world as both good and bad and with grey areas. And I mostly taught myself these things. It’s sometimes a struggle to get people to understand how much work that has taken, and if I feel others cannot understand or have compassion for that reality, I don’t make space for those people in my life.
Very insightful comment, thank you
Never abused or neglected as a child. Still ended up with bpd. Not everyone who has bpd has horrible childhoods
This video hit home for me. I grew up with one emotionally unstable mom who gave a lot of neglect, and an absent dad. At 20, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and major depression (and a host of others). I underwent a 9 month DBT program and graduated. I've had ten years of deep therapy, including schema therapy. I used self injury and suicidality as my main coping skills. At 23/24/25, I no longer met the criteria for bpd or major depression. I still occasionally have episodic depression spells; once a year maybe? I still undergo anxiety at times. But therapy was the best
Wow so glad you’ve had such progres-great! Where was the 9 month DBT program - will you share info on it?
Same!
I have social anxiety, but worked as a bartender. I actually loved the job, simply because the bar was a barrier between me and the customers. I was encouraged to be as outrageous and flirtatious as it improved tips. In the end, I'd developed an alter-ego that I wore like a mask while at work.
I have some pretty heavy social anxiety yet I am a teacher, and what you said in the video called my attention because I very much see my classes as a performance, when I'm in front of my students my class is like a well-rehearsed play and they are the audience whose attention I must hold.
Exactly! I taught at University. It was a high to perform and engage with my student audience. Walking across campus between classes with hordes of students induced massive anxiety. Socializing is anxiety inducing.
This. It’s like a form of masking. Exhausting.
Again structured performance….like a train with tracks vs more personal social expression. We need help, structure, support and being a teacher vs just standing independent expressing ones self (or worse yet trying to defend ones self) has that.
To answer your question about social anxiety and performance, I had extreme social anxiety as a kid to the point where I had selective mutism. However, I was able to perform in community theater. For me, I was able to say my lines just fine because (a) they were memorized, and (b) they were not "me" so nobody could judge me for them. Whereas speaking to people in social settings was sometimes literally impossible because I couldn't think of anything to say and I did not know how to communicate with people as a real person. That said, acting/theater was kind of my "gateway" to be able to speak to people in real life, because I learned to treat real life like a play...I would script basic parts of conversations in my head, and also think of myself as presenting a character when I talked to people. (Like when I talked to a teacher, I would play the part of "responsible student.") It made it easier to talk, but it also led to a lot of identity issues, to the point where I really resonate with people with BPD because I sometimes have difficulty knowing who I really am beyond the roles I play.
Spot on about the alter ego on stage. I was a dancer when i was young, and felt more comfortable dancing than talking lol
I have Autism, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, major depressive disorder, and OCD - I suspect avoidant personality disorder as well - I LOVE to teach on subjects I enjoy - I’ll go way out of my way to get to do that … in fact the only job I’ve ever had that I enjoyed was as an adjunct instructor … it’s weird - I’m super nervous at first then it’s fine …
LOVE the comments about using movement first, then seek stillness.
I read “What Happened To You” at your recommendation and one thing that was mentioned was movement can be very self-regulating and it was mind blowing to me-over a decade ago when I was in high school and involved in tons of sports, I didn’t suffer from anxiety at all. Once I stopped consistently moving, my anxiety increased.
I’ve since joined a gym (I’m 5 months postpartum with my second) and my anxiety levels have GREATLY decreased, in huge part I believe, because of movement.
YES and What Happened to You mentions how vital relationships are….what got you into sports and didn’t stop you from it? WHO?
I have BPD, amongst other things, and suffer from terrible social anxiety. I've also performed comedy for years - I always feel sick beforehand and really don't want to do it. I never back out because I've made a commitment to perform (usually during the high immediately after the last gig), then I go on stage and almost dissociate, then when I come off stage I feel great and foolishly commit to the next gig. And so the cycle continues.
I used to have terrible social anxiety, as a teenager I couldn't talk above a whisper in a one on one conversation with people or in a group. I also hated having people stand close to me, so this dance would happen where I would whisper, they would lean closer to hear and then I would step back. If I was seated, I would try to squirm into the seat I was in to disappear. And eye contact was a big no-no.
But, while I had that social anxiety, I was totally find with public speaking, I was always asking and answering teachers questions in class, and my favourite kind of assessments were presentations.
As a kid and teen, my Dad would go from happy to depressed or angry in a heartbeat if you said "the wrong" thing, only anything could be the wrong thing because he would warp your words in his head. My expectations of social interactions were that anyone could fly into a seething rage or frightening depression at the blandest of statements, so social interactions were terrifying. Public speaking didn't have that same association so it was one of the times I actually felt comfortable and safe speaking.
Im happy you mentioned bad trips CAN cause PTSD. I suffered a lot because of 2 bad trips with THC. People don't understand how it can happen. It took me around 1.5 years to recover. Even though im recovered.. im still not who I used to be. And still go through odd phases.
I am so glad even you agree weed is not good for your brain and that it does have negative reactions and becomes addictive. Sadly most people think weed is as safe as having a drink.
Unless you got crazy chemicals somehow in your weed, you're way, way overestimating the effect of using THC twice. You're one of the ones that should never use drugs because their mental state is so at the point of breaking that a stray breeze will send you over the limit. It sucks to hear, but I'm only saying it because it's a lesson I've had to learn as well. Also, educated people consider alcohol universally significantly more harmful than weed.
Agreed with Adrian, disagreed with the yellyfish
Ask celebrity Brian Wilson, LSD made him schizophrenic, until a courageous psychologist helped him overcome this grave mental health disease.
Did you feel like everything was fake ? For like a year or more ? This happened to me the first time I smoked - made me feel crazy so crazy I had to see a doctor who diagnosed me with having dissociative disorder
100 percent. I have had some extremely bad reactions to THC and I don’t like it at all. i also think it’s not as harmless as many people think. I don’t know if it should be illegal but I think people need to be better educated about its downsides - like with alcohol. It’s way more complex than “weed is safer than alcohol” or “weed is totally bad for you”. It depends on so many factors that you really can’t know how someone will respond to it.
I think it should only be used by people who have no psychiatric problems or family history of psychiatric disorders or substance abuse. And absolutely shouldn’t be used by teens. Over 21 only.
I've had bpd for as long as I can remember and I still don't understand what the symptoms are and what are symptoms of simply depression. Please do more videos on borderline! Thank you, and love from Finland ❤🤗
this might sound weird to you, but i myself consider everything about me a part of my bpd, because it’s a personality disorder. now, a lot of people think that way but let it get them down and even more depressed. but for me when i look at it in this way i can kind of just accept it. although i’ve had many bad moments, i have a lot of good moments more often than bad as of recently, which kind of tears down the stigma i see from others and even myself. with that in mind, i’m more motivated to try to improve and keep going. idk just a thought and my perspective 🤷🏿♂️ i’d love to talk about this kind of stuff w you if you want, just kinda go back and forth and share experiences
Bps is incredibly hard to deal with.. i began researching it after being diagnosed & it made a lot of sense. I had never understood why I would experience the massive highs and lows in a matter of minutes, hours, and allll day long. “I hate you dont leave me” is a good book to read if you want to learn more. Also look up Dr. ramini on RUclips she specializes in bpd and many other personality disorders
Any specific questions you have?
Prof Sam Vaknin RUclips mind blowing info good first vid "toxic families" then the BPD ones... he's painful (NPD) but funny and so knowledgeable ☮️😀
All the best
@@IngridWelborn-ek9tqpost ramini try Sam Vaknin no joke next level insights all the best
Interesting that you mentioned that she had social anxiety yet she was able to do public dancing. That was also the case for Freddy Mercury. He was painfully shy, yet able to perform in front of people, because as you guessed he took on a different persona.
I'm a musician and have social anxiety. I don't have a problem performing on stage, because I don't need to talk to anyone. But when it comes to talking to someone, even online, it's very frightening and stressful to me.
I've lost basically everyone in my life, even family because I'm a rollercoaster and when i get mad, I'm dangerous and scary, even to myself. I have a frontal lobe TBI/Pseudobulbar affect from domestic violence. My doctor struggled with dissecting my problems and almost diagnosed me with BPD but then realized i had TBI, CPTSD, GAD, MDD and more just from a terrible childhood that spilled over into adulthood . It made it difficult to peel back all the layers of trauma.i love my mother and i still have a relationship and lots of love for her, but she never knew where i was as a child, she was too busy worrying about my dad/fighting with him. It's a nightmare unpacking all this bs as an adult just because i was trying to survive as a child, to grow up and let ppl physically, mentally and verbally abuse me. Now I'm just full of anger and hatred. I'm don't do drugs or drink except on special occasions (no drugs) but i was recently put on Vyvanse for my mostly crying outbursts, they're a nightmare i can't control but the Vyvanse is helping a bit with the crying. Maybe that helps someone. Don't have children if you don't have your head on straight and your life in order, cause i did some of the very same damage to my daughter and that's the part that's the hardest to except. I was only trying to survive then and even now I struggle nearly everyday. I'm a psychiatrists gift of a patient, a guinea pig. Most days, I hate me.
my new favourite youtube channel ❤ as a medical student, your videos make studying so much more fun, the way you explain complex topics with such passion is super engaging! Also, I really appreciate your empathy and sincere interest for what patients are going through, this is what I aspire to be like one day as a medical professional!
same for me as a nursing student
I think you'll find this is actually a bit more common in performers than you think. I have social anxiety but have been a performer since the age of 5. I think with performers it becomes about the show and not the people. Productions take work so if you do the work, the audience reaction follows. You're not in as close of contact with these people as you would be talking to them face to face. As well as the task at hand distracts from the worry about the perception of others, because the harshest perception will usually be from yourself as an artist.
I was diagnosed with recurrent depression, autism spectrum disorder, and severe anxiety. I was also an addict, but I've been clean for just shy of 30 years. The gentleman who ran the group I was in said a couple of things that stuck with me. He said all drug use was self medication, because happy, and healthy people don't need to get high. I've really thought about that idea over the years, and I believe he was correct.
I too have recurrent depression, autism and anxiety (in addition to adhd) as well as a past with drugs. Congratulations on being clean for 30 years, that's an amazing achievement! I'm at 11 years now, I hope I'll make it to 30 too :) and I very much agree with this statement, I too realized that I was self medicating with drugs. I read that especially undiagnosed/unmedicated neurodivergent people have a tendency to take drugs, because we perceive the world differently (like sensory input being much more severe for us), and in order to function in society we have to resort to substances in order to cope. And what are drugs if not a way to escape reality, or make it more bearable. Everyone is taught from a young age that drugs are bad, so I think it takes a considerable amount of pain and suffering to be willing to try something that is canonically bad. That's also why I find it horrible how drug addicts are treated in society, it's not something we should judge people for, but help people with, and prevent effectively through destignatising therapy from a young age on.
@@bluedaisies709 My "sponsor" shared a lot of things that have helped me over the years. The one that proved to be the most valuable was this, addiction isn't a disease, it's a symptom. He always hammered this idea of a core issue that everything else grows from, and the need to identify it. He was big on metaphor, and described it as the root of the poison tree.
I was a performer with mild social anxiety and many performers I knew had pretty severe anxiety. I feel like they often go hand in hand. When you’re on stage, It’s not your real life.
I have terrible social anxiety but I used to extra in movies. The pay wasn't good but it was loads of fun dressing in the time period for the film and being on set, it was kind of a side gig. They really liked me too because unlike the prospective actors I didn't care if my face wasn't seen so I wasn't craning to get my face on camera like many others try and do and because of that I got in a lot and closer to the camera but usually its just my back or arm or something you see :D But yeah I could put it aside and not worry, weird thing is I'm normally camera shy and don't like my image on camera
Not as extreme as other answers but there you have it :)
Thanks for the video!
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear someone with a platform like yours talk about the detrimental effects of weed. Sometimes it feels like it's being pushed everywhere, and I feel for the younger generations who maybe don't quite have the life experience and knowledge to say it's not for them.
Weed also has a lot of really positive medical traits that I think a lot of people don't understand. I can either be on prescription pills to help, but those thin my stomach lining, are hard on my liver and kidneys, and because I also have a digestive disorder, these side effects are a big deal for me, they are also highly addictive both physically and mentally. On the other hand, weed with certain properties can help me at the same level without those side effects. Every medicine has pros and cons, it's up to the individual person and their doctor (or team of doctors in my case) to determine which option is best. Different medicine for different people.
An alter ego-type thing with extreme social anxiety is absolutely a real thing. Being someone else, essentially, removes you from your head and the monsters in it. The life that is destroying you. It's like a mental vacation from yourself/your reality.
Psilocybin has been the only thing that makes me feel like I perceive normal people to be; calm. no racing mind, not wanting to crawl out of my own skin, attentive, and the biggest win is not being buried under depression/suicide ideology. I don't know of any legal trials in the US but my proximity to Oregon takes down a few hurdles.
"The switch"; It wasn't until I got older that I realized something as simple as a scent, a facial expression from someone, or a sound, could trigger that switch and I can go from joking around to seriously enraged in a heartbeat. I have a lot of anger with how I was raised and the things done to me, and anything that brings those memories to the forefront brings the fury with it. If you don't acknowledge and deal with it, work through it, you just keep coping until the coping breaks.. and it will break.
Traveling; I moved into RV life full-time in 2020. I wish I had done it decades ago - I love being in a new place every few weeks. I'm at my best when I'm traveling. I know I'm running from things and just distracting myself, but I don't care.
OMG, the more I watch this the more I see myself in her. I wish her the best.
I also have BPD and have really bad social anxiety, however I managed an adult store for some time lol. For me there was a clear distinction between "Me" and "work Me". Both me but just different parts of me. As soon as I clocked out, I would go back to the real me. I would be left exhausted for having to mask and put on this work version of me...
I have been in depression for 5+ years and never wanted medication. I was just very against it, I think because my parents were against it (I think it was caused by medical trauma). I was heavily addicted to weed not realising it’s just making things worse. Last summer my depression got really bad and I was delusional, believing in conspiracies and other things. In the beginning of this year it was so bad I couldn’t control myself anymore and had mental breakdowns all the time and finally I decided to try ssris. I already felt the difference on the first day and honestly I regret not taking them earlier. I don’t feel like a zombie. I feel like they help me so much with the uncomfortable emotions like anger and frustration and deep sadness. I can laugh and I feel like myself. But of course I need therapy because my depression is caused by cptsd / ptsd. I’m also autistic so it makes it more difficult. I understand where’s she’s coming from but I hope she will try to help herself so she can live a happier life.
feeling a difference from the first day of ssris suggests that there is a large psychological component to your depression
@@zoeyelh that would make a lot of sense. Where can I find more information about this?
maybe a therapist. they work psychologically
Me too. But after suffering for many years I finally accepted that I was going to get out of it naturally. I took the meds and they helped.
My wife has struggled with fairly severe social anxiety (now astonishingly well managed relative to when I met her two decades ago), but it’s notable that she’s quite extroverted and gets a lot of energy from social events. She especially loves performing for larger groups, and is quite good at it. Even when it doesn’t go particularly well she tends to have a fairly robust sense of perspective about it, so something about it either doesn’t trigger or outright disables the social anxiety cycle for her. It could be because people laughing/responding crowd out the silent people from whom she perceives disapproval or annoyance when her social anxiety is triggered. Also I think she can’t spin stories about people only pretending to respond positively for politeness sake if there are too many people responding.
Just my speculations. I will say that it’s a slam-dunk refutation of the folks who say social anxiety is just a medicalized term for shyness. She is not shy; she’s just prone to starting to perceive (hallucinate?) negative responses from people around her when her anxiety is triggered.
Just wanted to say I really appreciate this comment! I wish there was more attention given to the different experiences of extroverts vs introverts with social anxiety.
the Soft White Underbelly reaction videos are always so well done!
Regarding the social anxiety vs adult dance/performance: I am a retired adult performance artist (33yrs in industry) BPD/p , cptsd, PTSD, social anxiety has been my truth. However the power and ownership of my surroundings was very comforting and came with ease even to the point where my anxiety rarely came upon me as I was dancing my life . Sadly after betrayal trauma and physical abuse/emotional abuse was my truth ten yrs after retirement, my anxiety has come again mostly as fear. Fear is really my world now. But I would give a billion dollars to feel the comfort I felt when I danced. That's just my experience. I know that 33yrs is extremely long. And on some boards that even out does the life expectancy of the employees if that industry. I was devoured and devoted to my trade. I still miss it's strength. Thank you hope you have some view that can help w understanding the paradox it seems to have
I’d say I have pretty real social anxiety and also used to dance… it’s so much easier to engage when there’s a role or task to fulfill, vice just ✨exist✨ in the same space with strangers as myself. I found dancing, while it has its own challenges, was still easier to manage than something like going to a house party.
As someone with social anxiety who plays in a band, you are definitely correct about the alter ego. I put my entire focus and passion into my instrument, which also helps me not think of what's uncomfortable in the moment.
What a great interview and interesting commentary too. I can regonise many of these things, especially the emotional dysregulation. A video on the differences between cPTSD and BPD would be interesting as there are many similarities, and the current thinking in trauma and BPD. In the UK it seems like having the BPD label can lead to you getting treated badly and not being able to access certain help. Some people even struggle to get anywhere near to having DBT which NICE recommends as the treatment. Which is such a sad state of affairs given how effective it has been shown to be.
I have social anxiety and I’m a professor. Very performative. I rely on the norms of performance/teaching to stand behind for a protective layer. I also enjoy performance/competition.
Hi Dr Syl 😊 Re Your question Approx 9 minutes in - yes, I had the exact same experience as this woman. Social anxiety, but worked as a dancer in the same sort of clubs. A few reasons
- it was the actual conversation and meaningful interaction that was difficult and uncomfortable.
However, dancing; even if that was with eye contact, was either just a learned meaningless routine. Or- other times I would actually enjoy dancing on stage for just 'me'. I love dancing and music- just didn't like social (mainly male) interaction.
Great video, by the way, and loved the positive insights and advice! 😊
That's great insight!
I used to perform as a singer-songwriter in local pubs, folk clubs and festivals, but also have social anxiety to the point where even answering the door can cause fear. Singing and playing guitar was fine, as I was 'in the zone', but the minute I had to interact with the audience, I felt awkward and 'clunky'. It was a part of the music I really didn't like and wasn't good at.
Ah yes! @Singingsam40 , This sounds relatable 😊 - Your description of being in 'the zone' in comparison to the 'clunkiness' of interaction really makes sense 😊
@RD-fd9de I'm glad it helped you make more sense of what must seem a strange contradiction, especially in the context of social anxiety. The act of performance itself, despite its need for a real or implied audience (thus, suggestive of social interaction) can actually feel like a solitary experience. For me, it was always about connecting with an internal experience, which the audience would hopefully be able to identify with within their own psyche. After finishing a song, I'd kind of come to and realise I had an entire group of people looking at me expectantly! 😶🌫️
I absolutely love this Dr.!
This is fantastic. I'm also training to be a therapist right now and it's great to see your perspectives and bringing up what Shawna says and putting them in context really helps me understand clinical skills whilst I'm studying. So happy to find an Australian relevant channel! Subscribed!
I have horrible social anxiety and had no problem putting on a "persona" when taking drive thru orders over a headset when working fast food. Much easier to sound happy and friendly when I'm not since I have a hard time faking it in my facial expressions.
It’s been my personal experience that I’ve struggled with guilt over admitting to the extent of my cptsd and the impact of abuse and neglect upon me and my life by a parent that parentified me. I feel as awful discussing it as if I were complaining about my children and the burden of motherhood. As a result, I identify with the impulse to downplay the negative aspects of my childhood. Also.. as awful as this is, I’ve found that some people are inclined to devalue someone once they find that person wasn’t properly valued by their family. I’ve learned to be careful about revealing my past too quickly, if at all, to others. I’m 47 and have had years of therapy and I’ve not lost this.. I may never. I’ve had people think I’m dishonest because of this tendency in the past, so I don’t necessarily recommend it. Its tricky.
I absolutely love it when you upload, sending lots of love from Bulgaria ❤
I saw that video but it was great to see your insight. I've dealt with borderline my entire life and now at 40, I'm mellowing out bc of my age and therapy that I started about 2 years ago. I wasn't able to get it sooner, so you can imagine my 20s and 30s. But what you said was so powerful, your brain doesn't control your emotions, your emotions control your brain. That is borderline exactly!!
Omg the cut to your new haircut was jarring 😂
You look great! I got a buzz cut recently too
a note for myself as someone who has social anxiety but also did musicals and like to sing for people, I think its more about the interacting that stresses me out when its a 2 sided interaction (for me with people with more authority) there's a lot of fear and overwhelming emotion that comes with that, and fear that I will be misunderstood because most people often listen to respond rather than just listen in conversations, which feels different than performing as it is a bit more onesided, its me projecting and being heard fully without them waiting to interject with a response.
My problem, no diagnosis. I figured something wasn't quite right with, as Dr. Syl said, ' the emotions controlling the brain'. Tried to quit smoking at 30yr with Bupropion (Wellbutrin) and OMG it changed my life!! Ended up with a depression diagnosis. Started reading CBT books etc. Read one on BPD and said to myself, "This is IT. This is what I am!!" That was at 33yrs, but my bipolar (seriously, like 35 ECTs in her lifetime) sister, pooh, poohed it. As I needed med changes to control depression, I eventually landed with Paroxetine (Paxil) OMG again, changed my life!! It took away the rage, the constant, just beneath the surface, RAGE I always had there mixing with the negative thoughts! Talk about peace...gradually I've somewhat outgrown the BPD I think. But it was when I was 59yrs that a psychiatrist doing a history with me actually finally said, "I think you had BPD by the sounds of everything." I told him how that book was written about me it seemed. So ya, spent my whole life with a personality disorder and did not get any help for it at all. It ruined my life. If you gave me the option to be young again, I would say NO THANKS. My whole life was a nightmarish shit show, I would not repeat for anything!! Let's hope now with the DBT and the team approach to those with BPD makes it easier to get diagnosed, treated and not so scary for the therapist. I do get it, we ain't easy people!!
As for the social anxiety and performance, yes. When I was in high school I had severe social anxiety but joining theater helped me. I was able to be someone else on stage and then myself off stage. On stage I could be anything, I could be funny I could be bold and brave. It wasn't me, it was a character I was playing. I'm 36 now and I still have pretty bad social anxiety but I don't have as many outlets like theater to help me come out of my shell. I still love Halloween and holidays where you can dress up. I always look forward to the chance to step out of myself.
When you spoke of alter egos! It reminded me of someone I once knew, he had a terrible stammer, however his hobby was being a DJ! So this would involve talking in between records and being very convincing and confident, now he was able to do this because he used a different identity, even a different voice, the typical DJ tone! He could also sing without stammering which is quite common with people who stutter whilst talking. I know this is a million miles from BPD or mental health but I felt it worth mentioning. Also I wanted to mention I feel you are a very astute person! I watched the interview on soft white underbelly just before I watched your video, just to see how we both may differ, in regards to what you see what I may see! Because I’ve studied BPD my ex wife suffers from this condition, and I must say you picked up on lots, with little information well done😊 and good luck with your degree.
yes, watching this is like dejavu with my life. I can feel her anxiety with this interview, she was not saying all the information. Using social drugs definitely helps with the disassociation.
I think most successful performers, even those who have no clinical issues, actually have a character in which they perform. That boundary between the personal and that of the audience believing they know the performing character is part of it. Those performers whose personality, social structure is combined with their performing work often have crises from the strain of never being "off the stage". A less clinical way of seeing this is "having boundaries". What is the boundary but guarding the personal from the public.
I like how you explained how anti depressants may not work for BPD which is true for me. they make me worse in anxiety and rage. but i am still trying to find some balance, dbt skills do help but at the same time for me its the i call it "blind rage" fits that i still need to figure out how to control better
Thanks so much for this, Could you please create more content on borderline?
You have a very good way of explaining things and it would be really helpful to have a breakdown on what therapy would look like for borderline patients...
I am going to therapy but its mostly just me having to talk about what happened and the therapist asking me to think about things but I do think about every single decision I take now so much its exhausting, and I dont learn about coping mechanisms which would be really helpful.
Great video and channel, thanks. Wanted to say that I have struggled greatly with social anxiety my whole life, but managed to work in customer service jobs. I definitely relate to adopting a new “persona”. I think of myself as an actor playing a role and somehow that works for me. Other times, being behind a desk and having a physical barrier that keeps distance can help a lot. Another thing is that the roles of a customer service worker and the customer are clearly defined, making almost every interaction predictable and repetitive, which again helps a lot. For me at least though, I find it extremely draining on energy and find myself wanting to be mostly alone outside of those working hours.
I have social anxiety, but I can still be social--outspoken, even around a lot of people, in meetings and such. But I always come out of it feeling exhausted and embarrassed that I said something wrong or talked too much, etc. I usually end up wanting to hole up and lay in bed for a while after.
I have BPD And pretty bad social anxiety however I’ve always been able to perform in front of people eg singing and playing instruments as it’s something I love to do
Regarding the performative thing with social anxiety. For me, it’s not as if I’m putting on a persona, it’s me showing people a part of me that I WANT them to see and a part of me that I know I’M proud of. Every other aspect of me is something that’s a root of my anxiety socially so having the chance to show a specific part of me to a mass of people without them perceiving the rest of me feels pretty good.
performing = controlled interacting and predictability. Customer service = unpredictable and direct interaction without rules
I love your channel! Can you please link the study in your channel about the cortisol spike that happens after someone smokes? I’m interested in sharing that with a few teens I know
In Denmark we are opening up for psychedelic therapy (psilocybin ect) 🇩🇰
Totally! Diagnosed with mdd as a teen, had severe anxiety issues / panic attacks and I did theater. I was able to be someone else…I think it’s kinda what I still do at work. I put on a costume/ act to do what I need to do to get paid/be good at my job.
I have terrible social anxiety but was very good at serving and bartering. And you’re precisely right that it worked for me because it was performative, operated within very specific parameters and had a very specific goal. I could play a role tailored to achieving that goal and then move on. It was almost fun at times because it was like a real life video game. Play it well and get money. Play it really well and get even more money. Ultimately bars are not healthy environments for me to spend that much time in, so I quit doing that kind of work. I don’t miss it at all. But I did make a lot of money and I miss that
Your videos are amazing! In the next one, could you turn your mic up? The videos you stitch with yours seem a lot louder. Thank you :)
Oh wow, that was really interesting and eye opening! I've wondered if I have BPD and hearing her interview I wonder it even more. Skipping the way too many details, but I recognize so much of what she said in me. I'm definitely looking into this some more and bringing it back up to my therapist!
Oh, and I'm definitely hoping Michigan just legalizes shrooms already! I've heard so many promising things about that but only a few cities (including Detroit) have decriminalized them. So frustrating to live right near Detroit and the border to Canada where one can take them with no legal issue! LOL!
Anyhow, great video and information! Thanks!
Im a singer and have anxiety/social anxiety and play a lot of shows. On stage, im fine - adopt an alter ego of confidence and have zero issues playing that part. My problems comes after the performance, when people try to interact with this personality theyve seen on stage and I become somewhere in the middle of these two identities.
I have BPD and PTSD/CPTSD so my social anxiety is really high. I love going to live concerts specifically alone, it's honestly the only form of 'social interaction' I can handle. If I go with other people it immediately makes me anxious and I don't enjoy it nearly as much. For me, if I have another thing to focus on that (seeing my favorite band) then the discomfort of people around me doesn't feel as strong. The highest form of anxiety for me is the awareness that I am being perceived, if that makes sense. Talking to people, having someone notice me and single me out for conversation, having to prove my capability or competence in any way is excruciatingly uncomfortable. If I'm just a face in the crowd it's not so bad, if I have to be 'a person' and talk and be interesting and listen well then it's too much
I have treatment resistant depression disorder. I love how snris emotionally blunt my brain. I am able to be cool as a cucumber all the time. I wish they helped all the symptoms as well.
29:00 i can relate to this a lot. one of the things i used to say, and in a messed up way take a lot of pride in, was, "I need to see how close to killing myself I can get without actually killing myself." the logic is that if I can push myself to the limit, no matter the amount of pain and suffering and detriment it has on my life, it will show me what it is i want to live for. it started out subconscious for sure, but eventually I picked up on this cycle of feeling great and ready to do anything for about a month and then 2 weeks of just absolute hell. thoughts of killing myself, my mom (who was also my emotional abuser), constant lost jobs, skipping meds and using drugs and not sleeping (leading to psychosis on top of bpd), and failing high school.
I consider myself to be a pretty mindful person, I've always been into changing my ideas, learning and adopting new perspectives, and ready to doubt and second guess myself, but when it comes to borderline personality disorder... when that shit hits it fucking hits. it doesn't matter how smart or logical you think you are, because at a certain point you aren't the same you you were last week, yesterday, or when you woke up this morning.
today, though, i do pretty well. a lot of ups and downs including homelessness led me to my most confident and healthy self. away from my abuser, people who have no interest in understanding me, surrounding myself with supports, therapy, doctors, and just recently getting completely off of antipsychotics. I feel the best I ever have. I appreciate you for mentioning that BPD isn't a permanent diagnosis, or at least is something that will forever rule your life. I'm very lucky to have gotten help when I did, and channels like yours really keep me staying mindful and logical within my knowledge. thanks for doing what you, I seriously hope to one day be able to help people with mental illness like you do.
I have social anxiety, but I'm a hairstylist. I preform. I was taught that doing hair is a performance and it works in my head. However I'm drained when I get home and need to decompress. So, I cuddle my pups and then veg for about an hr. Also mushrooms are great for ptsd (I have) and micro dosing almost makes me feel more connected and less in fear when I talk about the trauma.
Dancer here. Diagnosed with early onset anxiety disorder and a slew of other conditions. Couldn’t get through the night without drinking. Would literally have tremors.
Finding a lot of this uncomfortably relatable.
On a positive note, I absolutely admire Shawna's ability to self - reflect. I'm sure perceiving herself as "crazy" or "unstable" can blunt her self - esteem, but she is clearly an extremely intelligent person.
First of all, Dr Syl, you are a very attractive man and that is why I keep watching your videos. I am totally straight, but your videos are very informative. Your videos have helped me understand all the challenges many of my family members struggle with. Your videos have really helped me to be more understanding of these mental challenges.
Haha its like you asked the question straight at me. Yes SA since being a teenager (with public speaking). Then I went on to get a bad boyfriend. Got into dancing. At first it helped but then it got worse, started drinking to cope. Never drugs. I saw many of those, saw many bad things, lost a lot of confidence. Got GAD. Luckily got out of the relationship, got out of the dancing. Still got the SA, but I cope and I'm in a super social role. I've managed to hide my SA and anxiety well. Frustrating though looking for help and can't get into a psychologist locally. Oh yes 2y after GAD diagnosis I went on antidepressants after not wanting to take them for ages. Helped so much!
I have social anxiety. I got better with it slowly but one pivotal thing was part of a job required me to engage people in cocktail hours. That was fraught with anxiety... Until i realized the other people were also nervous to talk to me!
8:47 i just wanted to answer the question about social anxiety while doing something that eyrs are on you. I woke for years in New York city high end stores that i would be around a large amount of people and had to be vocal and socialize,also worked at party events that would help promote the stores and i would definitely imagine i was someone else and have a completely different personality. After years of doing so i would need a drink if i was going to be at a club or speaking on a stage. I now fully understand the issue and just don't do anything in not comfortable with and don't go to clubs at all. Forcing myself only made it something i now fear, just rocking about a packed room if strangers makes my heart race. It is completely easier to give my nickname in a group of people then my actual name. It's my process and I'm in no way giving advice just explaining that having this alter eago who is social and friendly makes it easy easier then just going into things as just me. I also find that alcohol makes the anxiety worse as i got older and staying completely sober makes me feel like i hands more power over the situation.
Just popping on the day that YES I have bpd and social anxiety and find it fun or even easy to switch to a different personality when doing performative things even like public speaking or making a RUclips video or something like dancing where you can become a fully different person
@DrSyl I have BPD and have had severe social anxiety - I’m an actor and I have been a stripper. I started theatre in middle school later minored in Theatre and was able to do plays. Because it was comfortable to hide behind a character. But public speaking would trigger the nerves so bad. The times when I acted really well the nerves were like working for the character as though I found a way to use the nerves and fly. When I say acted well I was in another state - the zone- I was living breathing the character. However, I’m always chasing that as an actor & have only been able to do it a handful of times. All the other times I think my negativity & self doubt gets in my way but I’m not experiencing social anxiety during it. I would have discomfort around the interpersonal activities that goes into being in plays & becoming close knit with others. I would feel awkward inside having to be with others but I would try to just focus on the work. However, I didn’t see stripping as the same performative type, yes performative in its own way but not like I’m becoming someone else but actually more like I’m free to be me. Because turning that part of me on is not a false part of me in fact it’s a part of me that I feel I hide and suppress in everyday life. Lots of shame around sexuality growing up Baptist. But to drop that shame is like I am getting to integrate a real aspect of myself and put it on display which always felt like a hypomania state or it’s just a state that I wasn’t my depressive self. This year I found out I have bpd - I think I’m probably border-polar-avoidant. I’m almost 50 I danced in my 20s & 30s. Got a degree in psychology minor in theatre at 35 (summa cum laude). Have been involved in acting in some capacity since middle school. Have seriously thought about letting that-acting-go since finding out I’m bpd because I realized perhaps it has been a coping mechanism. But it may be a coping mechanism I still need. It probably saved my life… in many ways of course it did.
I recently obtained my LCDC-I and we’ll see if I can get hired! If not I’m going back to school to get a certificate in substance abuse counseling. I graduated from an experimental psych program so I never took any counseling course work. Oh & after getting my degree I started Grad School & was making all A’s but ultimately untreated depression & anxiety -social anxiety really - caused me to drop out. But now that I’m aware of bpd & am in treatment and went to an IOP program for trauma I’m on a path of recovery making a lot of progress. So I might actually be able to get a real job, lol. 🎭
Also I could have PDA because a lot of PDAers will have special interests like psychology & acting.
I’d love for you to do a video on PDA sometime!
I have social anxiety, but enjoy being in front of large crowds. I don’t feel vulnerable or intimate with a large crowd because they don’t ask about my life or my experiences and that makes me really comfortable. Also, the topics of discussion are normally controlled so we don’t talk about the weather or mundane things.
I have no ability to do retail or server work due to anxiety. I feel way more in control stripping, so the social pressure is lessened. Like you said, an amount of a persona takes over too.
Regarding your question about Social Anxiety, for me it's more to do with verbal communication with other people. Joining in conversation is a huge issue yet I have no problem with performance. For example, as a teenager I played in the band and had no issue being on stage doing a solo in front of an audience but simply talking with people would paralyze me. I still have the same basic mindset today only I think its gotten worse as I've aged.
I have major social anxiety, and actually taught myself how to talk to people by doing theater when I was young. So yes, being someone else makes it easier.
Ive paused it where you ask about having social anxiety and performative work, I do spoken word performance and host a spoken word open mic, it's difficult to get out of the house, there's always something I feel like I need to do first, some trinket/talisman I just can't leave without, a dice, lucky coin, shiny stone etc, my clothes don't sit right, no matter what I do, there's a wrinkle that's uncomfortable ot a sleave that's twisted, or my beard looks ragged, I have to at some point ignore it and just go. Then I have to get to the venue and walk in the door, sometimes I have to walk past and reset, return when I've caught my breath. Once I enter the building it all changes, I'm on automatic pilot. Performance mode. If I meet someone on the way who is also going, it switches on then and I breeze in do the show and the moment I leave I'm ruminating about every aspect of the evening, ( not the good bits obviously lol) I think it's because I have a purpose, I don't worry or get anxious about who is looking at me or their motive/ intent. They are supposed to be looking at me, I have invited it. I don't know if that makes sense?
I was diagnosed a couple ago with bpd, i also have anxiety/paranoia and MDD. Ive been admitted 3 times and been through years of therapy, a full 9 month DBT course and numerous group therapies. Ive done LENS therapy(i dont remember it tho), ive been through 50 ECT treatments and it fucked me up. Im now doing spravato treatments aka esketamine aka fda approved nasal spray ketamine. The ketamine has so far been the best treatment ive done and its allowed me to feel positive emotions more intensely and im more motivated to learn and write and read. Ive been on 12+ antidepressants/mood stabilizers too so.
I have/had social anxiety disorder and I can see how she would be able to be a dancer with it.
Because you were highlighting how much more difficult something like a performance in front of lots of people would be compared with working retail, seemingly, that's what I want to respond to. The fear of a negative reaction from people, or judgment, plays a large role in the experience of social anxiety. Retail workers are often subjected to rudeness and judgment from customers. And I wonder if on the flip side as a dancer she was receiving encouragement/whatever counts as positive engagement there, which makes it easier to not get anxious.
I really think it isn’t about the number though. The fear triggered by social anxiety is disproportionate anyway. I could be paralyzed with fear talking to a small group, even one person, depending on the scenario. I still hate walking in to meetings or events late because everyone will look at me. But I feel exactly the same towards it whether it's 5 people or 100. I think it's hard for people without the disorder to relate because crowds are where the discomfort starts for most people.
The persona hypothesis is a good one, but I don’t think it even has to be that necessarily. Could definitely be a piece, though. In the worst depths of my anxiety, I was able to perform in a play in front of several hundred people. But standing in front of twenty people and giving a presentation was impossible.
(Sorry this is super disorganized, I don’t have time to edit it more.)
I have social anxiety and my job was to testify in court several times a week. I would disassociate. I would black out from the time I would sit in the witness chair until I was done. I would get compliments with how stoic I could stay when attorneys were aggressive with me but I did so well because mentally I was not there.
I have wicked social anxiety but I did 20 years in musical theater, got a masters degree in vocal performance, conducted choirs, and taught k-8 music. But as soon as I had private voice students, or parent interactions, I was a huge mess.
That’s actually not the first time I’ve heard that, about having social anxiety but doing something ‘performative’. There are pros and cons to every job for any individual as the interviewee mentioned but, I know for many it’s a way to test being the centre of attention while in a controlled environment. Especially not so uncommon for those people to then stick to dancing or clubs with security and a certain set of rules, a big example being looked at but not touched because patrons may not touch the dancers.
Yes, I do have social anxiety and I am a ballet dancer. I do have pretty bad performance anxiety though, but I still dance because I love it.
I'm over here can barlry remember my childhood. Everything before 12 is really fuzzy and blurry and just not there but memories here and there
There is significant data that BPD is misdiagnosed and over diagnosed in women. Often overlooking other diagnoses that may be more accurate. As a former social worker and now a nurse, I have some mental health knowledge. Recently I spoke to my doctor about my mental health, and it didn’t surprise me at all that her first differential was BPD. Even after I met only 2 criteria, she still suggested I might have a mild case because I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past and have had a ”dream like sensation” sometimes. I have nothing against this diagnosis but I could immediately see why it misdiagnosis and over diagnosis occurs. A similar thing happened to a friend of mine who had a suicide attempt at 17. She was given a pamphlet at the hospital and told that she needs to accept her diagnosis before she could leave. She is now diagnosed as autistic.
Hey Syl, obviously not in any way knowing how she feels but just because you asked. Even though I'm incredibly anxious socially, while working, i just deal perfectly well. in the moment.
like I'm a different person while on the job.
I'm 45 and no longer experience as much of the volatility, emotional instability or splitting that I used to from age 16 until my mid 30s, BUT...the chronic emptiness, pervasive boredom, total lack of interest, goals, motivation, pleasure, ambition, fulfilment...plus the constant facades, mirroring and personas when in public, and the paralysing anxiety and anhedonic depression...how do you "fix" THAT?
I have moderate social anxiety but have no problem performjng with a professional dance company. I dont feel that I take on a different persona when I perform, I just have several decades of training in ballet, modern dance, and middle eastern dance, so I feel comfortable in my ability to perform choreography or improvisation in front of an audience.
Put me at a party with peers, though, and I will go find somewhere out of the way to stand and nurse a ginger ale without talking to anyone until I can politely excuse myself and go home.
The father of my child has BPD, but he hasn't been diagnosed yet. I diagnosed him myself. Were not in a relationship since 2 years. He's in jail now for abusing his new girlfriend. It's very sad, I begged him to get help for his disorder, still hasn't happened yet...
Please pray for him
Hi, doctor. My name is Rebecca.
I have borderline disorder diagnosis (making therapy since ten years ago) and in february 2023 I did a surgery to extract a tumor (meningeoma) at left frontal lobe of my brain. Maybe this explain a lot about my over emotional issues. And to help a compose a perfect borderliner, I have social anxiety since my ten years old (now I'm 33 yo) but I became musician at 13 yo. On my mind, this was the only way to express myself and be someone in this World. Talks and development of conversations and relationships always sounded more painful to me than just play my music to the audience.
Greetings from Brazil.