How To Overcome Psychological Barriers
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- Опубликовано: 21 май 2024
- We humans are extraordinarily and painfully vulnerable creatures. Especially in our early years, we are at huge danger of being psychologically damaged by those around us. Damage is in one way or another always caused by a shortfall of tenderness and care. As we might put it, it’s caused by a shortfall of love. Examples of shortfalls of love are very varied: perhaps at an early point someone went missing or someone died, someone was cruel or someone misunderstood. And as a result of this deficit, universally, some kind of wound was sustained…
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“1. We humans are extraordinarily and painfully vulnerable creatures. Especially in our early years, we are at huge danger of being psychologically damaged by those around us. Damage is in one way or another always caused by a shortfall of tenderness and care. As we might put it, it’s caused by a shortfall of love.
Examples of shortfalls of love are very varied: perhaps at an early point someone went missing or someone died, someone was cruel or someone misunderstood.
And as a result of this deficit, universally, some kind of wound was sustained.
2. We are psychologically very ingenious creatures. In the face of any wound, we develop an array of very clever defence mechanisms. The purpose of defence mechanisms is to protect us against further damage, to help us to get through to the next stage of existence; to keep us going; in extremes, to save our lives…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
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Title animation produced in collaboration with
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psychology, self-improvement, self-help, emotional healing, mental health, self-awareness, personal growth, inner child healing, trauma recovery, emotional intelligence, defense mechanisms, emotional wounds, self-discovery, self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional maturity, breaking free from the past, inner peace, self-compassion, how to identify your defense mechanisms, understanding your emotional wounds, overcoming self-sabotage patterns, how to heal from childhood trauma, developing emotional intelligence, breaking free from limiting beliefs, achieving emotional maturity, letting go of the past for a better future, self-compassion for emotional healing, how to overcome psychological barriers
I think School of Life should win a Nobel Prize. The content is soooo universally relatable; and I am always touched that these videos are overarchingly optimistic about each human's capacity to face their shit. In a world where our screens are constantly filled with garbage, this content is actually compassionate, thought-provoking, and useful.
Exactly ❤ I'm so glad SoL is on here.
Great comment
I actually agree
I appreciated the pause on the table of wounds and defense mechanisms.
I second.
Give you time to read and a moment to reflect
Being nearly 66 now and working on this topic for quite a while i feel younger every day- its never too late 😊
That's beautiful.
Do you know of where I can find more examples of like what is written on the board?
@@440haste in therapy you can find your own board ❤
KEEP WORKING
@@440hastenot really, but in anyway it's just a hint for what you have to feel/do yourself.
Knowledge tempts you to take it as experience, but that's not what it is... Find your own traces, i'm sure, so more you identify, so more you'll find - good luck!
1) Grow Ambition of who want to become In future
2) Identify Defence mechanism
3) What was the purpose of any type of defence mechanism
4) why the specific defence mechanism needed and how it started
5) Feel proud that u had that defence mechanism
6) Now Assure to oneself that defence mechanism is expired
7) Figure out why it is becoming a hindrance in yourself and just get rid of it
8) now just waive it off and sail ur own ship
Thank.u mate
Do you know of where I can find more examples of like what is written on the board?
❤🎉
Would collapsing the bigtech giants be a barrier lmao
This vid is so slow and bleh
I’ve been listening to the School of Life for over 10 years and never get tired of hearing Alain’s voice 😊
Read the books. Excellent internal narrator voice
Awwww
❤❤❤
That's some dedication! And lol just some time and love
Same; his voice is wonderful. :)
He sounds like John Oliver‘s therapist.
This 🙏
My psychological barrier is feeling worthless because my parents abandoned me.
At 43 I struggle with it everyday.
I frequently feel alone, Isolated, unwanted and that I have nothing to offer anyone.
-Best wishes to all who suffer I pray for you ❤
Thank you for sharing. That was worth something for me. And it came from you. Maybe that helps a bit. Cheers! Chris :)
This video is a very gentle lead into childhood trauma or cptsd as it is known. Patrick Teahan has a great YT channel dedicated to cptsd. Abandonment is one of my biggies. 🤍🙏
This is so sad to hear. The pain of this kind of abandonment runs incredibly deep, it is just indescribable.
But it wasn't your fault. Perhaps there was something in your parents' pasts which meant they just couldn't manage to care for a child. Maybe they couldn't bear to be reminded of their own childlike dependence so couldn't nurture it in others.
Your worth is inherent and never changes from the moment you're born to the moment you die, no matter what. It's only your perception of it that can change, but just because we can't see the sun when it's dark, doesn't mean it's not there❤
I advocate often for more people to be child free or at the very least logically think through their capabilities of raising a child than do it out of societal expectations because of experiences like yours and mine.
I’m 23 and I’m so fluent in loneliness, it’s like a shadow that’s been with me forever, it’s embarrassing because my family does not offer much or any emotional closeness, it left me seeking out closeness in outside companionships till I have to be alone because they are with their family and once again I’m reminded how I might never have a huge chunk of what makes a human life more bearable and less lonely.
Adults get to have the choice of having kids but kids they just have to accept wherever they end up and the consequences of that will be a weight for them to carry forever.
Love the silence in the video.
Yeah, took me a second to realize he was allowing time to read the grid. Perfect!
At lot of these defence mechanisms as causes apply to me.
1: mom was never there
2: dad was erratic
3:bullying siblings
I hope I learn to love people and trust them again.
Perhaps you used to trust people before your family taught you not to.
Its ok to admit and feel these pains. Be kind to yourself, u were just a child. Dont hate the defenses. Release the pain and grow. You got this
Always a work in progress. I don’t want my past defining who I am.
It's really hard because after years in therapy and identifying many of my defence mechanisms - they are quite stubborn and let's just say 'putting them on a boat and waving goodbye hasn't got rid of them'. Still trying though!
Do you accept them whole heartedly?
I love the pauses so that we could really take a moment to read what you guys were trying to tell us. Thought it was very powerful and useful.
I deal with being hyper vigilant (my anxiety is tough), depression, and even addiction.
It’s a tough life to live sometimes and I hope that I can get better and do better. Bc if I’m being honest, sometimes I don’t always do my best or all that I can.
I appreciate the timing of this video because in this moment in life I feel very aware of my defense mechanism and see how much they take away and have taken away from me and my life. Thank you for the video, very informative and affirming. Now I know I need to do the work to let these mechanisms go and live a better life.
8:43 "Our defense mechanisms are, in fact, past their sell-by date" Here's the thing: because these defense mechanisms have both good and bad sides, we might still judge the good outweighs the bad, deciding to keep them even during adulthood (just because those mechanisms were made in the past, that doesn't imply they don't make sense now, especially considering their upsides are still valid at any point in time). Self-awareness doesn't necessarily lead to change (personal values still factor in).
My psychological barrier is the desire to be the first to comment for external validation.
Here’s your validation bro
You should probably dump that and go get some actual validating goals.
Mines wanting to have my comment “pinned”
Existence delights in what you may manifest
You have been noticed, now don't do that again xoxo
Everyone needs to watch this
Yes
Truely.
For real
Sure
Take responsibility for yourself and respond wisely~
Hold yourself accountable without beating yourself up~
Balance ~ Stability ~ Agility
Awww
❤
This isn't saying much and has unhelpful connotations for me at least - "accountable"? You're not "accountable" for anything, you had to survive and you did. "Take responsibility" for what exactly and.. respond "wisely"?? What does that word even mean??? It's too bloated, too airy, much too uncertain
@@Nerf_Jeez do you know the word 'discernment'?
This comment is written for more advanced trailblazers, you'll get there.
@@Nerf_Jeez I heard just today that 'taking responsibility' for what is happening to us in simple terms is 'giving response'. This formulation took off this burden for me to understand why I am responsible. Because it sounds scary and I resist. Yet the world always offers us situations that I have to react to, even I was just walking by. Even not reacting is my response I'm giving. Very interesting to be unpacking all of this.
I was literally journaling and pontificating on this very issue, trying to identify my normalised dysfunctional psychological issues then this notification popped up ❤
I just had this conversation with my therapist. Extremely helpful to hear it explained differently while having a visual reference. Thank you.
The way this video was structured made me feel present in the moment. Never for a second did I check how much time had passed and how much time was left for the video to end. Something about the visuals, the voice and the overall content of the it, generated a feeling that had been absent for a long time. A sense of having understood and being understood at the same time. Thankyou
'Independence and self containment' really hits for me and I don't have many friends because I've learnt not to rely on them.
Thankfully, having a family with 4 kids has saved me. They're always there, kind of because they have to be... but also because they rely on me and I'm grateful for them saving me from loneliness.
to be fair, you dont really need many friends. you just need at least 1 for them to be there when you need them and vice versa.
I am not trying to be mean, I would like to know , please, did you create the path for your kids to rely on you ...like an unconscious plan in order not to feel alone, not the be abandoned? Please accept my sincere appreciation and apologies !❤
@@fabianmitrache5799 I think kids naturally rely on their parents up to a certain age.
If my defence mechanism were truly toxic, I would try to force them to never leave.
Thankfully, that's not me.
“Not having children derives not from dislike, but from love too great to bring them into this world, too limited, too vain, too cruel.”
― Michel Onfray
"that's a load of old bollocks" - richard
@@December151791 wow
At this point world in its sorry state is not a good place for children.
Now is exactly the right time to have children. Less poverty, tech development, knowledge growth, humanity is on the cusp of something. Having children now and giving them the benefits of humanities development is most important. Unless of course your psychological barriers are so great you find it difficult to see past tomorrow, which is understandable but quite Nihilistic.
@@fatherburning358 You go ask modern youth about what they feel about all the "benefits" current system gives them, like the prospect of being in debpt for life, having trouble finding jobs, and all other wonderful things of late stage capitalism.
1:26 THANK YOU for leaving that on the screen to the point where u didn’t have to pause to read.
Wowwwww,
This is a very logical and detail way of explaining how to overcome psychological trauma from personality disorder friends/family. It is easy to just delete those people from our lives, but when those are someone close to us like family or relatives, long term relationship with these people develop mental health problems and confidence issues. This is a very well explained video which I highly recommend to those who are experiencing a close relationship with personality disorder people
This might be TSOL's best vid to date 😊 really well thought out and organized, and is quite synonymous with the path I've been trying to take lately. This vid honestly made my day and was extremely validating and brilliant 👍
I don't know if this needs to be always in the childhood, but in my late teenage years my first boyfriend passed away in an accident, and this made me develop a very depressed and sadness view of life for a long 10 years, especially in the first years.
I still struggle to this day to feel more hopeful for the future and my relationships. I really fear loss them abruptally in the same way.
This tragedy made me a more loveable and caring person with the people that i love, but deep in me lies a constant melancholy and sadness that one day i will lose everyone i love.
To be honest, we all inevitably will lose those we love, sooner or later. The difference is how do you cope with this fact of life. Can you accept it, and still find meaning?
@@alexxx4434 10 years trying find a meaning to fit it
My father was ill from the time I was 5 - seems like I developed huge independence and self containment as a lot of my mother’s time went to helping and caring for him. What’s interesting is I ended up marrying someone who had the same thing as a child. His father had a heart attack when he (son) was 5 and ended up on permanent disability. He was farmed out to friends and relatives while his mother cared for his dad until he had sufficiently recovered. So we’re both very independent and self sufficient. Our go-to statement is ‘just easier to do it myself…’ so we don’t rely on others. The downside is we don’t learn that there is help there for us; the upside that we don’t get disappointed by others.
I always try to be the psychological barrier for someone elses progress. Imagine if someone passes me by 😂
Alain,you have been a real blessing to many of us......really grateful to you and your team....!
The baggage from my past has taken over my personality … idk who i am apart from the trauma
Same here. And since my husband is a stubborn mess who absolutely REFUSES to take any steps towards improvement, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be happy.
Perfect timing. Many thanks!
Thank you for the deep dive! It can be quite difficult to let go. The defense mechanisms seem so ingrained in one's personality. Things seem unstable and frightening at first. It takes very kind people around me to continue letting them by.
I’ve been here a long time following SoL and they still manage to amaze me with how consistent they are in delivering deep quality content. There’s sheer beauty in what you’re doing here on YT, School of Life. ❤
I love that this video is twice longer than the others. Thank you so much for this I learned a lot. ❤
I always feel like I’m missing out on something vital but elusive when I watch these videos
Thank you for this longer format and delving deeper into this topic. This video helped me see how my trauma and defense mechanism are affecting my relationships.
This is the exact video I needed to see today. And the chart was super helpful for me! (2 or 3 boxes applied personally) Thank you for making this!
Ever since my critical thinking prof. Sent us this, the whole class has been attending the school of life ever since.
Thank you!
Thank you. The content keeps getting better and better every time. 💐
Thank You! SOL never disappoints and always get me thinking about how to break the chains.
Thank you so much for this video. You dont know how much this validates my own journey of self forgiveness, and self love. I love the fact that logic about our defense mechanisms is the only way to overcome and understand ourselves. It is very empowering to hear that. When we understand, we can be free and happy. A literal example of Knowledge is Power
You’re doing a great job in healing the world!
😮woah!
This is Gold. - the visual chart was extremely helpful, beneficial.
Been wondering what my deal has been with “underperforming at work,” you spelled it all out clear as day, and my mind is blown. - Not having to risk jealously and envy, I hate that feeling, back when I was a kid, I was really good at basketball and it made all the people on the team seem really mad at me, because they weren’t getting attention. It made me feel horrible & I’m certain I’ve been carrying that around for decades, now. Acting like I don’t care if I’m bad at something, or quitting something if it looks like people are starting to think I’m doing well at it. It makes me want to puke now, seeing how this has been playing out in my life for these years. Now, I’ve learned how to take control of it and I’m paralyzed with anxiety🥴. I can’t make excuses for myself anymore… let’s see how this goes.🤔
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant work, @The School of Life!
I love your videos, but you guys outdid yourselves with this one. This was deep and explained really clearly. Thank you for all the hard work you do to put out quality content.
I too appreciate the sweet deliberate pauses. Thanks School of Life
damn I see many people commenting this under some videos but HOLY SHIT THIS JUST CAME AT THE RICHT TIME
I have an examen to succeed at in a few days and if I fail I am going to get kicked out of university. I have struggled to get myself to learning for such a long time now and it is getting critical, this video and its application might have saved a lot for me! Thank you so much! I'm going to share this!
wow. this channel is one of my favorites, been watching for years now. thanks to all he people who make this channel what it is. Thank you all.
thank you. thank you for going into such detail. This channel is so special.
This such a great video! I always wanted to have a chart and clear course of action rooted in logic and in exactly how. I was trying to let go without understanding first. Thanks school of life!
As always thanks again the school of life.
A well constructed and explained view of how many of us function through life due to early life experiences that were beyond our control.
Saddening though that we've had to adapt in such a way and found ourselves pushing away some significant people in our lives due to our own defence mechanisms, thanks again Alain, much appreciated.
You’re spot on with this one. Well done.
What perfect timing.
These videos have been so helpful to me in my life and understanding how to move forward and heal. Understanding myself and those around me. Great work! Thank you so much for all the time and effort you put into these they are helping so many people around the world. Love from Morocco!
This is a complete masterpiece.
Thank you, Alain.
I liked a lot this video. The format is perfect for the question risen. Thank you!
I asked and received! Thank you for the illustration. I love this channel and it has and continues to alter the course of my destiny.
Such a wonderful video, thank you so much for this.
This video is actually very helpful; thanks! :)
Thank you for this !!!
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. We have to be careful on the wounds we get and how to manage those wounds the right way.
The silence in between is beautiful! 🤩
Again, the contant and the way its illustrated is just on point. ❤
Alain, such a beautiful video, and we can also see the efforts put into making it.
Thank you
This is a wonderful video. Thank you so much!
Despite the 10 minute duration of this video, it has felt shorter than others and very entertaining and interesting in an educational way. Thanks you for explaining and guiding people who struggle with defense mechanisms on how they can overcome it. Thank you for the very good effort you placed in this video and have a nice day! ❤
Mindblowing, I've been doing a depression's treatment and when I saw on your spreadsheet one of the causes of a depression mood It's the death of a parent you was like you were talking with me because my mom and brother died 5 years ago. Also, you guys been improving my street english. I stop the video all the time to search the meaning of some words 😂😂
I felt this so much.
Beautiful video! Soul-based Coaching offers a gently powerful approach to seeing, releasing and replacing our past defense mechanism.
thank you so much!
Always great content bit this one hit home for me. Great video
Iv been a fan of SoL for years and i must say, this is the best self help video ever xx
Keep up the great work, many thanks
Thank you!
I love this video, thank you.
Incredible video, thank you.
Thank you.
Glad to see videos got slower and longer, as I gave this feedback once! thank you.
The animations are always 🔥 !!
That is a beautiful video, thank you.
Life plot twist: and then you get re-traumatized in new relationships.
the good thing is we will be stronger and more trusting of ourselves :) and the trauma might not affect us as fatally as before!
@@cognitivadissonantia this 100%
Everyone perceive's things differently...@@cognitivadissonantia
@@cognitivadissonantia I feel more like it's the opposite, with every fail and trauma experienced time passes, you are still unable to create bonds, you lose any hope and it just gets worse with self confidence.
@@Dodo.isp22it is not enough to change yourself, but also your surroundings and social circles, in which you were traumatised and re-traumatised in the first place.
I really like this new format of learning, thx S.O.L.
Great explanation, loved the animations as well!
Thank you ❤
This is such a well thought out video. Thanks.
Excellent, as always. Thank you. : )
Absolutely wonderful explanation in an easy-to-approach presentation. Thank you!
beautifully explained !
Genius video! Very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you so much! It was amazing l!❤
Beautiful helpful video. Thank you
8:05 Am looping this :) I love #5 and also the way AdeB says, "Fifthly"❤
Really good video , thanks for uploading
Well done. Kudos to you guys!!!😊
This is extremely interesting and illuminating. Really enjoy your channel.
Can't thank you enough. 🙏🏼
Well i wouldnt phrase it as "getting rid of".. and me personally i dont lists neither. Your body gravitates to heal and it might be chaotic and even superficial the truth of it, even if its painful.
Yay! You did it! Finally a video that actually shows us how to fix our trauma! 😔 You actually gave us some tools in this video. I've been waiting for this. I hope you do more videos like this. Thank you!
Mate you were soo close, you got the analysis of the problem down but you were thin on the practical strategies for overcoming the problems. Saying goodbye is really not an answer to lifelong self abuse like this. FTR I love your site.
Thanks.