I’m creating red flags that aren’t there. I am so traumatized from my past that I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship so I just bring the toxicity from my past with me. I hate this. Thank you for this video
Agreed. Part of the reason why mine fell apart. Dishonesty due to fear of abandonment/ losing my kids with ex husband or losing my bf. I tried to juggle both and dropped both. Fear is a monster. So is overthinking. I should have been able to just set rules for myself, and not overthink the what ifs. What if I stop talking to ex husband and it goes bad and at court he fights to keep kids from me (like from my childhood, my parents fought) etc. I'm working on it. Holy, it's hard.
Things we do to self-sabotage the relationship: 1. Over-thinking 2. Imagining fear-based scenarios 3. Failing to differentiate between fear and intuition 4. Failing to resolve unhealed wounds 5. Unessecarily picking fights 6. Nitpicking 7. Picking at your partner's flaws 8. Withdrawing from your partner/relationship 9. Not knowing what you want
@@naiko6700 you only lost him if you let yourself lose him. Reach out to him, show him what you've been doing to improve. Maybe he needs help too. The relationship didn't fall apart because of just 1 person. He may have traumas that cause him to act out, just like you do. If you love each other, you have to brave the dark times together. Otherwise, if neither of you learn from this, you're bound to repeat the same behaviors that led you here with another person. Reach out to him. Keep watching this channel. Journal your thoughts. You can become better. For yourself and for him. And he has to do the same for himself and you.
How do y’all do it it’s hard. I find myself beating myself down a lot when I feel like I over texted or said something wrong. I just want to stop doing it but it’s like I don’t realize it until after it’s done.
I am such a huge overthinker and I think it comes from emotional neglect. I was often left alone to sort my own feelings out so I coped by exploring as many scenarios as I could. I don't know how to not overthink, so it helps for me to tell a trusted friend and ask them to point out when I'm overthinking. I've been diving deep into attachment theory this year and it feels like every wound is finally coming up to the surface to be healed. I really hope that one day soon, I'll finally feel more secure and open to an emotionally available partner.
This is incredibly insightful and eloquently put. Exactly how I've been feeling and thinking but so much better phrased than I could manage at the moment. Thank you for expressing it. Good luck to you my friend in your journey to be more secure and in finding a suitable partner, I hope I get to have the same too some day soon. :)
I was emotionally neglected my parents both drank 247 when I was young till I was old and they both died young I'll lived them and I have trouble with my relationships I can't get close to anybody who'll be available for anybody I really don't want to be and I should be and I need help man
I am in the best relationship of my life with an incredibly loving man. The attraction, the banter, everything is there, but I still find myself nitpicking and letting fear take hold. This video helps so much! Thank you!
I am literally crying in my office. This described so much of me that I never realized existed. Thank you because now that I know the issue I can work to fix it
i needed this. it’s hard to let yourself be happy with things that have proven themselves to be good things, when you’ve been hurt in the past, etc. it’s a process. thank you for this.
I feel like this is a turning point in my life. I've done this in EVERY relationship ive ever had and could never explain it. I finally found "the one" for me and i still do it, but now I know what's going on and I am going to get rid of it... once and for all.
This definitely describes whats been going on with me. I'll get the girl, she falls head over heels, and then I find a way to push her away. In my last relationship, I created an environment where she didn't feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me because I displayed behavior that didn't allow her to feel safe expressing her inner most thoughts and she would shut down. Although I loved her, I didn't put those feelings on full display the way that I should've. I was afraid of getting real close and over time it pushed her out the door
I'm in tears. I see my fears and overthinking. Your videos helped me leave a narcissist. Now I've met someone who I feel so good with...but I'm scared and overthinking. I don't want to push away a good thing. You are helping me so much. You're helping me see how I sabotage. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're changing the world ♥️
I fell into this trap and ended up pushing my partner away. I’ve recognized these issues and am actively working to live a life of trust and grace which has helped my anxiety a lot. I just hope we can have another chance to really let our relationship play out without these barriers.
I got married and ( was in the safest stable relationship in my life) and did this the first 3 years of our marriage. This is incredibly real. I love how you differentiated fear based thoughts vs intuition.
I’m literally in tears I’ve been doing this for the past year! I want to get better so we decided to put things on pause to become more secure with ourselves. I can’t imagine my life without him but I’m so scared of committing out of fear of something going wrong. This really helped me identify a lot of my behaviors that I couldn’t quite explain
You just cleared up the difference between fear and intuition so perfectly for me. I used to have such clear intuition, and then all of the pain I've experienced got jumbled up in it, and it's been heartbreaking and confusing and lonely not knowing which is which. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
*People come and go, even families are often toxic. Everyone disappoints everyone on some level, in a point. There's always me and my spirit that gets myself back on track. I can't say I'm happy but I know I can survive no matter who hurts my emotions. And that is SOMETHING!*
It's absolutely insane that you're talking about this this week! ... Thank you a million times. I fall into the fearful avoidant attachment and I just met an amazing man but im terrify and he kinda notice how I was trying to sabotage everything, and I don't know how to stop panicking when he is not around bc im afraid that any second he will break up with me.
So grateful I found your channel. I was married to Narcissist for 5 years separated for 3 years before the divorce was final 8 years total. This channel is amazing and totally inspires me to want to help others see what is going on in their relationships too. Thank you so much for your time.
Yes I have associated relationships with pain. I nitpick and pick fights a lot. I notice I do it when the relationship progresses, and the relationship falls apart.
Absolutely went through this with someone I truly unconditionally loved. From what felt like nowhere, she would self sabotage and overthink and rely on incorrect intuition in what was a beautiful relationship. She would fear scenarios which would not happen, which would lead to her stonewalling me which then actually lead to me to become distressed and desperate for an ounce of affection or emotion in return. Ended in a pathetic row. Broke my heart :(
So sad. So many of us have been hurt, we can get triggered by certain behaviors and relate them to the behaviors of a person that hurt us in the past. It sucks.
This sounds like how my ex would speak about me.. I'm so sad I was late to seek out help 😢 he and I had such a beautiful thing together but I was struggling so much within myself and didn't know how to reach out for help
I am the same as your ex. I promise you she loves you more than you know; many of us have been deeply abused and traumatized and it affects us so much yet we still desire to experience true love. My last partner spoiled me and took care of me and I miss it! I just had horrible trauma and pain :( your ex most likely has nothing but love and she’s just scared and traumatized
Oh my goodness. I feel like you just summed up in 15 mins what I've tried to understand about myself over decades. I feel like I owe you a lifetime of gratitude for this information! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
I am succhhhhhhh an overthinker and I find that I do it a lot at work and in reference to my new relationship. I was in a really toxic relationship for over 11 years and now that I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, my mind really tries to pick it apart, which in turn leads to doubts that have no warrant. My Mom suggested I focus on something that's "easy" to think about instead. For instance, she will visualize going to a familiar place (a store in her town she knows every isle to) and it helps her. For me, I picked the first time I hung out with my significant other after not seeing him for years. It was just an easy, fun filled day. We fished, laughed and bonded and this technique REALLY helps me. Hope it helps some of you guys too!
I am shaking while watching this. From start to finish you are NAILING me! I am so thankful I stumbled across this today. I am desperately trying to heal myself so I stop self sabotaging. Thank you! 💗
I do all of this and more; know I do it, and continue to, while hating myself for it afterwards. I wish you would do a video on how to heal one's inner wounds.
Very nice explanation about fear versus intuition. I always had doubt whether I was feeling intuition or fear and I was mostly confused about my next action to that situation. When I stand near to a Toxic person I feel all my energy drained out and something inside warns me to take a step back. That's my intuition speaking and I always obey that. And Fear is a natural thing which comes from our own over thinking which stunts our growth. So Intuition is a knowing deep inside and Fear is a result of a thinking. Now my doubts got cleared by you. Thanks alot Stephanie🌷
You called me out within the first few minutes. So true. I’ve literally been like “maybe I should break up with him” simply over things I’ve thought about from anxious overthinking. My brain is my worst enemy
Woooow!! I am an empath...I can't begin to explain how much good I feel when I listen to you....you are a breath of fresh air....thank you... I am also an over thinker,I can't tell how many times I have sabotaged myself...but I have learned so much from you.i will play all your videos...I know I will learnt alot
WOW! This is exactly what I am dealing with. I thank you so much for this video! Just wish I came across your video before I let my self sabotaging destroy a good relationship
Thank you for this video. I'm starting to feel happy in my first healthy relationship, and I had processing dreams all night last night. I needed this reminder against self-sabotage. So, thank you!
Damn, i really needed this. I‘ve been feeling lots of these things in my current relationship and I was wondering what the hell was going on inside of me, because there wasn‘t any „reason“. Especially the part about the relationship evolving and the withdrawing. wow
Oh my gosh! You have no idea how much these videos have been helping me! My girlfriend introduced me to your vids and I swear they are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I was all of these things, and I never seen it! I was an emotional abuser! But now that I see what I was and still am I am working hard now to make changes based on the knowledge from your videos! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge this way, I would’ve never known and I definitely would’ve sabotaged my relationship! Once again thank you so much!!
Probably the most accurate and helpful video I've seen in helping me with my relationship issues. I'm learning so much about myself, Thank you Stephanie. I'm enjoying all your videos.
Yes this was me after i finally got bk with this man after 4 plus apart ..all kind of fears pop up ..picking fights ..or i haven't heard from everyday ..my brain wonders negatively ..i needed this message thank u
how are you so good in every topic you talk about! you are truly gifted! I watch your videos over and over again and I always get so much out of it. when ever im going through something I go back to certain videos that help me to cope with that specific thing im dealing with. I even recommended your videos to my therapist and told her how amazing you are! lots of love
Thank you so much for your insight. Listening to everything you've explained, while also reflecting on the feelings and behaviors I've had lately, I can really start to understand what's been going on with me. I've been in a relationship for three years with a very special woman, but its been a struggle. I realize now it's been more than just anxiety and insecurities. It's been many fears that I've been battling for a long time that have caused my constant overthinking and scenario planning. I want to have a healthy relationship and I know it starts with me. Its time to choose inner peace and remain decisive!
Thank you so so so much for this video! My fear of abandonment and anxiety/overthinking has taken control over my thoughts and emotions for too long!! It is time to fight back!
I've always had a rough relationship with food and my body. The thing that really helped me was Forwago. Now I workout three times a week, and I started to eat much healthier. And the best thing about it is that I don't hate doing it but actually enjoy it.
Love this and so true. In my 50s now and my sister and I both did this with relationships in younger years. I see my daughter doing it now and ao I shared with her. 🤞🏼Hoping she really listens and takes action for self healing before she totally pushes her wonderful bf away.
Thank you for this! I have been struggling with self love and it’s ruined a lot of relationships in my life. Self love, honesty and respect is something I need to be working on daily. Your videos make me realize so much about myself and where I am wrong!
Very good. I forgot all about how much overthinking can affect my stress level and skew my perception. Very good. Thank you for reminding me of that ugly monster that clogs my reason. Really good presentation
Thank you so much Stephanie for this video, it was really what I needed. It's been so great to read other people's comments and realize I am not alone in self-sabotaging. After years of being in emotionally abusive relationships and with a fear of abandonment I have finally met an amazing guy and I have realised that I am starting to do the exact behaviour you explained due to fear of abandonment. I don't want to lose him, so it has made me realise the work I need to do on myself. Thanks again x
I have abandonment issues. Realizing it is amazing, going through the process of healing is terrible but that’s the withdrawal. I know I’ll be okay, I know god has a big message for me and I’m ready for whatever is to come ♥️
I’m so glad I found this. Just today I had a moment where I couldn’t distinguish fear and intuition about my new relationship. To the point where I start to play out images in my head. This is something I’ve always done and this video helped affirm that. A good step in the right direction for me. Thank you 🙏🏽
Hey Stephanie, I just wanted to say that after watching your videos - whilst some things I agree and disagree with, overall you make me feel good, reassured and it helps to reinforce strengths that I don't recognise or acknowledge enough, such as my moral compass and my drive to help others in need (and, in time, hopefully including my own self). Thank you so much - in my opinion, I'd appreciate having more people and personalities like you in this world!
This is my life right now. I recognize multiple issues that me and my ex had. We broke up but are talking again. I wish I would've watched this 3 weeks ago. Better late than never. I had a little more understanding now.
I love this ..Im actually in a relationship and I think I am sabotaging it...excatly what you said..and I think I know what I want ..however fear is taking over..my partner keeps telling me not to over think..Im tginking he hasn't gone thru what I went thru so ..he doesn't really understand what I'm feeling...I love him so much just the thought of loosing him kills me
Wow…..I’m dating someone right now and because of my childhood trauma and yes I’m seeking therapy, it scares me. He told me he wants too see me happy and he always says he’s not going anywhere from me. Just to listen to this, now I see what I’m doing and I can turn my relationship into positive energy. I was adopted at birth so my biological parents didn’t raise me. I was raised in foster care all my life. I definitely have abandonment issues. I definitely have to do something different. I know I can change and I believe I will feel much better once I do it. Thanks for this video.
Wow I needed this video so much. Im aware of my abandonment issues but until today I thought they always manifested in my fear being left by my boyfriend, but Realizing that the doubts that I have these days, when everything is going amazing with him, also comes from this fear mind-blowing. I never would've thought that these were connected. I will not let it sabotage this incredible relationship that I have. Thank you so much for this video I know now what to do Everytime this unpleasant feeling comes back.
I am 55 years old hand have had a habit of often overthinking and procrastinating. When I first get going into something I am just fine, but I am fearful of choosing the wrong alternative. When I have started I am very dedicated and do not give up easily. I have lost a year or two, here and there, or lost an opportunity now and then. Thank you for explaining why we overthink and how it works.
I came across this video just when I needed it. I was betrayed in my marriage very badly and have since divorced. I met a man 6 months ago and we developed a friendship that tuned into a serious relationship that I love. But I keep doing these things you talked about. I overthink everything. I think of scenarios that aren’t even happening etc etc. I trust this man very much which is hard to do because of the kind of betrayal I experienced in my previous marriage. I work very hard to recognize when I am triggered and try not to project what my ex husband did to me onto my boyfriend.. thinking he is doing or going to do the same. It’s a struggle for me. I almost immediately get a sickening feeling if I hear a female co worker is working on something with him. That is pure fear ! Thanks for the great message and self help steps.
I met the loveliest woman this year... she's more than I could ever have imagined in a partner and I want to be a partner that she deserves. I've watched a lot of videos on this topic and this is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you sincerely 🙏🏽❤
Wow this video helped me tremendously everything was right on the nail I experience fear and anxiety and intrusive looping thoughts surrounding my relationship and I’ve been self sabotaging my relationship the fear and anxiety stops me in my tracks from enjoying the moment with that person.
You’re sooo good for my thoughts and feelings. Simple and straightforward without all the theory, just instruction for getting things DONE!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕
After talking to 2 therapists and searching answers about my feelongs and behaviour, I couldn't get what was wrong with me. But this video was 100% reflection of how I think and feel... Thank you so much!
That was very helpful! Exactly what I I am doing to myself right now! And I don’t know how anyone can give you a thumbs down when you’re doing an amazing job by helping others. Keep up the good work I enjoy listening to you
Thank you so much. I definitely needed this I'm always self-sabotaging because I'm scared of the outcome. This definitely helped me understand the underlining issue.
Definitely working on this. I now realized Ive self sabotaged potential relationships with some great guys after my first “real heartbreak.” Learning to let myself be loved 🥰
Thank you so much for this!!! I'm dating this guy and I really, really like him but the fear of it not working out or getting hurt keeps stressing me out. I just want to relax and enjoy the relationship but I keep thinking about the future and if it doesn't workout. I know this is just me overthinking it and obsessing but this video really helped me to acknowledge where the stress and anxiety is coming from so I can try to stop it.
This is so great. Just what I needed. Im always over thinking. A lot of pain comes from my current partner when we were younger. My partner has changed in such a positive, great way. I just have not healed from the past pain. Now sabotaging the present moments that can be so great. Thank you for this! Looking forward to heal and be happy again :)
Just broke up with my boyfriend because of fear *sigh* I think I ruined it with him....I caused him so much pain and headache and all I feel is regret but the only thing I can do is be better for myself and hopefully for the next relationship....
@@pinkymonsterhigh Yes I am better now thank you. I also realized that this person wasn’t emotional mature or available and I didn’t realize that I was never going to get what I knew I deserved from him. I was anxious because I could see that he didn’t have the capacity to be a supportive boyfriend, so I’m glad I left.
Oh yes i overthink 2 much, but i am glad i have recognised this... Especially when you have had past damaged relationships like the worst being with a narcissist, it takes time to trust someone Definitely something i am trying to work on, its bad, unhealthy and you tend to create stories in your head... Thanks for this wonderful video it really helps alot
Proud of everyone here trying to heal and learn more about themselves!
Lisa asil I appreciate this comment so much 😢❤️
@@liyahnicole6366 de risa de ropa de r
@@liyahnicole6366 de r
Aw thanks. It's so scary looking inside oneself this way, isn't it. But it must be done.
Thank you 😔
I’m creating red flags that aren’t there. I am so traumatized from my past that I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship so I just bring the toxicity from my past with me. I hate this. Thank you for this video
Girl same
I’m determined to do things differently.
Same. How are you guys now?
YESS
Same I hate it I really hate it it needs to stop
Yes over thinking is the death of relationships
Agreed. Part of the reason why mine fell apart. Dishonesty due to fear of abandonment/ losing my kids with ex husband or losing my bf. I tried to juggle both and dropped both. Fear is a monster. So is overthinking. I should have been able to just set rules for myself, and not overthink the what ifs. What if I stop talking to ex husband and it goes bad and at court he fights to keep kids from me (like from my childhood, my parents fought) etc. I'm working on it. Holy, it's hard.
Things we do to self-sabotage the relationship:
1. Over-thinking
2. Imagining fear-based scenarios
3. Failing to differentiate between fear and intuition
4. Failing to resolve unhealed wounds
5. Unessecarily picking fights
6. Nitpicking
7. Picking at your partner's flaws
8. Withdrawing from your partner/relationship
9. Not knowing what you want
I have been forced to look at myself and its scary but defo necessary
Wow thank you so much
I wasn't able to find this video or seek out help and now I've lost him 😢
Covers me!
@@naiko6700 you only lost him if you let yourself lose him. Reach out to him, show him what you've been doing to improve. Maybe he needs help too. The relationship didn't fall apart because of just 1 person. He may have traumas that cause him to act out, just like you do. If you love each other, you have to brave the dark times together. Otherwise, if neither of you learn from this, you're bound to repeat the same behaviors that led you here with another person. Reach out to him. Keep watching this channel. Journal your thoughts. You can become better. For yourself and for him. And he has to do the same for himself and you.
Definitely needed this!!! I've been over thinking and over analyzing EVERYTHING lately. I'm learning to trust again and it's been hard.
Practice, practice practice and eventually your heart will catch up with your head 😉
I’m going through the same thing and it’s a process. Take things one day at a time.
Agree
How do y’all do it it’s hard. I find myself beating myself down a lot when I feel like I over texted or said something wrong. I just want to stop doing it but it’s like I don’t realize it until after it’s done.
Ooh my! I thought I was alone out here..
I am such a huge overthinker and I think it comes from emotional neglect. I was often left alone to sort my own feelings out so I coped by exploring as many scenarios as I could. I don't know how to not overthink, so it helps for me to tell a trusted friend and ask them to point out when I'm overthinking. I've been diving deep into attachment theory this year and it feels like every wound is finally coming up to the surface to be healed. I really hope that one day soon, I'll finally feel more secure and open to an emotionally available partner.
This is incredibly insightful and eloquently put. Exactly how I've been feeling and thinking but so much better phrased than I could manage at the moment. Thank you for expressing it. Good luck to you my friend in your journey to be more secure and in finding a suitable partner, I hope I get to have the same too some day soon. :)
Wow this is so me and I agree with this so much ! Thank you for just writing this out because I am working on myself as well.
I was emotionally neglected my parents both drank 247 when I was young till I was old and they both died young I'll lived them and I have trouble with my relationships I can't get close to anybody who'll be available for anybody I really don't want to be and I should be and I need help man
I am in the best relationship of my life with an incredibly loving man. The attraction, the banter, everything is there, but I still find myself nitpicking and letting fear take hold. This video helps so much! Thank you!
Same!
Same
I am literally crying in my office. This described so much of me that I never realized existed. Thank you because now that I know the issue I can work to fix it
Great topic! This is a struggle for many people today. As an empath I tend to overthink a lot.
نلمنجيمثحعتننتمي
عنيته تعغغغععه
Yes I am an empath too and very highly sensitive so I just overthink all the time. Bad habit.
i needed this. it’s hard to let yourself be happy with things that have proven themselves to be good things, when you’ve been hurt in the past, etc. it’s a process. thank you for this.
I feel like this is a turning point in my life. I've done this in EVERY relationship ive ever had and could never explain it. I finally found "the one" for me and i still do it, but now I know what's going on and I am going to get rid of it... once and for all.
I found the man for me and am doing it too
Me too.
"is this someone I can learn about love with?" and "what is this thought, or what are these thoughts protecting me from feeling?"
This definitely describes whats been going on with me. I'll get the girl, she falls head over heels, and then I find a way to push her away. In my last relationship, I created an environment where she didn't feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me because I displayed behavior that didn't allow her to feel safe expressing her inner most thoughts and she would shut down. Although I loved her, I didn't put those feelings on full display the way that I should've. I was afraid of getting real close and over time it pushed her out the door
If something doesnt make sense, I will overthink it UNTIL it makes sense.
And usually it will put the pieces together.
I'm in tears. I see my fears and overthinking. Your videos helped me leave a narcissist. Now I've met someone who I feel so good with...but I'm scared and overthinking. I don't want to push away a good thing. You are helping me so much. You're helping me see how I sabotage. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You're changing the world ♥️
I fell into this trap and ended up pushing my partner away. I’ve recognized these issues and am actively working to live a life of trust and grace which has helped my anxiety a lot. I just hope we can have another chance to really let our relationship play out without these barriers.
I got married and ( was in the safest stable relationship in my life) and did this the first 3 years of our marriage. This is incredibly real.
I love how you differentiated fear based thoughts vs intuition.
I’m literally in tears I’ve been doing this for the past year! I want to get better so we decided to put things on pause to become more secure with ourselves. I can’t imagine my life without him but I’m so scared of committing out of fear of something going wrong. This really helped me identify a lot of my behaviors that I couldn’t quite explain
You just cleared up the difference between fear and intuition so perfectly for me. I used to have such clear intuition, and then all of the pain I've experienced got jumbled up in it, and it's been heartbreaking and confusing and lonely not knowing which is which. Thank you so much. Thank you so, so much.
That is where I am
*People come and go, even families are often toxic. Everyone disappoints everyone on some level, in a point. There's always me and my spirit that gets myself back on track. I can't say I'm happy but I know I can survive no matter who hurts my emotions. And that is SOMETHING!*
This sounds like exactly what I am doing right now in my current relationship. Sometimes I feel so out of control.
Awesome that you recognize it, you're half way there to fixing the problem when you see it and admit it.
It's absolutely insane that you're talking about this this week! ... Thank you a million times.
I fall into the fearful avoidant attachment and I just met an amazing man but im terrify and he kinda notice how I was trying to sabotage everything, and I don't know how to stop panicking when he is not around bc im afraid that any second he will break up with me.
Alessandra Thiele OMG this is horrible and I completely can relate. I hope it got better and you were able to relax 💕
Alessandra Thiele how did it work out ?
Me too. Mine notices and we talked about it. Its been helpful that he can talk me thru it.
I keep watching this video to remind myself to stop sabotaging relationships and i realized that this video was posted on my birthday, wow God sent
So grateful I found your channel. I was married to Narcissist for 5 years separated for 3 years before the divorce was final 8 years total. This channel is amazing and totally inspires me to want to help others see what is going on in their relationships too. Thank you so much for your time.
Personal experience is the best teacher!
So right
Whittney Barker, you deserve better
You literally saved my relationship and saved me thank you so much
I hope this for myself! I needed this channel
Codependency and needing approval was on the nail for me. Thank you
Yes I have associated relationships with pain. I nitpick and pick fights a lot. I notice I do it when the relationship progresses, and the relationship falls apart.
Me too
I don't believe my overthinking sabotages me I think it actually protects me. I feel joy happiness and peace by myself✌️ 💛😁‼️
Absolutely went through this with someone I truly unconditionally loved. From what felt like nowhere, she would self sabotage and overthink and rely on incorrect intuition in what was a beautiful relationship. She would fear scenarios which would not happen, which would lead to her stonewalling me which then actually lead to me to become distressed and desperate for an ounce of affection or emotion in return. Ended in a pathetic row. Broke my heart :(
I'm sorry :,(
Sounds just like my story
So sad. So many of us have been hurt, we can get triggered by certain behaviors and relate them to the behaviors of a person that hurt us in the past. It sucks.
This sounds like how my ex would speak about me.. I'm so sad I was late to seek out help 😢 he and I had such a beautiful thing together but I was struggling so much within myself and didn't know how to reach out for help
I am the same as your ex. I promise you she loves you more than you know; many of us have been deeply abused and traumatized and it affects us so much yet we still desire to experience true love. My last partner spoiled me and took care of me and I miss it! I just had horrible trauma and pain :( your ex most likely has nothing but love and she’s just scared and traumatized
Oh my goodness. I feel like you just summed up in 15 mins what I've tried to understand about myself over decades. I feel like I owe you a lifetime of gratitude for this information!
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!
Self love is important and ingore him back
Yep, self love is the foundation for every other love!
I am succhhhhhhh an overthinker and I find that I do it a lot at work and in reference to my new relationship. I was in a really toxic relationship for over 11 years and now that I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, my mind really tries to pick it apart, which in turn leads to doubts that have no warrant.
My Mom suggested I focus on something that's "easy" to think about instead. For instance, she will visualize going to a familiar place (a store in her town she knows every isle to) and it helps her. For me, I picked the first time I hung out with my significant other after not seeing him for years. It was just an easy, fun filled day. We fished, laughed and bonded and this technique REALLY helps me. Hope it helps some of you guys too!
I am shaking while watching this. From start to finish you are NAILING me! I am so thankful I stumbled across this today. I am desperately trying to heal myself so I stop self sabotaging. Thank you! 💗
I am an overthinker. Your knowledge and ability to identify my vulnerability amazes me.
I do all of this and more; know I do it, and continue to, while hating myself for it afterwards. I wish you would do a video on how to heal one's inner wounds.
Yes!!!!
samw
Very nice explanation about fear versus intuition. I always had doubt whether I was feeling intuition or fear and I was mostly confused about my next action to that situation. When I stand near to a Toxic person I feel all my energy drained out and something inside warns me to take a step back. That's my intuition speaking and I always obey that. And Fear is a natural thing which comes from our own over thinking which stunts our growth. So Intuition is a knowing deep inside and Fear is a result of a thinking. Now my doubts got cleared by you. Thanks alot Stephanie🌷
You called me out within the first few minutes. So true. I’ve literally been like “maybe I should break up with him” simply over things I’ve thought about from anxious overthinking. My brain is my worst enemy
Woooow!! I am an empath...I can't begin to explain how much good I feel when I listen to you....you are a breath of fresh air....thank you...
I am also an over thinker,I can't tell how many times I have sabotaged myself...but I have learned so much from you.i will play all your videos...I know I will learnt alot
WOW! This is exactly what I am dealing with. I thank you so much for this video!
Just wish I came across your video before I let my self sabotaging destroy a good relationship
So positive! Such a necessary message for people who want to move beyond the belief that all relationships and marriages are toxic or bad!!
Thank you for spending your time helping thousands of pplz you are truly a blessing.
Thank you for this video. I'm starting to feel happy in my first healthy relationship, and I had processing dreams all night last night. I needed this reminder against self-sabotage. So, thank you!
Damn, i really needed this. I‘ve been feeling lots of these things in my current relationship and I was wondering what the hell was going on inside of me, because there wasn‘t any „reason“. Especially the part about the relationship evolving and the withdrawing. wow
It's always amazing when we get to find out more about our won behavior. Now you get to work on that. 🙏
7:28 - 7:3 So in this scenario with the story playing in the background that keeps you from fully committing, an example of intuition or fear.
I watch this video every few weeks. I’ll get into a rut and watch this and be reminded to just make my brain chill lol. Super thankful.
This is really helpful. The separation of fear and intuition is important.
Oh my gosh! You have no idea how much these videos have been helping me! My girlfriend introduced me to your vids and I swear they are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I was all of these things, and I never seen it! I was an emotional abuser! But now that I see what I was and still am I am working hard now to make changes based on the knowledge from your videos! Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge this way, I would’ve never known and I definitely would’ve sabotaged my relationship! Once again thank you so much!!
Probably the most accurate and helpful video I've seen in helping me with my relationship issues. I'm learning so much about myself, Thank you Stephanie. I'm enjoying all your videos.
It's so sad but recently it happened to me. I was so afraid, and I'm regretting it
Helpful for me!!!!
Yes this was me after i finally got bk with this man after 4 plus apart ..all kind of fears pop up ..picking fights ..or i haven't heard from everyday ..my brain wonders negatively ..i needed this message thank u
how are you so good in every topic you talk about! you are truly gifted! I watch your videos over and over again and I always get so much out of it. when ever im going through something I go back to certain videos that help me to cope with that specific thing im dealing with. I even recommended your videos to my therapist and told her how amazing you are! lots of love
Thank you so much for your insight. Listening to everything you've explained, while also reflecting on the feelings and behaviors I've had lately, I can really start to understand what's been going on with me. I've been in a relationship for three years with a very special woman, but its been a struggle. I realize now it's been more than just anxiety and insecurities. It's been many fears that I've been battling for a long time that have caused my constant overthinking and scenario planning. I want to have a healthy relationship and I know it starts with me. Its time to choose inner peace and remain decisive!
I’ve honestly never found such a video that I’ve related to. Thank you so much for making me understand myself and what I’m going through.
Thank you so so so much for this video! My fear of abandonment and anxiety/overthinking has taken control over my thoughts and emotions for too long!! It is time to fight back!
I've always had a rough relationship with food and my body. The thing that really helped me was Forwago. Now I workout three times a week, and I started to eat much healthier. And the best thing about it is that I don't hate doing it but actually enjoy it.
I can’t even begin to explain how much this resonated with me. I NEEDED to hear this! Thank you for that!
Love this and so true. In my 50s now and my sister and I both did this with relationships in younger years. I see my daughter doing it now and ao I shared with her. 🤞🏼Hoping she really listens and takes action for self healing before she totally pushes her wonderful bf away.
Thank you for this! I have been struggling with self love and it’s ruined a lot of relationships in my life. Self love, honesty and respect is something I need to be working on daily. Your videos make me realize so much about myself and where I am wrong!
Very good. I forgot all about how much overthinking can affect my stress level and skew my perception. Very good. Thank you for reminding me of that ugly monster that clogs my reason. Really good presentation
I didn't know I needed this until her Dad called to give me some tips on insecurities.. I cant thank you enough for this.
Thank you so much Stephanie for this video, it was really what I needed. It's been so great to read other people's comments and realize I am not alone in self-sabotaging. After years of being in emotionally abusive relationships and with a fear of abandonment I have finally met an amazing guy and I have realised that I am starting to do the exact behaviour you explained due to fear of abandonment. I don't want to lose him, so it has made me realise the work I need to do on myself. Thanks again x
I have abandonment issues. Realizing it is amazing, going through the process of healing is terrible but that’s the withdrawal. I know I’ll be okay, I know god has a big message for me and I’m ready for whatever is to come ♥️
I’m so glad I found this. Just today I had a moment where I couldn’t distinguish fear and intuition about my new relationship. To the point where I start to play out images in my head. This is something I’ve always done and this video helped affirm that. A good step in the right direction for me. Thank you 🙏🏽
Two wounds fighting each other. Amazing metaphor! I'm loving your channel. Thank you so much!
Hey Stephanie, I just wanted to say that after watching your videos - whilst some things I agree and disagree with, overall you make me feel good, reassured and it helps to reinforce strengths that I don't recognise or acknowledge enough, such as my moral compass and my drive to help others in need (and, in time, hopefully including my own self). Thank you so much - in my opinion, I'd appreciate having more people and personalities like you in this world!
Your videos have saved my relationships and life! Thank you so much, i wish i could tell you this in person and hug you. Thank you thank you Stephanie
As a therapist, I must say you are spitting nothing but facts. Love this
This is my life right now. I recognize multiple issues that me and my ex had. We broke up but are talking again. I wish I would've watched this 3 weeks ago. Better late than never. I had a little more understanding now.
O to the M to the G...It is so true, I sabotage my present happiness from my freaking overthinking! Man betrayal trauma really sucks.
I love this ..Im actually in a relationship and I think I am sabotaging it...excatly what you said..and I think I know what I want ..however fear is taking over..my partner keeps telling me not to over think..Im tginking he hasn't gone thru what I went thru so ..he doesn't really understand what I'm feeling...I love him so much just the thought of loosing him kills me
Whoa Whoa Whoa. This video is beyond spot on. Recently ruined my relationship due to this. Praying one day it will all work our as I feel so bad ❤️
Wow…..I’m dating someone right now and because of my childhood trauma and yes I’m seeking therapy, it scares me. He told me he wants too see me happy and he always says he’s not going anywhere from me. Just to listen to this, now I see what I’m doing and I can turn my relationship into positive energy. I was adopted at birth so my biological parents didn’t raise me. I was raised in foster care all my life. I definitely have abandonment issues. I definitely have to do something different. I know I can change and I believe I will feel much better once I do it. Thanks for this video.
Wow I needed this video so much. Im aware of my abandonment issues but until today I thought they always manifested in my fear being left by my boyfriend, but Realizing that the doubts that I have these days, when everything is going amazing with him, also comes from this fear mind-blowing. I never would've thought that these were connected. I will not let it sabotage this incredible relationship that I have. Thank you so much for this video I know now what to do Everytime this unpleasant feeling comes back.
Thank you!!! This is such an informative video--the overthinking self-sabatoge rings true for me!
Right! Thank God now you know what to avoid
I am 55 years old hand have had a habit of often overthinking and procrastinating. When I first get going into something I am just fine, but I am fearful of choosing the wrong alternative. When I have started I am very dedicated and do not give up easily. I have lost a year or two, here and there, or lost an opportunity now and then. Thank you for explaining why we overthink and how it works.
This was the most helpful video I have ever watched.
I came across this video just when I needed it. I was betrayed in my marriage very badly and have since divorced. I met a man 6 months ago and we developed a friendship that tuned into a serious relationship that I love. But I keep doing these things you talked about. I overthink everything. I think of scenarios that aren’t even happening etc etc. I trust this man very much which is hard to do because of the kind of betrayal I experienced in my previous marriage. I work very hard to recognize when I am triggered and try not to project what my ex husband did to me onto my boyfriend.. thinking he is doing or going to do the same. It’s a struggle for me. I almost immediately get a sickening feeling if I hear a female co worker is working on something with him. That is pure fear ! Thanks for the great message and self help steps.
I’m watching this because my relationship isn’t the best right now because I keep assuming stuff and breaking my own heart but you are so gorgeous omg
I overthink but it leads to what is really going on. And that way I protect myself
I met the loveliest woman this year... she's more than I could ever have imagined in a partner and I want to be a partner that she deserves. I've watched a lot of videos on this topic and this is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you sincerely 🙏🏽❤
What an amazing video. You have a good way of explaining things so naturally
Literally me. Over thinker, almost ruined a relationship of mine.... but I won’t. I’m learning and healing.
Wow this video helped me tremendously everything was right on the nail I experience fear and anxiety and intrusive looping thoughts surrounding my relationship and I’ve been self sabotaging my relationship the fear and anxiety stops me in my tracks from enjoying the moment with that person.
Very helpful and insightful. I find myself sabotaging every relationship I get in and now I understand why. Thank you!❤️
Thank you, Ms Lyn to share all with us!
This was such a great video and I amazed just how quickly you've grown. It definitely speaks to the value of the content you put out. Amazing!!!
Thank you!
Thank you to Stephanie!!!!! I am almost there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your makeup is ALWAYS so fresh and perfect!
You’re sooo good for my thoughts and feelings. Simple and straightforward without all the theory, just instruction for getting things DONE!!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼💕
After talking to 2 therapists and searching answers about my feelongs and behaviour, I couldn't get what was wrong with me. But this video was 100% reflection of how I think and feel... Thank you so much!
That was very helpful! Exactly what I I am doing to myself right now! And I don’t know how anyone can give you a thumbs down when you’re doing an amazing job by helping others. Keep up the good work I enjoy listening to you
Thank you so much. I definitely needed this I'm always self-sabotaging because I'm scared of the outcome. This definitely helped me understand the underlining issue.
Definitely working on this. I now realized Ive self sabotaged potential relationships with some great guys after my first “real heartbreak.” Learning to let myself be loved 🥰
Thank you so much for this!!! I'm dating this guy and I really, really like him but the fear of it not working out or getting hurt keeps stressing me out. I just want to relax and enjoy the relationship but I keep thinking about the future and if it doesn't workout. I know this is just me overthinking it and obsessing but this video really helped me to acknowledge where the stress and anxiety is coming from so I can try to stop it.
There’s literally no other video like this one. Super helpful thank you!!
This was so relevant. I’m crying so much. Thank you for this. I’m trying so hard to stop.
Everything that you said is accurate to my current situation. thank you for making me realize the bigger picture.
This is so great. Just what I needed. Im always over thinking. A lot of pain comes from my current partner when we were younger. My partner has changed in such a positive, great way. I just have not healed from the past pain. Now sabotaging the present moments that can be so great. Thank you for this! Looking forward to heal and be happy again :)
Just broke up with my boyfriend because of fear *sigh* I think I ruined it with him....I caused him so much pain and headache and all I feel is regret but the only thing I can do is be better for myself and hopefully for the next relationship....
Hope you're doing good now! Self love is the best love :)
@@pinkymonsterhigh Yes I am better now thank you. I also realized that this person wasn’t emotional mature or available and I didn’t realize that I was never going to get what I knew I deserved from him. I was anxious because I could see that he didn’t have the capacity to be a supportive boyfriend, so I’m glad I left.
Oh yes i overthink 2 much, but i am glad i have recognised this... Especially when you have had past damaged relationships like the worst being with a narcissist, it takes time to trust someone Definitely something i am trying to work on, its bad, unhealthy and you tend to create stories in your head...
Thanks for this wonderful video it really helps alot