My Wife Owes $350,000 In Student Loans!
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2019
- My Wife Owes $350,000 In Student Loans!
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He sounds Korean, his accent and his name is Yong. Many Korean elder parents expect their grown up children to take care of them. My mother (Korean) took care of her mom and lived with us until she passed away. Fortunately for me and my brothers, our mother became Americanized and built/saved wealth so her and my father would retire without them being a burden on us.
Mexicans too. They take care of you 18 years and expect you to take care of them for the rest of their lives.
It's more of a cultural thing in many aspects.
Roxcyn, How does a parent expect their childern to become successful in life when their childern are spending a good majority of their time taking care of their parents? They can't. This is why parents shouldn't do that to their childern. It's not fair for the childern to be placed with that type of burden, because their parents expected their childern to take care of them for the rest of their lives. I would never want to do that to my childern.
@No name ok Exactly.
E Mansini same in African, Indian,Hispanic culture! Except white culture
That conversation will never happen. In some cultures the parents believe their children owe them and their children are their retirement plan. This is a case of that.
Rich Action Exactly. And they’ll guilt trip you and shame you if you don’t. Kids are the retirement plan for many people.
Yeah youll never convince someone with an Asian accent that its not their responsibility to do everything for their parents.
@@john1425 depend on the dude, im asian and i ignore my parent ridiculous guilt trip.
Jimmy Bob Not true. My in laws don’t expect us to help them at all monetarily.
@@zee9709 But do you have an accent?
"I'm living with my parents...errr..my parents are living with me." I think this speaks to the mindset of many Americans who come from cultures where the parents live you most of your life after you become an adult.
I don’t think his parents are going to like this “discussion”. I hope everything works out for him though 😬
Hope everything works out for his parents you must mean?
In this guys case, his parents see him as the retirement plan. This is common where parents don’t save for themselves but instead “invest” in their children.
LTJuni0r this is common in other cultures and is Jon negotiable.
This is how my wife's parents are. She wants to give them money ... take them on trips.
When we got married I said no. We have kids now and they had their shot at life. Plus you got 6 sisters who should be helping. Thank goodness they don't live in my house.
KZamora, exactly. These types of parents don't realize how much stress they put their kids under when they do that. I would feel down right embarrassed and ashamed if i put my kids through that. I don't mind helping parents out as they get older, but i will not have them get this idea in their heads that when they get older, they just expect me to provide for all their needs as if i owe them a favor for raising me.
@Steel City 1981 - too bad the parents don’t have the mindset where they have pride in standing on their own, instead of expecting to live with the young couple. This is a good way to chase off a potential wife if she learns her husband going to have his parents living with them. And a young couple should not assume parents will provide free day care. Maybe that works in some cultures, but I couldn’t handle that. How would the parents feel if they hit the lottery and a young couple looked at THAT and expected the parents to provide for them? Each couple should be allowed/expected to have their own household.
SteelCity1981, doesn't that depend on how your parents took care of you? I don't take care of my parents currently as they are self sufficient but they took care of all my needs and hence I have no debt. If the need would ever arise, I wouldn't hesitate even once to take care of my parents as I know how much they sacrificed to take care of me and my sibling. In this case we do not get the whole picture. But for a household making about $250K plus the parents income of $40K shouldn't be an issue. Instead of paying atleast $7000-$10,000 on rent somewhere else, the parents can stay with the son and could be a happy family.
As an Asian, it is a totally different culture, not that parents expect their children to take care of them but children feel that in their parents' old age, they should take care of their parents as good children. This discussion will not go well with the parents in my opinion and will lead to drama in the family and bad relationships.
On a side note, my sister is a dentist (NYU, 270k debt) and trust me, eventually, she will end up making so much money that you don't need to worry about any debt. Selling the house with just 50K equity is a poor idea. Here is my advice which Dave forgot to mention since you are already comfortable with living with 1 salary, dump all of wife's salary into loan and DO NOT UPGRADE THE lifestyle. 100K is more than enough to live a comfortable life and any additional income should all go into the student loan and kill it in 3 years or 4 years tops.
In the grand scheme of things, 4 years are nothing, you get to keep the house, pay off the loan and maintain family peace.
Solid Snake plus the parents 50k lol
The husband and wife lives separately. She still needs to maintain her lifestyle if they are not living together.
@@marieabner that's only 9 more months. hes talking about once she's done.
This is exactly the advice that Dave should have given.
NEEDS VS WANTS. LIFESTYLE VS REALITY.
HUMANS CAN OVERSPEND.
ZERO chance he is kicking his parents out, period. Not judging but Dave it will not happen.
Yes it is very much like Asian culture that we take care of our parents when they are older because they have taken care of us when we were younger. We don't just dump our parents at a convalescent home and see them once every month or every few months like most American families do.
Eric Chan, Well in america, most parents don't like placing that type of burden and stress on their kids. Most of us don't become parents, just to expect favors later on from our kids to take care of us in return. As for putting parents in convalescent homes, it's not that kids want to do that to their parents, it's heartbreaking. It's the fact that the kids simply have no other choice but to do that in most cases. Do you know how hard it is to have a family, career and trying to provide round the clock care for your elderly parents, all at the same time? It's very stressful. Many people can't do such a thing without it greatly effecting their lives to the point where it puts them under a lot of emotional and financial stress. I've seen families go into large amounts of debt and even go bankrupt trying to take care of their elderly parents. It's not a burden that any parent should ever want to put their kids through.
@@SteelRhinoXpress Two sides of the coin for sure. Eric is right in the west we're quick to relegate the 'rents to an old person home and maybe bring the grand kids over every month or so, out of sight out of mind.
But I do find it distasteful to raise kids with the expectation they'll care for you. A hundred years back on a farm it was a necessity. It isn't as often now. I've read so, so many posts on personal finance forums about financially inept parents who blow everything, with no discipline, and expect their kids to cover their retirement.
Yes, and if the family can't understand the fact he cant afford to take care of them like they are his pet, then he needs a new family.
SteelCity1981 that’s a fair point. Different Cultures
She needs to go back to school and get a tuba degree.
Possibly minor in History as well
I saw what you did there
Don't forget the masters in left-handed puppetry.
@@salvadorcorona-virus7854 - me, too. 🤭😂
This tuba degree won't die. 🤣😂
Sell the house get a three bedroom apartment the both of them can pay off the loan and buy another house in abt five years..... the parents can still be with them
This is my biggest fear. It’s hard finding a woman my age that’s debt free.
People should be debt free before entering into any relationship its not fair on the other person.
Good luck finding one. They are there but you will never find them if you go out looking. Just live your life and God will find you the right one.
April Showers I’m talking about debt in general. Car loans, credit cards etc. unless it’s a house
@April Showers You are right. College educated women are the worst.
Once you marry her she'll be debt free
Wow, I’m amazed at how many people who knows nothing about asian culture and traditions can get so judgmental and starts running their mouth after hearing a single call from a total stranger.
Btw, there’s nothing wrong with taking care of your parents. It shouldn’t be just a culture thing, it should be a HUMAN thing. We’d see how you talk after your children put you in a home.
Yuhuan
Nothing wrong with parents taking care of themselves.
Yuhuan exactly in African Asian Indian Latino culture the eldest son are where the parents will live. White culture go to the nursing home!
@@roolyfe true! I'm hispanic and Could never everrr throw my parents in a nursing home, that is so cruel.
Some "cultural" things are bad. Because people accept the nonsense does not make it right.
C F. If Adult Timmy has to rely on his 401k to retires, either he’s doing something wrong or I’m doing something wrong, probably both lol
What Dave Ramsey doesn’t understand about Hispanic, Asian, African Cultures how parents love with the eldest son! Being the eldest son I am expecting to talk care of my mom no matter what!
And that's why most people in those cultures are miserable.
Storyoftheblackconservative SOBC you obviously don’t understand immigrant culture! Wonder why Americans take their parents to nursing homes and lease cars! I glad Dave Ramsey talked about culture of most immigrants who are Americans!
@@roolyfe You people are not different from the Americans who take their parents to nursing homes. You all hate your parents.
Waweru N. Gatimu my sister is the eldest. She took care of my mother. She had her change her Power of Attorney over to her from my brother who’s the youngest but the only son.
Yes we’re Latinos.
Storyoftheblackconservative SOBC I’m definitely not miserable. We all pull together to take care of the family. Everyone has a part to play.
Dave doesn't understand Asian culture of taking care of the elders but I think he did a good job respecting the caller and letting him speak.
She's gonna be filling a lot of "cavities" for the next 10 years
Lol
At 150k? You'll be tackling the interest only
The interest is insane on private loans if she has any. Trying to get rid of the interest is next to impossible.
Vinny T. I see what you did there, sir. 🤣🤣🤣
Vinny T. No, other people are going to be filling her cavities!
I wouldn't talk to Dave Ramsey about my mom. I'm taking care of my mom when she becomes elderly. Not up for discussion. It can still get paid with them there..
There's nothing wrong with that but everyone's situation is different.
They can pay that off pretty quick. He already pays the bills. She can pay the loan with her income in like 2yrs.
Over 20 yrs she will out make 95% of the population.
Congrats.
Your ex-wife will very much appreciate you paying off her student loans.....
How cynical of you
So true
I wouldn't, I'd be like that's your debt 🤔
She’s a doctor bro, after you get past the debt she’s gunna have a bunch more money than this guy
Ya Mish
You’re right.
Most ex-wives won’t appreciate it.
You helped me and my kid get out of debt and save for lasik eye surgery. We love you💙
That's awesome! I wish I could get laser eye surgery, but unfortunately I'm not a candidate unless I want to do an icl surgery where they implant a contact lens in to my eye, and it's a VERY expensive operation!
How much much was surgery
Be careful with eye surgery. A lot of suicides afterward so I wouldnt risk it. Why not glasses? No risks with that.
In there culture you look after your parents no matter what, which in other culture seams a strange concept.
I’m not Asian and even I know his parents aren’t going no where. It’s his culture to take care of his parents
It's all about poverty. Not ethnicity. Irish, Italians, Poles all were the same too...UNTIL they come to the US and have more choices as well as more education.
The number one priority as a parent. After raising your kids right. Is to not be a burden on your children.
I agree!!
Im not understanding why he just doesn’t charge the parents a small amount to help with the mortgage and take care of his parents🤷🏽♀️
Upon graduation she will find someone with more money and stule.
Sad but true.
Hypergamy doesn't care about marriage vows.
depend how good looking she is...
Dude Yes you realize some women actually love their men
g please point me to one ?
Don't marry someone with that much debt
Agreed
That amount of debt would make me throw up lol
@@RC-rk2xs Dang are your parents doctors too?
If she’s content with and sticks to her dental practice she will be fine.
His culture isn’t American. In his culture, you care for the elders. Putting them in an apartment, especially with what’s going on, is disrespectful.
I’m American and in my family we care for elders.
Poor guys he's going to get divorcerape.
@1 that sucks, women in general dont like it when men make less then them.she will realize that she betters off without him and looks for someone at her level or higher income. Its sad to say but such is women nature.
His culture does not allow him to dismiss his parents. They expect to live with him and his wife--I would imagine. Dave needs to understand they are from a different culture and they may expect more from their son than they might from a daughter.
Good job
I'm actually glad that I had credit card debt and climbed out of it. It made me crave money more than possessions. Having money now FEELS like a possession to me. The higher the number rises the better I feel. I still use credit cards for gas and stuff for some free money, but I will never purchase anything of value with them every again.
Whatever you have in life, be it money, health or possessions you have a great responsibity to look after it and treat it with respect.
Your telling me Young making $150,000, his wife making $100,000 and his parents making $45,000 they can't make it give me a break .
@C F . Even so they seem like they couldn't make it regardless of debt or not.
400k debt
@@sodot887 still no sympathy from me.
How well phrase Dave!
If she's in that much debt from student loans, she can pay it off with her expensive career choice...
DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE.
"No matter how toxic or ridiculous it is" LOL
Dude found the only Asian woman who isn’t from a loaded family to come to the US for college.
lol, true. only loaded asian women go to college in US usually
Who says she’s Asian.
Just because he’s asian doesn’t mean she is.
@@zee9709 not true. I'm not loaded and because of that I go to college lol
Class act.
There's always a dental school call with $400K debt...like clockwork.
This sounds like the JERKY BOYS lol - The wife wants his parents out of the house for sure.
Then its time for wifey to go yonder.
Careful citing the wife's debt as a reason.... that may make the parents blame her for them having to get their own place instead of Yong just wanting his own place with his wife
Lol she’s gonna want to be a stay at home mom. Watch.
Till he pays it off, then she leave with the kids and half. Lol
You already know.
That's how it seems it usually goes.
Lol that's usually what happens.
True, I have a masters but am a mom now too. I worked through college though and never used debt. Then worked 10 yrs before having kids, so no debt.
This sounds like the exact same discussions I've had with my older Asian coworker. He is not going to have this discussion with his parents. It's a cultural expectation that he will take care of them.
My parents insinuated about living with me. I really didn't get it bc they're in their mid 50s now and have healthy, able bodies. I would be willing to care for them if something was seriously wrong though.
Lose sleep like no one else so later you can lose sleep like no one else
lol:)
At least they will make enough to kill that loan
Don't let her trick or manipulate you into taking some of her debt. Women are good at this at using you let her handle it herself
So is your advice that she should pay all the debt on her own, making it take longer, and then once it's paid off and she's making twice what he is that they should still keep their finances separate? Or should she then start giving half her money to a guy that didn't help her out?
@Johnny Five exactly. These people are morons they think the husband should spend his hard earned money paying off HER debt and when the get divorced the court will most likely give her the rest of his money. There's some blue pill beta males in this chat
@Johnny Five Except that the divorce rate for people with advanced degrees is less than 10%, and probably still less than that for Asian Americans. It really makes no sense to get married at all if you're not planning a joint path through life together. Is he going to buy half a house, or wait until she's paid off her debt while he's sitting on a pile of money and they could have bought long ago?
I hope his parents will be o.k and he will be able to support them to move on.
Interesting situation indeed and I am glad DR addressed cultural differences a bit. Once out of debt, it may be possible to purchase a multiplex on a home with a garage apartment or guest house if some type of cultural situations are at play. I am certain this couple will want his parents around once they have children.
That's what I was thinking. Getting property that has a guest house (or building one). I'm sure there is a cultural element in this situation, so if his parents are not "Americanized" enough to calmly accept his proposal, a compromise would probably be best. Separate quarters and utilities payments. He never mentioned what his wife thought about this, though... If she's not on board (and that's her prerogative), that does complicates things.
Selling the house for paying off the loan would simply transfer the loan into a mortgage as they would have to buy a lower cost house on a mortgage and as long as the mortgage has lower interest rate than the student loan it would be good to do so to make it easier to pay off all the loans and get out of debt.
Get a Duplex and put the parents downstairs, while your upstairs.
My father is in nursing home in the Houston ares we are paying 5,800 monthly. Amazingly how the system are setup in draining people savings. The $850,000 he has saved up will be drained in twelve or so years. The medical community needs a overhaul.
Dude Yes yeah instead of their children taking care of them they get dumped in a carehome. They die, yall cash in whatever money they have left.
The que is why do ur parents need to be in a nursing home?
What do you expext... somebody taking care of somebody 24/7 isnt going to be cheap...plus food. They going to watch him for free?
Dexter M. Is that how you repay your parents?
@@ErrorPagenotFound-ig1cy What put in a nursing home? I'd hope we can avoid that...none of my grandparents were in a nursing home. I use to visit a friend that was younger in a nursing home...alcohol issues. Some of the things I'd see...so sad seeing those old people left to die and family seemed to never visit.
It's a we helped you (grow up, schooling, etc) you help us culture. Wereas many others are a you made the choice to have me, thank you for all your help, see you at Thanksgiving, we love your Apple Pie, culture.
“GOOD GOSH” “WHOS THE DOCTOR OR LAWYER”- DAVE RAMSEY
There is nothing so hard as divorcing a culture. I think it one of the things which some of us need to look at because although it good practice according to how some of our nations are raised but if it not sustainable I just isn't worth it. As Africans we also have that culture in Some of our tribes. It really hard. But transition is a must.
Why can't he get the parents chip in with the mortgage? In his case might be easier than moving them out.
No bud you owe $200.000 in student loans. Welcome to the wonderful world called Marriage
I would sell the house, get less house. They have too much debt.
Beat the Bush called in to Dave Ramsey! 😮
Didn't he say he had his house paid off in one of his videos? Plus he lives in California
My comment was in regards to his accent, not his situation. I just imagined the beat the bush guy at the other end of the line! 😂
How the heck is dental school almost $400k? If the parents make an income, they can afford a small apartment. If he sells the house, he’ll have a lot going to taxes since it won’t be rolling over to a new property.
@NurturingTalents that's still a ridiculous price
That’s average for dental schools nowadays
What is the name of the company that Dave recommends for student loan consolidation? I've heard him mention it a few times on the podcast but cannot recall the name.
It's Splash Financial.
He seems like a good son.
There is an easy solution to this lol just rent a 2 bedroom apartment after the sale and have them pitch in
Sounds like a recipe for a divorce. Small apartment? 4 grown adults? Ouch.
Arie Fraiser unlike Americans , Asians actually like their parents and can live in one household lol not only that but they can provide future free childcare and take care of a lot of the domestic things that become a burden on dual income households
....and we don’t get divorced like that , we actually work through issues like adults 😂😂😂
@@ariefraiser140 I thought the point was to get the parents to *want* to move out, lol. Guess I misunderstood.
Trinican Bee that’s not what the caller said . He says he needs to sell the house but since the parents make only 50k combined a year and live in one of the most expensive areas in the country , they are reliant on the son for housing . The solution for that is to get a 2 BR apartment post sale and have them pitch in for rent . They already pitch in for the house in regards to bills so it’s not a difficult transition .
@@bangladeshirealtor I meant in regards to your original comment. I thought you suggested a 2-bd apt as a joke so that the parents would get sick of them and leave on their own free will, lol. But thanks for clarifying anyhow.
Too much house. Rent an apartment for a couple of years or downsize and divide the housing cost by 3 for at least two years. So move to a house that's 180 k and the mortgage might be 1000/mo ÷ by 3...wife husband and parents pay 333/ mo.....and throw the rest of debt.
Seeing as the parents would just have to pay rent to a stranger if the son sold the house (as would the son and his wife), why not just ask the parents to help pay some of the mortgage so that the three of them continue to build their own equity in a house they’re already in as opposed to moving elsewhere to pay off strangers’ mortgages? I fail to see the upside in ditching the house for rentals.
Help ur wife overcome the debt step by step
The idea that we have to be anything over 50K to just learn should be illegal, this is Stupid 🤬
Rip this guy.....
My fiancé is chinese and we're moving into our own place after we get married. His parents wanted us to move in with them to save money but we're Christians and above culture is the word of God and the Word says "Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife". Plain and simple, my fiancé told his parents that obedience to God was above their cultural practices.
A human wrote those words, not god. And your American interpretation of it is very different from the interpretation from 2000 years ago, where most families lived together because only the super wealthy could afford to live separately.
You could have bought three rentals with that want made about $4000 a month.
These emotional crutches to not earn a living need to be done with, and get to work, it's healthy to work and have a purpose, something!
Julie Mortenson this is sooooooo true!
The price of the asian family who always wants another "doctor" in the house is this situation.
Whats the world record for student loan debt?
I've heard of a 7 figure school loan but don't know if that's the highest.
1 mil plus, some dentist , dave did video on him
@@edgehodl4832 lol how is that even possible...
This is ridiculous and painful to listen too. You can make 6 figures in so many different fields and maybe take out 60k in student loans . You can make 6 figures with an information. Systems degree, or engineering degree . 400k is absolutely ridiculous in student loans .
This is gonna be difficult, a lot of cultural expectations in play here. He also sounds like an only child. This is also why I’m glad I have 3 siblings - when my parents are too old to live on their own, I’m not the sole person responsible for their care. My siblings and I can work it out together.
Yeah thats not happening the parents are moving with him. Just make the parents pay a good portion of the bills while they can and save up for future. What is going to get expensive is health insurance for all 4 of them. Hopefully he has siblings that can help out. I mean really its not a bad situation they will have 250k household income....if they all pool money together they can knock out maybe the home debt and college in around 5 years if they live frugal...maybe downgrade the house and have 200k mortgage debt instead.
Thanks Dave, I just did a video on 5 tips to save more money. Cash is King!!!
Dave doesn't understand other cultures. They care about their families more. And truthfully, there's nothing wrong w/ that- It's just considered foreign, limiting, and pathetic to Americans lol
intelligence is attractive for women to have, but no thanks to the ridiculous student loans.
I rather my gf dumb and shape, than smart and overweight. Smart women create dead bedrooms.
justshady lol, certainly truth to that, brother. My fiancée may not have gone to college, but she surely has no kids and no debt! 😅
@@justshady smart women are usually not overweight lol
@NurturingTalents glad I'm not one of them lol
Live like no one else, so you can live and give like no one else!! Sorry Mom and Dad you have to bounce, I can't "give" you a place to "live"!
Only doctor's and lawyers should have this amount of student debt. THAT'S IT
Lawyers? So going to Harvard law spending 500k and making 200k is worth it?
Josh When you can pay that 500K in only than 5 years or so, yes
@@52andattitude48 500k is the principal. At 6.5% interest, you'll be tackling the interest only. Good luck if you can do it in 5 lol
Josh Harvard isnt 500k.
Josh it's 47k a year which if you're smart can get all or part that is covered by grants and scholarships.
This pressure is very likely coming from his wife. She just wants to get rid of the parents.
I sounds like his living in his parents house!
Wow
Dude don't do that to ur parent. Take care of them. Pls don't sell
your parents will be able to pay their own rent. They make enough. Don't feel like you have to support them.
“Doctor or lawyer”?
Rashad Muhammad Dentist 🦷 🤭
Who here has a crazy amount of debt? Have you ever went through his program?
I'm not stupid enough to go through college if I don't have the money lol.
38k in debt i make 40k a year
He probably, based on culture, should provide a subsidy to parents of say 25K a year for the next 10 years, with his wife's buyin. If she does not agree, then its his ex-wife. She may be a dentist for 2 years, have a baby or two, and never go back. And parents have to agree to move to APPT within 6 months or no deal.
Wife and 300+k of debt. What a margin. Not.
There in there late sixties! Let them stay to pay some of the bills. Cause if you don't your probably gonna have to help them with their bills. I don't agree with Dave on this one.
At least it's not a Tuba Degree
Run ... do not marry ... you are not her bail out dude
Why do students buy 350,000 houses?....🤦♂️
Next call...Dave my wife is pregnant
so the wife doesnt live with him and she has students loans. this is a clear set up. he need to upgrade with a new younger more responsible wife
zero To be fair, I live in the DC area and it sounds like he has a high paying job in Virginia (not far from DC & MD), and she is finishing school about an hour away in Baltimore.
Why can’t the parents stay with them?
Because when you have a wife, you wan't to start a life with her and your parents staying is just...weird. Sort of like you're 11 years old again but except you're married.
Never understood why he’s accountable for his fiancé self made debt get a job after you finish and pay for it don’t ruin his life for yourself
It's cultural. The dude is asian. It is totally take care of your elders culture. They will haunt him like the plague if he doesn't take care of them...poor guy.
You can't afford to sell your house,sell your parents.
Paying off your wife debts while she is 60 miles away at school? Crazy, hopefully she is faithful to him!!
He never said he was paying off his wife's debt while she was away. 1st of all he said after graduation she would return home. 2nd most student loans have a 6 month grace period after graduation before payments have to be made.
Wow Dental School👄 is expensive🤯. They can pay it off in 3 years.
Asians don't play around with the worthless degrees.