Start off on the right foot! Or, if you want to make sure you haven't missed a thing, then grab a pen and paper and watch now! What other tips do you want to add to the list?
I'm heading to Kentucky tomorrow to pick my mom up from a NH...she has Parkinson and Dementia. My dad passed away in March...I'm left not knowing exactly what I'm able to do legally. I am her rep payee for her Social Security benefits. I don't have a POA...I want to get a second opinion on where she is in the stages of Dementia...if she's able to sign a POA...I believe it'll make things a bit easier when it comes to handling business for her. Your input and guidance is gravely appreciated. P.S. caring for a person with special needs is not new to me...I took care of my son for 17 years who had cerebral palsy.
I just cried when you said, "Donʻt feel obligated." and "Donʻt take over your parentʻs life." Mom is 93 and I just got off of 2 years taking care of my invalid brother, because she tried to do everything at 89-91 (he passed 2 yrs ago)... so back to back stress for me to cover her. The statement: I can take care of my parent until..... is what Iʻm facing now. Iʻm exhausted working full time. She has a wherewithal, she bathes, she eats... but she is messy, and now in our home, she is taking over our living room with loud tv... I feel it is too early for nursing home... in Hawaii it is soooo expensive as well. thanks so much for this video. I really needed it.
Give yourself grace. YOU KNOW that you're doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up (because your parent might be verbally doing so) as you're doing the best you can. Even if that means hands off. 😘
I feel guilty about setting boundaries so I’m glad it’s one of the tips. I feel like I’m giving all I can and even though she wants me to do everything she will have to hire someone else to help also.
Excellent tips! One that I would add is to take a break as often as you need it (if you can). Knowing I have a break in two weeks, helps me hold my tongue when I get snapped at when doing something I think should be appreciated. I also try to remember that needing someone do things for you can be so frustrating when you have always been a very independent person. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos - the ones about the VA benefits have been a godsend!
Thank you for this video. Excellent tips for starting down this path.. I appreciate the rapid style tips - I don't have much time to listen . Love that you addressed time suckers too
Thank you for the video! I think it's important to let your parents ask you when they need help and be available for them when they do ask. Lately my mom who is 83 has been asking me to drive every now and then. I live at home with my parents so they do ask for favors like opening up jars or reading off medication bottles. I also do chores around the house and run errands with my mom. I go with them on their appointments. It is a blessing to me to be able to take care of them.
Right now, I am 13 years of age. I am a smart kid, I will admit that. I am bettering myself right now because, I live in Pennsylvania, my pap, age of 69 right now, and my uncle, age of 55 right now, will need assistance when they get of age. (exc.) The last few days my parents let me spend the night with my pap. My pap and uncle both own a good amount of land, both wealthy-ish, today before I came home my pap made a deal with me, when I turn 18 if I take care of myself, and some of his basic necessities, he will let me stay with him, or live with him, as long as I go to college and work for it. Gladly, I took the offer, he has a good bit, a whole lot, of beautiful country land and a beautiful house, I start early working for it, I am in the comments sharing my story because basically, I am trying to prove that its never too early to start bettering yourself and working for the best! (Any tips or comments are gladly appreciated as a response I enjoy reading what people think! Take care of yourself and work hard! :))
Here's one more tip to add....learn PROPER techniques for hands-on care, such as transferring techniques, in/out of shower or car, incontinence care etc to avoid injuring your parent or yourself!
This was an amazing first video to watch on this subject, thank you so much!!! I am about to become a care giver to my 88year old grandma after her hip replacement surgery 😔 I really appreciate that you stressed boundaries. It is so easy to jump into these exchanges without setting them.
What you need to talk about is finances, insurance and staff shortage (volunteers). Also if the decision is to send the loved one to a nursing home --beware. You still must checkk on your loved one weekly and staff and care changes.
Thank you for your tips. So glad I found you. My 86 yr old dad really depends on my 83 year old mom to do everything. He's starting to have trouble walking and is too proud to order a walker. He is a vet. I feel confident to step in. Thank you.
Also th V. A. near you has services. Get a Geriatric Doctor there if you can. Meet their SocialWorker. Be persistent with Veterans Administration. Your Father (and Spouse) and you as a family member have EARNED this help/services. We now have Aides paid for thru VA. Also grab bars, portable wheel chair, walker, rollator, raised toilet seats, hearing aids.... Stay Strong and push them for SERVICES ♡
Awesome tips.Thank you! You coverered really essential but difficult to talk about topics like setting boundaries and expectations, family meetings, etc.
My husband and I will be moving in with my mom in her home to help care for her. And she’s stubborn, dementia is setting in, she’s controlling and has an explosive temper. I feel like I need to have war combat training lol I’m scared, but she wants to stay in her home but can not care for herself anymore and she’s not safe alone. She only lives on social security so my husband and I would be able to care for her, and save money for us instead of paying high rent in our apartment. Just not sure I can handle it emotionally.🥺
Sending up prayers. I understand and am living a similar journey. My Vet Dad has just been diagnosed with dementia after my older sister passed from colon cancer. My 80-year old Mom is helping. Both of my parents are proud people. Asking for help has been a major hurdle. Please remember/schedule/take care of yourself. You really can't help others if you're not well. Rooting for ya!😘
I need advice. My husband & I are considering having his 91 year old grandma move in with us. Husband works ALOT so it would mainly be on me, and we have 7 & 12 year old sons as well. I work from home full time but will be able to take time off easily to care for her. She is currently in the nursing home and hating it, but will not be released to live on her own again. She won't need care 100% of the time, but will need assistance with showering, incontinence, etc. We don't want to see her lose hope by being stuck in the nursing home but I'm already a busy mom and would like other's opinions. Thanks
@Rachel Stevens I’m so glad you asked ahead of time! Take a look at this video I made exactly about this topic. PARENTS MOVING IN? -Deciding to move elderly parents into your home - should you do it? ruclips.net/video/eMHcDfigQ30/видео.html Other family caregivers decided to have their parent go into an assisted living, or use the money that the parents save by moving in to hire a caregiver…even if you are working in the home. And check out my new FB group, Full-on Parent care. The members there will be able to provide more insight. Here’s the link: facebook.com/groups/1239752609859777/ Good luck!
Thank you for the great and helpful tips, Sophia! I was not able to find volunteer help at the elderhelpers website. Do you have any other suggestions on how to find volunteer help?
Oh Kristy, that’s such a bummer! They are usually everywhere. I suggest you call your local Office on Aging, or Area Agency on Aging to see if they have any local volunteer resources in your area. Good luck to you!
That’s just cruel of her. You’re not obligated to care for an abusive parent. I don’t think I could’ve even made peace with her after that. Sounds like she’s a narcissist. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
All the tips you mentioned are not an option for me. My mother moved in with us in Dec. 23. I told her that I would take care of her and she would not be put in a nursing home. I or my family had no idea how things would escalate in the coming months. She is very sensitive, argumentive, and highly opinionated. It has put stress on me, my daughter and my marriage. I have been so stressed because she wanted me there with her at all times. She can't walk very much at all. I was moving her around with a hoyer lift. To the bedroom where her bedside toilet is 2 or 3 times in a day. I am 116 pounds and she weighs 150 to 154. It's very hard on me. I have lost weight because of the conflict and chaos that happens. She wants to know why I can't eat or why I'm not the same as I was when she first moved in. She says we all have changed we are not the same and she doesn't feel like she did when she moved in with us. We have confronted her about the way she says things and her attitude but she doesn't realize what she says or how she states things. Then she gets offended and says I will just get an apartment an I will make it by myself. But she can't take care of herself that's why she moved out of the apartment she lived in and moved in with us. We love her, but can't get her to understand anything. What can I do????
I'm soo frustrated my dad is in a nursing home and his money is draining. I want him to come home but me and my wife work ft during the day and we make good money but that will stop because I may have to quit my job. I'm not close to retirement I'm getting scared. I know how to care for him it's just I'm in the prime of making good money away from home, I'm stressing!!!
Hi Dubbman. Yes, this sounds very stressful! You can't jeopardize your livelihood because then the whole family goes down the rabbit hole! If he is currently in a nursing home and paying privately, once he meets criteria, apply for medicaid, if not already done. Check to see if your state has a program....here in California it's called In Home Support Services (IHSS), that will help to pay for home caregivers for medicaid recipients. That will help offset some of the care and cost of home care. Check out this video that might give you more ideas for how to pay for care in the home. ruclips.net/video/u8SA2-E1hEo/видео.html At least if he is on medicaid, it will continue to pay for his continued nursing home care if needed. Good luck!
In an ideal world this would be perfect. I have been ingrained in this predicament currently. Is it intentional to talk about all of the possibilities of potential help yet not once does it tell you how or who or anything other than hypothetical help. Besides subscribing what is step of 1 of who to or what to or where to find out anything other than join a group that doesn’t meet but it’s there to do. I apologize. As you bare witness I am rather brazenly these days. I don’t mean to
Nursing home is 150k a year when all considered, I'll suck it up for a while. People make it personal when it's a business decision at some point. If you can't do it, don't but for me too much money to throw away. If bed ridden then they are gone anyway so need to be clinical about it, if you can't be clinical, don't it
There is no help in my mountry, no places in nouring home, hospitals do not want to accept patiens (it is noones department they say), i do not work becouse i must stay at home, i can not get financial support or formal status as "caregiver" I am practicaly nursing my mother till she dies, she can not move, eat, chande dipers..etc. Complete care needed and literaly no one to help. Gp doctor comes and states "yeah, she has low blood pressure, bad apetite etc." - and thats all. Thank you for teling me whats wrong but i see it myself For you to know witch this f* up country it is Croatia - with big hole in medical system for much cases that happen to patients/caregivers
My mother does not eat homedelivered food She does not accept being taken care of she does not accept doctor control I dont know what to do 😭 we live together Im helpless😢 She is jntelligent She was always like that She was always a helicopter mom She has explosive temper whenever subject comes to health issues She denies her age always She never accepts help from anybody She is 90 years old She has ear problem but i cannot convince her for doctor control Im my mother's only child .
I am very sorry for your predicament. I too am an only child. My brother partied himself to death with pills. And my other brother saw what a nightmare of a life this is and abandoned us. I am dealing with my mother and father. And everyday I wake up and open my eyes, I am disappointed that I did not die in my sleep. I have lost several careers throughout the past decade. I have lost 3 marriage prospects. This isn't life. While I lean more towards god not existing, sometimes I wonder if he is there and enjoys watching mankind suffer the same way that we enjoy watching Netflix. I wish I had an answer to give you. But I dont because I am in the same boat. Personally, the only thing that gives me a remote sense of hope is daydreaming about dying. As I said, I dont have anything useful to tell you. But I just wanted to commiserate and at the very least tell you that I understand, for whatever its worth.
I don't know why we experience what we do. Maybe it's to make a hard choice- not dying but walking away. If you're waking up wishing you were dead, it is time for you to walk away. You've done what you can. Now, if they won't let go and let you - who they poured into/raised- care for them, don't go down (anymore) with the ship. You may need to alert Medicare or whatever medical services they have in place and then walk away. Hold on. Continue choosing life - take time for you. Love you. Sending positive vibes/ prayers. 😘
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
Start off on the right foot! Or, if you want to make sure you haven't missed a thing, then grab a pen and paper and watch now! What other tips do you want to add to the list?
I'm heading to Kentucky tomorrow to pick my mom up from a NH...she has Parkinson and Dementia. My dad passed away in March...I'm left not knowing exactly what I'm able to do legally. I am her rep payee for her Social Security benefits. I don't have a POA...I want to get a second opinion on where she is in the stages of Dementia...if she's able to sign a POA...I believe it'll make things a bit easier when it comes to handling business for her. Your input and guidance is gravely appreciated. P.S. caring for a person with special needs is not new to me...I took care of my son for 17 years who had cerebral palsy.
I just cried when you said, "Donʻt feel obligated." and "Donʻt take over your parentʻs life." Mom is 93 and I just got off of 2 years taking care of my invalid brother, because she tried to do everything at 89-91 (he passed 2 yrs ago)... so back to back stress for me to cover her. The statement: I can take care of my parent until..... is what Iʻm facing now. Iʻm exhausted working full time. She has a wherewithal, she bathes, she eats... but she is messy, and now in our home, she is taking over our living room with loud tv... I feel it is too early for nursing home... in Hawaii it is soooo expensive as well. thanks so much for this video. I really needed it.
My mom is 91 and I'm on Oahu. What is the update on your mom?
You are not alone. I'm going through it and I know it's going to either get Better or worse. Prayers for All!✌️🙏🙏🙏
Give yourself grace. YOU KNOW that you're doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up (because your parent might be verbally doing so) as you're doing the best you can. Even if that means hands off. 😘
I feel guilty about setting boundaries so I’m glad it’s one of the tips. I feel like I’m giving all I can and even though she wants me to do everything she will have to hire someone else to help also.
Patience is key
Excellent tips! One that I would add is to take a break as often as you need it (if you can). Knowing I have a break in two weeks, helps me hold my tongue when I get snapped at when doing something I think should be appreciated. I also try to remember that needing someone do things for you can be so frustrating when you have always been a very independent person. Thank you for taking the time to make these videos - the ones about the VA benefits have been a godsend!
Thanks Natalie! That's #6---but we can never take enough breaks! And empathy....super important!
Thank you for this video. Excellent tips for starting down this path.. I appreciate the rapid style tips - I don't have much time to listen . Love that you addressed time suckers too
Thanks Erin!
Thank you for the video! I think it's important to let your parents ask you when they need help and be available for them when they do ask. Lately my mom who is 83 has been asking me to drive every now and then. I live at home with my parents so they do ask for favors like opening up jars or reading off medication bottles. I also do chores around the house and run errands with my mom. I go with them on their appointments. It is a blessing to me to be able to take care of them.
I live with my parents as well. It IS a blessing - as long as boundaries are respected. Otherwise, the situation can be very stressful.
@@UnpopularOpinion3000 very true! Thanks for responding.
Right now, I am 13 years of age. I am a smart kid, I will admit that. I am bettering myself right now because, I live in Pennsylvania, my pap, age of 69 right now, and my uncle, age of 55 right now, will need assistance when they get of age. (exc.) The last few days my parents let me spend the night with my pap. My pap and uncle both own a good amount of land, both wealthy-ish, today before I came home my pap made a deal with me, when I turn 18 if I take care of myself, and some of his basic necessities, he will let me stay with him, or live with him, as long as I go to college and work for it. Gladly, I took the offer, he has a good bit, a whole lot, of beautiful country land and a beautiful house, I start early working for it, I am in the comments sharing my story because basically, I am trying to prove that its never too early to start bettering yourself and working for the best!
(Any tips or comments are gladly appreciated as a response I enjoy reading what people think! Take care of yourself and work hard! :))
Here's one more tip to add....learn PROPER techniques for hands-on care, such as transferring techniques, in/out of shower or car, incontinence care etc to avoid injuring your parent or yourself!
Where can we learn these things?
That's a lot to lay on your kids
Where can we learn these things ?
This was an amazing first video to watch on this subject, thank you so much!!!
I am about to become a care giver to my 88year old grandma after her hip replacement surgery 😔 I really appreciate that you stressed boundaries. It is so easy to jump into these exchanges without setting them.
Exceptionally helpful! Thank you.
What you need to talk about is finances, insurance and staff shortage (volunteers). Also if the decision is to send the loved one to a nursing home --beware. You still must checkk on your loved one weekly and staff and care changes.
Thank you for your tips. So glad I found you. My 86 yr old dad really depends on my 83 year old mom to do everything. He's starting to have trouble walking and is too proud to order a walker. He is a vet. I feel confident to step in. Thank you.
You can do it!
I’ve learned if your mother or father is a vet there are a lot of services Medicare will provide.
Also th V. A. near you has services. Get a Geriatric Doctor there if you can. Meet their SocialWorker. Be persistent with Veterans Administration. Your Father (and Spouse) and you as a family member have EARNED this help/services. We now have Aides paid for thru VA. Also grab bars, portable wheel chair, walker, rollator, raised toilet seats, hearing aids.... Stay Strong and push them for SERVICES ♡
Awesome tips.Thank you! You coverered really essential but difficult to talk about topics like setting boundaries and expectations, family meetings, etc.
Thank you, this is so helpful. My husband and l are preparing to move-in my elderly step-father.
Thank you, I’m starting to care for my 90 yr old Mom, I have no clue what I’m doing.
You've got this!
Thank you.
You're welcome!
Thank you for sharing. ❤
thank you very helpful! 👍👍
Glad it was helpful!
Great video!
🎉 Hartley Gratitude. Bless🌹 you.
Thank you kindly
This was informative and thanks for sharing.
My husband and I will be moving in with my mom in her home to help care for her. And she’s stubborn, dementia is setting in, she’s controlling and has an explosive temper. I feel like I need to have war combat training lol I’m scared, but she wants to stay in her home but can not care for herself anymore and she’s not safe alone. She only lives on social security so my husband and I would be able to care for her, and save money for us instead of paying high rent in our apartment. Just not sure I can handle it emotionally.🥺
How is it going ?
Sending up prayers. I understand and am living a similar journey. My Vet Dad has just been diagnosed with dementia after my older sister passed from colon cancer. My 80-year old Mom is helping. Both of my parents are proud people. Asking for help has been a major hurdle. Please remember/schedule/take care of yourself. You really can't help others if you're not well. Rooting for ya!😘
Soooooooooooo helpful thank yooooou! 🙏🙏
So glad!
We live in the desert n there’s no food service send to our homes 😭 but thank you for the other tips 👍💕
I need advice. My husband & I are considering having his 91 year old grandma move in with us. Husband works ALOT so it would mainly be on me, and we have 7 & 12 year old sons as well. I work from home full time but will be able to take time off easily to care for her. She is currently in the nursing home and hating it, but will not be released to live on her own again. She won't need care 100% of the time, but will need assistance with showering, incontinence, etc. We don't want to see her lose hope by being stuck in the nursing home but I'm already a busy mom and would like other's opinions. Thanks
@Rachel Stevens I’m so glad you asked ahead of time! Take a look at this video I made exactly about this topic. PARENTS MOVING IN? -Deciding to move elderly parents into your home - should you do it?
ruclips.net/video/eMHcDfigQ30/видео.html
Other family caregivers decided to have their parent go into an assisted living, or use the money that the parents save by moving in to hire a caregiver…even if you are working in the home.
And check out my new FB group, Full-on Parent care. The members there will be able to provide more insight. Here’s the link: facebook.com/groups/1239752609859777/
Good luck!
Thank you so much
Wonderful
Ver helpful thank you 😊
Im here because maybe i will apply for this pisition the thing is my english is basic
Thank you for the great and helpful tips, Sophia! I was not able to find volunteer help at the elderhelpers website. Do you have any other suggestions on how to find volunteer help?
Oh Kristy, that’s such a bummer! They are usually everywhere. I suggest you call your local Office on Aging, or Area Agency on Aging to see if they have any local volunteer resources in your area. Good luck to you!
I came back from a trip and my mom was moved into my house. Where can I find those resources for help?
How to deal with Stress?
My mother refused to talk to me for the last 20 years because I wanted to meet my father. Now she's in need of help and I'm not sure I can help her❓
That’s just cruel of her. You’re not obligated to care for an abusive parent. I don’t think I could’ve even made peace with her after that. Sounds like she’s a narcissist. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
All the tips you mentioned are not an option for me. My mother moved in with us in Dec. 23. I told her that I would take care of her and she would not be put in a nursing home. I or my family had no idea how things would escalate in the coming months. She is very sensitive, argumentive, and highly opinionated. It has put stress on me, my daughter and my marriage. I have been so stressed because she wanted me there with her at all times. She can't walk very much at all. I was moving her around with a hoyer lift. To the bedroom where her bedside toilet is 2 or 3 times in a day. I am 116 pounds and she weighs 150 to 154. It's very hard on me. I have lost weight because of the conflict and chaos that happens. She wants to know why I can't eat or why I'm not the same as I was when she first moved in. She says we all have changed we are not the same and she doesn't feel like she did when she moved in with us. We have confronted her about the way she says things and her attitude but she doesn't realize what she says or how she states things. Then she gets offended and says I will just get an apartment an I will make it by myself. But she can't take care of herself that's why she moved out of the apartment she lived in and moved in with us. We love her, but can't get her to understand anything. What can I do????
I'm soo frustrated my dad is in a nursing home and his money is draining. I want him to come home but me and my wife work ft during the day and we make good money but that will stop because I may have to quit my job. I'm not close to retirement I'm getting scared. I know how to care for him it's just I'm in the prime of making good money away from home, I'm stressing!!!
Hi Dubbman. Yes, this sounds very stressful! You can't jeopardize your livelihood because then the whole family goes down the rabbit hole! If he is currently in a nursing home and paying privately, once he meets criteria, apply for medicaid, if not already done. Check to see if your state has a program....here in California it's called In Home Support Services (IHSS), that will help to pay for home caregivers for medicaid recipients. That will help offset some of the care and cost of home care. Check out this video that might give you more ideas for how to pay for care in the home. ruclips.net/video/u8SA2-E1hEo/видео.html
At least if he is on medicaid, it will continue to pay for his continued nursing home care if needed. Good luck!
❤
In an ideal world this would be perfect. I have been ingrained in this predicament currently. Is it intentional to talk about all of the possibilities of potential help yet not once does it tell you how or who or anything other than hypothetical help. Besides subscribing what is step of 1 of who to or what to or where to find out anything other than join a group that doesn’t meet but it’s there to do. I apologize. As you bare witness I am rather brazenly these days. I don’t mean to
Don’t apologize! What’s your particular struggle? Maybe I can provide some guidance
Nursing home is 150k a year when all considered, I'll suck it up for a while. People make it personal when it's a business decision at some point. If you can't do it, don't but for me too much money to throw away. If bed ridden then they are gone anyway so need to be clinical about it, if you can't be clinical, don't it
There is no help in my mountry, no places in nouring home, hospitals do not want to accept patiens (it is noones department they say), i do not work becouse i must stay at home, i can not get financial support or formal status as "caregiver"
I am practicaly nursing my mother till she dies, she can not move, eat, chande dipers..etc.
Complete care needed and literaly no one to help. Gp doctor comes and states "yeah, she has low blood pressure, bad apetite etc." - and thats all.
Thank you for teling me whats wrong but i see it myself
For you to know witch this f* up country it is Croatia - with big hole in medical system for much cases that happen to patients/caregivers
Michelle Private 24-7
My mother does not eat homedelivered food
She does not accept being taken care of
she does not accept doctor control
I dont know what to do 😭 we live together Im helpless😢 She is jntelligent She was always like that She was always a helicopter mom She has explosive temper whenever subject comes to health issues She denies her age always She never accepts help from anybody She is 90 years old She has ear problem but i cannot convince her for doctor control Im my mother's only child .
I am very sorry for your predicament. I too am an only child. My brother partied himself to death with pills. And my other brother saw what a nightmare of a life this is and abandoned us.
I am dealing with my mother and father. And everyday I wake up and open my eyes, I am disappointed that I did not die in my sleep. I have lost several careers throughout the past decade. I have lost 3 marriage prospects. This isn't life. While I lean more towards god not existing, sometimes I wonder if he is there and enjoys watching mankind suffer the same way that we enjoy watching Netflix.
I wish I had an answer to give you. But I dont because I am in the same boat. Personally, the only thing that gives me a remote sense of hope is daydreaming about dying.
As I said, I dont have anything useful to tell you. But I just wanted to commiserate and at the very least tell you that I understand, for whatever its worth.
I don't know why we experience what we do. Maybe it's to make a hard choice- not dying but walking away. If you're waking up wishing you were dead, it is time for you to walk away. You've done what you can. Now, if they won't let go and let you - who they poured into/raised- care for them, don't go down (anymore) with the ship. You may need to alert Medicare or whatever medical services they have in place and then walk away. Hold on. Continue choosing life - take time for you. Love you. Sending positive vibes/ prayers. 😘
Thank you..yes very helpful...brothers are no help 🤥
Those boys !! I have a couple of them myself!
Amozon later
This is cute. This is gor people who have money, do not live in a shack 18 miles in the woods with mentally AND physically dusabled parents. Cute.
You are right, Cindy, I can’t help everyone! I wish I could