This topic made Loni uncomfortable, she doesn’t like talking about her upbringing. I’m glad that Jeanie posed the question back to her so she could open up some.
@M Muss I think we should keep in mind that out of them all Loni is actually the most emotional, Loni and Tam have cried the most on the show lol So it's not like Loni has never been vulnerable I just think when it comes to certain topics shes learned to suppress those emotions versus other things that affect her that she hasn't had time to suppress if that makes sense
Same! I feel like she has her guard up often. I think it’s sad. I’m a very physically and verbally affectionate person and can’t imagine why someone else wouldn’t be. Nothing beats the touch of a loved one and hearing verbally “I love you”. 🥰
Exactly! Same! I feel like she has her guard up often. I think it’s sad. I’m a very physically and verbally affectionate person and can’t imagine why someone else wouldn’t be. Nothing beats the touch of a loved one and hearing verbally “I love you”. 🥰
There was a short moment in the exchange between Jeannie and Loni that was very pure and honest - something I haven’t seen in any of the seasons before.
Loni tried to divert & overshadow the question with a comment about women of color but Jeanie agreed with the point and got right back to the question she asked. Good stuff Jeanie! Being vulnerable is important for emotional health. Even strong people are soft and they need to embrace that.
After reading Loni’s book I can understand her more and I pray that she gets all the love she missed out on when she was little, my heart goes out to her, and seeing the way she tried to redirect the question away from her shows how she tries to avoid those emotions. Love you Loni!!💜💜
I haven’t read her book. But I have always felt like she is FULL of deep deep feelings and she is bursting with love. It’s almost like you feel so much you can’t talk about it. I get it. Also now I want to read her book lol
I've never read her book but from her demean, the snippets she reveals, her closeness with people while not revealing much of her self, her unwillingness to share and unwillingness to have a child led me to believe that she had a hard childhood. Things she jokes about when it comes to her childhood, even as she laughs I can't help but think, that must have been painful.
Honestly props to Adrienne’s Mum. She was ahead of the curve in so many ways and that unconditional support she’s given Adrienne really shows. Having to recover from family trauma is time consuming, and you always feel one step behind. I.e spending my 20’s now trying to overcome bad behaviours and habits I had ingrained since childhood
Dude same, in my barely 30's still rewiring some stuff from childhood trauma and enforcing boundaries, all boundaries with everyone. Parents please stop silencing and shaming your children when they have boundaries and that includes how comfortable you are with affection. This legit makes children internalize that their needs and wants (which is mostly boundaries) are less important than others and they should sacrifice that for others to stay and love them 😓. Also if anyone is curious about Complex Ptsd/childhood trauma please read, "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker. Complex PTSD also includes emotional abuse and neglect btw.
I feel you, Im 28 and still trying to heal and overcome what I went thru as a child. Sometimes I do feel that my 20s were wasted cuz I was depressed, in pain or grieving. But I remind myself that I'm still young and got so much more life to live. And that there's no real timeline in life!
@@schondra1993 I mean we don't know how much time we have here on life but I do agree with having regrets and shaming your past self is not helpful. Proud of everyone who is self aware and taking responsibility to undo the harmful programming you had as a child 🥰🥰. Just remember we are all works in progress and baby steps eventually lead to dramatically changes.
@@hiboahmed8876 truth lmao. I hate when people press on my emotional boundaries sometimes because I can tell it’s mostly a self absorbed thing (brings them a sense of accomplishment when they make me crack)
thank you, Jeanie, for you pressing Loni on this! Loni is so loving, and it's interesting to hear her perspective on how we communicate love beyond just 'telling'.
That’s why Loni was so hurt by Tamar. For Tamar it might have looked and felt that way in her truth but for Loni that’s the exact opposite of that she stands for. I love Loni. I aspire to be as supportive as she is.
Loni said herself right at the end she’s gonna start crying. I never really had a comforting relationship with either parent or most people in my life so I understand why someone like Loni would feel uncomfortable to verbally express their love for someone. I can’t manage to say it either to anyone
Loni has such a beautiful heart, watching her grow and become more herself over the seasons has been so beautiful to watch. Her being emotional and vulnerable has taught so many strong woman that you can be both. Love her
Although my primary love language is not words of affirmations, I still still tell others, especially my 4 year old daughter who is non-verbal that I love her daily 💖 It's the energy that you bring when saying those words that is powerful, not the words alone 🌟🙌🏽💎💖
Absolutely! Some people say the words so freely like saying hello. It holds no value or sincerity. Excellent point. Sending great energy to you and baby girl 🌸✨
Same - my love language is FAR from being words of affirmation HOWEVER I have to say, my upbringing taught me to accept, digest, and express care for people (specifically family members) by acknowledging that I love them (especially during the holidays) THEREFORE I DO SAY "I love you" to my family with pride.
@@jojoc326 You see, it's saying it with pride that's the energetic power behind the words you use with your loved ones and I absolutely love that! 😍 Empathy, care and understanding goes a long way! 🙌🏽💎💖
I'm Haitian and my parents never said the word but I never needed it because I knew they love and would die for me. My dad was super affectionate, smile at me all the time, spoke softly and made feel like the most beautiful woman and I trust everything he said. My mother has so much confident in me, she beleived I can do anything. She showed me how to be independent and how to care for people. She taught me to share and freely given without expecting anything in returns. She allowed me to be me. they love for me was so pure and freely given. So I don't trust when people said I love you but I recognized it through actions.
Exactly, I just said the same thing. Personally the words ring very hollow and have little significance to me. I grew up similarly and you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t special or live although I never heard those particular words.
That is so beautiful and I’m glad you had that. I knew I was loved but i felt it when I achieved something. Its only recently my mom says how generous I am and caring and that means more to me than her saying how great I am at my job. It communicates I have intrinsic value and unconditional love. I would have loved to see my parents face light up at seeing me or affirming who I was more than what I achieved but like Jeanie I have tried to make the changes, especially in being intentional with celebrating my mom and brother and doing things to make them smile. They haven’t come around to reciprocating it and that’s disappointing but hopefully someday
I think loni is the most empathetic and carries intense feelings and emotions so she has to protect that more but she never has to say anything for the people around her to know that she loves them
Thank you Jeannie ❤ you didn't let Loni get away from sharing her experience. She likes that ya'll do all the talking sometimes now I see that 🤣 sneaky lol
Being showered with "i love you"s is void unless the actions of love are there that back those words. Sure hearing it can reassure you, but baby actions speak louder than words.
My parents, my daddy specifically never really says "I love you". But, I can always feel their love. For every event that I ever had they have been there to support, anything I want to do they support me. It makes when I hear them say I love you make me so much happier.
I grew up in an African household and never heard the words "I love you" from my parents growing up. Ever. even a hug was hard to get but they showed they loved me in their actions (providing food, education etc.) Maybe thats why I'm so affectionate now cause its something I've craved for so long.
@@michaelamitchell1603 You can love from a distance. It's also important to have boundaries and preserve your mental health as well! Sometimes love is telling people the hard truths that they may not necessarily want to hear.
My parents weren’t affectionate, let alone told me ‘I love you’ growing up. Their love for me was shown through gifts and acts of service. Due to them not being raised with much, it means a lot to me bc they provided me with what their parents couldn’t provide for them. With that being said, l still think its important to say I love you. Growing up I needed to hear that, I needed the affection. I was a very self-conscious kid and its sad to admit but I hated myself. I needed to be reassured about the love they hold for me, maybe then I would’ve started to believe that I was important and that I made a difference in their lives and in this world. The way they raised me has taught me something though, love is much more than just a word. If there isn’t action backed behind those three words, it is meaningless.
Adrienne did an interview for Madam Noir when she had just got married. She was with Iz. She said something about Iz loving her like her mom does and i thought that was beautiful. She said that was how she recognized this man loved her.
My mom didn’t always tell me that she loved me but she always showed me love! She was very nurturing, involved and made sure that I had the best that she could afford from clothes, horseback riding lessons, ballet, skating,etc. She sacrificed a lot for me, especially as a single parent! I never went with out! I felt so loved!!
I would say it’s not necessarily an American thing but i feel like in communities of color… whether it’s someone who is a descendant of an immigrant or someone who is like Black or Latino or whatever ! I think it’s more of a thing to hear “ I’m proud of you “ every now and again… more than the words “ I love you “ ‘! Like for me growing up and even now as a twenty year old… words of affirmation is one of my love languages as well as physical touch ! Like growing up I used to hear from women in my family say positively that I was very affectionate and very much in tune with being loving ! And when I have kids I don’t want that to stop ! I think we put so much power into not disappointing our parents… we don’t even feel phased by the phrase “ I love you “ it’s almost as if the achievement is more important than the love ! And I think that’s a unfortunate toxic mentality that needs to be unlearned
It's most definitely not just communities of color that go through that. It may be more common but I can assure you there are tons of white people who have lived this same experience. I actually feel like a lot of the time it can be rooted in religion. It has seemed to me, in my experience, super religious people aren't usually all that affectionate and are quite cold a lot of the time.
I think anyone who’s grown up and consumed Hollywood TV/Films, (Regardless of being American / White) was given this template of what a happy, loving family looks like. All the sitcoms, all the family comedies, all the Christmas movies, it’s all clean, sugary and wrapped in a nice bow. The way those families talk in classic films sounded unnatural to me in real life
It's nice that loni shows up and supports the people that she loves... But I'm sure she also knows that verbalizing one's affection can be just as important... People have different love languages and some, if not all, need to hear it, as well...
Every single day. and Im appreciative I heard it. So blessed. Lonnie should try to let that guard down. Very sad she was trying to deflect and could not answer it.
I agree its an American thing. Growing up I knew my family loves me and we didn’t tell each other “I love you” at all..now that we are grown I feel like we are saying it more often
I feel like loni is the less vulnerable on the show , I can count on one hand the times she has been vulnerable within all seasons. I feel she wished she had that type off love from her mom. And it’s okay to say that. This is not the first time one of the ladies asked her about something personal and she is like 🤷🏽♀️ and then laughs it off. Comedy either hides pain or it releases it. I believe it to be a defense mechanism and also it has a lot to do with how she was raised. However I wouldn’t want to keep that characteristic trait. Some things are generational curses. And it has to to end with us. We aren’t responsible for our childhood but we are responsible for our adulthood. Healing is Necessary folks. Peace! & Blessings!
my mom rarely says I love you whereas my dad says it all the time and I find that I’m like my mom where I rarely say I love you...however with my mom I never doubted she didn’t love me I know she loves me I feel it everyday my mom and I have a bond where we don’t need to say it but we know it and feel it ☺️
certain groups of people carry a cultural trauma. Haitians and Vietnamese are some of those groups. Loving amazing people but have experienced so much pain. If you look in the elders eyes you can feel what they experienced. My Haitian friends parents weren’t affectionate but the new gen is changing that. I don’t think it’s inherent I believe it’s because of the wars and other disasters in those places
This made me think and i can say with all honesty that my parents have never said that they loved me.. BUT they always say when we're fighting "i don't hate you .." which now that i think of it is worse than never saying i love you
I grew up in the Caribbean, my dad taught us to say I love you every night we go to bed. My mom on the other hand, had to beg for her response. Just how it was in my specific house hold. My bros and I still say Love you.
Kids need that, because you don’t want them to look for that missing love in the wrong places. I grew up in a house where my momma and daddy are constantly telling me they love me , giving me hugs, kisses, being my biggest fans in my career, etc., and I’ve had friends who have said it’s weird that they do that, but then they’re asking not-so-great boyfriends or girlfriends to show them that same affection that I’m already getting. And I always respond with, “If my parents aren’t supposed to love me and make me feel at peace in this world, who else will?” Because those are the only people who are supposed to be obligated (IK a lot of peoples parents don’t feel obligated to love their children properly. My biological mother is one of those parents) to love you and make you feel loved!
I don't know that I agree that providing for your kids is love. Some of us were raised in households where I love you wasn't said, where parents didn't take time to get to know you, to build a relationship. Because they were in survival mode, maybe didn't have the time and thought providing is enough. Humans, especially as kids you need emotional attachment and the affection you get or don't get from your parents at a young age can end up affecting your standards and views on love. Imo
No, you're absolutely right. A lot of people think that they're an amazing parent deserving of a relationship with their kid bc they provide for the child that they chose to have, as if that's not the bare minimum. Like, thanks for not letting your child starve?? Lol. There are people that go above and beyond to feed and provide as their love language, and the love is felt. But you cannot do the least and expect closeness and a healthy attachment, all relationships are work!
@@tashingav that part. Especially when they get older, parents start expecting a certain relationship from you, when they didn't take the time to nurture that bond as a child.
Great topic 👏🏽... it's interesting how we all have such different upbringing. Once you're an adult, remember you can break the cycle and show love how you prefer.
I Like that you brought up love languages , people show love in different ways inadvertently the phrase is also used by abusers during the honeymoon phase . In my opinion , children need to have a real perception of what is love from within the family , which is the first institution of socialization . For me i love you came when my mum would cook a big Sunday dinner just to ensure I had a good meal .
I'm begging whoever is uploading to please stop adding cards for the next video while the clip is still playing. BEGGING. It blocks the ladies' faces. I will comment this everyday until y'all listen 😩
Im the same as Loni. My actions will show you how much I love you. I will at least tell you one time though. I don't know about *everyday* S'just unnecessary.
I don't like how my american nieces don't recognize love thru their parents actions and sacrifices. My parents showed us love through actions, care, support and other sacrifices they made for us. They showed pride in our accomplishments. We just know we are loved.
I did hear it a lot fortunately and it was the best feeling ever. I was raised by my grandmother so obviously she had some bias towards me. But my Aunty (mums sister) said that when they were growing up as kids my grandmother would never say it to them because she was very old school, tough love kind of a mother. My aunty had the balls to finally own up to it and say it to her face that she never heard her say "I love you" to them. So because of that confrontation between my aunty and my grandmother, when my grandmother took me in to raise me she always made sure that she said it to me every morning before I left for school and before we went to bed. It really made me feel loved. My grandmother was tough on me growing up I ain't gon lie, but her telling me that she loved me I knew the tough love WAS actually LOVE.
My toxic mother would always say I love you but her actions showed other wise. She would gaslight me and be emotional unavailable. So now whenever she says it... I cringe and feel the room get cold. When my dad says I love you, I feel it to the core and get real emotional.
Sometimes I wish that my father said those words to my sisters, yes he was there for us and try to give us everything that we needed but unfortunately I didn’t hear those words that is why I always tell my sisters that I love them every opportunity that I have since our father is no more alive I just wish they could have hear it from him before he die.
It’s important to say it. We move through the work in action assuming the other knows it’s love but the person we love may not interpret it as that. Particularly with kids, they’re figuring the world out. Just like we spell out things for them so they understand, saying I love you while explaining your choices for them or just randomly saying it when you feel them shows them early on they’re loved rather that waiting for them to know “oh she did that because she loves me”. Actions matter but words do too. Life and death is in the tongue sometimes that includes the absence of words too.
I know my parents love me. My mom would tell me she loved us but wouldn't really hug or kiss us. My dad think told me he loved me like once or twice and felt SO WEIRD. I now have 2 kids of my own and make sure to tell them I love them and hug/kiss them as much as I can. ❤️💜
I never heard it growing up, but I knew that I was loved. Which now I think it's hard for me to receive the words from someone else. My boyfriend's family says it all the time and a lot, when they say it to me it feels so uncomfortable. But I make it a point to say it to my nieces. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable when their loved ones say it.
Garcelle is right, it's not that common where I come from too. One of my friends is also Haitian and she used to talk about how her dad never said it to her. She never believed her dad loved her but I told her that was not true bc my parents never said it to me or my siblings. But we never doubted their love us. It's just not common where I come from. But we r saying it to our children now!
I never grew up hearing "I love you" but then it's a cultural thing because in our country, we dont really say it, it's shown in other ways and felt. Even though I didn't hear it from parents, I know they do! What has happened though is that I don't say it either. It could change though but how you grew up really has a lot to do with it for sure.
Idk if it’s just me but I actually see so much love towards Jeannie now. I feel like Jeannie explained to them why they weren’t invited to the wedding. It was a little weird how they were towards her when she got married but it seems like they solved it all out and there’s so much love among all the ladies now. It’s really good to see that. I wish they would all talk about that and how everyone felt about not being invited to the wedding and how they solved this issue and just love on Jeannie now. Idk I think it’s a good topic and to just show everyone in the world even though this happened we have love for each other.
I like how jeannie just became a thearpist in that moment & always likes to play thearpist for loni or for anyone else on the pannel tbh especially adrienne lmaooo
oh yeah my siblings & I recently discussed this, we couldn’t remember all the times, if any that we heard “I love you” from our parents even thought we knew they did. definitely aspire to like Adriennes mother if I ever get the chance. p.s. waiting for the day Loni tells the ladies she loves them 🤞🏾😂
Not hearing "I love you" from your parents as a child increases the urge to understand what it would sound like or feel like or look like. I don't care how many people try to facade that not hearing it didn't do anything to them because if it hadn't, one would repeat the same actions when in turn having children. We have to keep it 100 and stop excusing their behavior and narrowing it down to oh "it's an American thing," or "it's a Caribbean thing," No, it's a choice each parent makes because humans are selective with who they express their love to, for instance, many women would look a man in the eye no matter how wrong he is for her and tell him she loves him but would never in return take that same approach with their children. I am from the Caribbean and it annoys the hell out of me that everyone tries to excuse these bad habits. So many young girls search and desire the wrong kind of love simply because a parent won't take a minute out of their day to show their kids what it looks like. Why do so many women endure abuse? Why do women stay in relationships that are all wrong for them? We overlook that we are responsible to guide our children and we fail them time after time again. I have had so many issues with my mom with her parenting skills and when I addressed her, I wouldn't accept that bullshit response "you got a roof over your head, or you got food in your tummy,'' no, because that's her job to provide for her children and my sister once said "how could she give you what she's never had?" and my response was "the same way she could give it to her boyfriend, she could in return give it to me." I changed the trajectory of what we were supposed to believe and having kids of my own, I could never imagine waking up or going to sleep without "I love you." You have to show, and say because together they provide a foundation like no other. We all have the capacity to change the cycle that didn't work for us but it is up to us
I disagree. I don’t need to hear “I love you” constantly and wasn’t really told it growing up, and I feel I turned out alright. I show my love for someone through acts of service - there is no need to love bomb people constantly. In fact, some of the most promiscuous and troublesome men and women are the ones who were too indulged and constantly told these three letter words no matter what wrong they committed.
@@AkireMaru It's a controversial conversation and I am simply stating the facts when it comes to a population as opposed to 1 individual so you may fall within that 0.01 percent population of people that turned out fine without hearing “I love you,” and that's ok but put yourself aside and zoom in on how many others are sadly hurting from long-term effects as an adult. There are so many misguided adults because it stemmed from childhood. It is not only about hearing “I love you” but also the actions that are followed through behind not instilling that love it into your children. I was lost most of my adult years trying to mend a broken system for my foundation. People think that a broken system only refers to the government but it's in our homes and communities as well. Years of repeating bad habits and it is the same way with boys growing into men without the involvement of their fathers, sure you may see Shaq or Lebron doing well on the court but don't you think they were affected by the decisions of their father’s that they fought to in return provide a better life for their children? What do you think got them there, the love they received from their mother’s now I'm not saying everyone has to have it right the first time when they become a parent but if we take a deeper look at consideration, it will make a difference.
@@dazzlindymond3739 You’ve veered off topic. An absent father was not the topic of this conversation nor was it anything I referred to. Yes, of course, absent fathers, by choice, can affect a child’s psyche. But the topic is about living in a home where the family member you interact with is very present in your life but doesn’t frequently say the words “I love you.”
I'm with Loni, my love for you is in the way I show up for you and I show it through service. Also, I didn't grow up hearing it from my parents/family though I knew they did. But I wouldn't change anything... Because I didn't hear it regularly growing up, now I don't use it loosely as an adult. 🤷🏾
I’m glad Jeannie pushed Loni to answer the question. I wish Loni would open up more and I think when she does open up she gets emotional quickly because she doesn’t do it often.
I am from the Caribbean and I am fortunate that I heard I love you from my mom all the time. Which extended to my siblings. But my dad not so much. His love language is acts of service. I also know that that is a cultural thing because Caribbean people are not often very free with their emotions. My mom just really wanted differently for her children because her mom was not very affectionate but her dad was.
My mother loved me to bits. She never said, but she showered us with so much love and we all came out fine. And post our parents, we are a strong unity, because we were taught love without being verbalized.
Makes sense why I learned to not trust or believe people. My mother never showed me any affection and when she did it was a display she put on for others. Once back home, I was ignored. Just learned to never believe a person at face value.
I've never thought of it. But, Agree with the ladies. It's an American thing. I don't think my father and mother told me as a child they love me. Now that I'm almost 41 I actually hear it. I was raised in the states, but go back and forth from PR. So it's definitely something I want my children to know and nephews.
omg I absolutely adore Loni!! Lonnie you are the best! You’re always looking out for your girls, you are always supportive of them, you were always encouraging and so positive and real. You’re the best and I’m so happy that you’re on the show🤗🤗🤗
Gracelle is right this is definitely Western and especially American! Not all cultures express love this way. As a daughter of immigrants I know my parents love me without hearing 'I love you'//💙💫
Can we talk about the people that say it too much though lmao like girls be like I loveeee youuuu to any and everyone and then crying because they don't know the real meaning of love.
I didn't hear I love you from my mom, and I still don't. I do hear it from my grandma and Uncle. I'm honestly not sure why my mom never tells my sister's and I, but it's too uncomfortable to ask her. But I'm a new parent and want to make sure my son hears it from me.
![[Full Episode] Asking a Woman If She's Pregnant](/img/1.gif)
This topic made Loni uncomfortable, she doesn’t like talking about her upbringing. I’m glad that Jeanie posed the question back to her so she could open up some.
Loni tries her darnest not to be vulnerable or transparent.
I think You are correct.❤
@M Muss yeah, and I like how Jeannie put it back on her she was really to deflect
@M Muss is it the whole point? When did the show become all about Ther personal lives and deepest inner traumas? That’s a bit much
It's Loni's life her business!! 🤷🏾♀️
@M Muss I think we should keep in mind that out of them all Loni is actually the most emotional, Loni and Tam have cried the most on the show lol So it's not like Loni has never been vulnerable I just think when it comes to certain topics shes learned to suppress those emotions versus other things that affect her that she hasn't had time to suppress if that makes sense
I'm glad they asked Loni specifically cause I don't tend to hear her personal views often
Same! I feel like she has her guard up often. I think it’s sad. I’m a very physically and verbally affectionate person and can’t imagine why someone else wouldn’t be. Nothing beats the touch of a loved one and hearing verbally “I love you”. 🥰
@@sammierose1150 It'd have been nice to get to know you. 🙂
@@sammierose1150 because when you're not used to it, it feels invasive and uncomfortable.
I like what Jeannie was doing there with Loni. 😏 She got dem walls up!! Tear ‘em down!
Exactly! Same! I feel like she has her guard up often. I think it’s sad. I’m a very physically and verbally affectionate person and can’t imagine why someone else wouldn’t be. Nothing beats the touch of a loved one and hearing verbally “I love you”. 🥰
I liked that too she has so many walls up n you can't talk about certain issues to avoid offending her but she says whatever she wants to others
There was a short moment in the exchange between Jeannie and Loni that was very pure and honest - something I haven’t seen in any of the seasons before.
same i noticed that too it was beautiful to see
The best part of the real ❤️
Loni tried to divert & overshadow the question with a comment about women of color but Jeanie agreed with the point and got right back to the question she asked. Good stuff Jeanie! Being vulnerable is important for emotional health. Even strong people are soft and they need to embrace that.
After reading Loni’s book I can understand her more and I pray that she gets all the love she missed out on when she was little, my heart goes out to her, and seeing the way she tried to redirect the question away from her shows how she tries to avoid those emotions. Love you Loni!!💜💜
I haven’t read her book. But I have always felt like she is FULL of deep deep feelings and she is bursting with love. It’s almost like you feel so much you can’t talk about it. I get it. Also now I want to read her book lol
I feel like Loni knows she'll cry cause gets teary eyed with these emotional things so she was just trying not to get mushy. Thats cute
I need to get Loni’s book.
I've never read her book but from her demean, the snippets she reveals, her closeness with people while not revealing much of her self, her unwillingness to share and unwillingness to have a child led me to believe that she had a hard childhood. Things she jokes about when it comes to her childhood, even as she laughs I can't help but think, that must have been painful.
Can you tell me the name of her book
Honestly props to Adrienne’s Mum. She was ahead of the curve in so many ways and that unconditional support she’s given Adrienne really shows. Having to recover from family trauma is time consuming, and you always feel one step behind. I.e spending my 20’s now trying to overcome bad behaviours and habits I had ingrained since childhood
Dude same, in my barely 30's still rewiring some stuff from childhood trauma and enforcing boundaries, all boundaries with everyone. Parents please stop silencing and shaming your children when they have boundaries and that includes how comfortable you are with affection. This legit makes children internalize that their needs and wants (which is mostly boundaries) are less important than others and they should sacrifice that for others to stay and love them 😓.
Also if anyone is curious about Complex Ptsd/childhood trauma please read, "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker. Complex PTSD also includes emotional abuse and neglect btw.
I feel you, Im 28 and still trying to heal and overcome what I went thru as a child. Sometimes I do feel that my 20s were wasted cuz I was depressed, in pain or grieving. But I remind myself that I'm still young and got so much more life to live. And that there's no real timeline in life!
@@schondra1993 I mean we don't know how much time we have here on life but I do agree with having regrets and shaming your past self is not helpful.
Proud of everyone who is self aware and taking responsibility to undo the harmful programming you had as a child 🥰🥰.
Just remember we are all works in progress and baby steps eventually lead to dramatically changes.
"I'm proud of you." Is another phrase I love to see parents say to their children.
I hope James tells Loni he loves her, you can tell Loni likes to hear it even if she doesn't say it much :).
I think Loni was 2 questions away of crying before they cut to the break
Yep
That’s what she doesn’t want to do. And Jeannie pressing her but will just stare at her when she cries. Lol like please respect people’s boundaries
Yes I felt it as well. Baby girl always crying lol Love her!
@@hiboahmed8876 truth lmao. I hate when people press on my emotional boundaries sometimes because I can tell it’s mostly a self absorbed thing (brings them a sense of accomplishment when they make me crack)
@@hitthefries thats the vibe I get from jeannie. Like its not really about loni.
Loni is extremely loving but she's old school, she doesn't say it.
Old school is good. This generation is overly sensitive, scary, selfish, and self absorbed.
@@canadamonroe6229 I don’t know though, if I love someone I let them know. Sometimes people need to hear it to believe it.
@@blessedsoul324 💯💯
thank you, Jeanie, for you pressing Loni on this! Loni is so loving, and it's interesting to hear her perspective on how we communicate love beyond just 'telling'.
Aww I love Loni! She is like my husband, he doesn't say it all the time, but will cheer you on and do everything he can for you!
That’s why Loni was so hurt by Tamar. For Tamar it might have looked and felt that way in her truth but for Loni that’s the exact opposite of that she stands for. I love Loni. I aspire to be as supportive as she is.
Loni said herself right at the end she’s gonna start crying. I never really had a comforting relationship with either parent or most people in my life so I understand why someone like Loni would feel uncomfortable to verbally express their love for someone. I can’t manage to say it either to anyone
Loni has such a beautiful heart, watching her grow and become more herself over the seasons has been so beautiful to watch. Her being emotional and vulnerable has taught so many strong woman that you can be both. Love her
I LOVE YOU (whoever needs to hear it) 😘
thank u
My Dad always and even til this day gives the best hugs and always tells me he loves me. At 44 it still means the world to me.
Although my primary love language is not words of affirmations, I still still tell others, especially my 4 year old daughter who is non-verbal that I love her daily 💖 It's the energy that you bring when saying those words that is powerful, not the words alone 🌟🙌🏽💎💖
Absolutely! Some people say the words so freely like saying hello. It holds no value or sincerity. Excellent point.
Sending great energy to you and baby girl 🌸✨
@@jerrseyy1088 So true! 💯 Thank you for sending great energetic vibes our way! 🌟 Received with gratitude! 🙏🏽💎💖
Same - my love language is FAR from being words of affirmation HOWEVER I have to say, my upbringing taught me to accept, digest, and express care for people (specifically family members) by acknowledging that I love them (especially during the holidays) THEREFORE I DO SAY "I love you" to my family with pride.
@@jojoc326 You see, it's saying it with pride that's the energetic power behind the words you use with your loved ones and I absolutely love that! 😍 Empathy, care and understanding goes a long way! 🙌🏽💎💖
I'm Haitian and my parents never said the word but I never needed it because I knew they love and would die for me. My dad was super affectionate, smile at me all the time, spoke softly and made feel like the most beautiful woman and I trust everything he said. My mother has so much confident in me, she beleived I can do anything. She showed me how to be independent and how to care for people. She taught me to share and freely given without expecting anything in returns. She allowed me to be me. they love for me was so pure and freely given. So I don't trust when people said I love you but I recognized it through actions.
Beautiful
Same here!
Exactly, I just said the same thing. Personally the words ring very hollow and have little significance to me. I grew up similarly and you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t special or live although I never heard those particular words.
That is so beautiful and I’m glad you had that. I knew I was loved but i felt it when I achieved something. Its only recently my mom says how generous I am and caring and that means more to me than her saying how great I am at my job. It communicates I have intrinsic value and unconditional love. I would have loved to see my parents face light up at seeing me or affirming who I was more than what I achieved but like Jeanie I have tried to make the changes, especially in being intentional with celebrating my mom and brother and doing things to make them smile. They haven’t come around to reciprocating it and that’s disappointing but hopefully someday
What beautiful words to describe your parents, you’ve really painted a picture of them, they sound wonderful 💖
I do have to stick up for Loni because I have heard her say she loves them in older episodes.
I think loni is the most empathetic and carries intense feelings and emotions so she has to protect that more but she never has to say anything for the people around her to know that she loves them
Thank you Jeannie ❤ you didn't let Loni get away from sharing her experience. She likes that ya'll do all the talking sometimes now I see that 🤣 sneaky lol
Being showered with "i love you"s is void unless the actions of love are there that back those words. Sure hearing it can reassure you, but baby actions speak louder than words.
My parents, my daddy specifically never really says "I love you". But, I can always feel their love. For every event that I ever had they have been there to support, anything I want to do they support me. It makes when I hear them say I love you make me so much happier.
No questions, Loni loves her girls! Even if you don’t hear her say it, you can see it on many occasions how much she truly loves and cares for them
I think Loni love language is petnames. When she calles you boo boo you know you in her heart 😂😂😂
I grew up in an African household and never heard the words "I love you" from my parents growing up. Ever. even a hug was hard to get but they showed they loved me in their actions (providing food, education etc.)
Maybe thats why I'm so affectionate now cause its something I've craved for so long.
Words of affirmation are SO important! Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed so be sure to tell your loved ones that you love them TODAY! ❤️
I agree however sometimes it’s hard to love our loved ones who are toxic. Ijs
@@michaelamitchell1603 You can love from a distance. It's also important to have boundaries and preserve your mental health as well! Sometimes love is telling people the hard truths that they may not necessarily want to hear.
I agree be intentional with loving and saying I love you 💗
My parents weren’t affectionate, let alone told me ‘I love you’ growing up. Their love for me was shown through gifts and acts of service. Due to them not being raised with much, it means a lot to me bc they provided me with what their parents couldn’t provide for them. With that being said, l still think its important to say I love you. Growing up I needed to hear that, I needed the affection. I was a very self-conscious kid and its sad to admit but I hated myself. I needed to be reassured about the love they hold for me, maybe then I would’ve started to believe that I was important and that I made a difference in their lives and in this world.
The way they raised me has taught me something though, love is much more than just a word. If there isn’t action backed behind those three words, it is meaningless.
Adrienne did an interview for Madam Noir when she had just got married. She was with Iz. She said something about Iz loving her like her mom does and i thought that was beautiful. She said that was how she recognized this man loved her.
so sad, could never imagine my mother not saying I love you to me... she's so affectionate and we say I love you everyday!!!
My mom didn’t always tell me that she loved me but she always showed me love! She was very nurturing, involved and made sure that I had the best that she could afford from clothes, horseback riding lessons, ballet, skating,etc. She sacrificed a lot for me, especially as a single parent! I never went with out! I felt so loved!!
❤️
I would say it’s not necessarily an American thing but i feel like in communities of color… whether it’s someone who is a descendant of an immigrant or someone who is like Black or Latino or whatever ! I think it’s more of a thing to hear “ I’m proud of you “ every now and again… more than the words “ I love you “ ‘! Like for me growing up and even now as a twenty year old… words of affirmation is one of my love languages as well as physical touch ! Like growing up I used to hear from women in my family say positively that I was very affectionate and very much in tune with being loving ! And when I have kids I don’t want that to stop ! I think we put so much power into not disappointing our parents… we don’t even feel phased by the phrase “ I love you “ it’s almost as if the achievement is more important than the love ! And I think that’s a unfortunate toxic mentality that needs to be unlearned
It's most definitely not just communities of color that go through that. It may be more common but I can assure you there are tons of white people who have lived this same experience. I actually feel like a lot of the time it can be rooted in religion. It has seemed to me, in my experience, super religious people aren't usually all that affectionate and are quite cold a lot of the time.
Trust me as someone who is not American it’s not a race thing it’s an American thing.
AS poc were all raised on tough Love because this world wont accept you unless youre blonde hair blue eyes
I think anyone who’s grown up and consumed Hollywood TV/Films, (Regardless of being American / White) was given this template of what a happy, loving family looks like. All the sitcoms, all the family comedies, all the Christmas movies, it’s all clean, sugary and wrapped in a nice bow. The way those families talk in classic films sounded unnatural to me in real life
It’s an American thing for sure because I know with certainty that it’s not common to say I love you often in Europe, especially in the UK.
It's nice that loni shows up and supports the people that she loves... But I'm sure she also knows that verbalizing one's affection can be just as important... People have different love languages and some, if not all, need to hear it, as well...
Every single day. and Im appreciative I heard it. So blessed. Lonnie should try to let that guard down. Very sad she was trying to deflect and could not answer it.
My mom didn’t say it, but my grandmother would say it and you could tell this was new for her and I could tell she liked it. My son and I say it. 🙏🏽
I agree its an American thing. Growing up I knew my family loves me and we didn’t tell each other “I love you” at all..now that we are grown I feel like we are saying it more often
I feel like loni is the less vulnerable on the show , I can count on one hand the times she has been vulnerable within all seasons. I feel she wished she had that type off love from her mom. And it’s okay to say that. This is not the first time one of the ladies asked her about something personal and she is like 🤷🏽♀️ and then laughs it off. Comedy either hides pain or it releases it. I believe it to be a defense mechanism and also it has a lot to do with how she was raised. However I wouldn’t want to keep that characteristic trait. Some things are generational curses. And it has to to end with us. We aren’t responsible for our childhood but we are responsible for our adulthood. Healing is Necessary folks. Peace! & Blessings!
my mom rarely says I love you whereas my dad says it all the time and I find that I’m like my mom where I rarely say I love you...however with my mom I never doubted she didn’t love me I know she loves me I feel it everyday my mom and I have a bond where we don’t need to say it but we know it and feel it ☺️
certain groups of people carry a cultural trauma. Haitians and Vietnamese are some of those groups. Loving amazing people but have experienced so much pain. If you look in the elders eyes you can feel what they experienced. My Haitian friends parents weren’t affectionate but the new gen is changing that. I don’t think it’s inherent I believe it’s because of the wars and other disasters in those places
Nothing to do with wars. China hasn’t truly had a war and they are the same way. Same in a lot of Asian and African nations. It’s just the culture.
Absolutely E MK!
This made me think and i can say with all honesty that my parents have never said that they loved me.. BUT they always say when we're fighting "i don't hate you .." which now that i think of it is worse than never saying i love you
Omg!
I grew up in the Caribbean, my dad taught us to say I love you every night we go to bed. My mom on the other hand, had to beg for her response. Just how it was in my specific house hold. My bros and I still say Love you.
Kids need that, because you don’t want them to look for that missing love in the wrong places. I grew up in a house where my momma and daddy are constantly telling me they love me , giving me hugs, kisses, being my biggest fans in my career, etc., and I’ve had friends who have said it’s weird that they do that, but then they’re asking not-so-great boyfriends or girlfriends to show them that same affection that I’m already getting. And I always respond with, “If my parents aren’t supposed to love me and make me feel at peace in this world, who else will?” Because those are the only people who are supposed to be obligated (IK a lot of peoples parents don’t feel obligated to love their children properly. My biological mother is one of those parents) to love you and make you feel loved!
I don't know that I agree that providing for your kids is love. Some of us were raised in households where I love you wasn't said, where parents didn't take time to get to know you, to build a relationship. Because they were in survival mode, maybe didn't have the time and thought providing is enough. Humans, especially as kids you need emotional attachment and the affection you get or don't get from your parents at a young age can end up affecting your standards and views on love. Imo
yup the effects of this are real. some people can grow up with emotionally immature parents and its super tough on a kid's growing up
No, you're absolutely right. A lot of people think that they're an amazing parent deserving of a relationship with their kid bc they provide for the child that they chose to have, as if that's not the bare minimum. Like, thanks for not letting your child starve?? Lol. There are people that go above and beyond to feed and provide as their love language, and the love is felt. But you cannot do the least and expect closeness and a healthy attachment, all relationships are work!
Yes, I completely agree Natasha. Beautifully articulated! 👏🏽
@@tashingav that part. Especially when they get older, parents start expecting a certain relationship from you, when they didn't take the time to nurture that bond as a child.
I totally agree with this
People show love differently.. I prefer action over words when showing love to me 🙃
Why choose when you can have both though?
Great topic 👏🏽... it's interesting how we all have such different upbringing. Once you're an adult, remember you can break the cycle and show love how you prefer.
I Like that you brought up love languages , people show love in different ways inadvertently the phrase is also used by abusers during the honeymoon phase . In my opinion , children need to have a real perception of what is love from within the family , which is the first institution of socialization . For me i love you came when my mum would cook a big Sunday dinner just to ensure I had a good meal .
I'm begging whoever is uploading to please stop adding cards for the next video while the clip is still playing. BEGGING. It blocks the ladies' faces. I will comment this everyday until y'all listen 😩
Im the same as Loni. My actions will show you how much I love you. I will at least tell you one time though. I don't know about *everyday* S'just unnecessary.
I don't like how my american nieces don't recognize love thru their parents actions and sacrifices.
My parents showed us love through actions, care, support and other sacrifices they made for us. They showed pride in our accomplishments. We just know we are loved.
As an american i don't think its an american thing at all.
I did hear it a lot fortunately and it was the best feeling ever. I was raised by my grandmother so obviously she had some bias towards me. But my Aunty (mums sister) said that when they were growing up as kids my grandmother would never say it to them because she was very old school, tough love kind of a mother. My aunty had the balls to finally own up to it and say it to her face that she never heard her say "I love you" to them. So because of that confrontation between my aunty and my grandmother, when my grandmother took me in to raise me she always made sure that she said it to me every morning before I left for school and before we went to bed. It really made me feel loved. My grandmother was tough on me growing up I ain't gon lie, but her telling me that she loved me I knew the tough love WAS actually LOVE.
I heard “I love you “ from both parents growing up everyday
My toxic mother would always say I love you but her actions showed other wise. She would gaslight me and be emotional unavailable. So now whenever she says it... I cringe and feel the room get cold. When my dad says I love you, I feel it to the core and get real emotional.
Sometimes I wish that my father said those words to my sisters, yes he was there for us and try to give us everything that we needed but unfortunately I didn’t hear those words that is why I always tell my sisters that I love them every opportunity that I have since our father is no more alive I just wish they could have hear it from him before he die.
It’s important to say it. We move through the work in action assuming the other knows it’s love but the person we love may not interpret it as that.
Particularly with kids, they’re figuring the world out. Just like we spell out things for them so they understand, saying I love you while explaining your choices for them or just randomly saying it when you feel them shows them early on they’re loved rather that waiting for them to know “oh she did that because she loves me”.
Actions matter but words do too. Life and death is in the tongue sometimes that includes the absence of words too.
I know my parents love me. My mom would tell me she loved us but wouldn't really hug or kiss us. My dad think told me he loved me like once or twice and felt SO WEIRD. I now have 2 kids of my own and make sure to tell them I love them and hug/kiss them as much as I can. ❤️💜
Jeannie is right! Initiate the things you want with your parents. Hopefully they qre open to recieve it.
Adrienne im loving the cascadows/ cornrows gurrllllll!!!!;)
I never heard it growing up, but I knew that I was loved. Which now I think it's hard for me to receive the words from someone else. My boyfriend's family says it all the time and a lot, when they say it to me it feels so uncomfortable. But I make it a point to say it to my nieces. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable when their loved ones say it.
Garcelle is right, it's not that common where I come from too. One of my friends is also Haitian and she used to talk about how her dad never said it to her. She never believed her dad loved her but I told her that was not true bc my parents never said it to me or my siblings. But we never doubted their love us. It's just not common where I come from. But we r saying it to our children now!
I’m with Loni. Saying it isn’t that big of a deal to me. Like who cares? It how you treat people and how you show out for them more to me.
This show should be a podcast
I never grew up hearing "I love you" but then it's a cultural thing because in our country, we dont really say it, it's shown in other ways and felt. Even though I didn't hear it from parents, I know they do! What has happened though is that I don't say it either. It could change though but how you grew up really has a lot to do with it for sure.
Idk if it’s just me but I actually see so much love towards Jeannie now. I feel like Jeannie explained to them why they weren’t invited to the wedding. It was a little weird how they were towards her when she got married but it seems like they solved it all out and there’s so much love among all the ladies now. It’s really good to see that. I wish they would all talk about that and how everyone felt about not being invited to the wedding and how they solved this issue and just love on Jeannie now. Idk I think it’s a good topic and to just show everyone in the world even though this happened we have love for each other.
I like how jeannie just became a thearpist in that moment & always likes to play thearpist for loni or for anyone else on the pannel tbh especially adrienne lmaooo
I think its child abuse not to tell your children that you love them.
WOW!!
oh yeah my siblings & I recently discussed this, we couldn’t remember all the times, if any that we heard “I love you” from our parents even thought we knew they did. definitely aspire to like Adriennes mother if I ever get the chance.
p.s. waiting for the day Loni tells the ladies she loves them 🤞🏾😂
Not hearing "I love you" from your parents as a child increases the urge to understand what it would sound like or feel like or look like. I don't care how many people try to facade that not hearing it didn't do anything to them because if it hadn't, one would repeat the same actions when in turn having children. We have to keep it 100 and stop excusing their behavior and narrowing it down to oh "it's an American thing," or "it's a Caribbean thing," No, it's a choice each parent makes because humans are selective with who they express their love to, for instance, many women would look a man in the eye no matter how wrong he is for her and tell him she loves him but would never in return take that same approach with their children. I am from the Caribbean and it annoys the hell out of me that everyone tries to excuse these bad habits. So many young girls search and desire the wrong kind of love simply because a parent won't take a minute out of their day to show their kids what it looks like. Why do so many women endure abuse? Why do women stay in relationships that are all wrong for them? We overlook that we are responsible to guide our children and we fail them time after time again. I have had so many issues with my mom with her parenting skills and when I addressed her, I wouldn't accept that bullshit response "you got a roof over your head, or you got food in your tummy,'' no, because that's her job to provide for her children and my sister once said "how could she give you what she's never had?" and my response was "the same way she could give it to her boyfriend, she could in return give it to me." I changed the trajectory of what we were supposed to believe and having kids of my own, I could never imagine waking up or going to sleep without "I love you." You have to show, and say because together they provide a foundation like no other. We all have the capacity to change the cycle that didn't work for us but it is up to us
I disagree. I don’t need to hear “I love you” constantly and wasn’t really told it growing up, and I feel I turned out alright. I show my love for someone through acts of service - there is no need to love bomb people constantly. In fact, some of the most promiscuous and troublesome men and women are the ones who were too indulged and constantly told these three letter words no matter what wrong they committed.
I agree with you. Choi seems to need to work through that. Does have to be a love bomb. But words are important not just actions.
I agree with your words completely. If only they could pin this comment.
@@AkireMaru It's a controversial conversation and I am simply stating the facts when it comes to a population as opposed to 1 individual so you may fall within that 0.01 percent population of people that turned out fine without hearing “I love you,” and that's ok but put yourself aside and zoom in on how many others are sadly hurting from long-term effects as an adult. There are so many misguided adults because it stemmed from childhood. It is not only about hearing “I love you” but also the actions that are followed through behind not instilling that love it into your children. I was lost most of my adult years trying to mend a broken system for my foundation. People think that a broken system only refers to the government but it's in our homes and communities as well. Years of repeating bad habits and it is the same way with boys growing into men without the involvement of their fathers, sure you may see Shaq or Lebron doing well on the court but don't you think they were affected by the decisions of their father’s that they fought to in return provide a better life for their children? What do you think got them there, the love they received from their mother’s now I'm not saying everyone has to have it right the first time when they become a parent but if we take a deeper look at consideration, it will make a difference.
@@dazzlindymond3739 You’ve veered off topic. An absent father was not the topic of this conversation nor was it anything I referred to. Yes, of course, absent fathers, by choice, can affect a child’s psyche. But the topic is about living in a home where the family member you interact with is very present in your life but doesn’t frequently say the words “I love you.”
I'm with Loni, my love for you is in the way I show up for you and I show it through service.
Also, I didn't grow up hearing it from my parents/family though I knew they did.
But I wouldn't change anything... Because I didn't hear it regularly growing up, now I don't use it loosely as an adult. 🤷🏾
I’m glad Jeannie pushed Loni to answer the question. I wish Loni would open up more and I think when she does open up she gets emotional quickly because she doesn’t do it often.
I am from the Caribbean and I am fortunate that I heard I love you from my mom all the time. Which extended to my siblings. But my dad not so much. His love language is acts of service. I also know that that is a cultural thing because Caribbean people are not often very free with their emotions. My mom just really wanted differently for her children because her mom was not very affectionate but her dad was.
'Talking about US Americans'....Talking about all of US!" Love love Jeannie!!!!!!
My mother loved me to bits. She never said, but she showered us with so much love and we all came out fine. And post our parents, we are a strong unity, because we were taught love without being verbalized.
Makes sense why I learned to not trust or believe people. My mother never showed me any affection and when she did it was a display she put on for others. Once back home, I was ignored. Just learned to never believe a person at face value.
Never. But, I knew I was loved. It was the act of love that mattered not the flimsy words.
My mom says I love you all the time but my dad is not the type who shows his emotions its just who he is but I know he loves me and my siblings.
I've never thought of it. But, Agree with the ladies. It's an American thing. I don't think my father and mother told me as a child they love me. Now that I'm almost 41 I actually hear it. I was raised in the states, but go back and forth from PR. So it's definitely something I want my children to know and nephews.
I'm American and I don't ever remember hearing my mom said she loved me...definitely wish I hear it
Respect is love. Words don't mean much if not followed by actions.
I agree with Garcell and Jeanie 100%
I love this conversation. Great topic.
omg I absolutely adore Loni!! Lonnie you are the best! You’re always looking out for your girls, you are always supportive of them, you were always encouraging and so positive and real. You’re the best and I’m so happy that you’re on the show🤗🤗🤗
Im with Loni! Talk is cheap. Prove it to me by your actions!
Loni makes sures everyone answer the question but refused to engage. 🥺
Whew! I am LOVING Jeannie’s outfit!! 😍
I feel like Loni didn’t experience love as a child
Adrienne looks soo beautiful today. Love her makeup
Everyone has a different love language, we don’t need to say it all the time
Gracelle is right this is definitely Western and especially American! Not all cultures express love this way. As a daughter of immigrants I know my parents love me without hearing 'I love you'//💙💫
I never heard it now that I am hearing it I embrace it but I always tell my children but they never say it back
Can we talk about the people that say it too much though lmao like girls be like I loveeee youuuu to any and everyone and then crying because they don't know the real meaning of love.
My grandma is just like lonis mom. Like “you ain’t starving” “are you cold” well then there ya go! 😂❤️
If I leave a room my son MUST say I love you 😘 he super loving and Im not at all lol
I love how they flipped the script on Loni
Yeah and she tried to get out of it lmaooo 😊
Loni tried so hard to get out of that one 😁 love you Loni!!
I didn't hear I love you from my mom, and I still don't. I do hear it from my grandma and Uncle. I'm honestly not sure why my mom never tells my sister's and I, but it's too uncomfortable to ask her. But I'm a new parent and want to make sure my son hears it from me.
I loooooooove how intimate and comfortable the conversations get without an audience this is such a good season!!
Loni re-directed Jeannie's question and she didn't answer it, 😳