Worried About Being Judged?
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- Опубликовано: 8 ноя 2023
- Registration for Perfectionism: How to Heal Writing Anxiety is now open! You can register here: laurensapala.com/perfect-wrkshp/
INFJ personality types tend to struggle with perfectionism, especially INFJ writers. When we struggle with perfectionism, we want to do everything perfectly, not only to satisfy our own inner critic but also to prevent others from judging us negatively.
The fear of negative judgment from others can affect our entire life. Why is this such a problem for some of us? Because it’s not just a worry, it’s an addiction to approval. This affects our writing, our creativity, and our entire lives.
When we suffer from perfectionism, we overthink everything we do and say, and we constantly worry about the reactions of others. Any expression of judgement can shut us down. We also constantly chase approval, and we may do things like take on more work than we need to or try to work harder than anyone else, or try to be the friend who is always there for everyone else, even when we don’t have the energy to give. We say “yes” a lot, when we really mean “no.”
These are all signs of approval addiction, and when someone has an addiction to approval, they only feel safe when they feel that others approve of what they are doing, what they are expressing, and who they are. They feel very unsafe when others do not approve of them, or disagree with what they are doing, what they are expressing, or who they are. So, they always try to be perfect, so that no one ever has an issue with what they are doing, expressing, or their way of being.
Obviously, this is impossible, and so it makes the person constantly experience psychological distress, because they are torn in two on the inside as they try to please and get that approval, while simultaneously repressing and punishing themselves when any hint of their true thoughts or feelings comes out.
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As an introvert, I simultaneously don’t fear judgement from others and am incredibly sensitive to it.
I don’t care too much about what most people think of me but I really care about what I think about myself
Well said. Listening to this video I could hear and understand what she is saying, yet didn't working through the proper way to describe how I view judgement.
Your comment is the first I read and you nailed it... that's how I experience judgment.
Thank you for the words😊
Emotions buried alive never die.
So helpful! Thank you so much. I am an INFJ, and I struggle with this immensely!
I used to do incredibly controversial activism. Before I even hit 30 I helped lead efforts that got bashed by global main stream and social media as a matter of routine for years.
My suggestion is that immersion in hatred and making it a point to stand individually firm is an extremely powerful cleanser of the fear of being rejected and belittled. If you rip that bandaid off by mastering your ego and embracing the contempt of the toxic, the clueless and the under developed, your life is liable to get far, far more fulfilling.
This is really one of the hardest problems of being an INFJ, I think!...Thank you so much for bringing it up Lauren !! You are not having another course on this topic ???
Sara Mariasdotter ❤
Thank you!!!
If I weren’t already registered for this session, I’d register based on this video, Lauren:)! 9:13
Thank you ❤
Can you please talk about finding the passion or purpose.
My hot take:
1) Google “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs”. Figure out where you are on that, where you might be stuck, and ways to move up. This can help with allowing you to focus on the Self Actualization.
2) Sit back and ask yourself what you would do if money weren’t an issue.
3) Ask yourself what you would like your legacy to be when you are gone. Who do want to impact? What do you want it to look like? What do you want to leave behind?
4) Let go of others’ expectations. This is your life, your choice, your path and your journey, not theirs.
How did you know this lol....see you at the workshop.