Fake It Till You MAKE It? How To Build Confidence For Men | RMRS
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- Опубликовано: 21 апр 2015
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So there you are.
Passed over for promotion.
Again.
You're sitting in front of your bank manager and they turned down your business loan.
Again.
It makes no sense:
You worked like a madman.
You networked.
You did the research.
It should have worked! Why didn't it work?!
Today we're going to talk about whether you should “Fake it till you make”.
I also want to help you shape how you view yourself and steps you can take to build a lifestyle you want.
And to answer our little scenarios above: So did everyone else you're competing with.
In a sea of competitiveness, you have to stand out to be noticed.
To read the full article, click here: www.realmenrealstyle.com/fake...
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Хобби
Do you fake it till you make it and act like somebody else, or do you just be yourself?
www.realmenrealstyle.com/fake-it-make-it/ - Click here to read Should You Fake It Till You Make It? | Have The Courage To Be Yourself
Are you ready to up your style? Click here for the BEST style course on the planet! thestylesystem.com/?RUclips
Be yourself should be "Be your Best Self."
That person you are only .5 percent of the time without trying.
Harrison Jones I REALLY LIKE this this!!
"Most people don't know who they are". Exactly. This is one of the biggest take aways from this video. I constantly think about how I would have done things different 10 years ago if I knew then what I know now. I will probably be saying the same thing again in 10 more years.
"You don't find yourself, you build yourself." Major lightbulb moment! Great insight!
Ian Pardo Lim great to hear!
I agree with what you say about "be yourself". I've heard in self help articles "Be the best version of yourself". In other words don't pretend to be someone you are not to impress others, but work at becoming who you want to be.
Brandon Hopkins exactly!
definitely would love to see more of these videos! keep it up!
+scalibur56 thank you!
This is the best answer I think I've heard to this question. Thanks for being real. A lot of men in this day and age need to hear what you're saying. Keep up the good work!
Ryan Trout thanks!
This was unexpectedly good. A deeper take on an easily cliche topic. Too many people, young and old, use "be yourself" as an excuse not to work harder. Well said!
Thank you for the video, Tony!
Camilo Salas-Bowen You're welcome!
Antonio, excellent video. I respect and admire you very much, keep up the amazing work. You are the best youtuber in my opinion. Good day to you sir
learn to be your BEST self. Self development is key
Dominic Lobban exactly!
Excellent Video ! Building yourself, rather than finding yourself! Very wise :)
Great video Antonio!
TheGarbear93 thanks!
Really enjoyed hearing your take on this. It was a topic I hadn't really considered previously but now you've given me lots to think about. Great video Antonio
Wil Hanbidge glad you enjoyed it
You are a great person:) that is the first video of you that I watched and after this I will for sure Watch your other videos too
Nodira Yuldosheva appreciate it - thanks!
Excellent perspective, well said.
Davewhite White thanks!
Thoughtful and insightful. I agree, just take the time to see what you want to be and set the goals.....
Jim D exactly!
I like this video a lot, good stuff, keep it up
GetDookied great to hear!
One of your best videos to date in my opinion. Thanks for the advice
Michael Hall thank you!
One of your best videos! :) This is what I meant by you are a nice guy.
ImmaterialDigression thank you for the kind words!
Some good solid advices. Great video
Jonas Voltzmann solid comment!
Nice talk! Good point of view. I'll show this video when I'm teaching photography.
Roland Bogaerts awesome - thanks!
Great video love your ideas😄
joe rod And we love you :)
Don't depend on other people for validation. That is rule #1. If you can't be satisfied with yourself when you are alone, that is your problem. There should be no need to fake anything. You're either happy with yourself or you aren't.
Thanks
I really liked this video, it was pretty helpful.
Jacko Carr glad it helped
I am just starting to view your videos and I am amazed at your wisdom and insight. I love reading especially since I work in Afghanistan and travel back and forth. You mentioned reading a book on a subject and knowing more than 95% of the world. Also, reading 3 books on a subject makes you an expert. Profound and practical. I am glad I discovered your videos and hope to become a better man.
Thanks!
Walter Rooks thanks - you rock!
I have always thought that such one liner life messages are over used and under explained, and you did a really great job with that one.
leahdin great to hear!
Great video Antonio, and very true, you don't find yourself, you create the man you want to become: the fashion guy, the fitness guy, the cool guy, the entrepreneur guy etc...
G Lock Exactly!
Good answer.
one2one2v2 :)
Great video Antonio. One small thing I would like to add is that I am a believer in being myself. Now, the reason why I am able to be myself, is because I don't look around to see what others are doing, rather I do what I believe is right for me personally. Obviously there is a certain amount we have to follow the crowd that we shouldn't be an outcast, but each person is unique with different talents and interests. Be yourself with a touch of "follow the crowd". I understand being myself is taking away from my social life as a college student, but I am more than happy to go through college with less friends because I know what will come after is worth the sacrifice.
yolla klary good point there - stand up for what you believe in
I know myself. It's NOT a good idea to be myself. I -will- insult people, I will come off as crazy, and quite possible end up locked up in an azylum. Faking is the only option I can see. However, I prefer to go with the general approach of not lie, just...avoid the truth. I don't think you need to pretend to be someone else, you just need to handpick which of the qualities that you do have and show only those, and then hide the others.
When it comes to learning, I don't know what other people do. I soak up knowledge as a sponge and the moment I've learned something, I can apply it. Easy-peasy. You're absolutely correct on focusing narrowly.
You have alot of really good points in this video tho. ^^
This whole idea ties in to confidence more than anything. You have to be happy with the person that you present yourself as. Really liked this video and it encouraged me to read more. The video was very well constructed.
TheLegendaryCO thanks
GREAT video, Antonio! I was a member of your style class, and still am learning every day with the foundations you gave us, and you hit the nail on the head with this one. I had a similar concern/thought as your reader did, and the way you articulated your answer is/was extremely helpful. Thank you!
TheFujiwuji P.S. Also coincidental that you mentioned Rishi from Dark Knot. I bought another tie from him last week, and it arrived today. Looks fantastic.
TheFujiwuji thank you for taking my style class - appreciate it.
"I went back, had some suits made. Went back and TORE THEM APART......."
Antonio... you tore me apart........ :(
I wonder if the reader was talking more about attributes as opposed to style. I don't belong to either camp but I do know that if you want to gain attributes or skills, its a lot of trial and error, which some people can perceive as "faking it". My experience, books I've read, and I believe Brett McKay did a video on this too about "acting as if you have an attribute or characteristic and eventually you'll embody that characteristic." Act as if you're a people person and eventually you'll become one. I think because of people's comfort zones they dismiss anything that's outside of that as not being "them" and they miss out on a lot of joy and opportunity because they're afraid of being they're best as Harrison Jones put it in his comment. Just thought I'd share my opinion. Great Video Anthony!
John Fuston appreciate my readers sharing their thoughts - thank you!
For me it is always a choice between:
1. Faking it, but staying true to yourself. OR
2. Being the best version of yourself
By faking it you are more likely to fit in; but how long can you keep up?
Being the best version of yourself should be better in the long run, as this way you are more likely surround yourself by genuine people who appreciate you for "real you". IMHO ;)
Vladimir Makarov well said :)
I couldn't agree more Antonio. Me personally I believe that the whole point of life is for human's to get as close as possible to perfection. Everyday constantly trying to make yourself an even better person even if it's just a little bit. In a sense yes I do believe one should fake it till they make it because then at least it gets them into the mentality of becoming whatever it is they want to become. This can at least get the ball rolling in the right path.
***** good point there
You have helped me dress better. Thanks
Brandon Leon great to hear that!
Nice Jacket Antonio!
whitestar6529 thank you!
Personally, I think that "being yourself" means "being the way you want to be" - you cannot truly be yourself if you dislike the way you are, because if you dislike your own personality traits then you can never feel at ease with yourself.
You need to fix those things in order to truly "become yourself", and you can use some degree of "fake it till you make it" mentality to accomplish those changes, because it's all about practice, and expanding your limits.
+Laurelindo well said!
Exactly
Great video Antonio. Most people (men and women) don't think about self development and growth because they become too comfortable or conformist with who they are. By faking till you make it I would take it as getting into the correct mindset of whatever it is you want to achieve as you gradually reach your goal.
Liquidcadmus Self development is HARD - it requires time and thought. Most would rather just get lost in TV or a smart phone.....
Good one Antonio. Both phrases involve a person thinking about himself instead of the subject at hand. Lose yourself in interests outside yourself and the two phrases don't even come into play at all.
Skagen at 6:15
Really enjoyed the video, I know am trying to self build myself by doing alot of new stuff that enjoyable to me but I wanted to ask you a question. At the end of your video were your talking about know yourself, how do you feel about people telling you what they see from you as a person to gather prospectus on yourself like from co-workers, family or friends?
Chris David Basically you don’t find yourself, you have to build yourself. This is something that I’ve discovered through experience: I have confidence in myself and I know who I am, because of my past, where I’ve come from and what I’ve done in my life.Read more here: www.realmenrealstyle.com/fake-it-make-it/
Great video! Most of my friends dress like the friend you mentioned in the video. They always ask me, "why do I dress so nice?" I tell them, "I dress like a man, you dress like a 12 year old."
TheBarber1974 Love it! :)
Antonio... Just wanted to say I really like what you do. This is funny, for the first few videos I watched, I thought to myself : "This guy looks good" and I saw you as a kind of sales clerk with some nice knowledge about clothes. You seemed to be kind of a good container if you don't mind me saying. Now after I watched quite a lot of your clips, I see you are not only a container but you've also quite a contents. You speak fluently, you know where you're going in your mind and can express it very well. The more I learn about you, your experience and background, the more I find great value in your work. Keep up! What you do matters to me and most surely to many guys like me. Cheers!
KCRacingTeam thank you for the kind words - wishing you the best on your style journey
Basically when working with the customers I think that you have to be yourself when it comes to principles that you represent. We all find ourselves "faking" it a bit when it comes to actual communication. Customer is always right, except when he isn't is the way I approach it.
The most interesting part of the email was at the end, when it was said something along lines of "I've been faking it a bit and now people like me more". I would't worry too much about it, unless you are actually not following your principles. No less than 100% of our behavior is learned and it's a consequence of our society. My point is - there is a good chance that you ARE the person you were for the last 5 years and that you are not really "faking" to be a nice guy that people like. You ARE that guy.
I have one content request for Antonio - would it be possible to talk more about custom clothing, about that part of your business? Specifically I'm interested in more expensive fabrics and are they worth it? By worth it, I mean can super expensive 330/4 D&J Anderson fabric "wow" me? I don't have possibility to try it before buying unfortunately. I don't think I have ever seen anything above 150-ish 2-plies - and I like those shirts already! I would love to see some of these fabrics compared on video.
trdi solid comment - regarding your question, this should help: www.realmenrealstyle.com/?s=fabrics
Wow.. fantastic video. Before watching it, I was also already not a fan of the "fake it 'til you make it" mentality, but I wasn't really on board with not "being yourself".
Someone I know pretty much lives by the "fake it 'til you make it" mantra. She has even said it a few times. She seems like she has it all together on the outside and seems to be the nicest person on earth on first impression, but let me tell you.... the veneer is awfully thin. The facade fades quickly once you get to know her at all.
I've personally put a lot of time and effort into finding who I am and what I like the past couple years or so, and I could not agree more with your take on finding who you really are taking effort.
ryderov0 You BUILD YOURSELF into the man you know yourself to be. :)
Real Men Real Style Just to clarify, as I left the thought a little open-ended - I agree with the "being yourself" connection to laziness you made in the video. I didn't agree after a cursory read of the title before watching the video, but you made a good point.
You should keep it short to avoid making it boring
After asking ourselves the why's of what we do, what or who should be the seed of our reasons?
Great video as always. What would one study if they were trying to be "cool" in high school? If you are quick to dismiss the fake it till you make it strategy, what books/subject should I look into?
Garrett Walsh Honestly "cool" is a subjective terms. I was the most popular kid in my grade and I was the exact opposite of "cool" by most high schoolers terms. I was in the advanced classes and walked funny but I dressed well and talked to everyone and treated them all with equal respect unless they were that one person that'd annoyed everyone(and they knew it) and then I ignored them. People like that aren't worth your time or attention.
If I'd have had to transfer schools I wouldn't have walked in an been accepted by the "cool" kids on the first day but give me a week or two and I'd be friendly with 90% of the kids. Learn how to talk with everyone. If you want to be cool just respect everyone for who they actually are and learn to like them for their strength that no one else sees. Do that for everyone and they will learn to see you as cool even if you don't fit the stereotype.
Better to be friendly with 90% than hooked at the hip to the coolest of the cool. When you choose to hang out with the regular kids instead of the cool kids the cool kids often start to feel the need to go the distance to be around you. But the end goal should be to be one of them just friendly.
Being your own person with no one quite like you is always best.
Harrison Jones Being your own person with no one quite like you is always best. - I like this
People like to be intrigued. If your just like every one else what's intriguing.
Love the channel and you've lead to some other great channels and content providers as well. About to order a suit off the recommendation of one of Barron's articles. And loving the distilled man's content.
Harrison Jones Thanks!
I really like this message about being in the middle. Successful people understand that you should be yourself and be personable. When your out and about or a work it can be beneficial just to shine yourself up a bit since you never know who is watching.
I ran into my bosses boss once with a coworker randomly at a shopping mall. we both were still new at the company (only there for a year) but up for promotion based on our performance. I normally wear sweat pants or athletic shorts and tank tops at home but usually button ups and polos when I am out and about. Our operations manager does not always see us at work and does not know much besides our performance reviews. The day we met him, he came up and shook our hands and we introduced ourselves. I was wearing a button down and chinos and my coworker was wearing flip flops shorts and a shirt that had " keep your pimp hand strong". He was the type of person who wore what ever he wanted and didn't care what people think. The next week I ended up getting the promotion and my coworker ended up having to wait another year.
I don't know if it had anything to do with what I wore that day but I think the effort I put in to dress a bit better after learning some tips over the years from this channel benefited me.
ahastar1141 exactly! putting in the effort in dressing sharp especially at work makes a difference
That's absolutely hilarious and a prime example of why, I believe, an individual should always present oneself in a way that is representative of himself, his work, his family, his beliefs and his true self essence. Always present the best of yourself to the world. Life is short and you might as well be the best you can be, while you have the time. (My Opinion)
I can't what is mean Fake it until make it , please someone tell me what is it mean ?
tai lopez also has a bunch of great books that he recommends.
james wyman-grimard great!
I think you're right Mr. Centeno. Most people do not really know who they are and are being shaped by television programing and media.
I also think that there is such a thing as being a gentleman. I do not think that being a gentleman is being pseudo or false (though in the past I did).
I used to say to myself, "I do not care what anyone thinks of me." There was only partial truth there. I believe that this statement came from a young, insecure, lost and fragile loner boy, who had not found himself yet.
However, upon finding my purpose in life (personally, Advance the kingdom of Jesus)I was able to then build from that foundation and form who I really am.
Lastly, here are a couple of books on how to be a gentleman. "A Gentleman Gets Dressed Up" and "As a Gentleman Would Say" by John Bridges & Bryan Curtis.
hi mr. greene
Really and really mr.fany
mr. fany, you mean like mr. fanny pack
Yea
mr greene is a fanny pack?
Hi Antonio, can u make a video on "Does men wear dress slippers or flip flop"
Aaron Vun thanks for the video suggestion - added it to my database
Thanks! Appreciate the effort :D
I find all your videos are very informative and interesting.
What antonio is trying to say is not fake it till you make it but FAKE IT TILL YOU BECOME IT. Theres a ted talk about this on youtube go check it out
So many bachelor's today with knowledge but without wisdom. Every day and every opportunity is a gift. I constantly try to improve myself whether it's my body, mind or spirit. The tendency to "sell out" is so easy and quick but you'll eventually wind up unhappy. Keep challenging yourself to be better and you WILL make it! Success isn't measured in dollars! What legacy will you leave behind?
Coleco Co exactly! keep challenging yourself to be better
Well, I think he should be himself. If himself is not good enough, he better get a mask and start faking it!
Good vid, Ant.
JokerG16 But does he truly know himself - that's the question :)
Real Men Real Style That's a very good point. Hey, are you and Aaron gonna be doing vids at StyleCon?
I'm not sure if I completely understand. So to build myself, do I just question everything I do and go from there?
Stormcrow41 You find what skills you have and leverage them to create and build others.Read more here: www.realmenrealstyle.com/fake-it-make-it/
I don't really like these statements either. I tend to have more of a combined approach. I like using the phrase "Be the person you want to be". I like this even better then simply "Be your best self". Being your best self today doesn't acknowledge that you need to take action to get to where you want to be. If instead I am trying to be the person I want to be a year down the road or even 5 years down the road, then each day I am going to be forcing myself to be better then I was yesterday.
Steven Butler Great points!
My friend I am planning a watch purchase, I am looking at a Audemars piquet Royal Oak Offshore Navy. Do you think I can wear this watch everyday (in combination with daily clothes)?
thomultee yes. I have a watch worth more than my car. I spend more time using my watch (24/7), so it makes sense to me. I wear it with everything.
Thnx I'll let comment again if I purchased the watch
thomultee yes - it works well with semi-formal or casual style
Thank you! I did purchase the watch last week and it will be arriving in about 35 days (documentation had to be sent from New York to the Netherlands and back again) really looking forward to it!
Lol when ever I watch your videos I alway's skip to about 1:00, to skip all the intro stuff.
CocoCrispy1337 I do provide the skip button!
If people notice that you fake it, they won't trust you when you made it.
Tim Jagodzinski Agreed!
Fake it till you become it.
Dominick Parisi I'd rather just focus and be it!
Real Men Real Style Even better!! Fantastic advice.
I just stopped giving a fuck that helped me out a lot.
***** The important thing is You BUILD YOURSELF into the man you know yourself to be.
Try to keep the video length to 3-4 min and see the difference
HIMANSHU SINGH Appreciate the advice, but do you have experience with my target market or data to help justify me making this change?
Real Men Real Style RUclips being mostly used by millennials and millennials are impatient. They like it when the video is short. Take any youtube channel with more than 2-3 million subscribers, we find that they stick to 3-4 min rule(most of them)
Well, You may have a point to consider. I am 26 years old and I want to hear everything in his videos because it is a deep desire at this time to improve this area and actually look forward to hearing it all.
The only thing I don't want to watch are the commercials...SKIP. :-)
Another related term is "be natural." That's equally deceptive as being yourself. There is no such thing as natural in terms of being in one particular or ideal state.
You behave or react differently at different times. You may be a laid back person but if you are doing a video, you have to be a little energised and animated if not you will lose the attention of the viewer.
I guess the best thing is to do is to expand yourself-perhaps by first narrowing down and becoming knowledgeable in one field then move on to the next related one-and then you'll be able to react appropriately to various situations.
Isaac Tan true!
Fake it what? I can wear a blue or black blazer, a white or blue shirt,, some silk oxford ties, a dark or light gray trousers, a pari of loufers black or marron, a few nice swiss made watches, go to work on my entrepeneurship venture everyday, not make the same money someone dressed in the same way earns on a finance industrie job and is that fake it? I think its an invitation to do a deal with anyone by the right approach of dress code.
Question; Do humans really have any problems knowing who they are? oO
I knew exactly what I was as far back as my memory goes, (about age 16) and I haven't change at all in 15 years or so, and I never will. I've learned and polished who I am, but not changed. (Other than upgrading. I dress better because I know more, but while I love to play with crazy styles, I always end up with the same basic style as I've always had.)
Does what humans experience in life have that much impact on who they are? Really? Humans are fascinating creatures! lol