When Love Isn't Easy
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- Опубликовано: 23 апр 2024
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Every few months, I come back to this channel to grow.
Sounds like addiction to me.
Too negative for me it highlights problems you never knew existed. I find it just another you- tube business.
@@perpetualgrin5804 well said.
@@perpetualgrin5804 nice coping mechanism. the fact that you take all of these videos who are legit only meant to educate people as something personal and wrong about you is so insanely sad by itself i cant even begin to express it...
Well it's pseudoscience and pop psychology 24/7 so maybe find something else bro. This aint growth, and growth probably won't come from youtube.
Anyone else felt a bit relieved hearing this?
Like it's not just you failing at the love game but a universal challenge? It's kind of comforting that maybe the aim isn't to perfect love but to navigate its imperfections together.
It's a sociological epidemic that has come along with social media; the strive for a perfect looking relationship. But if you ask any old couple they will laugh at the idea, to think that a long lasting relationship is possible without any setbacks is ridiculous. It's about overcoming obstacles together, not giving up because you were too afraid to have an honest conversation.
I recently had drinks with friends from law school. I was the only woman in the group; all others (3) were men. Only one guy is in a relationship, and the rest of us are all single. We're in our early to mid 30s. We all lamented about how difficult it has been to find love, and how heartbreak can really affect you especially at this stage of our life. My friends and I supposedly have successful careers, live in a big city of more than 3 million people, and not too shabby-looking... but it's been tough. There's no way getting around it. I thought I was the only one failing at love (many of my female friends are already engaged, married, and/or have kids), but this video, along with the recent discussion with my friends, have made me realize that love is supposed to be hard -- for better or for worse.
@@summerxwings You have to assess it more, dig a little deeper. What exactly is it that you want from a relationship? Most of your friends who are in relationships probably just want someone they can lean on and have some kids with, and so they are willing to forgo other aspects in order to achieve that. You, on the other hand, might see those same flaws and choose not to ignore them because you want something else. A lot of people are in relationships because they don't know how to be alone, others because they're easily bored, and some because they like to cuddle a lot. It's different for everyone. You have to figure out what it is that you want from a relationship, and the aspects that are less important to you. So instead of looking for someone who's perfect, you can find someone who's 'good enough'.
@@ThisIsMyFullName You nailed it! We're all learning and growing in love together, and that's what really matters
This video feels very relevant to me right now. I almost ended my long term relationship last week but backed away from that action ultimately… I realized I was overcome with fear about the future of it and that I didn’t need to succumb to them. I love this video for normalizing struggling in love. My intention is to keep the faith. Things feel very awkward between us right now.
Ive been married to my wife for 28 years now and i really dont know her at all, but shes kind and loving and im a crazy about her, i hope we grow old together.
28 years together is a good start to grow old together lol !
Dont hesitate to know more about her, im sure she's very interesting !
Aww ❤❤
@@solincreation actually i been with her 34 years, since high school now we aré in our early 50's
Why do you not know about her?
@@Mirak-el you never get to know a person entirely theres always something new that you discover about her.
Had a mental breakdown at 44 and finally confronted the traumatic, repressive, and deeply toxic childhood that left me thinking that I was a monster for all those years.
Finally found love for the first time at 46, and its been hard. There's so much I'm still both learning and unlearning, especially around our disabilities, but we take it slowly and treat each other with kindness, patience, love and a whole lot of grace
Honestly, the hardest part has been learning that I also deserve the grace I so readily give her- especially from myself
You've been so strong, I wish you all the best❤
It warms my heart to know you found love.
This hits me hard. Thank you for opening up and I wish you the best of outcomes. Have a great life!
Well done mate.
You're there..
❤❤❤
'Sometimes we need not a solution, just someone who aknowledges our pain and strive'
As Esther Perel says of the challenges of modern love "it is not a problem we can solve, but a paradox we must manage"
Yes!!! She gives great advice about diversifying our expectations, getting needs met from other people so it doesn't feel so dire when your partner can't give you everything
Can you suggest any good videos of hers?
@@brimendis either of her TED talks are probably a good place to start. Her podcasts on Lewis Howes show are great. I will also post a link to one I particularly like. If you get a lot out of it I would also highly recommend her own podcasts called "where should we begin" which is a peek into her running real therapy sessions. Hope you enjoy 😊
My parents were married for 63 years. Now, when they met, they lived 200 miles/ 320 km away from each other. So, they communicated by letter writing. My Mom was also a Type 1 diabetic her entire life, a complicated disease then and now. Every other weekend, my Dad drove the 6-hours round trip to take my Mom out on dates. He would arrive at her door at 9 AM, because she was a nurse who worked the night shift at a hospital. He wanted to take her out to breakfast for their date. By the example of my parents, I learned that if a man really likes you that much, he will make the effort, he will communicate, he will respect your career. So it seems these days, any little issue or problem is a reason to argue. Any small mistake is a reason to end a relationship. People claim they are 'too busy' to communicate. Someone isn't perfect, or has a medical issue? Well then, why bother dating them at all, or so the mentality is these days. Love feels impossible these days because many have forgotten that Real Love takes time, effort, and kindness.
This is the age of the instant, so, yes, we simply do not have the patience to build relationships to last. We end up blaming the other one's shallowness, but in the end we're equally shallow and just looking for immediate satisfaction.
My dog is really sick, among other things going on, so I took the time to go fishing with her yesterday. I realized that all life is full of big troubles and small joys. But the small joys are actually the big things. It helps to fully embrace the struggle, even like it, but you must get "right" with it somehow. Like making sure to take time to go fishing/play frisbee with/walk your dog. That's what makes the rest worth fighting for.
Wishing you and your dog all the best ❤
Thank you for this beautiful reminder ❤
The fact that this came to my feed in the middle of the night while we are sleeping in two different rooms after a fight of us not understanding each other, is absolutely insane, they truly do listen trough the phone😅
Avoid those who lack conviction in their own values. Those who are not in touch with their internal compass will emotionally wander. It really is them and not you. And certainly not the majority of us all.
Excellent !
There is only one skill to learn in a relationship - that is to “listen”. We are always impatient to talk our point - and while being impatient waiting for our turn to lash out - we forget to listen first. Do that, and all problems will start to solve. That’s how just after 8 years of marriage, my spouse and I barely ever fight, we understand every detail of each others emotion well, at least we know when to become more observant to listen carefully than being casual.
No man life is not that much simple.
@@hanve life is simple when you stop considering it complex. Ego has to be cut down and intelligence has to become the only tool (not intellect)
@@anonymou._- thanks. Intelligence has to be only tool. I liked your advise ❤️❤️❤️
Life is a culmination of extremely simple choices but a bit too many of them which are often times unrelated to each other which makes it look complex. @@hanve
To know without question that im not good enough for anyone to love has broken me.
I cant wait for life to end.
And i cant wait to go through the final moments of a life i was never good enough for
I know this feeling, but at 70, I'm still plugging along. Right now, I'm just enjoying the spring sunshine and the twittering birds.
I'm hoping you are willing to look for--and find--a way to re-frame your assessment of your experiences so far. That takes deciding to be open to change. Just a tiny change can make a difference--a difference in the way people treat you, a difference in what tomorrow brings you that is surprisingly and refreshingly good, or an opportunity to be of service to someone. Look for someone who is having a difficult time and try to be of assistance, perhaps just a warm smile and an offer to listen to them talk about whatever is on their mind. Just for ten minutes maybe. And just let them know that you care--not that you can fix it, but that you care. Just like the message in this video. Show someone that you understand, and something special just might happen. Take tiny, baby steps towards being the best you can be, and I suspect many good things can come of it.
Just broke up from a 26 months relationship. Struggling, back with the parents for 6months. This video helped.
Stay strong!
Don't rush yourself on grieving. Live each day as best you can and start over the next day. It does get better. I wish that I had a magic solution for you but this I know: it does get better. From a person who recovered from grief...my best wishes for you! Lisa
Pls never ever stop making videos. Your content has truly played a huge part in helping me understand and work through my depression and anxiety. Thank you for the education your videos never dissapoint.
Thank you. I didn’t start dating til I was in my very late 20s (am late bloomer), and while it has not been emotionally devastating so far, it hasn’t been that smooth. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that it’s not exactly “you get what you give” unlike in a job.
The disappointments definitely take time to move on from, but I have noticed that the emotional distress is less sharp each time. I will take these experiences as preparation for when my person finally comes along 😊✨
There is no "your" person, people aren't property. 🙃
Having expectations sets us up for disappointments.
When you give, give.
No expectations of returns.
@@rizzamaeongyeah that's true but isn't it normal to expect something from your partner. I mean if you do 90 things. You could expect at least 10 right ?
@@rizzamaeongrelationships are mutual. You're not a parent providing unconditional love for your partner.
I know it's supposed to be a positive video and I agree that most people do struggle in love at some point in their life. However, I don't believe genuinely compatible and happy couples are that rare. Certainly not rare enough to be less than 1% of the global population. The thing is you can learn all the skills and try all the effort but if two people are fundamentally incompatible based on strong personality differences, temperament and values, it will lead to endless cycles of conflict that are extremely painful and never resolved. No matter how clear you are in explaining how something hurts you, it never reaches the natural understanding from the other person instead it often makes them call you 'overly sensitive' and 'too difficult.' The issues are never resolved. Love is an absolutely crucial foundation but being compatible with the person you love is extremely important because that makes communication easier and more fruitful as well as leads to the willingness of both people to neither endlessly speak over the other nor make them feel unheard when things are less than perfect.
Look around you, how many truly satisfied and harmonious couples you know? For me, it is less than 1%.
@@vebdaklu That's trying to defend an inaccurate statistic. I am not saying that the percentage of unhappy couples isn't more than happy ones. That's absolutely true. However, the statistic that only 1% of humanity is enjoying happy and fulfilled relationships is an obvious exaggeration. I definitely know more than 1% of people in happy marriages. Regardless, it's not about your or my anecdotal experiences. That's not what the video says. The video makes a claim about 1% out of everyone in the world. While most of us do struggle in relationships in our lives, that doesn't mean none of our relationships work or that we never find compatible people. Even if you personally know less than 1% of truly happy couples and so does every one else, it's still more than 1% of humanity. That's an exaggeration we don't need to engage in when the reality is difficult enough as it is.
Nonviolent communication is the key.
omg THANK YOU. Really needed this. Everytime I try to talk about these kinds of problems (which is already hard to do) I either get ignored or someone just turns the conversation back to themselves. It's so frustrating it makes me want to pull my hair out. 😤😭 Nobody just listens anymore nowadays :(
Thank you. I'm also part of the 99% :) I haven't figured it out, maybe I never will, but I'm alright. Life can have many sources of meaning. Work, connections to people, a purpose, some play and fun...
Exactly!
The School of Life is such a wealth of information I love it 😌
This channel always helps me to find hope in tough times, thank you for always managing to inspire me. ❤
Yeah I just need somebody that says “I know, I know” to me and they truly know.
"Poor you and poor all of us" 😂
This is what I have been looking for months now. Haven’t felt so relieved and lighter since a very very long time. Thank you so much! ❤
Bro always reads my mind at the right times
This video appears on the perfect occasion 😢
Cookies
What a time for this video to pop up in my recommendations
How can I stop hating myself for not liking to be alone? It's terrible to ferment this sense of hatred towards different people only for being a bit extraverted because of meds and the need to be loved.
One thing I learnt is following: Lonliness leads to the core of our Personality, which defines us truly and shows us, how we are when noone cares or sees your actions. If you cannot be alone, you can't love. If you can't love, you have never lived.
Still, this goddamn pain exists, and it's not little.
"It's better to love a person in hell, than to hate a person in heaven"
Only, is it heaven we are living in, or in hell?
Be alone and find out.
Married for thirty years…my wife and I are diligently working on all of my problems 😔 unlikely to see thirty one.
I'm in this state. Once more, after several other times in the last 15 years. But for the first time, I'm on the verge of breaking up due to exhaustion. I'm overwhelmingly anxious about thinking this will endure until the rest of my days while we stay together. And yet, I feel paralised...
Feeling very similarly, I hope you find some relief ❤
Here’s a tip! Stop watching Disney lol
You are a true blessing!!
i thought ive seen this very exact video
I think you have. So have I. It is a repeat.
Yeah me too
@@nicolaiqbal6823 ok then i almost freaked out
19 views in a minute??
The school of life is on fire 🔥🔥
Excellent, as always. Thank you.
Oh thank you TSOL, i cryed watching it 😢
this was so comforting
These animations are so so beautiful. We love knowledge presented in a beautiful way❤
Beautiful, as always. Thank you SOL!
Love is a practice, a verb, a skill, an art, that all of us can nourish and develop as we dance along this great gift that is life.
And, as Kahlil Gibran so pithily sums up in Sand and Foam,
"Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit, and in turn a slavery."
Thank you!
This channel is saving me ❤
Thank you, guys. You're doing a great job!
Thank you
Yesterday I had such a conversation with my partner and the response was preaching.. and at that moment I thought…how does it matter.. we are floating in infinity on a spinning rock around a ball of fire and everything is ephemeral bubbles so why to take anything so seriously..🫧🫧. We live and then we die .. all in between is gibberish..
Wise words, wise words.
It's always important to remember that life isn't lived in a straight line. However, if rollercoasters were build in a straight line, they wouldn't be much fun either. Life is stupidly confusing, imperfect, and maddening at times, realise this and laugh at it. Simply being alive is winning, everything else is just a bonus. Listen to some music, watch a film, feel better, and get on with it!
If you're desperate for love you'll never find it - people are very often nastier than nicer, learn how to protect yourself and set your boundaries otherwise you you'll be walked all over 🤷
Love is always impossible for those who are closed to it.
im open to it, but 24/7 i just get thorns
Well Said. Love exists, love can heal, love can endure.
I think that my problem is with feeling comfortable/“sexy” about my sympathies or solutions…
Thanks for that late sleepless night revelation!
love it!
love, hate ,anger ,faith ,God ,calm rude , vulgar
everything is just State of Mind
state of Mind
what you practice
so Is the Result
Yessssssssssssssssssssssssss!
Maybe I'm normal. Thank you, this is wonderful 💖 xx
The captions are incorrect but obviously not auto-generated. It seems like an earlier version of the script was uploaded.
You sorted my problems without actually sorting it. ❤
Dang bruh this channel got me in my feelings 😭
We live in an age where being single has reached it's historical peak, and some are a alarmed by this - but I think it is a good thing. The planet is overcrowded as it is, and this surge of singlehood could very well be mother-nature telling us to slow down. We should be more focused on building friendships and communities, not finding a mate. If we don't heed that, I'm afraid we will set up another artificial cleansing like WWII was, so we can have an excuse again to procreate like rabbits.
I am 36 and single. I find no lack of joy in not having a partner right now, or ever again. Life has so much more to offer than romantic love or sexual intercourse. Sure, those are very nice things, but a lot of other things are also.
When the wrong coordtinates in a discussion get us both drifted in misunderstanding, it's time to take another look at the map, but side by side. The relationship is the child, the third entity we have to look after.
As an INTJ myself I don't always think about my feelings a lot unless it's about her or my closest family members but everything is in place and planned the best way possible to encounter the worst possible scenario with the less trauma as possible (not in love though but have feelings for certain someone)
Ha ha ha, this made me smile “ poor me poor you” 😅❤❤❤
Sigh of relief 😊
I don't know, when will I find someone to love and be loved
Oi, school of life - you can nail it in the head and then run away at the end hahaha.
So good to hear what you said, it’s perfect, it’s us, it’s, probably all relationships [ that’s why you made the vid]…
But then you ran off at the end… I’ll be contemplating this, as shall the rest of us.
Normally you do us a solid and provide injection like anecdotes to soothe. I suggest an editors note at the end, and thank you, for all the fish.
Best,
Douglas
“The mother instinct is something of which I am completely devoid. I explain it like this to myself: life is a vale of tears and all human beings are miserable creatures, so I cannot take the responsibility for bringing yet another unhappy creature into the world.”
― Etty Hillesum
"Love today is a illusion" - Erich fromm
My eyes are wide open though.
haha...
Its a skill to be learned.
@rizzamaeong for me love Is now different than love that heal us
@@alcrisjohnesquierdo7728 i suggest Chapter 3 of The Road Less Traveled. Best definition of love i ever read. Its by a psychologist.
Wow
Of course you’re miserable. You’re alive 😜
My husband from Canada, I'm from Russia. We started to date in 2020, having chatting and video calls everyday. COVID restrictions and war in 2022 made for us difficult to meet each other in real life. He couldn't get his passport for travelling abroad almost year... I kept passionately waiting him. We had the first meeting in 2023 in Turkey for 25 days, then we could marry in Turkey in the second trip. Now is 2024, I still can't be with him, because we're waiting his taxes checked from tax office since December. It's for my spousal visa to Canada.
We can't implement our love and care to each other fully.
Love feels impossible...
I'm sorry... But it sounds like true love:)
Don't confuse love with convenience. Even if you were living together in the same country, there would be something else that was inconvenient. See this as an opportunity to make your relationship with each other stronger, so when you're finally living together one day, you have a good foundation for when future problems arise.
I just feel like i cant apporach womne in fear of making them feel uncomfortable/sexually harrassed. Its kinda scary tbh. I cant talk to women normally if we are having a casul conversation, but when it comes to trying to approach someone theres alwasy this uncomfortable feeling. It really sucks.
Sexual Tension is normal between men and women, it's always there, just be respectful and don't worry about it. If you're too nervous it puts women off.
Just my opinion but culturally in this moment we go so far to discourage harassment that we inadvertently discourage normal and well intentioned interactions. People throw a blanket statement “Don’t approach people in public!” In order to stop harassment, but in reality that only stops the *normal* people who would approach others in public; the people with bad intentions were never going to listen to that advice anyway.
It is of course not a good thing to make someone else uncomfortable, but it is a reality of being human; the most important thing that you can do in interactions is to *recognize* that you are making someone uncomfortable, and give them plenty of ways to decline and exit the conversation. In my opinion creepiness is not when you make someone uncomfortable, it is when you make someone uncomfortable without knowing & recognizing that you’re doing so. So i’d say that being able to recognize if someone is or isn’t enjoying the interaction and giving them many ways of exiting are the most important things we should be encouraging.
Look for body language signs that's inviting, like looking in your direction multiple times, smiling, flicking of hair, toes facing towards you, or keeping in close proximity to you. Smile and act approachable, as if you were to speak with a child. Keep eye contact, but don't stare. Tilt your head a little to the side to seem inquisitive and somewhat submissive. If the person you speak to is being resentful, don't take it personally, it was probably just bad timing. Either their mind was on something else, or they weren't in a mood for a conversation.
I get that from friends actually. I don’t think romantic love is that important in life
I feel like romantic love is not meant for me,it’s never easy especially in this day and age impressing a guy 😢 gravely concerned if my body or looks become a turn-off for a guy who would become my partner.Afraid of being cheated,afraid of feeling unloved and uncared for if i ever get into a committed relationship.
Seen a lot of fallouts in my family circle so i am not too certain if true love really exists for me or not.
My late sister had to end her life 22 yrs ago coz her so-called BF ditched her for another woman and she couldn’t tolerate the betrayal and hurt 😭😭
It’s not like i am not enjoying my single life but the thought of marriage kind of freaks me out.
Still don't know how to solve this issue
❤❤
Playing at half speed so that I can actually process emotions
I got notification to this even that ihave turned off RUclips notification
I love you
I find that love is very easy. In fact, it’s the easiest thing in the world. What is difficult, perhaps even impossible, is maintaining a harmonious relationship with those who haven’t aquired any emotional intelligence. People obsessed with their “authenticity” (when it means lack of learnt emotional intelligence) are the hardest to have a relationship with. You can still love them, that’s easy. But you sure cannot sustain a relationship.
a better way to explain ‘youre not alone’
Help me out here,i am confused is it love-love or frndshp- love..im a dude,i was 15 i guess when i started talking to her and i thought i like her...we were in school acts together before so we knew each other but never talked religiously...then i slipped into her dms and started chatting, after 3-4months i told that i have crush on her..we were good,then I snapped and broke up coz i pushed her away .. after 5-6 months we started talking again but as a frnd,it was good we used to talk for hours...but i said it goodbye for good...the reason i kept pushing her away is coz I used to crave for her when i wasn't taking to her and the minute i will talk ,i would start feeling weird and i wont listen...so it led me to a point where i was hell confused whether if its love or im just livin' something delusionl fantasy...u guys can help me figuring out...what do u think 💬🤔
Love and Hope are Four Letter Words
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
This video was already uploaded 4 months ago: ruclips.net/video/5wfpanJs6V4/видео.html
Is it a mistake, or are they recycling now?
@@niktonic5379 I have no idea; let's hope it's a mistake. These videos are one of the few things I look forward to on RUclips every week, so I'd be disappointed if they start changing that.
Dave 😂
Anchor jolly ahe 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
Sometimes there is love but a lasting successful relationship is impossibile. For example if one is committed to a certain life style and the other isn’t
Do not fall into the delusion of saving a sinking ship it’s broken it’s broken there is no amount of emotional intelligence that can save it, other than stepping back and letting life teach.
That's why being single is easier
He’s back🥹🤍
Sit down and do 12 steps of AA and after a honest examination you'll find true love. Have a great life 🥳
AA is a cult that kicked out their own founder for advocating something that actually works.
That organization is an indoctrination cu|+ that kicked out their own founder for advocating something that actually works to help cure addiction. 🤷♂️
The organization that kicked out their own founder for advocating something that actually works to alleviate addiction? Hard pass. No thanks.
@@nicka731the aa are very flawed but hard passing an organization that wide because of an anecdote you saw on Wikipedia, even if it’s true is nonsensical, if it works sometimes it’s already a win for some people and that’s what’s matter
@@omnirath Abstinence has been shown to be immensely less effective than moderation and they know this. Also the hypocrisy of tolerating and promoting such other drugs as nicotine and caffeine is palpably hilarious.
Try mustering up some “hope” when you’re age 67.
Heat me out. A Tinder...For followers of The School of Life
00:31 🌧 Feeling unsatisfied in love can lead to late-night reflections and doubts about the relationship's viability.
01:25 🤔 Sometimes, what we need most in difficult relationships isn't a solution, but empathy and understanding for our struggles.
01:54 🤷♂ Accepting the challenges of love as inherent to human existence can provide a more realistic perspective on relationship difficulties.
where is the how to find hope part lol
I had a girlfriend whose every emotional hiccup led her to think she didn't really 'love' me. I would respond by saying that if that was the case, maybe she didn't, because 'love' shouldn't be that hard to accept or sustain.
As you can guess, this made me the villain in her never ending psychodrama....
How to hug a man?
"Below 1%" 😂😂😂 That is not true at all.
Yes, I agree:) At least in my social context almost everyone is in a relationship or married. But it's not only the numbers. Can't look into their minds. Relationships can be a burden.
@@nias3202 Yes and they can also be a good way of sharing life.
@@sophiamarquis Yes. I'm just jealous:)
@@nias3202couples are traditionally existent everywhere. We will all know a lot of them. Yet we can't know the intimate reasons why they are couples. It may be love. It may be sheer convenience. It may be a woman who count the days waiting for her darling's demise. So, yes, the 1% makes a lot of sense.
There was this couple I was slightly familiar with. You'd say they were perfectly married. Yet just being close to the two of them you'd see the woman made the guy's life miserable. She spent nearly all her time putting him down. Basically criticized every single thing he said. It was obvious he loved her (otherwise why would he put up with that?) but I would never say she loved him. She obviously loved to control him, to have a puppet by her side. But since he wasn't a puppet, she ranted her life away.
Go figure.
Nah. Not buying it.
We need to stop nurturing our children with this juvenile translation of love.
Easy to find, get a cat.
This is why we need the Christ. His atonement meant He quite literally felt every single one of our pains so He could know how to succor us. What love. And He's willing to give us some. There is hope. It's in Him
you are falling off, intern. work harder, intern!
Not impossible, just an utter waste of time and money.